Q Magazine Atlanta | June 20, 2019

Q

Stonewall 50: When We Hid

inform | inspire

We Do

Weddings by a queer village of venues and vendors

Atlanta Says Yes to Miguel Wilson

Knowing & Respecting All 10 Gender Identities Cutting, Running When They’re So Not the One June 20, 2019

Q Shots Q Voices Queer Agenda Q News The Weekly Print Publication of Project Q Atlanta

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EDITOR’S NOTE Q Q MAGAZINE THE WEEKLY PUBLICATION OF PROJECT Q ATLANTA PUBLISHERS INITIAL MEDIA, LLC MIKE FLEMING PUBLISHER & EDITOR MIKE@THEQATL.COM MATT HENNIE PUBLISHER & BUSINESS DEVELOPMENT MATT@THEQATL.COM RICHARD CHERSKOV PUBLISHER & GENERAL MANAGER RICHARD@THEQATL.COM ADVERTISING SALES RUSS YOUNGBLOOD SENIOR SALES REPRESENTATIVE RUSS@THEQATL.COM ART DIRECTOR JOHN NAIL JOHN@THEQATL.COM

They Said YES Packed issue of Q starts with love DYKES, ACTIVISTS, FASHIONISTOS, lesbian brides, gay grooms and people

from no fewer than 10 gender identities come together in this week’s Q magazine.

The one thing that ties them all together is love, and that concept popped back up via perhaps the only straight dude in our whole wedding issue.

“It all starts with love,” Miguel Wilson told me as part of our interview about his custom men’s formal wear. With two gay sons of his own and LGBTQ clients

galore, I figured out pretty quickly that I’d love Wilson and his work even if some of his other customers didn’t include style icons DJ Khaled and 2Chainz.

Also starting with love are the female brides in our

PROJECT Q ATLANTA PATRICK SAUNDERS EDITOR PSAUNDERS@THEQATL.COM CONTRIBUTORS IAN ABER LAURA BACCUS GABRIELLE CLAIBORNE BUCK COOKE CHARLES E. DAVIS JON DEAN BILL DICKINSON JIM FARMER BRAD GIBSON JAMES L. HICKS BENTLEY HUDGINS TAMEEKA L. HUNTER HEATHER MALONEY ERIC PAULK KYLE ROSE JAMES PARKER SHEFFIELD VINCE SHIFFLETT ALEXANDRA TYLER VAVA VROOM NATIONAL ADVERTISING RIVENDELL MEDIA SALES@RIVENDELLMEDIA.COM 212-242-6863 LOCAL ADVERTISING SALES@THEQATL.COM 404-949-7071

cover shoot by Love Is Love Photography. They

pulled together a village of other vendors to show just one possibility of a dream ceremony, and we think you’re going to love it.

Bolstering this week’s theme, we also offer

queer-friendly wedding venues and a slew of adverMIKE FLEMING EDITOR & PUBLISHER

tisers catering to same-sex couples from flowers to

jewelry to cakes and beyond.

Even when it’s not about getting hitched, being LGBTQ in the ATL is still about

love. The call to action from columnist and activist Bentley Hudgins is more about self love and preservation in light of all the civil rights work that still needs to be

done. Love of community and progress is on the mind of Dykes on Bikes President Vava Vroom, who sets the stage for Stonewall 50 and her group’s upcoming commemoration and celebration.

The reader writing in for this week’s advice column is not ready to tie the knot. Still, the love is big, and the lessons yet to be learned in their relationship are plentiful.

Now ask yourself, what is it that you love? The week’s best datebook options

during a busy Stonewall Month, photos of recent soirees and news that impacts

your queer life? Regular readers already know we have that for you. Check out the Queer Agenda calendar, Q Shots pages and the latest daily content on Project Q Atlanta at theQatl.com.

We hope you love it as much as we love you. Shoot me a note and let me know: mike@theQatl.com.

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INSIDE THIS ISSUE VOLUME 2 ISSUE 30 JUNE 29, 2019

THE LOOK

Tux up with Miguel Wilson

COVER

15 29

Wedding Belles

Nuptials inspo from the pros 10 QUEER THINGS

13 11

35 Pro Tip

We ID

Learning and respecting gender nuances THE QUEER AGENDA

33 FEATURES

Q Voices Q Weddings Queer Agenda Q Shots The Q 6

theQatl.com

8, 11 15 33 35 46

Out and About

38 Summer Camp

Your LGBTQ must-do list just got a lot longer

46 44 Like, Totally

NO MATTER THE DAY. NO MATTER THE MOMENT. FIVE STRIPES. ONE CITY. JUNE

29 6 PM E S T

ATL A NTA UNITED VS MONTRE A L IMPAC T MERCEDES-BENZ STADIUM

Q

VOICES

STONEWALL

50

*The following is a fictitious account.

In 1969, everything about us was illegal. Congregating.

Being served alcohol. Cross-dressing (“masquerading”). A

When you were arrested, your name and address showed up in the paper the next day, and your life could be ruined.

It was hot on that June night in 1969. There were a lot of

people out. They were looking for something to do. The music inside the Stonewall Inn was great. We danced, laughed.

We remembered and mourned our beloved Judy.

simple touch could lead to your arrest and your demise.

We were free. We were home.

So, we hid.

Suddenly, two bright-white lights flashed on the dance floor:

If you were desperately looking for people like yourself, we were underground, but if you knew what to look for, you’d find us.

The Stonewall Inn was one of those places. It was a place

the signal. The cops stormed in.

Dancers ripped themselves away from each other and quickly switched to opposite gender partners.

for the outcasts, so everyone was there. The

We threw our hands up on the bar so they

with no homes, the trans people. Fags. Dykes.

beside us.

could see we weren’t groping the person

“drags,” the “queens,” the young ones, the ones Bisexuals. People of color. Suits and ties.

They paraded us outside and lined us up against a wall.

It was seedy. It was dancing and joy and exploitative and dirty. It was a haven.

You’d go in, and up front were the gays. The drag queens were in the next room with the

jukebox. The drinks were watered down. They

We were sick of it.

This time, we resisted.

VAVA VROOM

let us dance there.

For a few hours, we didn’t have to work at hiding. We didn’t

have to worry about how we looked or walked or talked. We didn’t care about how we shook hands or touched.

The Stonewall was a refuge from all of that seeking and

sorting, from the toil of living the way we were forced to

live. We saw ourselves and comforted ourselves in ways that people who are cast out from society do; aching to be left alone together, so we could not be so alone.

Sometimes the cops would raid the place. Maybe the Mafia didn’t

pay up that week, or maybe the neighbors complained. However it happened, we’d done this before, and we knew what to expect.

Drag queens were harassed People’s genitals would get physically checked by hand or gawked at

There were always ID checks. Forget about it if your ID didn’t check out.

Women in masculine clothing could be arrested 8

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A crowd formed. The cops got flustered and rough. One hit a woman with his baton.

Things happened quickly. We pushed the cops back into

the bar. A fire started. Windows broke. More cops came.

Madness ensued.

For six days we rioted, and the police retaliated, brutally. We stood up for ourselves. We took pride in who we were.

Today, we know this as Pride, and it’s a celebration. At Pride, we don’t have to work at hiding. We don’t have to worry

about how we look or walk or talk, how we shake hands and

embrace. We see ourselves and comfort each other. We laugh together. We are free. We are home. We take up space and we show the world that we make it a better place.

50 years after the Stonewall riots, beginning on June 29, 2019, Dykes on Bikes® Atlanta, in partnership with Femme Maf ia

Atlanta, My Sister’s Room and Atlanta Pride Committee, pay

homage to the past, present and future of the LGBTQ movement that erupted that night. Visit facebook.com/dykesonbikesatl

Vava Vroom is President, Dykes on Bikes® Atlanta. Poly, kinky, lesbian.

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VOICES Q

AFTERMATH

Three years on, Pulse is still a queer clarion call IT’S BEEN THREE YEARS SINCE A DERANGED MAN stole the lives of 49 people from us and 53 more were injured. The June 12, 2016 massacre at Pulse nightclub fundamentally changed the way I move about and see the world, as it did for countless other queer people throughout America.

When it happened, I was at the lowest point of my life. I had dropped out of college at Mercer, exhausted from trying my best and failing. I had no money, no direction, and I felt like I had ruined my life.

I was already in my bed in Macon, considering if my life was worth living, when the news reports began to litter my phone screen. It was too much. I needed people to tell me things were going to be okay.

My questions for all of you are these: What are you doing to fight the hatred?

How many more people have to die before you care?

For the queer folks and activists who are reading this, rest in the peace that you cannot do everything. On days like these, I find it hard to give myself any modicum of grace. Please do for yourself what I cannot do for myself.

To be honest, I’m tired. I find joy in my queer family and in radical self-love, but sometimes it’s hard when everything feels like it’s in flames.

So today, take action as a tribute to the loss, an effort toward our future of justice and intersectionality, and to yourself. I suggest one or more of the following: • Lobby your local representatives to pass comprehensive civil rights protections for your city/county.

• Build a community of radical love and acceptance over feigned tolerance.

• Fight to end cash bail. Find ways to plug in to the work to end mass incarceration.

So I organized a vigil on Facebook. The BENTLEY Middle Georgia community rushed in to help, • Knock doors for and donate to campaigns HUDGINS and within 24 hours over 300 people came of candidates working towards liberation together to mourn a deep, unrelenting loss of and equality. so many lives. This moment would set into motion the series of events that led me into the advocacy work I find myself • Gear up and get ready for the public doing in Atlanta today. comment period for Kemp’s Medicaid Waiver Plan.

It’d be easy to use the massacre at Pulse nightclub as a convenient plot development tool when telling the story of my life and how I became involved in advocacy. It is true that I began to step into the power of my full identity in this moment of deep, unrelenting grief.

However, there are no lessons to be learned here. This isn’t a parable of how a directionless queer found meaning in death. Fuck that.

Sometimes things don’t get better.

Right now, we still have rising rates of hate crimes, teen suicide and violence against the LGBTQ+ community — especially black trans women. The federal government is working to take away the right to access healthcare from trans people. There is a global rise in nationalism that threatens the security of our daily lives.

• Meet with your state representatives while they aren’t in session to advance progressive policies that will allow all of us to thrive together.

• Hire LGBTQ+ people and pay them what they are due.

Give them benefits and access to leadership development.

• Donate to any one of the following worthy causes near and dear to my heart: Georgia Equality, Spark Reproductive Justice Now, ITLA In The Life Atlanta, and Southerners On New Ground.

Queer activist and performer Bentley Hudgins is an outreach fellow at the Georgia Budget and Policy Institute.

They also perform as drag alter-ego “SHI.” Reach them at howisshitho@gmail.com. theQatl.com

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Gender

REVEAL

10 gender identities and terms everyone should know

By Mike Fleming

B

etween, beside and beyond the binary come those people who identify outside the traditional male and female roles and expectations.

Whether someone’s gender identity is contrary to the one assigned at birth, whether it’s cohesive with or apart from their physical sex traits, and whether it’s expressed outwardly and/or felt inwardly, there’s one bottom line: Whatever gender we say we are, we are. Whatever terms we prefer should be respected.

The queers among us whose personal truths break the binary should be trusted to know their own minds and their own feelings regarding their gender, including the 10 common gender identities on this page.

If you think they sound similar, note the nuances but remember that everyone deserves to identify with the terms that make the most sense to them, not the most sense to someone else.

Gender Fluid Shifting gender identity and gender expression. This can be androgynous as neither male or female, or it can be organically passing from one to the other and back again.

Bigender Either male or female at any given time. Shifts vary and can last from hours to years.

Gender Non-Conforming (Also: Gender Variant) Don’t go along with cultural expectations of gender roles. Obvious examples include people born with male genitalia who wear makeup and people born with female genitalia who like short haircuts and sports.

10 QUEER THINGS Q Third Sex Society or the person themselves categorize them as neither woman nor man, but as a separate and distinct third gender.

Some cultures include four genders — feminine man, masculine man, masculine woman, and feminine woman.

Two-Spirit Some scholars consider the Native American identification of Two-Spirit as part of the Third Sex category. These people are thought to spiritually be both male and female, and they are highly revered, often as religious leaders with a direct line to the spirit world.

Genderqueer (Also: Non-Binary) Usually used as an umbrella term referring to all gender identities that are outside the gender binary of exclusively female or male. They may see themselves as having two or more genders, or no gender, being beyond gender, or moving between genders.

Agender (Also: Genderfree and Neutrois) Genderless. People with bodies assigned either of the traditional binary roles may feel or present themselves as neither male nor female. They may seek to appear androgynous to match these self perceptions.

Transgender The person’s inner male or female identity does not match the one assigned to their sex traits at birth. Through choice or circumstance, trans women and trans men may or may not seek to alter their bodies with surgery.

Intersex Born with some mix of, or all of, the physical sex characteristics of both binary sexes. Can refer to combinations of chromosomes, hormones and/or genitalia that are outside the binary. Depending on the person, intersex individuals identify as either, both or neither binary gender.

Cisgender Perhaps the most common gender identity: Individuals who feel their gender is in line or homogenous with their biological sex. The gender assigned at birth matches how they see themselves.

Source: The Talko

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COVER Q

It Takes a (Q ueer) Village G

orgeous weddings don’t just happen, and even simple ones can get complicated without an army of experts helping navigate your way and ease your stress.

Take the shots of Bre Austin and Andraya Carter in this week’s cover feature. The shutterbugs at the queer-owned Love Is Love Officiants certainly didn’t just point and shoot. A team of wedding industry pros came together and had their backs for every detail of the Big Day. Check out this list of the LGBTQ and allied pros in Atlanta that made the magic happen.  Find more photos from this wedding at theQatl.com

PHOTOS BY LOVE IS LOVE @loveislove_photography loveisloveofficiants.com theQatl.com

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WEDDING VILLAGE continued Q

PHOTOS BY LOVE IS LOVE @loveislove_photography loveisloveofficiants.com

PHOTOGRAPHY Danielle and Maria Clabough @loveislove_photography loveisloveofficiants.com BRIDES Bre Austin and Andraya Carter @austin_bre @andraya.carter MAKEUP: Nathalie Green @natgreen.artistry STYLIST: Joedian Douglas @hairbyjoedi FLORALS: Nancy Yan @neoclassicdesigns1 BRIDAL DRESSES: Lisa McKenzie HOSTS Rachel Popp & Rheannon Ferguson

VENUE Jordan’s Crossing, Dacula, Ga. jordan-crossing.com TABLE SETTING Perfect Plan eventsbyrheannon.wixsite.com/ perfectplan CAKE Vividly Delicious Cakes @vividlydelicious COOKIES P.S. Sweets @p.s.sweets CATERER Just For You Catering/ Melody Lyle @jfycatering  Find more photos from this wedding at theQatl.com theQatl.com

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Q

WEDDING VILLAGE continued

PHOTOS BY LOVE IS LOVE @loveislove_photography loveisloveofficiants.com 20

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He, She, Ze...We all love equally.

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PLACES Q

Beautiful

BACKDROPS

Callanwolde Fine Arts Center

Sprawling or intimate, create your own Big Fat Gay Wedding at a perfect-fit venue in the metro

By Mike Fleming

G

etting married is a decidedly gay thing to do in Atlanta on any given week, and hint-hint: Any time is the perfect time to pop the question and drop some jewelry on a queer.

To seal the deal, make a fuss in front of your friends and family in these venues where you can say “I do” to each other and “Yes” to a ceremony, reception and guests in environs from sprawling and fancy to hip and intimate.

Atlanta Botanical Garden Private spaces with penultimate scenery 1345 Piedmont Avenue NE 404-876-5859 atlantabg.org Buckhead Theatre Cool theater and ballrooms available 3110 Roswell Road 404-THE-BUCK thebuckheadtheatre.com

Callanwolde Fine Arts Center Historic mansion with all the amenities 980 Briarcliff Road NE 404-872-5338 callanwolde.org Fernbank Museum of Natural History Modern architecture with prehistoric flare 767 Clifton Road 404-929-6300 fernbankmuseum.org

Fernbank Museum of Natural History The Gathering Spot’s Terminal Event Space Atlanta’s newest city club with an industrial edge 384 Northyards Blvd. NW 315-820-2394 Atlanta Botanical Garden Fox Theatre 1920s faux-Mideastern gilt and glam 660 Peachtree Street NE 404-881-2100 foxtheatre.org

thegatheringspot.club Georgian Terrace Opulent Beaux-arts ballrooms and stairwells 659 Peachtree St. NE 404-897-5053 thegeorgianterrace.com  theQatl.com

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Tam Vo

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PLACES continued Q

Millenium Gate Museum

Historic Dekalb Courthouse 19th Century Neoclassical, floor-to-ceiling windows 101 East Court Square, Decatur 404-373-1088 dekalbhistory.org

Terminus 330 Rustic chic in converted, historic depot 330 Marietta St. 678-956-7957 terminus330.com

Millenium Gate Museum Under the Atlantic Station Arch 395 17th St. NW 404-881-0900 thegateatlanta.com

Ventanas Downtown rooftop views and helicopter access 275 Baker St. 404-766-3867 ventanasatlanta.com

Rhodes Hall Authentic Victorian in modern Midtown 1516 Peachtree St. NW 404-885-7800 georgiatrust.org

Wimbish House 19th century castle, “The Grand Old Lady of Peachtree�

1150 Peachtree St. NE 404-870-8833 thewimbishhouse.com

Stonehurst Place Bed & Breakfast on lovely grounds 923 Piedmont Road 404-881-0722 stonehurstplace.com

Zoo Atlanta Gorgeous event spaces with access to exhibits 800 Cherokee Ave SE 404-624-5600 zooatlanta.org

Wimbish House

Historic Dekalb Courthouse theQatl.com

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PEOPLE Q

‘Starts with

LOVE’

Designer Miguel Wilson

Menswear designer Miguel Wilson makes grooms feel special and look amazing

Y

By Mike Fleming ou might recognize him from stints dressing real husbands of Real Housewives of Atlanta on TV, and you’re even more likely to recognize his one-of-akind fits on famous sharp dressers including music moguls 2Chainz, DJ Khaled and Method Man, NFL players like Bobby Rainey and actors including Josh Morgan.

When they want to look their best, be it for a wedding, party or any occasion, Atlanta’s elite come to Miguel Wilson. With an eponymous location in Phipps Plaza, you and yours can too.

“When I was evaluating what I wanted to do in fashion, I realized that the formal wear industry, particularly the wedding industry, had failed men,” Wilson tells Q. “The standard that brides could spend thousands for a gown they wear one time, but men had to wear used clothes to a formal event, that expectation was unacceptable.”

“The thought process was flawed for me so I have a collection that puts grooms in the mindset that brides have — it’s your day, and you’re going to be looking fabulous on your wedding day,” he adds.

Taking inspiration from art, his interests and travels, Wilson’s suits and tuxedos span from classic looks to twists on tradition and one-off masterpieces.

Modern weddings are increasingly paid for by the couple themselves, even more likely if the couple are gay, so Wilson says the old standards just wouldn’t do.

“I’m also able to bring to life the vision of the client from something that maybe inspired them,” he says. “Maybe it’s an era, a color or combination of colors, maybe it’s a picture, maybe it’s the movie 300, anything.

“Why would you spend all this money to entertain a bunch of people, feed them, buy them drinks for the biggest day of your life, and then shortchange yourself on your own look?” Wilson asks.

“A lot of guys today want unique and one-of-a-kind, and we help them navigate the path to that perfect look. It starts with a conversation, and we can make their vision happen.”  theQatl.com

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PEOPLE continued Q

650 NORTH AVENUE NE, SUITE 201, ATLANTA, GA 30308 PONCE CITY MARKET CITYWINERY.COM | 404.WINERY1

Urban Wine Country HOST YOUR WEDDING IN

Waistcoats, accessories, awesome high-end jewelry (like the bracelets the man himself is wearing in our photos) and full-service satisfaction are also on the menu at Miguel Wilson at Phipps. With today’s fashion flexibility where anything goes and boundaries are disappearing, Wilson’s looks are right on time. So are his attitudes toward same-sex couples as clients.

“We are here to please anybody who wants to look good,” says Wilson, whose connection to the community includes his own two gay sons. “Everyone on my team is out to make everyone, regardless of anything, feel like a million bucks.”

Recently, a female couple in Florida was so put out by locals who wouldn’t dress one of them in a tux, they came to Wilson. He posted on Instagram thanking those Florida tailors for creating an environment that brought their business to Atlanta.

“It all starts with love,” he tells Q. “If you learn to put love first, it changes your whole attitude about how you approach everything.”

His Instapost may have said it best.

“What does love look like? It’s an emotion, not a look,” he writes.

“We all have the opportunity to create a relationship that works for us. Don’t let society ruin your potential for greatness by trying to fit into the expectations of others. I believe there is somebody for everybody. Don’t pass up on your somebody trying to accommodate everybody but you! It’s not always a man and a woman, and it’s not always the same color, religion or nationality. True love has no boundaries.”

Visit Miguel Wilson at Phipps Plaza and at miguelwilson.com.

Start your journey by contacting

AtlantaEvents@CityWinery.com or call 404-WINERY1 theQatl.com

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Q

THE QUEER AGENDA The Best Queer Things To Do in Atlanta This Week

Friday, June 21 – Wednesday, June 26 FRIDAY, JUNE 21

SUNDAY, JUNE 23 Stonewall Pool Party

Deep South does the do that it do, this

time with extra Pride on the roof-

top @ Altitude Apartments, 2

p.m. facebook.com/deepsouthatl Outrising

Stonewall Pride party with Anonima Alexander @ Fox

Theatre Marquis Club, 12 noon. foxtheatre.org Michelle Malone & Sarah Peacock

Two great queers that queer great together. Little bit country, little

bit rock and roll @ Eddie’s Attic,

Femme in Public

Writer-performer Alok Vaid-Menon takes their audience on a gender

coaster ride of poetry, stand-up comedy, drag @ 7 Stages, 8 p.m. 7stages.org G8Yties

Pull up to the bumper, baby @ Heretic, 10 p.m. hereticatlanta.com

SATURDAY, JUNE 22 AGMC: I See You

9 p.m. eddiesattic.om

TUESDAY, JUNE 25 Desperately Seeking Susan

Oh yes they did. Revisit Madonna’s first movie as part of the Classics Series screenings @ Landmark Midtown, 7 p.m. landmarktheatres.com

Atlanta Gay Men’s Chorus presents its annual

WEDNESDAY, JUNE 26

Episcopal Church 3 p.m. and 8 p.m. agmchorus.org

Remember and honor those who have gone before us with strength and

Pride concert. Two performances @ St. Luke’s

Stonewall Interfaith Celebration

encouragement to continue toward liberation

People Powered Pride

Southern Fried Queer Pride, Georgia Equality, Atlanta Pride, and the Georgia Budget and Policy Institute host an afternoon of learning and strategy @ Gallery 992, 1 p.m. georgiaequality.org

Relive Queen’s A Night at the Opera

ATL Collective recreates the music, movie

and the larger-than-life queer frontman @ Buckhead Theatre, 8 p.m. atlcollective.org

@ Saint Mark United Methodist Church,

SATURDAY, JUNE 22

7 p.m. atlantapride.org

Deca-Dance

Brut Bears let DJ Alex Ramos bear

WEDNESDAY, JUNE 26 – SUNDAY, JUNE 30

down the house @ Heretic, 10 p.m. hereticatlanta.com. Stick around

Southern Fried Queer Pride

for DJ Steven Rendant

The annual alternaPride kicks

@ Xion, 3 a.m.

off Wednesday with a gallery

xionatlanta.com

exhibit from its first five years and continues with five days of plenaries, per-

Over the Rainbow:

formances and

A Judy Garland Cabaret

parties @ The

Tribute concert on the 50th

Bakery, through

anniversary of the icon’s death

Sunday. southern-

@ Out Front Theatre, 8 p.m. outfronttheatre.com

friedqueerpride.com Find even more LGBTQ events

in the Queer Agenda each Thursday at

theQatl.com.

theQatl.com

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AGLCC SUMMIT HAPPY HOUR

Full gallery on Project Q at theQatl.com

Q SHOTS Q

PHOTOS BY RUSS YOUNGBLOOD theQatl.com

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Q

Q SHOTS

SEXY SATURDAY: PRIDE AT MY SISTER’S ROOM

Full gallery on Project Q at theQatl.com

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PHOTOS BY RUSS YOUNGBLOOD

Q

Q SHOTS

POSSUMS SUMMER CAMP AT VARIETY PLAYHOUSE

Full gallery on Project Q at theQatl.com

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PHOTOS BY RUSS YOUNGBLOOD

Q

Q SHOTS

SATURDAYS AT BLAKE’S ON THE PARK

Full gallery on Project Q at theQatl.com

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PHOTOS BY RUSS YOUNGBLOOD

Q

Q SHOTS

MIDTOWN MOON ANNIVERSARY WEEKEND

Full gallery on Project Q at theQatl.com

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PHOTOS BY RUSS YOUNGBLOOD

Coming This Summer...

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July 11, 201

rt Gotta Sta : Somewhere s ard Be ry era Lit

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inform | insp ire

ire | insp inform

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August 8, 201

The Weekly

Let’s talk about

SEX

t Q Atlanta tion of Projec Print Publica

• Queer Health (July 11) • Pets (July 25) • Sex (August 8)

The Weekly

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Print Publica tion of Projec t Q Atlanta

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THE G8YTIES AT HERETIC

Full gallery on Project Q at theQatl.com

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PHOTOS BY RUSS YOUNGBLOOD

Q

THEQ?!

Should I Stay or

SHOULD I GO?

Big love, little annoyances with ‘So Not The One’

Q

I’m having fun with the person I’m seeing, and we’ve been doin’ dat thang we do for a long time now. Now they want to ruin it with marriage.

Theoretically, I can see their impulse to nail down a good thing.

Personally, it’s hard to imagine anything, much less a relationship, as permanent.

Even if I do entertain the idea of growing old with someone, there are about a thousand ways that this person is so not going to be the one. Sorry, it’s just true. There’s big love but also a lot of little annoyances that add up.

How do I tell them? Should I tell them at all? Should I consider going through with it to keep what we have going? Should we just break up? Help!

Dear Funtime Futilist: Life is almost exclusively transient, that is true. Through that lens, people can appear to force deeper meaning where there isn’t any and play emotional games that are unwinnable.

The good news is there is no game. The bad news is you are losing.

Your no-budge realism wants to make the most of what is, but you miss the satisfaction of what could be.

What makes being human worthwhile is recognizing patterns amid the chaos and creating emotional connections. Even as they misread your signals and the situation, your significant other might have a leg up on this simple truth. They may also be the type that sees your faults and loves you anyway, though you only mention the annoyances coming from their side.

So about all those “shoulds” in your questions: By no means should you consider marrying this person or breaking up with them at this time. By all means, you should reach for the not-so-secret key to unlock your problem: Communication.

Two people who are not on the same page will rarely get there by deciding individually how to handle things. All will be revealed by sitting down and keeping it real. Sitting by yourself, you can’t

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decipher whether or not to keep going or break it off.

The art of the heart-to-heart is actually easier since you’ve been together for a long time. You know them well enough to be honest and open. Maybe “I would never marry you” is not the way to phrase it, but the honest truth is still that you don’t want to get married and do want to stay together. That’s a good start.

The other half of the equation comes from them. After putting your truth on the table, listen up for theirs.

If it is a deal breaker that your visions of the future don’t align, that’s a good thing to know sooner than later. If chilling in the now can work for both of you, even better. Your partner may just need you to recognize and appreciate the connection.

If you do stick together, stay true to your own premise: Focus on the now and stop trying to predict the future about how you’ll feel later about the relationship, even marriage.

The Q is for entertainment purposes and not professional counseling.

Send your burning Qs to mike@theqatl.com.

ILLUSTRATION BY BRAD GIBSON