Q Magazine Atlanta | June 27, 2019

Q

June 27, 2019

DJ Esme Comes for Atlanta Club Scene

inform | inspire

Dive Deep Into Being Ky Krebs

50 Stonewall

Tonight we’re gonna riot like it’s 1969

Grindr Ghosting vs.

Living Your Best Life

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EDITOR’S NOTE Q For those who

What Becomes

A LEGEND?

Summer of milestones affords reflection and inspiration SIX WEEKS AFTER STONEWALL, TWO WEEKS AFTER

the moon landing, one week before Woodstock, and on the night of Sharon Tate’s murder, another legend was born. My brother

turns 50 in August, so I’ve been reminiscing about five decades of being each other’s touchstone.

Not that I remember those other events that summer with much clarity beyond hazy TV images, being just

• Didn’t watch scores of friends die and attend multiple funerals per week for years,

• Experienced only QTPOC reclaiming their due, not the years of attempted erasure that preceded it,

• Haven’t seen LGBTQ people of every stripe dragged away by police during civil protests,

• Have always had queer role models in mass media, • Roll their eyes at corporate rainbows and pandering pop stars without understanding they still count as progress,

• Don’t appreciate that expressing Pride was and still can be life-threatening…

Stonewall Weekend gives you a chance to catch up to history, and it

gives the rest of us a chance to reflect and make plans. All of us have a chance to mark the occasion however we see fit

four years old at the time. I do still remember

and arm ourselves with grace and gratitude for the

quite clearly the day my favorite person was

challenges ahead.

born, and the years of fights, hugs, tears, belly

In gorgeous portraits and interviews for our

laughs and unbreakable connection that fol-

special issue, contributing photographer Jon

lowed. Though neither of us knew it, it was an

epic summer of history, hope, horror and hippies that would irrevocably shape the setting and context of our youth.

Dean and six young LGBTQ Atlantans channel MIKE FLEMING EDITOR & PUBLISHER

The big events during those hot middle months pf 1969 ulti-

mately made growing up queer different, too, than it was for our predecessors. Witnessing first-hand wave after wave of social

change shaped who we became as a society, as much as siblings shape each other as people, and it’s a privilege just to be here looking back at it all.

Despite being in the prime of their lives, hundreds of thousands of gay men didn’t make it out of those years alive. Hundreds of

thousands more lesbians, bisexuals, transgender people and other queer and allied people aren’t around anymore to tell us what LGBTQ life was like before Stonewall.

Some of those young souls would sit in awe of how quickly we

went from avoiding marriage and the military as perks of being

queer to attaining our rights to the same misery as everyone else.

The same people might also sit in awe that we still have so much ground still to tread on the long arc of equality.

Stonewall and consider its implications for the

future. The Queer Agenda calendar of events packs a punch of commemorations and celebrations of

queer culture for Stonewall Weekend. Those occasions include Ky Krebs at Relapse, so we also offer an interview with him about being queer in comedy.

Speaking of big personalities and evolving cultures, Kenneth

Figueroa, who some may know better as DJ Esme, talks intersec-

tionality and creating a more inclusive LGBTQ Atlanta nightlife.

The Q advice column tries to up your hookup game with a little more respect for our queer siblings and fellow humans.

It’s a lot to think about as we go forward into this 50th summer

since Stonewall, but you can handle it with the strength of those who have gone before. Happy early birthday, little brother, and happy anniversary, queer siblings one and all!

Mike Fleming is editor and publisher of Q magazine and Project Q Atlanta. Reach him at mike@theQatl.com, pick up a new edition of the print publication each week, and find fresh local LGBTQ news and features every day at theQatl.com.

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INSIDE THIS ISSUE VOLUME 2 ISSUE 31 JUNE 27, 2019

ANTITOXIN

DJ Esme’s queer scene antidote

COVER

9 18

Riot Gear LGBTQ Atlantans channel Stonewall

PEOPLE

13 22

30 Brave Faces

Extra Salty

Ky Krebs tops Stonewall comedy lineup THE QUEER AGENDA

27 FEATURES

6

Q&A

18

The Queer Agenda

27

Q Shots

32

The Q

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Just Do It

34 Running Out

Stonewall Weekend calendar of events

38 36 Beer Bust

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COVER Q

Revisiting

Davey SWINTON

@dragkingdaveyswinton aka Melissa Coffey @aerialist_melissa_coffey

STONEWALL

What does Stonewall mean to you?

It is one of many events and tragedies we remember and celebrate as a marginalized community. It is a small part of our queer history, a reason to at least start doing research to understand our past and ancestry. We also must recognize that this sort of event still happens in many places in the USA and the world.

Tell us about your own activism.

Most of my activism centers around personal community. Specifically in the areas of disabled humans and LGBTQIA humans, I’m voting for and personally helping people with equal access to real healthcare, setting up homes and communities, educating about safer sex and PrEP, helping people get their hands on medicine including PrEP, helping people vote and travel who may not have the ability to figure that out for themselves, and sharing stories with the community and allies so we have more visibility and humanity.

I

LGBTQ Atlantans channel historical era and legendary queeroes

n celebration and commemoration of the Stonewall Riots 50th anniversary, Q contributor Jon Dean shoots locals in their element and asks how history inspires the next generation of queer life, love and action.

The big anniversary weekend appropriately coincides with Southern Fried Queer Pride events, and its founder is among Dean’s subjects. Keep flipping pages to meet them and the rest of this inspiring bunch. 

Where do you see the movement headed?

I believe that the LGBTQIA community could fully support itself if we truly asked for what we needed and gave from what we had.

I see that the queer community has a very rich offering of creativity, skill, culture, magic, as well as resources that could be utilized better so that we could all give each other jobs, shelter, and healing.

PHOTOS BY JON DEAN jondeanphoto.com Read full interviews at theQatl.com theQatl.com

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Q

STONEWALL continued

Taylor ALXNDR @tayloralxndr

What does Stonewall mean to you?

Stonewall is knowing it's not just an uprising in the past — it's very much so the present. Progress has been made since the first brick was thrown, but the communities who fought back first and the hardest are still suffering and are the most marginalized. Stonewall should be a reminder that when your freedom is in other people's hands, you have to fight back for it.

Tell us about your own activism.

Using art to bring together community and advocate for issues is how I work. That's the major mission of Southern Fried Queer Pride. But I also believe in meeting people where

they are and making those spaces points of activism — from the coffee shop talks to the drag shows.

Where do you see the movement headed?

I see the movement divesting from the cisgender, heterosexual gaze. I see us realizing that grassroots and inter-community building is what really gets us free. I see art playing a mighty role in our future, as it always has.

Who are your personal Queeroes?

My queeroes are the community. They feed me spiritually and make doing this work so worth it.

Southern Fried Queer Pride takes place June 2630 at The Bakery, 825 Warner St SW. Visit southernfriedqueerpride.com, and check the the Queer Agenda calendar in this issue of Q.

PHOTOS BY JON DEAN jondeanphoto.com Read full interviews at theQatl.com 10

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Q

STONEWALL continued

Dago BLANCO @dagoblanco

What does Stonewall mean to you?

It was a breaking point in history for queer liberation, a moment in time when we decided that enough was enough. Stonewall exemplifies the bravery in fighting for your rights and solidarity for queer people.

Tell us about your own activism.

On a daily basis, I make it a point to be the most authentic version of myself. This involves being loud and unapologetically queer. In my line of work, I often find myself in spaces where people lean conservative. While I respect whatever background everyone comes from, I make it a point to educate as many people as I can about our deeply layered culture.

Where do you see the movement headed?

Things in America are honestly pretty scary right now, and we’re having to worry about our fundamental freedoms being slowly chipped away. The movement is getting angrier by the day and I truly believe, very much like Stonewall, we’re at our generation’s breaking point. I’m ready to riot.

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Priscilla CHAMBERS @priscillachambers

What does Stonewall mean to you?

It truly was the start of our movement, and while we still have a long way to go, that day changed the queer communities’ lives forever. I owe everything to those who fought so we could have freedom to be our authentic selves.

Tell us about your own activism.

I started hormones about a month ago, and realizing the cost it is to transition is insane. Not just HRT, but electrolysis, binders, etc. are all very expensive. I’m currently in the process of creating a non-profit that would help aid trans people in

getting the basic things they need to help their transition go a little smoother.

Where do you see the movement headed?

I just want to see more young people, everyone actually, getting off their phones and into the streets. We need to protest! Vote!

The world is having a hard time catching up, so it’s up to us to educate and fight back. Stop letting them take our basic human rights away. Stop letting them try to erase us.

What is your advice for young queer folks today?

Find your dream, and fucking hold on to it. No matter how bad things get, keep going, and know that you’ve got an army behind you.

PHOTOS BY JON DEAN jondeanphoto.com Read full interviews at theQatl.com theQatl.com

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STONEWALL continued Q

Iv FISCHER @iv.fischer

What does Stonewall mean to you?

In a lot of ways, the battles fought at Stonewall are the same ones we are fighting for today: more inclusion, more representation, less violence against trans individuals. The legacy of Stonewall is one of queer liberation and unity.

Talk about Marsha P. Johnson and her legacy.

Many people know Marsha P. Johnson as the person to throw the first brick at Stonewall. Whether she was actually the first or not, the fact remains that black trans women have been, and continue to be, the first to throw metaphorical bricks in the fight for justice.

Johnson’s legacy is refusing to be swept under the cisgender gay rug that aims to conceal the activism of trans people of color throughout history. We are the ones to always put our lives on the line for the entire community. We are the ones to always stick our necks out in order to be heard. Marsha P. Johnson’s story serves as an allegory for the fed-upness of society’s black and Latinx trans citizens.

Tell us about your own activism.

My activism is rooted in enacting positivity and happiness through the content I create, the events I curate, and the opportunities I enable. I inspire those watching me online to actively engage queer and trans people in their everyday lives. I remind people that we are capable, employable, and lovable. Trans people are just that: people!

PHOTOS BY JON DEAN jondeanphoto.com Read full interviews at theQatl.com theQatl.com

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Q

STONEWALL continued

Molly RIMSWELL @mollyrimswell

What does Stonewall mean to you?

It is important that future generations take the spirit of rebellion and freedom to continue to push this movement forward.

Silence isn’t an option. Act up.

Fight back. Be yourself, and love those around you.

Tell us about your own activism.

My activism is shown through actions.

Think pieces and sharing posts on Facebook are not going to change this community. We need to show up and engage with the needs of the community to make an effective change. Show up. Show out. Fight the norms.

Where do you see the movement headed?

I want to see this community spend more time listening and creating programming to protect and grow marginalized voices in an effort to make meaningful changes with lasting results.

What do you think about drag as activism?

Every time someone walks out of the house in gender nonconforming presentation is an act of defiance against the rules. Drag is a tool that drives change in this community and sparks conversations. Drag is activism, and it is important to know why we have the opportunity that we have today, the history of drag activists, as well as understand the needs of our community to make immediate and meaningful changes.

PHOTOS BY JON DEAN jondeanphoto.com Read full interviews at theQatl.com 16

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Tickets Available @ joininghearts.org

Q

Q&A

Photo by Russ Youngblood 18

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On a

a MISSION

By Patrick Saunders

KENNETH FIGUEROA HAS COME A LONG WAY FROM the “huge anti-social goth kid” he was while growing up in Acworth, Ga.

He began his music career in Atlanta’s punk and goth scenes before making the switch to the DJ booth, and DJ Esme was born.

Among his other associations and accomplishments, Figueroa, is a hairstylist at Melrose & McQueen in Old Fourth Ward and co-founded the wildly popular Latinx party La Choloteca in 2016.

Figueroa sat down with Q to talk about music, family, and empowering queer people of color in Atlanta.

What was it like growing up in New York and Georgia?

My family was very much a pack, so when one of us moved, we all did. Upon moving to Georgia, it was a different kind of displacement.

Morph, WERC and Deep South are just as dedicated to showing up unapologetically and serving it so well.

Who are your biggest musical influences?

I grew up listening to a lot of alternative ‘80s/goth music because of my tio [uncle]. Coupled with the fact that I lived in small-town Georgia, it was no surprise that I was a huge anti-social goth kid [laughing]. I listened to a lot of sad folk music as a teen in a way to cope with life I suppose.

Queer DJ Kenneth Figueroa — aka DJ Esme — serves antidote for ‘toxic and abusive’ Atlanta nightlife

In New York, there was so much diversity, specifically in White Plains where there was a large Peruvian population. We were basically alone in Georgia, so my family stuck through it together. My cousins and siblings all grew up together largely being the only friends that we had.

The traditions of our family were loud, but always contained in the walls of our suburban homes.

What inspired you to make the switch from punk and goth bands to DJing?

I noticed a lack of representation. While I played in punk bands, I never felt like I could authentically be myself, whether that be my queer or Latinx identity. When I started my career as a hairstylist, music was put on a backburner. Then came Choloteca, where I was just an organizer in the beginning, but with the encouragement of my peers, I began DJing.

I understand that many places in Atlanta don't approach me to play their events or parties because of the style of music I curate, but that is my whole agenda. I'm here to show a piece of the huge part of Atlanta that exists but goes overlooked.

It's never my intention to play it safe and make people comfortable. It makes me so happy to see that other parties like

In the mix of it all there was always salsa and cumbia music playing in the background, whether it was my mother cleaning the house or a relative's birthday party, which were fucking wild back in the day.

Currently, I'm very inspired by the neoperreo movement, because it aligns with many of Choloteca's values as well as my need to throw my ass in a circle. Led by queers and womxn, it's a cultural shift that says we're allowed to be here and elevate each other in opposition to the patriarchal and classist tenets that were often displayed by reggaeton's leading performers.

What’s next for you?

I've never been very good at management of myself or my life [laughing]. While I have thoughts and goals for what my future holds, I don't try to linger on them so much because the present is more important.

Josephine — my cousin and partner in Choloteca — and I are always trying to hold ourselves accountable for the intentionality of what we do. While we've brought a different light to nightlife in Atlanta, we're also trying to shift that culture because it can be very toxic and abusive.

While dancing is a very healing process for us, we understand that we cannot stop there. We are committing to truly giving back, investing in and empowering our community in Atlanta because popularity and social clout don't mean a damn if there's not a mission behind it all.

Kenneth Figueroa/DJ Esme is on Instagram at @shethinkshecutetho. Find the next La Choloteca dance party on Facebook and Instagram @lacholoteca. theQatl.com

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Q

PEOPLE

Tea, Shade

& LAUGHS

‘Extra Salty’ comic Ky Krebs hits Atlanta for Stonewall Weekend

By Ian Aber

K

y Krebs came up and out in the South, and it informs who he is as a person and comedian. Making his Atlanta debut June 29 headlining Relapse Theatre, Ky brings a mix of charm, sass and intelligent joke writing in his arsenal to entertain all over the US. Currently in Austin, Krebs is a rising queer voice in comedy and as co-host of the “Extra Salty” podcast, where he offers a weekly dose of tea, shade and laughs.

This is your first time in Atlanta. What do you expect?

I’m super excited about it. I’ve heard that Star Bar is amazing, and that if I bump into Nene Leakes, I have to give her $20 as a thank you for her helping me up my reaction gif game so much.

How did you get started in comedy?

This one’s a roller coaster. Long story short, I’ve wanted to do it since I was a kid, but lived in Nowhere, Louisiana. I got the intention squashed out of me. Then I got in an abusive relationship in Austin, and as I was getting back into the idea of comedy, doing it seemed like it could be at least a momentary escape from the hell situation I was in.

When he told me he thought I’d bomb and be terrible, that was the straw that broke the camel’s back since it’s all I’ve ever wanted to do. I kicked him out of my house, stood my ground, and start-

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ed stand-up a few weeks later. The rest is history, I guess.

What is the most rewarding part of being a comedian?

Being able to make a room of people laugh. Even if you talk about real world issues, it’s still this unifying moment where the audience doesn’t have to deal with anything. You get to bring a big group of people with different problems, beliefs, attitudes and perspectives together to just let go for a bit. It’s electric.

What is the worst part of being a comedian?

Some people feel like they can just say anything to you. I’ve been told that I should write more jokes about the things I’m insecure about “like my nose and beard,” even though I’m not and never said I was.

Oh, and sometimes I’ll advertise a show by saying I’m a queer comedian and people looooove saying “why does it have to be queer comedian? Can’t it just be comedian?” as if me owning my queer identity is somehow inconvenient or damages the show when I really only do that to let other queer people know it’s a safe space since we’re often the butt of jokes in predominantly or entirely straight comedy shows.

Advice you have for other queer people wanting to be comedians?

Do it. Queer people and other people from marginalized groups are often the best comedians, in my opinion. Be prepared to have thick skin, though. Clubs have asked me if all my jokes are “gay jokes.” Other comics have told me owning my queer identity would be bad for my career. Audience members have audibly scoffed when I’ve said I’m queer on stage.

But you know what else? I’ve worked plenty of other clubs.

I’ve made my identity a large talking point in my set and killed, even in a room full of straight people. And that audience member that scoffed came up to me after the show to tell

‘I’ve been told that I should write more jokes about the things I’m insecure about “like my nose and beard,” even though I’m not and never said I was.’

me he thought he wouldn’t like me, but that he laughed really hard. There can be deeply demoralizing moments in stand-up

comedy because it’s so public-facing, but comedy needs queer voices and queer perspective. There is space for your voice.

What’s the worst advice you’ve received in comedy?

Anything that implies you have to follow a certain path in comedy or you’re doing it wrong.

Describe your comedy in three words.

Dark, playful stories.

What can listeners expect on an episode of your podcast, “Extra Salty”?

Extra Salty is a comedic deep dive into resentment and the

reasons we hold onto it or manage to let it go. I host it with Jasmine Ellis (a comedian everyone should know), and we have a variety of different guests on to interview and share a story about a resentful period in their life.

The stories range from weird work situations, to managing polyamorous relationships, to struggling with mental health. It’s basically half comedy, half self-help, and it always ends with a piece of advice. Oh, and every now and then, there’s an episode of just me and Jasmine spilling tea that no one asked to be spilled.

If you did drag, what would your drag name be?

Dee Hydrated. Or maybe Val Holla.

Ky Krebs headlines Relapse Theatre on June 29, 8 p.m., followed by another comedy lineup: Atlanta LGBTQIA comics in Queer History Live at 10 p.m. relapsetheatre.com, comedyian.com theQatl.com

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Photos by Russ Youngblood theQatl.com

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Q

THE QUEER AGENDA The Best Queer Things To Do in Atlanta This Week SATURDAY, JUNE 29

The amazing queer comic hits town and is

Photo by Daniel Solano

Thursday, June 27 – Wednesday, July 3

Ky Krebs & Queer History Live

followed by a hilarious Stonewall-themed

lineup, all curated

Drag Queen Story Hour

by local LGBTQ

Mayor Keisha Lance Bot-

comedian Ian Aber

toms hosts Terracotta

@ Relapse Theatre, 8

p.m. and 10 p.m. relapsetheatre.com. Read Q’s Ky

Sugarbaker reading to

Krebs interview in this issue.

kids for the entertain-

ment of adults

Leslie Jordan

@ Atlanta City Hall,

The diminutive dynamo

10 a.m. atlantaga.gov/lgbtq

you remember from the ’00s still loves

Norcross Pride

Atlanta. Enjoy his “Ex-

Love is love in the burbs, too, y’all @ Historic Thrasher Park, Norcross, Ga., 4 p.m.

posed” set @ Westside

THURSDAY, JUNE 27 — SUNDAY, JUNE 30

norcrossga.net

Atlanta QueerStory Panel

Cultural Arts Center,

9 p.m. tokyovalentino.com

Southern Fried Queer Pride Atlanta’s alternaPride turns five on the 50th anniversary of Stonewall. Events include the Peach Pit Pageant on Friday, HawtSauce on Friday, Artist Market and Sweet Tea on Saturday, a contingent in the Stonewall March and the Heavy Syrup Tea Dance on Sunday.

Get you some @ The Bakery, all weekend. southernfriedqueerpride.com. Read SFQP founder Taylor Alxndr’s take on the state of queer activism in this week’s Q cover story.

& Big Rainbow Cabaret

SUNDAY, JUNE 30 Stonewall March

The 50th anniversary

calls for the return of

an LGBTQ parade to June for the first time

since Atlanta Pride

moved its festival. Steps off @ North Avenue MARTA Station, 12 noon. atlantapride.org

Dykes on Bikes and MSR bring the issues and

the celebration of Stonewall Weekend to life @ My Sister’s

Room, 5 p.m. and 9:30 p.m. mysistersroom.com, facebook.com/

TUESDAY, JULY 2

dykesonbikesatl

Dog Day Afternoon

Queers on film in the ’70s in-

Atlanta United Pride Night

clude this Oscar-winning true

The LGBTQ soccer fans of All Stripes and the local pro players themselves host a

rainbow edition of tailgating and game

play @ Mercedes-Benz Stadium, 6 p.m. facebook.com/allstripesatl The Ultimate Queen

The man who

THURSDAY, JUNE 27 The Fly: Trashy Queer Stories Molly Rimswell hosts Queeriety performers telling their “first time” tales live @ Out Front Theatre, 7 p.m. wussymag.com

voiced Freddie Mercury in

the Bohemian

Rhapsody movie is the

frontman for this trib-

ute show @ Frederick

Brown Jr. Amphitheatre,

Peachtree City, 8 p.m.

story with Al Pacino robbing

a

bank to pay for his lover’s

gender confirmation surgery @ Landmark Midtown Art Cinema, 7 p.m. landmarktheatres.com

Hugh Jackman

“The Man. The

Music. The Show”

hits Atlanta for one

night only @ State

Farm Arena, 7 p.m. ticketmaster.com

Find even more LGBTQ events in the Queer Agenda each Thursday at theQatl.com

theQatl.com

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RAINBOW PUB CRAWL AT MSR AND TEN

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Q SHOTS Q

PHOTOS BY RUSS YOUNGBLOOD theQatl.com

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Q SHOTS

ATLANTA BRAVES PRIDE NIGHT

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PHOTOS BY PATRICK SAUNDERS

Q

Q SHOTS

EVENING FOR EQUALITY: LOEWS HOTEL

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PHOTOS BY RUSS YOUNGBLOOD

Q

Q SHOTS

PRIDE RUN 2019 WITH FRONTRUNNERS

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PHOTOS BY RUSS YOUNGBLOOD

JULY 4-7, 2019

BANG: The Fabulous Fourth Holiday Weekend Make your EXTENDED holiday weekend a BANG with us! Book early to get your favorite room during one of our LARGEST summer parties! Special cookouts, poolside dance party, tavern bash, after-hour parties, and HOT men by the pool. Special Guest DJ RexxStep

JULY 12-14, 2019

UNIFORM-FETISH WEEKEND/ TENNESSEE GRYPHONS DELIVERANCE 2019

Military, cop, fireman, biker, latex or rubber—whatever makes you want to come…we want want you here! Show off your duds at the Tavern on Saturday night. We are pleased to host The Gryphons annual Deliverance Run for the 12th year! You do not have to be a member to participate in the event. Visit www.tngryphons.org for more information.

JULY 19-21, 2019 MARDI GRAS WEEKEND

Presented by Chris-RV Site #28 Special Guest DJ RexxStep

theQatl.com

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Q SHOTS

HOTLANTA VOLLEYBALL BEER BUST AT WOOFS

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PHOTOS BY RUSS YOUNGBLOOD

Q

THEQ?!

Ghosted

& SHAMED

Right, wrong and just plain mean when you’re not interested

Q

I had sex with this boy, and it was fine. With booze and whatever other circumstances, I was attracted to him in the moment, and I don’t regret it.

After the fact, I’m not very attracted to him in general, and I’m not interested in doing it again. Unfortunately, he is all about Round 2, and he’s ignoring or missing my not-so-subtle hints and detachment as clues about where I stand on the matter.

Is it OK to ghost on him? Should I say something specific? Both of those options feel like ways to hurt his feelings, and I just want an option to move on without being a total dick.

Dear Ghost Writer: The distance of technology and anonymity of urban life make it easier to dehumanize each other in many situations. Still, it hurts a bit more personally when you do it as part of dating and hookups — and the pain is not just his, but yours, even if it’s unconscious.

Texts, social media, apps and plenty of ways to get lost in a big city make it easier in the moment to stop communicating, especially after you drop hints. That’s why many readers will acknowledge experience on both sides of ghosting.

But just because it’s popular, is it the right thing to do? No. The definition of passive aggression is to do nothing as an assertive act. The result for the victim is obvious, but it leaves a little scar on your psyche too. Scars like that build up.

You can do better. He may be disappointed at first, but just say, “Hey, I had fun but I’m not interested in anything more.”

The truth isn’t nearly as harmful to either of you as leaving someone hanging.

You’re not a bad person for considering it, but the only way to be “a total dick” is to participate in this particular queer trend. Tell him the truth, and walk away knowing you did the right thing — and matured that much in the process.

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theQatl.com

Q

I love being a bit of a slut. I hit on and meet a lot of people on hookup apps. No shame in that game, but I do have a problem: Rude rejections.

Some people who aren’t interested go out of their way to make me feel bad for trying. Responses include, “Fuck no. Are you seriously messaging me?” and “Did you see my pic? I’m out of your league.” One even called me a whore and said, “I don’t want to catch anything.”

I’ve been around, but my skin ain’t that thick. I’d rather get no response, or just say “not interested” without making a point to denigrate me. Is that too much to ask?

Dear Slut Shamed: Damn. People can be awful, and that’s just everyday life on cruise apps. Everyone should get clear now that being “not interested” is not some kind of high ground.

Not responding is mildly OK, though five seconds of effort to type “No thank you” would go a long way toward the common good. What’s unacceptable is being mean. Shaming others is an epidemic among the insecure to momentarily feed their delusions of superiority.

To put a finer point on it, they don’t “owe” you the kindness as much as they owe it to themselves, to queer culture, and to the rest of humanity.

The Q is for entertainment purposes and not professional counseling.

Send your burning Qs to mike@theqatl.com.

ILLUSTRATION BY BRAD GIBSON