Q Magazine Atlanta | July 4, 2019

Q

July 4, 2019

Yours, Mine & Our Queer Independence

inform | inspire

Dance Dance

10 Silly Things Allies Still Say

Revolution Queer Atlanta dance instructors move mountains

Best Bets For The Holigay Weekend

When Both Are Fat But Just One Cares

Q News Q Shots Queer Agenda Q Voices The Weekly Print Publication of Project Q Atlanta

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EDITOR’S NOTE Q Q MAGAZINE THE WEEKLY PUBLICATION OF PROJECT Q ATLANTA PUBLISHERS INITIAL MEDIA, LLC MIKE FLEMING PUBLISHER & EDITOR MIKE@THEQATL.COM MATT HENNIE PUBLISHER & BUSINESS DEVELOPMENT MATT@THEQATL.COM RICHARD CHERSKOV PUBLISHER & GENERAL MANAGER RICHARD@THEQATL.COM ADVERTISING SALES RUSS YOUNGBLOOD SENIOR SALES REPRESENTATIVE RUSS@THEQATL.COM ART DIRECTOR JOHN NAIL JOHN@THEQATL.COM PROJECT Q ATLANTA PATRICK SAUNDERS EDITOR PSAUNDERS@THEQATL.COM CONTRIBUTORS IAN ABER LAURA BACCUS GABRIELLE CLAIBORNE BUCK COOKE CHARLES E. DAVIS JON DEAN BILL DICKINSON JIM FARMER BRAD GIBSON JAMES L. HICKS BENTLEY HUDGINS TAMEEKA L. HUNTER HEATHER MALONEY ERIC PAULK KYLE ROSE JAMES PARKER SHEFFIELD VINCE SHIFFLETT ALEXANDRA TYLER VAVA VROOM NATIONAL ADVERTISING RIVENDELL MEDIA SALES@RIVENDELLMEDIA.COM 212-242-6863 LOCAL ADVERTISING SALES@THEQATL.COM 404-949-7071

Indepen-DANCE July hits with the beat of equality set to can’t-stop-won’t-stop

WE’RE STILL REELING FROM Stonewall Month around here, and as of this writing it’s not even over. As of your reading it, though, hopefully we’ve all had some sleep since Atlanta’s second-biggest weekend of the year. But Q, all of queer Atlanta, the drive for equality, and the calendar itself aren’t about to let you rest on your laurels.

The movement toward our full rights and respect, as well as literal movement itself, are on our agenda in this issue. As usual, we feel sure that you’re going to love keeping pace with the ever-present backbeat toward the future with this week’s roster of information and inspiration.

Since the odds are ever in your favor to have Thursday off work for Independence Day, the bars already MIKE FLEMING have special-themed dances set for Wednesday EDITOR & PUBLISHER night and keep the pace through the long weekend.

The best events of the whole week are in The Queer Agenda calendar, and an expanded version with every last one is online at theQatl. com.

LGBTQ independence was never as beautifully illustrated as it is in the freedom of this week’s cover story subjects. Q contributor James L. Hicks trains his lens on local queer dance instructors in multiple genres for a breathtaking photo essay.

I interviewed each one for their thoughts on their art and the effect that their identities on their approach to it.

With Stonewall in the rear-view once again, developments in news and issues trod ever forward into the next 50 years of the movement. The latest municipality to adopt civil rights protections for LGBTQ folks is in news, and a little education for our allies is laid out in this week’s 10 Queer Things. Specifically, stuff that still come out of their mouths despite declarations of wokeness.

Since the political is always personal, too, Vince Shifflett’s independence is interwoven into his personal relationships. The balance of it with positive dependence on a partner, and how that differs with co-dependence, are in his Q Voices column this week.

We keep things personal in Q Shots of recent events, and in The Q advice column, which wraps the issue with relationship advice for an Atlanta reader trying to sway his husband with an ultimatum. When you’re done, turn to theQatl.com for fresh content daily on our homesite, Project Q Atlanta.

Hit me up if you need me at mike@theQatl.com theQatl.com

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INSIDE THIS ISSUE VO LU M E 2 I S S U E 3 2

J U LY 4 , 2 0 1 9

NO THEY DIDN’T Oh yes they did

COVER

16 10

Light & Motion LGBTQ-ATL Dance Instructors

NEWS

13

Equality Rising

27 White Night

Decatur plays catch-up on queer rights THE QUEER AGENDA

15

Get Out

31 Swim Fans

Local LGBTQ events make your to-do list

FEATURES

Q Voics 10 Queer Things The Queer Agenda Q Shots The Q 6

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8 10 15 29 38

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35 Paulo’s Boys

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Q

VOICES

Yours, Mine

dent person can feel constant anxiety about their relationship.

& OURS

In a dependent relationship, both parties find joy in outside interests, other friends and hobbies. In the co-dependent

relationship, a person might have no personal identity, interests, or values outside the relationship.

My internal struggle between dependence and independence

We are each an individual being. In a healthy relationship,

I FREQUENTLY FIND MYSELF STRUGGLING BETWEEN

unique purpose in this life.

wanting my independence and wanting dependence too. It

My internal struggle between dependence and independence

is my belief that we need a healthy balance of both. I want someone upon whom I can depend.

you maintain that individualism while still depending on

your partner for love and support. You spend time without

your partner. There is no anxiety about the future of the re-

lationship. You are too busy being your own beautiful unique self to have time for worry. You are busy fulfilling your own

is often fear based. I spent 18 years in a co-dependent rela-

tionship where I felt I couldn’t live without the other person.

I think we’re hard-wired for the type of connections where

We were attached at the hip. We had the same friends. We always did the same things together. Where

someone has our back and shares our life.

you saw one, you saw the other.

On the other hand, I also want and need my independence, my alone time.

In reflecting back on that relationship, I was the more co-dependent one. Feeling anxiety

Are you in a relationship and often wish you

when we were apart. Feeling sad when we

were single? Are you single and often wish

were apart. Instead of living my own inde-

you were in a relationship? Can you have

pendent beautiful life, I was consumed with

both? Can you have your independence and be dependent at the same time? Again, I do not think it is a matter of wanting both as much as it is a matter of needing both.

VINCE SHIFFLETT

While being part of the dating pool the past seven years, I have discovered so many people who are too far on the

dependence side. In the psychology world, it is known as

through that again is my internal struggle.

If I came out of that phase of life with any

lessons, they’re these: Love and support your partner. Allow

them to be who they are. Allow them the independence they need. It is vital to a healthy long-lasting relationship.

co-dependency. According to Psychology Today, the defini-

At the same time, find your purpose. Do what you enjoy.

cal reliance on a partner.

vidual life while at the same time knowing that you have a

tion of co-dependency is excessive emotional or psychologiDependence upon another person can be a positive and desirable trait. However, co-dependence is harmful.

The dependent relationship involves two people who rely on

Spend time with your friends. Find a hobby. Live your indiloving, supportive relationship with your partner.

Never allow yourself into a situation where someone else

dictates your life and schedule. Maintain your individualism.

each other for support and love. They both find value in the

Remember, a good balance of dependence and independence is

In the co-dependent relationship, one or both parties feel worth-

Vince Shifflett is a critical care registered nurse and writer liv-

needed by the other in order to have purpose in life. A co-depen-

and Twitter, or visit him at vinceshifflett.com.

relationship.

less unless they are needed by the other. They feel they must be

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his life and our life together. The fear of going

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essential for happiness and longevity together. Allow and love. ing and loving in Atlanta. Follow him on Facebook, Instagram

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Q

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10 QUEER THINGS

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‘I’d date a bi girl as long as we could do threesomes.’

‘For a gay guy, you’re totally a man.’ or ‘For a lesbian, you’re such a lady.’

Say

‘I don’t care if you’re gay, just don’t f lirt with me.’

10 homophobic things even straight allies still say

WHAT?

‘I had no idea you were trans! You look “real.”’

‘Does this outfit look

gay?’ or ‘Do I look like a drag queen?’

(You wish.)

‘I can’t be prejudiced.

I have gay friends.’

‘Do you have to be so femme (or so butch)?’

‘It’s totally fine with me if you feel like a woman, but some makeup tips might help you pass.’

‘I’m terrified to know what she’s packing under that dress.’

‘If she’s going to date so butch, why not just date men?’ theQatl.com

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IN BRIEF Q

Decatur pressed to pass LGBTQ-inclusive nondiscrimination policy A DECATUR ACTIVIST CALLED OUT CITY LEADERS for falling behind other metro Atlanta cities in protecting its

LGBTQ residents with a nondiscrimination ordinance. Clare Schexnyder said the city’s progressive reputation is “fading

fast,” according to Decaturish, but city leaders say an ordinance is in the works.

Schexnyder spoke at a City Commission meeting on June 17.

“Decatur should have been the first city in DeKalb County to do this,” Schexnyder said in her public comments. “Instead,

Doraville, Clarkston, Chamblee and Dunwoody have done the right thing, and we sit here, with not even an ordinance drawn up and before the commission.”

Decatur City Commission

The broad nondiscrimination policies passed recently in some

‘Decatur should have been the first city in DeKalb County to do this.’

metro Atlanta municipalities prohibit discrimination based on sexual orientation and gender identity in private employment,

— Clare Schexnyder

housing and public accommodations. Some also require local

law enforcement to be trained in and report hate crime statistics to the GBI and FBI.

Doraville passed its ordinance in November. Clarkston and

Chamblee followed suit in April, and Dunwoody passed its ordinance in June. Atlanta passed an ordinance protecting

people from discrimination based on sexual orientation in 2000. Gender identity was added in 2013.

Decatur Mayor Patti Garrett (photo, right) said the city’s

diversity board, called Better Together, is working on the ordi-

nance, according to Decaturish.

“We’re looking at what would be the best language for the city of Decatur,” Garrett said, according to the site. “We absolutely are working on it.”

Sandy Springs will vote on its LGBTQ-inclusive hate crimes policy on July 16, but city leaders have said they are holding off on a broad nondiscrimination policy for now.

PHOTO COURTESY CITY OF DECATUR

Warner Robins woman gets life sentence for killing girlfriend A MIDDLE GEORGIA WOMAN PLEADED GUILTY on June 24 to stabbing and killing her domestic partner in front of police – just three days after being released from jail on charges she attacked her.

Shaneka Renee Smith, 25, was sentenced to life in prison in Houston Superior Court in Warner Robins. She will

be eligible for parole after serving a minimum of 30 years,

according to a press release from the Houston County District Attorney’s Office.

Smith was arrested on Dec. 24 on a misdemeanor battery-family violence warrant after an altercation with

Howard-Roberts. She was released on bond that day on the condition that she have no contact with Howard-Roberts, according to the press release.

Warner Robins police responded to the couple’s shared

townhouse on Dec. 27 after Howard-Roberts called 911.

While officers spoke to Howard-Roberts, Smith approached holding a large kitchen knife, according to the press release.

Smith disregarded verbal commands to drop the weapon, and stabbed Howard-Roberts twice in the chest. Police

tasered Smith and took her into custody. Howard-Roberts, 31, died from the injuries.

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Tickets Available @ joininghearts.org

Q

THE QUEER AGENDA The Best Queer Things To Do in Atlanta This Week

THURSDAY, JULY 4 – SUNDAY, JULY 7 Atlanta Bear Fest

Four days and three nights

Photo by Daniel Solano

Thursday, July 4 – Thursday, July 11

of furry fun go down under this year’s theme, “Super

Bears.” Up up and away @ Courtyard Marriott and

Atlanta Eagle, all weekend. atlantabearfest.com

THURSDAY, JULY 4 Amen Taylor Alxndr’s little drag show that could keeps going strong with its second anniversary show @ Sister Louisa’s Church, 10:30 p.m. sisterlouisaschurch.com

SATURDAY, JULY 6 Jerac Xion Afterhours gets an overdose of sexy @ BJ Roosters, 3 a.m. -7 a.m. facebook.com/xionatlanta

SUNDAY, JULY 7 Gender Blender IV Fischer’s 21st birthday collides with her wildly popular show @ My Sister’s Room, 8 p.m. mysistersroom.com

TUESDAY, JULY 9

Ph

oto

an

by Jon De

Drink It Forward Your sliding-scale admission at the door buys your drinks to benefit Lost N Found Youth @ Eventide Brewing, 6 p.m. nestrealty.com/atlanta Divas Drag Queen Bingo Madonna, Cher and Tina! Oh my! Pets Are Loving Support love a theme again this month. Queens do the legends, and Bubba and Erica call the balls @ Lips, 7:30 p.m. palsatlanta.org

WEDNESDAY JULY 10 Jawbreaker

Scheming popular girls and a dead prom queen are a recipe for comedy gold @ Plaza Atlanta, 7 p.m. plazaatlanta.com

THURSDAY, JULY 11 Truth Talk Southeast Emmy Awards’ Jana Shortal hosts this “Ted Talk”-style event with “Be True To You” as the theme @ Lilli Midtown, 7 p.m.

Find more queer things to do in the expanded weekend edition of the Queer Agenda at theQatl.com.

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Q

COVER

Just LGBTQ-ATL dance instructors do a body proud

B

By Mike Fleming

allet. Contemporary.

Ballroom. Vogue. Flamenco. The world of dance cuts directly to the core of diversity in Atlanta, and six instructors from these genres show Q how it’s done.

Q contributor James L. Hicks returns to our pages in this week’s photo essay with his eye trained on the beauty and skill these longtime experts bring to their craft. The gorgeous results of the collabortion of light and movement appear on the following pages alongside their thoughts on the artform, as well as its interplay with their LGBTQ identities. 

PHOTOS BY JAMES L. HICKS jhicksphotography.net

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Malita Belloso Flamenco @calogitanoflamenco CaloGitano.com

How long have you been dancing?

I started dancing ballet at 3 years old, then at 5 I danced tap for nine years. You had to be 6 years old to dance Flamenco, so as soon as I was, I started that as well.

I never thought I was going to dance all my life! I graduated as a school teacher and worked in Venezuela (my home country) for three years before moving to the states. Here, I also worked as a school teacher for nine years, until one day, I was asked to teach Flamenco. Little did I know, saying yes would result in owning a dance studio in Kirkwood, to house and direct the biggest Flamenco academy in the Georgia.

Describe your approach to dance in three words.

Find. The. Feeling.

What is it about Flamenco that keeps you going?

Flamenco is a dance that lets you express all your feelings and embraces who you are. It is an art form for everyone, for every body type.

Because Flamenco has so many layers, if you want to become a real Flamenco dancer, you will eventually need to learn its history and the vast variety of flamenco music, including singing and clapping. I never get tired of learning and exploring its abundance. I also love that Flamenco, while so disciplined, is also interpretive and improvisational.

If you could only teach one lesson to your students, what would it be?

To be brave and love yourself today, right where you are ‌ the more comfortable you are with yourself, the better you can express your feelings and control, with understanding, your movement.

How does your LGBTQ identity factor into your dancing?

I think accepting myself as LGBTQ makes me a stronger, more confident person. Flamenco, in particular, is a form of self-expression that crosses over with how one feels about themselves.

Confidence and courage are and will always be essential.

Anything else you’d like Queer Atlanta to know?

Come over and dance with us or partake in our events! We bring Flamenco shows to Atlanta every month and are a big, loving Flamenco family! Ole! theQatl.com

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Q

DANCE continued

Brandon Ellis Modern Dance @bettawork69 bellisworks.com How long have you been dancing?

I’ve been dancing and training professionally since the age of 7. I began taking Modern Jazz classes at The

Black Spectrum Theatre in Queens, N.Y., where I was born and partially raised.

Describe your approach to your art in three words.

Passionate. Technical. Soulful.

What is it about dance?

Dance has always been my first true love that rarely

lets me down, it just builds my spirit up and puts my soul on fire.

If you could only teach one lesson to your students, what would it be?

Never lose sight of that special thing inside of you

that made you want to dance. Take care of your gift of dance because with much success comes much responsibility.

How does your LGBTQ identity factor into your dancing?

I get to use all of who Brandon Ellis is and always has been, which is a beautiful gay boy.

What are you working on?

Currently building my one-man autobiographical

show entitled Get in Line. I also act, sing, model and do voiceovers. I just finished filming with a major

network for a reboot dating TV show, and in a short upcoming film, I play a drag queen.

PHOTOS BY JAMES L. HICKS jhicksphotography.net

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Q

DANCE continued

Armando Vega-Perez

What’s your favorite thing about it?

jonesdancesport.com

you get when you let the music move you.

Ballroom

How long have you been dancing?

29 wonderful years.

Describe your day-to-day dance life.

Learn. Practice. Perform. Basically rinse and repeat.

To feel free in the music and become a part of it. The joy that How does your LGBTQ identity factor into your dancing?

It makes you always be strong. Dancing is universal. It has something for everyone across any

demographic. Dance can help anyone that it touches.

PHOTOS BY JAMES L. HICKS jhicksphotography.net

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DANCE continued

Mark Burns

Ballet @markburnsdancer northatlantadancetheatre.com anthonyburrell.org How long have you been dancing?

I started dance at the age of 8 and had my first professional job at 16.

Describe your dancing in three words.

Striving for perfection!

What is it about dance that keeps you in it?

Dance is one of the few professions where you are constantly learning something new about your craft, and that’s what I love the most about it. Perfecting your technique, learning new choreography, finding symmetry with the music you’re dancing to. That keeps me wanting more.

If you could only teach one lesson to your students, what would it be?

Through dance I learned to truly love myself because of the passion I have for it, and that is what I teach my students. To always have passion for what you do regardless of if you become a professional ballet dancer or not.

PHOTOS BY JAMES L. HICKS jhicksphotography.net 24

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DANCE continued

Valeriya ‘Vee Vee’ Malaeva aka Vee Mugler Vogue @valeryveevee

How long have you been dancing?

Almost 22 years.

Describe your dancing in three words.

Authentic. Individual. Truth.

What is it about dance?

It’s a way to personal freedom, even though you ain’t exactly free in a physical body.

How does your LGBTQ identity factor into your dancing?

My identity is solid and uncompromising. While some have a problem with it, some adore it and get very curious about my place of origin and belonging. While some enjoy putting labels, I enjoy dropping them off.

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PHOTOS BY JAMES L. HICKS jhicksphotography.net Photos by Russ Youngblood theQatl.com

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DANCE continued

PHOTOS BY JAMES L. HICKS jhicksphotography.net

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WHITE PARTY AT BLAKE’S ON THE PARK

Full gallery on Project Q at theQatl.com

Q SHOTS Q

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Q SHOTS

SUMMER PATIO PARTY AT TEN

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PHOTOS BY RUSS YOUNGBLOOD

STONEWALL POOL PARTY AT ALTITUDE

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SOCKS & JOCKS AT ATLANTA EAGLE

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PHOTOS BY RUSS YOUNGBLOOD

Fresh content served daily

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DJ PAULO AT HERETIC

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Q SHOTS Q

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HEIFER REVIEW AT JOE’S

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PHOTOS BY RUSS YOUNGBLOOD

Q

THEQ?!

2 Tons

OF FUN

Both husbands put on pounds, but only one wants to change

Q

I have struggled with my weight for years, and so has my husband. We’ve both gained a significant amount of weight

since we’ve been married, but I’m trying to mitigate that with diet and exercise. The problem is, he isn’t; and every time I try to talk with him about it, he makes me feel like I’m the bad guy for bringing it up.

Look, we’re both approaching 40, and I

know we’ll never be the “twinks” we were when we met, but I’d like to be better than I am, and I am finding it very difficult to get healthy without his support. He’s pre-diabetic.

He has sleep apnea. His sex

drive is nowhere near what it was when we met. And it’s

frustrating because all of this is correctable and he’s refusing to

even try. It’s like he doesn’t care.

I love my husband. I will never “fat-

shame” him, and I know my weight struggles aren’t his issue. But

I would find it a lot easier to tackle this if I feel like he were more supportive, and if he would try to be healthier too. I don’t know

what to do, short of giving him an ultimatum: it’s me or the sugar, dude. Take your pick.

Dear Big Guys: Every queer in the LGBTQ village has choices they need to

reverse, demons they need to face, and habits that die hard. That makes your situation relatable, and your efforts admirable.

Talking with your husband about his weight is a great first step, 38

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assuming it’s done with love and concern instead of nagging. As his partner, you have a stake in his health. But even, or perhaps especially, in long-term relationships, the road to ruin is trying

to change other people before their time. Not only does it build resentment, it just doesn’t work.

You can’t make it happen by caring about it for him. You already know this as a spouse. Those instances when you “make him” do

things for his own good might work temporarily, but rarely for the long term. If he’s not ready, sometimes you have to discuss it and drop it. Upsetting him won’t help motivate him.

Regular readers of this column already know what comes next. If your husband was writing in for ways to make positive changes,

that’s where we’d focus. Since you wrote, it’s about what you can change: yourself. The good news for your hus-bear situation is that you’ll set a good example and gain knowledge to pass on when his time comes.

The sugar-or-me ultimatum is ill-ad-

vised. Sugar (and other carbs,

all of which turn into a form

of sugar) affects the same part of the brain as cocaine, so

you’re battling an addictive

chemical process and might not win. Surely, it’s not

worth losing him in your effort to keep him.

Laying down the law

comes from being frus-

trated — with him and with

yourself for letting it get this far.

Making changes might be easier

with an accountability partner, but

that’s not your reality. Just like him, you have to do it for you, and being upset isn’t going to help you to keep up the good work.

Chances are your husband will eventually notice the results and

want in on it — and into you. Invite him along for a walk, sneak

in helpful hints when you can, but love your body enough to go it alone, at least at first and maybe permanently.

The Q is for entertainment purposes and not professional counseling.

Send your burning Qs to mike@theqatl.com.

ILLUSTRATION BY BRAD GIBSON