Q Atlanta Magazine | August 8, 2019

Q

Trans Repping w/ King Perka $exxx

inform | inspire

SEX

Issue

Q Sex Survey 2019 10 Things About Lesbian Sex Queer Existence = Queer Resistance That ‘Preference’ Is Sexual Racism August 8, 2019

Q Shots Queer Agenda Q News The Weekly Print Publication of Project Q Atlanta

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EDITOR’S NOTE Q Q MAGAZINE THE WEEKLY PUBLICATION OF PROJECT Q ATLANTA PUBLISHERS INITIAL MEDIA, LLC MIKE FLEMING PUBLISHER & EDITOR MIKE@THEQATL.COM MATT HENNIE PUBLISHER & BUSINESS DEVELOPMENT MATT@THEQATL.COM RICHARD CHERSKOV PUBLISHER & GENERAL MANAGER RICHARD@THEQATL.COM ART DIRECTOR JOHN NAIL JOHN@THEQATL.COM

Ins & OUTS Queer sex for passion, profit and politics

WHEN WE SET OUT TO DO a sex survey of Q readers, the idea felt lighthearted and just-for-fun. The reality was more nuanced. Even before it hits stands, we’ve learned a lot in a process that, like so many queer issues, is complicated but in a good way from which we can learn and expand ourselves and each other.

PROJECT Q ATLANTA PATRICK SAUNDERS EDITOR PSAUNDERS@THEQATL.COM CONTRIBUTORS IAN ABER LAURA BACCUS GABRIELLE CLAIBORNE BUCK COOKE CHARLES E. DAVIS JON DEAN BILL DICKINSON JIM FARMER BRAD GIBSON JAMES L. HICKS BENTLEY HUDGINS TAMEEKA L. HUNTER HEATHER MALONEY ERIC PAULK KYLE ROSE JAMES PARKER SHEFFIELD VINCE SHIFFLETT ALEXANDRA TYLER VAVA VROOM RUSS YOUNGBLOOD NATIONAL ADVERTISING RIVENDELL MEDIA SALES@RIVENDELLMEDIA.COM 212-242-6863 LOCAL ADVERTISING SALES@THEQATL.COM 404-949-7071

MIKE FLEMING

Sexual, romantic and gender minorities being lumped together is great for intersectionality, less so for tracking individual tastes. Even the first question in our survey highlighted something we knew in principal but saw wide-eyed in execution: If you identify along the queer spectrum as trans, you might also identify as bi, lesbian or gay, or straight.

That made it a multiple-choice question from the jump, and it rendered multi-faceted responses thereafter. When all was said and done, and I had parsed the statistics as I’ve done with other LGBTQ surveys for some 25 years, I quickly discovered some shortcomings in our methodology.

EDITOR & PUBLISHER

So much so, I decided to make the 10 Queer Things feature on lesbian sex, including sex among transgender lesbians, using trusted sources. Next year’s Q survey will be different and better, and we still think there’s a lot of great information in the results on pages 18-19, and starting again on page 23.

Sex intersects with gender again for drag king Perka $exxx. The young trans man started performing in drag at Kennesaw State with the sole goal of playing it sexy. In this week’s Q&A, find out how since then, his performances have become as much about passion as they are about humor and representation.

Perhaps among queers most of all, our sex acts are also woven into political acts. Bentley Hudgins takes to our Q Voices page to talk about queer existence as queer resistance. The Q advice column takes on heated sexual discussion too, with how some Grindr guys still can’t figure out why every-

one keeps calling them racists.

All this talk about sex is making us thirsty, so we have a tour of the new Woofs in Q Bars, Q Shots event photos, The Queer Agenda calendar for this week, and a little palette cleanser of Q News from theQatl.com. You also get my weekly invitation to write me about all things Q at mike@theQatl.com. theQatl.com

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INSIDE THIS ISSUE

VOLUME 2 ISSUE 37 AUGUST 8, 2019

LADY LOVE

10 Things about lesbian sex

COVER

23 18

Sex Talk

Q Sex Survey results BARS

13 11

29 Sunday Funday

Sporty Spice

Tour the new home of Atlanta’s gay sports bar.

Q&A

14 FEATURES

Q Voices 8 News 12 The Queer Agenda 17 Q Shots 29 The Q 38 6

theQatl.com

Mr. Personality

30-33 Living Legends

Trans man and drag king Perka $exxx.

38 35 Suds & Studs

LIKE I WOULD EVEN CONSIDER

ANYWHERE ELSE? BITCH, PLEASE! —Emma Stern

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Q

VOICES

Therefore

know we’re still dealing with a humanitarian crisis at our

I AM

Southern border and in detention centers across the country.

Our country continues to find new ways to keep queer

people, people of color and immigrants in cages. If you look at the timeline of anti-black policy in the United States,

you will find that after Jim Crow laws were abolished, those states then passed new laws to criminalize black and brown bodies. The trend snowballed into the mass incarceration

Here’s why queer existence is automatically queer resistance

that plagues our communities today.

FATIGUE. EXHAUSTION. THE NEED FOR REST. SO

marriage and military service continue to be the focus of

many of us feel these deep in our bones. Especially for those who are queer people of color, the need for a moment of solace is stronger than any drink that can be poured.

We are the legacy of unapologetically queer community leaders, activists, families, performers and

We must recognize that the fight for racial and ethnic

equity has always been a part of queer liberation. While

keynote addresses to audiences of white gays with 401Ks,

our siblings continue to be evicted from their homes, fired from their jobs, and murdered on our streets.

I’ve been in this work for a few years now. There are many mornings that I wake up and strongly

so many more. There is an intergeneration-

consider packing up my car and driving to a

individual and collective existence itself is an

that lie waiting for me outside my door.

place where I don’t have to face the realities

al, intracommunity understanding that our act of rebellion.

Continually engaging with conservative

lawmakers who consider the “other side”

However, this fight isn’t new.

What continually surprises me is the pe-

rennial awakening of our white cisgender

counterparts that America is a hostile place

when calling a conference about prohibiting BENTLEY HUDGINS

of residence for people who don’t share their privileges.

Our country and state haven’t recently become broken. The

current administration running our country didn’t suddenly ruin the sanctity of American democracy.

The U.S. has been in the business of separating children from their parents and putting people in cages through

chattel slavery since white colonizers first stepped foot on First Nation land hundreds of years ago.

Our country and state aren’t broken – they’re functioning exactly how they were designed.

Asian-American immigrants weren’t even granted full naturalization rights until 1952, a full 100 years after the U.S.

recruited contract laborers from South China. Even though Congress may have formally written racial discrimination from immigration a naturalization law in 1965, all of us 8

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conversion therapy for minors in the State of

Georgia is another reminder that I cannot — no, we — cannot give up.

For some of us, this struggle is a matter of survival. For

others, it is an optional act of solidarity with those in their

community. The strength of our story as queer people is that we exist in every other community, whether they want to claim us or not.

Intersectionality of movements and identities is key in our progress forward, but those more privileged among us are privy to perpetuate oppressive structures that have been used to take away our power for centuries.

If we are to truly be liberated, we must do so together. Queer existence is resistance — may our rebellion be beautiful.

Queer activist Bentley Hudgins also performs as their drag alter-ego “SHI.” Reach them at howisshitho@gmail.com.

Photo: @MARKMORINii

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BARS Q

Tour de WOOFS Peek inside the new home of Atlanta’s gay sports bar

By Patrick Saunders WOOFS OWNERS, EMPLOYEES AND PATRONS ARE settling into the popular gay sports bar’s new digs a mile south of their former home.

The bar closed its old Piedmont Road location on June 23 and opened less than three weeks later at 494 Plasters Avenue, which is off Monroe Drive and not far from the retail and restaurant district Armour Yards.

TOP DOWN “The good thing has been that we’ve gotten a lot of positive feedback from the customers who’ve come in and said they like the space, they’ve enjoyed it,” said owner Gregory Hughes (right, with general manager Mike Langan).

FLAG CORP When you walk in the door, the bar stools and flags made it over from the old location, plus, TVs everywhere you look. “We have 12 more TVs than we did at the old place,” Hughes said.

MUG SHOT Customers can buy official Woofs mugs with their names engraved on them. The mugs will be there waiting for them at the bar, and they’ll get discounted beer.

FOOD UPGRADE Woofs staff hard at work in the kitchen, which is much larger than the old one.

“A lot of comments about our food being better,” Hughes said. “We got new equipment, but we also raised the quality of the equipment.”

SIGN OF THINGS TO COME A temporary sign is up for now, but Hughes said a permanent one is coming soon. And smokers, you now have an outdoor patio on which to light up.

REST EASY Yep, we went in the bathroom. It’s larger than the bathrooms at the old location. And Hughes said fewer men are using the women’s bathroom at the new place. theQatl.com

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Q

IN BRIEF

Police arrest second suspect in murder of gay Decatur man photos of three suspects on June 21. The

By Patrick Saunders

three are wanted for allegedly gunning

A SECOND SUSPECT IN THE JUNE

down Peters on June 4 as he walked to a

hate crime murder of Trey Peters has

MARTA station in Decatur.

been arrested and DeKalb police continue searching for a third person involved

Witnesses said two men drove up and

in the homicide.

demanded that Peters, 28, give up his

backpack. They yelled homophobic slurs

Shaleeya Moore of McDonough was

before shooting Peters twice and fleeing

arrested July 27 and charged with armed

in a maroon four-door truck. One witness

robbery and felony murder. She remains in the DeKalb County Jail. Clayton County

police arrested another suspect in the death

said there was “at least” a third suspect, who

Trey Peters

of Peters on unrelated charges in June. Joshua Ellis will face the

Clayton County charges first, according to Sgt. Jacque Spencer of the DeKalb County Police Department.

There is still one outstanding suspect. DeKalb police released

drove the vehicle. DeKalb police labeled it a

“hate-motivated” crime on the incident report.

Anyone with information about the crime should contact DeKalb police at 770-724-7850 or Crime Stoppers at 404-577-8477.

Atlanta hires first-ever chief health officer to battle HIV

By Patrick Saunders ATLANTA MAYOR KEISHA LANCE BOTTOMS HIRED a public health expert with local ties to bolster the city’s efforts at fighting an HIV epidemic. Dr. Angelica Geter Fugerson will serve as the city’s first-ever chief health officer.

“Dr. Fugerson is uniquely qualified to lead our city’s efforts on improving the overall health and well-being of Atlantans,” Bottoms said in a press release. “Her experience and expertise tackling public health issues — including in-depth research on HIV/AIDS — will be invaluable as we continue to build healthier, thriving communities in Atlanta.”

Fugerson was an adjunct professor of public health at Morehouse College and adjunct instructor at the Morehouse School of Medicine. She spent three years as a research fellow at the Centers for Disease Control & Prevention before leaving to take on this new role with the City of Atlanta. Her research has focused on HIV/AIDS, public health services and equity and health disparities in the South, according to the press release.

Fugerson got her masters in behavioral science and health education from Emory University and her doctorate in 12

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public health from the University of Kentucky.

One of Fugerson’s primary goals as chief health officer will be to build coalitions across the city to reduce new HIV transmissions and other chronic illnesses affecting the city, according to the press release. She will also Dr. Angelica Geter Fugerson advise the mayor and serve as a bridge between stakeholders including Fulton and DeKalb Counties, local hospitals and community health organizations.

The announcement meets a campaign pledge Bottoms made during the mayoral race. It also comes as the city endures a crisis in its federally-funded HIV housing program.

Bottoms included $100,000 in the 2018 city budget to fight HIV, and $250,000 in the 2019 city budget was matched by the Elton John AIDS Foundation.

Atlanta has the third-highest rate of new HIV infections of any city in the U.S., according to the CDC.

Q

Q&A

Class CLOWN King Perka $exxx emerges from Atlanta’s diverse drag king scene

By Patrick Saunders ART ITSELF INSPIRES THE CREATION OF NEW ARTISTS, and that’s what happened with Atlanta drag performer King Perka $exxx.

The queer Long Island, N.Y., native was moved to create his persona after seeing a drag show at Atlanta Pride in 2017. It took a little time performing before an epiphany made him realize who King Perka $exxx truly was.

And now he’s a regular on the drag scene, having booked performances at the East Point Possums show, Southern Fried Queer Pride and the Gender Blender party so far this summer.

King Perka $exxx chatted with Q about the Atlanta performers who made him fall in love with drag, honoring fallen transwomen of color and what he’s got up his sleeve next.

When did you first do drag and what made you want to do it?

I fell in love with drag during Atlanta Pride 2017. I saw a drag show during the day on one of the smaller stages and I was enchanted! I saw a bearded queen (Molly Rimswell), a black queen as Sailor Venus (Dotte Com), a performer doing a gender fuck number (Aries Alxndr), and my first AFAB queen (Paege Turner). I never saw drag like that before, and I wanted to create something that inspires others like that show inspired me.

My drag debut was on March 29, 2018 for the annual drag show that Kennesaw State University puts on. After gracing the stage, I realized I didn’t want to wait to perform again, so I decided to try and start doing drag in Atlanta. The first-ever Atlanta show I did was Hussy, a drag show hosted by Paege Turner, and after Hussy I just did whatever talent night or tip spot I could find.

14

be 100 percent sexy all the time. But after meeting and seeing other kings perform — like Hayden Fury, Mystery Meat and Viktor Grimm — I realized there is not one standard set way that kings are supposed to be. I can do drag any way and it will still be valid. I slowly saw Perka $exxx becoming just a nerd in a suit who wants to be the class clown of the drag scene, and honestly that’s more fitting to what I want to be remembered for.

What’s your opinion of Atlanta’s drag scene right now?

I think Atlanta’s drag scene is very diverse and filled with unique talents in every bar. I love knowing and seeing different types of drag celebrated whether you are a dancer, a concept performer or you just like being weird on stage.

But I am going to say what has been probably said by many before me — more kings in shows! The king scene in the past year has grown a lot and there are now a wide variety of kings that show just how much range and talent that the king community has. I especially want to see more POC kings in the spotlight and given spots in shows, so that maybe they will inspire other POCs to start drag and to remind other POCs that they are a part of the community just as much as anyone.

What’s your favorite performance you’ve done?

My favorite performance was my solo number for the 2019 Glitz finale. They said our solo number could be whatever we wanted it to be, and I wanted to do it about something that mattered since it was the night when the most people would be there.

I did a number for all the transwomen of color who were murdered this year so far. As a black transgender man, I felt like not using my platform to honor these women and to bring this issue to the eyes of that much of my community would be a missed opportunity I may never have again.

What’s next for you?

What inspired you to create your persona?

I currently am one of the hosts of Cabbage Patch, a family-friendly drag show at Georgia Beer Garden that takes place the last Sunday of every month. I also am looking into competing in some newcomer-level pageants, so that I may grow as a performer and make a name for myself in the scene. I also want to perform a lot more in new bars, new cities and even new states.

Baby Perka $exxx was admittedly a little lost on what a drag king was and thought being a drag king was always supposed to

Find Perka $exxx on Instagram @kingperkasex, and on Facebook @Perka777.

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Photo by Russ Youngblood theQatl.com

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Q

THE QUEER AGENDA The Best Queer Things To Do in Atlanta This Week

Thursday, August 8 – Wednesday, August 14 THURSDAY, AUG. 8

SUNDAY AUG. 11 Queer Day Hike

Join the Venture Out Project and Southern Fried Queer Pride @ Iron Hill Loop on Red Top Mountain, Cartersville, 4 p.m.

Holy Sh!t

Comedy night curated by Q’s own Ian Aber

theventureoutproject.com

@ Sister Louisa’s Church, 10 p.m. sisterlouisaschurch.com

FRIDAY, AUG. 9 Queer Climbing

Group night with equipment included in $13 day pass @ Stonewall Summit Atlanta, 7 p.m. theventureoutproject.com Halcyon

The venerable lesbian duo rocks a set @ Eddie’s Attic,

7 p.m. eddiesattic.com Garbage Pail Kids

Wussy yearbook

photo shoot is also a

fundraiser for a beloved

friend @ Mary’s, 10 p.m. wussymag.com

SATURDAY, AUG. 10

Armorettes Auditions

Try out to join the camp

drag troupe against HIV

@ Midtown Moon, 8 p.m.

armorettes.com

TUESDAY, AUG. 13 PALS Disco Drag Queen Bingo

Bubba calls the balls

with you in ’70s attire to benefit Pets Are Loving

Support @ Lips, 7:30 p.m. palsatlanta.org

Hotlanta Softball Season Closer

All those teams, all those beer busts and all that HSL softball ends for

the year @ Midtown Moon, 3 p.m. hotlantasoftball.org K!NG

Wussy hosts a stellar cast of local drag kings ft. guest star Andro Gin from Miami @ Star Bar,

10 p.m. wussymag.com Bearracuda

Leather, jocks and un-

dies serve as a theme for the traveling bear party @ Heretic, 10 p.m. hereticatlanta.com 17

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WEDNESDAY, AUG. 14 Steel Magnolias Wussy screens the classic film on the big screen so you cry in public @ Plaza Theatre, 7 p.m. plazaatlanta.com Find more queer things to do in the expanded weekend edition of the Queer Agenda at theQatl.com.

theQatl.com theQatl.com

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Q

10 QUEER THINGS Talk It Out

Lesbians who talk about sex regularly have an orgasm rate of 86%. Communication leads to better sex. Duh!

Female Ejaculation

Nearly half of lesbians have never squirted, a third have, about 10% aren’t sure, and of those that do 85% do it almost every time.

Beyond SC More Climaxes

10 things LGBTQ-identified women reveal about their sex lives

Female-identified queers orgasm during 75% of their experiences. Straight women only 62%.

Scissor Who?

Only about 40% of lesbian-identified women scissor as a regular part of sex.

Oral and hand touch are far more common, with toys in third.

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Porn

In alignment with women in general, a little less than a third of queer women prefer porn, and a little more than half can’t stand it. For those that do, the issue is finding some that’s not performative for a male audience.

Not That Sorry, guys. Dildos, vibrators and strapons aren’t penises. Bonus: Lesbians can buy them in exactly the right size for them.

Monogamy is Hot Some 66% of lesbianidentified females who orgasm at least once per sexual encounter are monogamous with one partner. Only half of nonmonogamous ones orgasm every time.

ISSORING How Many?

About a third of respondents have sex multiple times per week, and about a quarter enjoy a partner or partners multiple times per month. About 20% of female-identified queers who have sex with women have sex less than once a month. Feast or famine.

Self Love Nearly half of lesbians (44%) masturbate multiple times per week, but only 8% every day.

Make It Last A whopping 84% of lesbian sexual experiences last more than 30 minutes, a third of those over an hour, and most of them in every room of the house.

Sources: Kinsey Institute, Reddit, Autostraddle theQatl.com

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SEX SURVEY Q

Let’s talk about

SEX Q

’s 2019 Sex Survey got down and dirty with our readers, and the results are in. Here’s what hundreds of LGBTQ respondents had to say about doing it in the ATL. Just for fun, to spark some discussions, and to see if we could spot any trends, we posted an online sex survey for three weeks on our website at theQatl.com. The following pages feature the results.

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Q

SEX continued

2019

SEX Survey

61% Hookup Apps 44% Bars 43% Single 32% Dating Sites 26% Married 61% Hookup Apps 18% Coffee shops and Restaurants 16% Partnered 44% Bars 13% Gym 43% Single 43% Si 11% Boyfriend or Girlfriend 32% Dating Sites 14% Sex Clubs, Spas, Adult Shops 26% Married 26% M 2.6% Polyamorous 18% Coffee shops and Restaurants 7% Mutual Friends 16% Partnered 16% Pa 13% Gym 3% Gay Campgrounds 11% Boyfriend or Girlfriend 11% Bo 14% Sex Clubs, Spas, Adult Shops 2.6% Polyamorous 2.6% P 7% Mutual Friends 3% Gay Campgrounds

Boos, Baes and Beauxs

Meet & Greet Respondents chose one or more answers.

Here’s where we meet partners:

43% 26% 16% 11% 2.6%

Single Married Partnered Boyfriend or Girlfriend Polyamorous

Dabbling

55%

of LGBTQ Atlantans in our survey have or have had sex with the opposite sex.

43% Have not 2% Would rather forget, and one person is not sure 24

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61% Hookup Apps 44% Bars 32% Dating Sites 18% Coffee shops and Restaurants 13% Gym 14% Sex Clubs, Spas, Adult Shops 7% Mutual Friends 3% Gay Campgrounds

Oh hey:

This Is Me

65%

keep nude or erotic selfies, 40% share them with select others, 30% Don’t.

8%

of those responding have their nudes widely available on the internet.

Totes Vers About two-thirds of you are versatile when it comes sex roles. Vers Tops are pretty evenly matched with Vers Bottoms (27% to 24% respectively), and 24% of overall respondents label themselves as Totally Versatile.

ONE PERSON’S SOLILOQUY:

“Would rather bottom but I grudgingly top when requested because of the bottom to top ratio in this city.”

7″

The average penis size may be 5.1 inches,

but in Atlanta, queers with penises self-reported a 7-inch average. More than 84% said their own is 6-8 inches. 9.4% said 5″ or less, and 6.4% said 9″-11″.

DOES SIZE MATTER? To LGBTQ respondents who have sex with cis men, 38% said “Maybe.” 35% said “No.” 27% said “Yes.”

18% Bottom & Submissive

Atlanta’s famous “total bottoms”? Not as big a percentage as legend would have it, though only 11% call themselves “All Top.”

Woodsy Other than the bedroom, the most popular places to have sex were outdoors in parks, campgrounds and the woods with 27% of responses. Balconies and in front of windows came in second with 14%, public restrooms came in third with 13% each. Sex in the living room came in fourth.

Interesting one-off responses? College classrooms, office and “only in the corners of my mind.” theQatl.com

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Q

SEX continued

Pay to Play

60%

of respondents say that they have never paid or been paid for sex. 15% say once, another 15% say sometimes, and about 9% say that we all pay for it one way or another. Less than 2% say “all the time.”

Daily Grind Most of us reach down for alone time a few times a week: 43%. A quarter of LGBTQ respondents in Atlanta masturbate once a day, and about 14% more than once a day. The rest are equally divided between once a week and once a month.

Kink-o-Meter Underwear & lingerie were the top fetish with 40%, Leather came in second with 32%, and Younger or Older made 31%.

Notable Runners Up: BDSM, sports gear, rubber, armpits and feet. Those that included one or more of those among their interests covered about 60% of respondents.

Toy Soldiers

More than three-quarters (78%) of our survey say they use sex toys, with 51% reporting multiple options in their nightstand. 21% say they don’t own or use sex toys, and one person prefers to make their own.

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theQatl.com

Together We Can Atlanta is all about its groups and throuples. 82% have had sex with more than one partner at the same time. Of those, more than about half do so occasionally or all the time.

I Never: 18% have never had sex with more than one person at the same time.

55%

70%

HOMEWRECKERS

Three out of four queer Atlanta respondents have cheated or helped someone cheat on a relationship. Of those, 29% regret it, 31% would do it again under the same circumstances, and 9% cheat or help cheat regularly.

Some 55% of those surveyed have had sex with the opposite sex at least once in your lives. 43% played never-ever, and 2% aren’t sure (?!).

Safety First

47% of LGBTQ Atlanta respondents prefer condoms for STD prevention.

37% said PrEP or TasP. 3% report

using birth control devices for vaginal safety, and 8% limit themselves to non-insertive sex. 27% combine or alternate these methods.

NOTABLE: 45% say they bareback or use no protection regularly or sometimes. 2% cited monogamy as their only STD prevention. One person said they don’t get tattoos, nor do they have sex with people who have tattoos (yes, really).

47%

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HOTLANTA VOLLEYBALL BEER BUST AT TEN

Full gallery on Project Q at theQatl.com

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PHOTOS BY RUSS YOUNGBLOOD theQatl.com

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Q

Q SHOTS

LEGENDARY CHILDREN REUNION AT STAR BAR

Full gallery on Project Q at theQatl.com

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PHOTOS BY RUSS YOUNGBLOOD

LEGENDARY CHILDREN REUNION AT STAR BAR

Full gallery on Project Q at theQatl.com

Q SHOTS Q

PHOTOS BY RUSS YOUNGBLOOD theQatl.com

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Q

Q SHOTS

AGLCC AT URBAN FOODIE FEED STORE

Full gallery on Project Q at theQatl.com 34

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PHOTOS BY RUSS YOUNGBLOOD

Coming This Summer...

Q inform | inspire

When Queer Speak is Policed by ‘Woke’ Heterosexuals September 5, 2019

Fall Colors Aren’t Just for the Trees

GOP Renews Bathroom Crusade

GOP Renews Attack on LGBTQ Rights

Eye of Beholder: Kink vs. Ewww!

Eye of Beholder: Kink vs. Ewww!

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PHOTOS BY RUSS YOUNGBLOOD

Q

THEQ?!

Grindr

RACISTS

The problem with ‘preference’ when it comes to race

Q

I saw your recent column about someone using the N word, and while I agree with most of it, I was called a

racist on Grindr before the guy even knew anything about me!

His profile said he would not hook up with anyone who says they prefer

not to have sex with black men or effeminate men, and I didn’t even get a chance with him. I tried to

you exclusively prefer white guys is about exclusion. You’re telling black and brown ones “don’t even bother.” You are excluding them sight unseen.

You judge your attraction to white guys individually and include

or exclude them individually. You’re excluding an entire group of people collectively, saying they’re all unattractive to you because, well, they all look the same way.

If you’ve never been attracted to a black or brown guy, that

doesn’t make you racist. What makes you racist is when your lack of previous attraction guides your future interaction entirely based on race, that’s racist.

The best part of your letter is that you are disappointed that

the guy didn’t give you a chance without even seeing you.

Not only do you see how that feels, the difference it that

he did it based on your character and values, not your race.

Every person has physical “types,”

but writing off entire demo-

plead my case, but he called me the

R word. I don’t see the problem with

graphics is shortsight-

erences affect him or us having sex.

Knowing what you

ed, rude and bigoted.

having a preference, or how my pref-

prefer is one thing; judg-

Preferring tea over coffee is just prefer-

ing on one trait without

ring tea over coffee. Preferring one

seeing them is another.

race over the other is the same concept: Not racism, just a preference.

Of course, you miss out

on some potentially great

Forcing or shaming others, or

people by mass exclusion.

telling them who they should

A tip for your profile that’s

and shouldn’t be attracted to?

That’s facism.

I don’t appreciate being called a

racist when I have “a type” just like

so many other people when it comes to sex and relationships.

Dear Problematic: Preferring one race over another is, in fact, the literal definition of racism. It’s not coffee or tea. It’s not apples vs. oranges.

There is a line between preference and prejudice, and you’ve

crossed it by a mile. Beyond the literal definition of racism, saying 38

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about inclusion: Try praising

things you like instead of profiling

things you don’t. You don’t have to an-

nounce why you swipe left but promote why

you might swipe right.

Then again, if conscious bigotry is motivating you, keep your profile as is — so the rest of us can swipe left on you.

The Q is for entertainment purposes and not professional counseling.

Send your burning Qs to mike@theqatl.com.

ILLUSTRATION BY BRAD GIBSON