Q Magazine Atlanta | January 10, 2018

Q

January 10, 2019

2019 Pop Preview

inform | inspire

Insta-Lesbians

Closeted at 60 Marriage Matters

Being

HEDWIG

Native son Chad Darnell brings iconic show back where he belongs

Q Shots Queer Agenda Q News

The Weekly Print Publication of Project Q Atlanta

Body & Soul

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EDITOR’S NOTE Q Q MAGAZINE THE WEEKLY PUBLICATION OF PROJECT Q ATLANTA PUBLISHERS INITIAL MEDIA, LLC MIKE FLEMING PUBLISHER & EDITOR MIKE@THEQATL.COM MATT HENNIE PUBLISHER & BUSINESS DEVELOPMENT MATT@THEQATL.COM RICHARD CHERSKOV PUBLISHER & GENERAL MANAGER RICHARD@THEQATL.COM ADVERTISING SALES RUSS YOUNGBLOOD SENIOR SALES REPRESENTATIVE RUSS@THEQATL.COM

Home AGAIN

THE FRANTIC RUSH OF ANTICIPATION and celebration over the last month reminds me of a drain funnel. After running in large circles of unusual activities, people are slowly winding back down to queer Atlanta’s inner circle of reality and routine.

Whether the holidays were good or bad, January brings us home. And even if the date is arbitrary, the New Year brings an opportunity to take a breath and press the reset button with everything we’ve learned in tow.

Q Cover boy Chad Darnell can relate.

ART DIRECTOR JOHN NAIL JOHN@THEQATL.COM PROJECT Q ATLANTA PATRICK SAUNDERS EDITOR PSAUNDERS@THEQATL.COM CONTRIBUTORS IAN ABER LAURA BACCUS GABRIELLE CLAIBORNE BUCK COOKE CHARLES E. DAVIS JON DEAN BILL DICKINSON BRAD GIBSON JAMES L. HICKS TAMEEKA L. HUNTER HEATHER MALONEY ERIC PAULK KYLE ROSE JAMES PARKER SHEFFIELD VINCE SHIFFLETT ALEXANDRA TYLER VAVA VROOM NATIONAL ADVERTISING RIVENDELL MEDIA SALES@RIVENDELLMEDIA.COM 212-242-6863 LOCAL ADVERTISING SALES@THEQATL.COM 404-949-7071

MIKE FLEMING EDITOR & PUBLISHER

The actor, writer, casting agent and arts advocate is from Atlanta. He also called gay Midtown home in the ‘90s. Then life’s queer whirlwind spun him out to L.A., and he didn’t land back in Atlanta, via a stint in Savannah, until 2018. He’s back, and he’s got experience with both Hedwig and Hollywood that’s prime for this homecoming.

As Darnell prepares to take on the iconic queer role of Hedwig at Pinch ‘N’ Ouch Theatre this week, he talks to us about coming home — to Atlanta with a film industry, to a Midtown with highrises, and to an LGBTQ-ATL that has changed for better and worse.

If 2018 was more “better” than “worse” for you, time to clear your palate.

Queer things to look forward to in 2019 include a promising stock of LGBTQ entertainment in the Q Pop Preview of movies, TV, music and books from Rocketman to Wonder Woman and beyond.

Speaking of queer things, the weekly 10 Queer Things feature scrolls through 10 queer Atlanta women on Instagram that you should know.

And of course, the best queer things to do in Atlanta this week are always in our Queer Agenda calendar.

While Q is keeping things fresh in 2019, you can still find the best advice and insight into LGBTQ issues and relationships in the Q Voices opinion pieces and The Q advice column. You also know the best resource for local Q News of interest is here, and it’s updated daily on our Project Q Atlanta homesite, theQatl.com.

If you’ve been, or maybe just felt, far-flung these past few weeks, welcome home. theQatl.com

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INSIDE THIS ISSUE VOLUME 2 ISSUE 8 JANUARY 10, 2019

10 QUEER THINGS #follow4follow

COVER

17 10

Prodigal Queer Chad Darnell ‘home’ as Hedwig

NEWS

13

30 Cocktail Worship

Down South

Atlanta’s LGBTQ Institute releases landmark study ARTS

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Pop Culture

32 Ice Queen

Queer entertainment already heating up the year

FEATURES Q Voices

8

Q News

13

Q Shots

29

Queer Agenda The Q

19 38

38

35 Queerly Beloved theQatl.com

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Q

VOICES

Let’s

marriage is perfect. All relationships have their moments

TALK !

Gay Atlanta man dives into his marriage with open communication as Job One I AM A NEWLY MARRIED MAN. WE WERE CELEbrating Valentine’s Day at one of our favorite restaurants,

and I broached the subject. It was both nerve-wracking and exhilarating at the same time. My heart was beating faster, and my pits were dampening.

and pivots.

Talking is essential. Open, respectful communication is

vital, so I have some observations about the place of communication in a relationship — whether it is a budding,

maturing or relatively established relationship. I offer them as a reminder to myself as well:

Each person comes with their own stuff.

Listen without judgment. Don’t interrupt, and try to truly understand. Then “play back” what you’ve heard to demonstrate and make sure you’ve listened.

Show empathy.

Our “stuff ” carries all kinds of emotions with it. In a

relationship, we just need to know that someone shares our

joy, walks with us in pain, cries with us in hurt, and hopes with us in our potential.

Sitting before me was the love of my life.

Communicate about sex.

emotions?

and your boundaries. This is not the place to be

What you like, what you don’t, your fantasies

How could I not be feeling a whirlwind of

shy or timid. Be open and non-judgmental.

We had been living together for 3.5 years,

Say thank you, excuse me and I’m sorry.

and we had been “seeing” one another for

two more years before that. Marriage was the natural next step as I contemplated the gift of our relationship.

BIILL DICKINSON

We talked that night — many times with tears — over the possibilities and memories.

Never in my wildest dreams did I believe I’d marry. For

most of my life, I was a celibate priest. Marriage could not

times forget or think we don’t need to express common courtesies.

Be humble.

Positioning or overstating our person demonstrates insecurity and disrespect. We all have issues and limitations.

And, please, celebrate each other’s success.

be in the cards for me. But integrity, self-worth and my

Be grateful

North Star. So I came out, not just as a gay man but as a

grass is not always greener. An “ideal” person is not out

innate dignity should always come first — indeed, be my person who must be true to himself.

After experiencing a wonderful, inclusive community in

Who and what you have in your relationship is special. The there. Come to celebrate who you have, or be more open to the possibility of someone who, at first blush, isn’t your “type.”

Atlanta and a community of thoughtful, generous gay men

Please don’t take for granted your relationship. And if you

have done so with Cesar, who makes me whole, doesn’t take

open. Good friends are always a balm as well as a bounty.

in particular, we have settled into a life of abundance. And I my shit and makes me laugh as well as moan.

I’m lucky. I would even say I’m blessed. But no life or

8

In the daily life of loving someone, we some-

theQatl.com

are still looking for that relationship, be patient and be

Bill Dickinson is a local executive, LGBTQ mentor and coach, and writer in Atlanta. Read his full column at theQatl.com.

Q

Writers!

Photographers!

Q magazine and Project Q seek to expand our pool of contributors Reporting, commentary, event pics, portraits and photo essays. Help us express Atlanta’s diverse LGBTQ perspectives on a one-time or recurring basis.

Samples to mike@theQatl.com

Q

10 QUEER THINGS Maura Ryan @femme_fancy @homomaker

Femme Mafia @femmemafiaatl

I Will Follow 10 queer Atlanta women crushing it on Instagram

Andro Fashion Show @androfashionshow 10

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Candi LeCoueur @candi_lecoeur

Metropolitan Studios @metropolitan_studios_

Ga. State Rep. Park Cannon @parkcannon58 Toni Williams @_toni_tones @cultivatingcultures

Davey Swinton @dragkingdaveyswinton

Angie Baby @angiebaby_megasparkle

Dykes On Bikes @dykesonbikesatl theQatl.com

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NEWS Q

SOUTHERN CROSS LGBTQ Southerners bear disproportionate burden, says landmark study

By Patrick Saunders A NEW STUDY FROM AN ATLANTA-BASED CENTER shows that transgender people in the South reported nearly twice as much discrimination as lesbian, gay or bisexual people, and onethird of all LGBTQ Southerners face discrimination in healthcare.

Those are just two of many findings in the inaugural Southern Survey, which details the life experiences of LGBTQ Southerners. The LGBTQ Institute at the Center for Civil & Human Rights in Atlanta conducted the study.

Tracee McDaniel, an advisory board member at the LGBTQ Institute, said that the study was a group effort.

“This is a study of, by, and for southern LGBTQ people, with the support of many community and grassroots organizations and individuals,” McDaniel said in a written statement.

“The goal of this research is to amplify the voices of LGBTQ Southerners and highlight the issues affecting our lives, in order to create a more safe and welcoming South.”

The LGBTQ Institute, with research partner Georgia State University, worked with about 150 non-profit organizations across the South to gather responses from more than 6,500 people.

Researchers covered a broad range of topics in the report, including education and employment, health and wellness, criminal justice and safety, sexual and gender diversity, and discrimination.

Among the other key findings:

• Thirty-three percent of respondents reported being discriminated against because of their sexual orientation or gender identity when trying to access healthcare services, with nearly half choosing to avoid treatment altogether.

• Transgender people were twice as likely to be discriminated against by healthcare providers as cisgender people were.

• LGBTQ Southerners are politically active. Ninety-three percent of respondents were registered to vote. Ninety percent voted in the 2016 election. Nearly 60 percent identified as Democrat and over 80 percent identified as liberal or very liberal. Over 95 percent reported being dissatisfied with the Trump administration.

• The most common forms of discrimination for LGBTQ people in the South were being subjected to slurs and jokes, rejection by friends and family, places of worship and receiving poor service at places of business.

• Passing LGBTQ employment nondiscrimination laws was seen as the most important policy issue for LGBTQ southerners.

Ryan Roemerman, executive director of the LGBTQ Institute, said the study provides critical information to agencies and state and local governments.

“Our hope is that this research can serve as an important resource that can help LGBTQ people tell their stories, reframe narratives and dismantle discriminatory systems,” Roemerman wrote. “We also hope this data helps our partners on the ground as they develop their policy initiatives, fundraising campaigns and grassroots strategies.”

Find the latest local LGBTQ news every day at theQatl.com. theQatl.com

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Q

IN BRIEF

Anti-LGBTQ bill?

‘I’m a Republican, what do you think?’

the November election. Ehrhart succeeds her retiring husband, Earl Ehrhart, who was the longest-serving Republican in the House and its most outspoken anti-LGBTQ member.

A WEST COBB LAWMAKER WHO DEFEATED A PFLAG mom in her election to the Georgia House said she’s ready to push for “religious freedom” legislation once she takes office this month.

“I’m a Republican, what do you think?” Ginny Ehrhart told the Marietta Daily Journal when asked if she looked forward to voting for such legislation.

Ehrhart — who compared transgender people to moose during last year’s election for the House District 36 seat — said “religious freedom” legislation won’t discriminate against LGBTQ people.

“I don’t think it’s an issue of discrimination if you’re asking an individual to violate their religious beliefs,” she said. “I just think it’s apples and oranges, not the same thing. I’m not condoning discrimination. However, I feel it’s important that we protect those people and to not pressure, persecute or litigate them for expressing their freedom of religion.”

Ehrhart beat LGBTQ ally Jen Slipakoff by nearly 30 points in

Rep. Ginny Ehrhart

Ginny Ehrhart told the Marietta Daily Journal that while she shares many of the same views as her husband, her time in office will not be a continuation of his.

Earl Ehrhart was appointed to Gov.-elect Brian Kemp’s Inaugural Executive Committee, according to a Dec. 21 press release from Kemp’s office.

Kemp has vowed to sign a “religious freedom” bill into law that mirrors the federal version. But he might not get that chance, as House Speaker David Ralston said he has “serious concerns” about the legislation.

The legislative session begins Jan. 14.

Watch Atlanta LGBTQ history captured in rare video footage RARE FOOTAGE OF LGBTQ LIFE IN GEORGIA WAS documented on the “OutTV Atlanta” public access show at the turn of the millennium. Now it’s available for all to see online.

Georgia State University Library recently announced that the new addition to its Gender & Sexuality Collection contains 228 digitized tapes of raw footage from the show that have been uploaded to YouTube.

“OutTV Atlanta” producer Michael Maloney approached Ryan Roemerman, executive director of the LGBTQ Institute at the Center for Civil & Human Rights in Atlanta, about donating the collection. Roemerman then connected Maloney with Morna Gerrard, who manages Georgia State’s Gender & Sexuality Collection.

Roemerman said Maloney’s work carries “immense historic value.”

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YouthPride

sought to widen the focus on Georgia LGBTQ life beyond the nightlife scene.

“As the dawn of the new millennium approached, Mr. Maloney and his reporters were capturing events and preserving the moments that allow us to dig deeper into the cultural and emotional landscape for LGBTQ people at that time,” Roemerman said.

The collection includes coverage of multiple LGBTQ non-profits (including the now-defunct YouthPride, top photo), performances by the Atlanta Gay Men’s Chorus, the Queerstock music festival, author readings at the sinceclosed Outwrite Bookstore and coverage of the 2000 and 2001 Atlanta Pride festivals.

“OutTV Atlanta” ran weekly from 1999 to 2001 on stations in Atlanta and Savannah. With the show, Maloney

Project Q Atlanta reports the freshest local LGBTQ news in Atlanta every day at theQatl.com.

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COVER

Photo by Bubba Carr 16

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HED’S Up Prodigal queer returns to Atlanta with Hollywood and Hedwig in tow

By Mike Fleming

I

t’s had been nearly two decades since Chad Darnell lived in Midtown when his feet hit that hallowed soil to live and work again in 2018.

“I lived in Midtown all through the ‘90s, and after moving back last year and living across from the park, I finally feel home again,” Darnell tells Q. “I lived in Los Angeles for 16 years casting, and then moved back to Georgia to help grow the acting community in Savannah, since so many films were starting to film there.”

The actor-writer-director-casting agent-theater advocate kicks off the year as the face of one the most iconic queer shows of the last 20 years, Hedwig and the Angry Inch. The show trods the boards at Pinch ‘N’ Ouch Theatre Jan. 10 – Feb. 2.

His second time in a title role that might initially seem terminally unique, Darnell says that Hedwig is ultimately so endearing and enduring because she’s so relatable.

“I think everyone can relate to a great unrequited love,” he says.

“You have this pain and hurt that you think is going to kill you and you’d never admit it, but it makes you feel very alive.”

But the audience attachment goes even deeper with the show’s place in LGBTQ history. When its off-Broadway debut jolted queer culture back in 1998, there was very little LGBTQ visibility, even less-so for stories about our further fringes.

Since then, of course, local productions near and far, a movie, a Broadway revival and a touring production have cemented Hedwig, her band and her “angry inch” in queer hearts. Venues as small as bars and as large as concert halls have been her home.

After all those iterations, we’re thrilled to report that Darnell and PNO bring Hedwig back to her peroxide blonde theater roots.

“The venue is really small, so you will literally be seeing the whites of my eyes,” Darnell promises. “But that’s the way John Cameron Mitchell originally conceived the show. As an actor, it’s a massive challenge because there’s very little room, so every movement

becomes a statement. And if you don’t like lap dances, sit toward the back...”

So how does a gay man from Georgia tap his inner transgender East German rock star? It’s been a process since taking on the role in Savannah early last year.

“It honestly has taken me two years of really studying the character to ‘get’ it,’” the actor asserts. “This time around, I studied a lot of Amy Winehouse, Courtney Love, Shirley Manson and Billie Joe Armstrong. I’ve listened to every podcast, documentary and interview I could find, and I’m probably in the best shape of my life.

“You have to be physically strong for the stamina of 90 minutes, but you want to be lean because she’s a punk star. You have to be able pull off the drag part in six-inch heels — which is like a contact sport — dancing, the German accent, pages and pages of dialogue, two different characters (spoiler alert) and convince people that musically you are an international punk star.

“And that’s all before you get to the actual acting part of the job!”

So let’s see… iconic character, rockin’ show, perfectly prepped professionals and a native son. If that’s not enough to get your butt into a seat, how about the support of queer creatives in Atlanta? Darnell would love to see the LGBTQ-ATL appreciate each other more.

“Support local theater and local artists! Support local publications and the businesses that advertise with them! I can’t say it enough… oh , and get off your phone.”

As for Darnell, keep your eyes peeled.

“I’m really excited about my screenplay Darlene going into production in the spring with Mary Lambert (Pet Sematary) directing,” he says. “The cast is going to be incredible. And I’m hoping this is finally the year I find the investors to get Joey Stefano made.

Most films take 10 years to get made, and this is Joey’s tenth.

“I want to do more theater in Atlanta,” he promises. “I’d love to direct another all-star staged reading like we did with The Laramie Project with Out on Film. That was an incredible night. Stephen Moyer, who was narrating, didn’t finish saying ‘The End’ before the entire audience was on its feet applauding.”

Hedwig and the Angry Inch stages at Pinch ‘N’ Ouch Theatre through Feb. 2, with talk already of a possible extension. Visit pnotheatre.org. theQatl.com

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Fresh content served daily

Q

THE QUEER AGENDA

Glamorous

The Best Queer Things To Do in Atlanta This Week

DJ Aron returns to Atlanta with his brand

January 10 — January 16

of international sexy @ Heretic, 10 p.m.

THURSDAY, JAN. 10

hereticatlanta.com. Ana Paula backs it up

Cinequeer Movie Night

with a Xion all-nighter @ BJ Roosters,

Cheryl Dunye’s groundbreaking 1996

3 a.m. facebook.com/xionatlanta

mockumentary-style The Watermelon

Woman explores black LGBTQ culture

@ Charis Books & More, 7 p.m.

charisbooksandmore.com

SUNDAY, JAN. 13 SFQP Planning Meeting

Get in on the ground floor of the annual Southern Fried Queer Pride

festival during the first planning meeting of the year @ Honey Bubble,

Hedwig and the Angry Inch

4 p.m. southernfriedqueerpride.com

The classic tale of a down-on-her-luck but resilient transgender rock singer

WEDNESDAY, JAN. 16

debuts @ Pinch ‘N’ Ouch Theatre, 8

Labyrinth

p.m. Runs through Feb. 2. Read the Q

Wussy screens the classic, campy

preview in this issue. pnotheatre.org

Muppet tale of a singing rock

wizard obsessed with a teenager and a baby. Two screenings

@ Plaza Theatre, 7:30 p.m. and 10:30 p.m. wussymag.com Gender Blender

Glitz beats, chops, minces, liq-

uefies and whips up “everyone’s

favorite little construct in your

Aunt Ester’s favorite kitchen appli-

ance” with special guest stars including Cola

Fizz (photo by James L. Hicks) @ Mary’s, 10 p.m. marysatlanta.com

FRIDAY, JAN. 11 MAAP Mix & Mingle

Networking with the LGBTQ professionals of Metro Atlanta Area Professionals @ Ten, 6 p.m. maapatl.org Last Men Standing

Out on Film, Living Room and Out

Front partner to screen the highly lauded documentary about eight Bay Area men

who had the remarkable luck of surviving

AIDS, and the brutal misfortune to live on

@ Out Front Theatre, 6 p.m. outfronttheatre.com

SATURDAY, JAN. 12 Della’s Diner

For one night only, a “Who’s Who” of Della’s Diner alumni perform a special live concert version of At-

lanta’s longest running musical @ Out Front Theatre Company, 8 p.m. outfronttheatre.com

Will & Grace Trivia Night

For fans, the only thing better than watching the show with fellow queens is playing games about it @ Guac y Margys, 7 p.m. guacymargys.com

SATURDAY, JAN. 12 Ho Sho 5.5

Don’t even ask how the Armorettes

came up with that half, just enjoy the “Stripped” theme of this month’s

backroom burlesque @ Heretic, 7 p.m. hereticatlanta.com

Find even more

LGBTQ events in

the Queer Agenda each

Thursday at theQatl.com. theQatl.com

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Q

ARTS PREVIEW

By Buck C. Cooke

T

hings to look forward to in the New Year can sometimes feel like a mystery. Luckily, there’s already plenty of queer and queercreated movies, television, music and books in the works for 2019.

Here’s Q’s list of some of the most noteworthy items for your Queer Agenda in 2019:

MOVIES If you felt like Bohemian Rhapsody was too straight and safe, then get ready for Rocketman in May. The Elton John biopic stars hunky Taron Egerton (“Kingsman”), who transforms himself into John’s likeness and does his own vocals and sex scenes for the film.

What If It’s Us is a romantic comedy based on the book of the same name

by Becky Albertalli and Adam Silvera. Albertalli is from Sandy Springs and wrote Simon vs. the Homo Sapiens Agenda, which became Love, Simon, and Silvera wrote They Both Die at the End. When it bows in October, this as-yet-uncasted new boy-meets boy film set in New York will hopefully capture audiences in the same way Simon did.

Just in time for the holidays at the end of the year when you’ve had time to get past the most recent ones, look for romantic comedy Happiest Season.

Kristen Stewart plays a woman looking for the perfect way to propose to her girlfriend during a Christmas party.

While some outlets have reported Call Me By Your Name 2 for 2019, chances look more likely for a 2020 release.  22

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Taron Egerton in Rocketman

Q ueering

2019

The entertainment world has plans for your year in pop culture

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Q

ARTS PREVIEW, Continued

Schitt’s Creek

Batwoman

TV Next week, our favorite gay couple on the small screen and the rest of the Rose clan return in season five of PopTV’s Schitt’s Creek. If you haven’t already, get caught up on previous seasons on Netflix, because David and Patrick and the rest of this quirky cast of characters make up one of television’s best sitcoms.

Lesbian hero Batwoman was introduced during the CW’s Arrowverse crossover in December, and fan reaction to genderqueer actor Ruby Rose’s portrayal was so enthusiastic that plans are in the works to spin off the character into her own series.

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Q

ARTS PREVIEW, Continued

Bob Mould

MUSIC Later this month, Aussie indie pop group Cub Sport releases a selftitled album, their third. Three of the four members are LGBTQ. They played Atlanta twice last year, so here’s hoping they return on tour behind the new recordings.

In February, former Husker Du member and out rocker Bob Mould releases Sunshine Rock, an upbeat collection of new music inspired by his personal life and experiences.

Cub Sport 26

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Charting music releases is often like reading tea leaves, so if you believe the hints and promises on social media, new albums this year are likely to include work by Frank Ocean, Carly Rae Jepsen, Dua Lipa, Madonna, Lady Gaga, Rihanna, Lana Del Ray, Ariana Grande, Janet Jackson, Miley Cyrus, Adele and Sophie Ellis Bextor, to name but a few.

BOOKS Michael Downing kicks off the literary queer year with Still in Love: A Novel.

Catch up 20 years later with Mark Sternum, the lead character from Downing’s previous novel, Perfect Agreement. The author describes it as both stand-alone novel and a complement to the first.

Later this month, Sabrina Khan releases The Love and Lies of Rukhsana Ali. The novel explores the titular character’s closeted life in her Muslim parents’ home and her desire to be who she truly is when she begins college.

When Ali is discovered kissing her girlfriend, all of her plans could be in jeopardy.

If My Body Could Speak is a collection of poetry by Blythe Baird and will be released in February. Only 22, Baird is known for her visceral takes on body image issues, sexuality, growing up as a girl and feminism.

Christopher Castellani’s Leading Men: A Novel also arrives in February. It imagines the life shared by Tennessee Williams and his longtime lover Frank Merlo. Queer legend Truman Capote and Swedish actress Anja Bloom also figure into the historical fiction of romance and loss.

In March, Jacob Tobia releases Sissy: A Comingof-Gender Story. The memoir chronicles their journey from being labeled male and growing up in North Carolina to finally coming to terms with their true identity as non-binary and queer.

Wonder Woman

by Phil Jimenez Omnibus

Like many queers, Phil Jimemez grew up dreaming about Wonder Woman in comic books. As an adult, the heralded illustrator actually got to draw it himself. DC Comics publishes Wonder Woman by Phil Jimenez Omnibus next month. The oversized hardcover collection weighs in at 1.25 pounds, spans more than 850 pages and contains his entire run on Wonder Woman, several limited series and variant covers drawn by Jimenez as bonus material. theQatl.com

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Save the Date

NAUGHTY NEW YEAR AT TEN

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8TH ANNIVERSARY AT SISTER LOUISA’S CHURCH

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PHOTOS BY RUSS YOUNGBLOOD

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BIGGER, LONGER UNCUT AT ATLANTA EAGLE

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QUEERLY BELOVED AT MY SISTER’S ROOM

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JINGLE BALL AT HERETIC

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NEW YEAR’S EVE AT MIDTOWN MOON

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Q

THEQ?!

Authentic

SELVES

When to stop being yourself and when to embrace it with your whole heart

Q

I’m 60, gay and still in the closet. I know I should have come out in my 20s, but I was busy. At first, I was scared of repercussions, then scared of AIDS, then I was scared of the negative affect on my flower business. Ultimately, I was scared of being ridiculed for not facing the music earlier.

But as life slows down a bit, I’m lonely. I’ve been single all my life, and I don’t know what my “final chapter” holds. Now what?

cant other is very honest and out there with his personal opinions and daily activities — too honest if you ask me. Who’s right?

Dear Late Bloomer:

Dear Museum Quality:

Unless you’ve been living the double-blind double life of a double agent — in which case, you should totally write a screenplay as your “Act 3” — most of the people in your life have figured out by now. Hello: You’re a single florist who never married. Even without the stereotypes, people aren’t usually so self-absorbed that your orientation never crossed their mind.

Some hundred years before social media, queer legend Oscar Wilde may have answered your question best: “Man is least himself when he talks in his own person. Give him a mask, and he will tell you the truth.”

Don’t beat yourself up. Nobody realizes how fast life happens except in hindsight and rare moments of clarity.

There are things that people are willing to reveal only when they are able to remain anonymous. Folks like you don’t want the burden of having your ideas attributed to your social identity, and you put value in what others may be assigning to your perceived public reputation. Chances are that you might only reveal the nitty gritty when your identity is obscured and what you say won’t go down on your permanent record.

A few things come to mind that might help you move into your next phase.

The closet isn’t locked. Just open the door and check out a different world. Most of your fears about coming out center around what other people think. Let it go. You know the old saying: Those that matter don’t mind, and those that mind don’t matter. It’s a mistake to let the beliefs of others worry you. Leave that to them. Besides, you don’t owe anyone an explanation, but you do owe yourself an authentic life.

There is no “should.” There is not a wrong or right way to do anything, and that goes certainly for things that are solely and exclusively yours to do. People come out “early,” “late” and “in between.”

The only ones I’ve known to regret it are the ones who do it “never.”

You’ve got years of life experience to back you up, ever-advancing queer rights and acceptance on your side, and several social and support groups specifically for LGBTQ folks of a certain age.

Q 38

How true does my online persona have to be? I like to keep it really curated with a limited scope, but my signifi-

theQatl.com

Quippy and in Wilde’s particular way of making you say “That’s true. Wait, is that true?” the saying gets to the heart of your question, and the answer is that both you and your boo are right — for yourselves.

For your significant other, putting it all out there is just who they are. Maybe they are building a reputation in their own mind as well (they are), or maybe they just don’t care what others have to say.

Any conflict about philosophies can be addressed with some simple communication.

You can’t tell another person how to handle their online persona, but assuming your significant other sometimes includes you in their posts, you can ask for some ground rules about what can and can’t be shared about you.

The Q is for entertainment purposes and not professional counseling.

Send your burning Qs to mike@theqatl.com.

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