Q
Mean Girls & PETTY QUEENS
inform | inspire
December 21, 2017
10 Ghosts of
QUEER-MAS PAST Hate vs. Humor with
JUDY GOLD
Silent NIGHT
+
Un-Christmassy Monday Options for Anything But
SCOTUS to Jameka Evans:
JUSTICE DENIED
Q News The Queer Agenda Q Shots The Q
EDITOR’S NOTE Q PUBLISHERS INITIAL MEDIA, LLC MIKE FLEMING PUBLISHER & EDITOR MIKE@QMAGATLANTA.COM MATT HENNIE PUBLISHER & BUSINESS DEVELOPMENT MATT@QMAGATLANTA.COM RICHARD CHERSKOV PUBLISHER & GENERAL MANAGER RICHARD@QMAGATLANTA.COM
Very Merry
Un-Christmas It’s almost time to say ‘As you were’ to all the holiday queers in Atlanta’s LGBTQ village, and you can start on the Big Day itself. By Mike Fleming Editor & Publisher
ADVERTISING SALES RUSS YOUNGBLOOD SENIOR SALES REPRESENTATIVE RUSS@QMAGATLANTA.COM
LOVE SEEING IT COME or love to see it go, Christmas hits on Monday, and even as we rally our coziest warm wishes and last bits of festive cheer for the day, we at Q are already starting to think about what happens next.
GRAPHIC DESIGN JOHN NAIL JOHN@QMAGATLANTA.COM
Not that I’m not sitting in my feelings about it with plans to see family and gorge on sugar this week, mind you. I commandeer a holiday takeover of our Voices page to give the holidays one last push that I hope you like.
CONTRIBUTORS IAN ABER LAURA BACCUS BUCK C. COOKE BRAD GIBSON SUNNI JOHNSON JAMES HICKS HEATHER MALONEY JAMES SHEFFIELD BO SHELL DUSTIN SCHRADER
DISCLAMER The opinions, beliefs and viewpoints expressed by the various authors do not necessarily reflect opinions, beliefs or official policies of Q Magazine or its publisher Initial Media, except where individual publishers’ names specifically appear. Appearance of photos, credits, or names in this publication neither implies or explicitly states the sexual orientation or gender identity of its subject. Q Magazine and the author of each article published on this web site owns his or her own words, except where explicitly credited otherwise. Articles herein may not be freely redistributed unless all of the following conditions are met. 1. The re-distributor is a non-commercial entity. 2. The redistributed article is not be sold for a profit, or included in any media or publication sold for a profit, without the express written consent of the author and this publication. 3. The article runs in full and unabridged. 4. The article runs prominently crediting both the author’s name and “courtesy Q Magazine.”
After that, this issue of Q starts waving goodbye to the whole thing, starting with Monday itself. Our main feature offers suggestions on what to do in Atlanta on Christmas Day if you can’t, don’t, or won’t celebrate the holiday. In it, find suggestions with gorgeous photography on page after page to inspire your own very merry Un-Christmas. Look for outings both active like hiking area national parks, and laid back like queer movies and restaurants open and serving. We also look at venues and options that you didn’t even think would be open or happening that day. Speaking of Monday, you know Judy Gold is not celebrating Christmas. The lesbian writer and comic famous for 25 Questions for a Jewish Mother hits town Monday with her latest one-woman show, and we have the interview to set you up perfectly for the performance. We also set you up for 2018. Queer quotes are the topic of 10 Things this week to put the next year of LGBTQ advancement into the perspective of history. And we’re going to need every bit of help we can get. Atlantan Jameka Evans just found out that the Supreme Court won’t hear her discrimination case over being fired for being gay, and we have the rundown and reactions in Q News. As always, Life Judge closes the magazine with words for the forlorn in The Q advice column. Fair warning: this one’s a doozy. Spoiler alert: Mean Girls, petty queens, frenemies and “little body Nazis,” oh my! Reach publisher and editor Mike Fleming at mike@qmagatlanta.com.
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INSIDE THIS ISSUE
18
VOLUME 1 ISSUE 6 DECEMBER 21, 2017
10 QUEER THINGS
Historical quotes propel you into 2018
COVER STORY
8
Ain’t No Silent Night VOICES
Misfit Toys
13 6
31 Hey Santa
Have yourself one last Christmas cry
PEOPLE
Jewish Mother
14
Queer comic Judy Gold laughs off Monday night
33 Candy Coated
FEATURES
4
Q News
10
In Brief
12
Q Shots
31
The Q
38
38
35 Fantasy Girls
Q
VOICES
Holiday
Magic
WHEN I WAS LITTLE, I LOVED CHRISTMAS. NO matter what my family’s financial situation, there were always presents under the tree, a huge meal and, well, magic in the air. The Paperclips are the inter-connection of all of us. We Shut up; it’s true. I’m pretty snarky about sentimental- shift independently, but we’re never far from each other. ity these days, but I was once a wide-eyed boy in wonder The Heart reminds us of the love and joy we have at the world, fully absorbed in seasonal spirit. around us all year, even if we have to look harder someAs the years went by, my disenchanged expectations of times to see it. “The Most Wonderful Time of the Year” were dashed as The Gumball helps us remember to keep our lives well I realized it took adult work to create childhood magic. rounded, as we each define that. I began to see the season as all about spending money, The Tape shows how we can help each other hold it then feeling inadequate if you can’t make someone cry by together when trouble hits from the outside world and springing diamonds on them. our inner demons. Bah-humbug. The Coin reminds us that, in a world I won’t be home for Christmas this where money seems to buy everything, year for the first time in a long time. No it can’t buy friends, families of origin drama; it just worked out that way. At and choice, or the community we’re so first, I was relieved. Then I realized I’m fortunate to have. going to miss the obligations I usually There’s a little money in the bank dread: Travel plans, shopping, crowds these days, but I was emotionally and family. It forced me to reevaluate bankrupt until I remembered my gift of what it’s really all about. Christmas Past. Back then, it made my Recently my channel surfing happened mom cry. She still pulls out the whole MIKE FLEMING upon “Rudolf the Red Nosed Reindeer,” package every year — decaying gumball EDITOR & PUBLISHER the claymation classic about a gay elf and all — puts it under the tree and with fabulous hair who ventures off with reads the card out loud on Christmas a flying dog and a lumbersexual to find their misfit paraDay so she can cry all over again. dise ruled by a gruff white-haired bear daddy with a heart I’m re-gifting it to you, my people on the Island of of gold. What’s not to love? Misfit Toys. Hopefully it can help make your Yuletide In the end, everybody finds home and the True gay. No matter how you do the holidays, including not at Meaning of Christmas. Thanks, I needed that. I will be all, let’s say yes to our better, spiritual, giving and grateful home for Christmas, if only in my dreams. sides all year. I need to rally, much like a Christmas 20 years ago. I The above was originally written in 2005, but it rings eswas broke and depressed about how my budget would pecially deep for me this year. Unlike her raging, brutal, heroic, affect my ability to give as much as I received. years-long battle against cancer, my mom died quietly one I cut out a construction paper heart, found a gumball, afternoon in early July. In a box of stuff she had set aside for my strung together some paperclips, balled up a long piece of brother and I to receive, I found the Christmas canister, and it Scotch tape and dug up a penny from the recesses of a drawat last made me cry the way it did her all those years ago. er. All of it went into a used red box that I wrapped with a stray piece of ribbon. Mike Fleming is a sap, and don’t let any refutations to the In a card to my family, I explained each particular item: contrary tell you otherwise. mike@qmagatlanta.com
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Q
10 QUEER THINGS “I am a rare species, not a stereotype.”
— Ivan E. Coyote “The struggle isn’t just about being straight or gay or transgender. It’s a human struggle. That’s always really been my kind of starting point: If you’re out there and you’re odd, come over to my house.”
— Boy George
Queer Quotes
to INSPIRE
YOUR LIFE
Words of wisdom from queer Ghosts of Christmases Past place us in context of our history and urge us forward to forge the next chapter. “It takes no compromise to give people their rights...it takes no money to respect the individual. It takes no political deal to give people freedom. It takes no survey to remove repression.” — Harvey Milk
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“The barometer for judging the character of people, in regard to human rights, is now those who consider themselves gay, homosexual, lesbian. The judgment as to whether you can trust the future, the social advancement – depending on the people – will be judged on where they come out on that question.” — Bayard Rustin
“I was on the cover of Time in June, and that same month, four trans women of color were murdered in the United States. Just because I got an Emmy nomination doesn’t mean the lives of trans people aren’t in peril every day.”
“The important thing is not the object of love, but the emotion itself.” — Gore Vidal
— Laverne Cox
“There is much similarity among the challenges of transgender people and all women – from health care to harassment to discrimination in the workplace. The movements should be equally aligned.”
— Gloria Steinem
“What is straight? A line can be straight, or a street, but the human heart, oh, no, it’s curved like a road through mountains.” — Gay playwright Tennessee Williams, A Streetcar Named Desire
“They were regular in being gay, they learned little things that are things in being gay, they learned many little things that are things in being gay, they were gay every day, they were regular, they were gay, they were gay the same length of time every day, they were gay, they were quite regularly gay.”
“The only queer people are those who don’t love anybody.”
— Rita Mae Brown
— Gertrude Stein, Miss Furr and Miss Skeene, credited for coining “gay” for “homosexual” 9
Q
Q NEWS
Justice
U.S. Supreme Court rejects case of Atlanta woman fired for being a lesbian, ending her four-year fight against workplace discrimination
DENIED By Matt Hennie
Jameka Evans took her fight against being harassed and fired from her job for being a lesbian to court in 2015. She hoped that one day her battle against workplace discrimination would end at the U.S. Supreme Court. On Dec. 11, it did. But unfortunately for the Atlanta woman, the court rejected the case and refused to hear her appeal – shutting the door to Evans’ quest for justice. “The public is on the right side of history; it’s unfortunate that the Supreme Court has refused to join us today, but we will continue to invite them to do the right thing and end this hurtful balkanization of the right of LGBT people to be out at work,” Greg Nevins, the Employment Fairness Project Director for Lambda Legal in Atlanta, said. Lambda Legal represented Evans and appealed her case to the high court in September. “By declining to hear this case, the Supreme Court is delaying the inevitable and leaving a split in the circuits that will cause confusion across the country,” Nevins said. But Lambda will continue its fight for workplace equality, Nevins added. “This was not a “no” but a “not yet,” and rest assured that Lambda Legal will continue the fight, circuit by circuit as necessary, to establish that the Civil Rights Act prohibits sexual orientation discrimination. The vast majority of Americans believe that LGBT people should be treated equally in the workplace,” he said.
Jameka Evans 10
Evans was fired from her job as a security guard at Georgia Regional Hospital in Savannah in 2013 and sued in 2015. Attorneys for Evans argued that the hospital violated Title VII of the Civil Rights
Act of 1964 by discriminating against her on the basis of her sexual orientation and her nonconformity with gender norms and appearances. “During my term of employment, I endured harassment and denial of equal pay and retaliation simply because of my sexual orientation and lifestyle. There is where my fight began and hopefully it will end at the Supreme Court,” Evans said during a press conference earlier this year in Atlanta, where she has since moved. In September 2015, a federal judge ruled that sexual orientation was not a protected class under Title VII and dismissed the lawsuit without holding a hearing. In December 2016, Lambda Legal argued that the case should proceed during a hearing before a three-judge panel of the Atlanta-based 11th Circuit U.S. Court of Appeals. In that hearing, Nevins argued with Judge William Pryor, who tried to draw a distinction between discrimination based on gender nonconformity and sexual orientation. Pryor pointed to federal court decisions that ruled Title VII doesn’t include discrimination based on sexual orientation. “My concern about it is ... sexual orientation is treated separately and is not actionable,” Pryor told Nevins. “This seems to be consistent with how every other circuit has addressed this.” Pryor then hinted that Evans could have a claim of discrimination based on gender nonconformity. He also said that the appeals court is bound by a “strong prior precedent rule” and questioned Nevins on whether the Evans’ case offered enough to provide a “clean and unequivocal” reason to go against prior court decisions and rule that Title VII protects against discrimination based on sexual orientation. In March, the court ruled 2 to 1 against Evans. “Because a claim of gender nonconformity is a behavior-based claim, not a status-based claim, a plaintiff still ‘must show that the employer actually relied on her gender tin making its decision,’” Pryor in the court’s decision. Pryor was joined in the ruling by Judge Jose Martinez. Judge Robin Rosenbaum dissented, arguing that the discrimination Evans faced is banned under federal law. “I argue that discrimination against a lesbian because she fails to comport with the employer’s view of what a woman should be violates Title VII’s ban on discrimination ‘because of . . . sex,’ and I support this argument with the text of Title VII, Supreme Court precedent, and this Court’s opinion in Glenn. I also note that logic is on my side. Of course, the concurrence is free to ignore my analysis rather than respond to it, but that doesn’t make it go away,” Rosenbaum wrote.
Photos by Matt Hennie
Lambda Legal’s Greg Nevins
In July, the court refused to rehear the case, which prompted the appeal to the U.S. Supreme Court. In September, Nevins said the case would allow the Supreme Court to settle a “stark split” between judicial circuits on the issue of whether federal law protects LGBT from employment discrimination. In April, the full Seventh Circuit ruled that workplace discrimination based on sexual orientation violates federal civil rights law. That decision came in Lambda’s case representing Kimberly Hively, an instructor at Ivy Tech Community College who was fired for being a lesbian. In June, the Second Circuit agreed to rehear Zarda v. Altitude Express, which is the case of a New York skydiving instructor who was fired from his job because he was gay. Yet in Evans’ case, the 11th Circuit disagreed. “This term will not see the Supreme Court provide a national remedy to stop the pervasive discrimination against LGBT people in the workplace,” Nevins said. Simone Bell, Lambda Legal’s Southern Regional Director, has said the core of the case is about LGBT people being able to work without facing discrimination. “We are asking that all LGBT people are free from employment discrimination based solely on their sexual orientation. At the end of the day, these cases are fundamentally about the right to workplace protections, against discrimination for lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender people to make a living, to put a roof over our heads and to take care of our families,” Bell said. 11
Q
Q NEWS
Trans Tech student named Rhodes Scholar An LGBTQ campus leader at Georgia Tech who is passionate about social justice is one of Georgia’s newest Rhodes scholars. Calvin Runnels, 20, was among students receiving the honor at a November ceremony and sharing his reactions with the Atlanta Journal Constitution.
Courtesy Atlanta History Center via Georgia Voice
Jungle donates
BACKSTREET DISCO BALL to History Center
A MIRRORED BALL THAT’S HUNG DIRECTLY OVER 40 YEARS of local gay nightlife found a permanent residence, according to Georgia Voice. Days after Jungle Atlanta closed its doors for the last time, Atlanta History Center took possession of a piece of local queer history, a disco ball that originally sparkled on the dance floor of the legendary Backstreet club. Atlanta History Center Director of Exhibitions Don Rooney told Georgia Voice that Backstreet’s legend as an LGBTQ gathering place, as well as the club’s role in making Atlanta the gay mecca of the South made acquiring it a no-brainer for the History Center’s permanent collection. He told Georgia Voice that the ball is ‘a most signature artifact.”
“I was speechless,” said Runnels, a biochemistry junior at Tech, who went on to tell the paper that he plans to use his scholarship to help others and wants to find ways to increase diversity in science
Runnels wants to find ways to increase diversity in science When Runnels attends Oxford University in England as part of the scholarship this fall, he brings a 4.0 grade point average and his experience as co-chair of Georgia Tech’s LGBTQQIAA Action Team after the fatal police shooting in September of student Scout Schultz, who was president of Georgia Tech’s Pride Alliance. The team’s recommendations included health care insurance coverage for transition-related medical expenses for transgender students and hiring counseling staff specifically trained in LGBTQIA-related areas. “It’s one of the most important things I’ve done,” Runnels, who knew Schultz, told the AJC.
Rooney also related in the newspaper that moving the ball made a scene on route from Midtown to Buckhead. “We carefully lifted the ball with a scissor lift, and hoisted guide ropes over the ceiling joists at the Jungle. Then we lowered the ball onto a wheeled dolly and rolled it out of the Jungle and onto our truck,” he said. “As we drove down Cheshire Bridge, Lindbergh and Peachtree, we elicited many turned heads and a shout from somewhere: ‘Disco ball!’” History Center officials have not yet decided when or how to display the ball. The center stores and maintains many artifacts of LGBTQ Atlanta history. 12
Calvin Runnels
Via AJC
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Q Every Wednesday.
Find us on iTunes, Google Play and wherever you listen to your favorite podcasts. theQatl.com
Q
PEOPLE
HUMOR
Hate
Over
Veteran comedian Judy Gold hits Atlanta on Monday night with love in her heart and ‘fuck’ on her lips
J
By Dustin Shrader udy Gold is as real as it gets. The over the top, loud, loveable, lesbian, Jewish comedian does everything like a boss. From her endearing love for the word “fuck” to her outspoken voice, Gold has been on fire yet again in 2017 with no signs of slowing down.
In anticipation of her December 25 show at City Winery, Gold chats with Q to spill all the tea on her wild career, the “fucking loser” sitting in the Oval Office, the #MeToo movement, and her holiday plans. Brace yourselves, Atlanta, for the one and only Judy Gold. You have had quite the career. What would you say has been the highest point thus far? Fuck, I don’t even think I could pick just one moment, year, project, whatever. They have all been my highest points, you know? Let’s see, all of my specials on HBO, Comedy Central I absolutely loved. One time I was working with Margaret Cho, and on set they had a director’s chair for me with my fucking name on it! I thought, “I fucking made it!” And of course you can’t forget about The Judy Show—My Life as a Sitcom, 25 Questions for a Jewish Mother, um The Rosie O’Donnell Show, Roseanne! Wow, I could go on and on. Speaking of Roseanne, how do you feel about the revival coming out next year? I loved, loved the original show. It is a classic. However, I
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feel like with all these revivals, bringing everything back it is saying something, people are searching for something. 2017 has been super busy for you. How do you manage? Family comes first for me, so when I am home I disconnect from the work life and focus on what is right there in front of me. But I do like to be busy. Like today, I got up, checked in to see what else fucking Trump has done to this nation, had an audition, recorded a new podcast, and now I’m on the phone with you. I keep it moving. The current administration must be a gold mine of material. Is it a blessing, a curse? Honestly, I would trade every joke in the fucking world just to get rid of this disaster of an administration. They take themselves so seriously, and they are the least serious bunch of idiots I have seen run the White House. Considering the current spotlight against sexual harassment, where do you draw the line on using it in your comedy? As comedians, it is our job to find the humor in any situation. This movement is beautiful. Since the dawn of time, people have made light of the old pervert who cops a feel. They make a joke, he gets a free pass, and the victim is left to deal with the fallout. There should be no fucking statute of limitations on despicable behavior like that. Now, when it comes to using the topic for a set, comics
‘I would trade every joke in the fucking world just to get rid of this disaster of an administration.’
should know their audience, be committed to their material and be respectful. It’s all about the delivery. What can Atlanta expect from your show at City Winery? It’s Christmas, so they can expect a jolly good time! I haven’t been to Atlanta in a while, so I am looking forward to getting down there, having some wine, having some laughs, and seeing what kind of trouble we can get into. I assume as a Jew you don’t do Christmas. Do you have any holiday plans?
Well, I love Christmas! (laughs). I’m looking forward to spending time with my girlfriend and family. I have never been a big fan of New Year’s Eve. The New Year to me always begins with Rosh Hashanah. That is when everything changes. Yet, my girlfriend’s birthday is on New Year’s, so she has given me a reason to love the holiday. We will probably be at my house in Provincetown and celebrate her the way she deserves. Judy Gold plays City Winery on December 25. Visit citywinery.com. 15
Q
THE QUEER AGENDA The Best Queer Things To Do in Atlanta This Week
December 21 - December 28 THURSDAY, DECEMBER 21 Puddles Pity Party
Chances are you knew this singularly unique crooning clown before the rest of the world met him on America’s Got Talent. Now for two nights only, Atlanta’s own
Pagliacci for the modern era sings for the hometown crowd with his rendi-
tions on everything from swing to pop
yo alternative rock and beyond @ Center Stage, 8 p.m. plus a Friday performance too. puddlespityparty.com
FRIDAY, DECEMBER 22 WussyBopz
What you were missing and didn’t
know it was a ‘90s Dance Party.
Well, schwing! The Wussy crew
is here to give it to you, honey. DJ Aasha is on deck with the phattest bopz from the likes
of Spice Girls, Janet, Gwen
Steani, Madonna, TLC, Back-
MONDAY, DECEMBER 25 Judy Gold
On the scene since Roseanne back in the day, Judy Gold has made a name for herself in standup comedy, as a TV writer, actress, and
off-Broadway powerhouse in such hits as 25 Questions for a Jewish Mother. The self-proclaimed F-word aficionado with no holds
barred on any topic hits Atlanta for audiences distinctly not cele-
brating that day @ City Winery, 8 p.m. Read our interview in this issue. citywinery.com
street Boys, Destiny’s Child and
WEDNESDAY, DECEMBER 27
more @ Heretic, 10 p.m. hereticat-
Beards, Bears & Otters On Ice
lanta.com
For the sixth year, burly bears bundle their bits and brave the cold for some post-holiday slipping and sliding on the temporary
SATURDAY, DECEMBER 23
sheet of frozen wonderland
at Piedmont Park. Bring an
Deep South
unwrapped set of LEGOs for the
Christy Love of House of Stank
“Little Bricks of Hope” charity and re-
and W Jeremy, both of Get Up
ceive discount skate rental @ Park Tavern
Recordings in New York, close
Ice Rink, 7 p.m.
out the year for this alternative
party crew headed by local lesbian DJ Vicky Powell. The host herself
THURSDAY, DECEMBER 28
NYC beats, go-go dancers, and a
Closing out a busy inaugural
warms up, then look for dirty
Rainbros Lunch Meet Up
slew of queer hosts @ Heretic, 10
year, the social mentoring and
p.m. facebook.com/deepsouthatl
Vicki Powell by Caroline Smith
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networking group for gay men gets together for food and
camaraderie @ Roxx, 12 noon. rainbros.us
Q
Writers! Photographers! Q magazine and Project Q seek to expand our pool of contributors Reporting, commentary, event pics, portraits and photo essays. Help us express Atlanta’s diverse LGBTQ perspectives on a one-time or recurring basis.
Samples to mike@qmagatlanta.com
Q
HOLIDAY ACTIVITIES
Not doing Christmas? Flip these pages for queer things to do on December 25 to find your own reason for the season
Silent
It Doesn’t Have to Be a
By Mike Fleming
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Tour ATLANTA The lights are still on around town, and the crowds are off. What better time to play tourist in your own city? All of these and more attractions are open December 25. Chinese Lantern Festival Centennial Olympic Park centennialpark.com Garden Lights Atlanta Botanical Garden atlantabg.org Fantasy Lights Calloway Gardens callawaygardens.com
Georgia Aquarium georgiaaquarium.org
NIGHT 19
Q
HOLIDAY ACTIVITIES, continued
Go Ice
SKATING
The Park Tavern rink is closed on Christmas Day, but Astor Ice Skating is up and fabulous at St. Regis Atlanta. stregisatlanta.com. Park Tavern reopens Dec. 26. See the Queer Agenda calendar in this issue for details and an LGBTQ-specific event. parktavern.com 20
Q
HOLIDAY ACTIVITIES, continued
Gather
TOGETHER
Friends and fr-amily make the season bright
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Q
HOLIDAY ACTIVITIES, continued
Hike It UP All of Georgia’s state parks are open through the holidays, several within metro Atlanta. Explore and make some totally different Christmas memories. Georgia State Parks gastateparks.org
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Q
HOLIDAY ACTIVITIES, continued
Netflix &CHILL Alone or with a buddy, binge on your own brand of holiday fare.
With our highest recommendations: The Crown Godless Marvel’s The Punisher Mudbound She’s Gotta Have it Stranger Things Wormwood
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Get OUT Movies followed by Chinese food used to be called “Jewish Christmas� because they were the only things open that day. Options have expanded, including these super-queer recommendations: Call Me By Your Name (photo) is among theater offerings. Southern Art, owned by Chef Art Smith, serves a holiday menu all day. southernart.com Also on December 25, Judy Gold Live at City Winery, citywinery.com
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Q
HOLIDAY ACTIVITIES, continued
Volunteer
Giving of yourself could help stave off loneliness, or just warm that cold spot you’re harboring. Hosea Feed the Homeless Christmas Dinner 4hosea.org Furkids Animal Rescue furkids.org Other Opportunities handsonatlanta.org
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ATLANTA SANTA SPEEDO RUN
Q SHOTS Q
PHOTOS BY RUSS YOUNGBLOOD 31
Q
Q SHOTS
OUT IN THE KITCHEN WITH AGLCC
PHOTOS BY RUSS YOUNGBLOOD
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CANDY COATED AFFAIR with IMPULSE GROUP
Q SHOTS Q
PHOTOS BY LAURA BACCUS 33
Q
Q SHOTS
ATLANTA GAY MEN’S CHORUS HOLIDAY CONCERT
PHOTOS BY RUSS YOUNGBLOOD
34
FANTASY GIRLS @ TEN
Q SHOTS Q
PHOTOS BY RUSS YOUNGBLOOD 35
Q
Q SHOTS
LOST N FOUND CASINO NIGHT
PHOTOS BY RUSS YOUNGBLOOD
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Q
THEQ?! Newsflash:
It’s NOT about YOU
When frenemies and petty queers attack your self worth, Life Judge can help you rebuild.
Q
A Mean Girl I thought was my friend has decided I’m the enemy. The difference is that we’re not high school students in a movie, but fully-grown humans in Atlanta. Still, it hurts that she snickers when I walk into a place, posts lies on social media, and tries to sabotage my love life. How can I get her to see that I’m not a bad person? Dear Nice Girl: As one grand homosexual of age and grace put it recently: How can it be all about you when it’s all about me? Point being, nothing that anyone else does is about you, ever. Even if somebody has their finger in your face blaming you, their behavior is always about them. People make choices based on what’s going on inside our own heads.
Now for what you can control. Evict her from the residency you’ve leased her in your head. That makes room for new social circles with better friends. Block her on social media, and decline to take part in conversations about her. Forget figuring out how to change her mind. Behave as if she doesn’t exist, and over time, she won’t. When I was in my 20s and 30s, I had more confidence than I deserved. As I push toward my mid-40s, I feel old, fat, ugly and worst of all, just uncool. Everywhere I turn are signs of queer ageism, and the little Body Nazis judging each other and everybody
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Dear Fugly & Uncool: Worrying about getting older damages the years we have left. Aging is better than the alternative, and a slew of our queer brethren died before finding out. They might tell us that getting older is a privilege.
Little Body Nazis judging each other and everybody else are killing me.
Your frenemy’s internal dialogue is way more uncomfortable for her than it is for you. What this jerk says about you speaks volumes more about her own state of mind, and it ain’t pretty.
Q
else are killing my self worth. How can I put my mind at rest?
Q
Of course, it’s more than knowing your priorities. Acknowledge queer ageism, but don’t absorb it. Rethink the groupthink of inexperienced people, and re-evaluate for yourself. How much better are you than when you were their age? How much are your knowledge and life skills worth? Your experiences, not your body, define you, and your life is rich with them.
I thought I was satisfied, but now I’m pretty sure that everybody is doing better than me. Everyone’s getting all kinds of laid and all manner of good careers, and here I sit with my dildo and a cubicle job. Help! Dear Blinders: Comparing yourself to others only gets you frustrated, and that won’t help your goals. Stop assuming. Everyone has their own timeframe and circumstances. Go back to your initial statement: You thought you were satisfied. Was worrying somehow more appealing than that? The Q is intended for entertainment purposes and not as professional counseling. Send your burning Qs to mike@qmagatlanta.com. Illustration by Brad Gibson
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