Mahiwaga by Pugad Literary Folio

Mahiwaga

Pugad Literary Folio

S.Y. 2021 - 2022

Pugad Literary Folio Academic Year 2021-2022 Editorial Board Kaylee Dominique T. Ordoñez Editor-In-Chief

Zoie Irasusta Phil Ramos

Associate Editors

Reuben B. Galvez

Regina Khloie B. Maderazo

Juan Gabriel L. Arroyo

Mary June Aubrey C. San Jose Layout Editor

English Editor

Art Editor

Filipino Editor

OFFICERS Kaylee Dominique T. Ordoñez Editor-In-Chief

Bettina Andrea A. Basilio Secretary

Mary June Aubrey C. San Jose Finance Officer

Regina Khloie B. Maderazo Human resources Officer

Moderator Mr. Jan Henry M. Choa Jr.

STAFF MEMBERS WRITING DEPARTMENT POETRY

PROSE

Leana Louise Anne D. Agapito Sophia Fermina Isabel M. Alaestante Angel Kyla C. Andres Leica Juliene M. Cecilia Miguel Lorenzo L. Clemente Reuben B. Galvez Zoie M. Irasusta Rafael Egmundo J. Jayme Jan Marvin P. Justo Edcel Jaime L. Lagman Regina Khloie B. Maderazo Janne Althea S. Muñoz Sean Gabriel L. Navarro Kaylee Dominique T. Ordoñez Patrizia Giana G. Pablo Phil Justin B. Ramos Llieu-Eign Jonn B. Suarez

Mikaela Beatriz A. Balaga Bettina Andrea A. Basilio Katrina D. Batomalaque Dana Angela M. Belo Eliana B. Esguerra Atheena Monique R. Estanislao Ray Anthony M. Francisco Keshia Ianthe B. Gutierrez Joie Melissande A. Ocampo Patricia Althea N. Perez Mary June Aubrey C. San Jose Gianna Marika V. Santiago

COVER

Illustration by: Juan Arroyo

Folio Layout Committee Mary June Aubrey C. San Jose

Layout Head

Juan Gabriel L. Arroyo Art Editor

Members Leica Juliene M. Cecilia Zoie M. Irasusta

Poetry Layout Editors

Atheena Monique R. Estanislao Gianna Marika V. Santiago

Prose Layout Editors

If you have the passion for writing poems and short stories, creating visual art, taking photos, or participating in open mics, all while having your works enjoyed by the whole school, then there is space in this nest for you! Come home. Join Pugad.

Submit your work to pugadliteraryfolio@gmail.com

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Pugad Literary Folio

FOREWORD Kaylee Dominique T. Ordoñez

Editor-In-Chief

As kids, we were raised on fairy tales. We grew up on stories about young monarchs finding the love of their lives, young heroes venturing into a world that revealed itself to be full of adventure and thrill, anything but bleak. We were warriors, royalty– we tamed the wildest beasts and befriended the most glorious of creatures; we lived through every single one of them in the hopes of finding that same magic in our own lives, until we grew up to be older than any of our dear characters will ever be. Sometimes the magic fades with every responsibility and problem put upon our shoulders. Sometimes the adversities become too much, and we fall out of love with life, with the magic it seemingly had once upon a time. Yet, sometimes we fall back into it– whether to cope, to escape, or to simply feel more alive than we have ever been since the beginnings of adulthood slowly weighed upon us– and I’d like to believe that this is what Mahiwaga stands for.

A rediscovery, a journey back home, a newfound beauty and appreciation for life: throughout the year we have found ourselves on this peculiar adventure within the online setting, and it may have been disheartening, but what is magic without a little bit of chaos? Mahiwaga is that daring leap to reach for every silver lining present in the horizons, the fire in your soul reigniting as you burn through the skies like shooting stars; and the journey may have been rough, but that little spark of hope fuels us nevertheless. This is to all the forsaken warriors who soldier through storms as they recall their purpose– the ones who falter, but march on all the same. Muling tuklasin ang hiwaga kasama ang Pugad.

Table of Content POETRY Seventh Heaven Leana Agapito

SAndali

Makamundong Mahika

A Reader's Magic

Padagdag sa Liham

To Love Me Magically

Phia Alaestante

Angel Andres

Trina Batomalaque

Leica Cecilia

Miguel Clemente

Flower Child

Sprite

Reuben Galvez

Zoie Irasusta

Mahiwagang Kamalan

Magic

Nature's Beauty, Most Morbid

In Full Bloom

Ocean Love

Like an Arrow, She Pierced Me...

To be Unfeeling (Yet so much More)

A Dance of Flowers and Flames

Raf Jayme

Jan Justo

EJ Lagman

Khloie Maderazo

Janne Muñoz

Sean Navarro

Kaylee Dominique T. Ordoñez

Patrizia Giana G. Pablo

Lampara

Phil Justin B. Ramos

Llieu-Eign Suarez

PROSE Their Enchantment

Water and Woods

Riz Balaga

Andie Basilio

Letters from the Moon

A Letter by Starlight

When Dawn Feels Darker than Dusk

First (Queso)

6th Grade

Growing Stumps

This is Falling, Falling in Love

Dana Belo

Eliana Esguerra

Ath Estanislao

Ton Francisco

Kei Gutierrez

Joie Ocampo

Trisha Perez

A 'Smart' Love Behind the Closed Doors 109 Aubrey San Jose

[Memo to the Kids who are Bound to Meet Kids] Gianna Santiago

118

POETRY

Some would say we are made up of magic, out of star stuff. There's this essence within each and every one of us that makes up our being. Sometimes this magic is a motivation, sometimes it's something that confuses us. This magic within us is something that we need to unceasingly chase after and understand. Once we have it in our grasp, we may not be able to cast spells, but we will be able to shine, beaconing and heralding a hope, a wonder - a magic like no other. Here, Pugad Literary Folio brings you on varying journeys of magic and mystery. These are pieces of people made of magic and we hope that these inspire you to find the magic within you. Reuben Galvez

English Department Head

seventh heaven leana agapito T'was a wish upon a star, from stacks of almanacs the world's maps; her spinning globe with two eyes closed she points to the place the heavens chose— A magical dream forms as she stares across the horizon where her eyes couldn't reach “That's where I want to be.” The little girl aches to leave the walls, to fly out of her room and savor the world that's outside the small town she unwillingly fits in.

011

and in a split-second magic, she goes on conquering the roads. And now I'm here. As I take my steps on these busy streets, clamor in every turn; I breathe it in as the smoke of the air fills my lungs. I find myself walking along in this city that never sleeps the skyscrapers seem so high, as if the earth touches heaven I feel jumpy and giddy the child in me is in awe— a job, a place of our own in the city we dreamed of the most.

012

To the little girl of yesterday— we're finally here; I hope you feel an enchanted lightness as a feather, euphoric with bliss; Just like the moment our fingertips touched where our soul belongs.

013

sandali

phia alaestante

Makapangyarihang estranghero, Anong mayroon sa iyo? Nang magtagpo ang mga mata Namataan ko ang pabalat ng ‘yong akda Katakot-takot na emosyon ang nadama Lumulutang? Nalulunod? Langong-lango Ginigising ang tulog habang oyayi ay tumutugtog Tila ako’y bangag, binabaybay ang kalangitan Nilakbay ang libo-libong kalawakan Naabot maging ang dulo ng hangganan Aking nalimutan ang katawan sa kinaroroonan Sa iyong pag-alis, hindi alam ang gagawin Walang lakas ng loob na kilalanin Pagkakataon ay palalampasin Aklat ay hindi bubuklatin Kaya’t kung muling mabibigyan ng sandali Ang isisigaw ko'y, "Sandali!" Hindi na makukuntento pang muli Sa pabalat na ibinahagi

014

Makamundong Mahika Angel Andres

O daigdig, ako’y pagpalain ng iyong mahika Pagkalooban ng misteryo at sikdo ang aking buhay “Damhin mo ang hangin, lakbayin ang gubat… Mabuhay ka sa sarili mong istorya,” tugon niya Sa paglanghap at paghipo sa rumaragasang hangin Tila kinikiliti ang aking kaluluwa, nagbibigay ngiti Matulin ang pagtakbo, sinasabayan ng tibok ng puso Lumalaya ang isip mula sa gapos ng mundo Sa kagubatan, naiibang realidad ang bumubukadkad Kung saan ako ang prinsesang nilisan ang palasyo Bawat sayaw ng puno at bulong ng kakahuyan ay pumupukaw sa aking imahinasyon Dumadaloy ang takot at pananabik sa dugo Ang sensasyong handog ng pagganap sa eksena Na dati mong pinapanood mula sa distansya Higit pa sa isang libong pelikula’t katha Sa pamumuhay kumukubli ang pinakadakilang hiwaga

015

a reader's magic trina batomalaque They said I can be anything I want And I took that quite literally For I have the infinite power To be who I desire to be One day I could be a pirate Hunting for golden treasure The next day I could be a hero On a quest to save lives Perhaps I could be a witch on another day Possessing great magic and strength Or a warrior in a dystopian world Fighting against society I could also go back in time And become a princess and a queen-to-be Adorned with wealth and charisma And be called the fairest of them all

016

I could visit the future And see what the next generation has become I could explore extraterrestrial life And exist in an entirely different universe In other days I could also be Your average, everyday girl And meet my average, everyday boy As we begin the story of us I could be anything I want There is no limit to who and where I can be Except, maybe, when reality hits and pulls me back in And I realize my magic is paper All good things come to an end, they say Momentarily, maybe, when I close the binded leaves Momentarily, maybe, when an adventure ends But little do they know that the magic’s sparks remain The printed magic shall never fade For there are countless words that exist If one ends, it shall become an opportunity For another to begin

017

My magic is limitless It knows no boundaries It is a thrilling everyday adventure To pick a new voyage to begin the day

018

padagdag sa liham leica cecilia

At ang kirot ng sikmura’y pampagising sa umagang sumisidhi na ang liwanag: inaasinta ng araw ang mga anino sa tabi ng mesa, aparador, palamuti, mesa. Ito ang ibig kong sabihin sa pagmamahal— ang pamimilipit ng mga paruparong nagpapalit-anyo at inaangkin bilang teritoryo ang ‘yong kalooban. Hindi ba nakapagtataka na sila’y imahe rin ng kamatayan, nagpapakita sa mga lamay tulad ng mausisang kapitbahay? O marahil mas mainam na sabihing dalamhati. Naaalala ko noong dinapuan ako sa balikat at ‘di na iniwan. Doon ko siya unang nakilala, sa dulo. Pagpasensyahan mo na lang kung ang aking bersyon ng liham ng pag-ibig ay masyadong magkatulad sa isang papuri. Ngunit ito nga raw ang tunay na kalikasan ng pag-ibig: pagkamatay, pagbabago, pagpapalit-anyo. Ang muling paggising sa kirot ng sikmura. Ang pagkapit sa bahagyang

019

020

TO LOVE ME MAGICALLY Miguel clemente

You have showed me how to be me at a time I was scared to be running aimlessly with much glee and to reveal the magic of me. You said to me that you loved me And that you loved me irrationally Then I thought, how can that be? How can you say you love me when you can't sing love's melody? "It is a magical love you see" Is what you had said to me "But how can you love magically?" Is what I had said in a plea "Isn't that what love is meant to be?" You have made my blind eyes see

021

that love is as infinite as the sea, we know so much yet little is what we see. I want you to forever be with me as many reasons there may be, What matters is that feeling of ecstacy you feel, when loving someone magically. I love you, more than you will ever see

022

FLOWER CHILD reuben galvez

She lays there, in a wasteland of her own Brittle and broken are the bricks that once stood Dusted and decimated are the pillars of past that could She’s tired, out of breath, away, wayward, and alone Wishing to any magic, praying to any promise That maybe she can grow, that maybe she can change That maybe, she can move on to a new page She lays there, in a wasteland of her own Picking up the battered bricks from battles old Remaking pillars on things that really hold She’s trying, breathing, finding her cornerstone With no tears left to give, because she doesn’t want to cry anymore With no blood left to draw, because she’s done bleeding from the core And from her sacrifice, and from her rife A temple is made, a new child is born She lays there, in a garden of her own A flower child, not crying anymore

023

sprite

zoie irasusta truthfully i don't like soda. not really, not like i like— you, the summer, as cliche as it all is, or should be; i'm a romantic. there's something about bubbles, the fizz, the pop punk in your room, echoing, broken loves for me and you — dreaming & sugar sweet. sue me. if we're going to talk about cliches, then let's go all the way, star-filled, catastrophic, nebula fizz-pop laughter 'til the moon begs us to go home, starlets, star, let's go singing in the rain. we're the happy end without the tragedy. sappy ever after everything. lipstick-stained nothings, sweat sweltering summer sunset treats. gross. sweet. i can’t keep

024

025

MAHIWAGANG KAMAHalan RAF JAYME

Sa bawat tingin, ako’y nababaliw. Sa bawat tawa, ‘di ako makahinga. Kahit araw-araw kami magkasama, Sa bawat minuto, ako pa’y naaaliw. Anting-anting ang iyong kanta, Sa iyong boses, nakukulam ako. Sa iyong ganda, isip ko, “Aba,” “Galing ka ata sa ibang mundo!” Ikaw ba’y isang diwata? Meron ka bang engkanto? Meron ka bang gayuma na nilagay sa aking inumin? Kasi ‘yon lang naiisip kong Dahilan ng pagkabaliw ko. Akala ko ay hindi totoo ang mga mahiwaga sa ating mundo, Pero andito ka, at mahal na mahal kita.

026

MAGIC JAN JUSTO

it’s funny, what a mere look can do how all of these butterflies go crazy inside, how these feet can dance around on their own should i be scared? should i go hide? it’s silly, when you asked me if i could help you, i said yes immediately, without hesitating. how when you text about even the most ordinary, i feel great, a smile on my face suddenly appearing. is this the start of a new something? i don’t know what’s happening to me, no; how, if it’s you, i could think a sea of thoughts; and swim in an ocean full of hope.

027

this is the first time i’ve experienced this: being inspired to wake up to a better day; i really don’t know how to comprehend, how i’m at ease with everything that you say. is this love? or is this limerence? what is this raging, yet tender flame? i badly want to say the words to you, and only hope that you feel the same. i don’t exactly realize if this is the right answer, but my mind, my heart, tugs at me with a call. i know everything will change after i do this, but if it’s you, i know it’s worth the fall. an enchanting feeling that can’t be put into words, but soon a conscious, continuous choice will this be. if you do read this, please recognize my heart, and i’ll share this magical feeling with thee.

028

NATURE'S BEAUTY, MOST MORBID EJ LAGMAN

Your smile shines through the wildlife like fireflies, Buzzing and glowing, heralding in sunlight. Your teeth, the starlight’s gift, hidden and disguised in lips of chitin, unfit for mortal eyes. Eyes, yes, eyes, unlike mine, that shines like wolves, Draped in the moonlight, howling their grievances and passions between jaws that tear and bite, Unlike mine, wrapped in wires and muzzled in complacency. And unlike I, tamed by the life deemed a blessing, You fly, like an owl at dusk demanding for a second serving. From branch to branch your feathered dance looms above the understory, A morning glory told too early, told in talons, strong and surly.

029

That was yours, wasn’t it, the wildness, the brutal night. Untamable, unbreakable, yet the most beautiful sight. Like meerkat carcasses spelled in a cursive "I love you", Like an ant death spiral wrung around a Lady's Glove. How was it possible for one such as I? Domesticated and meek like sheep to be sheared at a moment’s notice granted a hocus-pocus of a life's meaning, A cubicle my jungle, a computer my steppelands. How does a dog compare to a wolf? A chicken to an owl? A rose to a bloodroot? A hose spray to a hurricane? A candlelight to a wildfire. One born from white phosphorus, the other blue electric. That is you and I, isn't it? One needing permission to survive, the other clawing against horn and maw for it.

030

For you are the fire that immolates all, The tide that smashes against ships and docks, The wolf that stalks, and the pups fed on their murder, The owl that hunts, and the chicks furthered by flesh. Yet you are the sunrise dancing amidst a blue sky, The rainforest hymn of clicks and chirps, The mountain’s kiss of mist and stream, The savannah’s reverb of roars and screeches under a radiant dusk. It is you, who are natures being, Morbid and beautiful, Feared and loved, Loving and cruel. And it is I, who is lost in that wilderness. Scared yet emboldened, Hungry yet satiated, Half dead, Yet, Alive.

031

IN FULL BLOOM KHLOIE MADERAZO

Once upon a time, in a land unknown, lived a fairy whose hands held the magic of old. She resided in a cottage beside my own, her lips chafing under the weight of tales untold. Stardust lingered wherever she stepped, weaving around her frail body in a chain— I hid them in my fists like secrets to be kept, hoarding them until mine are all that remain. The fairy spent hours tending to her garden, (wings gleaming like cut gems under the sun's rays) yet the soil scowled and remained barren, leaving the flowers to bloom upon her face.

032

One night, magic loudly pulsed from her throat— I scrambled to perch myself on her windowsill. She spoke no words, yet I understood each note, and on her face grew another yellow daffodil. In the days that followed, she erupted in color until her body no longer belonged to her alone: hyacinths and lilies snaked around her collar, pressing down on her chest to stifle her tone. The next night, purple petals crowned her head as she lulled me to slumber with one last song. Stardust stained her lips as she wound up dead, for the flowers had been mine all along.

033

OCEAN LOVE JANNE MUÑOZ

The waves kissed the shore. Suddenly my lips are on yours. The waves running back to where it belongs. You promised me you won’t let anything go wrong. Our love – Unfathomable. Powerful. An unstoppable force. Two lovers standing by the seaside. Waiting for the tsunami to hit. Feet buried in the sand. The horizon, their lifeline. Hearts anticipating the thunderous sound of the tides.

034

A decade passed, waves still kissing the shore. The tsunami hit; it gave us a boy. The waves finally reached where they belong. At long last, we can say we’re home. Our love, an ocean – Clear. Deep. Endless.

035

LIKE AN ARROW, SHE PIERCED ME... SEAN NAVARRO

There is a girl, who I had known. For around as long as my life. A girl, who never lets me feel alone One whose presence relieves my strife. How can someone a fingertip away from me Feel like she’s on the world’s other side? Just being with her fills me with glee. But little does she know, I have so much to hide. At some point, some unseen force pulled us apart. Initially, I did not give any thought to it. Time then came, when she entered my heart. Little by little, I was pained by our split.

036

My life went on all these years. All the while, I felt like I was torn in half. All the while, I had fought these tears. And I would mask all these scars with a mere laugh. After what felt like eons, she returned. Like an arrow, she had pierced me. Perhaps my cries have been heard. By other unseen forces that chose mercy. But as I had learned before, Every act of mercy has a catch… As much I had wanted so much more, I was the only one who was attached. As I thought, there’s no way she feels the same. That’s right, perhaps I am but a mere friend, For I am merely lame. Our time together will eventually end. Something tells me that possibility abounds. Perhaps our friendship can be turned into much more. After all, my love for her knows no bounds. This has gone on too long for me to ignore.

037

All I can hope is that she’ll reciprocate. After all, she's given me some implications. As long as we’re together, that’d be great. Perhaps one day, she won’t be a mere hallucination. I want to be the one by her side. A life with her is my sole aim, And I cannot get her out of my mind. All I can hope for is that she feels the same…

038

TO BE UNFEELING (YET SO MUCh more) kaylee dominique t. ordoñez

i was cursed to be blind to your world so i wrote poems for the stars in your eyes. cassiopeia never shone over me, but i wrote all the same; i'll keep on paper what would never cross my night skies. i was cursed by fae folk, to walk the continent without ever being touched by lilac essence; you bathed in it and it overwhelmed me in the moon's silence. i bathed myself in roses, peppermint, and daisies but none ever came close to lilac's sweet torture.

039

and i was cursed to only tell lies. i measured your hand against mine and said "you act larger than life but you're just so small." i picked at petals"she loves me not, she loves me." the queen of fae cackles with glee. i was cursed to be unfeeling, yet i still feel so much. i try to read my palm but i know that my future lies in the hand of another. i touch the grass just to feel the ghost of your steps. i hold unto your every word just to feel the weight of it. and i'll curse your name for it's the only way i'll get a taste. i'll ruin my voice in singing of other people that have your intense gaze. i'm knee deep in lilac, my eyes walk the trail between your frecklestantalus was damned; i've never felt so saved.

040

A DANCE OF FLOWERS AND FLAMES PATRIZIA GIANA G. PABLO

“Sigh…” goes my labored breath, As I scour the room full of guests, Though I thought I’d likely be bored to death, My eyes land on a familiar fiery crest. “Thump, thump!” goes my racing heart, Keeping a rhythmic beat. I know something fun’s about to start, From the “tippity-tap-tap” of my feet. “Clack, clack,” go my crystal heels, As I approach your idle form. A person amongst beaux idéals Could help stir up a ballroom storm.

041

“Tap, tap, tap,” goes my finger. You turn and looked askance, My hand drifts to yours and lingers, As I ask, “Care to dance?” “Swish,” go your quick and careful eyes As they drift towards my brow; Seeing the floral crest that I’ve disguised, You grin and deftly take a bow. “Tsk”, goes your clicking tongue, As we take an appropriate stance; And so pairs, both old and young, Follow suit and begin the dance. “Buzzz,” go our crests concurrently As we waltz to a chirpy minuet. Our surroundings fade, inadvertently, Retaining the echoes of the string quartet. “Tat, tat,” go our nimble feet, in sync. With each step I make to the beat, “Fwoosh”, flowers bloom, pretty and pink, Forming a trail, aligned and discreet.

042

“Fshhh…” go your wispy, blue flames, That follow closely behind each step; Burning florets before they cause the dames And sirs to trip or, perhaps, misstep. “Swoosh,” go our graceful bodies, As you expertly twirl me across the room. A swirl of fervent flames and poppies Create an image with a silent, “Boom!” “Shh, shh,” go the petals as they rain down, Whilst a ghostly fire roars along the floor. The falling flowers begin to form a crown On your head as a symbol of our rapport. “Hissss,” go the flames as they begin to die, For our short-lived dance has reached its finale. Amidst the astonished shouts and cries, I pull away from your arms and curtsey. “Thank you”, I nod my head to you, “You’ve helped alleviate my boredom. This dance of flames, and flowers too Should be considered proper ballroom decorum.”

043

You laugh and take my gloved hand, And place a chivalric kiss on top. “If you wish to retire, I’d understand, However, truthfully, I do not want to stop.” “Our sentiments are more or less the same…” I reply, as I glance at the disgruntled crowd, “...But we must press pause on our flowers and flames, And leave before our magic is disallowed.” “Clomp, clomp,” go the imperial guards, As they swarm inside and surround us. Before they approach, we give our regards, By fleeing the scene without fuss.

044

LAMPARA PHIL JUSTIN B. RAMOS

Sabay-sabay tayong gumawa ng lampara. Dahil sinta, doon lang talaga kita maikukumpara Kunin na ang bote, lubid, gasolina at posporo, Upang ating balikan itong ating kwento. Kagaya ng bote at lubid na pundasyon ng buong lampara. Minsan ring dumating sa punto na ikaw lang ang pundasyon ko, alam mo ba? ‘Yong tipong lagi kang kasama sa kahit anumang-bagay. Maging masaya man o mapait ang aking araw, nandoon ka laging naka-alalay. Nakikinig, gumagabay, sumusubaybay sa kahit anumang ganap ko sa buhay. Kahit alam ko sa sarili kong ikaw lang naman ang tanging ganap upang patuloy akong mabuhay.

045

Kaya’t ikaw rin ang naging gasolina ng buhay ko. Ang tanging dahilan upang ako’y maging ganado. Ganado harapin ang bawat araw kahit na hindi naman talaga ako sigurado. Kasi sinasabi ko na lang sarili ko, na sasaya ka pag gagawin ko ‘to. Ikaw ang bote at lubid na minsang naging pundasyon ng buhay ko. Ikaw ang naging gasolina na tanging inspirasyon ko. Ngunit higit sa lahat, ikaw pa rin ang posporo. Ang posporong di na mahanap-hanap kaya’t dumilim ang mundo. Ikaw ang posporo na nagsindi ng aking kasiyahan, Ngunit ikaw rin ang posporo na ewan ko, tila biglang naubos at nawala, Kaya’t nananatili na lang ako sa kadiliman Bigla kang nawala at naging alaala na lang ang lampara Bigla kang lumamig at nawala na ang liwanag na ‘yong dala Diba ikaw dapat yung naghahatid ng liwanag? Kaya’t eto na ako oh, nagtatawag. Tawagin man nila akong takot o duwag.

046

Di ko naman kailangan ng lampara dahil takot ako sa kadiliman, Kailangan ko ng lampara dahil gusto ko nang bumalik sa nakaraan. Nakaraan na puno ng hiwaga at kasiyahan, bago ka pumasok at iniwan akong luhaan Ngayon nandito ako nagtatanong kung ano bang nangyari sa lampara. Nasira ko ba ang bote at lubid? o sadyang naubos lang ang posporo at gasolina? Nagtatanong na rin ako kung dapat pa bang maghanap o gumawa ulit ng lampara, O panahon nang maghanap na rin ako ng kandila? Kasi sa relasyon natin kung ikaw yung naging lampara, Ako naman ang naging kandila. Yung taong pilit na nagbigay ng liwanag, kahit unti-unti na niyang nasasaktan ang sarili niya. At sa huli kinain lang ng kadiliman, dahil pinagod niya na, ang sarili niya, kakabigay ng liwanag sa iba.

047

LLIEU-EIGN SUAREZ

Today I remembered us. I contemplated our time together; The times we spent laughing without a care in the world And times we felt all too many burdens from it There’s just something so captivating— About remembering us; Nostalgia brings along a funny feeling, A mix of emotions that leaves me wondering If I am happy or sad, Scared or anxious, Or something else entirely. These memories are complex Sometimes I want to forget; Sometimes I miss what once was There are moments I want to return to; Like the ones that I spent with you.

048

But the past is gone All I can do is think back To when it was just you and me… us The night sky, And the city lights. Then there was the time we spent apart; Remembering in itself Is a form of art Because remembering brings back The pain in my heart I won’t forget these memories Because knowing that it was– Knowing we were us– Is something that I won’t trade for anything; I’ll cherish these inexplicable feelings Because they… are worth everything. So don’t forget the magic of these memories And the story of us

049

Prose

Stardust lives in each and every one of us—they settle inside our chest, linger on our tongue, and clamour to be let out in the form we best know how, whether it be through portrait paintings, a game of tennis, or an afternoon spent lounging underneath the sun's rays. For the members of Pugad, we wield this stardust as a way to breathe life into our advocacies and aspirations; a simple swipe of our pen hides wonders within the crevices of each letter we write. Our folio 'Mahiwaga' is our love letter to the universe— a way to share our stardust with the world and all its treasures.

Khloie Maderazo

Filipino Department Head

THEIR ENCHANTMENT RIZ BALAGA

And though the thousand eyes trailing his back touched him not, they tore him apart. The deafening applause did not mask the whispers as Lorenzo made his way down the auditorium stage. Tragic how it was laughable, the way people watched him give his valedictory speech. They merely rested their eyes on him, ignoring his words and achievements. All that mattered to them was an inside scoop on the issues he shouldered. Lorenzo absolutely detested their looks of feigned concern when in truth, these stuck-up elites ridiculed him for his cheating mother and drug dealing father. It was an easy decision to make: he did not care for the number of times his name was yelled. Lorenzo stormed out the exit and never looked back.

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The scorching sun and metal bench grew his temper. And though he only ran out of the auditorium, it looked like he crawled his way to the end of a marathon. His inner dress shirt clung to his skin with every trickle of perspiration. For a second, Lorenzo was thankful for his dark pants’ shield over the burning seat, yet he still couldn’t help but fidget due to undeniably high temperatures. With an irritated sigh, he ripped his cap and toga off his body and threw them to the pavement. These motions caused the elephant charm on his leather necklace to clink. Ding! Before he could feel the slightest breeze, he realized the occurrence.

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Lorenzo closed his eyes as a vortex of warmth spread across his limbs. When he opened them, his world had stopped whirring. Lorenzo had entered his Enchantment. Gone was the boring sight of his high school parking lot. Yet instead of being greeted by a pristine haven of towering glass bookshelves and long wooden tables, what met him was a pitiful view that could collapse at any given moment. The shiny marble floors now grayed like the cracks that adorned them. His Enchantment, which in the past had emanated bright lights on its own, glowed tired and eerily. To top it all off, the cold of the area caused cold goosebumps to loiter his skin that he immediately missed the heat he experienced seconds ago. It was truly his own Library of Alexandria in more ways than one: What was once a state of wonder was now a state of ruin.

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Lorenzo found his Enchantment years ago. The necklace that led to it was gifted by his late uncle, whom many called a daring adventurer. He believed none of them until he stumbled upon this majestic area. He’d spent much of his free time wandering around. After all, the place was filled with his knowledge, memories, and secrets that he was destined to discover. That all changed when his mother left their family. Bits and pieces of his Enchantment began breaking away. His twin siblings were too young to understand what was going on, yet he definitely wasn’t. He didn’t know if it was a blessing or curse. Lorenzo witnessed his father change; his life and Enchantment came crumbling down from then on.

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He knew better than to ask anything for himself. But recalling everything that had happened, he wanted to be selfish. Lorenzo wanted nothing more than the reason why fate hated him so. He worked his best at school, sought to please his parents, and cared for his siblings and home. Barely an adult, he was the pillar of his loved ones. The weight of responsibility combined with others’ fake pity drove him to the brink. The world he sought to change, changed him instead. The world that so enchanted him stripped away all his wonder. As Lorenzo shouted, his Enchantment gave away.

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~ It was a miracle how he remained unscathed by the debris. Then again by living instinct, Lorenzo had crouched onto the side of a nearby desk and covered the top of his head with his hands. Books that aligned their shelves now had toppled around him, laying together like a forlorn pile of leaves. If Meera, his little blue elephant companion, had noticed anything, she didn’t make a run for it or the slightest sound. Perhaps she too had faded away, just like the magic of his Enchantment, and ultimately, just like himself. Strange how it was, to be feeling everything from physical pain to burning resentment. Come the next moment, he felt nothing at all. He found himself with his legs curled up. He buried his face in palms. Though his head was still cloudy from the events of the day, Lorenzo’s thoughts finally returned to him. He admitted that yelling cleared his mind. Truth be told, it was tempting to yell more, yet he was pretty convinced that he’d need surgery for his vocal cords soon after.

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Being essentially broke, he’d never dream of risking anything no matter the gravity. His savings were enough to provide for himself and his siblings for a good month. Afterwards, that was that. Of course, the people a fresh high school graduate could supposedly rely on were nothing but absent. Lorenzo massaged his forehead. He could take on a full-time job, yet it meant leaving school, throwing away a couple of scholarships, and possibly the future he dreamed of for himself. Or maybe he could figure something out. Either way, he’d be making yet another sacrifice. Nothing new. The only difference was this in particular was more painful. Before he could overthink anything, Lorenzo felt a fur-like sensation brushing against his forearm. He flinched and rubbed at the spot, surprisingly holding in a yelp. A young girl peered at him, head tilted slightly. She beamed at him, baring all her teeth. Well, most of them. With how wide she smiled, he assumed that she didn’t mind the gaps in between them. The girl continuously nudged a chocolate-brown teddy towards Lorenzo.

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Her cheerfulness was that effective, as Lorenzo could have sworn that the stuffed-toy winked at him. What puzzled him most, however, was how she accessed his Enchantment. “My sister gave me this bear, but I think you need him more than I do,” she began, still handing him the teddy bear. Lorenzo’s brows scrunched as he studied her. He remained silent when she plopped the bear on his knees and it rolled down the side of his leg. She didn’t have any jewelry or any obvious indicator of how she made her way in. It bothered Lorenzo, yet the thought disintegrated when he noticed the familiar shine of childlike innocence in her eyes. Familiar, for he had once harbored it too. Would hers be someday taken away? “Oh sorry, I guess you don’t know how to talk, Mister?” Lorenzo blinked. And though it was in a sweet tone, the way she slowly said it made him wonder if she was dropping an insult, “Oh no, I’m really sorry. I don’t know sign language. Uh…bear, bear, bear. Bear!” She repeated, forcing the collection of fluff onto his hands.

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Lorenzo tried to smile politely at the kid. She reminded him of his siblings. Unfortunately, his lips could only form a flat line. Guess that would have to do for the time being. “I can talk,” His tone came out a bit harsher than what he liked. He inwardly cringed and the girl frowned. Lorenzo cringed even more. He cleared his throat. “I–sorry. I spaced out, but thank you,” he whispered. He picked up the bear and juggled it for a bit. When he stopped, it fit perfectly in one of his palms. “Where are your parents?” He proceeded to give the toy back to her. She crossed her arms and shook her head. “Talking makes things simpler then,” Of course, she decided to dodge the question, “My name’s Ria, and the bear you’re holding is Berry. He fixes things, and seeing you from the parking lot bench…you terribly look like you need some fixing. Uh, no offense,” Her comment stung a bit, but Lorenzo honestly couldn’t argue with the truth.

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At least there was also the relief that she didn’t really crack a way into his Enchantment. He was intent on returning the bear, but Ria was stubborn. “Please take the Berry. Your sister will ask where he went. She wouldn’t want you giving a random person your belongings,” Lorenzo reasoned. “She’ll understand. Besides, Berry’s okay with it.” “Did Berry tell you that?” “Yes! Just look at him! Hey, don’t give me that look like I’m some sort of crazy person. You’re the one who looks weird with your out of place sticky hair!”

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Lorenzo laughed nervously, concerned for the child and the way he looked. Though he does admit to be amused by her antics, he really couldn’t take Berry especially knowing that he was a gift, “Berry’s gonna miss you and feel sad. You wouldn’t want that, would you?” “He’s been with me for a long time! No, can do. So what’s–” Ria paused and looked back. For a while, her posture stiffened, but eventually slumped., “Ugh…Mom says I have to go. And what does she mean stop talking to the air? You’re clearly right in front of me!” Lorenzo was about to assume that Ria had noticed him simply because his Enchantment had broken down. But the fact that he and Ria’s mother couldn’t see each other gave him another point to ponder. His head ached as he tried to conclude anything convincing. Sensing an opportunity, Ria took off. Lorenzo’s heart dropped as he watched her jump over mountains of glass and books, but his expression turned to awe when she masterfully dodged all the debris.

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He considered himself quite athletic. After all, he spent a lot of his time exercising after finding out that physical activity increased the oxygen levels in his brain. The high amounts of adrenaline and uneasiness must have gotten to him. Then it came to him: Ria and her mother may not have gotten that far over a short period of time. Lorenzo could catch up to them if he could get out of his Enchantment. He flicked the elephant charm on his necklace. While returning, Lorenzo wondered how his jerky movements while running did not cause him to be transported away. When he came to, Lorenzo did not find Ria, but instead saw his siblings by the entrance of his school. He, on the other hand, sat stiff on the bench he was on earlier. Midday had gone, and even the afternoon was reaching its end. A soft breeze tickled his ear, and the remaining sun rays kissed him gently. His toga and cap still remained on the exact spot he left them hours ago. He used his feet to sweep and pick them up.

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Ria waved as she ran, “Don’t worry about returning Berry! He’ll come back. See you around!” When Lorenzo’s daze wore off, Ria was already rounding a corner. After wishing on the lucky stars he had left, Lorenzo tiptoed his way to catch up to her. Maybe he was gonna find a way to return Berry. Maybe he had more questions about her being able to notice his presence. Lorenzo, who anchored himself to plans, was willing to jump blindly into a situation. He reached a clear and was thankful for his long legs. Little by little, he neared Ria. He clutched Berry tighter on his palm, yet as he was about to reach for her shoulder, a rift large enough to fit her figure appeared on a bookshelf that somehow remained intact. Ria hopped into its light and it sealed behind her before he could utter a word. Just like that, Lorenzo was again alone in his Enchantment. Lorenzo’s knees plopped onto the cracked ground. If they ached from impact, he felt nothing at all. He focused on the rise and fall of his chest, forcibly steadying his breathing in hopes of regaining his energy.

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Gani and Daphne ran towards him with waterfalls streaming down their eyes. They both lunged at Lorenzo and proceeded to hug him tightly. Gani blew his nose on Lorenzo’s tie. Under different circumstances, he would have scolded Gani, but at the moment, he was simply relieved to see the twins. If he were alone, he would have facepalmed at his actions. He was such a great brother, leaving his siblings to fend for themselves in a group of strangers. His mood must have been nothing short of horrible then. Daphne tugged his sleeve, “What were you doing? Why did you leave us?” “We thought you disappeared like Mom and Dad,” Gani said. Hearing the fear and hurt in his siblings’ voice shredded his heart. “I’m sorry,” Lorenzo said. With his free hand, he patted Daphne’s head. Gani once again made use of his tie. It took a lot out of him not to roll his eyes, yet that wasn’t important now.

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Lorenzo lifted Berry for the twins to see. Berry was the same old chocolate-brown bear, yet it looked like he was smiling brighter than when Ria was with him. Never in his life did Lorenzo think he’d introduce a stuffed bear. That is, until now, “This is Berry,” he began, “I didn’t mean to leave you when I took a breather, and I’m sorry. Berry was given to me by a friend while I was out.” “He’s a cute bear,” Daphne started petting Berry. “It was scary being with those people,” Gani said. He averted his eyes to the pavement. If only they knew how much their older brother agreed with that statement, “I’m sure it was. And yet, you both managed to pull through. Let’s go,” Lorenzo stood up, bringing the kids along with him. “I still need to cook dinner when we get home. Daphne, do you have a tissue for your brother?” “He finished them all up pretty early on, Enzo.” “Hey!”

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~ As the aroma of chicken fried rice filled the kitchen, Lorenzo allowed himself to stray deep into thought. He recalled Ria’s sweet yet strong-willed personality and his siblings’ soft hearts. The fact that the shine in their eyes was yet to be tainted by their cruel world pained him. Lorenzo was uncertain about multiple ideas and he absolutely detested it. If he were to be honest with himself, he was uncertain of his family’s future. He was uncertain of whether he’d be able to return the childlike wonder he so missed, or be able to at least preserve his siblings’. He had taken it on himself to protect them and whatever they had, yet there always was a limit to what he could do. Such is the fate of mere humans, after all. Though in a sea of uncertainty, there was but one thing he would always hold true, especially after meeting Ria: He’d fight through the depths of hell to nurture those smiles, not solely the twins’ for that matter, but also the smiles of others. That was more than enough to keep him going.

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Maybe that idea could mark the end of his thinking for now. Little did Lorenzo know that the next time he’d enter his Enchantment, the marble floor and the glass bookshelves would be pieced together and the ceiling would exhibit its homely, illuminating glow. Meera the Elephant would be waiting, ready to give him the warmest welcome. ~ At some point in our lives, we all have our own Enchantments. They may teach us the meaning of wonder or the feeling of having everything we’ve revolved our lives around being stripped away, all at once or little by little. That day could be inevitable, yet when it comes, may we know what will keep us clinging, even with all the wonder gone. May we know what to fight for. May we know who to fight for.

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WATER AND WOODS ANDIE BASILIO

there was a siren & a faerie in the recesses of my dreams. their love waxed like the moon but the measly youth in me thought it to be a star instead. in another life, “water and woods” would be more than a fairy tale i had written up. in this one, i can only call it my childhood. when i was 7, my parents dubbed me a princess to appease my whimsical wishes. i had butterfly wings wrapped around my shoulders to look as though they were sprouting from my back. a dainty tiara, complete with fluff and pink glitter, rested squarely on my head. it was too tiny to bear the weight of a golden crown, too young to be told the damning stories of fae who spoke half-truths to have their way with dainty beings.

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(i am 17 now, wondering how it all would have gone had i not been taught to hold my pen, withholden from the ability to craft my own story. in that scenario, my childhood is caught in the crossfire with the lazy days of imagination turned nonexistent. the siren returns to her waters and the faerie returns to her woods. the measly human in me watches the star die.) the wings were a shimmering annoyance to attach by the time i turned 10, so i turned to other tales. there was one of a young lady who had great wits and dreamt of great things but bore the weight of an estranged family, not quite a golden crown. she came across a choir of merfolk, willingly let herself under their thrall, and was fed the vision of a future where her great wits brought her great things and an intact family along with it. back then, i had judged her unthinkingly for not thinking her decision through.

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(i am 17 now, wondering how it all would have gone had i been there to fit the shoes of her struggles, knowing not if my family could ever love what i loved. in that scenario, i am cursed to pursue a path with all that i have while aching perpetually for what i do not. the siren yearns for the woods and the faerie searches among the waters. the star flickers, but just barely.) there is a siren & a faerie in the recesses of my dreams. i had written up this tale at 15, where the siren sings her way out of her choir’s bitter misgivings and the faerie detaches from her nature of selective preachings. there is no thrall to be found here, no half-truth to their love. in another life, water and woods would dub me a measly human tale, wondering upon a waxing star. in this one, i can only write.

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LETTERS FROM THE MOON DANA BELO

My Favorite Eclipse, Teach me how to fathom the way I feel and how the stars aligned for us. I have never met you before and I have never expected that there were strings of constellations attached to you. I thought of you some times before—a warm home amidst the dark infinity I circle my life around. The thought of you was bright, it was warm, it was home, it was an idea. I named you in my head with not a single thought of meeting you. You were poetry in the drafts, a painting left unfinished by the masters.

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After the next light-years, the constellations spoke of your name. I saw it around me; the same name I gave an unfinished idea was written in the constellations. And in the midst of thinking, I saw you from a distance. Was I having a vision or was I lying to myself to make the idea concrete? Yet you spoke to me in verses of beautifully written poetry of warmth like cascading stars in an infinite galaxy. Was I dreaming still? Are you worth thinking about as a masterpiece unfinished, a passage half-written? You shone more brightly as light-years passed, and when you were too bright, I turned around to not face you, but fate was cruel and kind to pull me back and closer to you. Was it wrong of me to turn away or was I right to do so? As I turned around, you were looking at me, and for a moment I looked back at the most beautiful poem I’ve ever read.

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A LETTER BY STARLIGHT ELIANA ESGUERRA

June 1, 2021 12:07 am on Antares I wish to see my friends in person. — Lia could scarcely remember the wish she made that night. The memory was hazy—her half-asleep eyes looking up from the keyboard towards the clear night sky. The stars seemed to blur together, just like the text on her screen. But the stars were not her assessments, and she took comfort in that. Lia didn’t remember her thoughts after that but somewhere, she thought about the calls and messages with her friends and classmates. “I’ve never met you,” she muttered as she faced the stars again.

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“Maybe… let me… I wish to see my friends in person.” Binary stars gleefully twinkled as the lull of sleep finally took over Lia. – December 28, 2021 7:04pm Antares smiled and twinkled despite not being visible. It tingles with a wishmaker’s magic. – Almost five months later, she’s under the night sky again. Lia stood under a tree outside of a cafe. She paced nervously, anxiously glancing at her phone again. Five past seven. This is the right place, right? She thought. Six past seven. This definitely is the right place. Just wait.

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Seven past seven. Stop counting the minutes! Eight past seven. “I said to stop counting the minutes!” Footsteps. Lia’s eyes snapped towards the direction they came from. She looked up to see two of her friends approaching. Their faces were the same as she remembered on their calls. Ed’s hair was still in its messy, short style, and she was sure that he hid a gentle smile behind his facemask. Natalie gleefully waved at Lia from her place beside him. “You’re here!” she squealed as she ran up to crush Lia ribs in a hug. “I-I can’t breathe–” “Shhh, be quiet. Let me have this.” After squirming in Natalie’s arms for several more seconds, Natalie finally let her go and began chatting with Ed. Lia’s ears tuned out the conversation, only catching bits of sentences from it and her eyes darted to the pair of friends.

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Ed was taller than Natalie by several inches despite the latter wearing heels. Ed seemed to say something that made Natalie swear and slap his arm. It made her laugh. They were the same… yet different. Lia was used to their antics but she never saw Natalie slap him while stomping nor realized just how tall Ed truly was (despite Natalie already wearing heels). Those little details felt like they held the same magic as those miracle granting wizards in stories. And yet, they were there in hiding all along.

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Lia looked up. The clear skies showed radiant stars and a brilliant moon. The lines of the tall buildings dared to reach up but failed. A shooting star passed by and a breeze picked up, cutting straight through her friends’ conversation and turning them into laughter. Lia felt a hand grab hers. It was Natalie’s. “Come on, the others are waiting for us!” Ed nodded in agreement as they whisked her away. – December 28, 2021 [ June 1, 2021 12:07 am on Antares I wish to see my friends in person. ] Wish granted.

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WHEN DAWN FEELS DARKER THAN DUSK ATH ESTANISLAO

Love is violent. It’s a constant, fervent desire to be brave enough to devote oneself beyond intrapersonal capacity. It’s a vast complexity, like space, where everything is simultaneously shattering, exploding, and spiraling into nothing. Exploring one’s aching is already a trip to the peak of the world’s highest point. But with you, love doesn’t have to be cruel. It doesn’t have to gnaw and claw through layers of skin. You’re a fantasy I’d fall in love with, a chapter in a novel I’d rip out and become with it. Food I’d consume only on a special day so that on other days I’ll keep longing to taste you again.

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You are enchanting, like a myth that becomes real at night. A bartender who knows how to mix concoctions that make me feel complete. The way you dedicate yourself to your sacred craft, like a silent prayer in the form of a drink. I see you whenever I come to the tavern. Stoic and mysterious. Though your eyes tell a different story. A story of endless training and precision. You pour milk and tea, and then some caramel, and our eyes meet after you mix the drink. The whole world lies beneath your eyes, moving towards the oblivion beyond your irises. The next time I see this pair of eyes looking at me is now when the darkness of the night can hide your presence. You’re at the back of the winery, clad in mystery, and as my eyes beg you to stay, you simply walk up to me. You hold my face, cupping it with your gloved hand. I can feel the fabric rubbing against my cheek, wiping tears that are just about to fall.

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“You don’t have to do this,” I choke out, “You know that, right?” You fail to reply. “Right?” I repeat, voice broken and frail. “You’ve always known this,” you whisper, dull as always. “You’ve always known I was cruel to make you forget me.” I pull away harshly from you and from then, I know I pulled away from the last time I’ll ever feel your touch. “I wish I was blind. Or, or,” I scramble my head for better words, hands frantically gesturing up and down, as if ridding myself of my emotions, “I wish I never looked at you, never met you, never kissed at the break of dawn.” You’re leaving, fading in my memory as you deny me the only wish I ever asked of you. “Yes, I wish you never did.” This is the story of how my heart breaks after the awakened twilight. Rumors say it will never heal. Never have I thought of them to have the ability to be true.

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A ‘Smart’ Love behind the Closed Doors aubrey san jose

“I just want to experience love to the fullest.” Lihui always said to herself, even as she studied engineering in a prestigious college in Shanghai. She is a woman with intelligence and wit, said to top Gaokao exams– the most difficult college test across China. On the summit of the mountain she was standing on, she only has one competitor — Zhenyu, an economics student who was only second because of a minor mistake in the Mathematics portion. From the title alone, they were perceived by strangers and the university as the smartest pairs in the room. “It’s always between Lihui and Zhenyu! The university is free to flip a coin to determine who’s the real winner!” “Both Lihui and Zhenyu are serious in their studies!”

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"Zhenyu is part of basketball varsity. He is so diligent enough to study and play at the same time!” “But Lihui joins organizations to help the less fortunate. Helping people is more impactful than sports!” These are what people heard and perceived of them — a man and woman, both nerds, who have nothing to think about but study and study just to beat each other for the “Most Outstanding Student” award. However, beneath their heated ‘battle’ in college, there was a story that no one– even their closest friends– knew about. One that everyone deemed impossible. Yes, Lihui and Zhenyu are the same rivals who slept on the same bed every night, embracing tightly to provide warmth as cold air caressed them.

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Rivals who went to the very corner of the library to study and rant about their professors, then went to a cafe nearby to buy two cups of frappuccino with matching flavors. And rivals who held their hands together as they talked about life in the park on the outskirts of the city, both had butterflies in their stomach with no chains and suspicious eyes around them. With falling leaves caressing them as their eyes locked—as if they lived in their own world. Such relationship was a bliss, yet it was hidden from the eyes of the people. Sometimes, they even forgot they were lovers due to how heated the competition is. “I wish we can dance and kiss without any worries, without unnecessary competition between us. Is it because we know too much academically?”

~~~

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Autumn season just arrived, but academics became more hectic. “Zhenyu is taking sports! How dare he put himself into different extracurriculars to race you up there,” her classmate told her after they left their lecture hall. Other students were also murmuring about the news, which was normal for Lihui to hear. She stared at her phone with a message from Zhenyu—under the name Stupid Rock, asking her how were her classes—before she kept it in her bag. “Just let him be, Ming,” Lihui replied and chuckled. “But it’s varsity. Varsities have higher boosts to the overall score,” Ming complained, “Are you going to be complacent?” “Nope.” Lihui dropped a coin into the vending machine and tapped some buttons to buy her favorite snack. “I don’t want to step into a territory I can’t deal with. After all, Zhenyu is very skilled in basketball—”

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“So you’re following this rule: To defeat your enemy, you must know your enemy!” Ming interrupted, causing her to raise her eyebrows, “Genius! Genius!” Lihui sighed and picked up the snack from the machine. She tore the corner of it and ate the chips. “Sometimes, we must not exert too much just for an enemy.” “Right, right,” Ming replied, “but everything counts!” Lihui just nodded and silently walked away in hopes of Ming not following her, yet Ming just watched and followed her. As they walked to the university gate, Ming noticed one thing about Lihui: the ring finger of her right hand had a silver promise ring with a jade gemstone. According to what she searched, promise rings mean a commitment to someone, so to see the smartest woman in the university wearing that ring told Ming something Lihui never told to anyone. Does my smart, cool classmate have a boyfriend? Ming thought. I have to ask her. Maybe she is willing to tell. “Do you have a boyfriend?” Ming asked.

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Lihui stopped walking and looked at Ming. “Why? Is it because of my ring?” “Yep.” Ming pointed out. “I never thought you were in a relationship until recently, considering your seriousness in studies.” “It’s none of your business.” Lihui smiled and looked at the ring with sincerity. “I am still a human who yearns for love, Ming. Do you know those famous people? Their inspiration and motivation come from someone special, whether romantic or not. However, it’s unnecessary to tell who he is today.” Ming sighed. “So, when will you tell us who’s your special someone?” Lihui sighed and looked at the maple leaves above her. Those were the same leaves present when she and Zhenyu promised each other back on Qixia Mountain — a few months after they confessed their love.

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“How about this? If you are the Most Outstanding Student, I will propose in front of everyone during the graduation party and shout ‘You are my inspiration and I am your inspiration!’” Lihui laughed. “Although I said it to you face-to-face, that doesn’t mean you’ll make a mockery out of it. That’ll be a big embarrassment if we will look at it years later. I will never be part of your odd plan—” “You are already part of my odd plan, Huihui.” Lihui crossed her arms, but the redness of her cheeks remained. “What do you mean I’m already part of it?” “Since that night in the park, you are officially part of my schemes,” Zhenyu said, “officially a mother of my rocks, study buddy, and most of all my beloved girlfriend!” She sighed and asked, “but what if you are the Most Outstanding Student? Considering that everything is up to the decision of the administration.” Zhenyu walked and wrapped his arm around her. “Then I will still propose, but this time, I’ll tell everyone ‘Lihui inspires me, and I inspire Lihui. We grow together behind the scenes, so please consider her to be Most Outstanding too.’”

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Lihui pinched his cheek.“How dare you! I never thought a stupid blockhead will make me feel soft!” “Yes I am,” Zhenyu smirked. “It’s one of the things I learned from watching your cheesy Chinese dramas.” Lihui laughed, but she stopped when Zhenyu eventually knelt with a silver ring. It was a moment that caused her world to stop — she only heard the rustle of maple leaves falling around her and her pounding heartbeat echoing in her body. “What is this?” She spoke slowly. “A promise ring,” Zhenyu admitted, “I heard you like jade gemstones, so I picked one that has it.” Lihui’s eyes twinkled, with a hint of tears coming out of her eyes. “You know me so well.” “Yes.” He held her right ring finger and inserted the promise ring. “Everyone assumes we always go against each other but it’s not. However, let’s make a promise to be strong for each other despite the odds against us. We have four semesters left before we graduate.

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“For now, I promise to adore you and inspire you just like what you always do to me. May this be an indication of our ongoing relationship that we shall cherish, until we reach the end of the tunnel wherein we can fully declare without objections from anyone.” “So when will you tell?” Ming asked again after Lihui didn’t respond for minutes. “Oh.” Lihui shook her head. “Most probably soon. Perhaps when we all graduate.” Ming’s eyes widened. “For now I’ll give you a clue: He is a smart man who collects rocks in his free time.” Lihui winked. Ming crossed her arms. “Oh,” Lihui added, “and he considers them as his babies.” “What?” Lihui passed through the gate before Ming realized. Luckily she hinted at one characteristic that unknowingly linked to Zhenyu… for now.

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[MEMO TO THE KIDS WHO ARE BOUND TO Gianna santiago MEET KIDS] [MEMO TO THE KIDS WHO ARE BOUND TO MEET KIDS] Announcement regarding on meeting The Building, The School, The Man, The Everything. The Man who manages The Building <themanwhomanagesthebldg@ateneo.edu> to bcc: the kids who lost their lives to the pandemic and are salvaging it through mall world and the few onsite classes The Building may offer ——— Dear all, Peace! Attached is the memo on meeting The Building, The School, The Man, The Everything. Thank you very much. The Man who manages The Building ———

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MEMO TO: All. And the Kids. the poor kids. The sad, sad, disappointed kids, with no experience in The Building. FROM: The Man who manages The Building SUBJECT: To meet The Building, The Man, The Everything I AM NOT THE MAN YOU THINK I AM. In the days we have enriched ourselves with no sunlight, I choose to not be addressed as the unfortunate who was affected by the two-year turmoil of digital stress. I am one of The Kids you will continuously refer to. A part of the 900 population that, when the topic of The Building is brought up, all we could do is say we haven’t entered its premises.

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MEMO TO THE KIDS WHO ARE BOUND TO MEET KIDS. This, I will discuss through the view of a child who wandered inside The Building at 7:30 AM on a Friday with the feeling of dread and love inside. You can hear the announcements and wishes of protocol to be followed once you greet your father goodbye. You can hear the screams when one meets the other for the first time ever. You want to puke on the spot. You wish to puke on the spot. Because life is not living and life is not real in the moment you can finally enter a building you so wished to enter for the past two years. WHAT IS MY STATE OF MIND? STATE OF MIND? STATE OF MIND! The first person I met did not feel real to me. Neither did the person after.. The person after then the person next then the person who was right by the stage, the other person near the banner, near the blue chair, the other blue chair, many blue chairs!!, so on and so forth until you meet the familiar kid with the same name pattern on the school’s email whose Google Meet face is loud, texts are loud, whose life is loud — is now loud in real life. THE STATE OF MIND: LIFE IS NOT REAL. and that continues to go forth for the past few hours within that said building.

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I THINK I AM RED ART LOVER, AND LONG FOR THE PLATONIC INTIMACY BY THE KIDS ON THE FIFTH SIDE OF RED LANE. On the day we are forced to implement the open forum ideology in a formal manner, I am faced with the dilemma of not knowing what classmates do, what students do, what friends do, in a real-life situation with no online touch. It is still a surreal moment to look in the eyes of people you used to admire only through screens, but the awkwardness is buoyant in itself. “Hi… How are you…”, “Are you actually answering the question?”, “Yeah”, “Oh ok” — simple conversations will be now left in the everlasting memory of you and this building and the trademark of the kids on the fifth side of red lane is not knowing how to stop screaming and chanting whenever someone stands up.

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WELCOME TO MALL WORLD. WHERE ELSE DO THE KIDS GO AFTER SCHOOL? In the other building a few kilometers down the road, you see more, and more, and more and more and more and more. There was no moment where I was tired of meeting the kids and other kids and elsewhere kids in The Building and this other building titled ‘Mall World’. The idea that other people are real is weird — the idea that they breathe, touch, and act perhaps the same way as you is an idea that will not be grasped by senior-high me as I take on the last few months of my journey in a hit-ormiss mixed set-up.

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I WON’T MISS IT ALL. I definitely won’t miss the annoying class that stuck with me throughout my time in a school that encourages you to lead and serve. I will not cry as I write my last fake memo as The Man who manages The Building, as the kid who spends Fridays at 2:00 PM reliving the passion of writing through bird-named spaces, as the workaholic who everyone tells to “take time and rest, you have so much on your plate”, as the kid who loves to talk to everyone but hates the world at the same time. I will not cry on the 3rd of June, nor will I feel sadness if I face my last assessment as a student with the color red plastered on their school items. I will not pretend that I am ready to face the world from an adult’s view, when in reality, I am still busy wanting to make memories with the other forty kids in my class in real life. The pressure of The Kids, the pressure of all kids who have found a home in this building (whether physically or not) and being slowly forced out of it, has reached its pique. It is weird enough that I am ending this world through computer screens but life was unknowingly salvaged for a short while through this moment in March. It will be fully weird when I beg to say the phrase “That’s really it?” in my own voice as I am being given the diploma that I was bound to get after the two-year turmoil.

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AREN’T YOU ALL TIRED OF READING THE MEMO FROM THE MAN? Who is not really a man? Who is just a kid from the red lane of this school? A kid who has big dreams, big ambitions, but with no action — deep into regrets? A kid who cried the other day because they recalled the dream they had one night that asked them if they deserve to study in The Building and the question dawned on them that no, they never deserved to enter the school painted with Catholicism and the colors of blue and white in the first place? the man? the man. The man. The Man. THE man. THE Man. The Man! No, it’s the kid. The Kid. THE Kid. The Katippy Kid! The kid from the fifth side of red lane, whose name is vaguely remembered, whose annoyance can be felt up until the third floor of the building if physicality was ever a thing in the past two years, whose hair had drastic changes every quarter for both junior and senior year. There are too many scenes to uncover, with so little time, and so I, Katippy Kid, no longer The Man who manages the Building, will now part ways with all of you, the other kids who lost their lives to the pandemic and are salvaging it through mall world and the few onsite classes The Building may offer. Let the world stop moving so quickly so we can ravish ourselves in the feeling of normalcy, what once was, before dropping ourselves to the future of uncertainty and adulthood.

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We continue to pray for everyone’s good health, safety, and well-being. I salute the days for all the kids to enjoy their little moments with the other kids. Katippy Kid! (Sgd.) The Man who manages The Building

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