HARANA: Mga Awit ng Puso

Editor'snote

Kasabay ng pagbabago ng kulay ng kalangitan at pagsayaw ng mga ulap ay siyang pagbabago rin ng himig ng bawat musika tuwing kinakalabit ang mga kwerdas ng gitara at pag-iiba ng mga inaalayan ng liriko sa bawat haranang isinasagawa Lumipas man panahon hindi maikakaila na ang harana ay bahagi na ng ating kultura at pagkakakilanlan bilang Pilipino sapagkat ito ang nagbigay-daan para sa bawat mamamayan na ihayag ang nararamdaman para sa kapwa at sa bayan Hindi lamang pinagtibay ng harana ang musmos na pag-ibig ng mga Pilipino para sa isa’t isa ngunit binuhay din nito ang natutulog na diwa ng pagkamakabayan ng sambayanang Pilipino

Noong kapanahunan ng ating mga ninuno ay ginagamit ang harana bilang paraan ng panunuyo sa taong napupusuan ng isang binata at paraan din ng pagbibigay respeto sa pamilya ng dalaga Nang sinakop tayo ng mga dayuhan ay naging talamak ang harana para sa ating mga bayani sapagkat nagsilbi itong tulay upang ihayag ang pagmamahal sa bayan noong mga panahong kasalanan ang mahalin at ipagtanggol ito. Nagbabago man ang ibig-sabihin at interpretasyon ng harana, iisa pa rin ang nais nitong ipahayag, ipakita, at iparamdam: pag-ibig.

Sa pamamagitan ng harana ay ating naihahayag ang pag-ibig sa bawat linya ng lirikong sinusulat ng puso, sa bawat nota ng musika na pilit pinapantayan ang nadarama, at sa tapang ng nanghaharana na gugulin ang oras at hubaran ang sarili sa pinagaalayan ng kanta Alinsunod dito, ipinapakilala ng Pugad Literary Folio ang aming unang folio sa taong 2022-2023 na may temang HARANA: Mga Awit ng Puso na naglalaman ng mga piyesang gagalugod sa iba’t ibang mukha ng pag-ibig sa pamamagitan ng paglilibot sa isipan ng mga manunulat at paglalangoy sa karanasan ng mga umibig, umiibig, at iibig Pagdaan sa silid-aralan upang sumulyap sa nagugustuhan, pagyakap sa mga kaibigang hindi nagawa sa taong nagdaan, at pagpupursige sa pag-aaral sa kabilang ng hirap na nararanasan Ilan ang mga ito sa mga mukha ng pag-ibig na nais naming gunitain at ipagbunyi kasama ang buong komunidad ng Ateneo de Manila Senior High School At kung ikaw ay isa sa mga taong patuloy pa ring nangungulila at nananabik sa panunuyo at pagmamahal, nawa’y sa darating na pasko ay magsilbi itong regalo na yayakap at magbibigay saya sa iyo Nawa’y mapunan din nito ang puwang sa inyong mga puso at panatilihin kayong sabik sa kinabukasang may hatid na regalo mula sa pag-ibig

Sa pagtatapos, nais ng Pugad Literary Folio na magsilbing gabay ang mga akda na nakapaloob dito upang mahanap, makita, at makilala mo ang pag-ibig na sa’yo ay ibinigay at pag-ibig na kaya mong ibigay Bagamat nababalot tayo ng dilim sa kasalukuyan, nawa’y gamitin niyo ang mapupulot na aral at karanasan upang panatilihin ang diwa ng ating kultura sa pamamagitan ng harana, at gamitin ang kapangyarihan nitong magbigay ng pag-ibig na bubuhay sa mga natutulog na puso ng ating kababayan Hinihiling namin na ang folio na ito ay magsilbing isang paggunita at paalala na ikaw ay napapaligiran ng pagmamahal at may kakayahang magbigay ng pagmamahal, sa kabila ng lahat

Ang HARANA: Mga Awit ng Puso ay tungkol sa mga kuwento ng pag-ibig at ang iba’t ibang mukha nito maging kilig man, kapayapaan, pagdiwang, pangungulila, pagtanggap, o pakikibaka.

Masayang pagbabasa, at maligayang Pasko.

Pugad Literary Folio Editorial Board

Andre by Leana Agapito

love happened in a blue jacket; numb hands and a soft gaze, he was october morning's twist; under falling leaves with the howls of wind standing at a far end. he spoke a voice i've never heard, and somehow i still thought i know you, don't i?

love happened in every glimpse i took to see, if he was really here; and in each one it was his eyes-a flutter to the heart his was the key to the stars; a mirror to my soul.

love happened

in dusk; as we walked in the rain, a shared yellow umbrella from there i knew in stories said your laugh in reward and the way you called my nameso it's you. love happened in parting and his goodbye for the night;

i stared as he took his steps away from where we were; i knew i’d find and talk to you again like i was already yours, before i even knew. love happened in a day i didn’t thought it would and so i said to the rain

Stay by Leana Agapito

love; somehow today i don't love myself as much as I did before.

Its as if I were a blur, and undeserving of anything at all. But I hope in days of lows, and I shut myself closer–

I hope you'll stay, and accept what I can't; as I'll always try, to breathe you inin ways I can for love, you are whom I love.

Vows by Leana Agapito

in your hands i place the key to my soul a life i proudly give for you to have and hold. in days you ' re away all i'll whisper, your name in a prayer; faith, lead him back to me. embracing all pain, for love i'll make it go away.

in memories hoping i'd never forget i'll lock you away, scarred in my heart a reminder of you in every day. in cold hands, scared and worried i'll keep you safe; for you'll never face it alone.

Because love, in all remaining days, of the life we'll live i'll love you, always in all ways i can.

AngPag-ibigngIsang Tulisan

by Tagabantay

Mahal kong Filomena,

Hindi ako pinapatulog ng mga kuliglig

At ng aking isipang tigib

Ng mga pangyayaring binubuo

Ng halimaw sa aking dibdib

Hindi ako mapakali

Nasasabik? Kinakabahan?

Ako’y nag-aalala!

Hindi mawari kung bakit

Ang tubig ay ‘di sapat

Upang paamuhin ang halimaw

Na ‘di magkamayaw sa hiyaw

Tila may gustong sabihing

Hindi ko masisikmura

Ngunit iyong ipagpalagay na ako’y darating

Mapagod man ang kabayo Sa layo ng aking lalakbayin

At kung hindi siya madadaan sa tubig at pagkain Lalakad na lamang ako ‘Di na bale kung manakit ang mga paa

O masira man ang aking sapatos Asahan mong darating ako

Mainggit man ang kalangitan sa ating pag-iibigan

Gumawa man siya ng unos at bahain Ang lugar sa ating pagitan Ako’y magmamakaawa sa Diyos Na muli niyang hatiin ang tubig

At kung hindi niya gagawin Lalangunyin ko na lamang ang karagatan ‘Di na bale kung mapagod, Mauhaw at masugatan Asahan mong darating ako

At kung biglaan mang masira ang daan na aking tatahakin Hindi ko na alam ang gagawin Ngunit alam na ang gagawin Asahan mo, Darating ako Nagmamahal, Juan M. Mahal kong Juan, Sa pagguhit ko sa bawat araw sa kalendaryo, Ang siyang pagbukas ng bawat kandado ng aming pinto Ako’y nasasabik sa iyong pagdating Kung maaari lamang ay hinele ko na ang araw para patulugin

At hinalikan ang buwan para gisingin Muli ko itong gagawin Paulit-ulit Hanggang sa dumating ang araw Na ikaw ay masilayan Sa awang ng bintana sa aking kuwarto

Naghintay ako sa iyong pagdating Kahit bumabagsak na ang talukap ng araw Kahit sumasayaw na ang mga alitaptap Kahit ako ay sinasampal na ng buwan Sa katotohanang, ika’y hindi na darating

Naghintay ako, Juan Hindi ko mawari Ni mapagtagpi-tagpi Ang mga pangyayaring Maaring dahilan na ako ay iyong paasahin Sa iyong pagdating, Sa iyong panunuyo, Sa iyong pagmamahal

Binigo mo ako, Hindi ako nagtatangis na ako ay iyong pinaghintay Hindi ako nagtatangis na ako ay napahiya sa iyong ginawa Ang ikinawasak ng aking puso Ay ang hindi mo pagtupad sa iyong pangako Na ika’y darating

Mapagod man ang kabayo sa layo ng iyong lakbayin Na ika’y darating

Mainggit man ang kalangitan sa pag-iibigan natin Na ika’y darating Masira man ang daan na iyong tatahakin

Ikinawasak ng aking puso

Ang umasa sa iyong pangako Na ika’y darating Nalulumbay, Filomena

Mahal kong Filomena, Batid kong ika’y naghintay nang napakatagal Pinagmumunihan kung anong mali saan nagkamali Marahil ika’y kinakain ng pangambang Mabuway ang aking pag-ibig

Na kaya itong ipatumba ng bawat pagkakamali Huwag kang mag-alala, mahal ko Tanggap kita nang buong buo Na kaya kong halikan Ang lamat ng iyong pagkatao

Patawad, ika’y pinaasa ko Patawad, ika’y pinaghintay ko Patawad, hindi ko natupad tinupad Ang aking pangako na ako’y darating Ano man ang mangyari Hindi ko alam na ang pagkakabihag Ang siyang hahamon Sa aking tapang Nang bitawan ko ang pangakong ito

Habang wala ako,

Hiling ko sa araw na ikaw ay kumutan Nang hindi ka lamigin kung lilisan ito

Hiling ko sa mga alitaptap na ikaw ay aliwin Nang sa gayon ay mapawi ang luha at sakit na aking ginawa

Hiling ko sa buwan na bigyan ka ng liwanag Nang hindi ka matisod sa madilim na daan

Hanggang hiling na lang muna ako, Filomena

Patawad kung sa irog mo ay wala kang kasiguraduhan Walang kasiguraduhan kung darating Walang kasiguraduhan kung buhay

Pag-ibig at katapatan lamang Ang tanging sigurado na maibibigay ko sa ngayon

Sa mga oras na binabasa mo ito, Marahil ay nasa kuta na ako Nakatakas, nakalaya. Panandalian Nababalot ng pulbura ang kamay

Tumatagaktak ang pawis sa bawat sandatang liniliha Nakabababahala ang aking gagawin

Ngunit ayos lang

Kung singtamis naman ng iyong tugon

Ang makukuha kong kapalit sa paglabang ito

‘Pagkat ang paglaban ko sa pag-ibig ko sa iyo Ay ang paglaban rin sa kalayaan mo

At kung hindi mo matanggap ang liham na ito, Susulatan muli kita ng isang libong liham Hanggang sa dumating ang araw Na ako na ang magsasabi Ng lalamanin ng bawat liham na ito Magsusulat sa madilim naming kuta Hangga’t lumabo ang mata Hangga’t mapudpod ang panulat Hangga’t mangalay ang kamay.

Isa lamang ang aking pakiusap Ako, isang hamak lamang, Ay nagmamakaawa Sa iyong paghihintay Huwag sanang mabagot Hintayin mo ako Hanggang sa maipaglaban ko Ang kalayaan mo Nagmamahal, Lagi’t lagi, Juan Masili

Mahal kong Juan,

Ilang buwan na ang lumipas, Mahal ko Ginuguhitan ko pa rin ang bawat araw sa kalendaryo Hinihele ko pa rin ang araw para patulugin Hinahalikan ko pa rin ang buwan para gisingin

Sinisilip ko pa rin ang bintana Umaasa sa iyong pagdating Ngunit ni tugon sa aking liham ay hindi mo ipinarating

Hihintayin mo bang taon buhay ang lumipas Para lamang matanggap ko ang iyong tugon? Ang iyong paliwanag? Sa aking pagkakamali,

Kung ano man ang mali Kung saan man nagkamali Kung sakaling nagkamali Maubos man ang gaas ng lampara Matunaw man lahat ng kandila Humina man ang ningning ng mga bituin Maghihintay ako Sa iyong pagdating

O kahit sa liham man lang

O sa kahit anong balita tungkol sa iyong kalagayan

Tatanggapin ko Kahit anong dumating Basta’t galing sa’yo Basta’t tungkol sa’yo

Naghihintay, Filomena

Mahal kong Filomena, Batid kong ika’y naghintay nang napakatagal

Pinagmumunihan kung anong mali—saan nagkamali

Marahil ika’y kinakain ng pangambang

Mabuway ang aking pag-ibig Na kaya itong ipatumba ng bawat pagkakamali

Huwag kang mag-alala, mahal ko

Tanggap kita nang buong buo

Na kaya kong halikan

Ang lamat ng iyong pagkatao

Patawad, ika’y pinaasa ko

Patawad, ika’y pinaghintay ko Patawad, hindi ko natupad tinupad Ang aking pangako na ako’y darating Ano man ang mangyari Hindi ko alam na ang pagkakabihag Ang siyang hahamon Sa aking tapang Nang bitawan ko ang pangakong ito

Habang wala ako, Hiling ko sa araw na ikaw ay kumutan Nang hindi ka lamigin kung lilisan ito Hiling ko sa mga alitaptap na ikaw ay aliwin Nang sa gayon ay mapawi ang luha at sakit na aking ginawa Hiling ko sa buwan na bigyan ka ng liwanag Nang hindi ka matisod sa madilim na daan

Hanggang hiling na lang muna ako, mahal ko Patawad kung sa irog mo ay wala kang kasiguraduhan

Walang kasiguraduhan kung darating Walang kasiguraduhan kung buhay Pag-ibig at katapatan lamang Ang tanging sigurado na maibibigay ko sa ngayon

Sa mga oras na binabasa mo ito, Marahil ay nasa kuta na ako Nakatakas, nakalaya. Panandalian Nababalot ng pulbura ang kamay Tumatagaktak ang pawis sa bawat sandatang liniliha Nakababahala ang aking gagawin Ngunit ayos lang Kung singtamis naman ng iyong ngiti Ang makukuha kong kapalit sa paglabang ito ‘Pagkat ang paglaban ko sa pag-ibig ko sa iyo Ay ang paglaban rin sa kalayaan mo

At kung hindi mo matanggap ang liham na ito, Susulatan muli kita ng isang libong liham

Hanggang sa dumating ang araw Na ako na ang magsasabi Ng lalamanin ng bawat liham na ito

Magsusulat sa madilim naming kuta

Hangga’t lumabo ang mata

Hangga’t mapudpod ang panulat Hangga’t mangalay ang kamay.

Isa lamang ang aking pakiusap Ako, isang hamak lamang, Ay nagmamakaawa Sa iyong paghihintay Huwag sanang mabagot Hintayin mo ako Hanggang sa maipanalo ko

Ang pag-ibig ko, Ang kalayaan mo Nagmamahal, Lagi’t lagi, Juan Masili

quietlove by four

forgive me , dear friend for our words are limited and our actions are guarded still , hold me . wrap me with the warmth of our friendship , and tell it to the world : that we are the best of friends pardonne-moi , cher ami for we are subject to scrutiny if i could reach out and hold you , i would perdonami , caro amico for our hands are crossed behind us and cuffed if i could cling to you and feel your lips , i would

perdoname , querido amigo

for our lips are sealed one wrong word and we ’ re disgraced if only i could once again hold gazes with you see how you hold the galaxy in your eyes see how your irises reflect the morning sun i would

pasaylo-a ko , higala for exchanging looks is a sin punished by those holier than us but most of all forgive me , dear friend no matter what language i utter these in , no matter how many times i repeat them , i could only dream …

of setting this in stone with you , mon cher to forge a new world for us no need for hiding and seeking no punishments for simply existing until then , dear friend

i will dream of caressing your skin again of kissing the souls out of each other ’ s teeth of my tender holding of your heart but for now , dear friend the sly smiles given covert gazes held hidden embraces driven are enough

this quiet love that we share this quiet love that no rule or law or body or faith can strip away

this quiet love that , once uncloaked , the world will know our names they will witness our love there will be no shame . this quiet love will always be ours .

zephyr by four

for years my chest has tightened by insecurity blocking its gates there shall be no hurt , it is told by fate flowers that once bloomed in the garden of my mind have hitherto wilted , replaced with pricks of thorns . pages once filled with artistry were made to bleed ink all along . fences of wood , now replaced with steel made gusts of wind seem wimp

this was what they warned me about : love was a double - edged sword promises of highest of highs leave you at your lowest of lows vows of keeping you company forsake you as the curtains close yet zephyr came at the soothing breeze of the wind his soft blow as if music to my ear with words intricately woven , with the tenderness of his touch

even with stories of unhealed scars memories tainted as they ’ re told the wind painted pitch black fresh tears on blush - tinted cheeks , he takes my hand

and pulls me into his arms

this was what i once dreamed of : a love that leaves you with nothing but a smile for years my chest has tightened yet for him do my lungs expand like the warmth of an embrace i take him in as easy as i breathe in this labyrinth i am still lost but with him the stars are within reach in this world i am still wandering but in him is where i find home

Pag-ibigang Pangungulila by Tito

Pag-ibig ang pangungulila.

Sa gabing hindi magawang dalawin ng antok o ni gambalain ng pananahimik ng kawalan, may kumakatok sa bintana–ang pangungulilang ‘di mo naman hinihintay.

Ngunit patutuluyin mo siya’t ipagtitimpla pa ng kape; mag-uusap kayo sa lalim ng hatinggabi. Itatanong mo ang sadya ng kanyang pagpunta; hindi inaasahan pero alam mong kailangan mo siya. Mag-isa ka kasi.

Subalit bubusugin ka niya ng kwento ng mga pagbabalik-tanaw at pagsasaluhan ito nang may tawa. Ang mga sandaling nagpapaalala na dati kang masaya. Hindi ka naman mag-isa.

Kapag naubusan na kayo ng pag-uusapan, tatanungin ka niya kung inaantok ka na. May badya ng hikab sa pagtugon pero malalim ang pag-aasam ng pananatili.

Pipilitin ka niyang matulog, malambing siya. Ihehele ka na parang bata’t kukumutan. Mahahanap ang pahinga sa kanyang dibdib na may pahiwatig na ‘di siya aalis. Mapagmahal naman ang pangungulila.

Habulan by Iza

At kung sakaling mataya kita, Nawa’y tumigil ang takbuhan at bulagbulagan. Sabihin mang maraming pupuntahan, Ikaw ang tanging patutunguhan.

Sa laro nating ito, Larong walang kasiguraduhan na ako ang mananalo, Hindi magsasawang sundan ang mga yapak mo. Dahil siyang tunay na ikaw ang pahinga ko.

yearning by Iza

I’m no traveler; ventures Were never my thing. And yet, I’d trek the destinations Maps refuse to chart, And compasses dire to reach, If it meant to journey worlds By your side, by your side.

Belladonna

by Dana Belo

Sol sets once again Apollo strums his lyre one last I should have given you more of; should the sun god be enraged for interrupting the moments of his setting time

As streaks of gold cascaded between the curtains, the ivory glistened of torment and neglect shall his golden hour be of you; or of more wondrous monarchs deserving of his wealth, of his everglow, than you ever should and will be has the melody ever gotten to you, Belladonna of such grace and sincerity in notes you could not sing of telltale and curious melodies that you could not hear of dances your feet could not follow

Should be it the dawn the beauty in your petals so cruelly enthralling the scent of your intricate and intoxicating perfume should be it the dawn that embraces such magnificent yet fatal sight

Does your heart sing his melodies, Belladonna does it sound the chimes of church bells that fill your Sunday afternoons or the chatter of guests by the piano keys as he sings to you the words of his affection as the melancholic undertone of each line fills your lonely midnights as the conflict seals you in a letter, enveloped within, a song of heartstrings plucked by Apollo himself plays; Sol starts to rise once again you long, Belladonna, strum the strings of the sun god's lyre, should he sing for you the melodies of beautiful silence of your fatal everglow

FRET

by Dana Belo

The tides crashed against the seawall as the stars came out of their hiding have they heard your music play or have they heard a singing my lilacs could not hear; the petals that bloomed with the falling leaves?

Sing me the songs of poets, Of wanderers and the lost

For they sing a melody I could not sing—a song I could not find it in me to play

Bring it may the sun,

In its chords, the glory sets; the crescent beauty shines upon these waves

Have you no wonder of silence and lonely afternoons?

My guitar strings bloomed innocent baby’s breath

As your calla lilies sang their song Have you no wonder of the changing tides?

As the blood moon rose, they awaken Do not fret about the uncertainty Let the moon cry with the falling of stars

As they sing a melody I could not fathom, A silence where your music freely plays.

PEACE

by Kat Liway

In the chaos of the night

I found tranquility in the creases of your smile

Such comfort, like home in a glass placed in the bottom of my pockets

Sitting and waiting for me to realize the everglow after vivid dreams

The hushed “I love you’s” in-between slow dances

The comfort during car rides home

My heart sits on the balconies

Listening to strings and trumpets sound their faulty compositions

It hears the cries of infants by the exit of the theater

It dances to the rhythm and sway of the conductor below

And it looked at you in wonder

As it began to sing a song no composer can ever compose A song no musician can play

A song meant for you, My heart’s favorite song you.

Leica Cecilia

PAGGUNITA by

katha mula sa “Tonight I Can Write (the Saddest Lines)” ni Pablo Neruda

Kay iksi ng pag-ibig, kay haba ng pagkalimot.

Nahuhulog ang hamog sa mga burol. Luntian sa tag-ulan, kayumanggi sa araw. Kinulang ako sa oras. Mismong Diyos ay tumutol.

Piling mo ang tanging kaligtasan, Ngunit ang palad mo’y ‘di na abot-kamay. Kinulang sa dangkal. Kabisado ko ang haba.

Sa mga gabing nais balikan ang iyong duyan Mga awit ay nauuwi lamang sa hangin; Sa himpapawid marahil ang tungo.

Ano pa ang halaga ng salita?

Aking mga tanong, alingawngaw ang sumagot.

Kay ganda mo sa bughaw,

Aking binubulong. Simoy ang sumagot. Nakababahala ang katahimikan. Karaniwang sinusundan ng bagyo.

Bumabali-balisa na ang mga ibon. Ang halimaw na dating natutulog, Bumalik sa mahal na gubat.

Walang kaimik-imik ang nandilim sa araw. Dambuhala ng nakaraan, ‘di na tumugon. Nagparami pa nang tuluyang makaupo.

Langit na bughaw, sumasalamin sa dagat, Ngayo’y namumula, hinaharap ang lupa. Aking kayumanggi ay pinahiran ng pula.

Nahuhulog ang hamog sa mga burol. Hustisya’y di man lang abot-tanaw. Magdamag nang lumuluha ang mga dumalo.

Kabalintunaan. Kay iksi ng pag-ibig sa bayan, Kay haba ng pagkalimot sa kasaysayan.

TITIG

by Jan Justo

Sa bituin.

Nakatingala tayo. Habang ang mga ibo’y kumakanta ng mga awit, at ang tibok ng lupa’y rinig ng madla.

Kaibig-ibig ang payak na pagkutitap ng langit, pati ang pagsilip ng buwan mula sa likod ng mga ulap. Pagkamalay ay biglang dumaan.

Sayo. Ang aking kasama sa panonood. Sa ating pananatili dito, nagiging malinaw na ika’y nararapat sa langit. Napakagandang pagmasdan.

Ang bitui’y napakalayo pero kumikinang at lumiliwanag pa rin. Tila’y isang ilaw na gumagabay, nagtatakda ng tamang daan at hangarin.

Ako.

Kahit sumigaw ako ay di maririnig ng bituin dala ng layo nito sa akin. Maski liwanag mo’y nais kong yakapin nang mahigpit na mahigpit.

Hangaring hagkan ang pisngi, ngunit baka mapaso ang aking labi buhat ng iyong nakakapasong asta. Aanhin ang lakas kung para sa wala?

Ninanais kong manatili ang gabi kahit may dala ring buhay ang umaga. Dampian man ako ng araw na mahinhin, pipiliin ko pa rin ang silaw ng tala.

Sa bituin ko.

Nakatingin ako sa aking liwanag. Habang ang isip ko’y kumakanta ng mga harana, at ang tibok ng puso’y rinig ng madla.

Nawa’y ‘di umiyak ang langit ngayong gabi, ‘pagkat ngayon ay tinititigan ko ang bituing ito. Ang natatanging nagniningning. Sana’y makita kong nakatingin rin.

Maaribakitang kilalanin? by Occult

Maaari ba kitang ilakad... sa gitna ng nag-aalimpuyong bukang-liwayway? Sa paglapat ng init ng araw sa iyong malambot na kamay sasamahan kitang lakbayin ang buhay

Mangyaring magkaroon ng pangako sa isa't-isa Na sa bawat pagtaimtim ng huni ng katahimikan, nariyan ka sa aking tabi, dama ang kapayapaan nakikita, naririnig, minamahal nang lubusan

Maaari ba kitang makasama... makalikha ng mga bagong piyesa tula man o kanta? Marahil kapiling sa isang prosa o nobela basta, matotoong tinatalakay ang isang buo at bagong istorya

Mangyaring makuha sa mga sulat at mga tawag Sa pagsapit ng gabing mumunting presensya lamang ay hanap sasariwain sa isip ang masasayang ganap, sasalubungin ang umaga nang may ngiting walang pagpapanggap

Mangyaring ipasilay ang mga pinakatatagong sikreto Yao'y pakikinggan, 'di hahanapan ng dahilan, 'di ka huhusgahan

Yakap ang iaaalay kung may 'di makayanan Yakap ang iaaalay kapag nais ng pagdadamayan

Maaari ba kitang makatabi?

Kalimutan ang paligid, sa ating mga kwento'y makinig Kahit simpleng mga banat at biro ay makaramdam ng katiting na pag-ibig

Kapusin ng hininga sa pagtawang dulot ng kilig

Maaari bang ako'y mapagbigyan?

Hayaang ang mga paang ito'y palapitin patungo sayo Hanggang unti-unting maulinigan ang malumanay na tinig mo Hanggang 'di na alintanang ang mga mata ko'y hawak na ng iyo

Mangyaring ika'y kilalanin…

Yaong atensyon ay aking hihilingin Yabong ng koneksiyon ay tsaka sisikaping abutin 'Yaang itong unang pag-uusap ang ating maging simulain

iwanttotrace myfingersover theedgesoffire by daybreak

yes, incinerate me.

i say to the matchstick, whose flame, as an embrace, engulfs me in a bed of thorny roses and the sun’s rays at golden hour, concomitantly.

the figure mesmerizes—it haunts me at every tick of time, it withers away in a faint string of smoke that i, so desperately, want to grasp on to, hoping it would take me to places that i've been scouring for where i smell bits of nostalgia, and vanilla and musk, and it would cradle me in its arms, like a mother.

it burns, it itches, the thought of heat makes me effervesce in thrill. it makes me want to dive into waves like needles, stinging every inch of my being, in an aim to make me docile. fire makes me bleed; but the heat, the lulls of its cracklings when it touches me and ignites my being, how could i ever forget? how could i ever resist? oh, is it such a sin to want wildfires over shards of rebirth and brume, to seek warmth in the contrast of life? pain after pain, i still come back to it. why is warmth ironic, like that?

Ikaw,dalang takipsilim by capella

alas-singko ng hapon: talab pa nang bahagya ang mga sinag ng araw, nilalabanan nito ang kadiliman at alimuom matapos ng pagluha namin ng langit. sa’king pinto, may katok; isang kaway at ngiting ‘di kailanman malimutan o mabura sa’king isipan ang bumati. heto nanaman, muli kang dumalaw. ang panglaw, ang kahapong pinaghirapang mabaon sa panahon nanunuot, nakatatakot, ngunit ngayo’y aking nilalasap, dinaranas nang paulit-ulit ang bawat tamis at hinagpis na nalimutan, sa kadahilanang ikaw.

patuloy mo akong minumulto, ako’y nagpapabiktima sa ilusyon mo. tila kumupas ang lahat ng tintang kilala ng aking mga mata; ako nanama’y alipin ng iyong anino, na walang makita kung hindi ang liwanag mo, ang kulay na siyang bumuo at sumira noon sa aking mundo. ang mga nalalabi ‘kong salita, mga emosyong kailanma’y ‘di masukat, biglang nagbalik, at iisa lamang ang kanilang sinasambit: ikaw pa rin, ikaw pa rin. bukas ang pinto, bukas-kamay sa delusyon, ngayon ako’y lumuluhod sa silweta mong gawa-gawa ko, hinihiling pa ring ika’y sa akin umuwi, dahil ikaw at ikaw pa rin, ang aking paraluman, aking pighati.

by Jayren Saavedra

Ano itong nadarama, sabi nila ay pag-ibig na, pero ‘di ko alam kung ano nga ba.

Pag-ibig nga ba?

Araw-araw naiisip, ‘di maalis sa’king isipan, ako'y mababaliw na.

‘Di ko parin maisip bakit, parang may kumikiliti sa aking damdamin.

Pag-ibig nga ba?

‘Di naman ikaw ang type ko, pero bakit kinikilig.

Gabi-gabi naiisip, yuck kadiri!

Umalis ka nga sa panaginip ko, kainis!

Wait lang teka… stop… wag ka nang lumapit.

Tibok ng puso… dug… bumibilis na.

‘Di ko mapigilan aking nadarama.

Pa’no ba ito mapipigilan.

Ika'y dumaan, ‘bat ako’y nilagpasan.

Nang dahil sa ' yo nagbago ang type ko.

Dati’y matangkad, maputi, ngayo ' y moreno.

Panindigan ginawa sa’kin at ligawan ako.

Wala na akong pake, baliw na, kasalanan mo lahat ito.

‘Di ka naman kagwapuhan, ‘di rin matalino.

Lagi akong nagtataka, bakit ikaw?!

‘Di ko alam, ang gagawin, bahala na.

balangaraw by Jayren Saavedra

Gumising akong may luha sa aking mga mata. Bumabalik na naman lahat ng ala-ala. Tumigil ang mundo ko noong nawala ka sapagkat hindi ko inakalang maglalaho ka sa aking buhay.

Ikaw, ikaw na nagbigay kulay sa aking mundo. Ang s’ya ring kukuha nito.

Nagsisisi, nagdurusa, hinahanap ang iyong presensya. Gustong makayakap, sa huling pagkakataon.

Paano kita ibabalik? Kung ako ang nagtulak sayo palayo.

Balang araw, sana makita kitang muli... ...Kahit sa panaginip lamang.

iloveyou: goupil by Jayren Saavedra

I love you, Dahil napapaliwanag mo ang mundo tuwing ngumingiti ka.

I love you, Dahil alam mo kung paano irespeto ang oras ko.

I love you, Kasi hinaharanahan mo ako tuwing malungkot ako.

I love you, Dahil ikinikwento mo sa mga kakilala mo kung gaano mo ako kamahal.

I love you, Dahil nagagawa mo pa rin akong kumustahin kahit na marami ka nang ginagawa.

I love you, Dahil nararamdaman ko ang kapayapaan sa presensya mo

I love you, Dahil sinasabayan at sinusuportahan mo ako sa lahat ng ginagawa ko.

I love you, Napapawi ang pagod ko tuwing binabalot mo ako ng mainit mong yakap.

I love you, Dahil… wala… basta I love you. Mahal ko kung ano ka.

loveinquery

by Andi Umali

I think of you, is that love? I don’t quite know yet, I’m afraid; however, I think about the way you talk, [it reminds me of bees] How your words rhythm the pour of honey, How you yourself, are yellow like the sun.

I think of you, is that love? Tonight, will you set like the sun does? Given up and in shambles, Cursed and spread out? Tomorrow, will you rise like the sun does?

Love is supposed to flow, Gleam and glisten and come They say it is encompassing, As tender as it is fracturing. I think of you, is that love?

I remember my heart when I’m with you, How it folds and envelopes in softness

It’s warm when I’m with you. It surrenders. I feel like I can tell you everything. I think about you in the dead of night, In the silence of my solace, undeafening. You are the thoughts of my quiet, and so Tucked in sheets akin to the essence of you, I think, Is this love?

I hear you again tomorrow. You speak again, lighting up rooms as if they were wicks.

Etching embers into my already melted soul, Buttering me up with just the ghost of laughter; Gosh, how mad you make me feel

Now I begin to think, Will you make me feel this way forever? Will I prefer the moonlight someday?

I don’t think I can ever bear to have you leave me; Please don’t leave me.

I wonder if I’ll change.

I wonder if you were never the sun at all, But a sole stupor that bubbles from dreams. Never meant to be anything but intangible, A figment of my imagination, a yearn figuratively composed. Yearning, tendrils of want, yet is yearning the equivalent of love? Do I love you, or do I love the way I think about you? You move me, thorn me into grounding, I think about you so much, But is that love?

I’m beginning to think so, I’ve felt what the poets translate, Thought the scenes the movies play, Perhaps, Love is frilly, but I think, I feel it with you. The poets say it warms, it does; they say it aches, it does And so I’ll always remember you in this way, Even if one day you do set never again to rise, Or dawn once more in the city of my heart, Ah, so this.. This, is love.

KungBakitAko TumigilMagsulat

by Tito

Nag-aabang ako sa terminal. Pauwi, isang hapon, galing sa eskwela. Kahit na pagod, naging makabuluhan ang araw na ito. Ang daming nangyari. Habang nakatunganga sa paghihintay, minabuti kong alalahanin ang kabuuan ng araw. Sabay kaming pumasok kanina. Punuan no’n sa bus kaya nakatayo kaming nakasakay at sa sobrang siksikan, halos dumikit na ang buhok niya sa aking mukha. Pero kahit magmukha na kaming sardinas sa sitwasyong iyon, tila dinala ako nito sa hardin ng samu’t saring bulaklak sa tagsibol nang maamoy ko ang halimuyak ng kanyang buhok na bagong ligo.

Noon namang papasok na kami, nagitla ako nang hawakan niya ang aking kamay nang kusa! Inihayag ko ang aking pakiramdam sa isang kawalang imik dahil hindi makabuo ng pangungusap ang pusong umaapaw.

Higit sa lahat, bago kami maghiwalay sa pag-uwi, pinabaunan niya ako ng halik sa pisngi. Hindi ko mawari kung nagmukha ba akong hinog na kamatis sa harap niya habang tila tinignan ni Medusa nang manigas. Malakas ang gayumang ginamit niya sa akin dahil may kakayahan ang mga tingin niyang magpalagay ng pusong sabik. Alam kong mahal niya rin ako. Malalim at makabuluhan ang mga tanaw, mapaniguro ang mga haplos, at mapagpahiwatig ang halik. Sa kalagitnaan ng ng paglangoy sa masayang pagbabalik-tanaw, saka ko rin naalala bakit hindi ko ito isulat? Palagi kong pinaaalalahanan ang sarili naisulat ang bawat emosyong aking mararamdaman. Nang manatili ito habang buhay.

Kinuha ko mula sa bag ang maliit na notebook. Maramiraming pahina na rin ang nasulatan ko simula nang aminin ko sa sarili na mahal ko siya. Nakangiti kong hinuli ang mga salitang angkop na maglalarawan sa nakakakilig na araw na ito habang maingat ding binibilang ang tamang sukat at tugma.

Nang matapos, binasa ko ito at tila bang nahulog din ako sa piyesang sinulat ko. Malamang, kapag nabasa niya ‘to, ay kikiligin din siya.

Nang ibinalik ko ang mga gamit sa bag, saka ko napagtanto na naiwanan na ako ng bus. Ayos lang. Maghihintay na lang ako ulit.

by Vie Bas

‘Di ko alam kung bakit lagi tayong sabay umuuwi, ‘di naman natin lubusang kilala ang isa’t isa. Ngunit ‘di ko maitatangging lagi kong hinahanap-hanap ang ‘yong presensya.

Sinasabayan mo ako sa paglalakad o kaya sa paghihintay at pagsakay sa e-jeep. At sa tuwing ako’y nagpapahinga pagkatapos ng mahabang paglalakad.

Pinapanood akong manood ng tubig at kumuha ng mga barya para sa pamasahe mula sa pitaka.

Hindi pa kita kilala kahit marami na akong naririnig tungkol sa’yo. Hindi kita gaanong kilala pero ang presensya mo’y sapat na. Sapat na para mapawi ang pagod pagkatapos ng eskwela.

Tulad ng ibang estudyante, paborito kong inaabangan ang uwian. Nakakapagod mag-aral at mas masarap humilata sa bahay. Iyon ang paniniwala ko e, pero ‘di ko alam kung bakit nagbago simula nang ako’y sabayan mo. Hindi na paulit-ulit ang mga gawain ko. Hindi na sapat sa akin ang pagtunganga sa klase, sinusubukan ko nang magpursigi lalo na’t may aabangan naman na ako sa pag-uwi. Ikaw ang premyo sa pagdurusa ko sa paaralan.

‘Di alintana ang sinag ng araw habang nasa daan, andyan ka naman para ako’y payungan at paalalahanang pawis ay punasan. Kukunin mo sa ‘king kamay ang abaniko para ikaw naman ang magpaypay, pataas-taas pa ang kilay para ipakita kung gaano kabilis ang galaw ng ‘yong kamay.

Kukumustahin mo ang aking araw, tatawanan at sasabihing “ayos lang ‘yan” dahil ‘di ko na naman naintindihan ang aralin sa StatProb. Magtatanong ka nang magtatanong at magkukuwento lang ako nang magkukuwento. Gusto ko ring malaman ang mga bagay tungkol sa’yo pero gusto kong magkusa ka. At oo, inaasahan kong magtatagal iyong ganito. Kung anuman ang tawag sa mayroon tayong dalawa.

Ilang buwan ang lumipas, ganoon ka pa rin. Ganoon pa rin ang trato mo sa akin at ako lang yata itong nahulog nang malala. Minsan ay sinasabayan mo rin ako sa pagpasok. Kinakawayan mo ako kapag nakikita sa pasilyo. Binabati kapag nakakasabay sa palikuran. Tinatapik sa likod tuwing oras ng kainan sa cafeteria. Nginingitian tuwing magkatabi ang ating mga pangkat sa pila… Nasabi ko na lang sa ‘king sarili, hindi naman siguro masamang umasa. Hindi naman yata masama kung maghangad ng higit pa. Hindi mo ako hinahayaang nag-iisa kapag uwian na. Nakukumpleto ang aking araw basta’t nandyan ka.

Ngayong araw, napagdesisyunan kong sumugal. Mamayang uwian, aayain kitang magmeryenda sa 7/11 at doon ako aamin. Mag-isa akong naglakad papasok sa eskwelahan, dala ang payong, nagpapaypay gamit ang malaking abaniko at nagpupunas ng pawis na tumatagaktak. ‘Di ko alam kung saan ako kinakabahan, sa Long Test ko ba sa StatProb o sa pagtatangka kong aminin ang nararamdaman. Bahala na.

Sa wakas, uwian na. May change of plans. Hindi na muna pala ako susugal. Lusaw na ang aking utak sa pitong tanong na hindi ko naintindihan. Kung ang magiging sagot mo sa gagawin kong pag-amin ay taliwas sa aking inaasahan, baka magpagulong-gulong na lang ako sa hagdanang ating dinaraanan tuwing uwian.

Nakayuko akong naglakad palabas ng silid-aralan, nagtitipa ng mga numero sa scientific calculator para malaman ang kapalaran ko sa asignaturang Sipnayan. Ano bang passing score ng 21?

Masyado akong abala sa aking ginagawa, ‘di ko napansin na hinihintay mo ako sa tabi ng basurahan. Himala. Ngayon lang nangyari ‘to, talagang ‘di ko inaasahan. Madalas kasi ay sa entrada ng paaralan tayo naghihintayan. Gusto ko sanang punahin pero wala na akong ganang magsalita pa.

Tahimik tayong naglakad palabas ng paaralan, pinapayungan at pinapaypayan mo ako. Ang tanging naririnig ay aking mga buntong-hininga, ang hangin mula sa pamaypay ko na ikaw ang may hawak, ang ating paghakbang sa mga tuyong dahon, tunog ng mga dumadaang kotse, at mga ibong naglalagi sa sanga ng puno.

Malapit na tayo sa sakayan ng dyip. Nakapila ang mga pasahero, bitbit ang kanya-kanyang panangga sa init ng araw. Umaalingasaw ang malapit na kanal. Nagtatawag ang mga barker. Nagtatanong ang mga tindera kung anong kailangan ng mga dumadaan. Nagtatakbuhan ang mga batang lansangan. Nakakahilo rin ang usok mula sa tambutso ng mga kotse, pero ‘di alintana ang lahat. Ako nama’y nagdarasal na huwag muna sana dumaan ang dyip na dapat kong sakyan. Naglalaban pa ang anghel at demonyo sa aking utak, uuwi na ba ‘ko o magpapaalam?

Sa huli’y nanalo ang anghel, sabi niya’y umuwi na lang ako at magpahinga. Kukunin ko na sana ang aking bag na nakasuot sa harapan mo pero…

Hinila mo ako at tumawid tayo sa hudyat ng MMDA enforcer. Mabilis ang galaw ng ating mga paa. Ikaw ang humahawi sa mga kasabay natin para ‘di tayo magkabungguan.

Pagkarating sa kabila ay nakita ko ang 7/11. Muli tayong naglakad at nang makarating sa harap nito ay binuksan mo ang pinot para ako’y papasukin. Tumunog ang chimes sa pintuan habang sinasarado mo ang payong. Dumiretso tayo sa mga upuan kung saan tanaw ko ang daan. Pinaupo mo ako at ibinababa ang ating mga bag. Tahimik lang ako habang pinagmamasdan ang mga kotse at dyip na hindi gumagalaw dahil sa lala ng trapiko. Umalis ka saglit. Nakapangalumbaba lang ako habang ika’y hinihintay. ‘Di ako sumunod sa’yo dahil wala naman akong ganang kumain. Ilang kotse ang dumaan nang maramdaman ko muli ang ‘yong presensya. Umupo ka sa ‘king tabi at inabot ang sorbetes na nasa apa. Nagtataka man ay kinuha ko na lang ito at nagpasalamat. Vanilla flavor ang akin. Tsokolate ang sa’yo. Dahandahan akong kumain habang nakatulala. Nirespeto mo naman ang aking katahimikan at gumuhit na lang ng kung anuman sa iyong kuwaderno.

Pagkatapos kumain ay muli kong naalala ang kalbaryong kinaharap ko kanina noong StatProb. Nagsimulang magtubig ang aking mga mata. Ang hirap naman kasi ng pagsusulit na ‘yon.

Ramdam ko ang pagtitig mo sa akin. Yumuko ako at nagpunas ng luha gamit ang kwelyo ng suot kong damit. Inakbayan mo naman ako at pinasandal ang ulo sa iyong balikat habang inaalo nang bahagya.

“Ayos lang ‘yan. Ginawa mo naman ang makakaya mo. Sa susunod ay mag-aaral tayo nang sabay. Parte na iyon ng panliligaw ko sa’yo.”

Napahagikgik ako nang mahina kahit halos lumobo na ang aking sipon mula sa kakaiyak. Lumukso ang puso sa iyong sinabi. Masaya na ulit ako. Salamat sa blessings, Lord. Naunahan niya pa ‘ko, may plano rin palang umamin ang lalaking ‘to.

Para

by Vie Bas

Lunes na naman. Simula ng bagong linggo.

Habang naghahanap ng mga baryang pamasahe para sa sinasakyang trike ay napabuntong-hininga na lang ako sa kawalang-laman ng aking pitaka. Paano ba tumagal ang sahod hanggang kinsenas?

Nang makarating sa sentro ay agad akong pumila sa terminal ng dyip. Sumilip sa mumurahing relo sa kanang palapulsuhan, alas sais y medya na. Umaga pa lang pero pagod na ang katawan at isip ko, kay hirap pa pumara ng dyip. Puro punuan at ni kalahati ng pwet ay ‘di magkasya sa upuan.

Tila impyerno sa loob ng pampublikong transportasyon. Init. Pawis. Ingay. Singaw. Akala ko’y aandar na pero may humabol pang pasahero dahil sa sigaw ng barker. “Kasya pa sa kanan. Mga tatlo pa.”

Umusog naman ako nang bahagya, mukhang mahuhulog na ako sa pwestong ito. Dito ka pa umupo sa ‘king tabi. Umarangkada na ang jeepney at sinubukan kong ibaling ang atensyon sa iba para mabalanse ko ang aking pagupo. May lolang de-hila ang basket, puno ito ng mga gulay. May babaeng pinupunasan ang pawis ng kanyang batang anak na mukhang nasa elementarya. May lalaking nakapambahay at naglalaro gamit ang cellphone. May isang dalaga na hinahangin ang basang buhok at tumatama sa katabing ale na may unipormeng pang-guro. At habang pinapasadahan ko ng tingin ang mga kapwa pasahero, iniisip ko kung may kapareho ba ako ng pinagdaraanan.

Oo, pare-pareho kaming mga Pinoy na nagsisiksikan sa dyip. Pero mayroon bang halos kapareho ng sitwasyon ko? Nagtatrabaho sa isang maliit na kumpanya, fresh graduate, naka-long sleeves at slacks pa kahit mainit sa kahabaan ng Maynila. Napansin ko naman ang suot ng aking katabi, naka-polo rin siya. Asul ang akin, puti ang kanya. Nakabutones sa palapulsuhan ang akin, yung kanya naman ay hindi. Baka nainitan na rin. Pagangat ko ng aking paningin ay nagsalubong ang aming mga mata.

Isa. Dalawa. Tatlo.

Sabay rin tayong nag-iwas ng tingin. Ibinaling ko na lang ang atensyon sa daan. Tumigil ang dyip sa harap ng isang eskwelahan. Akala ko’y luluwag na dahil bumaba na ang mag-inang pasahero, pero may dumagdag pang tatlo. Sa kanan pa umupo ang dalawang bagong dating, nagsiksikan lalo. Nagkikiskisan na ang ating mga braso. Mainit. Muli tayong nagkatinginan. Mukhang humihingi ng pasensya ang iyong mga mata dahil naiipit na ako sa upuan. ‘Di ko rin alam kung bakit tila lumundag ang aking puso sa ating ilang segundong pagtititigan.

Hindi ko alam kung ano ba ‘tong nararamdaman. Tila nahipnotismo ako sa pagtitig sa iyong mga mata. Napapaisip ako at natutulala kahit maraming nag-aabot ng kanilang mga pamasahe, posible ba talaga? Kahit dito sa dyip kung saan tila sardinas sa lata ang mga pasahero ay may tsansang makakilala ng espesyal na tao?

Napaisip ako nang malalim. Ngayon ko lang naramdaman ang ganito sa isang tao at hindi naman araw-araw ay may makakasabay akong katulad mo. Napagdesisyunan kong sulitin ang pagkakataong ito. Hindi ako papara. Ayoko nang pumara. Kaskasero man ang tsuper at malakas man ang hilik ng aking katabi, ‘di ko pipitikin ang taling nakasabit. Andito ka sa ‘king kaliwa at ‘di mo tinatakasan ang aking paningin. Magtitigan tayo hanggang maubos ang gas ng dyip. Manatili ka sa aking tabi at magbabanggaan ang ating mga balikat. Malapitan.

Sa isang terminal ay tumigil ang dyip, masyado tayong abala sa pagtititigan at ‘di na napansin ang pasaherong sumingit sa ating gitna. Tumingin na lang muli ako sa harapan at nakita ko mula sa gilid ng mata ang iyong pag-iling.

Habang kumakalam ang aking tiyan at tumatagaktak ang pawis, isang ale malapit sa pintuan ang nag-abot ng pamasahe. Ikaw ang nag-abot nito sa’kin at muling nagtama ang ating mga mata, nahawakan ko ang iyong kamay na magaspang. Isang ngiti ang nakaguhit sa’yong labi. Napangiti rin ako. Ano bang laro ito?

Bumilis na naman ang tibok ng puso ko. Ito ba ang tinatawag na paghanga? Kahit sumisirko na ang ulo sa bilis ng pagpapatakbo at tahasang pagbabago ng linya sa daan, ayoko pa ring pumara dahil andyan ka naman. Bente pesos ang aking binayad at ‘di pa binabalik ang sukli. Gusto kong sabihin sa tsuper na hindi ko na kailangan ang limang pisong barya, magpapasalamat pa ako dahil dito sa dyip niya ay nakatabi kita. Na kahit bilisan niya pa ang pagpapatakbo at umabot tayo sa langit ay magiging kuntento pa rin ako dahil narito ka.

Bumaba na ang ale at muli tayong nagkatabi. Dahandahan mong idinantay ang iyong kamay sa aking balikat. Totoo ba ito? Pinagtitinginan man ng mga pasahero ay sumandal ako sa’yo. Sasamantalahin ko na ang pagkakataon. Posible pala ang ganito. Para akong nasa panaginip kung saan kontrolado ko ang lahat. Minsan lang ‘to. Pinikit ko ang mga mata. Ilang sandali ang lumipas at may pumara.

Ikaw.

Minulat ko ang mga mata at tinanggal ang pagkakasandal sa iyong balikat. Pinagmasdan kung paano mo ako kawayan at ngumiti nang tila nangaasar habang bumababa ka sa dyip.

Tinignan ko ang aking relo para malaman ang oras pero hindi na ito gumagana. Mukhang dadaan na naman ako sa Recto para maghanap ng orasang mura.

Minsan lang akong makaranas ng pag-ibig, bumaba pa ng dyip. Binuksan ko ang aking bag para tignan ang oras sa selepono. Wala na. Tinangay kasabay ng pagibig mo.

adesperatelie

by Bella Capulong

In a room dimly lit by the hazy moonlight, a young woman seated on a wheelchair stares at the door in front of her, or rather, at the man who has opened it a few minutes prior. She can only recognize a brief frame of his figure, barely able to see him through the darkness. There seemed to be an eerie silence lingering in the air between them, as tensions from an earlier conversation rose.

The young man stepped towards her and pleaded that she push through with the voyage they had planned many weeks ago. After all, she too, longed for this trip; a journey to the ends of this world, which no one else has dared to seek in the past. But alas, they bicker the night before the pair intended to leave.

The young man quietly stares at the cast on her legs, at the wheelchair she is bound to for who knows how long. He knew exactly why she wanted him to go alone.

She would rather not be a burden as a result of her disability from a recent accident. She told him that the thought of ever hindering him from pursuing his dreams broke her heart. Yet the young man continued to plead. “You could still join me, you know? I can take care of you whilst on the journey.”

…

“Don’t say that. Anything I would possibly experience in this world could never compare to the moments I have shared with you.”

…

“Hm? You want to know why?”

…

“Come here, look over there…where the sky meets the sea. I may not know much about what lies beyond this land nor the seas that surround us, however I have always wanted to know if every tale passed down to us was actually true if a world beyond these seas truly exists.”

After a lengthy back-and-forth that was eventually greeted by the sunrise, the young woman finally managed to persuade the man to start his journey alone, with the sole condition of writing to her about everything he had seen. She always knew how deeply he longed for this trip, as he would always tell her stories of all the legends he remembered about anything… anything that lied beyond the visible horizons.

Many months later.

Torn sheets of paper stained with blots of ink, found themselves scattered on every corner of the wooden boat sitting alone in this insignificant yet dreadfully dark night.

A white bird quietly nests itself on the bow while the waves gently rock the vessel, almost as if it’s a baby being lulled to sleep. On the boat lies an old locked chest that has been collecting dust for many days, left untouched by the lone traveler a young man with unkempt hair who sits in front of a small cedar table, holding in his left hand a singular sheet of paper. All remain barely visible as a tiny candle dripping with wax also sits nearby, lit by a flame gently swaying to the slight breeze.

“Yet I still have my own apprehensions about leaving…”

Grasped in the young man ' s other hand is a quill with dried ink. He stares at what is written on the paper, though he can’t quite understand its content. Maybe because it was too dim? Or perhaps it was because of the tear stains that found themselves unintentionally smudging certain words. “It has been months since I’ve last spoken to her. I’ve been sitting here, stuck on an endless cycle of write-crumpletear-and throwing away countless letters, yet I still cannot seem to muster up the courage to send even one of them.” Hello, It is me again I am writing to you whilst continuing my voyage to see the world To see what brilliant sights these waves shall bring me to To chase the dream you have always wanted me to fulfill I have seen the forests I dreamt of exploring The aromatic scents of fresh plants filled me with solace As those lush greens continued to cover every small rock And every thick tree Where branches grow and house many nests Of birds…parrots

Whose feathers are adorned with the most beautiful colors That brightly shine under the world’s spotlight Resting in the sky..

However you are even more beautiful than all the colors that decorate a bird’s feathers. The light vanilla scent you always seem to carry, puts me more at ease than any of the plants living amidst these trees.

…

I have sailed the seas I dreamt of conquering Sometimes noticing schools of fish that swam by While at clear nights I gaze at the sky Filled with those infinitely many stars That you have always wanted to see While during rainy nights I dance amongst the drizzle And beneath the howling of the wind I would hum to myself the tune Of the very first song we danced to Despite the beauties that lie within the vastness of the waters, I find you more breathtaking than any underwater kingdom formed by those rich coral reefs. The radiance of every star illuminating the night cannot ever rival the light that came with the hand you extended out to me. Within every raindrop I

After hours of staring at the unfinished letter, the young man lets go of his quill and raises the sheet of paper up high. He then slowly rips it apart and throws it on the wooden floor, starting the cycle anew.

He looks to the locked chest beside him, filled with many old novels that had been stacked upon one another in a hasty manner. They narrated stories of fictional characters and their adventures in lost cities, magical forests, or underwater ruins.

He coughed as he blew away the dust covering the filthy chest, before reaching into his pocket to grab a small, rusted key.

It still carried the same, strong pungent smell, an odor so strong as if it were retrieved from the bottom of an unused well house bathed in the murky rainwater that always seems to seep through the cracks of the roof.

He forcefully inserted it into the keyhole and slowly turned it to the right, unlocking the old chest. As he opened it, soft creaks resonated throughout the open area, later fading back into the stillness of the night. He quietly stared at the first book of the pile, reading the title in his head. He would then recall the story as a feeling of melancholy arose within his lonely heart.

Suddenly, the silence was broken and the young man flinched as he heard the white bird that had been sitting on the boat’s bow, fly towards the nearby palm tree …of the very same island the young man never left. And as he slowly remembered this reality, he began to sob loudly, shouting at the skies in a fit of utter despair.

“Maybe someday you would realize the man you’ve always loved could never be as determined as Columbus, who would brave the uncharted seas to seek treasure… I could never hope to do so, even if it would lead me to discovering a whole new world.”

“Maybe someday I could tell you that I am not as courageous as Perseus, who would slay a beast to save his beloved… I, on the other hand, could never hope to do so, even if it were to earn us a place in the night sky.”

The young man has grown afraid of chasing his dreams. He has always said with ease that there would be one day where he could finally leave this island, however the idea of truly leaving did indeed frighten him. He felt pathetic as he remembers the day he pleaded with his dearest to join him in his travels. What thoughts would race through her mind after seeing him so reluctant about even just pushing his boat away from shore?

He began to pick up his fallen quill, dip it in the inkwell, and grab a new sheet of paper. His hand shakes as he slowly lowers it, as he begins to pen out every letter of the final message he had the strength of sending. He felt too guilty comparing her to the tales of non-existent adventures, along with the unrealistic fantasies he would have after reading his old novels. Hello, I hoped that there was more I could say to you I have thought of a plethora of words that I’d use to describe you But no matter how many these words may be It would never be enough

If there was indeed such a thing as infinity It would still never encapsulate every reason why I love you so I wish that one day, you would see yourself the same way I see you. And I’m sorry…

The young man let the black ink dry before folding the letter that would be sent to the house of his dearest. He still fears the heartbreak that he may cause her after revealing the truth that he never chased his dreams nor saw the world he dreamt of exploring, that he was never brave, or determined, or strong enough. How could he tell her?

A strong love made the young man see the beauty in her imperfections, and find her worth more than the world itself. However, it made him all the more hide his own insecurities, and ultimately conceal a desperate lie.

And I’m sorry…. that I cannot see you any sooner As I am on a voyage to see the world To see what brilliant sights these waves shall bring me to.

Sincerely yours, Your Traveler

SheWhoWastheSong ICouldn’tSing

by Bianca Mendoza

Dub dub

Dub dub Dub dub

My heart thrummed a rhythm that was once a ghost of your melody– slow, patient, and warm. I feel it flow within the chambers of my heart, the hollow of my chest, the fibers of my limbs, to the tips of my quivering fingers. Every breath that surges in me feels like pathetic replicas of the ones you stole– the ones I let you have without knowing. With the lightest sheen of sweat coating my hands, I clenched them in a desperate attempt to calm the symphony in my being that yearned for you. My searching eyes trailed over the vast expanse of mere strangers in a crowded bus area, hoping that I could find you– my stranger, once so familiar, with a history only we share.

But, what history did we share? We were no lovers, no partners, and barely even friends. There were none of those kisses shared in secret places; comforting embraces that anchored us; or whispers of feelings we harbored for too long. There only ever were stolen, lingering glances; fleeting, innocent touches; light, playful teasing; and deafening, cold silence that spoke of unsaid feelings. These may be all that we have of each other, and as much as that pains me, I’d give up my clouding dreams of you just to relive it all over again.

As my eyes set on your familiar silhouette, I wondered if I could allow myself to be a little more greedy of you. These stolen glances were always rightfully ours, but for once– for the first and last time– may I look at you? May I caress the flutter of your eyelids; the creases on your smile; the pucker of your lips; and the height of your cheekbones with a gaze that’ll only ever be known by you? The question lingers as you finally set your eyes on me, and every beat of my heart pleads that you’re looking at me too– but that I’ll never know.

There we were, our limbs seemingly anchored to the ground. There was nothing but meters of distance and hustling students passing between us. Our gazes locked onto each other as if we were speaking a language only we knew, in a place only we know.

Although, that was never enough now was it? Because we never did speak, now did we? We only ever looked–for how long? Only we know that.

It was enough to hear you though, the melody of your waves of laughter and the hymns of your stories. You were the song that I buried within the deepest corners of my heart, yet I know not of its title or its origin- for you were the song I couldn’t sing.

Now, I could only hear the ghosts of you again–somehow, some way– in the depths of my yearning being.

theswanand thesinger

by Bettina Mercado

At the edge of the forest, a beautiful swan could be found dancing in a wide lake. Her feathers were as white as snow and her ocean blue eyes could pierce the hearts of many. Moving with grace and precision, she enamored the creatures of the forest with her elegant dances. Due to this, they were smitten by her and would vie for her affection. Each night, several animals would display their talents and strengths to the Swan yet she paid no interest towards them. On a cold night, while she was performing her dance, a unique melody rang from inside the forest. Despite the pleas from the other animals to stay, she followed the sound until she reached a towering tree. A creature covered by a cloak of leaves was humming a melody while strumming a strange device. “Who are you?” she inquired. “You do not look like the animals I know.”

“It seems that I have attracted an audience.” the figure mused. “I am a singer from a faraway land, I have come to play my tunes in peace.”

The Singer continued to strum his instrument as he opened his mouth to sing. His lyrics painted clear pictures as he reminisced about past memories. Witnessing the sunrise from atop of a mountain range filled him with awe every day while sprinting across the tall grass in the savannah was his main source of joy. In those moments, it was as if the swan was living through these experiences, feeling the warm rays of the morning sun and the rough texture of the grass on her feathers. Her body began moving on its own as she danced to the beat of his tune and conveyed the emotions she felt from the Singer’s song. The final strum from his instrument snapped the Swan out of her trance as he climbed down the tree. Enchanted by his performance, she let out squawks of praise for him.

“What a marvelous performance! You truly are a talented musician.” she gushed. “I would love to hear more of your songs!”

“Thank you for your kind praises, likewise you are an adept dancer and it would be a pleasure to see more of your renditions.” he remarked.

“Let us meet again tomorrow night then. I’ll perform a dance based on whatever tune you wish to play.” she suggested with a spark in her eye.

Under his disguise, the Singer grinned as he agreed to the Swan’s plan. The following night, they met again by the tree. On this occasion, the cold air of the forest complemented the somber tone the Singer sang as he recalled the experiences he missed the most. Similarly, the Swan began dancing at a slower pace and her actions reflected the melancholic topics of the musical piece. Again, the two creatures were fascinated by how the other could perfectly match the ideas they presented. Thus, their routine would continue each night; they would gather by the tree as the melodies from his songs would fuel the heartfelt dance she enacted. Through their passionate performances and time spent with one another, they began to form a deeper connection. However, the other creatures in the forest grew fraught with jealousy. They could not see their beloved Swan as her attention had been stolen by this stranger.

Many moons have passed since their initial meeting and the Swan wished to show the Singer’s talent to the forest’s inhabitants. Aside from her, he had kept himself hidden away from the others. Although he was apprehensive to perform in front of a large audience, he did not wish to let her down. The pair arranged for the entire forest to attend their performance at the lake after sunset. Once everyone arrived, some began talking amongst themselves about the strange appearance of the creature in front of them. While the Swan welcomed the attendants to the lake, the Singer introduced himself and wished to say a few words before they began.

“I would like to dedicate this song entitled “Harana” to my dear Swan who brightened my otherwise lonely days.” he declares and takes a deep breath.

Upon hearing his declaration, the Swan was flustered and her heart was filled to the brim with joy. She steadied her breathing as she waited for his cue to start. The steady plucking of his guitar echoed across the lake and into the ears of their audience. To the Swan’s surprise, it was the same melody as the one she heard during the night she first met the Singer.

Recalling the memory of their first performance, he mentions how he was captivated by her graceful dance and how she became his muse for every song he wrote since then. Throughout the song, the melody changes to match the tune he played during specific events. While he was serenading the Swan, she harmonized with his song by using a combination of dances that she had created in their time together. Suddenly, a pack of jealous animals pulled him into the lake! The Swan squawked out in worry as she dived underwater to bring him back to shore. His cloak of leaves washed away from him as the Singer’s true identity was revealed to all.

To the audience’s horror, his appearance was far from ideal. Head to toe, his fur was dark and thick. His mouth contained a sharp set of enormous tusks and his bulging eyes stared at the crowd. He was no alluring peacock or a charming lion, but a hideous boar! In their disgust and disbelief, the crowd fled from the lake while the animals who pushed him attempted to bring the Swan with them. She angrily refused to leave behind the Singer and stayed with him until they were the only ones left.

“You should not be here to comfort me, I ruined your performance.” he says in a hushed tone. He refused to look her in the eye out of guilt. To his surprise, instead of running away in disgust, she gave him a tight embrace. “Don’t apologize. You gave the greatest performance that I have ever seen. I don’t care that you’re a boar, you are the only one who got to know me more than just my pretty face. I’ll never let you go alone for I love you so.” The Swan says as she comforts him.

It was only through his beloved’s sincere actions that the Singer realized that she truly did care for him. Even if the rest of the forest vilified him for his appearance, he was at ease because he has someone who will wholeheartedly be there for him no matter what.

by Rovin Montaño galaxy

It has been so long since I have felt this way for someone. I end up grasping at straws unsure of what to do next each time you make your advances. When you smile at me, I do not know whether mine appears as sincere as yours. My first instinct is to always pull away when you slip your hand into my own.

Despite sensing my hesitation, you stay clinging onto me like ivy around its favorite oak tree. You squeeze me tight, and then you meet my eyes. In a tranquil silence, you tell me, "It's okay. We can take this however slow you want."

Blood creeps up my entire face, and as it does, the quiet never fades. There are no titters or stifled laughs. Instead, you smile, and a supernova appears before my eyes. The pull of your gravity tugs at me closer, and I revel in your heat amidst the explosion. I do not resist as I become an open book under your gaze.

Your smile never falters, even when I feel my insecurities and inhibitions spill out of my pages. Then I squeeze your hand back, and your thumb rubbing circles on my palm tells me enough of your sincerity that I do not even have to look into your eyes to sense it.

Still, when I see how hard you try to match my pace, I want to tell you to give up. Just go, and spare yourself from the future pain we might inflict on each other before I let my selfishness get the best of me. Because I am suddenly dragging you to my room. You follow me willingly with that heart-stopping boyish grin, and the butterflies wreak havoc in my tummy. When we are alone in the darkness, we become each other's light; in the cold, we become each other's sources of warmth.

The sensations are strange yet familiar as if something buried deep in my graveyard of memories is suddenly excavated without warning. I do not know the next steps like which foot to put forward, or the counts when I have to turn and spin around of our little dance, but you never scold me for stepping on your foot from time to time, nor when I rotate in the opposite direction. With enduring patience, you catch me either way.

With each waking day we spend together, I begin yearning to also spend my nights within your arms. I do not want to fall asleep without you, for counting the stars on the ceiling is more fun when I have you to help; it is easier to succumb to slumber when I have you to whisper sweet nothings into my ear; I look forward to dreaming more when I have you to meet and sing for in my dreams.

I hope this is more than just a trial that will end without warning. A voice in my head still tells me to brace myself for the worst. Nevertheless, I want you to know that I like liking you because liking you is easy. Easier than doubting endlessly and wondering when you will decide to leave. Therefore, I hope you will keep letting me like you for as long as this might last. Because in the soothing warmth of your embrace, my restless heart finally finds its home. I finally found a center of gravity. I finally found an orbit of my own.

haicheng(water town)

by Rovin Montaño

Abnormally clear skies. An inconsistent but gentle breeze. The rush of the water between his toes, flushed in moist sand. It had been a long time since he felt so at peace. On a typical day, he would have been seated at his desk, staring at their framed picture, waiting for any semblance of inspiration to spark within his heart and reach his fingertips so he could finally begin writing again. The sparks never came, just like the person with Minoy in the picture never did.

But Minoy felt like it did not have to come anymore. Inside him, there was a calm that reflected the waves that wet the lower half of his body. As the water hit him, he could feel his regrets being swallowed back into the ocean. He could hear the cicadas sing to him. It resembled a tune he thought he had forgotten, but perhaps it was only his mind playing tricks on him. He looked ahead and dared to brave the almost retreating sun to the horizon. Minoy only had one thing swimming in his mind a thought that had persisted the test of time after all these years. One that haunted his dreams and nightmares alike. A pressure that squeezed all his positive emotions dry.

Was he finally ready to let Minoy go? Would he let Minoy breathe from now on?

Minoy hoped that the wind whipping past his face and through his hair meant that he would because he had been holding onto Minoy for too long now.

"I'm sorry for hating you all this time," he uttered to the air, but his gaze was turned to his side. Minoy whisked the soaked sand with his toes as he thought of what to say next.

"I know you didn't mean it. It was probably harder for you, but everybody blamed me for what you did."

Minoy took a deep breath. His eyes narrowed at the ghostly figure of the boy beside him. Five years had passed, yet it seemed that only Minoy had aged. He looked pretty, glazed golden by the sunset, although there was a hint of fatigue in his eyes and the bags that left the skin around them sagging. Minoy always saw him from the past in his dreams when exhaustion was yet to creep into their minds. He shook his head as his pent-up frustration threatened to overcome him.

"I've been so sad, Harry. So, so sad..."

Minoy promised himself that he would no longer cry over the boy, but he figured it would not hurt to let the tears fall for one last time if all the signs were pointing toward his freedom.

"You hurt me, and y-you broke me. " He harshly wiped at his cheeks with the back of his palm.

"I still feel guilty whenever I think of you. I wanted you to be in my place. I wanted you to feel all the loneliness and pain..."

But Harry had gone through enough of it most of his life. It was the reason Minoy could not feel him despite being so close.

Swallowing the lump in his throat, Minoy finally met the younger ' s eyes, "But I think we should just be happy, Harry. We should stop holding on to each other like this any longer." "It will kill me the same way it killed you, and I don't want to go yet. I still want to do many things," things that we could have done together.

A smile began to arise on Minoy's lips. When he turned to his side, he could see Harry's fading figure. He slipped his fingers through Harry's and nodded his head as if telling him that it was okay, that it was finally time. Maybe it was just a figment of his imagination, but Minoy felt Harry on his skin, and his warmth almost made Minoy decide to go with him. He did not.

"You can go now, baby. You don't have to feel sorry anymore. I forgive you. And I hope that on your way to rest, you manage to forgive me too."

They spent the few minutes they had left in silence. Harold still looked at him with pleading eyes, adamant about leaving the only place he had known all his life in Minoy's presence. Yet when Minoy did not budge, when his smile did not falter, Harold finally understood. And as he faded into the air, the last memory he left Minoy was of his smile, the kind he used to sport when they were kids before growing pains messed them up.

By the time Minoy had cried all he had needed to cry; the sun was absent from the sky and the only sound resonating through the shore was the waves padding against his feet and the humming of the crickets.

At last, he could breathe. At last, they both were free.

inmydreams

by Rovin Montaño

There had been speculations about one ' s dreams being a door to a parallel universe, where the circumstances are different and destiny had wound itself in inexplicable ways a total opposite of the dreamer's reality. When Minoy dreamt, it was always set up in the clouds. He floated as if being pushed by an unknowable force. Oddly resembling the fluttering of the butterflies' wings within his tummy. The stars were permanently blinding, yet their rays were freezing. There was lightning, but its thunder was reminiscent of a very specific melody. One that had long calmed his heart and had been sung to him by a wayward boy.

Someone who didn't even dare to look in his direction whenever he awoke.

Minoy was stubborn like that. He couldn't help his fragile heart from growing deciduous forests of raging love and fondness for the boy with the palpitationinducing eye smile. Now, Gelo had rooted himself firmly within Minoy and he had infiltrated way beyond the latter's threshold for him even to uproot the former.

In the pitiful figments of his imagination, Gelo would hold Minoy's hand with a grip like a bird's feathers as it takes off for a morning scavenge. The chilling winds would be able to pass through their hands without any hindrance.

Instead of that tone reserved for a friend lighthearted and perpetually playful—Gelo talked to him with an intangible sweetness. The flowery phrases he would speak would put Minoy into a constant state of sugar rush with each after the other heart-melting and a cause for further cardiac damage.

Gelo would smile that same boyish smile that made 13year-old Minoy fall into a downward spiral of selfloathing and profound bewilderment at the tingles he felt. This time, it was meant for him, for Minoy's eyes only, and for no one else to witness. It was special just like the glint of love and devotion that Minoy could always find in Gelo’s expressive eyes.

Then, Gelo would giggle giddily as he took him by the waist, and Minoy would place his hands on the taller boy's shoulders, returning his smile with the biggest one he could muster. They would dance to music composed by fairy tales and magic and clumsily waltz around their made-up little spot in space and time.

It was all a spectacle by a hopeless romantic. A beautifully shot supercut filmed through terribly rosecolored lenses. And it would go on for hours until Minoy inevitably woke up, back to the reality he always dreaded. A reality where he didn't fit in Gelo's grand picture.

Instead of him in Gelo's rigid yet warm embrace, there was Renee. Everything Minoy wanted to be but could and would never become. The missing puzzle piece Minoy could only fathom becoming, and the reason why he often wanted no, needed, to sleep rather than face the sun with his eyes barely escaping the excruciating burn every time.

Because at least in his slumber, Gelo saw him as more than just a sidekick. A stepping stone to his grandiose future arc of a story Minoy would never be a part of. At least, in another universe, Minoy had a Gelo by his side.

At least, in his dreams, Gelo loved him back.

you

by Rovin Montaño

When the moon becomes the crowning jewel of the sky and the cicadas hum a mellifluous lullaby, Minoy begins to wonder how he and the boy beside him have managed to stay together for so long.

His lips begin to unconsciously curl into a grin. Even in his sleep, June was prettier than him, but he will not admit that during the younger ' s waking hours. These thoughts were meant only for Minoy to know; he never outgrew the lovestruck teenager he had always been. Years have passed, but Minoy still gets a flutter in his stomach whenever June so much as cracks a smile while he sleeps.

In his wonder, he occasionally recalls the times they came dangerously close to drifting apart. While they were memories filled with negative emotions, mostly resentment, and jealousy not because of another person involved but because of their differences Minoy still reminisces from time to time.

It serves as a reminder that whatever they are about to face, they have fought worse odds. If there is a more challenging hurdle ahead of them, they can draw on the lessons they learned from their past struggles to help them leap over it. He is so lucky, isn't he? To be blessed with a person who is interested in his reading through his story as much as he is into reading theirs, Minoy deems himself lucky. However, June is beyond that. He does not only want to read through Minoy's jumbled and sometimes incomprehensible plot, but he puts himself as the star of the story alongside Minoy himself. It makes his lackluster life at least worth following through, and Minoy only hopes he does the same for June.

The daydreaming boy is withdrawn from his reverie when June stirs in his sleep. He fights the urge to chuckle as June pulls him closer, squishing his face on Minoy's chest like a baby instinctively seeking heat. Minoy just stares at him lovingly, fondness overflowing from his sleepy gaze.

When he closes his eyes, he utters out a thank you. June squeezes his body. Minoy smiles. "Even if my existence seems vain at times, I'm grateful to have you to look forward to still."

shinythingsand paperrings

by Trisha Perez

The first alarm goes off at five in the morning. I move to turn it off, before diving back into the covers. This repeats for the next few alarms, each spaced out in intervals of thirty minutes, until the seven o’clock alarm rings. It’s at this time that my brain finally decides that if I don’t get up, I’ll be late. And I won’t get to ride the bus with you.

Breakfast is nothing special, nor is it filling. Just three pieces of pandesal slathered with butter and a mug of watered-down instant coffee. I chug half of it, then place the rest in the fridge for later in the evening, when I “bring my work home” but end up putting it off in favor of indulging you in late-night talks. I grab my backpack and my keys, slip a mask onto my face, before rushing out the door of my rented condo unit.

As expected, you’re there, seated under the waiting shed with headphones over your ears. You don’t notice me approaching you as your head bops to a beat I know so well. You’ve been listening to this song for weeks on end. I’ve been staring at you for just as long. Maybe even longer. I poke your side. “Bulaga.”

Your brown, doe-like eyes flick up, and my treacherous heart skips a beat at the tinny yelp you let out. Hands fly to your mouth as you frown heavily, and thanks to my mask, no one sees the wobbly smile I try to suppress. You don’t see it.

“Ano bang problema mo, umagang-umaga!” Your cute Cinnamoroll-patterned mask isn’t enough to hide the embarrassed blush you wear as you curse me out for my antics. You’re so cute.

The bus ride is never boring, not when I’m with you. You have so many stories to tell: silly things that happened in your department, how the new kitten you got last month is doing, your current LSS.

“Agghhh, nakakaloka,” you tell me the moment we sit down next to each other on the bus, “Ilang linggo na ‘tong kantang ‘to sa’kin pero ‘di pa rin ako nagsasawa.”

“‘Naol ‘di pinagsasawaan,” I joke, earning an eye roll from you.

The bus begins to move, and as we settle down you offer me an earbud, which I excitedly gladly accept with slightly trembling hands. I hope you don’t notice it, but if you do, I’ll tell you that it’s because you didn’t turn our seats’ air conditioning vent away from me.

Today is the same as always. It’s rare, after all, for anything extraordinary to happen in the life of a corporate slave. We’re in different departments as well, with me in sales and you attending to our boss as his secretary. He’s often out and requires your company, so we don’t run into each other that much.

So close, yet still so far.

“Yuck, baduy!” I can hear you say, and I shake the thought away. My report isn’t going to write itself, and I really don’t need a pay cut for slacking off.

But just as I feel my concentration coming back, Sir steps into the office, with you in tow.

All our officemates cheerily greet the both of you upon your return, and I can hear the whispers that follow of how good you two look together.

It’s hard to deny that it hurts, because it makes sense. You, an intelligent, diligent worker, with him, an accomplished, dashing gentleman. Both with good family backgrounds. The two of you get along well, and you seem to enjoy his company as much as you do mine. There is no reason for you to choose me.

A barely-getting-by loser made to be tossed around in capitalists’ hands has nothing against Sir, responsible and charming, with a gentle smile that has everyone at the office swooning even as it’s obscured by a blue surgical mask. My faded dress shirt and wrinkled slacks are no match for Sir’s shiny silver watch with a brand name I can’t pronounce, to match his freshly pressed suit.

The sun has long set, and my report has been written, so I pack up and move to leave.

A tap on my back, and who else would it be but you? “Sabay na tayo.”

“Palagi naman tayong sabay?” I smile.

“Eh para kasing gusto mo nang mauna kanina,” you mutter, pouting.

Adorable.

“‘Wag ka mag-alala, palagi kitang aantayin,” I say, and it isn’t just plain reassurance. “Basta ikaw.”

“Ay, ‘to naman!” You laugh as we step into the elevator. “Pa-fall talaga. Ituloy mo yan at baka pakasalan kita d’yan.”

I swear that one day, all my meager savings will be spent on a heart doctor, with how much you manage to make me nearly go into cardiac arrest with all that you say and do. Or maybe it’s my fault, because this young man is brittle and naive, especially when it comes to you.

The bus station for the ride back home happens to be across the street from a jewelry shop. Standing in line for the bus, we chat about the probability that someone will either enter or exit its glass doors.

“Nako, si Sir lang atang makaka-afford na bumili d’yan,” you say.

Your remark isn’t supposed to hold any meaning; it’s just a comment, a string of words that should go into one ear and out the other. So why is it stirring me up?

As if sensing my impending emotional torment, the bus arrives. We scramble to get on, and as soon as we’re seated you once again offer me an earbud. A comfortable silence lapses between us, connected by a pair of earphones as we relisten to the song from this morning.

Looking out the window while the bus pulls out of the station, I spot a couple coming out of the jewelry shop we were just talking about, each with a small bag in hand. I immediately turn to you, but you’re fast asleep. The song we’re listening to simply plays on, and it’s getting to the chorus.

I peek back at the jewelry shop until it fades away from my sight, before returning to a more comfortable position on my seat. Turning to you again, I double-check if you’re asleep, and slip a small trinket into your palm. It’s a little paper ring, made out of a receipt lying around on my desk. I made it during lunch break, so now it’s slightly crumpled, but I hope you like it.

I can’t get you anything fancy, like that watch Sir wears, or that diamond ring displayed behind the glass of the jewelry shop across the bus station. My salary makes no room for that. At most, all I can do is patiently follow a Youtube video and painstakingly fold faded fast food receipts into little knickknacks that might allow me to see the corner of your eyes crinkle from smiling. You’d probably prefer shiny things, but I hope that even with this paper ring, I might become the one you want.

hatinggabi

by J&J sisig

Disyembre ika-31, noong 11:58 p.m. Magkasama tayong magkahawak ang ating kamay. Lumingon ka sa akin at sinabing: “End of the year na, naaalala ko lahat ng mga alaalang ginawa natin ngayong taon. Ayokong matapos ang mga sandaling ito,"

Ipinikit ko ang aking mga mata.

Naalala ko noong unang beses kitang nakita, nag diriwang ang mga tao ng bagong taon kasama ang mga mahal nila sa buhay tapos ako… wala… ako lang mag isa. Tapos nakita kita sa kanto, umiiyak, agadagad kitang nilapitan. “Hi”

Tumingala ka sa akin. “Ay may regalo ako para sa’yo”

Kinuha ko sa aking bag ang regalo na galing sa aking kaklase. “Eto happy new year” Bago pa ako makaalis ay hinawakan mo ang aking kamay. “Salamat” “Ay wala ‘yon” Nagalak ang aking puso nang nakita kitang nakangiti.

Simula noon ay araw-araw mo na akong sinasalubing upang kausapin at kumustahin. Habang tumatagal ay tayo ay mas nagiging malapit sa isa’t isa. Naging sandalan natin ang isa’t isa sa hirap at ginahawa.

Sumapit na ang hatinggabi at nagsimula nang magputukan ang mga paputok. Dinilat ko ang aking mga mata, napupuno ng hiwaga ang madilim na kalangitan

Tumingin ako sa iyo at bigla nalang akong may naramdamang sumabog sa puso ko. Hindi ko maipaliwanag kung ano ito, basta ang alam ko ay kuntento na ako basta kasama kita.

"Gusto kong manatiling ganito kahit sandali lang, sasamahan mo ba ako?"