FACING YOURSELF IN A TIME OF CRISIS

by Karima McKenzie

While we are dealing with a challenging time in our lives, I come to bring a message of hope. A word of encouragement to help you seize this opportunity. Everyone is grinding, planning their next big move once this all is over, and that’s great! But what about the opportunity we have been given to simply just be.

What do I mean by that? I mean sitting with self and living in the moment. Self-reflecting, self-analyzing, and learning more about who we truly are. In this way, I have taken a glass half-full approach and have begun to see this time as a gift. A gift of the present, to recognize what’s really important--the REAL you. But are you willing to face yourself? What does that entail?

It starts by analyzing the personality traits and patterns of behavior that make up who you are. In the midst of this crisis, while life has seemingly come to a halt, you now have been given precious time to selfexplore.

In my own self-exploration, I sat with myself and identified some things that I did not like and wanted to change, seeking to put an end to it for good. One of those things was the pattern of broken and failed relationships in my life. In that exploration, with the help of my therapist, I’ve discovered that all my relationships have failed because of a perfectionist pattern that I unintentionally created. During one of our sessions, she asked me, “If I were with you, am I allowed to make a mistake?” I was perplexed by this question, while I answered, “Yea I don’t think I’m that hard on people.” This one question changed my life because it stumped me. Deep down, everything in me screamed, ‘No, people cannot make a mistake.’

I created this idea that everyone should think, say, and do everything the way I would, and when they did not, I’d write them off. I’d continually search for and look for this unattainable perfection in others, while simultaneously not practicing the same perfection myself. This led to failed relationships because people would give up trying to please a person who could never be pleased. Once I discovered this about myself, I wanted to put a stop to this pattern of behavior and break the cycle. I no longer wanted to be anyone’s judge.

It was difficult being honest with myself about this, but I continued the work of self-exploration and healing. I began asking more questions, “Why am I like this? How was this pattern created?” So I took it a step further and began to look at my childhood experiences and memories. I began journaling, reflecting, and having conversations with my mom about some of these experiences. After a long talk, we discovered a lot but in a nutshell formulated the following conclusions. One, my mom set high expectations for us. She pushed us hard in school and really anything we put our minds to. Two, we were in church every Sunday, which came with its own set of judgements of others. And three, subconsciously trying to live up to my mom’s perfection. Together these things created a confidence chip on my shoulder, which then translated into thinking I am better than everyone else and that I have a right to judge others. However, that could not be further from the truth.

In the face of crisis, I’ve been set free; free from the idea that I always have to be right. Instead, I have made a daily decision to choose unconditional love, to accept people for who they are, and to practice patience with others when they do make a mistake. I say all this to say, you too can make the same discoveries and changes at this time. What or who is more important than you?

Let this time be used to teach us a lesson on not just healing our physical bodies but let’s heal the traumas, the emotional body, and spiritual body too. Let’s take off the masks we’ve been wearing all our lives. Busyness can no longer be the excuse. Let’s quiet ourselves enough to listen to that still inner voice and begin to break the patterns of negative behaviors too, which also affects your overall wellbeing. Facing yourself in this time of crisis is the greatest opportunity to become the best version of you!

Practical Application :

Start by choosing one thing about yourself that you would like to change.

Once you have identified what that thing is, follow the drip. Analyze where the pattern began, go as far back as you can remember. Once you have made the discovery, acknowledge it. This is when the pattern begins to change, just by being aware of it. Once you are aware, you can begin to establish a new pattern by repeating daily affirmations and meditating on the person you envision yourself to be.

Do this daily and watch how your life will begin to change.