1 minute read
Her Body, Her Love, Her Story
By Maiya Sinclair
Florida, Nicky, Khadija, Mickey, Sheila, Raven, Mercedes, Tasty, Niecey, Synclaire, Becky, Kelli, Ruby. Florida, Nicky, Khadija, Mickey, Sheila, Raven, Mercedes, Tasty, Niecey, Synclaire, Becky, Kelli, Ruby.
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I reverence the full bodied Black Women that have come before me. I say their names to pay homage and honor them for their contributions. I give gratitude for their work and efforts. I say their names twice because it wasn’t enough to make it to 20. It was barely enough to make it to 10 and I got lucky to have one extra. These are the most notable full bodied Black Women in media in the last 50 years.
Representation: the description or portrayal of someone or something in a particular way or as being of a certain nature. Where is it though? Where is the whole and well rounded full bodied Black Woman who has an amazing career, full of self love and completely aware of her self worth? Where is the young girl who is the center of attention in a guy’s life that doesn’t have to compete for his attention against a smaller girl? Where is the Woman who is the romantic lead and not put there as a supplemental character to help the skinny girl solve her life’s crisis of landing the guy of her dreams. Where is that representation?
I want to know because I rarely ever see it. Growing up into the woman I am today, I have longingly looked at TV’s and movies searching for me. A reflection or a resemblance to something to show what my life could be when I grew up. I know my wishes were and are no different than any other young girls who are obsessed with the media and what’s currently trending.
Historically speaking Black Women have always been trivialized and penalized for our bodies. Trivialized because women of all other races beat down the doors of doctors in Miami to purchase our lips and hips. Penalized in schools because our pants are too tight and causing boys to lose focus. I’ll never forget the day when I was walking down the hallway of my highschool minding my business, when a caucasian female teacher fixed her lips to tell me that my khaki skinny jeans weren’t flattering and I should consider something that hides my large behind. For context I was a women’s size 8. Crushed and embarrassed are the words that rush to my mind. How could another woman say something so harmful to me?
She could say it because when she saw me she didn’t see a young impressionable girl, she saw a pair of legs that rounded out into what the world was hungry for, something ready to be devoured. In that moment she dehumanized me and kept on walking to take her lunch break. But sadly for us, we don’t get a break. I’ve gone most of my life trying to be twice as good as my white counterparts and having to be three times as good as my smaller counterparts. I had to have more personality, be smarter, more stylish, more witty, present myself as more feminine, which is a lot of work and effort, and also be friendly and approachable. The amount of labor that “Fat” Black Women have to do to present ourselves as feminine and desirable is as heavy a lift as it is tiring. It’s already hard for Black Women as a group to exist in a way that is palatable and contrary to the hypersexualized and masculine stereotypes, so being a bigger woman just adds to the load.
When I got engaged some of my friends and family asked me if I was going to lose some weight before the wedding. Every time I got that question, I felt like I was being stabbed with the sharpest knife. At one point I was trying to lose weight so I COULD get a man. Never lost a single pound, and I met my now husband. I gained a little more weight (of no consequence) and he proposed to me. I did what was expected of me…..landed a man and got a ring. You mean to tell me that it STILL wasn’t enough? I’m still not worthy of this love? In a time that should’ve been full of love and joy I found myself really searching my soul for what I wanted. On September 27th of 2019 I walked down the aisle in my beautifully fitted dress with my long train and married the love of my life. The man who could care less if I ever wore a size smaller than what I am. The man who encourages me and helped me love my body for what it was. I am beyond blessed and ever so lucky to have found him. He didn’t swoop in like a knight in shining armor to save me, but he loved me while I saved myself.
That’s what I want for girls and women who look like me. I want them to have a self-love that is an immovable foundation. A romantic love that uplifts them in the best ways possible. I did it so that if the media never showed them, they could see it through looking at me.
As of late I am seeing a much needed and overdue increase of storylines centering Black plus-sized women. Centering them in all of their glory. Full Frontals, bellies and stretch marks included, no blurred edges or smoothed out creases. Something that I can see myself in and swoon over. Seeing them portrayed as romantic leads, desirable and valued. The most recent one I saw was of Ruby Baptiste (Wunmi Mosaku) in the HBO series, “Lovecraft Country”. I was amazed at the way they showed her naked body and how they had her engaging in intimacy with a white man and white Woman. Of course those relationships were at some point misleading and transactional but specific to the moments of intimacy they were breathtaking. I almost shed a tear. Although this is progress, there’s more to be done.
Despite these gaps of representation, you must remember no matter your size, color, class, or education you deserve love...a love for the ages. One that will break curses and establish a legacy. You deserve to believe that you are enough and worthy of that love. Do not be like me and wait for Hollywood to start telling a story you want to see. Go be the story that you would want to read. Start loving yourself. Start becoming the woman that you know you can be. Do ALL the things that this world tries to deny you of. I’m loving my story and you should love yours too.
This piece is dedicated to Natalie Desselle Reid who passed on December 9th 2020. She played such a dynamic role for Black Women and girls. Natalie was an icon to the culture and you could always count on her to represent us chunky girls with humor, grace and dignity. I hope from this point on we can make an effort to give people their flowers while they are alive to smell them.
