Through the Lens : The Toxic Reality of Our Favorite Black Films

BY EBONY PITTS

When you think of Black Love, what is the first thing that comes to mind? Is it your grandparents that have been married for 50 years, your favorite celebrity couple or maybe even your current relationship? Regardless of your response, our perspective of love not only comes from our experiences but also the media we consume. For me personally, movies and music have played a significant role in how I interpret, give and receive love. As a 90’s baby in love with all things black-produced during that time period, black love movies such as The Best Man, Love & Basketball and Love Jones, have had a large influence on my ideas of love. But what is it about these films that make them staples in the black community? Are they accurate representations of black love? Are they still relevant today? Let’s take a look through the lens of some of our favorite black love films.

Disclaimer: the intention is not to ruin our favorite movies but to think a little deeper into some of the messages being portrayed and how we can work together as a community toward having healthier relationships.

The Best Man: The Glorified “Ride or Die”

Morris Chestnut, Taye Diggs, Nia Long, Sanaa Lathan and Terrance Howard ... need I really say much more than “what an amazing cast!” The Best Man explores the dynamic between a group of college friends that reunite for a wedding. Lance Sullivan (played by Morris Chestnut) is the groom and dreamy football player. From the moment Lance is introduced into the movie, his character is idolized for being charming and successful. He remains true to an older standard of men who believe that a man should be the provider of the household while the woman takes care of the home (thankfully we have evolved from this mentality).

Although he has been around the block a few times, he values the ideals of marriage rooted in his religion and from observing his parents’ marriage. The love between Lance and his bride, Mia, appears to be perfect as he openly expresses his feelings, prioritizes her needs regardless of the obstacle and is completely protective over her. This is what women want right? We soon come to find out before Lance became this “Prince Charming,” throughout their relationship he’s had his share of infidelities. The whole premise of the movie revolves around Lance’s best man Harper Stewart (played by Taye Diggs), who wrote a book sharing his secret relations with Mia.

A misconception for black women when it comes to their love experience involves suffering first and being glorified later. This does not necessarily mean women expect their significant other to cheat, but with it being so common, it is almost a subconscious thought as a possibility. This is clearly a recurring theme in the black community when it comes to love and it is definitely still relevant today. Often times we see women stay with men who have been unfaithful especially if they have celebrity status, such a professional athlete or music artist, as if it is an excuse for this behavior. It seems the more a woman stays “down” with a man through all of this then it contributes to her being that “ride or die” type therefore qualifying her for marriage.

Does marriage mean that a man will be loyal? Does a woman ever fully forgive a man for his indiscretions? How does someone truly heal from this? Once Lance found out Mia had been unfaithful herself, he was ready to call off the marriage altogether. So here we go with the double standard that women should forgive a man for his infidelity but men are not as willing to forgive a woman. Of course this is not always the case but we are speaking of the situation as it is displayed in this movie. Ultimately, these are questions that we have to ask ourselves in the black community when it comes to love because men and women should be held to the same standard in terms of being faithful in a relationship. If you don’t value, respect and cherish your relationship before marriage, will those vows really stand strong through the test of time?

Love & Basketball: Selfish vs. Selfless

Now this next one had all of us thinking that we would have this childhood love story and if you were like me, it also had you thinking that you could really play basketball. “Love and Basketball” is a story about two childhood friends who dream of playing professional basketball and fall in love with each other along the way. Monica Wright (played by Sanaa Lathan) and Quincy McCall (played by Omar Epps) begin their love-hate relationship at age 11 when they each express their hopes of playing in the NBA. Following them throughout high school, we see the double standard of female athletes versus male athletes in terms of status, behavior and talent. It takes Monica and Quincy each going to prom with other people to realize how they feel about each other. College was the true test to their relationship as Monica fought to prove herself, Quincy was the star player who was following in his father’s footsteps.

Once Quincy came to realize his father was not the man he perceived him to be his whole life, he began questioning things and struggling to find himself. At this point Monica had a choice to be there for Quincy during his time of need or leave to make her curfew set by her coach. Monica chose to leave in order to make curfew, after which Quincy resented her for this and began dating other people. Once they broke up, each of them took their own path to playing professional basketball. Monica played overseas while Quincy took his talents to the NBA. After tearing his ACL during a game, Monica returns to LA to visit Quincy in the hospital and to her surprise ends up meeting his fiancée. Monica realized basketball was not as valuable to her as it once was without Quincy in her life.

Sounds beautiful right? Well let’s dive a little deeper into both of our characters here. Although Quincy may have felt like Monica should have chosen to stay with him instead of leaving to make her curfew, it was not fair for him to ask her to choose. Women are often put in situations where they have to choose between their career/ passions and their relationship. Then, before even expressing how he felt about her decision, Quincy took it upon himself to date other people before even communicating with Monica, which was indeed selfish. On the contrary Monica had to take accountability for her decision and understand Quincy’s point of view. Although it would have been a sacrifice to miss curfew to stay with Quincy, it all comes down to what is worth more. As people, we often have to make difficult decisions in choosing ourselves or choosing those that we love. Personally, I believe when you love someone you would never require that person to choose you over themselves. If I ask you to choose me over yourself, then ultimately I am breaking you down to a point where you may resent me.

Then of course, the scene that made the entire movie a classic was when Monica confronts Quincy about his relationship and asks him to play her for his heart. It was completely reckless for Monica to do this two weeks before Quincy’s wedding, but she knew where her heart was and wanted to fight for it. We were all devastated when Monica lost the game, thinking that there was no chance of them being together again until Quincy says, “double or nothing.” Now this right here is literally the definition of fighting for love. Often times we let our pride and fears get in the way of going after what we want therefore we settle. Settling has no place when it comes to love because your heart will never truly be happy. Your mind can convince you that you are happy but once you’ve experienced the depths of your heart feeling full, you’re doing a disservice to yourself to accept anything less than that. If there’s anything in life worth taking the risk for, it’s love.

Love Jones: The Art of Playing Games

Romance is about the possibility of the thing. You see, it’s about the time between when you first meet the woman, and when you first make love to her; When you first ask a woman to marry you, and when she says I do. When people who have been together a long time say that the romance is gone, what they’re really saying is they’ve exhausted the possibility.

“Love Jones” follows the love lives of two young black creatives in Chicago during the 90’s. The main characters Nina Mosely (played by Nia Long) and Darius Lovehall (played by Lorenz Tate) meet at a poetry lounge of which Darius is a frequent performer. Moments after they met, he dedicated his poem to her titled A Blues for Nina. From that point, Darius went after Nina with the energy everyone should have when trying to pursue someone they are interested in. We follow the two as they go through the normal occurrences of dating and observe what happens when there is miscommunication.

Where do I start with analyzing my girl Nina? Nina is a prime example of what happens when society shames you for expressing your feelings. Once her ex-fiance came back into her life, Nina began to question whether she should give things another chance with him or continue pursuing Darius. Instead of being honest and direct with Darius about her feelings, she posed the question for him to speak on how he feels about their situation. In fear that Nina would not feel the same as he does, he played it cool by saying they are “just kickin it.” In other words, he was suggesting things were casual between them so it was okay for her to explore a serious option with her ex. Nina hearing this of course, believed this was a casual situation for Darius and decided to leave to rekindle her old flame.

When Nina quickly realizes her heart truly is no longer with her ex, she returns to Chicago to catch up with Darius only to find him with another woman. To make matters worse, Nina then begins to date Darius’ friend. That’s a big no no, sis. When things don’t work out with him, she returns to Darius to see if they can begin dating again. Things seem to be going well until Darius’ actions appear to be very sneaky which leads to Nina expressing her mistrust of him. After they break up, Nina leaves Chicago to clear her mind and accept a new job she has been offered. After some time she returns to collect the last of her things when she decides to stop by the poetry lounge. Nina, not noticing Darius was in the room, performs her piece finally expressing her true feelings.

Nina…girl...your actions throughout this movie resonate with all of us, but this is not okay! We have all been in a place where we don’t want to be the first to express our feelings in fear of what the other person may say. I think the main point that we all miss here is when you are not honest about how you are feeling, you really end up cheating yourself. Yes, we all hate rejection and yes, we like to protect our hearts. However, love is reckless with no limits. It can’t be managed with our minds that are full of fear, doubt and societal constructs. It was not fair for Nina to explore things with her ex and expect Darius to be waiting for her to return. Once she left, she made a conscious decision to let Darius go. So, she had to be okay with him moving on in his own way. Then she dated his friend? Nina ... what did you expect to happen at this point? Were you actually interested or was this a ploy to get Darius back? To circle back to the larger issue, we need to stop with all of the mind games and just communicate. There shouldn’t be a strategy in communicating your feelings because it is more important for you to express yourself than it is for other people to receive your message. If everyone is hesitant with self expression then there would be no beauty in the world such as art and love.

Nina Mosley: You always want what you want when you want it. Why is everything so urgent with you?

Darius Lovehall: Let me tell you somethin’. This here, right now, at this very moment, is all that matters to me. I love you. That’s urgent like a motherf*cker.