Four for Four: A Message to Those Fighting for Love

BY KARIMA McKENZIE

I’ve reflected on the tumultuous roller coaster ride that comes with merging two adult lives. Being married, I have always been asked, “How’s married life?” My answers would vary from “pretty cool,” “interesting,” “great,” etc. But if I’m being honest with myself, I’d say marriage is the most rewarding yet most challenging experience in life.

It’s rewarding for the lifelong companionship, the dates, laughter, intimacy, wedding day, etc. The challenge, however, is in the vows, when things get difficult (and they will) will you remember the rewards? Will you come to your senses before it goes too far? If you’ve truly made a commitment to your relationship or marriage, then there’s always a road back to recovery. It requires having the things in life that most people struggle with: Humility, Transparency, and Patience.

In my 4 years of being married, I’ve identified 4 things that will contribute to the success of any relationship or marriage.

1. Respect

Respect the vows that you took and their true meaning. Respect one another’s feelings. Too often we dismiss our partner’s feelings because we can’t identify with them. And while we may not understand the place from which their feelings come from, it is important to honor them by being receptive to them. Respect each other’s individual growth! They will change, you will change, and

2. Forgiveness

A LOT will happen and in most cases unintentionally. The person you love the most will hurt you in some way, shape or form. But will you have the ability to open your heart, drop all defenses, and find where forgiveness starts? Or will you center your marriage on what your partner failed to do right? Instead, always apologize for your role in what occurred, always come home, always go to bed, and always try to find common ground before the night’s end.

3. Hidden Expectations

Expose your expectations of your partner from the door. Most people enter a relationship or marriage with a complete idea of what it will be like, including what that person should do for you on a daily basis. It’s great to have those expectations, but truth be told those expectations are often treated as an assumption and in most cases never communicated to your partner. You have to discuss these expectations.

4. Communication

The first 3 tips can’t happen if you’re not honest and transparent. Communicate with your partner about everything: your past, your innermost thoughts, feelings, needs, etc. Your partner should be your best friend. There shouldn’t be another person in this whole world who knows more about you than your partner. If you are having trouble communicating, don’t be afraid or ashamed to add a third party to help with that. A licensed counselor or someone that has your best interest at heart is preferred. Premarital and marital counseling can work wonders, especially when both parties are open to being transparent. Praying together and praying for one another is a powerful tool to self reflect and encourage you both through the process.

While this is my blueprint for a healthy relationship, it is definitely a lot easier said than done. In a millennial, social media-driven world, it’s easy to “see” what others have and admire it from afar and wish you had what they have. But the reality is, in between every post or picture, there’s real work being done just to get to another one of those fun-filled photogenic moments. Love, that true unconditional love, when both parties embody the 4 characteristics above, is worth fighting for. Remember that the reward of having your relationship is greater than the challenge. ALWAYS! KEEP FIGHTING FOR YOURS!

#LOVECHALLENGE

Daily, for the next 30 days, write one thing you love about your partner. By the end of the 30 days, you both should sit down and share them with each other.

Two things will come from this:

1. You will remember why you’ve fallen in love in the first place.

2. By reflecting on what you love about them, you will attract more of that love from them and it will manifest.

We often focus on all the things our partner does wrong, thereby attracting that same energy. Shift your focus to the things they do right and watch what it does for your relationship. Mark my words.