Queen City Nerve - May 5, 2021

VOLUME 3, ISSUE 12; MAY 5 - MAY 18, 2021; WWW.QCNERVE.COM

ARTS: A LOCAL GIFT GUIDE FOR MOM PG. 10 FOOD: ANTI-ASIAN HATE HITS THE FOOD INDUSTRY PG. 18

COUNT YOUR

PUBLISHER

JUSTIN LAFRANCOIS jl afra n co i s @ q cn er ve.com

EDITOR-IN-CHIEF RYAN PITKIN rpi tk i n @ q cn e r ve. c om

ART DIRECTOR

JAYME JOHNSON jjo h n s o n @ q cn e r ve.com

STAFF WRITER

PAT MORAN pm o ra n @ q cn er ve . com

DIGITAL EDITOR

CARTONS May is CARTON Recycling Month

LEA BEKELE l be ke l e @ q cn er ve . com

AD SALES EXECUTIVE RENN WILSON r wi l s o n @ q cn e r ve . com

DISTRIBUTION MANAGER JESSICA RAGLAND jragl a n d @ q cn e r ve.com

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TABLE OF CONTENTS

NEWS& OPINION

5 EDITOR’S NOTE BY RYAN PITKIN & PAM GRUNDY 6 DIGGING OUT OF THE HOLE BY RYAN PITKIN

New book discusses how to push back against social isolation

10 A GIFT GUIDE FOR MOM BY LEA BEKELE Shop local on Mother’s Day ... or any time you need a quick gift idea

14 LIFEWAVE A dose of reality

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ARTS

MUSIC 18

16 THE SKA SKANK REDEMPTION BY PAT MORAN Waiting for a fourth wave in Charlotte

A WRONGFUL BACKLASH BY LIZ LOGAN NC historian digs into anti-Asian stereotypes and Chinese food

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LIFESTYLE

SUBSCRIBE TO OUR NEWSLETTER Get our community stories delivered straight to your inbox every Mon., Wed. & Fri.

ARTS: A LOCAL GIFT GUIDE FOR MOM PG. 10 FOOD: ANTI-ASIAN HATE HITS THE FOOD INDUSTRY PG. 18

FOOD& DRINK

20 THE SEEKER BY KATIE GRANT 20 HOROSCOPE 21 PUZZLES 22 SAVAGE LOVE

THANKS TO OUR CONTRIBUTORS: PAT MORAN, GRANT BALDWIN, LEA BEKELE, JOSH TRENT PETTY, KATIE GRANT AND DAN SAVAGE.

COVER DESIGN BY: JAYME JOHNSON

EDITOR’S NOTE AN UNCOMFORTABLE CONVERSATION Lest we forget the ugly foundation on which Charlotte was built

BY RYAN PITKIN & PAM GRUNDY

In our latest News feature, which you can find on Page 6, Ryan Pitkin talks to local author and social entrepreneur Justin Jones-Fosu about diversity and inclusion, topics on which he sometimes leads workshops and are the focal points of his new book, The Inclusive Mindset.

In the chat, Ryan brings up a recent movement, made up mostly of right-wing pundits and politicians, that looks to vilify such workshops and ban any training that could be described as “critical race theory.”

“For those politicians who choose to have true, genuine dialogue, when you have genuine dialogue, it

allows you to better understand what do you mean by this when you talk about diversity and inclusion,” JonesFosu responds. “Unfortunately, with most politicians, they’re not trying to have dialogue. They’re interested in speaking to their base, because at the end of the day their base is what’s happening for them.”

That’s exactly what’s going on in the latest right-wing attack on U.S. history. On Friday, April 30, Senate Republican leader Mitch McConnell wrote U.S. Secretary of Education Miguel Cardona to express “grave concern” about the department’s approach to U.S. History, which he claimed was promoting “activist indoctrination that fixates solely on past flaws and splits our nation into divided camps.”

He singled out the 1619 Project, led by Nikole Hannah-Jones of the New York Times, which emphasizes the significance of racial slavery in shaping American economy, society, and culture.

Such efforts, McConnell lamented, “increasingly subject Americans to a drumbeat of revisionism and negativity about our nation’s history and identity.” As a result, he warned, “American pride has plummeted to its lowest level in 20 years.” Poppycock.

It is far past time for our nation to genuinely reckon with our deeply flawed racial history.

Efforts to hide historic realities beneath “patriotic” platitudes obscure hard truths about both past and

present and keep us from shaping a truer, more grounded national sense of pride and struggle.

Last summer, as Black activists across the country rallied against the systemic racism that plagues our nation, Queen City Nerve sought to bolster local efforts by publishing “Black History of Charlotte,” a five-part series detailing some of the challenges and accomplishments of Charlotte’s African-American residents from the close of the Civil War into the present.

Starting on May 19, we will extend the series with a two-part “prequel” that examines Black Charlotte history from the 1740s through the Civil War. The timing matters. The next day, May 20, is “Meck Dec Day,” which commemorates the Mecklenburg Declaration of Independence. Sparse historical records have prompted fierce debates over whether the Declaration, said to have been signed in 1775, is reality or myth. But despite this controversy, the Meck Dec has formed a prominent component of Charlotte identity for more than 150 years. It thus offers an ideal focus for historical reassessment.

Promoters of the Meck Dec generally focus on the signers’ independent spirit, distrust of authority and “firm belief that all men were equal.” Chronicler J.B. Alexander set this tone in 1902, writing that Mecklenburg County “was populated with a race of people” who “had been taught that liberty

and independence were necessary to achieve the highest aims in life.”

What Alexander failed to mention, and what most accounts of the Meck Dec either leave out or gloss over, is that many of the signers were actively engaged in denying liberty and independence to other human beings — the men and women of African descent whom they had enslaved. Men such as John Davidson, Thomas Polk and Hezekiah Alexander built fortunes by exploiting enslaved labor. They justified this practice with the claim that Africans and their descendants were a “lesser” race of people than the white Europeans who enslaved them. The legacy of those actions and ideas remain with us today.

The irony of claiming liberty for oneself while denying it to others has not been lost on Charlotte’s Black activists. Starting right after the Civil War, and continuing into the civil rights era, African Americans working for freedom, justice and equality have periodically chosen Meck Dec Day as a forum for their own claims to equal rights of citizenship. “There is no freedom unless all of us are free,” longtime activist Reginald Hawkins proclaimed at one such event in 1963.

We hope the upcoming installments of Black History of Charlotte, along with related programming, will help continue that tradition here in 2021. Stay tuned.

RPITKIN@QCNERVE.COM

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NEWS & OPINION FEATURE

DIGGING OUT OF THE HOLE

New book discusses how to push back against social isolation

BY RYAN PITKIN

For most people around the country and the world, the past year has been one of forced social isolation, and the results have been severe. Locally, we’ve seen a rise in domestic violence and road rage, according to CMPD, while staff at Pat’s Place Child Advocacy Center have sounded the alarm bells about unreported child abuse cases.

While these recent matters are certainly troubling, Charlotte-based social entrepreneur, researcher and writer Justin Jones-Fosu points out that social isolation has been affecting the way Americans interact since long before the pandemic.

In Jones-Fosu’s new book, The Inclusive Mindset, he talks at length about how social isolation leads

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to further inequity, as he’s seen in his work around diversity and inclusion in the corporate world.

Queen City Nerve recently spoke with JonesFosu about what social isolation means, how one can be purposeful in pushing back against it, and how he views a new right-wing movement against the type of diversity and inclusion trainings that he’s made his life’s work.

Queen City Nerve: How long have you been living in Charlotte?

Justin Jones-Fosu: I made my way to Charlotte in 2017. I have had my eye on Charlotte for a while just because of the racial and ethnic diversity and the beauty of the nearby mountains.

I am originally from Ghana through the way of Michigan. I was born in Michigan, but one of the unique aspects of Ghanian culture — western culture is very individualistic, so when people want to know where you’re from, they’re really asking where you were born, but to Ghanians and other African nations, they don’t really care where you were born they want to know where your family’s from. So it’s always interesting telling people where I’m from. I say I’m from Ghana through the way of Michigan.

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CHARLOTTE

NEWS & OPINION FEATURE

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How have you found Charlotte?

There are certain things that I really enjoy, I love the access to both beaches as well as the mountains.

I participated in Leadership Charlotte, which was a really cool and great experience, just to see the great diversity of thought that existed amongst the people.

But there are some aspects of Charlotte that are still very segregated, and we need opportunities to enlarge our circles. Even in people’s neighborhoods it’s very challenging for people to enlarge their circles, which feeds into the school systems, which feeds into the socioeconomics and all these other systems, so that’s one of the things I think Charlotte has an opportunity to do a better job of.

I love the work that [assistant city manager] Taiwo [Jaiyeoba] was doing with affordable housing and helping to recreate or rethink how we do neighborhoods. He was fortunately one of my Leadership Charlotte cohorts.

Overall, I’ve really appreciated the forward thinking and progress — and when I say progress I mean the fact that we looked at how Charlotte is doing in terms of people being able to continue to grow, raise their economic development, and Charlotte seems to be taking that very seriously. So I like that they didn’t explain it away, they’re like, “This is the issue, we need to address it. Let’s start moving forward.”

is the baseline. You hear statements like, “It’s 2021, are you still struggling with that?” versus meeting people where they are and helping them to get better over time, and there’s that delicate balance of meeting people where they are but not pacifying people if they’re not moving in ways that are helpful and meaningful for other people as well.

So it’s a nice dance, but I felt that this is an approach that isn’t often taken, and it’s not the

How did your work in the corporate world lead into what you’re doing JUSTIN JONES-FOSU now?

I spent about 10 years or so in corporate only approach, there are many approaches to this American organizations, but I’ve been working with work. But this is an approach that people have organizations for over 10 years, and I’ve made a lot said, “Hey I like it, I appreciate it, I’m growing from of mistakes over those years, and to be honest, I’ll it,” but unfortunately, I have also had some white probably continue to make a lot of mistakes, but I’ve heterosexual males who have said to me, “This is the learned a lot from the mistakes that I can position first time I feel included in a diversity and inclusion how diversity and inclusion is talked about in a conversation.” So for me, part of my passion is really unique and valuable way. I found that diversity and helping people to be curious about each other again, inclusion was only talked about from a very shame- to learn how to respectfully disagree. We talk so based approach or deficit approach, it was always much about the business case [for diversity], and I what you’re doing wrong. The focus wasn’t generally realize that, we know the business case, we’ve talked on how do we grow, progress and get better, which about it for decades and we still haven’t moved the is more an abundance thinking, it’s more so like this

needle. So it’s not just elegantly stating the business case, what’s missing is the humanity case, and the humanity case is simply that we enlarge our circle, that we get out of social isolation and we start engaging with those that are different from us; we hear their stories and see the significance in who they are, and we start approaching diversity and inclusion as if we’re approaching one of our favorite loved ones.

Unfortunately, with most politicians, they’re really not trying to have dialogue. They’re interested in speaking to their base, because at the end of the day their base it’s what’s happening for them. For those politicians who choose to have true, genuine dialogue, when you have genuine dialogue, it allows you to better understand what do you mean by this when you talk about diversity and inclusion.

Often I find myself, not just with politicians but with everyday people, I find myself needing to describe how I refer to diversity and inclusion, that this is not just race or gender or identity, that there are so many aspects of diversity, ability, socioeconomics, these pieces, because when people see themselves as part of it they also see themselves as helping it move forward. But when I see myself as something that I’m not a part of, that’s something that you all have to do.

So I challenge people to get past this conversation, and you saw it in the primaries; what the news people would say is, “They just came from Iowa, they’re ready to get to New Hampshire, but wait ‘til they get to more diverse states.” I was just screaming at the TV screen like, “No, I’ve been to both Iowa and New Hampshire, they’re very diverse in different ways.” Now use the preface: Are you talking about racial diversity? Are you talking about gender diversity? Are you talking about ethnic diversity? That’s the thing I’m really challenging people to do so that we’re not unconsciously or subconsciously alienating groups of people and saying, “You’re not a part of diversity and inclusion.”

PHOTO BY ARIEL PERRY So back to your statement, just around the politicians, more questions There’s a growing backlash among right-wing need to be asked. There are people who are politicians who have lambasted all diversity approaching the conversation of diversity and and inclusion trainings or discussions in the inclusion from a variety of different aspects, and workplace as this sort of monolithic “critical there are myriad different ways, but you can’t lump race theory” that is somehow harmful. What all of the diversity-inclusion conversation into one are your thoughts on seeing that talked about and say that it’s not good. in national media?

That’s one of the things that I don’t think that How would you describe social isolation? we often have enough conversations about. I’m a big Oftentimes when we are intentionally or believer in dialogue. One of the best diversity books unintentionally isolated from groups of people, no I ever read had nothing to do with diversity. It was a matter what those groups are, they could be within book called Dialogue: The Art of Thinking Together. our neighborhoods, and right now we’re seeing it

NEWS & OPINION FEATURE

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huge just with the pandemic; we have gone inward versus continuing to explore and experience the world around us. Those experiences help shape us.

One of my key phrases is: Proximity breeds empathy. When we don’t have proximity to people, when we don’t have an opportunity to engage people, when we don’t intentionally choose to go out and connect and hear the stories of other people, we do a thing called othering, where that’s those people, and normally what goes with that is negativity, with the othering. Why are those people doing this? When we are more inviting it moves from, “I’m glad you’re here,” to, “I’m glad we’re here.”

That’s the aspect of social isolation.

We tend to give more grace to those within our circles, and when no one’s in our circles but ourselves, our family members and friends, people like us, everyone outside of our circles is everyone else. And everyone else is people we tend to give no grace, no benefit of the doubt, they’re guilty until proven innocent, and one of the things I challenge people is to think through who everyone else is, and be honest.

I share my own experiences with this in my presentations and in my book. I talk about not just stuff I’ve gotten over but stuff I still live with.

And you have some practices people can use to lessen the effects of social isolation.

There are two things we can do, because I’m all about practicality. One is to develop meaningful relationships. The reason I say meaningful is it has to go deeper than, “I have two white friends. Yay.” We have to talk about the tough, hard issues and hear their stories.

So one practical solution I have to that is called “1 MC over W.” That’s not a new mathematical formula, it simply stands for One Meaningful Connection Per Week. I encourage people to build into their calendar 15-30 minutes to hear the stories of their neighbors. Blame me, tell them you got an assignment from this guy and you have to hear the stories of other people. So people go and they hear these stories, they listen and engage.

Diversity is not that we always agree, which is something else that we need to really hit hard on, is that we learn to respectfully disagree. When I can vehemently disagree with your ideology and yet still passionately pursue your humanity. We’ve lost the art of that. For me, it’s not that I agree with all the stories I hear, it just means that I take the time to hear some other people’s perspective vs. second-

and third-hand information.

The second one is something I call the six-month challenge: every six months I challenge myself to go to an event, experience something or engage with someone which I either disagree with or I don’t know a lot about. It allows me to challenge the second- or third-hand information that our brains are wired to receive. Our brains are conditioned to save information from things it doesn’t know, and so when we get this second- or third-hand information from media sources or social media or from friends, it categorizes that to utilize for a future date. So what intentionality requires is why I do the six-month challenge, because it continues to enlarge my circles so I’m not just confined to my circle of comfort, but rather I’m engaging and enlarging the circles that I experience.

first happened. I was going through my Netflix, HBO, [Amazon] Prime binges because I was just so disappointed and frustrated with what was happening in society. And so, I do think that it’s amplified it, intensified the frustration that people feel, the othering that people exist, but that’s the bad news.

The good news to that is I’ve seen how people have become more intentional with engaging others, and that’s the thing; people have to want

How have you seen COVID-19 affect your work around social isolation?

Unfortunately it’s impacted us in a lot of negative ways, because we’ve lost touch with the outside world in many ways, and we’ve been forced to disassociate with our neighbors. It’s like, “You all stay over there,” and we haven’t had creative solutions to address it.

Unfortunately it allows for a ‘THE INCLUSIVE MINDSET’ WAS RELEASED ON MARCH 20. deeper sense of anger, resentment and violence to build up that we started hearing less and less of people’s stories it. You can’t make anyone do this. There’s not a city unintentionally. Just by going out into society, you ordinance that says everybody has to get on Zoom hear the stories of others. So because we started at 7 p.m. so you can hear the stories of other people. hearing less and less of people’s stories, it allowed People ultimately have to want to, and when people us to see people as others, and when we see people want to, we have to provide intentional solutions as others, there seems to be a deep-seeded root of, for people to engage, so people are saying, “OK “Maybe they’re the worst, while I and people in my cool, what’s a virtual experience that you wouldn’t circle deserve the best.” normally go to but you can experience to challenge With COVID, it’s intensified othering even your social isolation?” more so than before. It also creates this space of There are neighborhoods where neighbors loneliness. I’m in this alone. When we start to come out and put their chairs in their driveway and think that we’re alone, then we start to react and/ they’ve had conversations and social distancing or act out in ways that aren’t conducive to healthy in meaningful ways outside so they can hear and interpersonal relationships and relationships with continue to connect with their neighbors. I’ve seen other people and that’s why you see some of the people utilize Zoom and all these other things in things, even in people’s own households, that very unique ways. become very challenging.

One of the ways I did it, I’m part of a group called People don’t know how to channel their anger Outdoor Afro, where we would go hiking outdoors, or frustration. I struggled with it when COVID and we would do that in ways to still continue

to connect with others and deal with our social isolation. It took a lot more intentionality, but it’s something that’s doable. I know people are getting out and going back but it still requires a great deal of intentionality.

Do you think that intentionality will translate to the so-called “new normal” as we begin to return to some version of our regular lives?

No. I don’t think so. I wish I could have a positive report. I think people are going to try to return to normal the best that they could. It required intentionality before the pandemic. It’s going to equally require intentionality after the pandemic in whatever the new normal is.

At the end of the day, if I go back to my normal, I’m going back to my same circles, my same family, my same friend groups. I’m going to the same type of restaurants where people like me go, and I’m not going to have those conversations with people that challenge my own narrative that’s been created either internally or through second- or third-hand info. So I think people will have to remain vigilant and that’s why the six-month challenge isn’t a sixmonth COVID challenge, it’s a six-month challenge for a reason, to challenge us to consistently go out, hear the stories of others, and understand others’ perspectives and see how we can see things from others’ perspectives. Proximity breeds empathy.

Any other tips for fighting social isolation?

A lot of people have great knowledge about diversity and inclusion but very few people have hard knowledge about it, and the thing I think is a great starting point for people, and this is a great conversation people can have with their family members, with their friends, I do this in my workshops, one of the things they can do is share a time when they felt on the outside or not included, how they thought about it and what it felt like.

One of the things that’s been phenomenal when we do these in our sessions is that, every single person has one of those experiences, and my challenge to people is, why do you want someone else to feel the way that you did?

That begins to help us from a heart level have a better feeling to begin the intentionality to intensify ways that we ourselves, whether intentionally or unintentionally, are othering people and/or making people feel unincluded and not valued.

Find Justin Jones-Tosu’s book and more at TheInclusiveMindset.com.

RPITKIN@QCNERVE.COM

THE OUTBREAK OF CORONAVIRUS DISEASE 2019 (COVID-19) MAY BE STRESSFUL FOR PEOPLE. FEAR AND ANXIETY ABOUT A DISEASE CAN BE OVERWHELMING AND CAUSE STRONG EMOTIONS IN ADULTS AND CHILDREN. COPING WITH STRESS WILL MAKE YOU, THE PEOPLE YOU CARE ABOUT, AND YOUR COMMUNITY STRONGER. EVERYONE REACTS DIFFERENTLY TO STRESSFUL SITUATIONS. HOW YOU RESPOND TO THE OUTBREAK CAN DEPEND ON YOUR BACKGROUND, THE THINGS THAT MAKE YOU DIFFERENT FROM OTHER PEOPLE, AND THE COMMUNITY YOU LIVE IN.

-Fear and worry about your own health and the health of your loved ones -Changes in sleep or eating patterns -Difficulty sleeping or concentrating -Worsening of chronic health problems -Increased use of alcohol, tobacco, or other drugs

­

-Take breaks from watching, reading, or listening to news stories, including social media.

Hearing about the pandemic repeatedly can be upsetting.

-Take care of your body. Take deep breaths, stretch, or meditate. Try to eat healthy, well-balanced meals, exercise regularly, get plenty of sleep, and avoid alcohol and drugs.

-Make time to unwind. Try to do some other activities you enjoy.

-Connect with others. Talk with people you trust about your concerns and how you are feeling.

ONLINE THERAPY OPTIONS

OPEN PATH COLLECTIVE

A nonprofit that connects people with private practice therapists that choose to participate.

Digital therapy is available for a $59 membership tinyurl.com/opcollective Pg. 9 MAY 5 - MAY 18, 2021 - QCNERVE.COM

PSYCHOLOGY TODAY

An interactive website where users can enter their zip code to find a counseling professional near them online with phone and video options available. tinyurl.com/psychtodayonline

MORE RESOURCES

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ARTS FEATURE

A GIFT GUIDE FOR MOM

Shop local on Mother’s Day and really any time you need a quick gift idea

BY LEA BEKELE

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After the year small businesses have been through, it’s more important than ever that Charlotteans support local makers. This means instead of shopping at massive chains, whenever possible, opt for a visit to the mom-and-pop shop around the corner for gift needs.

Sure, you could go online, but why not put some effort into supporting the local economy by supporting such staples as Paper Skyscraper in South End, Moxie Mercantile in Plaza Midwood (or Davidson), or Pura Vida Worldly Art in NoDa, all of which offer curbside pickup.

Mother’s Day is May 9, and nothing says “I actually thought about this gift” like a piece of

artwork or jewelry painstakingly crafted by a local artist. We created this guide of locally-crafted gifts and the stores to find them in, broken down by interests and hobbies, perfect for Mother’s Day, upcoming birthdays or for random gift-giving just because.

FOR THE COFFEE DRINKER

Ask any given person how they take their coffee, the answer could be as simple as, “black,” or as detailed as, “a Guatemalan light-roast blend made with a Chemex pour-over, using distilled spring water.”

Getting between an avid coffee drinker and their caffeine feels like a misstep that no one should make. Luckily, Charlotte has no shortage of local roasters or folks who make coffee-adjacent crafts that will please the coffee lover in your life.

Golden + Grey Online, shopgoldenandgrey.com/ Debra Aase-Farnum’s handmade ceramic mugs are adorned with intricate artwork that combine high fantasy and nature imagery, making each piece reminiscent of a time period long past.

Aase-Farnum’s artwork has been featured as part Hex Coffee of the ArtPop Street Gallery you may have seen on 1824 Statesville Ave., Suite 101; open Tuesdaybillboards around the Charlotte area, but her mugs Sunday, 9 a.m.-3 p.m. make it possible to hold her work every morning.

Though Hex’s entire line of coffee is roasted in the heart of Camp North End, the beans come to the Queen City from around the globe. Choose between a list of rotating roasts that’ll keep the coffee fiend in your life caffeinated. We suggest Desvelado for the decaf drinker; Bensa Segera for a fruity blend; or the Function brew for a taste of seasonal flavors.

Pure Intentions 2215 N Tryon St.; open Monday-Friday 9 a.m.-5 p.m.

The gift selection from Pure Intentions ranges from the average gift for your coworker to the opportunity to drop a G on your significant other.

Between a six-pack of cold brew, a five-gallon keg and a $1,000 barista course, there are plenty of ways to express just how much you care about the person receiving your gift. Visit the flagship location in Uptown or purchase beans from local shops like Earl’s Grocery, The Exchange at 36th and Lincoln Street Kitchen.

MUGS FROM GOLDEN + GREY

ARTS FEATURE

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Choose from an array of Albemarle-based Doberman Forge’s handmade chefs’ knives, all equipped with hand-carved handles, some of which come with FOR THE HOME CHEF a design. You can also find educational resources The DIY style of a home chef often means about knife maintenance and sharpening on the scouring the internet or browsing countless shelves website. before finding niche kitchen instruments and ingredients to match what goes in professional FOR THE PLANT LOVER kitchens. Dishes may remain out of reach simply It always starts out with one plant, something because the chef couldn’t find a mandolin in the first simple like a ZZ Plant or a calathea. That begins the four stores they visited. These items may be a little slippery slope, until every open surface in the home out of the ordinary for most but not for a seasoned is occupied by a new plant or propagated cutting. home chef.

Somehow, plant lovers always have one more plant that needs an accompanying pot or vice versa.

Don’t be fooled, they’re just looking for an excuse to make a trip to the plant store. Charlotte has no shortage of local nurseries and plant shops to satisfy the — amateur or addicted — green thumb in your life.

Feel free to ask around for guidance if you’re unfamiliar with ins and outs of a plantfilled existence.

Shades of Moss 2422 N Tryon St; open Monday, Tuesday & Sunday 9 a.m.-5 p.m.

Recognized by Queen City Nerve as Best Plant Shop in the 2020 Best in the Nest Critics Picks, this Blackowned business lets you shop around — though by appointment only — for gorgeous foliage along with potting BOXED LUNCH (OR DINNER) FROM TOPSAIL STEAMER soil, plant books and stylish planters.

Whether your mom is just starting out or a green Carolina Coast Topsail Steamer thumb veretan, she’ll appreciate a copy of Wild Online, topsailsteamer.com/ Interiors by Hilton Carter, a book full of photos of Summer’s closing in, and whether you make it Carter’s jungle-like and plant-filled home. to the coast or not, the steamed seafood typically found at seaside restaurants is not out of reach. The Malone’s Nursery Carolina Coast Topsail Steamer can be tough to find, 100 Radio Road; open everyday, 9 a.m.-5 p.m. so online will have to do. Maybe it won’t get here Malone’s Nursery have dubbed themselves,

by Mother’s Day, but perfectly steamed oysters are “Charlotte’s smallest greenhouse with the biggest worth the wait. selection,” a title earned by the aisles and aisles of succulents, carnivorous plants, bonsais, cacti and Doberman Forge planters from local maker Queen City Crete. What’s Online, dobermanforge.com/ a plant without an equally attractive pot to put it in?

There’s a point in every home chef’s life when they learn the importance of a high-quality knife.

Grow Camp North End, 270 Camp Road, Suite 101; open Wednesday & Thursday 11 a.m.-7 p.m., Friday & Saturday 11 a.m.-8 p.m. and Sunday 11 a.m.-5 p.m.

Grow recently transitioned from a pop-up that would occasionally move between Moxie Mercantile and Covet Atelier to a 300-square-foot storefront in The Mount at Camp North End, next to Hygge, Popbar and Good Postage. The small neighborhood plant shop sells planters and other plant-related goodies along with the usual greenery, and offers pickup or local delivery.

Jenn Small Online, instagram.com/littlejennsmall Jenn Small is a tattoo artist by trade, formerly at 510 Expert Tattoo and currently at Archer Tattoo.

When tattoo parlors closed due to the stay-at-home order last year, Small set her sights on creating stained-glass artwork. She’s back to tattooing but still creates colorful pieces that she sells through her Instagram. The stained-glass pieces, at whatever shape and size you grab, should be hung up in the largest window in a space where it refracts light into whatever room it hangs in.

SHADES OF MOSS PHOTO BY BARRY GREENE

FOR THE INTERIOR DECORATOR

When it comes to decor, the tiny details matter just as much as the furniture or large statement artwork. A lamp, aesthetically pleasing candle or well-placed catch-all tray has the power to tie together an entire room. For the mother that spends hours on Pinterest creating mood boards of her dream home, here are a handful of local Charlotteans making and curating home decor.

Micuna & Co. Online, micunaco.com/ This online retailer releases new decor pieces through monthly curated drops –– from antique candle holders to furniture – with a vintage vibe.

Each month, a percentage of the proceeds go toward local nonprofits like The Relatives and Charlotte Family Housing. There are still pieces from April’s drop that haven’t been snagged just yet and most are available for complimentary delivery in Charlotte.

JENN SMALL’S STAINED GLASS

NotSo Design Co. Online, instagram.com/notsodesign.co NotSo Design Co. recently launched their Moving and Second Sale, so now is the time to grab some of its homeware items like the catch-all trays

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ARTS FEATURE

from Brow Artistry & Glow. If Mom would rather have someone else take the reins, Brow Artistry & Glow has appointments available for all things or salvaged wood-cutting boards for a fraction of cosmetic. the normal price. The acrylic pieces typically have a floral, almost bohemian feel to them.

FOR THE AVID READER The reader in your life probably has a shelf of unread books they’ve been meaning to get to, but still manages to come home with a new one after every book shop visit. Here are a handful of local places to

NOT SO DESIGN CO.’S FLORAL CHARCUTERIE BOARD PHOTO BY SARA TALL

I’ve Read It In Books Inside Tip Top Daily Market, 2902 The Plaza; open everyday 10 a.m.-10 p.m.

The indie book shop living inside Tip Top Daily Market carries everything from horror to self-help books to local writers like Jason Waters, who wrote Unbalanced: A Life of Schizophrenia and Skateboarding about his relationship with skating after being diagnosed with schizophrenia. Check out their Instagram for updates on the latest additions to the I’ve Read It In Books shelves.

FOR THE ASPIRING BEAUTY GURU

End location, That’s Novel Books offers blind date books that are individually wrapped with brown paper with three or four words written on the paper that describe the genre and basic plot, a great option for the reader that is equal parts filled with curiosity and thrilled by the uncertainty of a new book.

Book Buyers 1301 The Plaza; open Monday-Saturday 10 a.m.7 p.m.; Sunday 12 p.m.- 6 p.m.

This Plaza Midwood staple has been around for decades selling used books, movies and CDs. If your mom is the type usually drawn to the smell of old books, a stack from Book Buyers won’t break the bank. The latest additions are prominently displayed at the front of the store for easy access right next to its selection of vegan snacks from The Greener Apple, which is also locally owned.

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That’s Novel Books Inside Hygge, 330 Camp Rd.; open Wednesday 3 p.m.Gather Ye Honey 7 p.m.; Fridays 3 p.m.-7 p.m.; Saturday 11 a.m.-5 p.m. LOCAL GIFT STORES Uptown Farmers Market; open Saturday 8 a.m.-12:30 Tucked away in Hygge coworking’s Camp North Whether you’re still in the market for a gift or p.m. in search of a cheesy card and adorable Did you know that honey is a gift bag to pair it with, a browse prominent ingredient in many natural through any of these staples might and organic skincare products? The give you some last-minute inspiration honey procured from the Gather Ye for Mother’s Day. Honey’s hives is used to make lip balms and lotion bars. Throw in a hand-poured Paper Skyscraper beeswax candle from owners Brett and 330 East Blvd.; open Monday-Friday 10 Tina and you’re all set for the perfect spa a.m.-7 p.m., Saturday 10 a.m.-6 p.m., day.

Sunday 12 a.m.-5 p.m Cream & Coco Brow Artistry & Glow, 809 E. Arrowood Road, Suite, #1000; open Tuesday - Friday 11 a.m.-7 p.m., Saturday 10 a.m.-5 p.m.

Cream & Coco is a Black-owned beauty brand that specializes in handmade creams, hair-care products, lotions and serums with all natural ingredients. Build mom a special basket of her favorite scents and products or buy one that was curated by Cream & Coco’s estheticians. Curbside pickup is available

Paper Skyscraper is the move if you’re searching for books, stationary, cards, accessories, homeware, and gifts. We suggest checking out Branch Alley’s handmade jewelry crafted in the heart of Greenville, South Carolina.

GATHER YE HONEY’S BUNDLE OF WELL BEE-ING.

Moxie Mercantile 2008 Commonwealth Ave.; open Tuesday-Friday 11 a.m.-6 p.m.; Saturday 10 a.m.-6 p.m.

This shop may look small and unassuming to the naked eye, but

CANDLESTICKS FROM MICUNA

a step inside unveils two-stories of clothing, handmade jewelry, homeware, stationary and other gifts from Charlotte makers. Moxie Mercantile is holding a Mother’s Day pop-up on May 8 from 11 a.m.-4 p.m. including creations from Made by Kippen, Peaceware and Thread Florals.

Covet Atelier 909 Central Ave.; open Thursday-Saturday 12 p.m.-6 p.m.; Sunday 12 p.m.-4 p.m.

Covet Atelier partners with local creators every month and recently teamed up with Hello Love Coffee to launch a weekend coffee corner. Make sure to grab your caffeine fix while doing some lastminute shopping for artwork, clothing, books, or crafting kits.

LBEKELE@QCNERVE.COM

2910 The Plaza

@BorisNatasha Visit the Mothership in our New Location for Gifts starting at $10!

THURS05_06 CORT MCCOWN & QCB

Beginning his career as an actor in the 1980s, Cort McCown has appeared in movies like Beverly Hills Brats and horror opus Auntie Lee’s Meat Pies. He’s also landed roles in Beverly Hills 90210, and on the soap opera The Young and Restless. Growing restless with acting, he began touring his stand-up act in 2001. QCB has been a co-host on WFNZ Sports Radio and a panelist on WCCB News Edge. You have to tweet him @RealQCB to find out what the letters “QCB” stand for.

More: $20 - $150; May 6, 7 p.m.; 158 On Main, 158 N. Main St., Mooresville; tinyurl.com/158OnMain

CORT MCCOWN & QCB

CHARLOTTE SYMPHONY: EVENINGS AT THE PARK

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Black Business Owners of Charlotte (BBOC) kick off this food truck event at a hotel that has been transitioned from Crowne Plaza to a new location five minutes from Charlotte Douglas International Airport. Foodies, friends of foodies and the merely hungry are encouraged to come out in support of Black-owned food, dessert and retail vendors who have been disproportionately impacted by the pandemic. Social distancing will be strictly enforced and masks must be worn by all attendees and participating vendors. Black Food Truck Friday returns to the same location on May 23.

More: Free; May 7, 3 p.m.; Sonestra Charlotte, 5700 Westpark Dr.; bboclt.com

A nine-piece musical juggernaut from Augusta, Georgia, Funk You places a hefty helping of soul atop a prowling coiling backbeat. In 2010 the group bubbled up on music fans’ radar when they appeared in a viral video titled, “The Worst Band Ever Butchers Pink Floyd.” Their 2016 debut album, Apparitions, displayed impressive confidence, chops and personality, and in the ensuing decade of touring, recording and getting concert crowds on their feet, the band of funky brothers have built an arsenal of blistering grooves and serpentine melodies.

More: $15; May 7, 7 p.m.; Heist Brewery and Barrel Arts, 1030 Woodward Ave.; tinyurl.com/FunkYouHeist

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The premier program under the SouthPark bandshell spotlights Jacques Ibert’s Hommage à Mozart. In 1956, French National Radio commissioned Ibert to provide a work by for one of its concerts. A lover on Mozart’s music — as a student he composed cadenzas for Mozart’s concertos for clarinet and bassoon — Ibert navigated as impressive feat of musical legerdemain, managing to pay an enthusiastic tribute to the maestro, while avoiding the pitfalls of pastiche.

More: Sold out; May 7, 7 p.m.; Symphony Park, 4400 Sharon Rd.; charlottesymphony.org/events/

Soulful indie rockers Mt. Joy top the bill at Maxx Music’s Cruise in Concert in Rural Hill. With understated slow-burning folk-inflected tracks, the Philadelphia combo rode a series of self-released singles to a deal with Dualtone Music, an almost guaranteed spot on festival bills across the country and a large and devoted following. Mt. Joy’s latest album, Rearrange Us, shakes up the band’s laidback yet heartfelt template by experimenting with ambitious arrangements, psychedelic undertones and a touch more rock ‘n’ roll. Singer-songwriter and American Idol alumnus Briston Maroney opens.

More: $150-$200; May 11, 7 p.m.; Rural Hill, 4431 Neck Road, Huntersville; tinyurl.com/MtJoyRuralHill

CHARLOTTE SYMPHONY: EVENINGS AT THE PARK

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“The great circle of life! “Hakuna Matata!” Meerkats!

That’s the extent of my knowledge of The Lion King.

It’s a heartwarming tale I’ve somehow missed experiencing, despite multiple iterations including movies, Broadway shows and video games. Young Simba is set to succeed his father as king, but evil uncle Scar intervenes. There’s even one guy who says the story is inspired by Old Testament Judaism and two iconic heroes from the Torah, Joseph and Moses.

More: Free; May 12, 5:30 p.m.; Daniel Stowe Botanical Garden, 6500 S. New Hope Road, Belmont; dsbg.org

Instrumentalist and vocalist Jessica Macks and Sofar Sounds’ Eddie Harris host this monthly showcase for singer-songwriters and a cappella performers.

The intimate listening-room experience is held in Uptown’s historic Brooklyn Grace. Formerly Grace A.M.E. Zion Church, the venue is owned by the Brooklyn Collective, a group committed to preserving the Brooklyn neighborhood’s culture and history. Featured performers include R&B, gospel, and jazz trio K3 and vocalist Mercury Carter, who boasts exceptional pitch and an incredible 3.5 octave range.

More: Free; May 13, 7:30 p.m.; Brooklyn Grace, 219 S. Brevard St; blumenthalarts.org/events

Billing itself as a “native” music festival, Shakedown features two groups apiece from Charleston and Charlotte. The Queen City offers the ebullient yet unsettling Americana of Late Night Special and the countrified R&B of Tin 4. The Holy City contributes the smooth yet hemmed-in psychedelic vibes of Dead Swells and the southern gothic/Tropicália mashup of Susto. The deceptively sunny grooves laid down by Dead Swells, Susto and Late Night Special evoke both a lazy day at the beach and deadly riptides just offshore.

More: $40; May 15, 2 p.m.; GreenLife Family Farms, 281 Odell School Rd., Concord; shakedown.rocks/

Born in Alabama and raised in Milwaukee, Charly Palmer relocated to Chicago to study at the city’s famed Art Institute. In 2020, Palmer created the cover of Time Magazine’s July edition titled “America Must Change.” Earlier that year, his portrait of John Legend became the cover art for Legend’s album “Bigger Love.” Palmer has contributed art to the Green Bay Packers’ Lambeau Stadium, and has illustrated two children’s books, There’s A Dragon In My Closet and Mama Africa.

More: Free; May 18, 7 p.m.; online; ganttcenter.org/ calendar/open-air-charly-palmer/

MOVIES ON THE LAWN: ‘THE LION KING’

ACOUSTIC GRACE

CROWN TOWN SHAKEDOWN

BRANFORD MARSALIS PLAYS IBERT

OPEN AIR: ARTIST CONVERSATION WITH CHARLY PALMER

CROWN TOWN SHAKEDOWN

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BRANFORD MARSALIS PLAYS IBERT

We didn’t have multiple Marsalis sightings plus an outpouring of Ibert love on our Charlotte music bingo card, but here we are. Six days before little brother Wynton Marsalis plays with the Lincoln Center Orchestra Septet at Victoria Yards, eldest brother Branford essays Jacques Ibert’s soaring Concertino da Camera at Belk Theater — just seven days after Ibert’s Hommage à Mozart gets played at Symphony Park. Youngest Marsalis brother Jason gets in on the act too, joining JazzArts Charlotte’s Conversations with Curtis live on May 11 at 8 p.m.

More: $35 - $50; May 14 & 15, 7:30 p.m.; Belk Theater, 130 N. Tryon St.; charlottesymphony.org/ events

ACOUSTIC GRACE

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OPEN AIR: ARTIST CONVERSATION WITH CHARLY PALMER

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MUSIC FEATURE

THE SKA SKANK REDEMPTION

Waiting for a fourth wave in Charlotte

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BY PAT MORAN

featuring charging horns, chopping upcut guitars and herky-jerky rhythms dominated radio and MTV. Billboard’s Jessica Lipsky reports that in September 1997, four ska songs entered Billboard’s Alternative top 20. Sublime’s “Wrong Way” debuted at no. 3, Reel Big Fish’s “Sell Out” hit no. 12, and the Mighty Mighty Bosstones scored two chart-toppers, “The Impression That I Get,” at no. 17 and “The Rascal King” at no. 11.

Locally, Charlotte bands like IED and Bums Lie got audiences on their feet and skanking, the term for the genre’s signature dance move. Meanwhile, groups like Broken Napoleons and Bakaloa Stars incorporated ska into their mélange of influences, playing to packed houses.

By the 2010s, however, ska dropped off the national charts, perhaps never to return, as popular musical tastes turned to rap, emo, R&B, hip-hop and nu metal. The genre didn’t disappear though. Bands still

Like the one that got away, Kevin Riggs remembers the gig that got shut down. In 2006, Riggs, fresh out of high school, had launched the ska punk band IED and moved into a house with his bandmates that they and their friends dubbed The Commonwealth House, named for the neigborhood it sat in.

“We had … absolutely insane DIY shows at our band’s house,” Riggs says. “There would be nights [with] 100-plus kids occupying the yard and the church parking lot across the street.”

Then one night, someone called the cops.

“All the underage kids in the backyard started scaling the fence.” In 20 seconds, the backyard was empty and IED’s audience had flooded into the abandoned Morningside apartments behind the house.

Jon Lock cherishes the concert his band Bums Lie played at the Neighborhood Theatre in October 2007.

Lock’s ska punk four-piece had the honor of opening for one of the genre’s legends, Toots and the Maytals. The Maytals, fronted by Toots Hibbert until his death in 2020, started cutting records in the early 1960s in Jamaica, including the enduring ska classic, “Pressure Drop,” which was covered by The Clash in 1978.

THE MADD HATTERS. Kevin Gavagan recalls a gig that his ska-influenced band Broken Napoleons played filled dance floors with devoted fans, but the genre’s in the late 2000s at Growlers Pourhouse in NoDa. peak profile seemed a thing of the past. Today, fans and While rain fell steadily that afternoon, it did little to musicians wonder if the genre’s commercial apex will dampen the crowd’s spirits. ever return. Can a ska wave hit the Queen City again?

“Everyone was really into the groove,” Gavagan says.“You could watch the tents bob along to the music.”

Partying, dancing, community and transgression Surfing ska’s waves Ska’s popularity has peaked in a series of three were all part of the vibe during Charlotte’s ska boom. waves, genre fans and practitioners say. The first IED, Bums Lie, Broken Napoleons and other bands were playing ska, or music informed by ska, at a time when wave crested in Jamaica in the late 1950s, as the the genre was experiencing unprecedented popularity. merging of American R&B and island mento — From the mid-1990s through the mid-2000s, bands also known as Jamaican calypso — became an

expression of national pride. Ska’s second wave engulfed Britain when the music of Caribbean immigrants fused with the angry and defiant chords struck by punk rock. Groups like The Specials and The Selector pushed back against racism and the oppressive policies of Prime Minister Margaret Thatcher, while bands like Madness and The English Beat inspired audiences to get on their feet, move to the beat and dance all over their troubles.

Ska’s second wave, also called 2 Tone after an influential record label founded by The Specials’ Jerry Dammers, never hit big in America, but its influence bubbled under. Americans fused the British ska punk they loved with louder faster hardcore punk. Bands like Southern California’s Operation Ivy — which included future members of hard core punk outfit Rancid — spearheaded one of several local scenes that sprouted up across the country. Those scenes

necessarily required that a ska song contains all these elements.”

Carnes, who formed his own ska band Flat Earth in the ’90s, is an expert on the genre. A journalist and music editor at the Santa Cruz alt-weekly Good Times, Carnes has written a book about the genre, In Defense of Ska, published by Clash Books on May 4. In his book, Carnes pushes back at the genre’s detractors, who claim that third wave bands like Voodoo Glow Skulls and The Aquabats are sophomoric and inconsequential, and that therefore, the entire genre is passe.

“The beat that originated in Jamaica in the ’50s has carried over … from country to country and blended with every other genre,” Carnes writes.

“It has a special place in our hearts because it so intrinsically [captures] us at a time when we [are] young, unpretentious and vulnerable.”

Riggs fell in love with ska’s unpretentious beats as an eighth-grader when he caught a show by third-wave ska band Catch-22 at Tremont Music Hall. As a band kid in school, he was captivated by a punk rock group that played upbeat music you could dance to.

“It was mind-blowing,” Riggs says. “It was so fun and positive yet still aggressive.”

At age 18, Riggs launched IED, which stands for Intelligence, Equality And Debauchery.

With Joe Leonard on drums, Aaron Monger on bass, Justin Mulcahy on vocals and trumpet and Tay Trew and Riggs on guitar, IED played what Riggs calls “Queen City hardcore ska,” a danceable mix of aggressive punk and melodic ska. In its five-year run, the band released a full length album, Whole-Hearted…Yet Half-Assed in 2009 and The Jive Turkey EP in 2011, before calling it quits that same year.

PHOTO BY JOSH TRENT PETTY “IED was around at a point in Charlotte’s punk history that was gave rise to ska’s third wave, a commercial juggernaut insane,” Riggs offers. “[There were] shows every that burst upon the mainstream in the mid-’90s. night, and [an] influx of young outcasts all looking Given that ska has been a shape-shifting hybrid for a place to fit in.” since the days of Toots Hibbert, passing on new Lock credits long-defunct Charlotte music store influences to each new iteration, it’s difficult to pin The Record Exchange for turning him onto The Specials, down what is and what is not ska. Is a band like Toots and the Maytals and the ska label Moon Records.

Rancid punk, ska, or something in between?

Bums Lie began as a music-making collective at “Ska is defined by its upbeat guitar skank, the Appalachian State University in Boone. As members walking bass, and the drum beat that accentuates graduated and moved to Charlotte, the band the off-beat,” Aaron Carnes tells Queen City Nerve. gradually winnowed down to four members, Cullen “Since ska has evolved over the years … it’s not West on vocals and guitar, Randy West on trumpet,

MUSIC FEATURE

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keyboards and backing vocals, Colin McLoy on drums and Lock on bass. After recording an unofficial demo EP First Time Offender, the slimmed-down fourpiece dropped Why Lie It’s for Beer in 2007. Lock calls the band’s official debut its most punk and skaheavy release. For Stumbling and Mumbling in 2008, Rob Tavaglione of Catalyst Recordings captured the energy of a Bums Lie live set at Visulite Theatre. Lock feels that by the band’s final album It’s an Infection, Not a Disease in 2012, Bums Lie had evolved into something beyond ska.

Lock’s assessment is borne out by the band’s 2011 single “Uptown,” which gives the song’s loping ska beat a pop polish topped by silvery spiraling guitar. The tune’s lyrics, however, display the cutting and incisive side of socially conscious ska: “There’s a fire still burning in the city tonight/Like a beacon of hope in the dark … Uptown’s burning down/ And I’m laughing like a clown/The walls between us are coming down.”

Wilmington’s The Madd Hatters, fronted by Josh Trent Petty, play Charlotte often. The band recorded its 2006 album Burn Out Road in the living room of a Dilworth home on East Boulevard.

Like Riggs, Petty was a school band kid before joining the punk band The Relentless Bastards. He was eventually seduced by ska’s upbeat tunes, which invited everyone to get on the dance floor. The Madd Hatters played its first gig at a well-attended talent show, and after that the band was off and running.

The band adheres to one common ska stereotype — there are a hell of a lot of people onstage at a Hatters show, including Adam McBrayer on vocals, Chris Riggs Jr. on trumpet, Nash Fraylick on drums, Daniel Prymock on saxophone, Bethany J. Allen on violin, Brent Stott on bass and accordion and Maaike B. Brandis and Trenton Jackson on trombones.

“The Madd Hatters got a review way back that said we were the angry side of ska,” Petty says. “I’m still not sure what that means.”

A tireless advocate for the genre, Petty champions North Carolina bands on his podcast GrayMatterz Chatter.

Ska or nah?

Although ska aficionados cite Broken Napoleons as a genre stalwart, Gavagan says the group, which folded in 2015, only sounded ska because his drumming style had the pop and feel of ska-punk percussionists he emulated.

Gavagan’s lifelong love affair with ska started

in the ’90s when he, like Lock, heard albums released by Moon Records. After hearing the label’s Skarmaggedon compilation, Gavagan started collecting records from groups on the collection — third-wave ska bands like Mustard Plug and The Toasters.

Broken Napoleons, comprised of Joe Henderson on guitar and vocals, Eric Heinzman on bass, off-and-on member Russ Betenbaugh on keyboards and Gavagan on drums, released one album, Dead for Days, in 2011.

An unreleased record tracked at Old House Studio in Charlotte can be found on SoundCloud under the title On the Verge of Believable.

Rock En Español juggernaut Bakaloa Stars is one of the last bands standing from Charlotte’s Latinrock boom of the early 2000s. Although not strictly a ska band, Bakaloa Stars members have counted both ska and reggae among their musical arsenal since the band’s inception in 2003.

One Charlotte band cited as a favorite of local ska fans is punk pranksters Dollar Signs. While vocalist Erik Button doesn’t consider his group a ska band, he says ska influences run deep in Dollar Signs’ music. Those influences can be heard in the band’s use of boisterous horns and occasional jolting rhythms. Button says ska bands like The Specials, Streetlight Manifesto, and Reel Big Fish were his gateway into punk.

“Ska’s use of upbeat music to convey heavy topics really meshes with my world philosophy,” Button says.

“The energy of ska is a huge part of our band, and we love that we get to be at least tangentially connected to that style of music.”

counterpoint to government oppression.

Like Carnes, Lock pushes back at the assertion that ska has become childish music.

“We all want to be kids at heart,” he says. “If you’re too grown up for ska, you need to look in the mirror and learn to not take yourself so seriously.”

Riggs allows that many third-wave bands can fit into the childish and silly category.

“Ska is upbeat, sometimes cheesy and perfect for kids and teens.”Riggs offers. He notes that a lot of bands were filled with “band kids” such as himself. “Most of those kids are awkward, and dare I say, a bit nerdy.”

Gavagan says that blowback from third-wave ska’s national popularity should have been expected.

“Most of the acts that made it to the mainstream … didn’t exactly put the genre’s best foot forward,” he offers. “Most were fairly silly and not talking about the class strife and racial injustice that a lot of the underground bands were talking about.”

Gavagan moved to Durham in 2018 and in 2019 joined the band Plastic Flamingos, which plays what he describes as “Jimmy Buffet and late-’90s pop punk.”

Riggs plays in eclectic punk band Aloha Broha with founder Adam Griffith and drummer Matt Bloom. Ska is still an arrow in the band’s musical quiver.

Lock says Bums Lie play reunion gigs from time to time. They were slated to open for Mephiskapheles at The Milestone in spring 2020, but the gig was cancelled due to COVID-19.

The fourth wave?

According to Carnes, ska is resurgent internationally, but the world has changed since third waves’ peak popularity in the ’90s. If ska is to have a fourth wave, it will look very different.

“People think back to the ’90s ska boom on radio and MTV. I seriously doubt we’ll ever see ska return the mainstream like that,” Cranes offers. Instead, he sees ska’s popularity confined largely to a growing independent and alternative market.

“As I release my book defending ska, the world now cares about [the genre],” he says. “Will bands be doing Converse commercials like they were in the ’90s? It’s unlikely.”

The main thing holding back a fourth wave of Queen City ska is the fickle character of the city’s music fans, says Anzola.

“There’s not really a ska scene here,” he says.

He recalls seeing local concerts by The Toasters, The Aggrolites, and The Slackers with less than 20 people in the audience. “Bands like that would have sold out a show in other cities or even in South America.”

Lock doesn’t expect a new wave of ska, because he feels ska never really left.

“It’s always been here. Lots of commercials use it,” he says. “But I’m excited to see where [ska] goes next.”

If we’re to divine when and why ska may peak again, Gavagan advises taking a historic look at the social influences that fostered the rise of secondand third-wave ska.

“We’re in a time of uneven economic expansion with a rise in racial tensions and a government that is divided and dysfunctional,” Gavagan offers.

“A danceable music that is outspoken about racial and economic equality may, yet again, be what the country is looking for.”

Ska is still alive and well in Charlotte, Riggs insists.

He points to current local ska groups he likes, including Ska doesn’t suck The Not Likeleys, who share drummer Bloom with Ska’s energy and sense of fun almost became its Aloha Broha. Regionally, he praises Corporate Fandango downfall. While many third-wave bands continued and from Greensboro and Sibannac out of Chapel Hill.

PMORAN@QCNERVE.COM expanded 2 Tone’s protest and social advocacy, far more followed in the dance steps of Madness, reeling out fun, rowdy and sometimes silly dance tunes. Bands with cartoonish graphics like Less than Jake and Reel Big Fish drew critical scorn, and soon the entire third wave was labeled “cartoon ska” by pop-culture critics.

New donors can earn up to $1,000 with By the late 2000s, with media outlets like Spin 8 successful donations in the first month at BioLife while making a difference for Magazine and Entertainment Weekly shaming people with rare diseases. musicians for their ‘embarrassing’ ska pasts, ska was *NEW DONORS ONLY Must present this coupon prior to the initial donation to receive a total of $125 on your being denigrated as a genre best forgotten. first donation, a total of $150 on your second donation, a total of $150 on your third donation, For his part, Carnes posits that music doesn’t always a total of $125 on your fourth donation, a total of $100 on your fifth donation, a total of $150 have to be serious to be worthwhile, and that despite on your sixth donation, a total of $100 on your seventh donation, and a total of $100 on your mainstream scorn, ska is more popular than ever. eighth successful donation. Initial donation must be completed by 6.7.21 and subsequent Just as American bands spun off in iterations donations within 60 days. Coupon redeemable only upon completing successful donations.

May not be combined with any other offer. of 2 Tone in the ’90s, countries across the globe are Only at participating locations.

Offer Code: 67041-3006 developing their own scenes after being influenced Copyright © 2021 Takeda Pharmaceutical Company Limited. All rights reserved.

by America’s third wave. In some countries, such as Mexico, ska bands are protest groups, a potent Nearest Location: 5300 South Blvd • Charlotte, NC 28217 • 704.264.1948

FOOD & DRINK FEATURE

A WRONGFUL BACKLASH

North Carolina historian digs into anti-Asian stereotypes and Chinese food

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BY LIZ LOGAN

There is a scene in the 1983 film A Christmas Story in which, after a Christmas turkey has been trampled by the Bumpas family’s hounds, the Parker family relents to Chop Suey Palace to redeem their Christmas dinner. The scene opens with the family watching and laughing, albeit jovially, as their servers sing Christmas carols in pronounced Chinese accents while another man attempts to correct their pronunciation.

After the singing, the server places a cooked whole duck before the family, the mother screeches as she looks at the food then continues to laugh into her hands. The husband assures the server everything is fine, but, holding the duck by the beak, says as he outlines a mouth with his pinky fingers, “It’s smiling at me.” The server nods in understanding and grabs a butcher knife, swiftly chopping off the duck’s head.

The mother, this time joined by the two sons, Ralphie and Randy, again screeches just before another eruption of laughter. The family claps for the servers as they bring out bowls of rice and other accoutrements, the narration overhead musing “That Christmas would live in our memories as the Christmas we were introduced to Chinese turkey.”

The film plays in a 24-hour marathon on TBS each Christmas and families around the country, mine included, have no doubt laughed at this scene, even referencing it as a sort of nationwide inside joke, subconsciously adopting and perpetuating decadesold stereotypes of both Chinese food and people portrayed in films and other bits of pop culture.

The idea that Chinese food is strange, disgusting, even dangerous, is not a new one; bathroom jokes abound when discussing takeout options, questions of the origin of meat met with raised brows. In the small North Carolina town in which I grew up, there was a running rumor that a now-closed restaurant killed cats for their cuisine, and that the carcasses could be found in the dumpster behind the storefront.

Although some of these assumptions from the 1980s and ’90s seem to have dissipated and escaped the grasp of our collective consciousness, a January 2020 article in The Washington Post discusses the

resurgence of Chinese food stereotyping as the novel coronavirus began its spread around the world, with racist rhetoric abounding.

In that article, Douglas Wong explores the narrative surrounding Chinese food. Rumors about the origin of the coronavirus were circulated unchcecked in the early days of the pandemic, as the Daily Mail released an article showing footage of a Chinese woman eating a bat while drawing the parallel that scientists had recently linked the virus to bats. Wong points out that this viral video was filmed in 2016 — and not even filmed in China. These facts, though, were no match for the general public’s readiness to embrace this antiquated, ignorant view regarding Chinese dining cultures and their links to disease and uncleanliness.

Dr. Michelle King, a historian and professor at UNC-Chapel Hill, teaches a course on the cultural history of Chinese food, where students of varying backgrounds and ethnicities collectively uncover the cultural significance of Chinese food from its origins to its preparation in North Carolina restaurants. In her class, students profile a North Carolina Chinese restaurant and share the restaurant’s origin story while diving into the life of a Chinese restaurateur.

Her findings and interactions over the past year support the claims of the January 2020 article that saw the beginning of a backlash against Chinese food as part of a rise in anti-Asian hate, making way for King’s recent report: “Say no to bat fried rice: changing the narrative of coronavirus and Chinese food”.

“I’d heard my students discussing that people were becoming afraid of catching coronavirus from Chinese food,” Dr. King says. “One student told me someone they knew had ordered Chinese food but, as she became nervous after ordering, refused to answer the delivery driver’s calls or knocks.”

The first few months of the pandemic saw a steep decline in orders from Chinese restaurants, even as as other takeout options saw a significant uptick. At the time of Dr. King’s report, 51% of Chinese takeout restaurants had closed, as opposed to 19% of other takeout restaurants.

“When I hear these stories, my heart sinks,” Dr. King writes. She will share her findings and more virtually through a partnership with Charlotte Museum of History’s Lunch & Learn on May 6 in an event titled Chinese Foodways: Fried Rice & Family.

international business, including the Nguyen’s own International Supermarket.

The market’s shelves are lined with items typical of Asian grocers: teas, spices, a delightful market section with cookware and tea cups. The butcher section features meat selections not typical of Harris Teeter.

In a 2014 Charlotte Observer article, the writer reveals “5 Things You Should Know About the Asian Mall.” In my research, I’d hoped to be met with the insider scoop, “pro tips” if you will. Instead I was appalled by the subconscious stereotyping so normalized in this short write-up.

“If you’ve never been to Asian Corner Mall on North Tryon Street, it may seem a little strange at first,” the writer begins, going on to say, “..but there is a lot of great stuff in store for the brave hearts out there looking for something different.”

This idea that those choosing to dine on Chinese cuisine must be “brave” and one must step into “strange” environments swiftly undermines a culture centered on food by diminishing it to the ew-factor that seems to get white folks riled up.

The writer warns of potholes in the parking lot, something many reviewers find cause to mention, and a reassurance that, though this is no SouthPark, patrons oughta be just fine so long as they remain vigilant about their surroundings “as you would anywhere.”

Were this SouthPark, I’m certain this writer and many other internet critics would have no need to mention potholes, and it may be reviews like this one that perpetuate a reluctance to “venture out” of these presumably safe and insular communities to partake in the “exotic” and thus support them to the extent which they could fill said potholes. These articles instill the idea that it’s adventurous simply to patronize a business owned by immigrants whose journey to the United States was far more perilous than the trip from 28211 to 28213.

The writer does seem to like Le’s Sandwiches & Cafe, though, heralding the establishment as one of the “few signs of life inside this mall,” simultaneously delivering a tantalizing review while discrediting the mall’s very existence.

Whether by word or deed, Asian-owned businesses remain under attack and scrutiny, recently to the point of physical, sometimes deadly, assault.

Cultivating harmful stereotypes

Hate crimes on the rise

The Asian Corner Mall sits off North Tryon Street and Sugar Creek Road in north Charlotte. Owned by the Nguyen family, Vietnam refugees who made their way to Charlotte in the 1970s after having fled the country by boat, the mall became a haven for

Charlotte made national news in early April for a March 30 attack on Plaza Sundries, an Asian-owned store in the Charlotte Transportation Center. In security footage of the attack, a regular of the store, Xavier Rashee Woody-Silas, walked through doors

he’d entered on numerous occasions, metal bar in hand. He can be seen grabbing a merchandise rack and forcefully slamming it to the floor before using the metal bar in attempts to smash glass-front drink coolers. The rampage lasts a few moments, all the while Woody-Silas and an apparent friend (who had allegedly been banned from the store previously) yelled racial slurs, indicating this was the premise for the attack.

Woody-Silas can be seen punching the plexiglass divider separating the store from the cash register as he attempts to confront the owners.

Joyce and Mun Sung, immigrants from South Korea, opened their convenience store in 1995. The couple’s son, Mark Sung, reported to WBTV that confrontations and other illegal activity happen in or around the store on a daily basis, that he and his family call the police multiple times per day.

On April 11, the owner of Asian Grocery on Farm Pond Lane in east Charlotte was shot in the chest in the early morning hours. CMPD believes the incident was an attempted robbery, though investigators are yet to conclude whether the man was targeted due to his ethnicity.

Anti-Asian hate crimes are on the rise across the country, leading the Senate to vote for an amend bill aimed at combating the rise of anti-Asian hate crimes on April 22. Just one day after this, Yao Pan Ma, a 61-year-old Asian-American collecting cans in Manhattan, was attacked, his assailant allegedly stomping on his head repeatedly. As of April 27, Ma remains in a coma.

In 2020, Asian-targeted hate crimes rose 150%, a number many, including Dr. King, blame on former President Donald Trump’s rhetoric and the climate created when he coined the schoolyard taunt “Kung Flu” as his juvenile coronavirus nomenclature.

However, Asian hate and stereotyping in the United States predates the Trump administration.

By 1851, the U.S. saw an influx of Chinese immigrants settling in California during the Gold Rush. Many took dangerous jobs working with the Central Pacific Railroad in order to support their families during this time. By 1870, 20% of California’s workforce was of Asian descent. Just a few years later, the language of worker suppression began through claims that Asian Americans were taking away American jobs, despite making up just .002% of the nationwide workforce.

A few years later Congress signed The Page Act of 1875, prohibiting the recruitment of workers from “China, Japan or any Oriental country.” By including language that Chinese women could not enter the country for “immoral or lewd purposes,” Chinese

FOOD & DRINK FEATURE women were targeted and banned from entering the country for prostitution, being stereotyped as promiscuous. Despite a large number of white-peer sex workers, Chinese women were targeted and accused of spreading sexually transmitted disease.

The disease-ridden rhetoric began around this time, an attempt to prove to the American people that Chinese immigrants not only threatened their jobs and morality but their health. All of these stereotypes not only remain but are on the rise, a phenomenon Dr. King’s work exposes.

Her research includes an 1858 caricature and poem from the British magazine Punch that depicts a character they’ve called “John Chinaman” taunting Chinese appearance and diet.

In her report, Dr. King writes, “The fact that the verse was published at the height of the Second Opium War (1856–60), which Britain and France waged against China in order to force trading concessions, strongly echoes the current climate of economic and geopolitical rivalry between China and the United States. When tensions run high, fascination over ‘exotic’ Chinese ways of eating quickly descends into fear and disgust — two sides of the same Orientalizing coin.”

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The Great Equalizer

Growing up, Dr. King’s family focused on food in a way she says many Chinese families do. She recalls cooking and dining with her mother and aunts as a “fundamental way of expressing love for one another and of enjoying life together.”

The idea of food as a cultural cornerstone is what leads many immigrants to open restaurants, along with what Dr. King says is a “whole host of reasons,” King states.

“Sometimes it’s simply they don’t have other skills and they know how to do this,” she says. “For those with limited English abilities restaurant work is open. They may not love the job but it is a job. For others they want to share the cuisine with others.

They may have a personal connection allowing the creation of community and support of generations of families coming in.”

The process of Dr. King’s research was as much for her as it was for her students, specifically after the 2016 election.

“There is not a county in [North Carolina] without a Chinese restaurant and I wanted people to understand when people speak negatively about immigrants, they probably also love going to local

Chinese restaurants,” King says. “Immigrants are among us in the community and a part of it already.I wanted to make a statement about who belongs in North Carolina and who’s already here and I wanted my students to help document.”

Together she and her students explored the range of dishes offered at the restaurants they profiled.

I myself am a lover of crab rangoons, a confession I sheepishly made to Dr. King as she explained the complexity of cuisine and the abundance of flavors that differ from country to country. Dr. King reassured me part of Chinese cuisine’s global draw is its adaptability.

What I’d assumed was a bastardization of cultural cuisine is what Dr. King calls an economic necessity.

Surprisingly, she warns her students against seeking out “authentic” cuisine. Once they talk to restaurant owners, they realize they are doing what most any other restaurant is doing: making food people will eat. She has noted in her research and career that the types of Chinese cuisine in America has changed — Chop Suey in the early part of the 20th century to more sophisticated dishes now showcasing how different influxes of migration have affected the food being prepared and authenticity is seldom top-of-mind.

And, surprisingly, Dr. King asserts that most restaurant owners don’t find this offensive despite how our country has a way of colonizing other cultures to fit our demands and ideals. On the contrary, she applauds those willing to give those mom-and-pop shops a try, seeing it as a necessity in light of our current climate.

“Trump has been voted out and we deal with the ongoing box of hatred his words opened up for a lot of people,” Dr. King says. She believes that engaging in Chinese eating, whether authentic or Americanized, is a way to increase our understanding and thus diminish bit by bit the hatred that has come to light in recent years.

Though there seems to be a constant desire from some to separate and “otherize,” food is, as they say, “the Great Equalizer.” Whether we’re grabbing mooncakes at Hong Kong Bakery, dumplings from Optimist Hall or *gasp* “braving” the parking lot at the Asian Mall for ingredients for our own cooking, when we dine in our community intentionally and celebratorily, we take a small step towards equality and equanimity, seeing to it that in more ways than one we are all fed.

INFO@QCNERVE.COM

Let’s Keep it up. we’re not done yet.

Thank you for doing the work to slow the spread of COVID-19.

Until enough of us are protected by the vaccine, we need to keep protecting each other. covid19.ncdhhs.gov

LIFESTYLE COLUMN

THE SEEKER THAT ’SHIP HAS SAILED What is relationship anxiety and how do you quell it?

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BY KATIE GRANT

When I say I live with anxiety instead of suffer from it, I choose those words carefully, simply because I try not to fall victim to its grip. While my chronic anxiety can be crippling at times (excessive armpit sweating, sleepless nights), I have found a handful of coping methods that work adequately enough for my brain and body.

I think it’s safe to assume everyone has felt nervous in some way at one point or another in their life, and sometimes a general sense of unease is completely normal.

For example, feeling nervous while awaiting a graduate school application decision letter (I speak from recent experience) is probably a very normal ordeal involving the psyche.

If you have dealt with an episode like this and quickly recovered, you may wonder, “What’s the big deal”? Well, let me tell you that the inability to calm down is a big deal to some, including myself.

Do you think I would be lying in bed late-night writing about it if it were so attainable?

So, how is nervousness different from an anxiety disorder, you ask? According to Healthline, “Nervousness is a natural response to a stressful event. It’s temporary and resolves once the stress has passed … Anxiety disorders are psychiatric disorders that develop from a number of complex factors, including genetics, brain chemistry, and life events. Anxiety disorders are longlasting and uncontrollable without treatment.”

Temporary. This word resonates like a peal of a bell for someone with anxiety, because none of it is shortlived.

Living with an anxiety disorder is like enduring a string of incessant stressful events, one after another after another.

And because anxiety is so much fun to deal with, not only have I recently discovered I have “time anxiety” (yes, it’s a thing), apparently I also live with “relationship anxiety.” Double trouble for my poor little brain!

I honestly didn’t know what relationship anxiety even was until I received an email invitation to a workshop that offered an overview of the specific anxiety disorder and how to overcome it.

This means I most definitely didn’t know I have been

living with relationship anxiety for almost a decade now.

And before I go even further, let me be clear: I am speaking about a friendship that has recently gone south, not my marriage.

If you listen — like really listen — you’ll know the body doesn’t lie. Sitting in stillness and allowing my thoughts to flow without judgment, I see my friend in a new light; it’s not a flattering one.

I now see her for what she is: a bully who pushes all of our other friends around. Bully behavior is not something I am willing to put up with at this point in my life.

Breaking confidence and excluding people from our group is an ugly, repetitive behavior that I have seen my former friend illustrate. These acts are called relational aggression, which is often associated with the “mean girl phenomenon.”

Now in our thirties, I had hoped we would have all outgrown this anti-social behavior, but sadly I was wrong.

I have severe relationship anxiety when it comes to this person because I have a mean girl for a friend. Eww. Time to make some changes.

After my eureka moment, I wiped the scowl off of my face and scrolled back through my email. I reopened invitation to a 90-minute workshop titled Tools for Coping with Relationship Anxiety. Booked!

What I learned during this intimate session (I say “intimate” because even though we met virtually, the subject matter is still incredibly personal), was that pretending everything was fine because I’m afraid to have a serious conversation with my friend was indicative of relationship anxiety.

This scenario is key. During our meditation, I realized how badly I did not want to discuss our relationship status, preferring to bow out quietly. Does this qualify as ghosting? Apparently not!

The good news is, based on what I learned in the workshop, if the thought of being honest with my socalled friend about how her behavior makes me anxious (in this case, I feel sick to my stomach) it’s a sign I am in a toxic relationship not necessarily worth repairing. Thank the universe for this type of neutral, third-party support!

A quote that someone shared with me after moving out of the dorms in college comes to mind: “There are three kinds of friends: friends for a reason, friends for a season, and friends for a lifetime.”

We don’t often think about our friendships coming to an end until it happens abruptly, but sometimes they really do sour over time. Any type of breakup, romantic or otherwise, is painful. But a key takeaway is to focus on quality over quantity. My friendship circle may wane but the quality of the relationships within it will flourish.

INFO@QCNERVE.COM

HOROSCOPE

MAY 5 - MAY 11

MAY 12 - MAY 18

ARIES (March 21 to April 19) Temper your typical Aries urge to charge into a situation and demand answers. Instead, let the Lamb’s gentler self emerge to deal with a problem that requires delicacy.

ARIES (March 21 to April 19) You’re the first sign in the Zodiac and like to take the lead wherever you go.

But this time, you’d be wise to follow someone who has much to teach you.

TAURUS (April 20 to May 20) You are aware of what’s going on, so continue to stand by your earlier decision, no matter how persuasive the counterarguments might be. Money pressures will soon ease.

TAURUS (April 20 to May 20) Your adversary hasn’t given up trying to undermine you. Continue to stay cool — someone in authority knows what’s happening.

GEMINI (May 21 to June 20) By all means, have

positive aspect for relationships. Paired Twins grow closer, while the single set finds new romance — perhaps with a Leo or Libra.

fun and enjoy your newly expanded social life. But don’t forget that some people are depending on you to keep promises that are very important to them.

CANCER (June 21 to July 22) You need to wait

patiently for an answer to a workplace problem and not push for a decision. Remember: Time is on your side. A financial matter needs closer attention.

LEO (July 23 to August 22) You now have information that can influence that decision you planned to make. But the clever Cat will consult a trusted friend or family member before making a major move.

VIRGO (August 23 to September 22) Good news: You’re finding that more doors are opening for you to show what you can do, and you don’t even have to knock very hard to get the attention you’re seeking.

LIBRA (September 23 to October 22) Your gift for creating order out of chaos will help you deal with a sudden rush of responsibilities that would threaten someone less able to balance his or her priorities.

SCORPIO (October 23 to November 21)

Congratulations. Your energy levels are coming right back up to normal -- just in time to help you tackle some worthwhile challenges and make some important choices.

SAGITTARIUS (November 22 to December 21) The

sage Sagittarian should demand a full explanation of inconsistencies that might be cropping up in what had seemed to be a straightforward deal.

CAPRICORN (December 22 to January 19) A conflict between obligations to family and to the job can create stressful problems. Best advice: Balance your dual priorities so that one doesn’t outweigh the other.

GEMINI (May 21 to June 20) Spring brings a

CANCER (June 21 to July 22) Wavering aspects this week mean weighing your words carefully to avoid misunderstandings.

LEO (July 23 to August 22) You could soon be on a new career path in pursuit of those long-standing goals, but don’t cut any current ties until you’re sure you’re ready to make the change.

VIRGO (August 23 to September 22) A former

colleague wants to re-establish an old professional connection. It would be wise to make the contact, at least until you know what he or she is planning.

LIBRA (September 23 to October 22) A relationship that survived some rocky moments could be facing a new challenge. Deal with the problem openly, honestly and without delay. Good luck.

SCORPIO (October 23 to November 21) A recent and much-appreciated change in the workplace inspires you to make some changes in your personal life as well. Start with a plan to travel more.

SAGITTARIUS (November 22 to December 21) A friend needs your kind and caring advice, but you need to know what he or she is hiding from you before you agree to get involved.

CAPRICORN (December 22 to January 19) Your circle of friends continues to widen. Expect to hear from someone in your past who hopes to reestablish your once-close relationship.

AQUARIUS (January 20 to February 18) Your

aspects favor the arts. Indulge in whatever artistic expression you enjoy most. A workplace situation will, I’m pleased to say, continue to improve.

AQUARIUS (January 20 to February 18) Don’t

PISCES (February 19 to March 20) Warning! Your tendency to let things slide until the last minute could have a negative effect on a relationship that you hope can develop into something meaningful.

PISCES (February 19 to March 20) Boredom might be creeping in and causing you to lose interest in a repeat project. Deal with it by flipping over your usual routine and finding a new way to do an old task.

BORN THIS WEEK: You are both emotional and sensible. You enjoy being with people. Good career choices include teaching, performing and the clergy.

guess, speculate or gossip about that so-called mystery situation at the workplace. Bide your time.

An explanation will be forthcoming very soon.

BORN THIS WEEK: You can warm the coldest heart with your lyrical voice and bright smile. You find yourself at home, wherever you are.

2021 KING FEATURES SYND., INC.

LIFESTYLE PUZZLES SUDOKU

TRIVIA TEST

BY FIFI RODRIGUEZ

BY LINDA THISTLE

PLACE A NUMBER IN THE EMPTY BOXES IN SUCH A WAY THAT EACH ROW ACROSS, EACH COLUMN DOWN AND EACH SMALL 9-BOX SQUARE CONTAINS ALL OF THE NUMBERS ONE TO NINE.

Pg. 21 MAY 5 - MAY 18, 2021 - QCNERVE.COM

©2020 King Feautres Syndicate, Inc. All rights reserved.

1. GEOGRAPHY: Once known as the Gilbert Islands, what is the current name of the island nation?

2. ADVERTISING SLOGANS: What product’s slogan is, “It gives you wings”?

3. U.S. PRESIDENTS: Who was the first president to die in office?

4. MOVIES: What was the town’s name in the movie “It’s a Wonderful Life”?

5. ANATOMY: In what part of the human body is the ulna located?

6. TELEVISION: Which 1960s sitcom featured the catchphrase, “Sorry about that, chief”?

7. HISTORY: In which century did England’s War of the Roses take place?

8. LITERATURE: The setting of which children’s book is a place called Puddleby-on-the-Marsh?

9. MATH: What Arabic number is represented by the Roman numerals DCIX? 10. GENERAL KNOWLEDGE: What does a cytologist study?

CROSSWORD ACROSS 1 Muscat dweller 6 Imitate Daffy Duck 10 Chest muscles, informally 14 Coalition 18 Billiards shot 19 Not duped by 20 Folk legend Guthrie 21 Not-yet-final software 22 Involving three parties 24 One of the Clue suspects 27 1971 Stanley Kubrick film 29 “Shop -- you drop!”

30 Sully 31 Middling 32 Old Italian painter 36 Singer Rawls 37 Honcho 41 Gruesome 44 Louvre, e.g.

46 False names 50 Explorer -- de Leon 51 Shakers or Quakers 52 Most malicious 53 Tiny fraction of a joule 54 Heroine in Nintendo’s Mario games 59 State boldly 60 Lisa of pop 62 More than friendly 63 Rock 66 Dictator Idi 68 Have control over 70 Hawaii’s Mauna -71 Lindsay of “Mean Girls” 72 Come to 73 New York City is said to be one 75 “Beetle Bailey,” e.g.

77 Stuck -- rut 78 Attain 79 “Quit it!”

80 Home pest 81 Mexican folk musician 86 WWII-era British gun 88 Collins of rock and pop 90 Fluorescent green Crayola color 92 Period 93 Slaved away 97 Some Korean cars 98 The Antilles, e.g.

100 Tangle up 101 Some shiny plastics 104 Private college in the Bay State 106 Chew like a rodent 107 Ending for acetyl 108 Legendary hero of Athens 110 Regatta gear 114 “In case it’s true ...”

116 Hotel phone abbr.

117 It may follow “Use by” on a label 124 Of no value 128 Irvine locale 129 Swamp grass 130 Prefix with present 131 Contends 132 Singer Bonnie 133 Concocted 134 “Auld -- Syne” 135 Apropos of 136 Lauder of perfume DOWN 1Nona- minus one 2 Painter Chagall 3 Edible pomegranate part

4 Court plea, in brief 5 Desktops since 1998 6 Bygone theater chain 7 Like some hotel dining 8 Antares, e.g.

9 Tyler’s successor 10 Infant food 11 Transgress 12 Attire 13 Capital of Bulgaria 14 Small pellets of shot 15 Not including 16 Peter of “Masada” 17 Len of stage and screen 23 Ref’s ring decision 25 Krypton, e.g.

26 See 24-Across 28 See 27-Across 33 “Speechless” airer 34 Set up, for short 35 Actress Susan 37 Scot’s cap 38 Bullring shout 39 Zadora of “Hairspray” 40 See 37-Across 42 Resembling a gorilla 43 Crowns for nobles 45 Spring (from) 47 Fourth prime 48 Suffix of languages 49 Sipping aid 51 Transgress 55 Fab Four drummer 56 Actress Hayek 57 Impassive 58 See 54-Across 61 “Against the Wind” singer 63 Gunky stuff

Connect with free virtual arts, science, and history experiences for all ages.

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BLOCKS

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HANGING FRUIT ©2020 King Feautres Syndicate, Inc. All rights reserved.

64 Pitch-related 65 United Airlines hub 67 Houdini’s skill 69 Looker-on 74 See 73-Across 75 Tots’ beds 76 Dark Chinese tea 82 Gunky 83 Slanted 84 Uninvited partygoer 85 That fellow’s 87 “Thy Neighbor’s Wife” author Gay 89 Solo of “Solo” 91 See 90-Across 94 Flew on foot 95 Period 96 Glistening grass stuff 99 Mu -- chicken 101 Blood carrier 102 Give knowledge 103 Lipton rival 104 Respiratory woe 105 One slaving away 109 Laud 111 Spring (from) 112 U.K. mil. branch 113 Grocery, e.g.

115 Due, as money 118 96, in old Rome 119 Ache 120 Nest eggs for srs.

121 Doing the job 122 Evening, in adspeak 123 See 117-Across 125 Praiseful poem 126 “Raggedy” plaything 127 See 124-Across

LIFESTYLE COLUMN

PG.19 PUZZLE ANSWERS

SAVAGE LOVE SWITCHED ON The sub on the bench

BY DAN SAVAGE

You’ve said that everyone is entitled to a “zone of erotic autonomy.” I was wondering if you thought that “zone” extends to sending thousands of dollars to a “FinDom” (financial dominatrix).

I’m a 33-year-old straight woman and I love my husband and we have a great (or so I thought) sex life. He’s very dominant and controlling in bed and I’m very submissive and I thought we were wellmatched sexually.

So it was a shock for more than one reason when I stumbled over evidence that he’s been sending money to a female sex worker who calls herself a FinDom. This has been going on for nearly three years! It seems clear from their messages (I have read them all) that they’ve never met in person (she clearly states that she never meets in person with her subs) but she sends him degrading personalized videos after he sends her money roughly once every other month. The amounts are small but they add up. We are more than comfortable so the issue isn’t the money.

While my husband has never complained about what I spend on a personal trainer or my hair or body treatments (admittedly a lot), this is obviously different because he’s masturbating over these videos. I don’t really want to degrade him and I obviously couldn’t dominate him financially as our finances are shared. My husband says he doesn’t want to be degraded by me but he was nevertheless willing to pay a complete stranger to heap insults on him?!?

I don’t understand. I thought we had a great sexual connection. I also thought I knew who he was erotically. I’m confused and don’t know what to do.

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FEELING INSECURE NECESSARILY, DOUBTS ABOUT MARRIAGE NOW

First things first: You actually have a great sex life (from the sound of things), your husband clearly loves you (if this if your only issue), and his dominance in the sack isn’t an act, FINDAMN, it’s just that having control isn’t the only thing that turns him on. Every once in a while he wants to give up control.

Maybe he should’ve come to you to get this need met and couldn’t bring himself to ask — for fear of rejection,

for fear of spoiling your D/s dynamic — or maybe he sensed you wouldn’t enjoy degrading him and/or being degraded by you wouldn’t work for him.

Backing up for a second: You say you’re “more than comfortable,” FINDAMN, which is filthy rich person code for “we have tons of money.” So while I’m opposed to one person in a marriage spending significant amounts of money without their spouse’s knowledge, I’m going to climb out on a limb and guess that this isn’t money you missed. No mortgage payments went unpaid, no vacations were cancelled, no kids were yanked out of private schools.

Even if your husband sent this woman $9,999 dollars over the last three years — the highest figure that keeps us in the “thousands” range — that works out to $278 dollars a month. I’m guessing the actual amount spent was far less than that, FINDAMN, and in no way impacted your comforts. (But here’s hoping Joe Biden’s tax hikes on the wealthy do!)

As for the seeming contradiction — your husband dominates you and submits to this woman — it’s not that hard to explain what’s going on. While you’ve probably never been to a big gay leather/fetish event, FINDAMN, if should ever you go you would meet dozens of men who have both Doms and subs. So the guy you saw being dragged around on a leash on the first night will be dragging someone else around on a leash the second night. Because very few people into power exchange are 100% dominant or 100% submissive; one guy can bring out a gay guy’s submissive side and another guy can bring out his dominant side.

Similarly, you seem to bring out your husband’s dominant side — much to your delight — while this other woman brings out his submissive side. So it would seem your husband is a bit of a switch; in his case, FINDAMN, he’s mostly dominant but also enjoys being submissive too. And being submissive to an online FinDom once in a while doesn’t mean there’s anything inauthentic about your husband when he’s dominating you.

If you don’t want to degrade your husband — if you or if he or if you both prefer your roles to be fixed (which is common among kinky switches) — and your husband is willing to keep this connection 1. online only, 2. below an agreed to amount, and 3. to himself (if you don’t want to hear about it) or shared (if you do), I think you should allow your husband to have an outlet.

Again, you can spare the money and your husband hasn’t done anything stupid — he hasn’t given this woman access to your savings accounts or written her into his will. He’s paying this woman for a little dominant time and attention every now and then. And while what

TRIVIA ANSWERS: 1. Kiribati 2. Red Bull 3. William Henry Harrison

4. Bedford Falls 5. Forearm 6. “Get Smart” 7. 15th

your husband did (basically purchased some interactive porn) does feel cheating-adjacent … I gotta ask … have you ever hired a personal trainer just because he was hot?

Have you ever chosen a hairdresser because you liked to look at him? Have you ever gone out of your way to get body treatments from a VGL male masseuse? And then thought about one of those guys — or all three of them — while you were masturbating or having sex with your husband?

If you can identify any small zones of erotic autonomy that you’ve carved out for yourself, FINDAMN, allowing your husband to continue enjoying the small zone of erotic autonomy he’s carved out for himself might come a little easier.

8. “The Story of Dr. Dolittle” 9. 609 10. Cells

Your boyfriend, who could apparently have anyone, has chosen you. So you’re either far more appealing — physically, emotionally, socially — than you give yourself credit for, ICBTRO, or your boyfriend gets off on the power imbalance.

But if the latter were true, if he was manipulating you with his looks/dick, you would know. You would be painfully aware of it and you would’ve mentioned it in your letter if your boyfriend had leveraged his looks and/ or his dick to get you to do things you didn’t want to do or put up with things no one should put up with. (If he had said something to you like, “You’ll never leave me because you can’t do better,” you would’ve included that.)

So I’m guessing you’re a lot more appealing — physically, emotionally, socially — than you’ve allowed yourself to realize.

Instead of worrying about whether this relationship will last forever (and most don’t), ICBTRO, try to enjoy the boyfriend you’ve got right now. Speak to a doctor about ED meds for your dick and speak to a shrink about your low self-esteem — because if anything is going to prematurely kill this relationship, it’s your insecurities.

Your boyfriend may not want to be with you forever, ICBTRO, and you may not want to be with him forever. But if you want to be with him for as long as you can, you’ve gotta get a grip on your insecurities. He can’t help you with those. And if you can’t help yourself, ICBTRO, find a therapist who can help you.

I’m a 27-year-old gay man who’s having a hard time. I’m in a relationship with a spectacular guy.

He’s a 25-year-old bisexual man. He’s smart, funny, extroverted, and has lots of friends and lots of exfuckbuddies. We are deeply in love and neither of us has ever felt that before. It’s been five months and nothing could be better — except the fact that I’m deadly insecure. He’s got tons of friends, he’s extremely attractive, and sexually he’s perfect. He’s a top who knows how to use his big dick and he has infinite endurance.

I’m the opposite of all that: I have a few friends, I’m an average/ugly guy with an average/small dick, it’s not easy for me to get a solid erection, and it takes me just a couple of minutes to come.

Follow Dan on Twitter @FakeDanSavage; I keep comparing myself to him; he’s perfect savagelovecast.com; mail@savagelove.net and he can fuck anyone and I’m ugly and sexually inept compared to him. These feelings are killing me.

I CAN’T BE THE RIGHT ONE

THE OUTBREAK OF CORONAVIRUS DISEASE 2019 (COVID-19) MAY BE STRESSFUL FOR PEOPLE. FEAR AND ANXIETY ABOUT A DISEASE CAN BE OVERWHELMING AND CAUSE STRONG EMOTIONS IN ADULTS AND CHILDREN. COPING WITH STRESS WILL MAKE YOU, THE PEOPLE YOU CARE ABOUT, AND YOUR COMMUNITY STRONGER. EVERYONE REACTS DIFFERENTLY TO STRESSFUL SITUATIONS. HOW YOU RESPOND TO THE OUTBREAK CAN DEPEND ON YOUR BACKGROUND, THE THINGS THAT MAKE YOU DIFFERENT FROM OTHER PEOPLE, AND THE COMMUNITY YOU LIVE IN.

-Fear and worry about your own health and the health of your loved ones -Changes in sleep or eating patterns -Difficulty sleeping or concentrating -Worsening of chronic health problems -Increased use of alcohol, tobacco, or other drugs

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-Take breaks from watching, reading, or listening to news stories, including social media.

Hearing about the pandemic repeatedly can be upsetting.

-Take care of your body. Take deep breaths, stretch, or meditate. Try to eat healthy, well-balanced meals, exercise regularly, get plenty of sleep, and avoid alcohol and drugs.

-Make time to unwind. Try to do some other activities you enjoy.

-Connect with others. Talk with people you trust about your concerns and how you are feeling.

ONLINE THERAPY OPTIONS

OPEN PATH COLLECTIVE

A nonprofit that connects people with private practice therapists that choose to participate.

Digital therapy is available for a $59 membership tinyurl.com/opcollective Pg. 23 MAY 5 - MAY 18, 2021 - QCNERVE.COM

PSYCHOLOGY TODAY

An interactive website where users can enter their zip code to find a counseling professional near them online with phone and video options available. tinyurl.com/psychtodayonline

MORE RESOURCES

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SOONISH

COMING 1205 Thomas Ave