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NEWS & OPINION
4. Caught By Surprise by Pat Moran Employees speak out about Belk’s return-to-office order
5. Lifeline: Ten Cool Things To Do in Two Weeks
ARTS & CULTURE
6. Podcasting Pioneers by Ryan Pitkin Rod and Karen Morrow built The Black Guy Who Tips from the ground up
MUSIC
8. How To Be an Ethical Slut by Pat Moran Brooke McCarthy’s one-woman musical explores the lessons and logic of polyamory
10. Soundwave
FOOD & DRINK
11. New Girls on the Block by Dezanii Lewis Sen Mee Noodle House founders just want to have fun
LIFESTYLE
12. Horoscope 13. Puzzles
14. Nerve Endings
15. Savage Love
CAUGHT BY SURPRISE
Employees speak out about Belk’s return-to-office order
BY PAT MORAN
Belk’s corporate leadership informed employees on Feb. 7 that the company will end its remote work policy this summer, disrupting the lives of those who work out of state and are now left with a decision to relocate or resign.
The announcement marks a pivot for the Charlotte retailer, which adopted a remote work policy in 2021 in the wake of the COVID pandemic, telling the Charlotte Observer then that remote work fostered better communication and higher productivity among workers, adding that employees “overwhelmingly” supported the switch.
Belk has now informed its employees, including those who were hired in or moved to remote cities since that policy was adopted, that they will be required to work at the corporate office in Charlotte for three days a week beginning July 29. Workers who live in Charlotte will need to return to the office by May 6.
Workers have until Feb. 28 to decide whether they will relocate, commute or resign. If employees decide not to return, it will be considered a voluntary resignation as opposed to a layoff, which means those workers will receive no severance and will not be eligible for unemployment benefits.
Multiple workers who spoke to Queen City Nerve on condition of anonymity said they were shocked by the return-to-work order, which signals a sudden and unexpected shift in company policy.
“The announcement has everyone feeling like the rug was pulled out from underneath them after being a remote culture for nearly five years,” said one out-of-state employee who spoke to Queen City Nerve shortly after the announcement.
“Everyone is confused, shocked, angry and upset,” added another.
One employee said that, while half of their team is based in Charlotte, several members were hired when they were already living elsewhere with the understanding that they’d be allowed to remain remote throughout their tenure with the company.
“We were fully remote with no foreseeable plans to return to office,” said one worker who received written permission from their manager to move from Charlotte to a city outside of North Carolina. “There was no issue with moving.”
In a statement sent to Queen City Nerve, Belk spokesperson Jessica Rohlik insisted that, in its 136-year history, the company has always “adapted to best serve our customers and communities.”
“We’re proud of how our home office associates transferred to remote work during the COVID-19 pandemic and are now excited to bring them back to the office,” Rohlik wrote. “We’re looking forward to working together more frequently and enhancing collaboration and productivity amongst all of our talented teams.”
An FAQ sheet issued to the impacted employees following the announcement stated that the goal of the new policy would be “to support enhanced collaboration, enable faster decision making, and improve the speed of new hire integration.”
Belk signed a 15-year lease at its property on West Tyvola Road in 2016. While the company plans to open a second corporate office in New York, it’s unclear when that office will open and employees won’t be able to choose which office they report to.
“Role locations have been selected based on business need,” the FAQ sheet states.
Little help for workers
Family planning and childcare are at the root of the concerns for many current Belk employees who spoke to Queen City Nerve about the announcement.
Some are upset that the company is not offering any help with childcare costs.
“A lot of people at our company had kids because they were working from home and wouldn’t have to pay for daycare or childcare for a while,” one employee said.
One local employee said they moved farther away from the office because they no longer needed to commute, adding that the remote work policy played a role in their decision to have more children.
“Even many based in Charlotte now have to figure out childcare [and Belk is] doing nothing to assist with that,” said another worker over email.
“This RTO initiative will completely change my expenses and the time I spend at home with my family, now having to account for paying for gas and childcare,” they continued. “Sadly, promotions have been rare in the past few years, and bonuses are very small, so my current salary doesn’t cover these new expenses.”
Belk is offering stipends for employees who choose to return to the office, but workers consider these benefits meager pickings.
A new Return to Office Commuter Policy issued by Belk following the announcement states that employees who live more than 50 miles from their designated office are eligible for commuter benefits. If an employee falls within 50 miles from their office, they have to cover all commuting costs.
The commuter benefit is a stipend of 70 cents per mile if an employee lives less than four hours but more than 50 miles away from their designated office. Those workers must use their own car.
If employees live over four hours away they can either use their personal car or request a rental car. All commuter benefits expire on Jan. 30, 2026.
Employees who relocate will also receive stipends. Homeowners receive a one-time “allowance” payment of $4,000 and renters receive $1,000, according to a fact sheet Queen City Nerve viewed.
could ask questions.”
Hendrick stressed it would be better for the company to have an in-office culture, according to those who attended the virtual meeting.
“[The company] just kept using that word culture really vaguely, without addressing what it would mean to our day-to-day lives,” one employee said.
That meeting was followed by a second one at 10:30 a.m. that was led by Justin Chenetski, VP of the company’s creative department. Chenetski gave employees a chance to ask questions but offered few details in response.
The company is also offering home purchase assistance up to 1.5% of closing costs for those purchasing new homes, capped at $495, and to cover travel expenses for employees who plan to relocate.
One employee noted that the new Return to Office Relocation Policy was posted on the company’s employee website but has since been taken down.
Multiple employees insisted none of the stipends are adequate for renting or buying housing in Charlotte, especially considering that all stipends are taxed.
Two meetings that upturned lives
Employees were informed of the new return-tooffice during a 10 a.m. meeting led by Belk CEO Don Hendricks on Feb. 7.
“[Belk] completely upended everyone’s lives in 30 minutes on a Friday morning,” said one company employee, adding that workers had their mics muted. “It wasn’t really a very collaborative meeting where we
Instead, a company email was sent out at the end of the work day containing an FAQ fact sheet.
“That was the most disheartening for me, to see the lack of empathy,” said one employee. “I put so much time, energy [and] effort into [Belk] just to see how little they care.”
“[Belk] claims this [order] is to ‘build back culture’ and reconnect our team, but at this point, it’s likely they’ve lost the trust of most associates by asking all of us to upend our entire lives,” emailed a worker.
“We feel a lot more productive, happier, and wellbalanced in a remote environment,” the employee continued. “There doesn’t seem to be a way to reestablish the work culture they think we’ve lost without completely rebuilding a new team. It just seems to be one big slap in the face and a huge ego trip for the sake of having the power to do it.”
PMORAN@QCNERVE.COM
PHOTO BY RYAN PITKIN
BELK EMPLOYEES WILL NEED TO RETURN TO THE OFFICE THIS SUMMER.
FANTASTIC NEGRITO, BIG BLUE
Fantastic Negrito called it. In 2022, the singersongwriter born as Xavier Dphrepaulezz said, “In this country, we worship billionaires while parts of some cities look like what we’d call the third world.” Sure, that was already true at the time, but proves all the more prescient now as a billionaire coup leader occupies the Oval Office, stripping the federal government for parts while wearing a child as a human shield. A three-time Grammy-winning artist and fiery guitar slinger, Fantastic Negrito sets his truthful lyrics to a vibrant grime-dusty mix of funk, hip-hop, blues and soul. His latest LP, 2024’s Son of a Broken Man, is his most personal project, delving into trauma, family, deception and ultimately selflove.
With a catchy 1980s-influenced sound that also makes room for bedroom-, indie-, synth- and power-pop, Wallows are apparently a band so nice, The Fillmore had to book them twice — for a twonight stand. The LA threesome’s 2024 LP Model boasts tracks like the perky yearning “Calling After Me,” a bright, uncluttered tune about a burgeoning relationship that suggests a younger cousin of The Strokes — minus that band’s angst, ennui and alcohol. Wallows gets props for having two talented actors in the lineup who left the Hollywood limelight because they derived more satisfaction from making music.
More: $66-77; Feb. 19-20, 7:30 p.m.; The Fillmore, 820 Hamilton St.; fillmorenc.com
UPCOMING EVENTS IN THE QUEEN CITY
ALVIN AILEY AMERICAN DANCE THEATER
Growing up Black and queer in the South during the Great Depression, visionary choreographer Alvin Ailey found inspiration from the music he heard at Black church services. In 1958, Ailey launched the Alvin Ailey American Dance Theater, a multiracial dance ensemble that has popularized modern dance worldwide. The troupe’s dancers electrify stage contemporary works by in-demand choreographers and classic favorites from the repertory. Programs often close with Revelations, which Ailey said came from “blood memories” of his childhood in rural Texas and the Baptist Church.
More: $34.50 and up; Feb. 21-22, various times; Belk Theater, 130 N. Tryon St.; blumenthalarts.org
WEEKEND FRIEND, LEMON’S
Launched as a solo act by vocalist Bryan Wynne, Charlotte-based Weekend Friend has bloomed into a tuneful alt-pop five-piece with dramatic instrumental and lyrical shadings. Drawing inspiration from Cage the Elephant and The Killers, the band crafts tunes like “What’s in Motion Can’t Be Stopped,” where chiming, gently whirlpooling guitars combine with soaring wistful choruses. Memphis-based indie-rock trio Lemon’s (apostrophe a stylistic choice) till a similar musical furrow, suggesting a slightly decaffeinated Arctic Monkeys with coiling apprehensive guitars conjoining with Susie Hydrick’s pensive feathered vocals on “Again.”
“It’s an absolute deluge of destructive dumb-assery,” says self-described enlightened cracker Trae Crowder, assessing Trump 2.0 on YouTube. The Tennesseeborn comic informs MAGAs gleeful about mass deportations that America relies on immigrants: “This country’s never been viable without a cheap source of labor to brutally exploit.” With three successful standup tours, three popular podcasts and a best-selling book under his belt, The Liberal Redneck punctures the stereotype that all red state residents are fascists and future concentration camp kapos.
A Google search reveals that the recurring TuTu Tonight celebration at Petra’s may derive from a playful and whimsical Burning Man festival tradition, where revelers wear tutus on Tuesdays to celebrate self-expression and community. Who are we to question our search engine overlords? This particular party is a late-night variety show featuring live music, comedy, local celebrity interviews, trivia contests, burlesque, drag performances and more. It’s certainly an inclusive celebration, inviting “brothers, sisters and nonbinary friends … to reach out their hands and take hold!”
The Gantt Center hosts an opportunity to explore Black artists and art movements at an event curated by NC artist and bibliophile Sam Hoggs. A selection of submitted photos comprises Frames of Identity, which will be on display in MODA, the digital arts studio located inside the museum. The showcase celebrates the diversity and depth of Black identity through powerful visual storytelling. Multidisciplinary artist Hoggs leads a panel discussion on how Blackness is expressed, experienced, and celebrated through art. Hoggs also curates MODA’s Works + Pages, a research and reference library in the MODA lounge, which contains books, manuscripts and art catalogs from Hoggs’ personal collection.
More: Free; Feb. 26, 6 p.m.; Harvey B. Gantt Center, 551 S. Tryon St.; ganttcenter.org
BIG HEAD TODD & THE MONSTERS
Big Head Todd & the Monsters has been knocking around since the mid 1980s but didn’t hit pay dirt until 1993 with the release of their platinum-selling third album Sister Sweetly. The Colorado quartet never reached such dizzying commercial heights again, but that release cemented the band’s sonic template of mixing melodic, blues-drenched, windows-down rock ‘n’ roll with a soupcon of funk. The band’s hit single “Bittersweet” exemplifies the sound that never devolves into jam-band wankery.
As the fair’s name promises, books are the marquee stars at OMB’s bibliophile bacchanalia. Eight indie-book sellers including Belmont Bookshop, Huntersville used book store Mack’s Stacks, east Charlotte’s Troubador Booksellers, and fantasy and dark romance book suppliers House of Hemlock will be on hand. The fair also hosts 26 writers, ranging from purveyor of spiritual and supernatural adventures Rebecca Nagy to visual artist-turnedauthor Brian Hester, who was interviewed by Queen City Nerve about his coming-of-age/fly-fishing novel She Talks to Fish, co-written by Barbara Beam. More: Free; March 1, 1 p.m.; Olde Mecklenburg Brewery, 4150 Yancey Road; ombbeer.com
TRIPLE C BICYCLE FEST
The Bikes in the Barrel Room Festival promises to take cycling to the next level with an event celebrating community, competition and two-wheeling. The allinclusive fest is open to bikers of all stripes, whether they’re peddling BMX, MTB, road, or gravel bikes. The event will feature a bike show competition, a BMX flatland tricks demo, group rides starting at 10 a.m., head-to-head racing from The Spoke Easy, and a fundraiser and raffle supporting the Tarheel Trailblazers, a club that maintains mountain bike trails and bike parks in the greater Charlotte area. Fest attendees are encouraged to bring and donate used bikes and parts for The Recyclery as a way to give back to the community.
More: Free; March 2, noon; Barrel Room at Triple C, 2832 Griffith St.; tinyurl.com/BikesInTheBarrel
PODCASTING PIONEERS
Rod and Karen Morrow built The Black Guy Who Tips from the ground up
BY RYAN PITKIN
Four decades ago, there was a school bus driver at Steele Creek Elementary School who now deserves at least some credit for what today has become the biggest podcast in Charlotte.
While picking students up in the Yorkwood neighborhood back in the mid-to-late-1980s, this woman would ensure that nobody sat next to one little girl named Karen, who always sat in the front seat, where she’d be joined by a boy named Roderick at a later stop.
“It was literally a running joke,” recalls Karen now. “The bus driver would tell people ... When anybody got on my bus and they tried to sit beside me, she was like, ‘You can’t sit beside Karen. Everybody knows this seat is saved for Rod,’ because I got picked up before he got picked up.”
As a creative kid who could be labeled a nerd by some of the tougher kids in his hardscrabble neighborhood, Roderick appreciated not having to make his way to the back of the bus where the rowdy kids sat.
“I didn’t want to sit back there too much,” says Rod. “She was saving me a seat up front, and it’s next to a girl, so everybody just thought I was the man. ‘Oh man, that girl is saving him a seat.’ It worked out for me. I was like, ‘I got somebody to talk to.’”
Forty years later and the two are still talking, with around 20,000 downloads a week to prove it.
Now married, Karen and Rod Morrow have hosted The Black Guy Who Tips podcast since 2010, becoming a notable presence on the podcast scene nationwide for their unapologetically Black, Southern and hilarious takes on politics and pop culture.
Now in their 15th year as podcast hosts, the pair will host a live recording of The Black Guy Who Tips at Stage Door Theater on Feb. 28.
The show will feature interactive versions of popular games from the podcast like Guess the Race as well as stand-up comedy from friend of the show J-L Cauvin.
What got them from the front seat of the school bus to a Blumenthal stage? The drive to keep creating and a refusal to be anything but themselves while prioritizing nuance over engagement farming and empathy over rage-baiting.
Finding the right outlet
Roderick Morrow has always been a creative in search of the right outlet. He remembers having a lot of free time in school, having finished his work early and moving on to whatever medium struck his fancy at the moment —
always an outlet for fun. I had friends who were like, ‘We need to get on the radio. We need to go on a tour.’ I was like, ‘I just like seeing if I can do it.’”
Rod was also writing at the time, having launched a blog called The Black Guy Who Tips, which evolved from an email chain he would send to his friends with whatever random funny thoughts he was having that day (replacing Biggie’s “Ten Crack Commandments” with his own “10 Weed Commandments” was one idea he remembers).
He was also a fan of podcasts, listening to shows like Dan Carlin’s Hardcore History and This American Life. He came across Keith and the Girl, a podcast hosted by Keith Malley and Chemda, a couple in New York City who would bring on eccentric guests and talk about taboo topics.
It was during a feedback episode of that show in which Keith and Chemda read letters from readers that Rod heard a piece of advice that would change his life. One person had wrote in to lambaste the idea that the two podcasters had a difficult job.
“The thing [Keith and Chemda] said was, ‘If it’s so
Pioneers in the podcast space
Karen was not originally into the idea of co-hosting a podcast with her husband. She wasn’t as familiar with the medium and the same lack of structure that inspired him to go for it made her uncertain.
“What if I’m terrible at this? What is happening here? There was no rules or regulations to it,” Karen says. “I didn’t know what to expect.”
Rod says he would have named the podcast The Rod & Karen Show, but his wife’s non-committal stance led him to name it after his blog. Karen agreed to jump on the microphones with him as a pilot program of sorts but reserved the right to drop out if she wasn’t feeling it.
Karen’s still on board 15 years later, but that decision turned out to be one of the most fortuitous things to happen to the show.
In 2010, only three years after the release of the first iPhone, podcasting was still a fringe medium. Only a select few podcasts were reaching a notable audience and there were no Black-led podcasts among those.
“When we first started posting and putting stuff on our social media, so many people said, ‘I went to iTunes, I tapped in “Black” and you popped up.’ That was the number one feedback for a very long time,” explains Rod. “That was so ironic because if Karen wouldn’t have said, ‘I’m going to be temporary and you can replace me or whatever,’ I would have named it Rod & Karen and this would have never happened because no one’s searching Rod & Karen.”
While that serendipitous search engine cheat code brought listeners in, it was Rod and Karen’s hilarious but empathetic takes on all things pop culture and politics that kept them around for all this time, building a loyal fanbase of folks who had been thirsting for Black voices in the podcast realm.
The two have found that their show can be therapeutic for listeners who don’t have a large community of Black folks in their personal circles.
“I think because we talk about Blackness first, we have a lot of people that are in places where it’s very few Black people,” says Karen. “They write to the show all the time, particularly when anything political happens and all the Black people are talking about it, they say, ‘I tune in because I can’t talk to my coworkers. I can’t really talk to anybody about this,’ and they feel isolated. They’re like, ‘I feel crazy. You all make me feel not crazy.’”
writing raps, short stories, poetry and the like.
Rod and Karen stuck together throughout childhood and even attended Fayetteville State University together.
After graduating and landing a full-time job in shipping logistics, Rod continued to seek an outlet for his creativity. He dabbled in rap for a bit, taking the name Sweetwater Tyvola as a hybrid homage: He grew up watching his beloved Hornets play at the Charlotte Coliseum on Tyvola Road while Nathaniel “Sweetwater” Clifton was the first Black player to sign a contract in the NBA.
“I was always creative because I just didn’t think a lot of work challenged me,” he explains. “So even when I had a full-time job, I was like, ‘What if I started rapping?’ I never was trying to make a living off of it … it was
easy, why don’t you do it? You do a show, you become more popular than us,’” Rod recalls. “But me listening, not as a hater, but just listening, I went, ‘Oh yeah, why don’t I do it? I don’t need a person to tell me or select me or let me know I’m qualified. There’s no resume for this. There’s no reason that I can’t give my opinions if I think I’m funny or whatever.’”
He came home from work that day and suggested the idea of launching a podcast with Karen. Fifteen years later The Black Guy Who Tips has built a loyal following of listeners who range across the globe.
The Black Guy Who Tips has also become known for its popular recap shows in which Rod and Karen break down the latest episodes of their favorite shows like The Walking Dead and Game of Thrones.
As with their regular episodes, these recaps have become a haven for listeners in search of a Black perspective on pop culture.
The couple launched the hashtag #DemThrones on Twitter during their Game of Thrones recaps, starting conversations that “span everything from explicit black humor to deep analyses of elements of race, class, and enslavement in the mostly white fictional world of Westeros,” according to an excerpt from a 2019 episode of HBO’s VICE News Tonight that highlighted Rod and Karen’s role as representatives of Black fandom.
COURTESY OF TBGWT ROD (LEFT) AND KAREN MORROW WILL HOST A LIVE PODCAST IN CHARLOTTE ON FEB. 28.
ARTS FEATURE
“We talk to each other in a non-code-switching Black way because that’s how we talk on the show all the time,” Rod tells Queen City Nerve. “When we do these recaps, there’s a built-in uniqueness to them.”
Reckoning with accessibility in the real world
While Rod and Karen couldn’t be considered A-list celebrities, they have risen to a certain level of popularity that leads to unexpected experiences for both of them. Karen remembers the first time she was approached in public by a female fan while picking up wings at Mac’s Speed Shop with Rod’s mother.
She says she was taken off guard, but it was altogether a pleasant experience and the two took a photo together. From then on she knew things would be slightly different in her life.
Rod was once chased down by a man who came out of People’s Market to try to convince him to go back and have a drink after recognizing him as The Black Guy Who Tips.
“Every in-person interaction we’ve ever had with a fan has been great,” says Rod. “I’m not saying we have no terrible fans, but I ain’t met them … Online though, that’s a different type of interaction because that’s not the same as face-to-face.”
Rod had his first experience with negative virality during the 2016 primary presidential campaign when he launched the #BernieSoBlack hashtag as a joke referencing the penchant for Bernie Sanders supporters to insist that the Democratic candidate knew what Black people needed better than Black activists did because he marched with Martin Luther King Jr.
“I made a joke. It was a joke. It was not serious. I’m not a political pundit. I’m just a person, especially back then,” he recalls. “I went to play basketball. I swear to God, I came back two, three hours later and my email was full of, ‘Hey, the New York Times wants to talk to you,’ and NPR too. I was like, ‘What? For what?’”
He faced backlash from Bernie supporters for weeks online, which was an experience he continues to learn from.
“That was my first real brush with like, ‘Whoa, this could be a toxic thing being this accessible,’” he says. “At the time, I didn’t have really good boundaries. I really was not prepared for that.”
He’s also had to learn some lessons in realizing that, if he’s talking bad about somebody on the show, those statements aren’t going into a void.
In 2011, Rod was critical of a new solo album from Phonte, the third member of Durham-based hip-hop group Little Brother alongside 9th Wonder and Big Pooh and one of Rod’s favorite rappers of all time.
Some time later, Rod and Karen went to a comedy show to see their friend Chris Lamberth perform in Raleigh and Chris introduced the couple to Phonte backstage after the show. Rod had completely forgotten
his own critiques of that one album, but Phonte had listened and remembered it well. He was forgiving, but the dinner that the group shared later was awkward.
Then there’s the time Rod playfully dissed Charles Oakley, one of the most intimidating NBA players of all time, only to quickly hear back from the man himself.
“Charles Oakley hit me back on Twitter,” says Rod. “I’m scared of Charles Oakley, that’s a scary dude. At the time, he was in Charlotte working for the Bobcats. I apologized to that man like no one’s ever apologized before. Because I was like, ‘Oh, this is real.’ I’m thinking like I’m talking to 12 people. Anyone in the world can hear this at any time.”
For the most part, Rod and Karen speak with empathy for the folks who find themselves at the center of a given controversy, which has resulted in a like-minded fanbase that for the most part shares their belief in nuance and compassion over the usual rage-baiting of the internet.
“I don’t think you really get too far coming at people or attacking people,” says Rod. “We’re nice people, so our feedback and our fanbase is actually really nice. Over the years, being a podcast listener, I’ve noticed, ‘Oh, you just get out what you put out.’ If you have a really mean, nasty show, an attacking show, that’s what your fanbase is going to be. That’s how they’re going to respond to you.
“I don’t put content into the world to try to hurt people,” he continues. “I try to put things out there that I believe in, things I think would be helpful, and I tried to put it in a way over the years that at least has some nuance and compassion to it.”
This driving principle leads to a sense of community among listeners that makes events like the upcoming live show at Stage Door uplifting for the couple.
For Karen, who still struggles with speaking up when she has something to add on the show and can feel somewhat insecure about her role in the show, live recordings are like an “on switch” that activate her and make her feel seen.
“I always get nervous, but it’s that thing … I never realized I had an on switch,” she says. “I don’t want to say it’s a personality shift on stage, but it’s almost like show mode. And once I’m like that, I’m fine … because I know that I’m in a safe space. I know that the audience is cheering for me and rooting for me.”
With this being the fourth live show the couple has hosted in their hometown, the value comes in finally connecting with the audience that they know is on the other ends of their mics when they record episodes but only get to see in these rare occasions.
“It’ll be fun to be in that environment because the listeners, when we play the songs live and they’re singing along or they’re dancing, it reminds you that this is a community,” Rod says. “Even if it’s not a physical community gathering in a space all the time, in these moments, it gets to be that.”
The Black Guy Who Tips Live will take place on Feb. 28 at 7 p.m. at Stage Door Theater in Founders Hall, 155 N. College St. Tickets start at $40. Visit blumenthalarts.org for more info.
RPITKIN@QCNERVE.COM
COURTESY OF TBGWT KAREN AND ROD AT THE QUEEN CITY COMEDY EXPERIENCE.
COURTESY OF TBGWT
HOW TO BE AN ETHICAL SLUT
Brooke McCarthy’s one-woman musical explores the lessons and logic of polyamory
BY PAT MORAN
Blake Valentini has a problem. She’s wrestling with her desire for a loving, monogamous relationship and the simultaneously dawning realization that there may be alternative — and better — ways to forge meaningful romantic and sexual connections.
In short, Blake is contemplating How to be an Ethical Slut — not our words but the title of Brooke McCarthy’s one-woman musical comedy cabaret show that she’ll perform at The Rooster in Gastonia on Feb. 21.
The award-winning show advocates for polyamory, a consensual nonmonogamous lifestyle that involves having romantic/sexual relationships with multiple partners at the same time, as a way to find emotional happiness and sexual satisfaction, explained McCarthy, a Charlotte-based theatre artist who wrote, produced and stars in the show.
The show’s title reclaims the word “slut” in much the same way the LGBTQ community reclaimed the word “queer,” McCarthy insists. How to be an Ethical Slut is the opposite of slut-shaming. Instead, it praises the experimentation and fulfillment that comes from its protagonist’s supposedly slutty behavior.
Alongside Valentini, McCarthy also portrays six more characters on an eye-opening journey that sees the main character’s arc range from unethical slutdom to what could be considered more of an ethical slut — all accompanied by songs, choreography and self-discovery.
Making musical theatre more slutty
With a passion for singing since the age of 5, it wasn’t difficult for McCarthy to decide that her one-woman show would be a musical — with songs on subjects you won’t often hear in theatre productions.
How to be an Ethical Slut tackles sexually transmitted diseases, threesomes, orgies, love and lies with comedic Broadway-style show tunes, emotional pop songs and sultry jazz standards.
The show opens with a bang, the tuneful empowering “Slut Anthem,” co-written by McCarthy and Marcia Ferguson.
“I own myself, I know my truth/ I’m ethically slaying, breaking taboos/ I like me ‘cause I’m weird, sexy and bold/ And I’m not confined by society’s mold/ My sexuality is unconventional/ No shame in my love, it’s all consensual…”
Another musical highlight is “STD”, a celebration of getting your tests back negative. The parody duet, set to the tune of “You Can’t Stop the Beat” from the musical Hairspray, is sung by Blake and her romantic interest Guy.
“Our bodies bouncin’ round and round/ Your dick’s pumpin’ blood ‘cause we want to pound/ We discuss our results/ It’s mature, grown-up foreplay/ We don’t have STDs!”
“Three is Better,” an original tune by McCarthy and Sarah Clemency, sings the praises of having a threesome, with the back-and-forth patter of a musical comedy tune.
McCarthy said the production was conceived as a musical from the very start, when she wrote the show as a thesis to earn her Master of Fine Arts in Acting at the University of Georgia (UGA) in 2020.
“In order for people to connect with the taboo topics and to find ways to make [the show] funny, I knew that music would lend itself to the story,” McCarthy says.
She chose from different musical genres depending on which emotions she wanted to highlight in any given song — theatrical show tunes for comedy; pop songs for moody, sad or tragic moments; and jazz compositions for falling in love.
A sexy semi-autobiography
Despite the saucy song lyrics, McCarthy says the show is not about promiscuity. Instead, How to be an Ethical Slut celebrates female sexual pleasure, empowerment, the fun of exploration and, above all, bodily autonomy. In the course of her polyamorous odyssey, Blake lies, cheats, loves and hurts but she never needs to seek others’ permission.
“McCarthy’s infectious energy is irresistible … What’s perhaps most surprising about this show isn’t that it’s funny or that it’s feminist or that it’s a rollicking good time,” read one review from the Austin Chronicle. “It’s that there’s a real message lying at its heart about love in all forms.”
“[The play is about] what we see in Disney fairy tales about how relationships are supposed to be,” McCarthy says, “and then discovering a whole world of, ‘Oh, it doesn’t have to be just as one cookie-cutter way.’”
McCarthy, who identifies as polyamorous and bisexual, derived the title of her production from the
1997 self-help book The Ethical Slut by Dossie Easton and Janet Hardy. She describes the show’s plot as semi-autobiographical, though characters’ names and professions have been changed.
McCarthy’s friend and colleague Sarah Elizabeth Yorke, the show’s current director, points out that, despite the show’s title, the protagonist Blake does not always act ethically.
“We are with Blake for the ride and we’re rooting for her, but we’re also watching her go through these lessons where she makes mistakes,” Yorke says. “It’s interesting and complex to see one actor take us on this character journey.”
“Real life is chaos; we’re just flying by the seat of our pants,” McCarthy adds. ‘Theatre … has an arc [that] builds and pushes towards a message.”
That message is about owning your truth, being honest with the people that you’re with and being comfortable and confident with who you are, McCarty continues.
“We can only do that through communication with ourselves and with the people around us,” McCarthy notes. “Polyamory is only cheating if you are hiding it from all parties involved.”
That advice applies to all relationships, McCarthy maintains, whether romantic or platonic, polyamorous or monogamous.
major with minors in Italian and musical theatre. Her college friends affectionately nicknamed McCarthy “the business bitch.”
“I feel very fortunate that I have been able to tap into both sides of my brain,” says McCarthy, who has applied her business aptitude toward marketing herself as an artist and for budgeting and planning productions like How to be an Ethical Slut.
After graduating from college, McCarthy pursued an accounting career but it didn’t stick.
“I have been in and out of corporate America in my career, and ultimately, even though I end up being really good at my job, it’s just it does not fulfill my soul,” she says.
McCarthy decided to pursue work as an acting teacher under the assumption that the experience would make her a better actress. She enrolled at UGA, where she taught acting to undergraduates while pursuing her MFA. McCarthy developed, wrote and debuted How to be an Ethical Slut during the depths of the COVID pandemic. After she earned her degree, and as soon as it was safe to do so, she started touring her one-woman show, hitting numerous fringe festivals from 2022 to 2023.
The show has won multiple awards including Best of Fest in Hartford, Connecticut; Solo Performer of the Year in Philadelphia; and the Philly Fringe’s Audience Choice Award.
A move from corporate America to musical theatre
Having grown up in New Jersey, McCarthy pursued a bachelor’s degree in accounting at Monmouth University after high school. She balanced her business-centered
While hitting the fringe circuit, McCarthy briefly based herself in Charlotte, and How to be an Ethical Slut made its Queen City area debut at Stumptown Station in Matthews in 2022.
In August 2023, McCarthy moved to Blacksburg, Virginia, for a one-year teaching stint as a Post-MFA Fellow in Acting and Applied Theater at Virginia Tech.
BROOKE MCCARTHY IN ‘HOW TO BE AN ETHICAL SLUT.’
PHOTO BY MICHAEL ROSAS
While there, she met and befriended Yorke, who had already directed Claire Tumey’s one-woman show, The Wake of Your Problematic Fav PRTY GRL, during runs in New York City and at the Edinburgh Fringe Festival, the world’s largest arts festival, among other venues. McCarthy and Yorke bonded over their experiences with the genre.
“Brooke asked if I would be interested in coming on as a director and just put an eye on the show,” Yorke recalls. “We had one rehearsal, and within that rehearsal, we both saw how well we worked together and collaborated.”
In January 2024, Yorke signed up as the show’s permanent director. She feels one of her most significant contributions to the show is helping develop a more robust sound design, which helps audiences to recognize when McCarthy is transitioning from one character to another onstage.
With McCarthy bouncing back and forth between so many characters, her connection with the audience becomes increasingly important, Yorke says, as an energetic audience can amp up McCarthy’s performance.
“If Brooke has an audience that is a little quieter or more reserved, she [can] use that,” Yorke says. “In a way, the audience becomes her scene partner.”
After completing her teaching gig at Virginia Tech, McCarthy moved back to Charlotte where she currently acts and teaches acting. With a few years of performing the show under her belt, McCarthy says How to be an Ethical Slut has helped her to own who she is not just as a polyamorous bisexual woman but as a creative and a businesswoman.
“Between corporate accounting and acting in the performance world, there have been times when … I felt that imposter syndrome,” McCarthy says. “[Doing the show] has helped me to embrace my creative side and give me the confidence that I can do this.”
Speaking truth to gaslighting
McCarthy won’t stop spreading her message of sexual and romantic empowerment and satisfaction after How to be an Ethical Slut plays at The Rooster. She has booked the show for performances at BOOM Charlotte arts festival at Camp North End in April as well as Charlotte’s Off-Broadway’s black box theater space at the VAPA Center from May 17-18.
She’s also working on a follow-up to Ethical Slut, a one-woman show titled Gaslighting: The Musical! Like her current show, the new production is partly autobiographical.
“[It’s] inspired by a very dark chapter [in my life] where I was dating and then engaged to … a narcissist,” says McCarthy, adding that the show examines the emotional abuse a narcissist can direct at people to maintain control over them.
“Narcissists gaslight and try to destroy you and make your reality disappear in front of you,” she notes.
Despite its dark origins, Gaslighting: The Musical! will be an entertaining combination of musical theatre, storytelling, and stand-up comedy presented onstage as a “circus of the mind,” with McCarthy as the ringmaster.
“[My message] as an artist is I went through something horrible, and I do not want anyone to ever go through that again,” McCarthy says.
In the meantime, McCarthy plans to entertain and enlighten audiences with her current erotically charged, sex-positive, dramatic, comedic and empathetic onewoman show.
How to be an Ethical Slut has gained overwhelmingly positive responses from audiences, McCarthy says; only a few reviewers have wrongheadedly slammed the show as a paean to promiscuity, an interpretation that the show’s creator says completely misses the point.
“I hope people come away [from the show] being able to reflect on their own relationships and how they go about showing up honestly in those relationships — not
only for the people they’re with but also for themselves,” McCarthy says.
It’s a bold stance, particularly today, when conservative men in power are increasingly trying to push nontraditional sexuality and outspoken, confident women back into the shadows.
McCarthy says she was partially inspired to write this How to be an Ethical Slut from a Queer Theatre History class she took at UGA, where she learned about the bravery displayed by playwrights who chose to write about queer topics that were illegal in a time not so long ago.
“There’s no doubt in my mind that I will keep doing [How to be an Ethical Slut] regardless of what’s going on in the climate around us,” McCarthy says. “With the climate of our country right now, there have been moments where I’ve been a bit nervous about pushing and promoting the show, but if I don’t speak up, who else will?”
PMORAN@QCNERVE.COM
A USER’S GUIDE TO BEING AN ETHICAL SLUT
How to be an Ethical Slut, Brooke McCarthy’s award-winning one-woman musical comedy cabaret show, tackles serious issues about romantic and sexual satisfaction, finding compatible life partners and supporting women’s bodily autonomy – but it’s also a ton of tuneful titillating fun. So when we asked the Charlotte theatre artist and educator behind the production to list her top five tips for being an ethical slut, she dove into the task with typical humor and flair. She also adds a word of advice to lovers of all persuasions.
Love yourself
“You have to absolutely love yourself in order to love others,” McCarthy says, emphasizing that this goes for all people, polyamorous or monogamous.
Be brave and courageous
You don’t have to be brave singing about your polyamorous and bisexual lifestyle onstage like McCarthy, but you should show some integrity and spine in your private life. “There’s no getting around that,” McCarthy says.
Be honest and transparent
“Polyamory is only cheating if you were hiding it from the person [you’re with],” McCarthy says.
Go out of your way to communicate
“People who identify as polyamorous, I think that we’ve found a way to communicate through those tricky, difficult and awkward conversations, which sets us up to have more successful relationships,” McCarthy says.
Be open minded
“Just be open minded and loving to all people around you,” McCarthy says.
Some final advice: McCarthy adds that just like monogamous relationships, polyamorous relationships can also come to an end, because people, regardless of their sexual practices or orientation, can grow apart. Whether it’s a marriage ending, or a throuple breaking up, that’s not a failure. “It’s just that something changed. It wasn’t right for those people’s lives anymore,” McCarthy says.
BROOKE MCCARTHY AS BLAKE VALENTINI.
PHOTO BY CAROLINA FLOW PHOTOGRAPHY
WEDNESDAY, FEBRUARY 19
ROCK/PUNK/METAL
Wallows (The Fillmore)
Pleasantly Wild w/ Billingsley, Five Door Sedan (Snug Harbor)
The Soundwave is Queen City Nerve’s comprehensive guide to live music happening in Charlotte every night of the week. This list is pulled together by our editorial team every other week from combing through Charlotte music venue calendars and separated by genre. None of these listings are paid advertisements. We understand that many non-traditional music venues offer live music like coffee shops, breweries, art galleries, community events and more.
This list may not have every event listed. To have a venue included in the editorial compilation of this list, please send an email to info@qcnerve.com with the subject “Soundwave.”
SATURDAY, FEBRUARY 22
ROCK/PUNK/METAL
Blackwater Drowning w/ Sideline, Deathbloom, Laid Out, Conquer (The Milestone)
Catch Your Breath (Neighborhood Theatre)
Weekend Friend w/ Lemon’s (Snug Harbor)
POP/DANCE/ELECTRONIC/DJ
Crankdat (Blackbox Theater)
Forrest Isn’t Dead w/ NITE (Evening Muse)
Trivecta (The Underground)
JAZZ/BLUES
Brut Beat w/ JPH, Dylan Walshe (Petra’s)
COUNTRY/FOLK/AMERICANA
Diamond Dixie w/ Simple Sole Duo (Goldie’s)
Elonzo Wesley (Primal Brewery)
CLASSICAL/INSTRUMENTAL
Charlotte Symphony Orchestra: Havana Nights (Knight Theater)
HIP-HOP/SOUL/R&B
Matt Corman w/ Ollie Joseph (Evening Muse) COVER BANDS
Synchronicity (Police tribute) w/ Reflex (Duran Duran tribute) (Amos’ Southend)
Angelica Baylor performs Erykah Badu & Jill Scott (Middle C Jazz)
Deep Six (Peral Jam tribute) w/ Steven Massey (The Rooster)
SUNDAY, FEBRUARY 23
ROCK/PUNK/METAL
Valletta w/ Sometime in February, Holyroller (The Milestone)
JAZZ/BLUES
Jason Jackson (Middle C Jazz)
CLASSICAL/INSTRUMENTAL
Lil Wayne w/ Hot Boys (Spectrum Center)
SINGER-SONGWRITER/ACOUSTIC
Sam on Someday (Evening Muse)
Michael Marcagi w/ Ashley Kutcher (Neighborhood Theatre)
MONDAY, FEBRUARY 24
JAZZ/BLUES
The Bill Hanna Legacy Jazz Session (Petra’s) OPEN MIC
Find Your Muse Open Mic (Evening Muse)
TUESDAY, FEBRUARY 25
ROCK/PUNK/METAL
Red Rocking Chair (Comet Grill)*
AJ Croce (Knight Theater)
Gored Embrace w/ Primitive Rage, Severed by Dawn (The Milestone)
JAZZ/BLUES
Marc Broussard (Neighborhood Theatre)
OPEN MIC
Open Mic Night feat. The Smokin J’s (Smokey Joe’s Cafe & Bar)*
Abyssal Frost w/ Pathogenic, Leylines, Violent End, Dr. Blood’s Orgy of Gore (The Milestone)
JAZZ/BLUES
The Bill Hanna Legacy Jazz Session (Petra’s) OPEN MIC
Find Your Muse Open Mic feat. Timothy Chandler Hicks (Evening Muse)
TUESDAY, MARCH 4
ROCK/PUNK/METAL
Red Rocking Chair (Comet Grill)*
Patois Counselors w/ Bursting, Ego Death Machine, Ghost Brain (The Milestone)
OPEN MIC
Tosco Music Open Mic (Evening Muse)
Open Mic Night feat. The Smokin J’s (Smokey Joe’s Cafe & Bar)*
*WEEKLY EVENTS THAT MAY BE SUBJECT TO CHANGE. VISIT QCNERVE.COM FOR THE FULL SOUNDWAVE LISTING
NEW GIRLS ON THE BLOCK
Sen Mee Noodle House founders just want to have fun
BY DEZANII LEWIS
Everyone has their personally preferred form of greeting someone whom they’ve just met for the first time. Some people nod, others shake hands, some go for a first bump. Jenny Zajac at Sen Mee Noodles is a hugger.
As soon as I made my way into the restaurant located next to Skrimp Shack on the outer edge of the Eastway Crossing shopping center in east Charlotte, Zajac was there with a hug and a smile, making me feel like we were old friends.
I quickly felt at ease in the small but quaint restaurant, which is rife with lush plants and depictions of hand-panted manga murals adorning the walls.
My first order at the establishment was a lychee iced tea. With the sweet, floral and fruity notes balancing the tartness of the iced tea, the drink, like Zajac, was familiar even in its newness to me.
Zajac is one of four founders of Sen Mee Noodle House, an all-women-owned Thai restaurant that opened on Central Avenue in August 2024. The name is a play on words, with multiple meanings that all play their part in representing the restaurant.
“Sen mee” is Thai for rice noodle, like what’s sold at the noodle house, while the full title when said quickly sounds like someone saying, “Send me noodles,” which the staff at Sen Mee is more than ready to do.
Then there’s the fun innuendo that the team has turned into a motto of sorts; staff members’ shirts read “Send me noods,” playing on a more contemporary and salacious expression.
“We just play on it as our little quirky personality,” Zajac said, laughing.
As is apparent from the tongue-in-cheek T-shirts and easy-going atmosphere at Sen Mee Noodle House within the restaurant, Zajac and fellow cofounders Lin Wilet,
Nana Chandara and Sophia Dong went into their venture with a goal not to take themselves too seriously.
Before opening the restaurant, the women were all friends who cooked together. They wanted to bring that energy into their restaurant, providing a place for Charlotteans to come together with friends and family, order great food and perhaps have a few drinks, Zajac said.
When the restaurant initially opened, the women planned to make it exclusively a takeout spot, but as customers fell in love with the Noodle House, they made it clear that they wanted to be able to spend time there. Ownership happily complied.
“I love to see them just stay,” Wilet said. “We have really good returning customers. [They] just come hang out, and after that, we become good friends.”
feminine aspect to that makes it really family-friendly,” Zajac said. “We really strive for that environment.”
The fact that Sen Mee Noodle House sits smack in the middle of Charlotte’s most diverse corridor only makes the new establishment even more of a perfect fit.
“We’re lucky to be able to express how we feel in our culture of food and share with this community as well, especially as a diverse community at that,” she explained. “We’ve been lucky enough to have people who [are] adventurous to try our food on top of that. [We’re] just friends who love food who are now operating a place that has our food.”
Community reception drives restaurant founders
Each of the four women who launched Sen Mee Noodle House has 12-15 years of experience in the restaurant industry. Zajac was a private chef who worked for clients including NBA players. Wilet and Chandara were managers at Rai Lay Thai and Deejai Thai restaurants, respectively.
The four founders share certain responsibilities from cooking to cleaning the bathrooms, which they try not to make their staff do. Then they each carry their own unique talents and tasks.
Wilet is the mixologist who takes care of the plants while Zajac and Chandara have their own special styles of
Establishing those connections is something the women said they believe they are capable of simply because they are women; they exhibit a care and level of empathy that many business owners might not be able to show.
“Society is manly and masculine-driven,” Zajac said. “I think the women can also be right there with them, especially with the experiences that we have traveling and we pick up along the way as we get mature. We have the experience, we have the drive, we have the power to do it as well.”
She said this translates to their readiness to help with dietary restrictions but also in the way they simply treat their customers like friends, something I had experienced upon my first visit to Sen Mee.
“When anybody comes to our restaurant, we give them hugs. We say, ‘Hi, how are you?’ I feel like that
cooking. Chandara, known as the most soft-spoken of the group, “speaks loudly” in the kitchen with her ingredients, Wilet and Zajac agreed.
A shared principle goes into how they approach their food at Sen Mee Noodle House: “Keep the menu small and do it well.”
The menu begins with “Easy Bites” that could also be thought of as appetizers or grouped together as tapas: crispy chicken wontons, fried meatball skewers, papaya salad, calamari and a number of other options.
Then there’s soup, noodle bowls, items from the wok, and curry dishes. If you’ve saved room, stay for a dessert like the mango sticky rice. After all, they’ve reshaped their business model to let folks stick around as long as they like.
If the company’s various awards and recognitions are any indication, the community has reciprocated the restaurant’s friendliness.
Queen City Nerve designated the newly opened spot as Best Takeout in the Critics’ Picks of our 2024 Best in the Nest issue while the Asian Chamber of Commerce voted them Best New Business.
They proudly display all their honors near the front of the restaurant, including a welcoming certificate from the newly formed Greater Eastland Business District.
While they consider themselves honored to have been so readily accepted, they still feel they have much to learn. While all of the women had plenty of restaurant experience, none of them had run their own business before Sen Mee Noodle House.
“I feel happy, but sometimes it can be really frustrating with operating,” said Wilet.
“I feel like us being first-time business owners, it is frustrating, but it’s also learning curves,” Zajac echoed. “As we go through the hurdles, we get stronger and we get more confident in ourselves as well.”
Their confidence is evident as they present a healthy mix of traditional cooking styles and innovative approaches.
Though they’ve added the ability for customers to sit down and enjoy their food, they’re still keeping the takeout vibe alive by serving entrees in to-go containers, almost as if to say, “Don’t stuff yourself, you can take it home with you.”
They’re also being creative with the menu. They insist the Mama Pad KeeMao with beef is a dish you won’t find anywhere else in Charlotte. That and the mango sticky rice are the restaurant’s best sellers six months into the business.
The team is currently working on some ideas to add more exclusive dishes to the menu.
The women said they feel like they’re hitting their stride, and while they would love to eventually have another location, it’s a distant dream for the moment. Right now, they’re just enjoying all the love they’ve received from everyone.
“I got to say, we’ve just been very lucky to be accepted in this community,” Zajac said. “Without this community, we would never be able to have this much success.”
In Charlotte’s east side, if you go for the hug, the community hugs you back.
DLEWIS@QCNERVE.COM
SEN MEE NOODLE HOUSE CO-FOUNDERS (FROM LEFT): JENNY ZAJAC, LIN WILET, AND NANA CHANDARA. PHOTO BY GRANT BALDWIN
MAMA PAD KEEMAO WITH BEEF PHOTO BY GRANT BALDWIN
HOROSCOPE
FEB.
19 - FEB. 25 FEB. 26 - MAR. 4
ARIES (March 21 to April 19) Having second thoughts could be a good thing, even if you’re determined to go through with your plans. You might find it worthwhile to take a fresh look at how things have been set up.
TAURUS (April 20 to May 20) Financial matters could continue to be a problem until you’re able to straighten out some of the more pesky situations. Once this happens, the rest should be easier to unsnarl.
GEMINI (May 21 to June 20) Family matters once again take center stage and should be dealt with competently and quickly. Again, insist that others take on their fair share of the responsibilities.
CANCER (June 21 to July 22) Your creative pursuits seem to be running into a roadblock. But rather than blame outside factors, look within to see if you might be holding back your efforts for some reason.
LEO (July 23 to August 22) Keep your keen Cat’s Eye focused on relevant aspects of this new situation in your life. Don’t be distracted by trivial matters. You need the pertinent facts before making a decision.
VIRGO (August 23 to September 22) As much as you prefer doing things on your own, continue to accept help if you still need to resolve the problem that affects your project. Meanwhile, some cheerful news is about to come your way!
LIBRA (September 23 to October 22) While you might begrudge the added time it will take to get your project from point A to B to C, etc., you could benefit from the facts that will emerge over this expanded time span.
SCORPIO (October 23 to November 21) Regarding your workplace suggestions, be prepared to produce the facts to counter reactions from skeptics who feel like your approach is unreasonable or even impossible.
SAGITTARIUS (November 22 to December 21) Savvy Sagittarians will look for work-related answers on their own rather than relying on unproved assumptions. It might take more time to do so, but the payoff is worth it.
CAPRICORN (December 22 to January 19) Your aspects continue to favor family issues, with a special emphasis this week on changes in and around your home. Get everyone to suggest what they would like to see done.
AQUARIUS (January 20 to February 18) A matter you thought had been settled still might produce surprises. Best advice: Continue to gather facts to bolster your position just in case you need to produce them quickly.
PISCES (February 19 to March 20) While your instincts are usually right when discerning ‘twixt truth and deception, you could benefit from doing more research on the new “prospect” that you’ve been pitched.
BORN THIS WEEK: Your wisdom is only matched by your generosity, making you the sort of friend everyone hopes to have.
ARIES (March 21 to April 19) Try to say as little as possible about the work you’re doing through the end of the month. Then you can make your announcement and accept your well-deserved plaudits.
TAURUS (April 20 to May 20) A more difficult challenge than you expected emerges early in the week. But with your strong Taurean determination, you should be able to deal with it successfully by week’s end.
GEMINI (May 21 to June 20) Before you act on your “feelings” about an upcoming decision, it might be wise to do a little fact-checking first. You could be very much surprised by what you don’t find.
CANCER (June 21 to July 22) A recent workplace success can open some doors that were previously closed to you. On a personal level, expect to receive some important news from a longtime friend and colleague.
LEO (July 23 to August 22) Put your wounded pride aside and do what you must to heal a misunderstanding, before it can take a potentially irreversible turn and leave you regretting the loss of a good friend.
VIRGO (August 23 to September 22) One way to kick a less-than-active social life into high gear or rebuild an outdated Rolodex file is to throw one of your wellorganized get-togethers for friends and associates.
LIBRA (September 23 to October 22) Getting out of an obligation you didn’t really want to take on can be tricky. An honest explanation of the circumstances can help. Next time, pay more attention to your usually keen instincts.
SCORPIO (October 23 to November 21) Use your Scorpion logic to push for a no-nonsense approach to a perplexing situation. This could help keep present and potential problems from creating more confusion.
SAGITTARIUS (November 22 to December 21) A friend’s problem might take more time than you wish to give. But staying with it once again proves the depth of your Sagittarian friendship and loyalty.
CAPRICORN (December 22 to January 19) The Sea Goat can benefit from an extra dose of self-confidence to unsettle your detractors, giving you the advantage of putting on a strong presentation of your position.
AQUARIUS (January 20 to February 18) You might want to ask a friend or relative for advice on an ongoing personal matter. But be careful not to give away information that you might later wish you had kept secret.
PISCES (February 19 to March 20) Use the weekend for a creativity break to help restore your spiritual energy. Once this is done, you’ll be back and more than ready to tackle whatever challenge you need to face.
BORN THIS WEEK: You get great joy out of creating beautiful things and sharing them with others who appreciate them.
LIFESTYLE PUZZLES
SUDOKU
BY LINDA THISTLE
TRIVIA TEST
BY FIFI RODRIGUEZ
1. TELEVISION: How many castaways are on “Gilligan’s Island”?
2. GEOGRAPHY: Which Asian nation’s nickname is “Land of the Thunder Dragon”?
3. LITERATURE: What is author J.K. Rowling’s real first name?
4. SCIENCE: What is a type of material that can’t carry an electrical charge?
5. U.S. STATES: Which state’s nickname is “The Last Frontier”?
6. MEASUREMENTS: How many quarts are in a half gallon?
7. MOVIES: Which famous landmark is featured in the movie “Rebel Without a Cause”?
8. ANATOMY: What does the cerebellum control in the human brain?
9. U.S. PRESIDENTS: Where is the late Jimmy Carter’s presidential library located?
CROSSWORD
PLACE A NUMBER IN THE EMPTY BOXES IN SUCH A WAY THAT EACH ROW ACROSS, EACH COLUMN DOWN AND EACH SMALL 9-BOX SQUARE CONTAINS ALL OF THE NUMBERS ONE TO NINE.
10. HISTORY: When did the Great Fire of London occur?
New study confirms importance of diet to protect against gastrointestinal cancers
BY JOSEPH BARROCAS, M.D.
A new study published in the medical journal Gastroenterology shows the number of gastrointestinal cancer cases, including colorectal cancer, related to poor diet doubled globally between 1990 and 2018. The leading dietary risk factors, the researchers from Wuhan, China reported, were the consumption of too much processed meat and not enough fruit and whole grains.
As an internal medicine specialist and pediatrician practicing in Huntersville, I’m not surprised by the findings. I routinely recommend screening colonoscopies to my patients over 45, a recommendation that used to be age 50. I can’t believe how many of these young adults are found to have adenomatous polyps, many of which would have been destined to become colon cancer.
While overall rates of colorectal cancer are down in the United States, I’ve seen an increase in recent years in younger patients being diagnosed. Research confirms this is a nationwide trend. Adults born around 1990 have twice the risk of colon cancer and four times the risk of rectal cancer compared with those born around 1950, according to a study published by the National Cancer Institute. And colorectal cancer has become the deadliest cancer in men ages 20 to 49.
If there’s any silver lining in all of this dismal news, it’s that the risk factors for gastrointestinal cancers are modifiable, and the new study from China offers a bit of hope. Many of these cancers, it suggests, are largely preventable.
In my practice, I advocate for fiber-rich, whole food, plant-based diets for my patients. Research supports the benefits of a plant-based diet for reducing the risks of a number of diseases, including heart attacks, diabetes and stroke.
A plant-based diet is also a powerful tool for weight loss. That’s important since data shows that in 23 states, more than one in three adults is obese. And across the country, three out of four adults are obese or overweight.
As for the gastrointestinal system, a plant-based diet provides strong colon cancer prevention. For example, this study, published online in BMC Medicine, showed men who ate the most plant-based foods had a 22% reduced risk of colon cancer compared with those who ate the least.
High in fiber, plant foods are quickly whisked through the colon. This reduces the contact between carcinogens and the digestive tract. Plant foods also are high in phytonutrients and antioxidants, which are known anticancer agents.
A diet high in red meat, studies have found, increases the risk for colorectal cancer. For example, one study, published in the Journal of Nutrition and based on food
questionnaires from more than 50,000 Black, female participants, showed a 33% increased risk for late-onset colorectal cancer for every 100 grams (3.5 ounces) of red meat eaten per day.
For those new to plant-based eating, the Physicians Committee for Responsible Medicine has some tips for getting started. The health advocacy organization recommends keeping it simple when it comes to transitioning to a vegan diet. Focus on minimally processed plant foods, avoid animal products, limit saturated fats, and minimize the use of cooking oils. Stock up on fruits, vegetables, whole grains, legumes and lentils and plan meals around these ingredients.
North Carolina Gov. Josh Stein has proclaimed March Colorectal Cancer Awareness Month. I encourage all North Carolinians to take note.
Talk to your doctor about changes in bowel habits. When you turn 45, follow American Cancer Society guidance and begin screenings. And modify the preventable risk factors that researchers have most recently identified.
Stop eating processed meat like ham, bacon and hot dogs. Instead, bulk up on whole grains like brown rice, quinoa and oats while eating a wide range of nutrientand fiber-rich fresh fruit and vegetables. It will give your body the protection it needs from colorectal cancer and a host of other potentially fatal diseases.
Joseph Barrocas, MD, of Davidson, North Carolina, has been in practice as a pediatrician and general internist for 29 years. He is a member of the Physicians Committee for Responsible Medicine, a public health advocacy nonprofit with more than 17,000 doctor members. This editorial originally ran at NC Newsline, a nonpartisan, nonprofit news organization that can be found at ncnewsline.com.
INFO@QCNERVE.COM
SAVAGE LOVE RUBBER & SLINGS
Curb your enthusiastic texting habits
BY DAN SAVAGE
I’m a newly-out gay man who is also exploring kink and leather for the first time. It has been fun, especially because I love daddies, and some wonderful older men have been my guides to this brave new world of rubber and slings. However, a few have ghosted me because I end up texting too much due to the fact that I’m worried they’re losing interest. I’m realizing this is a red flag to others. I’m needy but it’s rooted in the fact that this is all new to me and, since I feel late to the party, I need to move things along quickly to make up for lost time. How do I parent myself through this situation and stop pushing Daddies away with my neediness?
BOY LOSING OPPORTUNITIES WITH INCESSANT TEXTING
If you’ve gotten unambiguous “you’re too intense/ you’re too much/you’re too needy” feedback from multiple guys — verbal and/or non-verbal — you should be able to correct course. I mean, you may have just come out, BLOWIT, but you’re a grown-ass man and a grown-ass man can resolve to do things differently. So, how about you identify a friend whose phone you can blow up with messages about your latest sexual adventure? Then after blowing up your friend’s phone for 24 hours, you can send a single thank-you text to the nice guy who set up his sling for you and let him know you’d love to take another ride.
Playing it cool is not to be confused with playing games. People who play games lie about their interest or their availability in order get things they want from people who wouldn’t give them those things — their time, their attention, their holes — if they knew the truth. When you play it cool, you’re being honest about your feelings (“I had so much fun and would love to meet up again”) but you’re being thoughtful, considerate and strategic about when and how you express them. And if you wind up regularly getting with a guy that you played it cool with at first, BLOWIT, then you can tell him you were so excited after your first session you sent 300 giddy text messages about him to your best friend. He won’t just be flattered that you felt that way about him — and relieved you didn’t blow up his phone —but even more attracted to you than he was already, BLOWIT, because the ability to self-regulate is something people look for in partners, both play and life.
How does one navigate unrequited crushes while in a monogamish marriage? My wife has been crushing on someone that has proven to be a mess and is practically unavailable. They have an attraction for one another and have exchanged some flirts and kisses, but this person doesn’t have the time or energy for her that she hoped he would. I’ve stayed out of it because it hasn’t caused any issues for us as a couple. However, at this point it’s the same song and dance without any change of perspective on my wife’s part. How can I support her so she can move on? We go out fairly often to find different cute lesbos. She’s still hung up on this hot mess who, to me, isn’t worth the effort beyond a purely platonic friendship. Always appreciate your advice.
HOPING ON THIS MESS EXITING SOMETIME SOON
Married poly people — or poly people with primary and/or nesting partners — are often asked how it feels to watch our spouses go through the NRE (“new relationship energy”) stage of a new relationship. (Some of us feel fine about it, others are threatened by it; some of us wanna hear every detail, some of us wanna be on a need-toknow basis.) But we’re rarely asked what it’s like to watch our partners suffer through an unrequited crush, a shitty first date, a disappointing or disqualifying first sexual experience with someone new, etc. Short answer: It sucks — watching someone you love suffer always sucks — and figuring out how to help (or whether you’re the right person to help) isn’t always easy. Sometimes the spouse just wants you to listen, sometimes the spouse wants you to weigh in.
So, HOTMESS, if you have the kind of relationship where you’re welcome to weigh in on your wife’s other relationships — if you generally talk about the other people you’re pursuing or doing — you could gently point out the mess your wife is currently too blinded by lust to see. But if you typically don’t discuss other partners or prospects, you would be well advised to keep your mouth shut. If your wife’s crush was negatively impacting you and/or your marriage in some tangible way, HOTMESS, I would urge you to speak up. But it’s not — you said it wasn’t — so you shouldn’t.
Love makes fools of us all, as they say, and right now it’s your wife’s turn to play the fool. When she comes to her senses, HOTMESS, you can be there for her with a pint of ice cream and some enthusiastic oral. (Always does the
trick for my husband.) You can gently point out the signs she missed, if she wants to talk about it, and make her promise to be just as patient when it’s your turn to play the fool.
Quite a few years ago I was tricked into participating in a threesome with my ex and his friend when I was high. I brushed it off as a bad experience and did nothing about it. I’m starting to hear that it was an act of conquistadorial machismo since I’ve moved back home. It was suggested that the boys planned the event to use the interaction as blackmail or gossip material. Should I report this to the police? I’m starting to fear the gossip might turn violent. Looking for advice!
TRICKED INTO THREESOME
If you have reason to fear for your safety or if your ex has threatened to blackmail you, TIT, you should be speaking to the police right now and not sending emails to sex-advice monkeys. But if what you’re dealing with is lingering (but totally valid) anger over being talked into doing something dirty while high (but not incapacitated), along with hearsay about gossip (not a crime) and blackmail (a crime if attempted) … then no, the police are not gonna swoop in and arrest your shitty ex and his equally shitty friend. Unless and until something actually happens, you’ll have to go back to brushing this off.
I recently ended an affair with someone younger than me. We work in the same industry and were in the process of changing our relationship to only being professional and friends. After speaking with her confidants, she let me know that I groomed her during our relationship. Beyond sex, there was a transactional exchange (of a sexual nature) since we live in different states. I am a bit confused since she’s 30 and I am 45 and I presumed a 30-year-old woman had agency. I always encouraged her to reach out to her friends and never tried to isolate her. Is it possible that a 45-year-old adult was grooming a 30-year-old adult? I am gutted; I’ve always tried to follow your campsite rule. Other than being shitty for having an affair, this all makes me feel terrible since despite me helping her with her career, she feels worse now than when I met her.
GLOOMILY RUMINATING OVER ONE MOSTLY ELICIT RELATIONSHIP
Some men convince themselves they’re doing good things when they’re actually doing deeply shitty things. Other men, aware they’re doing deeply shitty things, will toss in a good deed or two to compensate or cover for the deeply shitty things they know they’re doing. And #NotJustMen: We all — men, women, enbies, all of us — have the capacity to construct the kind of self-serving rationalizations that help us sleep at night.
Now, since I don’t have the security footage — and since I can’t subpoena you both and take your depositions under oath — I can’t say whether you were being any
shittier than the average person having an affair. (Even when justified, all affairs involve some shitty behavior.) Likewise, I don’t know if you were honoring the campsite rule or just going through the motions. And I don’t know whether your offer of professional support turned what was already transitory and transactional into something exploitative. Did your affair partner feel that way all along? Or is she reassessing things now that it’s over and revising your history together to paint you — with the encouragement of her confidants — in the worst possible light? I don’t know and I can’t tell you.
But I know and can tell you this: You didn’t groom anybody. When we’re talking about sex — not hair care or ski hills — grooming has a very specific meaning. It’s not a 45-year-old adult having consensual-if-ill-advisedand-regrettable sex with a consenting 30-year-old adult. Grooming is when an adult insinuates himself into a child’s life, gains the trust of that child’s caregivers, and then sexually abuses that child. Whatever else you’re guilty of, GROOMER, you are not guilty of that.
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