Priority One Navigating difficult workplace conversations– how to manage emotions and stay grounded Difficult conversations are a normal part of life and occur across a lifespan, including throughout a career reports Priority One North Coast Regional Staff Counsellor Narelle Raeburn.
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Priority One North Coast Regional Staff Counsellor Narelle Raeburn.
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Too frequently we avoid talking about something that is affecting us, be it family, work, relationships or another situation which is important, and we often find reasons– or excuses–to avoid the conversation. These include: ‘I don’t want to hurt their feelings’, ‘now is not the time’, ‘everyone makes mistakes sometimes’, ‘I don’t have time’, ‘it will resolve, give it time’. Be mindful if you hear yourself making these statements, that the research suggests that having the conversation as early as the concerns arise and addressing the very issue that is making us feel uncomfortable is the preferred approach as this provides opportunity for a resolution. Without addressing the unresolved issue, referred to as a ‘rupture’, a ‘repair’ cannot occur. It can manifest itself in maladaptive coping strategies, toxic interactions and unhealthy relationships.
increase confidence and morale and reduce absenteeism and employer turnover. When asked to engage in a difficult conversation ensure you have the ‘tools’ you need to attend.
This article touches on why difficult conversations are so important and what we can do to prepare for them. It also provides strategies for managing our emotions, whilst remaining grounded and representing ourselves professionally.
• What is important to me moving forward?
Be Prepared: Ensure you are prepared by gathering all the relevant information required for you to attend and write some notes or bullet points about what is important for you to have addressed. Decide if you would like to take a support person, and what their role in the meeting will be. When preparing, it is helpful for you to think about these questions: • Why is it important for me to have this conversation? • What questions would I like answered? • What would l like to get out of the conversation? • Are my expectations realistic? • What areas can I advocate/negotiate?
When difficult issues arise, there are conflicting opinions about how best to manage the situation. The outcome may cause distress for those involved. For some people, difficult conversations occur as a result of a grievance or complaint. The reason difficult conversations are unsettling is because too frequently the behaviour, the conflict or the resulting action is tabled without acknowledging the underlying emotion attached by that outcome.
Where possible and practical, have the conversation face-to-face and ensure time is dedicated as not to be interrupted and take minutes to ensure that there is a record of the conversation and agreed outcomes documented. Ask questions for clarification and ensure that you understand what is being communicated and have an opportunity to state your perspective. Ask how long the meeting will go for and consider taking a break half-way to re-employ some of the strategies suggested to remain in your body and engage the cognitive part of your brain.
Difficult conversations in the workplace aim to resolve conflicts efficiently and effectively to support workplace relationships and address or resolve problems before they have a significant impact or disrupt productivity or performance. This in turn aims to improve staff engagement,
Manage your emotions: Tense conversations evoke intense emotions. Difficult conversations can feel threatening, which sets off ‘shark music’ in your brain, a reaction whereby, your amygdala is hijacked causing your prefrontal cortex to shut down
Autumn 2021
