Metro - 1 - April 29, 2004

April 29 – May 12 Volume 1 ■ Issue 1

Local Gay Lebanese Man Faces Deportation Threat of death upon his return

Radio Host Apologizes for Anti-Gay Slur What one Salt Lake man did to make it happen

County Party Conventions Democrats meet in record numbers Levis, Leather and Bears (oh my!)

New club caters to the manly crowd Sports Soccer season begins Arts and Entertainment Ballet Folklorico “Quetzelli” de Veracruz Community Calendar What’s going on today?

Utah’s Fight for Gay Marriage

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LOCAL AND REGIONAL

Log Cabin Republicans Join the party’s Salt Lake County Nominating Convention

by William T. Park

Salt Lake County Republicans met in the Salt Palace Convention Center Saturday to choose their candidates for the November general election. This stage of the political process brought delegates of neighborhood caucuses together to nominate candidates in local races and to elect county delegates for the State convention on May 8.

Key races for Salt Lake County included the county mayoral race. Incumbent Nancy Workman ran unopposed and will face Democrat Peter Corroon in the fall.

In a competitive and publicized contest, County Councilman Steve Harmsen prevailed over challenger Brent Overson for the county’s at-large Council B seat. Chris Buttars of West Jordan, self-proclaimed champion of traditional family values, won re-nomination for his District 10 seat.

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At the top of the Republicans’ list of issues was economic development.

Other hot issues in the spotlight included education, government efficiency, water usage and the proposed Legacy Highway.

Positions adopted for the 2004 GOP platform mirrored commonly-held views of political conservatives, emphasizing individual responsibility and smaller government.

Gay and lesbian voters typically cast their ballots along liberal lines. According to Utah Log Cabin Republican President Kevin Cromer, that is because people typically associate political conservatives with social and religious conservatives, who have not only alienated the gay community, but have also assiduously oppressed it.

Rather than looking at issues on the larger scale, says Cromer, many conservatives see gays merely as special interest

WILLIAM T. PARK

News

politics and gays narrowly focus on misinformed comments made by the dogmatic individuals.

Clearly, politics isn’t about stereotypes and inflammatory sound bites. “Politics is more than just right or left, conservative or liberal. I deplore the one-dimensional thinking in politics,” said Cromer.

According to Cromer, Salt Lake County Republicans as a whole have been very welcoming and supportive of LCR, knowing full well LCR’s affiliation with the gay comSalt Lake County Councilman Steve munity.

Harmsen talks to a constituent at Naturally, LCR the county Republican nominating advocates con- convention. servative politics and endorses Republican candidates who best serve gay and lesbian interests. However LCR also views itself as an educational resource for the Republican Party, serving as a lobbyist group.

“We engage the Republican culture, within the party, in a public forum,” said Cromer.

Politics brings a widely disparate group of peoples, ideas, and interests together, irrespective of party affiliation. With the

complexities of all the issues on the table, the best way to make a difference, according to Kevin Cromer, is to “stand by your values and principles. Get involved.”

Delegates Brian Myers and Michael Hovey, both from West Valley City, were first-time participants in the convention.

Both men were nominated by neighborhood caucuses and expressed an eager enthusiasm for their role in the process.

“It’s definitely an education,” said Myers.

Races to watch in the state convention include Utah’s second congressional district, where Salt Lake County Councilman David Wilde is the only candidate who has publicly opposed the Federal Marriage Amendment, which would amend the U.S. Constitution to deny marriage rights to gay and lesbian Americans.

Wilde is competing against Tim Bridgewater and John Swallow for the party’s nomination. Swallow, who narrowly lost against Jim Matheson in 2002’s seconddistrict race, is a vocal opponent of gay marriage and of adoption rights for gay and lesbian parents.

Matheson has endorsed FMA, even though he had a contingent of support from the gay community in the last election. His brother, Scott Matheson, Jr., appears to be the Democratic nominee for governor, while eight candidates battle for the Republican nomination.

Incumbent Olene Walker currently leads in the polls.

MICHAEL AARON

LOCAL AND REGIONAL

Salt Lake County mayoral candidate Peter Corroon addresses the Utah Stonewall Democrats caucus at the Democratic party’s nominating convention. Corroon earned the caucus’ endorsement and also was voted as the party’s nominee.

Stonewall Democrats meet in Record Numbers

by JoSelle Vanderhooft

Dozens of members of Utah Stonewall Democrats attended their party’s county convention April 24 at Skyline High School. During their hour-long caucus, USD delegates discussed their organization’s stance on issues pertaining to the party platform. They also endorsed local candidates to support during the day’s elections.

Utah’s Joint Resolution on Marriage occupied much of USD’s time. If approved by voters in November, this bill would amend the Utah State Constitution to define marriage as “only the union of a man and a woman.” The bill would also outlaw same-sex civil unions statewide.

According to USD Chair Mike Picardi, USD has already created a task force to oppose the marriage amendment. Picardi said that he hopes this effort to fight the joint resolution will embrace people of all political backgrounds and affiliations.

“This is not a Democratic campaign,” he said. “Obviously, a lot of the people who are going to be with us are Democrats, but there’s also a segment of the Republican world that may be opposed to gay marriage, but is also opposed to doing harm to the state constitution. So we’re going to be reaching out to both sides of the aisle and to anyone willing to work with us” on seeing the amendment defeated.

The grassroots campaign against the amendment has already received national attention, Picardi said. Such national groups as the Human Rights Coalition and the National Center for Lesbian Rights have offered their assistance.

“These organizations are very interested in helping us because they’re not willing to write us off. If we’re willing to

put up a fight here in Utah, that would translate to other places across the country,” Picardi said to loud applause from Stonewall Caucus delegates. “We have a really good opportunity here to show the strength of our community, educate a lot of people about our issues and why it’s important to our families that this [amendment] not pass.”

After listening to addresses from candidates, USD caucus members made their endorsements. They endorsed Peter Corroon for Salt Lake County mayor, Fred Fife for Senate District 1, and Dina Blaes for City Council District 4. Delegates also endorsed Manuel Romero for State House District 44 and Jackie Biskupski for House District 30. After Gary Pratt’s late exit from the Council District 6 election, Chris Cage received the USD caucus’ nod.

Of the five contested elections, Corroon, Blaes and Biskupski received the Democratic Party’s nomination and Tim Cosgrove beat Romero in the District 44 race. Neither Fred Fife nor opponent Pasa Tukuafu received the sixty percent majority of votes necessary for nomination. As such, both candidates will appear on the Senate District 1 ballot in November.

All of the Stonewall Caucus’ endorsed candidates said they were committed to promoting gay and lesbian rights if elected in November.

Peter Corroon said that he and the Stonewall caucus had discussed the possibility of implementing domestic partner registration for gay and lesbian couples in Salt Lake County. Although he added that such a registry, if made, could not create any form of civil union, it would acknowledge “that people are living together as a family unit.”

“I think we should have some kind of domestic registration where gay and lesbian couples, straight couples and, say, a child who lives with an aunt can have some legal documentation to say they are a family unit,” Corroon said. “Oftentimes this can be used in medical situations if a non-married couple has a child in an emergency situation where medical advice or determinations is needed.”

“It all comes down to respecting people, to treating everyone with respect no matter who they are,” he added.

Dina Blaes agreed.

“The ridiculousness of having to live your life based all on contracts as the only way a state will recognize a union is cumbersome, unnecessary and a principle I don’t support,” she said.

Blaes also said that she would do everything in her power to support gay and lesbian rights if she is elected in November. However, she added that her office’s function would limit her capacity to do so.

“The only thing the council can do is set policy for government issues with regard to government employees. I think there are a lot of opportunities to do that for equal rights with regards to partnership, survivorship issues [and] adoption issues. Basically to do what is necessary to recognize that those unions are valid then support what benefits are existing to heterosexual couples for [gay and lesbian] couples.”

She added, however, that the passing of the amendment would be “problematic” because it would set a mandate that city councils would have no choice but to follow.

“If [the amendment] passes, it sends an emotional message to the community that [homosexuality] is not acceptable.

And that is a huge hurdle to overcome,” she said.

Representative Jackie Biskupski, an openly lesbian legislator, said she worked with Equality Utah and the Stonewall Democrats to defeat the amendment in this year’s legislative session. She said she and Equality Utah will continue combating the amendment over the summer.

“I will be very public and visible in this campaign,” she said. “I will be speaking at every opportunity to explain to people why, regardless of their orientation or religious beliefs, they should oppose this amendment.”

Biskupski also said that all Utahns, particularly gay and lesbian Utahns, need to vote in this year’s pivotal election.

“It’s your civil rights that create opportunities for you. And if they start whittling them away in our constitution, it will be a very long and difficult life down that road.”

Biskupski said that people were wrong to think their votes do not count. “I lost my very first election by 43 votes,” she said. “We [Democrats] are also losing our house races and some of our senate races in Sandy and Draper by less than 100 votes. People think its solid Republican out there, but it’s not. We can make a difference if we just try.”

USD will have a table at the state Democratic convention May 7-8.

Publisher Michael Aaron Editor Brandon Burt Event Editor Greg Harrison Sports Editor David Nelson Contributing Writers Scott Abbott Brandie Balken Lee Beckstead Janice Eberhardt Jace Garfield Ryan Oliver Hansen Ann Hess Beau Jarvis Lynette Malmstrom Laurie Mecham LaDonna Moore Sally Neilson William T. Park Scott Perry Nicholas Rupp Mandy Q. Racer Don Steward a.k.a. Ruby Ridge Jim Struve JoSelle Vanderhooft Proofreader Nicholas Rupp Art Director Michael Aaron Graphic Designer Kris Kramer Marketing and Public Relations Director Chad Keller Sales Director and Office Manager Steven Peterson Sales Executives Jill Brooks Jeff McElhiney Bob Tubbs Distribution Director Chad Keller Copyright © 2004 Salt Lake Metro.

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced in any manner, including electronic retrieval systems, without the prior written permission of the publisher.

One copy of this publication is free of charge to any individual. Additional copies may be purchased for $1. Anyone taking or destroying multiple copies may be prosecuted for theft at the sole discretion of the publisher.

Opinions expressed are not necessarily those of the publishers or staff.

Salt Lake Metro is published bi-weekly on alternating Thursdays by

Metro Publishing, Inc. 352 S. Denver Street, Suite 350 Salt Lake City, UT 84111 (801) 323-0727 Fax: (801) 323-9986 APRIL 29, 2004

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LOCAL AND REGIONAL NEWS

Ogden Man to Appear on Dr. Phil

Brandon Carver of Ogden, Utah will appear with his wife on the May 7 episode of Dr. Phil. The episode deals with “mixed-orientation marriages.”

Notable Quotes “A Utah conservative is arrogant and irrational. The question Utah conservatives hate most is ‘why?’ Like when I ask them why they don’t approve of gay marriage, they can’t tell me why.

They just know they don’t like it.”

— American Fork High School student Tysic Cummings, 15, quoted in a Salt Lake Tribune story about the school’s unflinching debate class “Between two and 10 percent of people are gay ... but it seems much higher at my bathhouse.”

— Bill Maher on the Tonight Show, saying that gay men and lesbians should have the right to marry.

“Other than assassination, all we can do is censure her.”

— New Mexico Republican Central Committee chairman Richard Gibbs, of Republican Sandoval County clerk, Victoria Dunlap, who issued marriage licenses to same-sex couples.

“The day of silence is a sobering reminder of what happens when we allow ourselves to be erased. ... A fearful life is not a joyful life.”

— Michael Mitchell, Executive Director of Equality Utah, addressing participants in the Day of Silence “...”

— Students at the University of Utah participating in the national Day of Silence for gay and lesbian rights.

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An Ogden man will appear on an upcoming episode of Dr. Phil dealing with the issue of “mixed-orientation marriages.”

Brandon Carver, 23, is a gay man who has been in a heterosexual marriage for the last three years. Carver and his wife decided to go on the television therapist’s show in hopes of “dealing with the issue once and for all,” said Carver.

“I wanted to see if we were just fooling ourselves, or can we make this marriage work?” said Carver.

“It was really scary because I had lived my whole life to be married and have a family, and I didn’t want to fuck it up,” said Carver. “I wanted an expert opinion.”

Like many gay people born into strict LDS families, Carver felt that by adhering closely to the tenets of his religion, he could have a successful heterosexual marriage.

“On my mission, I got converted more to the idea that [being gay] was just a tendency … and that Jesus would heal me if I did enough and worked hard enough and followed the steps,” Carver said.

After he and his wife were wedded, Carver said, “I thought He would allow

me to make [the marriage] work — that I would be just as fully-functional in a hetero role as in a homo role.”

Because of a non-disclosure agreement with Paramount Studios, Carver was unable to reveal before the episode airs what happened on the show or what advice the show’s host gave him and his wife.

However, Carver says that appearing on the show was a positive experience for him.

“I’m sick of being ashamed of my life,” said Carver. “My life is absolutely chaotic now, but I knew if there is to be any order in it that I had to work through these issues.”

Appearing on the show helped him and his wife face their problems once and for all. “We were going on through our lives as if everything was fine,” said Carver. “I’d rather deal with these issues now while we have time to rebuild our lives than to go through our whole lives ... as bitter enemies.”

You couldn’t miss them: 80 people trailing behind a two-foot vagina chanting, “My cunt! My choice!”

The Utah chapter of Lesbian Avengers organized the April 25 march and rally in two weeks’ time. “We flyered the piss out of the city,” said Susannah Barnes. Barnes and fellow avenger Claire Passey sported black capes painted with their superhero names: “We’re superheroes. We’re avenging the wrongs of society,” Susannah explained.

At 10:00 a.m. at the City and County Building, those who were unable to make it to the March for Women’s Lives taking place concurrently in Washington D.C. gathered for the local march. Barnes instructed the marchers to stay in State Street’s right lane, which was blocked off by police. A protester circled her, chanting repeatedly, “What choice does a child have?” Barnes talked over him, adding with a light laugh, “Ignore the hecklers.”

One of the march’s most picturesque moments came at the intersection of First Avenue and State Street, where the papiermâché vagina floated past the immobile spires of the LDS Temple.

The crowd cut across normally divisive lines, ranging from infants to baby boomers, from straight to gay, vanillas and Goths alike. Brittany Merrill, marching with her sister Tiffany, said, “I’m here to support all women and their choices. You can still be pro-choice and not believe in abortion.”

Code Pink, a grassroots organization that fights for women’s rights, further enlarged

by Jace Garfield

Today’s media are becoming less and less tolerant of racial, ethnic, and homophobic slurs. Perhaps this is because the media are afraid of a law suit; or maybe it isn’t the politically correct or cool thing to do. At KENZ 107.5 “The End”, it is because listeners like Kenni Littlefield won’t tolerate it.

Mid February, Jimmy Chunga, a DJ for 107.5, and his coworkers were up to their regular antics. Some in the background were singing “The Hills are Alive with the Sound of Music.” When the baying wouldn’t stop, Chunga yelled at his coworkers saying “shut Kenni Littlefield up you stupid fags.”

While most listeners would have let it pass, Littlefield would not. He sent emails to the station requesting an apology Brandon Cameron will appear on the May and informing them that he would no 7 episode of “Dr. Phil,” broadcast by local longer be listening to their radio station. affiliate KUTV Channel 2 at 3:00 p.m.

These emails were answered by customer support personnel, so Littlefield then forwarded them to the directors.

A few weeks went by and nothing happened. Littlefield wrote the manager of Citadel Communications, the owners of KENZ. He told them that if Chunga did not apologize on air that he would start the procession. Member Bessie McIntosh a website encouraging people to boycott brought along Aubrey, her seven year-old daughter. Aubrey and her friends, Autumn all products and services that Chunga enand Zoe, formed one of the march’s loudest dorsed. He also stated that every week he ranks, continuously chanting, “Just keep pro- would contact a new civil rights organitesting, just keep protesting!” As the group zation telling them about his efforts until finally mounted the steps at the state capitol Chunga apologized. building, Aubrey broke rank and chanted Asked if resulting to such measures is alone: “Women’s rights, women’s rights!”

The crowd swelled to about 100 people at overreacting, Littlefield said, “I don’t think [so]. People get up in arms over swear the capitol’s steps. Sitting and standing in patches of sun, warming themselves against words like ‘fuck’ or ‘shit’ and get fired over the chill breeze, they listened to speakers that. I don’t see why the word ‘faggot’ address such diverse issues as women’s should be any different.” reproductive rights, polygamy, Utah’s 2004 Finally, after over a month and a half legislative session and Bush’s ban of “parof waiting for an apology, Littlefield got tial-birth abortion” last year. a phone call just two days after sending Barnes, after thanking the Salt Lake Poout his letter. Bruce Jones, the program lice Department, spoke at length about the recent Utah Senate bills that prohibit medi- manager for KENZ promised that we cal facilities that receive state funds from would not here “that” word again, and performing any type of abortion. Women that Chunga is not homophobic. He also whose unborn children are afflicted with stated that Chunga would apologizing fatal fetal deformities will now be turned the following Thursday on the air. away from state funded hospitals. Partial “It has been brought to my attention by birth abortion will not be an option for this guy that I said the word fag some time those women who do not learn of the fatal ago” stated Chunga. “He was very offenddefects until late in the pregnancy, forcing ed by this, and justifiably so. So I wanted them to carry the unviable fetus to term.

Susannah pushed for a political transto apologize … We are not going to say formation: “If you think Bush is a raging that word anymore; not even in jest .” asshole, then go out and change it.”

Littlefield expressed his satisfaction A child, perhaps six years of age, wanted with apology, “It was the most serious I it known why she attended the Lesbian Avengers’ march: “So women can save their had ever seen him.”

Lesbian Avengers Rally for Reproductive Choice

by Mandy Q. Racer

Radio Jock Apologizes for Anti-gay Slur

lives,” Chase said, paraphrasing wholly the intentions of all present.

Lebanese University of Utah student Louay shares a hug with Ruth Hackford-Peer, coordinator of the university’s Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual and Transgender Resource Center. Hackford-Peer is helping Louay remain in the U.S. because of his fears returning to Lebanon.

Gay Lebanese Student Faces Deportation, Death Threats

by Ryan Oliver Hansen

For Louay, a young gay man from Lebanon, the future could be tragic, even deadly. His father in Saudi Arabia says he would have no problem killing Louay when he gets home. His uncle has already punched him twice. His family refers to him as “that faggot.”

It’s not usually deadly, but unfair treatment of gay people in Utah isn’t rare.

Many gay people face rejection, insults, low self-esteem and being ostracized from their families. But when their experiences are compared to those of gay people from the Middle East, mere words of condemnation seem like cotton candy — in Saudi Arabia, gay people are put to death.

In Lebanon, they’re sent to prison, where they’re beaten by fellow inmates, often until they’re dead.

It’s easy to see why Louay, who wishes to remain anonymous out of fear that his family may find out about this article, is terrified of being sent back to Lebanon.

His F-1 visa has expired; he could be deported at any time.

Louay is in his early 20s: a strong young man with a bright smile, an outgoing personality, and a talkative nature. He looks like any average college student. He wears trendy clothing, has spiked, highlighted hair, and sports a few piercings. He’s proud of his “sexy” sense of fashion, as he puts it.

But it was his sense of fashion that got him into trouble in the first place.

His uncle, a devout Muslim, spotted some things he didn’t approve of when Louay visited him in California last year.

“At the airport, he saw my spiked hair and my jewelry. He was like, ‘Are you gay?’ I was afraid to tell him the truth.

But he kept asking, ‘Are you gay?’ over and over again. So I told him I’m gay,” said Louay.

His uncle took the news in a less-thanunderstanding manner. “He punched

me twice,” Louay said. “The only reason he stopped is because his wife said she would leave him if he didn’t stop. She’s Spanish, not Lebanese.”

From that day on, Louay began a torturous, agonizing journey through the process of coming out in a family that considers homosexuality a sin worthy of death.

Louay’s Uncle didn’t wait long to tell Louay’s parents the news — he called them right away.

“My parents flipped out,” said Louay.

“My dad threatened me and said, ‘If I have a faggot son I will kill him and nobody would blame me for doing so.’

He said he would never support a faggot.

He said I should just forget about them,” said Louay.

Louay’s father lives in Saudi Arabia and reminded him of their death penalty for homosexuals, adding that he’s fully supportive of that law.

In Lebanon, his father could get away with killing or beating Louay because he’s gay, and neighbors and police would see nothing wrong with what he’s doing, according to Louay.

“I am terrified of my dad,” said Louay.

“If he didn’t kill me, he would beat me up. That’s for sure. As a kid he would hit me and my brothers for the smallest reasons. I had a lot of bruises. He’s violent with my mother, too,” he said.

But in spite of the abuse heaped on her, Louay’s mother offers no support.

Instead, she offers just the opposite.

“My mother told me that if she had known she had a faggot in her stomach she would have killed herself before I was born.” Louay tearfully explained that, although he still loves his mom, “I don’t know if they really love me.”

In desperation, Louay tried to convince his family that he’s not really gay; that it was all a big misunderstanding. “I told my dad that it’s not a sexual thing.

I told him it’s just about admiring the male physique,” said Louay.

His father is apparently beginning to believe Louay, but his uncle hasn’t wavered — he still insists that Louay is gay because of his clothing and behavior.

Whether or not his father believes that Louay isn’t gay, he’s still furious with Louay and wants him back in Lebanon as soon as possible.

“If I go back to Lebanon my parents will immediately force me to get married and join the army. All marriages in Lebanon are pre-arranged. The Muslim culture there is totally closed-minded, the opposite of American culture. I couldn’t deal with a forced marriage — that would be unfair to the girl they make me marry,” said Louay.

So Louay turned to Ruth HackfordPeer, the coordinator of the University of Utah’s Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual and Transgender Resource Center, for help.

Hackford-Peer was up to the task.

“I’ve always felt a connection to Louay.

I feel a connection to him because we were both new at the U,” said HackfordPeer, who just recently began directing the center.

The affection is mutual. “Ruth is my mother figure,” said Louay, “When they said I had to go, she was the only person I knew who could help me.”

Hackford-Peer has put legal wheels in motion by contacting lawyers, raising money to pay for them, and researching U.S. laws that could help keep Louay in the United States.

With the assistance of Hackford-Peer, Louay has decided to apply for political asylum based on sexual orientation.

“The lawyers I’ve spoken to have seen success in these cases. But we’re taking a big risk. If his asylum case fails, they could use that as reason to immediately deport him. We have to prove that he’s in real danger of persecution, not just discrimination,” said Hackford-Peer.

The post 9-11 political atmosphere in the U.S. hasn’t helped Louay’s situation, according to Hackford-Peer. “They used to be more lenient in asylum cases.

Being from the Middle East isn’t helping Louay,” she said.

Louay has retained little of his former culture. He’s rejected his Muslim upbringing, but still believes in God. “God created us. God made me gay. He accepts us,” said Louay, who now considers himself Christian.

Louay wants nothing more than to remain in the United States. “Life is better in America than in Lebanon or Saudi Arabia. There’s freedom here. I want to become an American citizen so I could be protected under the law. It’s heaven — especially in Utah,” said Louay.

Rubber Riot

agreed with Code Pink’s actions. “People are already embarrassed enough” to buy condoms, Lilja said. “Obviously, people steal condoms because they’re having sex and want to be safe.”

Lyndsey Scull agreed. “They make getting condoms shame-based. Pregnancy tests are also locked up. It feels like a violation.”

Code Pink is a women-initiated grassroots peace and social justice movement that seeks positive social change through proactive, creative protest and non-violent direct action. Utah is one of more than 37 states with a Code Pink presence.

Managers at Smith’s declined to comment on the demonstration. They did summon police, saying that the women were blocking traffic as cars exited. Onlookers did not corroborate the charge.

by Laurie Mecham

Code Pink, a women’s activist group, demonstrated April 23 at a supermarket pharmacy to protest what they see as government encroachment on women’s reproductive freedom.

The group targeted the Smith’s Food and Drug Center located at 876 E. 800 South because pharmacists there keep condoms in a locked case, forcing customers who wish to purchase condoms outside of daytime pharmacy hours to summon an employee to open the case.

Carrying hot pink signs reading “free the condoms” and wearing brightly-colored beehive hats, a small but determined band of women and two children passed out flyers to passersby.

The flyers stated that Smith’s keeps its condoms locked up to prevent theft, and listed four locations where condoms are distributed free of charge. Code Pink activist Susan Vogel said that the pharmacy was unwilling to post signs providing this information to customers. She further stated that Utah Planned Parenthood had offered to reimburse Smith’s for any loss incurred through the theft of condoms, but that Smith’s had declined the offer.

The demonstration aroused the interest of shoppers and others in the area.

“It’s asinine to keep condoms locked up,” said shopper Kat Johnson. When asked if she would say anything to Smith’s management about it, she replied, “Probably — the next time I buy condoms.”

College student Elisabeth Lilja, 20,

The University of Utah’s LGBT Resource Center emergency fund, which supports gay students in crisis, is accepting contributions and can be contacted at (801) 587-7973.

APRIL 29, 2004

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Locals Attend National HRC Conference

LOCAL AND REGIONAL NEWS

Police Committee Warns of Thief Luring Victims Through Gay Chat Rooms

by William T. Park

The GLBT Public Safety Liaison Committee is warning local gay men to be aware that at least one thief is using gay chat rooms and dating sites to find victims.

A local man has stated that he met a man online and was drugged, bound and robbed. The victim wasn’t the perpetrator’s first: This particular thief has been specifically stalking gay men and has a string of successful robberies to his credit. The common thread in all of these crimes was that they went unreported. Many of the victims are embarrassed, afraid of retribution or being outed, or perhaps being arrested themselves on drug-related charges.

The thief apparently thrives on these fears as he continues on to his next victim unimpeded. Don Steward, PSLC chair, counters emphatically, “Job One is to report it.” Mr. Steward cited that hate-motivated crimes against gay men and lesbians are on the increase with the recent heightened media exposure, making it crucial that incidents are reported to the police.

A number of crimes still go unreported because of a mistaken perception that the police departments don’t care. In reality, the workload of law enforcement professionals is extraordinarily high. “The police can’t do anything about it if they don’t know about it,” said Steward.

Though lesbians have not yet been widely targeted, all users of Internet dating sites are warned to exercise caution in meeting that prospective hot date for the first time.

The PSLC is a collection of local law enforcement agencies and representatives of many gay and lesbian organizations.

Internet Dating Guidelines Excerpts from the PSLC’s guidelines: On the Internet • Do not disclose a phone number, address, workplace, or other identifier while chatting.

• Set up a dummy e-mail address on a free provider such as Hotmail. Use this account instead of your personal or work e-mail address.

• Use the “ignore” feature in chat rooms if someone is being inappropriate, harassing or stalking you. If the problem persists, report it to the site’s security monitor or web master.

• Use the privacy tools provided by your Internet service provider to erase personal identifiers.

Real Time Meetings • Even if you have been chatting online for a while and you think you know someone, you are really meeting a stranger. If you agree to meet, use caution and trust your instincts.

• When you meet someone for the first time, always meet in a public setting at a time when other people are around. Do not meet at your house, workplace or hotel room.

• Take your mobile phone with you.

• Arrive separately and provide your own transportation.

• Tell someone about your date. Let a friend know whom you are meeting, where you are going, and when you expect to return.

Should you be a victim of a crime, report it to the police immediately. Sgt. Kyle Jones of the Salt Lake Police Department serves as a liaison to the gay community and is a member of the Public Safety Liaison Committee. He can be reached at 801-799-3652. If you are hesitant to report your problem to law enforcement because of the sexual nature of your meeting, if you paid for an escort, if recreational drugs were involved, or if you fear harassment, contact the PSLC by way of the Center at (801) 539-8800. Your privacy will be respected and your problem will be addressed with discretion via the most appropriate channels.

by Ryan Oliver Hansen

The Human Rights Campaign — the nation’s largest gay-rights organization — held a national “Equality Conference” March 11-14 to train HRC leaders from around the country. Training included political, financial, and developmental workshops. The local HRC steering committee of Salt Lake, founded just under a year ago, sent delegates to the conference, held in Washington, D.C. Bruce Bastian of Orem, a major donor to HRC, agreed to match up to $500,000 at a conference luncheon if the luncheon attendees would pledge all they could. He donated just under $500,000 and received thunderous applause.

Bastian contributes generously to HRC because he believes in their mission, which includes defeating the Federal Marriage Amendment and supporting gay equality in national and state-level legislation.

The HRC has been criticized for promoting gay marriage — instead of civil unions — as their primary focus. HRC President Cheryl Jaques told conference attendees numerous times that settling for civil unions would set up a system reminiscent of the failed “separate but equal” laws in the old South.

Also, HRC supporters argue that civil unions would not be recognized from state to state, and the list of rights that come from civil unions — such as those conducted in Vermont — is substantially shorter than the list of marriage rights.

Jaques is aware that Utah has some of the most controversial anti-gay legislation in the nation, most recently exemplified by this year’s legislative session. She believes that the gay issue doesn’t have to be so divisive, even in a Mormon-dominated state.

“There is room in this country for every single person, and every single person’s

point of view. We all in this country worship our God in our own unique way. I would say this to everyone in Utah: We all want an America that we can be proud of. An inclusive America, and an America that honors her constitutional obligation to treat all people fairly and equally under the law,” she said.

Bastian was proud to be from a city with a gay-friendly mayor like Rocky Anderson.

“Rocky is a true friend,” said Bastian, “He looks at the facts. He doesn’t get caught up in the emotional side of things.”

Bastian believes that Utahns will one day see that gay people are not a threat.

“We are real Americans. We are fathers, mothers, brothers, sisters, neighbors, coworkers. We are the guy or the girl next door. The more that Americans can see that the less afraid of us they are, and the more willing they are to understand us,” he said.

Tami Marquardt attended the conference with her daughter, Jacee Ballard. The two paraded the conference with matching long blonde hairstyles and Louis Vuitton designer purses. “It was funny to see how much attention I got because I’m straight,” said Ballard.

“People paid more attention to me than they did to my mom.”

Marquardt was overjoyed that her daughter came to support her. “It means the world to me to have her support,” she said.

Marquardt believes in the mission of HRC and its stand on gay marriage. “I grew up in a family where my parents had a wonderful, cohesive marriage that was such a great example to me. I’ve always believed in being married. My partner and I are tax-paying Americans.

We deserve marriage. We’re not trying to hurt anyone,” said Marquardt.

Religious Leaders Debate Bible, Gay Marriage

by Ryan Oliver Hansen

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Two religious leaders came together April 3 to discuss gay marriage and its relationship to the Bible. Dr. James White, an elder in the Reformed Baptist Church of Phoenix, Ariz., and Rev. Dee Bradshaw of the Salt Lake Sacred Light of Christ Metropolitan Community Church, debated.

The evening began with Dr. Jason Wallace, pastor of Christ Orthodox Presbyterian Church in West Valley, saying, “We are here to have a respectful debate. We want this to be a positive event.”

In front of a mixed Christian audience, Bradshaw began his speech by saying, “The scriptures were the biggest stumbling block I had to deal with,” as someone who is both gay and Christian.

He explained that after reading the many passages in the Bible that seem to condemn homosexuality, he “went to the Lord in Prayer.” After praying, he realized that the sins described in the Bible were not relevant to his life. “‘Lord, is this me?’

I asked. The answer was no. The spirit came to me and told me I was fine. There

was a peace; there was calm. There was gentleness,” said Bradshaw, who was previously married to a woman.

He concedes that scripture passages dealing with same-gender sexual sins are not about homosexuality but about other sins such as gang rape, idolatry, sex parties, overzealous lust, and prostitution — all of which Bradshaw believes are wrong.

He said that his relationship with his partner is not about idolizing sex. He said it’s not about lust without love. He touts that the Bible supports marriage for everyone —gay or straight — because it serves as a means to prevent fornication.

Dr. White disagreed with Bradshaw on almost all counts, calling gay marriage a “radical redefinition.”

“The Bible very clearly expresses what marriage is. God defines what the family is. We don’t have the right to change the parameters that he has laid down from the beginning: father, mother, husband, wife, offspring, male, female,” he said.

He said that heterosexual marriage provides a balancing of the sexes. “A man

needs that which he himself lacks,” said White, who called Bradshaw’s interpretations of scripture “twisting.”

He compared Bradshaw’s viewpoints to a teenager trying to coax their parents into letting them stay out late or disobey house rules. Another comparison included a thief telling God he was “made that way” and knew God loved him as a thief because he “felt peace in his heart.”

White said he does what he does out of love for God. “Based on my love for him there will be times when I have to say things that are very unpopular,” he said. He denied that Bradshaw had been touched by the spirit of God. “The spirit never contradicts the word of God,” said White.

“Only I know what my walk with the Lord is,” was Bradshaw’s rebuttal.

In concluding remarks, Bradshaw emphasized the harm caused by interpreting the Bible as anti-gay.

“A friend’s mother said she’d rather he be dead than be gay. So he obliged,” said Bradshaw.

Summer Concert Sunday, June 20 Music of the 60s, 70s and 80s!

MICHAEL AARON

Tickets and info: saltlakemenschoir.org or call ArtTix at 355-ARTS

Community Bids Paula Wolfe Farewell

by Mandy Q. Racer

When asked what she would miss most about Utah, Paula Wolfe’s answer was swift and firm: “The people.” This sentiment was overwhelmingly returned by the 100 plus supporters that packed the art gallery of the GLBTCCU at Wolfe’s April 8 farewell reception. They had come to bestow their appreciation and affection on the Center’s executive director. Wolfe announced her decision to resign on March 25; April 9 marked her last day at the Center.

Wolfe’s visitors ran the gamut of not only the gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender community, but the straight community as well; her loss will be keenly felt in both. “I met a terrific number of people” from both the gay and straight communities, and together they represent “a terrific group…willing to work,” Wolfe said.

Examples of these “terrific” people were not difficult to find. Caren Frost and Norma Harris of the Research Institute in the U of U College of Social Work had both worked with Wolfe on grants and research. Caren said that Wolfe is “terrific,” and “forward thinking” while Norma insisted that it would be “hard to replace [such] a great leader.” Both women, having been impressed with Wolfe’s diligence, said that they look forward to collaborating with the Center’s future director (a position that has not yet been filled).

Wolfe made a point to speak to every visitor personally, a conversation often punctuated by hugs and warm handshakes. Wolfe shared a particularly warm goodbye with a straight couple proudly bearing PFLAG buttons.

Amid the room’s din, the assistant director, Darin Hobbs, described the changes Wolfe had wrought during her four and a half year tenure: “Paula has brought the Center from a small and struggling, not well known organization to one of the

forefront organizations of the state, to one recognized on a national level.” Indeed, board member Sherry Booth said that Wolfe’s efforts propelled the Center from an initially small budget to one in excess of $600,000 per year. Faced with Wolfe’s resignation, Darin looks forward: “If she brought us this far, what our future holds can only be stunning and wonderful.”

Having summoned the attention of all present, Booth turned to Wolfe and announced, “You’re leaving us with a great example of how to get a business up and running.” Wolfe thanked all for showing up and tearfully told them, “It’s hard for me, having met so many wonderful people, to leave.” A shout from the back returned the sentiment: “The feeling’s mutual!”

Wolfe is leaving Utah, but her example continues to stand in her absence.

Center Hires Interim Executive Director

by Ryan Oliver Hansen

Tami Marquardt will serve as interim executive director at the GLBT Community Center of Utah — while the board of directors searches for a new executive director. Marquardt has been on the board of directors for the past three years, and has served as a volunteer at the Center for over five years.

“It’s a project that’s very dear to my heart,” says Marquardt. “We’re ready to go to the next level.”

The next level includes overseeing the Utah Pride festivities this June with the theme “Come Out, Come Out Wherever You Are.” Marquardt anticipates directing the center until August when the new executive director is appointed.

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Opinion

From the Editor Seeds of Transformation

by Brandon Burt

It’s Time to Grow Up The next few months will likely be looked back upon as one of the most important times in our history. While there have been several important pieces of legislation to fret over in the past, the ramifications of November’s state constitutional amendment vote will change the shape our future efforts to obtain civil rights legislation will take.

Like the sodomy laws prohibiting sexual conduct, a constitutional prohibition of same-sex marriage would give our opponents even more fodder for claiming that our relationships are “illegal” and “immoral.”

Our community has matured dramatically over the past few decades. Some of our political organizations have grown to be able to pay part- and full-time staffers.

Our community center has an annual budget of $600,000. There are dozens of organizations formed around an equal number of interests and needs.

The challenges ahead of us will make the importance of our continued growth even greater. While running organizations and publications out of our basements maintains a certain grassroots appeal, we can no longer settle for inexperienced leaders, poor communica-

Salt Lake Metro is a proud supporter of KCPW. Thank you to all of those who called in while we were on air taking pledges.

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tion and shallow information. The times demand professional communicators — persuasive leaders with compelling arguments. They demand accurate, timely information that the leaders and the community itself can rely on.

As some of our organizations rally to build political machines and the Center rebuilds after the loss of its leader, it will be important to change our traditional strategy of everyone and anyone doing everything and anything. We must place the most talented people in positions needing that talent. We must work smarter, even as we must work harder.

The hard-working staff of this newspaper is committed to this ideal. We have gathered experienced writers and editors, business-smart executives and demanding producers to make this publication what is needed in this community. We promise to provide compelling, thoughtful and intelligent writing. We promise to be timely and professional. We have listened to what is wanted and needed in this community and will continue to do so.

We challenge all organizations in this valley to step it up a notch in whatever way they can. We’ll be here to support you.

Spring seems an appropriate time to start new ventures. The tree-hugger in me wants to hold forth about rebirth and the unending organic cycles of nature, but when it comes down to it, this is a time of year when we just feel more optimistic: a time when we can look toward the future and envision freedom, happiness, success.

We have more energy now that our various darkness-induced neuroses and affective disorders have subsided. We find ourselves getting more fresh air and sunshine — mom’s prescription for good health. Some of us burn off this excess energy engaging by starting new jogging regimens, joining softball leagues or getting our gardens ready for the growth season.

Perhaps it’s not so surprising that some of us would do something as athletic as starting a new gay paper.

Spring is a time for transformation, and getting this first issue of Salt Lake Metro off the ground has made me realize just how much our community has transformed since it gave me my first journalism gig back in the 1980s. I started out writing news briefs for Triangle Community Digest back when HIV infection was a death sentence, perms on men were not unusual, and our collective symbol of choice was one with which the Nazis had stigmatized homosexuals in death camps during Hitler’s Reich.

Before that, we were using the Greek lower-case lambda and since then, we’ve had the rainbow, and even (briefly) a transvestite Teletubby named TinkyWinky.

The trouble with using one single symbol to represent our diverse community is that somewhere, at some point, somebody is going to feel left out. The pink triangle alienated optimists who didn’t like its depressing connotations, as well as old-guard gays for whom the lambda had been good enough, and by God it would be for the rest of us, too.

The lambda itself was known to ancient Greeks as a symbol, not of gays and lesbians, but of the yoke — an idea that seemed oppressive to some cunning linguists. The rainbow is still in evidence, though less now than in its heyday: it satisfied the optimists and multicultural-

ists, but offended those who recognized just how difficult it is to accessorize with a symbol that can’t help but clash.

Where does that leave us now? We’re in the interesting and post-modern situation where we can appropriate just about any symbol we want. Various sub-communities have sprung up in our midst and considerable talent has gone into creating new symbols, logos, sigils representing them.

Another transformation that has occurred has to do with what we call ourselves and our community. A name is really just another kind of symbol, and — having withstood many of the cruel names imposed on us in childhood — it is understandable that now, as adults, we want to use those names which best represent us, and which lift us up rather than tear us down.

Back in those days, when we spoke of “the gay community” there was an understanding of inclusiveness — there were as many different kinds of gay people as there were gay people. Later, when the word “gay” came to refer mainly to gay men, we became “the gay and lesbian community.”

What happened soon after that is infamous, but to make a long story short, our community’s official acronym is now several characters long, unpronounceable, ugly, and unmarketable. Although many of us have settled on the reasonably brief “LGBT,” this still unfortunately does exclude those not explicitly mentioned.

When it comes right down to it, our community is made up of people. It has taken all kinds of people to make our community as vibrant and dynamic as it is today, and it is the people in our midst who affect us most and who make news.

I love this community; it took me in when my own family — obsessed as it was by “traditional family values” — wouldn’t. In a very real sense, this community has become my family. I want to do everything I can to see our family succeed, to grow and to achieve equality.

There are a lot of talented and dedicated people who have come together to make this venture a success. I believe that Salt Lake Metro will not only enhance media diversity in this community, but will also transform the way this community sees itself. With this first issue, may the seeds of that transformation be planted.

Politics Bludgeons Diplomacy

by William T. Park

One of the unspoken challenges of the dinner table in my family has been to work through all three traditional taboo subjects—sex, religion, and politics—at each sitting.

Over the years, that aspect of our dinner conversations has unintentionally evolved into something of an art, and for prospective in-laws and partners, into a rather daunting initiation. But at this stage of my grandparents’ long and distinguished life, it’s apparent those one-time subdued intellectual exchanges at the table have digressed to a more raucous, and I should add, more entertaining, repartee. Actually, the tact and diplomacy that once held sway have been outright bludgeoned.

My grandmother, ever a model of authentic sophistication and decorum, is perhaps the family’s last holdout for trying to keep the conversation G-rated, although on occasion she will skillfully slip in one of those comments that slap you upside the head if you’re not paying close attention.

At a recent family gathering, she asked me what I thought of the prospect of John Kerry as the next president. Before I was able to answer, my grandfather

Letters

Disgusting, hate-mongering statement Editor: Sheri Dew, President of Deseret Book and former member of the LDS Church Relief Society General Presidency, recently compared those who do not oppose gay marriage to those who did not oppose Hitler’s rise to power. It is not my intent to debate the pros and cons of gay marriage. Such a discussion with her would be pointless.

It is, however, mind boggling that she could make such a naive, outrageous and patently offensive statement. I can’t decide if she simply doesn’t understand the gravity of the Holocaust or if it was a calculated attempt to garner support for her point of view through the use of lies, fear tactics and sensationalistic rhetoric. Either way, it is a sad commentary coming from someone of her education and background.

I would have thought that the President of Deseret Book would at least be educated enough to know that homosexuals were also targeted by the Nazis. Homosexuals were arrested and sent to Dachau, Mauthausen and other concentration camps. Homosexuals were enslaved, beaten, raped, tortured and murdered alongside the Jews, Gypsies, Jehovah’s Witnesses, common criminals and other “undesireables” considered to be a threat to Hitler, morality and the Nazi Party.

Unlike the others, however, upon liberation by the Allied Forces, homosexuals were sent to prison to complete their sentences. Murderers, thieves and other common crimi-

retorted that regardless of who was in the White House, we would bemoan his faults within the year with the same fervor as we now shake our fists at George W. Bush.

While we worked our way delicately and dutifully through the other two taboo subjects over dinner, there was no mistaking that my grandfather had touched on a valid point.

Because politics conjures up distasteful images of crooked deals brokered under some noble guise or of fat cats blowing smoke up our collective skirts, we have transformed this arena — which was designed to improve our lives — into the coliseum where self-professed political heroes purport to save us from the jaws of ravenous beasts.

The truth of the matter is that the political process is indeed a beast, but one that can be tamed with some effort.

The question is not whether we have the ability, but rather what part we are willing to play using the talents we have.

We typically relegate politics to the wealthy, the activists, and the lobbyists.

That isn’t necessarily a bad thing, but it should in no way exclude any of us from making a difference. Not all of us have a lot of disposable income to fund causes, not all of us have the zeal to push issues, and not all of us have the connections and the gift of gab to persuade people of power. nals were released from the camps while homosexuals were re-imprisoned for their sexual orientation. To suggest that those who support gay marriage would have also supported the Nazis is illogical, dishonest and just plain stupid.

If Dew still wishes to ignore documented world history perhaps a refresher course in LDS church history is in order. Concerned members of the LDS Church in Germany asked then-president Heber J. Grant what they should do about Hitler’s rise in power.

He told them not to make waves but rather to obey the 12th Article of Faith, which required them to honor and sustain their elected leaders. I could more accurately rephrase her statement to say those who oppose gay marriage are like the members of the LDS church who, at the counsel of their prophet, did not oppose Hitler and the Nazi Party.

Certainly she must aware of the story of Helmuth Hubener. Deseret Book has sold at least three books about him and one of its recent ad campaigns featured his story. He was an LDS youth who, with a few friends, secretly fought against Hitler and the Nazis. He was eventually arrested and executed for those actions but not before the LDS church excommunicated him for “conduct unbecoming a member of the church” or, as she so succinctly put it, opposing Hitler’s rise to power. By her comparison, the LDS leaders of the time, including President Heber J. Grant, were the type of people who would have supported gay marriage.

Maybe she should learn a little bit about Hitler and the Holocaust before calling anyone else a Nazi.

All of us do have two common qualities in varying degrees, though: influence and time.

Anyone is capable of influencing the political process, but precious few actually do. For example, in the 2000 presidential election, National Census Bureau and Federal Election Commission figures report that some 76 million eligible voters stayed away from the polls. Considering the race came down to a margin of a meager five electoral votes, it doesn’t take a rocket scientist to do the math.

Imagine how dramatically different things would be today if only a portion of the 19 million registered voters who stayed home on election day had taken the time to go to the polling stations.

Think about that for a minute: We’re not talking about the proverbial single vote changing the course of history. It was apathy on a grand scale, plain and simple.

The ballot box is just the means to an end, though. Once elected officials are in office, they need to be reminded regularly who it was that put them in their fancy leather executive chairs. Even if you weren’t responsible for their election, you can still voice your opinions, objections, and positions.

When grumbling about conditions in our fair state, we cannot criticize without first genuinely trying to make a difference. We should also consider that change takes time and that it takes a good number of battles to advance the front lines, let alone win a war.

As much as I disagree with her, I am realistic enough to understand that her views vis-à-vis gay marriage will not change. She has been told what to believe and, like so many Nazi soldiers, she will unquestioningly follow orders. Still, she should be ashamed for what she said. She should beg her God, her church and every group that was ever targeted by the Nazis to forgive her for having made such a disgusting and hate-mongering statement.

William H. Munk Salt Lake City, Utah

How hard is it to write a letter, place a phone call, or send an e-mail that advocates an issue? If it angers you that an ignorant politician can stereotype you with impunity as perverted without knowing the first thing about you, wouldn’t it be poetic justice for a more balanced candidate to prevail? Get involved and make it happen — maybe that candidate is you.

The gay and lesbian community is arguably at a crossroads. Landmark changes are clearly within reach, but the question remains whether we will reach out and rise to the occasion or resort to selfishness and apathy.

Rather than launch into sermons on civic responsibility, let me simply point out that virtually every privilege we consider a right has its roots in ordinary people who invested their time and ideas.

As long as we treat the political process as someone else’s problem or as simply another charity where we can assuage our consciences by writing checks, we set ourselves up to be as powerless as our brothers and sisters were in Nazi Germany.

Sixty years later, we could repeat history by ironically allowing our rights to be trampled on by self-appointed guardians of freedom and the “American way.”

Make no mistake, our complacency and inaction will be the same as checking our rights at the door like the effective weapons that they truly are.

Letters to the Editor Salt Lake Metro welcomes letters from our readers.

Write us at: Salt Lake Metro 352 S. Denver Street Ste. 350 Salt Lake City, UT 84111 or email letters@slmetro.com.

Salt Lake Metro reserves the right to edit for clarity and brevity. Letters under 300 words are given preference. True, full name, address and phone number must be included for verification purposes.

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Come Out to Defeat Amendment

By Jace Garfield

In March, Utah legislators stood to applaud the gay and lesbian community. Then they took their seats and passed an amendment to the state constitution, which, if approved by voters this November, will bar gay and lesbian couples from marrying.

Earlier in the evening, hundreds of gay people and their allies gathered to do what they could to stop discrimination from being written into the constitution.

Hundreds of letters were written to senators and legislators. Rep. Jackie Biskupski, D-Salt Lake, and organizers from Unity Utah, Stonewall Democrats and Log Cabin Republicans gave words of encouragement for the long night, and the even longer battle that would ensue once the amendment passed.

Just like the civil rights and women’s suffrage movements, this war will not be won in a single battle. One gathering of the gay and lesbian community will not be enough to have our voices heard. There is still much work to be done. As with all amendments, this legislation will have to be voted upon — and passed — by the citizens of Utah before it is enacted. This means that now is not the time to sit on our hands and sulk. Now is the time to take action. Now is the time to get involved in our community. This is not a fight that

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can be won by faceless organizations — the battle will be won by individuals, families, communities and allies.

Rep. Biskupski has long been at the forefront of gay and lesbian politics in our state. She has continually urged members of the gay community to honor who they are by coming out.

But why come out? Why shouldn’t we just try to pass in society as heterosexual and avoid all the pain and bigotry? As an openly lesbian woman in politics, Biskupski has keen insight on these issues. “If people hide and don’t share their lives, it is hard for others to get a realistic picture of who we are versus how the right wing defines us. We shouldn’t hide just because we can. Look at the women’s rights movement or the civil rights movement. Women couldn’t hide; blacks couldn’t hide. People had to do something to gain equality because they couldn’t act like they weren’t being discriminated against. [Hiding] makes our struggle harder and makes it last longer. Eventually we will gain equality, but we have to play a role in it. We can’t expect other people to do it for us.”

Whether you have yet to come out or you have been out for several years, now is the time to come out again and again. This is what makes it possible to build alliances that will strengthen our cause and increase the visibility of our community and our struggle for equal rights.

As long as we remain invisible, we

remain inhuman and incapable of effectively petitioning for our rights. As long as we allow the closet to muffle our voices we will not be heard, but will continue to be marginalized and oppressed. Only when we honor who we are can we be powerful both politically and in our personal lives.

“When you are so preoccupied with hiding and you are so nervous and afraid to be who you are it is very hard to have a successful life,” says Biskupski.

Coming out is not usually an easy process. It takes a lot of courage, and a lot of work. There are a few things that one should take into consideration when going through this process.

First, there is a difference between coming out to yourself and to others. It takes time to understand and accept what your sexual orientation means to you.

Second, coming out is a process. Many times this process involves taking a couple steps back and a few steps forward. Don’t let this discourage you.

Third, many people have come out before you. Learn from their experiences. It is important to understand what resources are out there. To start with, there is the Gay and Lesbian Community Center of Utah, the Lesbian and Gay Student Union at the University of Utah, and Gay Young Adults.

These resources are listed in The Lavender Book, along with listings for gay and gayfriendly therapists.

There are many people who do not come out for fear of what will happen.

They worry about grandma’s health, what their parents and family will think, and a myriad of other reasons.

Biskupski says these are all excuses no matter what your reason is. “You can either help with this movement or you can participate in the hindrance of it. I always say that silence is as toxic to the gay and lesbian community as outright oppression. Your silence basically puts a stamp of approval on that constitutional amendment and things like it. As an individual and as a member of the gay and lesbian community, I think you owe it to yourself and to others who are trying to

help you gain equality. I think you owe a little back. You have to play a role. You have to get involved.”

Whether you are out of the closet, in the process of coming out, or have been out for years, there is a lot of work to be done.

“This year in particular you definitely should contact Equality Utah and get involved in their statewide campaign to stop the state constitutional amendment.

Become a member of Stonewall Democrats or the Log Cabin Republicans,” says Biskupski. “Volunteer on a campaign for someone who understands that equality means all people. Help them get elected.

Get involved with GLESN [Gay, Lesbian and Straight Education Network], in HRC [Human Rights Campaign] who does national politics for all of us. There is Lambda Legal and all those who go and battle in the courts for us. Get involved with them and support their efforts. There are endless things … do you have time or do you have money or do you have both?”

Coming Out Tips • Avoid coming out in an argument. Don’t make your sexual orientation a tool to spite others.

• Come out first to those individuals you feel will be most supportive.

• People are more open minded individually. Plan ahead and talk one-on-one.

• Be patient with others as you come out. Remember how long it took for you to come out to yourself.

• People will likely ask stupid questions. Remember they are new to this.

• Have pamphlets and resources available, especially for parents. Parents, Families, and Friends of Lesbians and Gays is awesome!

• There are people who will never be supportive, no matter what is said.

• No two coming out experiences are ever the same.

• If you are living at home or with roommates, have an escape plan. You probably won’t need it but have cash and a place to stay for the night just in case.

• Have someone to call and talk things out with before and after you come out. You need support, too!

Ruby Ridge Living True Blue

by Ruby Ridge

Well, thank God Salt Lake City finally has another leather bar for the husky bear and leather crowd — Club 161. And I have to say, it’s just in the nick of time.

Ever since Club Blue closed, the leatherettes have been absolutely maudlin, moping around as if someone stole their Barbie Play and Store Doll House. Without a home bar in which to huddle, the poor souls have been cast adrift, left wallowing in their loss and gloom, just one ruffled pirate shirt and a bottle of Vamp nail polish away from becoming Goths. (Before you fire up the angry e-mails girls, I’m just kidding — Goths wear way less jewelry!)

Why do I kid the leather boys? Because I just love their little black-and-blue hearts, that’s why. Yes, the leather crowd can be cheesy at times, and I will never understand that whole cigar-as-a-butch-prop thing, but let’s face it: They’re kind of cute and they add a flavor and diversity that this community desperately needs. Salt Lake’s homos are just too homogenous without them, so I’m really glad they have a place to be themselves and to call home.

Now with that said, darlings, I have to toss out a few of my concerns for the new harness heaven. By merely opening a small-scale, no-frills bar marketed to the leather crowd, Club 161 will be a cash cow. But beyond profitability, it may take a while for the bar to ever replace the sense of community and attachment many of us felt for Club Blue.

During its brief, meteoric fling, Blue managed to attract an easy mix of men from young to old, from bear to leather, and from blue collar to professional, and somehow to make it all work. Yes, Blue had its share of posturing and a tawdry sort of faux masculinity at times, but at its heart it was a really comfortable space with a friendly staff and a great vibe.

How was that beer-bellied boot licking bliss achieved, you may ask? Well, for starters, Club Blue’s owners were gay and had

cruised around in enough leather bars to instinctively know what sort of environment, staff, and programming was needed to make a bear/leather bar successful.

Club 161’s straight owners and their straight bartenders don’t have that natural connection to the gay community.

How can they ever hope to understand the eccentricities and nuances of the bear and leather aficionados? (These are people who will buy The Passion of the Christ DVD as porn, for hells sake!)

It’s going to take some serious effort from 161’s management to assure their patrons that they are valued, and that the bar is not just sucking money out of the gay community — which may be a hard sell, considering their only other foray into the gay business arena is 14th Street Gym. (Mary, don’t get me started.)

I understand that any bar is a work in progress when it first opens, so I suggest you do a few extra reps of bicep curls at the gym, polish your piercings, drag out your best black tee shirt (remember: not too much Mountain Fresh fabric softener — it blows the whole motif) and check the place out. If you have suggestions on improvements tell the management. Hopefully everyone will benefit if they listen.

Party on my husky, musky, little butchies!

Ruby Ridge is one of the more opinionated members of the Utah Cyber Sluts, a camp drag group that raises funds for local charitable causes. Her opinions are her own and fluctuate wildly due to an unpredictable drug interaction between glitter and Ritalin.

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A Thousand Words The Quilt

by Scott Perry In 1986, as Allen and I strolled through the Salt Palace exhibition hall, the only sound was a person reading names — names of people we didn’t know.

We wandered slowly through a mosaic of three-by-six fabric panels, each with the name of someone who had died from AIDS. The names read from the podium kept time with the shuffle of feet as we walked along — hundreds of names, hundreds of lives.

The panels also depicted, as best they could, the stories and personalities of those they represented. Photos, flowers, teddy bears, musical notes and lots of rainbows all sewn with love — after the fact — to show the love, sorrow and respect of friends and family. The floor was covered from wall to wall and even more panels hung on the walls and further down the hall.

Allen and I wondered to each other if anyone would sew a quilt for us if we died, and if so, what it would be.

Mom used to sit in her recliner for hours in front of the television and sew. She embroidered piles of dish cloths, towels, curtains, potholders — and quilts. Each one with silly images of smiling carrots, frogs dressed as humans, or muddy pigs saying things like “Wednesday is wash day.”

Quilts were given to friends and relatives who had gotten married or given birth. Curtains adorned the windows of our home and Winnebago.

One night, as she worked on a quilt for the friend of a neighbor of a cousin of a coworker, I finally spoke up.

“You’re giving all these away as wedding gifts,” I whined, “and I’m the only one who’d really appreciate one. I’m never getting married, so how will I earn a quilt?”

Mom put down her embroidery hoop and looked at me from over the top of her glasses — a look I have since inherited. She gives that look a lot. I was (and am) a highmaintenance child.

That year at Christmas, I went home to the house on Pueblo Street. I had spent most of my Christmases there. Mark and Loree had been there already and left. Dave was still in bed. I sat on the floor by the tree and tried not to act excited. The thrill of Christmas still hadn’t worn off even though I awakened in an empty apartment with a spindly, four-foot artificial tree. (Note: Never spray fake snow on an already-decorated tree. It just looks dusty.)

I asked the folks if Santa had been good to them and laughed about when the dog puked up all the Christmas candy. As I fiddled with the wrapper of a chocolate gold coin, I pretended not to notice a huge present with my name on it. Instead, I nonchalantly opened the smaller packages of crew socks still given annually by my aunts and uncles.

“That big one’s yours.” Mom said, pointing at the package as big as our orange vinyl ottoman.

I poorly feigned a Macaulay Culkin face slap and gasped, “This one?” I ripped the wrapping to shreds in the wink of an eye.

It was a quilt — a patchwork quilt of

stripes and plaids made up of more colors than you could ever name and not a scheme to any of it. Every other square was stitched with a Scottie Dog or a little house with a shining sun. It was a huge quilt — maybe twice the size of those I remember others receiving — and backed with a cozy field of blue plaid flannel.

I was speechless — a rare occasion. Mom smiled and told me she had worked on it as she and Dad drove to and from the construction of their new home in St. George.

“Such a huge quilt to be stuffed in the cab of a pickup with two grownups and two shedding dogs,” I thought, and imagined myself riding along with them. I began to miss them already.

Driving home with my quilt on the seat next to me I thought back to the question that Allen and I had posed to each other: Who would make our quilt and what would it be?

No question our mothers would sew them — that was a given. “Scottie Dog” is Mom’s nickname for me. The blue plaid, intended or not, looks strikingly similar to the tartan of our Garrick clan. But the sun shining over the house was a bit more symbolic — something I really didn’t get until I started writing this down. She sensed my desire for a happy home: past, present, future. She wished that for me more than anything and still does.

When I got home, I wafted it onto my bed. I crawled under it and looked out at the fresh blanket of snow and felt the queen-size hugs of Mom. The first time I washed the quilt, I was a wreck. I never trusted the quality of homemade goods versus store-bought and cringed at the thought of it coming out of the washer in shreds or ending up a plaid wad of dust in the lint trap.

I placed it in the giant Laundromat washing machine with a loving pat and said a silent prayer — perhaps like Mom had done with me on my first day of school. To my joy — and a smidge of amazement — the quilt survived the cleaning process. It was new again and warm.

Several years and many washings later, the quilt is still with me. It has stood up to my cat’s projectiles, Ben and Jerry drippings, great lovers, bad flings, cold nights in the Uintahs, and hot afternoons at Red Butte Garden. It has been with me at every concert I have attended — Norah Jones, Joan Baez, k.d. lang, Ralph Stanley to name a few —where we’d sit for hours before the shows with cheese, prosciutto, cookies and wine. The quilt has consumed nearly as much as my friends and I have. I was mortified after the first spill, but came to realize that Mom would love nothing more than to see me having so much fun, in such a perfect setting, with such dear friends.

Lots of wine has been spilled since then. It’s almost a ritual.

So who would make my quilt and what would it say? Well, my Mom has already made it and it says more than any zinfandel-induced story could ever tell. But I’ll tell you this: Every thread that was stitched — pulling two pieces of the whole together — did just that.

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by Nicholas Rupp

G

ay and lesbian citizens nationwide celebrated earlier this year when a handful of communities across the United States began issuing marriage licenses to same-sex couples.

Photos from San Francisco, the first city to issue the licenses, showed the world an image of gay people not often seen in mainstream media: as joyous spouses for life.

For many gay and lesbian Utahns, the media blitz of photos was also a bittersweet reminder of something they can’t have — at least not in their home state. Some cautious gay rights advocates warned that pushing for too much too quickly could cause backlash from right-wing lobbyists and wary lawmakers, particularly in conservative states like Utah.

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Now, nearly three months later, that warning seems accurate: in early March, President Bush publicly supported a federal constitutional amendment to define marriage as between a man and a woman, and Utah became the first state in the country since then to place a similar state amendment on the November ballot.

Though over 40 states have attempted their own amendments, Georgia, Kentucky, Oklahoma and Mississippi have followed Utah’s lead.

Utah is home to hundreds of long-term, committed same-sex couples who are finding ways of making it work, regardless of the current political climate. West Valley City residents Carrie and Amy White are among a growing number of same-sex partners determined to afford their union whatever rights and protections they can.

The Whites are in the process of creating a legal bond that mimics marriage rights in as many ways as possible. On their one-year anniversary in May 2003, they traveled to Vermont for a civil union.

Two months later they celebrated the event with a reception at their home, and Amy took Carrie’s last name.

While those gestures were largely symbolic, the mid-March birth of their daughter, Aiyana, prompted the couple to continue formalizing their relationship, this time from a legal standpoint.

“Our lawyer told us that until all the paperwork was done and through the courts, I [as the non-biological parent] shouldn’t leave town with Aiyana and should be careful about going places without Amy,” Carrie said. “Through this

whole thing we’ve had to think about a lot more than most straight people who decide to have kids.”

Estate-planning attorney Laura Milliken Gray is the White’s lawyer. She specializes in legal issues affecting Utah’s gay and lesbian families and says that despite Utah’s legislature, gay couples are not powerless when it comes to their rights as a unit. “They can create rights through a variety of documents and contracts,” she said. “If we learn anything from this, it’s that we need to protect ourselves.”

Gray emphasizes that all gay and lesbian people — in relationships or not — need to take steps toward protection, particularly because of the current legal climate. “It is vital and imperative that gay couples and individuals get protection with wills, trusts, and contractual agreements,” she says, “especially while we’re suffering a backlash in this state.”

Some of the contractual agreements to which Gray is referring are much like prenuptial agreements that dictate what aspects of a couple’s individual lives will be kept separate and what aspects will be legally joined. Called “living-together agreements” or “partnership agreements,” these contracts are important in determining financial responsibilities and ownership issues, particularly when a relationship ends.

“It defines the understanding about how the house is owned, who gets what furniture,” Gray says. “If you’re helping a partner pay for medical school, do you ever expect something back for that?”

Gray also says that it’s difficult to get

a court to resolve disagreements over joint-owned property if there is a breakup, so she recommends partnership agreements contain a procedure for resolving problems outside the court system. “If there’s a dispute, partners should go to mediation and only go to court as a last resort,” she says.

“Courts are so confused right now. They don’t know what they can or cannot do when it comes to gay couples.”

In addition to wills, trusts, and partnership agreements, Gray says two durable powers of attorney are essential: one for medical decisions and one for financial decisions. Durable powers of attorney differ from regular powers of attorney in that they apply only if one party becomes unable to function on his or her own behalf.

Without powers of attorney, parents or siblings are often the people responsible for critical medical and financial decisions, despite the presence of a long-time partner.

Drawing up a hospital visitation plan and adding a partner as a person privy to medical records and financial accounts are also good ideas, though the Whites didn’t have those things dur-

can be tragic, especially when you’re already dealing with devastation.”

Although Gray says everyone — gay or straight — should have a will or trust, gay couples are under the added financial stress of obtaining powers of attorney and partnership agreements, which together can cost anywhere from $500 to $1,000 depending on the attorney and the situation.

The extra financial burden is not the only downside to these protections.

Even if gay couples do all they can with an attorney, they’re still afforded only a fraction of the rights that come automatically with a government–issued marriage license. For example, there is no way for the surviving half of a gay couple to receive any federal benefits, including social security, or take any legal action on behalf of a partner, such as a wrongful death lawsuit. In addition, Gray says these documents are very specific in what they grant, and courts will infer nothing more.

Gay couples also have the burden of carrying that extra bundle of documents with them all the time. “It’s a real pain in the ass,” says Carrie. But without them, she’d have no proof of her rights as Amy’s partner if something happened to Amy. Besides protection for themselves, the Whites were also concerned about their respective extended families attempting to take Aiyana and future children if something were to Throngs of gay men and lesbians flock to San Francisco City Hall as the city becomes happen to either the first to issue marriage licenses to those of the same sex. Their legality is questioned. parent. “If something happened to ing Amy’s rather difficult pregnancy. me,” says Amy, “my parents wouldn’t Fortunately, most hospital personnel trust Carrie with Aiyana, even though respected Carrie’s role as Amy’s spouse.

I’ve told them I’d want her to remain “There was only one time someone Aiyana’s guardian.” wouldn’t let Carrie come back with me “You just never know what people will for an ultrasound,” Amy says, “It was in do in situations like that,” Carrie adds, the emergency room. I was scared and I “Especially with biological grandchilcried and cried and cried.” dren.”

Gray emphasizes that practically all To help protect families with children, these protections require help from an like the Whites, Gray recommends a attorney. In particular, the recent trend co-guardianship document granting a of creating wills over the Internet can non-biological parent equal care and be very dangerous for gay couples: custody rights as long as the guardian“Much of estate planning must be exship is in place. Though it’s new legal ecuted in a certain way, otherwise it’s territory, co-guardianships usually will not valid,” she says. “Because we know also allow a child to receive health insurwe’re more subject to challenges, it’s ance and other corporate benefits from so important that gay people do this a non-biological parent’s employer. correctly.”

“Co-guardianships aren’t as permanent People who do have their docuas second-parent adoptions — they ments properly prepared rarely have don’t have nearly the same rights, and trouble. In fact, Gray hasn’t had any they haven’t yet been tested all the clients run into problems with their way through the court system to see contracts. “Hospitals are happy to see if they’re completely valid,” says Gray. that paperwork. They want clarity,” “But co-guardianships, when coupled she says. “Some of my work is with with a parenting agreement, are the next people who haven’t done proper will best thing since the legislature banned planning and are now dealing with second-parent adoptions in 2000.” a partner’s family. It’s expensive and Similar to partnership agreements, a

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* private clubs for members APRIL 29, 2004

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parenting agreement outlines a couple’s intentions when they have a child and asserts visitation rights and child-support expectations if there is a breakup. “If they intend to have a child together and have both partners serve as parents,” Gray says, “then the non-biological parent should remain in that role regardless of the status of the couple’s relationship.”

If the majority of Utah legislators have their say, these legal contracts will remain the only marriage-like option available to same-sex couples. Fortunately, Gray says that even if a marriage amendment passes a vote in November, it would not affect gay couples’ ability to enter into contracts with one another, though enforcing the contracts may become more difficult. “Generally, you can’t interfere with a person’s ability to contract, but it will be a little unclear exactly how it’s going to play out. Here’s this mandate from the legislature saying that these people should not be given these rights, but here’s this contract directly at odds with that, and a judge might say he or she’s not going to honor it,” she says. “It’s scary. It creates uncertainty and confusion.”

As the fight for gay marriage continues to rage across the country, there remains a split within the gay community about accepting civil unions or pushing for same-sex marriage. “It’s not just semantics,” explains Kalina Duncan, National Field Assistant for the Human Rights Campaign. “Civil unions don’t include the 1,138 federal rights and benefits that

marriages do, and they’re not portable — meaning you only have the protection of a civil union in the state in which it was granted. Civil unions are very ‘separate-but-equal,’ which we’ve already seen doesn’t work in this country.”

Carrie White prefers to pick her battles, however, and for the White family this one is more about practicality than labels.

“We know we’re committed. We don’t need specific words,” she says. “However we get them, we just want the benefits married couples get. We don’t want to have to fight the state over everything.”

Amy agrees, but she understands the fight for the word “marriage.” “I’m pretty headstrong and I tend to stand with my hands on my hips and fight for everything,” she says, “I’ve looked into moving to Canada, to Oregon, to anywhere we’re likely to be equally protected. So if it were up to me we’d probably have a marriage license from every state but Utah on our walls.”

Laura Milliken Gray agrees with both sides. To her, the fight for marriage is about fundamental fairness and allowing gay and lesbian families the very same rights as heterosexual families. “For now I don’t care what it’s called. I don’t mind the incremental approach as long as the benefits come with it,” she says. “But I believe ultimately that outcome will collapse because having two systems will prove untenable.”

Watching the Whites at home with Aiyana, it’s obvious that this family does not need a two-system distinction. Just

Gay Marriage Myths Though opponents of same-sex marriage sometimes offer dozens of reasons against it, most conservative arguments are variations on a few core themes. To assist you in winning those heated debates around the water-cooler, Salt Lake Metro has compiled the most-used arguments and logical responses to them.

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couple even hatched a healthy chick from a previously-fertilized egg.

Gay marriage is immoral.

This is probably the most frequently-used argument against gay marriage and against homosexuality itself. The majority of people claiming that gay marriage is somehow immoral or “just plain wrong” are likely doing so because of references in the Bible. Depending on your interpretation, this may or may not be true, but that’s the point: it all depends on the interpretation, and our government is not in the business of interpreting the Bible.

If you believe in religious freedom — including freedom from religion — recognizing that this argument is based on religious grounds is reason enough to discount it.

Marriage is for procreation.

BYU law professor Richard G. Wilkins said in a December 1, 2001 Salt Lake Tribune article that “society has an interest in drawing legal lines that ... encourage procreation.”

A Tribune article dated November 23, 2003 reported him as saying, “not all sexual relationships are equal” because “homosexual relationships are sterile.” In an already overpopulated world, it may not even be in a society’s best interests to encourage procreation. Still, Wilkins and his ilk are forgetting that civil marriage is not about the ability to have children. It’s about a couple’s love and commitment. Wilkins doesn’t ask the government to discourage elderly or infertile couples from marrying. Our society values those couples’ commitment to one another, not their procreative capacity — just as it should in gay couples’ unions.

Gay marriage is unnatural.

First of all, there are plenty of people who would argue that marriage, period, is unnatural, or that the concept of monogamy is unnatural. Those opinions aside, this argument is just another attack on homosexuality, like the one above. Homosexuality is, in fact, found in nature: In his 1999 book Biological Exuberance: Animal Homosexuality and Natural Diversity, biologist Bruce Bagemihl reported that a variety of animal species exhibit regular homosexual behavior.

Bonobo apes, for example, are fully bisexual.

In February, the New York Times reported a pair of male chinstrap penguins in the Central Park Zoo were partnered and regularly engaged in sexual acts (for those interested, the penguins alternated sexual roles.) The

Children are better off with a mother and a father.

While there’s certainly nothing wrong with mother-father families, after over 35 years of study, every leading sociological, psychological, and medical organization agrees that the most important factor in raising healthy children is committed and loving parents.

The American Academy of Pediatrics, the American Psychological Association, the American Psychiatric Association and the National Association of Social Workers all say that children raised by same-sex parents are developmentally normal in every way.

In April, the American Anthropological Association, the world’s largest organization of anthropologists (the people who study cultures), released a statement following President Bush’s public support of a consti-

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NICHOLAS RUPP

FEATURE

Carrie and Amy White with their daughter Aiyana. The couple flew to Vermont to get a civil union and have spent hundreds on legal paperwork to give them similar protections as a legally-married couple. They still fear it is not enough.

like their heterosexual counterparts, one or both of the women is up regularly throughout the night, caring for an infant not yet ready to sleep more than a few hours at a time. And like parents everywhere, Carrie and Amy have pet names for Aiyana, responding with coos and “Hi pumpkin!” at every twitch, yawn, or gurgle.

During a diaper break, Amy calls calmly from the other room, “Carrie, I need your help!” and Carrie rushes over only to burst out laughing. They are noticeably partnered in raising their daughter.

It turns out “pumpkin” didn’t wait for a new diaper before marking her territory on one of her moms. “This is the second time this has happened,” Amy says, now also chuckling.

“Yeah, and you laughed at me!” replies Carrie.

“See?” Amy says. “If people could see us in our house, they’d realize we’re not different. We’re normal parents with a newborn. We’re just a family.”

That’s undeniable, with or without the Utah state legislature’s blessing.

tutional amendment banning gay marriage.

They said, “The results of more than a century of anthropological research on households, kinship relationships, and families, across cultures and through time, provide no support whatsoever for the view that either civilization or viable social orders depend upon marriage as an exclusively heterosexual institution. Rather, anthropological research supports the conclusion that a vast array of family types, including families built upon same-sex partnerships, can contribute to stable and humane societies. The American Anthropological Association strongly opposes a constitutional amendment limiting marriage to heterosexual couples.”

in Denmark since 1989 and full same-sex marriage has been legal in the Netherlands since 2000. Belgium and two Canadian provinces, Ontario and British Columbia, followed in 2003. France, Germany, Argentina, Norway, Sweden, Brazil, and Australia have also taken steps to give same-sex unions the same rights as heterosexual marriages. In short, there are several locations from which to draw conclusions about the effects of same-sex unions and marriage. The result? None of the countries that allow same-sex marriage have shown increased divorce rates, social instability, or any other negative change that can be directly or indirectly attributed to the legalization same-sex marriage. In fact, when the Danish law was first proposed, a survey of Danish clergy showed that 72% opposed the law. In 1995, only six years later, another survey showed that 89% of the clergy approved of the law, saying that it has reduced suicide, the spread of sexually transmitted diseases, and promiscuity among gay citizens. Critics of same-sex marriage threaten that its legalization will lead to the destruction of civilization or worse. Denmark shows that same-sex marriage has strengthened not just marriage but society as a whole.

Same-sex marriage threatens the traditional, sacred institution of marriage.

Marriage as we know it is not an unchanging ancient tradition. Historically, marriage was primarily a business transaction where a woman was considered a possession — first of her father and then of her lawful husband.

Even after women were no longer considered property, many families arranged marriages that would best position the family socially.

At any rate, the argument is contradictory: Allowing people to marry threatens marriage?

It’s just not logical. Allowing more people to marry will create more widespread support for marriage. Granting one group equal rights does not harm the rights of another. Try this analogy: If Scott belongs to the local Rotary club, and Darrell wants to join, Darrell’s membership is not an attack on Rotarians everywhere and it does not makes Scott’s membership any less valid.

Same-sex marriage is an untried social experiment and allowing it will lead to sudden and destabilizing changes.

Anybody using this argument is showing real international ignorance. A form of same-sex marriage similar to civil unions has been legal

Same-sex marriage will open the door to legalized incest, bestial marriage, polygamy, and all kinds of other horrible consequences.

A classic example of a “slippery-slope” fallacy, this is more of a scare tactic than an argument. Fears that polygamy was next were raised years ago during the debate about interracial marriage. It wasn’t true then, and it’s not true now.

Legalizing same-sex marriage will force churches to recognize them.

This is another common misconception with no basis in law or fact. Civil marriage rights would in no way effect the individual choices churches make about whom they marry. Religions are not bound by state or federal law to

Is the Word “Marriage” the Problem With the Gay Marriage Issue?

by Janice Eberhardt I am a word woman. Words are the tools of my trade. I choose and apply them just as an artist works lines and colors onto a canvas. Lately, I’ve noticed two words that keep getting stuck in the collective craw of America: gay marriage.

As the editor/publisher of the local lesbian magazine Womyn 4 Women, I have read perhaps more articles, letters and personal essays about gay marriage than most lesbian and gay Utahns. Many of those stories have been pro-gay marriage. Most of the opposing arguments to gay marriage I’ve read have been based on feelings, and are therefore unable to stand in a logical debate.

However, one real effect of legalizing gay marriage is not often mentioned: it will likely increase employee benefits costs as same-sex partners gain coverage.

Then again, employers may find the extra cost well worth the expense of losing good gay employees to other companies that currently offer benefits to same-sex partners.

Some have said that the demand for legalizing gay marriage is a way of moving the center of the debate so that conservative lawmakers see civil unions as a more acceptable compromise than they did before the recent gay marriage wave washed across the country. “Yes, yes,” they say, “let them have their little union ceremonies, but by God, please don’t call them marriages.”

The cliché threat to the “sacred institution of marriage” reveals the lamination of church with state throughout the country and in Canada as well. Though savvy gay marriage proponents tirelessly work to

separate state from church and focus on the legal rights and responsibilities of marriage, religious leaders such as Pat Robertson and his patriarchal pals find the words “gay marriage” advantageous in emotionally binding church-state controlling forces.

While states including Utah propose anti-gay marriage amendments to their constitutions and conservatives propose a similar amendment to the U.S. Constitution, lesbians and gay men continue to marry their partners. They aren’t asking for permission from either the government or the churches of America.

As one lesbian contributor to Womyn 4 Women wrote recently, “No court or outside force can deny us our happiness, because it is not theirs to take. It’s ours, and it’s as personal as it gets.”

So how does such a personal issue become so political? Do we really need that “piece of paper from city hall, keeping us tied and true,” as Joni Mitchell posed in one of her songs?

I see an array of reasons for and against gay marriage, but it really comes down to conformity in the existing legal structure. Heterosexual marriage confers more than 1,000 rights and responsibilities upon a couple. Lesbian and gay couples want those same rights and responsibilities available to them.

Marriage legally defines issues such as child custody, inheritance, insurance and even divorce to make these issues a lot less expensive and easier for married folks to deal with. As long as marriage or legallyequivalent civil unions are denied same-sex couples, the laws are not providing equal protection and benefits for all citizens.

perform any marriage they do not approve.

Government shouldn’t tell churches whom they can or cannot marry any more than churches should tell government.

one another and, at the same time, engaging in civil disobedience, one of our country’s most valuable — and court-protected — tools for change.

Legalizing same-sex marriage will cost too much money.

In fact, same-sex marriage will save taxpayers money. The Human Rights Campaign reports that two studies conducted in 2003 by professors at the University of Massachusetts, Amherst, and the University of California, Los Angeles, found that extending domestic partner benefits to same-sex couples in California would save taxpayers an estimated $8.1 to $10.6 million each year. In New Jersey, which passed a new domestic partner law in 2004, the savings were projected to be even higher – more than $61 million each year.

Gay people can get the same rights as everyone else through legal contracts. They don’t need marriage.

Same-sex couples who can afford an attorney can create basic arrangements, such as naming each other in a will or a power of attorney, but disgruntled family members can challenge those documents in court and couples who can’t afford them remain without protection. Federal laws protect only married couples, not couples who may be joined under legal contracts. For example, if a gay or lesbian person gets seriously ill, their spouse is not eligible to take leave from work under the federal Family and Medical Leave Act. And when gay or lesbian people grow old, there is no way for them to get Medicaid coverage without causing their partner to be forced from their home, because the federal Medicaid law only permits married spouses to keep their home without becoming ineligible for benefits. Plus, when a gay or lesbian person dies, their spouse does not receive Social Security survivor benefits or the right to inherit a retirement plan — at least not without severe tax burdens because they are “unmarried” according to federal law.

Most Americans are against same-sex marriage and laws should reflect that.

Even if you agree that “most Americans” are against same-sex marriage — which itself is debatable since poll results show Americans’ opinions on this issue fluctuate at around 50 percent — it doesn’t really matter. The United States is not governed by majority rule; our country is not a pure democracy. It is a democratic republic with constitutional rights for the minority counterbalancing the will of the majority. That principle is what drove Southern schools to be desegregated in 1956: Brown v. Board of Education was decided in opposition to the opinions of most of the (white) citizens it affected, but constitutional rights of the minority prevailed over the will of the majority.

Same-sex marriage advocates are ignoring the process and illegally forcing their agenda.

This argument fails to recognize that same-sex couples who got married in San Francisco and continue to push for marriage in other places are just showing their love for

Non-conformist same-sex couples who don’t need no stinking piece of paper from the city hall are among the thousands of couples who choose their personal commitments to each other over the formal dictates of marriage. Yet even among non-conformists, a heterosexual couple is legally considered a common-law pair after five to seven years. Same-sex couples are not considered common in the law for anything, except perhaps for the U.S. Census, which has now added same-sex households to its forms.

As a life-long single lesbian who is not considering marriage any time soon, I still want that option open to me and to any

other couple who wants to make a legal commitment to each other. It doesn’t have to be called “marriage” if the word itself is the problem. I just want to see the legal definition of what is now called marriage extended to same-sex couples, just as it has been extended to couples of different races. I want to be proud of my country’s progressiveness and recognition of liberty and justice for all. And I’m afraid that this recognition will have to come from the U.S. Supreme Court, because if the current church-state power system in Utah had its way, gay marriage or its equivalent term would never be recognized in Zion.

Civil unions are enough; they’re an appropriate compromise.

Civil unions are by no means equal to marriage. Civil unions don’t include any federal rights and the few state rights they do provide are only valid in the state that issued the union. They create a second-class citizenship for same-sex couples and are a “separate-but-equal” compromise that isn’t really equal. Besides, history has already shown us that separate-but-equal isn’t an appropriate solution anyway.

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Ballet Folklorico “Quetzalli” de VeraCruz See Tuesday, May 4

METRO PICKS Thursday, Apr 29 Snip Snip! If you’ve been putting off spaying or neutering Phydeaux (pronounced Fido), now is the time. The Big Fix Discount Mobile Spay/Neuter Clinic will be at the West Valley Animal Control on Thursday and Salt Lake County Animal Services on Friday. Go early, appointments are not accepted. utahpets.org.

Friday, Apr 30 Move Over Clay Aiken, Drag Idol ends its inaugural season as the fourth and final knock-down drag-out (sorry) challenge pits contestants against each other and a panel of celebrity judges determine their fate. Coronation candidates will be unveiled at midnight.

8pm at the Trapp Door (a private club for members), $5 benefits the Royal Court of the Golden Spike Empire General Fund.

Saturday, May 1 Take a Hike. Dig your hiking boots out of the closet and those cute shorts from the bottom drawer and join the Lambda Hiking Club for a hike up Mueller Park Canyon in Bountiful. www.gayhike.org 11am, Mueller Park trailhead

Paddle Swap. Grab your dingy dinghy and head on over to the 9th Annual River Gear Swap. Buy and sell anything from kayaks to tents, paddles to fishing gear.

Proceeds benefit the Utah Rivers Council, a nonprofit organization dedicated to protecting Utah’s spectacular rivers.

10am - 1pm at Lutheran H.S., 4020 S 900 East.

Final Call for Therapy. This is the last weekend to see Pygmalion Productions Theater Company’s Beyond Therapy, a campy eighties comedy

by Christopher Durang about yuppies and guppies seeking love through their therapists. Grab your Snoopy doll and head to the Rose.

8pm Saturday and 2pm Sunday, Rose Wagner, 138 W Broadway. Tickets $15 through ArtTix.

Pull Out the Bridesmaid Dress. The Salt Lake Hardware Building will be awash in crepe paper and corsages as high school students from all over the state kick up their heels at the 2004 Queer Prom.

Tuesday, May 4

Friday, May 7

Say Cheese! The Royal Court of the Golden Spike Empire invites members of Utah’s gay and lesbian community to join them in a group photo that will be printed in this year’s coronation program.

Polyester and Sequins. RCGSE presents a disco drag show for your entertainment and amazement. Come see all the 70s retro outfits you wish you’d have kept.

8:30pm, Salt Lake City Library plaza.

Pass the Salsa. Ballet Folklorico Quetzalli de VeraCruz brings the traditions of Mexico’s many different ethnic groups to Utah through music, song and dance. This colorful show has delighted audiences from Europe to Indonesia and across the U.S.

8pm – Midnight, SL Hardware Bdg, 155 N 400 West. Tickets $10 at the Center, $15 at the door.

7:30pm May 4 and 5 at Kingsbury Hall, University of Utah campus. Tickets $12 to $18 through ArtTix.

Sunday, May 2

Wednesday, May 5

Bitch of the Year. The Royal Court of the Golden Spike Empire’s 25th annual Golden Spike Awards is Utah’s oldest community-nominated, communityelected awards show.

8-11pm, Paper Moon (a private club for members).

9pm, Paper Moon, a private club for members.

Saturday, May 8 ¡Libertad! Cinco De Mayo celebrates the May 5, 1862 victory of Benito Juarez’ Mexican Guerilla Forces against the French invasion. The Latin community invites all to enjoy food, drinks, art, dancing, entertainment and free give aways.

Kids area provided.

6-10pm, GLBT Center

Don’t Cry for Me...

What’s a better excuse Hat Toss. The LGBT Resource Center is pre- to see an Andrew senting a Lavender Graduation ceremony. Lloyd Webber musical This first-ever event in Utah will feature than Mother’s Day (a Laura Milliken Gray, a local attorney and day early)? Winner of U alumnus, as the guest speaker. seven Tony Awards, 7pm, Olpin Union Bldg, U of U, 587-7979 including Best Musical, Evita sold out at PTC 11 years ago, and Thursday, May 6 now it’s back by popular demand.

Speech! Speech! POWER UP film grant 8pm Fridays and Saturdays, 7:30pm Mondirector Jessica Sharzer will entertain Thursday, 2pm matinee Saturdays. Pioneer questions after a sceening of her film, Memorial Theatre, U of U, April 28 - May 22.

Speak, at a benefit for Spy Hop Productions’ Girls in Motion Program.

Sunday May 9 7:30pm, Broadway Cinemas. Tickets $10.

Take Mom to Brunch. Rather than going to brunch with all the guys/gals, why don’t you call mom up and take her out. It’s only once a year, for hell’s sake. All those hours in the delivery room... yada, yada.

Monday May 10 Clean Flush We have the perfect Monday activity for you. Watch the SLC Dept. of Public Utilities as they flush the water system by opening fire hydrants and allowing water to flow onto the streets as a critical part of system maintenance.

Thursday, May 13 Shake Some Hands, Pass Out Cards.

Bambara Restaurant at Hotel Monaco will host the Utah GLBT Business Guild May meet and greet.

6:30pm, Bambara, 2nd South and Main 20

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APRIL 29, 2004

Bingo, Broads and Bread

by Mandy Q. Racer With the help of the always witty and never overdressed Cyber Sluts, the Utah Stonewall Democrats held a fundraiser April 17 at the Trapp Door. Prizes — donated by Gastronomy, Julie Hobbs (the DJ for the evening), Ron Johnson of Signs and Such, and Don Steward of The Dog Show — were substantial.

USD board members donated the rest of the prizes, and board member Nikki Boyer, on top of putting together a basket of culinary delicacies, is responsible for soliciting these hefty donations. Mike Picardi, the chair of the board, introduced fellow bingo player Peter Corroon, who is running for the county mayor’s seat and is endorsed by the USD. The Cyber Sluts soon took over: decked out in ten-gallon wigs and platform boots, they treated the audience to a hilarious rendition of Dolly Parton’s “Lil’ Ole Bitty Pissant Country Place.”

Cher made a cameo, as well, when Andromeda Strange, in one of the evening’s many highlights, stalked onstage wearing an orange robe and black, frizzy curls. The robe was soon stripped off, revealing what Cher would look like if she “Could Turn Back Time” and do it all over again — without the plastic surgery. The doughy hips and breasts didn’t discourage the same attire, however — thong and pasties were still in residence. Ms. Strange’s swaying and swishing elicited further crumpled dollar bills from the audience.

Bingo was not forgotten, nor was it lax.

The Sluts laid down some well-enforced ground rules to pump up the pep and

keep the money rolling in. A “party foul” — earned whenever a player declared Bingo without having first stood and spun around — landed one (un)lucky player in the hot seat (or, in this case, a flowered smock and pink wig.) The player was then required to purchase her release from drag captivity by dancing to Madonna’s “Like a Virgin” while collecting dollar bills from the other players and audience members.

Picardi was the recipient of the Sluts’ “Drag in a Bag,” when an unknown donor contributed $50 for Picardi’s impromptu makeover. The USD chair was stunning in a billowing purple muumuu, Nerf football boobies and lipstick-covered teeth. Ruby Ridge introduced the fresh Slut: “For one night only, Fonda Rimming!” With good humor, Picardi became the newest bingo announcer while his fellow player, Adam, watched over their mass of cards. He was soon up and spinning and Mike called out, “Adam’s spinning! On mine or yours?” and proceeded to grow darker than the rouge coating his cheeks.

The Cyber Sluts are all volunteers who have raised money for breast cancer awareness, cystic fibrosis, diabetes, the Utah AIDS Foundation Foodbank and “have even sent a class of lower income kids to Lagoon for a day,” said Ruby Ridge. “In retrospect … we are saints, dammit!” These saintly Sluts raised $740 for the Utah Stonewall Democrats, and Nikki Boyer didn’t stop there, exhorting the crowd to get involved: “There are 25 million of us out there and if each one of us gets out there together we’d make a hell of a caucus!”

Center Hosts Art Show by Latinos/Latinas

by Sally Neilson

The work of local Latino and Latina artists is being showcased at the Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual, Transgender Community Center of Utah.

Juan Reyes is a gay Latino artist who helped organize the Cinco de Mayo art show.

At a reception held April 16, Reyes said there is a tremendous amount of depression, substance abuse and suicidal tendencies within the gay Latino community. Reyes’ brother committed suicide two years after testing positive for HIV. Because information, help and guidance were not readily available to his brother, Reyes said it became his goal to make it more accessible. He works at the health department, does HIV testing and passes out condoms and information in bars. Reyes also started a program to assist HIV-positive people in the Latino community.

Another artist, David Maestes, treats subjects ranging from tranquil landscapes to disjointed abstracts. “I just try to break it into very simple elements, and people appreciate that,” said Maestes. “[Art] has always been an outlet for me and it’s always been a way to keep out of whatever bad shit was going on … whether it was with gangs or drugs.”

“Nobody can give you power,” added Maestes. “You only have as much power as you give yourself.” Art is a good mechanism for changing the isolation between different cultures and groups, he said. “If you can show them beauty, it breaks down the stereotypes.”

Artist Ruby Chacon’s advice was to not get caught up in the downtrodden story that’s been told to you about your life.

“Write your own story or else somebody will write it for you.”

According to Chacon, the history taught to her in school wasn’t entirely accurate.

Whole parts of her ancestry were missing.

Realizing this changed everything for her — she found her past and created her own story, which affected her art profoundly.

Chacon’s art is an altruistic swirl of light and colorful energy. For the University of Utah Women’s Week art show, she created several self-portraits in the guise of her own ancestors through the ages. When people asked about the background of the pieces, she said, it gave her an opportunity to share her culture and upbringing to people who may have remained ignorant to it.

Event coordinator Jennifer Nuttall said she hopes that some of the activities taking place at the Center will help bridge the gaps between sub-communities and make the gay community more integrated as a whole.

The Cinco de Mayo art show will be on display through May 14 at the Center, 361 N. 300 West. A special Cinco de Mayo celebration will be held there May 8.

Pride Art Show 2004 Call for Entries Queer artists of all kinds, bring your creations to the Stonewall Coffee Company at 361 N. 300 West to be included in the Pride Art Show.

The show will be in conjunction with both Pride 2004 and with the Gallery Stroll.

The work will be displayed through June 26.

APRIL 29, 2004

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21

Community Calendar 8pm Alcoholics Anonymous. St. Paul’s Church, 261 S. 900 East

Sports and Fitness Mondays 6:30pm Frontrunners/Frontwalkers.

Walkers make a three-mile loop while runners do a four-mile run around Sugarhouse Park. Group meets at the northeast corner of Sugarhouse Park in the Garden Center parking lot. Geoff Partain, (801) 712-9558, alliance@aros.net, www.

FrontRunnersUtah.org

Second Tuesdays 7pm-8:30pm Stonewall Shooting Sports meeting. Doug’s Shoot and Sports, 4926 S. Redwood Road.

StonewallShootingSportsUtah@yahoo groups.com

Wednesdays 6:30pm Frontrunners/Frontwalkers. A beautiful route through north Bonneville Drive and up City Creek Canyon. Group meets at 11th Avenue and B Street, near the guardrail. Geoff Partain, (801) 712-9558, alliance@aros.net, www.

FrontRunnersUtah.org

Thursdays 7pm Goodtimes Bowling League.

Bonwood Bowl, 2500 S. Main Street.

Singles, beginners welcome. $10/night.

Summer league starts May 13. Scott Millar, (801) 832-9745

Tuesdays and Thursdays 7-8pm Queer Utah Acquatics Club.

Fairmont pool, 1044 E. Sugarhouse Drive. douglaskf@aol.com, www.quacquac.org

First and Third Saturdays 10am Lambda Hiking Club. Parking lot at 700 E. 200 South. Day hikes, overnight hikes during summer. Winter activities as well. Bring sturdy shoes, sun protection, food and water. Randy, (801) 532-8447, GayHike.org

6pm Alcoholics Anonymous. St. Mary’s Church, 50 W. 200 North, Provo

Sundays 3pm Alcoholics Anonymous. Jubilee Center, 309 E. 100 South, rear door

Northern Utah Mondays Pride Alliance of USU. Meets only while school is in session. TSC 335.

Courtney Moser, (435) 753-3135, cmoser4@comcast.net, www.usu. edu/pride

Men’s Groups Second and Fourth Tuesdays 7:30-9pm Gay and bisexual men support group. 18 years and older. Support, friendship and great conversation.

Gallery Room at the Center, 355 N. 300 West. gmsgglccu@yahoo.com

Political First Tuesdays 7:30pm Log Cabin Republicans. Salt Lake County Building, 2001 S. State Street, room N4010. www.LRCUtah.org

Second Tuesdays 3-4:30pm Public Safety Liaison Committee. Police are available for discussion regarding the safety of the gay and lesbian community. Gallery Room at the Center, 361 N. 300 West 7:30-9pm Parents and Friends of Lesbian and Gays. Group meeting. Black Box Theater at the Center, 355 N. 300 West

Fourth Tuesdays

Sundays

Noon Men’s sack lunch. A purely social group of local men meet to eat and chat. Gallery Room at the Center. 361 N. 300 West

Wednesdays 6:45pm Food, Flicks and Fags. Meet in the pool hall of Brewvies to pick the flick of the night. Admission $2.

Men and women 21 and older. 677 S. 200 West 7:30pm Lavender Tribe. A spirituality group that explores everything from auras to Zen meditation. Dave, (801) 521-3857, www.lavendertribe.org 7pm* Affirmation/Reconciliation Movie Night. A combined activity for those from an LDS background. Sugarhouse 10 Theaters, 2227 S. Highland Drive.

(801) 296-4797 * time depends on movie schedule

Thursdays 7:30pm Line Dancing. Utah Gay Rodeo Association offers free lessons.

Paper Moon, 3737 S. State Street.

Fridays 7-11:30pm Off the Wall Improv. Stand up comedy featuring up-and-coming comics from across the nation. Black Box Theater at the Center, 355 N. 300 West Jake Arky, (801) 824-1359

Second or Third Weekends 7pm Spicy Dinner Group. Casual suppers held at various locations in the Salt Lake City area. Bring your signature dish whether it is Gumbo Florentine or chicken vindaloo. Logan, (801) 654-2849

Various Weekends Couples Social. Salt Lake Couples is a social group for long-term, committed couples. Strengthening relationships, social networking, fun.

Jesse, (801) 231-7776, groups.yahoo. com/groups/slcouples

9am Frontrunnrs/Frontwalkers. Liberty Park/Avenues routes. Meet in front of Barbacoa Mexican Grill, 859 E 900 South. Geoff Partain, (801) 712-9558, alliance@aros.net, www.FrontRunnersUtah.org

7pm Human Rights Campaign meet-up.

Organize against the Federal Marriage Amendment and connect with other community activists. Multiple locations. www.hrc.org

First Wednesdays

Third Tuesdays

11am-Noon Queer Utah Acquatics Club. Water polo. Fairmont Pool.

1044 E. Sugarhouse Drive. Men’s and women’s teams; beginners and advanced teams. douglaskf@aol.com, www.quacquac.org

5:30-7pm Utah Stonewall Democrats.

Executive committee meeting to discuss strategy for the community and its role within the state Democratic Party. Black Box Theater, 355 N. 300 West. njmikeutah@yahoo.com, www.

UtahStonewallDemocrats.org

7pm Parents, Friends and Family of Lesbians and Gays. Claudia, (435) 673-3356

2:30pm Soccer. Fairmont Park, 2300 S. 1100 East. Open play. Martin Grygar, (801) 231-9453, jesper2@hotmail.com 3pm Volleyball. Fairmont Park, 2300 S. 1100 East. Open play. Martin Grygar (801) 231-9453, jesper2@hotmail.com 3pm Basketball. Fairmont Park, 2300 S. 1100 East. Pick-up games.

Martin Grygar, (801) 231-9453, jesper2@hotmail.com 11am-3pm Pride Softball League.

Hundreds of players of both genders.

A fun social gathering. Newcomers welcome. Jordan Park, 1000 S. 900 West. kaos168@hotmail.com

Saturdays or Sundays 10am or Noon Motorcyclists. Gay Bikers of Utah meet most weekends to enjoy a ride through different scenic areas of Utah. Meet at Beans and Brews on Tuesdays at 6pm to decide the route. 5900 S. State Street.

Jamie, (801) 598-0760, gaybikersofUT @yahoogroups.com

Alcoholics Anonymous Tuesdays 8pm Alcoholics Anonymous. St. Paul’s Church, 261 S. 900 East

Wednesdays 8pm Alcoholics Anonymous. Washington Terrace, 4601 S. 300 West, Ogden

Fridays 7:30-9pm Alcoholics Anonymous.

Español. Gallery Room at the Center, 355 N. 300 West

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Saturdays

Wednesdays

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First Sundays 10am-1:30pm Human Rights Campaign steering committee meeting.

Gallery Room at the Center, 361 N. 300 West. HRCSaltLakeUT@aol.com

Eleventh Day of Every Month 3-4pm Homeless Youth Task Force.

Group meets once a month to address the needs of the homeless youth.

Gallery Room at the Center, 361 N. 300 West

Arts First and Third Wednesdays 7-9pm DiverseCity Writing Series. Free writing workshop for all ages and writing levels. The Center, 361 N. 300 West Sara Gunderson (801) 957-4992

Third Fridays 6-9pm Gallery Stroll. Several dozen of Salt Lake’s finest galleries remain open until 9 p.m. for viewing.

Laura Durham (801) 533-3582

Social Second Mondays

Southern Utah

Wednesdays 7pm Dinner and a Homo. An evening of fun and flicks with the community.

Bijou Theater at Bluff and Sunset, St. George. Aimie, (435) 635-0624, sugltcc@yahoo.com 5pm Southern Utah University Pride Club. All are welcome to participate.

The Blue Kat, 90 W. Hoover Street, Cedar City. laundra@suu.edu, www. suu.edu/orgs/pride

Sundays 11am Latter Day Saints. Sunday morning coffee, bread and conversation. Xetava Gardens in Kayenta. 815 Coyote Gulch Court, Ivans Aimie, (435) 635-0624, sugltcc@yahoo.com

Third Sundays 7pm Family movie night at Doug and Kim’s. Movie, popcorn and socializing.

Doug or Kim, (435) 668-9702

Special Interest First Tuesdays 7-9:30pm Bi-Poly Group. Bisexual and Polyamorous group meeting.

Black Box Theater at the Center, 355 N. 300 West

Wednesdays

7-8:30 Integrity potluck. Open to all; a fun social gathering. St. Stephen’s Episcopal Church, 4615 S. 3200 West IntegrityUtah.org

6pm BDSM Discussion Group. Utah Power Exchange’s weekly coffee klatch. Stonewall Coffee Co., 361 N. 300 West. www.UtahPowerExchange. org

Second Tuesday

Last Thursdays

7:30-9pm Parents and Friends of Lesbians and Gays. Group meeting.

Black Box Theater at the Center, 355 N. 300 West

7pm Utah Bear Alliance. General meeting for bears, cubs and admirers. Black Box Theater at the Center, 355 N. 300 West. Noal Robinson, (801) 949-3989

APRIL 29, 2004

Third Saturdays

Third Wednesdays

10am Western Transsexual Network.

Meet and discuss issues relating to gender change. Gallery Room at the Center, 361 N. 300 West

7pm In Tune. For young singers, songwriters and musicians. Youth Activity Center at the Center, 355 N. 300 West. “bob,” (801) 539-8800, ext. 14

7pm Salt Lake Community College GLBT Student Union. South City Campus, Room W111G. Gordon Storrs, (801) 957-4562, Gordon.storrs@slcc.edu.

First Sundays

Thursdays

Saturdays

11am Utah Bear Alliance brunch.

Social/service organization for Bears, Cubs and their admirers. Call for locations. Noal Robinson, (801) 949-3989

7pm Young Men’s Group. Ages 13-19.

Open discussion and activities determined by participants and facilitator.Youth Activity Center at the Center, 355 N. 300 West. “bob,” (801) 539-8800, ext. 14

Sundays 4pm Latin Divas. Latin drag organization plans for shows, activities and fund raisers. Black Box Theater at the Center, 361 N. 300 West. Juan Lopez (801) 577-5927

Testing Second and Fourth Wednesdays Free HIV/STD testing and counseling.

Gallery Room at the Center, 361 N. 300 West

Women Lesbian support group. Must call to get information. University of Utah Women’s Resource Center. 581-8030, www.sa.utah.edu/women

Third Saturdays 6:30pm sWerve Monthly. Gathering for lesbian and bisexual women to meet in a safe, social environment. www.SwerveUtah.com.

Sundays 2pm Northern Utah Women Recreational Opportunities Club. Social organization for women in the Ogden area. groups.yahoo.com/group/ OgdenOutdoorWomen 11am-3pm Pride Softball League.

Come join — we will fit you onto a team. Jordan Park, 1000 S. 900 West.

Kaos168@hotmail.com

Varying Saturdays 11am Utah Singles for single lesbian women. The Center, 361 N. 300 West. groups.yahoo.com/group/lesbian_singles

Youth Ages 13-19 First Wednesdays 7pm Young Women’s Support Group.

Open discussion and activities determined by the participants and the facilitator. Youth Activity Center at the Center, 355 N. 300 West. “bob,” (801) 539-8800, ext. 14

Second & Fourth Wednesdays 7pm Queer Slam. An open workshop for all young people who are into poetry slams and gettin’ the word out! Youth Activity Center at the Center, 355 N. 300 West. “bob,” (801) 539-8800 ext. 14

Fridays 7:30pm Movie night. Youth Activity Center at the Center, 355 N., 300 West. “bob,” (801) 539-8800, ext. 14

Saturdays 2pm Queers in Action. Want to hold a “Queers for Peace” sign at a rally, plan Utah’s QUEER PROM, or start your own organization? If things like this sound fun to you then join us. Youth Activity Center at the Center, 355 N. 300 West. “bob,” at (801) 539-8800, ext. 14 4pm Gayme Time. PlayStation2 and XBOX games. Use ours or bring yours.

Board games and cards also available.

Youth Activity Center at the Center, 355 N. 300 West. “bob,” (801) 539-8800, ext. 14

First Saturdays Generation Gap. An opportunity to share coming out stories and other queer stories between generations.

Stonewall Coffee Co., 355 N. 300 West. “bob,” (801) 539-8800, ext. 14

Third Sundays 2pm Collage of Utah. Support group for children of gay or lesbian parents.

Youth Activity Center at the Center, 355 N. 300 West Erica Summers, (801) 583-5300

Young Adult Ages 18-30 Mondays 7:30pm University of Utah Lesbian/Gay Student Union. Union Building, Room 411. (801) 587-7973, www.utah.edu/lgsu 7pm Pride Alliance of USU. Meets when school is in session. TSC 335.

(435) 797-4297, www.usu.edu/pride

Tuesdays 8pm Weber State University Delta Lambda Sappho Union. Junction Room, Student Union. Katharine MacKay, (801) 626-6782, Julie_Drach@hotmail.com

Various times Gay LDS Young Adults, An organization that welcomes everyone but has a focus on young adults with an LDS background. glya@hotmail.com, glyautah@yahoo. com, www.glya.com

Religious Sundays 4pm Affirmation. Gay and lesbian Latter-day Saints. SLC, Ogden and Provo meeting sites. Rick Bickmore, (801) 860-6497, www.affirmation.org 9am First Unitarian Church of Salt Lake. 569 S. 1300 East. (801) 5828687 9am Holladay United Church of Christ.

All are welcome in our diverse community of faith. 2631 E. Murray-Holladay Road (801) 277-2631 9am Glory to God Community Church.

375 Harrison Blvd., Ogden (801) 394-0204 9:30am Provo Community Church. 175 N. University Ave., (801) 375-9115 11am Integrity. Episcopal ministry.

(801) 566-1311 11am Glory to God Community Church. 375 Harrison Blvd., Ogden (801) 394-0204 11am Metropolitan Community Church of SLC. 823 S. 600 East.

(801) 595-0052 Noon Restoration Church of Jesus Christ. 2900 S. State Street. (801) 359-1151 7pm Reconciliation. For those wishing to hold to some of the tenets of the LDS church. Regular lessons taken from approved church manuals. Russ (801) 259-3800, (801) 296-4797

Quarterly Family Fellowship. A diverse collection of Mormon families engaged in the cause of strengthening families with homosexual members. SLC, Ogden and Provo. Gary or Millie, (801) 374-1447, wattsfam@aol.com, www.LDSFamilyFellowship.org

Wednesdays

This month’s calendar brought to by

5pm Southern Utah University Pride Club. All welcome to participate. Blue Kat, 90 W. Hoover Street, Cedar City laundra@suu.edu, www.suu.edu/ksuu

To get your organization’s activities mentioned in this section, please email calendar@slmetro.com

Movie Guide THE ALAMO Legendary frontiersman Davy Crockett (Billy Bob Thornton) leads the defense of an undermanned Alamo against Santa Anna’s (Emilio Echevarria) superior Mexican forces as Texas struggles for independence. Though aware of the impending slaughter, Gen. Sam Houston (Dennis Quaid) refuses to send reinforcements, willing to sacrifice the fortress for strategic advantage. This lengthy historical epic, based on the infamous 1836 battle, offers handsome production design, an A-list cast, and fine performances from Quaid and an overly made-up Thornton. Ultimately, though, the film falls flat, thanks to a poorly edited, badly shot climactic attack scene that occasionally resembles a video game and lacks suspense and emotional resonance. Echevarria provides further irritation as he transforms the formidable Santa Anna into a Snidely Whiplash-like cartoon villain.

GRADE: C KINSEY SCALE: 2 (Houston’s favorite insult to fling is “catamite.” The vibe between Houston and his pal Jim Bowie (Jason Patric) is fraught with homoerotic undertones, particularly in one intimate conversation where Houston begs Bowie to bring him the Alamo’s cannon. Quaid, Patric, and costar Patrick Wilson have all played queer characters. Director John Lee Hancock wrote the screenplay for Midnight in the Garden of Good and Evil.)

CONNIE AND CARLA After witnessing a murder, Chicago lounge singers Connie (Nia Vardalos) and Carla (Toni Collette) lam out for L.A., hiding in plain sight as drag queens so that they won’t have to give up their showbiz dreams. They quickly become West Hollywood stars, but when their pal Peaches’ (Stephen Spinella) straight brother, Jeff (David Duchovny), catches Connie’s eye, she begins to find crossdressing a real drag. It is unbelievable that anyone would buy these women as transvestites, the story occasionally becomes bogged down in cloying sentimentality, and Vardalos’ latest screenwriting effort plays like My Big, Fat Queer Sitcom. For all of that, the movie is surprisingly fun, thanks to a ton of classic show tunes performed by an enthusiastic ensemble that is clearly having a ball.

GRADE: B KINSEY SCALE: 5 (Most of the characters are queer, and so is the milieu, even if Vardalos seems to have learned about it from watching The Adventures of Priscilla, Queen of the Desert and The Boys in the Band. Out actors in the cast include Angels in America star Spinella and M. Butterfly star Alec Mapa. Collette and co-star Debbie Reynolds have appeared in queerthemed projects, while Duchovny played a tranny FBI agent on Twin Peaks.)

ELLA ENCHANTED At birth, Ella of Frell (Anne Hathaway) is given a backhanded gift from a rogue fairy (Vivica Fox): the curse of perfect obedience. Although she does her best to keep her problem a secret, Ella eventually comes under the control of an evil stepsister and a corrupt king (Cary Elwes) who wants to use her against his own nephew, the prince (Hugh Dancy). Complicating matters is that Ella falls in love with the prince while simultaneously trying to save the kingdom from the unjust laws of its wicked ruler. Because Ella Enchanted is essentially a children’s film, it’s a safe bet that everything works out in the end; but this sweet-natured movie, in spite of some weak characterizations (there are simply too many characters to do them all justice), bad special effects, and poorly planned musical num-

bers, still manages to charm. Thank Hathaway for that – her winning, likable heroine is the sweetest part of this sometimes run-of-the-mill fantasy.

GRADE: B- KINSEY SCALE: 1 (Gay director Tommy O’Haver knows how to throw in what lots of gay men like: eye-candy visuals – with a hot prince as a centerpiece – and a couple of pop-song-appropriating musical numbers, a la Moulin Rouge. As for the cast, co-star Joanna Lumley is a veteran of Absolutely Fabulous, and Minnie Driver has a recurring role on Will & Grace.)

ETERNAL SUNSHINE OF THE SPOTLESS MIND Joel Barish (Jim Carrey) is grieving a breakup with his girlfriend, Clementine (Kate Winslet), and seeking reconciliation, when he discovers that she has already undergone a procedure to have all her memories of their relationship erased from her mind. Distraught, he rushes to have the same procedure.

Unfortunately, interference from the slacker technicians in charge (Mark Ruffalo, Elijah Wood) creates havoc in Joel’s brain. In this black comedy about memory, heartbreak, and desire, the past collides with the present and the future, time collapses, and characters are trapped in repeating cycles of melancholy absurdity. Add to the mindwarp of a Charlie Kaufman script a visual style from French director Michel Gondry that continually tricks the eye with scruffy special effects designed to fade into the background and unsettle the viewer, and the result is a weird, sad, yet exhilarating film.

GRADE: A- KINSEY SCALE: 1 (No gay content here, but much of the cast has been gay on camera before.

Carrey’s early career on the TV show In Living Color included playing the recurring character of an obnoxious ACT UP demonstrator. Winslet has taken on lesbian/bisexual roles in films like Heavenly Creatures and Iris. Co-stars Jane Adams, David Cross, and Tom Wilkinson have all portrayed gay, lesbian, or transgendered characters in various projects.)

HELLBOY Discovered as an infant by Allied soldiers during a WWII raid on a Nazi paranormal operation, Hellboy (Ron Perlman) grows up to be a red-skinned, cat-loving, Baby Ruth-chomping FBI operative, complete with horns and tail.When Professor Broom (John Hurt), his adoptive father, is murdered, Hellboy travels to Russia in search of the killer and comes face to face with his origins and his apparently apocalyptic destiny. The story is silly and the villains are cliched, but Guillermo Del Toro directs this atmospheric, comicbook-inspired adventure yarn with great verve, nicely balancing impressive special effects with near nonstop action and welcome bursts of humor. Best of all is Perlman, who infuses the heroic, sardonic, and otherworldly creature with warm humanity.

GRADE: B+ KINSEY SCALE: 1 (Perlman appeared in the gay-themed comedy Happy, Texas, while Hurt has essayed a number of memorable queer characters, including Quentin Crisp in The Naked Civil Servant. Co-star Selma Blair made her screen debut in In & Out.)

JERSEY GIRL Ollie Trinke (Ben Affleck) is a flippant music publicist who, in quick succession, becomes a father, a widower, and jobless. Moving home from Manhattan to New Jersey to live with his father (George Carlin) and raise his daughter (Raquel Castro), he discovers unexpected joy in parenthood and possible romance with video-store clerk Maya

(Liv Tyler). And yes, Jay and Silent Bob fans, this is a movie from writer/director Kevin Smith, but don’t expect the perpetually stoned duo to show up. In fact, don’t expect to laugh as much either, as this stale, stifled bit of heartfelt warmth is an emphatic detour from Smith’s foul-mouthed, anything-goes, R-rated tradition. His intentions are honorable, but sweet-natured, PG-13rated movies about daddies who love their little girls don’t suit this filmmaker, no matter how much of a family man he himself has become.

GRADE: C KINSEY SCALE: 2 (Director Smith is nothing if not gay-inclusive. Every film he’s made has included a gay character or gay subject matter, most notably Chasing Amy, in which a hetero man – played by Affleck – falls in love with a lesbian.

Tyler played a lesbian in Dr. T and the Women; co-star Jennifer Lopez was a wishy-washy lesbian in Gigli; and Carlin played a hitchhiker who offers gay sex for rides in Smith’s Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back.)

KILL BILL: VOL. 2 The Bride (Uma Thurman) returns in this final chapter (perhaps – director Quentin Tarantino’s already talking about a third volume) of the blood-drenched revenge fantasy about a wronged woman on a rampage. But the second part doesn’t pack the maniacal wallop of the first. In place of the earlier film’s frenzied blood orgy come the answers to the questions Vol. 1 dangled in front of the audience but shrugged off in its quest to have the highest body count in film history. Backstory involving The Bride’s kung-fu training and a couple of unexpected plot twists keep things interesting, as does Tarantino’s constant need to display his love for and ability to stylishly rip off the movies that influenced him. Just be prepared for long waits between savage sword fights.

GRADE: B KINSEY SCALE: 1 (Thurman starred in Gus Van Sant’s Even Cowgirls Get the Blues.)

and Gibson’s view of humanity – here in the guise of bloodthirsty Jews and psychopathic Romans – could scarcely be more misanthropic. It is hard to imagine what the apparently devout Gibson was thinking with this handsome, but dismal production, which is not a celebration of Christ’s life, but a numbing dirge.

GRADE: D KINSEY SCALE: 0 (There is no sexual content of any kind – hetero, homo, or otherwise.)

THE PRINCE AND ME Paige Morgan (Julia Stiles), a pre-med student at University of Wisconsin, meets and instantly dislikes girl-crazy Eddie (Luke Mably). Little does she know that he’s the Prince of Denmark. Yet as the two develop a friendship and then fall in love, the studious Paige ends up with serious choices to make about her future. In fact, this fictional independent woman is the strongest thing about this lazy movie, a film seemingly constructed for a very specific audience: gay men and 12-year-old girls with very low expectations. In this movie, plot conflicts and peripheral characters disappear, and common sense and feminist ideals fly out the window. Even the weather makes no sense, as a Wisconsin “winter” has green trees swaying in the breeze. In short, the movie’s a mess, but not one without a message: if he’s cute, blond, and royal, nothing else matters.

GRADE: D KINSEY SCALE: 1 (There’s a throwaway bit of dialogue suggesting that the prince and his valet might actually be lovers. Co-star Miranda Richardson, in the thankless role of Denmark’s queen, appeared in The Crying Game. Director Martha Coolidge directed a segment of HBO’s lesbianthemed If These Walls Could Talk 2.)

THE PUNISHER When an FBI sting results in the death of the son of mob boss Howard Saint (John Travolta), he orders G-man Frank Castle (Thomas Jane) and his entire family killed. Surviving the assault, Castle – armed with an arsenal of guns, bombs, and even land mines – declares war on Saint’s organization. The plot of this Marvel-comic-inspired movie is a mishmash of elements stolen from other vigilante films, and Jane’s vapid hero fails to generate any empathy.

Worst of all is the film’s nasty tone, as director Jonathan Hensleigh revels in each act of ever-escalating brutality. The real punishment is the one delivered to viewers who have to sit through two-plus hours of sadism disguised as entertainment.

GRADE: F KINSEY SCALE: 2 (As he did 17 years ago in No Way Out, Will Patton plays a loyal and cruel closet case. Castle’s next-door neighbors appear to be a gay couple. Jane, as well as co-stars Roy Scheider, Laura Harring, and Rebecca Romijin-Stamos, have all played queer characters.)

WALKING TALL When Chris Vaughn (The Rock) returns home to his small Washington town after eight years in the military, he discovers that everything has been turned upside down by a spoiled, rich lumber heir (Neil McDonough). The mill is closed, a corrupt casino is the town’s new biggest employer, sweet hometown girls have become strippers, and drugs are sold to kids on street corners. Even the cops are in on it. This means, of course, that The Rock and his two-by-four of justice have some skulls to crack open in the name of decency. Guns are fired, too, of course – it wouldn’t be a revenge fantasy without them – but they’re not nearly as visually appealing as the big man swinging his manly piece of wood.

However, what is especially appealing

about this sloppy, steroidal bit of reactionary nonsense is its length: it may be all dumb rage, but at least it only lasts about 80 minutes.

GRADE: D KINSEY SCALE: 2 (Well, first there’s that piece of wood.

Then there’s The Rock with no shirt on. Then there’s that close-up Rock crotch shot. Then there’s the presence of Johnny Knoxville – formerly of the wickedly funny and consistently homoerotic Jackass TV series and film – as the quippy best friend who softens The Rock’s all-man, all-the-time stance.

Isn’t it funny how movies about male anger and the triumph of the metaphoric penis turn out to be gayer than movies with actual gay characters?)

THE WHOLE TEN YARDS Jimmy “The Tulip” Tudeski (Bruce Willis), Oz (Matthew Perry), and Jill (Amanda Peet) are back for more hitman madness. This time around, Jill and Tulip are unhappy newlyweds: she wants to go out on murderous jobs, but he wants to stay home and make cookies. The movie abounds in missed-shot gunplay and missed opportunity gags, and when the cute, strained dialogue fails to create laughs – and it does that quite successfully – the pratfalls begin.

Unfortunately, there are only so many times a viewer can watch Perry fall down or bang his head on something before realizing that whatever charm was in the first film has been killed by sequel-money-hungry studio executives. Here’s hoping no one gets any “eleven yards” ideas.

GRADE: D KINSEY SCALE: 1 (There’s an idiotic homosexual panic moment in which Perry and Willis wake up naked in bed together. They cuddle for a moment before realizing that they’re both men, and the “Yuck! I’m fondling a dude!” looks of revulsion hit their faces. Hilarious, right?)

Kinsey Rating Guide 0–6: 0 = no gay content 6 = absolutely gay

THE LADYKILLERS The Coen Brothers reach for a new low in bad taste and find it in this virtually laugh-free comedy that trades on racism, noxious stereotypes, and infantile vulgarity. In this remake of a 1955 film, Tom Hanks plays Professor G.H. Dorr, an effete, logorrheic thief and head of a gang of morons who plan to rob a riverboat casino. When Dorr’s elderly landlady, Mrs. Munson (Irma P. Hall), stumbles onto their scheme, the race is on to rub her out before she can make good her threat to report them. It’s a toss-up as to which is more excruciating – the vile humor, or Hanks’ annoying, one-note performance, which is a cross between Colonel Sanders and Foghorn Leghorn.

The gospel soundtrack is wonderful, but that hardly compensates for the rest of this empty-headed exercise.

GRADE: D KINSEY SCALE: 1 (Hanks won his first Oscar for playing the gay, AIDS-afflicted lawyer in Philadelphia.

Co-star J.K. Simmons was a regular on the queer-themed series Oz.)

THE PASSION OF THE CHRIST After months of controversy, Mel Gibson’s retelling of the last 12 hours of the life of Jesus Christ (Jim Caviezel) arrives with all the subtlety of a hammer blow.

Gibson displays a connoisseur’s eye for torture in this brutally violent, sometimes stomach-turning affair, with excruciating images ranging from flagellation to nails being driven into flesh. With the emphasis on death rather than resurrection, this is far darker than most biblical dramas,

APRIL 29, 2004

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Queeriscaping Wait for it

by Brandie Balken This is possibly the most difficult time of year to be a gardener. Everywhere you look there are the signs that spring is truly here, that it is safe to begin the annual labor of love known as the garden.

For some, this may simply be a patch of tomatoes, peppers and herbs that enrich your summer cuisine. For others, it is the beloved perennial beds that continuously inspire and awaken the senses. There are those who glean their joy from the hearty and lovely grasses, cacti and succulents of the xeriscaped garden, and there are people whose ideal garden is awash in annual color and lush green grass.

If you are in this last category, you can stop reading now — this column does not cater to you. I am a desert lover, and I appreciate the dry four seasons we grow in.

If you feel you must have scads of Kentucky bluegrass and large, water-sucking beds of annuals, perhaps you should think about living somewhere other than Utah — I hear the grass grows greener in Virginia.

This is not to say that I don’t appreciate the consistent blooms of a well-placed and well-chosen annual, but to all things there must be balance.

Now is the time to be preparing for the bounty of outdoor delight that our short, hot summers have to offer. However, now is really not the prime time to begin planting. If you’ve lived here for more than two seasons, you know the weather is unpredictable. It can be 60 degrees for two weeks preceding a hard frost that lasts two days — enough to frost off the $250 worth of new plant children you’ve recently invested in.

Just don’t do it! Patience, Grasshopper: Spring will come.

Now is the time to prepare. If you love a veggie/herb garden, there is no better time than the present to sow the seeds of the plants to come. It can be incredibly satisfying to poke those tiny tomato seeds into makeshift egg carton planters. It feels like gardening! Shopping for seeds is itself quite wonderful, and many local nurseries have begun carrying heirloom varieties of tomatoes, cukes and peppers.

If you’re the perennial garden type, now is the time to do the final cleanup. You want to make sure all your grasses and non-woody perennials are cut back now — if you don’t do it before they begin their spring growth, it becomes a tedious nightmare trying to trim the dead from the living.

Please remember, though, that it is not the time to prune your woody perennials, flowering trees, vines, etc. Have you ever seen Forsythia that has blooms packed around the old growth but not a single one on the new growth? This is because they were pruned at the wrong time. Because woody plants set their blooming and fruiting sites immediately after their flowering cycle, you should wait until then before pruning these plants.

Clean up all the fallen leaves that have collected around the bases of your plants and all the slugs and snails that have hibernated with them. We’ll probably have 24

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at least one more hard frost, so cleaning up can help cut the number of slimy pests eating your new growth this summer.

Aerate — this is like plant massage.

Aeration allows the compacted soil to more readily accept moisture and air, and roots need both of these elements to be healthy.

I like to use a “soil probe” for this (sounds exciting, eh?) Look for this simple gardening tool at any local nursery.

Finally, if you must plant, plant wisely.

Many nurseries are currently offering hearty perennials, succulents and cold-loving annuals. I always indulge in containerizing — accessorizing my front patio with plants. Try to choose container plants that will segue into your overall garden plan.

Container gardening is a wonderful way to begin experimenting with xeric plants.

You can mix some blue fescue with mountain columbine and with hens and chicks (Sempervivum) to make a fabulous, colorful planter. These plants can also be the beginning of your first xeric bed!

I feel it necessary to inform all Utahns that we rank second in water usage per

capita, yet we are also the second driest state in the nation.

The relatively wet winter we had does not justify maintaining a large lawn this summer. If you are uncertain where and how to begin the transformation of your water-wasting lawn, stay tuned — there is more to come.

Always remember: If you have but two coins left in the world, buy a loaf of bread with one and a lily with the other.

Brandie Balken is a horticulturist in Salt Lake City and can be seen at Cactus & Tropicals

Red,White & Bubbly Drink Different.

by Beau Jarvis After a dozen years of using bland, generic PCs that resembled beige shoeboxes, I decided I needed a change. I bought a Mac. It’s sleek, stylish, and downright sexy.

(Okay, so I like shiny silver objects. Who doesn’t?) I now actually look forward to using my computer. I feel more creative. I’m glad I tried something new.

The same can be said for wine. Many wine drinkers get in the habit of drinking safe wines — wines that are familiar and dependable.

That’s all fine and good, but what about the other 300 or so mystery bottles sitting on the shelves in the wine shop?

We have excuses to help us avoid most of them. Too expensive: the California PowerCabernet “Chateau Schwarzenegger” for $144; an indecipherable label: the gothicscripted German wine that looks as if it were recently unearthed by Harrison Ford in his fedora. Of course, the excuse most of us use is: “Look — I like what I like. Get off my back!”

Unfortunately, when you experiment in the world of wine you can easily get burned.

A friend of mine recently grabbed a popular wine with a bright yellow label and a creative name. After her first sip, she gasped, “Is this poison?”

Yes, experimentation does have its drawbacks. However, it also has its rewards.

So put down your glass of Chardonnay and trust me. I’ll help you safely explore a few unique bottles around the wine world and to Drink Different.

Many think globalization is a bad thing.

It certainly can be a bad thing when you set out to experiment with wine. For example, there are now Italian Merlots that taste like, well, Merlot. Nothing on the bottle says “Sono Italiano.” These wines just as easily could have come from Australia or California.

Many wineries around the globe have adopted “international” grape varieties and modern winemaking techniques. Often, the result is a good but fairly blasé wine. Why settle for a merely drinkable wine when, with a little exploration and experimentation, you can discover vintages that are uniquely tasty?

One country that still produces distinctive wine is Portugal. Of course, Portugal is well known for its highly regarded dessert wine, Port. There is much more to Portuguese wine

than Port, however. Many Portuguese wines are made using native grape varieties with exotic-sounding names such as “Touriga Francesa” and “Tinta Roriz.” These wines offer great flavors and are food-friendly to boot.

One of my favorites is Ramos Pinto Duas Quintas 2001. Duas Quintas is a dry red wine made from three of the same grape varieties used in Port. This lovely red wine doesn’t put your mouth in a tannic vice grip. Rather, it slides a velvet slipcover over the tongue.

It is deep ruby in color with subtle scents of blackberry, strawberry and black plum. In the mouth a little spice springs to life, followed by red fruits and traces of vanilla to finish. At $9, this wine is a steal. Drink it with garlic-roasted chicken or broiled Portobello mushrooms covered in Fontina cheese. If only all experiments could be so rewarding!

If you don’t want to (figuratively) cross the Atlantic for a wine tasting experiment, you can take a short jaunt up to Oregon.

There are great Pinots in Oregon: Pinot Blanc, Pinot Gris and Pinot Noir.

One outstanding Oregon wine is Elk Cove Pinot Gris, 2002 or ’03, for $14. This white wine is one of my favorite domestic discoveries. It offers a fascinating bouquet of scents: cinnamon, clove, apricot, peach and honeysuckle. A sip of Elk Cove is mouthwatering with citrus and fresh peach flavors.

The real surprise comes when you swish

(yes, swish!) this wine around in your mouth. The sensation can only be described as silky. One could spend an entire evening sipping, swishing and admiring this wine. However, if you happen to be hungry, sip and swish Elk Cove Pinot Gris with grilled salmon, stir fry veggies or Thai satay.

There are many more distinctive wines that make for rewarding experimentation: Malbec from Argentina, Aussie Semillon, Primitivo from Italy’s heel and South African Pinotage to name just a few. Don’t settle for the same old safe wine. Luckily, for the time being at least, the world is still filled with unique wines that reflect a sense of place. The best part is that most of these wines can be had at reasonable prices.

Who knows? Maybe a little wine experimentation will inspire you to turn over a new leaf. You’ll become a free spirit. You’ll quit work and begin leading a Bohemian lifestyle. You’ll start a compost pile. You will darn all of your socks!

Wait — that all sounds exhausting. Let’s just start by experimenting with wine and then see what develops. Cheers!

Beau Jarvis is a sommelier, wine consultant and wine educator. He operates basicjuice.com — an independent wine review and information website.

BOOK REVIEW

wasn’t trying to hide who he was.”

Connolly’s consistent attacks on those who did not conform to his conservative notions were, Holley believed, fueled by a rage incited by the proscriptions of normal society. “There were just so many things that he could not do [that] the majority of people could — for example, more of her breasts — he’d give ’em a go out with your significant other in little cheesecake, in other words. Once public. Although people realized what the he had done that he was free to discuss relationship [with Zappia] was, the prowhatever he wished, or to spread news of prieties of the time would not allow them whatever he wished, and that was when to show up as a couple at Hollywood he could get into the subtle gay stuff.” functions. It was a difficult time.”

Those in the know would immediately Holley asserts that while Connolly pick up on Connolly’s references, and wasn’t trying to cloak his homosexuality that faction was large, by attacking others, the as Holley explained: venom behind these at“Back then in the fiftacks was certainly fueled ties, people in Holly“His writing was so by the rage of an outsider. wood, whether gay or That Connolly and incredible, I thought, Holley straight, were mostly share this sense of very hip people, ‘My goodness, this is the outcast, coming, as so they could read both do, from strict just a gossip column they between the lines. religious foundations And Mike knew they and look at how he (Catholic and Mormon, could read between respectively), led to the can write.” the lines.” question of whether or not The form of Holley feels connected in Connolly’s column any way to the man he has is somewhat mirchosen to resurrect from rored by Holley’s choice of structure; the obscurity. “As a fellow writer, I admire episodic chapters stand in contrast to his gift and I certainly tried to learn from the linear format typically used by bioghim. So there was a connection to him raphers. Since Mike Connolly “is, very as a writer. I describe his feeling about sadly, mostly forgotten today,” Holley normal people as a sort of rage. Now I placed all “the juicy stuff … the best bait wouldn’t say that I have the same kind of … all the gay gossip” right up front. rage — I think I’m a little easier on the huIndeed, Chapter 1, “Fool for Fellas” (an man race than he was. But I still identify alliteration that is itself inspired by Connolly), lists Connolly’s sexual exploits with Hollywood notables and introduces Connolly’s “genuine love match,” Joseph Zappia. The book winds its way, zigzag style, through Connolly’s life, the twists and turns never confusing thanks to Holley’s careful research and presentation.

Holley’s writing style also echoes the mode that shaped the “Rambling Reporter” columns, as this excerpt from page 3 displays: “[The column’s] abundance of cheesecake items, often downright bawdy, spewed from the portable Corona of a gay man.” Holley reports that Connolly wolf-whistled, trumpeted and hyperventilated his column items; after all, it wouldn’t be proper to record the raucous Connolly as having simply “said” something. In this manner, Holley remained true to his subject’s tongue.

Holley’s obvious respect for Connolly the writer does not, however, hamper fact, especially when Connolly was at his worst. Initially, Holley believed that Connolly’s anticommunist crusade — one that ruined the lives of former and suspected communists — was actually a cover for his homosexuality. Holley said, “I thought, ‘This is reprehensible, this is terrible, why is he doing this?’ I suspected that he was doing the anticommunist thing to distract the public’s attention from his own homosexuality.

And I thought, ‘How awful, what an awful thing to do.’”

Holley soon reversed his position, however, upon realizing “that probably was wrong because he wasn’t a closet case. He

A Good Mormon Boy Writes About a Good Catholic Boy

by Mandy Q. Racer

Very much like watching the movie Trainspotting, one uninitiated in the Hollywood fifties scene must read Val Holley’s book, Mike Connolly and the Manly Art of Hollywood Gossip, with initial patience, waiting for its thick tongue to sink into one’s brain.

Once acclimated, however, the seemingly endless list of Hollywood names, of which at first only a small percentage is recognizable, begins to take on a familiarity that grows with each page. Holley’s writing style and structure weave the reader inward to this state of fluency and are heavily informed by his subject.

This biography of Hollywood’s vitriolic gay gossip columnist, Mike Connolly, becomes in itself a thick, juicy column that focuses not just on Connolly, but on the lives affected by his spicy writing.

Val Holley was born and raised in Weber County and attended law school at the University of Utah. Holley didn’t come out until he was 25; before that experience, he described himself as a “male old maid” to a female date.

“I guess I was terribly, terribly naïve at the time not to realize what I really liked,” Holley said in an interview with Salt Lake Metro. This changed at the age of 25, when he “developed quite a friendship with the music director” of a musical presented by his student ward, called, ironically enough, The Boyfriend.

Holley, therefore, was primed to read between Connolly’s lines — to “see through” him: “I can discern who and what you are,” Holley said in an indirect address to the long-dead Connolly, “and I’m going to tell your story.”

The research for Holley’s 1995 book, James Dean: the Biography, acted as the catalyst for his second biography. While slogging through “what every gossip columnist in Hollywood had written about [Dean],” Holley was delighted to come across Connolly’s column: “His writing was so incredible, I thought, ‘My goodness, this is just a gossip column and look at how he can write.’ … He just had a sparkling quality. I never thought a gossip column could be considered as literature, but if it could then this is it. After I had read only a few [columns] — maybe four or five — I said, ‘I think this man is gay,’ because there’s just this fabulousness to his writing. I started asking around and, in fact, he was.”

Mike Connolly’s daily gossip column, the “Rambling Reporter,” written for the Hollywood Reporter, comprised three large paragraphs: “He would give the public, first of all, what it was looking for,” said Holley, “and the Hollywood Reporter was rather a right-wing paper, so he would throw out a few anticommunist tidbits for them, and then he’d talk about which upcoming actress was showing

with him as being an outsider, the kind of boy who tries to be very good, to do everything the adults say, to be a good boy in compensation for not trying to be the rough-and-tumble boy that all the others were. I felt that I had that in common with him. There was also a sense of power on my part as I was writing the book. In fact, there was an interesting thing that happened while I was doing the research.

I got into the practice of reading his columns on the anniversary of when they appeared. One day he was talking about the future and he mentioned the date — it was in the year 2000. That was the day I read the column. So suddenly there was that little spark, that little connection like something from another world.”

Holley sums up their authorial connection: “It was, essentially, that I was a good Mormon boy writing about a good Catholic boy.”

Val Holley has managed to not only remind the public of this man after a forty-year absence, but he does so with a style that revives Connolly’s venom and vitality. With the help of Holley’s wellcrafted vitae, Mike Connolly’s inventive, daring and uproarious writing lives on in a new era.

Val Holley is a legislative and reference librarian now residing in Washington, D.C. “Mike Connolly and the Manly Art of Hollywood Gossip” is published by McFarland & Company, Inc., P.O. Box 611, Jefferson, NC 28640. 800-253-2187.

Come to Borders and treat your senses well.

With over 200,000 books, CDs & DVDs, and great beverages in the cafe, we have plenty for you to choose from & enjoy.

Or browse & shop at www.borders.com.* *Online prices may vary.

Four convenient Utah locations Salt Lake • Murray • Provo • Logan APRIL 29, 2004

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Sports

by David Nelson

The Gay Games VII Sports Program has been expanded to feature five new popular sports. Athletes will now be able to compete in rugby, darts, flag football (American style), billiards (pool) and “dance sport” (ballroom dancing) at the 2006 games in Chicago. The five new sports were selected after a thorough review of available venues, interest from potential competitors, the sports legacy of Gay Games I through VI and financial viability. Federation of Gay Games leaders approved the request by Chicago Games Inc. organizers for the additional sports in a vote that concluded on April 9.

“Dance sport and rugby are both global sports that have seen significant recent growth in the U.S.,” said CGI chairwoman Suzanne Arnold. “One of the strengths of the Gay Games movement has been to introduce sports to our worldwide communities, often yielding international growth. Having dance sport and rugby in the Chicago Gay Games will help grow both sports in the U.S. and beyond.”

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“Darts, flag football and billiards are all popular in the U.S. and all three have shown recent significant growth in participation by U.S. LGBT sports leagues,” said CGI chairman Ted Cappas. “Chicago’s LGBT dart leagues count more than 300 participants, while Chicago’s LGBT flag football leagues may be the largest in the world, with 14 men’s teams and 20 women’s teams. This expertise helped give us the confidence to add these sports to Gay Games VII.” A total of 30 sports will now be featured at the quadrennial games. The sports program will also include badminton, basketball, beach volleyball, bowling, cycling, diving, figure skating, golf, ice hockey, marathon, martial arts, physique/bodybuilding, power lifting, racquetball, rowing, sailing, soccer, softball, swimming, tennis, track and field, triathlon, volleyball, water polo and wrestling. The cultural program will feature band and choral performances.

More than 12,000 participants are expected at the Games.

More information can be found on the Chicago Games website at Chicago2006.org

MICHAEL AARON

Gay Games Adds Five Sports in 2006

Players at the first gay and lesbian soccer game of the season, April 25 at Fairmont Park.

Gay and Lesbian Soccer returns to Fairmont

by Scott Abbott

Spring has sprung, and it’s time for all of you who love team sports to kick your way to Fairmont Park on Sunday afternoons.

Gay and lesbian soccer has returned for its seventh season.

Soccer started this year on April 25 and will run through summer and into fall until the weather becomes too cold.

Starting time is 2:30 p.m. every Sunday, except on Pride Day and Lagoon Day. Organizer Martin Grygar said that each Sunday 15-30 players and at least as many spectators come to the soccer games. New teams are chosen each week from among those who attend.

The games are kept informal and no standings are kept. Score is kept, but there is a long-standing tradition to call “next point wins” toward the end of the game in order to give both teams a chance at winning. The emphasis is on fun, teamwork, camaraderie and sportsmanship rather than on fierce competition. Everyone is invited to play and the only requirement is a good attitude and a sense of teamwork.

“I think that sports in general help to break down barriers and build bonds between people, but in the end we are all having fun,” said Gryger. “I also think that folks like to come out to relax, meet some friends and get exercise.”

“One year we came to the park and the pavilion on the west side of the field was being used by a group of Catholic and Protestant school kids from Northern Ireland,” said Gryger. “They were here on a cultural exchange aimed to help them build bonds that crossed religious lines.

When we started playing they asked if they could join, so we played with them as well. That was a lot of fun and I think it showed a lot of us how much we really have in common with others around the world.”

The games are for all ages, genders, sexual orientations, skill levels and abilities. There is no cost to play and everyone is welcome. Players are not required to know anything about soccer — the experienced players are willing to show new players the ropes.

Soccer cleats, shin guards and sunblock are recommended but not required. Many participants play in athletic shoes and gym shorts.

If soccer is not your game, there are also open volleyball games that start up in the sand pit near the soccer field, as well as basketball games at the east court.

Front Runners Spot First Finish Line The first International Front Runners Games will be held in Seattle July 21-25. Hosted

by Seattle Frontrunners, this quadrennial event includes the games’ track and field competition; “Run With Pride” 5K Road Race and Benefit Walk; and dinner. The group’s 2004 general meeting will also be held there.

Seattle runners expect weather during the event to be “superb.” While “Emerald City” has a reputation for being overcast, dreary and wet, they said July typically has temperate clear days ranging from 56 to 76 degrees. Located in the northwest region of Washington, the city is surrounded by water and rolling hills along with mountains located in three nearby national parks.

All competitors receive a participant ID card which entitles them to special discounts at selected stores and restaurants during the games’ five days. The individual character of Seattle’s distinctive neighborhoods is also a favorite activity for visitors.

Coors Cup Makes Ice History

by David Nelson

The Colorado Gay Ice Hockey Association and the Los Angeles Blades Hockey Club announced on April 8 a joint four-year sponsorship agreement with Coors Brewing Co. which establishes the Coors Cup, a charitable gay ice-hockey tournament.

The annual Labor Day weekend tournament becomes the first such competition in North America with a major corporate-title sponsor and the first to offer prize money that will be donated to each divisional champion’s charity of choice.

According to tournament committee Chairman Roger Wilson, it was the committee members’ desire to make philanthropy a key component of the event.

“At the very start, we decided we wanted to offer more than the traditional medals and trophies,” Wilson said. “We wanted the tournament outcomes to reach beyond just the teams that participate and offering prize money to the winning teams’ charities of choice is a great way to do that. The prize money is just one of the unique aspects of the tournament.”

“We are also considering a skills contest with the look and feel of the National Hockey Leagues skills contest held during the NHL All-Star weekend,” Wilson said.

“With the support from Coors, we think we will be able to stage the most exhilarating, professional and memorable GLBT hockey tournament in North America.”

“Denver and Los Angeles are great hockey towns,” Wilson said. “The climate is predictably ideal on Labor Day weekend, and both cities offer a wide range of attractions, including special Labor Day weekend festivities such as ‘Taste of Colorado’ and L.A.’s annual GLBT sports festival.”

“We are proud to lend our support and name to this exciting new sports event,” Coors Corporate Relations Manager Doug Sanborn said. “It is also a pleasure to be associated with such successful and community-involved gay athletic organizations as the CGIHA and the L.A. Blades.”

Venture Out Looking to join a group of gay or lesbian sports enthusiasts? Salt Lake Metro brings you this list of community resources.

Aquatics Queer Utah Aquatic Club quacquac.org

Athletics City of Hope Run and Walk for Hope cityofhope.org Frontrunners/Frontwalkers Utah frontrunnersutah.org Gay and Lesbian Coed Indoor Soccer League 801-299-0909

Gay and Lesbian Soccer jesper2@hotmail.com

Utah AIDS Foundation Walk For Life www.utahaids.org Utah Pride 5K Run-WalkRoll www.utahpride.org

Billiards and Darts Axis* clubaxis.com Brass Rail* utah.citysearch. com/profile/10407360

MoDiggity’s Sports Pub* modiggitys.com

Paper Moon* thepapermoon.com

Radio City Lounge utah.citysearch.com/ profile/10384552

Tournament venues will alternate between Denver and Los Angeles with the inaugural Coors Cup taking place on Sept. 3-6 at the University of Denver Magness Arena. The tournament will be suspended in 2006 but return for 2007 and 2008.

“We are proud and excited to have Coors Brewing Co. as the tournament’s title sponsor,” CGIHA President Andrew Winsett said. “With the support of Coors and the tournament-management expertise of the L.A. Blades, we hope to make the Coors Cup the most exciting gay hockey-tournament experience on the continent.”

CGIHA trains GLBT hockey players for national and international competition, and oversees the club’s Coors Light Colorado Climax teams that participate as openly gay in mainstream leagues and tournaments. The teams have won two league-divisional championships and four medals.

“After having successfully staged the ‘Play LA’ tournament over Labor Day weekend for the past three years, we are delighted to have this opportunity to help take gay tournaments to the next level,” LABHC Tournament Director Brynne Van Putten said. According to him, the Coors Cup tournament will replace the Play LA tournament for the term of the sponsorship agreement.

“Like many other gay hockey clubs in North America, we are impressed with what the CGIHA and its Colorado Climax hockey teams have achieved in just a few short years, thanks in part to the support of Coors Distributing Co.,” Van Putten said.

LABHC was the first openly gay men’s and women’s ice-hockey club in the United States. The club’s teams compete in the Pacific Coast Hockey League and have a strong winning tradition that includes the 2001-2002 Level 3 Winter Championship and four medals.

Equestrian

Gaming

Utah Gay Rodeo Association

Utah Cyber Sluts Bingo!

ugra.net

Trapp* and Trapp Door*

MoDiggity’s Sports Pub*

Lambda Hiking Club

thetrapp.com Try-Angles*clubtry-angles.com Vortex* 801-363-2623

Sports Sunday at Trapp* and Northern Utah Women ROC groups.yahoo.com/group/ Trapp Door*

Bowling

Sports Sunday at Try-Angles

Cycling Gay and Lesbian Motorcycle Riders of Utah groups.yahoo.com/group/ gaybikersofut

gayCyclingUtah groups.yahoo.com/group/ gaycyclingutah

Taco Wheels Moab Mountainbiking alysonadventures.com/bike/ gay/moab.htm

Utah Gay Mountain Bikers groups.yahoo.com/group/ utahgaymtnbike

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groups.msn.com/utahcybers

Outdoors

scott.millar@comcast.net

Crossword Puzzle

Solutions to WordSearch and the Crossword Puzzle can be found in the Comics.

Fans

Salt Lake Goodtimes Bowling League

Fun Stuff

modiggitys.com

thetrapp.com clubtry-angles.com

Federations Gay and Lesbian Athletics Foundation glaf.org Federation of Gay Games gaygames.com

Gay Outdoors gayoutdoors.com

GaySports gaysports.com gUTsports groups.yahoo. com/group/gutsports

Homophobia In Sports Project homophobiainsports.

gayhike.org

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Shooting Stonewall Shooting Sports of Utah stonewallshootingspor tsutah.org

Skiing Utah Gay and Lesbian Ski Week gayskiing.org/skiing/ indexu.htm

Softball Pride Community Softball League glccu.com/programs.html

Volleyball

com Gay and Lesbian Volleyball Outsports outsports.com 801-328-8891 x339 Rendez-Vous Montréal 2006 To get your group added Gay Sport and Cultural to this list, sned details to Festival montreal2006.org sports@slmetro.com Women’s Sports Foundation womenssportsfoundation.org

* private club for members

APRIL 29, 2004

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27

Health Sane Advice:

Creating a Circle of Health

by Jim Struve, Lee Beckstead, Lynette Malmstrom and LaDonna Moore

The gay and lesbian movement is at an interesting crossroads in history. We’ve made many wonderful gains since the Stonewall uprising in 1969: The very existence of a national gay marriage debate and a biweekly gay newspaper in Utah both reflect the magnitude of our progress.

At the same time, the barriers we still face sometimes seem impossibly difficult—it’s hard to imagine a sane resolution to the polarized culture war in which our sexuality is a pivotal issue.

We are left with the conundrum: Is our glass half full or half empty? Perception is critical to how we respond to this question—a question which can be answered more than one way. Whether you perceive life as an optimist or a pessimist probably influences whether you respond to the question from a half-full or half-empty perspective. In turn, your perspective reinforces your spirit of hope or cynicism.

Sometimes life is rather circular.

There is growing interest among health care professionals about a phenomenon

called the “great circle of illness:” Poor mental health (for example, depression, stress, low self-esteem) makes people more vulnerable to physical illness.

Likewise, poor physical health makes people more vulnerable to psychological difficulties.

An example of this phenomenon is the rather common experience of finding ourselves more prone to catching a cold when we are feeling under extreme stress and then finding ourselves feeling more depressed when being sick restricts us from doing something important we had planned. Sometimes we can get stuck in a cycle of relapsing illness.

Of course, the reverse may also be true: The better we feel emotionally, the more resistant we are to getting physically sick, which reinforces our positive mental health.

Consider how this phenomenon—this great circle of illness—may have affected each of us who identify as gay or lesbian.

Growing up in a predominantly heterosexist and homonegative culture, most of us were groomed to view alternative

sexual and gender identities through condemning eyes.

It’s easy to accept the beliefs of the dominant culture as truths. Those “facts” may then become the basis for what we believe to be true. Consequently, many of us learned to feel inferior about our sexuality and about ourselves, sometimes long before we even realized we were gay.

Even after coming out, we may remain susceptible to believing the stigma that our lifestyles are defective and immoral.

This, in turn, fosters poor self-esteem, and poor self-esteem makes us vulnerable to making unhealthy life choices.

Just getting through the day requires us to make many choices. Whether our choices support the status quo or reach for change is influenced by how we view our world. The identity of our collective community will reflect the combined energies of the choices each of us make on a daily basis. This brings us back to the matter of perception and stress.

Oppression is insidious because it discourages us from acting from our hearts.

When we forget to act from our hearts, we undermine the quality of our lives.

Too often, we accept our compromised expectations as being the best we can hope to attain. Furthermore, when we are excluded from the larger culture, we lose perspective about whether our experiences are normal or distorted.

After a while, it’s very difficult to live as a minority in an oppressive society without feeling demoralized. When we feel demoralized, we may settle for relationships that are grounded in survival. We may then stop reaching for companionships that nurture our potential to thrive.

To truly thrive, we must work to create an alternative process: a “great circle of health.”

Years ago our community was small and invisible. The only voices we heard were those of a dominant heterosexist culture.

But that is no longer true. We now have many individuals and organizations— both within and beyond our community—who are bravely speaking to affirm our lives and relationships. Furthermore, we now have visible role models within our own ranks: people who exemplify that we, too, can be healthy and thrive.

Right now we have a choice in how we nurture our perceptions of our lives. The

pessimistic part of us may be listening to the half-empty part of the glass. This is reinforced every day by the negative chatter of the dominant culture.

The optimistic part of us, however, can choose to move that chatter into the background. When we do this, we become better able to listen to the half-full part of our glass. If we truly listen, we really can hear an abundance of affirming voices coming from within—and increasingly from beyond—our own ranks.

How we perceive our lifestyles, our community and ourselves will impact our emotional experiences. Our emotional experiences will influence our behaviors. How we act will then directly and collectively impact how we and others perceive our lifestyles, the community and ourselves. Once again, we return to the inevitable realities of the circle.

If your life is characterized by the circle of illness phenomenon, consider what life could be like if you reached beyond that circle and the half-empty perspective. If the circle of health phenomenon characterizes your life, consider how you could offer your life experience as a gift to others in our community.

We are looking forward to this column as a regular Salt Lake Metro feature.

Future columns will address the variety of issues that are significant to both the half-full and the half-empty portion of our mental health reservoir. However, we have a bias: We want our community to be distinguished for its ability to support health and wellness. We embrace the greatest possible diversity in gender, in sexual orientation, and in lifestyle choice, so long as those choices honor the boundaries of health and well-being.

The preparation of our columns will be a shared labor of love. Jim and Lee will jointly write one column each month, alternating with LaDonna and Lynette.

Occasionally, all four of us may collaborate on a column or we may juggle our gender pairing.

We invite you to give us feedback about how we’re doing, and to suggest topics you’d like us to address. Above all, we hope that you will write us with questions, concerns or situations relevant to your life.

We are hoping to include your letters in this column to create a forum that breaks down the sense of isolation we’ve all felt, to create more dialogues and respect for choices and diversity, and to share ideas for achieving growth. Your input will help to steer us toward issues that are most relevant to our community.

Lee Beckstead, PhD; Lynette Malmstrom, LCSW; LaDonna Moore, LCSW; and Jim Struve, LCSW are all private practice psychotherapists in Salt Lake City. If you would like them to address your issues in a future column, e-mail saneadvice@slmetro.com.

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APRIL 29, 2004

Parenting Moments of Truth

by Ann Hess

Of all the things I appreciate about my daughter, one of the biggest is the way her very presence clarifies my values and beliefs.

Before she was born, I never considered myself much of an activist, yet as the years have gone by I find myself taking a stand and speaking out at the most unexpected moments—simply because her presence demands it.

I find it very gratifying to watch her be as outspoken and stubborn as I am.

Of course, things work best when she agrees with me, but that doesn’t happen very often. There are moments where her opinions push the adults in her life into places of discomfort, and I am pushed into moments of truth, whether I want them or not.

One of my favorite “moments” occurred four years ago when my daughter was in preschool. I picked her up from her classroom as usual, and her teacher took me aside to talk. She proceeded to tell me that right in the middle of snack time my little four yearold set her cup down and said, “My mom says it’s okay for girls to marry girls.”

Teacher told my daughter that was something to talk about at home and not at school.

Several thoughts went through my mind. My first thought was, “I’m hungry and I have to pee.” I noticed the creases of eye shadow that had collected on Teacher’s eyelids. For some reason I have a tendency to notice irrelevant details at moments like these.

So there I was, empty of stomach and full of bladder, pushed into a moment of truth. I considered smiling and leaving quickly. I wondered if I could find another daycare center before eight the next day. I admit, I even thought of simply having a talk with my daughter and letting the matter drop.

Then I got hold of myself and considered what was at stake—aside from my kidneys.

Now, I knew that my daughter was thinking more of her and me getting married rather than of me marrying a woman. You see, she wanted her family to count, publicly and with ceremony.

She wanted to legitimize her relationship to me and let everyone know that we were a complete, intact family unit— without the dad, thank you very much.

She wanted to matter just as much as the

If you're looking for kids from “normal” families.

Her desire is one that I believe most of us share, and one that I feel all of us are entitled to: the right to be legitimate human beings, regardless of circumstances.

And speaking of circumstances, I realized that it really didn’t matter if I was partnered or not, or even if I was gay or not. This wasn’t about me. It wasn’t even about marriage rights.

The issue on the table was, and is: If we are going to allow others to dictate how and whom we may love, of what else will we give up control?

This is an issue of basic civil liberties, folks: the same liberties that our foremothers (and forefathers) fought and died for.

To quote a relative of mine, who is conservative and yet capable of using her brain, “It’s not a matter of ‘if,’ it’s a matter of ‘when.’”

Asking people if they believe in gay marriage is like asking if they believe in teen pregnancy. Whether people believe it or not, it’s going to happen.

And what it comes down to is that children born to teen mothers or even (gasp!) gay parents deserve to live in decency.

Back at the preschool, my options raced through my mind. I finally chose the only option I could live with: I sucked it up and said to Teacher, “Actually, she can talk about girls marrying girls wherever she wants. I’m sure there are several lesbians who have kids at this center.”

There was a long pause as Teacher’s forehead crinkled up to ponder my words.

“Don’t you agree that their children should be allowed to talk about their families, just like the other kids?” I prodded.

“Oh, I see,” Teacher responded. “I really hadn’t thought about it from that angle before. I guess you’re right.”

Whew! That wasn’t so bad after all.

I gained a new respect for the power of calm answers. People are willing to accept new ideas if you give them a chance—most of the time.

I hope my cool demeanor at that moment made up for the time I was less pleasant about a missing coat—which later turned up at home.

Note to other parents: I recommend stopping by the restroom before picking up your kids. You never know what awaits you!

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This is an issue of basic civil liberties, folks: the same liberties that our foremothers (and forefathers) fought and died for.

Ann is a single mom living in Salt Lake City.

She has been parenting on the outskirts of normal society for seven years now.

APRIL 29, 2004

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SALT LAKE METRO

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Comics

A COUPLE OF GUYS Dave Brousseau

ADAM & ANDY James Asal

BITTER GIRL Joan Hilty

WordSearch

Solutions

B L C O M M I T M E N T

I A B D G N B D W L M D

N C G O E R I R M L N R

S K R B S D O A I A B S

U R A T O T T O L D G T

R I C L O R O L M N E S

A C E U I A O N I O U O

N E A M A H S R E V N D

C N O R W A Y T D E I O

E N N C I V I L E R O M

Y P E N A L T Y A R N Y

G I F T C A N A D A D T

HIDDEN MESSAGE: BLACK AND BLUE AND WED ALL OVER

Crossword Puzzle

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APRIL 29, 2004

G A R S

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StarGayzer

by Madam Lichtenstein There are thrills and chills in the air this week as both Venus and Neptune retrograde. Expect to fall head over heels for a look and a smile, but don’t carry your heart in your hand, lover!

You are apt to drop it and slip on all the love juice. Which end is up? Will you care?

xARIES

(Mar 21 to Apr 20) Wise gay rams are veritable fonts of knowledge and generously toss their various pearls of wisdom to any swine with a fleeting interest — So much for the glorious feeling of Venus and Neptune retrograde.

Ultimately no one will listen to your naive and plaintive yearnings. Good thing, too, compadre. By next week you’ll be changing your tune — perhaps to something with a klezmer beat.

cTAURUS

(Apr 21 to May 21) Queer bulls are known to greatly enjoy the finer things in life when they can afford them — and even when they can’t. Retro Venus and Neptune now tempt you with promises of luxury and sensuality. If you find that your current wants exceed your budget, consider temporarily deferring your materialistic desires. You will not get your money’s worth, but maybe that’s a good thing.

vGEMINI

(May 22 to Jun 21) Oh, you charmer, you! Pink twins turn it on and expect the world to fall at their feet while they bask in the adoration. Folks gravitate to you from all corners of the world — or so it seems. You feel attractive, cheerful and full of zest. Who can possibly resist? Retro Venus and Neptune make you think that you are quite a hot, steamy number — be sure that it is not “number 2.”

bCANCER

(Jun 22 to Jul 23) Grab your heart and hold on tight: It will have a tendency to fill with helium and float

away into dangerous zones. Romantic pink crabs are in love with love now and will not notice how high they are flying.

You are attracted to all levels of denizens. Before you float up and bump your head on a pointy crag, keep your expectations realistic. Okay, keep them low — as before.

nLEO

(Jul 24 to Aug 23) If you feel pulled in two directions it may be because retro Venus and Neptune are yanking your chains. Proud lions feel compelled to make final decisions on a range of personal issues, but there is really no rush to decide. In fact, decisions made now may be the wrong ones in the long term. If friends and partners both want a piece of you, just lie back and enjoy it.

mVIRGO

(Aug 24 to Sep 23) If you believe that old yarn about how hard work pays off, then you only have yourself to blame. Retro Venus and Neptune suggest that if you quietly apply yourself you will move up in the organization. Well, I say “bull,” queer virgin. Politics and careful maneuvering are what will get you ahead, not punching longer and longer hours on the clock. Happy hour begins at 5 p.m. See you there.

XLIBRA

(Sep 24 to Oct 23) Somewhere in this world, there are gay Libras going out partying, getting lost along the way and meeting up with all sorts of suspicious, dangerously fun types. Is this your lucky day, or a day that will eventually dredge up all sorts of acid indigestion? Keep a watchful eye on retro Venus and Neptune as they continue to ply you with alcohol. Will they slip you a mickey (or minnie) fin?

CSCORPIO

(Oct 24 to Nov 22) You are sending out sexy vibes wherever you walk this week. The scent seems to capture the attention of more than a few potential admirers, but at the end of the day, there is something pulling you home.

Will you be followed? Retro Venus and Neptune suggest that you are ready for some changes in your domestic life. But don’t take in any strays just yet.

VSAGITTARIUS

(Nov 23 to Dec 22) How perfect are you as a mate? Well, the trail of dirty laundry that you disperse like breadcrumbs around the house would suggest that you need a bit of handling. Partners and would-be partners are telling you to shape up, but the combo of retro Venus and Neptune can blind you to your filthy habits. Gay archers have potential, but what they really need is a nice, hot bath.

BCAPRICORN

(Dec 23 to Jan 20) Pink Caps look in the mirror and they see a champion of the underclass, a fighter for the rights of the powerless and a helpmate for the exploited. Yeah, right. Retro Venus and Neptune create a foggy view of things around the office. The fact is, comrade, that you occupy a rarified position and can’t really impact change.

Stoke the embers next week when you’ll really catch fire.

NAQUARIUS

(Jan 21 to Feb 19) Who is that “Wilde” spirit?

It must be Aqueerius, dressed to the nines and looking rather … er, interesting. This week brings you unbridled fun (unless you request otherwise), romance and excessive, outrageous behavior. Venus and Neptune retrograde and encourage you to change your physical appearance in the hope of attracting a new crowd of party hounds. Woof, woof.

MPISCES

(Feb 20 to Mar 20) You can usually rely on your intuition to get you through the sticky spots in life. The road is especially foggy now, especially in your home life. You have certain expectations and needs that require action immediately. As both Venus and Neptune retrograde, guppies should rely on their good common sense rather than on their sixth sense — uh-oh, now they’re really in trouble!

Cruise TheStarryEye.com for prescient horoscopes and insightful articles. Madam Lichtenstein is the author of the highly acclaimed HerScopes: a Guide to Astrology for Lesbians from Simon & Schuster.

This book would have won the Pulitzer had the voting not been rigged.

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YourRealtor@DwightLindsay.com www.DwightLindsay.com

Travel 10 NIGHT MEXICAN Riviera Cruise with air from SLC, $1,119 pp. dbl. occ. Nov 26, 2004. Ocean view cabin.

Includes all taxxes. Call Rod at (888) 280-6673 or visit www.rodscustomtravel.com

www.womyn4women.com 801.268.6487

REPLY TO BOX 5, PERSONALS@SLMETRO.COM

GRYFF - Hot fun intellectual artistic spritualist/pagan Bi 32WM 175# 6’ seeks openness honesty fun-loving individuals to expand friendship base, and possibly more. Must be free-spirited and NO jealousy

A monthly magazine for lesbians and their friends in Utah and beyond!

Lesbians and gay-friendly women need their own localized publication that reflects their interests. Womyn 4 Women answers that need with articles on: • relationships • travel • women’s stories • art • community events • and other timely issues.

REPLY TO BOX 7, PERSONALS@SLMETRO.COM

Women for Women WF, 38, busy and a little shy,looking for friend or more, esp other classy smart professional women. Wild side likes to romp and shop during stolen afternoons but can behave, too.

REPLY TO BOX 3, PERSONALS@SLMETRO.COM

NEW IN TOWN, or interested in meeting new friends? Come to sWerve monthlies, 3rd Saturday of each month, GLBT Center. Info 539-8800 ext. 25 or www.swerveutah.com (join email list!) $1 PERSONALS extended through May. Go to slmetro.com/classifieds and get yours today!

Womyn 4 Women is a fresh and evolving magazine, written from a lesbian perspective for women of all sexual identities. W4W W helps inform and connect women to their communities.

You can help this vital publication grow by subscribing to and advertising in W4W. W Printed or e-mailed subscriptions to Womyn 4 Women are only: $25 – 12 printed issues (in the U.S.). Each issue is mailed in a discreet envelope. $12 – 12 downloadable files (PDFs) sent monthly to your e-mail address.

Please send payment by check or money order to: Womyn 4 Women P.O. Box 575708 Salt Lake City, UT 84157-5708 Pansy Power: “We’re tougher than we look!”

APRIL 29, 2004

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SALT LAKE METRO

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