Metro, Volume 2, Issue 10

May 12–25 Volume 2

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Issue 10

BYU Hawaii Supports Gay Housing Law Gay activists and Mormons find compromise position

Navajo Nation President Vetoes Ban on Gay Marriage ‘We have more important issues to address’

Assume the Position Gay and lesbian cops tell all

Anti-Gay Mayor Caught in Gay.com Sting ‘I can’t tell you why I go there’

Utah County Gets Message of Pride Billboards and bus ads to appear in the reddest of counties Opinion: Free Utah From Discrimination Ruby Whips Up a Utah County Sammich Gay Agenda

News WORLD AND NATIONAL

BYU-Hawaii Supports Queer Rights Through Housing Law The forecast calls for an Egyptian Summer: warm days, cool nights & hot shows!

La Cage Aux Folles June 24th - August 27th

A timeless hit from the Broadway stage, Jerry Herman wrote the music and lyrics to this stage version of “The Bird Cage”.

One of Herman's best musicals ever, it combines a tender story, memorable music and risque comedy to create a glittering, fast-stepping extravaganza.

It’s “Family Values” with a french twist.

Cowboy Night Every Tuesday from

July 5th - August 30th

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SALT LAKE METRO ■ MAY 12, 2005

Grab yer hats and boots and saddle up fer the best Cowboy poetry, humor and music this side of the pecos. Yup, it's Cowboy Night at the Egyptian Theater! We'll make ya laugh, we'll make ya cry, fact is, we might even make ya jump right out of yer seat.

Be sure to check our website for special events and promotions!

For tickets or information call:

435-649-9371 328 Main Street • Park City, UT

www.parkcityshows.com

by Kim Burgess kim@slmetro.com

Honolulu, Hawaii—After nearly ten years of attempts, Hawaii passed an anti-bias law mid-April stating that sexual orientation and gender identity are not valid reasons to deny housing. A second bill protects transgender people from workplace discrimination. A supporter of the bills was Brigham Young University–Hawaii, a school run by the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints with its main branch in Provo, Utah. Historically the church has not supported queer rights, even helping finance campaigns to prevent same-gender marriage in states across the country.

Because of this history, Ken Miller, executive director of The Center, a Honolulu-based queer rights advocacy group, was somewhat surprised at BYU’s help.

Miller served as one of the main advocates of the bill and recalled, “when we sat down, we weren’t sure we could find a compromise. But because we came together as a community, despite animosity in the past, we were able to cross that bridge, work something out that we all agreed on.”

The meetings between BYU–Hawaii’s officials and gay-rights activists generated a compromise bill that exempted BYU housing from the anti-bias law. “They were concerned about their code of conduct and wanted to maintain the integrity of their school,” Miller says, referring to the school honor code signed by all students, which states that they will not engage in sex before marriage. “I theorize that they felt putting gay students together in dorms would generate sexual activity. When you look at that, it makes sense. They were protecting the integrity of their program. And in any of these housing bills there are some exemptions, whether it’s broad or narrow; and this one was specifically to maintain their own institution. As long as it’s one hundred percent student housing, I have no problem with that. If they start to rent out to the general public, then it changes and the law won’t allow them to discriminate.”

Miller believes that this kind of balanced approach from the gay and lesbian community was essential to the success of the bill. “The difference between the hearing last year and this year was this year we came across looking like we had a better story. We went that extra mile and heard the opposition and came up with language that would work for both of us. The Catholic church was against the bills, and they came across looking like wackos. They came out against gender expression and identity; and here in the Islands because of the Polynesian culture, the transgender community was always prevalent in our culture. Now the Catholic church is saying that’s a deviant behavior and

should not be protected. It came across as very hateful.”

Because of the positive experience with BYU-Hawaii and the anti-bias bill, Miller feels that doors have opened to further dialogue on queer rights issues. “We established a good foundation. I think it pays off when we talk to these religious institutions and see what their concerns are. It’s a good model for us to use as a community as we continue to address these issues, whether it’s public accommodations, adoptions, or even marriage. I think through open dialogue, we can create change. We’re not going to sell our souls. If something doesn’t work with the opposition, we’ll still move forward with what we need to do. But when the other side can see us as individuals, as humans, versus predators or deviants, I think it breaks down those preconceived ideas.”

Free Screening of ‘This Divided State’ Minority Films, in coordination with the Salt Lake City Film Center, announced this week that they will be screening the documentary film This Divided State in Salt Lake City on the 16th of May. It will be screening at the Emma Eccles Jones Conservatory on the campus of Westminster College in Salt Lake City.

Director Steven Greenstreet will be appearing on KRCL’s “RadioActive” that afternoon and will then be attending the screening for a question and answer period.

This Divided State, which chronicles the uprising in the conservative city of Orem after Michael Moore was invited to speak at Utah Valley State College just two weeks before one of the most divisive presidential elections in history, has also been accepted to the Santa Cruz Film Festival which begins May 5th. The documentary has drawn national attention to the cultural divide in Utah—which is perceived as a universally conservative state by outsiders.

The film’s inclusion in the Santa Cruz Film Festival comes on the heels of a 23 college tour across the nation, sponsored by the Washington D.C. based Center For American Progress. The film, described as “more important than anything Michael Moore has made to date,” has garnered attention from such renowned publications as USA Today and the Washington Post and prompted standing ovations at campuses from Yale to USC, proving the film’s cultural significance and appeal on a national scale.

Reservations for the free screening can be made at www.thisdividedstate.com. For more information, visit the website or send an email to press@thisdividedstate.com.

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News WORLD AND NATIONAL

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Kerry Against Gay Marriage on Demo Platform

by Ross von Metzke Baton Rouge, La.—Former Democratic presidential hopeful John F. Kerry said May 5 that he believes it’s a mistake for the Massachusetts Democratic Party to support same-gender marriage in its official party platform, saying that such a statement does not conform with the broad views of party members.

Kerry, who opposes same-gender marriage but supports civil unions, said in an interview with the Boston Globe that he would prefer the party not mention gay marriage in its platform because Democrats continue to disagree on how to handle the issue.

“I’m opposed to it being in a platform. I think it’s a mistake,” Kerry said shortly after hosting a forum on his universal children’s healthcare bill in Baton Rouge. “I think it’s the wrong thing, and I’m not sure it reflects the broad view of the Democratic Party in our state.”

While many analysts believe the samegender marriage debate contributed to Kerry’s loss to President Bush in 2004, Kerry’s position puts him at odds with the Massachusetts Democratic Party chairman and his fellow Bay State Senator, Edward Kennedy, who is scheduled to address the party convention next weekend.

Kerry said he does not plan to attend this year’s state Democratic convention or to lobby against the same-gender marriage plank. He said he has not been closely monitoring debate over the state party

platform.

The state party chairman, Philip W. Johnston, said Kerry’s opposition will not affect the party’s decision to support of same-gender marriage. When the party meets next May 14 in Lowell, he said, the platform is on track to be approved as it stands.

“I have great affection and respect for John, but I disagree on this issue,” Johnston said. “It is important that the state Democratic Party support civil rights. We need to take a stand.”

Kennedy said through a spokeswoman that he backs inclusion of a statement in support of same-gender marriage in the platform. Kennedy is up for reelection next year and has strongly supported samegender marriage, which has been legal in Massachusetts since May 2004, after a Supreme Judicial Court ruling. Kerry came out against the Bush-supported federal constitutional amendment that would ban same-gender marriage, saying that individual states should be allowed to settle the issue on their own. But Kerry has also said that he personally opposes it.

“I’m opposed to gay marriage,” Kerry said, reiterating past statements. “I support [domestic] partnerships and civil unions.”

Party platform leanings do not bind candidates to particular policy positions, but they are frequently seen as guidelines by which party members are expected to agree. Massachusetts’ Democratic Party is historically left leaning, a result of liberal party activists and convention attendees.

FDA Bars Gay Men from Sperm Donation

Ruby, the executive director.

“It’s incredibly safe,” Ruby told the San Francisco Examiner. “In 23 years in business, we have never had an incident of disease transmission.” There are a few documented cases of HIV transmission through sperm donation, but those cases arose in the early stages of the epidemic before current procedures were in place, Gorenberg said.

“They’re asking all the wrong questions," said Assemblyman Mark Leno, D-San Francisco, who has protested similar rules that prohibit gay men from donating blood. “It’s not with whom you are having sex, it’s what kind of sex you are having. Heterosexual men engaging in risky heterosexual behavior are not denied the opportunity to donate sperm.

This is not about protecting the public.”

Both Ruby and Leland Traiman, director of Rainbow Flag Health Services and Sperm Bank in Alameda, which has a large gay and lesbian clientele, said they plan to continue to accept sperm from gay donors because they do not consider the FDA guidelines legally enforceable.

Many sperm banks won’t be affected by the new guidelines because they already reject gay donors. Also, the new rules affect only anonymous donors rather than “directed” donors—people who give sperm to someone they know.

by Ross von Metzke Washington, D.C.—Gay rights activists are up in arms about a recent amendment to the Food and Drug Administration guidelines which bars gay men from donating their sperm anonymously, a recommendation rights groups say is “without scientific merit.” The FDA rule goes into effect late this month and says that all sperm banks must screen out anonymous donors who are at increased risk for HIV. It’s a concomitant "guidance" document that critics oppose: It says men who have had sex with men in the last five years are at such an increased risk. Critics of the guidelines said they are not enforceable by law, unlike FDA rules, but many are still outraged.

“It doesn’t make scientific sense,” said Hayley Gorenberg, deputy legal director at Lambda Legal Defense and Education Fund. “And the fallout from it is stigmatizing and unnecessary because we have the testing procedures and protocol in place to protect people receiving donor sperm.”

At the Sperm Bank of California in Berkeley, donors are tested and screened, the sperm is quarantined for six months, and then donors are tested again, said Alice

Anti-Gay Mayor Denies Molestation Accusations; Admits to Gay Relationships

by Ross von Metzke Spokane, Wash.—The anti-gay, Republican mayor accused by a Spokane, Washington paper of molesting two teenage boys back in the 1970’s and covering it up has denied the allegations but admitted to having relations with adult men, according to the Associated Press.

James E. West, the Spokane, Washington mayor who has spoken out against Spokane Mayor Jim West gay rights for much of his political career, admitted to offering autographed sports memorabilia and a possible City Hall internship to what he thought was an 18-year-old man on the website Gay.com. The man was actually a private computer expert hired by The Spokesman-Review as part of a journalism sting operation.

West, 54, a former Boy Scout leader and Army paratrooper who was married briefly in the 1990s, denied that the online offers constituted abuse of his office and he said

he would serve out the more than three years remaining in his term.

“I am a law-abiding citizen,” West said during a brief news conference. He took no questions.

The Spokesman-Review ran interviews May 5 with two men who allege West molested them decades ago when they were Boy Scouts and the mayor was a troop leader and sheriff’s deputy. Both men have criminal records because of drug problems.

“I categorically deny allegations about incidents that supposedly occurred 24 years ago as alleged by two convicted felons and about which I have no knowledge,” West said.

No criminal investigations are under way, according to sheriff and police departments, which said the statute of limitations for any charges has run out.

West has built his career on his conservative, abrasive style and fierce temper.

As majority leader of the state Senate during a two-decade legislative career, he consistently opposed efforts to expand civil rights protections for gays and voted for the Defense of Marriage Act banning gay marriage in 1998. During a 1990 hearing on AIDS education, West proposed that teen sex be criminalized.

The newspaper hired a computer expert to create a fictitious identity as an 18-year-

old boy to chat with West, who used the online aliases “Cobra82nd” and “RightBiGuy” to chat on the Website. West was in the Army’s 82nd Airborne.

West said he would not characterize himself as gay. As for his visits to the Gay. com Website, he told the newspaper: “I can’t tell you why I go there, to tell you the truth ... curiosity, confused, whatever, I don’t know.”

Steve Smith, editor of The SpokesmanReview, told the Associated Press that the newspaper was reluctant to hire the computer expert but felt it was necessary because of West’s possible abuse of office and the potential for harm to young people.

The expert was hired to corroborate accounts from several individuals who said they had had online relationships with West, including at least one teen who said the contact led to consensual sex, the newspaper said.

On Monday, May 9, the mayor released a statement saying, “the current news media hysteria is distracting to the business of the city and is occupying a great deal of my time. I have not taken a vacation since assuming office January 2004 and therefore I’m going to take a leave of a few weeks to gather my thoughts and prepare my defense of the false accusations leveled against me.”

Spokane Mayor Jim West’s Email to City Staffers “The paper this morning reported that a 36 year old convicted felon who is suing the County swore in a deposition that I had molested him as a young boy. Another convicted felon has come forward and suggested the same thing. Both of these allegations I categorically deny. I’ve been told of allegations that these men were molested by a co-worker of mine at the Sheriff ’s Department in the mid-seventies. I have no direct knowledge of that. I was told that their parents came forward to the Sheriff ’s Department in the mid-seventies and reported those allegations against that Deputy. He was confronted by Sheriff ’s detectives and later committed suicide. Allegations against me have only been made in recent years about events which supposedly occurred 24 years ago. Again, I deny those allegations.The paper also reported that I have visited a gay chat line on the Internet and had relationships with adult men. I don’t deny that.”

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News LOCAL AND REGIONAL

Woodrick Sentenced Five to Life for Donato Murder

by Rob Orton rob@slmetro.com

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Weber County District Court Judge Parley Baldwin sentenced Franklin Eugene Woodrick April 28 to serve five years to life for his role in the murder of Vincent Donato. He was also handed a one to 15 year sentence for stealing Donato’s vehicle after the murder. The sentences are to run consecutively.

Woodrick was found guilty of the slaying by a jury March 18 in a case that defense attorney John Caine stated was “reminiscent of Dante’s Inferno. Drugs, homosexual sex and violence all wrapped up in one.”

Woodrick and then-lover Rodney Boyle killed Donato in his Ogden apartment in November 2002 as the three were planning to use methamphetamine. Boyle is also serving a five to life sentence for the crime.

At the time of the murder, Woodrick was on parole for forgery. Sentencing for violation of his parole will be determined by the parole board in the coming months, depending on his success in appealing the conviction. Charges for another unrelated auto theft the same day are still pending against both Woodrick and Rodney Boyle.

Judge Baldwin stated at the sentencing that he hoped Woodrick never got parole and that he was personally going to write a letter to the parole board recommending such for both Woodrick and Boyle.

According to testimony during the trial, Woodrick and Boyle were lovers who met in prison and reunited once they were released.

The two had met up with Donato numerous times as Donato financially facilitated their meth use. Donato had shared his concern about the situation with neighbors and family.

On the day of the murder, it was testified that Woodrick and Boyle, residents of Draper, turned up at Donato’s apartment and knocked on his door. The apartment manager approached them and they started

questioning her about Donato. According to the manager, they left without seeing him.

A neighbor encountered the two later that afternoon while returning Donato’s car.

They questioned her and followed her into the secure apartment complex. She told them he should be home, but when they knocked on his door he did not answer.

Again, they left.

Other neighbors and family testified they had seen Donato during that same afternoon in his home. His sister stated she had had a two-hour argument with him about his meth use that day.

On a final attempt to see Donato, a neighbor was in his apartment when Woodrick and Boyle buzzed to come in. While waiting for them to come up, Donato gave his wallet to the neighbor and told him to hide it because he knew they were after him for money. The neighbor left just after the two arrived.

Rodney Boyle admitted to the murder in 2003, and Woodrick was released. As investigation into Boyle’s case progressed, Boyle’s initial testimony had indicated that he only hit Donato twice in the face and that he was bleeding from the mouth.

More significantly, Boyle indicated he liked Donato and had sexual relations with him just two weeks before. This led prosecution to conclude that Boyle could not have been responsible for the murder and that Woodrick may have been fueled by jealousy during the event.

Woodrick finally admitted during the two week trial in March that he was the one that gagged and bound Donato, contradicting his and Boyle’s earlier testimony that Boyle was solely responsible for the killing. Woodrick continued to deny beating Donato or knowing that he was dead.

Boyle testified during Woodrick’s trial that he had no knowledge of the 13 broken ribs and broken jaw, injuries sustained after Donato’s death. Boyle was initially asked during his own trial why he didn’t check on Donato before they left the apartment, to which he replied he was afraid Woodrick would get jealous. This again led the prosecution to suspect Woodrick.

Donato had been suffering nosebleeds.

This and the fact that the gag forced his dental plate into his airway caused him to suffocate.

Rather than settling that this was just a drug related crime, the respective relationships between Woodrick, Boyle, and Donato allowed prosecution to pursue charges against Woodrick.

County prosecuting attorney Bill Daines emphasized that the case had very little to do with sexual orientation but was more about methamphetamine. All three men involved were on meth. Daines stated that had the individuals involved been heterosexual, the circumstances could have been just the same.

Navajo Nation Divided About Gay Marriage

by Darren Tucker

marriage is not allowed under the laws of the United States federal and state governWindow Rock, Ariz,—On April 23, the ments. The Navajo Nation is a government Navajo Nation joined other political entities of Native American people and may pass its around the country and banned same genown laws even if they differ from those of der marriages on its reservation. the United States government.

On May 1, Navajo President Joe Shirley Jr. According to an article on 365gay.com, took a step few other politicians have dared Delegate Lorenzo Curley said Navajo leaders take and vetoed the measure passed by the wanted to send a message to young people Tribal Council. to respect and live by the tribe’s traditional beliefs.

“We are here to defend the foundation of our society. That’s what is at stake here,” he said.

But George Hardeen, Communication Director for President Shirley, said those traditional beliefs are a large part of the reason the president decided to veto the measure. He said the Navajo people have always believed in inclusion rather than Navajo Nation Presient Joe Shirley and Arizona State Senator Ken Bennett exclusion, and that the law contradicts Navajo teachings of “Same-gender marriage is a non-issue non-discrimination. on Navajo land,” President Shirley said as “President Shirley feels this bill is dishe vetoed the bill. “So why waste time and criminatory,” Hardeen said in an interview resources on it? We have more important with Salt Lake Metro. “He feels it would only issues to address.” serve to generate disunity and disharmony The Tribal Council voted unanimously in among Navajos.” favor of the legislation which restricts a recThe Navajo beliefs of inclusion are ognized union to that between a man and demonstrated by the clan system, Hardeen a woman. It also prohibits plural marriages said. According to Navajo teachings on the and marriages between close relatives. creation, there were only four clans to begin The Navajo Nation spans parts of Arizona, with. Now there are more than a hundred, New Mexico and Utah, where same-gender proving that the society is very open and darren@slmetro.com

accepting of new people.

Hardeen said there are some same-gender couples living in the Navajo Nation— perhaps even many. But he said it’s not an issue you hear many people talking about.

“Navajos don’t take issue with it like you may see in the dominant culture.”

He said episodes of “gay bashing” are almost unheard of in the Navajo Nation—it’s just not something people really have a problem with for the most part.

That may have been proven by the dozens of phone calls and e-mails President Shirley has received since vetoing the measure.

Hardeen said almost all of them have been very thankful to the president for taking the action. That’s suprising, Hardeen said, because usually legislation of any kind doesn’t get much of a response. He said it’s obvious this is an important issue to many Navajos.

The veto came as a surprise to many, because President Shirley didn’t consult with anyone, including his advisors, before doing it.

“This just didn’t look right to him,” Hardeen said. “This is his 37th year in elected office. He knows his people, he knows his

culture and he know his teachings.”

Shirley also believes this type of action is an example of government getting involved in people’s personal lives when it shouldn’t, Hardeen said. “He does not like that.”

“His personal views on the issue are not of concern. This is an act of government trying to legislate people’s private lives,” Hardeen explained. “This is an issue for the people to deal with, and they have chosen not to do that.”

The Navajo people are able to put an initiative on the ballot and none has ever been proposed, Hardeen said. He said there are 300,000 Navajos and only 67 members of the Tribal Council. And Shirley believes in a personal matter like same-gender marriage the people should have more of a voice.

Hardeen said there have been reports the Tribal Council may try to override the president’s veto, but he wasn’t sure if that was the case. He said President Shirley “wasn’t concerned about a negative reaction from the council. It’s just how he feels.”

According to a May 5 article in the Navajo Times, the bill’s sponsor, Del. Larry Anderson, will call for an override of the veto.

Marquardt Drops City Council Bid

by Joel Shoemaker joel@slmetro.com

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After a controversial and early start to a bid for a Salt Lake City Council seat, Equality Utah Chair Jane Marquardt says she’s stepped aside from the race after realizing the toll the job would take on her family ties.

“The train had definitely left the station,” Marquardt says about deciding to leave the race. “It was hard to stop the campaign Jane Marquardt express, calling the people who supported you, to return the donations.”

She weighed attending meetings several nights a week as a council member with her dedications to her partner, 5 step-children, many grandchildren and law practice

and decided the various obligations would spread her too thin. “If you don’t have space in your life to do it, it’s better to realize it sooner than later,” she says.

Her campaign started in controversy when the Deseret Morning News reported that Mayor Rocky Anderson supported Marquardt because she would be a nonMormon on the LDS-dominated council.

She had yet to do any real preparations for her campaign, but found herself being interviewed by television stations and newspapers about being an out-lesbian, non-Mormon candidate.

Since, Marquardt had opened a campaign account and collected about $5,000 in donations, she says. She’d hired a campaign manager and field manager, as well as lined up about 250 volunteers. But in early April she made the decision to end her race and either voided donation checks or returned the funds.

For now, Marquardt continues her work at Equality Utah and says she’ll be looking to work on Sen. Scott McCoy’s campaign to keep his state senate seat.

News LOCAL

Utah Pride Seeks Volunteers, Sponsors and Participants The Gay Lesbian Bisexual Transgender Community Center of Utah announced ways to get involved in the upcoming annual Utah Pride celebration. By volunteering for the celebration, sponsoring Utah Pride, setting up a booth at the Festival or participating in the Pride Parade, there are literally dozens of ways for people to be a part of gay Utah’s largest and most anticipated event.

This year’s Utah Pride celebration, themed “Equal Rights. No More. No Less,” will be held June 8–12, in and around Washington and Library Squares. Activities include the Pride Film Festival, the Grand Marshall Reception, the Dyke March, the Pride Interfaith Service, the Pride Dance, the Pride 5K Run/Walk/Roll, the Pride Parade, and the cornerstone of the celebration—the Utah Pride Festival.

“Many people don’t realize that it takes a village to produce Utah Pride,” said Sherry Booth, event coordinator for Utah Pride.

“We utilize over 300 volunteers, a dozen organizations as community partners, a host of sponsors, and over 100 businesses and organizations who march in the parade or set up exhibitor booths at the festival.”

Applications for volunteering and participating in the parade are available on the recently unveiled website, utahpride.org.

Many businesses and organizations have already learned the value of being visibly supportive of the GLBT community—gaining a loyal customer market, new members or simply being able to hold their heads up high knowing they have made a difference for thousands of people seeking equality

and acceptance.

“The businesses and organizations who support Pride are really becoming partners with the gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender community,” said Valerie Larabee, executive director of The Center.

“They are people who aren’t afraid to say, ‘we believe in equality and fairness for all people.’ The community responds to that and studies have shown over and over that GLBT people are more likely to support businesses and organizations that have supported them.”

As always, volunteers are essential to Utah Pride. This year, as an added bonus, volunteers who sign up in advance and commit to at least two hours for any of the events will receive a complimentary admission ticket to the festival (regularly $5).

Additionally, volunteers will also receive collectible Utah Pride ’05 t-shirts, invitations to the exclusive volunteer party, refreshments throughout their shift and other tokens of thanks and appreciation.

“We want to make this an enjoyable experience for our volunteers, something they’ll want to come back and do again,” said Jesse Michael Nix, volunteer coordinator. “We need people who are enthusiastic, energetic, who want to get involved, who enjoy the camaraderie of working with other volunteers, and who want to make Utah Pride a great event.”

Nix also stressed that, as one of Utah’s largest outdoor events, volunteers and other supportive involvement are absolutely vital for making sure that everyone has a good time. —JK

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Fabulous Fun Bus to Make Final Trip to Wendover for the Season A repeat of last month’s trip to Wendover, Nevada with Cyber Sluts, bingo and buswheel roulette will happen Saturday, May 21. The April bus, upgraded to the largest bus available by Utah Trailways, sold out and many who attempted to buy tickets the week before the trip found themselves unable to do so.

Sponsored by the Metro Cares Foundation, the trip is a fundraiser to help kick off the Gay Lesbian Bisexual Transgender Community Center of Utah’s crisis hotline.

Last month’s trip raised over $500 for the Gay Men’s Meth Crisis Utah, enabling the group to apply for 501(c)(3) status from the Internal Revenue Service.

This month’s bus will leave from the parking lot of MoDiggity’s at 3424 S. State Street at 1:00 p.m. and will return by 11:00

p.m. The bar will offer raffle tickets for a hotel stay in any of four Nevada cities after the bus returns. Proceeds will also be donated to The Center’s crisis line.

Tickets for May’s trip are $15 and available by calling the Salt Lake Metro offices at 323-9500 or online at slmetro.com/funbus.

When in Nevada, the casino will give riders $7 cash back, a grand buffet lunch or dinner and other casino perks.

This will be the last bus trip until September 8–11, when the Gay Wendover Weekend is scheduled. Last year’s weekend made the front page of the Wendover Times and attracted hundreds of gay and lesbian Utahns and Wendover locals. Non-gay casino workers were upset that no drag show was scheduled, so Metro has promised to do so this year. —MA

ARTIST'S REPRESENTATION

Gay Pride Billboards to Appear in Utah County The Gay Lesbian Bisexual Transgender Community Center of Utah announced that it will be launching an advertising campaign to market Utah Pride 2005 to Utah County and beyond. The Center has contracted to place advertisements for the annual gay pride celebration and an upcoming Human Rights Campaign gala fundraiser on two large and eight small billboards in conservative Utah County.

“Utah County has the reputation of being a particularly difficult area to live in if you’re gay, lesbian, bisexual or transgender,” said Utah Pride committee member Jere Keys. “Our hope is that we can reach some of those people, particularly young people who’ve never been exposed to a tolerant and accepting atmosphere, and let them know they are not alone.”

Utah County donors Arthur Haynes and Bruce Bastian agreed to underwrite the advertising costs. Both men are passionate about reaching out with positive messages of acceptance for queer people to Utah County. The billboards will appear on or about May 16.

“We anticipate that some people may be offended by the billboards,” said Valerie Larabee, executive director of The Center.

“But in a community where so many messages come at us saying ‘this is bad,’ and ‘it’s wrong to be this way,’ we feel it’s especially important to exercise our free speech and send out the message, ‘hey, it’s okay to be gay!’”

In addition to the Utah County billboards, Utah Pride will be advertised on UTA bus boards (scheduled to appear on May 12), on posters at a variety of local business locations, and on the internet.

Gays With Guns Invited to Demo Convention Gay and lesbian Utahns have been a prominent part of the Utah Democratic Party for more than 15 years, but the state party convention held May 7 was the first time some of them joined firearm advocates and owners to promote the U.S. Second Amendment among conventioneers.

Stonewall Shooting Sports of Utah owner and longtime party leader David Nelson, who first organized gay and lesbian Democrats in 1990, accepted an invitation by state National Rifle Association leaders to help recruit more firearm advocates among Democrats. Nelson and the leaders shared their ideas and information at an NRA-sponsored convention exhibit. The outreach was the idea of party Vice-Chairwoman Nancy Jane Woodside who was also a candidate for election to serve as chairwoman.

“Not surprisingly, many Democrats are already supportive of firearm ownership,” Nelson said. “Our job is to reach out to those who haven’t yet considered legal, responsible and safe self-defense as the human right and winning Democratic issue that it is. From Presidents Jefferson and Kennedy, and Vice Presidents Humphrey and Mondale, to national-party chairman

Gov. Howard Dean and the state’s own U.S. Rep. Jim Matheson, traditional Democrats have a long and proud history of protecting the right to bear arms.”

Based on their supportive opinions about the Second Amendment, Nelson endorsed candidates Tracy Van Wagoner and Nancy Jane Woodside for party chair and Josh Ewing, Robert D. Miller and Colt Smith for vice-chair.

The convention took place May 7 at the Salt Palace Convention Center, where legally concealed firearms are permitted.

SSSU is a group of gender- and sexualminority firearm advocates and owners in the state, and supporters of the Pink Pistols idea that was described nationally in 2000 by writer Jonathan Rauch for the legal, responsible and safe use of firearms for their self defense and shooting-sport competition and recreation, including those who are gay and lesbian, and that of their families and friends. With hundreds of members, they’re also the largest such group worldwide.

More information on Stonewall Shooting Sports of Utah can be found on their website at stonewallshootingsportsutah.org.

Utah Democrats Elect New Leadership

by Michael Aaron michael@slmetro.com

Queer Prom Draws Crowd Queer prom attendees Jamie Sirstins, Chase Hagman, Brock Beuch, Sara Hardcastle, Kelli Stout and Cami Chatterton.

According to estimates released by the Gay Lesbian Bisexual Transgender Community Center of Utah, 360 youths aged 13–20, gathered April 30 to dance and socialize the night away with their peers from many local schools at the second annual Queer Prom. Organized by Queers In Action, the youth leadership group at The Center, the group came up with the theme “Time Warp” for this year’s prom.

The youth entering the door either came with a date or attended in singular fashion, but once inside, began mingling and socializing with one another as if a very large camaraderie of friends had gathered for the party of the year. The evening progressed with the prom attendees joining in the traditional “promenade” event, lining up for group and couple photos, and forming new friendships with the other prom goers. Spirits were high and in full force as the evening progressed. The atmosphere provided a safe and welcoming environment for all in attendance. —KR

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In a meeting that ended with calls for unity and group counseling, the Utah Stonewall Democrats met during the Utah State Democratic Convention May 7 to elect leaders and endorse party candidates.

Nearly all the candidates running for state party Chair and Vice Chair addressed the 50 attendees of the caucus. Most commented on the strength of the caucus and the large numbers that show up each year.

“One thing I like about the gay and lesbian caucus is that you actually show up,” said Chair candidate Jan Lovett. Many of the surrounding caucus rooms sat nearly empty for the 8:00 a.m. meetings.

Lovett overwhelmingly gained the endorsement of the caucus. In her remarks, she related a conversation she had with Duff Dazley, a member of the Stonewall caucus who volunteered on her campaign. “I was thanking Duff for his hard work during our campaign and he told me he just wanted one thing: Don’t leave me behind. I promised him and I promise you that won’t happen.”

Lovett lost narrowly to Wayne Holland, a representative of the local United Steelworkers of America, who promised not to take a salary for the position, as the union would place him on paid leave during his tenure. Holland had been hand-picked by U.S. Rep. Jim Matheson to lead the party, a fact that made some caucus members uneasy. “I can tell you that, even though Jim and I are great friends and have been for a long time, we disagree on many, many things. What we agree on, however, is that you must focus on what you have in common to get anywhere.”

Josh Ewing was the crowd favorite for Vice Chair of the party. Ewing is the owner of Out Front Communications, which did the advertising for the No on 3 campaign and is currently working with the National Gay and Lesbian Task Force. Ewing reflected on the fact that his younger brother came out to him in part because of his work against Amendment 3. When asked, he said that he would use a more up-front argument about marriage equality if he were to run the message against Amendment 3 today. “The fact that Amendment 3 received far fewer votes than President Bush means something. It means there’s a group of people in Utah that will listen and respond.”

Ewing lost by 18 votes to Rob Miller who runs the Chateau Brickyard Retirement Community and the American Cancer Society’s “Man to Man” prostate cancer group. “I want to tell you one thing when it comes to your issues: I get it,” Miller told the group. “I get it because one of my best friends came out to me many years ago. He was one of the first people in the state diagnosed with AIDS. After he died, his family wouldn’t allow me or any of his other friends to attend his funeral because of their shame of his disease and of him being gay. He was a great man and a good friend. I tell you… I get it.”

Dixie State College student Colt Smith also ran for Vice Chair of the party. He ran as a “returned missionary” who learned to

appreciate the diversity of our world in his mission to Oakland, California. One caucus member joked that they won’t hold that against him because there were “a lot of returned missionaries in the room.” Smith quipped, “I’m sure I’ll see a few of my companions in the room in the next few years.”

The mood in the room became tense as the caucus turned to the election of their own leaders. For weeks, emails circulated and street gossip revolved around Adam Bass’ announcement that he would run for chair of the group. Bass addressed the caucus first, saying he just wanted to “bring it out on the table. My name and picture are on the Utah Sex Offender’s Registry. That embarrasses many members of this caucus. It embarrasses my mother even more. And even more than that, it embarrasses me.” Bass related that a “homophobic county attorney in Wasatch County” railroaded charges against him for a relationship he had with “an of-age person who got scared and changed his story to that he was coerced into having sex. I am on that list because of a misdemeanor offense. I work this hard because I want there to be no more phobic county attorneys in this state that will do such a thing.” Bass pleaded guilty in July 2002 to forcible sex abuse, a second degree felony, which in a plea bargain agreement was later reduced to a class A misdemeanor. He was 19 at the time of the offense.

Michael Picardi had announced earlier this year that he would not run for reelection, but changed his mind after “consultation with both party and legislative leaders, as well as individuals in the GLBT community whom I admire and trust.” It was charged that Picardi reentered the race so that he could later step aside allowing Bass, who ran for vice chair, to take the chair position. Picardi strongly denied the allegation.

Much of the banter revolved around a division between Equality Utah and the caucus. Michael Braxton, who ran for chair of the group, and Chris Johnson, who ran for vice chair, are affiliated with Equality Utah and worked on the Don’t Amend campaign.

Johnson is on the group’s board of directors.

Braxton said that he met with the leaders of Equality Utah and was told that “the infighting stops today.” Picardi said that while he welcomes that, he “wishes they would return my emails and phone calls asking for just that.”

Picardi said it was threatened that the division between the groups would cost Utah State Senator Scott McCoy his seat.

He complained about backbiting and “secret little phone calls.” “We’re not going to put up with the bullshit any more,” he told the caucus.

Many delegates were surprised by the events of the meeting. Some called for the group to get together after the vote to meet with a group facilitator to work through the many issues raised. Others rose to voice their disgust.

In the end, caucus delegates re-elected Picardi and elected Chris Johnson as vice chair. Evan Done was unanimously voted secretary/treasurer.

Gay and Lesbian Police Officers Find Careers Fulfilling

by Brendan Shumway

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brendan@slmetro.com

It’s late at night. A bald-headed police officer sits quietly behind the wheel of an unmarked cruiser, intently watching the action of a particular house in the neighborhood. Sound like the latest episode of The Shield? Not quite. The scenario could be any given night for Detective Corbett Ford, a Salt Lake County police officer who is gay.

Det. Ford, who has worked with various state law enforcement agencies for almost ten years, is among the rising number of gay and lesbian employees working within the arena of law enforcement. With both population and diversity on the increase in our community, so is the prevalence of diversity within law enforcement And its not just large departments like Salt Lake City or County that boasts gay and lesbian officers among the ranks. In pocket communities around the valley like Draper, West Valley City and South Salt Lake City, queer police officers are not unheard of.

Equally intriguing as the increasing numbers of gay and lesbian officers is what attracted them to the field in the first place.

“I wanted to be a cop since Dragnet when I was a kid,” admits Capt. Tracy Tingey, an officer with the South Salt Lake Police Department for nineteen years and now the fourth highest-ranking officer within the department. After a six-year stint in the Army doing criminal investigation, Tingey finished the police academy and joined South Salt Lake.

For both Ford and Sgt. Julie Jorgensen of the West Valley Police Department, it was the desire to help people that drew them to careers in law enforcement.

Within their individual departments, policies concerning gay and lesbian officers vary. While both Salt Lake City and Salt Lake County have anti-discrimination clauses that protect sexual orientation, many departments do not. Tingey, who writes and maintains policies within his department, says South Salt Lake does not have any employee policies that include orientation, but maintains there are policies in place on how officers treat people of different race, religion as well as sexual orientation. For him it has been a non-issue.

“The people I work with are great,” he says. “Being gay never interfered with my rise in the department.”

While Tingey is openly gay within his department, both Ford and Jorgensen take

a slightly more conservative approach to being out.

“I don’t talk much about my personal life, and people generally don’t ask,” says Jorgensen. “But I don’t go out of my way to hide it.”

Ford echoes the same sentiments, categorizing himself as “semi-out.”

But for every officer who continues to climb the ladder of law enforcement while being open about his or her orientation, there are plenty more who choose, at least in the workplace, to stay in the closet. Officer Crockett (not his real name) explained that there might be any number of reasons why gay and lesbian officers choose to remain quiet about that part of their lives. Although Crockett wasn’t closed to the idea that he might eventually come out, or that it would be an issue with the people he works with, he still felt that it was important to establish a reputation with other officers first.

“There is a fear on my part to be out,” he stated. “Sometimes team integrity is more important than letting them know.”

Above the duties of their collective jobs, Ford, Jorgensen and Tingey all currently sit on the GLBT Public Safety Liaison Committee as well. Made up of police officers and community members, both gay and straight, members of the committee work as liaisons between different police departments and the gay community. Open meetings are frequently held for citizens to give input or voice their concerns, and there are often classes taught by officers to both the public and police departments on matters such as same-gender domestic violence and Internet safety. The committee also acts as a go-between for people within the gay community who have had problems with police officers or feel uneasy reporting issues of abuse and rape.

Tingey would like to see more recruiting to law enforcement from the gay community, as there has been in other states.

As for officers already in law enforcement, both Tingey and Ford have spearheaded a social group for officers to get together outside of work, to network and just have fun.

At the end of the day, all are quick to point out how much they enjoy their jobs and the satisfaction they get from working with the public. Though it can be hard work, Officer Crockett sums it up best: “Everyday you have the chance to touch people’s lives. There’s a personal fulfillment that makes it all worth it.”

Wet ’N Wild Krystyna Shaylee struts her stuff onstage at the Royal Court of the Golden Spike Empire’s “Wet N’ Wild” at the Paper Moon. The benefit show took place in a front of a standing room only crowd, and all proceeds went to the Court’s Scholarship Fund. Former Emperor and Empress Peter Christie and Sheneka Christie, created the Scholarship Fund in order to assist members of the community and their offspring with tuition assistance to a Utah college of their choice or admission at entrance.

In addition to the funds that were raised at the door, a mid-show diversion featured a wet t-shirt contest. Contestants lined up on stage, as bar patrons purchased squirt guns aimed at the volunteers who came forward from the audience.

The “Wet N’ Wild” show was another project of the “Renewal In The Community” vision for the Royal Court, the project meant to develop community activities that promote healing and togetherness in the community and with one another. The Royal Court believes in the vision of outreaching to individuals and organizations in the community through their charitable fundraising and the development of strong community ties and partnerships.

The next “Renewal In The Community” show is scheduled for June 18th and will be entitled, “Summer Lovin.’” The show will benefit the Royal Court’s General Fund.—KR

MAY 12, 2005 ■ SALT LAKE METRO ■ 11

Publisher Michael Aaron Editor Jere Keys Arts Editor Eric J. Tierney

Opinion

Proofreader Nicholas Rupp Contributing Brandie Balken Writers Kim Burgess Vanessa Chang Jason Clark Beau Jarvis Laurie Mecham Rob Orton William T. Park Nicholas Rupp Mandy Q. Racer Ruby Ridge Kim Russo David Samsel Joel Shoemaker Brenden Shumway Eric J. Tierney Darren Tucker JoSelle Vanderhooft Ross von Metzke John Wilkes Ben Williams Contributing Lucy Juarez Photographers William H. Munk Kim Russo Joel Shoemaker Art Director Michael Aaron Designer Kris Kramer Sales Director Steven Peterson Display Ad Sebastian Cruz Sales Chris Lemon 801-323-9500 National Rivendell Media Advertising 212-242-6863 Representative 1248 Rte 22 West Mountainside NJ 07092

Classified Chris Wold Sales 801-323-9500 Distribution Tony Hobday Managers Courtney Moser Copyright © 2005 Metro Publishing, Inc.

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352 S. Denver Street, Suite 350 Salt Lake City, UT 84111 (801) 323-9500 Fax: (801) 323-9986 President: Vice President: Secretary: Treasurer:

Michael Aaron Steven Peterson Steve Whittaker Larry Tanner

Freedom from Discrimination It took New York 31 years to pass a law protecting queer people from discrimination.

31 years of constantly putting legislation forward, cutting deals, getting promises, and begging the state legislature to act. 31 years.

The bill (commonly known as SONDA— Sexual Orientation Non-Discrimination Act) finally took effect in 2003, making New York the 13th state to pass a law to protect gay and lesbian people from discrimination in areas such as employment, education, credit, housing, and access to public accommodations.

As of today, six states ban some form of discrimination based on both sexual orientation and gender identity. An additional 10 state have protections for sexual orientation alone. Utah is not one of them.

Congress has failed to pass a nationwide Employment Non-Discrimination Act every year since 1994, with little hope for the immediate future. Even should the federal ENDA pass, it doesn’t address issues such as discrimination in housing, education, and access to public facilities.

The point we’re trying to make is simple.

If it took New York 31 years to pass state laws banning discrimination against gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender people, how long is it going to take Utah? And shouldn’t we be getting started on this?

We’re encouraged that BYU-Hawaii worked together with queer rights advocates to help come up with housing nondiscrimination law and transgender workplace protections in the rainbow state. We think this bodes well for the beehive state. Surely, we can come up with a nondiscrimination law that will not scare the Mormons.

But we have to start trying. If we don’t make our voices heard and our desires known, then we might as well give up hope that things will ever change.

Salt Lake Metro encourages our political leaders—Scott McCoy, Jackie Biskupski, Gregory Bell, David Litvak, and others—to introduce non-discrimination laws in the next legislative session.

Salt Lake Metro additionally encourages our political action groups—such as the Stonewall Democrats, Equality Utah, Human Rights Campaign, and Log Cabin Republicans—to make non-discrimination a priority.

Salt Lake Metro also encourages our social and support organizations to start spreading the word that we need to rally together on this issue. From The Center to the Royal Court, we need to start talking about how discrimination affects our lives beyond “the marriage issue” and we need to collect the stories of people who have been persecuted by discrimination. We need to let Utah know that not having these protections in law is hurting real people, hurting all of us.

America is a country that believes all people are entitled to “life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.” Discrimination challenges all of those at a very basic level. Housing discrimination threatens the health and safety of our lives. Unequal access to public accommodations takes away our freedom to participate in a free society. Discrimination in employment, credit and education are very real and fundamental stumbling blocks in the pursuit of happiness.

It’s time all fair-minded people demand that discrimination be stopped wherever and however it appears.

From the Editor Stop Hitting Yourself, Faggot

by Jere Keys jere@slmetro.com

I’ve been reading a book that every single member of the progressive political movement should be reading. Don’t Think of an Elephant by George Lakoff. I wouldn’t usually use this space to promote a commercial product like a book, but really—go get this one. It’s a fairly easy read, isn’t very long, but contains the best and most practical political advice I’ve seen in a long time.

The focus of the book is on understanding how language and philosophical frames affect the way people vote. Lakoff provides an astute analysis of conservative ideology stemming from the model of a strict father family.

That’s where Lakoff and I part ways a little bit.

I don’t think his analysis of conservative philosophy being rooted in a strict father model of government is wrong, I just perceive it differently.

Where Lakoff sees conservative ideology coming from the notion that a father must punish his children to make them learn discipline and selfreliance, I see schoolyard bullying.

I vividly remember an experience in elementary school when our class bully had me pinned down in the snow in the playground outside my South Ogden grade school. He’d managed to get control of one of my arms, and he forced me to hit myself over and over again as he repeated, “Stop hitting yourself, faggot.”

Everyone in my class had to follow his rules when we played at recess. Not because he was smarter, or better at the games, or even more popular. We played by his rules because he was bigger.

It’s not so different with conservative politicians.

Take, for example, the court system. It used to be that the courts were like recess monitors. They kept their eye out for trouble on the playground and kept things safe. Oh, sure, they let us fight our own battles in minor disputes, but when things got out of hand, they would step in and protect the little guys from being hurt or excluded. The role of the judicial branch is and always has been to protect the rights of the minority from the tyranny of the majority. Some matters—such as our founding principals of being created equal, the right to pursue happiness, and the liberty to make free choices—are too important to be left up to the majority vote of the people.

But like a schoolyard bully, the radical right is now claiming that the playground monitors are picking on them. When the courts step in to prevent the big guys from pushing the little guys around, the big guys feel that the natural “might makes right” order has been fundamentally upset. So we get a ludicrous concept like “activist judges” being promoted.

Another argument I’ve heard from the right wing is that the queer community has brought this anti-gay legislation on itself for pushing “an agenda.” Talk about blaming the victim! (Whack!

“Stop hitting yourself, faggot.”) This schoolyard bully rationale (they brought it on themselves) is unworthy of serious consideration in a country founded on the ideals of liberty and justice for all.

I dream of an America where not just the victims of radical-right bullying stand up to the bully, but where everyone who could be picked on, everyone who finds this behavior distasteful, and everyone who believes in cooperation, fairness and equality will stand together against the bully.

Might doesn’t make right. No one deserves to be attacked by someone more powerful. And no one should accept the bully tactics of the radical conservative agenda as part of the American ideal.

Judge Not

by William Todd Park liam@slmetro.com

House Majority Leader Tom DeLay sure seems upset lately by the Supreme Court’s unwillingness to bend to his wishes, and of course to that pesky old first amendment.

That’s the establishment clause the framers of the Constitution drafted, recognizing that government must be secular in order to prevent the same grave errors found in other forms of rule where church and state are in bed with each other. While the Supreme Court is functioning admirably in its role of Constitutional check and balance, DeLay has resorted to one of the few ways he can to put the court into his cross-hairs and squeeze off those sniper shots: labeling the justices who disagree with his fundamentalist crusade as “activist judges.”

Perhaps he thinks the juvenile name-calling is politics as usual, or that it might take the public attention away from the flurry of ethics investigations of him. Considering his boss in the White House has mastered the diversion tactics and spin throughout the past four years, this new round of judiciary bashing appears to be just another example of the Republican legacy of smear tactics.

It sure looks an awful lot like the tyranny of the majority, something that Constitutional checks and balances are designed to protect us from. To make matters worse, Republicans in the Senate are hard at work trying to tip the balance further in their favor by removing any roadblocks to conservative judicial appointments. If they get their way, GOP leaders will change the procedural rules to prohibit the filibuster in judicial nomination proceedings, paving the way for a biased court and a spate of overturned rulings.

The current right wing spin is that liberal judges make law while their own nominees merely interpret it. Quietly but deliberately, Bush-nominated federal judges are overturning progressive rulings, blind to the fact that these reversals equate to activism in their own right. Using culture or opinion as a basis for law is no basis at all. Yet conservative extremists are throwing aside the Constitution, and in its place using their biblical interpretations of justice as the one true standard.

When folks get intimate behind closed doors, I figure it’s none of my business and it’s certainly none of the government’s business. No need to concern yourself with

the Supreme Court’s opinion that “there is a realm of personal liberty that the government may not enter,” because that’s apparently just an activist press release. When Circuit Courts are worried about the sale of sex toys, I’d say the government is getting pretty personal. Sounds like the Maytag man has reason to believe his washing machines will get banned next. Too many kids going through puberty are enjoying that spin cycle a little too much.

But let’s not stop there. We ought to fall in line with Justices Clarence Thomas or Antonin Scalia. They claim if a law is not to their liking, they can frame it as having been “passed wrongly” and can then simply reverse the ruling because that’s not activism. These justices style themselves as “originalists” because “activist judges” don’t make for good politics, but reversing rulings just might.

If we revert to laws as they existed at the signing of the Constitution, it would be far simpler and really good for unemployment; minorities and women who heretofore held jobs will either be slaves or sent home to bear many, many children. Big business will love it, too, because labor will be dirtcheap for those unpleasant manual labor jobs that no one wants anyway, right?

Wrong. Dead wrong.

What do we call it when conservative judges overturn legislation that was designed to create a more perfect union and secure the blessings of liberty just like the Constitution establishes? In political parlance, it’s called fascism, something far from being just, far from being Constitutional, far from being American.

The United States and its Constitution aren’t perfect, which is why it has been amended some twenty-seven times. The freedoms we enjoy are a direct result of unpopular decisions made by courageous individuals who saw the law as something to serve and protect all people instead of just the powerful ruling class. So-called activist judges are simply those men and women who sit on the bench and reconcile the code of law with the Constitution and, when it is inconsistent, they rule accordingly.

Those in the political and ideological majority should remember that we live in a country made up of many factions and that it was founded by groups of oppressed peoples shouting a collective “no” to the tyrannical majority. The majority should consider as well that refusing to heed the lessons of history will expose their demagogues for what they are and push them unwittingly into a role as the new minority.

Ruby Ridge Living Meet Sandwich

by Ruby Ridge ruby@slmetro.com

So, darlings, I have a confession. Despite my hectic social calendar, coordinating the Pride Parade, and a veritable rash of fundraising events, I recently crashed on the couch, demolished a bag of M&M Chips Ahoy, and got completely caught up in one of those documentaries on KUED. You know the really good ones that they only pull out during their pledge drives?

Well anyway, this fascinating documentary was all about comfort food and regional sandwiches. And let me tell you, pumpkins, it was some compelling television!

I know what you’re thinking. “Sandwiches, Ruby?” “What’s so interesting about sandwiches?” Well, petals, it’s amazing how much you can learn about an area’s history, crops, and values, when you look at their sandwiches. Chesapeake Crab Rolls, Philly Steaks, Subs, Italian Meatballs, Barbeque Pulled Pork, grilled Cuban sandwiches… Oh my God, it’s the diversity of this great nation on Challah bread, people, and you’ve just got to love it!

While I was enthralled watching this edible panorama, it suddenly struck me that here in Utah we don’t have a regional sandwich or local comfort food. What does that say about how appallingly bland and uncreative we are? It’s completely embarrassing! So I have come up with a suggestion that exemplifies our Utah values, our inability to separate Church and State, and our dependence on inexpensive imported foodstuffs from cross-seasonal, cheap labor exploiting, environmentally shoddy, third world countries. I think our signature sandwich would be called the “Utah

County.” A thick righteous white-bread sandwich made with leftover casserole, Utah beets, Sam’s Club mayonnaise, and Deseret Industries Cheese, flame broiled over burning science and biology textbooks. That’s one lip-smacking, red-state, God-fearing, ass-kickin’ good sammich!

And because we have tithing to pay, and extra large families to support, it would have to come in under $4.99 (including a Diet Caffeine-free Coke, fry sauce and a notoriously cheap Utah Tip). If we dipped it in egg batter and fried it we could call it the Monte Stewart, in homage to our favorite Amendment 3 adversary and LDS Church hired-gun. Although now that I think about it, that might make the sandwich a little too bitter to eat.

Speaking of Monte, what the hell ever happened to the Monte Christo Sandwich?

That coffee shop classic of a Turkey, Ham, and Swiss Cheese sandwich grilled in egg batter. I adored the Monte Christo and yet you never see them anymore. Personally, I blame Activist Chef’s bypassing the legislative will of the people and inflicting lo-cal, organic, Thai-Yugoslavian fusion tappas on them from the Federal Bench. Wait, that’s not right. But you get my drift.

Cherubs, in these stressful, turbulent, and hateful political times, sometimes you just need to self medicate and escape with some unpretentious fat loaded comfort food. Yes it’s bad for you and you’ll probably break out tomorrow, but that’s part of the appeal. And as a girl with a 60 inch bust, I can tell you that comfort food hasn’t hurt my fabulous hourglass figure! Buon Appettito Kittens!

That’s one lip-smacking, red-state, God-fearing, ass-kickin’ good sammich!

Ruby Ridge is one of the more opinionated members of the Utah Cyber Sluts, a Camp Drag group of performers who raise funds and support local charities. Her opinions are her own and fluctuate wildly due to irritability and dwelling on the incredibly depressing fact that PFC Lynddie England is breeding. To quote Captain Kirk of the Starship Enterprise…Abort! Abort! Abort!

MAY 12, 2005 ■ SALT LAKE METRO ■ 13

Lambda Lore 1977

by Ben Williams

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ben@slmetro.com

1977 is simply unprecedented in the development of a gay and lesbian community in Utah. The year started out simply enough. In January, the board of directors of the Metropolitan Community Church of Salt Lake City (MCC) voted to hold a church dance in the state capitol’s rotunda and applied for permission from the Lieutenant Governor’s office for a dance permit.

For decades, the state capitol rotunda was available for LDS Stakes to hold their annual Gold and Green Balls, as well as for other non-LDS churches.

On February 3, 1977, Lt. Governor David Monson granted the MCC permission to hold a dance. But two weeks later the Lieutenant Governor’s office rescinded its permission “due to the restrictions we have placed on the capitol and due to the nature of your organization.” Until an anonymous caller informed him of the fact, the flabbergasted Monson evidently was not aware that the MCC was a church with a gay outreach. After the call, Monson immediately had his office check with “reliable sources” that confirmed the MCC was indeed a “gay organization.” To Monson’s way of thinking, that was enough to justify withdrawing his permission.

Serendipitously, gay liberationist Bob Waldrop had just arrived in Utah in February and was selected along with Vicki Alger to serve as worship coordinator for the church. Incensed over the blatant discrimination on the part of the Lieutenant Governor, Waldrop urged the church’s board to hire a lawyer to fight the state of Utah.

They agreed and retained attorney Kendall Perkins, who filed on behalf of the MCC a lawsuit against the state of Utah alleging religious discrimination.

Monson simply turned the lawsuit over to the State Deputy Attorney General, Mike Deamer. To harass the church, Deamer filed a warrant requesting the membership list of the MCC. Deamer arrogantly said that he wanted the church membership records in order to turn them over to police agencies so they could be compared with lists of “known homosexuals” kept by the sheriff and city police departments.

Waldrop felt that Deamer was simply trying to intimidate the church into dropping its suit, but they refused. Turning over the church’s membership records, Waldrop claimed, was a violation of the Bill of Right’s Freedom of Religion clause.

On May 17, 1977, the 3rd District Court of Utah ruled in favor of the MCC and

refused to order the church to turn over its records to the state of Utah. The courts eventually even ruled that the Lieutenant Governor had no right to rescind permission to hold a dance in the state capitol building simply because the church had homosexual members. However, rather then permit same-gender dancing in the rotunda, the Lieutenant Governor’s office suspended the practice of holding dances at the capitol. Of course, the decision to suspend dances at the rotunda was said to have been for “liability reasons” rather than because of the lawsuit. Can we all together say “bullshit?”

The fallout over banning dances at the capitol continued in June at an open forum sponsored by the University of Utah’s Daily Chronicle. Senator Orrin Hatch and Lt. Governor David Monson found that the forum they were asked to speak at quickly became dominated by “questions posed by a vocal group of University of Utah students” regarding the constitutional rights of homosexuals. Both the Republicans blithely said constitutional rights of homosexuals should be protected, but they often conflict with the rights of others.

Lt. Governor Monson was then asked to respond to questions by representatives of the Salt Lake Metropolitan Community Church concerning his decision to bar the church’s use of the state capitol rotunda for a dance. Monson claimed his decision was based on state regulations rejecting use of the rotunda that “may incite demonstrations or pose a threat of damage to the building or hazards to people attending.

Based on investigations and information from the Salt Lake County Sheriff’s office, we felt there was a possibility an outside sources would try to disrupt the dance.”

However, Kendall Perkins, the church’s attorney, said he was unaware of “any instances that would demonstrate a potential for such disruption.” Perkins asserted that Monson’s decision to bar the church from the rotunda was made before any investigation ever took place.

At this same forum, Senator Hatch later piped up and stated that homosexuality is marked by a “psychological deficiency.”

“I do not advocate the denial of constitutional rights,” he said, but added, “I wouldn’t want to see homosexuals teaching school anymore than I’d want to see members of the American Nazi Party teaching school.”

Gay teachers and Nazis, what a strange analogy! I wonder where he was going with this? Anyway, because the queer community had balls in 1977, the state capitol lost its.

Ben Williams is the founder and president of the Utah Stonewall Historical Society at utahstonewallhistoricalsociety.com

AberRant Horse Pistol

by Laurie Mecham laurie@slmetro.com

Laurie Mecham in not on the “down low” about her spouse. Her relationship with antidepressants, however, is something people in Utah don’t talk about.

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Holy Piss Cross Hostel.

That is what my dearlydeparted father-in-law used to call the hospital where my children were born, back when the nuns were running it. It has changed hands and I don’t know what it is now, but it is no longer Holy Cross Hospital. I am writing today from the surgical waiting room at St. Mark’s Hospital. The only other name we have for this place is rather lame. We call it the Horse Pistol. My wife is in surgery. Writing this makes my throat start to close and my eyes burn. The doctor is cutting open her body and we can only trust that it will indeed be a routine procedure.

Because we will soon be moving, we’re getting all our miscellaneous health-related stuff done. Eye exams, dentist, Cinco de Pap Smear. And I swear I’m going to schedule that long-overdue mammogram any minute now—just saving the best for last. I already have an appointment with my piss-chiatrist so I can get all my meds filled and refilled, allowing me time to build a relationship with a new doctor in Portland, a doctor whom I can trust with my anxiety, depression, and mood swings. I recognize that by moving out of Utah some of these symptoms may subside, but I’m not taking any chances. I want to be able to get my drugs.

Yesterday, Annie and I signed Medical Powers of Attorney in front of a notary, “just like you married couples have to do,” I joked, har har. At the doctor’s office and hospital some people are very cool when Annie says, “Laurie is my spouse.” But they did have a hard time at the dentist’s office recently. I’ve been a patient there a loooong time. So long, in fact, that my ex-husband was a patient there, too, back when we were a nuke-u-lar family, counting down to combustion and liftoff. “Houston, we have a lesbian!”

The staff had a hard time at the dentist’s office, but it’s located in Sandy, so ... you know.

“What is the name of the insured?”

“Laurie.”

“And what is your relationship?”

“She is my spouse.”

“OK ... (pretends to look something up while mentally tap-dancing.)”

“And what is your address?”

“The same as hers.”

“And this would be Laurie, right?”

It took a little extra while and creased some garments, but they got through it.

And the best part is that after they did the insurance biz, lo, there was NITROUS OXIDE. Got yer silver lining right there.

We didn’t really expect, or at least we certainly didn’t hope for, this surgery. Oh, well.

It makes the domestic partner insurance at the state institution where I work seem a little bit less of a rip-off. If I were married to, say, Jere Keys or Michael Aaron, they’d get hooked up with insurance just like that.

It would be subsidized, too, not costing us three hundred bucks a month. My friend Jocelyn works in a different department than I do. She told her boss that she would

like a considerable raise because, as a lesbian, “I’m the cheapest employee you’ve got.” She pointed out that the department would not have to pay for insurance for her partner so she would like a raise for the amount that it would cost if they were paying for her husband, as they do for all the married women who make up the rest of their office. Furthermore, she pointed out that since she wouldn’t be having a baby every two years and taking maternity leave and putting one more body on the family policy, that she would like to continue to have her salary increased by a comparable amount every two years, in addition to merit increases. (Ha ha ha—we’re talking about the STATE, so just kidding about those increases.) What does Jocelyn have, my friends? That’s right; she has HUEVES! The doctor just came out and talked to me, and my honey is fine. She won’t be able to lift anything heavier than an eyebrow for several weeks, but we enjoy doing that together anyway. Now that I’ve choked back the tears of relief and called our family members, I am finishing this here piece that I told Jere I wouldn’t be able to do. I just want to end with a shout out to Governor Huntsman and his Big Helpers for putting those civil protections into place that he promised in spite of Amendment 3.

Jon, Gayle, Monte, Mr. Buttars, and the rest: MAY YOU BE SO LUCKY.

QUEER FILM SIZZLES THIS SUMMER

by Jere Keys

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jere@slmetro.com

ay rights may be a political wedge issue between conservatives and liberals in the United States, but a plethora of new queer films this summer reveals more about the complexities and diversity of modern gay life than any right-wing sound bites.

The Advocate is praising the upcoming season as the end of a multi-year drought in queer cinema while at the same time, serious movie critics are praising the return of quality storytelling and industry insiders are amazed at the genre diversity of the upcoming films.

The summer season is kicking off with two very different films. D.E.B.S. is a spoof on women spy classics like Charlie’s Angels that is set in a boarding school with heavy lesbian storylines.

Eating Out (starring Desperate Housewives’ Ryan Carnes, American Idol’s Jim Verraros, and newcomer Scott Lunsford) depicts your standard love triangle: gay boy falls for straight boy who’s pretending to be gay to get the gay guys’ best gal pal. Both movies are playing in limited release already.

Another May release, Mysterious Skin, will be coming to Salt Lake in June. Based on the novel by Scott Heim, the film follows the stories of two boys molested in their childhood. Joseph Gordon Leavitt (Third Rock From the Sun, Latter Days) plays the gay hustler who remembers all too well and Brady Corbet is the UFOobsessed outsider trying to reconnect the dots. Michelle Trachtenberg (Buffy the Vampire Slayer) also sparkles in her role as the teenage fag hag and best friend.

Spanning twenty-four hours, Heights follows five New Yorkers challenged to choose their destiny before the sun comes up the next day. The ensemble cast in this Merchant Ivory production includes Glenn Close, James Marsden, Jesse Bradford, Isabella Rossellini, Eric Bogosian, Rufus Wainwright and more.

The film begins release on June 10.

For the women, another summer movie to watch for is My Summer of Love. In the Yorkshire countryside, working-class tomboy Mona (Nathalie Press) meets the exotic, pampered Tasmin (Emily Blunt).

Over the summer season, the two young women discover they have much to teach one another, and much to explore together. Begins release on June 17.

Proving that gay stories can be told across many genres effectively, HellBent is the first gay horror film to get moviegoers excited. The film follows five hot gay guys as they try to survive the wildest night of the year—Halloween in West Hollywood.

The film has been screening at film festivals since last fall, but expect to see it in

on DVD by June.

Another genre breakthrough is the much-anticipated Brokeback Mountain from director Ang Lee. Starring Heath Ledger and Jake Gyllenhaal, this story about two Wyoming ranch hands has already got the Hollywood gossips raving about the steamy and sexy scenes between these two heartthrob actors. Don’t get too excited yet though—the release date of our gay western flick has been pushed back from

NOW PLAYING A LOT LIKE LOVE Oliver (Ashton Kutcher) and Emily (Amanda Peet) have anonymous sex in an airplane restroom, exchange names, then spend a day together bickering and probably imagining how cute they look doing it. Then Emily bets Oliver that in six years he won’t be a successful, competent adult. Oliver takes the bet, and the two sporadically reunite in the ensuing six-year span for more bickering and making out. Whether or not they eventually fall in love, however, is irrelevant. Frankly, it’s weird enough that these two irritating, dull, shallow characters manage to sustain interest in anything other than their own reflections. The movie wants to be When Harry Met Sally for Generation Y, but its target audience is more likely to walk out feeling punk’d.

Grade: D Kinsey Scale: 1 (Peet appeared in Isn’t She Great, and Kutcher made out with Seann William Scott in Dude, Where’s My Car? Co-star Gabriel Mann appeared in High Art, I Shot Andy Warhol, and Stonewall, while co-star Jeremy Sisto is a regular on Six Feet Under. Linda Hunt, who played a man in The Year of Living Dangerously, makes a cameo appearance.)

THE AMITYVILLE HORROR The white Long Island colonial looks like a dream home to George (Ryan Reynolds) and Kathy Lutz (Melissa George), in spite of the realtor’s admission that its most recent residents died there violently.

No sooner have the Lutzes moved in than daughter Chelsea (Chloe Moretz) befriends the ghostly little girl who haunts her room, and George starts hearing voices urging him to kill his family. This silly remake of a 1979 horror classic—based on an allegedly true story—pours on the dripping blood and horrific special effects, but more often provides unintentional laughs instead of chills.

Reynolds and George don’t possess the gravity to make the family’s situation believable, and a script that ladles on the cliches further sabotages the action.

Grade: C Kinsey Scale: 1 (George had a small part in the lesboerotic Mulholland Drive, while co-star Philip Baker Hall appeared in the Charles Busch drag comedy Die, Mommie, Die.)

CRASH While a detective (Don Cheadle) investigates an African-American policeman’s murder at the hands of a white fellow officer, a racist beat patrolman (Matt Dillon) disgusts his liberal partner (Ryan Phillippe) when he humiliates a black TV director (Terrence Howard) and his wife (Thandie Newton) at a traffic stop. Those are just two story threads in this multi-layered, mosaic-like drama that investigates issues of race and class among Los Angelenos. Million Dollar Baby scribe Paul Haggis’ script is overly schematic in its dependence on coincidence to move the interlocking stories forward, but his characters are unforgettable, and

summer to December 9.

Two artistic dramas, Loggerheads and The Dying Gaul, both got their Utah debuts at the Sundance Film Festival last January, and will continue their tours of select cities and film festivals through the summer before popping up on DVD shelves.

Another Sundance story is that of the queer inclusive flick Happy Endings from director Don Roos. With an amazing

the situations in which they find themselves are as fresh as today’s headlines. The awesomely talented ensemble is terrific, particularly Cheadle and Dillon as jaded cops who undergo unexpected epiphanies.

Grade: B+ Kinsey Scale: 1 (Haggis could have delved even deeper into society with the addition of gay or lesbian characters, but he limits himself to issues of race and class. Dillon, Phillippe, Howard, and co-stars Jennifer Esposito, Brendan Fraser, and Keith David have all appeared in gay-themed films.)

FEVER PITCH High-powered consultant Lindsey (Drew Barrymore) falls hard for math teacher Ben (Jimmy Fallon), who is sensitive, kind, and unthreatened by her success.

But when she discovers that he is a rabid Boston Red Sox fan, it’s Lindsey who feels threatened by his love for the team. This is one of those romantic comedies that presumes a strictly heterosexual universe where men and women can never get along. It paints a

Orlando Bloom in Kingdom of Heaven

20TH CENTURY FOX

world where women, no matter how successful, are only really interested in their relationships, while men are depicted as childish for caring about things outside of theirs—a premise both dated and insulting. Still, Ben’s fellow Sox fanatics are hilarious, and, however weak the central story, seeing a replay of Boston’s curse-breaking 2004 season is pretty wonderful.

Grade: BKinsey Scale: 1 (Barrymore is bisexual and starred in the somewhat homoerotic Poison Ivy and the lesbian drama Boys on the Side. Co-stars Ione Sky, Marissa Jaret Winokur, Michael Rubenfeld, Willie Garson, and Jackie Burroughs have all appeared in gay-themed projects.)

GUESS WHO

movie away from bland, pretty-boy Kutcher.

Grade: C Kinsey Scale: 1 (Percy in convinced that the party planner for the anniversary fete is gay, while his wife insists he’s merely metrosexual. There are a few fleeting moments of gay panic when Percy and Simon hit the dance floor and share a bed.)

THE HITCHHIKER’S GUIDE TO THE GALAXY When the earth is destroyed, mild-mannered Englishman Arthur Dent (Martin Freeman) and his intergalactic travel-writer pal, Ford Prefect (Mos Def), become galaxy-hopping hitchhikers. Romantic entanglements and life-threatening adventures ensue when they land on a stolen spaceship manned by renegade galaxy president Zaphod Beeblebrox (Sam Rockwell) and the girl Arthur adores, Trillion (Zooey Deschanel). The late Douglas Adams’ cult sci-fi series comes to the big screen in a dazzling display of special effects and animatronics, but it is the amiable cast, witty dialogue, and Alan Rickman’s magnificently crabby tone as the voice of depressed robot Marvin that provide the movie’s chief charms. Purists may balk that the balance has shifted from science fiction to romantic comedy, but the fleshed-out love story is sweetly appealing.

Grade: B Kinsey Scale: 1 (Gay actor/filmmaker Stephen Fry has a voice-only role. Co-star Anna Chancellor appeared in the lesbian drama Tipping the Velvet, while co-star John Malkovich played queer director F.W. Murnau in Shadow of the Vampire.)

HOUSE OF WAX When twins Carly (Elisha Cuthbert) and Nick (Chad Michael Murray) and a group of friends encounter car trouble en route to a sports event, they wind up in a small, deserted town. However, the town’s wax museum isn’t empty—its residents are also twins, ones who delight in killing stranded motorists and making wax figures out of their corpses. This “re-imagining” of the 1953 Vincent Price film shares practically nothing with its predecessor. For starters, it’s brutally violent, picking off its characters in especially sadistic ways. And the inclusion of donothing socialite Paris Hilton in the cast is hilariously distracting—she can’t even run away from psychos convincingly. But the killings are inventive in their nastiness, the blood flows freely, and the wax-melting final moments are a marvel of digital technology.

Just don’t go in expecting to be scared.

Grade: C+ Kinsey Scale: 1 (None of the young cast has any queer-related credits, but there are a few innocuous moments of male characters engaging in gay-baiting banter with one another. And lead bad boy Murray winds up shirtless once for no reason related to the movie’s plot.)

THE INTERPRETER United Nations interpreter Silvia Broome (Nicole Kidman) returns to her listening post after business hours and overhears conspirators discussing a plot to assassinate her country’s president. Secret Service agent Tobin Keller (Sean Penn) is assigned —continued on page 19

MAY 12, 2005 ■ SALT LAKE METRO ■ 17

With her parents, Percy (Bernie Mac) and Marilyn (Judith Scott), about to celebrate their 25th anniversary, Theresa (Zoe Saldana) thinks it’s the perfect opportunity to introduce her boyfriend, Simon (Ashton Kutcher), and announce their engagement. But her African-American family only finds out that Simon is white when they meet him, throwing everyone, especially over-protective Percy, for a loop. This comedy works best when it confines itself to physical bits of slapstick, as when Simon teaches Percy to tango.

The rest of it plays like an overlong sitcom, with tired race jokes and hackneyed put-upon-dad gags alternating with moments of cringe-inducing sentimentality. Mac makes the best of an underwritten part with a forceful, charismatic performance, stealing the

cast including Lisa Kudrow, Tom Arnold, Maggie Gyllenhaal, Bobby Cannavale, Jason Ritter, David Sutcliffe, Laura Dern and more, this dark comedy will start hitting the theaters in July.

From lesbian spy spoofs to gay westerns, West Hollywood slashers to British tomboys, gritty psychological dramas about molestation or dark comedy about finding family—there really is something for everyone.

SALT LAKE METRO ■ MAY 12, 2005 ■

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A Program of The Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual & Transgender Community Center of Utah

NOW PLAYING —continued from page 17

to investigate the matter, although he suspects Silvia is either lying or a potential assassin herself. This paranoid thriller suffers from a miscast Kidman and a plot that hinges on too many coincidences, so it is a credit to director Sydney Pollack that he is able to maintain a steady level of suspense despite those distractions. The real reasons to see the film, though, are for the peek it provides into the U.N., and for Penn, who infuses his depressed, skeptical lawman with a kind of wounded grace.

Grade: BKinsey Scale: 1 (Kidman won her Oscar for playing bisexual writer Virginia Woolf in The Hours, while Penn appeared in the queer-themed Before Night Falls. Pollack directed and co-starred in Tootsie, and currently plays Will’s dad on Will & Grace.)

KINGDOM OF HEAVEN Simple French blacksmith Balian (Orlando Bloom) becomes involved in major battles during the 12th-century Crusades. He’s brave but spiritually conflicted, managing along his journey through the ravages of war to reconnect with his long-lost father (Liam Neeson), to romance a princess (Eva Green), and to work his way up the ladder of Roman success and lead the battle for Jerusalem. And while the story is formulaic and the boyish Orlando Bloom lacks the sort of gravitas that Russell Crowe brought to Gladiator, Kingdom is a staggeringly good-looking epic, one that does its best to be even-handed about religious wars in this cultural moment of religious tension. In fact, for a Hollywood take on the Crusades, its sweep is almost matched by its commitment—more or less—to historical accuracy.

Who would have guessed that a holy war could be so much popcorn fun?

Grade: B Kinsey Scale: 1 (Bloom’s first screen role was as a rent boy in Wilde, Neeson starred in Kinsey, and co-star Jeremy Irons starred in the gay drama Callas Forever as well as in M. Butterfly. Co-star David Thewlis played queer poet Paul Verlaine in Total Eclipse.)

PALINDROMES

ROBOTS Rodney Copperbottom (the voice of Ewan McGregor) is a small-town robot with dreams of going to the big city. Rodney’s a genius inventor, wanting to use his creations to make the world better. But when he arrives, he finds that the city is a harsh place with no room for nice robots. He also discovers that a huge, amoral corporation is out to dominate all of robot life by making the population dependent on its products. To fight the bad business-bots, he enlists the help of new friend and love interest Cappy (Halle Berry), as well as some friendly metal misfits (Robin

SAHARA Undersea expert Dirk Pitt (Matthew McConaughey) and his sidekick, Al (Steve Zahn), are on a mission to hunt down a lost Confederate ship they believe drifted across the ocean to African waters. They cross paths with a U.N. doctor (Penelope Cruz) who’s researching what seems to be a plague, and collide with French corporate criminals, tribal warlord baddies, and one action sequence after another in a mixed-up stew of a plot. The ridiculous pile-up of characters and perilous moments would be unforgivable if the movie weren’t so much fun. Sure, there’s no reason to believe that any of it could happen— much less that Cruz and McConaughey’s characters could find time to fall in love in the middle of it—but this popcorn movie is so handsomely crafted and excitingly paced that believability is the least of its concerns. It just wants to entertain, and does so with exuberance to spare.

Grade: BKinsey Scale: 1 (Zahn appeared in The Object of My Affection, played gay in Reality Bites, and pretended to be gay in Happy, Texas. Cruz played an HIV-positive nun in Pedro Almodovar’s All About My Mother)

SIN CITY There is no daylight ever in Basin City, where good cop Hartigan (Bruce Willis) bucks the system to bring down a politically connected pedophile; warmhearted psychopath Marv (Mickey Rourke) takes on the establishment to avenge a hooker’s death; and gentlemanly murderer Dwight (Clive Owen) fights to stop a war involving police, pimps, and the town’s prostitutes. Based on a series of graphic novels, this ultra-violent neo-noir offers three terrific lead performances and stunning visuals. But beyond the antiheroic trio, the acting is wildly uneven, and this fifth-rate pulp fiction—with its tin-eared dialogue and vacuous triad of stories—is an example of faux hard-boiled style over substance. Writer Frank Miller betrays his lack of imagination with female characters that are nearly all whores.

Grade: C Kinsey Scale: 2 (One of the few females who is not a hooker—a parole officer played by Carla Gugino—is identified as a lesbian. Owen and co-stars Michael Clarke Duncan, Nick Stahl, Rosario Dawson, and Devon Aoki have all appeared in queer-themed movies.)

XXX: STATE OF THE UNION When gunmen breach his heavily fortified offices, NSA agent Augustus Gibbons (Samuel L. Jackson) knows that it is time to go underground and recruit a new super-secret operative. For this new XXX, Gibbons turns to imprisoned ex-Navy SEAL Darius Stone (Ice Cube), and before long both men realize that a growing conspiracy threatens the very freedom of the United States. This ridiculous action thriller arrives in theaters dead on arrival, which is appropriate given its extravagant body count. The acting is generally abysmal, the premise is ridiculous, and while there are plenty of laughs, they are nearly all unintentional. Gearheads will appreciate the many muscle cars on display, but the only real entertainment value in this movie is in the spectacle of its many explosions.

Grade: D Kinsey Scale: 1 (Co-star Willem Dafoe has appeared in several gay-themed films and worked with John Waters on Cry-Baby.)

MAY 12, 2005 ■ SALT LAKE METRO ■ 19

Thirteen-year-old Aviva (played by a rotating cast, including Jennifer Jason Leigh) wants to have a baby. When Aviva is impregnated by a teenage boy, her loving but hysterical parents (Ellen Barkin, Richard Masur) force her to have an abortion.

Traumatized, Aviva runs away from home and, in her travels, encounters a sympathetic pedophile and sinister pro-life Christians; her circular journey will ultimately lead her back to where she started from—hence the film’s title. This is a brutally funny, emotionally defeated, yet still humane skewering of America’s public and private morality. Director Todd Solondz’s detached filmmaking style rejects the idea of sympathetic characters; he dares his audience to stay the course, and, for a certain brand of adventurous film-goer, that will prove a selling point. Others are advised to approach with caution.

Grade: AKinsey Scale: 1 (Leigh co-starred in Bastard Out of Carolina, and co-star Debra Monk appeared in both In & Out and Jeffrey.)

Williams, Amanda Bynes). And while a happy ending is assured in this family movie, the main draw is the spectacular 3-D animation and the reasonably witty script, both of which keep the moral from going down like sugary medicine.

Grade: BKinsey Scale: 1 (In one scene, Williams tosses out an obliquely gay, ad-libbed joke about two male robots bunking together for the night. Otherwise, the huge voice cast—including McGregor, Berry, Williams, Greg Kinnear, Jim Broadbent, and Jennifer Coolidge—has a lot of queer credits on its collective resume.)

THE GAY AGENDA 12THURSDAY There’s so much about Britain we Americans don’t understand. Why is the food so bad? Why isn’t “bangers and mash” a dirty joke? How did they turn materialgirl-Madonna into Kabhalah-mommyEsther? Maybe rock trio Keane can answer those questions when the rising stars of the British music scene stop by Salt Lake for a concert.

7:30pm, Abravanel Hall, 123 S West Temple.

Tickets $22 at 355-ARTS or arttix.org ■ When Beethoven was asked which of his symphonies gave him the most pleasure, he replied, “Eroica.” Utah Symphony is celebrating the 200th anniversary of the first public performance of Symphony No. 3 in E-Flat Major.

7:30pm, Libby Gardner Concert Hall at the University of Utah’s Presidents’ Circle. Tickets $18-$28 at 355-ARTS or arttix.org

13FRIDAY After 9/11, the entire nation became acquainted with that kind a creeping fear that you’re never really safe. Utah playwright Rachel Hsieh’s play Locking Doors is loosely based on real life as four women try to reclaim their lives despite

the terror after a close friend is brutally murdered. Whether you’ve experienced personal tragedy along these lines, or simply identify with the soul-destroying panic of “orange level terrorist threats,” check out this production at the University of Utah Lab Theatre.

7:30pm through Saturday, Lab Theatre/Studio 115, Performing Arts Building at the University of Utah. Tickets $8 at 355-ARTS or arttix.org ■ If Keane is going to explain to us what the British did to Madonna, maybe Better Than Ezra can explain why fellow New Orleans celebrity Anne Rice has also become so damn weird. “BTE,” as they’re known to fans, has been alternative rock since, well, it was really cool.

A decade after Nirvana and company, though, they’re still going strong and dazzling fans with new material.

9pm, Club Suede, 1612 Ute Blvd, Park City.

Tickets $18 in advance, $20 day of show at 800-888-8499 or smithstix.com. Club Suede is a private club for members.

14SATURDAY I never thought I’d be an opera fan, but a few years ago I saw a great art flick called Cosi in which patients of a British

KEANE. SEE THURSDAY, MAY 12 mental facility (no, Madonna was not a patient) banded together to produce Mozart’s Cosi Fan Tutte. Whether or not Utah Opera’s production will be as entertaining as that of fictional insane asylum residents is to be determined (and really, wouldn’t you agree that being a professional artist in Utah qualifies as some sort of insanity anyway), but it’s a beautiful piece of music either way.

7:30pm tonight, May 16, May 18 and May 20, 2pm May 22, Capitol Theatre, 50 W. 200 South.

Tickets $12–58 at 355-2787 or arttix.org.

■ One thing that’s somewhat unique about the Utah arts community is that everyone does charity benefits sooner or later. Ballet West presents A Dance for Life to benefit the Utah Cancer Foundation. All tickets include an after performance dessert buffet on stage with the dancers.

8pm, Jeanne Wagner Theatre, 138 W. Broadway. Tickets $50–75 at 355-ARTS or arttix.org

17TUESDAY One wonders when the good folks at the Utah Symphony have time to eat or sleep. Tonight, they join with the Youth Symphony All-Stars to present several dazzling large-scale works showcasing the future of music in Utah. The All-Stars, many of whom will give solo performances tonight, represent the best and brightest of the state’s most elite youth orchestras.

7pm, Abravanel Hall, 123 W Temple. Tickets $11-$17 at 355-2787 or arttix.org.

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18WEDNESDAY We here at Salt Lake Metro have become intimately familiar with the intricacies of copyright and trademark law lately.

So we have some sympathy for Caribou, formerly known as Manitoba, who were forced to change names at the hand of a lawsuit. But what’s in a name? Frontman Dan Snaith is a master of creating expansive soundscapes based in synth pop and indie rock instrumentation. Plus he’s kinda cute, in a geeky sort of way.

9:30pm, Ego’s, a private club for members, 668 S. State Street. Tickets $10 in advance, $12 day of show at 467-TIXX or smithstix.com.

None of the contestants in the Utah StarQuest competition finals have ever slept with or been coached by Paula Abdul. We won’t pretend to know who else they have or haven’t slept with. Come check out the final 11 contestants as they

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try to win the fabulous prize package including an opportunity to sing from the mainstage at the Utah Pride Festival. All proceeds benefit The Center’s crisis line.

8:30pm, Head’s Up, a private club for members, 163 W. Pierpont Ave. slmetro.com/starquest

19THURSDAY The 2005 Humanities Gala includes an awards ceremony with Geralyn Dreyfous, 2005 Academy Award winner for Best Documentary, presenting the keynote address “The Call of Stories.” Following the awards ceremony, presented by the Utah Humanities Council, will be a reception in the foyer and Rose Room.

7pm, Jeanne Wagner Theatre, 138 W Broadway. Tickets $50 at 355-ARTS or arttix.org

20FRIDAY Five-time Grammy Award-winning jazz, pop and R&B entertainer Al Jarreau closes the Utah Symphony Pops season with a bang and this is the third Utah Symphony listing in this issue! Jarreau’s amazing vocals and stage presence will leave an indelible impression on your ever-lovin’ soul. Utah Symphony’s action-packed schedule should provide you with a quality music fix to last for months to come.

8pm through tomorrow, Abravanel Hall, 123 S West Temple. Tickets $20-$45 at 355ARTS or arttix.org

The Paul Green School of Rock is the original performance based, interactive music school—where students play loud and hold nothing back. Come check out these talented youngsters as they rock and roll their way through one of the greatest classics of the era—Pink Floyd’s The Wall, presented in its entirety.

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8pm, Lo-Fi Café, 127 S West Temple. Tickets $7 at 480-LOFI or smithstix.com

21SATURDAY There are things that happen in live theatre that just cannot happen in film, television or other mediums of entertainment. Take Plan B’s one-night-only experiment SLAM! For example. In 24 hours, the troupe will create, rehearse and perform five 10-minute one-act plays. Think it sounds like iffy entertain-

ment? Four of last year’s pieces went on to further productions.

23MONDAY

8pm, Studio Theatre at the Rose Wagner Performing Arts Center, 138 W Broadway.

Tickets $18 at 355-2787 or arttix.org

I’ll admit it, I don’t actually like their music, I’m only including Queens of the Stone Age in the calendar because their name is just so frickin’ cool. But if you like that kind of heavy rock, there’s nothing wrong with that. I’ll bet Queens will never move to Britain, convert to Kabbalah and change their names to things like “Danniel” and “Abraham.”

■ The queers on the bus go up and down, up and down, up and down, the queers on the bus go… did you miss Metro’s first Fabulous Fun Bus to Wendover? Not to worry, the trip was so nice, we had to do it twice! That’s right, a second chance to win a dildo at Cyber Sluts Bingo… a second chance to win a million dollars in Nevada… a second chance to escape Utah for a day and visit a strange land where drinking, smoking, and gambling are the norm instead of the bizarre. But sign up fast, last month’s bus completely sold out.

Leaves MoDiggity’s, a private club for members, at 1 pm and returns by 11 pm. Tickets $15—but you get $7 back in cash along with coupons for a free buffet, drinks and discounts. www.slmetro.com/funbus

7pm, In the Venue, 219 S 600 West. Tickets $22.50 in advance, $25 day of show, at 355-3219 or smithstix.org

25WEDNESDAY Ever wonder just what it is that the universe seems to have against you? Maybe its leftover karma from a past life. Join psychic and medium Delores as she discusses past lives and their relevance in today’s world with the Lavender Tribe.

7:30pm, the multi-purpose room of The Center, 355 N 300 W. www.lavendertribe.org

BETTER THAN EZRA. SEE FRIDAY, MAY 13

MAY 12, 2005 ■ SALT LAKE METRO ■ 21

EarPiece Adaptation Anxiety

by Eric Tierney eric@slmetro.com

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SALT LAKE METRO ■ MAY 12, 2005

Find the Perfect Roommate ... in the Metro Classifieds.

Well, the Late Spring Movie Season, a precursor to the Summer Gouging, is in full swing.

Last week I took in The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy with my best friend Pearce. He’s been a fan of the books since, as my favorite fictional Southern beauty-shop patron and Dolly Parton pal, Clarice, would say, “God was a boy.” I was really looking forward to seeing the movie with him, since I love him and the books mean a lot to him and he’s been patiently waiting for the thing to come out for years.

I have to admit, I went into the theatre with a stomach-churning amalgam of anticipation and trepidation. This is a phenomenon which we, the movie-going public, have to endure again and again, year after year: the moment when a beloved book or play or even, for the intellectually-challenged amongst us, television show, is reproduced on the big screen. We’re ecstatic about finally seeing our favorite characters and settings in living color, thrilled because we get to experience something we truly love in a whole new way—for some reason, seeing someone else’s vision of the material on the screen seems to be infinitely more real to us than the vision we create in our own heads.

There’s a more subconscious delight as well; we look forward to sitting in the darkened theatre with several hundred other people who either already love the story as much as we do, or whom we hope will soon understand just what it is we’ve been raving about for all these years and come to love it as well.

More often than not, we’re bitterly disappointed.

The casting is never quite right—subtle, well-drawn characters are horrifyingly misinterpreted or played too broadly (see Jim Carrey in the Lemony Snicket film), the screenplay sucks (see Simon Birch, which butchers John Irving’s gorgeous novel A Prayer for Owen Meany so badly that the author refused to sanction the use of his character’s name), the story has been cut to ribbons and is pretty much unrecognizable (see ... well pretty much any film adapted from a book), or the studio had to hire a “name” actor who lacks the chops for the part rather than a lesser-known performer who could’ve gotten the job done (see Ni-

cole Kidman in The Hours).

We usually leave the theatre after such disasters feeling that we would have preferred that no one made the film in the first place. Why, we ask ourselves, would these people take something so wonderful and willfully destroy it, robbing it of its essence, ruining everything that made it great to begin with? The standard answer is usually that the source material was not “filmic” enough, that its arch was too wide for an hour-and-a-half-long Hollywood movie, that its style was unapproachable, or that its themes and motifs were too esoteric for film audiences.

The real question becomes, then, why was it necessary to adapt the thing to begin with? A cynic would say that it’s because no one in Hollywood is going to let the chance to capitalize on something pass them by.

There is a bigger-picture answer as well, which is that, in our culture, we don’t consider anything valid until it’s been completely popularized. Reading is an essentially private activity, and seeing a movie is definitely a social one. I may be going out on a limb here, but it seems to me we have to see our favorite novels turned into film tripe because we don’t feel our taste is any good unless everyone else shares it. And because we don’t trust our own creativity—the images we create for ourselves by reading simply don’t seem good enough to us—we need to see how Ron Howard envisions the book because he’s much smarter

Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy

and more creative than we are.

Of course, once in a while a truly terrific, satisfying adaptation comes along. Other critics, including some here in our hometown, hated the Hitchhiker movie because they thought it missed its mark by a light year, misinterpreting its source material and turning into something not satirical but just silly. But Pearce, whom I acknowledge as an expert on this matter, says the material is simply silly and nothing more.

During the film, there was a lot of kneeslapping and head-nodding coming from his direction, and when we emerged into the bright sunlight of the Gateway, there was a wide smile on his face. I guess, every once in while, Hollywood gets it right. My favorite childhood book, The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe, will be released as a film this Christmas. I can only hope its more Hitchhiker than Simon Birch.

Queeriscaping Divide and Conquer

by Brandie Balken brandie@slmetro.com

We’re almost there lovelies. The official “plant date” of May 15 is fast approaching. If you’ve been reading my column lately, then your plans are laid and your ground is anxiously awaiting the tender young roots of new plant varieties. It’s easy to convince yourself that you can go ahead and plant now, that the remaining two weeks before the last frost date will come and go without incident. But please wait, dear fellow gardener, as there are few things more tragic than seeing your freshly planted babies the morning after an unexpected frost.

It’s enough to make even the butchest of lesbians cry. Save yourself (and your pocketbook) from this sorrow and busy yourself with spreading the wealth and joy your gardens already contain.

You may be asking yourself, “What on earth is Brandie talking about?” I am speaking, darling reader, about the perennials that you already have in the ground that are busily coming up fuller, fatter and heartier than ever before. Spring is the ideal time for you to divide your mature perennials and fill in some of those empty spots around the yard. You see, perennials continue to grow and spread out as they mature, and benefit from being “pruned back.” In effect, dividing them gives them a healthy root pruning as well as a fresh new space to grow into. This makes them all the more vigorous, as well as giving you the benefit of making what was once one into two or three.

Dividing your plants is not only beneficial and economical—it’s also incredibly

easy! First, choose which locations you’ll be transplanting the newly split plants into.

Clear the area of all weeds, and dig a hole twice as wide and deep as your anticipated root ball. Bring the hose around to the area of the newly dug holes. Approach your mature perennial with a soft heart and a firm hand. Use a sharp shovel to cut the plant roughly in half, right down the middle. Then, following the basic outline of the plant, cut a semi circle at least 6˝ wider than the foliar margin. Make sure your shovel sinks in at a slight angle in toward the center of the plant. After the semi circle has been cut, gently lift the “new plant” away from its parent. If it doesn’t come loose easily, continue to dig underneath it. Avoid tearing the roots if at all possible.

Immediately move it to the new planting spot, visually checking to ensure your hole is large enough. Fill the hole with water before you sink the root ball. This will eliminate some of the transplant shock. If you’re really concerned about transplant shock, mix a little rooting hormone into the water before you plant. Gently but firmly pack soil around your new perennial, and keep it moist until the roots become established.

As for the hole you’ve opened up beside the parent plant, fill it with quality soil and then apply fresh mulch. Voila, you just got a plant for FREE! If you’re interested in making more than one division from an existing plant, I recommend that you still remove only half of the existing perennial, and then split the first division into two or three more plants. These “new” plants can also be potted up into containers, and given to friends and family, if you so desire.

Happy dividing friends!

Brandie Balken is a horticulturist in Salt Lake City and can be seen at Cactus & Tropicals

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MAY 12, 2005 ■ SALT LAKE METRO ■ 23

CITY/STATE

Big Apple Pizzaria

by Vanessa Chang Vanessa@slmetro.com

2939 E. 3300 South, Salt Lake City, UT (801) 485-4534 Hours: Monday-Thursday 11am-10pm Friday 11am-11pm, Saturday 12-11pm All credit cards accepted

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SALT LAKE METRO ■ MAY 12, 2005

I know this is supposed to be a restaurant column. But there are those certain occasions where the last thing you want to do is sit in a building where you would look totally out of place decked out in your pajamas (a.k.a. “Fat Clothes”). Recently, I found myself overwhelmed with daily life compounded with the common cold. Sinus congestion and public dining do not mix.

Simply put, I wasn’t sick enough to lose vestiges of my usual appetite. Quite the contrary. The regular intervals of popping horse pills of anti-decongestants warranted a complete filling of the stomach. Liquid sustenance wouldn’t cut it. I wanted substance in a piping hot, protein-packed, and convenient way. Who said chicken soup is the standard for sick people cuisine?

So let’s talk pizza. Sure, I’ve reviewed a pizza place before. But considering the plethora of pizza joints out there, it seems warranted to check out another establishment. The last place offered take-and-bake options which are fun. But for this recent outing, that even seemed like too much work. I just wanted to call in my order, pick up my pie, and go. Big Apple Pizza beckoned. And I had a pill to pop.

You can guess from the name that we’re talking New York-style pizza—thin crusts that barely withstand the weight of the moderate loading of toppings above. A pal and NY-style aficionado advised, “when you hold up your slice, you gotta make sure it’s as flaccid as a gay man’s penis during a lesbian porn fest, otherwise, it isn’t legit.”

Duly noted.

Metaphors aside, it’s true. Most New York style pizzas sport some lack of structural integrity that lends to its charm. Big Apple’s crust has a nice flavor of developed yeast.

The texture I found pleasantly chewy was

too toothsome for a dining companion. My opinion: If you want a communion wafer, go to mass. You need something with some heft to stand up to good pepperoni, fresh veg, and the lava flow of cheese. Big Apple forms crusts into personal, medium, and large sizes with your toppings before they bake it in an oven Satan would find comfortable, until everything is bubbly, sizzling, and the aforementioned crust is blistery golden brown. Alternatively, for pizza-wary folks, they also offer calzones (made with the same crust) that are some of the best I’ve had in the state.

Of course, there’s the sauce. In my experience with slices in the Manhattan, Brooklyn, and Jersey, the sauce was never the superstar. There’s always been a special recipe. But folks rarely go haywire with frou-frou ingredients. It binds the starchy dough and the palate covering fattiness of the toppings. It makes the whole thing work in a quiet way. Big Apple’s sauce isn’t zesty or sweet. It just has a nice tang that goes well with every cheese and slice of pepperoni or sausage.

Toppings are plentiful. You can build your own pizza or opt for one the menu’s creations like the Combination—an omnivore’s delight. Even my pork-productphobic friend gushed over the quality of the sausages and pepperoni. Not too salty, but full of flavor. The vegetarian featured slices of fresh tomato that came alive with the oven’s heat. They held their shape, but burst forth with juice, a delight when with fresh mushrooms and sliced black olives.

And even I have to admit that their Hawaiian pizza was tasty—good old Canadian bacon (which, really isn’t Canadian or Hawaiian) with pineapple that didn’t taste like candy from a tin.

Of course, you could opt to dine-in.

Parking can be a nightmare on that stretch of strip mall. But once settled into a booth, the folks are pretty attentive. Just get to know your root beer (or one of the 13 types of bottled beer) while you wait. It won’t be long. And you too can discover, sick or not, that a good slice does have the power to heal.

MAY 12, 2005 ■ SALT LAKE METRO ■ 25

Bar Guide Club 161*

Club Try-Angles*

161 S. Pueblo St (1440 W.) 363-8161 / club161.com HOURS: M&W 7pm-2am TH–SU 2pm-2am CLOSED TUES GAY: Every Day AGE: 21+ / COVER: No Levi, Leather, Fetish. M Fetish Night, TH Underwear Night, F Leather/Bear

251 W. 900 South 364-3203 clubtry-angles.com HOURS: 2pm-2am daily GAY: Every day AGE: 21+ / COVER: No FR-SA DJ Boy Toy. MO “MorMondays.” TU, FR, SA–$1 drafts. SU afternoons–Buffet.

Club Panini* 299 S. Main Street 535-4300 / panini.us HOURS: M–TH 11am-10pm F–SA 11am-12am GAY: Mondays AGE: 21+ / COVER: No Speed dating first Mondays of the month.

Heads Up* 163 W. Pierpont Ave. (240 S) / 359-2161 headsupslc.com HOURS: 4pm-2am daily GAY: Every day AGE: 21+ COVER: $2 / Members free Salt Lake’s newest club.

MO & TH Karaoke. TU 50¢ drafts. FR, SA High NRG.

La Zona Rosa*

Trapp Door*

49 E 900 South.

364-4147 HOURS: 4pm-2am daily GAY: n/a AGE: 21+ COVER: $2 / Members free TH: Hip Hop/Top 40, FR Latin Night, SA New Vibe, SU Merengue/Salsa

102 S. 600 W. 533-0173 / trappdoor.com HOURS: 10am-2am daily GAY: Every day / AGE: 21+ COVER: $3/Members free New Ownership. Dance, show club. Hot men & hot music. SU Latin night.

MoDiggity’s* 3424 S. State St. 832-9000 modiggitys.com HOURS: M–TH 4pm-12am F–SA 4pm-2am SU 11-2am GAY: Every day / AGE: 21+ COVER: $4/members free Sports & music club for women. Football & mimosa brunch Sundays.

Paper Moon* 3737 S. State / 713-0678 HOURS: M–F 3pm-1am SA 7pm-1am SU Noon-1am GAY: Every day / AGE: 21+ COVER: varies SL’s premier women’s club.

TU Karaoke, WE $1 drafts. FR & SA hip hop/dance

Todd’s Bar & Grill* 1051 S 300 W / 328-8650 toddsbarandgrill.com HOURS: W 10am-2am GAY: Wednesday / AGE: 21+ COVER: No Gay Weds w/ DJ Ebenflow and Brent B. Free parking

Trapp*

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SALT LAKE METRO ■ MAY 12, 2005

102 S 600 W 531-8727 / thetrapp.com HOURS: 10am-2am daily GAY: Every day / AGE: 21+ COVER: $3/members free Really gay every day.

SU Buffet, NFL, M & W Karaoke.

W Lounge* 358 S W Temple 359-0637 HOURS: 9pm-2am daily GAY: n/a / AGE: 21+ COVER: varies Voted “Best Place to Meet Friendly Straight Folks” by readers of the Metro.

Restaurant Owners: Gay men and lesbians eat at restaurants three times as often as the average Utahn.

Advertise in the Salt Lake Metro Dining Guide. Call 323-9500 today!

Red,White Bubbly Austrian Wine is No Joke

by Beau Jarvis beau@slmetro.com

Wow, what a great audience. Has anyone heard the one about the Austrians and their stalled car? Okay, what do you call four Austrians gathered around a broken-down car with the hood up? A wine tasting!! Ha! <tap, tap, tap> Is this thing on?

So I see you don’t get the Austrian wine joke. Let me provide a bit of background on Austria’s infamous wine debacle of 1985. A group of winemaking “middlemen” decided to add a little something called diethylene glycol to their wine. Diethylene glycol is essentially antifreeze. Oh, and it tastes sweet, too. And it’s, umm, also kind of toxic. The scheming winemakers added small amounts of this chemical to sweeten their wine in an attempt to increase its appeal. Inexplicably, one of them claimed his portion of antifreeze costs as a deducted business expense on his tax return. Fortunately for potential customers, the scam was quickly discovered and halted. Alas, this also signaled the end of many a wine comedian’s material.

Nowadays it’s damn near impossible to joke about Austrian wine. The noble and honest Austrian wine producers used the ’85 embarrassment as a catalyst to develop some of the world’s most stringent wine laws. Additionally, many prominent Austrian vintners modeled their work after master wine makers in France and Germany. As a result, wine from the land of Mozart is now considered a classic in many circles.

Austrian wines are more groovy than classic. By groovy, I mean Grüner Veltliner, which is the name of Austria s very own native wine grape. And since many wine drinkers can t seem to get the pronunciation straight (say it with me now: groo-nur felt-leen-er), it is commonly referred to as Gru-V, or groovy. Gru-V produces wine that is best described as Riesling with a lime twist and dash of pepper. In the mouth, it is spicy and tangy rather than sweet, yet there remains a fruity-floral bouquet that tickles the nose. Gru-V isn t cheap. Prices usually start at $20 and climb steeply from there. However, Gru-V is quite dependable; Austria s climate is ideal for this grape and the wine is consistently made at a high level of quality (lest there be any more Austrian wine jokes). Höpler produces an entry level Gru-V for around twelve dollars (Höpler Grüner Veltliner, 03).

For twenty dollars, Loimer offers a terrific Gru-V (Loimer Grüner Veltliner Langenlois, 03). Now, if you’re willing to peel off another few bills, you can delve into Austria’s world of stylized wine.

The Wachau is Austria’s most renowned wine region. It lies west of Vienna, along the Danube. The region’s topography is ideal for vineyards: abruptly rising slops along the river mated to rocky, vine-loving soil. The Wachau’s wine growers produce varying styles of wine. To honor these unique wines, Wachau vintners recognize three distinct wine-style categories: Stein-

feder, Federspiel, and Smaragd. These style indicators are only awarded to white wines of the highest quality. Steinfeder refers to a soft, delicate grass common on the hills of the Wachau. Wine of this style is light (11% maximum alcohol) and delicate. Federspiel wines are dry whites made from riper grapes. Thus the wine is fuller (alcohol percentage between 11.5%-12.5%). These wines must live up to both Austrian wine standards and Wachau-specific regulations.

A fine Federspiel example is Hirtzberger Rotes Tor Grüner Veltliner, 03 ($28). Smaragd is the deluxe style category. The term refers to sun-bathing lizards that hang out on rocks in Wachau vineyards. Sun-bathed grapes go into Smaragd wines. As a result, they are big (minimum 12.5% alcohol), bold, and oh-so-beautiful. There are two prime Smaragd examples lurking on the downtown wine store’s shelves: Hirtzberger Honivogl Grüner Veltliner, ’01 ($49) and Weingartner Riesling Achleiten, ’01 ($30).

Try one or both. They are sure to get you hooked on Österreichischen Wein. Now, with glass in hand, sit-back, put on Eine Kleine Nachtmusik, and enjoy a thoroughly Austrian evening (powdered wig optional).

Cheers.

Beau Jarvis is a sommelier and wine educator.

He operates basicjuice.com, a wine review and info website. He also runs basicjuice.blogs.com

Di ing Guide Dining de SALT LAKE CITY, UT

Orbit Cafe

Café Med

orbitslc.com

420 E. 3300 S. / 493-0100 HOURS: SU-TH 11AM-9PM F-SA 11AM-10PM CUISINE: MEDITERRANEAN PRICE: $ CARDS: TC AE D MC V

Persian, Greek, Italian, Turkish and Vegetarian in a warm, relaxing atmosphere.

Coffee Garden 898 S 900 E / 355-3425 HOURS: SU-TH 6AM-11PM F-SA 6AM-12AM CUISINE: COFFEEHOUSE PRICE: ¢ CARDS: AE D MC V

540 W. 200 S. / 322-3808 HOURS: CUISINE: PRICE: CARDS:

SU-TH 11AM-10PM F-SA 11AM-3AM AMERICAN ECLECTIC $ TC AE D MC V

Open late nights on Fridays and Saturdays with DJs and a special menu.

Panini 299 S. MAIN ST. / 535-4300

panini.us HOURS:

CUISINE: RESERV.: PRICE: CARDS:

M-F 11:30AM-3PM M-TH 5-9PM F-SA 5-10PM ITALIAN, SEAFOOD SUGGESTED $$$ TC AE D MC V

SLC’s buzzing java shop with a diverse crowd. Sandwiches, desserts, sidewalk dining.

Robust Italian fare in an elegant atmosphere with a tasteful, contemporary vibe.

Fiddler’s Elbow

Salt Lake Pizza & Pasta

1063 E. 2100 S. / 463-9393

1063 E. 2100 S. / 484-1804

fiddlerselbowslc.com

saltlakepizzaandpasta.com

M-TH 11AM-11PM F-SA 11AM-12AM SU 9AM-10PM CUISINE: AMERICAN PRICE: $ CARDS: TC AE D MC V

CUISINE: PRICE: CARDS:

HOURS:

32 beers to choose from, including Utah’s best selection of microbrews.

Michelangelo Ristorante 2156 S, HIGHLAND DR./ 466-0961

michelangeloristorante.com HOURS: CUISINE: PRICE: CARDS:

TU-SA 11:30AM-1:30PM 5:45-9PM ITALIAN $$ AE D MC V

Begun by childr\hood friends Paulo Celeste and Marco Gabrielli of Tuscany.

HOURS:

M-SA 11AM-11PM SU 11AM-10PM ITALIAN $ TC AE D MC V

Voted as Utah’s Best Pizza two years in a row! Great beer selection. Sugarhouse.

Xiao Li 307 W. 200 SOUTH / 328-8688 HOURS: LUNCH: 1130AM-2:30PM DINNER: 4:30-10PM F-SA 4:30-11PM CUISINE: CHINESE PRICE: $ CARDS: TC AE D MC V

The restaurant that serves the most authentic Szechwan and Mandarin cuisine.

WEST VALLEY CITY

Nick-N-Willy’s Pizza

Gringo’s West Valley

4538 S, HIGHLAND DR./ 273-8282

2785 W 3500 S / 969-8811 HOURS: M-SA 10:30AM-9PM SU 10:30AM-8PM CUISINE: MEXICAN PRICE: ¢ CARDS: MC V

nicknwillyspizza.com HOURS: CUISINE: PRICE: CARDS:

SU-TH 11AM-10PM F-SA 11AM-12PM PIZZA $ AE D MC V

Good Mexican food...fast.

Dine in or take-out. Call ahead and we’ll have it ready. Fresh salsa bar, food made to order. See our coupon!

Albertsons Shopping Ctr.

MAY 12, 2005 ■ SALT LAKE METRO ■ 27

MISC. STUFF

Classifieds BUSINESS OPPORTUNITY FANTASTIC BIZ OPP $275K+ 1st Year Portential, Proven Business Model Home based; Not MLM. Serious people only call 800-676-0495.

ROOMMATES WANTED

LANDSCAPE HELP wanted for the 2005 Summer season. Landscape knowledge helpful. Drug free workplace.

Call Tim at 487-9353.

HOLLADAY - Nice private room with private bath.

Very quiet neighborhood near Olympus High. Share with Chef and sweet older dog. Room can be partially for fully furnished. Lots of available storage space.

Great kitchen, laundry and private backyard. No drugs, prefer non-smoker. $375/ month $150 deposit plus credential check. Contact SDblondbear@aol.com.

Available immediately.

PAY NO RENT, deposit or utilities in Phoenix, AZ if you watch the house when owner is away, and help part time in office. Can eventually become full time salaried job as business manager.

Comfortable home, private room. No smoking, drinking, drugs. Friendly, congenial, single male w/LDS values, seeking same. Perfect chance to get away, start a new beginning. Your help will be appreciated. Seeking the right person who wants to get his life on a better track and can use a jump start.

Will help relocate. E-mail azhomedog@yahoo.com or call 602-348-1379 MILLCREEK 1 or 2 roommates wanted. Gay professional has large clean furnished home to share. Single person: bedroom, office, and bath. $525/month plus 1/2 utilities, $250 deposit. Two people: 2 bedrooms at $350/ month, utilities included, $150 deposit. Offstreet parking, storage and complete access. No pets. Call J.R. 599-1198

APPLE ONE Employment Services is seeking qualified call center experienced in sales. Can earn $12+/hr plus commission. Apply today.

Employers, let us fill your staffing needs. Call Steven Whittaker at 463-4828 for an appointment.

FOR SALE HIGHLAND PARK Rambler.

4 large bedrooms, 2 bath, garage, over 2600 sq. feet of possibility. $249,900 Brad 550-0330 Stonebrook GAY WEST CAPITOL HILL 3 bdrm Tudor. 245 West Reed Ave - 750 North. Original charm–arched doorways, hardwood floors. high ceiling in roughed-in basement with separate entrance. Benny 201-5237.

MURRAY TOP floor contemporary condo. Vaulted ceilings, 2 bed, garage, fireplace. Absolutely flawless. $114,900 Brad 550-0330 Stonebrook

SALT LAKE METRO ■ MAY 12, 2005

DOWNTOWN 2 bed condo.

Walk to Trax & all things urban, balcony, low HOA, garage. $98,500 Brad 5500330 Stonebrook

■

AVENUES 4 bed, 2 bath, 2-story. New kitchen, walk to stores and restaurants. $268,500 Brad at Stonebrook Realty 550-0330.

HELP WANTED

DISPLAY AD SALES. Salt Lake Metro is seeking a full time display ad sales person. Previous sales is helpful but not required.

Must be available to work full time. Call or email Steven for details at 323-9500 or steven@slmetro.com

28

AVENUES LOWEST price per above grade sq. ft. High quality remodel, 4 bed/2 bath, Victorian. $244,900.

Brad 550-0330 Stonebrook

FOR RENT

YARD SALE

MURRAY $1195/MONTH.

SALT LAKE Men’s Choir is holding a benefit yard sale Saturday, May 21 at 2084 E Parkway Ave (roughly 21st East, 23rd South by the Country Club golf course).

Show up early for the best selection.

Show up late for the best deals.

Nice & bright home, 3 bdrm, hrdwds, storage, quiet & private patio, relaxing large yard that is maintained.

Walk to park & lake in neighborhood. 1019 E 5700 S 262-0113 cda prop.

DOWNTOWN, 335 E Broadway, Clean/Quiet, hrdwd, heat included, security, parking, 1bdrm 500.00/ Studio 400.00 322-2478 or www. oxfordplace.50megs.com DONT RENT—BUY! All credit accepted, Connie 801-347-2956

LETTERS/STORIES WANTED I am an employee at a local credit union and have witnessed actions by upper management that I consider dishonest. Lower loan rates for managers and family members, questionable board meeting trips, disclosing inaccurate information to members-to name a few.

I am looking for people with similar stories. If you are a credit union employee or member and have had a similar experience, please send you story to P.O. Box 511161 SLC, Utah 84151. Anonymity strictly protected.

ARE YOU HIV+?

Pride Counseling has restarted a Therapy/ Support Group for men who are HIV infected and seeking support from others in similar situations. For information please call Jerry Buie LCSW at 801-595-0666 TIRED OF THE BAR LIFE? Pride Counseling is offering a Gay Men’s Therapy/Support Group. Gay men often find that their options to socialize limited to clubs and bars. Most insurance companies billed, sliding fee scale. For information please call Jerry Buie LCSW at 801-5950666.

Service Guide ATTORNEYS MARLIN G. CRIDDLE, P.C. Serving Utah’s gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender communities. Estate Planning, Probate, Criminal Law, Bankruptcy, Corporations/Business. 474-2299. marlincriddle.com EXCEPTIONAL LEGAL work done at reaonable prices.

Living Wills $75. Reasonable rates for standard wills and Living Trusts. Diamond Law Firm 801-879-6411

EMPLOYMENT SERVICES APPLE ONE Employment is seeking qualified people in many skills. Apply and begin your qualification today.

Employers, let us fill your staffing needs. Call Steven Whittaker at 801-463-4828.

ESTATE PLANNING JANE MARQUARDT & DOUG FADEL Attorneys at Law, providing comprehensive estate planning services, custom designed to your unique family situation. Trusts, wills, partnership agreements, estate admin. 294-7777

FINANCIAL SERVICES HAVE FINANCIAL Difficulties? Good, bad, or no credit!

Bankruptcy is not a problem, fast approvals. Contact All American Loans at 1-888330-5360 We can Help!

HEALTH CARE EXTRAORDINARY SKIN CARE Chemical Free Skin Care Line with powerful ingredients that are clinically proven to nourish, revive, and refine. http:// brian.whyskincare.com or brian@whyskincare.com

HOME REPAIR HOMO IMPROVEMENT? Home repair and remodeling. Fast, friendly, professional service. No job too small. Kevin 815-4016

JEWELERS CUSTOM DESIGN JEWELRY. Relaxed atmosphere. All types of stone settings. Commitment rings, wedding rings, earrings, pendants. Repairs welcome.

Charley Hafen Jewelers. Trolley Square. 521-7711

#109063

BEST THERAPISTS, best price, best place, best hours, call 486-5500 Pride Massage 1800 S. West Temple Ste A224 WWW.DENNISMASSAGE.COM A Man’s Man. 598-8344.

“For Men” Model/Massage.

LMT#98212332470

#5608006

PET CARE HAPPY PAWS Pet Sitting Plus 205-4491 Libbie Neale.

Pet sitting in your home for your pets’ comfort and peace of mind. Providing vital home care services while you are away.

RESOURCES CAMP PINECLIFF Weekend, Annual retreat for people with HIV/AIDS and their care providers c/o Dick Dotson, Coordinator P. O. Box 608, Magna, Utah 84044-0608 or call (801) 518-8733 ARE YOU a single lesbian?

Wondering how to meet other single lesbians for friendship and social events? If so, you are invited to sign up for the LEsbian Singles Social Group at http://groups.yahoo.com/ group/lesbian_singles/ WANT A HOT summer body? Queer Utah Aquatic Club (QUAC) invites swimmers and water polo players of ANY skill level-including beginners- to join the team.

Visit QuacQuac.org for more info.

KUED BROADCASTS the entire PBS schedule as well as locally produced programs. In addition, KUED sponsors a variety of community events, including monthly screenings at the City Library and Sam Weller's Bookstore. For more visit www.kued.org or call KUED Viewer Services at 581-3064.

THE SALT Lake County Division of Youth Services provides youth and families in crisis with immediate and safe intervention, including 24-hour 7-day a week crisis counseling. Most services are provided free of charge.

For more information please call 269-7500.Affirmation: Gay and Lesbian Mormons. members.aol.com/wasatchweb/: Sunday meetings 534-8693 QVINUM.COM IS a fabulous group of wine lovers who hold winetastings at members’ homes, travel to wineries and hold special fund raisers for the community. qVinum.com ENGENDERED SPECIES 801.320.0551. A social/support group resources for transgender people. www. engenderedspecies.com BI MEN of Utah groups. yahoo.com/group/Bi-GayMen-Utah. Social and support group for bi/gay men of Utah.

UTAH GAY Rodeo Association ugra.net PO Box 511255 SLC, UT 84151-1255 A social & Rodeo Sport Organization

GAY RM’S–SOCIAL group for return missionaries of the LDS Church. Regular parties and group activities more info. at www.gayRMs.com

ADAM AND ANDY by James Asal

UTAH MALE Naturists meets through the summer for naked lunches, has clothing optional outings and overnight camping trips in a sex-free environment. groups.yahoo.com/group/ utahmalenaurists ROYAL COURT of the Golden Spike Empire. rcgse. org Membership meetings held twice monthly. Help support your community!

AMERICAN CIVIL Liberties Union. Fighting for individual freedoms since 1958. www. acluutah.org GAY MENS HEALTH SUMMIT. Gay men’s health is more than just HIV. visit us at utahgaymenshealth.com CODE PINK. A womeninitiated peace and social justice movement by positive social change via creative protest and nonviolent direct action. www. codepinkalert.com

A COUPLE OF GUYS by Dave Brousseau

SAME-GENDER MARRIAGE is a Feminist Issue: NOW’s mission is to promote equality for ALL women. NOW has fought for gay and lesbian rights, and we won’t stop until we achieve equality for all. Join us utahnow.org FIRST NATIONAL Conference on Methamphetamine, HIV and Hepatitis: Science & Reponses 2005 August 19th–20th in Salt Lake City Visit us www.harmredux.org

ADVERTISE in the Service Guide Classifieds for as little BITTER GIRL by Joan Hilty as $15 per issue!

Call 323-9500 today or visit our website at slmetro. com.

MAY 12, 2005 ■ SALT LAKE METRO ■ 29

MASSAGE UNBELIEVABLE MASSAGE Athletic Male Therapists, 440-5851 Contact 801641-4009 MASSAGE WORKS: 801-450-4144 LORRAINE, Convenient Location RELAX

STIMULATE YOUR SENSES or feel deep peace with a relaxing full body massage.

Call Therron at 879-3583 for $5 off mention this ad. LMT

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