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UTAH’S GAY, LESBIAN, BISEXUAL, TRANSGENDER AND ALLY
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APRIL 2017 ISSUE 266
UTAH GAY & LESBIAN WEDDING EXPO 2017 PRIDE CHANGES
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Nonstop Hookups Reach Utah’s LGBT Market QPages Directory, distributed at Utah Pride and through the year, goes to press very soon. sales@qsaltlake.com
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Qsaltlake.com | issue 266 | April 2017
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Qsaltlake.com | issue 266 | April 2017
JOURNEYS & REFLECTIONS april 7–15
Chaconne Façades The Green Table
first soloist adrian fry in the green table | photo by beau pearson
One of the most electrifying and thought-provoking triple bills you’ll ever see.
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QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | 9
April 2017 | issue 266 | Qsaltlake.com
staffbox
publisher/editor Michael Aaron
in this issue 18
copy editor Tony Hobday designer Christian Allred sales Craig Ogan national advertising representative: Rivendell Media, 212-242-6863 sales@rivendellmedia.com contributors Diane AndersonMinshall, Chris Azzopardi, Paul Berge, Jeff Berry, Dave Brousseau, Tyson Daley, Mikki Enoch, Jack Fertig, Greg Fox, Charles Lynn Frost, Oriol Gutierrez Jr., Tony Hobday, Christopher Katis, Princess Kennedy, Rock Magen, Sam Mills, Mikey Rox, Gregg Shapiro, Petunia Pap Smear, Steven Petrow, Ed Sikov, Peter Stoker, Marcy Taylor-Rizzi, Ben Williams, D’Anne Witkowski distribution Bradley Jay Crookston,
James Enoch, Alana Luckart, Kevin Sevcik
34 LGBT Trump Resistance in Utah
Community Briefs as spring and Susan Sarandon Women and LGBT people are leading Utah’s summer months are here, there’s so much more speaks with ouir Chris community involvement resistance to the Trump presidency. Azzopardi about Feud NEWS ���������������������������������������������������������������������9 National and world news of the month Utah Legislature followup Suicide in Utah Trump resistance is LGBT in Utah VIEWS �������������������������������������������������������������������16 Creep Steve King Fact and Fiction Queer Power
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FEATURE �����������������������������������������������������������26 Our annual Wedding Issue Utah Gay & Lesbian Wedding Expo FOOD & DRINK �������������������������������������������36 A new local gin commemorates Brigham Young’s 35th son — Madam Pattirini LIFESTYLE ���������������������������������������������������������46 Utah’s Most Eligible LGBT Singles Pride from across North America
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36
Allies who love your wedings BY MICHAEL AARON
Years ago,
we decided it was important to present our community with wedding vendors who would not only “just do” your wedding (or back then — your civil union), but would LOVE to do your wedding. Rather than the news stories of the “bad” people who snubbed a same-sex couple by not baking a cake (or refusing to do your flowers, or cancelling the venue last minute) and having people scream “boycott!” and having hurt feelings on all sides, we thought it best to celebrate those who want to participate in your wedding. I mean, who wants a cake that someone was forced to bake? What might be in that? So five years ago we packed the Hotel Monaco ballroom, not even thinking that Utah would soon be marrying same-sex couples. We sold every booth within two weeks.
Last year we revived the expo at Eventos Event Center and this year we come back downtown on Sunday, April 2 to Pierpont Place. We’ve all been to events at that location and we know they love our community. We’ve been working hard the past several months to round up vendors of all varieties, from fashion to photographer, venue to cocktail and mocktail vendors. We have two great bands that can bring three to 14 performers, depending on your budget and size of venue. I hope you’ll tell your friends who are looking to get married to make sure they are there. And why not, come yourself? You never know! Plus, it will be a great time with food and cash bar and fabulous people. I hope to see you there. Q Tickets are $3 each or $5/couple in advance at UtahGayWeddingExpo.com or $5 each at teh door.
10 | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | NEWS
news The top national and world news you should know from last month Boston Irish let LGBT vets march The Allied War Veterans Council of South Boston voted to let LGBTQ military veterans march in the St. Patrick’s Day Parade this year. The Council claimed OutVets’ application was late and the rainbow in the group’s logo was in violation of the parade’s code of conduct. Top politicians in the state, including the governor, Charlie Baker, and the mayor of Boston, Martin J. Walsh, announced they would skip the parade, if OutVets was excluded.
U.S. goes gay at NATO Richard Grenell has been nominated to be ambassador to NATO. The selection will make the longtime Republican activist and former U.S. spokesman at the United Nations the highest-ranking openly gay person to serve in the new administration.
‘Beauty is Beastly’ Russians and Americans agree Disney’s first-ever “exclusively gay moment” was set to make history in the upcoming live-action Beauty and the Beast, and that it comes from Josh Gad’s character LeFou. Some in Russia and the U.S. aren’t happy A Russian lawmaker, Vitaly V. Milonov, says the law banning “homosexual
Qsaltlake.com | issue 266 | April 2017
propaganda” should be applied to a new Disney version of Beauty and the Beast due to the seconds-long glimpse of a gay character dancing near the end of the movie. In the U.S., Franklin Graham, president of the Billy Graham Evangelistic Association, has called for a Christian boycott of Disney over the character and a new cartoon that features same-sex kissing. A theater owner in Alabama announced the movie will not be screened, saying, “If I can’t sit through a movie with Jesus Christ by my side, I won’t show it.” No word from Jesus yet.
Wrestlers wrestle in court A transgender boy won the 110-lb girl’s wrestling state title in Texas but says he would compete against boys if allowed and is taking lower doses of testosterone to try to be fair to his opponents. 17-year-old Mack Beggs said he competes against girls only because the state’s governing body for public high school sports requires him to wrestle under the gender listed on his birth certificate at his Dallas Fort Worth high school. A Dallas-area attorney and parent of a girl wrestler has filed a lawsuit against the governing body seeking to keep Beggs from competing against girls. Then there’s the girl in a Davis County (Utah) School district who wants to wrestle in the boy’s category. No gender fluidity issues here, she just thinks she can beat the boys. Her parents have gone to court to force the school district to allow middle school students to compete in the boys category.
Grimm tidings from SCOTUS The US Supreme Court sent the case on whether a Virginia transgender student should be allowed to use the bathroom
that corresponds with their gender identity, back to the lower court for further review. Gavin Grimm, a transgender boy, had petitioned the court to allow him to use the bathroom he chooses. SCOTUS ordered the lower court to reconsider the case in light of new guidance documents issued by the Trump administration which changed Obama-era guidance.
Them the Gods would destroy, they first rise up Gay provocateur, Milo Yiannopoulos has resigned from the hard-right news site Breitbart News after a video surfaced in which he made remarks that appeared to condone sex between grown men and teenage boys. He was also uninvited to the annual Conservative Political Action Committee convention in February, and lost a book contract.
Marriage equality up, teen suicide down Researchers say suicide attempts among high school students fell by an average of 7 percent nationally following the implementation of the marriage equality. Suicide attempts among gay, lesbian and bisexual teenagers dropped 14 percent in a decade and half continuum. The study came from Johns Hopkins University and published in the Journal of American Medical Association. The team analyzed figures from more than 760,000 students collected between 1999 and 2015.
Huffington Post, “We are not against the LGBTQ community. Inspire Investing and its investing tools do not promote or condone bigotry. In fact, we love our neighbors in the LGBTQ community, and encourage companies to offer equal benefits to all of its employees.” The ETFs, “simply exclude companies’ stocks that take hard-line activist actions.”
South Dakota, blanket anti-LGBT law South Dakota’s Governor, Dennis Daugaard, has signed the first anti-LGBT legislation passed in the U.S. in 2017. The bill will allow taxpayer funded agencies to refuse to provide any service, including adoption or foster care services, on the basis on the agency’s employee religious or moral convictions. The ACLU of South Dakota has opposed the bill and is seeking to stop the law in state or federal courts. The bill was opposed by national child welfare experts and LGBT rights organizations.
L.A. parade resistance Organizers of Los Angeles Pride have announced, instead of the annual Pride parade a #ResistMarch has been scheduled in response to the threat against the rights of minority Americans by the U.S. government. #ResistMarch’s organizers say the event harken the “1970’s first LGBTQ+ Pride and will involve marching.” The Festival will continue to be a ticketed event as it has every other year.
Biblical investing
Awww Ru! Who knew, now we do
California-based Inspire Investing has launched two “Biblically responsible” exchange trade funds, eliminating stocks of companies that “do not align with biblical values,” including abortion, alcohol, pornography and the LGBTQ “lifestyle.” Inspire officials told the
RuPaul, arguably the most famous drag queen in the world, uncharacteristically got married, quietly, in January. She told Hollywood Today Live that her partner of 23 years, a rancher named Georges LeBar, got married on the anniversary of the day they met.
April 2017 | issue 266 | Qsaltlake.com
Utah Legislative Followup Few bills were introduced this year at the Utah State Legislature that were directly related to the LGBT community — a bill to remove the ban on teachers and school officials discussing homosexuality in a positive way, a hate crime bill that wasn’t called a hate crime bill, and a bill that will enhance penalties for certain sex crimes if the perpetrator is HIV- and/ or hepatitis-positive.
Senate Bill 196 The bill which will repeal language in a Utah law that prohibits the discussion of homosexuality is expected to be signed by the governor and put into law. The bill was passed almost unanimously, with only Rep. Eric Hutchings, R-Kearns, voting against it in the House. The bill’s intent was to address a lawsuit brought on the state by Equality Utah and the National Center for Lesbian Rights that sought to remove all language in Utah code that forbids discussion of homosexuality in Utah schools. Several states have what have been dubbed “No Promo Homo” laws. Sen. Stuart Adams, R-Davis, sponsored the bill, calling it a proactive and pre-emptive approach that protects current programs in public schools. He worked with the attorney general’s office to deflect the lawsuit. “I think it is the legislature’s job to handle such changes, not the courts’,” Adams said. He hoped to avoid the lawsuit and potentially losing Utah’s “carefully crafted abstinence curriculum.” Adams also said he sponsored the bill because he also believes opening the discussion will allow teachers to teach to all children. Under Utah law, any advocacy of premarital or extramarital
sex or contraceptive methods is forbidden.
Senate Bill 72 A bill to address “victim selection,” aka to most people “hate crimes,” may have gotten an early start, but that’s where it sat through the entire 2017 Utah Legislative Session. The bill, which would delineate hate crimes as those perpetuated because of the victim’s perceived “ancestry, disability, ethnicity, gender, gender identity, national origin, race, religion, or sexual orientation,” was never even debated in committee — the first debate a bill sees on its road to becoming a law. Sponsored by Sen. Daniel W. Thatcher, R-West Valley, the bill was the continuance of efforts at hate crime legislation reform by former Sen. Steve Urquhart, R-St. George. He eschewed calling the bill a “hate crime” bill, however. “That terminology is simply not accurate. It’s what people call it because it’s the closest reference that they have. But in reality we are recognizing that some people are more dangerous than other people,” he said at a press conference announcing the bill. He said the bill is about criminal justice, not social justice, though he said specifically targeting someone because of who they are is unacceptable.
NEWS | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | 11
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Senate Bill 369 A bill that started out as one that criminalized not making a sexual partner aware you are HIV-positive was dramatically changed but still has some serious flaws. Activists are working on the governor for his veto, though conventional wisdom says he will sign it into law. A full story on the bill is on the next page. Q
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Qsaltlake.com | issue 266 | April 2017
HIV/AIDS non-disclosure bill revised, passes Utah Legislature BY RYAN D. CURTIS AND MICHAEL AARON
A bill that started out as making it a Class A felony for a person with HIV or AIDS and not telling their sexual partner was revised to be a penalty enhancement law if an HIV-positive person commits a sex crime. The legislation calls for a one-step increase in charges when the defendant has HIV/AIDS or hepatitis B or C. Also, engaging in consensual sexual activity would be a class A misdemeanor. HB 369 — Sexual Offenses and Statutory Nonconsent Amendments, sponsored by Rep. Justin Fawson (R-North Ogden), was first heard Feb. 22 by the House Judiciary Committee. Will Carlson, representing the Statewide Association of Prosecutors, agreed with the bill’s intention of requiring disclosure of a person’s HIV status with their intimate partners, but had reservations, especially because the first draft of the bill made not informing a sexual partner prior to sexual relations a first-degree felony. “We join with the representative in searching out ways to prevent [HIV/AIDS’] spread. We appreciate the idea that the best and healthiest form of intimacy is a fully-informed intimacy,” said Carlson. “But with first-degree felonies, which is the heaviest hammer the criminal justice system can offer, this does not do what the sponsor is trying to do. This does not say if you have a crime and the offender is HIV-positive then that crime is enhanced. This says if you are HIV-positive and you are intimate, this is a crime unless you’ve disclosed your status.” Equality Utah Executive Director Troy Williams labeled it as “a punitive approach”
that further stigmatizes those who suffer from HIV or AIDS and could actually result in a reduction in HIV testing. “Like all people, we want to see a reduction in HIV infections. We want HIV-positive members of the LGBTQ community to be tested, know their status, and to not feel stigma in disclosing their status with intimate partners,” said Williams. “This proposed legislation could actually have the opposite effect. By increasing HIV-related stigma and potential criminal consequences for knowing and sharing one’s HIV-positive status, this bill could actually discourage HIV testing and disclosure. There’s no evidence that laws targeting people living with HIV for criminal penalties actually reduce the number of new cases of HIV or improve public health in any way.” Ron Gordon, executive director of the Utah Commission on Criminal and Juvenile Justice, also felt that HB 369 simply goes too far. “The question of whether that should have any kind of enhancement might be one proper for discussion, but this bill goes much further than that and takes conduct that right now would not be criminal at all and would make that a first-degree felony rape,” said Gordon. “That’s the concern that my commission has, is that it goes from being lawful under current law to first-degree felony rape. That’s a very big jump in our criminal code.” Rep. Karianne Lisonbee (R-Clearfield) believed the legislation was fine the way it is. “I really don’t see the problem with this bill. I think informed consent means informed consent. Whether the disease is transmitted or not, the person should
PICTURE YOURSELF IN A
inform, the person should disclose. If they don’t, it should be a crime because they are potentially infecting another person with a deadly disease. I don’t have a problem with this language.” Rep. Brian Greene (R-Pleasant Grove) agreed that something needs to be done but questioned going as far as labeling it as rape. “The question has been raised, shouldn’t this be criminal? Shouldn’t having sexual relations with somebody, an infected person having those relations with somebody else and not disclosing that be criminal? I think we all agree that it ought to be, but the question is should it be rape?,” said Greene. “This is a problematic statute. It’s a poorly drafted statute, and we continue to come back to it and try to add new elements rather than fixing the statute,” said Greene. “I think [HB 369] just perpetuates the problems.” In 2015, Greene came under fire when he questioned whether engaging in sex with an unconscious person is rape in every instance while discussing legislation in the same section of code. Greene later apologized for his remarks. Due to the multiple concerns that were leveled by lawmakers and public commenters, the bill was held. Fawson told committee members he would prepare needed revisions and bring the matter forward soon. Two days later, it was back on House Judiciary’s agenda and debate occurred once again. Williams echoed his sentiments from the previous meeting. “Perpetrators should be punished for rape and causing bodily harm. The concern that we have is starting down a path of broadly and generally criminalizing people living with a disease,” said Williams. Rep. Tim Quinn (R-Heber City) strongly disagreed with the idea that HIV/AIDS sufferers would be stigmatized.
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April 2017 | issue 266 | Qsaltlake.com
“You keep referring to stigmatizing people with a disease. This bill, in my mind, does not stigmatize a disease. This stigmatizes an activity, and that activity is having sexual intercourse with people who do not know that they’re at risk. That’s the stigma. It’s not people with a disease,” said Quinn. Carlson said the law could be difficult to prosecute since there would have to be proof beyond a reasonable doubt that the defendant was aware that they were HIV-positive. Several amendments to the bill were proposed. The first, proposed by Rep. Bruce Cutler (R – Murray), called for all those with a sexually transmitted disease to be penalized rather than just singling out HIV/AIDS patients. That amendment failed. The second, proposed by Greene, attempted to replace the definition of what constitutes a sexual offense from “an act of sexual intercourse” and various references to rape with “sexual activity.” Rep. Brian King (D – Salt Lake City) criticized the proposed amendment, calling it the most “facially ambiguous use of language” he has ever seen during his time in the Legislature. Greene withdrew his amendment. The third and final amendment, proposed by Lisonbee, deleted references to rape but kept “an act of sexual intercourse” and added “sexual conduct that may result in becoming infected [with HIV or AIDS].” That amendment was also withdrawn by Lisonbee after it became clear that the proposal wouldn’t pass. In the end, committee members voted 9-2 to move the bill forward. Once reaching the House floor, the bill quickly moved through the process. Rep. Rebecca Chavez-Houck (D – Salt Lake City) wondered why HIV/AIDS was being singled out when infections like gonorrhea are experienc-
ing exponential increases. “I think I would argue that in some cases gonorrhea, related to unchecked gonorrhea and untreated gonorrhea, can be much more severe than treated HIV. I think there are also some other infections related to other STD’s. Chlamydia and syphilis are also rising, and I think that those are all very disconcerting types of STI’s. I’m still perplexed as to why HIV was identified and as something that you want to target versus all STI’s. They can have long-term health effects that are very, very detrimental if not checked,” said Chavez-Houck. “Anyone in this body is welcome to add STD’s to this bill next year,” responded Fawson. King found the idea of criminalizing consensual sexual behavior troubling. “I just don’t think that this is good public policy right now,” said King. “I worry that it stigmatizes a particular group, the HIV-infected population, without taking into account that there are a lot of sexually transmitted infections that sometimes are even more problematic in terms of health consequences than HIV.” Rep. Michael Kennedy (R-Alpine) decried the notion that the bill stigmatizes HIV/ AIDS sufferers. “With all due respect to the comments of my friends and colleagues that have made prior implications as to singling out a certain group, I believe two things have happened with this bill. One is the unique exposure of the sponsor and representative to a case in his district and we should represent our individuals. In this case, it was an exposure of HIV,” said Kennedy. The bill passed the full legislature on the last day of the session and sits on Gov. Gary Herbert’s desk. Utah AIDS Foundation and Equality Utah have asked the community to call and email him, urging him to veto it. Q
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Qsaltlake.com | issue 266 | April 2017
Utah’s escalating suicide crisis is LDS v. LGBTQ BY DANIEL PARKINSON
The CDC recently released a new set of data on suicide in Utah and it shows a terrible trend. Last year we were alarmed and shocked that the rate for 15 to 19-year-olds had doubled in just three years and tripled in nine. This year we found a high rate persisted through 2015, the most recent year that data is available. But it is not just our youth. Every age group from 20 to 50 saw a substantial increase in suicide in 2015. In fact, like our 15 to 19-yearolds, every age group below 50 saw a substantial trend upward since 2009. Last year’s worsening numbers are on top of levels that were already dramatically elevated. This problem is hitting Utah disproportionately. No other state shows these two trends as strong: 1) Utah suicides trending upward starting around 2009 to record levels by 2014 in all groups below age 60. 2) An alarming increase in 2015 in every age group below age 50 Below are graphs illustrating the growth of suicide among adults and youth in Utah. The adult figures are very bad, and the youth trajectory is beyond alarming. Although Utah is the worst hit, Colorado and Idaho show similar trends, raising alarms in those states as well. New Mexico and Wyoming also had increases in most groups in 2015, but they have much smaller numbers so the data is more difficult to interpret, and neither state showed the trend upward starting in 2009 that Utah shows.
WHY IS THIS HAPPENING? There are surely numerous complex reasons. However those of us who work with
LGBT Mormons are convinced that LGBTQ people are making up a disproportionate share of these suicides and most likely make up the entirety of these notable increases. We think that because we have talked to people who have attempted suicide, and we all know people who have killed themselves. We have seen it happen in front of our eyes. We have also analyzed the data (here and here). And we have looked at the most dramatic events involved: — 2008 was when the anti-gay rhetoric exploded in our congregations and in our communities, with the church’s open involvement with Proposition 8. This marked the beginning of the up trend of suicides and it is not surprising to anybody involved in the LDS LGBT community that this happened. This anti-gay rhetoric escalated over the years as marriage equality was prominent. — In 2014 we saw the fight in our own backyard with marriage equality court cases, and we also saw a further escalation of the anti-gay rhetoric in our communities from our church pulpits to General Conference addresses. — In July 2015, we heard statements in every LDS congregation after the Supreme Court case granted marriage equality, and in November the notorious policy was leaked. We recently learned that as marriage equality laws passed, each state saw a drop in suicide attempts among its LGBTQ teens. Why hasn’t Utah seen that benefit? We know why LGBTQ and others commit suicide. It is because of the rejection they have from their families, communities, and religion. In Utah, and throughout Mormonism, marriage equality ended with marking a deterioration for LGBTQ Mormons due to an increase in the
levels of rejection they face. In general they haven’t been able to achieve the improved mental health that LGBTQ people enjoy in more tolerant communities and this is reflected in our high suicide rate. Utah’s rank in overall suicide rate went up from 11 in 2014 to six in 2015. This is one area where we don’t want to be number one, but it’s heading that way. Some have tried to blame suicide on the altitude, but as far as anyone can tell, the altitude hasn’t changed lately. Altitude might explain our baseline but it in no way explains a tripling of youth suicide nor alarming trends among other age groups. If the problem can be admitted, the solution is apparent: educating families of the harm that rejection can have on their LGBTQ children of all ages. While the Utah legislature lifted the gag order in our
public schools (no promo homo) that was preventing teachers and counselors from offering appropriate help to LGBTQ students in the schools. This was one important step, but a broad solution throughout our communities is still needed. The most helpful information on how to prevent suicide among our LGBTQ youth can be found at the Family Acceptance Project. It is time to adopt and promote their recommendations. The LDS community is failing to extend its love to its LGBT children and neighbors, and for many of them the rejection is lethal. Data for this story is from the CDC website. Note: Suicide is a complex behavior that is influenced by multiple factors that vary across individuals. We should also be careful to follow proven guidelines about how do discuss suicide without contributing to suicide contagion. See reportingonsuicide.org and lgbtmap.org. This story was first shown at RationalFaiths.com and is reprinted with permission of the author.
April 2017 | issue 266 | Qsaltlake.com
NEWS | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | 15
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Qsaltlake.com | issue 266 | April 2017
Some changes for this year’s Utah Pride Festival Utah Pride Festival is now a Pride Week, as activities go on from Wednesday through Sunday, May 31 through June 4 at Washington and Library Squares in downtoen Salt Lake City. The venue will largely be the same as last year, as the west quadrant of Washington Square is still under construction. All of the Library Square block will be used this year as well.
Tickets Single-day tickets are $5 for Friday and $8 for Saturday and Sunday if purchased in advance at utahpridecenter.org/festival/ or $7 and $10 at the gate. New this year is a “squad pass,” where people can get five tickets for the price of three. Senior and youth are now eligible for reduced-priced tickets for Saturday and Sunday at the festival. Seniors will pay $5 and youth 13–18 are $4. Also new this year is a VIP-level “Pride Elevated Pass,” which includes a Festival Weekend Pass w/VIP fast lane entry, entry to the Main Stage Garden and private patios at the Redrock Stage and DJ/Dance Stage, private patio exclusive drink and complimentary food service, VIP Parade seating and a Festival 2017 souvenir water bottle. The Pride Elevated Pass will be $60 online and $75 at the gate. Those who buy their tickets online before May 1s will be automatically entered to win an upgrade to Pride Elevated Passes.
Pride Spectacular WEDNESDAY MAY 31, 2017 6–9:30PM MARRIOTT CITY CREEK
This year’s kick-off party will be held Wednesday, May 31 at the Marriott City Creek. Tickets for the gala event will go on sale April 1
Youth Pride Dance THURSDAY JUNE 1, 2017 7:00PM-11:00PM PRIDE FESTIVAL GROUNDS – WASHINGTON SQUARE AND LIBRARY PLAZA
Another first is a youth dance on Thursday night on the Festival grounds. Tickets available at the door $5. Enter at 300 East 500 South
Pride Interfaith Service THURSDAY JUNE 1, 2017 7:00PM-10:00PM FIRST UNITED METHODIST CHURCH 203 E 200 S
The Pride Interfaith remains on Thursday and this year will be held at the First
United Methodist Church on the corner of Second East and Second South.
Pride March and Rally
FRIDAY JUNE 2, 2017 6–7:00PM 900 EAST AND HARVEY MILK BLVD (900 S) TO SOUTH ENTRANCE OF FESTIVAL GROUNDS
A large turnout is expected at the Pride Marches this year, if recent marches like the Women’s March are any indication. It will start at the 9th and Harvey Milk Boulevard area and make its way to the festival grounds. Those who participate in the march will be allowed onto the Festival grounds free of charge on Friday.
Utah Pride Festival OPENING FRIDAY JUNE 2, 2017 7:00PM-11:00PM PRIDE FESTIVAL GROUNDS – WASHINGTON SQUARE AND LIBRARY PLAZA
The festival will be three days on the grounds of Washington and Library Squares. Hours will be Friday June 2, 5–11pm, Saturday June 3, noon–11pm, and Sunday June 4, 11am–7pm
Outdoor Proud 5K and Health Day SATURDAY JUNE 3, 2017 8–11AM JORDAN PARK & PEACE GARDENS, 1060 S 900 W
The 5K run has been moved back to Saturday morning, this year at Jordan Park. Other health-related events will also take place that morning.
Pride Speakers and Films SATURDAY JUNE 3 & SUNDAY JUNE 4 SALT LAKE CITY PUBLIC LIBRARY – MAIN BRANCH, 210 E 400 SOUTH
Utah Pride Parade SUNDAY JUNE 4TH, 2017 10AM-NOON PARADE ROUTE: 200 S WEST TEMPLE TO 400 EAST
The parade route and time is the same as last year, beginning at 10am on the corner of Second South and West Temple, heading east to Fourth East. Those wishing to participate should sign up immediately, because the city limits the length of the parade and spots are quickly filling up. Go to utahpridecenter.org/festival/participate. More information can be found at utahpridecenter.org/ festival
Westminster study seeks lesbian and female bisexual assault survivors Lesbian and bisexual women who are survivors of sexual assault are being asked to participate in sharing their experiences with researchers. A 2015 American Association of Universities study reports sexual violence is epidemic on college campuses and queer women are one of the groups at greatest risk of victimization. Two sociologists. Nicole Bedera, a doctoral student at the University of Michigan, and Kristjane Nordmeyer, a professor at Westminster College, in Salt Lake City collaborating on an interview project to turn queer women’s stories into data and data into policy. The study is ongoing and participation is open to the public. Any interested participants may contact Kristjane Nordmeyer at knordmeyer@westminstercollege.edu. Despite having dramatically less sexual contact with heterosexual men—the group most likely to perpetrate acts of sexual
violence—1 in 5 lesbian women report a sexual assault during their college years. Among bisexual women, the rate is even higher with 1 in 3 experiencing a sexual assault before graduation. Queer women are also especially likely to be victimized multiple times and many queer victims struggle to find resources that support their unique needs. Professor Nordmeyer notes, “We don’t know who the perpetrators are or what their motivations might be. We also don’t know what queer survivors need to feel supported through their recoveries or how sexual victimization might affect their sexual identities—or comfort with sharing them openly.” The study, aimed at answering those questions, takes a survivor-centered approach that allows participants to control their own narratives and guide the interviews to the topics they find most important. Q
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LDS Church files brief with the Supreme Court opposing protections for trans kids The Supreme Court announced in March that it would not hear the case of a Virginia transgender teen Gavin Grimm, whose school ordered him to use a toilet that correspond with his “biological gender.” The Court’s order sends the case back to the 4th Circuit Court of Appeals in Richmond, in light of a guidance document issued by the Department of Education and Department of Justice in February, prompted by the Trump administration. That document withdrew earlier Obama administration guidance that schools were required to provide students access to sex-segregated facilities, consistent with their gender identity, to receive federal funds. Josh Block, one of Grimm’s attorneys, said the Court’s decision “holds transgender kids in limbo for one or two more years.” Grimm sued the Gloucester County School Board with help from the American Civil Liberties Union, arguing that the policy infringed against the rights of trans people. Ahead of the Court’s ruling, six faith groups including the Mormon Church filed a brief urging the court to rule against trans rights. One section of the brief argues that if LGBT people are protected from discrimination, religious groups who discriminate against LGBT people might be seen to be discriminating. It contends: “Accepting the Department’s reading of Title IX would take a long step toward delegitimizing traditional religions. “Making gender identity a protected class under Title IX implies that traditional attitudes toward gender identity are discriminatory. “That implication, enshrined in federal civil rights law, would impose a stigma on religious people and institutions whose faith dictates that gender identity is determined by one’s birth sex. “Religious denominations and their members could come under attack for selecting leaders who reflect their religious beliefs about gender. And religious Americans could find themselves increasingly marginalized for believing that gender is immutable and divinely ordained.” It adds: “Religious beliefs and commitments held by… major faiths contradict
the Department’s premise that gender identity is not determined by one’s birth sex. Denying the intrinsic connection between physiology and gender runs counter to the religious conviction that gender is God-given and immutable. “Even if limited to Title IX, the Department’s interpretation would provoke serious religious conflicts. Schoolchildren would be taught that gender is not determined by one’s birth sex, contrary to their parents’ faith. “Religious colleges and universities would find it difficult to maintain sex-specific dormitories and other residences. The modesty and privacy of sex-specific facilities, such as showers and changing rooms, could be compromised.” It says: “Gender as a divinely ordained characteristic is central to the doctrine and beliefs of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. The Bible records that God created human beings in His image — ‘male and female created he them’. “Latter-day Saints believe that birth as a male or female carries spiritual meaning. Men and women are not interchangeable. A person’s gender is to be embraced, along with the complementary but distinct paths that God ordains for men and women. “While gender is an essential and eternal attribute of personal identity, the Church acknowledges the reality of gender dysphoria and related conditions. “They impose heavy burdens, and those who bear them deserve compassion and respect. The Church welcomes efforts by responsible officials to seek mutually respectful solutions that reasonably accommodate transgender concerns while fully preserving religious liberty.” The brief was signed by the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, the United States Conference of Catholic Bishops, the Union of Orthodox Jewish Congregations of America, the National Association of Evangelicals, the Ethics and Religious Liberty Commission of the Southern Baptist Convention, The Lutheran Church– Missouri Synod and the Christian Legal Society. Donald Trump has vowed to relax laws that prevent tax-exempt religious groups from directly intervening in politics.
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A DiverseCity Series writing group A program of Salt Lake Community College’s Community Writing Ctr. The group meets the 2nd and 4th Monday of each month, 6:30-8 pm, Salt Lake City Library Square, 210 E. 400 South, Ste. 8, Salt Lake.
18 | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | NEWS
Qsaltlake.com | issue 266 | April 2017
Rise Up & March On report:
Utah’s Trump resistance powered by women, LGBTQ leaders BY RHETT WILKINSON
It popped up during lunch. The slide featured a quote from film actor Jeffrey Wright: “May the election of Trump bring forth the fiercest, smartest, toughest generation of ass-kicking women this country could possibly imagine.” Utah Indivisible and Utahns Speak Out, the latter of which challenged its federal representatives Feb. 24 at its Town Hall for All, are organizations that are part of the larger resistance across America to President Donald Trump. Now, the Beehive State’s movement is getting a female flavor. Rise Up & March On was a function to help women get politically involved. Nearly four dozen females attended the event held on a Saturday at the Miller Free Enterprise Center in Sandy. Jaime Bringhurst and Jen Schwartz, both Salt Lake Valley residents, organized the function. It was meant to launch The Legacy Project, which Bringhurst said is designed to “create partnerships between women, encourage them to live a life of intention and purpose and teach them to fulfill their passions.” Rise Up & March On was kicked off by well-known progressive activist Jim Dabakis after Schwartz announced that she’s running for the legislature; Dabakis lamented the Equal Rights Amendment not being brought up in the Utah legislature’s Rules Committee; staff each from seven entities described what it is and its work, and each offered personal stories of why they help; Emily Ellsworth educated on how to effectively reach federal and state legislators; the International Rescue Committee presented “myth and fact” about refugees; and audience members made remarks.
Bringhurst brings it on Bringhurst was asked about why she organized Rise Up & March On and is starting The Legacy Project. “I want more faces and more voices that look and sound like mine, particularly in positions of power,” said Bringhurst, a Holladay citizen. “I want female faces and voices. Of all political stripes.” “Of course,” she added, “I’m particularly committed to women who are using their voice for inclusive means.” Bringhurst is a social worker and the election of Trump got her involved politi-
cally. She realizes that women are like her and have not been political advocates, so she wanted to get them in touch with the organizations who attended the event. “It can be a vast ocean on your own,” she remarked. “So it is really about giving (women) direction and exposing them to the big players and letting them discover really what issue matters most to them in their own heart and letting them take action accordingly.” Her biggest challenge to organizing Rise Up & March On? “Getting out of my own way,” she said. “It might be the same thing that all people come up against. I think ‘who are you? You are not the expert: you have not been doing this for 10 years; you are not the smartest person in the room. Who are you to lead the way?’ “So… it was a matter of trusting… that my voice matters,” she added. “The partnerships with other women came naturally, swiftly.”
Queer mom of trans kid Schwartz was the main partner; she first chatted with Bringhurst at a restaurant about bringing together different advocacy organizations. Schwartz, a South Jordan resident, told the crowd that she is queer and has a transgender teenager. The night that Trump was elected president, she sought respite in her closet and texted folks about her despair, apologizing to the teenager. “I am sorry,” she told her child. “This is not the world I want for you.” She then wore sweatpants to work – “it’s what I required for self-care at the moment,” she told the audience. “I felt like I lost my faith in humanity.” Schwartz noted the many people who
“spend a lot of time” on social media saying “this is wrong” to the election of Trump and the behavior of his administration since. “There is nothing with saying ‘this is wrong,’ but you need to move forward,” remarked Schwartz, the owner of a business that seeks to help people find solutions to family challenges. She touted the importance of speaking out. She said she recently encountered flooding at an intersection and called South Jordan about it, learning that she was the only one to have notified the city. The last bit of mud was being cleared as she returned from work. Schwartz is running for Utah House of Representatives in district 50, she said. “I thought, [current representative Susan Pulsipher] is not going to represent me as an independent slash Democrat; she is not going to represent me as a queer woman,” Schwartz told the audience. They cheered when she added, “So I said, ‘forget it, I’m taking over.”
Dabakis gets his kicks When Dabakis, a Utah state senator, described why it was so awful that the ERA didn’t get a committee hearing, he considered the Bears Ears debate and Republican combat in the state legislature and governor’s office against former President Barack Obama’s designation of the national monument. “Our native people fought and protected Bears Ears and protected it for our families, and the forces of darkness are conspiring,” he said. “Who knows what they will do with it?” He also asked how politically involved the crowd is. “Are you once per month? Once per week? Are you share-on-Facebook? I’m a senator because it forwards my activism – because it gets things done,” he said. “You may have 15,000 people at the Capitol… but they can’t strategize and they can’t lead and they can’t motivate.” Rallies for women reportedly numbered 15,000 in Arizona, Ohio, Tennessee and Vermont. Dabakis equated the Rules committee not hearing the ERA to “disrespect” for the 10,000 women he said attended Utah’s women rally. “The Equal Rights Amendment [should] be simple. Equal rights for women – who doesn’t believe in that?” he asked. “It would be like voting in LDS General Conference.” Voting procedures in the LDS Church’s semi-annual events are typically unanimous. Former LDS women leader Elaine Dalton described women’s marches as “unladylike.” Someone asked how change can be made. “We change the people in the legislature, or we change the minds of the legislature,”
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Dabakis said. “Because you know what? The Rules committee sat very happy (after denying the ERA a hearing) because they didn’t hear from you.” Dabakis expressed hope for changing legislative seats in 2018, asking crowd members to help a candidate get elected. He added that Irish immigrants were not welcomed to America’s “table of power” as African-Americans and LGBTQ people were not immediately welcomed. “In some countries, they throw a grenade on the table,” Dabakis said. “But in America, we elbow… and fight.”
The seven advocates The seven entities who presented were YWCA Utah, Emily Ellsworth, Equality Utah, Planned Parenthood Association of Utah, the International Rescue Committee Salt Lake City office, Utah Women Unite and ACLU of Utah. UWU’s Brenda Jane promoted the organization’s version of A Day Without a Woman Strike at the Utah Capitol. And speaking for herself, she pointed out that at the Town Hall for All, senators Todd Weiler (Facebook and memes) and Brian Shiozawa’s [texts and emails] attention was on their phones. Weiler and Shiozawa were two of eight state legislators to attend an event in which Utah’s federal representatives were invited but none attended. “I was right behind them and saw it all,” she said. “Many other people who were there have mentioned this and even posted photos on Facebook.” ACLU of Utah’s Anna Thomas pointed out that the organization is non-partisan and has sued every president since it has existed. Then she added: “we aren’t anti-Trump; we are anti-stupid ideas that violate the Constitution, which does seem to happen a lot these days.” Nora Trinidad-Scholle, YWCA Utah development and membership coordinator, said that she arrived in Utah about a year ago and went about “finding (her) people.” She did at YWCA. “The YWCA is the best job I have ever had,” she said. Ellsworth published “Call the Halls,” a guide on how to contact representatives “the smart way,” after many national media outlets covered her tweets about the topic. She said that representatives’ phones should always be running “especially for the next… four years” and that “you need to not only get in office but change who is in office.” Preston Hilburn, Equality Utah programs manager, said because his family was progressive, he was fine with him coming out as gay at 15 years old – a big contrast to his cousin leaving Utah when he came out as
transgender, as he was disowned by his family. “He’s very happy now, but seeing people that I loved and really cared about leave a place I call home because they did not feel safe, I could no longer sit on the sidelines,” he said. “So I took my radical, queer, pissedoff self and started volunteering with Equality Utah and that led to a staff position that I have today.” Kelsey Boyer, PPAU online and community organizer, said she realized her goal of working for a non-profit after realizing she needed real-world experience and working for five years of Overstock.com upon graduation in sociology from Weber State University. “I wanted to work for Planned Parenthood because of reproductive justice, rights to your own body and controlling the new generation that we could bring in.” Natalie El-Deiry, deputy director of the Salt Lake City office of IRC, said that there are very few people who can’t say they aren’t immigrants or descendants of immigrants and that she and her husband are immigrants. She added that each person deserves the freedom to live in a place that offers economic opportunity, education and living their religion freely. “Now more than ever, it’s a critical time to make sure those opportunities are in the community but specifically to refugees,” she said. Jane grew up in Davis County. “So my entire life, women have been mistreated… and misrepresented,” she said. Pointing out she is white, “I want to use whatever privilege I have to help those who don’t have it,” she added. Thomas grew up in Salt Lake to a “really big, really poor” Mormon family that had a lot of abuse and neglect. “I think I’ve always been a champion for the underdog,” she said. “I am 39 years old but still get so mad about those pushed to the margins. … I remind myself that I have so much to be thankful for… the last thing I can do is battle with people in the legislature for 45 days.”
Advocate presentation highlights Ellsworth is a former staffer for Reps. Jason Chaffetz, who last month faced a packed
house of angry constituents, and Chris Stewart. She worked in constituent services in both offices, giving her insight as to how constituents can best reach their representatives. At Rise Up & March On, she offered five ways to “streamline your messages to Congress”: clearly define your goal; create an action plan based on your goal; know your representatives and their staff; research your message and call to action; and craft personal and authentic messages. “If you want to get a meeting with your representatives, showing up at their door unannounced, it’s not going to happen,” she added. “If you want to make a public statement, then that might work, but you need to go through their hoops.” Talk with the most local of representatives as possible, she pointed out. Ellsworth also said that it “exemplifies a lot of privilege” to think that constituents can “push a button” and get what they want. “Advocacy groups… know that it’s a long, concerted public effort,” she said. “[Representatives] need to know that the messages are personal and authentic.” Ellsworth took eight hours of calls per day, she said. The ones that stuck with her were the ones with people who were crying because they were being deported and didn’t know what to do. “After hearing those calls, it fundamentally changed how I thought government worked,” she said, adding that she wasn’t an expert, having been hired right out of college. “I don’t know how a staffer can hear those stories and not be impacted.” Ellsworth added that staffers will recognize constituents as experts on policies and contact them again, using the example of a physician who would contact a congressional office seeking change in health care. El-Deiry made a case for why Trump’s executive order banning refugees from seven Muslim-majority countries was bad before offering IRC’s myth vs. fact slides on refugees. Among them: myth — we know nothing about the refugees coming to the U.S.; fact — refugees are the most thoroughly vetted group entering the U.S.; myth — refugees are mostly men; fact — over half are women; myth — refugees are all Muslim; fact – refugees are from all religions; myth – refugees are a drain on society; fact — refugees start businesses, pay taxes and contribute to their communities. El-Deiry added that she liked Ellsworth’s point that messages to representatives must be personalized. “Coming from a round of meetings, it’s important to have your ‘why’ and your personal experience with refugees or immigrants and what you believe … needs to be changed,” she said. Q
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Qmmunity OUR COMMUNITY’S BRIEFS
QTalks, no relation Join Equality Utah for QTalks, an engaging, fast-paced, hour-long lecture with four people teaching four 15-minute segments on topics related to Utah’s LGBTQ community: trans activism, legislative updates from the Utah statehouse, queer theory and reproductive justice. QTalks will be April 26, 7-8 p.m., at the Salt Lake City Public Library. Registration at bit.ly/qtalks.
Kate Kendell Inaugurates WSU LGBT Series The executive director of the Nation Center for Lesbian Rights, Kate Kendell, will give the inaugural Peace & Possibility lecture, sponsored by Weber State University’s LGBT Resource Center. The NCLR is a national legal organization for civil and human rights of lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender. Currently living in the San Francisco area, Kendell is an Ogden native and will deliver remarks Thursday, March 23, 2017, noon, at Shepherd Union, Ballroom A at WSU Ogden Campus. The Resource Center will also announce the winner of a scholarship essay contest addressing: “What does LGBTQ mean to you and what will you do, or are you doing to make a difference? Take into consideration life experiences and how you navigate LGBTQ communities. What is the need of the LGBTQ community moving forward and what does the future hold?” at the event. Info at bit.ly/wsupeace
Qsaltlake.com | issue 266 | April 2017
of professionals and the public and explore strategies for LGBTQ+ suicide prevention in local communities. Utah Department of Human Services is providing sponsor support The agenda includes general and breakout sessions featuring national experts on LGBTQ+ mental health and suicide risk and will be focused on making mental health, suicide prevention, and education an LGBT community priority. Keynote presenters include: Caitlin Ryan, Ph.D., ACSW, The Family Acceptance Project; David Bond, LCSW, B.C.E.T.S., Vice President of Programs, The Trevor Project; John Blosnich, Ph.D., MPH, Core Investigator, VA HSR&D Career Development Awardee. Registration is $50 ($25 for students); April 18, 9 a.m.-5 p.m., The Little America Hotel, 500 S Main St., Salt Lake City. Contact Emily Hoerner at utah@afsp.org or 801-230-7082 for information. Info at bit. ly/lgbtqsuicideutah
Final Big Gay Fun Bus of the season The last Big Gay Fun Bus of the 2016–2017 season is Sunday, April 1 from noon to 9:30pm. The bus leaves Club Try-Angles at noon sharp, so show up early and grab a bite and coffee from OffTrax, which opens up special just for riders. Buffet, free drinks, $7 in free play and lucky bucks are part of the package riders get from the casino. Bingo and other games on the bus round out the fun. Info at biggayfunbus.com.
Softball Tournament in West Wendover
are gearing up for CP Ball to take place on Saturday, April 1, 2017 at the Murray Fraternal Order of Eagles, 10 W 4th Ave, Murray. ‘We have a great set planned as well as food and a terrific line up,” Sandi Panties said. “We’re excited to begin celebrating the end of our reign year by starting with CP Ball – I hope you can all attend this Black and Gold Ball.”
LGBT cyclists raising funds for MS Team Try-Angles, a cycling group that has rides during good weather and will participate again in the Harmons Best Dam Bike Ride June 24–25 in Logan. The ride is Utah’s largest cycling fundraising event, with 2,500 cyclists riding and raising funds, including $987,000 in 2016 to help fund MS research and critical programs for people living with MS. Since the team started participating, they have raised over $50,000 for MS Utah. More info is at facebook. com/groups/teamtryangles2017.
UAF Volunteers
For the second consecutive year LGBTQ community faith leader, Christopher Scuderi will be performing the Easter Sunday Sunrise Service at Snowbird on April 16, 7 a.m., at the Snowbird Lodge in Little Cottonwood Canyon. Info at bit.ly/ snowbirdeaster
Utah teams softball teams are invited to participate in the LGTBQ+ Softball tournament, put on by Wendover Softball. It will be held the weekend of May 12–14, with a Friday night start with enough teams. This is a 4GG — Double/Double Format under GSL E Rules. The cost is $250 per team and there are $2000 in prizes. Information is at wendoversoftball.com/ lgtbq or call Jeremy at 775-664-3289 or email jeremyamaster@gmail.com.
The Utah AIDS Foundation has a wide variety of volunteer opportunities available. The UAF will create a new volunteer opportunity for those with specialized skills, but are in need of the following: Client Services, Prevention/Education, Administrative/Events, Food Bank Reception, HIV Test Site, Office Support, Food Bank Stocking, Speaker’s Bureau, Team Projects, Season’s Giving, MSM Outreach and Special Events. Info at bit.ly/uafvol.
LGBTQ Suicide Prevention
CP Ball is Black and Gold
The Utah Domestic Violence Coalition is sponsoring “Stronger Communities: LGBTQ+ Suicide Prevention” a full-day American Foundation for Suicide Prevention chapter-sponsored conference to raise awareness about LGBTQ+ suicide risk, bringing research findings to the attention
The end of the 41st riegn of the Royal Court of the Golden Empire is near, and the first event of the Coronation Season is the CP Ball, put on by the Crown Prince and Crown Princess. Crown Prince XLI Adam and Crown Princess XLI Sandi Panties from Hell
Utah Gay Rodeo raises funds for lupus
Easter Services at Snowbird
The Utah Gay Rodeo Association will hold “A Night to Fiesta” dinner and show at the Murray Eagles, 10 W. 4th Ave, Murray, on April 29. Doors at 5pm, Dinner at 6pm and show at 7pm. Tickets are $15 in advance from a UGRA member and $20 at the door.
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outsports Coach Stephen Alexander: Little Rhody’s Big Trans Man BY DAN WOOG
Stephen
Alexander was a typical boy. He loved Transformers and Gobots. He spent hours with neighborhood kids, playing basketball, baseball and Wiffle ball. “I never wanted to go home,” he recalls. There was one problem: His parents treated him like a girl. That’s what they saw when they looked at his genitals. And that’s why Alexander competed on girls teams at Ponaganset High School. He was a superb athlete — one of the best in the school’s history, male or female. He scored more than 1,000 points for the Chieftains’ girls basketball team, winning four consecutive state championships and earning All-State first team honors. He was offered a full scholarship for the basketball team at Stonehill College, a Division II Jesuit school in Massachusetts. But he gave it up, because being in the women’s locker room finally became too unbearable. Majoring in religious studies, psychology and philosophy, Alexander sought to discover who he really was. His journey of self-discovery took him about as far away from Rhode Island as he could go: Tasmania. There he studied Buddhism. Studying further, through a Semester at Sea
program, he finally understood himself as a trans man. “I tell people I’ve crossed the equator, the prime meridian and the gender spectrum,” he quips, laughing. He says the process took him from gender identity disorder, to gender identity difference, and finally to gender identity feelings. He returned to his home town, and finally came out to his parents. But Chepachet is a very small place. Soon, he headed to the biggest city in the U.S.: New York. Everyone knew him in Chepachet. In New York, no one did. That’s where he began his career as a teacher. It’s also where he had gender reassignment surgery. His parents, who had taken their own path to understanding their son, were there. Doctors told them that most parents seldom are. But the pull of home was strong. His sister has two children, and Alexander wanted to watch them grow up. He returned to Rhode Island, and tried to figure out what to do next. A female friend told him the boys middle school soccer team needed a coach. Alexander stepped in. Soon he was coaching their basketball and baseball teams. Tennis and volleyball followed. He coached boys teams, and girls. He loved what he was doing. There were challenges — man-
aging young adolescents is not easy, and their parents can be a handful too — but that’s part of the joy of coaching. Though he was in a small town, and most people there had known him as a champion female athlete, he says that being a trans man was never an issue. No one said anything to his face; no one complained to the school board. There may have been whispers, he admits He worked with coaches he’d gone to school with. He coached boys and girls whose parents he’d played sports with, or been taught by. Some of those adults still call him by the name they remember. They try to call him “Stephen,” but old habits die hard. Perhaps they’re reminded by the banner hanging in the Ponaganset High School gym. It honors the few players who scored more than 1,000 points in their basketball careers. Alexander’s is there, with his girl’s name. There is one place his name does not appear: the Ponaganset Athletic Hall of Fame. His sister nominated him, but he has not been selected. Alexander was surprised — but then again, he wasn’t. What people say behind closed doors is not always what they say to his face. Alexander has a lot to say. He’s created a website called Tran-
IN WEST WENDOVER MAY 12–14 WENDOVERSOFTBALL.COM/LGBTQ
sition Games (transitiongames. com), in part to highlight his public speaking career. “Stephen’s story brought me to tears, and to a new understanding of diversity in sports,” praises a college student who heard him talk. “It’s so important to have conversations about transforming sports,” Alexander says. “We need to help kids recognize early what happens when we separate the sexes. There’s this notion that boys are better, faster and stronger than girls. Sports is really about finding out who you are, whoever you are, then working together to heighten competitiveness and honor your opponents. There’s still a lot of work to be done.” And Stephen Alexander – a trans man, and boys and girls sports coach in rural Rhode Island – is doing it. Q Dan Woog is a journalist, educator, soccer coach and gay activist. His latest book is “We Kick Balls: True Stories from the Youth Soccer Wars.” He can be reached at OutField@qsaltlake.com.
• 4 Guaranteed Games • Double/Double Format • GSL E Rules • $2000 in prizes
22 | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | VIEWS
views
Qsaltlake.com | issue 266 | April 2017
quotes “Saturday Night [Fever] with John Travolta and that underwear scene where he stands up, sits down and he … even puts it in order. I saw that movie back then like eight times and I didn’t know why. I never told him ‘You were my first crush.’” Ricky Martin, when asked by Andy Cohen on “Watch What Happens Live” which celebrity made him realize he was into guys
“You can call me he. You can call me she. You can call me Regis and Kathie Lee; I don’t care! Just as long as you call me.” —Ru Paul on whether s/he prefers to be addressed as he or she
“My peers, my teammates, my opponents — they don’t have a problem with it. They love me as a person. I think it has more to do with the parents and coaches — they don’t want to understand. The fear of the unknown and not being able to educate themselves. I’ve always wanted to be an advocate and have a voice in the trans community and be able to stick up for their rights and what they do. And also do what I want to do.” —Mack Beggs to Teen Vogue, when asked if his peers thought it was a big deal that he was competing with the girls, or if it has been made more controversial by adults.
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who’s your daddy
When facts are fiction BY CHRISTOPHER KATIS
The
protection of children was one of the primary arguments put forth by opponents of same-gender marriage. It clearly failed to convince five Supreme Court justices, or the American public. According to a Pew Research more than half of all Americans now favor marriage equality, and barely a third are opposed (Pew Research Center, May 12, 2016). Even white mainstream Protestants and Catholics are supportive by large margins. So what are people telling kids about marriage equality? On a lark, I decided to Google “What should conservatives tell children about gay marriage?” I found the link to the Family Research Council’s arguments. They’re still arguing that gay “marriage” – their quotes, not mine – are “harmful,” and they’re still pointing to the protection of kids as the main reason.” But they’ve added a new twist. Now they’re basing their arguments against marriage equality on, wait for it, science! Bless their souls; they turned to social scientific research to support their crazy-pants assertions. Part of the problem with turning to science is that, well, science doesn’t support their arguments. In spite of the fact that FRC suggests that research on same-gender parenting is inadequate, in reality, Columbia Law School examined 76 studies on gay parenting that were published since 1985. The researches ensured that all the studies met the same deter-
mined scholarly guidelines so they could compare apples to apples. In the end they found only four studies, just five percent, that showed kids raised by gay parents faced additional adversity. But as my reporter friend Paul once amusingly told me, “Never let the facts get in the way of a good story!” And that’s exactly what is happening with the scientific support being cited by these opponents of marriage equality. In fact, one Yale child psychiatry professor, whose work on the importance of fathers in a child’s life has been included as scientific proof to oppose marriage equality, has publicly taken umbrage to what he says is the blatant misuse of his research. What I find so interesting is that many of their arguments are so broad that they can be used to argue against everything from single parents to women working outside the home. Take for example their assertions that fathers prevent teen girls from becoming pregnant. No, it’s not the shotgun aimed at a daughter’s would-be teenage paramours, it’s the dad’s pheromones influencing the girls. (And every women reading this just said, ewwww!) Oh, and women are happier when their husbands earn the lion’s share of the income. That’s right girls, deep down you want to earn less! But as bizarre as that vein of argument may be, my personal WTF suggestion as to why same-gender marriage is wrong has to be that women and mar-
riage “domesticate” men – their words, not mine. The argument goes that when a man is married to a woman his testosterone levels drop, especially when children are in the home. Keeping him from marauding and pillaging, I guess. But isn’t saying that a wife and kids will make you less of a man kind of, I dunno, counterproductive to your argument? Of course all the research I found said dropping testosterone levels
are the result of getting older and gaining weight. By the way, according to the FRC, added bonuses to being domesticated by women include guys working harder, drinking less, and going to church more. Fun! Look, the real fact of the matter is that my kids are being protected. They have a family on far more secure and stable legal footing all because their dads are married. And that’s a fact. Q
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24 | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | VIEWS
Qsaltlake.com | issue 266 | April 2017
queer shift
It takes queer power BY CHARLES LYNN FROST
Two males,
two sets of testosterone, two dicks (preferably hung), two libido-dominated brains, two full attractions, two similar sexual impulses, plus all the other challenging characteristics and qualities everyone seems to be specifically looking for — and that’s today’s world of finding a mate. Add social media and dating apps and it’s no wonder many would rather stay single and in charge of his own life . So, he’s hot, hung and hooked on you. It seems the stars have aligned and you’ve landed a great guy. Possibly marriage is in the works. But you’re wondering, is this just a convenient infatuation or is he really “the one?” Most of us have had the experience of meeting what we thought was Mr. Right, only to find out he was really Mr. Wrong — sometimes Mr. Really, Really Wrong — leaving one to wonder how we fell into the trap in the first place? As I talked to lawyer friends of mine — doing a bit of research for this article, many are telling me gay divorce is roaring, and that many who ran to the courthouses during the Shelby “come get em’ while they’re hot” marriage license frenzy are now having severe second thoughts about present day and how all that went down. Don’t get me wrong I think anyone who wishes to marry has the right, but it is a bit disheartening when you think we Queer folk are keeping up with the divorce stats of our straight counterparts. Ugh. So what does a single gay men, or two martially inclined men supposed to do? Give the following ideas some solid consideration. I am going to try and explain to you why you fall for the guys you do. Second, I am going to explain how to separate the Diamond Jubilee by Johnnie Walker from the Pabst Blue Ribbon.
LET’S START WITH THE WHY: You have eyes and can see the same guy who everyone else sees. But, like the classic song says, “When your heart’s on fire, smoke gets in your eyes…” Blame the blurry
vision on evolution. Lots of unseen factors that go into a budding romance are put there by nature. We have a romantic coding that exists inside of us that leads us to want to be with certain guys and not with others. I call it “Relationship DNA.” In some cases, this can work out very well. You meet someone with similar values, who supports you in your dreams and who you are attracted to physically, emotionally and even spiritually. Sometimes it just all falls into place…Mr. Right’s place. Sometimes however, it leads you into the Mr. Wrong trap and will end up bringing out some of your worst qualities and his as well, leading you to a life of soul-crushing arguments and fully-awake nightmares. Despite your belief that you are in charge of who you fall for and who you don’t, the truth is that you are following a pattern that was set for you long ago with a combination of nature and nurture. You were born with a certain temperament— your animal “nature”—that acts as the clay on which the lessons of life are molded. Primarily, the family in which you grew up, along with other life experiences with friends, school, media, society and a freak or two along the way creates those lessons, or “nurture.” This nature/nurture combo forms your personal set of desires and guidelines about what you want in your relationship and what you want in a man. That makes up one’s Relationship DNA. Try to transport your mind back to when you were a child and think about how you were at nine or ten-years-old. Now, we are going to focus on qualities of those caregivers you had when you were that age, usually mom and dad. Then, while putting yourself in that frame mind, write down all of the positive qualities about your mother and then your father, as you would see them as that nine or 10-year-old child. Then write down all of the negative qualities for your mother and then your father. Again, see them as a nine or ten-year-old child (not as you
would see them today after both of you have hopefully grown up). 1. Positive words that describe your mom: 2. Positive words that describe your dad: 3. Negative words that describe your mom: 4. Negative words that describe your dad: Now, take that list and compare the qualities to your current, love obsession. If you don’t have one, think about the last one. Look familiar? You unconsciously pick someone with a selection of your primary caregiver’s characteristics, both good and bad. Hopefully not everything, but some things. Everyone psychoanalytically leans to an unconscious, idealized, mental image of the perfect mate, and our parents in our younger years definitely have and influence on what is ideal. Your “Relationship DNA” just makes you attracted to your man…It doesn’t promise success. To have things succeed past a spring fling, you will need to recognize when you have a good one on your hands, or when you need to toss one back into the “Grindr gutter." Although you may see his rockin’ body, your Relationship DNA will blind you to the bad things about your man during the first few months of the relationship. This is often called the “Limerence period” and refers to that feeling of being in love and feeling high, as if on a drug. Limerence, is the smoke that gets in your eyes, when your heart’s on fire. The problem is that during this physiological limerence storm that takes over your brain in the name of love, you become blind to its objects. Love is a drug that takes over your brain and forces you to focus on everything that is right and wonderful about your new guy and turn a blind eye to everything that is wrong and wretched. This can be especially difficult because people are on their best behavior in the beginning phases of a relationship. Here are the three, big areas to let you know you may need to put that relationship in reverse:
1. PAST RELATIONSHIP LENGTH Sometimes, your new boyfriend does not deliver on all of the facts about his previous relationships. He may even try to portray his ex as a terrible person in an attempt to save your feelings, or make
April 2017 | issue 266 | Qsaltlake.com
himself look like the good guy. But, chances are your new beau was just as bad. So, rather than asking a lot of pesky questions, just ask about how long they were together. If he has never had a relationship over a year long, there might be a good reason (like he’s young or coming out late in life) but you had better find it. But the older he is, the less likely it’s going to happen. You might be his first, but if he’s over 40…I would hold off on picking a china pattern. If he has had relationships over one year in the past but none over five years, then he’s in the gray zone. He may be young and just not have had the time on the planet to have a long relationship. But if he’s not, then he may have some rough edges that need to be worked out. Proceed with caution. If he has a history of one or more relationships over five years in length, then he’s a relationship-oriented guy. Signs point to “yes.” This one is good for the long haul.
2. HOW HE TREATS OTHERS This is your secret weapon. You never have to ask a single question, simply watch every time he interacts with another person who is not you. How does he treat his family? His ex? His friends? Better yet, how does he treat service staff? Uber drivers? How about strangers? Does he react differently to people based on age, ethnicity, or gender? How does he act in bars? On business? How your beau treats others, is one day how he will also treat you. Guaranteed. If you happen to get sick while you are dating your guy,
VIEWS | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | 25
pay attention to how he treats you. Illness can bring out the beauty in others, but it can also bring out the ugly.
3. VALUES, VALUES, VALUES This is for the long haul. What your partner wants out of life and what you want out of life need to line up or you are in for a very rocky future. Are you both career oriented? Socializers? Loners? Love the outdoors? Family-oriented? Love attention? Love children and animals? Love working out? Want sexual experimentation? Crave intellectual stimulation? There really is no end to the list of things that bind a couple together. It is not necessary to have your values perfectly aligned, but what’s important is that none conflict – such as one wanting to live in the city and one in the countryside. Then, support your partner in achieving his dreams. That’s probably the single best thing you can do to strengthen that bond between the two of you. So, if you have found what you hope to be “Mr. Right,” remember the words from above. First, acknowledge that when your heart is on fire, smoke gets in your eyes and you are not likely to see everything so clearly. Rather than proceeding blindly and falling prey to a “Mr. Wrong,” consider his past relationships, how he treats others and his values. If it all seems great, make this guy’s Valentine’s Day a special one because this may just lead to something big. If it doesn’t all check out, get him a box of chocolates and have a good romp. Might as well have some fun! Q
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7pm, Third Friday of the Month Matrons First Baptist Church of Mayhem 777 S 1300 East
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Qsaltlake.com | issue 266 | April 2017
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Steve King BY D’ANNE WITKOWSKI
We all
remember back in the 1850’s when a well-known politician famously said about the influx of Irish immigrants to the United States, “Culture and demographics are our destiny. We can’t restore our civilization with somebody else’s babies.” For context, remember that back then the Irish were not considered American (i.e. “white”), and therefore were treated as less than human because “real” Americans didn’t appreciate those dirty Irish sullying up the gene pool. Thankfully discrimination no longer exists in America and as proof we have one day a year when everybody dons shamrock attire and day drinks, and the streets run green with vomit. I am, of course, kidding. Not about the end of discrimination in America (it’s still very much alive even if the Irish are no longer the targets). Or the green vomit (college towns are excellent places to look for specimens). But about the U.S. Representative who said the super racist shit about “somebody else’s babies.” Steve King (R-Iowa) didn’t utter those words over 160 years ago, he said or, rather, Tweeted them on March 12. There was plenty of outrage on Twitter in response to King’s “babies” comment, as there should be, but anyone who has been following King at all during his time in the House knows that he’s a racist creep who thinks that only white people contribute to civilization and that brown people don’t belong here. He is also a raging homophobe. He’s been Creep of the Week more than once before for his hateful and stupid ideas about LGBTQ people. Imagine that. Racist AND homophobic. It’s almost like if you hate people because of their skin color you’re likely to hate them because of their sexual orientation and gender identity, too. In May King blasted the Obama Administration for issuing guidelines to schools about keeping trans students safe. King
sneered that the next directive would call for all students to become “transgendered vegans.” Shortly after the Supreme Court ruled in favor of marriage equality nationwide, King said that Justices Elena Kagan and Ruth Bader Ginsburg should be impeached since they’d participated in weddings for same-sex couples and thus should have recused themselves. Shortly before the marriage equality ruling he claimed that it would throw the country into “endless trauma” because Americans would never accept it. He even introduced legislation that would ban federal courts from hearing any cases related to marriage equality. In 2014, King suggested that gays don’t go to Heaven because they’re sinners. Earlier that year he suggested that business owners had a “God given right” to discriminate against LGBTQ people. I could go on but you could always just Google him. If you haven’t recently eaten. His long litany of racism is on full display as well. All archived on the Internets for all to see. Did I mention that both David Duke and Richard Spencer are Steve King fanboys? You know, a few years ago in the summer I saw a package of raw meat that had been run over in a Barnes & Noble parking lot. I suspect that if that package of raw meat run over in a parking lot had a mouth, it would say things like, “We can’t restore our meat civilization with somebody else’s meat babies” and “The natural meat family is a meat man and meat woman joined together hopefully in holy meat matrimony blessed by Meat God with meat children.” In other words, Steve King is a hateful meat head. So why not donate $5, roughly the cost of a pound of raw hamburger, to Kim Weaver, who is planning a run against him at bit.ly/WeaverForIowa. Q D’Anne Witkowski is a poet, writer and comedian living in Michigan with her wife and son. She has been writing about LGBT politics for over a decade. Follow her on Twitter @MamaDWitkowski.
VIEWS | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | 27
April 2017 | issue 266 | Qsaltlake.com
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Qsaltlake.com | issue 266 | April 2017
WEDDING ISSUE
While not yet an actual wedding, we loved these shots of Hunter Richardson and Oscar Romero taken by Chad Braithwaite of Faces Photography. These are “sweetheart session” photos, sometimes called engagement photos. Sweetheart sessions, however, don’t necessarily have to happen around the time of an engagement. A sweetheart/engagement session is a scheduled portrait photography shoot that takes place well in advance of the wedding. It usually involves an engaged couple together doing some posed and candid photography that can be used for announcements in newspapers, social media and Save the Date announcements. These are often based around your favorite things to do together. Hike, picnics, sports, movies can be themed in creative ways to make the shots fun and enticing.
When we asked Hunter for permission to use the photo set (after talking to Braithwaite of course), he was surprised we wanted them for a wedding issue. “That was over the summer, it wasn’t until winter that I proposed. So are we getting married? Yes. Is there a plan? No. Haha,” he said.
Photography – Faces Photography Venue – Big Cottonwood Canyon Floral Design – L Floral Studio Videography – Sugar Rush Photo + Video Suit Jackets – H&M Watches – Rolex Bracelets – Cartier and John Hardy Pocket Squares – Men’s Wearhouse
WEDDING ISSUE | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | 29
April 2017 | issue 266 | Qsaltlake.com
The photo session was a surprise for Oscar, and Hunter decided on Big Cottonwood Canyon. L Floral Studio created earth-tone boutonnières for a pop of color and fun. Sugar Rush Photo + Video documented the entire session, which they put into a professional video that can be used before or after the wedding. Anyone who knows the couple knows that they love fashion and high-end style. We think what these photos and the video show is the couple’s love for one another and their impeccable style.
TWIGS NAMED ONE OF THIS YEAR’S TOP LOCAL WEDDING FLORISTS BY WEDDING WIRE
Hunter and Oscar will be at the Utah Gay Wedding Expo to find ideas on how to create the best wedding using vendors who truly want to help make their day the best it can be.
THESE THREE REMAIN
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801-596-2322 1616 S 1100 E SALT LAKE CITY
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30 | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | WEDDING ISSUE
Qsaltlake.com | issue 266 | April 2017
WEDDING ISSUE Bethany and Lauren had their big day in February at the Salt Lake Hardware Building. They chose FUSE Weddings and Events’ Mara Marian to help plan all the details. Tracy Hill Photography took all these wonderful shots.
WEDDING ISSUE | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | 31
April 2017 | issue 266 | Qsaltlake.com
RED BUTTE GARDEN Elevate Your Event! Fragrance Garden
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Qsaltlake.com | issue 266 | April 2017
Photography – Tracy Hill Photography Venue – Salt Lake Hardware Building Floral Design – Blooms & Co Planner – Mara Marian at FUSE Weddings & Events Officiant – Anita Gordon
Know who WANTS your business and will treat you with the DIGNITY and RESPECT you deserve.
April 2017 | issue 266 | Qsaltlake.com
WEDDING ISSUE | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | 33
CHEERS
to the perfect event!
PREMIER can assist you with any aspect of your event including location scouting, catering, wedding planning, entertainment, rentals,
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Photography by Pierpont Place’s Danielle Zaugg & Chad Braithwaite
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Qsaltlake.com | issue 266 | April 2017
UTAH
GAY & LESBIAN
WEDDING 2017
EXPO
Third Wedding Expo returns to downtown The first Utah Gay & Lesbian Wedding Expo happened before marriage was even legal in the state. In 2012, couples would marry in another state, and return home to celebrate with friends and family. That first expo was at the ballroom at Hotel Monaco. Last year, QSaltLake brought back the expo and produced it out at the Eventos Reception Center in South Salt Lake. This year, we return to downtown Salt Lake at Pierpont Place on Pierpont Avenue, about 250 S and 163 West with the big white silo across from Red Rock Brewing Co. Over 35 vendors will be on-hand to help you plan your big day, everything from photographers to barbers, bands to wedding planners. There are even people there to help you figure out how to pay for it. There will be food and drink, plus a cash bar serving new offerings from Ogden’s Own Distillery like Madam Pattirini Gin and Five Wives vodka. The event is sponsored by Pierpont Place, Premier Events, Diamond Empire Band, Magleby’s Weddings and Catering, Changing Lanes Experience, and The Urban Garden Company. Tickets are $3 per person or $5 per couple at utahgayweddingexpo.com or $5 each at the door. The event will go from noon to 5pm on Sunday, April 2nd, with an after party from 5 to 7pm. Diamond Empire Band and Changing Lanes Experience will be playing and the cash bar will be open. See the vendors presenting so far on the next page. A few booths are still available. Call 801-997-9763 ext. 2 to register. Q utahgayweddingexpo.com
Classic weddings. Classic setting. Guest House Ballroom
Post Chapel
Commander’s House
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Lassonde House Officers’ Club
Historic Fort Douglas
110 South Fort Douglas Blvd. Salt Lake City, UT 84113 801-587-2980 | www.universityguesthouse.com
WEDDING EXPO | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | 35
April 2017 | issue 266 | Qsaltlake.com
Our Exhibitors So Far:
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Christine Cardamon — New Penn Financial LLC dav.d photography Diamond Empire Band Diverse Diva — Weddings by Angela Faces Photography Friar Tuck Barbershop FUSE Weddings & Events Heather Mooney, State Farm Jack Rose Caravan - Mobile Bar LGBT Financial LUX Catering & Events Lynn & Richard Huber - Doterra Wellness Advocates Magleby’s Weddings and Catering Millennial Falls Wedding and Reception Center Petals & Promises Pierpont Place Premier Events QSaltLake Magazine Ron Crafts Salt Lake Bride & Groom Magazine Sarah Galli Photography Senegence by The Lipstick Connection TR Peek Photography True Gentleman Men’s Fashion Tuscany Urban Garden UtahGayWeddings.com
From its legendary design and grandeur space to its impeccable service and location in the heart of downtown, Pierpont Place is where wedding dreams become reality. This truly versatile space can host parties from 20 to 500 guests. A stunning venue for your one-of-a-kind event from rehearsal dinners, ceremonies, formal receptions, cocktail-style receptions, bachelor/bachelorette parties to the unforgettable wedding. Our full-service staff can assist you with all of your needs, including design, floral, catering, bar-service, entertainment, cutting edge technologies, décor, photography, and many more amenities.
163 West Pierpont Ave (240 S) • pierpontplace.com • 801.200.3113
36 | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | A&E
Qsaltlake.com | issue 266 | April 2017
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is a writing project developed by ART ACCESS and PLAN-B THEATER COMPANY. We invite you to join us for staged readings of monologues created by program participants. The staged readings will take place on the following dates: Thursday, April 27 at 7 p.m. Friday, April 28 at 7 p.m. Saturday, April 29 at 2 p.m. Saturday, April 29 at 7 p.m Led by local playwright ERIC SAMUELSEN, in partnership with PLAN-B THEATRE COMPANY’S SCRIPT-INHAND SERIES, writers Shauna Brock, Dave Hanson, Louise Mathews, Jim Martin, Jaxton Mullineaux, Melissa Rasmussen, Lorelei Rutledge, John Wilkes and one anonymous writer created monologues in a 4-week writing workshop at Art Access. The writers explored the building and development of family as not just a biological construct, but as a series of intersections with kindred people who deliberately form nurturing family units. These stories will be shared with a broader community audience, encouraging the celebration of differences and illustrating that LGBTQIA issues are human issues and not restricted to one group of people. The works presented were written by members of the LGBTQIA community and their allies. This staged reading was directed by Eric Samuelsen and features actors Kirt Bateman, Colleen Baum, Dee-Dee Darby-Duffin and Susanna Florence. General admission is $10 and Tickets may be purchased at bit.ly/intersections2
UPCOMING EVENTS MAY 12-13, Salt Lake Men’s Choir’s Thank You for the Music, saltlakemenschoir.org JUNE 20-25, 2017 Dirty Dancing, artsaltlake.org AUG. 1-20, The Book of Mormon, artsaltlake.org DEC. 14, Lady Gaga, smithstix.com
A&E | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | 37
April 2017 | issue 266 | Qsaltlake.com
Dennis McCracken
Artistic Director
Music for the
A Tribute Show
May 12 & 13, 2017 at 7:30pm Bryant Middle School 40 S. 800 E. Salt Lake City, UT
General Admission Tickets: $15
Tickets available now from choir members, at Club Try-Angles, the Salt Lake City Library Store, or online at brownpapertickets.com
N O D N A SAR
38 | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | Q&A
Qsaltlake.com | issue 266 | April 2017
’ grabns d r o f ‘up sa talks ette Davi n o c i y B ing illar reen ing scn, portrayting for H n n i io vo r-w Osca l orientatgrets not a e sexu her she r whet
BY CHRIS AZZOPARDI
Maybe gay
people are customarily compelled to thank Susan Sarandon for her longstanding advocacy, because that’s how I begin my frank, anything-goes conversation with the 70-year-old multi-hyphenate. After all, no matter where you stand on Sarandon’s divisive decision to vote for Green Party candidate Jill Stein in the recent presidential election, we can all agree that the Oscar-winning actress has used her massive screen-icon prestige to aid in the advancement of LGBT rights. She’s been a staunch supporter through the AIDS crisis and the fight for marriage equality — even in times when vocal Hollywood allies were scarce. Reinforcing Sarandon’s pro-queer stance is a breadth of bold, iconic and uninhibited film roles dating back to 1970: Sarandon had sex with her co-star, Catherine Deneuve, in a lesbian-favorited scene that steamed up 1983’s vamp flick The Hunger; as Janet, she got her freak on in the cult classic The Rocky Horror Picture Show; and then, in 1987, teamed up with Cher for
The Witches of Eastwick to, presumably, offer fresh fodder to every late-’80s drag queen. Later, in 1995, Sarandon appeared with many of her industry peers in the acclaimed documentary inspired by gay activist Vito Russo, The Celluloid Closet, which examined depictions of LGBT characters in Hollywood. The next step in being a gay icon, apparently, is playing one: Starring alongside fellow acting dynamo Jessica Lange as Joan Crawford, Sarandon portrays beloved Hollywood legend and All About Eve leading lady Bette Davis in Ryan Murphy’s Feud: Bette and Joan. Sarandon was fresh off the set of the FX series when she dished on Feud, and numerous other aspects of her storied life and career. “I’m just getting back and acclimated,” she told me, dramatizing her experience shooting Murphy’s latest creation. “I’ve been gone for a very long time. Once I joined this cult, I didn’t get out.” Free from Feud and any canned-answer pretense, Sarandon refreshingly freewheeled through revelatory discussions about her “up for grabs” sexual orientation, the gay actor she once romanced, and her
impassioned response to critics (“to blame me is not productive”) who challenge her political convictions. Between Feud, your film career and your LGBT activism, I’d say you have more than earned your queer cred. (Laughs) Well, I hope so! I mean, I feel like an outsider myself. My people, my family for all these years have always been my allies and have always been very, very important to me, very dear to me through the AIDS crisis and everything. It’s just a natural, very easy extended family for me. You grew up Catholic in Jackson Heights, a neighborhood in the northwestern end of the borough of Queens in New York City. Would you say LGBT people felt like family then too? Well, not in my high school; I had 500 in my class. This was ages ago. But sure, in college, of course if you’re in a theater department or in any of the arts, that’s just part of the landscape, so there wasn’t any delineation as I became an adult. It was just natural. And, honestly, the people who I made friends with in my early day in New York in the ’70s are still my friends. I find the guys who don’t stick with you
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April 2017 | issue 266 | Qsaltlake.com
are the guys that you’ve had affairs with or marriages… or whatever! (Laughs) It’s very rare that those guys — once you’re not involved in a relationship, it’s hard to maintain those ties. So, really, my friends I’ve had forever and ever and ever are gay men and women. That makes sense, unless you’re having affairs with gay men. Well, I did at one point have a very successful and very loving and wonderful affair with a man who then wasn’t with another woman after me, and that worked out fine! I don’t think you had to declare yourself as rigidly as you do now in terms of having to declare yourself almost politically about your sexual preference. Just to clarify – you were in a romantic relationship with another actor who was gay? Yeah. Philip Sayer (who also starred in The Hunger) – he was a wonderful actor. He passed away, but yes, he was gay, and we had a great relationship in every way. Is your sexuality more or less rigid these days? Basically, should we be welcoming you to the family? (Laughs) Well, I’m a serial monogamist, so I haven’t really had a large dating career. I married Chris Sarandon when I was 20, and that went on for quite a while – each of my relationships have. I haven’t exactly been in the midst of a lot of offers of any kind. I’m still not! I don’t know what’s going on! (Laughs) But I think back in the ’60s it just was much more open. Are you open regarding your sexuality? Yeah, I’m open. My sexual orientation is up for grabs, I guess you could say. (Laughs) The great thing about Feud is having you, a gay icon, play a gay icon. I can’t think of many things gayer than that. (Laughs) Well, I hope the appeal seems to be broader! I’m hoping we reach out across the aisles to heterosexuals also, because what I think the story is about is a really interesting examination of all kinds of things: power and roles and misogyny and aging. Have you seen it? Not yet – episodes weren’t available before our interview. But because it’s my due diligence as a gay man, I’ve seen What Ever Happened to Baby Jane? countless times. Oh, you’re gonna love it then! Although it’s not all about that. We do move on, so at least you don’t think I’m wearing gobs of makeup [the whole time]. There are some younger folks who haven’t seen Baby Jane
who are like, “What is up with that? Does she do that through the whole thing? I don’t get it.” But we had a lot of fun recreating gesture for gesture, voice pattern for voice pattern. And some of the little snippets of the scenes were very tough. What’s the closest you’ve come to a Bette/ Joan-type feud? I think I’m just a little too young to see women as my adversary. I think that changed. I really haven’t experienced that. I think women just a little bit older than I am tried to align themselves with power, which were the men, and saw every woman as a threat. With my generation and slightly younger, you might be jealous that someone is getting all the good parts, but it’s just a different time — you don’t see them as your enemy. So, women are producing more projects, are finding things on their own. I feel very comfortable with all the women that are my competition. There was someone that came [to Feud] for two seconds who was not particularly collaborative, and I didn’t get rid of her, but that was just not the tone. She kind of announced herself, and she was gone in two days. Because Ryan is responsible for having a wonderful environment with a very collaborative atmosphere, and it starts at the top. He just doesn’t tolerate anybody who isn’t part of that family, and looks at the bigger picture. And that was it. She was gone. But it wasn’t about women against women – it was just about somebody who came in, sat down and announced that she was going to be difficult. I’m sure that came from a place of fear, in all fairness to her, but there wasn’t time or interest in developing a relationship with someone who isn’t a team player. Everybody was a team player on this. And I’ve seen men go at it on films, but I’ve never had an experience myself. It doesn’t work for me to work in an environment where there’s tension. I go out of my way to make sure there’s not. Can you imagine throwing your guts out there and you have to be brave and you’re in a hostile environment? It’s just impossible. You open up your heart and all your energy, and you can’t do that if you’re in a protective mode. There’s a line that I found in one of Bette’s books where she said, “I would rather have a go at something I feel, and be hurt, than always be protecting myself – that way, one does not really live.” And she did that in romance, and I think she did that in her work.
That’s definitely where our philosophies align. You can’t live your life according to just what looks good on paper. I think the most interesting things happen when you’re out of your comfort zone, and this was way out of my comfort zone. It took me a good five weeks working with Ryan and working with Tim Monich, my dialect coach, to really get the fear/fun ratio to a place where it was in my favor (laughs). I was just terrified! I said to Ryan, “This really, really scares me. I just don’t know.” And he said, “Well, I’m scared too. We’ll find it together.” And that made me jump at it. How do you explain the gay fascination with Bette Davis and Joan Crawford? Well, I can’t speak for Joan – I can only speak for Bette. But, first of all, being some kind of outsider – she was an intruder at the time, when she was trying to get good parts, because she wasn’t your classic Hollywood beauty. So, she started off as an outsider, and I think that she had a secret, and in the early days of being gay – and still in some places – that has to be a secret. I think she had a lot of secrets, and you sense that she was trying to do things that were not easily done as a woman and as an artist, and she was a very straight shooter. When we were working on it, our biggest challenge was trying to make it grounded in reality because they’re so big. Her gestures, everything — I felt like, “Here goes another meme!” (Laughs) The question was, are we able to make this into something that people are actually moved by? It’s very funny, obviously, and interesting. Do you think audiences might come away with more empathy for Bette as we watch this? I hope so. In watching all of her interviews and TV appearances, and in reading all the books she wrote and that her daughter wrote and other people wrote, she was pretty special in her focus to find good work that [gave her] some control over her choices at a time when you were given the protection of the studio in exchange for your freedom. Now, of course, if you do episodic TV, you’re right back in the same kind of contractual bind. Films have been liberated, but not these seasonal TV shows, because you really don’t know what they’re going to do with you. You sign away for years at a time, which was exactly what she was fighting against. Shifting to politics, some LGBT people were disappointed in your decision to cast your vote for someone other than the predicted winner, Hillary Clinton. If you would’ve
40 | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | Q&A
known that Trump would be elected, and that we’d currently be experiencing such a threat to human rights, which I know are so important to you, would you have voted differently? This is the thing: To have the conversations about “woulda, shoulda, coulda” opens up everything about the primaries and all kinds of things. The important thing right now is that we stop harping on blame because blame, if you really want me to talk about this election — you know, I was not the person who brought Trump into power. The DNC has a lot of… there are already suits all over the country about how that was rigged, the primary. So, to talk about this, for me, is a waste of energy. I think right now we’re about to appoint Scott Pruitt, which is the end of the EPA, and we’ve got this gal, [Betsy] DeVos. People have to get over what happened, take some personal responsibility for being in a bubble and not paying attention to what was going on in the country, and start applying their anger and their energy to rectifying what’s going on. We’re at a moment in history where a revolution is taking place. We have a guy in there who is so obvious that he gives you very clear targets — this didn’t happen overnight. In the last eight years, the Democrats have lost thousands of seats. In
Qsaltlake.com | issue 266 | April 2017
the last eight years, we’ve put fracking and Monsanto and everybody in place. In the last eight years, there were tons of people deported. This guy is horrible. But this didn’t happen overnight. So what are we gonna do now? This is a moment where we have to start using our energy and the time that we have and the media to divest from our banks that are building these pipelines all over the place, not just in Dakota, which are going to bring down this country. Fracking is going to go full speed ahead. We have to stop that. And we have to protect those who are vulnerable under this administration, and that’s not gonna happen until we let go of what happened before and really dedicate ourselves to making phone calls, putting our bodies in the street and, most of all, taking our money out of organizations, banks and networks that are supporting the actions of this guy.
Now that everybody is awake, we have to take that and that fear, and we have to not indulge our depression – not indulge on pointing fingers — and get out there and work with some of the people who are going to be betrayed by Trump who voted for him and use that as a force for real change, because now it can happen. And we’re in a moment in history where you’re gonna either be on one side or the other, and to be quiet or to be depressed or to blame me is not productive, so that’s what I would say about that. Q As editor of Q Syndicate, Chris Azzopardi has interviewed a multitude of superstars, including Meryl Streep, Mariah Carey and Beyoncé. Reach him via his website at chris-azzopardi.com and on Twitter @chrisazzopardi.
deep inside hollywood BY ROMEO SAN VICENTE
That’s still Raven Blame Girl Meets World, if you must, but here comes another vintage sitcom revamp. Well, not exceptionally vintage, if we’re being honest, since the sitcom in question is That’s So Raven, which ran for about a hundred episodes between the years 2003 and 2007. And yes, we did, in fact, watch it and not merely crib information from Wikipedia, because we had Disney Channel-addicted nieces and nephews, now in their 20s (translation: advertisers’ best friends now making little Disney Channel addicts of their own). Anyway, here comes more, as Raven-Symone reprises her role as the psychic fashion designer tween, now grown up, divorced, and mother to twins. Surprise! One of the kids has inherited mom’s special powers, allowing the hijinks machine to crank into overdrive. And if you were wondering how former cast members will figure into the plot, Raven’s old pal Chelsea (Anneliese van der Pol)
is back for the fun, as a single mom who moves in with Raven, making for every sitcom’s favorite trope, the blended family. Did we say blame Girl Meets World? We meant Fuller House.
It’s almost time to hatewatch ‘Fire Island’ Did you watch Finding Prince Charming? The A-List: New York? The A-List: Dallas? My Husband’s Not Gay? What, you think you’re too good for those kinds of shows? OK, you probably are. But we’re the opposite of good, so we watched all of them, and we can honestly say each one made us better human beings: smarter, stronger, healthier, wiser. And thanks to Logo’s ongoing efforts to make momentary celebrities out of gay men who have really amazing chests, we’re all about to be gifted with Fire Island. It’s the story of a beautiful summer on Fire Island, one shared by six gay men who were cast from their respective very popular Instagram accounts to be nearly (or maybe totally) naked while pretending to be
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April 2017 | issue 266 | Qsaltlake.com
friends and fighting about stupid stuff while drunk. In other words, our favorite thing on TV that isn’t Wendy Williams. Logo plans to launch this assault on quality and taste this spring, but we wish it were here already.
Sarah Paulson finds ‘Lost Girls’ Amazon Studios has another future hit on its hands with Lost Girls, and we’re going to assume that it will have everything to do with our current favorite lesbian, Sarah Paulson. The show is a serial killer drama – based on reporter Robert Kolker’s 2013 nonfiction book of the same name – to be directed by documentary filmmaker Liz Garbus (What Happened, Miss Simone?) in her first narrative project. Up-and-coming screenwriter Michael Werwie (this is his first major credit) wrote the adaptation, which involves a Long Island mother (Paulson) searching for her missing daughter. And then the bodies of four female sex workers are discovered in the woods. Gruesome, yes, but also true, and after Paulson’s Emmy-winning performance as Marcia Clark in American Crime Story: The People vs O.J. Simpson, we’re ready to follow her down any path, no matter how dark. Be on the lookout for this one.
Say ‘Hello Again’ to T.R. Knight and Cheyenne Jackson Hey, remember T.R. Knight? He was a staple on Grey’s Anatomy until leaving the series after an unfortunate incident with a nasty gay slur on set (Google that bit of ancient queer history if you need refreshing). And then he seemed to lie low for quite a while, popping up here and there on shows like The Good Wife, and most recently, a profile-resuscitating turn on ABC’s miniseries When We Rise. Now he and fellow queer actor Cheyenne Jackson (American Horror Story) will star in the film Hello Again. Theater fans will know the source material as the 1994 off-Broadway musical from Michael John LaChiusa (inspired by Arthur Schnitzler’s La Ronde) that explores 10 brief love affairs that take place across 10 separate periods of New York City history. And to show you they mean to do this one properly, here’s the rest of the impressive cast, no strangers to song and dance: Audra McDonald, Martha Plimpton, Glee alum’s Jenna Ushkowitz and Nolan Gerard Funk, Rumer Willis, and The Following’s Sam Underwood. We’re guessing a late 2017 rollout at the autumn film festivals. Q Romeo San Vicente would like to thank the Disney Channel for many hours of babysitting assistance.
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42 | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | FOOD & DRINK
Qsaltlake.com | issue 266 | April 2017
food & drink Ogden’s Own distillery announces awardwinning Madam Pattirini Gin Ogden’s Own Distillery announced that their new Madam Pattirini Gin and Porter’s Apple Liqueur will be available at Utah liquor stores on April 11. They also announced big wins at the 2017 Denver International Spirits Competition, where Five Wives Vodka and Porter’s Peach Liqueur received gold medals and Madam Pattirini Gin and Porter’s Apple received silver. “We’ve been waiting for a few months on the DABC to send us an order for our most recent creations,” managing partner Steve Conlin explained. “It’s nice that it coincided with the release of this great news regarding contest results.” Madam Pattirini Gin is made from juniper, bergamot, coriander, cardamom, Nigerian ginger, and Sicilian lemon in small runs of less than 1,000 bottles. All bottles are individually hand-numbered by batch and bottle. QSaltLake publisher and editor Michael Aaron reviewed the gin in the March issue of the magazine. “The gin itself has a very rich and satis-
fying taste. Drunk as a martini (shaken, not stirred), it takes a complex run about the tongue with a strong juniper berry forward and a lasting Nigerian ginger finish.” As the 35th child of LDS president Brigham Young, B. Morris Young, AKA Madam Pattirini, was one of the more interesting and little-known figures of the Old West. In 1895, he began publicly performing in drag as an “Italian opera diva” under the pseudonym “Madam Pattirini.” Young performed as Pattirini in north and central Utah venues from 1885 to the 1900s. He could produce a convincing falsetto, and many in the audience did not realize that Pattirini was Young. “Much like people will be surprised that a great gin comes from Utah!” Conlin quipped. Porter’s Apple Liqueur extends the company’s flavored whiskey brands which pay homage to the infamous Porter Rockwell — a legend during the early days of the LDS church where he was bodyguard for founder Joseph Smith and served as a deputy marshal in Utah. Rockwell was known
for heavy-handed enforcement and the killing of many men. Porter’s Apple joins Porter’s Fire cinnamon-vanilla and Porter’s Peach in the Porter’s family of whiskey liqueurs. “We now have eight award-winning products on shelves in Utah as well as other states like Michigan and in stores like Total Wine & More across the country,” Conlin said. “Utah’s largest locally-owned distillery keeps growing.” Underground Herbal Spirit, also produced by Ogden’s Own Distillery, was honored with a gold medal in the 2014 Denver International Spirits competition. The Denver International Spirits Competition is judged by a panel consisting of top sommeliers, retail buyers, journalists, mixologists and beverage directors from around the world. Q madampattirini.com
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A&E | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | 43
April 2017 | issue 266 | Qsaltlake.com
gay writes BY KED KIRKHAM
Two Winter Poems ONE I taste the lake Slightly on my lips, Carried with rain On a warm wind From west and south. Bitter, briny, but still Comforting; It is my lake. Now I want to taste the island, My island, To know it is there Even in this darkness, In this blinding rain.
TWO Winter thaw Measured in depth And speed the water races clear down no discernable slope from no visible source
but for which the cold wind vows revenge and evening colludes there will be ice here tomorrow
Light Comes Up Light comes up, The soft color of dun. Snow the color of cloud, Cloud the color of sky, Sky of lake, Water reflecting light. Light comes up, Running down walls. Through curtains like wind, Changing the color of you And the space between Us, Our light and dark. You are pink there, And shiny, Glistening water reflecting light
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of done, of satisfied, of love making. Color comes up through windows, light like snow beneath the sky color. Lilacs, Suddenly Lilacs, suddenly! Color emergent in morning light; That soft color And namesake, Violet just shy of blue, Lavender just beyond pink, And white infused still with green. The petit fluted horns With voluptuous intensity, Along the back fence Edging the garden corner. These are not for the office complex Nor the municipal plaza; No, the lilac is personal.
Intimate As grandmother’s dressing table drawers, Secretive as a child’s first bouquet, Effusive as a girl’s first love. Lilacs, neither clinging nor cloying as the wisteria, They do not shock as the redbud with limbs thrown about. Lilacs, suddenly, bear to us Summer With a slower pace, a time and place to sit, a backdrop to memories we’ll pass around, a centerpiece in the dining room wafting fragrance, above the flowers dropping quietly onto the lace when we have gone.
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44 | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | COMICS
Qsaltlake.com | issue 266 | April 2017
anagram AN ANAGRAM IS A WORD OR PHRASE THAT CAN BE MADE USING THE LETTERS FROM ANOTHER WORD OR PHRASE. REARRANGE THE LETTERS BELOW TO ANSWER: HINT: UTAH DEMOCRAT
SANK BAD MAJORITIES
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word search FIND THE WORDS IN THE PUZZLE BELOW ABOUT THIS MONTH’S THEME. WORDS CAN BE SIDE-TO-SIDE, TOP TO BOTTOM, LEFT TO RIGHT, RIGHT TO LEFT, BOTTOM TO TOP. THEME:
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FONDNESS
BALB YPVSFZSLF GISPS ZASFS AS GBLPVG YR, GQBG VHZP LPV AS … SXSP RYBG QB QP HFVSF.
HANKERING
____ _________ _____ _____ __ ______ __, ____ ____ ___ __ … ____ ____ __ __ _____.
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IDOLATRY PRIZE WORSHIP PUZZLE ANSWERS ON PAGE 62
April 2017 | issue 266 | Qsaltlake.com
COMICS | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | 45
46 | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | A&E
Qsaltlake.com | issue 266 | April 2017
book review Scores: How I Opened
the Hottest Strip Club in New York City, Was Extorted Out of Millions by the Gambino Family, and Became One of the Most Successful Mafia informants in FBI History by Michael D. Blutrich, c.2017, BenBella Books, $26.95, 328pp
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“I’m telling!” If you were ever a child, that whine is familiar to you. It indicated a tattletale nearby, a secret spilled to Mom, and somebody about to be in trouble. Whatever. Annoying as it was, “I’m telling” never hurt much more than your pride then. Today, as in the new book “Scores” by Michael D. Blutrich, serious snitching could get a guy killed. How does it happen that a gay man would own a mainstream strip club? It was, says Michael Blutrich, a long story that started after he opened his law firm and, in search of an investment, purchased an L.A. nightclub. Believing that the success of his California business could transfer to New York, he recalled the excitement of a private banker who claimed he’d always wanted to own an upscale strip club. Being a closeted gay man, that wasn’t exactly Blutrich’s dream but the idea niggled at his brain. Partnering with the banker and others, they began looking for a building and batting ideas around. Scores was born, with a planned opening on Halloween night, 1991. “And then the mafia arrived.” In order to operate, the partners were told, they would need “protection,” which would involve some of New York’s biggest mafia families in a sort of symbiotic relationship, plus a grand-a-week kickback. It would also involve skirting Big Apple laws for as long as possible, because Scores would be the city’s “first and most notorious upscale gentlemen’s club” and there were rules
against what a customer would find inside those Upper East Side doors. Because of the novelty and the entertainment it offered, Scores was successful – more successful than Blutrich had ever thought. He rode a wave that made him a rich and semi-famous man – at least, until the FBI caught up with him and made him an offer he couldn’t refuse… And, of course, that’s far from the end of the tale. What’s left to say about “Scores” involves rompishness, humor, surprisingly heart-pounding chapters, a little Goodfellas, a little Boogie Nights, and quite a bit of fun. That last appeal comes in the form of overgrown tales, courtesy of author Michael D. Blutrich’s memories of what happened inside his gentlemen’s club every evening for nearly five years. Readers who remember the most infamous discos of the 70s will find something familiar in that, updated to the 1990s but no less outrageous. But this book isn’t all party: Blutrich delightfully drops names, including many you’ll recognize, but he’s deadly serious when he switches his tale from wild to wired, from dancing to danger. Indeed, though you know the risk has largely passed – he wrote a book, after all, right? – the whole of the story is one you’ve got to read. There’s an amazingly small amount of profanity and prurience inside this book; it’s there, but not as much as you’d think there’d be, given the subject matter. That restraint uniquely serves to enhance this book, and heightens the story’s value. And that makes “Scores” a book you’ll want to tell everyone about. Q
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April 2017 | issue 266 | Qsaltlake.com
mr. manners
Wedding Bliss BY ROCK MAGEN
Hello spring!
After what has felt like a prolonged winter, spring is finally here. Warm weather, more sunshine and of course, one of the most popular times of the year to have a wedding. In the past, being part of the LGBT community was more problematic when it came to wedding planning. Lucky for us times are changing and in many states (but not all) we are experiencing better treatment and even have marriage rights. In the spirit of keeping up with the theme of the issue, I thought it would be fitting to share some of my favorite pieces of advice. First of all, don’t worry about what you “should do.” Instead of worrying about how to make your ceremony line up with (straight) tradition, view it as a chance to throw an event exactly your way, without any of the old-school “must-haves” that don’t mean anything to you personally. Take your wedding as an opportunity to be creative and really create a memory that will last a lifetime. And what is a better way to be creative than to shake things up with the wedding party? Put your own stamp on the ceremony by choosing the attendants you want at the altar with you — whatever sex they are — and name them accordingly. Everyone loves a great title! Another consideration is how you and your partner will
walk down the aisle. I’ve always thought it would be fun for two grooms (or brides) to come out together, flip a coin, and the winner decides who walks down the aisle first! Speaking of parties, both of the partners deserve a bachelor or bachelorette party. One idea that I have always liked is having separate parties on the same night and then meeting up at the end. That way if you have a number of mutual friends you want to spend the evening with, no one feels excluded. Finally, I think now is a good time to discuss the honeymoon. I cannot stress how important it is to “vet” a honeymoon location before booking the trip. Once you have a list of possible locations, it’s imperative that you research to make sure those locations are “gay friendly.” Sadly, not all locations offer the same legal protections and gay acceptance as we have at home – however, if you play your cards right, you may find a place that’s even better than what we offer here! I hear Greece is always an excellent choice. Wedding planning is stressful. Before you embark on this journey, you need to accept the fact that it will not be smooth sailing. But, if you have done your homework and taken the time to plan well, the day will be successful. Just like all good things in life, I cannot guarantee it will be easy, but I can guarantee it will be worth it! Q
Gay Remake
48 Producer-director Bailey ACROSS 50 What Donald Duck 1 The bottom line lacks down below 6 Stat for Richard 52 Son of Uranus Simmons 55 Samples some buns, 10 ___ jockey strap e.g. (radio host support?) 57 See 38-Across 14 Became erect 58 Birth of a notion? 15 Stein fillers 59 Circumcise clumsily, 16 Jerusalem server e.g. 17 Downton Abbey 63 Come quickly veteran who plays 64 Harry Potter veteran 57-Across who plays 38-Across 19 Note to Jared Polis’ 66 Early indicator of staff orientation 20 “Shall Caesar send 67 The Seattle Storm, ___?” (Julius Caesar) for one 21 Gorillas in the Mist 68 Like Baldwin in Paris author Fossey 69 Daughters of Bilitis 22 Gay character played co-founder Phyllis by Josh Gad 70 Snakes in hieroglyph23 Arizona resort ics 25 Annoy during a blow 71 Nuts job? 26 Light, woody material DOWN 1 Cry of pride 29 Wok concoction 2 Like phone sex 31 Aladdin’s monkey 3 Tara portrayer Col32 Third Reich chronilette cler William 4 Evaluate asses? 34 Cable sports award 5 Rent or allow 38 With 40- and 6 Dish from Pasolini’s 57-Across, Disney land remake that features 7 White House closet a gay character woman 40 See 38-Across 8 Ann Bannon or Edgar 42 Coldcock Box 43 Mel pretended to be gay for her in What 9 Sound of the draft fizzling out? Women Want 47 Emergency road 10 Forced to one’s service gp. knees, perhaps
11 “___ My Heart in San Francisco” 12 “Some more” to Margaret Mead? 13 What electing gay candidates can bring 18 Teaching deg. 22 Island necklace 24 ___ of Eden 26 Streisand, familiarly 27 Aid’s partner 28 Hawaiian wedding wing-ding, perhaps 30 Hunks of history 33 Metropolitan Community Church song 35 South Park owner of a gay dog 36 Terrific, in slang 37 Yelled yeses 39 Prepare a bra for removal 41 Mane location 44 Where Roxane Gay works? 45 One of the motorist’s aids 46 Cuff-to-crotch lines 49 Fla. clock setting 51 Hubby of Demi 52 American Idol judge Paula 53 All choked up 54 Slowly, to Sondheim 56 Viewed, to Tweety 60 Continent of Cho’s parents 61 Hole opening? 62 Spanking spot 64 LAX pilot’s guess 65 Singer DiFranco
48 | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | MARKETPLACE
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marketplace
MARKETPLACE | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | 49
April 2017 | issue 266 | Qsaltlake.com
TA R O T
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50 | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | PETS
Qsaltlake.com | issue 266 | April 2017
Level: Easy
9
9
5
6 7 8 4 6
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7 5 2 4 3 4 7 5 2 8 3 6 7 1 1 9 8 7 5 3 2 7 8 9 1 5 6 3 6 4 8 3 8 2 1 1 3 8 9 6 6 3 9 6 5 1 9 7 2 8 7 1 4 9 3 4 7 1 9 2 6 9
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q scopes APRIL
BY SAM KELLEY-MILLS
ARIES March 20–April 19
The bright spot in life is your striving reputation for getting over a rough emotional patch. With an ailing obsession finally fading, it is a time to get into the swing of things and spread love in the world. Take time to write, paint, or share some amazing photographs. Whatever it takes to display your triumph, do it. TAURUS Apr 20–May 20 Get involved with a new object of affection. This is not the time to dismiss the feelings as a simply crush. Get in touch with your great capacity to love. A physical expression could seem extreme, but this will be an intense month, Taurus! No one will blame you for getting animated, especially since you’re often stiff. GEMINI May 21–June 20 Time is escaping faster than water fleeing a burst balloon. Things are going to seem messy so allow evaporation to filter out the things that don’t matter. A family member or
4
6 5 7 3
5 1
8
5
3
5
8
NKUT Super Adoption
w n! ne atio c lo
Each Sudoku puzzle has a unique solution which can be reached logically without guessing. Enter digits 1 through 9 into the blank spaces. Every row must contain one of each digit, as must each column and each 3x3 square. Qdoku
Q doku
presented by BOBS from Skechers®
April 28 and 29
Legacy Events Center 151 S 1100 W, Farmington Friday noon-7 p.m. Saturday 10 a.m.-6 p.m.
8 3 4 2 2
2 5 4 8 8 6 9 9 3
friend is going through a tough time, so be there for them despite the chaos. Prioritize and don’t let frivolous demands distract from what matters. CANCER June 21–July 22 Try blocking a problem before it begins and don’t fret when others have personal issues. Take care of business and work on money matters. There could be a hidden gem hiding in a pile of obligations, and the best way to find it is to let go of something. A distraction will come from friends taking life too seriously. LEO July 23–August 22 An important project will have you wondering what type of approach to take. Is it time to be funny and light, or is a professional, unbending approach the way to go? Find balance between the two, and allow your talents to shine through. Ask for help but don’t be afraid to assert authority when the final decision comes due. VIRGO August 23–Sep. 22 It’s time to let the past go and worry about an emerging goal that has developed. A choice will create a conflict if a decision is not made. Trying to do it all could lead to nothing being accomplished, so figure out what is really wanted. Though your ability to be
Hundreds of adorable animals are waiting to meet you! Adoption fees start at $25. All pets are spayed or neutered and vaccinated. Free admission and parking
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versatile is a trait, it might be better to concede to others. LIBRA Sept 23–October 22 Evidence could emerge that has you questioning the strength of a friendship. Some people are not worth fighting for. Learn to walk away. Gossip could be going around but don’t pay it any mind. Those who know you well won’t give it much thought. The true nature of an associate of family member could leave you shaken.
your ground. CAPRICORN Dec 21–Jan 19 Look good, feel good, and be good. It is all about appearances, and no one is going to take you seriously if you have a foul attitude. The best people in your life are family and friends, and they love the charisma you add to their lives. There could be disturbing forces coming at you from all sides. Never let them see you sweat.
SCORPIO Oct. 23–Nov. 21 A sweet position could have you clicking your heels with joy. Relish the good news that comes when a long ordeal comes to an end. Everything will seemingly fall into place in both a professional and personal manner. Life will be going so well, it seems too good to be true. Enjoy the happy time because tragedy could strike later.
AQUARIUS Jan. 20–Feb. 18 The longer it takes to correct a mistake, the longer it takes to gain balance and order. While compromise isn’t a defining trait, the desire to find a middle ground will have you working to patch things up with an old friend. The past has a way of haunting your dreams, so give up on a grudge that causes problems. Let go.
SAGITTARIUS Nov. 22–December 20. The next few weeks could be challenging but the career path will be a smooth and direct one. Zoom in on something you have wanted and it may lead to fruition. Be weary of a co-worker who is competing simply to make things difficult. Don’t fear calling them out on it, and put them in their place. Stand
PISCES Feb 19–Mar 19 The game of life begs for the rules to be broken. Remember that there are often no do-overs in matters of the heart. Spice up a long-term relationship with some radical additions but don’t push too hard. In the end, it may be you who ends up feeling the pressure of extreme measures. Pain can be fun, but keep the limits in check. Q
April 2017 | issue 266 | Qsaltlake.com
Pet of the Month
Off-Leash Dog Parks
NEWS | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | 51
magazine qsaltlake.com
MEMORY GROVE OFF LEASH ➋ AREA AT FREEDOM TRAIL COTTONWOOD PARK ➏ ➑ 1580 W 300 N
PIONEER PARK ➏
375 N CANYON RD
➎ LINDSEY GARDENS DOG PARK 9TH AVE AND M STREET
380 S 300 W
JORDAN DOG PARK ➏ 1060 S 900 W
➌ HERMAN FRANKS PARK 750 E 1300 S
PARLEY’S NATURE PRESERVE ➊ (TANNER PARK) 2740 S 2700 E
MILLRACE OFF-LEASH DOG PARK ➐ 1200 W 5400 S
WEST JORDAN OFF-LEASH ➍ DOG PARK
TYPICAL DOG PARK RULES • Current license and rabies tag • Human companions clean up waste • Damage to landscape prohibited • Aggressive dogs prohibited • No chasing or harassing wildlife • Swimming in authorized areas only • Dogs under 4 months prohibited • Dogs off leash in posted areas only
5982 W NEW BINGHAM HWY
ROY CITY DOG PARK 5700 S 3260 W, ROY
OGDEN CITY DOG PARK 2450 SOUTH A ST, OGDEN
SOUTH OGDEN DOG PARK
4150 SOUTH PALMER DR, OGDEN
Gladys Female Domestic Short Hair Black Manx Darling Gladys is a Best Friends staff favorite! Gladys is a sweet 10 year old cat who just wants a home where she can relax and snuggle with her person. She doesn’t seem to mind the other cats and would do okay living with other animals. She has not met other dogs that we know of but her relaxed attitude makes us think she would be okay with a cat savvy dog in the home. She is declawed on her front paws and was born without a tail. She would adjust well to almost any household! For more information, go to Best Friends Animal Society — Utah, 2005 S 1100 East, or call 801-574-2454 or go to bestfriendsutah.org
JC SNOW DOG PARK
900 S 400 E, ST GEORGE
SPONSORED BY:
➍ SANDY DOG PARK 9980 S 300 E
52 | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | QMMUNITY
Qmmunity Groups ALCOHOL & DRUG
Alcoholics Anonymous 801-484-7871 utahaa.org Gay and Lesbianspecific meetings: Sundays 3p Acceptance Group, UPC, 255 E 400 S Mondays 7p Gay Men’s Stag (Big Book Study), UPC, 255 E 400 S 8p G/Q Women’s Mtg, Disability Law Center (rear), 205 N 400 W Tuesday 8:15p Live & Let Live, UPC, 255 E 400 S Wednesday 7p Sober Today, 375 Harrison Blvd, Ogden Friday 8p Stonewall Group, UPC, 255 E 400 S
Men who enjoy being naked in social, nonsexual settings. We have nude lunches, retreats, campouts, house parties, sporting events, wine tastings, game parties, etc.
umen.org
Crystal Meth Anon crystalmeth.org Thursday 1:30p Unity In Sobriety, UPC, 255 E 400 S BUSINESS
LGBTQ-Affirmative Psycho-therapists Guild of Utah lgbtqtherapists.com * jim@lgbtqtherapists.com Utah Gay & Lesbian Chamber of Commerce utahgaychamber.com * info@utahgaychamber.com Vest Pocket Business Coalition vestpocket.org 801-596-8977 DOMESTIC VIOLENCE
National Domestic Violence Hotline 1-800-799-7233 YWCA of Salt Lake ywca.org/saltlakecity 322 E 300 S 801-537-8600 HEALTH & HIV
Northern Utah HIV/ AIDS Project Walk-Ins Tues Noon–5pm 536 24th St, Ste 2B, Ogden 801-393-4153 Peer Support for Mental Illness — PSMI Fridays, 6pm at Utah Pride Ctr, 255 E 400 S Planned Parenthood 654 S 900 E 800-230-PLAN
Qsaltlake.com | issue 266 | April 2017
Salt Lake Valley Health Dept HIV/STD Clinic 610 S 200 E 801-534-4666 Utah AIDS Foundation utahaids.org * mail@utahaids.org 1408 S 1100 E 801-487-2323 HOMELESS SVCS
Volunteers of America Homeless Youth Resource Ctr, ages 15–21 880 S 400 W 801-364-0744 Young Men’s Transition Home 801-433-1713 Young Women’s 801-359-5545 POLITICAL
Equality Utah equalityutah.org * info@equalityutah.org 175 W 200 S, Ste 1004 801-355-3479 Utah Libertarian Party 6885 S State St #200 888-957-8824 Utah Log Cabin Republicans bit.ly/logcabinutah 801-657-9611 Utah Stonewall Democrats utahstonewalldemocrats.org
RELIGIOUS
Sage Utah fb.me/sageutah sageutah@ utahpridecenter.org 801-557-9203 Temple Squares Square Dance Club templesquares.org Weekly dances every other Thurs 7p at UPC 801-449-1293 Utah Bears utahbears.com fb.me/ utahbears info@utahbears.com Weds 6pm Raw Bean Coffee, 611 W Temple Utah Male Naturists umen.org info@umen.org Utah Pride Center utahpridecenter.org thecenter@ utahpridecenter.org 255 E 400 S 801-539-8800
First Baptist Church firstbaptist-slc.org * office@firstbaptistslc.org 11a Sundays 777 S 1300 E 801-582-4921 Sacred Light of Christ slcchurch.org 823 S 600 E 801-595-0052 11a Sundays Wasatch Metropolitan Community Church wasatchmcc.org 801-889-8764 Sundays, 11a at UPC SOCIAL
1 to 5 Club (bisexual) fb.me/ 1to5ClubUtah Alternative Garden Club bit.ly/altgarden * altgardenclub@gmail.com blackBOOTS Kink/BDSM Men’s leather/kink/ fetish/BDSM) blackbootsslc.org Gay Writes writing group, DiverseCity 6:30 pm Mondays Community Writing Ctr, 210 E 400 S Ste 8 Get Outside Utah bit.ly/GetOutsideUtah Men Who Move menwhomove.org OUTreach Utah outreachutah.org Ogden, 3350 Harrison, 2nd, 4th Weds, 4-6pm Logan, 596 E 900 N — Fri, 4:30-7:30pm qVinum Wine Tasting qvinum.com Rainbow Classic Car Don R. Austin 801-485-9225
SPORTS
Lambda Hiking Club gayhike.org Pride Community Softball League prideleague.com pcsl@prideleague.com Q Kickball League qkickball.com Sundays, 10:30, 11:30, Sunnyside Park QUAC — Queer Utah Aquatic Club quacquac.org questions@ quacquac.org Salt Lake Goodtime Bowling League bit.ly/slgoodtime Stonewall Shooting Sports of Utah fb.me/stonewall. sportsofutah
PUZZLE SOLUTIONS
Venture Out Utah fb.me/groups/ Venture.OUT.Utah YOUTH/COLLEGE
Gay-Straight Alliance Network gsanetwork.org Salt Lake Community College Equality Involvement Club 8 facebook.com/slcc. equality University of Utah LGBT Resource Center 8 lgbt.utah.edu 200 S Central Campus Dr Rm 409 801-587-7973 Univ. of Utah Queer Student Union utahqsu@gmail.com USGA at BYU byuusga.wordpress.com fb.co/UsgaAtByu Utah State Univ. Access & Diversity Ctr usu.edu/ accesscenter/lgbtqa Utah Valley Univ Spectrum discord.me/ spectrumatuvu facebook.com/ groups/uvuspectrum Weber State Univ Faculty/Staff GayStraight Alliance organizations.weber. edu/fsgsa fsgsa@weber.edu Weber State University LGBT Resource Center weber.edu/ lgbtresourcecenter 3885 W Campus Dr, Student Services Ctr, Suite 154 Dept. 2125 801-626-7271
CRYPTOGRAM: THAT UNDERWEAR SCENE WHERE HE
ANAGRAM: SENATOR JIM DABAKIS STANDS UP, SITS DOWN AND HE … EVEN PUTS IT IN ORDER. 9 3 7 8 1 5 4 2 6
3 4 8 7 5 6 1 9 2
7 1 5 4 2 9 3 6 8
6 2 9 1 8 3 7 5 4
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1 8 6 2 9 4 5 3 7 7 4 6 1 5 9 2 3 8
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9 8 5 4 3 2 7 6 1 5 3 4 9 2 8 3 4 5 7 1 6
6 4 1 7 8 9 2 3 5 6 8 9 4 1 7 8 9 6 2 3 5
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5 6 2 1 3 8 9 7 4 7 3 2 1 5 6 8 9 4
Bingo for a choir
Each third Friday, the Matrons of Mayhem run standing-room-only bingo events at First Baptist Church. All proceeds go to various causes, raising over $25,000 a year. This month is the Salt Lake Men’s Choir. Get there early for a seat. Bingo starts at 7pm, 777 S 1300 East. Info at fb.me/matronsofmayhem
HEALTH | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | 53
April 2017 | issue 266 | Qsaltlake.com
positive thoughts
Growing Pains
The future of HIV remains hopeful BY JEFF BERRY
These are
uncertain times we live in. When daily messages of hopelessness and despair fill your newsfeed, there may be a temptation to shut down and tune out, or to return to old, self-destructive behaviors in an effort to cope. If you just tested positive, you might be thinking it’s the last straw. But I need you need to know ... you will be OK. You’re going to be OK. If you’re a long-term survivor of HIV, you’ve come a long way, baby. Don’t give up now. We’ve come too far to be defeated this easily. Lately, I’ve been reading up on something called post-traumatic growth. Research shows that many people who face trauma, adversity, or other life challenges actually report positive benefits, becoming stronger and having a more meaningful life in the wake of tragedy or a life-altering experience. We’ve seen this played out time and time again in HIV, where people turn their life around, and find meaning in their lives by helping others. There are numerous instances of life after testing positive that are uplifting and inspiring. Take Magic Johnson, for example. He used his diagnosis to raise awareness about HIV, how it’s transmitted (and more importantly how it’s not transmitted), while providing hope to many of us living with HIV that we can still live a full, happy and healthy life. AIDS activist the Rev. Rae Lewis-Thornton is another inspirational figure, someone who has been living with AIDS since the 1980s, yet uses her remarkable journey and life story to help inform others,
especially youth, about HIV and AIDS. HIV stigma still remains a stubborn issue, unfortunately. It’s important to understand the many layers of stigma, if we are ever truly going to put a dent in the alarming number of new infections taking place in many of our disadvantaged and disempowered communities. So whether you just tested positive, or are a long-timer like me, I encourage you to try to take your adversity and mold it into a strength. Taking control of your life and making healthy choices, helping you to become informed about HIV treatment so that you can advocate for your own health, or the health of someone you care about, can be your first step toward a new, more meaningful life. The HIV treatment landscape continues to evolve. For those who are newly or recently diagnosed, one pill once a day with few or no side effects is pretty much a given these days. But it wasn’t long ago that we had to take handfuls of pills several times a day, with horrible side effects like diarrhea, bone loss, kidney stones or, worse, lots of restrictions and qualifications on when and how to dose our meds. When all is said and done, though, the future of HIV treatment looks bright, with more effective and more tolerable medications (no more “me-too” drugs); long- acting injectables being studied for treatment and prevention; two-drug single-tablet regimens; and new co-formulations of existing medications, all on the near horizon. Drugs that attack HIV using different targets and new delivery methods could help those with resistance or who are struggling with
adherence, but challenges remain. The availability of generics could alter the landscape even further, with new generic single-tablet regimens coming soon to a pharmacy near you, potentially reducing the costs of these expensive medications. With recent reports that the overall rate of new infections are actually falling in the U.S., largely due to Treatment as Prevention (TasP, or undetectable equals uninfectious) and the rising use of daily oral PrEP for those who are HIV-negative to remain negative, the future of HIV in this country looks hopeful. Efforts to increase awareness about the benefits of testing and treatment for HIV, with no stigma attached to being aware of your status — along with the movement to rescind laws in certain states that criminalize HIV transmission, coupled with advances in HIV cure research — will keep us on track to one day eliminate HIV once and for all. Q Jeff Berry is editor in chief of Positively Aware magazine, and director of publications at Test Positive Aware Network in Chicago. Twitter @PAEditor. This column is a project of Plus, Positively Aware, POZ, The Body and Q Syndicate, and QSaltLake Magazine.
Know your status Free walk-in syphilis & HIV testing • Rapid on-site results • 1st & 3rd Wednesday of every month • 4:30pm–7pm
Be ready for him
660 S 200 E, side entrance Look for the RED RIBBON saltlakehealth.org/std 385-468-4166
54 | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | PRIDES
Qsaltlake.com | issue 266 | April 2017
2017 Prides and LGBT events across the country Prides in states touching Utah are in cyan. Utah prides are in magenta. Dates are the first day, and some go for several days and even weeks. Mar 29
PS: Dinah Shore Weekend Palm Springs, CA thedinah.com Apr 1
NYC: The Black Party New York City, NY blackpartyexpo.com Apr 1
Phoenix Pride
Phoenix, AZ phoenixpride.org Apr 7
Miami Beach Pride Miami, FL miamibeachgaypride.com Apr 16
NOLA: Gay Easter Parade
New Orleans, LA gayeasterparade.com Apr 22
Tallahassee Pridefest Tallahassee, FL pridefest.familytreecenter.org Apr 27
Cleveland Leather Weekend Cleveland, OH clawinfo.org Apr 27
Dallas: Purple Party Dallas, TX purplefoundation.org Apr 27
PS: Blatino Oasis Palm Springs, CA blatinooasis.com Apr 28
Austin Drag Fest Austin, TX austindragfest.org Apr 29
LA: Rupaul’s Drag Con Los Angeles, CA rupaulsdragcon.com May 1
Mobile PrideFest
Mobile, AL mobilealabamapride.com
Jun 4
Santa Cruz Pride
May 29
Santa Cruz, CA santacruzpride.org Jun 5
St. Petersburg, FL igltaconvention.org May 5
Miami, FL sizzlemiami.com May 31
Queens, NY queenspride.org Jun 7
Palm Springs, CA jeffreysanker.com May 6
Salt Lake City, UT utahpridecenter.org Jun 1
Raleigh, NC outraleigh.org May 14
Orlando, FL gaydays.com Jun 1
May 4
IGLTA Convention
PS: White Party 2017
Out Raleigh
New Hope Pride New Hope, PA newhopecelebrates.com May 20
Capital Trans Pride
Washington, D.C. capitalpride.orgevents/ capital trans pride May 20
Long Beach Pride
Miami: Sizzle
Utah Pride
Orlando: Disney Gay Days
Orlando: Magical Weekend
Orlando, FL onemagicalweekend.com Jun 1
Pride Toronto
Toronto, Canada pridetoronto.com Jun 2
Central Alabama Pride
Long Beach, CA longbeachpride.com May 21
Birmingham, AL centralalabamapride.org Jun 2
Davis, CA davispride.org May 21
Dallas, TX razzledazzledallas.net Jun 2 Kansas City Pridefest Kansas City, KS gaypridekc.org Jun 2
Davis Pride
NYC: AIDS Walk New York City, NY aidswalk.net/newyork May 21
Puerto Vallarta Pride Puerto Vallarta, Mex vallartapride.com May 25
Chicago: Mr. Leather Chicago, IL imrl.com May 25
Queer Burning Man Retreat Saratoga Springs, CA queerburners.com May 25
Sexacola Pride
Pensacola, FL sexacolabeach.com May 26
Pride Winnipeg
Winnipeg, Canada pridewinnipeg.com May 27
Queer Burning Man Retreat San Francisco, CA queerburners.com
Dallas: MetroBall
Pittsburgh Pride
Pittsburgh, PA pittsburghpride.org Jun 3
Ferndale Pride
Ferndale, MI ferndalepride.com Jun 3
Sacramento Pride
Sacramento, CA sacramentopride.org Jun 4
Buffalo Pride Fest
Buffalo, NY buffalopridefestival.com Jun 4
Conway Pride
Conway, AK conwaypride.com Jun 4
Hudson Valley Pride Kingston, NY lgbtqcenter.org Jun 4
Jersey Pride
Asbury Park, NJ jerseypride.org
Queens LGBT Pride
Key West Pride
Key West, FL keywestpride.org Jun 7
Puerto Rico Pride
June 10
Puerto Rico puertorico.gaycities.com Jun 8
Jackson Hole Pride Picnic
Washington, D.C. capitalpride.org Jun 9
Kalamazoo Pride
Capital Pride
Albuquerque Pride
Albuquerque, NM capitalpridecenter.org Jun 9
Boqueron Pride
Boqueron, Puer. Rico lgbttboqueron.org Jun 9
Edmonton Pride
Edmonton, Canada edmontonpride.ca Jun 9
Long Island Pride
Long Island, NY lgbtnetwork.org/pride Jun 9
Women Singing OUT Portsmouth, NH womensingingout.org Jun 10
Boston Pride
Boston, MA bostonpride.org Jun 10
Brooklyn Pride
Brooklyn, NY brooklynpride.org June 10
Jackson Hole, WY wyomingequality.org Jun 10
West Hollywood, CA lapride.orgindex.html Jun 10
Wichita, KS wichitapride.com Jun 17
Los Angeles Pride
Los Angeles Pride WeHo Los Angeles, CA lapride.org Jun 10
Milwaukee Pride Milwaukee, WI pridefest.com Jun 10
New Orleans Pride New Orleans, LA gayprideneworleans.com Jun 10
Spokane Pride: Outspokane Spokane, WA outspokane.com Jun 11
Albany Capital Pride
Pride in the Park
Olympia, WA capitalcitypride.net Jun 16
Detroit: Motor City Pride
Olympia Capital Pride
Bisbee Pride
Bisbee, AZ bisbeepride.com Jun 16
Boise Pride
Detroit, MI motorcitypride.org Jun 10
Boise, ID boisepridefest.com Jun 16
Indianapolis, IN indyprideinc.org
Norfolk, VA hamptonroadspride.org
Indy Pridefest
Kentuckiana Pride Louisville Louisville, KY kypride.com Jun 16
Pride in Washington Street Park
Cheyenne, WY wyomingequality.org Jun 10
Omaha, NE heartlandpride.org Jun 16
Kalamazoo, MI pride.kglrc.org Jun 10
Albany, NY capitalpridecenter.org Jun 11
Casper, WY wyomingequality.org June 10
Jun 16
Heartland Pride
Hampton Roads Pride
Wichita Pride
Alaska Pride Festival Anchorage, AK alaskapride.org Jun 17
Chicago Pride Fest
Chicago, IL facebook.com/ChicagoPrideFest Jun 17
Denver Pridefest Denver, CO glbtcolorado.org/ pridefest Jun 17
Elko Pride
Elko, NV facebook.com/elkopride Jun 17
Baton Rouge Pride Baton Rouge, LA brpride.org Jun 17
Pride Northwest Portland, OR pridenw.org Jun 17
Regina: Queen City Pride Regina, Canada queencitypride.ca Jun 17
Rhode Island Pride Providence, RI prideri.com Jun 17
Stonewall Columbus Pride Columbus, OH stonewallcolumbus.org
PRIDES | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | 55
April 2017 | issue 266 | Qsaltlake.com
Jun 25
Seattle Pride
Seattle, WA seattlepride.org Jun 25
Surrey Pride
Surrey, Canada surreypride.ca Jun 28
NYC: Dance at the Pier New York City, NY nycpride.org Jul 1 Jun 18
Philly Pride
Jun 24
Cleveland Pride
Philadelphia, PA phillygaypride.org Jun 19
Cleveland, OH clevelandpride.org Jun 24
Scottsdale, AZ facebook.com/GayDaysArizona Jun 21
Lexington, KY lexpridefest.org Jun 24
AZ Gay Days
Durango Pride
Durango, CO durangopride.org Jun 21
Gay Pride Houston Houston, TX pridehouston.org Jun 22
Augusta Pride
Augusta, GA prideaugusta.org Jun 22
Mexico City Pride Mexico City, Mex. gaymexicomap.com/ pride events.php Jun 23
Flagstaff: Northern Arizona Pride Flagstaff, AZ flagstaffpride.org Jun 23
New York City Pride New York City, NY nycpride.org Jun 23
Oklahoma City Pride Oklahoma City, OK okcpride.org Jun 23
Pride St. Louis St. Louis, MO pridestl.org Jun 23
St. Pete Pride St. Petersburg, FL stpetepride.com Jun 24
Central Oregon Pride Bend, OR centraloregonpride.org
Lexington Pride
Nashville Pride
Nashville, TN nashvillepride.org Jun 24
NWA Pride
Fayetteville, AK nwapride.org Jun 24
OC Pride
Orange County, CA prideoc.com Jun 24
OC Pride
Santa Ana, CA prideoc.com Jun 24
Pocatello LGBT Pride Pocatello ID pocatellopride.org Jun 24
Salisbury Pride
Salisbury, NC salisburypride.com Jun 24
San Francisco Pride San Francisco, CA sfpride.org Jun 24
Twin Cities Pride Minneapolis, MN tcpride.org Jun 25
Chicago Pride Parade
Chicago, IL chicagopride.gopride.com Jun 25
Cincinnati Pride
Cincinnati, OH cincinnatipride.org Jun 25
Santa Fe Pride Santa Fe, NM santafehra.org
Pride San Antonio San Antonio, TX pridesanantonio.org Jul 1
Victoria Pride
Victoria, B.C., Canada victoriapridesociety.org Jul 3
Sedona Gay Art Show Sedona, AZ sedonagaypride.org Jul 7
Tacoma Pride
Tacoma, WA tacomapride.org Jul 8
Colo. Springs Pride
Colorado Springs, CO cospride.org Jul 8
Green Bay Pride
Green Bay, WI newpridealive.com Jul 8
P Town: Bear Week
Jul 22
Deming Pride Deming, NM demingpride.org Jul 22
Austin, TX austinpride.org Aug 28
Reno, NV northernnevadapride.org Jul 28
San Jose, CA svpride.com Sep 1
Reno Pride
SF: Up Your Alley
San Francisco, CA folsomstreetfair.org/ upyouralley Jul 29
P Town: Family Week Provincetown, MA familyequality.org Aug 5
Delaware Pride
Dover, DE delawarepride.org Aug 5
Ogden Pride
Ogden, UT ogdenpride.org Aug 6
Vancouver Gay Pride Vancouver, Canada vancouverpride.ca Aug 6
West Street Beach Pride Laguna Beach, CA fb.me/WestStreetBeach Aug 10
Montreal Pride
Provincetown, MA ptownbears.org Jul 8
Montreal, Canada fiertemontrealpride.com Aug 12
San Diego, CA sdpride.org/shefest Jul 15
Provincetown, MA ptownchamber.com Aug 13
San Diego, CA sdpride.org Jul 10
Eugene, OR eugenepride.org Jun 10
San Diego SheFest
San Diego Pride
Four Corners Regional Campout McPhee Reservoir, CO campout.moonfruit.com Jul 17
Baltimore Pride
Baltimore, MD baltimorepride.org Jul 18
NYC: Sand blast Weekend
P Town: Carnival
Eugene Pride
Wyoming Equality Rendezvous Laramie, WY rendezvouswyoming.org Aug 19
Ascension Fire Island Fire Island, NY ascensionparty.com Aug 21
Ottawa Capital Pride
New York City, NY sandblastweekend.com Jul 20
Ottawa, Canada capitalpride.ca Aug 26
Halifax, Canada halifaxpride.com
Charlotte, NC charlottepride.org
Halifax Pride
Aug 27
Austin Pride
Charlotte Pride
SJ: Silicon Valley Pride
Austin Splash Days Austin, TX splashdays.com Sep 4
NOLA: Southern Decadence
New Orleans, LA southerndecadence.net Sep 6
Sep 28
Moab Pride Moab, UT moabpride.org Sep 29
Midsouth Pride Memphis Memphis, TN midsouthpride.org Sep 30
Space Coast Pride Melbourne, FL spacecoastpride.org Oct 1
Hispanic LGBT Pride
Worcester Pride
Miami, FL celebrateorgullo.com Oct 3
South Bay Pride
Fort Worth, TX tcgpwa.org Oct 6
St George Pride
Anaheim, CA gaydaysanaheim.com Oct 13
Oakland Pride
Atlanta, GA atlantapride.org Oct 14
Pride Vermont
Orlando, FL comeoutwithpride.com Oct 15
Worcester, MA worcesterpride.org Sep 9
Forth Worth Pride
Chula Vista, CA southbaypride.org Sep 9
Gay Days Disneyland
St George, UT bit.ly/stgeorgepride17 Sep 10
Atlanta Pride
Oakland, CA oaklandpride.org Sep 11
Orlando Pride
Burlington, VT pridecentervt.org Sep 16
Charleston Pride
Charleston, SC charlestonpride.com Sep 16
Dallas Pride
Dallas, TX dallastavernguild.org Sep 24
SF: Folsom Street Fair San Francisco, CA folsomstreetfair.com Sep 25
Pride Calgary
Calgary, Canada pridecalgary.ca Sep 27
Winston Salem Pride Winston Salem, NC pridews.org Oct 21
Honolulu Pride
Honolulu, HI honolulupride.org Oct 21
Las Vegas Pride Las Vegas, NV lasvegaspride.org Oct 21
South Carolina Pride Colombia, SC scpride.org Oct 31
WeHo: Halloween Carnival
Black Rock, NV queerburners.com Sep 27
West Hollywood, CA visitwesthollywood. com/halloween carnaval Nov 4
Orlando, FL orlandobearbash.com Sep 28
Palm Springs, CA pspride.org Nov 15
Idaho Falls, ID facebook.com/IdahoFallsPride
Fort Lauderdale, FL gaydays.com
Gay Burning Man
Orlando: Bear Bash
Palm Springs Pride
Idaho Falls Pride
Gay Days Fort Lauderdale
56 | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | LOVE & DATING
Qsaltlake.com | issue 266 | April 2017
MOST ELIGIBLE LGBTQ UTAHNS HOBBIES: I am a singer, actor, dancer.
BIGGEST TURN-OFF: Rudeness
DESCRIBE YOUR IDEAL FIRST DATE: An ideal
BIGGEST TURN-ON: Intelligence
first date would be something creative that allows me to get to know the other person. A date that fosters conversation is really key for that first outing. FAVORITE TV SHOW: I have a hard time picking one, but definitely love to laugh. CELEBRITY CRUSH(ES): Neil Patrick Harris, Nathan Fillion, Kellan Lutz, Darren Cross, Josh Hutcherson, and Adam Lambert ONE OBSCURE FACT ABOUT YOURSELF: I can do lots of different voices and accents.
HOBBIES: Making art, reading, watching
Miranda
Dhiraj Chand
AGE: 21
AGE:
OCCUPATION: EMT
OCCUPATION: Director, Corporate and Foun-
IDENTIFY AS:: Bi/pan, cis female
dation Relations @ the U (this is fancy for “I raise money”) IDENTIFY AS: Gay / Queer
movies DESCRIBE YOUR IDEAL FIRST DATE: Maybe
dinner or coffee, something where we can have fun conversations and get to know each other FAVORITE TV SHOW: Game of thrones CELEBRITY CRUSH(ES): Natalia Dyer, Hozier, Aiden Turner... the list goes on ONE OBSCURE FACT ABOUT YOURSELF: I am 1/8 native Hawaiian
Danny Eggers AGE: 38 OCCUPATION: Instructional designer IDENTIFY AS: Gay WHAT ARE YOU LOOKING FOR IN A MATE?: The ideal person would be responsible and trustworthy. Of course they would need to be attractive to me (beautiful eyes and great smile). Also, having an appreciation for the performing arts would be a must. It would wonderful to find someone who is kind and open, with the ability to communicate. I want a guy who brings out and encourages the best in me. Someone passionate about life and the world we live in is nice as well. BIGGEST TURN-OFF: Hygiene BIGGEST TURN-ON: Someone who loves Disney/Harry Potter, and is good to children, animals and their mother.
WHAT ARE YOU LOOKING FOR IN A MATE?: Someone who finds joy in life
30
Millcreek Gardens
LOVE & DATING | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | 57
April 2017 | issue 266 | Qsaltlake.com
WHAT ARE YOU LOOKING FOR IN A MATE?: I
have long-term goals (but also short term needs...) Ultimately, I’m looking for someone to laugh with and go on adventures (whether thats a new exhibit in town or a trip to Thailand). Also, a mate with their personal shit relatively together is a huge + BIGGEST TURN-OFF: Bad breath BIGGEST TURN-ON: Confident smile and nerdish charm... laughing at my jokes is a huge + HOBBIES: I’m pretty damn indoors-y. I like anything related to arts, theatre (love musicals), academic lectures, films (love my Sundance locals pass every year), politics, karaoke, cooking (curry), reading (I’m a proud member of Oprah’s book club). I hang out at the mall and grocery store a lot. Give me a half dozen vodka-soda and a good hip-hop song or Rihanna and I’ll be all over the dance floor. I’ll tear it up! DESCRIBE YOUR IDEAL FIRST DATE: I’m not really into anything fancy. I like something that would be a “causal adventure.” Sure a fancy dinner, Broadway play, and then romantic night out on the town would be great (actually, that sounds amazing) but I would equally enjoy going to a dive bar and karaoke-ing. Just nothing outdoors
like hiking or rock climbing. No thanks! FAVORITE TV SHOW: Game of Thrones CELEBRITY CRUSH(ES): Bollywood or Hol-
lywood? K, I’ll stick with Hollywood. (in no particular order) Zayn Malik, Trevante Rhodes, Channing Tatum, Padro Pascal, Jesse Williams, Raza Jeffrey, Uncle Jesse, Liam Hemsworth, Taylor Lautner, Brad Pitt, Zach Effron, Michael Ealy, Dylan McDermott, Will Smith and a whole lot more... Don’t judge. ONE OBSCURE FACT ABOUT YOURSELF: My first name backwards is Jared. We’ll more like Jarihd but it’s pretty much the same thing. Also, never have I ever been skiing (and I’ve been in Utah for 22+ years)!
Jorge Rumbo
BIGGEST TURN-ON: Someone who has drive,
a passion for something.
AGE: 21 OCCUPATION: I work at a company called
Autoliv making safety equipment for cars. IDENTIFY AS:: Cis gendered Gay male. WHAT ARE YOU LOOKING FOR IN A MATE?:
Someone who you can have blast with without even doing anything, really just their company makes your day even better. BIGGEST TURN-OFF: When other gay men put other LGBTQ people down.
HOBBIES: Ceramic art, dancing, horror mov-
ies, cooking, hikes, adventure DESCRIBE YOUR IDEAL FIRST DATE: Some-
where where I can actually get to know a person and where we can interact with each other. FAVORITE TV SHOW: AHS, Game of Thrones, Westworld CELEBRITY CRUSH(ES): Chris Pratt ONE OBSCURE FACT ABOUT YOURSELF: Sometimes I can be very nice
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58 | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | TRAVEL
Qsaltlake.com | issue 266 | April 2017
5 gaycations with a purpose to plan this year BY MIKEY ROX
I’ve never
been interested in an all-gay getaway. The idea of making the annual 4th of July pilgrimage to Fire Island, New York, or boarding an Atlantis cruise, the only escape from which is to jump overboard (which has happened), just doesn’t appeal to me. My lack of interest in spending days on end with thousands of drunk, oversexed gay folk, however, doesn’t mean I can’t have a memorable gaycay. If you’re
in the same boat (or dangling from its side), here are a few getaway ideas with an LGBT agenda to plan this year.
AIDS/LifeCycle If the seven-day, 550.3-mile bike ride down the coast of California, beginning in San Francisco and ending in Los Angeles, is too daunting of a task, you still can participate in the annual AIDS/LifeCycle event to raise funds and awareness in the fight against HIV/AIDS. For about $100, the organization will set you up with everything you need to volunteer along the route, including food and lodging. Over the course of the week, you’ll assist the 2,500-plus cyclists and more than 500 roadies who pull off this incredible feat of endurance and determination by providing hydration to riders, serving lunches, packing the trucks and picking up trash; dirty job, sure, but somebody’s got to do it. Fair tradeoff, considering that you’ll enjoy priceless views of a large swath of the West Coast for the cost of a single Bennie. For more information visit, aidslifeycle.org.
WEEKLY:
SUNDAYS: BUFFET AT 4PM MONDAYS: GRILLED CHEESE W/TOMATO & BASIL AT 2PM, KARAOKE AT 9PM TUESDAYS: TACO TUESDAYS AT 2PM WEDNESDAYS: WHISKEY & WINGS THURSDAYS: MEATBALL SUB THURSDAYS DJ NAOMI AT 9PM FRIDAYS: DJ ERIC AT 9PM SATURDAYS: DJ NAOMI AT 9PM
HOURS:
MON–THURS: 1PM–2AM / FRI–SUN: 11AM–2AM
APRIL 16 EASTER BUFFET AND BONNET CONTEST
APRIL 2 FRANK’S ANNUAL ARIES BIRTHDAY BASH
Gay Wine Weekend LGBT oenophiles can one-up each other with their knowledge of delicious vintages — or just kick back and get lit — at Gay Wine Weekend in Sonoma County, California, July 14 to 16. The three-day grape escape features tasting excursions, champagne brunches, wine auctions and pool parties, and kicks off with a VIP welcome reception and winemaker dinner. Before heading home, venture off the beaten path
TRAVEL | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | 59
April 2017 | issue 266 | Qsaltlake.com
to discover some of the 425 wineries that call the region home. Hosted by Out in the Vineyard, GWW benefits Face to Face, Sonoma County AIDS Network. Cop your tix at outinthevineyard.com.
more for its steamed crabs than its commitment to fashion. Warp over to honfest.net to begin your transformation.
MiFo LGBT Film Festival
Polo-playing Prince Harry may be out of your reach, but you can ogle the next best things at the 8th annual International Gay Polo Tournament (who knew there was such a thing?) at the International Polo Club Palm Beach in Wellington, Florida, April 6 to 9. Put your hosting skills to the test in an elaborate tailgating competition, clink glasses of bubbly with fellow Ralph Lauren-clad well-to-dos, and make an appearance at the Gay Polo League VIP tent on tourney day to indulge in tableside
For the past 19 years, the former Miami Gay & Lesbian Film Festival — rebranded as MiFo, which now includes the former Fort Lauderdale Gay & Lesbian Film Festival — has committed itself to entertaining and educating the public through international and culturally diverse films, video and other media that provides should-berequired glimpses into the LGBT experience. The Miami edition, running from April 21 to 30, offers a robust schedule of programs, including regular screenings, parties, a spotlight on female filmmakers and culinary/cinema infusions. Can’t make it to Magic City this spring? Hit up the Fort Lauderdale edition from Oct. 7 to 16. Fill your calendar at mifofilm.com.
HONfest You’ll feel like an extra on the set of a John Waters film at the 23rd HONfest (June 10 and 11), a one-of-a-kind wink-and-nod to the area’s “Hon” culture, which began humbly as a regional term of endearment in the Hampden neighborhood of Baltimore City in the 1950s and ’60s. Sky-high beehives, cateye glasses and over-the-top, time-capsuled costumes that rival any drag queen’s getup keep this hyper-local gala of gaudiness a time-honored tradition in a town known
International Gay Polo Tournament
service with an open bar before stomping the divots. Interpret that however you’d like. Saddle up at thepalmbeaches.com. Q Mikey Rox is an award-winning journalist and LGBT lifestyle expert whose work has been published in more than 100 outlets across the world. He’s on Twitter @mikeyrox.
60 | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | FRIVOLIST
Qsaltlake.com | issue 266 | April 2017
the frivolist
6 signs your open relationship is hurtling toward disaster BY MIKEY ROX
My soon-to-be ex-
husband and I had an open relationship for most of our marriage; you can already tell how that turned out. Yes, it was exciting to fuck somebody new in the beginning (whether separately or together). We even gave an interview to The Advocate about how modern we were. But when lifted, the
veil of carefree sex and intrigue revealed a darker, much more sinister side. There are plenty of complications that accompany an open relationship, many of which I’ll dissect below, yet they’re all within your control. The one invariable, however — the loose cannon that can and probably will obliterate your relationship eventually — is not how you handle each other with regard to the arrangement but rather the rogue side piece. Blow through enough of them and one of you
is bound to develop more than just a fleeting carnal attraction to him or her. If the feelings are reciprocated, you’re in for a whole heap of trouble. Here are a few signs to look for.
1. Your devices have become increasingly secretive Most of us keep our phones and other devices password-protected for general security reasons, but couples that have nothing to hide within them sometimes know each other’s passwords in case of emergencies. That may not be the case for everyone, of course, and you may be used to keeping your private devices just that — private. That’s certainly OK — we all have a right to our privacy — but if you notice usage patterns changing, something may be up. If your partner puts the phone in lock mode when they put it down (or keeps it attached to them virtually all the time), like when they excuse themselves to the bathroom at a restaurant, or they turn away from your line of sight when having text and app conversations — and it seems out of the ordinary — you may have reason to be suspicious. That doesn’t mean you should automatically jump to conclusions, though. Instead, if you think something’s up because your partner’s device habits have noticeably changed, bring it up. While you don’t have the right to dig through their personal device, if you’re in a relationship, you do have credence to ask with whom they’re chatting that’s causing them to ignore you. If they sputter, you have a lot more to discuss.
2. There are more out-oftown ‘business’ trips There’s a fine line between having an open relationship and cheating, and that line is trust. A healthy open relationship should include a commitment to making this situation work for you and your partner while keeping the lines of communication open. If one or the other of you feels put out, the situation is not going according to plan. That’s especially true if your partner starts traveling for business or more frequently if their job already includes travel. Part of the open-relationship rules in my own marriage included being able to hook up while away from each other — my husband traveled for work; I didn’t — but when it began to include trips established
FRIVOLIST | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | 61
April 2017 | issue 266 | Qsaltlake.com
strictly to hook up with someone, I knew the problem was bigger than me. I felt like my husband was planning getaways — under the guise of business travel — just to get away from me. In a sense, that was true. He was also planning them to rendezvous with a hookup he had met previously while on actual business. Huge red flag — and a big no-no for a couple that was supposed to honor honesty.
3. The frequency of sex between you two has decreased If sex with your partner goes from a couple times a week to a couple times a month, something’s up. That’s not to suggest that he or she is banging other people more frequently than you, but something’s obviously off and it’s worth a discussion. Any number of factors can affect your sex life — like stress, fatigue, self-confidence — but if you’re not being satisfied by your partner sexually because they’ve used up all their energy with someone else, you need to speak up.
4. The frequency at which your partner wants sex with someone else increases In the beginning of our open relationship, my husband and I tread lightly. We’d have a threesome together here and there, and one of us might hook up with someone in the gym steam room or while out of town. More and more, however, we were out looking for a thrill that didn’t include each other. From my point of view, it was because he wasn’t all that attracted to me at the time — I had gained a little weight — and I followed course with my own activities if only to quell the feelings of loneliness and neglect. Eventually we stopped having sex altogether, which further exacerbated the problem until it triggered an avalanche of extra-marital promiscuousness that couldn’t be stopped.
5. Communication between you and your partner virtually disintegrates In the beginning of our relationship, my husband and I could talk about anything. I’m the kind of person who prefers to clear the air, no matter how awkward it may be, so we can move on quickly. But as tension and resentment started to build in our relationship — mostly as a result of our open relationship going off the rails — it was hard to look each other in the eye, let alone have a civil discussion. Epic arguments erupted over the most inane things because of all the pent-up frustration. It wasn’t healthy for either of us, and this aspect, in particular, signaled the beginning of the end.
6. You feel insecure about yourself By the time I decided to separate from my husband, I was beat down, defeated, literally struggling to stay alive. That’s not dramatics, either; there were plenty of mornings I woke up not wanting to live anymore. But when I separated myself from the situation and started to recognize that the demise of my marriage was mostly the result of variables out of my control (that’s not saying that I didn’t contribute in my own way to my marriage ending, by the way — because I did), I was able to start putting the pieces of my life back together. It took a long time — and therapy and exercise — to get back to a place where I could crack a smile while looking at myself in the mirror, but
I got there. If you’re feeling similarly because your own open relationship isn’t working out the way you thought it would, it may be time to face the hard facts: For some of us (actually, most of us), the situation doesn’t work, it gets complicated very quickly, and there are usually no winners in the scenario. Make a decision — and soon. You deserve better than not knowing if you’re the most important person in your partner’s life. If you’re not, that sucks — but life will go on with a clean slate. You just have to clean it first. Q Mikey Rox is an award-winning journalist and LGBT lifestyle expert whose work has been published in more than 100 outlets across the world. He’s on Twitter @mikeyrox.
62 | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | FINAL WORD
Qsaltlake.com | issue 266 | April 2017
the perils of petunia pap smear
The tale of shrinkage BY PETUNIA PAP SMEAR
The road
to high definition television is fraught with danger and excitement. Recently the doorbell rang at Chateau Pap Smear. I was in the basement busily sorting and categorizing all the porn that is on the Internet. As usual, I was not wearing pants. I hurriedly ran upstairs, tripping on the second stair and crashing onto the landing by the back door. Of course, my immense bulk-itude bounced three times before coming to a final rest, breasticle side down. After swearing mightily, I picked myself back up, ran to the bedroom and threw on a pair of shorts. I opened the door. My breath caught in my throat, and my insides did a little flutter as I beheld his incredible beauty. He was a clean cut, freshly-returned missionary type that really sets my breasticles a twirl. I immediately invited him inside. As we sat cozily on the sofa, he introduced himself as Nick and indicated that he represented the internet company. He informed me that my neighborhood was newly
wired with fiber optic cable and would we like to upgrade our internet and bundle our cable TV. He explained that I’d no longer have an issue with snow collecting on my satellite dish, I was immediately sold. It was a dark and stormy night! Snow was falling heavily. Mr. Pap Smear was at work and I was home all alone. I was all snuggled in bed, watching Golden Girls reruns when the picture froze, then went black. A message popped up, “No Satellite Signal.” Being a former Boy Scout, I prepared for any eventuality. Thus I kept a brush on an extendable pole and a pair of slip-on clogs by the back door for just such emergencies. Muttering swear words, I dragged my naked “Rotunditude” out of bed. Wanting to hurry and clear the dish before Rose finished her St. Olaf story about her cousin Sven, whom she thought was a Nordic God, I forwent clothes and decided to go “Al Fresco” to save time. We have a privacy fence around the back patio so I didn’t fear the neighbors prying eyes. However I decided not to turn
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on the patio lights that might draw unwanted attention. I stepped into the clogs and opened the back door. I was immediately accosted by a gust of freezing wind. I stood momentarily stunned by the sudden coldness. (Think: shrinkage.) Undaunted, I quickly slammed the door so as not to let cold air into the house. Picturing Nordic gods, I quickly tip-toed around the corner of the house, pole brush in hand, and resembled a well-fed naked Amazon on a spear hunt. I regretted not turning on the lights, and wished that I was wearing my lighted breasticles to light the way, just like Rudolph, because in the darkness, I tripped over something and landed on my knees in the snow. (SHRINKAGE) Recovering, I brushed the snow off my legs and trudged onward. By now I was shivering from the cold. Each involuntary quiver sent a veritable tidal wave of ripples through my extensive “Bodus Rotundus.” Unable to control my arms, I shakily reached the dish with the brush and gave it a huge stroke, whereupon the accumulated snow swiftly slid down on my head. (SHRINKAGE) Squealing swear words worthy of Miss Piggy at a bacon festival, I cleaned off the rest of the dish. Surely Sophia Patrillo had never faced such trauma. I was able to momentarily calm my now almost uncontrollably shaking “Blubbernaught of a Buffet Queen Physique” in order to make three more swipes at the snowy dish from hell. Finally I retreated to the door, which to my dismay, I found locked. (SHRINKAGE) Oh Gawd! My phone was locked inside the house. Mr. Pap Smear was not going to be home until after 1:00 am. Dear heavenly father, please let me have left the garage door unlocked.
My prayers were answered as I tried the door and it opened. Gratefully, I was able to go inside, away from the falling snow and wind. The garage was still below freezing, and my “Heroically Proportioned Juggalo” was shivering on the Richter scale, to at least an 8.0. I switched on the light and began searching for anything that might be useful in this dire situation. In the corner I spied an electric heater. I plugged it in and it blew cold air. (SHRINKAGE.) Then I spied some of the afghans that we give as bingo prizes at Third Friday Bingo. I removed a rather plush afghan and wrapped it around me. Then I sat up a folding lawn chair and began the hours long vigil until Mr. Pap Smear returned home. (SHRINKAGE and PNEUMONIA.) This story leaves us with several important questions: 1. If I keep feeling compelled to sort and categorize porn, does this indicate a obsessive-compulsive disorder? 2. Did I listen to Nick because I was interested in fiber optics or because my insides were fluttering with lust? 3. Since I went outside naked, does this mean I have latent exhibitionist tendencies? 4. Should I pose for a nude calendar? 5. Why don’t they make satellite dishes with internal heating elements? 6. Do you think I should not use that particular afghan as a bingo prize? 7. How does one explain to your husband why you are naked in the garage at 1 a.m.? 8. How much shrinkage can happen before “IT” turns into a vagina? These and other eternal questions shall be answered in future chapters of the Perils of Petunia Pap Smear. Q
April 2017 | issue 266 | Qsaltlake.com
NEWS | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | 63
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Before
After
LASER HAIR REMOVAL 1 Area
2 Areas
29/MO $49/MO $69/MO $
3 Areas
$49 Enrollment fee Exp 4/28/17
SKIN CARE PRODUCTS
30% OFF All brands Exp 4/28/17
Molly Mears, MD 801-294-9999 1560 S. Renaissance Towne Dr, Bountiful www.enlightenlaser.com