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AUGUST 2018 VOL. 15 • ISSUE 282 QSALTLAKE.COM

Social Worker, Foster Father, Homeless Youth Advocate, Gay

LEE CASTILLO Is Challenging 16-Year Incumbent Rob Bishop for U.S. Congress PHOTO: TERRA COOPER

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publisher/editor Michael Aaron

ASSISTANT editor Tony Hobday designer Christian Allred sales Craig Ogan, 801-997-9763 x1 sales@qsaltlake.com contributors Joshua Adamson Pickett, Diane Anderson-Minshall, Chris Azzopardi, Paul Berge, Jeff Berry, Paul Campbell, Laurie Bennett-Cook, Mikki Enoch, Jack Fertig, Greg Fox, Charles Lynn Frost, Oriol Gutierrez Jr., Ryan Haymore, Tony Hobday, Joshua Jones, Christopher Katis, Rock Magen, Sam Mills, Mikey Rox, Terri Schlichenmeyer, Gregg Shapiro, Petunia Pap Smear, Steven Petrow, Ed Sikov, JoSelle Vanderhooft, Ben Williams, D’Anne Witkowski distribution Bradley Jay Crookston,

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news The top national and world news you should know from last month U.S. Reps vote on LGBT adoption On a mostly party-line vote the U.S. House of Representatives, House Appropriations Committee passed an amendment allowing taxpayer-funded adoption agencies to deny LGBTQ families the ability to adopt a child based on religious objection. The amendment would cut 15 percent of funding to states and localities penalizing adoption agencies that refuse to place children in families that conflict with the agency’s “sincerely held religious beliefs or convictions.” The amendment also bars the federal government from refusing to work with adoption agencies that discriminate.

Schumer’s daughter to wed girlfriend Senate Minority Leader Chuck Schumer, D-NY, announced at NYC Pride his daughter’s wedding, tweeting: “Marching in the #NYCPride Parade has special meaning this year as I am marching with my daughter Alison and her wonderful fiancée Biz! (Elizabeth Weiland).” Alison Schumer is an executive at Facebook, and Weiland is an MBA student.

Log Cabin Republicans, Off Broadway As if being a gay person in the Republican Party wasn’t already disappointing, a Broadway play, Log Cabin, has been called dreary by critics. Playwright Jordan Harrison’s new play stars Modern Family’s, Jesse Tyler Ferguson. Criticized as consciously “diverse as a Benetton ad” and the play, about pregnancies, infidelities, birthdays and spanning six years of LGBT cultural shifts, “Log Cabin feels almost entirely impersonal and inert.” One critic wrote, “The conflicts aren’t rooted in character and do little to challenge or deepen our understanding of their social and political opinions.”

SCOTUS ducks florist bouquet After siding with a baker who refused work for a gay couple, the U.S. Supreme Court didn’t choose sides and tossed a 2017 ruling by Washington state’s Supreme Court that Barronelle Stutzman (not a drag name), owner of Arlene’s Flowers of Richland, violated the state’s anti-discrimination law by refusing service to a same-sex couple. SCOTUS ordered the Washington state court to revisit the case in light of its “Masterpiece” ruling which cited government hostility to religion. Washington State Attorney General Bob Ferguson has said there is no evidence of hostility against religion in Stutzman’s case.

Ivanka donation steps on LGTB toes Ivanka Trump faced criticism after donating $50,000 to a Texas church’s effort to help immigrant children. The recipient, Prestonwood Baptist Church has a history of anti-LGBTQ activism. The church’s website calls being

LGBTQ “Sexual Identity Confusion” and says “sexual identity” — which includes both gender identity and sexual orientation — is “fixed in us at our creation” and is not an “individual choice.”

Who’s ‘drunkest’ starts Pride fight Elmwood Place, Ohio Mayor, Bill Wilson, and his husband, Bill Smith, the town’s maintenance supervisor, gave the town a black eye after Cincinnati Pride. They gave each other black eyes too. The couple had too much to drink at the festival, argued about who was “the drunkest”, and which one should drive home. The fight turned physical during the car ride and continued at home. Police arrested both men for domestic violence and disorderly conduct.

LBGT candidate for Mayor of Moscow (not Idaho) Russian LBGT activist, Anton Krasovsky revealed he is running for mayor of Moscow. He’ll be on the September ballot if the authorities “allow him to.” He is registered as a candidate but to actually take part in the election he will have to collect signatures of 110 municipal deputies.

#metoo, much more on Kevin Spacey London’s Metropolitan Police are investigating three new claims of sexual assault by actor Kevin Spacey. Charges are from actions in 2008, 2013 and 1996. The number of allegations against Spacey is now at six — five complaints of sexual assault and one of assault. Previous allegations by actor Anthony Rapp snowballed into similar accusations from movie crew and cast members, mostly for groping. Spacey’s

agency, his publicist, and also Netflix dumped him shortly after that. In a new movie, Billionaire Boys Club, Spacey plays a con man — his first film since dumped from All The Money in the World.

‘It’s tough being’ me in the movies A BBC official said lack of diversity on Monty Python would make the show impossible, now. Gilliam used his trademark absurdist humor, telling a Canadian film festival: “It made me cry: the idea that … no longer six white Oxbridge men can make a comedy show. This is bullshit. I no longer want to be a white male. My name is Loretta, and I’m a BLT, a black lesbian in transition.”

Johansson won’t play trans character After being slammed by transgender actors, Scarlett Johansson has withdrawn from portraying a transgender man in a new movie about a prostitution ringleader who was born female but identified as a man. Critics pointed out that cisgender actors often land transgender roles, but its rare for transgender actors to play cisgender characters. Johansson, the movie’s producer, was dismissive, further inflaming critics. Trace Lysette of Transparent, who sent series star Jeffry Tambor packing for harassment and insensitivity, was among those who disapproved. Lysette tweeted: “So you can continue to play us but we can’t play y’all? Not only do you play us and steal our narrative and our opportunity but you pat yourselves on the back with trophies and accolades for mimicking what we have lived ... so twisted. I’m so done.”

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With a $25K LDS Foundation grant, suicide prevention will highlight the 40th Affirmation Conference BY TONY HOBDAY

Earlier this year the Affirmation: LGBTQ Mormons, Families & Friends board determined the top priority is to better equip its members and leaders with information about trauma as well as suicide prevention. Recognizing the need for increased collaboration between the LGBTQ+ Mormon community and the broader LDS community to more effectively prevent suicide, in February Affir-

tion trainers to conduct training sessions at every Affirmation conference held throughout the world. Affirmation will also make online training on trauma and suicide prevention available at no cost to Affirmation members and others. “We hope that this LDS Foundation grant to Affirmation will aid in suicide prevention amongst LGBTQ+ Mormons throughout the world and also be an encouragement to LDS members, bishops, young men’s and young women’s presidencies, and others working with Mormon youth to take advantage of these training opportunities with us,” said Carson Tueller, president of Affirmation. “We can’t do this alone. Only by working together can we begin to reach everybody who needs [assistance] both in and out of the church.”

Affirmation Conference

Actress Savannah Stevenson will speak at the inernational Affirmation Conference

mation leaders met with the LDS Public Affairs Department to request funding of QPR training. Then last week, In what is being called historic by leaders with the group Affirmation: LGBTQ Mormons, Families & Friends, the LDS Foundation bestowed a $25,000 grant to help with youth suicide prevention only days before Affirmation’s annual conference. “We have been organized 40 years and this is the first time the church has shown interest in something we’ve always known is a high priority,” said John Gustav-Wrathall, Affirmation’s executive director. The use of the grant is in training at least 1,500 members and leaders of Affirmation as well as LDS bishops and youth leaders in suicide prevention techniques over the next three years. One of the leading suicide prevention training institutes, QPR will send suicide preven-

LGBTQ Mormons and their families and friends will gather at the Salt Palace this weekend, July 20–22, for the 40th annual conference of Affirmation: LGBTQ Mormons, Families & Friends. Keynote speakers this year will include Savannah Stevenson, the British actress primarily known for portraying Glinda the Good Witch in the London production of Wicked and Mary the mother of Jesus in the LDS Church’s video series about the life of Christ; and Emron Grover, a gay Mormon who was one of the key animators from the Pixar full-length feature film Coco.

The conference also brings leaders of Affirmation from around the world and from the United States to train, plan, and organize. Plenary sessions will include speakers reflecting on the LGBTQ Mormon experience, a devotional and LGBTQ Mormon testimony meeting/ spiritual story sharing, yoga, and meditation. Affinity groups and workshops will address diverse issues that affect the LGBTQ Mormon community, including issues related to race, gender and gender identity, bisexuality, asexuality, relationships, mental health and well-being, faith development, and spirituality. Affirmation: LGBT Mormons, Families and Friends, founded in 1977, works for the understanding, acceptance, and self-determination of individuals with diverse sexual orientations, gender identities and expressions as full, equal, and worthy persons within the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints and society, and to help them realize and affirm self-worth. If interested in learning more about, or involved in, Affirmation’s trauma education and suicide prevention efforts, please email wecare@affirmation.org. To donate to support Affirmation’s suicide prevention work, go to their donation portal at affirmation.org/donate/ and select “Suicide Prevention” under “Donation Options.” If you or someone you know is struggling with depression or suicidal thoughts, call The Trevor Project at 866488-7386 or visit their website where you can talk to someone via text or chat. Q

A town hall for preventing suicide in Utah Utah Stonewall Democrats says Utah is in a suicide epidemic and new thinking is needed to address the issue. “The numbers of suicide attempts and deaths are increasing. As caring and loving people, we know we must do something now. Stonewall Democrats is asking for your help,” said Becky Moss, USD president. The Democratic group is taking its lead from the Parkland student shooting survivors and the #metoo movement to turn the tables on the way legislation and

social change is made. A panel of legislators, religious leaders and community volunteers will be asked to do something new, Moss said: Let the audience speak and the panel listen. “We must come up with more effective ways to save lives.” The caucus is joining with the Cole Project to host a town hall at Centro Civico Mexicano, 155 S 600 West, on Sunday, Aug. 12 from 2:30 to 6 p.m. Q More info will be available on the group’s Facebook page @utahstonewalldems

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BYU still no go to Understanding Same Gender Attraction student group It shouldn’t be surprising that after a three-year wait on an application to be a recognized club at Brigham Young University, the club’s leadership feels neglected. “They kind of just strung us along over time,” said Robert McClellan, who drafted the Understanding Same Gender Attraction’s first application in 2015. “They would hold out these carrots, but … I don’t think they ever actually intended to work with us,” he told The Salt Lake Tribune. There are 257 recognized clubs at BYU, like the Abracadabra magician society, a band of Shakespeare enthusiasts, six a cappella choirs, a rollerskating league and one group that calls itself Unraveling Pornography. Additionally, there is the Jane Austen Regency Club, a scuba team, and the “Weird Al” Yankovic Fan Club. However, USGA doesn’t appear even among the unofficial clubs. The LGBTQ group was formed in 2010 and currently has 100 members and meets weekly. “We’ve been talking with BYU for a long time, and still nothing has happened,” Liza Holdaway, the club’s current

president aid. “We’ve never been given concrete answers of what we should change or what we should do.” The club has frequently met with administration officials and promised that approval is imminent. Since BYU is owned and operated by The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, its policies must be in accordance with the faith’s practices. The Mormon Church teaches that same-sex attraction is not a sin but acting on it is one. BYU’s Honor Code forbids “not only sexual relations between members of the same sex but all forms of physical intimacy that give expression to homosexual feelings.” That must include joining a club. The article reports, “BYU formed a working group in late 2016 to study the club’s proposal, as well as other ways to support gay, bisexual, and transgender students. A year later, a few club members were invited to participate and provide input.” So far, no go from BYU. The club is renewing efforts this summer and hopes for approval by the end of the year. Q More info on Understanding Same Gender Attraction at BYU can be found at facebook.com/UsgaAtByu

LGBTQ motorcycle riding group formed rideOUT is a new riding group for gay/queer motorcycle riders and allies/friends. They rideOUT on different scenic runs and stop midway to have a picnic lunch every third Sunday of the month. They then end up at The Sun Trapp for drinks during Leather Happy Hour. In July, the group rode to Mirror Lake, meeting at a coffeehouse at 10 a.m. They did a 4.5-hour ride including a stop for a picnic-style lunch

(sandwiches, chips, cookies, and beverages) for a round trip of about 150 miles. Parts of the ride are on the highway, so a minimum 600cc motorcycle is needed to keep up. The group is sponsored by blackBOOTS and Utah Leather Pride, and the cost is free. Donations to help cover the lunch, and nonalcoholic beverages are welcome, but no one is turned away. Q

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Little Lee has Big Ambition BY JOSELLE VANDERHOOFT

On Independence Day, firefighters battling the Dollar Ridge Fire in Duchesne County got a surprise. It was a car full of watermelons driven by a social worker with congressional aspirations. “What’s more refreshing on a summer day than a watermelon?” said Lee Castillo, Utah Congressional District 1’s Democratic candidate. “It’s something hydrating and healthy.” Though his grassroots campaign is working on a tight budget, Castillo said he wanted “to make sure the firefighters knew someone was appreciative of their actions to help our people in that community.” With the eager assistance of Fruitland grocery store employees, Lee packed his car with the watermelons and drove to the tent city down the road, where 857 firefighters slept in shifts to battle the blaze. That same day, after appearing in Duchesne’s Fourth of July parade, he delivered supplies to a local high school. Then he took another treat to Fruitland residents who had lost their homes — saltwater taffy, a Utah favorite. “Those small things are what drive me,” he said. Castillo’s campaign, on the other hand, has not been a small thing. Since defeating primary opponent Kurt Weiland by over 2,000 votes in June, Castillo has been campaigning all over his mostly rural district, which covers Northern Utah and stretches down to Uintah and Duchesne Counties. He appeared in Layton’s Fourth of July parade while his campaign float traveled the parade route in Kaysville. He has also campaigned in Park City, Clearfield, locations in Weber and Uintah counties, and Tremonton. The Utah Democratic Party also doesn’t see his candidacy as a small thing. He received endorsements from 13 state Democratic caucuses, Sen. Jim Dabakis, Salt Lake County District Attorney Sim Gill, and March for Our Lives SLC. “We’ve been pretty active in getting our names out there,” he said. “It’s only been a short time, but we’ll cover a lot of ground, and we’ll

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continue to make sure people understand there’s an alternative to a career politician.” Republicans have represented Utah Congressional District 1 for 36 years. James V. Hansen served from 1981 to January of 2003, when incumbent Rob Bishop replaced the retiring congressman. The length of both their tenures — 22 years for Hansen and 15 so far for Bishop — are what people generally have in mind when they refer to career politicians. Castillo, however, says he offers something different — a caring, constant presence to represent every member of his district, regardless of age, race, sexual orientation, gender identity, or political affiliation. It’s a need encapsulated in the name of his campaign website: Utah Is for Everybody.

“A Social Worker before I Was A Social Worker” As a social worker employed by the Provo-based Utah State Hospital, Castillo is no stranger to traveling all over Utah. An employee of Provo-based Utah State Hospital, he works with severely mentally ill clients in county jails ranging from Salt Lake City to Box Elder County, and all the way east to Uintah County. “I think I was a social worker before I was a social worker,” he explained. “I’ve always cared about people. A lot of that comes from my own life experience.” The descendant of Latino farm workers in Layton, Castillo said he is proud of his rural past and knows the value of “that hard work and what it does for you.” When he came out to his family, he said that only his mother, grandparents, and baby brother accepted him. “I remember praying to a picture of Jesus and crying, asking [him] to change me,” he said. “My dad and I had an estranged relationship most of my life.” “A lot of that has changed, and my family accepts me fully,” he said, adding that he and his father have reconciled. “I wish more LGBTQ people with the same past experiences could get the healing from family, community and workplace acceptance.” As a youth, Castillo was homeless for a while before taken in by a friend’s family. “It breaks a kid’s spirit to hear they’re not the same as everyone else, that there’s something wrong with them,” he said. “It took me a long time to realize I’m who God intended me to be and nobody has the right to condemn me and tell me I don’t have the right to have a relationship with God because I’m gay.” “I’ve had people spit in my drinks and all PHOTO: TERRA COOPER

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over my car [because I’m gay],” he continued. “But the thing is, I get up, and I keep going because the anger and the hate these people are feeling toward me is not going to hold me down.” His childhood experiences have made Castillo particularly concerned for youth. He said his fears for his two sons (one adopted, one foster), nieces, and nephews in Donald Trump’s America spurred him to use his tax return to file for office. “I felt it was a calling if you will,” he explained. “And I felt prompted to run for office after watching on TV this presidential administration breaking down the pillars of what makes America great and permitting people to hate and opening the door to people who are blatantly prejudiced. I couldn’t stand the idea of my kids or my nieces and nephews growing up in an America where they could be beaten, targeted, or harassed because of the color of their skin.” As a social worker running for office, healthcare is one of several large planks in Castillo’s campaign. He supports single-payer universal healthcare and the federal reclassification of medical cannabis as a schedule 2 drug so as to treat illnesses such as seizure disorders and post-traumatic stress disorder. Castillo said that his previous work with the Department of Child and Family Services and his work with severely mentally ill people in Utah’s county jails have made him realize the importance of universal healthcare. “I know as a social worker that when somebody feels better, when somebody is healthy and has access to their doctors and meds and mental health services they can then function in a family, at their jobs, and in society. And when you’re sick, and you live paycheck to paycheck and can’t afford your insurance, you end up being on the other end,” he said. “When I worked for DCFS I saw things that could’ve been prevented if services had been regularly available.” Castillo stressed that his campaign’s focus is on middle-class and lower-income people, particularly those who struggle to get by. If elected, he said that he will strive for the repeal of the “Trump tax break,” a nickname given to last year’s controversial tax plan that narrowly passed the U.S. Senate. Critics have accused it of giving tax breaks to big corporations and wealthy Americans at the expense of lower earners. “I will propose legislation to [undo] that … that speaks to the diverse amount of people that live in UT-01,” he said. “We

don’t just have [wealthy] people here, but those who are on welfare and people who are middle class like me, who live paycheck to paycheck.”

Protecting the Environment, Protecting People A desire to protect Utah’s beautiful, fragile environment is a large part of Castillo’s campaign. If elected, he said he would work to reinstate EPA regulations that safeguard clean air, a problem that pollution-plagued Northern Utah has struggled with for decades. He will also work to restore Bear’s Ears, and the Grand Escalante Staircase Monument to their sizes put forth under Barack Obama’s administration. In December of 2017, Trump visited Utah to announce the controversial scaling back of both monuments. Dozens of American Indian tribes and pueblos regard the territory covered by the Bears Ears Monument as sacred. Several are suing the administration to reverse these changes. The lawsuit is pending. “The tribes here in Utah are not just Utah citizens, they have their sovereignty, and we have to have government-to-government communication [about the monuments], not just a one-time meeting with hand-selected individuals who favor your idea of a land grab, but the leadership in those tribes who hold that land sacred,” he said. “I wouldn’t feel comfortable with someone drilling for oil in the backyard of my church or my home, but we have a congressman who keeps trying to open up those lands, which is not only detrimental to our economy but further alienates this population which has already lost so much.” Castillo said he is disappointed in Bishop’s leadership because he not only feels the congressman is out of touch with his district, but that he is beholden to oil and gas interests. Indeed, the Center for Responsive Politics notes that oil and gas concerns have been among the top donors to Bishop’s campaigns throughout his career in Washington. Bishop faced criticism for efforts to repeal the Endangered Species Act and for voting to cut EPA funding. The League of Conservation Voters gave him a zero percent rating for the 2017 legislative year. “The congressman is against allowing the development of clean energy because of his loyalties,” said Castillo. He noted that as dependence on fossil fuels lessens, the effect on the workers in his district, particularly workers in Uintah County’s oil fields worries him. “I care about their future and not just

a dollar sign,” he said. “Anybody who isn’t beholden to somebody should say, we should diversify what we’re doing in these areas and even offer companies tax breaks to incentivize the creation of jobs for clean energy resources development. I think that’s important not just for Utah not to be left behind, but for the families.” “When you focus on oil and gas, you lose sight of the beauty of Utah,” he continued. “Utah is a recreational mecca. We make more money from people coming to visit our state than on oil extraction.” Bishop’s apparent refusal to stand against the separation of immigrant families at the U.S. border frustrates him, Castillo says. Though Bishop expressed relief in a press release that family separations had ended, he has said little on the subject. “When he had the opportunity to take a stand against the president and this administration, he didn’t,” Castillo said. “He’s forgotten about the people he serves.”

A Path to Victory Some may think that winning a district that hasn’t elected a Democrat since the 1970s will be difficult for Castillo, particularly because of his sexuality. For him, however, that isn’t a concern. “Being gay is a small part of who I am. There are so many other things people can relate to,” he said. In fact, he said that his sexuality doesn’t even come up when talking to constituents. “People want to know what I’m going to do for them. They aren’t interested in my sex life,” he said. “It isn’t relevant to the job I can do, because the job I do already serving people in these communities has nothing to do with my sexual orientation but what’s in my heart and what’s right.” “I was able to see the humanity from everybody who came out to support the people affected by the Dollar Ridge Fire,” he said. “it was a humbling moment to know I was just like everybody else. I am there to help, to donate, to care.” “I wish that all of our politicians would take the time to go and check on the people they represent who are hurting,” he continued. “It’s important not to lose sight of who you serve. From the parades in Duchesne to taking supplies to the high school to [visiting] the firemen’s tent city, it’s just a reminder that Utah is a wonderful place to live because [Utahns] care what happens, even if the politicians who represent us have lost sight of it.” Q To learn more about Lee Castillo’s campaign, visit UtahIsForEverybody.com

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quotes “The greatest pleasure of a dog is that you may make a fool of yourself with him and not only will he not scold you but he will make a fool of himself, too.” — gay author, Samuel Butler

“I care for a man’s religion whose dog and cat are not the better for it.” — Abraham Lincoln

“Handle every stressful situation like a dog. If you can’t eat or play with it, just pee on it and walk away.” — Anonymous

“Like all pure creatures, cats are practical.” — gay writer, William S. Burroughs

“He who is cruel to animals becomes hard also in his dealings with men. We can judge the heart of a man by his treatment of animals.” — Immanuel Kant, German philosopher

“[Mike Pence] clearly, to put it in the nicest possible terms, is not a friend of the LGBTQ community. So, his family has written a book about his bunny and so we, on top of that, have released our own book about his bunny, where his bunny falls in love with another male bunny and gets married. Because that’s the world we want to live in.” — Last Week Tonight host John Oliver

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guest editorial

Reversing marriage equality won’t happen. BY PEGGY TOMSIC, JAMES MAGLEBY, AND SHANNON MINTER

Last week,

President Trump over 10 years in some states and at least 74 percent. Suddenly stripping LGBT announced his people of this fundamental right would three years in every state. In Utah, they nomination of Judge Brett Kavanaugh to provoke widespread outrage, disapproval, have been able to marry since October 6, replace retiring Supreme Court Justice and backlash. In some states, sustained 2014, when the Supreme Court declined Anthony Kennedy. Justice Kennedy protests and civil disobedience would to review the Tenth Circuit’s ruling in authored the Supreme Court’s marriage ensue. Public officials would be called Kitchen v. Herbert, the groundbreaking equality decision in Obergefell v. Hodges upon to resist the Court’s ruling, and case litigated by the authors of this piece. and several other landmark LGBT rights many would do so. The political price A recent Gallup poll found that more cases. Although Kennedy voted with the of reversing Obergefell for conservatives than 10 percent of LGBT adults have conservative justices on almost all other would be particularly high, energizing same-sex spouses. Many of these couples issues, when it came to casprogressives and creating es involving LGBT people, a new dilemma for many he was a consistently strong moderate Republicans who and eloquent voice for their have supported marriage equal freedom and dignity. equality. The strain on our Given Justice Kennedy’s nation’s already frayed, and pivotal role in protecting fragile social fabric would the LGBT community, be great. his departure has raised Such an unprecedented questions about whether a decision would also severely newly reconstituted Court undermine the Court’s credmight do the unthinkable ibility. Never before in the — reverse its 2015 ruling Court’s history has it voted Peggy Tomsic James Magleby Shannon Minter that same-sex couples have to take away rights previously a constitutionally protected bestowed upon a minority are raising children. Reversing Obergefell right to marry and invite hostile states group. As Justice Ginsburg noted in a would be devastating for these families to bar them from marriage once again. 1996 case called United States v. Virginia, “a and cause almost unimaginable legal While not impossible, any such attempt prime part of the history of our Constichaos. Overnight, some state marriage to turn back the clock by expressly retution is the story of the extension of bans would spring back into effect, versing Obergefell is unlikely. constitutional rights and protections to regardless of continued support from To be sure, if he is confirmed, Judge Kapeople once ignored or excluded.” For the state legislatures or the public. Some vanaugh will be no friend to LGBT peoCourt to reverse that trajectory and hold conservative legislatures would likely ple or other vulnerable groups. According that states may once again deny equal hurry to pass new laws barring same-sex to a recent study by political scientist Lee rights to LGBT people would be not couples from marriage. Employers, health Epstein, Kavanaugh’s record tilts farther only shocking for social and economic insurers, pension plans, and state and to the right than every current justice reasons but also a drastic departure from local governments would be left in limbo other than Clarence Thomas. Kavanaugh precedent — a core value of the law and about the validity of existing marriages. has ruled consistently against plaintiffs the Supreme Court. Cases attempting to sort through the in civil rights cases. Some of our nation’s For conservatives, there would be longresulting uncertainty would flood the most extreme anti-LGBT groups strongterm negative consequences, as society courts. Countless administrative quesly support him. And he has repeatedly (and eventually the Court) becomes tions would arise, and governments at voiced skepticism about Supreme Court increasingly supportive of LGBT people. every level would be left scrambling to decisions recognizing that constitutional For this reason, conservatives hoping for resolve them. The disruption and harm rights must keep pace with changing a reversal of Obergefell should be careful to families, as well as the sheer waste of social conditions. about what they wish. public and private resources, would be But even with the addition of an Despite his dissent in Obergefell, Chief enormous. extremely conservative new justice, the Justice Roberts will likely seek to protect A Supreme Court decision that caused Court is unlikely to issue a ruling that the Court from such institutional harm. so much turmoil would be hugely would be as disruptive, unpopular, and While it takes only four justices to agree unpopular. Two-thirds of Americans damaging to the Court’s institutional to hear a case, Roberts’ vote would be now support marriage equality. Among credibility as reversing Obergefell would necessary to reverse Obergefell. The Chief be. Same-sex marriage has been legal for 18- to 36-year-olds, that number rises to —continued on next page

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Continued from previous page

to preserve existing Justice signaled the unwillprecedent. Conservatives are ingness to do so in Pavan v. likely to bring new cases, in Smith, a 2017 case in which the hopes of chipping away the Court ruled that states at important LGBT rights almust comply with Obergefell ready won. None and thus cannot of us should discriminate be complacent against married or assume that same-sex couples rights like marwhen issuing riage equality are birth certificates not under attack. to their children. LGBT people Roberts pointedly Suddenly and allies must declined to join Justice Gorsuch’s stripping LGBT be politically, socially, and dissent, a barely people of this economically veiled attack on fundamental right proactive in Obergefell and all continuing to but invited states would provoke advance equal to undermine it. widespread rights for all More recently, citizens. Roberts joined outrage, The prosJustice Kennedy’s disapproval, and pect of a Court majority opinion backlash. dominated by a in Masterpiece conservative maCakeshop v. Colojority is daunting rado Civil Rights for LGBT people, Commission, and many danwhich included an gers lie ahead. acknowledgment As new cases that “gay persons affecting LGBT and gay couples people come cannot be treated before the Court, the risk as social outcasts or as infeof decisions that undermine rior in dignity and worth.” their security are great. But The Court, including Roberts, marriage equality, at least, is also held that “[t]he exercise likely here to stay. For sameof their freedom on terms sex couples and their children equal to others must be given in Utah and other states, that great weight and respect by hard-won right — and the the courts.” By assenting to precious stability, dignity, and such a strong affirmation of same-sex couples’ right to freedom it conveys — is likely equality, the Chief Justice has to endure. Q at a minimum made reversing Peggy Tomsic and James Magleby are Obergefell a much heavier attorneys with Magleby, Cataxinos, and Greenwood, based in Salt Lake City. institutional lift. Shannon Minter is the legal director of the However, a more conserNational Center for Lesbian Rights. Tomvative Supreme Court will sic, Magelby, and Minter represented three almost certainly not expand same-sex couples in Kitchen v. Herbert, rights or protect LGBT the nation’s first successful federal case challenging a state marriage ban. people more than necessary

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who’s your daddy

30 years of ‘meant to be’ BY CHRISTOPHER KATIS

When I

was in my very early 20s, my friend Aimz, whom I’ve known since we were in second grade, told me there was a new tenant in the basement apartment at the house she rented, and I was going to love him. Emboldened by wine coolers (don’t judge us, it was the ’80s), we concocted a plan to introduce me. As her roommate/cousin Jax flicked the lights on and off in their place, Aimz and I went around back to knock on the neighbor’s door to ask if he too was having issues. Nope, everything was fine. Crap. Aimz and I hadn’t planned what to say next. So, after several seconds of awkward silence, the guy said goodnight and shut his door. We ran back upstairs giggling. Not long afterward, the neighbor moved out. A couple of years later I was on my first date with Kelly, whom I had met through a personal ad. Halfway into the evening, he looked at me and asked if I had a friend that lived on 900 East and 600 South. Aimz? That’s why I looked familiar to him! He had briefly lived in the basement apartment. Not long after that first date, we decided to spend some time together during the day in the middle of the week. At some point, we ended up at the Capitol, which is a lovely building. The Legislature was in session and through my volunteer political work, several lawmakers waved hello to us. The late Frances Farley (through whom I first met Michael Aaron) even hosted us on the Senate floor. As we were leaving the building, Kelly asked if I knew Gov. Norm Bangerter or at least where he lived. In a flash, I was following Kelly up the driveway of the governor’s mansion, standing next to him

as he knocked on the back door — thinking to myself “What. The. Hell?” A rather baffled looking security guard opened the door and asked if he could help us. Kelly replied enthusiastically, “Can we have a tour?” The guard scoffed, said “no,” and shut the door. Kelly turned to me and deadpanned, “Do you think it would have helped if I had asked if Norm was at home?” At that moment, I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with this man who would knock on the back door of the governor’s mansion to ask for a private tour. A few months later, in Mineral Fork Canyon, we exchanged vows and rings and jumped over a broomstick. That was 30 years ago. And if I do say so myself, that’s pretty impressive for any couple — gay or straight. What’s our secret? I don’t know. I’m not sure if we have one. However, I do know that we strive hard to support each other and that I’m a much better man because he’s in my life. Also, he makes me laugh like no one else. He’s incredibly compassionate. He even made me a dad. There is no other man I want to wake up with every morning. Are we perfect? Far from it. Does our relationship work for us? Apparently so. I guess it was meant to be. On our first anniversary, we found ourselves at a divey, long-forgotten Chinese restaurant. When we opened our fortune cookies, we simultaneously exclaimed, “You have to see my fortune!” On that anniversary, not only did we get the same fortunes, but they read, “His heart was yours from the first moment that you met.” Aimz knew that all along. Happy anniversary, Kelly, I love you. Q

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Qsaltlake.com | Issue 282 | AUGUST 2018

lambda lore

A walk in the shoes of Eva and William McCleery Eva

BY BEN WILLIAMS

McCleery was a transgender woman who lived in Salt Lake City in the early 20th century. I found two 1911 Salt Lake newspaper articles on McCleery that revealed a life briefly spinning out of control after a scandalous revelation. Using census records, Polk directories, newspaper articles, and Ancestry.com I pieced together the life of Eva McCleery and her male counterpart, William, an English cobbler. There was no term at the time for people who identified as opposite of their designated gender. People who had undetermined genitalia or had both were termed as having hermaphroditism. Today the term intersex is used to describe a discrepancy between the external and internal genitals. William was not intersex. In the 19th century, most cities had laws prohibiting cross-dressing or what was known as “masquerading as a member of the opposite sex.” In effect, the anti-cross-dressing laws were flexible tools for the police to enforce society’s normative gender identities. Today there are no U.S. laws against cross-dressers. Female impersonators, as a form of entertainment, however, were not only popular in Vaudeville and theater but also seen as wholesome family entertainment. These performers were billed as female “illusionists.” The only other acceptable form of cross-dressing in the 19th and 20th centuries was in “freak shows” which featured bearded ladies and half-man half-woman exhibits. Eva was not a female impersonator or seen as a “freak.” It made her life all the more remarkable because she didn’t fit any of the prescribed categories and was dealt sympathetically in the press. William McCleery was born Oct. 11, 1849, in Liverpool, England to an Irishman named William McCleery and an Englishwoman named Ellen Billion. William Sr. was a bootmaker and William Jr. worked the same trade before immigrating with his parent’s family to Salt Lake City in 1875. After converting to the Mormon Church the McCleery family settled in South Jordan. William told a reporter that for 10 years he worked at the “cobbler’s bench in England

dressed as a girl.” “I had a lot of fun,” he said, “and many a young spark made love to me.” At the age of 27 in 1877, William married 16-year-old Ida McClure. They had five children together — Lottie, Deseret, Lawrence, William, and Earl. William and Ida divorced in 1911 after their children were all grown. Evidently, William’s wife and children were aware of his wearing women’s clothing and assuming a female identity. A reporter wrote: “William McCleery’s family have known for years of his peculiar disease, if such it may be termed. They have not regarded his temporary lapses from masculine supremacy seriously until his story became public. “The fact is, as we learned yesterday, McCleery is a man, the father of a family but always obsessed by a longing to be a woman. To gratify as possible this unusual desire, he wears women’s clothes even to the extent of calling on his son and grandchildren dressed in feminine garments. “His son Lawrence and his brother Nephi, of Murray, declare his desires to emulate femininity comes over the shoemaker frequently and that at such times he becomes decidedly effeminate and for the moment forgets entirely he is a man … His son objects seriously to his father being termed a woman. He has known that his parent masqueraded at various times as a woman, but was not aware of the cause until yesterday when he was enlightened by his uncle and his father.” William, after being discovered wearing women’s clothing by patrons of his shoe shop, sought out a newspaper reporter from The Salt Lake Tribune, hoping to salvage his reputation and business by first claiming she was a woman passing as a man. The article’s headline read: “Woman Passes For Years as a Man” and “William H. Cleery [sic], Salt Lake Shoemaker, Finally Divulges Identity.” McCleery then divulged a fantastic story that he was biologically a woman passing herself off as a man. “Hundred of citizens of Salt Lake who have for many years patronized “William” H. Cleery [sic], shoemaker in the basement of 50 S. Main Street will be greatly surprised to learn that the quiet unassuming little cobbler is a woman. After a disguise maintained for a score of years with

a very few in the secret, the woman divulged the secret yesterday.” “Yes I am a woman,” admitted “Eva” to the Tribune reporter. “For 20 years I have worn male attire and for eleven years of that time, I have conducted shoemaking shops on Main Street of this city. Few if any guessed the secret of my identity until on an Ashton Avenue street car the other night I saw that several passengers had in some manner discovered the fact that I am a woman. I then resolved to resume female attire when I again went on the streets.” In the article, William called herself Eva McCleery, “as the woman was known before she doffed the feminine name with the garments of the sex.” Eva detailed an elaborate fiction on why, as a woman, she dressed as a man. “About 20 years ago [1891], in a spirit of curiosity I put on men’s clothing. I found that I could work so much better at the bench unhampered by my skirts, that I continued the practice. It soon became second nature to me and I discarded female attire altogether.” The reporter referred to McCleery as “Mrs. McCleery” in the article, unsuspecting that he was a divorced father of five children. Mrs. McCleery said, to explain the “manly” habit that folks had observed, “I learned to smoke,” she said with a shudder, recalling her early struggles to overcome a woman’s repugnance to the weed. “I practiced hoarsening my voice and tried to cultivate a taste for manly pursuits and amusements.” Eva said she conducted a shop in the basement of the Utah National Bank building, and, in the guise of a man, rented the place and set up business for herself. “‘I continued at this location for six years,’ said Mrs. McCleery ‘and built up a good business. I do good work,’ she added proudly. ‘I am not afraid to put my work in competition with the best men-shoemakers in the country.’” The reporter also referred to Mrs. McCleery as a “good looking ‘man’.” “Mrs. McCleery makes rather an attractive appearance in men’s clothing. Her gray hair, worn rather long, is brushed back from a face touched lightly by the passage of time. Her slight and slender figure is perfectly erect and neatly clad in a business suit, and she creates the impression of being what she really is — a business ‘man’ of standing in the community.” “But all levity is abandoned and the little woman is quite serious when she discussed her future. ‘I prefer wearing male attire but if there is any objection from anyone I will never again don trousers,’ she says. ‘Dr. Mary Walker and other women are permitted to wear men’s clothing and I don’t see why anybody should object if I should but I am

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ready to give up that form of dress if anyone objects.’ And with just a little quiver of the lip and a suspicion of a tear in her eyes, the elderly woman concluded, ‘But I beg permission to dress as I please while at work at my bench.’” After the article was printed, the Salt Lake Herald scooped the Tribune, revealing that Eva was in actuality a man who was “obsessed” with believing he was a woman. “The medical profession throughout the United States has been discovered in the disclosures concerning the life of William McCleery, the Salt Lake shoemaker, whose shop at 50 S. Main Street, has been made a place of wide interests by publication of a weird story told by McCleery of his being, in reality, a woman and of having masqueraded as a man for more than 20 years. It was discovered yesterday that the life history told by McCleery was, in reality, the invention of a mind so distorted by pre-natal suggestion that for 60 years McCleery has been mentally dominated by the instincts and preferences of his twin sister, who was still-born.” “According to the family, William McCleery was a twin, the other, a female child, being stillborn. This they say is the secret of his longing to be a woman. The influences exercised upon the male infant by the stillbirth of his twin sister were such that McCleery cannot resist the desire to emulate womankind. When these impulses sweep over him, male reasoning seeks flight and to all intents and purposes, he becomes the twin sister. Stranger still, he involuntarily assumes feminine mannerisms and his voice becomes soft and low.” “McCleery’s relatives bear him out in every statement he makes concerning his peculiar dual personality, though they regret the notoriety it is bringing to them. They repudiate the suggestion that he is deranged. McCleery appears sane enough and all his replies are lucid and convincing.”

McCleery told the Herald reporter, “No I cannot resist the feeling to be a woman in the least. Why only last night I donned my female dress and took a ride in the street cars. Almost every Sunday, when I see handsomely dressed women going to church, the desire to be one of them comes over me and I work myself into a fever if I do not give way and change to woman’s finery, Arrayed in a complete outfit, I am calmed as soon as the spell works itself out, and I change again to male dress.” When asked why McCleery informed newspapers previously that he was a woman, McCleery said that “he was a woman.” “McCleery said that so many people had seen him when he masqueraded and had recognized him when they came to his shop that he thought the easiest way to prevent his affliction becoming known was to give out that he is of the weaker sex.” McCleery is not found in newspaper reports after this time. His ex-wife moved away to Portland, Ore. with a teenage son and remarried. McCleery never remarried but remained in Salt Lake City living much of the remainder of her life as Eva. The 1920 U.S. Census listed McCleery as Eva McCleery, a female. She stated she was a 69-year-old widow born in England. Her occupation was listed as a shoemaker in a shop she owned. She is listed as an alien having never been naturalized. Eva appears in the Polk directories for various years in the 1920s as the widow of William McCleery. The 1930 Census showed McCleery was living with her eldest daughter Lottie and her husband John E. Leonard and was listed as the father-in-law of Leonard under the name William McCleery, an 81-year-old male with no occupation. McCleery died at the Salt Lake County Infirmary in 1932. The official cause of death was from was from a “hypertrophied prostate.” Q

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creep of the month

Milo Yiannopoulos BY D’ANNE WITKOWSKI

Milo

Yiannopoulos is not a good person. But, then, who cares, right? It’s not like he gives a shit about being a good person. In fact, the fact that he is a terrible person — a deplorable, if you will — is his entire appeal. Without his awfulness he’s just another gay conservative guy trying to fit into a party where everyone there hates him, but not

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so much that they won’t take his money. Instead, Yiannopoulos says terrible shit and people are like, “LOL. Oh, he’s so BAD!” as if he’s a mischievous child rather than a grown man who has spoken positively about pedophilia while still becoming the poster boy for the rightwing’s hand wringing over free speech. He’s called a “provocateur,” a fancy way of saying he’s someone who tries to start shit for a living. And just after you thought that maybe he’d crawled back under his rock for good, news came that Yiannopoulos called for gunning down of journalists just days before someone actually did that at the offices of the Capital Gazette in Maryland. “I can’t wait for the vigilante squads to start gunning journalists down on sight,” Yiannopoulos wrote in a text to New York Observer reporter Davis Richardson. He’s apparently expressed similar views to other journalists. Not surprisingly, after the mass shooting at the Capital Gazette many called Yiannopoulos out for these comments. Yiannopoulos responded with a lengthy statement which reads, in part, “You’re about to see a raft of news stories claiming that I am responsible for inspiring the deaths of journalists. The bodies are barely cold and left-wing journalists are already exploiting these deaths to score political points against me. It’s disgusting. I regret nothing I said, though of course like any normal person I am saddened to hear of needless death.” Note how “normal” people are always attesting to how normal they are because they have human feelings. And also, I don’t know, maybe his statement should have started with the “I am saddened to hear” part? But he regrets nothing. Not even his hope that this shooter “is another demented left-winger” and “transgender” to boot. Yiannopoulos has a

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long history of being proudly anti-trans. In the end, he writes, he was just kidding. He was just “trolling” the journalists: “I sent a troll about ‘vigilante death squads’ as a private response to a few hostile journalists who were asking me for comment, basically as a way of saying, ‘F--k off.’ They then published it.” He was amazed that they took his “joke” seriously. I’m not. For one thing, jokes are supposed to be funny and this wasn’t. For another, a public figure calling for the death of a journalist in today’s hostile climate is, in fact, newsworthy because it’s so alarming. I will tell you that I am not one of the left-wing journalists who are supposedly blaming the Capital Gazette shooting on Yiannopoulos. Because it isn’t his fault. After all, it’s unlikely that Yiannopoulos’s comments played any direct role in the shootings. But Yiannopoulos is but one ingredient in a deplorable stew, the head cook being, of course, Donald Trump who has called the press “the enemy of the people.” In order for Trump’s reign to continue, enough people have to distrust the press and believe only what their dear leader claims to be the truth. People who love Trump, like Yiannopoulos, don’t care about being “good people.” They care only about having power. They do not want the government to help people. They want the government to hurt people. Now, the press isn’t perfect. Boy did they screw up the 2016 election coverage, for example, and now look where we are. But it’s a scary time to be a journalist. In fact, it’s a scary time to be anyone other than a privileged white male in America. We must get out there and support the many diverse Democrats running for offices at every level across the country. We need more people of color, more women and, yes, more transgender people who actually care about the “united” part of this country. In other words, the good people need to vote for good people. Because human decency still matters, damn it. Q D’Anne Witkowski is a poet, writer and comedian living in Michigan with her wife and son. She has been writing about LGBT politics for over a decade. Follow her on Twitter @MamaDWitkowski.

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mr. manners

Knowing when to let go BY BROCK KANNAN

Relationships require a vast investment of time, money, and most of all, emotional energy. The more you invest in a relationship, the more it shapes your choices and ultimately your life. When you have so much invested, it can be hard to let go for multiple reasons. But when a relationship deteriorates, there’s inevitably a time when the damage is so severe, no amount of salvaging can save it. Knowing when to let go is the key to being able to move forward toward the better relationship you deserve. While I am not a therapist, here are a few of the signs I have noticed that it’s time to let go of a relationship. While chemistry and shared values are important, at the end of the day, solid relationships are built on the goodness that exists between two people. Goodness is what holds relationships together. It is the kindness and good will toward each other. It’s being on a partner’s side even when they might be wrong. It’s the support, admiration, respect, dedication, and commitment you have with each other. The goodness doesn’t generally disappear overnight; it’s erodes slowly over time. Unfortunately, once the goodness fades, generally so much hurt in the relationship makes it difficult to regain.

Respect is one of the most important aspects of any relationship; it even trumps trust, because you cannot trust someone who has no respect for you. Even small slights matter because the way someone treats you ultimately reveals their character and their true feelings about you. Disrespect comes in many forms, and you may not always recognize it, but you will still feel it. If you’re not sure if a partner is disrespectful or unaware, tell them how their behavior is making you feel. If he or she makes an effort to understand your perspective and alter their behavior, they are showing you they care, but if they dismiss you or go right back to the same behavior, they’re showing a lack of respect for you and your relationship. The energy flow between two people in most healthy relationships is generally fairly equal. The give-and-take should allow both partners, for the most part, to feel they are getting their needs met. When a relationship starts to deteriorate, it can feel like one person is doing all the work to maintain it, which creates an unbalance and a disconnect. The person doing all the work can become resentful, and the other can become more and more complacent. When you try too hard to get someone to come toward you, they generally move in

the opposite direction. If you feel you’ve been doing most of the work in your relationship lately, take a big step back and see what happens. If your partner starts to pick up the slack and comes toward you, then re-aligning the energy is possible. However, if you step back and your partner gets angry or continues to drift away, they’re likely not coming back. While every relationship is different, both people should generally feel there is room for them to grow and develop. They should feel there’s

space for their interests in the relationship, and enough opportunity for their needs to be met. Saying goodbye is never easy, but maintaining your self-respect and dignity is key to your mental wellbeing, and sometimes letting go is the best thing you can do for yourself. Know that when you take care of you, you are putting yourself in the best possible position to be in a happy, healthy, and fulfilling relationship, and hopefully, it’s only a matter of time before you find one. Q

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Our Pets

Every year, QSaltLake agazine does a special issue to focus on out furry, fuzzy, scaly and feathery M family members. See if you or your friends are included in this photo collage: CHRISTOPHER KATIS works with ATHENA on his QSaltLake Magazine “Who’s Your Daddy” column, then runs up the canyons with SKEELO (the good dog).

CHAD NAIG getting some loving from TOMAS (pronounced toemas). He’s French and adopted from a local friend. He’s a barn cat and now the love of his life.

CHRIS HANSEN says MARLEY is the best cuddle bug he’s ever met. He got her two years ago when she was 5 weeks old from an independent seller. WILLOW and SARAH BROWNSTEIN showing how walks are NOT to be done.

AUSTIN MILLERANDERSON and KIT-TEE he found him at his 13th birthday party which was at a park where he had been abandoned. “He’s definitely my best friend and is the weirdest cat you will ever meet.”

JOLENE MEWING with GIZMO and COLLEEN MEWING with BOGEY

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OSCAR with his moms JAMIE TURNBOW and DEB ROSENBERG

JESSA LARSEN with DAISY whom she bought off KSL 10 years ago. “She’s my right-hand ma’am, closest confidant, and furry soulmate”

JESSICA LARSEN with her buddy KODA who was given to er by a friend during a very important transitional state of her life when he was just 8 weeks old. Now he is 13 years young and still loves to travel and explore with her. “He is my ride or die pup and holds a very special place in my heart.”

JAY PATTERSON sent this shot of BANDIDO, LUNA and husband JERRY ORTA enjoying their travels.

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KELLEY NEAL with ISABELLA, a rescue from a puppy mill, meaning she had no human interaction other than for reproduction. “She has taught me patience and how to love through adversity.”

KIRK AND MARK CRITCHLOW-SPETH “Our pet’s name is CISCO and I rescued him from Salt Lake County Animal Services. Cisco is our cuddle buddy”

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REBECCA MICHAELSEN MURPHY says RHYTHM is top dog. He gets the best seat in the house.

TRISTAN BILLS and best friend CAMERON., “a miniature dire wolf if anyone asks. I rescued him from a less than perfect situation, and he and I couldn’t be happier.”

KIRSTEN PARK with her Labrador Retriever, whom she is more likely to call Labradork than anything else.

 MICHELE PAGE chillin’ in the Adirondack chair with GINGER

LEAH-ANNE SHILL said KODA BEAR loved his humans to the very end. 5/5/18 R.I.P

TYSON CHASE and JARED BLACKBIRD say MARLO and DALILAH have shown them what unconditional love means.

SUSAN REES with ANNIE. “I got her from the Davis County animal shelter 10 years ago. She never leaves my side she is my soul dog.”

MISSY ANNE MARLOWE with HARLI, her Humane Society rescue. “The best dog ever! He is our world, and of course, has his own pillow on the bed.”

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PET ISSUE | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | 25

Pooch-friendly restaurant patios

The Salt Lake County Health Department once again put out a list of restaurants with special permission to allow pets on their outdoor patios. To receive “paws on the patio” approval, dog-friendly food-service businesses need to submit a special processes safety plan, pay an application fee of $315, and agree to a few simple rules, including signs that notify patrons that dogs may be on the premises, an outdoor entrance so dogs don’t have to go through an interior dining area, the patio must be cleaned with animal-friendly chemicals, bathroom “accidents” must be cleaned and the area sanitized within five minutes, etc. The restaurants below have received the variance and can legally welcome canine companions to their patios:

ALLIES AMERICAN GRILLE

PIG AND A JELLY JAR

480 S Wakara Way

401 E 900 South 1968 E Murray Holladay Rd

BREWHOUSE PUB 1722 S Fremont Drive

PROHIBITION

CAMPFIRE LOUNGE

151 E 6100 South

837 E 2100 South

PROPER BURGER CO.

CAPUTO’S 15TH & 15TH

865 S Main Street

1516 S 1500 East

SQUATTERS

FISHER BREWING CO

147 W Broadway

320 W 800 South

TAQUERIA 27

FLATBREAD NEAPOLITAN PIZZERIA

149 E 200 South 1615 S Foothill Drive 4670 S Holladay Blvd 6154 S State Street

2121 S McClelland Street

GARAGE GRILL 1122 E Draper Parkway

LOG HAVEN 6451 E Millcreek Canyon Rd

PARK CAFE 604 E 1300 South

THISTLE AND THYME 480 Wakara Way

WASATCH BREW PUB 2110 S Highland Drive

ZEST 275 S 200 West

Joining the UGLCC is a doggone good idea! utahgaychamber.com

paws on the patio approved! bring your doggies & have a fresh juice cocktail fri 11am-11pm, sat 10am-11pm, sun brunch 10am-3pm | 275 s 200 w salt lake city | zestslc.com

26 | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | PET ISSUE

Qsaltlake.com |

Warm-to-cold weather suggestions for your pet

BY MONIQUE SEITZ-DAVIS

Weather

and holiday chaos bring risks that can impact your furry friends and family. And since your furry friend is like family, make sure they stay safe, happy, and healthy regardless of the season or holiday.

Keep food and water accessible. When Fido’s thirsty, he can’t walk over to the kitchen cabinet and get a glass for water (though if he had two thumbs, we’re sure he would). Your pets rely on you for hydration and food, so wherever you are — at home or on the road — make sure they have access to plenty of fresh water and food.

Pack a first aid kit. Dogs can be clumsy creatures, especially when they’re excited. Whether your pooch is a klutz or has bodily limitations (like impaired vision or hearing), a first aid kit can help alleviate initial injury and keep Fido safe as you head to the vet.

Watch out for parasites.

or stay at home with your pets and keep yourself safe too.

Avoid toxic garden products. Mulch, fish emulsion, and other garden products can cause serious harm to your pet. Read the product’s fine print before you buy it, and keep items up high and away from Fido’s nose. If your pet does consume a potentially poisonous substance, call the ASPCA Animal Poison Control Center. This resource is available 24/7, every day of the year and can be just as valuable as an emergency vet visit.

Remember: hot pavement hurts paws. Come midday, pavement and sidewalks can be hotter than Hades and injure your pet’s sensitive paws. If the pavement or sidewalk is too hot for you to walk on barefoot, it’s safe to say that it’s too hot for Fido. You don’t have to cut out exercise or casual walks altogether — simply take your walks in the early morning or late-late afternoon.

Ensure Fido stays cool.

From a dog’s perspective, tall grasses and densely wooded forests present boundless opportunities for fun. And while you certainly don’t want to ruin the adventure, know that parasites (like ticks, heartworm, or fleas) can cause your pet some serious harm. Chat with your veterinarian about parasite protection.

High temperatures can do a real number on pets, inducing heat stroke or heat stress. Be aware of how your pet responds to hot temps: make sure they have access to shade and fresh water. Some dogs, like huskies or other breeds with heavy coats, need a little extra help, which is where items like the Ruffwear Jet Stream Cooling Vest come into play.

Know your pet’s limits.

Holiday and Cold Weather Tips

Dogs are keen to please you, but be cautious of their limits, including low energy but a strong desire to play, arthritic joints, and fear of storms or gunshots. Summer celebrations often include loud noises like fireworks, and almost one in five dogs go missing because of abrasive noises like storms, gunshots, or fireworks. Keep Fido safe on a leash by your side,

Be mindful of what your pet eats. The holidays are a time for decadent meals and scrumptious treats, but while your dog may wag its tail in hopes of a scrap, keep in mind that many foods can be deadly to pets. If you want to stay safe, avoid giving your pet too much (if any) food from the table and mainly stick to vet-approved treats.

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Keep doors closed as much as possible. With guests coming and going, there’s bound to be lots of movement in your home. Make sure you watch your pets closely and ensure they don’t escape through an open door. Let your guests know you have a pet in your home so they, too, can be vigilant about keeping tabs on your pet’s whereabouts.

Get your pet a collar with a tag. It may seem like a no-brainer, but ensuring your pet is wearing a collar and ID tag at all times is a simple yet effective way to keep your pet safe. A collar greatly increases the chances of a safe return if your pet gets lost. Even if your pet is primarily kept indoors, it’s still smart for them to always wear a collar. You may even want to consider a smart collar with GPS tracking so you can see your pet’s location as well as monitor their health with your smartphone or tablet.

Secure your home and your pet while traveling. Holidays are a great time for family travel. But they’re also a prime time for break-ins. No matter how far or near you travel, you’ll be leaving your home unattended and open to burglars. Security systems are a great way to deter thieves and protect your pet from the trauma of an intruder. There are plenty of options available that allow your pet to roam safely indoors without setting off the motion detector, so you can feel confident that both your home and your pet are safe while you’re away.

Designate a room in the house for your pet. If your pet gets anxious around strangers, the bustle of the holiday season might be stressful for your furry friend. While hosting holiday parties, keep your pet in its own designated safe space or room. This safe haven ought to have more than enough food, water, and toys, and it will help alleviate your pet’s anxiety.

Keep an eye on your pet when you’re away from home. The holiday season is a time when you’re likely to be out of the house doing last-minute shopping, meaning that you might be leaving your pet home alone

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for hours at a time. Consider installing a pet camera to keep an eye on your dog or cat and see if they are misbehaving. This will also give you peace of mind and allow you to check on your pet’s safety as well as the order of your home.

Keep hazardous chemicals stored out of reach. If you purchase any hazardous chemicals (like antifreeze or road salt) to remove snow or ice this winter, it’s essential that you keep your pet away from such items as they pose major health threats to animals. The sweet scent of antifreeze often draws pets in — but it can be deadly. These chemicals can also irritate your pet’s skin, so routinely check their paws for signs of

damage, such as rawness or bleeding.

Be wary of dropping temperatures. Cold winter weather can pose a dangerous threat to your pets. While some pets can tolerate the cold, pets are still susceptible to hypothermia and frostbite. Watch out for ice and pay attention to below-freezing temperatures while walking your dog or letting your cat outside. If your pet must stay outside, provide extra shelter like a blanket and an igloo or insulated house. And in the case of severe storms, keep an emergency kit for your pet that includes food, water, and any medications it might need. Monique Seitz-Davis is a writer for safewise.com

Comprehensive, Compassionate, Affordable Care for a Lifetime Relationship • • • • • • • •

Soft Tissue/Orthopedic Surgery In-house Lab Non-Anesthetic Dentals Senior/Puppy Wellness Weight Control Rattlesnake Vaccine Laser Therapy Accupuncture

Michelle Bartholomew, D.V.M. Dr. Jamie Bean, D.V.M. Melissa Vetter, V.M.D. Jenny Durbin, B.V.M.S.

hillside VETERINARY HOSPITAL

Ph: 801-943-2154

2364 E Fort Union Blvd, Cottonwood Heights, UT 84121

www.hillsidevet.com

Pet Month of the Felicia Fajita 7 years old female domestic long hair, brown tabby Felicia is a kooky girl with a big personality! When she’s not snoozing the day away, she’s bright and alert and paying attention to everything going on around her, which can sometimes be overwhelming. She would do best in a home with adults that will play with her and interactive toys and then let her watch the world from a window perch. For more information, go to Best Friends Animal Society–Utah, 2005 S 1100 East, or call 801-574-2454 or go to bestfriendsutah.org

august 11 10 am – 4 pm The Gateway 400 W. 100 S.

Adoptions start at $10

bestfriendsutah.org/supurrr

28 | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | ARTS & ENTERTAINMENT

ANNUAL EVENTS

Tony’s Gay Agenda BY TONY HOBDAY

Celebrate Ogden’s LGBT community at the 4TH ANNUAL OGDEN PRIDE FESTIVAL. Stand OUT and Speak UP at this family-friendly event (which means discreetly bring flasks, SFK!) The three-day festival includes the Ogden Pride Soireé on Friday, the Stand OUT, Speak UP Rally and Youth Drag Show for OUTreach on Saturday, and the 4th Annual Ogden Pride Festival: Stand OUT, Speak UP! on Sunday. In its 49th year, the KIMBALL ARTS FESTIVAL is Utah’s longest-running visual arts festival and is one of the most highly regarded art events in the West. For three days, the festival proudly features more than 220 of North America’s finest artists across 12 disciplines, providing visitors with an opportunity to meet and purchase art from a wide variety of talented artists from across the country and internationally. So, every year at Q LAGOON DAY, my balls turn egotestical, and I ride freaky rides like Odysea, Red Baron, and the Merry-Go-R0und (probably because I flasked it in). Join me kiddies ... oh dammit, that’s creepy! The 12th annual WOMEN’S RED ROCK MUSIC festival brings in 14 amazing lesbian-fused acts, including Cris Williamson, Robyn Cage, Dirty Cello, The Blu Janes, and more. It is a well-known, well-liked festival, so get tickets and accommodations early. Each year, ROSE EXPOSED features short works created by each of the Rose Wagner’s resident companies: Gina Bachauer International Piano Foundation, Plan-B Theatre Company, PYGmalion Theatre Company, Ririe-Woodbury Dance Company, Repertory Dance Theatre and SB Dance. Some pieces are created in advance of the event; others that same day; all constructed around a unifying theme. This year’s theme is “Breaking News” — out of Russia, Japan, Jeopardy Teen Tournament, and Michael Aaron’s sex-toy drawers. The MOAB MUSIC FESTIVAL (and outings) returns to the picturesque scenery of southeastern Utah. Enjoy musical rafting and hiking trips, and We Are Women: A Bernstein Cabaret, and Coming to America — a program based on composers who came to America in the first half of the 20th century.

2 3 5

THURSDAY — OGDEN PRIDE Event locations, times and ticket prices vary, through Saturday, ogdenpride.org

FRIDAY — PARK CITY KIMBALL ARTS FESTIVAL

Historic Main St., Park City, times vary through Sunday. Hours and prices vary, parkcitykimballartsfestival.org

SUNDAY — QSALTLAKE LAGOON DAY

Lagoon Amusement Park, 375 Lagoon Dr., Farmington, 11 a.m.–10 p.m.

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(Join Q at the Canyon Terrace in the park.) Discount tickets available at Club Try-Angles, Cahoots, Sun-Trapp and No-Frills Diner in Ogden

10 25 30

FRIDAY — WOMEN’S RED ROCK MUSIC FESTIVAL

Robber’s Roost, 185 Main St., Torrey, times vary through Saturday. Tickets vary, womensredrockmusicfest.com

FRIDAY — ROSE EXPOSED Jeanné Wagner Theatre, Rose Wagner Performing Arts Center, 138 W. 300 South. Tickets start at $15,

arttix.org

SATURDAY — MOAB MUSIC FESTIVAL Outings, venues, and times vary through Sept. 10. Tickets vary, moabmusicfest.org

CONCERTS So, concerts this month celebrate me, Tony, for when I lost most of my hair in the 80’s, as well as trying to be GENTRI-fied since the late 70’s. But regardless, the payoffs are worth it, so do it!

9 12

THURSDAY — LOST ‘80S LIVE

Red Butte Garden Amphitheatre, 300 Wakara Way, UofU campus, 7 p.m. Tickets $48 for members/$53 for the public, redbuttegarden.org

THURSDAY — GENTRI Kenley Amphitheater, 403 N. Wasatch Dr., Layton, 8 p.m. Tickets $25, tickets.davisarts.org

SPECIAL ENGAGEMENTS 90&9 Events presents Fighter, a cirque-style concept show. With an original score by Nik Day and a one of a kind professional cast with singers, dancers, aerialists, actors and more. This beautiful, meaningful show follows the journey of humankind through trials and heartbreaks proving that beauty indeed can rise from the ashes.

THURSDAY — FIGHTER

Jeanné Wagner Theatre, Rose Wagner Performing Arts Center, 138 W. 300 South, times vary, through Saturday. Tickets $15–30, arttix.org

UPCOMING EVENTS Sep. 22, BECK, smithstix.com Sep. 23, IRON & WINE, Eccles Theater, liveattheeccles. com Nov. 18, DAVID SEDARIS, liveattheeccles.com

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‘Church & State’: ‘The Insiders’ rumble for same-sex marriage in Utah BY TONY HOBDAY

Who I’ve dubbed “The Insiders” is a group of six Utah activists, political seekers, and attorneys: Mark Lawrence, Derek Kitchen, Moudi Sbeity, Kody Partridge, Laurie Wood, and Peggy Tomsic. In the new documentary Church & State, currently showing at Broadway Centre Cinemas in Salt Lake City (and nationwide), follows the many difficulties and roadblocks these pioneers, if you will, faced to overturning Amendment 3. Amendment 3’s slogan, Yes on 3!, was a rip-off of Yes on 8!, the proposition passed in California that overturned 2000’s Proposition 22 which allowed same-sex couples to marry in the state. Prop 8 received surmountable support by the Mormon Church to the tune of $20 million. Church & State opens with Mark Lawrence, a man inspired by the federal court challenge of the so-called Defense of Marriage Act, and who called together a small group of activists at a local coffee shop on a July evening in 2012. From that meeting, Restore Our Humanity was born. The group started with a simple mission: overturn Amendment 3 in federal court. Lawrence and his team began organizing, establishing a nonprofit, and looking for plaintiff couples and an attorney. The equality organizations, both locally and nationally, resisted and in some instances guffawed at Lawrence. Utah as a battleground for marriage equality didn’t seem possible. Traditional strategy and conventional wisdom dictated that the passage of nondiscrimination laws at the state level must precede marriage action. Then it provides some backstory on the other plaintiffs and lawyers as well as a few current situations. What I enjoyed most about the film were the riffs — there were many — and the pompous Richard Mack’s childlike tantrum: “I want to say this to the homosexual community: We mean you no harm. First, we ask you that you understand the history of America and that the intention of the Founding Fathers in developing a constitution that does one thing — protect God-given innate rights. And these people fought and died for this. And now we’re going ‘oh, well rights are whatever we say they are now’. You are never going

to convince us that homosexual marriage is one of those innate God-given rights. It’s not. It’s not one of those rights. “And we don’t want any more of your gay appreciation parades, and we don’t want any more of this ‘we’re going to teach this in the schools’ without our per-

and at times a bit melodramatic. Again though, the documentary does what it set out to do: provide the evidential value of the record. Holly Tuckett and Kendell Wilcox co-produced the film, with James Huntsman as producer. Tuckett and Torbin Ber-

mission and without being involved. We have rights, and we choose not to teach that to our children, and we don’t want you teaching it to them either.” Given that, if you’re unfamiliar with the timeline details from California’s Prop 8 to the 2014 decision overturning the same-sex marriage ban in Utah, Church & State is a good 80-minute lesson. At times it’s moving, at times infuriating

nhard were cinematographers. Journalist Jennifer Dobner, who wrote extensively on the case for The Salt Lake Tribune as it was unfolding, is a storyline consultant. Nami Melumad composed the soundtrack. The documentary will be available on Amazon, iTunes, iNDemand, Comcast Xfinity, DirecTV, Vubiquity, Hoopla, Dish, Microsoft, GooglePlay, and YouTube on August 10. Q

LoveLoud music festival at UofU Rice Eccles Stadium

Imagine Dragons frontman Dan Reynolds created the LoveLoud music festival in response to growing suicide rates among LGBTQ teens with the inaugural event at Brent Brown Park in Orem drawing over 17,000. The second festival will be in Salt Lake City at Rice Eccles Stadium, July 28. Reynolds said last year, “I want LoveLoud to engage a passionate and supportive audience in the fight against teen suicide and to bring communities together to start a conversation that focuses on recognizing individuality.” The LDS church — following initial dispute — welcomed the 2017 festival.

“[Applause] to the LoveLoud Festival for LGBTQ Youth’s aim to bring people together to address teen safety and to express respect and love for all of God’s children,” church leaders wrote. This year’s lineup includes Imagine Dragons, Zedd, Mike Shinoda, Grace Vanderwaal, Tyler Glenn, Vagabon, A.W., and more. Hosted by Cameron Esposito. The LoveLoud Foundation is to “help ignite the relevant and vital conversation of what it means to unconditionally love, understand, accept and support LGBTQ youth to keep families together.” Tickets at loveloudfest.com. PHOTO COURTESY | BLUE FOX ENTERTAINMENT

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From Salt Lake’s Home Depot to new beginnings BY CHRIS AZZOPARDI

Jessica

Newham, better known as Betty Who, is in a constant state of gay. A Pride festival one day, a stroll through Berlin with four gay friends another. Naturally, their afternoon walk is unfolding when as she rings me to talk about — what else? — gay things. In October, more gay: she’ll perform during the All Things Go 2018 Fall Classic festival in Washington D.C., uniting the 26-year-old Australia-born, Michigan-bred pop fixture with the LGBTQ community’s other best kept secret, Carly Rae Jepsen. “Probably the gayest night of anybody’s life,” Betty says. “There are posters all over D.C. right now that say ‘Make America Slay Again,’ and it has Betty Who and Carly Rae Jepsen and a rainbow flag,” and what’s gayer than that? OK, possibly the

year 2013, when Betty’s breakout bop “Somebody Loves You” soundtracked a viral same-sex proposal video in a Salt Lake City Home Depot. Or her on-brand involvement in the second season of Netflix’s Queer Eye, singing the series’ theme song, “All Things,” and strutting a catwalk with the Fab Five in the accompanying video. Just before the release of her new EP on AWAL Recordings, Betty Pt. 1, Betty talks about how she wouldn’t have a career without the LGBTQ community and why she left RCA Records (not because of Justin Timberlake, exactly).

What was it like to be in the presence of the Fab Five and Antoni’s crop top for the theme-song video? Obviously, Antoni is, like, the most handsome and I got to watch him do (the video in) slo-mo with the hair dryer, so I was like, “This is a once in a lifetime opportunity. I am in the presence of this and I know that a million people would literally murder me to be where I am right now. I literally sang for President Obama and that was the coolest thing I’ve ever done, but I still feel more people are jealous of what’s happening to me right now.” Did you tap into any of the guys’ expertise? Honestly, I’m so obsessed with Tan (France) and his vibe and his styling choices. I really love what he does for all the boys. But on the shoot he was wearing this white corset that the stylist had actually culled for me and he went into the wardrobe department and he was like, “Wait, I want that.” And he stole my corset. So, it’s obvious to me that we have similar style, if you’re wearing my clothes. Was becoming the gay queen that you’ve become on your to-do list? Oh my gosh, absolutely not. No, I did not. I’m so happy to be! It’s such an honor. But no, it was not intentional by any means. I still am so shocked by it all the time. I do kind of feel sheltered and protected by them; I feel quite like they’re an overprotective dad, that’s how the gay community has been with me. And I truly do believe that I would not have a career had it not been for my LGBTQ fans. They’re my people.

PHOTO: ZAK CASSAR

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I feel like my tribe has always been filled with LGBTQ people in my life, separate from my career. So my career, to sort of take shape the way that it has, feels like it’s really kind of aligned with who I am as a person. It’s just a big extension of your personal life. Totally. Which is what you want it to be when you’re an artist. I meet fans all the time and I’m like, “Oh my god, we could be friends!” Are you happy where you’re at, success-wise? I hope that nobody ever is, because I want so much. I’m very forward-thinking, and I think that can be a good thing and a bad thing because you sort of sometimes get swept up in where you want to go and don’t get to really appreciate where you are. In the last six to eight months, my journey has shifted course a little bit and I feel like I’m in a really great place emotionally and mentally around my career for the first time in a long time. Now, I feel really at ease in the place that I am. What was making you feel uneasy? Long story short: I think that anybody who is in a not completely healthy working relationship with someone who is supposed to be their partner is challenging. It takes a toll on you. Leaving and becoming the creator of my own destiny and making all of these decisions by myself has put me in a position where I’m so much more tuned into myself. All I’ve ever wanted is to be able to be myself and not have to fight for that, not have to convince anybody that what I’m doing is right, so to have people before the music comes out distilling all of this fear and doubt into you makes it so much more challenging. I want people who are on my team. I want them to be on my side. And they weren’t? It was so much about the timeline. When you’re signed to a major label, no matter who you are, it’s, “Well, we can’t put this out that day because Justin Timberlake has an album

coming out that day.” I don’t want to have to compete with people who I don’t even know. If your job is to take care of me, you should be taking care of it. You should be doing what’s right for my project. And waiting two years to put an album out was not right for my project. What project did we have to wait on? The Valley. I wanted to put The Valley out a year after the first record came out, and my first album came out in October 2014 and The Valley came out in the spring of 2017. That was a long time for me. Too long. And it was really difficult for me to sit and wait because you can’t tour, you can’t do anything if you don’t put new music out. I felt quite isolated, and all I wanted to do was share. All I wanted to do was be myself and share myself and make more music and continue to do what I love to do. What’s the best part of being a free agent now? There are lots of good things! (Laughs) Being able to record a song and go, “Cool, I want to put it out in three months, I can do that!” That’s totally foreign to me, so that’s really exciting. Not having to fight for my case, or sort of go through a hundred people to try to get stuff approved. That’s so refreshing. And if you want, you can even release an album on the same day as Justin Timberlake. Exactly. By the way, who I love. That was an example; I didn’t even try to put out a record that day. But there are so many people on any major label and not enough people to work that project There are 200 artists and 50 people working — like, how can you possibly take care of everybody? So: no tea, no shade. How has your artistic freedom influenced the way you approached the music on Betty Pt. 1? If I had written “Taste” and wanted to put it on an album a year and a half ago, I would’ve got, “I don’t know how this fits in with everything. It’s really different for me, and I don’t know how to do different.” I was always encouraged to

do what everybody thought was best for me, not sort of expand too much outside of that. Now, I’m putting music out at my own free will and with my own inspiration and vision. With “Taste,” I go, “This is really different, and that’s exactly why I want to put it out.” A song like “Friend Like Me”: I had been writing singer-songwriter songs for the last 13 years of my

Dustin and Spencer Reeser-Stout flank Betty Who at Utah Pride in 2014

life – I started writing songs when I was 14 – and that was where I learned to write, on a guitar. I was writing really intimate, sad, quiet songs. “Silas,” I think, is the closest thing that I’ve done that feels like that, which is on my second EP. It wasn’t even on an album because everybody goes, “But you know, you’re not a singer-songwriter.” But I am. That’s exactly who I am. It’s who I’ve always been. And just because I’m a singer-songwriter does not negate the fact that I also want to make pop music and dance on stage. I’m an artist, and I wanted to have more of an emotional range. Just because I can do one, doesn’t mean I can’t do the other. Q As editor of Q Syndicate, the international LGBTQ wire service, Chris Azzopardi has interviewed a multitude of superstars, including Meryl Streep, Mariah Carey and Beyoncé. Reach him via his website at www.chris-azzopardi. com and on Twitter (@chrisazzopardi).

PHOTO: COURTESY UTAH PRIDE

32 | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | FOOD & DRINK

Qsaltlake.com |

Reasons why it’s ok to use a coupon on the first date

BY MIKEY ROX

There’s

a large faction of our selectively stuck-up society that think using a coupon on a first date is tacky. My guess is that they’re not the ones footing the bill; it’s easy to scoff at that “offensive” BOGO dinner deal when there’s no money leaving your own pocket. I work hard for my money, and while I want to take my first dates out for a night of fun, adventure and flirty conversation, I also don’t want to go home to the poorhouse afterward. For that reason and eight more, here’s why it’s OK to use a coupon on the first date.

It’s a first date, and there’s no promise there will be a second one

When you’re playing the field, there’s only a 50/50 chance there will be a second date. Some would say those are pretty good odds in favor of the first date being a success, but you should never go all in on the initial hand. Because you don’t know how this date will go in advance, play it like you’ve got something to lose — your money. Plan a great date, but keep the cost reasonable enough that you can get back in the game in the very near future if this one’s a loss.

It goes over much better than having to ‘go Dutch’

It’s difficult to date when you’re on a tight budget — especially if you’re the one expected to pay (and if that is an expectation of your date, recognize it as a red flag) — but if a coupon makes the date possible, go for it. Ultimately it’s better than “going Dutch,” even more so if that’s not a plan you’ve discussed beforehand. Springing it on your date at the last minute is rude — and it’s a good way to get put on blast by that person on social media. My personal rule is that if I ask someone on a date, I plan to pay for it. If someone asks me on a date, I plan to pay my half; if they insist on paying the full bill, however, I’ll accept but not before I’ve offered to cover my share.

You’re being thrifty, not cheap — and there’s a difference

Discount-dating deniers like to call people who use coupons on the first date cheap. Pay them no mind. Using a coupon doesn’t make anybody cheap, ever, but it does prove that they’re financially conscious of cash flow — a great trait in a potential partner. If you’re not exactly sure where the line is drawn between cheap and frugal, look at it this way: Cheap is cutting corners to the detriment of yourself or others just so you don’t have to spend money whereas being frugal is being resourceful and savvy about how you spend it. This situation definitely falls under the latter category — so long as you’re not dining at McDonald’s or someplace else equally

unworthy of your date’s effort to get out of bed for you.

Your affinity for frugality wards off potential gold diggers

Take this advice and hold on to it forever: If the person you’re taking out is notorious for attaching him- or herself to someone with deep pockets, they’ll get their hand out of yours when you pull out a coupon to pay for the date.

You can come up with a lot of fun date ideas by searching for coupons

If you’re not the best activity planner, that’s OK; not everyone is a creative-date genius, but looking for coupons can help in this regard. When I’m planning a date, I frequently visit Groupon or LivingSocial to see what’s going on in my area that might be fun and discounted. I’ve found fencing classes, piano bars, driving-range sessions, helicopter rides, escape rooms, and much more. As a result, my dates are often im-

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pressed at what I’ve come up with, and I’m happy that it was easy money.

Cutting the cost of date #1 makes a pricier date possible next time

It’s simple arithmetic: Spend less today so you have a little more to spend next time. In other words, treat the first date like a taste of what’s to come. By establishing midrange expectations from the beginning, anything else after will seem a step up — and it’ll be appreciated.

Being financially conservative turns some people on

Remember that episode of Friends where Monica schools Chandler on the seven basic erogenous zones? You know the one — “Seven… Seven… SEVEN!, SEVEN!, SEVEN!…” Well, for some people — like me, in fact — that enthusiasm is facilitated by talk of personal finance and saving money. Tell me how much you shaved off your car insurance bill by finding an overlooked discount and, well, let’s just say you don’t have to try much harder for the rest of the night. I’m not the only person out there who finds saving sexy either; there are plenty of folks for whom this is a turn-on.

Because you’re a ninja, your date never has to know you used a coupon

After all this, if you’re still worried about how your date might react to your coupon on the first date, nip it in the bud altogether. Visit, call or email the establishment(s) you plan to visit on your date in advance and let a server or manager know that you’ll be in later that night. Let them know that you’re a little self-conscious about using your coupon and you’d rather your date not know. Trust me, they’ll understand. When you get there, you’ll have absolutely no anxiety stressing you out aside from whether or not you’ll get a goodnight kiss — and if that’s the extent of your worries, you’re on the right track. Q Mikey Rox is an award-winning journalist and LGBT lifestyle expert whose work has been published in more than 100 outlets across the world. He spends his time writing from the beach with his dog Jaxon. Connect with Mikey on Twitter @ mikeyrox.

AUGUST 2018 |

Issue 282 | Qsaltlake.com

DINING GUIDE Most Fabby in Park City

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FOOD & DRINK | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | 33

34 | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | COMICS

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AUGUST 2018

AUGUST 2018 |

PUZZLES | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | 35

Issue 282 | Qsaltlake.com

PronounAppropriate Love Songs

Introducing ‘AJ & Magnus’ QSaltLake Magazine is proud to present a new comic strip gracing our pages. AJ & Magnus is the creation of Bryan and Simon Steel, a real-life couple raising their nephew and their dog. The cartoon chronicles the everyday adventures of a boy, his dog and his two dads, which they hope to turn into an animated series. “A few years ago, Simon and I were reunited with my family,” Bryan Steel explains. “On camping trip years ago, we met our nephew for the first time. He took to Magnus, our English Mastiff, and they were best friends exploring the woods and going on adventures. Simon and I joked about what if he were our son and what kind of parents we’d be. We had a great weekend and left inspired to turn this idea into something. We talked about how growing up gay had been difficult and how it would have been easier to see gay people represented

more often. This inspired us to create an inclusive family comic that could have fit in with the newspaper comics we read growing up. It may be too late for us, but for a whole new generation of LGBTQ+ youth, maybe it would make a difference. After months of concepts and planning and we released our first strip on August 8th, 2014. Fast forward to today, we’re now raising our nephew and living together as a family.” “This is one of the reasons why we created AJ & Magnus; we hope to be a part of exposing people to the non-common gay parent family so they see every family is family, no matter who it’s made up of and show LGBT youth that a family of their own is an option for those who want it,” Bryan said. “The other reason is we just want to add some more laughter to the world. There can never be too many smiles!” Q More info at patreon.com/ajandmagnus

44 Like a mouth, in BDSM 45 See 34-Across 47 TV singing competition, for short 48 Peri’s Frasier role ACROSS 50 Drag queen’s digital 1 Sports bra “model” tool Mia 52 Kevin of _Dances 5 Melissa Etheridge’s with Wolves_ “___ It Heavy” 56 Literary contempo9 Climax, e.g. rary of Truman 14 Midvoyage 57 Gardner of Holly15 Visitor at gay.com wood 16 The Lone Ranger’s 58 Loaded for bear male companion 61 Opera villain, usually 17 Story teller 64 “I Kissed a Girl” 18 “She’s Crushing My singer Mind” singer 67 Ariz. neighbor 20 Emma Stone’s beard 68 Release from movie bondage 22 Kind of light for Joel 69 Makes tats Schumacher 70 Exited the closet, 23 Fraternal Order with “out” member 71 Egg holders 72 Bottomless 24 Bone by the hu73 “What’s going ___ merus there?” 26 Hot stuff in Frida’s land DOWN 28 Madame Butterfly 1 In the pink props 2 Tibet’s setting 32 Went lickety-split 3 Be competitive with 33 Banana stalk stats 34 With 45-Across, “I 4 “She Keeps Me Think She Knows” Warm” singer singer 5 Diving bird 36 Q, and others, in 6 Writer Dinesen Scrabble 7 _Chicago_ producer 40 Caribbean vacation Meron spot 8 Sexual orientation, 42 Character for Keanu e.g. 43 Hersey’s A Bell For 9 Wounds of Mary’s ___ son

10 VIP of DC, e.g. 11 Photographer Adams 12 Got to second base, perhaps 13 Men who don’t sleep with women 19 Rupert Everett’s Ready to ___ 21 T or F, on exams 25 NASA “thumbs-up” 27 “She Says” singer 28 Exam for jrs. 29 Blade name 30 Like young Abe Lincoln 31 Flying flock of geese 35 New York college 37 Friend of fag hags? 38 Carbon compound 39 Foot bottom 41 Guys in underwear ads, e.g. 46 Band’s one-night stand 49 Mostel of The Producers 51 High tennis shot from Mauresmo 52 Bourbon Street cuisine 53 Like Mary’s little follower 54 Men in the navy 55 Foaming at the mouth 59 The sound of music 60 Sommer of film 62 Interstate rumbler 63 Alternatives to asses 65 Eng. class about Virginia Woolf 66 Gaydar, perhaps

36 | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | MARKETPLACE

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Issue 282 |

AUGUST 2018

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AUGUST 2018 |

MARKETPLACE | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | 37

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LENDERS

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38 | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | QMMUNITY

Qmmunity Groups ALCOHOL & DRUG

Alcoholics Anonymous 801-484-7871  utahaa.org LGBT meetings: Sun. 3p Acceptance Group, UPC, 255 E 400 S Mon. 7p Gay Men’s Stag (Big Book Study), UPC, 255 E 400 S 8p G/Q Women’s Mtg, Disability Law Center (rear), 205 N 400 W Tues. 8:15p Live & Let Live, UPC, 255 E 400 S Wed. 7p Sober Today, 375 Harrison Blvd, Ogden Fri. 8p Stonewall Group, UPC, 255 E 400 S Crystal Meth Anon  crystalmeth.org Sun. 1:30pm Clean, Sober & Proud LGBTQIA+Straight USARA, 180 E 2100 S Thurs. 1p Unity In Sobriety, 175 S 700 E LifeRing Secular Recovery 385-258-3788  liferingutah.org Sun. 10am Univ. Neuropsychiatric Institute, 501 Chipeta Way #1566 Mon. 5pm, First Unitarian Church, 569 S 1300 E Tues. 7pm, 6876 S Highland Dr Wed. noon, 2319 Foothill Dr, #120

Weds. 6:30 pm, Univ Neuropsych Institute, 501 Chipeta Way #1566 Thurs. 5:30pm, USARA, 180 E 2100 S, #100 Fri. 7pm, 2212 S West Temple #29 Sat. 11am, First Baptist Church, 777 S 1300 E BUSINESS

LGBTQ-Affirmative Psycho-therapists Guild of Utah  lgbtqtherapists.com * jim@lgbtqtherapists.com Utah Gay & Lesbian Chamber of Commerce  utahgaychamber.com * info@utahgaychamber.com Vest Pocket Business Coalition  vestpocket.org 801-596-8977 DOMESTIC VIOLENCE

National Domestic Violence Hotline 1-800-799-7233 YWCA of Salt Lake  ywca.org/saltlakecity 322 E 300 S 801-537-8600 HEALTH & HIV

Peer Support for Mental Illness — PSMI Thurs 7pm, Utah Pride Ctr Planned Parenthood 654 S 900 E 800-230-PLAN Salt Lake County Health Dept HIV/STD Clinic 660 S 200 E, 4th Floor Walk-ins M–F 10a–4p Appts 385-468-4242 Utah AIDS Foundation  utahaids.org * mail@utahaids.org

Qsaltlake.com |

1408 S 1100 E 801-487-2323 Weber-Morgan Health Mon., Weds 1-4:30p 477 23rd St, Ogden Appt 801-399-7250 HOMELESS SVCS

Volunteers of America Homeless Youth Resource Ctr, ages 15–21 880 S 400 W 801-364-0744 Transition Homes: Young Men’s 801-433-1713 Young Women’s 801-359-5545 LEGAL

Rainbow Law Free Clinic 2nd Thurs 6:30–7:30pm UofU Law School, 383 S University St POLITICAL

Equality Utah  equalityutah.org * info@equalityutah.org 175 W 200 S, Ste 1004 801-355-3479 Utah Libertarian Party 6885 S State St #200 888-957-8824 Utah Log Cabin Republicans  bit.ly/logcabinutah 801-657-9611

Sacred Light of Christ  slcchurch.org 823 S 600 E 801-595-0052 11a Sundays Wasatch Metropolitan Community Church  wasatchmcc.org 801-889-8764 Sundays, 11a at Mestizo Coffee, 631 W N Temple SOCIAL

1 to 5 Club (bisexual)  fb.me/1to5ClubUtah The Bonnie and Clyde’s Social Group  bit.ly/BonnieClydeSG Alternative Garden Club  bit.ly/altgarden * altgardenclub@gmail.com blackBOARD Men’s Kink/Sex/BDSM education, 1st, 3rd Mons.  blackbootsslc.org blackBOOTS Kink/BDSM Men’s leather/kink/ fetish/BDSM 4th Sats.  blackbootsslc.org Gay Writes writing group, DiverseCity 6:30 pm Mondays Community Writing Ctr, 210 E 400 S Ste 8 Get Outside Utah  bit.ly/GetOutsideUtah

Utah Stonewall Democrats  utahstonewalldemocrats.org

Men Who Move  menwhomove.org

RELIGIOUS

OUTreach Utah Ogden  outreachutah.org

First Baptist Church  firstbaptist-slc.org * office@firstbaptistslc.org 11a Sundays 777 S 1300 E 801-582-4921

BUT WITH A CAPE

OWLS of Utah (Older, Wiser, Lesbian. Sisters)  bit.ly/owlsutah Queer Friends  queerfriends.org

qVinum Wine Tasting  qvinum.com  fb.me /QVinum/ Sage Utah, Seniors  fb.me/sageutah  sageutah@ utahpridecenter.org 801-557-9203 Temple Squares Square Dance Club  templesquares.org 801-449-1293 Utah Bears  utahbears.com  fb.me/utahbears  info@utahbears.com Weds 6pm Raw Bean Coffee, 611 W Temple Utah Male Naturists  umen.org  info@umen.org Utah Pride Center  utahpridecenter.org  info@utahpridecenter.org 1380 S Main St 801-539-8800 SPORTS

Pride Community Softball League  fb.me/utahpride. softballleague  pcsl@prideleague.com Q Kickball League  fb.me/qsaltlake. kickball Sundays, 10:30, 11:30, Sunnyside Park QUAC — Queer Utah Aquatic Club  quacquac.org  questions@ quacquac.org Salt Lake Goodtime Bowling League  bit.ly/slgoodtime

Issue 282 |

AUGUST 2018

Stonewall Shooting Sports of Utah  fb.me/stonewall. sportsofutah Venture Out Utah  facebook.com/groups/ Venture.OUT.Utah YOUTH/COLLEGE

Encircle LGBTQ Family and Youth Resource Center  encircletogether.org fb.me/encircletogether 91 W 200 S, Provo, Gay-Straight Alliance Network  gsanetwork.org Salt Lake Community College LGBTQ+ 8 slcc.edu/lgbtq/ University of Utah LGBT Resource Center 8 lgbt.utah.edu 200 S Central Campus Dr Rm 409 801-587-7973 USGA at BYU  fb.me/UsgaAtByu Utah State Univ. Access & Diversity Ctr  usu.edu/ accesscenter/lgbtqa Utah Valley Univ Spectrum  facebook.com/ groups/uvuspectrum Weber State University LGBT Resource Center  weber.edu/ lgbtresourcecenter 801-626-7271

Embracing the health & resilience of our community Utah’s Inclusive Aquatic Club since 1995 BEGINNERS WELCOME EVERYONE’S INVITED

umen.org

AUGUST 2018 |

BOOK REVIEW | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | 39

Issue 282 | Qsaltlake.com

book review

REVIEW BY TERRI SCHLICHENMEYER

Blame It On Bianca Del Rio: The Expert on Nothing with an Opinion on Everything BY BIANCA DEL RIO C.2018, DEY STREET BOOKS $21.99, 272 PAGES

You have no rope left. You were at the end of yours last week, and you need help. Advice. Tell-me-what-todo direction. Even a little hint would be great, and in Blame It On Bianca Del Rio by Bianca Del Rio, you might find it. Or not. Then again, Del Rio adamantly says that she gives “better advice than Dr. Phil” because what she espouses is based on “years and years of insightful prying and corrosive gossip…” That’s what this “literary goldmine” is based on, but Del Rio cautions that she changed names and circumstances as she wrote this book. In other words, even if you see your name here, it’s not all about you. Some of the problems here may be yours, though, and Del Rio offers “help” — first on health and grooming. This includes bad smells and what to do about them, rocking a bald look, dealing with serious illness, preparing yourself for a loved-one’s death, and looking one’s best (or lowering one’s standards). This book wouldn’t be right without Del Rio ’s guidance on sex and relationships. She has a lot to say about LBD (Lesbian Bed Death), coming out as gay to your girlfriend of four years, how many cats a queen can have before crossing the line, PHOTO COURTESY OF DEY STREET BOOKS.

and what to do about a terrible mother-in-law. There’s “advice” here on how to deal with neighbors who don’t like you, and neighbors you like a little too much. Find out what Del Rio says about unknown paternity and how to avoid the same situation in the future. Get help on dealing with homophobia, parents that are overly supportive, bad Grandmas, and other family matters. Learn how to turn down an invitation, how to read an invitation, and how to be rude-not-rude. Finally, find out what it’s like to be famous, fabulous, and fabulously famous. In a rush of snark and a long answer, Del Rio tells all… In case you hadn’t already figured it out — whether you are familiar with author Bianca Del Rio or not, whether you know her work or don’t — you need to know that there’s not one single thing about Blame It On Bianca Del Rio that’s PC. Nope, in fact, there may actually be parts of this book that could be downright insulting. Contrary to what you were told in grade school, however, there are some books that need to be judged by their covers and this one is a good example. With one look, you should know what you’re getting yourself into, and a good insult is half the appeal of what you’ll have once you’re there. Mixed in with that is the occasional usable nugget, a lot of “yougo-girl!” empowerment, blunt MYOBiz answers to authentically sticky problems, and fall-down screaming-hysterical laughs hidden in the snarkiest of comments. Blame It on Bianca Del Rio absolutely does not belong on the shelf with other Agony Aunt tomes. Get it, and it might not even need a shelf at all because you’ll want it close, all tied up in fun. Q

Gay Mormon Dad

A MEMOIR CH AD ANDER SON

Available Now on Kindle or in Paperback at Amazon.com

Chad Anderson grew up gay in a large Mormon family. After years of trying to conform to religious standards, which promised a cure for homosexuality, he married and had children before finally coming out of the closet. Gay Mormon Dad is his story of finally learning to love himself in a complicated world. Chad currently resides with his two sons in Salt Lake City, where he works as a social worker and a writer.

Order now at bit.ly/GayMormonDad The Capitol Hill Neighborhood Council Presents

RD ANNUal

TO ENTER contact marmaladejamfest @gmail.com

Saturday Sept. 22 10am–6pm

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40 | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | Q HEALTH

positive thoughts

Qsaltlake.com |

Issue 282 |

AUGUST 2018

My poz heroes

How writing about people living with HIV inspired profound change in my own life BY DESIRÉE GUERRERO

About a

year and a half ago, I was in a dark place. After a painful separation from the love of my life, I felt not only completely broken inside but also scared as hell. And I needed a job, pronto. After all, I was a single mom now and I had mouths to feed. After weeks of job searching and getting turned down for employment by both Target and a local RV dealership, you could say my sense of self-worth wasn’t the greatest. I was on the verge of turning 40, jobless, broke, and very, very sad. At that point, I lacked the motivation to even try to apply at another crappy job that I didn’t want. But the what the hell was I going to do? Well, I did the only thing you can do when life has you by the huevos and you’re doing the best you can, despite the overwhelming odds against you at the moment — I left it to the Universe. I very consciously put out this “wish” of sorts; this hope, this prayer: Let me find a job that needs me as much as I need it, and that has the ability to grow into something more. Another couple weeks passed. Still nothing. And then one day I saw the ad for an “editorial assistant” with a telecommuting option (basically, single mom heaven). I have always loved writing and been interested in journalism but never had an opportunity to pursue it — so with zero professional experience and only an old blog to show as examples of my writing — I went for it. And somehow, out of 2,000 some-odd applicants, I got the job. It certainly seemed that the Universe had answered my call. Within a couple months I was promoted to assistant editor, and a few months after that to an associate editor, now writing and editing for three national publications. One of these is Plus magazine, a health mag that focuses on all aspects of living with HIV — from the latest treatment breakthroughs to discussing stigma and mental health.

Of course, like most of us, I had known a few people affected by HIV in my life, but sadly — growing up in the ’80s, before the development of today’s very effective antiretroviral therapy — you often found out after it was too late. The reality is, right up until today, stigma still prevails and many people living with the condition fear “coming out” as poz. And many aren’t truly able to do so safely in their lives. However, there are still many others who bravely choose to go public with their status as a direct response to this stigma. One of the first people I interviewed for Plus was Eric Leonardos, a Los Angeles-based celebrity hairstylist. On a whim, Leonardos took an opportunity to appear on the Logo reality dating series, Finding Prince Charming. Not only did the handsome and charming Leonardos “win” the show by being chosen by the show’s featured eligible bachelor, Robert Sepulveda Jr., he made history by opening up about being poz on one of the episodes. Though the relationship didn’t last (but ended on friendly terms), the impact of Leonardos’ coming out on television continues to be felt. Not only did Leonardos tell the world he was not ashamed to be living with HIV, but the fact that Sepulveda didn’t let his status (or fear of the stigma attached to dating someone who is poz) dissuade him from wanting to pursue a relationship with Leonardos was monumental. Since coming out poz, Leonardos has not only continued to thrive in his career in the world of beauty and fashion, he has become a quietly fierce activist for people living with HIV and other marginalized people. He is often asked to speak at events and share his story, which — as a gay conversion therapy survivor from Bible-Belt Texas — includes much more

than just his diagnosis. Leonardos’s brave decision to go public lead to remarkable things in his own life, but it also led to great change in my own. It was through getting to know Leonardos and his story that the perspective on my own situation began to change. Seeing how much he dealt with at an early age, and not only overcame but persevered in spite of, sort of shook me off my “pity pot,” so to speak. Sure, as a teen parent and abuse survivor, I had been through my share of harsh realities — but perhaps that is why Leonardos’ story inspired me so. I could relate. As two people from different parts of the country, who had very different cultural upbringings, I was surprised at my connection to him. The shame and rejection he felt as a gay teen sent away to be “cured” wasn’t dissimilar to what I had experienced, at least emotionally, as a frightened pregnant teen from a Catholic family sent away to a continuation school. And there’s the all-powerful stigma. The paralyzing fear of the world treating you like less. Though I certainly am not claiming I know what it’s like to deal with HIV stigma firsthand, Leonardos’ story is powerful and relatable. I have now interviewed dozens of other poz folks, some famous, some not. Many just regular folks busting their ass every day in the trenches in the fight against HIV, but each with an inspiring story. Those people are thriving, not sitting around feeling sorry for themselves. They have demonstrated to me and countless others that no matter what hand life has dealt you, a positive attitude and an open heart and mind — and a caring support team — are all you need to make it through. Q Desirée Guerrero is the associate editor of Plus magazine. This column is a project of Plus, Positively Aware, POZ, TheBody.com, Q Syndicate, and QSaltLake Magazine.

AUGUST 2018 |

A&E | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | 41

Issue 282 | Qsaltlake.com Each Sudoku puzzle has a unique solution which can be reached logically without guessing. Enter digits 1 through 9 into the blank spaces. Every row must contain one of each digit, as must each column and each 3x3 square. Qdoku

Q doku Level: Easy

6 7846

7 524 3 4 7 5 2 83 6 71 1 98 7 5 32789 1 5 6 3 64 8 3 82 1 1 3 8 96 6 3 9 6 51 9 7 2 8 7 149 3471 9 26 9

6 3 1

4 5

2 7 4 46 1 7 15 5 38 1 9 35217 6 38

q scopes AUGUST BY SAM KELLEY-MILLS

ARIES March 20–April 19

Don’t burn yourself out too quickly. There’s a lot of fatigue and you’re running on fumes at the moment. Take some time to recharge and renew when dealing with personal matters. Surrender to the flow of your work and get engaged with some quiet projects. No one is going to doubt you if you hold steady so keep going.

TAURUS Apr 20–May 20

Even though it’s getting warm outside, there is a cold feeling in your heart that can’t be ignored. It may have to do with the dwindling interest in the drama others are bringing. Be the beacon of hope and take a moment to help a good friend by offering advice. It may turn out that the wisdom you pass on will be useful for you too.

GEMINI May 21–June 20

Even if no one notices, it helps to bring a little spice to the social scene. Friend and gatherings are abundant and it helps to contribute your own unique flair. Don’t get

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wrapped up in a problem that doesn’t involve you. It may seem wise to travel alone and find a sense of focus and change. No one will feel left out if you do.

CANCER June 21–July 22

Don’t judge too quickly. Something you see will not be what it appears to be, and an incorrect reaction might lead to an embarrassing moment. Take some time to get work done and get finances in order. There seems to be a lot of people wanting to spend time with you. It might be a good idea to do so.

LEO July 23–August 22

Anger is not an uncommon feeling right now, but it’s not doing much good right now. Being in charge is important to you, but it might be a good time to release the burdens of command and simply let others take the lead. There is always something to be learned by the style of others. The education will be invaluable.

VIRGO August 23–Sep. 22

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to be played, and the only way to win is to compromise. Sometimes the best gains come from losing little.

LIBRA Sept 23–October 22

love. Don’t seek to destroy this person, or the relationship could falter.

CAPRICORN Dec 21–Jan 19

Motivation has been a real problem lately. There’s nothing wrong with having a lack of energy, but the real bounce back will come through romance or a nice change of scenery. Seek out new experiences and try meeting new people. The further you go on your quest for newness, the more you’ll realize that you don’t know everything.

The need to flex the muscle of authority could be a turn off to others. Don’t be so impressed by your accomplishments that it undermines the efforts to gain respect. A friend or lover is finding an obsession rather weary, but don’t let this get you down. Find satisfaction through casual fun and lay off the need to prove yourself.

SCORPIO Oct. 23–Nov. 21

There’s nothing totally wrong in switching up the orders of operations. The more tasks are piling up, the more boredom tends to set in. Keep things interesting by having dessert first, play before work, and taking different positions than normal. It’s a good time to break the norms and alter perceptions for the better.

The beauty of nature is going to be a great inspirational source during this time period. With weather that is ever changing and a hot-andcold dynamic occurring, much of your duality is represented by the world itself. This could be a good time to be involved in the creative process and share what you see with others.

SAGITTARIUS

Nov. 22–December 20.

Slipping out during the middle of a fight is not a bad idea. You aren’t running away, but simply gaining composure. Let the fighters wear themselves out and kill them with tact instead of anger. The most intense opposition comes from someone you

AQUARIUS Jan. 20–Feb. 18

PISCES Feb 19–Mar 19

Feeling that things could be going better right now? Likely this feeling comes from boredom rather than failure. There is always a higher conquest and a goal to accomplish, but only because you want more than you have. Look for some new adventures but don’t lose sight of how good things are right now either. Q

42 | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | FRIVOLIST

Reasons you never have enough money

BY MIKEY ROX

I hear

this complaint all the time: “I never have enough money.” Truth is, we’ve all been there, but while some of us choose to confront the situation head on to get out of that rut, others continue the paycheck-to-paycheck lifestyle for a number of reasons. What are they? Find out where you fit in here.

You’re not budgeting properly

The sole purpose of budgeting is so you can keep track of exactly how much money is coming in and going out of your bank account every month. For this system to work, you must follow your finances accurately before it becomes a messy situation. For instance, your take-home pay generally stays the same, but that’s not always the case for your expenses (i.e. your bills) — your electricity bill especially fluctuates month-to-month as does your phone bill, probably. In these cases, it’s important to follow these expenses to the cent so you can decide where to make changes, like cutting back on recreational activities, picking up a part-time job, or other solutions to ensure that you have enough money (and a little excess) in your budget every month.

the frivolist

You’re shopping frivolously

It’s easy to go overboard when shopping — especially if you’re susceptible to impulse buying — so it’s important to keep your wallet in check when you go out. If you know you can’t afford anything extra this month, don’t tempt yourself. Find something more productive to do with your time — like thinking of ways to make extra money (imagine that!) — so you don’t fall prey to shopping with money you don’t have.

You’re Neglecting Your Savings Account

I treat my savings as an account that should only be touched in extreme emergencies. I funnel money to that account consistently, considering that all my monthly expenses are paid first. I leave a bit extra in my budget to do things I like, like go to the movies or hang out with friends on the weekends, but generally most of my leftover earnings go to savings. If you’re in such a financial bind that you have neither funds in your checking account nor your savings, you need to reevaluate your priorities before you’re faced with a major expense that could put you deeply in debt for years to come.

You’re being lazy

This may sound harsh, but I believe that laziness is one of the most common problems among people who complain they don’t have enough money. Now, before you start sending nastygrams my way, I’m not talking about the hard-working Americans in unfortunate circumstances who can barely make ends meet; those folks know how real the struggle is, and they’re constantly working to correct the situation in most cases. Instead, I’m referring to perfectly middle and lower-middle class folks who have just enough money to cover their expenses and more time than they know what to do with, which, coincidentally, is anything but work harder. I have no sympathy and very little tolerance for these people. Personally, I try to make an extra

Qsaltlake.com |

Issue 282 |

AUGUST 2018

buck everywhere I can so I can enjoy the life I have. That includes lots of little side gigs, like additional writing work, renting my homes out on Airbnb; dog sitting via Rover.com; and shopping and delivering groceries using Instacart. These are things that almost anyone can do. To be in the red financially because you’re being lazy is no one’s fault but your own — and dare I say it, probably well deserved.

You have too many costly commitments in your life

If you have a lot of friends and family, you’re probably inundated with invitations to weddings, birthday parties, baby showers, and more — and these events can be costly. There are times, of course, when you can’t get out of it — like when your sister is getting married — but if you’re tight on cash already and it’s not essential that you attend the party, you’re allowed to politely decline. There’s no shame in citing financial hardship either; most reasonable and caring people will totally understand your plight.

You’re not cutting costs where you can

Are there expenses in your life that are non-essential? Perhaps you can downgrade your mobile plan, cancel the gym membership you’re not using, or cut the cable in favor of cheaper streaming services if you don’t watch all that much TV. I bet there’s at least one or maybe even a couple ways you can shave some money off your monthly expenses if you take a good look at what you’re paying for and start making a few phone calls.

You’re making poor decisions on the weekends

Just like shopping friv-

AUGUST 2018 |

FRIVOLIST | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | 43

Issue 282 | Qsaltlake.com

olously, eating out and buying drinks on the weekends to take your mind off your money problems is the exact opposite of what you should be doing. If you can’t afford a full fridge of healthy food, you can’t afford wings, beer and shots either. This habit is wrong on a few levels, and if this is your routine it’s absolutely the reason you can’t get on the other side of broke and why you’re likely not very happy with yourself as a result. Rein in this nasty habit and take stock of what really matters to you. If hitting the bar is more important than paying your bills, you’ve got a serious problem on your hands and you may need professional help.

You’re living beyond your means

You make $60,000 a year, but you’re spending $80,000; even someone without a personal finance background can tell you those numbers don’t add up. Yet many of us consciously go into debt to keep up appearances or treat ourselves to things we think we deserve despite not having the money to cover it. The obvious solution here is to downsize, but I know that’s not always easy; it’s a blow to the ego, and you may be afraid of how you’ll be perceived by those around you. But let me offer a slice of advice — who gives a flying fuck? Are they paying your mortgage or your kids’ college tuition? No, and you shouldn’t feel a certain way about what somebody else thinks about your financial situation unless they’re sending you a check every month. Worry about yourself and your financial health instead of what the people who probably aren’t your friends anyway think. You’ll get along much easier in life that way.

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You’ve accumulated too much debt Winner

Hey, it happens — and it’s not always under your control. Perhaps you have school loans, or maybe you bought your dream home and lost your job. That’s life, and it’s nothing about which to be ashamed. But your debt should not be ignored. It won’t go away — unless you declare bankruptcy, of course, but you don’t want to do that. Instead, enact some of the previous tips, like downsizing, cutting losses, budgeting better and creating a long-term plan to chip away at the money you owe to creditors. The process won’t be quick or easy, but people have overcome far worse. You will survive. Q Mikey Rox is an award-winning journalist and LGBT lifestyle expert whose work has been published in more than 100 outlets across the world. He spends his time writing from the beach with his dog Jaxon. Connect with Mikey on Twitter @mikeyrox.

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44 | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | SEX

Qsaltlake.com |

Issue 282 |

AUGUST 2018

sex in salt lake city

SCOLD OR CRITICIZE

Dr. Laurie Bennett-Cook is a Clinical Sexologist and Director of Sex Positive Los Angeles. Find out more at about.me/ kinkucation or email JustLBC@yahoo.com or Dr.LaurieBennettCook@gmail.com

PUZZLE SOLUTIONS

2 9 8 6 3 4 7 1 5

9 1 4 5 8 2 3 6 7

3 7 2 9 4 6 8 5 1

6 8 5 7 1 3 9 4 2

1 5 3 2 7 8 6 9 4

7 4 6 1 5 9 2 3 8

8 3 9 4 2 1 5 7 6 1 4 8 2 9 3 6 4 1 8 7 5

4 2 7 3 6 5 1 8 9 3 2 7 5 6 4 9 7 8 2 1 3

6 9 4 7 5 3 1 8 2

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8 5 7 4 1 2 6 3 9

2 7 3 6 1 5 9 4 8 2 7 1 3 5 6 7 1 2 4 8 9

9 8 5 4 3 2 7 6 1 5 3 4 9 2 8 3 4 5 7 1 6

6 4 1 7 8 9 2 3 5 6 8 9 4 1 7 8 9 6 2 3 5

2 7 3 9 6 1 5 4 8 3 6 9 5 7 8 4 1 2

1 4 9 5 8 7 3 6 2 1 5 8 9 2 4 3 7 6

6 8 5 4 2 3 1 9 7 4 2 7 3 6 1 5 8 9

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8 3 4 2 7 9 6 5 1 8 9 6 2 4 3 1 5 7

5 6 2 1 3 8 9 7 4 7 3 2 1 5 6 8 9 4

The best way to show someone how to please you is to show them. Nobody knows your body like you do. The easiest way to do this is to place your hands and on theirs and guide them to what part of your body you want touched; what amount of pressure; what amount of stimulation; etc. If you’re comfortable you can have your partner sit back and learn by observing you as you please yourself.

Sex is such a vulnerable, intricate part of who we are as human beings. I’m a firm believer that if partners communicate freely with one another about sex, that skill spills over into other areas of their relationship and makes communicating overall easier. Q

Having sex with another person can expose vulnerability. Criticizing can shut a person down, cause them to withdraw, and make them less receptive to suggestions in the future. 5 6 1 8 9 7 4 2 3 9 6 5 8 7 1 5 3 2 6 4 9

Many times it can be easier to say what you want by putting it in terms of a fantasy. Maybe you have a fantasy of being bound and blindfolded.

Use Your Hands to Guide

Comparing your partner to anyone else is likely to result in frustration for both of you. Most people want to be the best they can be for their partner. When we feel like we don’t measure up in some way we become more insecure and there is less chance of sexual trust developing.

What not to do:

1 8 6 2 9 4 5 3 7

Share Fantasies

State what you want and how you want it. Give clear examples. Do not be too wordy or go into over lengthy discussions about why as the conversation can easily stray from what you want to experience, to why you’re feeling you’re not getting needs met. It’s easy for a conversation to take a turn and a response to go from a “yes lets” to “I’ll never be able to please you.”

COMPARE

Sex is something we learn by doing. We can only talk about it, read about it, or watch videos about it for so long before we need to physically experience how it works with another human being. Navigating the body of another person can be tricky. So when your partner gets it right — tell them. Moan, squirm, say yes, make eye contact. Be clear in letting them know that what they’re doing is feeling good.

4 5 2 3 6 7 9 8 1

Choosing the right place and time is key for how well your requests are accepted and heard. These are not conversations that are usually well received when done over the phone, email, or text. Nor is bringing up how you didn’t like a certain move your partner did the night before when they’re on the way out the door going to reap a positive solution. Conversely, setting an environment where the two of you can talk freely and explicitly, free of anyone rushing out the door.

Be Clear

Praise

9 3 7 8 1 5 4 2 6

Choose the Tone and Setting

Maybe you once had a dream that you were having sex outdoors where there was risk of being caught. While some choose to act out each fantasy, others find the ability to share in a nonjudgmental environment, especially if met with enthusiasm, to be an incredible turn on. While there may be a fear your partner will reject your fantasy, you may also find yourself pleasantly surprised to receive a “let’s try that!”

Voice simple directions such as “harder”, “faster”, “to the left”, etc. By stating what you want at that moment, followed by a positive reaction from you as your partner heeds the direction, will increase the likelihood of a positive experience the next time with less direction from you.

3 4 8 7 5 6 1 9 2

communication has become too common. Most of the time, lack of communication between partners is first realized in the bedroom. Of all the things we need to talk about with our partners, sex can be the most challenging. Sex is such a vulnerable part of our being that to risk our partner thinking we’re freaky, weird, gross or whatever else, we prevent ourselves from sharing what we desire most. Communication in the bedroom is a dance that both people are usually afraid to ask of the other. How to ask for what you want in bed:

BE VAGUE Not being clear in your requests and making statements such as “just take me” or “show more passion” are too subjective and how your partner perceives those things could be different from your own. Stating “when you bend me over, pull my hair, and passionately kiss my neck” ss much more likely to get the response you desire.

7 1 5 4 2 9 3 6 8

Lack of

BY LAURIE BENNETT-COOK

Use Few Words

6 2 9 1 8 3 7 5 4

Communication between the sheets

AUGUST 2018 |

A&E | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | 45

Issue 282 | Qsaltlake.com

gay writes

Why do I write? BY KED KIRKHAM

I know

we are a creative bunch. And I have had the pleasure of watching some of that creativity unfold in esthetics and coiffure design, fashion and apparel production, fine art and symphonic music, as well as drum circles, and hobbies and crafts. Give me a little Uke with my shaved ice! We have entertainers on the page, the small screen, the stage and the big screen. And the front page. My school years were the 60s and my awakening the 70s; the biggest city I’ve ever lived in is still Salt Lake. In those many years I have learned about us — our community — from others who expressed themselves. Some freely, others not as much. Why do I write? Someone asked me to talk about that or to write about it. I am creative. I believe we all are. And, no, we are not all creative in the same way. Until I started attending the Gay Writes writing group in 2011, I felt there was no place to express myself, in the way I most wanted to. This group is part of the DiverseCity Writing Series writing groups, sponsored and supported by Salt Lake Community College’s Community Writing Center, located on the plaza of the Main Library in Salt Lake. Immediately, I was accepted. Just as I was. I wanted to improve my essay skills. Which hasn’t happened yet, to my thinking, but no one allows me to stop. Indeed, I am encouraged to keep trying. And you have read some of my efforts. One side effect to this is that I rediscovered a

joy for poetry which I had kept buried since high school. I am in awe of the poets around me, right here, in our community. Getting to know them, hearing them develop and expand their art has been inspiring. I love that opportunity to share and respond to the turn of phrase, the measure of pause, the play of sound that reading and listening to poetry can be. Words. How I want words. They touch me, unlike any other medium. Even in our popular movies, music, and literature, I find gems that reflect my enjoyment of words. Ariel wanting to learn about fire and why it — what’s the word? — burns. Joan to David, in frustration, that there he goes saying he’s not nostalgic, asking “what’s another word for it?” Even Janis in dismay that when mother answered the door “she called you boy instead of your name!” Disney has enlightened me, but it is rubbing elbows with real-life writers that have precipitated my own efforts. Likewise, my painting but this will not be on display yet. I have accepted the opportunity to share my writing with a public reading of my poetry. I am stunned at the quantity of it there is, but I am trying to sort through for pieces that reflect the joy I feel in it. Much of it is nature-based, nearly all of it experiential. I often say that I see poems. Many times, they come while I am traveling, so reflect my visual experience. They also reflect my social isolation: birds show up more often than people, and trees more often than flowers. I can get all flowery, still, but nothing like my 15-year-old self. On Thursday, Aug. 23, from 7–8 p.m., I will read a selection from my poetry at the Marmalade Branch of the Salt Lake

City Library. I am using the multipurpose room upstairs, where I have enjoyed other poetry and literary presentations, and where there is plenty of room. This is a free, public presentation. I am anxious about it, as well as hopeful that others will see that it can be done, that

there is a place for their own creativity to be expressed. You are creative! I believe that to my core. Let us all see it! Q Gay Writes is a DiverseCity Writing Series writing group, a program of SLCC’s Community Writing Center. The group meets the 2nd and 4th Mondays of each month, 6:30–8 p.m., 210 E. 400 S., Ste. 8.

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46 | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | FINAL WORD

Qsaltlake.com |

Issue 282 |

AUGUST 2018

the perils of petunia pap smear

The tale of a dog ate my home(work) BY PETUNIA PAP SMEAR

The road

to the doghouse is fraught with danger

and excitement. A long, long time ago in a galaxy far, far away, (okay it really was at the cusp of the change between the Paleozoic and Mesozoic Eras in a nearby universe that is known as Idaho) I was a young drag princess in training. Of course at the time I could not possibly see how the hot, sweaty laborious moving of sprinkler pipes in the potato fields, or the herding and feeding of 5,000 sheep (not the nice sweet idyllic lambs that Jesus spoke about in the Bible, but stinky stupid creatures, requiring arduous and backbreaking feeding morning and night; surly and bent on my destruction) could help train me in the sophisticated ways of the world to become the “fashionista and exquisite proprietor of decorum” that I have become in the modern era. One day after school, dreading my evening chores, I walked into the kitchen and my mother told me to go to the backyard and fetch an old scoop shovel from the doghouse, which had been unused for several years, and pick up the sheep shit that was rather deep in the barn. I walked out the back door grumbling, “Why the hell was the shovel in the doghouse? That’s the stupidest place to keep it. I wondered how deep the sheep guano is.

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And if I can finish before Bewitched (I was totally enamored by Endora) starts. I crossed the lawn, unlocked and stepped through the gate of the dog run, and started for the doghouse. Just a half-step inside the gate, a giant black “bear” bounded from the doghouse in an attack. I screamed a high-pitched shrill that I’m sure only bats could hear as I fell backward out of the gate, beneath the giant beast. It was after I hit the ground and the breath knocked out of me that I realized the creature mauling me was in fact not a bear, but a humongous dog, and it was in fact not going for the fatal death bite on my jugular, but rather excited to meet me. It climbed off of me and jumped and pranced around my bruised and breathless body. I quickly looked around to see if anyone had overheard my girlish scream because no red-blooded Ida-homo boy should ever sound like that. Then I got to my feet, and the dog immediately jumped up and placed his front paws on my shoulders — tongue wagging, slobber dripping, and hot dog breath blowing my hair back. It looked me directly in the eyes. Bow Wow! Mom and Dad had gone to Pocatello and brought “Sam” home for me. Sam was half St. Bernard and half Newfoundland weighing in at 200 pounds. Standing on all fours he was 3.5 feet tall, and when his paws rested on my shoulders, he stood about 5’10”. Sam, as it turns out, was a rescue from the pound. He was owned by some foolish city people, but of course, a dog that large needed at least 40 acres to run around. Arf Arf! Sam quickly became my best friend. He was gentle, but he was so large that he frightened everyone. Even though he never so much as growled at a person, we had to be careful with children because, in his efforts to play, he would knock children and smaller adults down.

He loved to ride in the back of the pickup truck. If we ever drove out of the yard without him, he would follow after the truck for miles. Woof! One day Sam wandered the three miles from home to the high school, looking for me. The guys in woodshop class played a joke, painting a big white stripe down his back so that he looked like a gigantic skunk. But we couldn’t get the paint off, so using sheep sheers, we gave him a severe haircut. We left a little ball of fur at the end of his tail and a mane around his neck so he looked like a black lion. Roar! Sam soon became famous in the county. We received calls from people miles away, telling us that our dog was terrorizing their little Shih Tzus and poodles. I used to fetch him in Queertanic One, my 1962 Buick LeSabre. When I drove up to their farms Sam usually bound over to meet me. I would open the trunk, and tell him to jump inside. When he did, the springs on the car sagged until the bumper almost dragged bottom as we quietly rode home. More stories of the escapades of Sam and I to come in future chapters. This story leaves us with several important questions: 1. Do I like associating with the Utah Bears because I thought a bear might eat me? 2. Was picking up my runaway dog the reason I developed a liking for picking up hitchhikers? 3. Was styling Sam’s hair where I got my pension for wearing big beehive hair? 4. Was having a large dog the reason I like to wear large breasticles? These and other eternal questions will be answered in future chapters of The Perils of Petunia Pap Smear. Q See Petunia Pap Smear at Third Friday Bingo at First Baptist Church and on the Big Gay Fun Bus!

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