Yehuda

Yehuda

Former Rebel

Welcoming

Host Romantic

Photographed by Christian Larsen / @beforemyeye

“The way dating usually works in our culture is different. Each family pays about $1,000 to a matchmaker. They have lists of single boys and girls, and they interview each one and make their profile. I got mine done, and went on a lot of dates. None of them worked out. Eventually, the way I met my wife was through family, not through those matchmaking dates.”

“ I was obviously a part of the Jewish community when I was a kid, but I also played with the black kids in our building. We would play ball and play in the snow together. They asked me a lot of questions, about my kippot on my head, about what we do on Shabbat, and why we dress this way. I asked these same questions to my teachers, and that was when I first understood that I got judged a lot based on the way I dress and look. Sometimes it’s in a respectful way–people are just curious–and sometimes it’s in a disgraceful way.”

“When I was a kid, I would climb on the buildings that were under construction. My father taught me a lot about building and using tools, and I wanted to see these buildings inside. Now I understand how dangerous it is. I was also a very hyperactive kid. I remember one day when someone provoked me at school, and we got into a fistfight. I won, of course, and then the school kicked me out. I wasn’t a well-behaved boy back then.”

“The first time I spoke to my wife was through a phone conversation. I was in New York, she was in Israel. We had a total of six phone conversations and eight face-to-face dates before we got engaged. I would say it’s not ordinary in the Hasidic community. Mostly it’s three dates and then a yes or no. We got married on July 2, 2017, and nine months later, we had a baby. The first time I proposed to her, she actually said no. We didn’t speak for two weeks, and I missed her. I knew I was in love. Finally, she called.”

“I’ve asked a lot of people at what moment they knew it was love. Each one had a different answer. What I learned is that it’s not easy to express with words. You just feel something strange.”

“If I want to do something romantic for my wife, I buy her ice cream, or even make it myself. I bought these nice glass cups for our anniversary. I think they’re meant for beer but they’re beautiful. I put the ice cream in those, and surprise her. Now that we have the baby, there is not really time for anything else.”

“The way the Hasidic community sees drinking is that it removes your clothing. Not physically, but peeling off layers so that we can speak freely and honestly. When you drink, you reveal your essence.”

“I belong to the Hasidic community called Chabad in Crown Heights. We are a closed community, but on the other hand, we are very open-minded, even radical, compared to other Hasidic communities. I have a smartphone, my wife has a smartphone. I use the Internet. But I do have Internet blockages, because it is very easy to access inappropriate searches. Besides that, the Internet is very helpful.”

“Love happens in two ways: one way is marriage, and personal relationships; another way is simply to love and embrace others in an open-minded way. I don’t care if people are gay or not, as long as you don’t tell me what you do in your bedroom. Being gay is seen as inappropriate in my community, but I will not judge you. I speak to people as human beings.”

“ You’ve got to be tolerant of everyone if you want to live in New York. New York has taught me to have an open house. Me and my wife want to arrange a Friday night meal in our house that can be reserved by anyone. We want to see all different types of people—Jews and non-Jews—come to the Friday night meal. I want people to meet and talk.”

Q&A

What neighborhood do you live in? Crown Heights.

Best thing about living there? It’s the heart of the Chabad community. It’s very busy with a lot of different guests coming in every day.

Favorite neighborhood? Crown Heights.

Favorite street to stroll? Eastern Parkway.

Why? It’s one of the best places in New York to walk up and down with wide sidewalks, the trees and the wind. It is also within walking distance to the Botanical Garden and Prospect Park which are nice additional recreation spots.

Favorite restaurant? Boeuf & Bun in Crown Heights. They have the best burgers.

Favorite bar? Chocolatte. It’s an espresso bar.

Hidden gem? Chabad Lubavitch HQ on 770 Eastern Parkway. It is open to everyone and you can ask the local people to give you a tour of the place.

How to be(come) a New Yorker? Be ready to get to know a lot of people, and to respect different lifestyles. It’s really important to have an open-minded approach with each person you meet.

Visit Yehuda at home in a 3-minute video: quotedmagazine.com/yehuda