MY STORY

By: Kendra Hathaway

Most, if not all women work to be better versions of themselves. Since the beginning of time women have always been the type of creatures to plan and execute ways to improve, process, create, and implement change. In my opinion, in order to do this, there is a certain amount of confidence that a woman must have.

Even in situations where a woman’s confidence is low, she’s been able to use what little confidence she’s had to push herself and make things better. When I think about confidence, I’d say it has a lot to do with a woman being able to love who they are. A woman with confidence has in fact learned to be accepting of herself and all of her strengths, weaknesses, her flaws and everything that makes up who she is; yet she still has enough courage to walk boldly with her head held high. She knows that although she is not perfect, she is God’s creation and she is willing and able to be a symbol of his undying Love!

It’s so great to say that I can now walk that bold walk, but there was a time when I couldn’t. I remember it like it was yesterday. When it happened, I was in shock. I felt a lump in my stomach that would not allow me to move, so I didn’t. I just sat there feeling defeated, and overwhelmed. Yes, my oldest child who was 3 at the time had this effect on me when she said with a sigh in her baby voice, “I wanna go to school”. It was crazy to me that even at her young age she was still able to show her frustration at not being able to attend school on a regular basis. As a young mother, I remembered feeling helpless, frustrated, and sad. Even though I had reassured her that she would go back, I was not even sure myself how that would happen.

In her presence I was strong, knowledgeable, and sure that things would be ok, but as soon as I could get out of her presence, I cried so hard. My baby’s voice had resonated with me. It was all that I could hear that night, and over the next few days, and weeks. All I could think about was how I was not measuring up as a mother. How could things have gotten so bad that I couldn’t even take care of my #1 responsibility? I knew then that things had to change. I knew that I wanted a better life, and I wanted to be a better mother. Something told me that it would take a lot of hard work to make this happen.

At 19 years old I was the mother of a 3-year-old daughter, and a 4-month-old son. I had my own place, a job at Target, and a car that I had to keep my foot on the accelerator in order to drive. In my mind, I really wasn’t in all that bad of shape besides the fact that I was 4 credits away from having my high school diploma, I was not making enough to be sure my rent would be paid on time for the next month, and I couldn’t do much at all for my kids who deserved so much. Besides all of this, I was still seeing my son’s father who was not in any way, shape, or form what I needed during this time. All these things drove my self-confidence into the ground. Not only was I unable to feel good about myself, but I was also unable to feel good about the roles I was playing as a mother, and woman.

One morning, while contemplating on what I should do, something I knew that there was more to life and that I could do what it took to change things for me and my children. I started talking to myself and encouraging myself. I had learned some breathing exercises that seemed to work, and I had recently began using a journal to express my thoughts. One this day, something allowed me to be more positive about my situation and as I began cleaning my house; suddenly, I began to feel as though I was cleaning my soul.

I remember feeling good, and hopeful. I remember praying that day and asking God for strength, and help. Unlike other times before, I seemed to feel stronger this time; I felt more able to do what needed to be done. I now believe that God knew my heart and had went before me and prepared a place for me. In his love for me, he ensured that I would be motivated to work hard and learn how to cope with my negative situations. I learned how to use my wants and desires as motivations to improve myself. These things helped me to feel better about my life. I began treating myself better too, because my confidence began to grow. I began to feel more positive about my life and I knew that God was with me. I felt something during this time that I hadn’t felt before... I felt ABLE. Feeling able helped me move closer towards my goals, and dreams.

For change to happen in my life, I found that I had to change myself, my thought pattern, my surroundings, and everything I was familiar with. It was a struggle, but when you learn to have faith in God and what he can do; you learn to trust yourself. Learning to trust and believe in myself was big; it made me push myself to do better. It helped me decide to want more and go for it. After this, I stopped at nothing because I knew I was just as capable as anyone else.

Overall, I can say regardless of my education, careers choices, etc., I am successful today because I am happy with who I am, and I believe in me. Today, I have the confidence I wanted years ago, but it has come with learning how to take care of me and put my mental health first. If you are experiencing mental health issues understand that many things contribute to your mental health. However, there is ALWAYS a way to continue to improve and or make progress in your life, if you continue to try and refuse to give up. Over 20 years ago I was a teenage mother, but I decided NOT to be a statistic!

Kendra Hathaway is a Mother, Wife, Family Life Educator, Marriage & Family Therapist, and Self-help Author. She is inspired to make a difference in the lives of others by helping others to find their motivation, as well as teaching others how to stay mentally healthy.

Kendra Hathaway, MA, LLMT, FLE Family Life Educator, a Limited Licensed Marriage and Family erapist and Self-help Author from Michigan. Kendra contracts with several dierent agencies and dierent facilities to meet her clients needs. Kendra specializes in working with African American women and young adults who are looking to improve their lives. Kendra also works with individuals with depression, anxiety, bi- polar disorders, adjustment disorder, etc. Kendra can be reached directly at: (586) 551-2757, or Kendrahathaway8111@gmail.com