SWEET MENTAL
Health & Wellness
RELEASE By: Talona Smith
get fit and to work on being happy. Let me make this disclaimer before I go any further, I am not judging anyone on their beautiful bodies. This is about my journey. My weight gain has a story within itself.
After years of convincing myself that I could lose weight on my own, I felt as if all of my effort was a waste of time. One of my daughters convinced me to hire a personal trainer. For what? Personal trainers were for bougie people, rich people, professional athletes, celebrities…not me. I’ve seen articles and posts where people would document their fitness journey with a personal trainer, and posts where personal trainers would advertise their programs and facilities to attract potential clients. I still wasn’t convinced that a personal trainer was for me. Besides, the people in those posts and articles already look good and probably only workout to keep their bodies toned. I needed a divine intervention. Previous medical history list me as severely obese for my five-foot body frame. Yes, I have health issues that have developed from being overweight. Yes, I am often self-conscience of my appearance and question men’s interest in me when I look the way I do. So what? My daughter assured me that she vetted this trainer and signing up for a fitness commitment could be what I needed to
Food was my go-to source for comfort. When I was upset, a family size bag of chips would be gone before eating dinner. When I was sad, an entire row of creamed filled chocolate cookies and a glass of milk would make my stomach smile. Feeling lonely in the middle of the night, three or four snack cakes would hit the spot. Two king-sized candy bars would be devoured during a one-hour drive to see a neurologist or physical therapist. Anytime my healthcare physician asked about my diet, I told him it was good. That my weight gain was from stress. He never judged me, only gave me healthy advice and encouraged me to do better. To take better care of my health…mental and physical. The first week of my fitness journey was crazy hard. My eating habits were reconstructed. I had to document food and water intake on his app. Customized workouts. A small window was given for carbs. Dairy decreased to minimal. Cut out sugary foods. No fast food. Hydrate, hydrate, hydrate. What did I get myself into? I thought of several scenarios to use to back out of it. If I pretended not to care what people said or thought about me for this long, why should it matter now? But deep down inside, I desperately wanted to finish this commitment because I always found a reason not to finish so many others. The workouts were quite difficult for me since I had never done them before. Still, I felt so exhilarated after each session that
I kept going back. My trainer switched up during one of my workouts and made me do a punch, punch, kick combination on a handheld boxing pad. I did what I thought I could, but it wasn’t good enough. I wasn’t hitting it with focus. He told me to use more strength in my punches and kicks. To think of someone or something that made me MAD. After harboring so much weight from depression, that was easy. I was gettin’ it! Punch! Punch! KICK! Punch! Punch! KICK! After a couple of repetitions, he asked if he needed to get another trainer to work with me because I kicked the bag like I was mad at him. We both laughed. I was punching out hurt and kicking out pain. The hurt of being told I was no longer attractive…Punch! The hurt of being repeatedly being cheated on…Punch! The pain of being left to raise our younger children alone…KICK! Rage was leaving my body during each workout. GET OUT!!!!!! GET AWAY!!! GO!!! I am done being mad. I am done with the pain. I am ready to live the life God has destined for me. I am ready to be the vessel God has created me to be. I am ready to let God love me. None of this would be possible without my strong support system. I am grateful for my personal cheering squad, my children, and the dedication of a trainer who is more like a workout partner who cares about my health and not a business owner increasing his company’s bottom line. This fitness journey has improved my body, metabolism, mind, heart, spirit, and joy. Each workout was a euphoric stimulation for me to do better. To be better. To eat better. To live better. All of the sweat is endorphins leaving my body. The soreness is stress being squeezed out. The journey is a calm to my depression and peace to my life. MY WEIGHT LOSS PROGRAM…. Once I let go of jealousy, I lost stress and tension Once I let go of gossip, I lost headache and worry Once I let go of lying, I lost confusion and second guessing Once I let go of bickering, I lost aggression and anger Once I let go of self-indulgence, I lost financial instability Once I let go of self-pity, I lost baggage Once I let go of uncertainty, I gained understanding Once I let go of peer pressure, I gained individuality Once I let go of fear, I gained faith Once I let go of procrastination, I gained patience Once I let go of slothfulness, I gained perseverance Once I lost weight and found myself
Spring 2020| rallyupmagazine.com | 49
