was once told I had bi-polar depression and the psychiatrist wanted to drug me up, but I refused. I feared the stigma that individuals who take medicine are crazy. All the years of fighting depression and sadness was a struggle. I faced the struggle many months at a time where I was tired of life and I didn’t know how much time was left for me. Thirteen years after my diagnosis and years of counseling, I finally went back to the doctor’s office and said “Doc, I’m ready, give it to me.” I was ready for medicine and after a whole year on medication, I felt mentally stable. My mood did not change so rapidly and depression did not bind me. After time passed on the medication, I’d sometimes still have my moments where I’d be in my “downs.” Those who fight depression know what I mean. I could feel the mood shifts, but it wasn’t as bad as my past. My son would say, “Mom, are you OK?” and I would respond “I think I need to lay down and sleep now son.” Still I relied on my medication because I felt better than I did before. See, the same time I started my meds was the same time I left an unhealthy environment. I wasn’t sure if I felt better because my circumstances changed, because of the meds, or possibly both.
Vanity
A year after taking medication, I felt God speaking to my spirit telling me it was time to let the pills go and I was going to be OK. We all have our moments in life where sadness will greet us, but we don’t have to stay in it. We must keep on walking. With God by my side, I feel a sense of happiness in life that I’ve never felt before and I refuse to let a mental disorder ruin me. I decided to rely on my healing from God, and it’s a decision that I could never regret.
Dawson November 2018| rallyupmagazine.com | 25
