DeeDee Benel
הּוא ָהיָ ה.ִׁש ְמעֹון ַהּצַ ִּדיק ָהיָ ה ִמ ְּׁשיָ ֵרי כְ נֶ ֶסת ַהּגְ דֹולָ ה ּתֹורה ָ עַ ל ַה,עֹומד ֵ לׁשה ְד ָב ִרים ָהעֹולָ ם ָ עַ ל ְׁש,אֹומר ֵ :בֹודה וְ עַ ל ּגְ ִמילּות ֲח ָס ִדים ָ ֲוְ ַעל ָהע 1:2 ִפ ְר ֵקי ָאבֹות
Shimon the Righteous was one of the last of the men of the great assembly. He used to say: the world stands upon three things: the Torah, the Temple service, and the practice of acts of piety. -Pirkei Avot 1:2
Acts of kindness never die. They linger in the memory, giving life to other acts in return. - Jonathan Sacks, in From Optimism to Hope
Our Memories of DeeDee I’ve had many encounters with Ms. Benel over my four year at Ramaz, but one particular time stuck out to me. In my senior year I was chosen to speak at an antisemitism rally. After writing my speech, I was told to go to Ms. Benel’s office so she can review it. She made some corrections, gave me many compliments on my writing, and then I practiced how I would read it with her. I will never forgot that hour I spent working with her. She was helping me prepare for the big speech and was getting multiple calls and emails all at the same time. Every call and email she received was about doing chesed for others. The way she handled everything with such poise, and how determined she was to help as many people as possible demonstrates who she was. She was so organized and made multitasking look so easy. She was one of the kindest people I ever met, and I feel so lucky that I had the chance to have spent time with her. She influenced and lead so many students to do more good in the world. Ms. Benel might have ben one woman, but her impact on the world is too large to describe. She did more good in her life than hundreds of people do in a lifetime. The world is a better place because of her and she will always be missed. Alyssa Garbulsky ‘20
During 2016 DeeDee organized a chesed trip to Buenos Aires, Argentina with a group of Ramaz Students. While coordinating and organizing this meaningful trip, we got to know DeeDee and the importance of chesed in her daily life. We are so lucky to have been touched by her. DeeDee will be dearly missed. Rachel, Edgard, Gloria, Moise, and Ivor Khafif
My most special memory involving Ms. Benel has to be weekly davening outside the Iranian embassy in 2005-6 in protest Iranian terror against Israel and the kidnapping of Gilad Shalit. I think those mornings, plus every other chesed trip, rally, and activity DeeDee organized and led us on 100% contributed to my identity today, how I think about Judaism, and the professional path I’ve taken and I will always be grateful. Ms. Benel’s role at Ramaz for me definitely embodied a Mark Twainism quote Rabbi Lookstein frequently cites: “ I have never let schooling interfere with my education.” Michael Snow ‘09
One of the kindest, most welcoming people I have ever met. Even if I hadn’t seen her for 20 years! She was always full of enormous energy and excitement. And that smile! It was always there and always sincere. A big loss to Ramaz and the Jewish community. No doubt she will be looking down with her sneakers and that smile forever! Ari Ackerman ‘89
I was late to school (again) and Ms. Benel called me into her office. She asked me why I was late again and I thought I was in trouble. She looked at me seriously and asked, “do you want a kiss?” I was taken aback until Ms. Benel pulled out a jar of Hershey’s chocolate kisses. From then on I always felt Ms Benel keeping an eye on me and I always felt her care. Even recently, I stopped her in the lobby at Ramaz and introduced her to my three children. I always felt Ms Benel’s positive and caring spirit. May her family be comforted among the mourners of Zion and may her neshama have an aliyah. Joanna (Landau) Lipstadt ‘01
Every Tuesday morning I spent with Ms. Benel and a small group of students, davening outside of the Iranian consulate on the street. I was always struck by Ms. Benel’s fearlessness as she engaged anyone on the street in conversation to advocate for Israel. Later, in my senior year, Ms. Benel pushed me to be a part of an assembly with Gilad Shalit’s father and inspired a lifelong love of speechwriting and advocacy. In the years to follow, her relationship with my family grew and her love of service to others inspired both my sister and I to pursue careers in special education. I think often of the initial fearless quality in Ms. Benel and how much it pushed me to do the same. There are whole families like mine inspired by her love of our student community and her deep belief in the power of our voices. The generation of children she had inspired means that every good deed is an aliyah for her neshama. Gabriel Felder ‘09
I had the pleasure of working with DeeDee in three capacities: on the Ramaz Parents Council; as an Executive on the KJ Sisterhood Board; and as a Met Council volunteer. DeeDee was extremely generous with her time, ideas, and commitment to chesed. One fond memory is having an impromptu meeting at Barnes & Noble (when it was still open at 86th Street). It was 10pm and the only place we could sit was on the steps in the children’s section. Despite the late hour and unusual surroundings, DeeDee provided great advice and ideas for a project we were working on. She will really be missed! Monita Buchwald
Ms. Benel made an indelible impression on me as a student at Ramaz. I remember meeting her as a prospective student and I cannot think of an activity or program in which she wasn’t involved. Ms. Benel instilled in all of her students a love of Judaism, Israel, and chesed. While she was no longer at Ramaz, her influence on me was a large factor in my decision to send my daughter Simmy to the Upper School. I will never forget her warmth and kindness. Nadine (Spitalnick) Shatzkes ‘99
I had the privilege to be a student at Westchester Day School when Ms. Benel was there and then to come to Ramaz for high school a couple of years after she went to Ramaz. The exceptional and unique assemblies that she designed had a profound impact on me -- they went straight to our hearts as students. Often it was so much more than the content -- it was the thoughtful and brilliant choreography. In particular, I was deeply impacted by the Yom Hashoah assemblies each year. At the end of each assembly, a roll of the names of Holocaust victims from Ramaz families streamed on the screen. All of us were then asked to stand, with all descendants of survivors asked to leave the auditorium first. That moment of seeing half of the school leave -- including some of my closest friends -- was the most powerful moment I have experienced in any Holocaust program. I viscerally felt the continuing impact of the Holocaust on Jewish life and on my own life as I looked at friends and realized how fortunate I was that their grandparents survived, or thought of how many potential friends I never met. Years later, that experience helped lead me to switch careers into Jewish professional service and to work on Holocaust issues at the Claims Conference and the World Jewish Restitution Organization, and now to work on Jewish peoplehood issues at the Jewish Federations of North America. I continue to be grateful to Ms. Benel for that -- and I am very thankful that I had the opportunity to see her a few years ago at Ramaz and to tell her about her impact to my life. I also had the opportunity to work as a Counselor in Training at Camp Ramah for Ms. Benel after my junior year -- she was our Rosh Edah. She left with a couple of weeks remaining in camp in order to prepare for the Ramaz school year. As each staff member signed a card to her, I agonized over how to address it -- everyone else called her Dee Dee, but I was still a Ramaz student and had avoided calling her by her first name the whole summer. So, I addressed the card to Mrs. Benel. A few days later, I received a very kind card back from her signed (with underlying) Ms. Dee Dee -- I still laugh when thinking of it. Evan Hochberg ‘95
Ms. Benel had a heart of gold, always had a smile on her face, and truly taught me how to put others before myself. I had the honor of knowing her and working with her in chesed club at Ramaz. I especially remember the pure joy she received when she helped others (like when we delivered care products to children in a hospital, or when she organized events to raise awareness/funds for breast cancer). The world lost someone so special. My sisters and I are heartbroken and will only continue to remember her with such fondness and great memories. Ronee Saad ‘13
Ms. Benel tapped in to my inner busy-body and put me to work. I loved working in the SAC, under the stage, on whatever programs or projects or assemblies she needed to make happen. They always happened and always made an impact. Twenty or so years after my graduation, she invited me back to speak at an assembly, and would you know, she had me submit my presentation to her in advance (yes, I was 40, a mom of 4, had given that talk many times, and did I mention the presentation was originally by Al Gore?). Of course the story ends with a significantly tighter story and a more impactful assembly. Of course it did. She was kind and powerful and really represented the best of Ramaz and my memories of what made it a special place and time. Jessica (Putterman) Haler ‘93
Ms. Benel (as I will always refer to her) had the most amount of energy of any adult I knew in my entire life. It was impressive and very admirable - her energy was always positive, and encouraging. You could tell from everything she worked on that she could get so much done with her energy and drive. She arranged projects, events, and chesed-related field trips with a huge smile, and was just a force at getting things done. Not all the staff and teachers at schools in my life exhibit that kind of optimistic, positive outlook, and “can do” attitude to their education work. Ms. Benel’s commitment to helping others was simply remarkable. All of the community service projects that I engaged with as a young person were a result of her planning. I think, because she brought such a vibrant and excited energy to her work at Ramaz, I felt like she was always going to be there -- running around the school with endless energy and smiles. When I was a student, her office was in the basement, and she popped up and down from that office all day. I imagined that she was still doing that, even after I heard the news that she was retiring. It is deeply sad to think that she will not be that force in the school’s hallways anymore. Although it seems to me that she truly lived her life to the fullest, the time she spent with everyone on this earth was a practice in “making every moment count.” Her memory will surely be a blessing to everyone that knew her. Sarah Edelsburg ‘02
Ms. Benel was one of my greatest role models. She brought me into the chesed club at Ramaz at a time in my life when I was lacking connection. Soon after, I became the captain of the chesed club, and am currently pursuing a career that is grounded in chesed. She transformed my otherwise ordinary high school experience into one of significance and is still greatly impacting my decisions. She taught me the true meaning of kindness and showed me what genuine selflessness looked like. Ms. Benel lead by example and always brought positivity and light into every situation. I am so fortunate to have had the chance to learn from and develop a relationship with her. Orli Fouzailoff ‘18
I knew DeeDee at Ramaz, but also outside of school and in everything she did, she was a force. You never said “No” to DeeDee. I spent a lot of time in her office in the SAC, even though I knew that the more time you spent there, the more likely you were to wind up agreeing to run a committee, or sign up for a chesed project. But if DeeDee asked something of you, you did it. On the personal side, I knew that DeeDee was always there for me. After a bad test or an argument with a friend, I knew that if I needed a shoulder to cry on or a sounding board, as long as DeeDee was in her office, she was there for me. My lasting memory of DeeDee will always be trying to keep up with her as she bustled around the building, or raced down the street, always in motion. It’s hard to think about a Ramaz, let alone a world without DeeDee Benel in it. She will be missed on so many levels and by so many people. Lisa (Eiseman) Pell ‘97
Ms. Benel was an incredible force of nature and I cherished my time learning from her and working with her on various chesed programs and projects during my four years at Ramaz. She made a profound impact on my life and for that I am forever grateful. In fact, I was speaking about the important role she played in my life to a friend when I learned of her passing. The lessons she embodied are those that I hope to pass along to my own children. I will miss her dearly.
DeeDee cared for the world but she also cared for individuals in a most personal way. I will never forget that exactly when my husband Solomon passed away in Sloan Kettering, DeeDee magically appeared. She was not only comforting, but she knew what to do and expertly took charge of contacting the Chevra Kadishah to watch the body. This act of chesed bonded me to her forever. Edith Honig
Being a member of the Benel Club was the equivalent of being royal. It was the utmost honor to be one of her “kinderlach” and to be on the inside of every event that took place in the school. Her devotion to her students was truly inspiring. Ms. Benel, you were my role model. Your trust, humility, and eagerness to change the world continues to inspire me daily. My husband and children love hearing my DeeDee stories and you will forever hold a dear place in my home and my heart. I thank you for everything and will miss you tremendously! Stephanie Felder Sugarman ‘14
DeeDee z”l was an extraodinary woman, a true אשת חייל. She was so warm and caring. Always smiling, always asking how we are doing, trying to assist and to give good advice. I had the honor of working with her in creating school plays and working on Seminar. She was extremely creative and always made sure to add Torah value to everything we did. She was a VERY special lady, one who had a strong impact on my life. I am writing this and crying for she was truly one of a kind. May she rest in peace.
Vered (Dror) Nevii ‘92 Habitat for Humanity was one of the programs that our daughter, Victoria Spero, participated in while at Ramaz. This resulted in our continued support of Habitat for Humanity. Thank you Ms. Benel. Lavern Sullivan
DeeDee Benel had perhaps the most meaningful impact on me during my time at Ramaz. I first became involved with her programming when she was bringing attention to Ethiopian Jewry and then continued to work with her on pretty much all programming until I graduated. As an academically unmotivated student, she motivated me in this one area where I had focus and I truly appreciated her ambition, drive, and inspiration in creating her programs in the “Ramaz” way (a strive for perfection) while highlighting Jewish and ethical topics needing attention. My deepest sympathies for the family and for the Ramaz community. Yossi Halpern ‘91
Ms. Benel was an inspiration. Working with her for four years on the Ramaz Chesed club, I’ve learned about what it really means to give back and to put others before yourself. Ms. Benel never took “No” for an answer. She always had amazing chesed ideas and always went out of her way and stayed up all hours of the night to make her ideas become reality. When there was an earthquake in Nepal in 2015, Ms. Benel was quick to call a meeting to discuss ways to inform and give back to the community. She was luckily able to find a Nepal native who was selling handmade bracelets to raise money for his family in Nepal. Without hesitation or fear, she met the man and brought many of his bracelets to Ramaz to be sold after the assembly. Ms. Benel also requested that I make a speech in front of the whole school, knowing I get jittery from public speaking. After crying in her office, she gave me a lovely Nepalese bracelet, and ensured that I could do it. She called me while I was on a bus on a grade trip, squeezing in time to make sure I felt comfortable reciting the speech, and listened as I read line by line to practice. She believed in me and encouraged me to believe in myself. Because of Ms. Benel, I faced my fears and was able to participate in a beautiful assembly. This is just one of the many examples of how Ms. Benel cares for everyone around her. I also always felt safe and comfortable speaking with her about any concerns I had about homework, exams, and college applications. She helped me get through the toughest times, no matter how busy she was. Always a smile on her face, Ms. Benel had the warmest heart. May she always be remembered. Jessica Saad ‘16
Ms. Benel was the most influential person at Ramaz during the six years I was in the Upper School building. She didn’t care about your academic performance or Ivy League aspirations - she cared about your midot and making sure every student in the building understood the power of chesed and how each of us no matter our age or social standing could help others in need. I can’t recall a day when Ms. Benel wasn’t running somewhere in her sneakers, be it up and down the many flights of stairs in school or down the block to visit the sick at Lenox Hill. She was always busy with a project yet always had time to take on something new. She never said no to an idea or desire of a student to help someone in the Jewish community and did everything in her power to assist. I was lucky enough to be on many of her chesed committees and in her Holocaust Oral History club and genuinely knew and loved Ms. Benel. I don’t think I would be the person I am today without her influence on my life. I will miss her but will never forget her. Thank you Ms. Benel for all that you did to instill Torah and Midot in all the students who passed through the doors of Ramaz! Penina (Lieber) Schoenfeld ‘99
I really got to know Ms. Benel through the Holocaust Oral History Club. But my fondest, most vivid memories of her were of her dancing at Chagigot. Her energy and happiness were infectious. She was truly the soul of Ramaz and will be very missed. Leslie Spitalnick ‘99
I didn’t understand the meaning of chesed until I met Ms. Benel; She recruited me to be part of her chesed club and pushed me everyday to be the best version of myself. It’s safe to say that she’s the most humble and down to earth person I’ve ever had the privilege of meeting. Ms. Benel was a light to everyone, she was my role model. I’m so lucky to have known such an amazing woman who taught me so much about life.
Ms. Benel was a force of nature, a true Ramaz legend. I graduated Ramaz 26 years ago, but I can still clearly remember her racing through the halls, always busily engaged in some activity or another. I remember her office in the SAC and how she would cheerfully greet every student who walked in her door. She was responsible for so many things that were special about Ramaz, and for so much chesed that occurred within the walls of that school. She will be remembered always for the special person she was and the tremendous work she did. May her memory be a blessing. Elana Greenfield Spira ‘95
I was walking late to school, and was on 86th and Second when I saw Ms. Benel running across the street. I thought to myself, classic Ms. Benel always in a hurry running somewhere. But then she saw me and told me to come with her quick. I was already late to school so I was a little worried what would happen and that I’d miss a lot more school than I already had. I was also confused where we could possibly be going. Then she explained that she had been on her way to school and she forgot to order donuts from Dunkin Donuts to sell for charity, and was running to Dunkin Donuts to get the dozens she had called in on her way there. So we got into the store and there were the dozens of donuts. There were so many, and I was confused how she thought she would carry these heavy bags filled with donuts even out of the store. So I grabbed them, and we started running down the street back to school. She eventually goes, we should probably take a cab, so we hailed a cab to school, and in the cab she went on and on about how much of a miracle it was that she bumped into me, and she doesn’t know what she would have done without it, while in the moment I just thought it would be an excused late for me. We walked into school and she obviously had to offer the guards donuts, and again thanked me profusely. Ever since then, she would always remind me of that miracle, and how helpful I was that day. I thought of it as just a coincidence that I was late to school and walked that route, but she saw it and made me eventually see it in a way that everything matters, and that everything happens for a reason. She got everybody to see the good in everything, and make the best out of all situations. Yona Weinstock ‘22
Volunteering with Ms Benel was one of my main high school highlights. She inspired me and guided me and I feel so grateful to have had the privilege to learn from her. She was an energizer bunny, tirelessly working to share with others, and did everything with care, love, and a smile on her face. I can picture her zooming around school recruiting volunteers. I was so fortunate to have been connected with her straight from 9th grade starting with bikur cholim. I was lucky enough to get to go on the unique trip to Whitwell, Tennessee that she organized to meet the students and faculty who gathered 11 million paperclips in memory of each person who perished in the Holocaust. After that I got to go with Ms. Benel to Utah to speak at a conference about that life changing shift. Ms. Benel worked tirelessly to uplift everyone around her. With a whole heart I can say that she made this world a better place, and the people in it better people. If she touched my life so profoundly I can only imagine how many thousands of more like me. I learned from her persistence, to never accept the word “no,” to always be looking for someone to help, and that there is nothing impossible. May Ms. Benel’s memory forever be a blessing and may her soul have the highest of aliyot. ️
❤
Rebecca (Shane) Guez ‘06
Ms. Benel was one of the most selfless women I had ever met. Not because she worked tireless hours perfecting every program for students’ educational and personal development, not because she spearheaded all Chesed initiatives at school; not even because her life was dedicated to serving others. Her selflessness was manifest in her humility, the fact that she did all this with absolutely no expectation of recognition. Quite the opposite, she knew she would face opposition, sometimes even derision, from students and faculty. But when she believed in something, when she knew in her soul that a particular initiative was worthwhile, she did not care about the obstacles she might face. She simply soldiered on in her mission with fierceness and commitment. Throughout high school I spent countless hours with Ms. Benel helping her with programs, chesed projects, and the Likrat Shabbat publication. I knew firsthand the amount of work she put in to each project and I knew firsthand how little most students knew of what she did for the school. This inconsistency hurt me, I wanted her to be celebrated each and every day. But Ms. Benel never wanted that, she never cared for accolades. In fact, she didn’t personally attend many of her own programs. After weeks planning a certain event, instead of enjoying its execution and applauding herself for a job well done, she would remain in the SAC, already working on the next project. Throughout my time with Ms. Benel, I learned Torah from her, I learned Excel skills, I learned programming techniques. But the most important thing I learned was humility. I learned the importance of ensuring that holy work is not contingent on recognition or admiration, but rather executed to the fullest potential simply because it’s the right thing to do. Esther Malka Issever ‘14
Ms. Benel played such a strong and integral part of my high school experience. Every Friday, I would edit Likrat Shabbat with her and the rest of the editing team. Her words of insight always enhanced our writing. In 10th grade, I joined Ms. Benel on a chesed trip to Buenos Aires, Argentina - a trip that I will remember forever. Ms. Benel’s warmth and kindness set the tone for the trip and her humor and energy made the trip come alive. Ms. Benel and I also worked on many initiatives together for Gilad Shalit. Ms.Benel always led with chesed, with love, and with compassion. She impacted countless lives, both for her students and in the world-wide Jewish community. Her impact is still felt in my life everyday. She was truly one of a kind. May her memory always be for a blessing. Deborah Pollack ‘12
I was shocked and saddened to hear about DeeDee. We spent time together professionally as DeeDee was involved with various projects that the Lower School was interested in. I always marveled at her energy and contagious smile. A shining light is out. Susan Mukasey
DeeDee Benel was formative and critical in shaping who I became. As I sit here and think about her, and feel sad that she is gone, I realize how much of who I am that I attribute to my years at Ramaz was actually because of her impact on me. She was relatively new to Ramaz when I was a student. She was taking the ideas of chesed and Tikkun Olam, and educating the school community on what was happening in the world (Soviet Jewery, the Iron Curtain coming down!), and creating amazing, meaningful, and robust experiences for the students and faculty. I got to dive into that with her. I learned how to create robust and content filled programming, link it to key themes and goals, and create a beautiful, meaningful, and perfectly executed programs. I learned about being mission driven, and how to translate that into perfectly created programming. This is a key skillset that has been central to what I do in my life. And I learned all that from DeeDee Benel. I will miss her and I will always be grateful for the experiences I had with her, and everything I learned. Miriam (Hoffman) Kleiner ‘92
The world has lost one of the great experiential educators of the twentieth century, my own teacher and friend DeeDee Benel, who ran programming and chesed activities at the Ramaz Upper School for some 30 years. DeeDee took students to meet refuseniks in Russia, to paint bunks at camp HASC, to distribute goods in New Orleans after Hurricane Katrina, to help rebuild damaged homes in Puerto Rico, to visit sick patients in Lenox Hill Hospital, to pray for kidnapped chayalim at the Iranian Consulate, and more. DeeDee’s influence sent me to Houston after Hurricane Harvey as shaliach of the the Great Neck school and synagogue communities prior to Rosh HaShana in 2017. DeeDee planned programs for every significant moment of the Jewish year, and taught her students that there was only one way to do things: perfectly. No matter how much preparation such perfection requires. Her high standards and work ethic inspired generations of students. If you cared about something, DeeDee taught us, you must act. As we look to those who came before us, we recognize that while our yichus can define us, we can also choose just who those people are and what they help us become. Jeffrey Kobrin ‘87
Ms. Benel was obviously a pinnacle of chesed and embodied what it means to give back to the community. I knew that as a Ramaz student. Everyone knew that actually, but I didn’t even appreciate her reach until a few years into college when I had volunteered at a random Soup Kitchen at a church in the city. After befriending the staff there, one man asked me where I went to high school to which I responded Ramaz. He immediately asked me if I knew “Dee Benel” and said that he was familiar with the school because Ms. Benel had been in contact with him over the years and had even had him come to Ramaz to speak with the Sophomores for Chesed Hours. I was both surprised and not at all that her reach went far beyond the scope of the UES, and the Jewish community. Ms. Benel believed in chesed for everybody of every faith, indiscriminately. To simply love and give everyone because of her love to give. This is such a unique quality that is truly, truly rare. I am both privileged to have known her and proud to be able to have been inspired by her. Ms. Benel is a part of all of us and her legacy will live far and wide as a pillar of gimilut chesed. Her neshama should have only the highest of Aliyot.
Ms. Benel was that special sort of person who engaged exclusively in improving the lives of other people. Throughout my time at Ramaz, I was privileged to witness firsthand the incredible work she did to help the community. There were many times while I was at Ramaz that I would get phone calls from DeeDee Benel. They always had a common theme. Whether it was to bring flowers to firefighters on 9/11, to run down to the local soup kitchen to help distribute food, or to help complete a minyan at Lenox Hill hospital, DeeDee was a person who engaged in acts of chesed all day every day. I take lessons I learned from her with me every day, and her impact on countless people will never be forgotten. Nathan Haron ‘19
I don’t remember how I first ended up in Ms. Benel’s office, or how I became one of her go to people, but I’m very thankful that I did. So many hours of my high school experience were spent sitting in the SAC working on whatever Ms. Benel’s latest project was. Ms. Benel was very much a do-er. She was always doing something planning, marching, building, packing, delivering, etc. - and for four years, I was along for the ride. Some memories stick out, but more than the actual planning, packing, writing, etc. that we did, I remember the time spent with Ms. Benel and the impact she had on me. Regardless of what we were working on, she always had a way of making her “crew” feel special and that what we were doing mattered. She showed us the importance of being people of action. She taught us to be detail oriented, and to never accept no as an answer. She always saw the best in us, calling us her “chasidim”. While I am sure she had this impact on so many students over the years, she had a way of making us each feel irreplaceable. I will always cherish the time spent as part of her crew, and hope to continue her legacy of chesed and mitzvot. Zimrat Sloyer ‘14
During my time at Ramaz, Ms. Benel received an award. She asked me to be the student who would introduce her and writing that introduction was one of the hardest things I have ever done because how could someone so special be introduced in just a couple of minutes? Ms. Benel made everyone a better person. She made doing chesed fun and meaningful. I served as President of the chesed club so I had the pleasure of spending time with Ms. Benel often. I always ended up late to class because we would talk about so many different things and time would speed by. She put her all into everything she did and made me into someone I am proud of. She was there for me during my happiest and saddest days. When Ms. Benel was there, everything was okay. Somehow she even got me to take two vaccines in order to be able to visit sick patients in the hospital (and keep in mind that shots are my biggest fear). Nobody else would be able to convince me. She also introduced me to my friends at the Friendship Circle who I now hang out with often. You can’t think of Ms. Benel without thinking of the word chesed. I hope to accomplish even a quarter of what Ms. Benel has. When Ms. Benel retired from Ramaz, I sent her the following words: “I could not imagine Ramaz without you— you have always been there for me, believed in me, and made me a better person each day. Ramaz was lucky to have had you and sure won’t be the same without you. You deserve this time to relax as you have spent so many years taking care of everyone else.” Everything about this remains true, but now the world, not only Ramaz, is at a loss without Ms. Benel. Nancy Toussie ‘17
What a lovely human being. She graced the halls of Ramaz with her presence. DeeDee empowered each kid, she taught us to strive to make the world a better place. Thank you for sharing her with us!! Elana Kastner
There was no one in the world with a bigger heart than Ms Benel. She was up for any challenge, big or small, and did it with a smile on her face. We can all learn from her to always say yes, and always give to others in need. Florence Chera ‘20
I first met Ms. Benel in 7th grade hashkafah class. The high school chesed programs that she ran instilled in me the importance of volunteering for chesed projects and were an integral part of my experience at Ramaz. I remember my 10th grade chesed project, first volunteering in a special needs program at the Queens Central Y and then, tutoring students at the Shaarey Tefilah Hebrew School in Hebrew reading. I continued helping out at that school the following year. Volunteering to help people in need was an important part of my life as a young adult, and continues to be. I met my wife through participating in volunteer projects. I still remember going to the Holocaust Museum in Washington and to see “Schindler’s List” as part of the Holocaust Oral History Club. Aaron Feinstein ‘96
I have known DeeDee since I started working at Ramaz in 2007. She was a powerhouse. Our office door is always locked and she had a very distinct knock; whenever we heard it, we all knew it was DeeDee coming to ask one of us to help out for a Shabbaton or a chesed project or a holiday assembly. I worked on many projects with her and really got to know her style - writing all over envelopes and papers that made no sense to me, but made complete organized sense to her and it always turned out perfect. When I planned my first assembly, she shared her experiences with me and helped me from start to finish. We had a great connection and valued working together. What I admired most about DeeDee was how much she truly cared about everyone and every cause. When I brought my son to work one day, she took him to her office, shared legos with him and entertained him for a period while I was teaching. She then gave me a gift for him a few days later of a Tchelet Tzitzit. We will cherish that forever. I really missed DeeDee’s presence in school this year and we will all continue to feel that way. She was an amazing woman who touched so many people and I am thankful to be one of those people. Her legacy will live on in Ramaz for years and years. Lenore Brachot
I have two thoughts - first, my son Charles got interested in chesed in 9th and 10th grade, 100% by participating in opportunities created by DeeDee Benel z”l. If you ask him one of his best experiences in HS he will say the midnight run. Second, is my true appreciation for what she did for my husband. I’m not sure how they met - but when my husband was saying Kaddish for his father it was often difficult to get to Mincha as he is a physician and it is hard to get out and schedule time in the afternoon. He spends part of Wednesday at Lenox Hill Hospital somehow DeeDee Benel was in touch with him weekly and every single Wednesday afternoon she brought ten boys to Lenox Hill to make a Minyan for him for the entire year. This was truly a huge a help and a most amazing thing which she did for my family. Will never be forgotten. Michelle (Steindecker) Spielfogel ‘88
The first time I met DeeDee Benel was when I was in 3rd grade. We had a poetry jam performance and she picked a few students to “interview” after the performance. She was full of life, vibrant, happy, and enthusiastic. I remember going home and telling my family about her and they knew exactly who I was talking about, without having to share her name. That memory has stuck with me until today and will stick with me forever, as well as many more great memories of her. Anna Wagner ‘11
Ms. Benel was so inspiring. Her dedication to chesed was unlimited. My best memories with her were going to read megillah at Lenox Hill Hospital on Purim, the midnight run, and countless chesed drives. She will be so missed but her nachas will be shining forever. Lauren (Wagner) Rosman ‘07
DeeDee’s programs at Ramaz during the past seven years. It was amazing and inspiring to see how the programs came together and how DeeDee got those teenagers to learn such valuable lessons though active involvement. I also feel lucky that DeeDee came to me for help with those programs. When she called me for help or I arrived to photograph an event, she wouldn’t tell me about her programs she was planning, but rather specific details about the amazing people she brought in for the kids to meet, whether it was Vets coming for a Thanksgiving meal, Yachad participants visiting for a Chanukah cookie bake, a Holocaust survivor and Jewish Partisan who she would later bring the students to visit in Israel, or even the students themselves and how this or that one would take time during lunch every week to visit the sick in the hospital. She was so proud and in awe of those people, and I felt the same way about DeeDee. Today I looked through my overflowing archives of photos of DeeDee’s many chesed programs at Ramaz hoping to find a nice photo of DeeDee to share. I went through album after album with no photos of DeeDee! She was always there - behind the scenes, making sure things ran perfectly. Finally, I found the pictures I was looking for: DeeDee lighting Chanukah candles with her students and her Yachad friends, lending a helping hand, with a big smile on her face. It totally captured who DeeDee was - a guiding light behind the scenes that made everyone smile. Gary Finkler
Ms. Benel was an incredible role model and educator. Every program she ran was top notch and her passion for what she was doing extended to everyone who wanted to get involved. She was the first person to make me feel that I had a real contribution to make to the community. The SAC with Ms. Benel and Mr. Rochlin was my happy place in Ramaz where I really felt at home and also challenged. Lisa Seligsohn Septimus ‘95
Ms. Benel was truly the epitome of a Tzadeket. Not only in her constant contributions and time to various organizations and communities, but in her own actions towards individuals she loved. I had the honor of being a student to Ms. Benel, and not a day went by where I didn’t stop by her 7th floor office and filled her in on a random thing in my life or went to her for a laugh during the school day. Whether it was morning challahs, trips to the hospital together during Purim, or even programming during school hours- Ms. Benel had it all planned out with a smile on her face while doing it. It was the most amazing thing to ever see, and I aspire to be even half of the woman that Ms. Benel was. My relationship with Ms. Benel grew as we attended the Puerto Rico trip together and I was able to see a whole different side of Ms. Benel as well. Ms. Benel not only improved each and every students life, but countless communities around her. I will miss her a lot and will always have her in my heart. Shireen Sakhai ‘19
Ms. Benel changed the way I view not only chesed but the feeling and action of giving. When I first met Ms. Benel, I couldn’t understand half of the things she wanted me to do because Ms. Benel was always someone who was thinking ahead and onto the next mission to complete. Ms. Benel taught me that the feeling of giving is so much bigger than the feeling of getting, and I will forever be grateful to her for allowing me to feel what it’s like to give to someone else. She showed me how to feel for someone else and how that small feeling can change not only someone else’s entire world, but your own world too. Ms. Benel rarely heard the word thank you because she was always too busy thanking others but in reality, there just wasn’t enough “thank you’s” to thank her for everything she did. I am so grateful to Ms. Benel for everything she opened my eyes to. Her constant energy and positivity lit up the building in a way that no one else was able to do. Ms. Benel was truly the epitome of chesed and my biggest inspiration in life. I hope to continue in her footsteps and do chesed liuluy nishmata. Paola Mattout ‘19
Ms. DeeDee Benel has been my chief mentor, faculty advisor, muse and dear friend. She was my rock through all of the trials and tribulations of my high school formative years. Ms. Benel was always available to talk about my concerns and give me advice. She was a true woman of pure chesed and will forever be in my beautiful memories. Samantha Sinensky ‘21
I do not recall when I initially met DeeDee but she was always very encouraging to me and my work. DeeDee was a giant in the field of chesed who was modest and always willing to help anyone. Her work educated, engaged, motivated and inspired thousands (including me) and because of her so many of her students are now leaders in their communities throughout the world. She inspired a generation to actively embrace acts of chesed, lead a life of giving, stand up for injustice and to support Israel. I spoke with DeeDee several years ago about a joint program training educators on how to implement successful chesed programming. While I unfortunately never brought that program to fruition, I hope to dedicate Areyvut’s efforts in helping educators increase their chesed capacity to her memory and will be forever inspired by her. She leaves behind an incredible legacy of family, commUNITY, commitment, values, action, service, leadership, Zionism and Torah and her efforts impacted so many people, including many who likely never met her and who will never know the extent of the impact that she has had on them. May her memory be a blessing and may all those who were blessed to know her commit to actively perpetuating her legacy of actively engaging others in making the world a better place. Her personal example and leadership will be something I never forget and serve as a model for me to emulate. Daniel Rothner
I am shocked to hear of the passing of DeeDee Benel who was the “Activities Coordinator” at Ramaz for over 30 years. That may have been one of her titles, but it doesn’t come close to expressing who she was. Ms. Benel, that’s how I always knew her, and continued to think of her that way as a sign of respect, was simply a force of nature. She defined what she did, not the other way around. The amount of chesed she did and inspired would fill an entire giant library. Somehow she seemed to know every student and what made the student tick. Her personal attention to me was incredible. As a Chamber Chorus member, I was often in the “SAC” with her, Caroll Goldberg and during my first year, with Kenny Rochlin. She seemed to take a special interest in me, and guided me in writing speeches and for performances. But I have a feeling that there were hundreds of students who felt the same way. She made you think you were the center of the world, but always pushing you to do more chesed, to make the performance even better. It didn’t just have to be good. It had to be great. I don’t think I ever saw her walk. She was always running, but not in a stressed way. There was always more to do, every minute was precious. She’d get on the phone urging whoever the person on the other side was to get done what she needed to get done and somehow kept track of a million things down to the last detail. And always with the utmost humility, but always pushing to do more, make it better, make the world better. She wrote in my yearbook “You’re Mine”, which I took to mean at two levels. One, she was expressing love. She made you feel special. I was a scholarship kid, and there was no question that she probably knew it. My mom was a single mom. She’d always ask how my mom was. I didn’t get into Ramaz in 9th grade, a wound I still somewhat carry, and I think she had a sense that I always doubted whether I “belonged.” She made it clear that I did, and that I was being exactly the kind of student Ramaz was trying to produce - dedicated to Torah, Chokhmah and most importantly for her, “Asiyah” - Doing.
The second level was exactly that. She wanted you for herself, to be one of her soldiers in doing chesed and making the world better. There was a bit of a drill sargeant or general in her. She could do even more good by getting others to do good, and it made you a better person in the process. I am in tears and heartbroken. I think one of the reasons I had the confidence to go into the Rabbinate was because she believed in me. She was the teacher of the whole school, who led by example. Her classroom was the real world, of real life. A life of making a difference in other people’s lives. She retired last year, and the word used to describe her was simply “irreplaceable.” What a Neshomah. What a woman of Jewish dedication, pride, service. I know she is in Gan Eden, prodding God, do more for Your people, do more for the world. She is teaching Avraham Avinu, Sarah Imenu, Rivkah Imenu, lessons in how to do chesed, to never stop. Her place in Olam Haba is with the Avot and Imahot, and she was like a mother to so many of us. Dugma Ishit - She lived life by personal example. She could sense I suffered from depression. She was kind, caring, but always pushing you to do a little more than you felt you could, believing that you could. I am simply devastated. With some people, when they pass tragically, you feel like you have nothing you can say. With DeeDee, which is now how I believe she would want me to refer to her, it was never enough. There was always more to say. But she’d also tell you that when you were done speaking, get off the stage! Make room for someone else to shine and get yourself back to work. She worked with me on one of my first public speeches. She had me write it out and then edited it with me - twice - so that it would be as close to perfect as possible. That speech still has a special place in my heart, and partly because of her. I knew I did a good job, because I got her approval, and she had high standards - exactly befitting what Ramaz was, and why I loved the school so much, despite not being a kid from a rich family. She made you feel you were part of the family and that all of
us were brothers and sisters. My heart goes out to her sons, who she loved so dearly and was so proud of. Gabi was a year ahead of me in school and you could see the joy on her face when she talked about him. Always running, always doing more. The idea that she is now still is just unfathomable, but I have no question in my mind that her legacy is to be more like her, always doing chesed, always on the go, always trying to make the world a better place. She was my Rebbe in life. I miss her so much and I wish I could have told her how much she meant to me. But I am sure that there are hundreds of students who felt exactly the same way. We will do our best to make her proud. We all loved you DeeDee. You weren’t our personal mother, so we couldn’t say it to you. But I know we all felt the same. Tell Hashem to bring the Geulah now. Yoel Oz ‘98
I remember DeeDee Benel as a vibrant, energetic, and action-oriented do-er who inspired others to reach their maximum potential. I believe I was in Ramaz when Ms. Benel first started and I remember seeing her filled with life, great ideas, and zest. She was never satisfied with the status quo and always strove for excellence. May all her great deeds on behalf of the entire Ramaz community give her neshama an aliya. May all the people she impacted continue to remember her memory for a blessing. And may your family keep those memories stored in a good place (“hamakom”) and build on them to continue her legacy through actions and good deeds. Elizur Agus ‘89
There are not enough words to describe the amazing person DeeDee was and the huge influence and legacy she leaves behind her. She was the mover and shaker of Ramaz and KJ for so many years. She was an inspiration for us all. May her memory and all the chesed she had done and inspired and influenced others to do at Ramaz and the world at large, be a source of comfort to you and the whole family. Rachel (Taub) Weinstein
I was in the class of 2001 at Ramaz. As a student I didn’t truly understand how incredible DeeDee’s leadership was. I am now a teacher at a public school and I long to bring some of her energy and passion to my own school community. I want to teach my students the same value that DeeDee instilled in the entire Ramaz community, the desire to do good for the world, to help all people, to always give to others. She taught us and modeled for us what it means to put all of your energy into bettering the world. I will hopefully use her memory as an inspiration to be a better person, a better Jew, and a better educator. Nina (Gribetz) Greenberg ‘01
I’ve tried numerous times to consider what to write to you but am at a loss. To be sure, DeeDee’s passing leaves a gaping hole in your family’s world. No matter the many hours she spent committed to her job and her calling, she was fiercely protective of her family - I always thought of her as a lioness protecting her cubs and her lair. We could work well into the night together or into weekends, but when she felt her family needed her, there was nothing that would stand in her way. For most people who pass away, that is legacy enough. Far fewer are the people who leave such an indelible imprint on the world that the world feels the profound sense of loss as well. I cannot begin to tell you the standards that she set for me professionally, I would say with which she spoiled me, for since our time together I have searched in vain for others who set the bar as high as she did. She imbued within me certain principles which I have since tried to convey to others but I have usually fallen short of the task. Even so, she was the candle that lit the flames of others, and so hers continues to shine well into the future. In that sense, and in so many others, she fulfilled the mission of tikkun olam that she was so passionate about and left the world a better place. I’m not sure how many people can truly say that. May that be a ירושהthat her children and grandchildren continue to hold on to.
As soon as I started Ramaz as ‘Shalom Holtz’s sister’, I knew someone was bound to seek me out for something. I can honestly say I’m glad Ms. Benel drew me in to her office when I came to find my brother working on the Likrat Shabbat with Jon Gruenhut. “Well if you’re here already you might as well make yourself useful.” Ms. Benel discovered my areas of interest and encouraged me to use those interests for student activities -- such as collecting canned goods for the homeless before the chagim, pulling together a fun pre-pesach lobby activity for the student body (some of which I still have today), and the like. When I heard Ms. Benel was retiring, all I could think was ‘How could they let her go?’ And then last week when I received the sad news that she joined the yeshiva shel ma’lah -- all I could think was how there is a great void חללin place that was of a great presence. I tried to explain to my husband how this was a teacher from my high school that passed away, but she wasn’t a classroom teacher, she was just there/ everywhere. And in my mind I could picture her with the headset talking to the upstairs AV room during some program, and joining us in tefillah, and talking to me concocting some idea for an activity in her small office down in the SAC. I now teach in a high school in Jerusalem. During the school year and beyond, I spend many hours grading, planning lessons, and at meetings discussing, and my family knows I am ‘at school with students.’ It is not easy for them to share their Imma, but I hope one day they will appreciate and be proud. I’m writing to thank you for sharing Ms. Benel with us so we, the students, could be pushed forward in our journey. Now, I only hope that I can encourage my students the way Ms. Benel did for me and so many in Ramaz. Razelle (Holtz) Weinstein ‘96
I had the wonderful pleasure of working with DeeDee in years past. It was at the height of the Soviet Jewry movement and she was our go to person when we worked with the Ramaz student body, its faculty and administration in efforts supporting the refuseniks and Prisoners of Zion. Whether it was an outdoor rally, or travelers to the FSU, or calls to specific Jews in the FSU, DeeDee managed each call to action with alacrity and warmth. I headed the Greater New York Conference on Soviet Jewry from 1980 through 1992 and succeeded Margy Ruth Davis and Malcolm Hoenlein. While the three of us worked together from the time the office was formed in 1971, I was privileged to be part of the campaign for the 22 years we were in operation. And Rabbi Lookstein who actually served as my chairman during those historic times referred me to DeeDee time and again. DeeDee energized the students, she was magnetic and inspirational. And while I haven’t been in touch with her for a number of years, I can still hear her enthusiastic voice as she galvanized the students to be part of the Soviet Jewry efforts. She was truly one of a kind. While she will be sorely missed by your family and all her friends and former students, I know she left a legacy that is unforgettable. Zeesy Schnur
I was so saddened to hear of DeeDee’s passing. It is very hard for me to grasp how someone so full of life and energy is no longer with us. She was a tremendous זריז. Always running from one thing to the next, but always with a calmness and vision. She embodied a sense of ישוב הדעתand amazed me how she really grasped situations and people with great clarity and wisdom. She always greeted you and did everything with a warm big smile. She knew how to make you feel good and so proud of your accomplishments. Although we have not been in touch for many years, I will sorely miss her. Pinchas (Jonathan) Garfunkel ‘93
The Ramaz School 60 East 78th Street, New York, NY 10075 www.ramaz.org • 212-774-8000