I Don't Need My Body

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I don’t even need my body And not just because it’s a body There are other people in here And they’re so mad at me I’m sorry I’m sorry Oh yeah yeah I’m sorry It’s not a song you sing, it’s not a song Because someone died And that was my fault I didn’t hold the knife, that wasn’t my knife But they’re dead anyway

I built a house by a lake with a bunch of pine trees And eventually I figured out how to hate those pine trees I built a house for all of you, so that maybe you would let me visit sometime I nailed the windows shut You can’t get out I’m going to burn down the forest I’m going to start where I finished Because there is no end I don’t need my body as soon as I don’t have a body.

You watched as I jumped into the semi, pieces of my body we never knew existed, just for a few moments sprayed into a rainbow.

I was a brave doctor throwing myself from a cliff.

And you, you missed me. Spent weeks in all night diners praying to what I presumed was god for whatever.

We don’t actually have that god. Saying this to you “from above”, and I’m sorry to break it to you now, in this way.

No one is looking out for you. Nobody loves you but me and I don’t even exist anymore.

When you lose your body, which I definitely did, I mean, every part of my physical existence is still painted on the side of route 75, probably stretches out for a few miles. Anyway, I lost my body and now I forgive the man who raped me .

I didn’t forgive you, because I didn’t have to. Chill out you’re fine..

I love you, I’ve always loved you, even here from imaginary atoms, even from the mobile death machine navigating my remains to all the places I wanted to see.

So for christ sake, stop going to coffee shops like it’s a damned church. Go meet a girl who won’t jump into oncoming traffic.

I write so that maybe I won’t die alone Crowded over in a pale blue room Covered with papers And words I’m apologizing to these words I snatch you, almost violently, out of the air Oh god, I’m so sorry!

You just look so beautiful in a cage and I don’t want to die alone.

The monster in my mouth really enjoyed bitter fruit and giving out blowjobs for free. I never tried to stop it from happening, not that there was much I could do anyway.

So it went on like this for a while: cars with ex-marines pounding the life into me, rotten raspberries, slow sun downs, waiting for the worst of it all to happen. Stayed up all night.

Sometimes I let it go. We’d go on dates with ghosts, bring them back home, they stay for months at a time without asking “what’s wrong?”

“I don’t know, I guess I’ll use any excuse to open my mouth. It’s not as simple as breathing. A gust of wind against every part of my body.”

Ghosts close the doors. I don’t wake up. I don’t care.

There’s my monster.

FORGET ABOUT ME

I watched an elderly couple burning leafs on the side of the road I want to clog your drain spout and freeze over your door.

I’ve stopped four strangers in busy intersections.

I’ve done much worse and I am capable of so many things.

It is much easier to believe that evil only resides within nonsense, fairytales. Evil is evil is evil is inside is inherent. Evil is born evil and will die without redemption.

A kitten is born, and it is angry without a mother's love. A cat is killed by a car, the driver continues, and dies at war, because someone blew him up.

However, There is a method before the madness, and maybe bad things happen to good people just 'cos. Evil is a piss-poor excuse for a reason, and I'm still sorry.

When you awake from dreaming of begging for forgiveness

Transcending from life to life Driving in reverse from a woman you don’t know Never cared to know Harsh tones escaping from wheels braking in accepting A lack of free will Slowing into an abrupt halt of existing in everything before "I’m sorry I wrecked into you" Bursting into a life as if I had the right To crash down into a world I didn’t want to look in the eye And see myself in a woman I’d never met When the police showed up I was accused of being a prostitute Milky way tears streaming down my cheeks Connecting the dots, spelling it out in the sky For everyone to know "You’re not wrong" And as they all witnessed my guilt in it’s most golden form, Guilt dancing with a push and pull, dragging me to the center, where it all began Fluidity throwing me about because I was always a rag doll to the spacetime continuum.

My mouth repeating the syllables, each allowing me to become

The antihero "for-give-ness".

I wake up and I know it was a dream And I know I’m not where I want to be.

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Drinking in light vs. trying to drink in the light I’ve lost my lips to sip upon poor Sun’s glass Because I don’t have any body Self-detachment issues you know The only thing reminding me of physical resistance would be this belly ache from all the carbonation It’s disgusting The only other option would be to listen to angels Hanging themselves on clothes lines I envy the angelic They have no weight to sway in the breeze No lifeless creak from the tree No, the last thing I want is to be dead Only for someone to cautiously cut me open, hip to hip Be my surgeon, witness my birth And allow life to pour out of me

HEN THE TREE HUMAN BLEEDS ITSELF

No, Adam, Down the street from where my father used to live It was not just a bad day Across the road from the biggest tree I’ve It was the worst day I walked all the way from Main Street to tell always wanted to climb I live alone you that walking all the way from Main Street was a terrible decision.

I don’t know how to explain it to you any more clearly, Matthew.

I don’t remember how to dance with my tree limbs.

I just know I walked in here drenched from the rain You say they aren’t tree limbs.

And suddenly I’m covered in blood I say we might as well be imaginary I KNOW WE CAN’T BE FRIENDS ANYMORE I say I am a woodpecker bashing its face against a tree JESUS CHRIST, BRIAN, I ALREADY KNEW THAT Have you ever watched something like that?

I AM NOT EVEN SORRY I know from where you’re standing it looks No fucking absurd We can’t be friends we can’t be friends!

The repetition, almost to a beat of falling I know it’s not a song, Kevin, I never claimed warheads, dropping one after another it to be.

When I stretch beyond my wingspan I can Am I bleeding? see it all: Am I bleeding?

On the latest nights you can listen to every Whose blood is that? grub-dug hole in the trees scream Whose house am I in?

Just wailing into places where nobody should live I live there

FORGET ABOUT ME

Again, here I am, in the woods. face Running as fast as I can.

It had to be my face I turn around, just long enough to make out what I No – instead I am looking into a mirror assume was your tender face Mirrors can be windows too, in the right light “Not exactly lost,” you say in response to my screams I walk into the mirror, echoing through the trees And almost as a fit of hysteria reaching an abrupt I have no idea what that means, or why you said that conclusion, to me I become the best me I know I can be There is nothing concrete about that statement What I was has spun inside out And besides, I am seriously a little lost the trees are inside of me I’ve been sleeping in a cave for at least three days When I die I will sprout branches to reach the stars Counting time by how many moons I’ve been blessed I’d wanted to be a tree-person clothed in cosmos, with Or just a tree person, period.

There’s a man that I can’t see following me, I wanted those things as a child but And I just came to the realization that it was you I never wanted to be the man following a child into the I am so lost woods I can’t deal with this.

I’m sorry for doing that.

I can’t breathe Let’s go to bed now.

I can’t look out the window without it also becoming a mirror So I convince myself that maybe instead, it was my

Tree

limbs are falling all around me and I’m not sure what that means.

I wish I could meet A stranger in the forest who wasn’t going to try and kill me

I would feel nothing but guilt.

There is something horrifying and dead inside a person who can’t jerk off to celestial bodies.

Step 1.) Birth.

While you’re looking for step two, observe your environment and the things that cohabit your beds. This is where you plant yourself, you reap what you sew, weed the damn garden.

Surround yourself with objects that remind you of breathing, meanwhile trying not to hold your breath.

You are very much like a tree, so to explain this phenomenon, imagine yourself a tree. A bear is gnawing at your trunk, but now you’re the bear. Not every ring has the same crunch, you don’t know why, who cares, you’re a bear. As you devour this tree, you feel a little different. These rings are metabolized and navigated through your guts. Now, you might think you’re about to become fecal remains of the original tree, but you’re not. You are another tree, in another forest without a bear.

These are not instructions. Find your own way to turn your body into a garden. Weed the damn garden.

You’re not a bear, you’re not a tree, you don’t have a body.

Don’t you dare bleed on me. You’re the one prodding at the wound. Stop hitting yourself stop hitting yourself stop hitting yourself stop hitting yourself. I see the way you’re looking at me, like I’m the dead one with eyes glazed over like popsicles. I can tell you one thing: I’m not going to be the body breathless under the pillows tonight.

SMILE IT’S HOW YOU GET THEM TO LIKE YOU NO WAIT STOP THAT’S ACTUALLY TERRIFYING ARE YOU READING THIS? NO BUT CAN YOU HEAR ME

FORGET ABOUT ME

Take notice to the dust particles playing with themselves Masturbating for you Scattering light like Children at a fuck party And mom comes home

WE ALL KNOW WHAT HAPPENS WHEN AN ANGEL GOES TO HELL NOT A GODDAMN THING HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH

I am going to drag you out to the barn, hang you by your feet and explain to you why angels exist.

When you’re finished with falling in love, you can kill anything. Hunt down things that breathe and tell them to stop it. The whole damn forest is on fire and it’s my fault.

This is how I became a grown-up.

Break up with me through text.

The written word is beautiful.

Will only reach to infinity.

FORGET ABOUT ME

I have this thing for flowers,

They’re the only beautiful thing I can look at without feeling too sexually aroused.

You want to see a real ghost So there is a man in the corner of your room And he’s dead You say ‚dad‛ He says ‚nope‛ He’s a thousand ghosts talking about how dare you And you better watch out Because they could all be yours for the low, low price of watching yourself give up, slowly waste away, rot into the floorboards.

And you’ll have no other option than to join the party and whisper, Sorry Sorry forever and ever.

They proposed that ‘I’ implies an unreachable sense of self so I stopped masturbating.

I cannot fill my self.

I will never understand why you ran into a church and set yourself on fire.

Even if you survive this YOU CAN’T GO BACK TO THE LIFE YOU HAD BEFORE

A PSA on Loving Invisible Planes of Existence People you can’t see Not like ghosts, not like the first time you get glasses They’re people that walk through suns and climb through windows

When we didn’t know there was a window there They see through you too We’re the same, Not like pond scum reflections They’re foreigners unable to touch our skin We’re beings of light

FORGET ABOUT ME

I am a woodpecker bashing it’s face against a tree:

I look fucking ridiculous

• Put the gun here:

Walk into the light walk into the light walk int Shift your eyes as you shift your position in the great tree machine Go the other way Turn back now Sarah Go north but somewhere the sun shines all the time, you think you’re about to burn up But you don’t when you realize that this is the place where You don’t die this time Turning through pages, skipping numbers, create your own adventure book.

Create your own personalities.

This is when you decide not to eat the poison because it’s not dinner time Even though the meat loaf is done And it’s your fav.

We just want to keep you around Don’t forget the people inside you, they’re not dead yet They’re invited to the dinner party But more about the sun Tonight, after the music and lights finish consuming your body We gather at the furthest most corner of the universe and allow the Sun to stretch into our souls until we have to be no more than a thought Floating in light.

FORGET ABOUT ME

Flowers are great friends. They sort of make me want to set myself on fire.

Spread me in a field of forgetme-nots

And forget about me