From My Lips

FROM MY LIPS

s

Cho Woods

iUniverse, Inc.

New York Lincoln Shanghai

From My Lips Copyright Š 2005 by Raymond Woods All rights reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced by any means, graphic, electronic, or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, taping or by any information storage retrieval system without the written permission of the publisher except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles and reviews. iUniverse books may be ordered through booksellers or by contacting: iUniverse 2021 Pine Lake Road, Suite 100 Lincoln, NE 68512 www.iuniverse.com 1-800-Authors (1-800288-4677) This book is a work of fiction. Name, characters, places and incidents are productions of the author’s imagination and is used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual events or locales or person, living or dead, is entirely coincidental.

All words were written by Cho Woods.

ISBN: 0-595-35009-7 Printed in the United States of America

Contents s

My introduction. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .xiii Voice Voice Voice Voice Voice

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About the Author . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 155

-v

s

I was once told that pain is the brick hearts of change. Where is the one place you can’t hide? The answer is simple, your mind. To me that has a deep and profound meaning. After years of surpress memories of my past, who would want to know about me? I am a black woman who made some mistakes in my life that I am now begging for forgiveness from my Lord and savior.

I am a work in progress you can say, we all are to some degree whether we want to admit it or not. This is a project that I am not sure would ever be completed; however it will be interesting to see how it turns out. You will discover some thing about me that may be troubling to some and interesting to many. As the old saying goes, time goes on and everybody grows. After meeting Jordan and hooking up with him, these past memories started to resurface without warning.

I couldn’t sleep, eat or think about anything else. That chance meeting at Jordan’s house with Nicole and Rain was the worst day of my life.

This is all about me Karen Benson the woman with brass ovaries, ready to give it to you from

my lips to your eyes. I think I done started something and it isn’t pretty, but who life is right?

- xiii

Voice 1

Karen It all started back in the middle eighties I decided after being ignored most of my life to do something radical. I pretty much had cart blanche to do whatever, however I never took advantage of it. My girlfriends use to tell me all the time that, if they were in my position they would be hanging out doing whatever they wanted to do. I did occasionally go to the After Midnight club on Sundays when Lady B was on the radio. She would be broadcasting from the club live on the radio during hip-hop’s early years.

Back in ’86 The Raising Hell tour came to the Philadelphia Spectrum and every black child in the city was going to check out the stars of that time that were headlining stadium shows. It was a late, hot July afternoon and everybody around my way took the 54 buses to Broad St. and got on the southbound subway to Patterson Ave., were the sports complexes were. North Philadelphia was well represented to say the least. The subway train roared down the dark tunnel, lights bright as the breaks high-pitched sound echoed through out the underground. These were the old brownreddish trains and Septa knew they needed an upgrade from the graffiti ridden cars that towed each other back and forth.

The train pulled up and the engine was louder than the people conversing about who their favorite artist was were. L.L. Cool J. was my favorite M.C’s at the time. I remember the girls used to go crazy over that brother. This was a great time to be a teenager; people were not trying to gun each other down over something crazy. We used to call them fair ones back in the day.

Whenever we didn’t like someone we would call him or her out to fight and live to talk about it the next day.

-1

We got on the train and it was packed from every angle. I was fly with my tight ass Calvin Klein jeans and cleavage revealing shirt on. My girls were basically dressed the same; we were the fly girl crew of North Philly. The ride down to the Spectrum was swift as I looked out of the window and saw the people waiting for the train that just passed them. There wasn’t any more room on the train, I held on to the pole so I wouldn’t fall on someone. You could smell the sweat and stink breath and cologne. It made a very uncomfortable order that was really hard to describe.

Let’s just say I don’t ever want to smell that combination again.

We were almost to the Center City stop when I felt a hand touch my ass. I started thinking to myself who had the balls to want to start something on this crowded ass train! It was hard to see who it was because of my limited movement. Someone definitely wanted to get their eye dotted and the girls and me would be ready to hand out the pain. Growing up in the streets of North Philly taught me one thing; don’t take no bullshit and throw hands when you had to.

This unknown hand kept touching my ass as I struggled to turn to see who was doing this to me.

I turned and saw her standing right in back of me looking like a woman fresh out of a modeling book. She was attractive, I instantly could she was an older woman. I was stunned and couldn’t open my mouth, as my eyes became fixated on her. Her smile was inviting and spoke a silent hello to me without the movement of her lips. She finally whispered that she put her card in my back pocket. I couldn’t frown on the situation because I was too young to understand but old enough to know that this shouldn’t be happening. At the tender-roni stage of sixteen, I never knew I was pretty or attractive. Of course boys told me all the time but I never took them seriously. They were only out for one thing and that was to get in my pants. This time it was different I felt like I was wanted in an odd sort of way. She stood firm on what she was doing with a heavy dose of confidence. Her stare was inviting and stimulating to my mind all at the same time. Goose bumps rose on my arm and I could feel the beads of sweat generating on my nose with nervousness. I felt my back pocket and discovered there was something in there. I reached in my pocket and pulled out what felt like a small card. I looked at the off white card that read, “Simone” in quotes with her phone number typed in raised letters.

I lifted my eyes up to look at her again. She signal with her hand for me to call her as the train slowed at City Hall to let passengers off. I accepted the card with out saying a word, however she knew that I would. I watched her walk away in her shorts and sandals up the step out of my sight but into my imagination. I wanted to follow but my eyes were limited with the crowed stairway that made her disappeared. I was now sweating in my goodie area and prayed that it didn’t show through my jeans. I totally forgot about my girls and the show for that matter.

“Damn,” I shouted out but no one heard me, because of the sound of the train and noise from people talking. My round brown face was now drenched in sweat that dripped down on my full lips, much like water dripping down from a leaf over water.

Still my destination was the Raising Hell tour, however I dreamt unknown heavens with a woman I seemed to have fallen for just moments ago. Some say love at first sight does not exist, but I beg to differ.

I didn’t get down like that nor did I want to ever try it, but for some strange reason I was down with whatever she wanted from me. It was like a sexual plague had taken over me and I didn’t want to stand in its way of wanting to explore more.

From that point I defined myself as a woman emerging into something I did not understood.

Men would try to get me to do some things for them, but I knew better. That is how I learned the skill of being a female. Females used to call me ‘hot ass’ but they did not know that I was not like that at all. They judge from the exterior instead of interior and that pissed me off the most but I held my head high like a sista supposed to do and kept doing my thang.

“Ok that’s enough for now,” I told him.

Jordan had a serious look on his face. His tongue was hanging out of his mouth on the right side of his face. His hand was jotting additional notes down while I waited patiently for him to focus on me. I took a sip of red wine and ask him did he get all of that?

“Yes. I think this was a good start. I felt you were somewhat nervous with the fluttering of your voice. But you did well.”

“You think so?”

“Yes ok Karen, talk about your parents a little bit for me.”

I took another sip of wine to clear my throat. I sat up in my bed while Jordan lay across the bottom of the bed with his recorder, “are you ready?”

“Go,” he said.

My parents spoiled me. We always had money because my dad was the head of the union for construction workers. My mother was a secretary at the electric company so money was never an issue even though I grew up in the ghetto. At the time, it did not feel like a ‘ghetto’. North Philly was home to some of the greatest people that made their way into the lives of America. My parents did not spend that much time with us, but they did preach to my sister and me how a good education would better our lives.

I always tried to do something to piss them off just so I could get a little attention but it never worked. I remember stealing their beloved green Buick Le Sabre’ that had an eight-track player. I smoked the left over roaches that they left in the ashtray but never could get the high that I got from the contact when they lit up one. I remember getting caught giving head to one of the boys in the neighborhood on a dare. I never like to be challenge; it was my weakness for sure. My mother walked in and saw what was happening and quietly shut my door. She let me finish but the guy was uncomfortable and ran out the house at full speed. He thought my mother was going to say something to his mother but it never happen.

She asked me did I swallow and I told her I did because I didn’t know when it was coming.

She instructed me to put my hand on his chest from time to time and feel the heart speed up and his dick will start to pulse faster, that is when you will know. “Be careful where it erupts, it can fuck up a hair doo in second.” We laughed and continued to talk. I told her it was nasty, not a taste I would want to seek out. If it came down to it, I guess I could tolerate it for the moment, however I’ve grown to like it and acquired another taste that would soon to follow.

I have an older sister name Keisha who lives in Miami. We’re only two years apart, however we are worlds apart, to say the least. She and I both graduated from Hallahan High, the all girl school. Keisha was the brainiac who stayed in all the time studying or watching soaps. I ran the street, trying to get into everything I could. I had this reputation of being an outspoken girl. I remember vividly they use to call me, “Karen Todd the hot toddy.” I hated it when they said that, what was I supposed to do. My reputation never lived up to the hype and all the bad rumors I endured. But I lived through it and no one ever stepped to me because I wasn’t having it.

“Stop the recorder,” I screamed.

Jordan stops the recorder and turned his attention towards me.

“Why are we doing this book again?”

“Why not. I mean I think you are an interesting person and everybody has a story. So why not tell it. I am curious to see where this will lead us as far as you and me are concern.”

“You don’t have to worry about that. We’re grown folk. Communication is the key to any good relationship. However, if at any time you want to pull out, all of this will be erased.

“I agree but are you ready for what will come from my lips?”

“If I can’t handle what my woman has in her past, there is no point of us continuing this relationship for the future. This is built on trust and respect,” he said staring at me with a serious look.

“I think I can do that after all this could be very therapeutic for you,” he said. I still wasn’t too sure if I should be putting my business out there. I opened this can of worms and now I have to deal with it. Going back on my word was not my style and the way I do things. If I started something, I finish it with out question.

Voice 2

Our conversation was productive as I started to relive some of my past endeavors. Talking to Jordan gave me mixed emotion that’s why I started to keep a little journal on this. I started to quickly think about the good I could do by doing this book. If I could help any young girl out there who is going through some of the things I went through, it would be well worth it. This book could be something we are both proud of and never really envisioned it six months ago when Jordan and I reunited at church. God had a hand on us that day in church and we prayed our way though up to this point.

Jamal has really become fond of Jordan, even calling him dad and just like a proud father Jordan sticks his chest out soaking it up too. Jamal and I had long talks about his dad and why he doesn’t want to visit or even call. I tried to explain to him that his dad is on a different agenda and when he gets time, he will call. His response was that God has sent Jordan in his place and he was so grateful for that. However, the eyes never lie as they tell a different story, “That’s bullshit that motherfucker don’t love me, fuck my dad,” is what his eyes told me. I couldn’t agree more as I gave him smiles of comfort only to think the same thing he did but ended it the word, “bastard.”

I got up off the sofa and walk to the bay window. I change the tacky shades he had up and replaced it with some nice lace curtains. Jordan told me from day one that this is our home do what you like. He did allow me to put a little female touch in the house. This was something I loved to do but never got the opportunity to do in my roach invested row home. This whole experience we had six months ago really seemed like a distant memory and I believe it had to take place in order for God to show me the way to a better life.

I sat on the bay window watching the kids outside playing the lost inner city sport of stickball.

Back in the day, the boys in my neighborhood use to call it half-ball. They would take a tennis ball, cut it in half, and get an old broom

-6

stick, one guy would be on one side of the street, and the batter would be on the other. The pitch would be made and the batter would try to hit the ball on the roof. Jordan showed the kids how to play; however I wish he didn’t because someone’s window could easily be broken but so far so good.

I was so elated to see Jamal having a good time in the intense heat. The sweat trickled down him and his friend’s foreheads as they struggled to keep their baggie shorts up that rival the trash talking they did among each other.

“Jordan are you still working on that?”

“Yes, give me a second.”

I kept my focus on the game outside, occasionally admiring the formation of clouds in the sky.

The sound of paper rattled in the background followed by a few sneezes.

“I know you’re not catching a summer cold,” I ask him.

“No, just allergies. I’m ok. What’s going on outside?”

“The boys are playing a game. I think it’s too damn hot out there for them to be playing.”

“Maybe, but boys will be boys. He’ll be alright,” Jordan assured me.

“I want to go out for the night. Let’s do something wild and crazy,” I finally turned to see the reaction on his face.”

“Wild and crazy?”

“I don’t know I just feel like being grown right now. Let me call and see if Nia can watch Jamal for a couple of hours.”

“Ok I am down!”

I picked up the phone and dial NIA’s number, she lived four doors down and had a son Ian that Jamal played with. She told me it would be ok and to go ahead and enjoy ourselves.

I went to the door and called Jamal and told him Nia was going to watch him while Jordan and I we are going out for the evening. He was excited to hang out with Ian for a while. They were tight as two kids could be since we moved into the neighborhood.

We left the house feeling good dressed in our summer outfits. I was dressed in red because I was feeling a little naughty and Jordan had black on as hot as it was. We waved goodbye to Jamal and took off in the heat. I loved Saturday’s in the city of brotherly love and sisterly affection. It has a vibe all in it’s own and on this day I really didn’t have a clue of what to do.

“Were are we going?”

I told Jordan I did not know, “you make a suggestion.”

“It beats me. I guess we can always get something to eat,” he said.

I started to think about it a little, after a few minutes, I told him I knew a friend who owned a massage parlor, and it would be great to have one. He agreed and I directed him to Walnut Street.

There was a big orange neon sign that displayed the name or the parlor, “Sage’ Parlor.” It was a big ass building that sat on the corner of 17th and Walnut. We had the car taken by the valet, walked inside the building, and greeted by the smell of candles and hostess.

“Hello and welcome to the Sage’. Have you visited us before?” The short thick young lady asked. It’s been a while since I had a massage but boy did I love them. Pampering my self was one of my escapes from reality. There is nothing like a woman being stroked and pulled gently with precision. I always fell asleep when the warm hands of the massage therapist paid close attention to this honey coated woman.

“Yes I come here all the time, my name is Karen is Nadine around?”

“Oh yes she is one moment let me get her for you,” she said.

I watched her walk away and Jordan had no problem watching her butt as she did so. His deep brown eyes were glued to her black Capri’s that showed off her calf muscles.

He shook his head, smiled and received a nice pinch on the arm from me too.

“Nice huh?”

“What you talking about girl,” he said trying to deny it.

“You know what I am talking about, now answer the question.

Was she nice or what? Be a man and tell me the truth!”

“Yes she was but I was only checking her out for a second,” he explained.

“You were watching until she disappeared. It’s ok if you watch another women’s ass. All men do it’s in you all’s nature to do that.”

“I’m sorry Karen I didn’t mean to disrespect you like that, my bad,” he pleaded.

“No problem. You don’t have to hide it if that’s what you like then express it. It’s not going to make me think of you any different. You come home to me and that’s all that matters, right?”

“That’s right baby girl,” he assured me.

I gave him a kiss and then I heard my name being called, “Karen! What’s up girl?

“Hey Nadine how is business going?”

“Great. I gotta get the cash, gotta get the doe.”

“Who’s your friend,” she asks smiling at Jordan.

I turn to look at him and introduce them to each other. He had an unusual expression on his face. “Hello I am Jordan nice to meet you,” he said shaking her hand. “No the pleasure is all mine,” she responded. “Be careful girl this is my man!” “Oh I know that’s right but he’s too fine. I have to call it like I see it,” she fired back.

“Anyway girl what will it be today?” “Nadine I want the deluxe! We want the whole kick and caboodle, can you handle that?” “Yes girl you know I can. Follow me to the dressing room to change and we can get started. I will personally take care of yall along with my new worker.” “Is she any good?”

“Oh yeah. She is my protégé. Go ahead and change and I will see yall in a few. Meet me in the jungle room.” “Thanks, see you in a few.” We changed into the complementary robes that were given to us. They had a leopard print on his and her robes. My robe was a little shorter than Jordan’s and made with silk. I could feel the breeze from the air conditioner on the bottom of my cheeks. I noticed Jordan was a little slow getting undressed; I guess he was trying to be cool about it.

“Hmm I see someone’s excited,” I said.

“It’s the air blowing in here.”

“Yeah right?” I gave him a crazy look.

“Karen, do we leave our underwear on?”

“Nope you have to strip down to your birthday suit. They’re going to mas sage your whole body.” He looked at me crazy and I looked at him and nodded my head. “What type of place is this?” “Call it the urban Fantasy Island. This is a place to come to and have no worries. You can let your hair down sort to speak.”

We left the dressing room and walked down the hall pass five doors or so to another room that had the word ‘Jungle room’ labeled on it. I turned to Jordan and asked was he ready and he looked at me and said for what it’s just a massage right. I knew he was in for a rude awakening but I played it cool and let things play out accordingly.

We walked in and we took a look around and noticed they had some remodeling done since my last visit. Jordan was in awe at what he saw. He was silent and marveling at the fake vines and scenery. There was a mini boom box sitting on the shelf across from were the massage beds were.

The small Bose speakers were positioned around the room for a surround sound effect. It truly gave you the feel of being in a rain forest. Drops of rain dripped all around the room, accompanying with birds chirping.

“This is off the hook!” Jordan exclaimed.

“Yeah they really hooked this place up since the last time I was here.”

“You’ve been in here before, I know you have.” I laughed and gave him a wink of the eye.

“Yep, a few times,” I confessed “Alright tell me “K” what the hell goes on in here, and why didn’t I know about it?”

“I told you. It’s an urban Fantasy Island. Relax and enjoy yourself, man.”

His eyes went into a deep squint accompanied by a sly smirk. “Jordan it’s a no holds bared type of place, that’s all I can say. Chill ok?”

“No problem!” He shouted.

The tables we were laying on wee so comfortable. I was exhaling so hard because I knew I was going to be in for a long ride.

“Jordan you have to untie the robe so the masseuse can have access to our bodies.”

He lifted his self off the table to untie the robe and let it drape off the side of the table. Soon after that two beautiful women walked in and Jordan immediately took notice.

Two sexy full-figured women walked in the room wearing tight shirts and hip hugger spandex shorts. They were big women, however they were fit and ready to take control of us. Camouflage was the pattern of the attire and I was ready to go to the foxhole with both women. They had headbands and sultry looks to match. Very little, make up but yet their beauty flourished as only a true sitas could. As they prepare themselves to treat us to a nice time.

“Hello Karen and Jordan I am Apple and this is Ciera.”

“Hello nice to meet you both,” we both said in unison.

“What happen to Nadine?” I asked. “She had an emergency, she told me to take care of you both.

“Why do they call you Apple?” I asked looking at the dark thick skinned one. She turned around, showed me her ass, and smacked it on the side. Jordan eyes went from a dime size to a quarter. I was getting hot just looking at her, I could feel the flame being lit and those old feeling were coming back.

The massage began in overdrive mode they wasted no time issuing out the pleasure principle that we deserved. After all, the session was costing us three hundred dollars a pop. Their skills were unleashed on our bodies like they owned it. My ass and the curvature of my body rose in the air twitching, yearning for more. I looked over at Jordan whose face clearly displayed that he was a man overdue for one of these. I winced at every stroke and made sure that Ciera heard me too. I turned to see her face and she looked back and put her left index finger over her lips telling me to hold it down. She started back up around the shoulder area and worked her way down to mid back, ass, and thigh and to my feet. The rub was a little tense this time but it hurt so damn good.

She whispered to me to turn over and when I flipped, I saw Apple performing a job on Jordan

Jordan didn’t seem to mind either and what man would. Obviously, he must have known that I would approve of such an act if I brought him here. He was no dummy and his sexual appetite was still in full force.

I shut my eyes waiting for her to massage the front side of me. I kept peeping over at Jordan but the brother was in la la land. His eyes were closed tight as his body bucked with pleasure.

Ciera slowly parted my honey-coated legs and began to oil the inside leading up to my sugar walls.

After she was done she gave me a kiss on the cheek and told me that it was tasteful and walked out of the room. She started something that once upon a time, I couldn’t control, but now things are different. I wasn’t sure if I owed it to her or was I seeking old feelings that I knew would be re-surfaced when I came to the parlor.

“Jordan did you enjoy yourself?” I ask being unconcerned about his act.

“Man I didn’t know shorty was going to do that!” He exclaimed.

“Do what?” I ask acting like I didn’t know.

“Apple went down on me.”

“What!”

“Oh snap you’re mad,” he said grabbing my hand.

“No I am not! Did you enjoy it?”

I wasn’t about to give up information on what happened to me, it was our secret.

“It was alright,” he said hesitantly.

“Please boy. You know it was good. Say it, I am not mad at you. I set this whole thing up for you. It was a way for you to relax and to do something with out any consequences, call it a gift.

“Wow, it’s like that huh?”

“Yes. I want to see you happy by all means.”

We paid our bill and left the building feeling like new money. We decided to get some ribs on Broad Street and head home. Some how I felt a little guilty for putting him through that and not sharing my own secret, however my mind erase the notion of telling my secret. He might have been crushed to know that his woman who turned her life in a positive direction was now on the verge to take him places he only dreamed of. In no way I wanted him to know that my feelings for women never really went away. Back in church when we hooked up again we vowed to remain faithful. But today all bets were off as we both got our freak on. All I could think to my self was that, we’re going to hell for this. Pussy rules the planet. Any woman will tell you that.

Kingdoms have been brought down because of the female’s person Pandora’s box. Men kill, lie and steal just to get a piece of ass and pretty smile woman who gives him the time of day. God helps us all!

Voice 3

The next morning came and my body was feeling so good! Jordan was sleeping like a baby, snoring and slobbering on the pillow.

He had the greatest job of all, being a teacher and having the summers off. I left out the house only to yell back up the steps to remind him to take Jamal to day camp. I got to the television station where I was an account executive. I had my own office and a nice income to match. Life was now good since I went back and got my degree.

I walked into the office greeted by co-workers headed for my office. From out of the blue, Jade my assistant cut me off with a loud hello.

“Good morning Jade, how are you?”

“I am fine and your self?” She said shuffling folders of papers in her arms.

“I am good. Jade I would like to talk to you about something. Do you have time to come to my office?”

“Sure. I have your messages for you and the report you needed for today.”

“Thank you. Meet me in my office in about twenty minutes.”

“Ok,” Jade said.

I walk into my office that had a fragrance of strawberry. I turned on my boom box that was sitting behind me to hear the latest gossip on WDAS radio station.

I saw Jade almost running towards my door. I chuckled a little bit because she trips and dropped a few folders.

“Close the door and have a seat,” I said.

“Ok!” she said nervously.

“It’s ok, you’re not in trouble. I wanted to have a woman-to-woman talk with you. Tell me a little bit about your background.”

“Where should I start,” she smiled and chuckled.

- 13

“I don’t know tell me about you.” I sat back in my chair, crossed my legs preparing to listen.

“Well I went to school at the University of Delaware and majored in Journalism, as you may know from my resume. I always wanted to be a reporter on the news.

I would see the reporter’s on the news being articulate and poised, it inspired me. I wanted to have that type of status and attention every night. It’s something I always wanted to do. I had to have a better life that what I saw around me everyday. I remember I used to mock the anchor and pretend I was the one telling my story of the night. It’s a goal of mine to achieve my dream and I will do it, because I made it mandatory.

I respected the fact that she had a goal and she has taking the step to get to the point she was trying to get to.

I looked in my drawer and pulled her file and notice that she graduated with honors, however she spent an extra year in college. I wouldn’t dare ask, as long as she got that degree that was all that was important to me.

“I think you have a boatload of potential. You continue to meet my deadlines when they were supposed to be met, however there is one thing that’s troubling me.”

“What’s that Karen?”

I watched her sit forward in her seat waiting for me to say what I had to say.

“Well to be honest, it’s not really troubling me but I would like to be your mentor. I want to volunteer my time to get ready for a career. I want to make sure you get the breaks you deserve,” I told her.

Her face brightened and a smile began to rise like the sun in the morning. I could tell I struck a chord with her. She has been working with me for three months and this was our first real conversation. Time never permitted but now was as good as any.

“First of all if you’re going to succeed you have to dress for it.”

“How am I going to do that? I just moved out on my own since finishing college.

I think what I have on is ok. It’s not top of the line but it will do for now,” she insisted with a flavored attitude.

“Ok Jade this is how it’s going to play out. You are going with me today to get some new clothes and have a good time, just us. You can get anything you want my treat. I want you to succeed and this is where we should start. I was in your exact position a minute ago and I want to give something back,” I insisted.

Jade sat there with a ghetto girl pout and all of a sudden a tear started to come down the corner of her left eye. I reach for a Kleenex tissue and handed it to her, “are you ok,” I asked.

“Yes I am fine. I just have a lot that I am dealing with. The last couple years of my life has been a living hell.”

“Care to talk about it?”

“No,” she said emphatically. Karen, I just want to say that it has been great working with you.”

She stood, wiped the corners of her eye, and reach to give me a hug.

I walked around the desk and showed her some love. Our embraced was warm and heart felt. I could tell this young lady has gone through something. But what?

Jade and I left the building to get our shop on at my expense. I had her all over the place buying any and everything she wanted. We started at the finest perfume stores followed by the fine women shops. I insisted she get a manicure and her hair done. For the day she was a queen and I was happy to have a hand in it. I felt good about doing something for someone, just like Jordan has done for Jamal and me.

After our shopping spree I took her home with smiles from ear to ear. She invited me into her new home she was renting. It was an empty row home on 24th Street in North Philly. There wasn’t any furniture but she had a gang of pillows that covered the floor in a corner by a window.

A twenty-inch television sat on a television stand along with a stereo system. I notice a long antenna erecting from the back of the system, up the wall and tack on to two wicker fans with a bunch of baby pictures. I walked closer to see the cuties she had on the fans. I assumed they were kids of people she knew, “you don’t have any kids right?”

“No, but I have been pregnant before.”

“What? What happened?”

“Well like I told you earlier my life hasn’t been a simple one. I promise we’ll get into that later on.”

“No pressure, no pressure at all. I’m sure you had your reasons.”

“Yes and when you find out, you won’t be looking at me strange, like you are now.”

I walked around the hardwood floor focusing on the lords prayer on the wall over top of the colorful pillows. Jade had fresh spider plants all over with one small coffee table tall enough for her to eat on when she sat on her pillows.

“I am sorry I do not have any furniture yet, please excuse my home.”

“Jade, you don’t have to apologize for that, you’re young girl.You will make it.”

“But, my bedroom looks a lot better than down here,” she said with excitement in her eyes.

They danced around eager to let me see what she had going on upstairs.

We both laughed as I ask her for a tour of the rest of her home. She obliged and took me up stairs. It was a modest two-bedroom row home. The room that wasn’t being used had bags of clothes and things from college. Her room left me in awe. It was painted light pink with a white canopy bed. Jade’s comforter was plush and tightly made with the creases in cuffed under the corners. It reminded me a lot of a bed made in a hotel room. Jade has some Mylar balloons tacked to the wall of her bedroom and some fake red roses on the petit nightstand.

She showed me her two closets that were housed inside of the wall at the foot of her bed. I thought that was a unique feature with her urban gear neatly positioned inside.

“This is nice Jade. I feel like a little girl in here.”

“Thank you. That’s the feeling that I wanted. This is my way of keeping in touch with the little girl in side.”

“Yes. A lot of sisters out here grow up to fast and never really look back on their child hood of innocence.”

“Too many want to grow up to fast, I was pushed into because of my mothers mistakes,” She said.

“Is that right?”

“Yeah, but I’m not going to get into with you, I already told you that,” she said with her hands on her hips. She cracked a smile waiting for me to respond, “Damn I was trying to get a little bit of info out of you.”

“Like Mary J. said, ‘not today’.”

We laughed and made our way back down stairs.

“Make yourself a home on my comfy pillows,” she said.

“Thank you,” I told her sitting Indian style after pulling my skirt up a little so I could be comfortable.

“Karen let me get you some soda or something, I know you are thirsty.”

“Yes, I am.”

I watched her dance her way into the kitchen to get me something to drink. She returned with a paper cup filled to the top with ice and a can of Franks Grape soda. I chuckled a bit and had a suspicion that she did not have any glasses. I thanked her and gave a warm smile as she began to sit with me. We began to have a sister girl talk; it was so refreshing to know that she was opened to what I had to say. This might have been the best day I have ever had, not including the birth of Jamal. This was more on a personal side, me helping someone out who needed a hand. I believe this what life was all about?

I invited her to sit with me on her own pillows in her house. Of course she laughed at me ad sat across from me. During the day, we didn’t really get to talk from all of the hustle and bustle.

We were like little girls out to play with my money, but this was a time to be a woman.

“I get the impression that you have so much shit inside that you’re afraid to open up,” I said still trying to get inside of her world.

Jade smiled lowered and shook her head, “Ok I’m sorry,” I said before she cursed my ass out for being nosey again.

“I fought battles to get to where I am today. You have no idea the sacrifices that were made for me. Shit my story should be a movie or book girl.”

“Really! Maybe it will happen for you one day. I know someone who’s a writer and just published his first book. When you’re ready I can talk to him and maybe make it happen for you.”

“I will think about it. I do not like to think about it too much. To be honest with you I am trying to forget the shit personally. A lot of pain went on, but what young girl from North Philly hasn’t experience some type of pain in their life?”

Since you want to know so much about me, tell me what’s up with you? What is your story Karen? How did a black woman like yourself rise in corporate America?”

“My life is simple,” I lied. “I was married got divorced, have a son and put myself through school with prayer and luckily landed a job at the station.”

“That’s bullshit. No one rises that quickly!” We both laughed but she had a point. I would not relinquish that information just yet but persuasion in the future may bring it to light.

“It’s true Jade, hard work and prayer, that’s the formula. You should know that, I mean look at you now. You have come along way and that is proof that praying to God can change things. The options are given to you from day one. Go to school and get an education. Nowhere in the rulebook does it say fuck every guy on the block or the club who has a big dick and a nice ride.

You can get that a dime a dozen. Brothers promise a lot of shit but never stick to their word. A lot of sista’s are caught up and as soon as they get pregnant and they are stuck with the baby, while the brothers runs the street doing’ whom ever he wants. That shit isn’t fair! Power is the key and when you can right your own meal ticket, a brother can’t say shit to you.”

She nodded her head in agreement and began to lay on her stomach with her hands under her chin to support her head.

“However, the draw back Jade is, most men don’t like a woman who is trying to do something for themselves. They don’t like a woman in control of anything.”

“I know that’s right. I know that’s right,” she repeated.

The conversation was about to go to another level when I decided I had to leave. I really hated too but I had to get home to my babies. I knew they missed me and I missed them even more. I was afraid that Jordan might be upset with me because I did not attempt to call them today. Then again, he would understand if he called me at work because my voice mail stated I would be out of the office today. I was getting use to the fact that I have someone that I have to answer to, to a certain degree. A little common courtesy doesn’t hurt anyone on the receiving end.

“Jade I have to go and I would love to continue this conversation with you at a later time,” I said as I rose to my feet rubbing my legs because they fell asleep.

“Sure I’ll talk to you at work. Listen I want to thank you very much. You are an angel; I will never forget this day. I promise to pay you back, I swear!”

I shook my head and told her that the pleasure was all mines.

“Ok if you won’t let me pay you back let me at least buy my boss lunch or cook you dinner as soon as I get some more pots and pans.”

“You don’t have any cook wear?”

“Nope just a pan and pot a few glasses and a whole lot of take out containers in the fridge,” she said slightly embarrassed.

We laughed about it, which made her feel a little bit better. I told her that I had some at and will bring them in tomorrow.

She thanked me with a hug and I left the house. I stood on the sidewalk smiling, feeling good about myself. Some crazy guy rolled through the street blasting his music. It immediately took my out of the zone I fell in.

I was interested in getting to know her story. Someone so young should not have lines on her forehead. Today was the first time I notice she was a lot older than she looked. The maturity level

was very evident. I didn’t understand why I never took interest in her earlier. Maybe being too tied up in my work blinded me and my humility suffered a little. Just like Jade, I had to get past my own sins.

I was greeted by Jamal, who gave me a big wet kiss on my right cheek. I handed him a fivedollar bill and watched him dash out into the late day heat. The typical urban window air conditioner was on full blast. None of the houses built in North Philly had central air like the suburban homes. I called out to Jordan whose voice responded from a distance below. The living room burned of poison aroma fragrance oil. As usual, nothing was out of place, because I lived with a neat freak. At time it was frightening to see how neat this man was, he almost had female attributes.

“I am down here,” he shouted from the basement where he and Jamal were playing video games.

“Hey baby what’s up?”

“Nothing I’m just playing a little b-ball. I just got finished spanking Jamal a little bit, he quit on me when he heard you coming through the door. He couldn’t handle the truth,” he bragged.

“The truth?”

“Yeah, the truth. I will beat anybody who challenges me in NBA Live,” he boasted.

“I bet I can beat you if I was going down on you,” I assured him.

“Really? You care to try?” I loved a challenge but this time it was not going to be fulfilled today because I was tired.

“I see where your mind is at.”

“Well, I’m a man. You know you cannot go there with me. I will accept any invitation that is issued out to me.”

“I have an high I.Q.,” I said continuing my flirt.

“What does an high I.Q. have to do with what you said?”

“Easy I think with the right head, you know the one that thinks,” I started to rub his chest. He threw his head back, soaking in the little pleasure I was giving him. I was trying to smooth him over with a rub so he could forget that I did not call home today.

“I guess you have a point. Thinking with the wrong head usually gets us out of our element. I mean look what happen to Kobe. Females have ended empires and almost brought a presidency down. It’s a dangerous thing, don’t you think?”

I ponder for a sec and turned and looked up at him and told him again, “I have an high I.Q.” “Yes you do. Genius baby, genius.”

“I’m glad you’re giving me my props.”

“I have too. You have the shit that makes a brother bow down. Women definitely have an advantage.”

“The real word for it is called ‘misdirection’.”

“Misdirection?” He stops playing the game to focus on me. I was trying to get deep with him and he really wasn’t taking me seriously, so I had to step it up a notch.

“Yes. Women only allow men to see what they want them to see. We can take the most focused mind and misdirect him by showing him something that appeals to him. I think you know what that one thing is.”

“I believe I do. But what does that have to do with a high I.Q.?”

“Jordan it’s simple. I can think beyond sex, because women are not driven by it. Men are and

always will be dogs with two legs in heat. Always searching for the one moment that will define them as men. Some reach the moment in their life when they don’t have to decide anymore.”

“Really, then what happens?”

“That man usually marries that woman.”

“Marries? Wow I never thought of that. So tell me what happens when a man cheats?”

“Well he really has proven that he wasn’t ready for the strength of a woman.”

“I don’t want a woman stronger than me. I’m the protector.”

“You’re not getting it. I am talking about the mind. We are thinkers by nature. The women that get caught cheating are the stupid ones and weren’t properly educated.”

“Damn. You got deep on me. Can I finish playing my game?”

“Sure you can. I am going to freshen up a little bit.”

While I was going up the steps, Jordan called out to me.

“Yes?” I answered stopping cold in my tracks.

“You could have called today, you do know that right? I was worried about you.” I smiled and kept walking, “you’re good though,” he continued. “Am I?” “Yes. You diverted the attention away from me asking you why you did not call. It’s ok though I knew you were safe,” he said. I could still here him hitting the buttons on the joystick. I never turned around to see his face. I shut my eyes searching for an answer, but I had none. Maybe I miss-judged him, but he was a teacher with a little bit of scruples.

“I love you, Karen.”

“I love you too, baby, I said with affection.”

I had a hard smile on my face as I made my way through the house. I took care of cleaning my body and went back down stairs for a bite to eat. Jordan was already in the kitchen waiting for me to join him. “I warmed it up for you, enjoy.” “Thank you. Wow look at that, smothered steak with a bake potato and greens.” “So how was your day?”

“It was fine except I didn’t do much work today. My assistant and I went shopping.” “So that’s where you were?” “Yeah, me and Jade had a ball. We had a little conversation at the office and I decided I was going to improve her image.” “It sounds like you enjoyed yourself. That was a good thing that you did Karen. I am proud of you. I hope the bill wasn’t too big,” he said jokingly.

After dinner I hung out with Jamal and gave him motherly quality time. We played an old fashion game of checkers. He thought that was a little weird because it did not involved a joystick or a television screen, however we played all the time. He was trying to get me to change my mind and play him in something he was more comfortable at playing.

Jordan left out to play ball with his boys and I was glad too. He never did anything that he enjoyed except cater to me. I believed he was doing that to make up for the shit he took me through. Most women would love a man to do that, however too much of someone could make someone travel outside of their bounds.

My time with my self was short lived because I heard the door open and my name being called. I yelled back and told him I was up stairs. I meet him at the top of the steps with a

seductive smile as he came up the steps. He was four inches taller than I was, so I stood on my tiptoe and wrapped my arms around his broad neck. The sweat was coming down and it felt good against my body. I started to kiss him as he picked me up and walked in the bathroom. We both got in with our clothes on, wrapped up in black love while the water fell on our bodies.

It was so erotic while I laid on the bed thinking about Jordan and all of a sudden, he was coming through the door. Jordan has shown me that a man knows how to be a romantic since I have been with him. I would tell my girl friends all the time what type of things he was doing to turn me on. They dismissed it as a figment of my imagination. They would tell me all the time that a brother doesn’t really know how to love a sista. They would say, “all they want to do is get their thing off and go to sleep.” That may be true in some cases but my man was the exception to that rule. I would argue with them that I would send him over and prove it to them. Being who they are, they did not back down. They were serious and wanted a piece of him, but I was kidding; however it did make me aware that I better watch out for my friends.

We exit from the bathroom still dripping wet, from a session of hot steaming sex. With his manhood still rock hard he picked me up again and carried me down the hall into our bedroom. I was gently place on the bed begging for his touch. The bedspread was now damp from the water trickling from our wet bodies. I made him rush to close the door incase Jamal came back in and saw us in our glory. It was so right and so real for a man to express him self like that. My energy level was sky high and I was ready to reveal more of my self to him more of my past endeavors.

Jordan cut the stereo on to set the mood right. There was a mix slow compact disc in the changer with Luther, Babyface, The Isley’s and others on it.

The music quickly filled the room from the speakers he had in the room. I tried to incorporate a little of my personality in the home but I was always afraid to tread on water that was not meant for me to step on yet. Jordan stepped in the room on his tiptoes. It reminded me when I was younger my sister and I would sneak to get something.

The more we tried to be quiet the louder the sound of the floor made.

He turned to me with his finger to his full thick lips motioning me to keep it down but he was the one making the noise. “Why are we being quiet? There isn’t anybody in the house but us,” I said. We were laughing loudly, acting like two little kids.

I took a sip of wine that I poured earlier on the nightstand.

“Jordan this is going to be a doozie I hope you’re ready for this.

“I don’t know since you put it that way. Should I be worried?”

I told him no he should be privilege to enter my world.

“Is that right?”

“That’s right! If you’re real good, mommy will pacify you later on. Wait let me re-phase that; I will need a pacifier to pacify me!” “Interesting,” he said but I was dead serious.

Voice 4 “Ready?” “Always!” I said.

I watched him turn the digital recorder on and nod his head for me to begin. I wish I had a cigarette but I didn’t smoke. However, the room became cloudy as I went back into my past to try to work this thing out. I turned and look at Jordan with a seductive haze in my eye and a lick of my lips and began to go back into my past life that was once and still an intricate part of me.

I tried not to pretend to try to make my crooked straight. Besides once I got saved all of that was taken away from me. But some how I felt he held it against me for being the way I am. This was the hardest thing about getting back in a relationship. I still had those deep feelings that I was trying to hold back, but somehow it seems to seep through the holes and show it’s self.

“Ok so where were we the last time we recorded?”

“Check your notes,” I said being smart.

“Smart ass, give me a second, Jordan said giving me a evil look.”

“See, you ask me if I was ready and you aren’t ready, what type of stuff is that?”

We both laughed as I watch him scramble through pages of notes.

“Ok I am ready. We last talked about the card that was discreetly given to you by an unknown woman,” he said.

I thought about it for a second and shut my eyes. I uttered to him to go with me on this trip as I tried to make the picture as clear as I could to go back in time and relived that moment again.

- 24

Karen When I got back from the show, I pondered for hours if I should call her. I waited until the next day because we got back late and my voice was gone from all of the hollering that I did that night. I woke up Sunday morning anticipating the call I desperately wanted to make. I played games with my self-thinking I wasn’t ready for this, but I was. I needed her with out her knowing or maybe she did. Maybe she was a profit undercover and knew all about what I was feeling. I called her three times through out the day, only to get through the third time. I was starting to think it was a wrong number but when she answered it, was comforting to know the tone of her voice welcomed me on the other end.

I could vision what type of home she had and what she was into. During that afternoon we got to know each other a little bit. Simone was a thirty-year-old educated woman who worked with juveniles at a Youth Study Center; she had no children and lived alone in Germantown.

“Ok then what happen?” I gave him a nasty look, as to say don’t interrupt me again. His head bowed and I continued the story.

I didn’t say anything to him because I was in a zone of sort trying to relive that moment in my past. I continued to keep my eyes shut and continued to take that special trip back.

She invited me to her apartment on Wayne Ave. She told me to take the elevator to the third floor to door number 311. I wasted no time showering and smelling good to go and meet with her.

Butterflies circled my stomach over and over again.

When I got off the 33 bus at Venago I stopped at the Burger King because I was staring to get sick. I soon found out it was nerves and calmed my self down. After getting off the HX bus my nerves were getting crazy once again but I popped a piece of Double Mint gum in my mouth and chewed it until the flavor was gone. My mother used to tell me that mint always calm the stomach down.

I walked about three to four blocks to her brown stone apartment building. I walked up to the door and rung the bell to her apartment. “Hello?” She shouted through the speaker, “Hey it’s Karen I told her. “Come on up!” I waited for the door to buzz and walk through. I remember the elevator being slow and old fashion but it had a touch of class to it. The walk to her door was slow but I made it. I rang the bell and 30 seconds later the door open with a fresh scent of Muslim insents. I gave her a hug and she embraced me with her medium size body.

Her natural hairstyle was intact with a puff on one side and braids on the other side. To me it looked like she was in the middle of putting it into braids or taking it out. The color was golden and it matched her face and pretty teeth when she smiled. She almost glowed with flawlessness.

The self-confidence she had was all over the house with African décor. There were pillows everywhere with one couch. There were statues of pyramids and mask with a touch of flowers in the apartment.

“Come on in,” Simone said.

“Thank you very,” I replied.

“You have to take your shoes off in my house. I do not allow people to walk in my house with shoes on girl, she said touching my back.

The rug she had on the floor felt so good on my feet. Mesmerized by her colorful pillows, I just wanted to lay on them and roll around like a little child. I was staring at them long enough for her to catch me looking, “would you like to sit there,” she asked. I told her sure and sat down. My focus was now on her, admiring her tight fitted Lee gray and black two-tone jeans.

“You don’t like what I have on?” I told her it was fine and that I was admiring the shape of her body and was curious why she adopted the young people style. She blew me a kiss and I accepted it by grabbing my heart.

“I’m young at heart. I can give any young girl out there a run for their money,” Simone said. I smiled and told her that she ain’t ever lied.

“So Simone, tell about you and why you’re interested in me? I mean for you to give me a card on a crowded train, you must like women right?”

Simone

See you’re jumping the gun a little bit. You assume that I like women because I showed you a little attention. Be careful of what you assume, ok. Yes I do like women. I am the prototypical type of bisexual. But people don’t see that I am what I am. They only see the sweet smiling short female with balls. I don’t take any shit and that is why I live alone and do what I want to do. I don’t like to be controlled by anyone, I have a real issue with that but at the same time I did have an issue with wanting to control whom ever I had dealings with.

My feminism from the exterior does not promote a dike or coochie-licker.

I am the opposite unless you are in my circle, and only a few have been able to penetrate that circle that I have developed within my self. Plain and simple I have an insatiable appetite for being around soft company.

Karen

Is that what you call it soft company? That’s an unusual way of putting it. I would have never thought of that. It’s misleading and sexy all at the same time. I like that!

Simone

Thank you. You know society likes to label people and things and I decided I was going to be in this type of lifestyle. I didn’t want to be labeled and wasn’t either. I considered my self-a human being with emotions and feeling towards men and women. Some things are just overused, over hyped and made so that people can point fingers. You’re young and will soon find out. I’m just trying to school you. That’s why you are here right?

Karen Yes, and among other things.

Simone

Really, that remains to be seen. Society isn’t ready for people like me. I am dealing with this struggle that I want to go away but too many things have me hooked and I am not really sure if I want to let go. Men bring so much bullshit into a relationship. They don’t understand and sympathize with women. I love what they have deeply but I love what another woman has and what she brings to the table and that’s softness. Women are gentle by nature and I respect that because I am one and always will be. Men are so one dimensional, however I can’t live without their tool of nature. Tell me something, how old are you? Not that it matters.

Karen

I’m 16 about to turn seventeen in a couple of weeks. Is that hard? You know to be in the closet.

How do you parents feel about it?

Simone

Well my mom knows but my dad doesn’t. My mother was very understanding and knew what I was dealing with. My mother was an undercover lesbian. That is a secret I have carried with me for a long time and my family still doesn’t know. She only married my father as a smoke screen because those were different times too.

I never saw her lover but would often would hear my mother talk to her on the telephone when my father would be out the house. She would tell me that she is disgusted when my father would have sex with her. She always felt dirty except for the one night-stand that brought me into existence. In the beginning, she told me it was great but was confused on which way she wanted

to go. She did the right thing and stayed for my sake and that my dad was the breadwinner because she did not work. I respected my mom a lot more for telling me what was going on in her life. Since then we had a close bond every since. She understood my wants and pains.

Karen

Wow that was deep. How did you handle that your mother didn’t love your father like a wife was supposed to love a husband?

That had to be tough for you.

Simone

Not really because my mother was very open and she would break it down in terms that I could understand. She basically said when they were young he was fit from being an athlete but he let himself go and began to drink heavily and that turned her off. Besides, she knew he was running women and she didn’t want to be left out of the game so she started to run them too, Ms. Carie was her name I believe.

Karen So

why

did

you

choose

to

do

that

to

me?

You

could

get

in

trouble!

Simone

I have nothing to gain other than friendship. There is no force, because I told you what I was about and if you want to leave you can however, I would like you to stay. I saw you get on the train and thought to my self that she looks like something is going on similar to what I am going through. It was a weird feeling but I believe I was right in many ways. I know a player when I see one.

Karen

How so?

Simone

You’re here right? See if you are in the life style, you can tell when you see someone is in it too.

You look of confused in your mature youth. To be honest I saw you staring at a few women on that train. Karen you were a dead give a way, they eyes never lie. I wanted to save you and just talk to you because I was once there.

Karen

My parents don’t know I have feelings for females. I’ve tried it a few times with my girl friends and I loved it. My parent’s don’t understand what I am going through. All they care about is good grades. I have cart blanche to do what I want as long as my grades stay up. I love the soft touch of a woman also and I understand why men go crazy over women. Kingdoms have fallen over women and governments have been destroyed over pussy. It’s a powerful thing because life comes through it.

I understand that much at an early age.

Simone

Shit girl you understand a lot, that was a mouth full no pun intended.

“I ended up staying with her learning all I could from her. Her ways and her thinking were so appealing to me. She had a lock on me that I wasn’t sure if I wanted her to let go. During my stay with her, I told her that I was molested often from a female family member. Denial played an essential part in it and at times, however I did not want to believe that it happened. It was hard to block it out, I will get into that a little later, because I am still dealing with in my own way.”

“Damn is that it? That was a lot. I am having mixed emotions about intruding into your pass.

This could get very ugly for me. I’m not sure I’m ready to handle it.”

“Let me know if you want to continue. I have no shame in my game.”

“One more question. Did yall have sex that night?”

“See you have to wait until we record again. I left you hanging so you can look forward to another day, baby boy. Maybe I did maybe I didn’t. If I did it was my choice to do it or not. I understood she was an adult and I was still a minor but you will have to wait on that sweetheart.”

I smiled and blew him a kiss.

I could tell Jordan was pissed because I didn’t finished. This was my story and it was going to be told on my time.

I sat up in the chair for a moment doing the exhaling thing like most women do. Terry McMillan had us like that since “Waiting to exhale” came out. I saw Jordan sit back on the sofa with a spark in his eye but a sense of sadness around his lips. He was pouting about something, but then it dawned on me what it was I laid my head on his lap and he began to stroke my face. He was tempted to touch my hair but you know a sista wasn’t having that. We spend too much money on our hair for a few minutes of stroking.

“I can wait until next time. It will make it that much more interesting to hear what else happened in her apartment. I am pissed though!”

I smiled and I am sure he could feel my cheeks rise with pleasure on his palm as he was stroking my cheek. Like most men, he was fast and flip. Being in a rush to know or do something has no benefits for the future.

Voice 5

Nothing is done on this planet without a female influence of some sort. Men in general are forever searching for all the P-funk they can conquer.

The female anatomy has made Presidents cheat on their spouses; Reverends have other children out of wedlock and for what?

It’s simple we have the money-maker and the power to shake it up anytime we feel unappreciated, betrayed. Women are often refereed to as the cats and men, the dogs. Dogs need to be told what to do. Cats are never told what to do. They are not built that way. They come when they want to and get all the attention at the drop of a dime. Cats even walk sexy. Cats are never wild unless provoke in some kind of way. Seductive looks come along with the anatomy of a cat also. Woman posses all of these attributes with out really knowing. We whine when we want something and men bark like dogs to show aggression. Black cats are considered to be the bad luck cat. I still haven’t figured out why this myth exists. They are the most beautiful of the felines. In Egypt cats were worship and revered. Pussy has been in control for a long time.

Black women are often imitated on television by Caucasians who now want full lips like ours, ass and of course the weekly visit to the tanning salon to be dark. They rebel against their own families and principles. The sad thing is; black people welcome all types of colors to hang with them without prejudice. When they decide that something is not right, they can retreat into white skin privilege. You remember what happen at the super bowl right with Janet and Justin Timberfake. He left her stuck out there for all the ridicule and he is the one who pulled it. They came down on a sister who made the music industry millions of dollars and they said it was inappropriate for her to do that. However here is the deeper pathology, the camera’s were focused on the cheerlead

- 31

ers in their skimpy outfits. The commercials were about beer and Viagra. That is not appropriate to do that but no one says anything about that.

It was the usual routine of being a mom and committed lover type of morning as I made it to work safe, only to be bombarded with a million questions. I had calls to make because I did not make them the previous day. I started to wonder where Jade was. I checked around to see if she called out but someone said they saw her a few minutes ago. I starting to get upset that my assistant hasn’t checked in with me today.

Just as I was about to get up and find her I saw her coming towards my office. I noticed she had a child like enthusiasm in her walk when I saw her sashay down the sleek aisle. My eyes squinted and my head moved to right in amazement. She had a hint of shyness in her walk, not yet confident but those black pumps accenting her huge defined calves had people peeping out of their workstation.

She had on a summer white linen outfit with a touch of lip glossed exposing her full lips. “Girl look at you,” I said smiling from ear to ear. The cat in her was in full effect, purring quietly with every step she took.

“Girl you look amazing!”

She didn’t say a word. She just smiled with that shyness still peaking though her undefined personality.

“Thank you, Karen. These pumps are taking a little bit to get used to,” She said reaching down

to rub her feet.

“Don’t worry about it girl, you will get used to it. Leather pumps takes a little time to break in.”

She sat down on the other side of my cluttered desk, folded her hands on her lap with a sensual grin on her bronze face. I couldn’t help staring at her oval light brown skinned face with a touch of make up and her untapped arcane knowledge.

Jade now sported a feathered hair cut that she must have gotten done after we departed from our shopping spree. It looked much better on her than the long dried split end hairstyle she had yesterday. Jade was all women and it was like metamorphoses to see her transform from basic to fabulous.

“I am glad you like it. That means a lot to me,” she said looking me square in the eye then shying away.

“I am stunned. I am not saying that you were not pretty before but this takes your game to a new level. Now you will be noticed but the key is to be yourself, stay humble and hungry all at the same time.”

She gazed at me like she didn’t understand what I was saying, so I broke it down for her slowly. “Jade you have to maintain a degree of self respect. In this business you must be a woman who want to progress in your career.

Aggression will become your friend, however I have to warn you that others will love what you have done. Then people will grow to hate you as you began to get all the attention as your begin to make a name for yourself. Don’t let that bother you. Be you and don’t let anything stand in your way.”

She nodded her head and sucked her teeth. The fire was ignited in her eyes and I could tell there was no turning back for her.

I had to admit to myself that she was sexy as hell. Damn! This young girl had my goodies perspiring. My mind was going in many directions as I tried desperately to contain my sexual urges. It wasn’t like my urges were triggered from time to time; I wouldn’t be honest with myself if I said it didn’t. I always understood I couldn’t run from my past. What was done was done and with no regrets. My sexuality and spirituality crossed paths again and I began to worry about how I was going to react to it this time.

I had to keep my composure; I am a professional, her boss and friend. She trusts me, and I wouldn’t dare make a move on her. I briefly went into fantasy mode and saw her as the sex object that all women are supposed to be in men eyes. Women see it different when it involves another woman. It was more than physical to me it was like a yearning for softness and things a man didn’t have. I know that sounds messed up but these are the feelings that I had to contend with every single day.

I studied her lips when the stayed closed and felt my pupils grow larger when she spoke.

Beads of sweat began to form on my nose for that quick moment of clarity. The strange is that it didn’t clarify anything other than I liked women, but she didn’t know about my hidden lifestyle.

“Karen here’s your agenda for today. You have a meeting in ten minutes and the rest of the day you’re free to finally get some work done.”

“I’m sorry, did you say something?”

“Yes, here is your agenda for the day. You have a meeting in ten minutes,” she repeated.

I reached over the desk and grab her right soft manicured hand while grabbing the folder.

“Nice!” I said to myself. It echoed in my head as I took a deep breath, being in a horny state of mind.

I calmed my self down instantly regaining my professionalism and cool. Jade grabbed my hand back and patted it like a grandmother would do a grandchild.

When she did that my face was screwed and it was an instant turn off. I wanted Jade to tell me after the meeting I want to do you, but how stupid is that. This is what lust does to you. It makes you fantasized about things unattainable, however possibility and hope is always lurking in the background.

“Thanks. I appreciated you bringing it to me,” I said. I just couldn’t understand why I was tripping’. I had a man now. A good man and there wasn’t anyway on earth I was going to mess that up, I prayed.

“Listen Jade there has been a change in plans for your morning. I want you to attend the meeting with me. I want you to learn the ropes and get familiar with some of the big wigs in the company.”

She agreed and stood up with me and we left the office to go on the sixth floor. I looked at my reports one more time to make sure everything was on point. You know how the man gets when its involving his money, especially when a sista is in change of managing it. I am under the microscope all the time, but I am that cat that has them all chasing me for whatever reason. My motto is stay sexy and appealing to the eye of the man and I will be all right.

“I hope I don’t fell out of place. Some of those people barely speak to me when they see me in the hall,” she said clutching the huge folder of paper work.

“Don’t worry about it just sit next to me, look pretty and listen to every detail.

As soon as you hit the door, they will all know who you are.

You will not have that problem from this day forth.”

“Ok. Are you sure they won’t mind me being there?”

“No girl.”

We got on the elevator and rode up. I could tell she was nervous by the look on her pretty bronze face. I moved over to her and touched her arm and told her to relax.

“They’re human like you, stay focus. The only difference between you and them is a paycheck. But one day you’ll be in the same position. Tighten you bra strap girl and let’s do this together.”

“Karen did you hire a new assistant?” Bob said with his English accent.

“No this is Jade.”

“Hello Jade. Please take a seat.”

“Yes, lease sit by me,” Richard said. Richard was the player in the office or so he thinks. Dark skinned with a goat tee and flaunting his worth is how he gets the girls. When I started he wasted no time telling me that his ambition was to eat me until I cried. I remember thinking that was a little odd for a man to say that. I could have gotten his black ass fired but I decided to play the game with him. I was single at the time and I told him if he could make me cry I would make him cum like Niagra Falls.

That brother took a step back smiled and walked away laughing. He wasn’t ready for this female who has a master degree in sexology. I never did get him between my thick thighs but my

coochie tingles every time I think of that moment. I would have taken his punk ass in the bathroom and give him a taste of my tasty love.

“Richard, she’s fine right here.”

He looked down and smiled. Jade kept her composure but I know her deodorant was working over time. I patted her leg that was smooth as a baby’s ass. She nodded and whispered she was all right.

The meeting went well as usual because I was always on the job, thanks to Jade. It was now lunchtime and everybody was heading around the corner to House Daddy’s for a bite to eat. Jade starting to head in another direction and quickly called out to her to come join us.

She did with out hesitation, “you’re my girl,” I told her. I reminded her she had to hang with the best to be the best.

We entered the restaurant after a short walk up the street. There was blues music playing and everybody was buzzing trying to get their drink on even though they were still on the clock.

“I’ve never been here before. Wow look at all the pictures and instruments.”

“Really? They have the best ribs in town. The jazz and blues theme really makes you feel like you’re in the south,” I told her.

Jades head turn every three seconds. We began to rock our heads to a song sung by Johnny Taylor.

“Order anything you like. My treat.”

“Yall can drink on the clock,” she asked.

“Yes. But you can’t get to crazy, just a little wine.”

“Hmm there are all kinds of perks, for being in management.”

“Jade you don’t know the half of it.”

We ordered our food and it brought to our table in ten minutes or less. I told Jade that I was going to an all sister girl retreat in the Poconos this weekend and would like her to join me. She didn’t answer right away. She gave me a puzzle look and a grin, “what’s that look for,” I asked.

“Nothing I am grateful you’re doing all this stuff for me. I have to admit Karen when I first meet you I thought you were a real bitch. But I understand why you are that way. I realized you have a lot of pressure on. They are constantly looked over your shoulder waiting for you to fuck up. I committed my self as an assistant to never let that happen to you.”

“I sorry that you thought of me as a bitch, I didn’t know I was that bad. I apologize to you.”

“It’s ok Karen, I understood.”

“So are you going to join me? I’m telling you, you’re going to have a blast. What happens at the retreat stays at the retreat.”

“I would love to join you. What do I need to bring?”

“Just the basics. You might want to bring some sexy pajamas with you. We have all types of contest and the pot sometime get as high as ten grand. These women are ballers. Money is no object to them at all.”

“Really! How did you find out about this place?”

“When I was in school my professor invited me and I accepted. It was a way to get away and do girl shit you know?”

“What other stuff goes on there?”

“We do girl shit.”

“Really? Like what?”

“See if I told you, I would ruin it for you. I’m telling you its going to change your life. There will be a lot of networking. Business contacts are essential in the business world.

Lunch was over and it was back to work and then home. I couldn’t wait to see my family. I knew dinner would be waiting for me when I got there because that was the type of man I had. I believe he did it out of the kindness of his heart but I know in the back of his little mind that he still thought about the shit he pulled. I know it was still on my mind and I often like to revenge the ills that someone imposed on me. But I couldn’t. It was never far from my mind and the opportunity will always be there.

“Hey Karen.”

“How is my man today?”

“I’m cool. What’s up?”

“Nothing much. The big meeting I had went well.”

“You didn’t call once again and I tried to call you but you wouldn’t answer the phone. What is the point of having a cell phone, if you don’t answer?” “Did you leave me a message to call you back? I could have been busy.” “True I could have left a message, but you could have at least call home to check on Jamal.”

“I’m sorry. I lost track of time again,” I said rubbing his chest. He was wearing a blue Nike sleeveless muscle shirt and a blue pair of And 1 basketball short that rose quickly when I started to rub him.

“I can see you’re happy to see me.”

“Maybe,” He said with attitude.” His eyes never move from watching televi sion. His lips were twisted and his eyebrows were arched with anger. “What? You and Jade went shopping again?” “No, just lunch.” “Who paid?” “Does it matter,” I said giving attitude back.

“You paid. What? You two must have something going on?” I was starting to get pissed. He wanted to take it there so I went with him full speed with a diva attitude. “What the fuck are you trying to say Jordan?” “You herd me. You two must be fucking each other. You’re spending money and on her, taking her to lunch and shit. No phone calls through out the day to check up on Jamal or nothing. We tried to call you and you don’t answer. She must have your nose open.”

My mouth hit the floor. This was a side of him I had never seen. He was so dark and evil with his tone of voice. I couldn’t believe it, but I had to diffuse the situation before it got violent. I continued to rub on his chest trying to settle him down, but he moved my hand from his chest with force.

“Your dinner is ready, if you haven’t already eatin’ from both plates. Jamal is up stairs with Kalil.”

“See you didn’t have to say that, it was a cold shot and uncalled for. I want a fucking apology now.”

“I’m not apologizing for what I said. I meant every word.”

“Fuck you Jordan. I don’t want any of your dinner, it might be poison or something.” He didn’t respond he kept looking at television with a mean look on his face.

I left his ass down stairs while I went to shower and relaxed. I stopped in to say hello to Jamal,

but he had an attitude too. I kissed him on his forehead and ask how his day went. He responded with fine and continued to entertain his company. “I’ll be in the room if you want to talk Jamal.” I got up from his bed and went in to the bedroom to prepare for my shower. Little did he know how I wish I was having sex with her. Call me a sick ass chick but this is what I was feeling. It’s a shame to be stuck in this type of sexuality and trying to be what I am supposed to be. God made me like this, so why can’t he fix it? I had to regain my focus, but how could I when the retreat is this weekend. There will be women galore, temptation at every turn in other words, pussy galore and there won’t be any stopping me if I choose to sleep with multiple BI-sexual or lesbian women.

My naked body fell firmly into the leather recliner that was by the window.

I open the window to feel a breeze come through, however it was meet by July’s relentless humidity once again. It was hanging around like a relative who you didn’t want to come to a family function. I grab the remote control to the stereo so I could hear a little Jill Scott while I relaxed. The Philly native was a favorite of mine because sista girl knew what women go through.

“He loves me,” came on and my head just fell back on the chair as I began to be mesmerized by the sound the speakers generated from such a fine production.

I was in an element of relaxation totally getting into my self for a change. I put the Jill Scott CD in and she began to sing. I listen closely to every note and word incase I missed something the other thousand times I herd her croon. I began to explore my brown toned medium breast and nipple that were percolating something fierce. I could feel the slight pain as I began to make myself horny. My hands began to slowly move down to explore the portal where all life begins for anyone on this planet.

It was pure innocent pleasure unto my self. All of my anxieties were taken away as I relished in my glory looking for the ultimate climax. For this no man could be a part of, this was my time.

Every woman should have their time to get into them selves. The pounding of a man can ware a body down, any woman can testify to that. I began to explore the inside of me going deeper and deeper, looking for my special spot. I couldn’t control my passion for my self; the heavy breathing followed along with slight sighs. My abdomen began to tighten up trying to push out my climatic right as a woman.

Jill’s next song came on; “Love came down on me.” I slid down in the chair trying to contain my uncontrollable body. I reached for my cell phone and dial the house number, hoping he would answer.

“Hello?”

“Hmmm…guess what I am doing with my hands?”

There was silence.

I made more seductive noises while he stayed quiet on the other line.

“Listen to me for a moment,” I demanded.

“I’m hanging up, call your girlfriend and tell her to listen to your nasty ass!” “…I’m…ooh…shit…having fffffunnnnn…DAMN!” I remember stuttering my words because of the intense internal pleasure that was building inside of me waiting to be released at any moment. The wave of emotions was taking over as my once slow methodical rubs began to speed up to increase the pleasure.

“Come up here and show me your chocolate stick,” I demanded again ignoring his comment.

“Hell no. You heard what I told you!”

“Please, I need you right now!” I was begging to him but he stood his ground and remained

quiet on the phone. I believe he was turned on from the sounds I was making, however too stubborn to come join in the festivities.

I dropped the phone and hope that he was still listening while I was cum-ming. I didn’t give a shit if he never came, thank God for toys and my hands to take care of me when a nigga don’t want to act right.

I felt so good to get rid of that tension I was going to get mines regardless if he wanted to participate or not. He knows how much I love for him to sex me; pay back is a bitch.

I faded out and back into reality on Friday morning with a big weekend planned. My body was loose and ready for the day’s rigors that awaited me. I turned and watch Jordan sleep and felt a strong urge to drop a brick on his head. I smiled at him gave him the finger and left after I finished dressing. I stopped in Jamal’s room and kissed him on the forehead and left for work beaming like new money. I didn’t know if it was the powerful orgasm or I was going to be in touch with a lot of pussy this weekend.

I was diva to the max with my white business mini, wonder bra looking for some extra attention today. It was my way of getting back at Jordan with out him really knowing. See that’s the power of a woman, a man wanna act up, but they keep forgetting they can be replace just by showing a little of our selves.

Through out the day I got that attention that I wanted so badly. The men were doing double looks and the women were even eyeing me. A few whistles here and there and I even got a tap on my ass from a chick I didn’t even know. She told me to ‘go bitch I see you.’ That was a little strange to see co-workers doing that but none the less it boosted my ego for sure.

After work I went home to get my bags ready for the weekend. I told Jade to meet me at my house and we could leave from there. I made sure I had everything I needed and then some. I made sure I gave Jamal some love before I left. Jordan still wasn’t speaking to me walking around moping like a lost puppy with his tail stuck between his legs. I tried to get him to loosen up to me, but he’s a Taurus and you know what they say about Taurus’s, all bull and stubborn as shit.

“Come on Jordan, say something to me,” I pleaded trying to make the peace.

“Hello, how was your day Karen?”

I didn’t like raspy tone he was delivering but none the less I accepted it and try to leave on a good note.

“It was great, how was yours?

“Great.”

“I tried to call you today, but you didn’t answer the phone.”

“I know.”

“You knew?” I was starting to get upset.

“Yes I know. But I wanted to talk to you. I call home finally and you don’t answer the phone.

What’s up with that? This is so damn petty!”

“Yep! It is, so let it be Karen. I am not in the mood.”

“Alright damn it. You’re taking this shit too far. Ok I forgot to call home a couple of days in a row, it does warrant you to stop speaking to me. If this is how the relationship is going to be, then we need to make some changes or part ways.

“Oh, so now you want to leave me for her?”

“See, you know damn well I didn’t say that, stop twisting my words around.”

“I’m serious. Do you?”

I looked at him hard, trying to size his ass up. I was ready to fight but I had to maintain my emotions. I didn’t want to start the weekend off on a bad note and a black eye. Jordan would never hit me, but you never know. I wasn’t going to be the one who tempted him.

“Listen I’ll tell you what, let me get over this in my time. You go have a good time with your girls and shit this weekend and when you come back we can talk about it.”

“That sound like a deal, can I have a kiss,” I said taunting with my neck movements.

“No I don’t know where your lips been today!” I watch him walk away and my head dropped.

I began to laugh to play off his smart remarks. Somehow I was getting the impression that he was taking all that I said to him and using it against me. He knew all of my secrets. I had to calm my self down and be the bigger the person in this relationship. It’s evident that Jordan has some insecurity issues that need to be dealt with but not now. Now is the time for mama to go and play, forget his evil ass.

I remain standing in the middle of the floor with my hands on my hips, still pondering the shit he just said to me. My apple head shook with disgust and my mind went into deep thought wondering was this right thing to do. I left myself open, figuring he was mature enough to understand my past. Somehow this book idea was all wrong and I have to figure what I am going to do.

The doorbell rang and Jordan was coming down the steps as it was ringing. He told me he would get it in an angry voice.

“Hi is Karen home?”

“Hello how are you?”

“I am fine. Is Karen home?” I greeted Jade at the door and invited her to come in.

“Jordan this is Jade my assistant at the station.”

“It’s nice to meet you,” she said.

“The pleasure is all mine,” he replied.

He gave me a dirty look and walked into the kitchen slamming stuff on the table. I rolled my eyes and invited her to have a seat.

She sat down with her loose jean shorts, blue tank T-shirt and sandals. She was a piece of eye candy to say the least. Jordan came out of the kitchen and told me to take the SUV for the weekend. I was surprised that he did that, maybe he wasn’t as angry with me as I thought. I thanked him gave Jamal a kiss and told him to behave himself and we left for the Poconos “Karen were you two in a argument?”

“Girl he hasn’t spoken to me in a couple of days. Just a few words here and there.”

“What happen? He seems nice,” Jade said turning towards me in the car.

“He thinks that I have a thing for you,” I said scared and waiting for her response.

“Really? What was your response?”

“Nothing. I told him that I was just trying to be a friend to you.”

“Hmm damn, why would he say that?” I saw her smile, then turn her head and look out the window. I could see the right side of her face in the window, smile slightly. I didn’t pay it any mind but there was more behind that smile than I knew.

After a two-hour ride we finally hit our destination. People were pulling into the massive

parking lot at the same time we were. Screaming could be herd mixed in with loud music and chronic smoke from all directions. These were the East Coast top women professionals, but today they went back in time to claim the days when they partied hard in high school and college.

The women were coming from all points, with shapes, sizes and weaves for days. More designer clothing, handbags and attitudes than you could see or discover. In other words it was pussy galore and it’s a damn shame if a man was looking to get laid tonight he would be in the wrong place looking. The Poconos had it all.

There were a few lucky men walking and tripping over shit, checking out the women at the resort. They must have thought they die and went to heaven, scheming on how they were going to sneak out on their women to get their freak on. Jade and I were falling out at the sights we saw.

To me this was like a sport, picking out the hoochies to the high-end chicks in the crowd. Horns were blowing from cars because they spotted someone they knew. Black women, Hispanic, Asian and a few Caucasian women were I full affect.

We unload our stuff from the car and walked into the lobby. It seems like it took forever to get registered because the line was so long. The different fragrances were starting to give me a headache and the attitudes were evident. We finally made it to the front desk after a half-hour wait. I gave the receptionist my name and she handed over the key. I saw a few chicks I knew from previous visits and gave them hugs and introduce Jade to them. “Why did they give you a half hug?”

I told her that’s the way they do things here. “They don’t want anyone to wrinkle their clothes or have a scent that mix with their favorite scent. Go figure.”

We continued to walk to our room and I wasn’t short of any stories to tell Jade about my previous trip to the lodge. Before we entered the room I stopped and warned Jade that there was only one bed in the room. I offered to take the floor but she cut me off, told me that she would take the floor. I reminded her that she was my guest and that I should take the floor. The room was made for a couple with a queen-size bed and a champagne glass tower in the room. By the look in her eye I could tell she had never seen a room like this before. I got a lot of joy from seeing such an innocent face in a place that was about to be wild and dirty. She had no idea what type of shit happens on these types of retreats. She will soon find out to say the least.

“Nice huh girl?”

“Oh my god! Can I get in that?” She said pointing to the champagne tub that was in the corner.

This thing was huge and I couldn’t wait to get my bath on later tonight but right now it was time to party.

“Damn right, this is your room for the weekend too. Make your self a home.”

We sat down at the edge of the huge bed and looked at the itinerary we picked up from the table in the lobby. I started to laugh to my self and ask Jade how are we going to get some rest?

She told me come on we are young, let’s do it up!

I couldn’t argue with that and told her it was time that we get change for the meet and greet dinner. The box was playing R. Kelly’s “Step in the name of love.” I got out my white top that showed off my mid-section with matching short skirt. I made sure that I didn’t forget my stomach chain with the little gold playboy bunny attached to it with the diamond in the eye.

Jade sported some coochie cutters but they were in good taste but seeing her in them really didn’t make it any easier for me at all.

The color red really looked good on her and the sandals she had on showed off her tow rings and manicured toes.

Her arms were toned slightly muscular, almost like Serena Williams. They shined with some type of oil she applied. The scent of it lit up the room with an inviting smell. I asked her what was it? She smiled and told me none of my business in a playful way. So raw with ghetto beauty but with she shape to kick someone’s ass if she had too. He body reminded me of Serena Williams, toned and smooth. We did the rest of our girl thang, checking our hair and each other out to make sure we looked our best. This weekend was almost like a competition and whatever happens here stayed here.

I went to back into the bathroom for another look at my self. I turned and twisted looking into the huge mirror looking for satisfaction of my self. After a few twist and frowns I noticed something wrong and it needed to be changed quickly. I pulled up my skirt and pulled my gstring off, “there that’s better,” I said with a sly devilish smirk. One last look into the mirror and a little perfume around the crouch area and I was out ready to go.

I found Jade on the bed flipping through the stations on the television. I kneeled down in front of her with my elbows on her shining thick legs. I looked down in between her legs for a quick look at the goods before she noticed. For a second I got light headed thinking about what might be, but I had to remember my personal golden rule, keep it professional.

“Jade I want you to understand that some of the things that will take place here will be a little mind boggling to you. Don’t let it upset you. Relax. Enjoy the ride and chalk this week end up as an unforgettable one.”

“Ok I am gamed. I am a grown ass woman, let’s do this!” I was taken back with her positive, aggressive response.

“Karen I’ve seen more than you think. I’ve done things you can only imagine. Relax. I am a big girl. Loosen up and let’s do thins girl!”

“Cool lets go.”

We walked in the main ballroom and sat at a table to hear what the speaker of the Sista Girl club had to say before the festivities began. The light from outside was shining through the door as the sun started to set in the mountains of Pennsylvania.

There she stood, Pagoda my former professor, looking as good as she wanted to look tonight. I locked on to her instantly and was turned on every second she stood there waiting for everyone to be seated.

Pagoda’s eyes were electric, slightly slanted with her body dipped in bronze and yellow coloring to make one exotic looking woman. Her mixed heritage of Asian and African American was a first class ticket to whatever she wanted. She was in her fifties but her looks told another story. Self-pampering made her image inticing and could give any young girl a run for their money. The epitome is what I called her, she would often get embarrassed by that title but it fitted her so nice.

I meet her while taking a class in mathematics at Community College. She taught the class, however I was getting taught an entirely new lesson of what a woman should be when they reach her age. She did things to me internally and externally that I thought were never possible and she had no way of knowing that these things came to light.

Can you imagine having an orgasm just by looking at someone? I would have never known

that to be possible but it was. I went home many a day with wet underwear and thoughts of her being with me.

Pagoda

Good evening my sistas and welcome to our annual summer meet and greet. I see some new faces in the audience; welcome my name is Pagoda. It is always a welcome sight to see such lovely professional women who wanted to join the network. This weekend will be like always a time for us as women to reflect on us. There will be no stinking’ ass socks, unpleasant smells, snoring, laundry or any other thing a man needs done. This resort will be catered to us to do what ever the fuck we want to do.

This is where all your monthly dues go. It pays for this fabulous weekend.

Enough said. Do you. Do something. Do someone if you want. No one will care. What happens here stays here, period.

The waiters will be along shortly to take your orders. Enjoy and if anyone needs anything let me or the staff know. Enjoy!

Pagoda stepped down from off of the mini stage. She began to make her rounds around the room, shaking hands with everyone. I locked on to her every move. I still had a jones for her and I believe the feeling was mutual but I wasn’t really sure. The closer she got to the table; my nerves started to go crazy.

My palms were sweaty and I pretended not to notice her when she stood behind me. I could feel her breathing on my neck and upper back. She lightly touched my shoulder and the chill bumps of anticipation grew greater as she leaned down to say hello. “Hey Karen, how are you?”

I slowly rose from my chair with a hidden grin. Turning almost in slow motion I grabbed her petite body of muscle, “great and you?” I responded. She told me she was fine as we continued to hug each other. If I had a dick, a hard on would not be out of the question. I had to settle for chills and the thought that my punani was starting to drip. A deep inhale and exhale was soon to follow as my nipples began to percolate inside my blouse. No one at the table knew what Pagoda was doing to me. It was hers the Lords secret and mine.

This was my secret hidden pleasure that I only had the privilege to experience once a year.

Soon after I graduated she moved to College Park to become a dean at Penn State. During this retreat I had a chance to rekindle my past with Pagoda who help me a lot during my separation. I credit her for helping me get through some tough times after my husband left Jamal and I. She made the transition a lot more smoothly as I was trying to get back on my feet. I was chronically late to class and she would stay with me helping me get where I am today. Pagoda told me that her and Rick had an open relationship in their marriage. They couldn’t stand being with out each other but wanted to date and do other people too. They had rules to follow and must stick too. She told me they couldn’t bring their extra partners to the house or receive phone calls at their home.

She also added they must protect themselves and go to get check every quarter for HIV testing.

That blew me away but hey people have hidden pleasures and pains, who am I to tell someone that they are wrong. I thought of their situation as kinky, fun and adventurous.

“So Karen what have you been up to?”

“Nothing much. Oh let me introduce you to my friend, her name is Jade.”

Jade stood up and shook Pagoda’s hand, “nice to meet you Pagoda.”

“No the pleasure is all mine Jade. Welcome to the retreat. I hope you have a wonderful time and become a life time member,” she insisted with a devilish look in her eye. I knew that look because she gave it to me everyday in class. I could tell she had something up her sleeve and I couldn’t wait to find out. The other ladies got out of their seats to introduce themselves as well.

“Hi Pagoda I am Storm and this is my friend Keena.”

They shook hands and took a seat. Me and Jade also shook hands with them as the festivities were about to began with the waiters making there rounds to take every ones order.

The dinner went on with a lot of chatter, you know females always have stuff to talk about.

Conversations about J. Lo to Kobe and Michael Jackson, our people are being represented in the media in a negative way. Jade seem to be enjoying her self as she was getting acquainted with Keena who was sitting next to her.

After dinner people were getting ready to get their party on, the staff had to make room for the dancing that was about to take place. I wanted to go back to the room to freshin’ up a little bit. I was full as a tick from the steak and potatoes I ate, still picking my teeth. As soon as I hit the door of our room I plopped right on the bed legs wide open and I forgot that I didn’t have any underwear on but I didn’t care I was free.

“Karen were in the hell are your underwear?”

“Oops,” I said but unapologetic about showing my shaved woman hood.

“Now you know that ain’t right. Close those legs girl before a fly goes up there.”

“If it does, it’s because it has a sweet tooth.”

We both laugh and I opened them even wider. I wasn’t ashamed; shit we had the same damn thing.

“Ah girl you’re mad cause mines is so pretty.”

“Now why would I be mad at that?” she began to laugh.

“Ok let me see yours then?” I wanted to see if she would take the challenge.

“Hell no,” she said reluctantly but I think deep down she wanted to show me so I pressed on.

“I dare you to show me yours!” I said playfully. I pulled my skirt down and pranced around in the room. She was holding her right hand against her mouth in shock. Jade started laughing, telling me I was crazy. I guess she was right but I was just being me. I was a total freak and tonight I wanted to be the star I knew I was.

“I’m not showing it to you!” She said again, followed by a laugh.

I walked up to her as she sat on one of the chairs in the room, “is it cute?” I asked pointing at my punani that was edging closer to her angelic face.

“Not as cute as mine!” I gave her a look.

“Show me,” I challenged. I was now in the mode for getting busy. I wanted it in the worse way but I wanted to see where her young mind was.

She started to fall into the game I was playing. I was horny at that point with no outlet of a hard one to get rid of it.

She got up out of the chair and turned the radio on. I took her place in the chair and watched her for a moment. I couldn’t believe this young girl was going to let her hair down while I remained a human in flaw. She started to strip slowly. To me it was like she had done this type of thing before. I was eager to look on after the ten-minute show she gave, but decided to get up heading for the bathroom to put some cold water on my face. I had to cool down and get my priority straight.

“Hey! Where the fuck are you going. I thought you wanted to see how cute it was!”

“Come on girl we gotta get ready,” I said playing it off. I walked in the bathroom and shut the door gently. I was sweating from the vibe I was getting from her. I stared in the huge mirror, beating my self up over the huge mistake I was about to make. Jade banged on the door violently but I refuse to open it.

“Karen! I thought you wanted to see!” She said loudly once more.

“I did but I noticed the time and we have to get ready girl, maybe later,” I shouted through the door.

“Ok I see what you are doing!”

“What?”

I opened the door and meet her standing there naked, “what the hell are you talking about?”

“You know what I am talking about. No woman in their right mind would go around showing them selves to another female like that unless they wanted something from that person. I’ve been hip to your game for a while. I thought my pussy is what you wanted?” She said with her finger pointed in my face.

I was shock and fell back into the bathroom on the toilet seat. I was so nervous that she was on to me I actually started to piss from nervousness.

“I don’t know what you are talking about?” I tried to deny it but she was smarter than I thought.

“Don’t fucking play me. I maybe young but I’ve been taking care of my self for a long fuckin time!”

“Why are so upset about showing me your punani. This is crazy Jade! We’re supposed to be having a good time, right?” I tried to cool her down with soothing words. I didn’t know she had a temper like that and I didn’t want her to kick my ass and I end up firing her. I had to regain control of the situation, quickly.

“Be a woman and come out and talk,” she said.

I knew this was not going too past unless I said something. I flushed the toilet and reluctantly walked out the bathroom. Jade was standing by the window stark naked with a body that could kill. She had thick washboard stomach and track runner thighs that I only notice now. It was hard not to look but this was the type of crap I go through daily, trying to cure my addiction to women.

It never was easy for me and this bitch wasn’t making it better.

I began to sweat nervously as I walked towards the bed. I wanted to call home to avoid the situation but I couldn’t locate my phone. I sat on the bed looking at a blank television screen and it seems as though the music was getting louder. Jade walked away from the door and began to fill the champagne tower tub up with water. She didn’t utter a word. She smiled and switched her phat ass for me to see.

I looked on while singing to the Floetry disc that was now playing. I saw her get in the tower and ask me to come join her, “no funny business either!”

“No problem.”

“So what’s up with you? You got me out here to retreat with you so lets retreat. Lets lay it all on the table.”

I was very hesitant to join her but she felt she had to get something off her chest. I was just playing around basically but maybe she had, some type of feelings for me.

I joined her in the tub trying to vibe with the music. I saw her began to cry a little and I

became a bit concern.

“What’s wrong Jade? Why did you flip out on me like that?”

“I am so sorry I sounded off on you like that. But I felt like you were coming on to me!”

“No that wasn’t it. It was all about a girl thing. You know when you are in school and you hit the showers after gym. That’s all it really was.”

“I don’t believe you!”

“Well you don’t have to. That’s the truth. I wasn’t trying to sex you!”

“Are you gay or something?”

“Why do you ask? I mean let me ask you. Are you gay?” I tried to turn it around.

“No I am BI-curious, if you have to know,” Jade said.

I respected her honesty as she came clean. She pulled no punches. She basically gave it to me straight with no chaser.

“Really?”

“Yes I am. I have never tried it before but I feel some type of way about women, you know?”

“As a matter of fact I do know Jade. I am BI-sexual.”

She looked at me in disbelief. But it wore off very quickly as she began to sip some wine that was on the edge.

“I kind of knew that. I caught you several times looking at my ass. I could feel your eyes burning my thick cheeks.” We both laughed and I was relieved that she was angry anymore.

“What did you mean you thought your punani was what I wanted,” I ask.

“I didn’t mean anything. I was caught up in the moment. So do you see me as someone you could have a relationship with? No let me re-phase that, do you want to fuck me?”

For a second I thought to my self that this young girl was off the hook. I was reading an article in the Vibe magazine that young girls these days are bold and too forward with theirs sexuality.

Women are turning to other woman for support for various reasons. You can tell times have change because where ever you go you can see it.

How can I tell her yes; I wouldn’t know what to do after that. The whole weekend would have been messed up for the both of us or it could be a sinful blessing.

“No Jade, no!”

She took another sip and moved closer to me. She smiled and got in my face, “why the fuck not?” I told her to ease back and to chill with the aggression.

She did reluctantly and I stayed on guard incase something got started. It was weird and spooky all at the same time. The question of why she would turn that quickly bothered me but I had to be the bigger adult and use my skill to get to the root of the problem.

“I don’t know what got into me Karen, I am so sorry. I have a lot of built up stress with things that I am still working out but I getting to where I need to be.”

Out of the blue she leaned forward and embraced me. I felt the tears on my shoulder and the harden nipple against my own breast. I consoled her and told her that it was all right and I will help her through whatever she was going though. I knew that this issue was deeper than I knew.

Nudeness triggered the inner beast in her and she wanted to act out by competing with me over a body part. I took her to that challenge and it was something that I would never do again.

“We’re going to be late,” she said as she reluctantly let me go and went back to her place in the tub.

“It’s ok. We can stay here and talk a while if you like. You know order some room service and then go out later and check out the scene.”

“No I want to strut my stuff,” Jade said.

“Ok fine lets go.”

It was hot as hell again tonight and I tried to find the skimpiest thing allowed for a woman to wear after all this was an all woman retreat and women tend to compete with fashion.

I put on a basic outfit of black coochie cutter shorts a matching tight tank top. I was looking to get done tonight by Pagoda or who ever had an interest in me. It’s been a long time and the time was now for me to feel the softness. I had to because of my self-addiction to women. I don’t think I could ever stop being attracted to both men and women, it’s a strange, sinful ordeal to have and not being able to get any help. God, help me! No one in my family would understand. My sister and mother may flip out on me, however love will conquer all.

Jade came out of the bathroom smiling with makeup on her face and looking extra good once again. I notice her attire for the evening and immediately complemented her on her look for the evening.

“Girl I like that!”

“Do you think the jean shorts are too tight?”

“Hell no, not at all. I like the white summer blouse too and the cleavage showing is a nice touch.” I also told her that the short-heeled shoes really made her look sophisticated and relaxed at the same time.

She smiled and told me thank you and walked to give me another hug followed by an apology.

“Will you stop that! Now let’s go and have some fun,” I told her.

We stepped out into the night air and it was even hotter than I imagine. It was so hot that people were pulling up on camels and Satan said he couldn’t stick around it was too humid up here.

I pulled a napkin out of my purse while we were walking to the club at the resort. You could hear the clicking of high-heeled shoes echoing through the night as it blended in with the cricket chirping. I thought of a funny moment when I listen to nature’s music and human intervention by way of a man made product. P. Diddy could have done a remix with the rhythms I heard this night.

“Are you ok girl?” I ask Jade “I am cool, I just don’t know what to expect.”

“Expect the unexpected. Live for the now, and be a part of something special.”

We walked and the music was getting louder as we approach the building. There were some guys in there partying with us. I guess they were vacationing in the mountains and heard about our function. The mood was set on this late Friday evening with a lot of workshops to attend tomorrow. From the looks of things a lot of chicks were going to be hung over because they partied hard on this annual event.

Jade and I sat in a small booth and ordered a couple of drinks. I was paying for everything since she was my guest. I wondered off for a moment and thought about Jordan. I wanted to call him to see if he was still upset with me, but that would be giving in to him. He was right, however pussy can make you loose your mind sometimes, ask a man he’ll tell you.

“This is nice!” Jade said looking around the large bar area that was in the lodge.

“I know, I love it here; the workers wait on you hand and foot. I think they do it because we tip really well and they like to look at all this ass in the house. I’ve been here on a regular visit and they don’t come out from the kitchen nearly as much.”

I looked around in great amazement at how the organization has grown. The different hues, sizes, shapes, attitudes and diva-ness was evident at every angle. Women from all walks of life came here to meet and get buck wild. To me there wasn’t anything better than sisterhood, the

great escape is what they should rename this retreat. Hairs are let down and if a woman wanted to hook up with another knowing damn well she was straight, she could. There will be no strings attached, just trying to find someone who understands a woman emotionally and physically. Men at times can be so cold. Women on the other hand know what another goes through from time to time. We can also stab each other in the back at the drop of a dime, where men are more loyal to their boys.

“Karen I am so nervous, I can hardly keep still.”

“It’s ok, just be your self. That is the most important thing you have to remember. If you are wild in your nature then be wild here. Let me warn you, on this night you might see anything.

There will be times you see women throwing up from too much to drink or smacking a chic because she looked at her funny. There are going to be times you will see woman hitting on other women, don’t worry about that. People will be screwing in the ladies room and don’t care who knows or who’s watching. This is freak central baby, I told you. Hold on to your seat, this is how it is and how it’s going to go down.”

Jade gave me the thumbs up sign and assured me that she would be fine.

“I got it now. Damn it’s like that huh? I didn’t believe you before but I am starting to see some of the things you talked about take shape.”

“For real girl! At times is a throw back to Sadam and Gomorrah. But that’s how it is and that’s why you signed that paper saying anything you saw here stays here, or they will sue you. This is our little society that is mixed with all types of professionals and woman of different hues and backgrounds. We all have a rep to protect and so far no one has ever stepped out of bounds to bring another down.”

“Really? Not one case?”

“Nope. If there is a disagreement, it’s handled here.”

Jade was now on her third glass of beer and was feeling a little loose. I could see her starting to dance in her seat. Everybody looks good dancing sitting down. The challenge comes when you have to get up and work it for real.

We sat across from each other and I felt her foot touch my foot. A frown came over my face as I looked at the devil in her eyes. So I played along and touched her back giving her the footsies.

“What was that?” I ask with a smirk.

“What?”

“You know the foot thing.”

“Oh that. That was nothing I was trying to get your attention.”

“Really? All these people in here and you want my attention? I know you want to mingle a little bit?”

“Naw not right now. I want to know about you. I want to know what makes you tick.”

“I don’t like to talk about my private life. But I will give you a little taste about me.”

“Ok tell me about your relationship with Jordan. He is fine you know?”

“No I didn’t know that,” I said being sarcastic. We both laughed out loud but it blended in with the noise that was almost to a deafening tone. “Well I can say this to you. I’ve only known him for a few months, and I think he is what a man is supposed to be.”

“And what is that?”

She took a sensual sip of her drink and lazy eyed looked at me with lust. I started to get

aroused at that look. It turned me on to a point of no return, however I gathered my self and continued with the conversation.

“Well he basically takes care of home. He showed my son love the day after Christmas when his own father didn’t care. His heart is what attracts me to him the most. He cooks and cleans and does everything I think every man should do.

“Wow, now that’s the type of man I would like to have in my life. Can I move in with yall?”

I gave her a blank stare because I knew she had to be joking, “I am kidding girl,” she said.

I thought it was strange but played it off. But I wanted to go a little further so I challenged her to see where her mind was.

“Sure you can move in, but why would you want to?”

“To get next to you!” She fired back with no hesitation.

“Whoa is that right? Shit you can do that shit tonight!”

“Consider it a done deal. We can do this with no strings attached,” she fired again.

I was impress with her comebacks, but I had to let her know that our relationship is strictly professional and it must stay that way.

“Jade you have had too much to drink.”

“Maybe so girl, but I want a piece of you, If you don’t mind.”

“Why? What will it do for you?”

“Give me hope that I can one day have you in my life.”

“But you are. You work for me. I look at you like a little sister, why mess that up?”

“Ok I guess I have to live with that then.” I saw the disappointment on her face but she quickly changed her attitude as soon as Rob Base’s “It takes two,” song began to play.

She jumped out of her seat and began to mingle with the folks that were dancing on the floor. I sat there looking as these drunken ass women made a fool of themselves. I thought to my self that all of those heifers are going to be hung over tomorrow.

The women were doing the damn thing with out a care. Jade got up and went to the dance floor. The men were coming up to her trying to freak her but she was too much to handle with allthat ass. Now surrounded now by men and women this young sista was bringing it as the crowd yelled, “go sista!” Jade was dropping it like it was hot and I wasn’t mad at her at all!

“Girl I saw you out there, those young bones and energy was at full speed. They couldn’t handle North Philly’s finest on the dance floor.”

“Take a sip of this to cool your self down,” I told her. I was drinking a Long Island ice tea.

This was my drink of choice whenever I wanted to feel real nice and it didn’t disappoint either.

“Hmm this is strong, but good! What is it?”

“Long Island ice tea. It’s the shit girl!”

“I can tell. They should have called this smooth and silk. I love the taste.”

Jade put the glass down and eyed it for a minute and picked it back up and drank the whole glass. I looked at her in amazement and told her to slow down a bit. She laughed, flagged down the waiter and ask him to bring her another.

The song was ending and Pagoda took the stage to announce the activity for the evening.

Pagoda

Good evening ladies and gentleman who have made they’re way to our fabulous party. I see all of you are having a good time. We are going to keep it going with some more fun.

Everyone clapped and cheers with little cat meows, “pussy rules,” people shouted out loudly.

It was so wild. I hit Jade who was looking glassy eyed at this point but still under her own control.

Pagoda continued

Tonight ladies we are going to raise money for the cancer society. We are going to ask for twenty women to come up and volunteer for an auction. Please let me explain. We will show you to the audience who will bid on you for a date or just a hang out partner for the night. It doesn’t have to be serious but we are all grown folks so do what you want.

Like I said this is to raise money for cancer in the Philadelphia area Chil-dren’s hospital. The starting bid is one hundred dollars on up. It’s whatever you feel that person is worth. I will give you the person’s name only. You will be the judge on how they look to you and if you want to spend the money to be with them. Remember we are all professionals making good money so please show some support and stop being cheap asses and contribute to this worthy cause. For the gentleman you may join in if you like. But the lady has the right to deny your bid, because this is a woman’s retreat function. So enter at your own risk gentleman you won’t get the money back.

So I am going to ask that the twenty women who want to join me on stage please come now.

The ladies didn’t waste anytime going up front for this worthy cause. I couldn’t help but wonder that most of them just wanted to see who would bid the most for their company this evening.

“Come on Jade lets go up there for fun.”

“I don’t know about that. This seems a little crazy!”

“Girl it’s for a good cause. You don’t have to come out of pocket for anything. Just stand up there and look pretty,” I told her.

I waited for her to respond. I was in her face smiling and edging her along to come with me.

She took another gulp of her Long Island ice tea and race to beat me up front. We were like two kids rushing up to the mini stage. Began to fall all over each other, entering into the drunken stage.

The bidding began and the girls didn’t waist anytime to give up their hard earn money for a worthy cause.

It was down to the final two, Jade and I. I couldn’t stop smiling eager to see who was going to place a bid on me.

We were like two little girls flexing our pretend muscles trying to show off for our bidders. It reminded me of Hulk Hogan when he used to flex in the wrestling ring back in the day. The crowd got a big kick out of it and so did we falling on each other again.

Pagoda

All right ladies we raised a lot of money here in the last forty five minutes. Let’s keep this going.

Here we have Karen and Jade here people, let’s keep this thing going!

I was so nervous. I was looking out into the crowd to see who had an eye for this brown skin cutie with the nice booty. The bidding went on as usual and as high as a five hundred dollars.

There was this nice looking man in the audience bidding for me. I really wasn’t trying to be stuck

under some man who only wanted the punani, like they all do and for the wrong reasons. But I stayed focused when Pagoda said one thousand dollars, going once, going twice! A total stranger was going to pay a grand just to spend the night with me, unbelievable?

Just when Pagoda was yelling going once, going twice, then she blurted out “eleven hundred!”

My eyes grew large and goose bumps were rising on my arm. The crowd yelled and clapped, “Going once, going twice, sold to me,” she said.

I turned and look at her in total awe. My mouth was gaped open with nothing coming out but hot air.

“You. Are. Mine! She whispered softly in my ear. I didn’t say a word I slowly walked off the mini stage and back to my table excited as shit. I ordered another Long Island Ice Tea and prepared to find out who was going to win the bid for Jade.

Ok lets keep this party going with our last lady here. Her name is Jade and she is new here this year. Please give her a warm welcome!

Here we go people. She’s young, pretty and it appears to me that she’s full of life. So what’s up? You know the starting bid, bring the noise with some more money for this worthy cause.

The bidding made it up to two grand, as all types of people were bidding for her. She could hardly contain her self. Her face exposed her purely whites and her check bones were as high enough to reach her eyes. I was stunned that the bidding had reached such a height. I wanted to help drive up the price so I got into the bidding war. Jade saw that I was having fun putting my two cents into it. She pointed her finger at me and then made a fist, like she was going to get me. I laughed and continued to listen to the bids that were now at twenty five hundred dollars. “Damn peeps really must that snatch,” I said to my self.

Pagoda

All right everybody we are now at twenty five hundred. That young lady with the yellow on in the front made the last bid. Going once, going twice, you got her lady in the yellow. This will go down in the record books as the highest bid. Wow! Thank you ladies and our joining gentleman. Winners please make the checks out to the Cure Cancer for Kids foundation or C.C.K. for short and make sure that you drop the check off at the front before leaving the building tonight. All right for the rest of the evening you are free to do whatever you like. The pool is open, inside and outside. It’ s beautiful night to go swimming so please take advantage of that. The winners tonight please pair up with your guest for the evening and I will see yall tomorrow for our seminars. Enjoy the evening and don’t do anything I would do.

Pagoda steps down to join me at the table. I watched her God given curvature move closer to me. I took my eyes of her for a second to locate Jade. She sat not to far from me across the table from an off the hook butter pecan Puerto Rican. She was full-figured with a face that Jennifer Lopez and lips shaped like Lisa Raye’s. I saw the woman order some drinks from the waiter who just walked up to the table. It appeared to me that Jade was enjoying her company, so I continued to enjoy my evening. I was a little jealous but I had to contain my self, she wasn’t mine to have, however I can make a move right now and it wold be a wrap.

“This was great right?” Pagoda asked.

“Hell yeah girl! I bet we raised a lot of money tonight.”

“I know that’s right. It’s all in good fun. I figured it would be a way to net work with someone they didn’t know,” she said. “I loved the concept. But what if it went a little further than the two people planned?” “Well we are all grown and whatever they do is their business,” Pagoda said. “But what if your business is subjected to you getting a little dirty for the evening?”

Pagoda smiled and knew were I was taking this. I was horny as shit and what a better way to set the tone than now. “Well you know how I get down, there is no shame in my game. We can break out of here and go for a walk or something on the grounds.” “Ok lets go!” I said emphatically.

I finished my drink and felt a little tipsy again as I stood up and followed her to the lobby of the building. She pulled out her checkbook and wrote a check for eleven hundred dollars and walked out of the building. My mentor had me for the evening for eleven bills, the weather was hot and I was finally starting to be me again. It felt so right after so long being a mommy and a girlfriend.

“You ready Pagoda?”

“Sure we are we going?”

“Let’s walk and end up where we may,” I told her.

We started to walk and check out the beautiful scenery. The stars were perfect in the sky with a half moon that smiled on us. We had conversation from one thing to another while we walked bare-footed. I expressed to her that I was in the middle of co-writing a book with Jordan. She seemed extremely interested and wanted to know more about the project.

“Who’s Jordan?”

“He’s my boyfriend I am living with. We meet a while ago and really clicked with each other. Jamal loves him to death.” “Is that right?” “Do I detect a little jealousy?” “No! But I can’t help but think to my self, that this man his hitting my thang.”

“You’re thang?”

“Never mind. Listen I am happy for you. I hope I have the opportunity to meet him one day.”

“Yeah that would be great.” I was uneasy with her attitude but I would have been a little jealous if she told me the same thing. I believe we had an unwritten understanding that she was mine and vice versa. It was never mention but I could feel it and I know she did too. It’s all in the eyes the eyes never lie.

“So, Karen tell me more about this book you’re putting together.

“It’s in the beginning stages but I am expressing my self about things that were in my past. I’m trying to exercise some demons.”

“Am I in there?” Pagoda asks giving me this serious look with a smirk.

“Maybe, you will have to wait for the book to find out. I am not changing any names to protect anyone. If any wrong or right was done to me in the past I am making it known to everyone.”

“Interesting!”

“You think so?”

“Why not? Sometimes you have to say what you feel and get it off your chest. It can really eat away at your soul. People have breakdowns from things that happen to them in the past. I read in a magazine that sixty five percent of black women are living with depression. A little medicine goes a long way, however most don’t seek it. They rather find refuge in drinking and doing drugs.”

“Wow I didn’t know that. That is a lot of women,” I said shocked at those statistics.

“Yeah. All they have to do is get a little medication, but some feel like the doctors shouldn’t be in their business like that. Or white doctors don’t have them in their best interest. Most of society think that black women are loud and have sex all the time. They consider black women the poster child of the welfare system, but the truth is; there are more white women on welfare than blacks. Check it out. They don’t want to tell you that.”

I appreciated her getting deep with me. She does it often, just zoning out and giving me tidbits of information, like a mother figure.

We made it to the pool area and went inside of the building. It was so humid inside that the windows were fogged. We decided to sit on the edge with our feet dangling in the water in silence. I watched the water ruffled as we swayed our legs up and down. An occasional splash would happen when we wanted each other to say something. My head went back exhaling, enjoying the company and the time that we have to communicate.

I peeped out the corner of my eye to see what Pagoda was doing. She was lying down behind me with her eye’s shut and a big smile. I felt her finger nails trail across my back. It tickled a little as I arched forward from the pleasure and pain she was trying to inflict.

“Why are you smiling?” I asked.

“No reason. I am enjoying this moment. I don’t get to see you like I used too, since I moved away. We sure had some good times back when you were in school.”

“I know. Pagoda I want to thank you for helping me out the way you did. You didn’t have to do that…”

“But I did…because…”

“Because what?” I ask, now focusing on her relaxed body.

Her knees were up and her hands behind her head so she wouldn’t mess her hair up. “Are you going to answer me?”

“Yes!” she said with a chuckle.

“Why are you laughing?”

“I’m nervous and what I have to say might be a shock to you.”

“Really! Come on tell me. Please!” I begged.

“She sat up and held my hand. Her legs entered the pool. I could feel her hand shaking and her bottom lip was bald into her mouth.

“Come on Pagoda it can’t be that bad.”

She didn’t say anything, but she did smile letting me assume it was something positive instead of negative.

“Ok enough with the suspense. What I wanted to say was that, from the first time I saw you walk into my class I was in love with you.”

I wasn’t surprise that she would say that to me.

“I mean I have been with plenty women in my day, however no one had the presence and style you processed. You were a woman that was hungry to make something of her self after a bad situation. I admired you for returning to school so you could make a better life for you and your son. That’s the reason why I wanted to be close to you. I loved your contagious smile, your smell,

your body and every hair follicle on your head. You walk to your own drum. Karen, I would come down to club and watch you do your spoken word. I bet you never saw me in the crowd but I was there listening to you flow so smoothly over the music. I was captivated even more as you made love to the words and music. I saw the way people would react to you and found that to be the one thing I was missing in my life…”

“What’s that?”

“Attention! I never had it until you. I craved more from you. My husband was wealthy and let me sleep with whom ever I chose to sleep with but he never paid attention to me like I needed him to. Teaching you help me to get the attention I needed because you were there everyday.”

“Wow you saw me perform in stage. I wish I’d had known you was watching, I would have shouted you out.”

“I wanted too. The last time I saw you was around Christmas and you recited a poem called ‘Jazzy gentleman’.”

“Yes I did! Damn you were there!”

“Yep and it was so erotic how it was done and spoken. I saw your man come up and hug you.

He’s a cutie. I didn’t know you guys had gotten serious.”

“Yes we did. I love him so much. He has done so much for me and Jamal.”

“That’s good. Hold on to him girl, he sounds like a good man. But that doesn’t change how I feel about you.”

“Really? Explain that to me if you don’t mind.”

“Well you know I am married but I want a steady woman in my life to take care of my needs. I want you.”

“You want little OLE me?”

“Yes I do. I want to learn about you and love you like no other.”

I didn’t know what to say. I started thinking about Jordan and how he was going to react to this. I couldn’t think straight but I had too. This was a total shock to me but I was open to suggestions on how this was going to play out. I was trying real hard not to go back to that life style, however I am here seeking it. The mind is so powerful and the trick the devil plays with you is no joke. It’s all about choice and I am struggling with this addiction that I want to exercise one minute and denounce the next. “Only God can deliver me from this,” I kept telling my self.

“If Jordan knew about this I think he would walk on me.”

“Maybe, maybe not. No one knows, I think I am worth the risk,” she said rubbing my back.

“Ok. Let’s do it,” I told her. I knew deep down that was a crucial mistake “Are you sure you want to do this?”

“Yes! I have to get this out of my system. Maybe you’ll be able to help me out with what I am going through.” “…And what is that?” she ask moving closer to me.

“I am trying to get out of this lifestyle. I thought it was over.”

“Wait a minute. This won’t help your situation. It will only invite you to want to keep doing it.”

“I know. But I want to try at least one more time.”

“That’s dangerous Karen. What if you want it more than once, passion loves to play with unsuspected souls. I think you should follow your heart and stick with Jordan. You have a good thing going with him why mess it up?”

“I know. But I love you Pagoda.” I started to cry uncontrollable.

“This may be too much for you right now. I mean look at you. You’re are in love with me, the eyes never lie.

“Maybe one day when the planets align just right we can hook up for a night to remember,” Pagoda said.

“Will it be good or bad?” I waited for to respond. She chuckled turn to me and told me she loves to bring the drama. I agreed and bowed my head in disappointment.

She placed her arm around me and brought me closer to her body. It was warm and inviting. I began to cry from confusion and sort of a broken heart. I started to think to my self that this was a bad idea coming up here this weekend I knew where it was going to take me and like a dumb as I took the bait.

We sat a while longer talking until we gathered our composure. “Come on lets go back to your room and hang out a little bit,” Pagoda said.

We got to my room and herd some noise on the other side of the door. Pagoda looked at me and asked who was in my room? I shrugged my shoulders and put the plastic key in the door. I turned the short corner of the room and there it was, Jade getting busy. I was shock but then again I wasn’t. We stood there and watched in total awe and they didn’t miss a stroke. I saw Jade’s arms raised over top of her head touching the headboard. Whoever it was under the covers was getting the job done right. I couldn’t see whom she was doing it with, but all of a sudden a head rose from under the bedspread and it was a woman.

I turned with my mouth gaped open and looked at Pagoda. She shook her head and told me we should leave. I declined and took a seat to watch the entertainment, besides this was my room I was paying for, I wanted my moneys worth.

Jade opened her glassy eyes long enough to notice me and then shut them again. I was feeling some kind of way and wanted to join in but that would have been an awkward moment for everyone involved. I decided to sit next to Pagoda who had the devil in her eye ready to join the action. She began to lick her lips and her eyes squinted with lust. She made a move to get up and I grab her arm but she jerk away headed straight for the bed.

“I see you two didn’t wait long to get to know each other,” Pagoda said sitting on the side of the bed. I watched her turn her head looking at Jade who was still on her back. Pagoda stood up and began to undress slowly, never taking her eye of the action. I sat back and continue to be intrigue by what was and about to take place.

Pagoda was now standing in her birthday suit. I couldn’t take my eyes off of her body as she began to feel on herself itching to join in. She blew me a kiss and began to get in on the action.

She was invited with open arms and legs while I sat there pouting, horny and jealous. I was too damn scared to do anything because Jade may have held it over my head. Her secret was safe with me but I questioned if mines would be with her.

The moaning and groaning made me excited and angry at the same time. I wanted to just please my self but decided I had enough and walked out on them.

I slammed the door and sat on the steps with a major attitude. I was in need of a cigarette, however I didn’t smoke. There was enough smoke coming from the room and I desperately wanted to be apart of the event that’s a part of my history.

Fifteen minutes passed and my nerve came back and I decided it was time to rejoin the activities with out being involved.

I walked back into the room that was now the center of lust. The noise was soothing to the ear.

I walked into the bathroom to get a cold shower, trying not to think about them. The moans and

groans were almost as loud as the water dripping down on my body.

I walked out of the bathroom stark naked and saw that their menage’ had ended. Jade was sitting next to the door with her legs up on the chair exposing the wetness of her womanhood.

Pagoda and the Puerto Rican chick that won the bid for Jade were lying in the bed massaging each other breast. I kept saying to my self, ‘how did I get involve in this.’ This was so damn wrong but I could only pray that God would deliver me from it.

“Hey Karen, where have you been?” Pagoda asked.

I didn’t say a word. I just reached into my bag and grabbed a pair of my panties.

“Karen. What’s wrong?” She spoke again.

“Nothing I am fine!” I shouted with an attitude.

“It doesn’t seem that way. Are you sure?”

“Yes! Shit. I can’t find my fucking underwear.”

They all stared at me as I search for my underwear that was right there in my face. I wanted to continue my rant to let them know I didn’t appreciate what they did in my room. But when it was the two of them I was fine with it, however when Pagoda had to get her thing off that’s when, my anger surfaced.

How could she betray me after sharing her feelings with me? I was at a point when I no longer wanted to be at the resort this weekend. It was turning so sour for me and I knew of no other way but to leave.

My attention was now on Jade. She sat still in the chair, looking like she was turned out. Her demeanor was tired, and unsure of what she had done. She had a look of having an incredible time and was paying for it with her guilty conscience.

“You ok?” I asked her.

She nodded her head slowly and a tear began to run down her face. I walked over to her, still butt naked to console her. By the time I made it to her the tears were flowing down one after another. Pagoda got up and ran to her rescue as well. We kept asking her what the problem was but she continued to cry.

The dramatics went on for at least an hour. We all just sat around trying to figure out why the sudden outburst. As far as we knew nothing harmful was done to her, maybe it was a flash back she had or something. She would talk but we were there to listen when she decided she wanted to.

“Here drink some of this to calm your self down a little,” I said giving her a cup of water. It took me a while to figure out the coffee machine that was in the room.

I checked the time and saw that it was around eleven o’clock and still early for partygoers like us. She started to calm down a bit, and we were so glad she did too. “I am ok. I just had a flash back from my past,” she said sniffling.

“It must have been a hell of a moment to make you like that,” I said to her.

“It was pretty deep. I really don’t want to talk about it right now. This is supposed to be a moment of fun, not worrying about me crying over something that happen in my past.”

“I know but if you need someone to talk to…”

“I know already. Thanks Karen. I appreciate that.”

Jade’s Spanish delight was sitting at the foot of the bed sipping on a drink. I looked at her and ask was it worth the money?

She told me it was worth every penny, however she wouldn’t pay that large amount anymore, “it did damage to my pocketbook,” she said.

“I paid for the charity and the pussy was the icing on the cake.”

I could tell she was a real freak. I came back to my senses and remembered I was upset with Pagoda for joining in on the fun.

“Karen, come on now this was a great opportunity to do something I don’t get to do often. I don’t understand why you are so upset. You should have stop pouting and used those lips for good use.”

My eyes rolled at her and then I told her to kiss my ass. She fired back and told me to turn around so she could get to work. I saw that Jade and her mami whom we never got to know her name, were smiling and waiting to see if I was going to do it. I took it as a challenge and turned over and with out hesitation she kissed it. She began to rub it and my kitty began to moisten a bit with excitement. I was starting to breathe heavy from her soft gentle touch, but I came to my senses and sat back down.

“What’s wrong? Didn’t you like your Pagoda stroking that phat ass?” She said in the third person.

“It was alright. But I am more concern about what’s going on with her,” I said pointing at Jade. She had her feet on the chair and her arms locked around them.

She still had a troubled face but I knew it wouldn’t last because God looks out for old folks, kids and fools.

I decided enough was enough. Someone had to break the ice. A lot of shit went on in this room and it wasn’t even the second day of the festivities. This weekend was to learn and network but our sexual innuendo took over us without thinking about what will happen in the long run.

“Listen girls. How about we go get some breakfast and vibe a little bit. A lot went on and a empty stomach is never good when a sista is confused.”

“Who’s confused?” Jade winning partner said.

I turn and gave her a look that could burn a hole in her, “before we go anywhere I need to know what the is your name?”

“Oh I am sorry, it’s Zoë. Zoë Diaz.”

“Well it’s nice to meet you Zoë. Now get your naked ass dress and so we can get something to eat.”

Everyone laugh as we criss-cross the room taking a wash up and getting dress. I kept my eye on Jade to make sure my sista girl was all right. We made it over to a dinning area that was a 100yd walk from where our rooms were. We sat down in a booth, laughing about a conversation we had on our way to get something to eat. We ordered and became a little closer as the night went on until the wee-hours of the morning. I found out that Zoë owned a clothing line called Seven P and it was about to hit the stores in a month. I remember seeing the advertising in some of the popular magazines.

“Zoë, can I ask you a question?” Pagoda and Jade looked at each other across the table.

Pagoda turned and looked at me. I was sitting next to her and tapped her leg to let her know I had this under control.

“Sure I am listening.”

We were still waiting on our food, so this was a perfect time to get a few verbal non-lethal jabs in.

“Are you a lesbian or BI?” “I am neither. I know what you saw and that was something I always wanted to try and get out of my system.”

“Really?”

“Yes. Jade made the move and I paid the money for her company, so why not. It was an opportunity that I couldn’t pass up. No one got hurt; it was a good time for me and hopefully for Jade. I know Pagoda enjoyed y throw down.

“It was no harm, but you do realize that it is a sin,” I reminded her. I quickly thought about what I had just said about it being a sin, when I was caught up too. It would be a miracle if God let me though the gate from all the shit I’ve done. I was hoping she didn’t catch what I had said.

“Sure but I am covered by the blood. I asked for forgiveness and moved on,” Zoë told me.

I knew when I step outside my door this morning; I was going to be in trouble. I had a choice to either be mixed up in it or bear the weight that comes with it. Too many women in one spot for too long could bring a lot of drama and if a person isn’t equipped to deal with it, is in trouble.

Zoë was that trouble that was waiting for me. I felt in a way she knew something about me but I wasn’t to sure. I saw the way she looked at me when I walk in the club area of the resort. I didn’t pay it any mind I just thought she was jealous of what I had on. Women can be like that sometimes and you know I’ve been a victim in someone’s insecurities before. She was indeed a challenge and I had to probe a little more and find out what I could about her.

“So Zoë what’s up with you? Tell us a little about what you do.”

“Well I am an executive at PECO-Energy. I went to LaSalle and graduated top of my class.

Most of my time is spent getting my clothing line off the ground. I went to school for business, however working at PECO is not what I want to do,” she said nonchalantly. Her Hispanic accent was sexy and irritating at the same time. I cringe in my seat from every word that manages to come from her pouty lips.

“What is your profession?”

“Accounting manager at a local news station and Jade is my assistant,” I said.

“Oh so that’s how you two know each other.”

“Yes,” Jade said.

“Pagoda, what do you do?”

“I am a professor at a college.”

Pagoda didn’t disclosed what college she taught at and I didn’t tell her where I worked at. I prayed Jade didn’t say anything, but then I realized I didn’t really care. “So we’re are all accomplished people here, that’s a good thing right?”

We stayed for another hour and departed the restaurant at about one o’clock and went out separate ways. Jade and I walked into the room and instantly fell on our beds. I just laid there and looked up at the ceiling with out a care in the world. Some how what Zoë said was true and it kept playing over and over in my mind. In my mind I kept saying to my self that I have God. God will pull me through this and he brought me into the church so I could seek him.

Jade was now undress and headed for the champagne bathtub. I watched her athletic body climb in and disappear under the suds. Her eyes shut tightly and her lips perked outward in a kiss fashion. “Oh,” she shouted. She told me it was a little hot as she finally took a seat and rested her head.

“Come join me, be careful it’s a little hot.”

“It’s getting late. We have to get up early,” “I know but we’re just going to unwind. You said we should have fun, so lets

enjoy our selves, come join me.”

“Ok,” I said reluctantly as I slowly got up and undressed. I got in and sat across from her from the same position I was just hours earlier. We sat there silent listening to the water bubble up. I saw that her eyes were closed and she was smiling. We heard some people talking outside as they passed our door.

“What’s up? Are you alright?” I ask.

“Sure, but my concern is you. You’re my boss and I just thought maybe I should talk about what went on tonight.” “Not really. This has been a long night to a weekend that just really started.” “I know. First I upset you, and then Zoë was coming at you with some bullshit. I guess my question to you is, are you in denial of who you are?” “Denial! Hell no!” I shouted back. I twisted nervously in the tub, because I lied. “Ok. I will take you at your word.” “Wait, maybe I am just a little bit. I still have strong feelings for women. I can’t seem to shake it, it seems like every time it presents it’s self I bail out even though I want to feel that soft touch so bad.” “You must feel like you are betraying him if you did go through with any sexual escapade.”

“A little but it’s deeper than that. It has to do with my kid, church and knowing right from wrong. All of a sudden this stuff is creeping back up on me. I am a woman you know to be in complete control but I suffer through these type of moments, I am so damn confused!”

“Wow. I don’t know what to say. I mean I don’t have anyone that I am responsible for or to answer to. I pretty much can do what I want.” “Yeah I know. I have to pray that I do the right thing, it’s hard though.” “Yeah. I had it tough too, there is a lot of crap that I am dealing with that went on in college.” “Really? Where is your mother? I mean she helped you get through it all right?” “Hmm that’s another story. I rather not say right now. Talking about my mother is a sore subject with me.” “I guess no one is exempt from hidden pains and pleasures.” “I guess not,” she said.

I remembered drifting off to sleep feeling relaxed and free. After a while we decided to get out and into bed. I shivered from the once hot water that was now cold. We dried off jumping around wishing for some heat. All we had to do was go outside and get some that hot, humid, night air.

That would have been a real show to see as the people were making there way back to their rooms, being loud and drunk.

I jumped on the bed and Jade followed. I was expecting to be alone this weekend so we had to share. “You want to sleep up top or the foot?” She told me it didn’t matter. I took the foot of the bed and we were now laying head toe ass naked. I was completely comfortable laying with her in that way. I believe we had an understanding and a mutual respect.

Jade’s feet were now in my face. I stared at the manicured, painted toenail in the dark until I decided to turn the other way to avoid them. She was a wild sleeper, tossing and turning trying to get comfortable.

After minutes of turning she decided to come down to the bottom of the bed with me. She cuddled and held on to me and began to cry. I held her hand and told her everything was going to be all right. I told her to let it out and to pray, she was like a little girl and I was her protector. She continued to hold me and her cry turned into a light snore. I could feel her nipples getting erect against my bare back. I had a strong feeling that she wanted me and all I had to do was turn over

and it would have been on, however I didn’t.

Her hands found their way on my breast while she was sleep. I removed them only to find that my own nipples were hard from her soft touch. I began to feel the flow between my thighs and parted them slightly so it could run free. Jade felt me move and she must have taken that as a hint to do what she wanted. She journeyed into my box with her finger. I tried to put a stop to it but this young girl was on a mission and I was the target. I moved her hand out which later found its way back in. My “G” spot was being stoked as I shut my eyes and dipped into the pleasure principle. I felt this was going too far and I had to stop it before it escalated. I removed her hands once more and it was the final time she didn’t try anymore, however she did whisper to me, telling me I liked it. I smiled and said to my self that she didn’t have any idea how much I loved it.

Morning came and we were still stuck in the same fetal position but not touching each other. I took a shower and put on this hot jean short-jumpsuit set. My toned, oily legs were ready for the people to take notice. Jade had on a nice pair of linen shorts with a tank top. I complimented her as she twist and turned trying to model for me.

“You ready?” She asked me. I took a swallow of orange juice and told her lets go.

“Karen I am so sorry for doing that to you last night. But when I see your body it makes a sista want to do some things to you, you know what I mean?”

I laughed it off and told her no harm no foul.

I chose to sit in on the domestic violence seminar. I was in awe of the stories that was being told about abusive men. These women went on to describe how they would be choked, punch locked in closets that resulted in bruises. These proud Black and Latino women pulled themselves together and made a life for themselves. I was inspired and touch. Their courage spoke volumes about their characters and what they had to endure.

The class ended and I went into another class that was dealing with networking better with clients. The day was going pretty quick and there wasn’t any sign of Jade anywhere all day.

I meet up with Pagoda at lunch and we talked about last night. She told me she didn’t mean to hurt me, but the opportunity was there to have fun with no strings attached. I thought it was resolved last night but somehow she felt compelled to apologize to me. She didn’t have to be sorry; I was over it and mentally moved on from it.

I went back to my room for a little relaxation, preparing my self for the pajama party that was happening tonight. My little booty outfit was sure to win first prize, I told my self. I was really restless and didn’t really want to rest.

I decided to rent a bike and take a tour of the resort by my self. It was great to smell the air, see the trees and listen to the birds sing. God created the earth as His living art and a testament to his existence. It was hot but the heat didn’t really bother me too much as the warm air hit my face. I stopped at a bench and just sat for a while getting lost into my self. As a woman we all need to do that from time to time. Men just don’t understand the daily rigors we have to endure. PMS, job stress, kids and bullshit is enough to makes a sister want to cut someone. This was time well spent for a good cause, me and only me. No cell phones or any type of distraction. I did miss Jamal, but I knew Jordan would take care of him. Reflection of self should be mandatory as a girl. We fight so hard to be who what everybody wants us to be and we loose track of being our selves. If we aren’t happy nobody is happy, as far as I am concern.

I checked my watch and it was now four o’clock. I got up and headed back up the trail to get ready for the evening festivities. I couldn’t wait. When sista’s put their minds to waning to look good, they go all out. From mellow yellow to chocolate yoo-hoo will be competing for top prize.

I hope it’s not going to be like it was last year.

Previous years they were doing some outlandish shit just to win that money. The women that come here for learning, networking, and just plain relaxing, are also here to be the biggest sluts they could be. They have no reservations about it; I call them undercover freaks, like my self of course.

I meet up with the girls and we were about to enter the building were a sea of women wearing exotic night clothing cut right in front of us. The workers were looking, taking more breaks than they should, getting excited.

We were just about to enter when I looked up at the sign that said, “old school pajama party.”

We kept walking and listening to the heels of their shoes echo off of the concrete But out of no where we heard, “1,2,1,2,3 and…”

The high pitched horns followed getting us in the mood to get our groove on. I recognized it was the baddest band in the land, the elements of the music world, the legendary Earth Wind and Fire. To me this was the start of a good evening. I was waiting to see Steve Harvey or someone hosting the party. It was going to be a good a good night. Jade and I hit the dance floor with no shame. Yes they were playing “Saturday Night,” and the song fitted so well for the beginning of the party.

“What do you know about this young girl?” I said jokingly to her.

“My parents used to play this song back in the day. I don’t know the name of the group,” she told me, trying to stay in rhythm. She twisted and turns with her pink silk short pajamas on.

“This is Earth Wind and Fire, girl. You better recognize!” She laughed at me and maybe thought I was out of my mind. I was serious about my music; my dad had a huge collection of music. I can remember hearing all the latest stuff being played in my house as soon as the record hit the store. He would come home with a plastic bag that said Gola Electronics and a couple of albums. I would help him pull the shrink-wrap from them, but he wouldn’t let me put it on the turntable, he told me I might scratch the record. People would be over our house parting when I went to bed and when I would get up for school the next morning and they would still be there. I used to get mad as hell when I saw that they would be still in the dining room playing cards and getting high.

The record went off and the M.C. began to speak about the weekend activities. People were fanning themselves and praying for the air to flow a little faster in the building. I spotted Pagoda who was wearing a lavender bathrobe with lavender one inch heeled sandals. “Pagoda!” I yelled out to her. She was still pre-occupied in a conversation with this chick that was fine, but not as fine as I was. I yelled once more and she winked at me letting me know she heard me.

I crack a frown and looked back at her, “no she didn’t blow me off,” I said with attitude.

I turn the other way and ignored her sexy ass. I think she was trying to get me back because I didn’t give her some of my pussy.

“Karen, If I didn’t thank you already let me tell you that I had a good time this weekend.”

“Don’t worry about it. I am glad you came along.” She had a look of nervousness on her face, “what’s wrong?”

“Listen I don’t know how to break this to you, but I met this woman who wanted me to interview at a local station.”

“What! That’s great. What station and who’s the woman?”

“I’m not telling you right now what station, however I met the woman today at the seminar and she liked the way I handle my self during the discussion. She told me I had the skills to be on television. You were right, this networking thing is working out, girl.”

“Wow I don’t know what to say, I am so happy for you. So tell me what else happen?”

“Well we sat and talked at lunch and I told her I was here with you and that I was already familiar with some of the politics that go on at local television stations.”

“Ok, so then what happen,” I said smiling. We made our way to a table and tried to talk over the music that was playing.

“Nothing much. Like I said she gave me her card and I have an interview on Monday. I hope you’re not upset with me.” A sad look came over her face it was a look of disappointment and excitement at the same time.

“Hell no. This is why you’re here. This is the reason you went to school. You are finding your way and I am proud to say I had a hand in that,” I told her. I got up and gave her a hug. The tears started coming down my face with joy.

“I came to you out of respect. You’re my boss; my friend and I wanted to make sure it was ok with you first. If you don’t want me to go, I won’t.”

“No, you go and get that job.” Jade laughed and felt at ease with telling me. I was upset that she might be leaving; however I wouldn’t allow my self to show it. I had to start thinking about hiring another assistant, Jade would be hard to replace but maybe I will get lucky.

The party escalated into a freak feast, it often had me looking for Luke to see if he had anything to do with it. This was the type of party that you don’t tell your mother about. The crowed would yell out, “do that shit, do that shit come on,” because the grinding was taken to another level. The men were calling their boys on their Nextel telling them to get their asses up here fast!

“Yall niggas are missing out on all this free ass,” I heard one guy say with a drink in his hand.

“I thought you were celebrating your anniversary?”

“Man my wife is on the floor with the chicks getting her freak on,” he told his boy.

The night went on and the crowed got thicker then thinned out as people went out side to smoke. I was tipsy once again and ready to leave. I collected a gang of cards from chicks that either wanted to screw me or help me start a business or gain some type of advantage for whatever reason. One thing for sure sistas have no shame in their game, they’re playas for real with brass ovaries.

I lost track of Jade hours ago until I saw her hugged up at a table with Zoë, her coochie buddy.

I rolled my eyes, left to go back to my room to get some rest.

On my arrival I slipped out of my night outfit and laid there, ass naked to the world. This weekend was mind boggling, unlike any other weekend I had up here. I have a lot to deal with in the coming days with the possibility of loosing Jade.

I really didn’t know which directing in the fork road I should take. Choices sometimes make or break you as a person. It can lift you up in victory, or have you fall in defeat. As a black woman I want to be revered and respected, however at the same time I want love just like everybody else.

That’s where the tricky part comes in. That fire inside of me has been rekindle to the point of wanting my cake and eating it too, know damn well it would be bad for my health

Voice 6

Jade and I made it home safe and sound from our trip. I dropped her off and told her I helped her with her bags into the house. It felt like a hot oven from being closed up all weekend.

“Girl you need some serious air on in here,” I said followed by a laugh.

“Let me open the windows and air this joint out.”

The Philadelphia row homes held heat like a crack-head held a pipe. That’s the way they’re built and we dealt with it all of our lives. “You ok?”

“Sure. Thank you for a great weekend,” she told me.

“No problem. I enjoyed your company. Listen don’t worry about tomorrow, take the day off. I am not going in anyway, I want to spend some time with my family.”

“Ok. I will let you know what happen. Wish me luck.”

We embraced each other and I slowly walked out and into my car and drove off.

I started to think about the fight me and Jordan had when I left. I prayed to myself that he would be over it.

I made it home and Jamal meet me at the door with a welcome hug. I held his skinny body as tight as I could. Being with out him for a couple of days was torture for me. He and I understood that mommy had to get a break just like he needs a break from Jordan and I. “What’s up mom? Jordan and me went everywhere. Did you bring me something back?”

“Yes I did.”

“What?”

“Me.” “You? You’re not a present. You’re my mom, I talking about a T-shirt or something.”

- 75

“Jamal, now you know I am the best present in the world.”

“You are?”

He looked at me in a weird way and sucked his teeth.

“Yes I am boy,” I smiled at him, followed by a kiss on the cheek.

“I know mom. I was just playing.”

“I did bring you something. Let me look in my bag.” I pulled out a couple of t-shirts and a wooden boomerang. Jamal’s eyes lit up as he rushed out of the house to show his friends. I called for Jordan, but there wasn’t an answer. I went up stairs and saw that he was taking a nap. He was lying on his stomach across the bed. The baseball game was on, which meant he was bored because he never watches baseball.

I slipped out of my clothes and took a quick shower to freshen’ up a little.

I laid on the bed with him and began to rub his back. He jumped up and I fell off the bed wondering what the hell was going on. If looks could kill I would have been dead from the way he stared at me.

“It’s me baby, I am home.” “Oh damn. I am sorry I was having a dream and then I felt something on my back.”

“That was me. What’s up Did you miss me?” I was trying to be friendly not knowing if he was still holding a grudge. “Oh yeah. I was just chilling watching a little television.

What time is it?” “It’s 12:30pm. Why you have something to do?” “No I was just asking. So, how was it up in the mountains with your

buddy?” “It was great as usual. You should have came with us.” “It’s a all female weekend what the hell am I going to do up there except for getting in trouble?” “I know a couple of them tried to get with you,” he said. I clinched my teeth trying to remain calm. “No but a couple of men tried.” I was lying my ass off because I knew he wasn’t going to believe me. “Yeah right?” “You know I was just playing.” “Maybe you weren’t.”

He cut his eyes at me fast and hard then refocused on the game that was on. “Why did you look at me like that?”

“Because you’re suspect. You have a look in your eye like you’re in love or something,” he said wringing his hands.

I didn’t feed ask what he was saying and told him I was just rested. Jordan then fired back and told me rested from what?

“My vacation, what else?”

“Shit you ain’t working. You’re busy out entertaining you co-worker buying her shit.”

“Do we have to go there, baby. I’m trying to enjoy my Sunday afternoon.”

“No we don’t but did it run across your mind one time that I would like to have had a surprise from you?” I didn’t say a word but I was getting angrier by the second.

“Listen! I was just helping her out that’s all. You make it seem like I was fucking her and the whole nine. It’s not like that. You don’t hear me accusing you of sucking your boys off in the locker room after a game.”

“That not the same thing, Karen. I’m not buying them shit…”

“Yeah but when your flying through the fucking air trying to dunk and shit with your nuts in their faces, you might want to have the do you,” I said getting ghetto on him.

Jordan was furious now pouting on the bed. He refused to talk to me and laid back down flipping channels. I stayed in the room with him to let him know I am not running and you are going to respect me.

“Listen I’m hungry, you want me to fix you a sandwich,” I said trying to clear the air after thirty minutes of silence.

“That would be nice, only if I can watch?”

“Sure. Why not.”

We both walked down to the kitchen to fix some lunch. I was still fuming a little, however compromise is key to any relationship.

We sat at the table getting ready to eat our turkey sandwiches. There was silence as far as the conversation was concern, but you could here the smacking of the lips from two hungry people.

“So what did yall do this weekend?”

“Nothing much we just talked a little bit about life and girls.”

“Girls?”

“Yes girls!” Jamal told me there was a girl in the neighborhood that he was interested in. He needed some advice on how to approach her.”

I began to smile with joy; my little man was growing up before my eyes.

“So what did you tell him?”

“Nothing but the basics. I told him he has to respect her first and foremost.”

“Did he mention sex?”

“No, but I think he may have wanted too.”

“Jordan I think he does see you as a father. We had a talk about you the other day, it’s

interesting that you would bring that up.”

“Ok. So tell me what the conversation was about,” he asked.

Jordan was smiling from ear to ear and sat straight up eagerly waiting to hear what I had to say.

“It was nothing really. He told me he understood that you were not his dad, but you took on the responsibility of wanting to raise him. You and I are together and you didn’t have to do anything for him, but you stepped up to the plate. He also told me that his father is a coward for running out on him and I don’t know if he’ll ever forgive him for doing that. He hasn’t made any phone calls for birthdays, holidays or any day for that matter. That hurts him and you are the one who eases that pain a little for him.”

We both sat silent for a minute, not sure what to say. He grabbed my hand and told me that he enjoyed the role.

Voice 7

It was Monday I took the day off, to recover from the weekend. I woke up thinking about Jade and how the interview was going. I fixed breakfast for everybody and enjoyed the rainy morning we were having. I stayed in my nightclothes all day walking around in my old bedroom slippers that was due for replacement.

The boys left to hang out at Dave and Busters with a couple of other boys from the block. I had the house to my self and I took full advantage of it. I was feeling kind of blue and couldn’t wait to get back to the book me and Jordan was putting together.

I cut on the stereo and poured me a glass of wine. I put on Janet Jackson’s Velvet Rope CD, which was one of my favorite albums. The Essence magazine came in the mail the other day, so I decided to read it to relax. Track two came on and I listen to it once, twice and a third time.

Janet sang a few lyrics that really struck home with me on her song, “You.” It was a hard driven based line looped with lyrics that went like this, “Spend most of your time pretending not to be, the one you are but choose to see. Learned to survive in your fictitious world, does what they think of you determined your worth?” It was followed up with a chorus that was even more powerful than the lyrics. “You gotta mean what you say, you gotta say what you mean. You trying to please everyone sacrifice your own needs. Check in the mirror my friend, no lies would be told, pointing the finger again. You can’t blame no body but you.” That was powerful! It was like she was talking to me years later. I stood up and went to the full body mirror that was hanging on the basement door. I began to explore my body, looking for flaws. I was satisfied looking over my medium build, naked body. I was totally flawed as a woman. I twist and turned, looked back at my ass to check for dimples. It became quite hilarious to me as I began to laugh at my self.

- 79

Self-examination of your mind body and soul was a good thing. I found enjoyment knowing

that a thirty something sista still has the goods of attraction. I always liked to be in peak performance. What I mean is you never know who you’re going to run into. I am a mature version than what I was in high school, keeping up with the times is important to me. But I came to the realization after having a good moment with myself; I was flawed in every major way. We are all works in progress.

It was getting late in the day and the boys weren’t home yet and I was tempted to call Jade to see how things went. Suddenly the phone rang and it was Jade. My hand shook waiting for her to drop the bomb.

“Hey girl what’s up?”

“Nothing much. How did the interview go?”

“It went well. Real good,” she said with a cracked voice.

“What’s wrong? You don’t sound like your self.”

“I am ok. I was crying just a minute ago.”

“You’re really emotional aren’t you?”

“Just a little. I am ok. Listen I accepted the position, however I didn’t want to accept it.” “Why not? I think it was a good move for you. It’s almost like an instant promotion. I am happy for you!” “I am really feeling sick about it because I’ll be leaving you.”

“Why are you feeling like that? You should be happy.” “Yeah. I will be a investigative reporter.” “That sounds interesting. I am so happy for you Jade, I really am.” I was pacing the floor saddened by what she said. If it weren’t for me she wouldn’t have been at the resort and screw her way to a new job. I was fuming inside trying not to let it show in my voice, but she had to drop another bomb on me.

“Karen I am putting in my resignation, effective immediately.”

I couldn’t say anything. I was stuck and started to stutter out my words in my mind before I actually said anything.” “Hello,” her voice trembled. “I am here. Wow that’s what I call short notice.” “I know and that’s why I feel so bad about it. She started me off with a nice salary and benefits. For a girl like me who never really had anything, that’s a whole lot.” “I feel you. Don’t sweat it. Come by the office tomorrow if you can.”

“I can do that. I don’t actually start until next Monday. I want to take some days off to get my mind together, if that’s alright with you.”

“Great. I would need your resignation in writing. So stop by when you can.”

“I will do that. I have to go ok?”

“Ok take care and congratulation once again. I am sure you will do fine, Now I can call you up and say lets do lunch or something.” She laughed and sniffled a little.

“Pray for me!”

“I will.”

I hung up the phone and called her all types of names. I couldn’t believe she would do this to me. I needed her in my corner. Where was I supposed to find another replacement as good as her?

I started thinking to myself that I shouldn’t have helped her but it was making me look like a selfish bitch. I had to calm my self down and re-think this. I was reliving a childhood pleasure of showing my ass or having a temper tantrum over bullshit. I feel back onto the couch and let the soft new cloth soak me in for comfort. I quickly said a prayer to myself and rebounded almost instantly. God wouldn’t want me to be jealous with envy. I knew this day was coming and if I

were in her position I would have taken it too.

My face cleared from anger back to normal. I sat still trying to finished listening to the Janet’s CD. I couldn’t get into anymore so I shut it off and just sat still. The rain kept falling and I was getting hornier by the second. Water had that effect on me when it hit the ground. There is something sensual about it, almost exotic in the city of brotherly love. I heard the door open and noise that followed.

I yelled down the steps at them. They yelled back and told me to come on down, “we have Dwight’s Bar B Que.,” Jordan said.

I went down stairs into the kitchen where they were setting up the table so we could get our grub on. I was glad because I worked up an appetite with my little attitude. The aroma was filling the house and my stomach began to growled louder, because the senses knew what was coming, food. The front door was open with the flies attached to the screen trying to get in. The smell began to mix in with the food and the sound of cars speeding down the block.

“Jordan what made you pick up ribs tonight?”

“It was Jamal’s idea. Jordan got up and turned from the CD player that was just playing to the radio. “Summer time,” came on and we began to groove to it at the table.

“Jamal what do you know about this song?”

“I heard it before. This is Will Smith right?”

“Yep. But back in the day he performed under the name of the Fresh Prince, like the television show. I got all of his stuff, go check them out when you get a chance, but make sure you put them back in order.”

“Cool, thanks.” My mouth was full of ribs with the sauce way around the back of my neck.

“You know Jamal, there was a group by the name of Kool and the Gang who recorded it first.

It was called ‘Summer Madness.’”

We sat around and enjoyed each other company, until the food was gone and our bellies were full of grease and flavor. I cleaned up the table and was invited to sit with my man outside. I told him it was still raining, but he said it had stop and to bring the chairs out.

I accepted and we all went outside to enjoy the clouds moving away to make way for the quarter moon. I sat back on the lawn chair with Jordan by my side holding his masculine hand.

“Jay!” We heard a voice shout. We looked up and down the block and saw Johnny coming up the street. Jordan told me about Johnny a while ago. He was the neighborhood Circuit City, anything you wanted he could get. Johnny was the guy that could get you what you need.

“What’s up dawg?”

“Nothing man just out here chillin with my lady. You remember Karen right?”

“Yeah. How you doing Ms. Lady?”

“I am fine and you?”

“I’m trying to stay one step ahead of the man. That’s about it for me.”

Jordan told me he always thought Johnny was a high yellow black man, but later found out he was Puerto Rican, who went with a sister.

“Jay I got those new DVD recorders, it’s the hottest thing out right now,” he told him.

“Oh yeah, how much?”

“Well in the store brotha it gonna cost you at least three hundred for the unit. I tell you what, you know we go way back like two flats on a Cadillac, I can let it go for a buck fifty bills.”

“Hmm that sounds like a deal to me, what you think baby?”

I looked into his eyes deep. I could see the kid coming out of him. Boys never grow up; they always need a new toy to play with.

“Go for it. I can think of a few things to use it for,” I said.

“Ah, sister lady knows what time it is. Listen to your woman Jay,” he said inciting him to buy it.

“Go get it man.”

How could I say no to him when I just spent all that money on Jade?

We watch Johnny dart off in the direction he came from. After a few minutes or more Johnny returned with a box with the recorder in it. Jordan excuse himself as the two of them went into the house to see if the device actually worked. I stayed outside watching Jamal play with his friends.

A car slowly turn the corner and rode slowly down the block. My head rose up to see who was riding in a candy apple red car. It stopped dead in font of the house. My eyes squinted trying to make out who it was.

“Hey gurl!” the voice said.

I smiled but still continue to try and figure out who it was.

“It’s me, Jade.”

“Jade?”

“Yeah. Come take a ride in my new car.”

I stood up and told Jordan I would be right back.

I got in the car and we sped off. The leather smell was soothing to the nose.

“This is hot!”

“Thank you. I just picked it up. I figured I had to upgrade myself.”

“I heard that. You must be making mad money.”

“Just a little bit. Karen all my life I have struggled to try and get ahead. I had to raise myself and raise my mother. I was always one step back of everybody else. I had to do something for myself at least once, I have earned it!”

“I understand, I do. I am so glad this has happen to you.”

“Thank you. Listen I came by to tell you about my girlfriend who graduated with me from the University of Delaware, she has a degree in mathematics. It’s been pretty rough on her since she graduated. She’s been working at a shoe store in the Gallery Mall.” It sounded good to me and I was impressed that she was looking out for her friend.

After a short comfortable ride she pulled up in front of my house. I told her to bring her with her tomorrow when she comes to clean out her desk. She agreed and drove off. I guess this day didn’t turn out that bad after all.

Jordan and Johnny were in there messing with that DVD thing going back and forth arguing.

All they had to do was read the instructions. I walked in and grab the manual and told them to get out of the way. The looked surprised and departed from in front of the television. I instantly got the thing working and told them how to use it.

“It takes a woman to do a man’s job,” I told them. They rolled their eyes and turned to each other looking stupid. I got up and went back outside.

I really wanted to get back to the book we were writing and I made sure that I wouldn’t forget to tell Jordan when he was finished with his company.

The two of them emerge from the house shaking their heads. Johnny’s oil infested cap was turned to the side with his brim bent. The scent of cigarettes hovered around me as he walked down the steps. I made a quick disgusted face and smiled before he caught me.

“You take checks, right?”

“Dawg, you know I don’t mess with no checks. My money is always funny and my credit won’t get it.”

We busted out laughing uncontrollably, “Pay the man cash Jordan,” I told him.

Jordan reached in his pocket and pulled out the money. Johnny looked at them to make sure they were real, like he really cared if they were or not. He said his goodbye and dashed up the street.

“Are you happy you got your toy?”

“Yeah. But why do you have to word it that way?”

“Because you still have that boy in you, like all men do. Things are just a little more expensive.”

“Right!” He said dropping his head.

“Did I strike a nerve?”

“No why did you say that?”

“I saw the expression on your face.”

“No, I just get a little upset when someone tells me I am acting like a little boy or that I have boyish ways because I like the finer things in life.”

I didn’t say anything, because I could feel the trouble brewing. Somehow I had to diffuse the situation.

“Give me a kiss,” I ask him.

“No!” “Please. It will make you feel better.”

“How can that make me feel better?”

“Easy!”

“Naw I’ll pass on the kiss. I am going in the house,” he said.

I could see that he was upset and I didn’t want to further agitate him.

I decided to take a walk to clear my head.

I made it the end of the block when I heard a light voice call out to me, “you shouldn’t be walking alone. I turned and face the car that was in the street. I saw that it was Nicole. I was a little hesitant to walk up to the car but decided to do it anyway. She was known to carry a gun, so I had to be cautious since I stole her man.

“Hey Karen, what’s up?”

“Nothing much I am just clearing my head, “How have you been?”

“I’ve been great. I am still practicing law and me and Rain is still together.”

“That’s great. I am happy for you guys.”

“Thank you. We moved in together and things have been going pretty good. She moved back from California after setting up an office out there. I flew out there with her and we really rekindled the fire we once had. Are you and Jordan still an item?”

“Yes, I moved in with him. I am so sorry that it didn’t work out for you guys.”

“You know what, it was a thing that happen. No harm no foul you didn’t know we were talking. But he should have said something to you, it was strictly a sex thang for me.”

“Yeah but it’s all in the past. We can’t dwell on it now,” I told her standing by the window. I could smell the vanilla air freshener coming from the car. Nicole looked stunning and I couldn’t help thinking to my self, that I was one the first to have her.

“So what are you doing around this way?”

“I just came from a friends house who doesn’t live too far. I saw you walking and decided to stop to say hello to a good friend.”

“Oh ok. Wow it was really good to see you.”

“Same here. Listen I will tell Rain I saw you, take care of your self,” she said with a smile. I

reached in the windows and gave her a hug. She kissed me on my cheek and put a card between my breast.

“What is this?”

“My card, you know for you guys to stay in touch,” she said lighting a cigarette.” ‘“Really?”

“Yes. I will talk to you later, ok?”

“Sure. Take care.”

Nicole took off and I continued on my walk through the neighborhood. The steam from the street was rising from the heat and rainfall we just had.

I walked in the corner store and ask the Hispanic lady for a cone of cherry vanilla ice cream. I watched her scoop it up with force as I began to daydream about my time with Nicole and Rain.

That’s where it all began for me, ushering in my adult hood as a woman back in school. I had years of denial that I was BI-sexual. I refuse to let my self-think, this was the way I was born, but I finally understood that it was that way. I surpressed it for so long and now have a better understanding of it.

I was praying that he would be in a better mood. I wanted his mind to be free and clear of the bomb I was about to drop on him for the book.

I reached the steps, reluctant to go in but I did so anyway. I was greeted by him in a sexy manner that made a sister feel like she is supposed to feel. He said hello to me and asked where I had been. His voice was like a mixture of Barry White and Don Corneilus that made a rhythm in my body that Quincy Jones couldn’t orchestrate.

“What’s up? Listen Karen I want to apologize to you. I was wrong for catching a attitude over something so silly.”

“Don’t worry about it let’s move on. I want to get back to the book, if we can?”

“Cool it has been a couple of days. I forget were we left off, I gotta check my notes.”

“Well you go ahead and do that. I am going to slip into something a little more comfortable.

You may not be ready for this,” I told him. He had a surprised look on his face. I could tell he loved listening to me talk about my past, although I was a little concern as I got deeper, I wondered if he still feel the same way.

Just as I was getting up, Jamal came running through the door, “hey yall,” he announced. We waved back at him as he darted up the steps to his room. I followed while Jordan began to set things up for me.

I rummage though my drawer to find my long pink shirt. I made sure my head was right and took a deep breath and went back down stairs. I believed that every woman has an alter ego. My alter ego, Tia made me fearless and sexy. It was my way of separating me from my reality. Men love it, but they knew nothing about how our alter egos came to be.

I got on the couch to relax myself a bit and told Jordan I was ready.

“Ok here we go.”

I took a deep breath and closed my eyes. The house was so quiet and peaceful. In the back of my mind I tried to rummage through my past according to the way it happened.

I wanted to give an accurate assessment to make the book enjoyable and interesting. I felt that the reader would have to be intrigue and captivated by my story “Ok baby the last time we had a session, I found out you went over Simone’s house but you

wouldn’t tell at that point if you guys slept together. You mentioned that you were molested. You also mention that she was a female, you care to elaborate on that a little?”

Karen

Well it went like this. Make sure you have that recorder on with fresh batteries because I won’t be repeating it. When you are a kid and your parents do a lot of partying you are left to be in your room or someone else’s room depending where you are. Most of my parent’s friends had children, mainly girls that I hung around with.

I had this one girlfriend name Patrice and her parents sold beer and weed from their house.

Naturally everybody in the neighborhood would be in their house partying with loud music and shit. Patrice was an only child but has seen a lot in her lifetime. There usually were about five or six girls in her room playing records and talking about what guy we wanted to get with.

One day we were playing a game of truth or dare that push the limits. Everybody was down and it was fun to see who was going to do what. One of our other friends who will remain nameless asked Patrice on a dare to dance around naked in the room. Now this was a time when we were like fourteen, fifteen years old with breast and pubic hair. No one would believe she would do it but she did. She also had to stay like that until the game was over. This went on for hours and a lot of stuff was said and done until the ultimate dare question was ask. Another girl in the room proposed a dare to me to go and kiss her on her vagina. I accepted the dare only because I was competitive and didn’t want to lose the game. The girls in the room laughed and made faces. So to get them back I made them all do the same thing so I wouldn’t be singled out. The game ended and it was time for us to leave. I remembered Patrice asking her parents if I could spend the night. I remembered the night being a little cold and a draft was whistling through the cracks of her North Philadelphia row home. If you can remember, back in the eighties the kerosene heaters came on the scene to save money on the gas bill.

Anyway the heater stood at the bottom of the bed off to the left near the window dimly lighting up the pink and white decor in the room. I can still remember the smell that it gave off and it seem like it would linger in my throat forever. This was a something just about every family had and in her house there wasn’t any exception. The R and B group The Whispers were singing, ‘Say Yes,’ on the record player. The people down stairs was tiring because they weren’t as loud as they once were, however you could still hear cursing every now and then. I was sleeping in Patrice’s pretty canopy bed and felt very comfortable under her plush comforter.

Her parents spoiled the shit out of her but she never bragged or boasts about it all. I could feel her getting restless as I made pretend I was asleep. Her body would bump against mine several times but I didn’t mind too much because she was giving off body heat. After several minutes or more, her hands began to explore my newly develop breast. She started to touch in places no one had touch before and easily slid down to take my borrowed pajamas off. I didn’t mind as I continued not to know what she was doing. Her hands explored my vagina with my panties on and she even got bold enough to slide them over to begin fingering me.

My breathing became heavy and she now knew that I was aware of what she was doing but my eyes remained closed. After a minute or two of getting me wet for the first time my underwear followed and without any struggle from me. I lift my body up to help make it a little easier for her. That night was my first experience with being with someone. It was exciting doing each other and no one knew a thing.

“Do you have any regrets about it?”

“Not at all. It was something that I knew wasn’t right but it happen, and I lived with it.”

“So this is why you were so willing to get involved with the woman you meet on the subway train?”

“Yes, something like that. We both were inexperience in what we were doing. I would call it an experiment, sort of,” I said.

“I see. So it was a while since you did anything else with another female?”

“Yeah but the curiosity was so strong, until that day on the train when we all were basically grinding on each others asses on the subway.”

“When Simone made the bold move to slip you that card and you volunteered to go to a grown woman’s house knowing that you were a teenager, expecting something to happen.”

“Yes. See with me it’s not about the physical. She came to me like a woman. I’ve always been just a little mature and she told me she knew what was up. She said ‘it’s in my eyes, the eyes never lie.”

“So did you two get busy?”

“Busy is a overused word. We were in touch with each other and finding those hidden pleasures that was waiting to be unlock.”

“Answer the question?”

“I did, weren’t you listening?”

“Stop Playing Kay, did you fuck her or what.”

“Yes we did but it was done in a odd kind of way.”

“How so?”

“It wasn’t a wham bam thank you ma’am, I remember it being very sensual and slow. We talked, touched, cried, laughed and held each other. It was an experience that I would never forget. She taught me to love her for that moment. I had to learn how to savor and hold on to it until the next time. She was straight up and down like six o’clock.”

“Damn that’s deep. She talked you into loving her for that moment,” he repeated Karen

See Jordan, it was hard for me growing up as a teenager. There wasn’t anyone I could truly identify with. My few episodes with my girlfriend were nothing to me. I needed someone to confide in, however there wasn’t anyone who knew what a child of God was going through. I prayed for answers and at the time I thought Simone was. In a way it was an eye opening experience and left me to make my choice on which way I wanted to go. God gives us choice and I took the one that had my curiosity at the time. My hormones were raging even though I was having sex with this my boyfriend; he didn’t really know how to handle a real woman.

I found great joy, pain when my girls and I would be getting dress over each other’s house trying on clothes. I was a turn on looking at the soft brown bodies.

A woman could easily show themselves naked in another friend’s room and nothing is wrong with that according to us. But if a guy does that, which is a rare moment, he automatically turns on his radar and watches who is checking his shit out. His boys will automatically become suspect. Being with Simone was my security blanket. She knew things about me, my parents didn’t know. I loved her for who she was. She was bold and to the point about life’s biggest misconceptions. Simone taught me that foreplay is not just touching. She taught me about setting the mood with verbal play or looking good in something inciting. Meditating with someone is also good to do. It helps to get in touch with your inner self. Now don’t get me wrong, the touch

and holding of a person is great, however at the time the young boys weren’t doing that. They only knew of one position, the missionary one. Stick and move is what I called it they got their thing off but they leave our asses wet. They would smile and then ask how was it. To some girls it was a way of feeling loved by someone. I am so glad I learn my lessons early in life or I would have had a bunch of little rug-rats running around. An empty promise is all that some men are good for.

Voice 8

I got into work waiting for Jade to bring Tiffany by so I could interview her. I was excited and eager to see my new candidate to replace my assistant.

Time dragged on and I noticed it was one o’clock with no progress made on my desk. I had a meeting with my superiors that morning to let them know that Jade had resigned and was recommending someone to replace her. They advised me to use good judgement and check out her background.

Three o’clock rolled around and I saw two figures walking toward my office. I stood up and walk out of the office to greet them. Jade gave me a big hug and introduced Tiffany to me. She wasn’t hard to miss with her blue pin strip dou-ble-breasted suit. I was impressed that she put a lot of effort into making a good first impression. I was a little upset that it took all day for them to get here, but Jade explain that Tiffany had to work and made every effort to get here as soon as she could. “It’s nice to me you Tiffany,” I told her. She was slim and tall with well-manicured nails with her hair flowing straight back; shinning like the sun was gleaming on it. “Nice weave,” I said to my self.

“Karen I am going to go and clean out my desk, I guess you two can get acquainted.”

“That’s fine, please step in Tiffany and make your self comfortable.”

“Thank you. I’ve heard so much about you, the pleasure is all mine.”

“I have to admit that I was excited when Jade told me about you. I also have to admit; that I was a little surprise when Jade told me she would be resigning from the station. So with all of that said give me a little bit of your background.”

I saw Tiffany reach into her brief case and pull out her resume’. I reach for it and began to read it after laying it gently on my desk. I was all smiles and very impressed with what I was reading. I noticed she had an average of 4.0 and graduated from the University of Delaware, I started to wonder why this intel - 91

ligent young lady was working in a shoe store. Her skills weren’t being utilized; just looking at her told me she was a sister that was hungry for an opportunity.

“I am impressed, you’ve been a busy girl in college.”

“Yes, mostly keeping Jade out of trouble.” I raised my head up and look at her with a curious look, “trouble,” I asked.

“Yes. Trouble. She was wild in school but I am not going to get into it. This interview is about me right?”

“Right. Listen I want to run a background check before I make an offer. Give me about fifteen minutes and then we can go from there.”

“Thank you, I appreciate it very much.”

We both stood up and I escorted her outside of my office into the waiting area. Jade was still packing up her things. I made a few calls and got the process rolling for her background check.

While that was taking place, I sat and pondered about Jade’s trouble. It was the way she said it that caught me off guard.

It could be something or nothing at all, only time would tell if I ever found out what went on in school down in Delaware.

The Background check came back and it was clean as a whistle. But I needed to know more about her, so I invited her back in for the wrap up.

“Thanks for being so patient Tiff, can I call you Tiff?”

“Sure, why not everybody else does.” Tiffany had a very inviting smile. She had a real humbling spirit and I knew I could feel comfortable working with her.

“Great, listen, everything came back ok and with your credentials I would like to offer you the position as account assistant. The base salary for an entry level assistant is thirty-five thousand to start.”

I saw her eyes light up with amazement, “that’s a lot more than I am making selling shoes,” she said.

“Really? Michael Jordan sells shoes and he makes millions,” I said being sarcastic.

She laughed and told me to stop playing. We both got a big kick out of that. I loved someone with a sense of humor; I knew right then that she was going to work out find.

“Listen I want to formally offer you the position. You can start tomorrow, however your benefits won’t kick in until the third month. How does that sound?”

“It sounds great. Thank you very much Karen, I really appreciate it!”

Tiffany leaped out of the chair and walked around my desk and gave me a huge. I was a little surprise but I was also relieved that she wanted the position and that I was able to fill it.

“Come on let me show you where your office is.”

She followed me down the hall to a medium size room, where Jade was finishing up packing her belongings.

“Hey Tiff!”

“Hey girl I got the job!” she said excitedly. The two of them began to jump up and down like two little kids. I was happy for her. I almost wanted to jump with them but I quickly remembered where I was.

“Listen ladies, I have to get back to work. Jade I will talk to you later. Good luck on your job, I am sure you will do well there.”

“Thank you Karen for all that you have done in this short period of time. I owe you so much, I really don’t know how I can repay you.”

“Don’t worry about it, it was my pleasure to help you get on the right path. I was blessed to have you help me keep things running.”

“That’s what assistants do right?”

“Yes, but now you are big time and Tiff will have no problem filling your shoes.”

“I know that’s right. Listen I have to get back to work. I have to fill out papers and get things

ready for Tiffany tomorrow.”

Jade gave me a huge hug and whispered in my ear that she loved me and bit it slightly. It took me by surprise but I smiled and played it off.

“Your secret is safe with me. We will get together one day I promise,” she continued.

“Thank you, Alicia Keys,” I whispered back.

“Whew,” she shouted.

“What’s wrong?” ask Tiffany.

“Nothing I had a charley horse in my leg,” she said lying.

I left them both in the office, however before I left I told Tiffany to arrive at work by eight o’clock. I was feeling good; the planets must have been lined up for me to be fortunate enough to be in the position I am in.

Voice 9

We were all sleep on a hot August Saturday morning, when the phone rang. Jordan struggled to pick it up but did so and quickly handed it over to me.

“It’s not for me, my boys don’t get up this early,” he said. I could hear the voice saying ‘hello,” over and over. We continued to bicker about who was going to talk to the person on the other end. “Shit Jordan!”

“Hello!”

“Karen, what’s up girl!”

“Who is this? It’s Saturday and early. If you are not dying you have to call me back.”

“It’s me Jade, what’s up girl?”

“Jade?”

“Yeah! Wake up girl!” I could hear her yelling over the phone. I started to get my mind together and move Jordan’s big ass leg off of me.

“I’m woke, what’s up Ms. lady?”

“Girl I got the opportunity of a life time.”

“You got a new job?”

“Yes and no. I am still with channel 5 but I will be doing something totally different.” she said excitedly.

“Ok I am listening.”

“I will pick you up at 1:00 for lunch. Does Red Lobster sound good to you?”

“Sure, why not,” I said still groggy. My mind was eighty percent back on track. I could hear the television blasting downstairs. I yelled out to Jamal to turn it down.

Jordan hands began to wonder over my body and I was starting to lose focus a bit. “Ok I will be ready, one o’clock right?”

“Yes. My treat!”

“Great! I will see you when you get here.”

- 94

I struggled out of bed with several attempts to make it to the bathroom. For some odd reason I was totally out of it. From the looks of it, Jordan was too. His snoring was starting to amplify through out the room.

I was very superstitious about starting my day off on the wrong foot so I knew I had to get it together.

“Good morning Jamal, how is my baby?”

“I am fine mom. Can we hang out a little bit today?”

“What? You want to hang out with this old woman? What about your friends?”

“Well they’re going away with their parents and there really isn’t anything for me to do.”

“I am suppose to be having lunch with Jade, you can go with me if you like. She just wants to talk I won’t be eating though.”

“Ok,” he said still stretch out on the couch.

I notice there was a book on the coffee table, entitled “Why I love black women,” by Michael Eric Dyson. Jordan had just picked it up from Borders Book. I don’t think he read it yet but it must have caught the interest of Jamal, because he was all into it.

“Are you reading this?” He looked up at me and smiled. I returned the smile eagerly awaiting his answer.

“Yep, dad suggested I take a look at it. He told me that Mr. Dyson is one of the smartest men on the planet and that he has something important to say about black women.”

I sat down with him at the end of the couch. I was curious to see what my son had learned about black women, “so tell me what have you learned?”

“Well I think one of the things that was really important from what I read so far is that, he has a huge amount of respect for black women. He’s expressing his love for a few women that had a profound effect on him.”

“Is that right? Maybe I should read it?”

I was impressed with Jordan’s mini library. It intrigued me, with vast array of subjects. We would often get into a deep conversation about why he collected so many books, however he has only read a few of them. His response was, he’s building a library for his kid’s one day. He would go on to say that the hundred plus books that he had was a way of building knowledge. Schools don’t teach a lot of important facts about blacks and life in general. This was his way of teaching himself and now that Jamal was apart of his life he would encourage him to read up and learn as much as he could. I remember a quote he told me, “a house with a library is a house with a soul.”

I liked that. But he’s an educator so I wouldn’t expect anything less from him.

Time flew by and it was close to one o’clock and Jade would arrive soon. I really didn’t feel like going but she insisted that I should. The news must have been great for her not to tell me on the phone. I heard a toot of the horn and looked out the screen door and saw that it was Jade. I called up to Jamal and told him to come on. I could here the rumble of feet preparing to run down the steps, “don’t you run down those steps,” I shouted.

I made the decision to drive Jamal and I. I wanted to do something else after our lunch meeting and didn’t want to burden her to bring us back home.

“I will follow you!” I yelled over top of the music. She was grown, however her immaturity was evident with the music she played. I didn’t fault her for playing what she wanted, I was just at a different place which really confirm to me that I was going to drive myself. “Jordan I am leaving, Are we doing dinner tonight?”

“Yes. Pick a place I’ll be ready when you get back. I am going to run some ball with the

boys.”

“Ok, see you later!”

“Mom we should have rolled with her!” He said bobbing his head as her music was beginning to vibrate the windows in the neighborhood.

Before we knew it we were at Red Lobsters. We got a table and I made sure she knew I wasn’t going to stay and that Jamal and I had plans. The waiter came to the table and asked if we would like to order. I told him no thank you and that we weren’t staying long.

“Won’t you have some lunch? It’s on me,” she insisted. She had had a disappointed look on her face. I would have ate a little something, I was a big seafood eater. Jamal was allergic to it, always have been since he was a kid.

“Jamal is allergic, Jade.”

“Really?”

“Yes, he wants to eat it but it will blow his cute little face up like a blow fish.”

“Now we don’t want that to happen.”

“Hell no! We will be in the slow ass emergency room forever.”

“Well I am not going to keep you. I just got my first assignment at the station. I will be the stations new investigator reporter. Aren’t you excited?” I had a surprised look on my face, but I started to think to my self that she could have told me that on the phone.

“That’s great!” I said being unconcern but played it off like I was excited for her.”

“Do you think I will do a good job?”

“Sure! You are talented and I am sure you will be the best damn investigator reporter they ever had,” I assured her.

She smiled and was a little gitty bouncing up and down in the booth we were sitting in. I turned to Jamal and told him to congratulate Jade, “congratulations Jade.”

“Thank you, shorty doo wop,” she said trying to hold on to her youth.

“So Jade, what will you be investigating?”

“I will be investigating a little bit of everything. People, places and things. I will be bringing the truth to the people.

“So you’re going to be on television?”

“Yes!” “Now that you are doing your thang don’t forget about the little people.”

“Shit, I ain’t hardly doing my thing. This is my chance to become the reporter I always wanted to be. Besides you have you own office and an assistant. All I have is a cubicle, cameraman and leads to follow. You are my mentor, I am striving to be like you.”

We all laughed at her around the way attitude. Jade acted like she had just hit the lottery, but I forgot how it was to be hungry. I was so wrap up in my job and meetings with the big wigs, that I forgot that you have to put in the work before you can really jump-start your career.

“So Karen, how is Tiffany doing?”

“Great! She has a similar work ethic and organization style like you. I really appreciate it very much for recommending her.”

“Listen you are my girl and I will do everything in my power to look out for you.”

I thanked her and told her that Jamal and I was about to go. Jade was still waiting on her food when we got up ready to leave. I told her to give me a call later and she agreed. Just as soon as I got up a white woman walked up to the table with a brief case. I studied her face long enough to see that her green eyes stood out.

My brain quickly went on alert mode. She was very familiar to me, however I couldn’t place her. She spoke to me and flung her medium brunette hair cut. She was dress in a white pants suit.

She looked to be a high maintenance woman, but white woman isn’t? I thought that this maybe one of her contacts for a story she was doing. But the question was why did she invite me to lunch knowing that she was meeting someone. There had to be a connection, but what? Maybe she called her on the way to the restaurant, who knew?

I spoke and shook her hand with a half smile. Jade introduced us and I found out that her name was Dana. I shook it off smiled and told her it was nice to meet her, excused my self and left the restaurant. It was good for me to spend some time with my son; his deadbeat father should be doing the same. Before I knew it we were at the gallery doing some school shopping. I let him go buck wild with the latest fashions. He deserved it, he was an honor student in school and that’s all I could have asked for.

Jade

I am so glad you were able to make it.

Dana

It was a little risky and I wasn’t sure if I was going to be able to come up with the documents.

Working for Mr. Johnson can be tough. There are cameras all over the place. A couple of times I almost got caught making copies of the information you had requested. Excuse me for being nosey but I recognize her. She works for another television station right?

Jade Yes. I used to be her assistant. How do you know her?

Dana Really? She looks awfully familiar to me. She’s gorgeous, is she married?

Jade No! She has a boyfriend. Why are you asking so many questions?

Dana

Oh nothing, I’ve seen her on a picture or something before. Her son’s face is familiar too. Oh well you know as human being there are at least seven people on the planet that looks just like us.

Jade

No I didn’t know that. That’s good to know if I am playing a trivial game. Now can we get down to business?

My career is riding on this.

Dana

Yes you’re right and mine is too. Can I ask why are you so bent on finding out about him? I mean, it seems to me that you have a vendetta.

Jade

No. Not at all. I am just helping a friend who has helped me, that’s all. I don’t want to get into specifics because that will blow my story. All I can say that there is some crooked shit going on in his company.

Dana

I think I know what you are talking about. I’ve seen him use strong-arm tactics in the boardroom to persuade people to go along with what he wants. All I ask is to keep my name out of it.

Jade

Oh I know. Don’t worry about it. I will not reveal my sources.

My job is to seek and find answers that would other wise go unanswered. This is my first project as a reporter. I am young, ambitious and my whole career is riding on this. Can I contact you directly if I need a question answered?

Dana

Yes, but only by cell phone.

And like always we will meet at a certain location to discuss whatever details I have.

But I think you may have all you need to know right there in that envelope.

Jade

Thanks you, Dana, I really appreciate it. I really do. Take care of your self and be safe.

“If this person is who I think it is…paybacks will be a bitch,” Jade whispered to her self.

Voice 10

I couldn’t shake the notion that I knew Dana at one point in time. I started to go back into my memory all day to recall where I knew her. This went on for hours and was completely transfixed to get to the root of it. I was starting to get a headache and decided to move on to something else.

Jamal and I got in from shopping I didn’t see Jordan, however his car was out front so he must be busy working on the book in the house. I found him in the basement staring straight at the laptop, sweating. “Jordan!”

He didn’t respond. I walked over to him and kiss him on the cheek. He looked up, surprised that I was there.

“Damn! I am so sorry Kay; I was in a zone. This is going to be on the best sellers list, however

we have a long way to go.”

“I know. Listen I meet Jade at Red Lobster to find out what the good news was about. She told me she was just promoted to do her first reporting job.”

“What will she be doing,” he said still unconcern that I was now sitting on his lap trying to block his view of the laptop on the table.

“She told me she will be an investigator reporter. The oddest thing happen when I was about to leave. This white woman named Dana appeared. I believed she had a meeting with her, but the odd thing was that she looked awfully familiar.

“Maybe you’ve seen her on the street or at a store in the mall or something,” he said still tying to look around me.

“Damit Jordan you aren’t paying me any attention!” I tried to get his full attention by yelling.

It worked because he sat back on the couch and began to look at me with his sexy eyes.

“Thank you!”

“I am sorry for ignoring you. Please tell me what happen?”

- 101

“That was it. Jamal and I went shopping for school, that’s pretty much how our day went.”

“That’s it? I thought you had more. You know I was looking over the notes and we haven’t talked about you and your ex. You’ve never told me his name or what he did for living or anything. Not that it matters but I’ve dug into your sexual history and not the history that made you, you!

“I was trying to avoid that part of my life but if you are putting this together I guess you will need to know what really took place.”

“Listen I don’t want to rush you,” he added while grabbing my thigh.

“I feel like now I can discuss it, it’s been a while since I really looked back and reflected on what did I do wrong.”

“Karen, listen we don’t have to go there. I don’t want to cause you anymore pain. I remember bringing up before and I witness the pain and hurt you were feeling.”

“Come on lets do this. I am ready and besides the book wouldn’t be complete with out this intricate part of my past.”

Jordan got up and walked into the kitchen to get something to drink. I laid down in my customary position waiting to reveal myself. Jordan came back with his juice and my familiar red wine, chilled to perfection, “thank you.”

I took a sip and sat the glass on the table. Jordan reached for his recorder that was on the television and came back to the couch. He raised my thick legs up and placed them on his lap. I smiled at him and ask him was he ready? He replied and told me yes.

Well I met Courtland Benson at a bus stop waiting for the C bus to come. He told me about all of these ideas about being a business owner and how he was going to be rich one day. Soon after that we started spending the night with each other at the hotel, because we were both living at home. We had some good times and bad and the bad ones usually involved a woman who wanted him. He was tall, six foot three with a tight body. He played for Dobbins but never took his skills to college. He went to the Community College of Philadelphia. He was a math major and could calculate shit up on a dime. I can remember sometimes we’ll be shopping and the basket would be full. He could look at every item and get the correct figure to the last penny. It was amazing to

see the gift that only God could have gave him. He started to teach his class because he had a better way of explaining mathematical equations.

His smile was inciting and would often piss me off when he smiled at other women on the street. He had a dark side though, whenever I would question his over night escapades, I would get hit. I made excuses about the blackness of my eyes or the bruise on my face; my family knew the truth. Courtland got a loan to open up check cashing places all over the city. He was smart enough to know that most blacks at that time didn’t have checking and savings accounts. There aren’t any banks in the hood, so he capitalized off of our people’s weakness by providing a service to them. Black folks wanted their money and fast, they didn’t care about the huge fees they had to pay. One by one they were popping up, he had businesses in North, South, Northeast, and West Philadelphia. This was major for a black-man who exercises a great plan to make money. I didn’t have to work nor did I have to want for anything other than clothing and sex but even that got old after a while.

His attitude would change towards me; he was moody and dark. Gone were the days of free filled shopping sprees, as Jamal grew older? I was lonely in a sense of being with him inside the house, I felt like a stranger. His pager would go off constantly and he would dart out of the house with no explanation to where he was going. That loneness resulted in me going back to my old ways of finding comfort. When I would be out by my self I would go over friend’s houses and find my joy there. Playing cards was my thang. Getting my groove on was on an even higher plateau. See Jordan what you have to understand is that all a woman wants is love be complimented and listened to. When those things don’t happen, especially when you were used to getting them, then a new ball game is now played.

He was slick but I was slicker, however I still couldn’t quite figure out what game he was playing at first. But later down the line I understood from a friend of his that he was a modern day pimp with businesses as his cover. It’s crazy when you try to converse with a stranger who you think you know. In other words he was the enemy but at the same time I wanted to save my family. With all due respect to you, I loved him for better or worse. We got married when I was in my third month of pregnancy. I was a woman who was in it for the long run. Ready to die for him but I don’t think the feeling was mutual.

Jordan

Ok that was a mouth full, Take a swig of wine and wipe that white stuff from the corner of your mouth. Before I ask you a question I have to say that the way you wrap your lips around the rim of the glass, makes a brother imagination run wild. Anyway, that was interesting, not the frothing but Courtland seem like a cool guy in the beginning. It’s a damn shame he turned on his family for the almighty dollar.

Karen

See boy! Stop playing your mind is always in the gutter. I know, right. I’ve never forgiven him for doing that shit to us. I thought we were far more important than money, cars and businesses. It wasn’t supposed to turn out like that. It just wasn’t supposed to be Jordan

Well, I think you may be right. Lets move on.

Ok so tonight I found out a great deal about what was happening to you over a period of time.

Tell me how did that make you feel emotionally?

Karen

I was ripped up mentally and emotionally. I stop going to the hair salon and my favorite past time of shopping fell by the waist side. He made me feel like a woman was only good for one thing and that was fucking. But even that shit went out the window. All I wanted to know was, were did it all go wrong. Yeah I picked up a few pounds from having Jamal, but I think what really set him off was when the doctor told us I wasn’t able to have anymore kids. I was devastated to hear that type of news. But then as I started to reconnect with my self I started to wonder if God had his hand on this. Maybe he didn’t want me to be a mother to anymore of his kids, after a while I felt it was a blessing. I praised him everyday for that. My girl Marquetta helped me though a lot of this. You remember her right? I started to go to church to get myself back to where I needed to be as a woman. There were times when Courtland wouldn’t come home for weeks at a time. I knew it was over then. I just maintained and ask God to keep Jamal and me safe and sound. Those years were lonely and turbulent but I made it through with help from my family and God.

Jordan Why didn’t you try to seek child support?

Karen

I couldn’t find him. It was like he disappeared off the face of the earth. I stop perusing him and started to pursue a goal of mine and that was to go back to school.

Jordan

I really wasn’t expecting you to get that deep. I can’t believe a brother would give up on his family for money. Damn Karen that had to make you stronger. Going back to school was the right thing to do.

Karen

I had to. I had to do it for us. You know its common for black men to run out on their families.

Most of them never own up to their responsibilities. Most of them want the pretty girl, fuck them until they see another chick and move on. But you wouldn’t know anything about that would you?

Jordan laughed, shook his head and told me that it was a pleasure to have Jamal and me. He went on to say that it was a void in his life. I understood after leaving my husband that we all go through despair, no one is immune. We have to handle it with the mighty weapon of faith and knowing that God will get us though.

I truly believe that if I didn’t go through that, the blessings of living a good life now wouldn’t have been on the horizon as soon as it was.

One of the questions Jordan asked was, would I change anything about my past? I thought about it and I came up with the conclusion that I wouldn’t change it. My past demons have been crucial for me to understand the difference of being the person I am today. Given the option to change the past would only mess up the future.

Voice 11

I got in at work and notice there was a message on my door asking me to call the number that written in red ink. I raise my eyebrows, unlock my office door and walk in to get ready for the day.

I immediately ask Tiffany if she left the message on the door. She told me no and that she didn’t know any who did. Through out the day I picked up the note pondering if I should call or not. I was close to quitting time and the urge was killing me so much I develop a headache.

I picked up the phone and dial very carefully. The phone rang several times until a voice mail picked up, “hello this is Pagoda, please leave a message after the tone,” she said in a sexy voice. I was beside my self, knowing that she called me. I started pacing around the office like a kid ready to go to the toy store. My palms were sweaty and I had a grin on my face that could have rivaled the Joker on the Batman movie.

I left her my cell number and told her to give me a call as soon as she could. I grab my briefcase and headed out the door. Just as I was locking the door my cell phone ranged.

“Hello?”

“Hey Karen what’s up?”

“Nothing!” I was so excited to hear her voice. It was like butter to a hot but-ter-knife.

“Listen Karen I am in town for a couple of days on business. I am going to be down at the Poetry club, relaxing a little bit. Why don’t you get a sitter and join me tonight. Bring Jordan I would love to get to meet him.”

“I don’t know Pagoda. Jordan is real funny about meeting new people,” I said lying. Jordan has one of the most illuminating personalities I have ever seen. He could strike a conversation with a mannequin at Macys.

“Please? It will be fun,” she insisted.

- 106

“Ok I will ask him. What time do you want to meet up?”

“Seven o’clock is good. I will see you then…and Karen make sure you wear something sexy!”

I laughed to myself and told her I would see her then. I left the building feeling like new money once again. My swagger came back just by the sound of her voice. The demon’s inside was stirred up once again. God help me!

I got home and announce that I was in the house, so watch your mouth. Jordan laughed at me and told me I was crazy. I got on the phone and called my girl friend to see if she could watch Jamal for the night. She took forever to answer the phone but did so none the less.

“Hello?”

“Hey Shay what’s up?”

“Nothing much. I am just sitting on the steps eating a Rita’s water ice watching the kids play.”

“I wish I had one right now! It’s hot as hell out there,” I said still fanning myself.

“I know that’s right girl. These kids begged me to go outside all day. But the heat was too much, however it’s not too bad right now. What’s up?”

“Listen can you come pick up Jamal, I want to take Jordan out for the night.”

“You two are always going out. Yall make me sick,” she said laughing.

“Please?”

“Damn I wish I had a man like that. He treats you like a queen. These motherfuckers I deal with aren’t worth shit. Sure I’ll come and get him.”

“You’re still on vacation right?”

“Shit yeah! But I haven’t vacation yet. These kids are driving me crazy. Their father is coming to get them for a few days and I am going to get my groove on.”

“I heard that. Listen, thank you and he will be ready when you get here,” I told her.

“I am leaving right now. Later.”

“Later.”

I hung up the phone and turn to Jordan who was munching on some cheese twist and a Frank’s grape soda. He had the remote in his hand flipping the channels.

“What was that all about?”

“What? You were listening to my conversation?”

“Not really, but you were a little excited and loud.”

I walked over to him and sat down on his lap. I could feel his thang taking on another shape.

“Maybe we can talk about the first thing that pops up?” I ask smiling and kissing him on his neck. He grabbed me and hugged me back; “Jordan lets go out tonight?”

“Where to?”

“The poetry club. I am meeting a good friend there. She dying to meet you and I am excited to introduce you to her.”

“Really. Who is it?”

His attention was still focused on the television when I told him it was Pagoda.

“Your old Professor?”

“Yes.” “Wow you guys haven’t seen each other in a while?”

“I know it has been a while,” I said lying to him. I didn’t care that I lied and I knew that she would never tell that we hooked up at the Poconos on the retreat.

“Sure why not. They’re going to be doing spoken word tonight, right?”

“I believe they are, but they may have a band playing. Come on we’ll have a good time.”

Jordan laid out these black linen pants. He had a white shirt with the Jump-man logo on the left. Being with him these past months, I admired his taste in clothing. He could have been a model and the whole world would be at his feet.

He would do an underwear spread in the Sunday newspaper and they would have to put him on another page, because his dick is so big. Don’t laugh at that.

But on this night I would not be out done. I decided to wear my white dress shorts that showed

off my ass in every way. I recently brought my white strap around the calf shoes when I took Jade on her shopping spree. This was the perfect time to sport them and have all eyes on me.

I suddenly developed a twitch in my left eye. I remember my mother telling me that if the left eye shakes it means bad luck, but somehow her superstitions wouldn’t affect me tonight. I was going to see my erotic love interest with the new love of my life. I knew it was a fuck up thing to take your man to meet a woman that I liked more than him, but this was the type of mode I was in. That one simple phone called did it for me. There was no turning back this time.

I had to be careful to not show a lot of emotion when I was in her presence. I was also afraid that Jordan would fall for her Asian, African American exotic looks. Remaining calm and focus was the key to having a good time. I prayed that lust wouldn’t get the best of me and tonight was the wrong night for that to happen. Jordan never knew of the secret life I had with Pagoda and I was so afraid to mention it. Sooner or later he will find out and I am so afraid that it could effect our relationship because I was hiding something from him. I prayed that it would be an easy pill to swallow.

I believe a lot of women have some type of secrets that only them and a close friend knows about. On this night it was all about me as far as I was concerned. My self-centered nature was now in reverse and headed for a mental, sexual, stimulating odyssey. “This is insane,” I thought to my self-peering out the window with a smile. I was feeling hot all over, even though the air conditioner was on full blast. The I.D.G.F, I don’t give a fuck attitude resurfaced, which was scary. My mind raced in many directions at once as Jordan sang along with a song on the radio.

My pussy started to moisten which was really scary for me. The more I thought of Pagoda the more evident it became that this woman had a profound effect on me. She was the second woman I loved and I will always be grateful for what she has done for me. I wanted her in my life and now faced a crossroad in my life. “Whoa!” I yelled out clinching my thighs together tightly.

“What?” Jordan asked looking over at me but quickly refocusing on the road. “Nothing I just saw something out the window that’s all,” I lied.

I started to get a little frustrated because we were stuck in a traffic jam, all because of a Septa bus. Jordan was talking to me but I drew deaf ears and ignored him, kind of. I occasional smiled, nodded my head and made a positive gesture with my vocal cords to let him know I was listening.

I believe he was talking about a game he had to play the next day or something about a new shoe coming out he wanted to get for Jamal. I had no interest in what he was saying unless he said the ball would have had Pagoda’s face on it, and then it would have been an interesting conversation.

I reached to turn the station on the radio to WDAS Fm were they played old school jams and classic R and B. I realized I was too late to sing along with Michael Jackson as he crooned, ‘Butterflies’. “Damn I missed it,” I blurted out. “I know that’s the jam,” Jordan chimed in.

Suddenly the DJ said that they were doing a double play and sure enough it was Floetry’s version of Butterflies. I was psyche to hear that they were playing it again because it was what I was feeling during the ride to the club. Floetry were the writers of the track and Songsters the singer of the two flowed over the track like butter. I sang along with them word for word, even the high pitch parts of the song. My eyes were shut but the song made me open to what was waiting for me at the club. My lustful ways had a strong hold of me and it refuses to release me.

I was totally surprise Jordan didn’t pick up on it, but that’s a man for you, most have a onetrack mind. Being discrete is in our nature as a woman. We are smooth like criminals and cunning like a cat, I guess that’s why we have the pussies to tame the dog in the man. We are only going

to get caught, if we allow our selves to. I was taught that a woman must always keep her shit tight its one of the few things we have a upper hand on.

After what should have been a short ride turned out to be an hour journey to see my eye candy.

I couldn’t believe that a simple phone call could have sister open like this. But believe it or not, people go through shit like this everyday, whether they admit it or not. We walked in the club and I quickly notice it was pack with all types of people. There were the chicks with the weaves trying to be like our European counterparts. I saw Afro’s, micro braids to nicely cut hairstyles. It was a mix bag for what a brother was looking for that night. I finally came back to my senses after noticing a couple of hoochie’s checking out my man. I gave them the look, like ‘he’s my man and you better recognized.’ I moved closer to him as we walked around searching for Pagoda in a sea of people.

My goal since setting up this little three way date was to loose him and get my groove on with Pagoda. Like I said it was temporary and I believe a lot of sisters go through some shit like this. I saw Pagoda’s hand wave for me. The diamonds were shinning and it further confirmed that this sista had it going on. I shook my head at the sight of her and told Jordan I found her.

After damn near tripping across the room to get to Pagoda, I grabbed her so tight that I could feel her heart beat. She had a sleeveless blouse on that allowed me to feel her smooth upper back.

Her skin was like shinny shellac wood that shinned when the light hit it. She gave me love back in the same way while we left Jordan standing waiting to be introduced. She kissed me on the cheek and whispered in my ear, “Damn you look tasty.” I smiled in the inside, not letting Jordan know what was up. My brain paused for a second to let it soak in a bit before I let it go.

This was not good at all for this sister, which I could understand why Pagoda had this type of effect on me. I heard of missing someone before but I thought about her more than I would admit.

“Pagoda this is my man Jordan. Jordan this is my good friend Pagoda.”

“It’s nice to meet you Jordan,” she said reaching out to hug him. “I heard so much about you.”

I saw Jordan grip her like he would grip me, but it didn’t bother me at all because I am not really the jealous type. Jordan even let his hand slip down to her ass; I did not approve but played it off that I was fine with it. My mind went into all types of directions but I had to play it cool tonight to get what I wanted. We sat down and began to catch up on old times, “thanks for meeting me tonight.” “No problem it’s my pleasure,” I said look mischievous. “Really? Pleasure is a little word that has big consequences.”

“Not any that I couldn’t handle.” The word play was on and I turn to keep my eye on Jordan to see what his reaction would be.

“Now that’s a strange combination of words. What kind of loving are you doing, maybe I want to get some,” she demanded slyly. “Ah see there you go all up in business,” I said. “That’s where I am trying to go,” Pagoda fired back. “I know you’re keeping things tight on your end?”

The crowd around us was noisy but I was in-tuned to what was happening at our table. “You know it and I know Jordan is keeping his thang up too, since he’s been with you?” She brought Jordan into the picture. I saw that he was amused but didn’t say a word. He flagged the waitress down and ordered a drink to cool himself down.

“What’s wrong?” She asked him confident in her stance.

“Nothing I’m just a little thirsty,” he said looking dead in her eyes. I moved closer to him staring at the side of his face. I liked where this was going and wanted to seek out the element of surprise. “I could have gotten you something to drink, all you had to ask.”

Jordan looked at her with a peculiar look. His head tilted to the right waiting for her to say

what she had to say. She laughed and sipped her drink as the crowd was getting a little rowdy as the emcee took the stage to announce the nights festivities.

“I could have given you the Nile,” she said.

“The Nile?”

“Yep you know like the Nile River in Egypt.”

He stared some more, completely clueless. She looked at me for my approval and I didn’t have a problem giving him one either, as long as I was next to her I would have done the unthinkable.

“I flow like the Nile Mr. Jordan. Come on you’re a big boy, you know exactly what I mean.

When I am hot my shit flows. You feel me?”

“Oh I get it. It took me a minute but I got it. Tell me something how can you come at me like that with my girl right here? You’re off the hook.” He shouted and began to catch a serious attitude. It was a strange feeling but I was enjoying it, however I had to stop Jordan for taking offense to it. It was all play but I guess he felt that she was a little too bold and when she went the extra yard it didn’t know how to react.

“I’m sorry did if I offended you. Karen is my girl and she knows there is no shame in my game. Besides I already fucked her so she knows how I get down,” she said with no reservation.

Jordan was looking sicker than a killer was on judgement day. I thought long and hard that if he knew about her this would end our relationship. But for some reason I wasn’t worry anymore about it. I was grown and had to be a woman and stand up for what I had done in my past. This was something he would have eventually found out about, but like this was a little unorthodox.

“That’s right, we had a thing going on for a while. It was a good thing but hey we moved on and became close friends in the process, I know she told you right?”

I was still sitting close to him and he didn’t budge at all. All the noise that was going on seem to fade as everything moved in slow motion.

“Karen you never told me about a relationship with Pagoda. What’s up with that?”

“Nothing. It happened years ago, so why are you trippin’?”

“Who me? Please! I ain’t trippin’, however you soupe me up and brought me out here to meet a friend you used to fuck!”

“It wasn’t like that Jordan. I just wanted you to meet a good friend of mine,” I said looking for forgiveness.

Now I was the one stuck between a rock and a hard place. I had to regain my composure and handle this like the woman I say I am. I couldn’t change what Pagoda had said and I won’t apologize either. She tried to apologize to him again, but he wasn’t hearing it.

The evening was ruined before it got started. I knew that tonight was going to be trouble, my left eye shook like crazy and I should have stayed my horny ass home tonight. The traffic jam was an indicator to turn around and go back home but my lust for this woman got the best of me.

Once again my past caught up with me and I lost control of my self, so to get rid of the anger I ordered a drink and tried to collect my bearings and drown in my misery.

“Ladies and Gentleman we are looking for volunteers to come up and recite a little something on the Mic. Wait a minute I think I see a sista in the audience that I know is going to bring the heat. Kay Kay, please my sista I would like for you to grace the stage for a moment. Please if you will, bring the heat for us,” Rob said. Rob was the owner of the club. He started off as a bouncer and ended up turning a defunct club into a profitable business. This was a place for grown folks to come and enjoy themselves.

I couldn’t turn him down, but I wanted to, knowing the situation that just unfolded at the table.

My train of thought was anger, disbelief and basically I got caught. He knew so much more than this, so why was he tripping. I tried hard to figure that out in a short period of time.

“Jordan I’ll be right back. Are you going to be here?”

“I don’t know. This is some foul shit,” he said angrily.

“Please stay here I will be right back. Pagoda keep an eye on him.”

I walked up to the stage with a half smile and troubled heart. I wanted to say something that was deep and profound and send a message to him and to anyone who may be going though something.

The crowed was clapping as I made it to the stage not being my confident self. My back was faced to them as I did my customary prayer before I turn to give the crowed the best that I have.

“Thank you very much, umm I am a little under the weather right now.

I don’t have a cold but a sista is going through a little something right now. I am talking about something we all may go through or may have questions about our self. So please listen up and I hope you find some resolution, I know I hope I do.”

I searched for Jordan in the crowded club. His eyebrows were down and he had a sad look on his face. Pagoda was still smiling, that struck a nerve in me and made me wonder why was she so happy. For a second or two while the band started to play a nice erotic tune I refocused and began to feel my groove come back.

“The title of this short poem is called Ms. Temptation. It’s off the top of the head, yall so bear with me if I mess up yall.”

Ms. Temptation Has temptation ever been tempted?

Who knows?

Who suspected it?

Who ever thought of it?

I did!

I think she needs to be held accountable for the heartache she causes Life with her never pauses from her rawness.

I call Ms. Temptation the ultimate diva She has no physical form to hold, just lust not to cradle us in her invisible cleavage She has no weaknesses but she can make you weak How do you know? You ask if I never seen her.

You and I feel her presence everyday,

Hormones unbalance in disarray.

She flirts with your conscience, She gets deep into the mental, She discombobulates both heads Think with the right one is essential.

Careful she can make fantasy a reality, Makes life a bitch of technicalities.

She don’t need inspiration just attention and dedication, Give her the due of mental stimulation.

Remember she waits while your wet and erect, Ready to intervene with a cause and an effect.

Thank you for listening, my people.

I walked off the stage to a standing ovation. I wasn’t really expecting that but it was nice to hear while I was in such a somber frame of mind. I was really afraid to go back to the table, because of the way Jordan was feeling moments ago. He stood up and met me at the table and told me he was leaving. He told me to get home the best way I could and walked out the door. My jaw dropped as I followed him out the door. Pagoda looked shock as well, I told her I would be back in a minute.

“I told yall she was going to bring it. She always does, please ladies and gentleman please give Karen another round of applause.” I heard the love again as I tried to exit the building. I walked right past Jordan who had his head down feeling like dirt.

“Jordan, wait a minute please!”

“I have nothing to talk about with you. This was supposed to be a nice evening but I felt like I was set up.”

“Why do you feel like that? It wasn’t like that at all. Please listen to me.”

“Hell no. Go back into the club with your friend. You’ve kept her waiting long enough.”

“Jordan it’s not like that. What we did in the pass is in the pass. It was hard to hide this part of my life, but eventually I would have gotten around to it.”

“You know what. I am not mad cause you slept with her. I am pissed because she disrespected you in front of me. She barely knows me and came off to me like that. I think she has a different motivation for being here tonight.”

“What do you mean?”

“I don’t know, but something is not right. I can’t put my finger on it but it will come to pass.”

I was glad to see he wasn’t that upset anymore. When you really think about it, it was a bullshit reason to be upset about.

“Disrespect, is the reason why you were mad?”

“Yeah and that poem,” he said.

“You didn’t like my poem,” I ask moving closer to him while his back was to the wall. “I loved it, but I think it was inappropriate for the moment. I mean the people were diggin’ it but I was not in the mood for that one.” “But I did say that it was off the top of the head.” “Yeah you did say that. Listen, I think she has other intentions. I could be wrong and I hope I am because that’s your friend, and I know the devil is real.” “I don’t think she would have any other reason other than to see a old friend.”

“Yeah she was about to ruin our relationship and didn’t give two shits about it. Don’t you think that’s a little weird that if you guys are friends and have secrets to keep that she would put your business out like that? To me there is something behind it, if I am wrong I will apologize.”

I stood next to him leaning on the wall, not caring if I got dirty.

We didn’t say anything, however it calmed us down and let us ponder on the next move. I saw Pagoda walking towards us and I grabbed Jordan’s hand to make sure he wouldn’t go off on her.

“Hey guys. Listen I want to apologized for saying what I said inside. I was totally out of line, please forgive me,” she said. We stood silent as she waited for us to respond.

“I want to make it up to you two. How about we go back to my hotel, order some room service and get to know each other a little. Jordan don’t be mad at her, I thought Karen told you about us.”

“No she didn’t and to find out like this, threw me off balance. Your apology is accepted, however you intentions are not forgotten.” “Fair enough.”

Jordan and Pagoda shook hands and we left to go to her hotel on 17th and Walnut. We got to the room and Pagoda turn on her boom box. She started prancing around the room, talking about she’s celebrating.

“Celebrating what?”

“My divorce!” She yelled shaking her ass in all directions.

“Divorce? What divorce I thought you two were happy together?”

“We were but it was time to move on.”

“With another woman?”

“No a man, who was giving me everything that my husband couldn’t. You see my husband was going through a little crisis in his life. He couldn’t get it up to please me like I wanted. He tried Viagra and all other type of drugs but with those treatments you have to wait.

You know a sista isn’t waiting for any man to get hard. When we want it we want it right now. I tried to counter that by being with my women, but at some point you need a little dick in your life.”

You had to respect her rawness but she had a valid point to say the least.

“So what happen after that?”

“He fell for someone who could satisfy him like he wanted too. I started to pursue someone

else and it was on from that point. I was going to tell you sooner but I couldn’t find the right moment. So this is why I am celebrating. This is the reason I am in town, to see you and to look for a home in Society Hill. My new relationship is on the jump off tip right now, he’s buying me a house and I will be working for him.”

“Really? Wow that sounds good, but you have to be careful. Who is he?” She stopped dancing and gave me a cold look, followed by a slight smile. I can’t tell you right now. You work for news station; one slip and it will be over for me. But you will meet him one day, when he’s more comfortable of telling people about our relationship.”

“Sound good to me. Listen I am hungry, I thought you said we was going to order some food.”

“Sure let me get the menu.”

My spoken word poem proves one thing; Ms. Temptation is always lurking. She’s doing more than we care to admit. It’s funny how that poem came from the heart on this night of all nights, however there is a reason for everything.

We sat, played cards and talked about everything from the games we used to play as kids to some of the more serious topics. This was refreshing after a rocky start but I couldn’t stop thinking about what Jordan said about her, however at the same time I couldn’t keep my eyes off of half cut T-shirt and tight fitted shorts.

“You two need to get relaxed a little,” She said.

Jordan took off his shoes and began to play with my pussy with his foot from across the table.

He felt the wetness that was coming from it and gave me a sly look. I opened wider so he could get a better feel of it. The man had skills with his metro-male toes. He pulled my panty over to the side and began to insert his big toe inside. I wasn’t sure if Pagoda knew what was going on, but I didn’t give a damn either.

We were still into deep conversation but my concentration started to wonder from the topic. I began to squirm in my chair and Pagoda quickly notice and ask me was I all right.

“Sure why do you ask?”

“I was just curious, that’s all.”

She went back to having an in depth conversation with Jordan about education.

I was receiving a sex education course in a hotel room with my man whom I loved and a woman that I wanted to love.

I grabbed his foot and began to help him insert it in me. I shut my eyes and pretended to drift off to sleep. I heard Pagoda call me but I didn’t answer.

“She’s ok. She’s just tired, let her relax,” Jordan said.

I could still feel his foot that had me drift off into la la land. It felt so right and it couldn’t have come at a better time to relieve the stress that I had. By now I knew Pagoda had to know what was up and I didn’t care, after all she did have a little escapade with Jade and Zoë at the retreat.

She was a no holds bared type of woman. When she wanted something, she got it. That’s how she was and forever would be, but for the life of me I could bring my self to even open my eyes to see what was going on between them.

Voice 12

To my surprise we ended up falling asleep. I woke Jordan up and told him let’s go. He was stretched out on the floor with Pagoda laying on the bed sleep. I saw several bottles completely emptied as I grabbed my head and check the time on the clock that was on the table in the room.

It said one o’clock and I knew it was time to go home and get in my own bed. I was still a little groggy but I had to get some air to sort it out. We had too much to drink and that could be bad for me, because I don’t remember what happen in the room.

We left and got on the elevator and feel on the wall, it felt to me like my head was going to explode. Jordan told me he felt the same way and he doesn’t really drink.

“Damn what the hell was in those drinks?” He asked rubbing his head.

“I don’t know but it sent me through a loop,” I said.

We got outside thanking God for air. We were starting to get our minds together and things but all of a sudden a voice rang out, “young fella,” the husky male voice said. I saw Jordan turn and walk towards to an older gentleman who had a valet jacket on.

“Hey man what are you doing working here? I thought you were at the other hotel?”

Jordan looked pleased to see the old timer as walked up to him to give him a hug.

“I was but they were laying off at the other hotel. I see you’re still romancing the ladies.”

“Naw man this is my one and only lady man. You were right I think I made the right choice.” I said shaking his hand in appreciation.

“Youngster what ever happen to those other fine young thangs you were with?”

- 119

“I don’t know. It didn’t work out so I moved on to bigger and better things. I have a family now.”

I was proud to hear him say he had a family. I almost cried.

“I heard that. My man should be bringing you car around in a minute. Listen aren’t you going to introduce me to your lady friend?”

“Oh my bad. Karen this is…”

“Norman, please to meet you Karen.”

“It’s nice meeting you too,” I said.

“Yes in deed Karen I meet this youngster a couple months back. He seem to be in trouble, all types of stuff was going though his mind.”

“Really?”

“Yeah. I gave him some wisdom because you know these young bucks don’t know what they want. They walk around trying to be cool and hard but deep down they’re just little boys.”

“I know that’s right,” I said laughing.

“What brings yall to this hotel? Someone must have been having a party or something.”

“Yes my girlfriend was in town and we went up to hang out with her a little bit.”

“You must be talking about that fine half black half Asian woman. If I was a little bit younger I would break her off nicely young buck.”

We laughed at Norman with his groggy voice trying to be funny. I felt a sense of comfort with him the longer we waited for the car. We almost forgot that we were waiting as we continue talk.

“So you seen Pagoda huh?”

“Damn skippy Ms. Lady. Everybody saw her come in and we haven’t stop talking about her since she checked in yesterday.”

“Yesterday?” I looked at him thinking to myself that he must be wrong.”

“Yes she came in with a fella carrying a few bags.”

“She was with a guy?”

“Yep tall dark skin fella, neatly shaved wearing a million dollar suit. They were lovie dovie in the lobby cooing and kissing and shit. I stood there and watch them fantasizing about my younger days.”

“We didn’t see a man upstairs did we baby?”

“Nope I would have notice if a dude was in the room with us.”

“Well I’ve been here all night and I was told by my co-workers he came down tipped them to get the car and when he came back he had a metal case that look like something from a James Bond movie,” Norman said.

“Well here comes our car, Norman. It was good seeing you again, take care old timer.”

“You know I will young buck. Slow down with this lady, I can tell she’s a diamond. Admire, revere and treasure her, if you don’t I will.”

We laughed at his remark. I gave him a nice hug and smelled the cheap cologne from Avon and we left.

We arrived at home and I went straight to the shower to wind down a little bit. As usual the shower made that loud thud that it usually makes when you turn it on. “He has got to get this thing fix,” I said to my self.

I oiled down my body and joined him on the couch. I notice it was now midnight as I laid my head on his lap. Jordan’s head was resting on the back of the couch, totally in relaxed mode.

“What’s wrong?”

“Nothing. I was thinking about what the old guy Norman said. Things tonight didn’t sit well with me. I think your girl Pagoda has a hidden agenda and you may have to watch out for her.”

“I don’t know about that Jordan. We’ve been friends for a while. She help me though school and though situations involving my ex.”

“I understand all of that, but this is a new day. People change all the time right under our noses. Illusions are evident if you look closely and see that we are all human and perpetrate is the essence of what drives a person.”

I didn’t say anything I just listen to the teacher. He deals with multiple personalities on a daily basis and he may have a valid point.

Only time will tell if its true or not, however in the meantime I can not disassociate my self from someone who has done so much for me. It will be hard to let go of that type of love from a person who has been intricate part of my career.

The phone rang several times the next morning before I answered it. I was so tired and just wanted to lie in this morning but I had to get ready for work.

“Hello?”

“Hello?” I ask once more but I got a click.

I looked at the phone wondering who it was that called. I hung up got prepared for work and left. I was so tired I decided to take the bus instead of driving. I forgot how crowded the bus could be on a workday. There wasn’t a seat to be found and I wanted to sit badly too. Children were loud, the men where in the back of the bus talking loud and saying nothing. My mind was finally clear until someone was standing behind me and whispered in my ear, “deja vu, right? I know that ass anywhere.” I shut my eyes because I recognized that soft toned voice. That voice brought a cool breeze to the right side of my face. It was welcomed with no shame on a bus that had more humidity than hell. But you know how the old saying goes; “black people draw heat.”

“Hey Simone!” I said enthusiastically. I tried to hug her but it was impossible. I locked on to her radiant beauty that resembled a black porcelain doll. Her smile was just as inviting this time as it was the first time I meet her years ago.

“Karen. How have you been, girl?”

“I’ve been great. Look at you, still sharp after all these years.” I couldn’t believe I was seeing her. It had been a number of years since I last saw her. She hadn’t missed a beat; she kept her self in shape and available to all that wanted to pursue this finely seasoned erotic black sista. After a rocky start my day was starting to look promising. I stared at her dreads that smelled like fresh coconut oil. I couldn’t take my eyes off of her while I tried to formulate my words.

“Where are you headed this early in the morning,” Simone ask me.

I told her I was on my way to work as I continued to be amazed at her beauty.

“You don’t have a car?”

“Yeah but I decided to take the bus today and I am so glad I did too.”

“Is that right?”

“Yes it is. I know you’re going to give me a number or something so I can stay in contact.”

She pulled out her card that said, ‘Simone’s Gallery’ on it. The card was embossed with raised lettering on a black card with white ink.

“My store is on Arch Street, stop by to visit me sometimes or at least call me.”

“Oh I will. Listen I will call you later, maybe we can do lunch today.”

“That sounds good. How about the hard Rock Cafe on Market?”

“Twelve O’clock?”

“Yes,” I told her.

I got off the bus and walk to my Job. I was feeling like new money and it was all because of the woman who shaped me into becoming an independent woman that demands respect.

I was on my way to my office when Tiffany intercepted me, “hey boss lady what’s up?”

“Nothing much,” I replied, I am feeling good today.”

“What did you do last night?”

“I just hung out a little bit with my man. Why all the questions this morning.”

“Well I hate to break the news to you before it gets out but there was a e-mail wrongfully sent to me. There were some provocative images taken of you,” she said.

“What!” I yelled back, “what pictures Tiff?”

“Come on in your office.”

We ran to my office, shut and lock the door and closed the blinds. I was a wreck once again.

Tiffany sat at my desk to pull up the images and to my surprise there was a note attached to it that said, “Nice huh?” She then scrolled down to the pictures that was sent. There we were in the hotel in all of my glory. Right then and there I knew Pagoda had something to do with it. But it had to be deeper interests to this. The note went on to say that she had a good time and look forward to more pleasant time in the future.

“Why would someone send photos to you at work? Did you know she took pictures of you?”

“Hell no! I was so livid that I grabbed the phone and called her up. The phone rang several times before she picked up, “hello,” she said.

“Pagoda why the fuck did you take pictures of me and Jordan with out our permission?”

She didn’t say anything; “I am so sorry Karen. I thought you would have gotten a kick out of it. Please forgive me what I have done,” she said trying to be a sexy apologetic woman.

“Pagoda I didn’t get the pictures, my assistant did. This could have looked bad if one of my

big bosses had gotten a hold of it.”

“Once again I am sorry, listen, call me later, bye.”

She quickly hung up the phone. Tiffany was looking at me for answers that I didn’t have.

“Are you ok boss lady?”

“Yeah but a little embarrassed. I am sorry that you had to see me like that.”

“Don’t worry about it, you’re human. Listen to me this looks like your friend is trying to do some foul shit to you. I mean you are a great person to work for, why would someone do this to you?”

“I don’t know. I wish I had a way to find out.”

“You do. I was a math major and I took up computers in college as well. Let me snoop around a little bit and get back to you. Emails have to come from somewhere and I will find out.”

“Thanks, please let me know. And for helping me, take the rest of the day off.”

“Naw I would rather stay at work. I can investigate here if you don’t mind?”

“Not at all. Please let me know.”

I called Jordan and told him what had happened. He wasn’t surprise and told me from the jump that something was up. Lust clouded my mind, body, and sent my heart in a direction that it shouldn’t have gone.

My lunch hour arrived and I went to meet Simone at the Hard Rock Cafe. She greeted me with that hug that was missing from my life for a long time.

“Please have a seat.”

“Thank you. So what’s up Ms. Simone?”

“Nothing much. I am just running my business and trying to stay ahead of the games people play.”

“Games people play?” I look at her strangely knowing she was getting ready to drop some science on me.

“Yes, games. People will have you thinking you are the shit and turn around and stab your ass.

When I wanted to start my business people wouldn’t give me a loan because I was black with no collateral.”

“I sold my body to a women who wanted to explore their BI-sexuality. It was a no strings attached commitment. Word got around that I was the best and they wanted to keep it on the down low. You have no idea how many people would stand in line to feel what the magic tongue could do.

Most women had never experience an orgasm until I came into the picture. What I did was offer a service and guarantee that their needs would be fulfilled. I only did it for a 6 months and I made enough capital to start my own business when corporate America could no longer give me what I wanted.” I sat there stunned but understood the power of sex and a good-looking woman.

We ordered a little something from the lunch special and continued to catch up on old times. I told her I was married and had a son with with my ex-hus-band. She couldn’t believe I would ever marry a man.

“Girl I was scared that I turned you out. I truly loved you!”

“Why didn’t you commit to me?” I ask looking at her.

“It was a mistake from the beginning Karen. I was out of line approaching you like that. I have regretted that since we separated, I was afraid I turned you out.”

“No, please don’t say that. You were my savior in a way, my escape. You taught me how to be a woman and you understood what I was going through. Your defiant attitude was what I needed

at the time my mother wasn’t interested in giving me those tools of being a woman. So I should be thanking you. Please I don’t want you to feel that way.”

“Really? I had no idea that I was doing that for you.”

“Yes. I’ve learned to love women and men for what they are. They’re human beings that are sexual in nature.”

I couldn’t believe she felt guilty all of these years. She helped me find my self at an early age when it usually takes people years to come into their own.

“So you got married huh. What was that like?”

“It was great in the beginning, but quickly turned sour. He left us hanging with nothing. I haven’t seen on heard from him in four years.”

“Aren’t you bidder?”

“I was at first, but it took a long time to adjust that a man wasn’t going to make me happy, I had to make my self happy first. I now have a new man that appreciates me. Of course the sex is good.”

“What?” she said excitedly.

“He’s a high school teacher and I’ve been with him for several months.”

“Do you love him?”

“Yes I do,” I said with no reservations.

“That’s good, Kay. I am so happy for you.”

“Thanks, that really means a lot coming from you.”

She didn’t say anything, but I did get a smile while she began to eat her lunch.

We vowed to stay in touch and to never grow apart from each other again. Simone was an intricate part in my life. She made me feel like I belong in this world.

In contrast she made it feel like heaven while I relished practicing my sins.

I realized my addiction is my curse because I need to be satisfied by both sexes. What should a woman do? The only thing that is accessible to me was prayer but I understand that I would not be delivered over night. I am a work in progress like we all are. That’s why I will never pass judgement on anyone it’s not my job to do so. Seeing Simone made me relive my past in a positive way when I thought it was so negative. She had true power and I think leaving each other after lunch, she knew she taught me right.

Voice 13

I told Jordan that I ran into Simone this morning and had lunch with her. He ask me how was she? I replied that she was better than ever.

“To me she hasn’t aged a bit. She has a store front on Arch Street.”

“Is this weird or is all of your old sex partners showing up all at one time?”

I gave him a look that could have killed, but I knew he was right. I crack a smile and looked at him again.

“Did I offend you?”

“Yes you did, but it was the truth.”

“I apologized for saying it like that. I didn’t mean anything by it. I guess if my pass came back all of a sudden you would question it too.”

“Damn right. I am very protective of my stuff.”

“What stuff?”

“Don’t play dumb boy!”

He began to laugh, because he knew what I was referring to. We went into the living room to watch a little television to unwind a little. The six o’clock news was on at to my surprise it was Jade being introduced on the news. The news team introduced her as the new Investigator Reporter for a new segment they were running. She looked great on camera; I almost didn’t recognize her. Nothing was out of place while she sat next to the news team in her business suit.

Her make-up and hair was superb along with her posture. I started to shed a tear when Jordan took me off my rhythm and ask was that Jade. I told him yes in my shaky voice.

“Are you crying,” he asked looking my face.

“Yes. I am so proud of her Jordan.”

“I can tell. I think that is so cool for her to be in this position. The kids she grew up with can see her on television and know they can make it too. This is - 127

monumental, I would love for her to come and talk to my kids when school starts.”

“Yes, that would be cool. The next time I talk to her I will ask her if she would do it for you. I am sure she will. She’s big time now. Look at her Jordan, my little protege’.”

He began to hold me while my mouth grinned from ear to ear.

He turned up the television to hear what they were saying to her.

“So Jade please tell the viewing audience about the investigator segment you will be doing,” the distinguished anchor asks.

“Well, Jim I will be launching this stations first investigating report segment. The segment will investigate people who have been taken advantage.

My job will be to expose these people or corporations for who they are so people can be aware of some of the things that may be going on,” she told them.

“That can be a little dangerous, don’t you think?”

“Not at all. I have faith in what I will be doing and it basically will come down to, what is right and what is wrong,” she assured him. “I grew up in the heart of North Philadelphia and this a way of giving back to my community.”

She brought it home. She represented where she was from and let the viewing audience know she on the scene. Gone was the ghetto girl only to show her peers that this is how it’s done.

“Well Jade it’s great to have you aboard and I will be watching your segment and rooting for you,” he said.

“Thank you very much and please root for the people, those are the good guys.”

“There you have it, again this is Jade Flye.

The news went off and I was in tears. I couldn’t believe what I saw. I wanted to call her up and congratulate her, but some how I knew her phone would be ranging off the hook from family and friends.

“She did good Karen,” Jordan said. “Brava sista. Brava.”

“I know. All she ever talked about was being a journalist. This is her opportunity to shine and no one will be a bigger fan than me.”

We sat there flipping the stations some more until the phone rang. I picked it up and it was Jade.

“Hey Karen, its me. Did you see me?”

“Yeah girl. I am so proud of you. I just can’t believe that you are doing your thang. God has bless you sista,” I told her.

“I really appreciate that. Coming from you my big sister, it means the world to me,” she told me. Tears were coming down my face once again. Jordan reached for another tissue and handed it to me. I saw him smile and shake his head, so I punch him in the arm for teasing me.

“So what’s you first project?”

“Well I am not supposed to say but for you, I will tell. It’s and investigation on a prominent business man in the city, that is suspected in doing some dirty business.”

“Wow, I wonder who it is? That sounds exciting when will the story air?”

“I am not sure, but I will keep you posted on the details.”

“Make sure you do that too.”

“Listen I have to go, but you have my cell and home number, call me when u can, chow,” she said excitedly. Jade switch modes from corporate a few minutes ago back to ghetto in a matter of seconds. This was a talent most black Americans had but failed to use.

We both hung up the phone and I sat there still looking like a proud big sister. I picked up the phone and dialed Tiffany to see if she seen it. The phone rang several times while I eagerly waited for her to pick the phone up.

“Hello?”

“Hey Tiff, this is Karen. Did you see Jade on the news?”

“No. When?”

“A few minutes ago. The news team introduced her and she talked a little bit about what she’ll be doing.”

“Get out!”

“Yep. I am so proud of her.”

“I know she was looking good,” Tiffany said.

“You know it girl.”

“To see her at this point in her life is a feat I never thought would be possible.”

“Excuse me?”

“See Karen, Jade has been through a lot in her short life. I don’t know if you knew this but all she ever wanted to be was a reporter. Her dream of becoming one almost didn’t happen. It’s a long story and right now I don’t have time to talk about it but I will one day when time permits.”

“I didn’t know this. Her past may have something to do with her losing control at a retreat we went to earlier in the summer. She was crying uncontrollably and we couldn’t understand why.”

“Maybe. She has breakdowns every now and then. I’ve been with her from the beginning and being her friend left me with a lot of sleepless nights, praying and crying. She’s my sister friend and I will always be by her side.”

“That’s good to know Tiff. Can you come over here to talk?”

“I can’t right now. But we’ll talk,” she said with a sadden voice.

I started to think to my self that her past must have really been a hard one. Tiffany told me that she had to go and that she was investigating the e-mail I had received earlier.

“What’s wrong baby?”

“Nothing. Tiffany was telling me about Jade’s past.”

“What about it?”

“She didn’t say much other than that she took a long road to get to where she’s at. I am just a little curious to know about her. When we were at the retreat she broke down on us.”

“Wow. She must have been going through something. She’ll be all right. Stop worrying about her.”

I didn’t say another word. I just stared at the television thinking about the e-mail and Jade. The e-mail weighed heavy on my mind and once something was on my mind it would be hard for me to shake it.

I got up and told Jordan I was going up stairs to rest. I was starting to get a headache and didn’t feel like being bothered. I open the window and a nice breezed began to blow through the curtains. I could smell the rain outside and began to cry. I was so emotional as the tears rolled down my cheek. Maybe it was because I will never have that intimate moment with Pagoda because she was now coming off to me as a shady person.

I drifted off to sleep. I felt Jordan getting in bed laying in back of me in a fetal position I was shaken by the chaos that was going on outside. My eyes suddenly opened staring at the window and the lightning. I heard Jordan call out to Jamal to see if he was all right. He responded back and told him yes.

“It sounds violent out there,” I said.

“Yeah, let God do his work.”

I grabbed his hand and placed it over my heart. I wanted him to feel it beat while the rain pounded on the row-homes and concrete streets of North Philadelphia. As a kid I was always afraid of the thunder. I used to think that when it thundered, someone was breaking in my house to harm me. My daddy who I loved with all of my heart never protected me like a father should protect a daughter. I use to cry out to him for support but he was to occupied in his grown up activities. It made my exterior tough and emotions fragile almost to a borderline nervous break down.

The rain was a force to be reckoned with this night. A summer storm had brewed and I felt the need to be held just like I wanted to when I was a little girl. Jordan stepped in and held me as God continued to water the earth. Somehow after this rain, more than worms will surface, I could feel it.

I heard a loud sound but dismissed it as more of the thunder that rumbled just moments ago. I quickly came to the reality that it wasn’t thunder and it was now early morning. I could still feel the humidity coming through the window and the sounds of inner city living was starting to get under way. I heard the sound again and realized it was the doorbell. I looked over at Jordan who was stretch out with his manhood protruding through his boxers. I touch it just to see it would rise up but I was startled again by the bell again.

The clock said five thirty and I knew I had to get ready for work. I put on my robe and struggled to get to the door. I looked through the peephole and saw that it was Tiffany, “what’s up Tiff?” I ask her as she walked in.

“Nothing boss lady. I just came by to take you to work and to talk a little bit about Jade.”

“Ok,” I said walking away from her wiping my nose.

“Girl you look a mess,” she said.

I ignored her and walked up the steps and told her I will be with her in a moment.

“Make your self a home, It’s going to take me at least an hour to get ready.”

While I was getting ready I could smell something cooking, “I know she ain’t cooking in my kitchen?” I finished dressing and walk down stairs followed by Jordan and Jamal. Those two brothers don’t miss anything that’s being cooked.

“Where you too going?”

“Where going were the bacon is being cooked,” they said almost running me over.

“Hey yall. Come on in, yall just in time.”

Jordan and Jamal took a seat and waited for breakfast to be served.

“Girl what are you doing cooking in my kitchen?”

“Sit down and let me hook yall up with some bacon, eggs and French toast.”

I couldn’t argue, especially when my stomach was growling in four different languages.

We finished up and left feeling good and ready to go back to bed with a full stomach. We began to talk about Jade and how her mother had done her wrong. It was a sad story to say the least.

I now saw Jade in a courageous light. I understood why she had the outbreak at the retreat. It must be terrible for her to have to endure and now live with everyday.

We got off the elevator still gabbing about woman stuff, having a good time. I noticed from a far that my door was cracked just a bit. I looked at Tiff who had no idea why I was giving her this crazy look.

“What’s wrong, Karen?”

“My door is open. I know I closed and locked it last night.”

“Maybe the cleaning people were in there cleaning or something,” she said.

I open the door and saw a black rose on my desk. To me that was a bad omen. There was card next to it said “Bitch!”

I turn slightly to my right and caught the image of my face in the mirror.

My once jubilant face now showed distortion and grief. I couldn’t imagine who would want to leave a black rose for me. I had no enemies or so I thought.

Maybe it was Nicole or Rain playing some bullshit game? There was no real way to tell; of course it could be some jealous woman in the company wanting to back at me.

Tiffany held me as I cried uncontrollably. I just knew someone was out to get me, but why?

“I don’t know what is going on boss lady, but I think that chick Pagoda has something to do with this. First she sent that e-mail with the pictures of yall and now this. She has to be in on it, there are no other suspects that I can think of.”

I sat down at my desk eyes still fixed on the rose. Tiffany quickly grabbed and thew in the trash and I didn’t blink an eye. My focus would not be on today’s work and with good reason.

“Tell me about her.”

“Who Pagoda?”

“Yes.” “Well I meet her at Community College a few years ago she was my professor. I had an affair with her that I tried to keep going but my conscience got in the way every time I was ready to take that leap of faith. Her exotic looks lured me in to her world of lust but on top of that I love her and don’t know what I would do with out her. Pagoda helped me through a great deal. I don’t believe she would do anything like this. She told me she loved me.”

“So you like men and women? Damn I would have never guessed.”

“Yes you can say that. I am not ashamed to say it when someone asks me about it. I pretty much kept it a secret. I hope you don’t think any different of me.”

“How did you get involve with it?”

“Now that’s a long story. You will have to buy the book for that.”

“You’re writing a book?”

“Yes, Jordan is helping me. I had some things I wanted to get off my chest.

“Why would you want to put your business out like that?”

“Self therapy plain and simple. It may help someone in the process, who knows.”

“Hmm maybe, it’s very brave of you to do that. I couldn’t do it personally,” said shaking her head.

“You know Tiff we all have hidden pains and pleasure that I like to call perfect imperfections.”

“I guess I never looked at it that way. Dysfunction is the key to everybody’s life. Without it we can not function as a humans.”

“Right. Our mistake makes us strong and helps us learn in the process. Impact is a fact that is far greater than we can imagine. Negative or positive, it will have a profound effect on your character. This is why we choose faith, for guidance and to get us through to the next day. I like to think of us as trees. We get shook a lot and the leaves may fall, but always replenish its self in the spring. We have to stay strong to weather the storms of life.

“I never really looked at it like that, that was too deep.”

“Tiffany I have seen so much dirt done to friends of mine, its not even funny. You will go through your trials in life, but remember you are that strong tree. Stand like one and brace your self to sway from time to time.”

Our conversation took my mind off of the black rose for a brief minute. I was grateful that she was willing to listen to me. It was almost like God stepped in and took that fear away from me. In an instant my guard was up and I was ready for a fight. I was equipped with that promise that he will never leave me. Evil was trying to make its presence in a big way, but trusting in the Lord will prevail for me.

The day went on as usual, business couldn’t stop because someone had a person vendetta on me. I couldn’t let the stress show in front on my peers. Some of them are still amazed that this black woman rose above all to be where I am.

“Well, don’t worry about the rose thing. I’m sure it was a practical joke. You might have pissed someone off in the boardroom,” she told me.

It was almost quitting time and Tiffany came running though the door yelling,” I got it!”

“What!”

“I got it. I know where the e-mail came from. It came from the Johnson Foundation.”

“The Johnson foundation?” I gave her a look like what the hell is the Johnson Foundation.’”

“I’m still trying to find out what type of business it is. It seems to me that it is a ghost company. I can’t find anything on this company at all.”

I leaned back in my chair and tried to think if I had ever heard of this place before. I kept shaking my head and came up with nothing. I walked back to her office to see if I saw anything that she may have missed.

“Give me a little time Karen, I’ll get all the information that you need. Pagoda sent it from this place of business.”

“Ok,” I told her.

Tiff dropped me off and I ask her to see what else she could come up with.

I walk in the door and shocked to find Pagoda sitting on my sofa. Her Tina Turner like legs were crossed as she sat back gangster style “Hey Karen, what’s up?”

“Nothing, how did you get in here?”

Oh, Jordan let me in. He told me that you would be home soon and to sit and wait.

“Bullshit. You broke in here didn’t you?” I was starting to get up set. I dropped my purse at the door preparing my self to fight.

“How did you find out where I lived?”

“Come on now, this is the technology millennium. The Internet knows everything.”

“Why are you here?”

“I just wanted to talk about the other night,” she said.

“There’s nothing to discuss. Can you please leave!”

I was still standing with my hands on my hips. She cracked a smile and rose up from the sofa and walked towards the door.

“Why are you so hostile towards me? I’ve done nothing to make you feel this way,” she said nonchalant as she passed me. She walked out the door like she owned the house and everything in it.

I immediately ran after her throwing her up against the wall; “bitch what the fuck were you doing in my house?” She smiled and told me to get off of her. I heard a horn blow but I didn’t turn to see who it was. “Karen!” A voice yelled out. I started punching Pagoda in her face for breaking into my house.

“Karen!” My name was yelled once more. I heard it but never acknowledge it I was lost in what I was doing and that was kicking her ass. I was taking my frustrations out on her from the rose that was sent to my office. The next thing I knew someone grabbed me and pulled my arm off of her.

“Karen, what the hell are you doing?”

Tiffany grabbed me and Pagoda snuck a punch in. I could feel the blood coming down from my nose. Tiffany pushed her and she stumbled backwards and hit the ground.

“Nothing this bitch broke in my house and waited until I got home. She told me Jordan let her in, but he would never do that.”

With out warning the police pulled up and ask what was going on. I explain to him that this was my house and Pagoda broke in.

“We got a call that there is break in at this residence.”

“I didn’t call the police, but I want her ass arrested!”

“Ma’am you have the right to remain silent…” I couldn’t believe he was reading my maranda rights.

“That’s right sir, she broke into my home,” Pagoda disputed, “I want her arrested.”

“I didn’t break into her house, officer. I have a key. This is my home!” Tiffany didn’t know what to do. I motioned for her to get my purse that was hanging out the screen door.

My eyes grew big as she showed him the key and asked him to try it on the door. I couldn’t believe this shit was going on but it was and I was quickly losing control. Tiffany grab me and told me don’t worry, it was going to be all right. I didn’t believe her as the officer tested the key out and it worked.

“Ma’am her key works,” he said to me.

“What! Well let’s go in and look around my things are everywhere in the house!”

We all walk in and I almost fainted. Pagoda had fabricated the pictures to make it seem like her and Jordan where married and Jamal was her son. I lost it and I didn’t know what to do. I ran after her again tackling her to the floor, breaking the table on the way down. The police grabbed my arm and hand cuffed me and put me in the car. Tiffany was fighting to get them to release me, but it didn’t work. “Tiffany call Jordan, his number is in my phone and in my purse there is a card that says Simone, call her and tell her to go to the Roundhouse.

They slammed the door and I cried like a slave being tortured. I looked at Pagoda; the woman I had so much love for was now my enemy. Vengeance was mine, as I continued to stare at her.

She cracked a smile and walked back into the house. The patrol car drove off. I prayed that Tiffany was calling Jordan and Simone to help.

Tiffany

Hello Jade this is Tiff. The police just locked Karen up in front of her house. She was fighting some chick name, Pagoda.

Jade What!

She

was

fighting.

What

the

hell

happen

and

where

are

you

now?

Tiffany

I dropped her off from work and I circled around to give her cell phone back to her. I saw the police and Karen kicking this girl’s ass. The woman that she was fighting said she lived at the house and had a key and items inside to prove it. We walk inside and there were pictures of the woman and Jordan with Karen’s son in photos.

Jade

What! Oh my God! I can’t believe this shit is happening. Listen. Did you call Jordan?

Tiffany

No I called you first. But I am about to call him now. She wanted me to call some lady name Simone.

Jade

Ok go ahead and do that. I am on my way down to the roundhouse to find out what her bail will be.

Tiffany

Ok I will. Do you want me to meet you there?

Jade

Yes! Tiffany

Hello Simone, hi my name is Tiffany and I work for Karen. She told me to give you a call because she got into a little trouble. She was fighting this woman name Pagoda in front of her house and the police arrested her because they said she broke in her house.

Simone

What! That’s crazy Karen would never do that.

Tiffany

I know I just dropped her off and within a matter of minutes she was in a fight. I tried to call her boyfriend but he’s not answering his cell phone.

Simone

Ok keep trying. I am going to go down to the Roundhouse and find out what the hell is going on.

Tiffany

Listen earlier she got a black rose in her office that disturbed both of us. I think something is really going down.

Someone is trying to hurt her.

Simone

Well we won’t let that happen. Later I tried to explain once more when I got to the roundhouse. He didn’t listen to me, however he did appoint me to a dirty cell full of women. I sat on the bench and waited for someone to bail me out of this humiliating situation. I couldn’t understand why Pagoda would want to do something like this to me.

“What you in here for?” I stocky woman ask.

“Some bullshit!” I fired back.

“I can tell your face shows you been through a little something.”

“I’m alright,” I said patting my eye.

“Ok.” She moved away from me back into a corner with some of the other women. I always thought if I went to jail I was going to be afraid, But this was not the case as I stared at all who paced in front of me looking like they wanted to say something.

It seemed like time stood still. I was in constant company of cigarette smoke that hovered around me lingering, inticing me to ask for one. Thank God I didn’t suffer from asthma and I prayed I didn’t start the process of cancer from second hand smoke. The deplorable conditions of the holding cell didn’t seem to phase the many women who were in a bad situation like myself. I was totally innocent, but getting someone to listen was a trick I didn’t know how to perform.

The women were dropping their pants to take a piss with no disregard to others. I guess they feel they have to do what they have to do. If I have to go I will try to hold mine until Jesus comes.

This is the life I desperately tried to avoid but you know like the old folks say, “the devil is busy all the time.”

I had no clue what time it was, all personal possessions were confiscated during processing, “Benson!” my name rang out. I slowly turned my head, partly because I was sore and low on energy. I heard the rusted cell door open and watched as the women rushed towards it trying to get out. The brawny guard and I walked down the corridor to unknown destination. I saw Jordan, Jamal, Jade, Simone and Tiffany through the thick clear glass. Jamal was sitting and crying and it tore me to pieces that a mother had to have her son see her like this.

They all stood up waiting for me to come out. I was still in handcuffs and I couldn’t wait to get out of them. I dropped my head and looked up and saw something that looked like a ghost.

“Nicole?” I said to my self. I couldn’t believe she was here. She smiled and winked at me and gave me the thumbs up sign. I shook my head in disbelief and waited to be released into someone’s custody. They brought Nicole though the door and I just waited to hear what she had to say. Jordan stood up with a curious look on his face. He looked worried just like he did when he was busted from trying to play me, Rain and Nicole.

“I am Karen’s attorney. I would like to know what the charges are against her,” she asked. She was poised, confident and had a no bullshit attitude on her face.

“Ms. Benson was brought in for burglary and assault,” the officer stated.

“How could she be burglarizing a home she shares with her boyfriend who is the sole owner of the dwelling,” she stated.

“Can this be proven?”

“Yes it can. I would like to see a judge.”

“Wait here,” he said.

I bowed my head trying not to look at her. I wanted her to flex her muscles like I knew she could. In school Nicole was a tough cookie on the debate team.

The officer came back and escorted us into the tiny courtroom that was housed in the police station. The judge came out of his chambers and took a seat behind the bench. I waited for Nicole to speak but she whispered in my ear and told me not worry, everything is going to be all right. I nodded my head and a tear surface in the corner of my left eye.

“Karen Benson, you are being charged with burglary of a residence and assault.”

“Your honor, my client did not burglarized the resident she was arrested in front of. Your honor my client lives with her boyfriend, who owns the resident,” she said.

“Is there any proof that Ms. Benson lives at the resident?”

“Your honor I have bills that are in her name and I have witnesses who can testify to this. My client found this woman in her home when she got home from work. She ask her to leave and then things escalated to a point of no return.”

“May I see your proof?”

“Sure.” She approached the bench and handed him the documents. I was wondering where she got all the paper work from but it dawned on me that she must have the hooked up with Jordan somehow.

“It checks out. Ms. Benson I am releasing you today, however you will have to pay a heavy fine for assault.” “Your honor, if the court sees fit. Why should she have to pay when she was protecting her self? If the other party hasn’t paid why should she?”

He looked over the documents a little more and decided to throw out the charge for assault. He told us we were dismissed and proceeded to walk out of the courtroom.

I saw Jamal jump up waiting for me to exit the door. He jumped in my arms and it felt so good to get a much-needed hug from my baby. Everybody was talking all at once and hugging me. The love I got was a feeling like no other. All I wanted to do was get my grub on. I told everybody lets meet back at the house and order some food.

We all meet up at my house that was a wreck. I started to cry because of the pain and what I had took everybody through. Jade came over to sit next to me on the couch and told me she had some good news and bad news to tell me. I braced myself and looked at Jordan.

“Listen to her Karen. I already know what’s up.”

“She told you what?”

“Jamal, my man go up stairs for a minute.”

“Ok,” he said dashing off.”

“What is going on?”

“Karen. I found out through my investigation that, that the Johnson Corpo ration is owned and runned by a Courtland Benson, your ex-husband.” “What!” “Wait there’s more! Let me finish.” I sat there waiting for the bomb to drop. I could hardly contain myself, but I had to.

Jade

Karen we have a lot more in common than you think. What I also found out is that you two are still married. The divorce was never finalized because he didn’t sign it. So you are still married and you’re in-titled to half of what he is worth. Courtland has been running a drug business and prostituting women to keep his money flowing. He still owns the check cashing businesses to keep legit, but his main money comes from running drugs and women. But here is where it gets interesting. Courtland funded a program I was involved in a couple years ago. He was responsible for putting me through college. Everything was cool until I found out I owed him. My mother was drug addict, solicited drugs for free. I found out that I Owe for my mother’s debt by working for your ex. I had to do some ungodly things that I am not proud of, but it was done.

I sat still listening to this story unraveled before my eyes. I started to shake in disbelief. I continued to listen as the story unfolded more.

“I also found out that Pagoda, your girl is involved with your husband and knew you two were married. She played you and kept tabs on you. She set you up with those pictures so your husband could divorce you and not have to pay you a dime because you committed adultery. She made a mistake and sent it to your job when she was to send it to Courtland.”

I continued to listen and tried to figure out how I could get out of this. I was still married to a man who treated me like dirt, and then hook up with the woman I love to become my enemy.

“Courtland has been the focus of my investigation. It’s sort of a payback and repayment to you. What he did to you and I will not happen to anyone else. He has to pay. I went through hell!

I should have been enjoying my self fresh out of school, however it wasn’t like that all.”

“Thank you, Jade. Thank you so much!” We embraced each other and cried for a few minutes.

I turned and looked at Jordan and he winked at me. That made me feel secure, he was in my corner and I knew he truly loved me.

The next morning came and I was so sore. My body ached and my face was so bruised. I walked down to the kitchen to get some ice. Jordan and Jamal was sleep and I decided not to wake the to get some me time. I turned on the television to kill time and to take my mind off of the pain. That was hard to do, because the slightest touch of the ice back made me wince. I had a good ole ass whooping but I know she’s feeling the pain too.

The phone suddenly rang and made me jump. I reached over slowly to answer it, “hello,” said in pain.

“Yes, please hold. This is an important call coming through,” the computer voice announced. I looked at the phone and wondered who could it be? What could be so important? I waited for a couple of seconds and then a deep voice said, “hello.” “Yes may I help you?” I stop and knew that voice. It was a voice I could never forget it was Courtland. “Hello Karen, this is Courtland.” “Yes and what do you want?” “I wanted to know if we could meet today to go over some things.” “What things? Whatever you have to say to me you can say right now.” “Please. I don’t want to argue. We can meet in a public place to talk.” “Talk about what? How we are still married? Nigga please!” “Please. I know you’re upset with me and you have a right to be. I just want to talk to you.” I sat there thinking if I should do it or not. The least I could do is hear him out. “Ok fine where would you like to meet Courtland?” “How about Warm Daddy’s?” “That’s fine, what time?” “Twelve thirty. Oh Karen can u wear my favorite perfume for old times sake?” “No. Bye Courtland!”

I hung up the phone and told Jordan what had just happened. He agreed that I should go but he would go with me. “You gonna tell Jamal?”

“Yes. Let me go see if he wants to go.” I slowly walked into his room. He was sitting on his bed playing a game. “Jamal can you turn that off for a minute, I want to talk to you for a moment.”

“Mom your face is swollen. Are you ok?” It seems like over night his voice had deepened. A tear slid down the right side of my face. He took his hand and wiped it and told me everything was going to be ok.

“I’m fine. Listen you father called and wants to me today about something. He ask if you would come along so he could see you.” He didn’t say a word. I hit him on his shoulder waiting for him to say something.

“Jamal?”

“Yes mom.”

“Did you hear what I said to you?”

“Yes I did. I don’t want to see him. He’s not my father!”

Jamal threw the remote control on the floor, stood and paced the floor. He was clearly angry and he has every right to be, “are you ok?” “I’m fine. I don’t want to go!” “Ok. You don’t have to.” I told him to give me a hug and I told him I had to get ready to meet him.

He asked me why and I told him that Courtland had something to talk to me about.

I went back to my room to get ready. I told Jordan I didn’t want him to go in but to wait outside for me. This was something I had to do on my own but I needed him for backup.

I made sure I looked immaculate. I wanted him to know how well I was doing and that I didn’t need him or his money. I had butterflies through out the morning and on the car ride down Center City. Jordan parked the SUV and told me he would be waiting.

I took a slow walk to Warm Daddy’s. It was quiet and as soon as I hit the door I saw the back of his head. His hair was still curly and I began to get upset but I had to keep it together. I tapped him on his shoulder and spoke to him. He stood tall and a little heavier than I remember. He still had sex appeal and I went back in time for a second and remember why I feel in love with him.

He had his customary Polo cologne and he still had that mustached trimmed to a “T”.

I grabbed and hug him to get off on the right foot.

“Karen, oh my girl you look so good.”

“Thank you, and so do you. How have you been?”

“Great. Great!” He stared and smiled at me with his perfect pearly whites. I sat down and waiting to hear what he had to say.

“Jamal didn’t want to come?”

“Wow. He must be still angry with me huh?”

“You can say that. Wouldn’t you be if your father left you.”

“He did, but I moved on.”

“Yeah, I know the story, save it. Listen why am I here?”

“Well as you may or may not know, we are still married.”

“Is that right?” I didn’t want him to know that I knew what he was saying is true. Everything Jade told me was confidential. I wanted the upper hand in this for once. “Yes. I need you to sign these papers for me and I can move on.” “With who you’re new woman, Pagoda?” He laughed and smiled slyly.

He knew that I was on to him. “Yes,” he said.

“Why should I sign. You’re looking like new money I think I am owed something.”

“Owed? Yes you’re owed something but you haven’t been a saint either Karen.”

“What the fuck are you talking about?”

“Well the time we were together I knew you were having sex with women. You tried very hard to hide it from me, but I am a smart man Karen. Hustle is what I do and you can’t out play a player.” Shit I was busted but I wasn’t ready to play my hand.

“Is that right? What makes you so sure I was fucking women?”

“Because I set you up with some of my side bitches. You must have forgot that you told me all about you when you were young, I kept tabs on you. When I meet Pagoda at a club she told me about her star pupil that was doing so well in her class. I sat there fuming, waiting for the opportunity to punch him in his face. But I chilled because vengeance was mine.

“So what I like women. Is that so bad?”

“Hell no! I like looking at two women doing their thing. In fact I see it all the time in my line of work. Menage trois is my middle name,” he said being braggadocios.

“Hmm what are you a porn star?”

“No, but I provide a service to the public. I’m a businessman, you know this already so lets cut the shit and get down to business.

“Ok, so what are you pitching?”

“Sign these papers and I will give you a check for five hundred thousand dollars.”

“Is that all. You have that kind of money? Shit I’m no fool but if you have dollars to burn like that then there must be more?”

“See that’s why I married you. You’re still smart and always ready to challenge me. Back in the day you would have got slapped, however this is a new day.”

“You goddamn right this is a new day motherfucker!” He smiled and shook his head. I waited for him to jump up. I had my mace and knife in my purse and wouldn’t hesitate to use it.

“Ok eight hundred thousand, final offer. I will give the cashiers check to you right. Already prepared. Take the papers home have your dike lawyer read it over and send it back to me.”

“Dike lawyer? What are you talking about?”

“Nicole is her name right. Your boyfriend was fucking her right?”

Damn he knew everything. I wondered how long he kept tabs on me but it didn’t matter because my secret weapon was coming.

“Ok I will take the check. What’s my turn around time to sign this thing?”

“You have twenty four hours. That’s all I’m asking. You can move on with your life and I can marry the woman of my dreams.”

“Who Pagoda?”

“Good guess, yes. We have been an item for a long while. I know about that sexual escapade in the Poconos too. She told me she couldn’t get you to be her woman. That’s a shame because as you know that pussy is good. See you miss out on everything because of your conscience. The difference between you and me is, I do things on impulse. You, you have to think it through.”

I sat there totally disgusted that he would have the balls to come here and dictate how and when this was going to play out.

“What if I don’t sign?”

“Well I will have to go to the media about your sexuality and you will get nothing because I have photos of you that would stand in a court of law, that you committed adultery” “So! There are a lot of BI sexual people that work in corporate America, nigga!”

“Yes that may be true, but how about one that’s on drugs in a hotel room with her man and another female having sex? I can make up all types of stuff. You know how I can get down.” I jumped up and began to walk out on him. Courtland called me back and told me don’t forget the envelope. I walked back and snatch it from his hand but he grabbed my wrist and pulled me close to him. He started to smell my neck, “I thought I smelled my favorite perfume,” he said.

I left Warm Daddy’s and ran to the car crying trying to hold it in. I told Jordan about what went on and he wanted to go back inside to handle his business. I told him to hold on and wait and showed him the cashier check. We deposit it and went home trying to think of what to do next.

I called Nicole and told her to come over so she could look at the paper work. She arrived within an hour and told me that he had drawn up in the documents that I wouldn’t be able to pursue him for anymore money. I couldn’t think straight but there had to be something I could get him on. I needed leverage and I needed it quick.

There’s an old saying that God may not come when you call but he’s always on time. He showed up in a big way too. Jade called me and told me they were going to expose him tonight on the news. She said the camera crew was ready and that she was about to get her own personal payback.

I couldn’t believe what I was hearing but it was true. I told her I will be watching and good luck. I told Jordan and Nicole what was about to go down and Nicole said she would be watching.

All day long I was nervous and eager to finding out how this was going to pan out. I couldn’t sleep or eat. I had a two million dollars in the bank and prayer to hold on that this man was finally about to get his. He had the nerve to black male me, the mother of his son. I guess money is the root of all evil, and the destruction of black people.

The six o’clock news came on and they went through their normal protocol of stories of the day. Ten minutes before it was about to end the news anchor made an announcement.

News Anchor

Tonight we are starting our new weekly segment on investigating reporting with Jade Flye. Jade is out on location at a building in Center City. Good Evening Jade what do you have for us this week.

Jade

Well Ashley we are live at one of the businesses of Courtland Benson. Court-land is high profile businessman that’s known for giving money to charities. Ashley, Courtland was responsible for me going to college. I enter a program four years ago that allowed students with good grades able to attend college, paid in full. That was when the nightmare began for me. Courtland was also responsible for stringing my mother out on drugs that he supplied her with.

Courtland also left his wife and son for the life of drugs, prostitutes all in the name of making more money. He has stolen tons of money from hard working people with community check cashing stores charging high rates. We are in front of his offices and about to go in and ask him about these accusations.

News Anchor

So what are you looking to resolve here? This seems a little dangerous.

Jade

I’m looking to expose the fraud and the criminal he is. I know this is hard nose journalism but this time the common man and woman will win against a man who is flooding our community with these types of products. We’re about to go in now. We do have police here with us just incase it gets a little crazy.

We saw Jade walk in the office and greeted by what looked like a secretary. I notice it was Dana from the Red Lobster. I was freaking out in the house. It was like a well put together episode of reality show.

“May we speak to Courtland?”

“I’m sorry Mr. Benson is in a meeting,” the secretary said. We saw Dana’s eye shift to the left pointing out the office he was in.

Courtland walk of his office with two brawny gentlemen dressed in taylor-made suits. The cameras scramble to get a view of him while walked towards us with a

million-dollar smile.

“Hello Courtland, I’m Jade Flye and we are investigating so allegations that you’re flooding the community with drugs and prostitution.”

He smiled and said no comment.

“Mr. Benson can you tell me why you had my mother strung out on drugs and had me prostitute for you to pay off her debt, after you put me through college from one of your programs.” He stopped dead in his tracks, turned, smiled and took a swing at her. There were all kinds of commotion as the cameraman struggle to keep focus and stay on his feet. The police grabbed Court-land and placed him in handcuffs. Jordan and me were going off in the house. We couldn’t believe what was taking place. Our phone began to ring off the hook, but we refused to answer it.

He was finally getting his and it felt so damn good. The police help Jade up who now had a bloody lip but she kept her composure. The two anchors kept asking her was she all right and she nodded yes trying to gather her self.

The melee was over in minutes with no answers. But it was evident to all that watched.

Courtland had something to hide and I prayed there would be a full investigation.

News Anchor

Jade are you ok. You took a nasty spill there.

Jade

I’m fine. This has been a long time coming. I’m ok though.

News Anchor

So let me get this straight. He paid for you to go to school and you later found out that your mother was getting free drugs from him, in exchange for you to repay him when you got out of school?

Jade

Yes! I am but you will have to wait on the rest of the story.

News Anchor

Get the looked at by the doctors and we will see you back in the studio Jade

This is Jade Flye reporting, back to you.

News Anchor

There you have it. Our first investigating report and I must say it was fascinating It was cutting edge journalism. I believe Jade Flye has a future in this business.

I look forward for more reporting from her.

Goodnight.

We were shocked that she went through all that to get a story. We sat waiting for her to call us.

I was mad that I didn’t tape it and prayed that they would show it on the eleven o’clock news. I held my hand on my mouth and turned and looked at Jordan. He shook his head remained silent.

Courtland was revered in this city and I started to think was he going to retaliate.

“He might think I had something to do with it,” I struggled to say.

Jordan wiped my eyes and told me he was there to protect me. Somehow I didn’t believe him but told him ok anyway. Courtland had grew to a powerful man, he could easily hire someone to finish me off.

“Karen there is no way he could put two and two together and think you had something to do with this. Lets wait on Jade and find out what we should do,” he told me.

Voice 14

We didn’t get the call we thought we were going to get from Jade. It was really hard to sleep; however Jordan had no problems sleeping.

I went and checked on Jamal but he was still asleep. I heard the bell rang and started to shake.

I ran back into the room and told Jordan to wake up. I was panicking thinking it was Cortland or Pagoda. Jordan got up and went to the door.

“Who is it!” His base voice shook me as he tried to act like he was bigger than he was.

“I have a package for you,” the light voice said.

“A package?”

“Yes!” He turned and looked at me oddly and decided to open the door. I saw the Fed ex man on the steps with a big envelope in his hand, “I have a package for Karen Benson.”

“I will sign for it,” Jordan told him.

“I’m sorry but it states that I can only receive a signature from Karen Benson,” he insisted.

“I’m Karen. I will sign for it,” I told him.

I walked down the rest of the steps and signed for the package. We shut the door and walked over to the couch. I was so afraid of opening it but I knew I had to. I began to open it and saw that it was a few papers and a letter.

There was an envelope with the words, “do not tear.” I read the letter out loud to Jordan who was eager to know what it said.

- 150 The Letter m Dear Karen, This is your husband. I am so sorry that I intimidated you yesterday during our brief meeting. I haven’t been the best husband or father to Jamal because of my own greed and insecurities. I want to make a confession to you as long as you keep it confidential.

Yes I deal in narcotics and prostitution but recently I have made amends to clean up my act. Doing time in jail is not on my list of things to do. What I am trying to say to you that I am so sorry. I should have been a better man to you. A better man to my self is more like it. I never meant to cause you pain. I’ve made tons of money but left you and Jamal out in the cold. That was dead wrong and I am sorry. From my understanding you have another man in your life and that’s great. I pray he will treat you well and respect you like you’re supposed to be Lord knows I never did. I would really like our marriage to be final so you can move on with your life and I move on with mine. I enclosed a new doctrine for you to sign. You can have your lawyer take a look at it, sign and return it to me. The settlement I am offering is a check for three million dollars. This will be final end of story. You were so instrumental in helping me start my own business and I bailed out on you. Black men have a history of doing that to our women. Well I want to make things right. I made a conscience choice to have you live the life you deserve.

Once again I am sorry and I hope you and Jamal except my deepest apologies and able to forgive me one day.

Sincerely, Courtland

“Damn! I don’t know what to say.”

“Don’t say nothing open the envelope,” Jordan said.

“I can’t open it, you open it my hands are shaking to bad.”

He violently opened the envelope and it was a cashier check three million dollars.

It felt so go but I had to go through so much to be recognized for helping a black man succeed.

In a strange way I didn’t want the money, last night fiasco was enough for me. I knew it was dirty and somebody paid the price for him to have that type of bankroll. This money will go a long way for Jamal’s education. I didn’t want it and I promised my self it would only be used for him.

Jamal deserved that much from Courtland. This journey started off as writing about my life, however it was being written as it was happening.

We sat still in the house thinking about what took place over the course of a couple of days. I think I’ve grown a couple of gray hairs during the course of my dramatic life.

During my shopping spree I felt compelled to get buy a pair of engagement rings. I didn’t want to do the traditional thing and wait for a man to marry me. I wanted to do it new school style with an old style twist.

I ran up the steps and told him to wait there I will be right back. When I cam back down he had a cheesy grin on his face. I have to admit I couldn’t stop smiling either.

I pulled out the case and got on my knee and proposed to him.

Jordan accepted and began to hug me with everything he had. We began to dance and act a total fool. Jamal came down stairs and ask what was going on?

We told him and he began to celebrate with us.

After a few days we got a call from Jade and I was so glad to hear from her. I told her the good news and she responded by saying, “I know I am the maid of honor.” I told her yes and I thanked her for everything. She told me that she made a deal with Courtland. She wouldn’t go into details but assured me that everything will be fine.

“You know Karen, he plans to marry Pagoda.”

“Really? I hope they’re happy with each other.”

“Yeah it seems like they will,” she said. I still couldn’t understand how someone could say they love you and do what they did to you with out any shame. The fight was unnecessary all she had to do was tell me what was up. But I am licking my wounds and moving on like I said.

“Karen listen I know you said you were writing a book about your life. Can you ask Jordan if he could help me through the process?”

“Sure but I am not doing it now. So he maybe able to devote his time to helping you piece together your life.”

“Great. I will be in touch.”

“Great. Thank you once again Jade. Tell me do you have a title for you book?”

“Yeah. I want to call it Free Agent.”

“Nice, very interesting. I can’t wait to read the final product” “Me neither. I will talk to yall later.”

“Ok,” I said. We held on to the phone and didn’t say a word. I could tell she was having a moment and I sat there waiting for her to say something.

“Jade,” “Yes,” she said crying.

“You ok?”

“I’m fine sista, I’m fine. Stay faithful,” she said.”

“Faithful?”

“Yes faithful. Hold on to love, it’s all we have,” she said and hung up the phone.

“She’s going to be alright Jordan, I am so proud of her.”

“You should be.”

“You know now that we are we are engaged I have something I have to tell you.”

“I’m listening,” he said. Jordan had the look of apprehension on his face but I had to let him know.

“Jordan I don’t know if I will ever stop loving women.”

“You have to pray harder and ask God to help you.”

“You don’t understand. God made me like this…”

“No he didn’t! You chose to be the way you are. God gives us choice. All I can say is that I will never judge you because of the way you are. My love runs deeper than you know. You’ve been through hell and back, I with you on this.”

I began to cry because the feelings are so strong sometimes. At times I don’t want him to touch me, I want a different kind of touch.

“Why are you crying, this is supposed to be a happy time?”

“It is but I don’t want you to ever leave me like Courtland has,” I said trying to talk.

Jordan moved over close to me on the couch and began to console me. Me admitting that I haven’t really change was a hard thing to do.

“What if the urge comes back, Jordan?”

“Then I guess you have to be strong.”

“Yeah, God help us both.”

“He will, babe you have to trust in him. But I won’t be mad if I was invited to what ever you get into,” he said with a laugh.

“This could benefit us both.”

“True. But as good as it sounds and will feel I will have to think about it long and hard.” “Long and hard? Yeah that’s the way we will like it.” “Who is we?” “Someone from my past who wants to rekindle the fire.” “Oh no, its not who I think it is…” “Maybe!”

Kiss Kiss

About the Author s

I live in Newark, De. with my wife and two kids. Born and raised in Philadelphia.

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