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buzz weekly
J a n ua r y 11
SOMETIMES A MAJORITY ONLY MEANS THAT ALL THE FOOLS ARE ON THE SAME SIDE.
Montgomery’s presents a delicious interpretation of New American fare in Monticello, Illinois. Join us for a heartland dining experience with a modern approach and a commitment to sustainable, local farming, and fresh ingredients. The seasonal menu changes throughout the year to highlight the bounty of the region and utilizes the best products of that day.
eNewsletter Sign up for our eNewsletter & receive notice of upcoming events such as our wine pairing dinners, Chef Pokorny’s en restaurant cooking classes, recipes, and new menus, including additions to our wine list.
Tour to 7 of Top Restaurants in the US Starting January 13th, Chef Killian-Sinkosky, Owner Tony Sinkosky, Chef de Cuisine Jason Pokorny and Champaign based filmmaker Laura Bynum will be touring seven of the top restaurants including Charlie Trotter’s (Chicago), three of Thomas Keller’s restaurants including Per Se (NYC), Bouchon (Las Vegas), and The French Laundry (Napa Valley), Alice Water’s Chez Panisse (Berkeley), Mark Cox’s Mark’s American Cuisine (Houston), and Joel Robuchon at the Mansion (Las Vegas). Follow along on our journey and visit the website Montgomerysdining.com for our nightly, after-dinner blogs.
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J a n ua r y 17 , 2 oo7
UNDER THE COVER
BUZZ STAFF volume
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no.2
Cover Design • Nikita Sorokin Editor in Chief • Tatyana Safronova Art Director • Brittany Bindrim Copy Chief • Meghan Whalen Listen, Hear • Anna Statham Stage, Screen & in Between • Elyse Russo Around Town • Evangeline Politis CU Calendar • Annette Gonzalez Photography Editor • Amelia Moore Designers • Monica Betel, Renee Okumura, Nikita Sorokin Calendar Coordinator • Brian McGovern Photography • Amelia Moore Copy Editors • Lisa Fisherkeller, Emily Ciaglia, Ilana Katz, Whitney Harris Staff Writers • Brian McGovern, Carlye Wisel, Amy Meyer Contributing Writers • Michael Coulter, Seth Fein, Mike Ingram, Kim Rice, Kate Ruin Sales Manager • Mark Nattier Marketing/Distribution • Brandi Wills Publisher • Mary Cory
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This Modern World • Tom Tomorrow Life in Hell • Matt Groening First Things First • Michael Coulter
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Tour Drawing for Gift Certificates Twice during our trip, we’ll be drawing names from those signed up for the eNewsletter. Check the blog to see if you’ve won a Montgomery’s $100 gift certificate. Remember, you must be signed up for the eNewsletter prior to the nights on which names are drawn.
Reservations Now Available Through Open Table Montgomery’s is one of a very few downstate Illinois restaurants participating with Open Table’s online reservation service. Go to our website Montgomerysdining.com to make your next reservation online and Open Table will award you points for every reservation you make through their service - points that accrue as dining dollars. Try our Seamless Dining experience and pre-order everything from your wine, decanted prior to your arrival, to your salad, entrée, and dessert and arrive with no decisions to be made. We do two things and we do them well. Fine dining and catering for any occasion. Call us if you’d like a quote on an in-home party, see our website for details on upcoming events, review our extensive catering services, or commit now to lead a better life through fine dining and make an online reservation.
The Journey is the Spice.
108 S. CHARTER STREET, MONTICELLO, IL 61856 P 217.762.3833 F 217.762.3733 m o n t g o m e r y s d i n i n g . c o m INTRO | A ROUND TOWN | L ISTEN, HEAR | CU CALENDAR | STAGE, S CREEN &
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tatyana safronova EDITOR’S NOTE
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ne sunny Saturday afternoon in Januar y when the winter chill finally hit Champaign, I was slurping down a large plate of hot, oily pig intestines served with vinegary sauerkraut-like green vegetables. At Bo Bo China, 404 E. Green St. in Champaign, employees look at me sideways when I order. I never order the same dish twice, and I usually choose from the Chinese menu. Not because I regret ordering a plate of tofu or even the intestines, but because there are so many tasty dishes that catch my eye. This brings me to the concept of “comfort food”. What’s comfortable may be different for different people, of course. But here are some well-known favorites. Mac and cheese. Cereal. Ramen noodles. Mashed potatoes and ham. The “safe” selections at Asian restaurants: teriyaki chicken in a Japanese restaurant, sweet and sour or sesame chicken at a Chinese restaurant. Cheese pizza at a pizza place. And so on. I often look down on this concept, thinking to myself: Why would anyone pay money for this food? Why not take advantage of a menu that is filled to the brim with dishes you’ve never even tried? Perhaps peoples’ stomachs turn at the idea of eating something like, well, stomach, and perhaps it’s just an anomaly that I find such foods inviting. I would eat escargots over mac and cheese any day of the week
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and munch on seaweed rather than on a cheese pizza just as quickly. I recommend going to an unfamiliar restaurant or getting lunch somewhere different from where you usually go. A change of scenery and an even small alteration in your meal may hopefully give your mind a fresh perspective on even the big things in life, like, for example, life itself. Here are three very palatable suggestions. • Café Paradiso (801 S. Lincoln Ave., Urbana) – You know that feeling like you’re drowning in coffee, because you drink it everyday? At this café, take a chance to drown in something much more wonderful, the affogato (which literally means “drowned” in Italian). It is a scoop of vanilla ice cream splashed with a shot of espresso and drizzled with amaretto cookies. Stop drooling. • Bo Bo China – Unlike myself, my brother had a favorite dish that he always ordered at this restaurant when he was a student here. It was the Seafood Tofu Potage, a metallic bowl filled to the brim with shrimp, scallops, squid, sea cucumber, mussels, crabmeat and tofu, all simmering in a thick sauce over a flame. The Braised Eggplant potage with pork is served in the same fashion. Both dishes provide more than enough food for one person, and they’re simply delicious. • The Great Impasta (114 W. Church St., Champaign) — Take a breather at this Italian restaurant with their refreshing gelato or sorbet. With five different flavors, and each served in a martini glass at $2.50 a pop, you can indulge in more than one. sounds from the scene
J a n ua r y 11
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J a n ua r y 17 , 2 oo7
buzz weekly •
SOME MISTAKES ARE TOO MUCH FUN TO ONLY MAKE ONCE.
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michael coulter FIRST THINGS FIRST
What you gonna do when they come for you? Celebrity cops patrol the mean streets of Indiana
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here’s an old saying: the truth is stranger than fiction. Well, the reason it became an old saying is because it’s sort of true. For example, if someone wrote a movie about a guy who dresses like a clown and kills children, most studios would believe this to be too farfetched for even fiction. Still, it happens in Chicago in real life so it’s stranger than fiction. Thus, the old saying. So, um, I understand that part. I may be having a bit of trouble in the future though because what happens when fiction sort of becomes the truth, and it’s stranger than both the truth or the fiction? I’m confused, too, just like the producers of the new show, Armed and Famous. Here’s the concept as I understand it. Five celebrities (they’re using that term loosely, I assume) will train to become reserve police officers in Muncie, Ind. After graduation, they will then patrol the streets with training officers, just like regular cops ... except famous ... but not really famous, just sort of recognizable famous. You get the idea ... sort of ... right? I think I get the idea and I think it’s probably not a good one. Why is a small Indiana town in such a hurry to arm more idiots? I suppose so they can become kind of famous, too. The celebrities they’ve picked for the program are like a who’s who of “Oh, yeah, I kind of remember them.” The most famous of the bunch, a dubious honor if ever there was one, is Erik Estrada. He used to be on a show called CHIPS where he actually played a police officer. Wow, most famous and most sort of qualified. I truly can’t believe someone hasn’t given this guy a badge and a gun a long time before now. For shitsake, the freaking guy wasn’t even good at pretending to be a cop; I can’t imagine he’ll fare much better in real life. La Toya Jackson will also be on the force. This poor girl has spent her entire creepy life being only the second creepiest member of her entire immediate family, so yep, let’s get her a gun, too. One bonus for her is that after all that plastic surgery I imagine her outer shell has the same properties as a Kevlar vest, so she should be just fine if any shooting breaks out. Plus, any guy she arrests can say “Oh, I remember you from that Playboy spread. Wow, just as nasty in person. Can you go ahead and close your legs for me?” Jason Acuna, who is “Wee Man” on the Jackass show, is another fine candidate to be a cop. Um,
he’s a little person, right? You know, a midget. Sounds like they’re running a pretty tight ship over there in Muncie, Ind. That’s what you really want in a high-speed pursuit, a cop who’s sitting on five phone books so he can see out the window with a broken mop handle pressing on the gas pedal. Not that I would anyway, but remind me never to go to Indiana again. Tr ish Stratus wil l also be on the show. Apparently, she used to be a professional wrestler. I don’t really follow that, so I’ll have to take their word for it. She could probably get a perpetrator in a sweet chokehold, but I was under the impression they discourage that kind of thing these days. Jack Osbourne is the last of the candidates. He’s one of those guys who’s famous because he was made by famous sperm. Apparently, he used to be a little bit of a party animal, so he should be able to spot illicit drugs without much training. The biggest problem I see for him is when he witnesses a strung-out junkie wallowing in his own vomit and realizes that guy’s probably much cooler than he is now. Something like that could really make a dude fall off the wagon. They show him getting hit with a taser in the promo, though, and I gotta admit, I could watch that shit all day long, but still. It appears as if these famous folks will actually be carrying weapons. I mean, it’s in the freaking title, after all. It’s bad for the community and it’s also sort of bad for the criminals. I bet if you get sent up the river by Erik Estrada, you really do your best to keep that knowledge from your cell block. Prison is tough enough what with all the raping and the shiving, so I would imagine being constantly badgered because you were picked up by “Ponch” could only make such a situation worse. Judging by the Web site for the show, the producers know it’s pretty much a joke, and OK, I get it, but seriously, should we really be dicking around this much? I mean, it’s sort of a serious job, being a police officer, or at least it should be. I’m just afraid it will only get worse. Let’s assume this show goes off without a hitch, no one gets killed and everyone has a slap-happy damned good time. That just means they’ll try something else much worse the next time. They may let famous people go to medical school. I would pity the poor guy who eventually ends up getting open-heart surgery from Paulie Shore. At least he’ll be famous, I suppose. At least as famous as the guy who killed him.
OOPS! WE MADE A MISTAKE • In last week’s issue (Jan. 4), we featured an article about the Champaign-Urbana band The Prai-
rie Dogs, but we included the wrong photograph of the band. Check out their Web site featuring band photos at http://www.joshhouchin.com/Prairie_Dogs/Prairiedogs.htm. • Although buzz strives for accuracy, we sometimes make mistakes. If you catch something we didn’t,
please let use know at buzz@readbuzz.com. When a correction is needed, it will be listed here.
sounds from the scene
INTRO | A ROUND TOWN | L ISTEN, HEAR | CU CALENDAR | STAGE, S CREEN &
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B ETWEEN | CLASSIFIEDS | THE STINGER
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around town
SHARE THE HOME
ZHU CHEN • CONTRIBUTING WRITER
AMELIA MOORE • PHOTO ILLUSTRATION
The story of an adoption
On a muggy July night in 1979, Nancy McGlathery left dinner dishes unwashed in the kitchen sink and hurried to her porch waiting for a 7-year-old Korean boy named Ben. A couple of hours earlier she was told by a phone call from the Illinois Department of Children and Family Services that Ben was just removed from his adoptive father’s house that morning. A social worker asked Nancy whether Ben could stay with her for two nights. She agreed without a moment of hesitation. INTRO | A ROUND TOWN | L ISTEN, HEAR | CU CALENDAR | STAGE, S CREEN &
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sounds from the scene
J a n ua r y 11
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J a n ua r y 17 , 2 oo7
buzz weekly •
OLD AGE IS NOTHING TO WORRY ABOUT, EXCEPT IF YOU’RE A CHEESE.
By that point, besides two biological sons Sam, She remembered the f irst morning after then 12, and Dan, then 10, Nancy was also a foster Ben’s arrival. She worried that Ben’s stommother to three kids from different backgrounds. ach might not be ready for heavy or greasy She fostered Tonya, a food, so she got up early to 7-year-old Africanmake him cereal and boiled A mer ican g irl who eggs. But she was wrong; was left alone in the Ben wanted what the other hospital with severe kids were eating: bagels, pneumonia in January s moked s a l mon , c re a m 1978 when her 20 cheese and green melon. year-old single mother He also insisted on going considered herself too to garage sales with Nancy young to take on the and the kids. Despite his responsibility. Nancy poor health, he was runtook in another Korean ning and jumping. Nancy boy, A nd rew, who could see how much Ben came from an abusive wa nt e d t o be f ree a nd family in March 1978. needed a family. - Jim McGlathery And she also cared for T h a t n i g ht , Na nc y’s Rudy, who was 8 years oldest son Sam volunteered old in 1977 when he needed treatment in town to sleep with Ben to make him feel less lonely. after orthopedic surgery at a Champaign hospital, Nancy’s husband Jim McGlather y told her: but his own parents stayed in Pontiac taking care “I don’t think this kid is going to stay here for of their other six kids. just two nights. I just have this feeling.� Finally, Ben came, standing in the doorway Jim was right. in a shrunken T-shirt: skinny arms, skinny legs, The social worker promised to call. One a swollen tummy and a bush of black hair that week passed, then another. There was no call. began to fade into a light red. Nancy reached out “Maybe they haven’t found Ben a foster famher arms to Ben’s and led him into the house; she ily,� Nancy guessed. was not surprised at Ben’s symptoms of child malTwo more weeks trickled by. The rest of the nutrition at all. She had seen children who were summer shortly followed. Then it was time for in bad shape; two years earlier she was a bit hor- school to begin. No call came and Nancy did not rified by Andrew’s appearance, with scratches and call the social worker. bruises all over his face. However, when Andrew “This kid needs a home,� Nancy said to herself. laughed at Tonya’s jokes, Nancy instantly realized Three years passed. Nancy started to love what a nice-looking child he could become. this child.
I don’t think this k id i s goi ng to stay here for just two nights. I just have this feeling.
Do you PGU?
Ben did not have the behavior problem his original adoptive father complained about. Actually, among her five kids, Nancy thought Ben was the easiest to raise. When the family’s car froze in the winter, Ben was always the first one to get out and lend Jim a helping hand. When Andrew bought a car at 16 and drove illegally without a license and insurance, it was Ben who took him aside and asked him not to disappoint their parents. Neighbors would often invite Ben on family trips. “He is such a good influence; I really like my kids to play with your Ben,� they would tell Nancy. Ben made it through middle school, high school and Ball State University with a bachelor’s degree in exercise science. Then he earned a certificate from the American Council on Exercise as a personal trainer and obtained a job at a Chicago fitness training center. When invited to Ben’s baptism ceremony on Nov. 12, 2006, Nancy found it difficult to link the well-muscled and deeply tanned man in front of her to that skinny and scared boy on her porch 27 years ago. “Ben has changed a lot,� Nancy says in a joyful voice. At 67, she changed a lot as well. She wears thick glasses. Her hair is silver. Wrinkles climb her forehead. She never does her hair. She never buys makeup. She wears clothes from garage sales. When her nephew’s parents-in-law called for “black tie� clothing at a wedding in an exclusive club, Nancy showed up with a ten-dollar dress and a two-dollar handbag. “All from garage sales!� she says with a triumphant smile.
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Her siblings know her too well. When their mother died, her younger sister called her to get a share of the jewelry. She knew Nancy would not be interested and would give it to her. Nob o d y wou ld k now he r f a t he r w a s a CEO of an electric company if Nancy did not tell, which she rarely does. Nobody would know she was a Fulbright Scholar in the early 1960 s. Nobody wou ld k now her husband was the head of the Department of Germanic Languages at the University of Illinois. Over the years, all she cared about were her kids: biological, foster, adopted, even those international students she and Jim hosted for the past 36 years in the Inter national Student Hospitality Program. As children leave town, one by one, to college or to careers — Tonya and Ben to Chicago, Andrew to New York, Sam to Bloomington for a while — Nancy moves their old school photos up to the book shelf and frames the most recent ones. Sometimes, she leans towards the shelf, reviewing the photos and holiday cards one by one. Her favorite card is from Ben on Mother’s Day 2006. It says: “I have to get this card because it reminds me of when you were the ‘original’ seat belt.� Nancy turned over to the cover: A mother is reaching out her ar m toward her child, although he is already buttoned up tight with his seat belt. “I did do this,� Nancy says as she removes her glasses, scrutinizing every detail of the expressions of the mother and the child. “Isn’t that cute?� she asks, wear ing her effortless smile.
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listen, hear
7 TO 9
SUNDAYS
AT IRON POST BRING
3 ARTISTS FOR 2 HOURS CAITLIN CREMER • STAFF WRITER
I
AMELIA MOORE • PHOTOS
t’s sad, really, how us students tend to completely wipe out of our minds anything a few blocks outside the radius of Campustown. It’s where? Racine Street, huh? Well, fortunately for those of us who refuse to walk, talk and shop the streets of downtown Chambana, the 50 East Green bus plops us right outside the door of a great (let me stress the word “great” in all its glory) little bar in sweetly established downtown Urbana by the name of the Iron Post. Hosted in this corner bar is the recently created night dubbed “7-to-9 Sundays” when the bar features three bands from three different musical genres in two hours. On Sunday, Jan. 21, the Iron Post will feature Ghost in Light, Sanya N’Kanta (say this name out loud, it has a really good ring to it), and Angie Heaton all for the price of $3.50. Oh, and if you’re hungry, buy a burger — the food served at the Iron Post is delicious. “I’m sure the ‘7-to-9’ series will do well,” Ghost in Light member Shae Moseley said. “It’s a great idea to have early shows on Sundays — it’s something fun to do, but doesn’t keep people out too late on a school night.”
Penny Schoonover, 27, of Urbana, mixes a Bloody Mary cocktail in front of an assortment of liquors Sunday night at the Iron Post in Urbana. The Iron Post is a bar/restaurant/music venue that will be hosting three musical acts for a two-hour session this Sunday from 7 to 9 p.m. Ghost in Light, a Pygmalion Music Festival act, is an indie rock band which will be celebrating an album release on Jan. 20 at the Lucas School House in St. Louis. “We’re especially looking forward to this first [show] because it will be kind of like an out-of-town release show for us,” Moseley said. “[The Iron Post show is] actually the night after our CD release show in our hometown of St. Louis.” The album, After Fox Meadow, features ambient instrumental backdrops to smooth vocal harmonies from all four band members. To give you a taste without actually hearing them, the band’s influences stem from Radiohead, U2, Jeff Buckley, Smashing Pumpkins, The Cure and The Police, among others. The band also has been nominated for “best indie band” at multiple music festivals. “[Sunday night] will actually be our f irst show at the Iron Post, [but] we have several old and new friends in the Champaign-Urbana area so it’s always fun to visit and play,” Moseley said. “It seems that people are very interested and receptive to new bands and new music — it makes for a good atmosphere at the shows.” Also featured at the Jan. 21 “7-to-9 Sundays” is the comfortable blend of twang and pop in the lyrics and guitar of singer/ songwriter Angie Heaton. The musical stylings of the lovelorn yet uplifting Heaton are reminiscent of those of Liz Phair and Aimee Mann. “I have always enjoyed playing at the Iron Post — I love Urbana!” Heaton said. “The owner has always been so kind to me when I’ve played there, and it’s a really great atmosphere, a great place to play and watch other bands.”
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Heaton shares the same opinion of the Champaign-Urbana area as Ghost in Light. Apparently, the CU music scene is not only a treat for the locals and students, but also for the performers. “My friends and fans in Champaign-Urbana are so warm and supportive — there are people who come to almost every show!” Heaton said. “The support in this town is overwhelming [and] I’ve been doing this thing a long time!” The final artist scheduled for Jan. 21 is R&B artist Sanya N’Kanta, whose music is defined by a refined blend of soul, hip-hop and a mix of various electric sounds. In many songs, N’Kanta draws parallels to Seal, while keeping his voice tuned in to his own garnered music. For those of you already familiar with the cozy ambiance of the Iron Post — complete with worn-in (with love) wooden tables and chairs, a pin-ball machine, bar and menu — I recommend setting aside a few hours on Sunday for the Iron Post’s new gig. For those of you who are not acquainted with all that the Iron Post has to offer, the 50 East Green picks you up at practically every other block on Green Street and drops you off in front of the Iron Post. So, come kick back and relax before the school week begins. For only $3.50, you can witness three excellent musicians, all of whom bring distinct sounds of their own — indie-rock, country/folk meets pop and R&B. “7-to-9 Sundays” at the Iron Post begin, ironically enough, at 7 p.m. on Sundays. Angie Heaton, Sanya N’Kanta and Ghost in Light are the featured performers for Jan. 21. Cover is $3.50. The Iron Post is located at 120 S. Race St. in downtown Urbana. sounds from the scene
J a n ua r y 11
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J a n ua r y 17 , 2 oo7
SPIN IT ROUND FLIP IT AND REVERSE IT
buzz weekly •
GOVERNOR VS. BUZZARDS.
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album REVIEWS
Fergilicious?
PHOENIX It’s Never Been Like That
CARLYE WISEL AND BRIAN MCGOVERN • STAFF WRITERS [Astralwerks]
Brian: Ferg i l icious is the best way to describe the best things in the world. The taste of cold lemon ade, hot chocol ate, deep-fried Snickers bars; Fergilicious is refreshing and sweet, simple yet sophisticated. The first time I heard Fergie’s single “London Bridge,” I essentially vomited. Well, I guess I actually did vomit ... it was a mess. But, the second time I heard it, “I only burped once or twice, and I began to appreciate it for what it was. A beat that belongs with Gwen Stefani, a vibe that belongs with the new and improved Nelly Furtado and a lyrical flow that belongs nowhere, “London Bridge” is a collage of proven musical elements that when put together are absolutely horrendous. Like the unfortunate combination of “rock” and “rap,” Fergie made a song that was like playing every “NOW 85” song overlapped ... and it got messy. But before you think I’m dismissing the pop princess, let me spin it a different way. You know those bowls KFC started making? Yes, the ones with mashed potatoes, chicken, corn and whatever condiments laying around all smashed together. “Ew, that’s disgusting,” you say, and true, it is. But, at the same time, isn’t it delicious and amazing? That’s what Fergilicious is, it’s how one would describe eating one of those KFC bowls — disgusting and ethically wrong, but still lovable. Fergie, though totally repulsive and unappealing, has managed to drop the London Bridges of our hearts.
Carlye: The concept of Fergilicious reminds me of marzipan. Your f irst thoughts of “Oh, how c ute! T h at look s l i ke it m ig ht be f u n!” a re immediately followed by “Ew, that made no sense ... what the fuck was that?” Fergilicious is confusing, brow-furrowing and can describe anyone who thinks they’re hot when they’re just a hot ass mess. I still don’t know why Fergie needed to invent an adjective to describe herself. It’s not like the phrase “dumb meth head” was taken or anything. But, if there’s one thing I’ve learned from this overplayed carnival of irritating musical effects and lyrics, it’s that she can’t spell, nor decide if she’s a whore or not. She’s just... Fergilicious, you know? Take Will.i.am, who is featured on the song, for example. He may be my favorite Pea, but his shameless over-promotion of Fergie as a tasty, fun-time candy treat might have done him in. In an “I’ll spell it out letter-by-letter so small children around me won’t understand” way, he repetitively ingrains into our minds that Fergie is both “Delicious” and “Tastey” — yes, with an unexplainable, highly confusing misspelled E. Then, there’s the issue of Fergie herself. Her entire song consists of the denial that she’s easy, promiscuous and sleazy, though she fesses up to being a cocktease. Sort of. She just “can’t be treated like clientele.” Well, good thing it isn’t sleazy to write an ad campaign in the form of a pop song to advertise your body as a yummy, edible treat. Otherwise, we’d have an issue. Although listening to this song as many times as I just did is maddening, I suppose being Fergilicious has its perks. Such as, being D-E-L-I-C-I-O-U-S. Actually, I’d rather be Fergilicious than Britneylicious. I haven’t seen pictures of Fergie’s cooter on the Internet yet. Though, if she truly is Fergilicious, there might just be a heavy emphasis on the word “yet.”
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BREATHE BE Free highspeed internet. Gas fireplace.
ASHLEY KOLPAK • STAFF WRITER
I would be your Bonaparte.” The cheeky and engaging song segues into an entire record of well crafted tunes, as catchy as they are clever. “Consolation Prizes,” one of the album’s singles, is a disjointed, giddy ride that shines as an album standout. “Rally” plays slyly with words and with melody, the shimmying guitars underscore the boy’s plans to get lucky while standing in the picket line. The dramatic swells of “Courtesy Laughs” and rocking guitar work of “Sometimes in the Fall” round out the CD, with a five minute instrumental intermezzo of sorts, “North,” in between. The record, as a whole, represents a band with a unique stylistic take on the music scene. Each song is a delight, each is very different, but in the end they are cohesive. It’s Never Been Like That is a delectable soundscape by a promising band, and I look forward to what’s next from Phoenix.
With appearances on the Lost in Translation and Marie Antoinette soundtracks, Phoenix, in recent years, gained recognition as the darlings of the indie movie scene. The group, originally from Versailles, but now residents of a posh area in Paris, has released four remarkable albums (three in the studio, one live effort) in the past six years. Their latest studio release, It’s Never Been Like That, is a confection of a record that demonstrates the band’s quirky artistry. The album as a whole sounds like pop that’s on the radio today, only better. From plucky guitars to power chords, from rattling drums to persistently pretty rhythms, Phoenix deconstructs mainstream pop and returns it to the listener funkier and fresher. It’s Never Been Like That, the successor to the breakthrough Alphabetical, is part dance record, part the moody reflections of the dashing lead singer, and all fun. Thomas Mars’ lead vocals, gentle when they need to be, aggressive when necessar y, invite the listener to engage in conversation with a keen, upbeat, and utterly alluring French gentleman. He snarls (with polite detachment, as only those French men can) on the CD’s opener “Napoleon Says” that, “You do expect a messiah/You want to be European/
JACQUES-LOUIS DAVID
The Black Eyed Peas entered the Top 40 world with their hit “Where Is the Love.”The previously underground/underrated hip-hop group seemed to finally get their kudos, so to speak, and become known for their quality work. Shortly after, all their glory came crashing down with the addition of Fergie to the group.Yes, from respected hip-hop group to an absurd, “My Humps”-overexposed joke nearly overnight, The Black Eyed Peas owe a lot of their success to Fergie-Ferg. Now, her debut solo album is out and it begs the universal question ... what is Fergilicious?
Napoleon
Topless Female Dancers 18 to enter • Mon-Thur 8pm-1am • Fri-Sat 8pm-2am • $5 Cover (Always Hiring, We’ll Train)
Silver Bullet Bar
1401 E. Washington Urbana 217.344.0937
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buzz weekly
CLIPSE Hell Hath No Fury [Star Track] IMRAN SIDDIQUEE • STAFF WRITER
A m idst the br i l l iant dr ug metaphors and street-ready beats, the us-against-the-world f ire-breathing intensity and clever wordplay, Virginia rap-duo Clipse have a deeper artistic motivation, which sets them apart from your typical coke-rappers. On “Momma I’m So Sorry,” backed as always by the production of the Neptunes, Pusha T raps, “I philosophize about blocks and keys, n*****s call me young black Socrates.” Pusha and his older brother Malice are in the game to create worlds —— mythical lands that are based in
THE MERRY PRANKSTERS WELCOME THE HELL’S ANGELS!
their own truth, extensions of the stories that they have lived in the past and present. Through their singular mastery of hip-hop diction and language, they assemble an environment on their sophomore album Hell Hath No Fury, which features imagery rivaling Joanna Newsom’s Ys for sheer transforming power. Like Newsom’s lyrically dense epics, Clipse use an uncommon vocabulary of metaphors without stopping or slowing to clearly def ine their meanings. Yet, for the fans, this is precisely what resonates as truth; what makes the rappers tales of drug-money stacks and snitches so believable. Songs like the lead single, “Mr. Me Too,” are not empty stylistic ploys aimed at simply convincing the listener of the credibility of the rappers. Pusha T is actually angry, and that nasty cadence you hear as he scowls, “Who gonna stop us? Not a goddamn one of ya,” is intentional and real. After facing years of
mike ingram CU SOUND REVUE
Sniffer takes vacation. A nation celebrates. The local record store has become a thing of the past in tod ay’s music world. Gone are the days of going to a record store to actually f i nd new mu sic a nd to talk to other people about upcoming shows and new bands. These days you don’t have to take a chance on anything — not when you can just go to a band’s MySpace page and have a listen. And in many ways, this system is a good thing. It allows bands to get more exposure and network, and it allows music fans access to basically an infinite supply of new sounds. The other side of the coin, though, is that we see places like Record Service fall to the side. It becomes harder and harder to have a unique music shopping experience. You end up with no place to go except Best Buy and Wal-Mart. Sure, things are cheap, but the selection is relatively small. Well, we’re lucky here in the twin cities, as we still have a few places left that carry used items, local stuff, and the indie things that you can’t find anywhere else. Record shopping is almost like therapy for me. If I’m frustrated or overwhelmed, spending an hour going through stacks and stacks of albums is often the perfect activity to iron things out in my head. So, having these places around is a treat, and more people should be taking advantage of them. Not long ago buzz ran an item about some of those places, but the article was more about how to get there and not about what you could find. Let’s see if I can get you a little more info. Parasol Records (303 W. Griggs in Urbana) has long been the place that no one knew you could actually go inside to shop. Most people think the place only does mail order, along with putting out records on their own labels, but they have always welcomed shoppers to come in and browse. They have even made some changes to
the space recently, in order to make shopping even easier. Yellow footprints on the floor will lead you to a wall of new and local releases, along with a full rack of new vinyl. In the corner you’ll find the rest of the massive CD collection, along with a ridiculous amount of 7” vinyl, including a ton of old local stuff from bands like Hot Glue Gun, Moon Seven Times and even the ever-elusive Ward (that’s right, Ward Gollings’ old band). Ward’s “Boom” is one of my favorite local songs of all-time, and you can find it at Parasol. They have used vinyl (which, if you say Angie Heaton said so, you might get up to half-off on), and a giant dollar section with tons of CDs. Everyone in the place is nice and they all know a ton about music, so ask questions. Owner Geoff Merritt has been around the scene for a long time, so he has a lot of great stories. Just ask him for one of the many about Kayla Brown. So check out Parasol the next time you have the urge to buy some new stuff. I grabbed matt pond PA’s Several Arrows Later on vinyl, and a ton of old 7” stuff. It was a highly enjoyable experience. Record Swap (110 S. Race in Urbana) is right down the street from Parasol, which makes it very easy to hit both on the same trip. Record Swap is more like the record store that the High Fidelity fan will appreciate. You could (and I have) spend hours going through the many thousands of records packed into that space. The stacks tend to get regularly picked clean of your typical Beatles and Led Zeppelin records, though you can happen upon those sometimes. For the ridiculously obscure, though, you’ll find plenty. And right now, there are actually hundreds of albums sitting on the floor all over the store, and they’re all one dollar. It’s really ridiculous. There are tons of gems to be found in each pile. Huey Lewis, Frank Sinatra, Queen, Fleetwood Mac — tons of albums that were simply doubles or triples that just need to be sold. Vinyl is having
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legal troubles with Jive Records, following the success of their debut Lord Willin’, Clipse have finally been given a second chance and you can feel the heat of resentment behind every line on this record. The duo never shies away from the harsh realities of their past, or street-life in general, and it fuels their rage, as well as pride, over their own rags-to-riches story. The beats themselves are icy, mean and strange, reflecting the tension of the themes. Standout “Trill” is a bubbling cauldron of horror with the Neptunes shaping big bass drums around sinister alien synths. The aforementioned “Mr. Me Too” finds Pharrell revisiting “Drop It Like It’s Hot” to create a darker vision of Snoop Dogg’s huge hit, as Pusha maliciously spits, “Tomorrow ain’t promised so we live for the moment.” In this line, we see a core motivation behind Hell Hath No Fury, which essentially uses its difference and singularity as a defense against
the impediments of the world. The fear of being further trampled by the industry elite, or being punished by “guilt” and the hard past is what motivates final track “Nightmares” or leads Clipse on “Mr. Me Too,” to protectively ridicule those who are attempting to cop their style. But in their individuality they hold the key to sustaining success. On “Ride Around Shining,” the crew sings, “All I want to do is ride around shining while I can afford it,” while the beat f loats on a magical lingering synthesizer. It’s perhaps the most compelling song on the best rap album of the year, and as Pusha T and Malice take their style into the coke-stratosphere with lines like “While I’m shoveling the snowman, call me frosty,” it’s clear that through their intentionally strange and distinct voices, they continue to f ight the possibility of failure. But they also move closer to artistic transcendence.
a resurgence at the moment, so get in there and pick those piles clean soon, before someone else beats you to it. Apart from the records, Record Swap also offers a huge selection of used CDs, including a lot of old local stuff. This week I saw everything from the newest Living Blue to old Absinthe Blind (all you young Headlights fans should know that Absinthe Blind was the band that turned into Headlights). Stop in and spend an hour finding twenty records for twenty bucks. It’s very worth it. Exile on Main Street (One Main Plaza in downtown Champaign) is the place that has the biggest variety of goodies available under one roof. Here you can find new DVDs, complete with a Criterion section, along with used DVDs and even a rental service. There are new and used video games and systems, going all the way back to Atari, and there is a vintage arcade game in the corner that you can play for free. As far as the music selection goes, there is a huge section of used CDs, and a good-sized section of new discs. There is also a good selection of local albums. In the back you’ll find a smattering of used vinyl and a few new records. Stuck in the very back corner you’ll find a bunch of half-off CDs. Exile is the new kid on the block, but Jeff Brandt has done an excellent job of building a customer base by having a wide variety of products available, along with doing mail order for just about anything that you might be looking for. Exile also stays open later than the rest, which means you’re not screwed when you are overtaken by an urge to shop at 8 p.m. You’ve got ’til 9!! There you have it — the big three. But wait! C V Lloyde Music Center (University and Neil in Champaign) has a nice selection of local music. When Record Service closed, Lloyde’s decided that they should step up and help local musicians by selling albums for them. And they do this at no charge, which is incredibly nice. They even have all of the local stuff ripped on the store Mac, meaning you can listen to stuff before you buy it. For the guitar players out there, Lloyde’s has the cheapest strings in town, and an excellent array of acoustic and electric guitars. Borders in Champaign has a pretty extensive local section, thanks to employee and local music fan (and generally awesome guy) Dennis Jordan. Sure, it’s a chain. But it’s not Wal-Mart, so hey.
Dennis usually does a good job of keeping the rack stocked, and the listening station fresh with new local stuff. The next time you’re at Borders, find a manager and tell him/her how awesome it is that they carry local music. So now you know. Let’s try to keep as many dollars as possible in local hands when we can, huh? Oh man … shows … The Wandering Sons are coming back to town. Their last show (a December CD release show at Cowboy Monkey) was very much sold out, as word has been spreading about them being one of the best bands in the Midwest. This Friday they will play at the Highdive with elsinore, Gentleman Auction House (St. Louis), Cameron McGill (with a rare solo appearance), and Noah Harris (of the Elanors). I put the show together so I could have a blast with some of my favorite bands for my birthday. If you’re looking for something to do on Friday, come by and say hi. The show will get hoppin’ at 9 p.m. Don’t like the idea of hanging with me on my birthday? That’s cool. Hit up Cowboy Monkey to see Kilborn Alley (one of the finest blues bands in the area), or the Iron Post for Miami Heat Latin Jazz (with Carlos Vega). Saturday night is pretty packed with great shows. The Iron Post will host Rob McColley & the Heather, Mad Science Fair and Without Atom for only $3. At the Canopy Club you’ll find one of my favorite bands, Shipwreck, playing with Exhale, Look Down, Roman Numerals, reds and Coco Coca. The cover is wacky, so just throw some money at them and run in. The metal kids will want to head to Cowboy Monkey, where Tritone will lay it down with Quadremedy and Monster Honkey for $5! And a final bit for all of you Lorenzo Goetz fans: Larry Gates is now dominating a DJ residency at Cowboy Monkey on Wednesdays. Starting at 10:30 p.m., Larry will spin records from his collection, mp3s from his iPod, and beats by himself and with Josh Miethe. There is no cover, though there are tango dancers in there until 10:30. So watch out!
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Mike Ingram is the local music director at WEFT 90.1, where he books the live, local music show WEFT Sessions. He’s also a booking agent and he occasionally calls himself a musician. You can reach him at forgottenwords@gmail.com. sounds from the scene
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sounds from the scene
buzz weekly •
ONLY DEAD FISH GO WITH THE FLOW.
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cu calendar
START OFF THE NEW SEMESTER BY CHECKING OUT OUR BUZZ PICKS:
Live Bands Oberon Iron Post, 7pm, $3 Noisy Gators [They will play two sets of acoustic Cajun, old-time and more.] Aroma Café, 8pm
The Confines, Slingshot 57, Vanattica Cowboy Monkey 10pm, $5 DJ DJ Asiatic Soma Ultralounge 10pm, no cover Limbs [Hip-hop, breaks and party music.] Boltini Lounge, 10:30pm, no cover
FRI. JAN 12 Live Bands Billy Galt Sings the Blues Blues restaurant, 11:30am Marcus Wolfe Jazz Combo Iron Post, 5pm, no cover New Orleans Jazz Machine Cowboy Monkey, 5:30pm $3 Cara Mia Maurizi [Live lounge singer.] Boltini Lounge 6pm, no cover Mother & The Pearls Hubers 8pm, no cover elsinore, Wandering Sons, Gentlemen Auction House, Cameron McGill, Noah Harris Highdive, 9pm, $8 Hatechamber, A New Blood, Butt Ugly Canopy Club 9pm, $5 Miami Heat Latin Jazz [With Carlos Vega.] Iron Post 9pm, $3 Kilborn Alley Blues Band Cowboy Monkey, 10pm, $5
elsinore The Wandering Sons Gentlemen Auction House Cameron McGill Noah Harris
PHOTO COURTESY OF WWW.MYSPACE.COM/ELSINOREMUSIC
Jan. 12, 9 p.m. Highdive, $8
DJ DJ Bozak Soma Ultralounge 10pm, $5 Mertz [House, funk and electro.] Boltini Lounge 10pm, no cover Deeplicio.us [Discofied, retro-filled, globally Infused music. With DJ Mambo Italiano.] Ko.Fusion, 11pm no cover Dancing Contra Dance [Singles, couples, groups and families are invited to come dance to live music. All dances are walked-through prior to dancing. Wear comfortable clothing and bring a pair of clean, soft-soled shoes to protect the wood floor.] Phillips Recreation Center 8pm
elsinore
When five great musical acts all play at the same place on the same night, it’s called something special—not called the Warped Tour, believe it or not. The distinction is found in the Vans sponsorship and that there are five great bands. Yes, when so much talent is gathered in one place, like at the Highdive this Saturday, it’s a must-see concert. The Wandering Sons, led by Cory Chisel, capture America in their songs. Each part of The Wandering Sons conjures up a different spot in history or geography. The crooning and meandering horns sound like a street corner quartet in New Orleans while the raspy vocals seem to come over a static-laden radio straight out of the Oklahoma dust bowl. Genre-bending, it’d be pretty impossible to dislike these guys. Gentlemen Auction House from St. Louis, though equally talented, may be a little more of a specialty band. Sharing similarities with Bright Eyes and even Animal Collective (without hallucinatory drugs), GAH takes beautiful instruments and bends them into something new. Not as traditional as The Sons, their songs are strange and simple but still irresistible. elsinore, the impressive area quartet, headlines while Noah Harris of The Elanors opens (as well as playing in Cameron McGill’s backing band). Check it out, because the Warped Tour isn’t until this summer and punk music hasn’t been this good in at least 15 years. — Brian McGovern
Concerts BACH Coffee Klatch [The Baroque Artists of ChampaignUrbana present treats for your taste buds as well as your ears with this morning concert. Gourmet coffee, pastries and other treats will be provided. Feast on these goodies while hearing dueling cantatas: Bach’s Coffee Cantata, a humorous one-act operetta about a stern father’s attempt to curb his daughter’s coffee habit; and the Kona Coffee Cantata, a chamber opera featuring a blend of Baroque and Hawaiian musical styles. Proceeds benefit the Baroque Artists of ChampaignUrbana.] Wesley Foundation (United Methodist), 10am DJ DJ Tim Williams Highdive 10pm, $5 DJ Bozak Soma Ultralounge 10pm, $5 Chris O [House.] Boltini Lounge, 10pm, no cover Film “The Fountainhead” [Howard Roark, a paragon of integrity, refuses to create buildings that violate his sense of aesthetic value, choosing instead to work as a laborer until he can find funding for his own projects.] Virginia Theatre 1pm, $3 “High Noon” [A newly-married town marshal must balance an innate sense of justice and duty with loyalty to his beautiful new—and pacifist—bride when he is left by an ungrateful town to face a gang of deadly outlaws alone.] Virginia Theatre, 7pm, $3 Recreation Annual Eagle Count [Join the Audubon Society Members to participate in the eagle count.] Anita Purves Nature Center, 7:30am
SUN. JAN 14 Live Bands Leigh Meador Organ Trio Iron Post, 7pm, $3
Miscellaneous “A Dream to Live By” [The community-wide program will feature a speech by University of Illinois President B. Joseph White and music by a community choir directed by Todd Taylor, Minister of Music at Salem Baptist Church.] Krannert Center for the Performing Arts, 5pm
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Study of Pitaya (Dragon Fruit) [Techline is proud to present oil paintings by Hyon Joo Kim.] Techline through Jan. 15 Moscow Festival Ballet: Cinderella [Two beloved ballet classics will be brought to life. Under the artistic direction of legendary Bolshoi performer Sergei Radchenko, the Ballet unites leading dancers from across the Russias in one extraordinary company. Known for its new productions of timeless classics, the company brings its own sense of magic and adventure to “Cinderella” and “Don Quixote.”] Krannert Center for the Performing Arts, Jan. 17-18, 20
Live Bands Open Mic Night Cowboy Monkey, 10pm, free Miscellaneous The Annual Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. Birthday Celebration Unity Breakfast [The speaker for the breakfast will be former Martin Luther King Jr. Scholar Charles Bridges.] Vineyard Christian Fellowship Church, 8:30am
The Body Sublime [“The Body Sublime,” a group show that features artists generating work related to the human body, includes a wide range of interpretations: microscopic examinations, full body studies, translucent portrayals and precision drawings. These works focus on impacting our senses with a visual dialogue that attempts to broaden our conceptions of what is the body.] Parkland Art Gallery through Feb. 8
TUE. JAN 16 Live Bands Billy Galt Sings the Blues Blues restaurant, 11:30am Rehearsal Space in the Void Room [With 56 Hope Road.] Canopy Club, 9pm, free DJ DJ Delayney Cowboy Monkey 10pm, free SubVersion: DJ Evily, DJ Vermis Highdive, 10pm, $2 Chris O [A blend of downtempo and deep house.] Boltini Lounge, 10:30pm no cover
WED. JAN 17 DJ DJ Stifler Highdive, 8pm $3/$5 DJ Bris, DJ Delayney Soma Ultralounge, 10pm, $5 DJ LEGTWO Cowboy Monkey 10:30pm, free Bozak [Hip-hop, funk, turntablism.] Boltini Lounge 10:30pm, no cover
venues
Small Work Plus: A Display of Quilt Art by Mary McDonald [McDonald’s quilts and fiber art are inspired by life events: a meaningful book or piece of art, the natural world, the transition to a new life stage or the gift of friendship.] Pages for All Ages through Feb. 14 Surrealist Interventions: Selections from Krannert Art Museum and the University of Illinois Library [This exhibition pairs Surrealist paintings, photographs, prints and drawings from the Krannert Art Museum collection with the movement’s experiments in print culture from manifestos and single-page tracts to elaborately designed serials and limited-edition books on loan from the U of I Library. With guest curator Jordana Mendelson.] Krannert Art Museum through March 4
Assembly Hall | 1800 S. First, Champaign 333-5000 American Legion Post 24 | 705 W. Bloomington, Champaign 356-5144 American Legion Post 71 | 107 N. Broadway, Urbana 367-3121 Barfly | 120 N. Neil, Champaign 352-9756 Boltini Lounge | 211 N. Neil, Champaign 378-8001 Boardman’s Art Theater | 126 W. Church, Champaign 351-0068 The Brass Rail | 15 E. University, Champaign 352-7512 The Canopy Club | 708 S. Goodwin, Urbana 367-3140 Channing-Murray Foundation/Red Herring | 1209 W. Oregon, Urbana 344-1176 CIVITAS | 112 Main St., Urbana The Courtyard Cafe | Illini Union, 1401 W. Green, Urbana 333-4666 Cowboy Monkey | 6 Taylor, Champaign 398-2688 Curtis Orchard | 3902 S. Duncan, Champaign 3595565 D.R. Diggers | 604 S. Country Fair, Champaign 356-0888 Elmer’s Club 45 | 3525 N. Cunningham, Urbana 344-3101 Embassy Tavern & Grill | 114 S. Race, Urbana 384-9526 Esquire Lounge | 106 N. Walnut, Champaign 398-5858 Fallon’s Ice House | 703 N. Prospect, Champaign 398-5760 Fat City Saloon | 505 S. Chestnut, Champaign 356-7100 The Great Impasta | 114 W. Church, Champaign 359-7377 The Highdive | 51 Main, Champaign 356-2337 Huber’s | 1312 W. Church, Champaign 352-0606 Illinois Disciples Foundation | 610 E. Springfield, Champaign 352-8721 Independent Media Center | 202 S. Broadway, Urbana 344-8820 The Iron Post | 120 S. Race, Urbana 337-7678 Jackson’s Ribs-n-tips | 116 N. First, Champaign 355-2916 Joe’s Brewery | 706 S. Fifth, Champaign 384-1790
Krannert Art Museum | 500 E. Peabody, Champaign 333-1861 Krannert Center for the Performing Arts | 500 S. Goodwin, Urbana Tickets: 333-6280, 800-KCPATIX La Casa Cultural Latina | 1203 W. Nevada, Urbana 333-4950 Lava | 1906 W. Bradley, Champaign 352-8714 Les’s Lounge | 403 N. Coler, Urbana 328-4000 Lincoln Castle | 209 S. Broadway, Urbana 344-7720 Mike ‘n Molly’s | 105 N. Market, Champaign 355-1236 Nargile | 207 W. Clark, Champaign 239-7608 Neil Street Pub | 1505 N. Neil, Champaign 359-1601 The Office | 214 W. Main, Urbana 3447608 OPENSOURCE |12 E. Washington, Champaign http://opensource. boxwith.com Parkland College | 2400 W. Bradley, Champaign 351-2528 Phoenix | 215 S. Neil, Champaign 3557866 Rose Bowl Tavern | 106 N. Race, Urbana 367-7031 Side Bar | 55 E. Main, Champaign 398-5760 Springer Cultural Center | 301 N. Randolph, Champaign 398-2376 Spurlock Museum | 600 S. Gregory, Urbana, 333-2360 The Station Theatre |223 N. Broadway, Urbana 384-4000 Strawberry Fields Cafe | 306 W. Springfield, Urbana 3281655 TK Wendl’s | 1901 S. Highcross, Urbana 255-5328 Tommy G’s | 123 S. Mattis, Country Fair Shopping Center 359-2177 TRACKS | 116 N. Chestnut, Champaign 762-8116 University YMCA | 1001 S. Wright, Champaign 344-0721 Urbana Civic Center | 108 Water St., Urbana Verde/Verdant | 17 E. Taylor, Champaign 366-3204 Virginia Theatre | 203 W. Park Ave, Champaign 3569053 White Horse Inn | 112 1/2 E. Green, Champaign 352-5945 Zorba’s | 627 E. Green, Champaign 344-0710
Moscow Festival Ballet
Dancing Tango Dancing Cowboy Monkey, 7:30pm, free
Champaign County Humane Society Kennel Assistant All of the animals in residence at the humane society have been through stressful times before reaching the shelter, so they may be nervous or lonely. That’s why they need you! Animal socializers come to the humane society on a flexible schedule and spend quality “people-time” with the
Family Fun Kid’s Night Out [Come socialize with other kids, play games, watch a movie and get your energy out at the gym. Snacks and supervision will be provided by trained staff.] Leonhard Recreation Center, 6:30pm $6/$9 fee
Live Bands Dave Dreyer Hubers, 8pm no cover Shipwreck, Exhale, Look Down, Roman Numerals, reds, Coco Coca Canopy Club, 9pm Quadremedy, Tritone, Monster Honkey Cowboy Monkey 10pm, $5 Mad Science Fair, Without Atom, Rob McColley & The
art & theater
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residents. This not only improves their quality of life but also makes them more attractive to potential adopters. Kennel assistants also aide in maintaining a clean and positive kennel environment to reduce disease and stress of the animals. This volunteer opportunity includes cage cleaning, laundry and other cleaning projects. The Champaign County Humane Society is always accepting volunteer applications. Interested? Send an e-mail to 2.volunteer@cuhumane.org or call 344-7297 for more information.
SAT. JAN 13
VISIT WWW.CUCALENDAR.COM FOR THE MOST CURRENT EVENTS AND TO ADD YOUR OWN. INTRO | A ROUND TOWN | L ISTEN, HEAR | CU CALENDAR | STAGE, S CREEN &
Miscellaneous “Reflections: Through the Eyes of a Dreamer” [An event to celebrate the life and works of Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. A reception will immediately follow the program.] Community Relations Office 4pm, free
Heather Iron Post, 10pm, $3
IMAGE COURTESY OF WWW.KRANNERTCENTER.COM
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PHOTOS COURTESY OF WWW.CUHUMANE.ORG
sounds from the scene
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stage, screen & i n b e t w e e n
A NEW GENERATION OF SYMPHONY
PHOTO COURTESY OF BRIDGET LEE CALFCAS.
With its Western European music and American director Lorin Maazel, Symphonica Toscanini’s performance at the Krannert Center on Jan. 19 should be buonissimo.
The Symphonia Toscanini will be performing at the Krannert Center on Jan. 19. JEFF NELSON • STAFF WRITER
I
t seems that the last thing Western Europe needs is another symphony orchestra. The performing arts, however, is not an institution based on need and theoretically, there is always room at the top in the arts, where supposedly competition does not exist. Perhaps this is the concept behind the Symphonica Toscanini and its creation in May 2006; they are coming to the Krannert Center in Urbana on January 19. Named for the late, great Italian-American maestro, Arturo Toscanini (1867—1957), this Rome-based orchestra of some 200 rotating members represents a new generation of Western Europe’s finest musicians. With so much European f lavor, it was quite a surprise when the orchestra named American Lorin Maazel as Music Director for Life. Maestro Maazel, no stranger to the Krannert Center, has conducted some 150 major symphony orchestras since the early 1940s, among them Toscanini’s own NBC Symphony. The NBC Symphony under Maestro Toscanini, from 1937 to 1957, was one of the legendary commercial orchestras that introduced a generation to classical music with regular broadcasts on the NBC radio network and hundreds of recorded works. As INTRO | A ROUND TOWN | L ISTEN, HEAR | CU CALENDAR | STAGE , S CREEN &
a refugee from fascist Italy, Toscanini brought the best of Europe’s classical music traditions to the New World, and the New World embraced him. The sound waves of his orchestra entered American homes via the NBC network and arrived just in time to utilize the new invention of the long-playing record, or LP. His concerts and recordings from NBC Studio 8-H in Rockefeller Center in New York gave great music to a wide audience that might otherwise never have heard it. Today, this same studio has continued to reach wide audiences as it is the home of Saturday Night Live. Lorin Maazel, who once stood before this formidable orchestra as a subteenage guest conductor, is now ready to bring this legacy to the New World once again. This new orchestral assignment adds to Maazel’s considerable schedule, as he is the current music director of the New York Philharmonic. During his distinguished career, he has produced over 300 recordings. This current tour may or may not call for the Symphonica Toscanini to record for the first time, so this upcoming January concert is a rare opportunity to experience one of the world’s great new orchestras. Maestro Maazel has an all-European program for his U.S. tour, IN
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which begins in January of 2007, the 50th anniversary of Toscanini’s death. The January 19 concert at Krannert will feature Rossini’s Overture to The Barber of Seville, Richard Strauss’ Don Juan, Debussy’s La Mer, and Beethoven’s Third Symphony. In addition to the U.S. part of the tour, the Symphonica Toscanini will tour South America and Western Europe, and will finish in Israel. In the course of this ambitious concert tour, the orchestra will play all nine of Beethoven’s symphonies. In honor of Maestro Toscanini, Verdi’s Requiem Mass will be performed on San Giovanni, an island Toscanini loved as his primary vacation spot. Symphonica Toscanini is an orchestra breaking into the world concert scene while so many symphony orchestras struggle simply to survive. With a legendary conductor of today and an ensemble named after a legendary conductor of yesterday, this new musical force has already hit it big. Hear for yourself what the fuss is about on Janaury 19, and you might even want to listen to the work of the original maestro. For ticket information call 333-6280, or go to www.krannertcenter.com for further details. sounds from the scene
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JUST ACT NATURAL, PRETEND DENIRO ISN’T WATCHING.
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ROCKY BALBOA
TOM LANGE • STAFF WRITER
SYD SLOBODNIK • STAFF WRITER
Few things are as disappointing as an overhyped film, and The Good Shepherd is a perfect example. With an all-star cast, a respected director (Robert DeNiro) and an intriguing subject, The Good Shepherd should have been the kind of film that people tout as a potential Oscar winner. Instead it amounts to nothing more than an overly drawn-out character study. The f ilm, which bills itself as a look into the truth behind the birth of the C.I.A., is actually best described as a character study of Edward Wilson (Matt Damon), a career spy. From the formation of the agency during World War II to the disastrous Bay of Pigs operation, we see Edward, a reser ved and even cold character, from his introduction to the world of espionage and watch how his career’s theme of never trusting anyone affects his life over the next 20 years.
Despite being a “spy movie,� some of the film’s best scenes are between Edward and his wife Clover (Angelina Jolie), especially when they are trying to save their marriage which they both know was doomed from the start. The story of their romance is as follows: after a courtship that consists mainly of a one-night stand, the two are married and then separated for six years when Edward goes overseas during World War II. After the war, he returns home to his wife and son he hardly knows. The film’s tension along with a few plot twists continually keep the viewer hopeful that something more is just around the corner; but with a running time just shy of three hours, the numerous lulls in the film eventually overshadow the its redeeming qualities. In the end, The Good Shepherd is a decent movie, but in the hands of a better director it could have been something more.
Rocky Balboa is Sylvester Stallone’s surprise comeback f ilm. Who would have thought it possible? After nearly a decade of unimpressive screen roles, from Driven to Spy Kids 3-D, and over 16 years since his last Rocky sequel, it looked like the old “Italian Stallion� was ready for the actor’s retirement home. But his return to the Rocky franchise is a career revitalizer. Stallone has written and directed a very personal and emotional, character-based story of a lonely retired boxer who is reflecting on his past. And with sparse fight training scenes and just one climatic bout, Stallone revives the magic of the simple character he created over 30 years ago. Looking paunchy and leather-faced, Stallone reprises his original film’s tried and true formula with his messages of self-respect, honor and redemption. Now in his 60s, a widower and owner of a local neighborhood restaurant called Adrian’s, Rocky is in his twilight reminiscing with customers about his heyday glories. His brother-in-law Paulie, still played by the reliable Burt Young, helps him relive past memories, too. With Adrian gone, and his emotionally distant son attempting to be a yuppie businessman, Rocky needs something else in his life. He befriends a local single mom, offers her employment and becomes a surrogate father to her teen son. But when an ESPN computer-simulated fight matches Rocky with the present heavyweight boxing champ, an arrogant Mike Tyson-like fighter named Mason “the Line� Dixon, promoters tempt Rocky back in the ring for an exhibition bout that provides Balboa one last shot at life’s redemption. Rocky Balboa is at times ver y nostalgic and sentimental and even quite predictable. The training and championship bout seem plausible enough for a fairly fit actor of Stallone’s age in a sports fantasy like this. While some may find the film excessively maudlin as Rocky reminisces tender moments of his late wife’s early courtship with him, Stallone goes the distance to deliver a very entertaining film with heart.
die but we actually get to see it in all its bloody glory. With deaths caused by objects that range from ice skates to rolling pins to cookie cutters, this is by far the most enjoyable portion of the film. It actually briefly held my attention. When else do you get to see a lot of hot sorority chicks get their eyes plucked out and eaten? Finally, the third part of the film (like the third act of every slasher film) is repetitive and obnoxious: the killer just won’t die and comes back to pursue the survivors. Like I said before, yawn.
If you can buy a ticket for 1/3 of the price to see the second act of the film, by all means do. I don’t think, however, movie theaters do that, so do your wallet and brain a favor and don’t see it. Go see something else; Apocalypto is gorier and not as bad. Or just rent the original. Either way, don’t see the remake. In a year of great remakes such as The Hills Have Eyes, The Last Kiss and The Departed, Black Christmas is merely a sub-mediocre film that reaffirms the common-thought notion that remakes inherently suck.
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THE GOOD SHEPHERD
BLACK CHRISTMAS JEFF GROSS
• STAFF WRITER
I can sum up the 2006 remake of the 1974 slasher classic Black Christmas in one word: yawn. This movie was terrible. It’s 84 minutes of mindnumbing nothingness. Sure, the kill scenes are deliciously gory and fun; regrettably, they’re too far spaced apart to keep anyone’s attention. The movie can be summed up in three parts. The first third of the movie is the “introduction�: people die but it’s implied (thus none of the kills are actually shown), and the killer’s background is introduced. In the second part, more people sounds from the scene
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DREAMGIRLS
With the buzz surrounding potential Oscar contention, Dreamgirls — based on the Broadway musical about three female R&B singers — set high expectations, much as Ray did two years ago. This time, instead of Jamie Foxx (who also stars in this movie), the name on everyone’s lips is that of newcomer Jennifer Hudson (former American Idol contestant); Beyonce Knowles, Danny Glover and Eddie Murphy round out the rest of the main cast. Having grown up seeing movie musicals, I was curious to see what made this one so special. And the answer is Hudson. She is the emotional force behind this movie despite Beyonce’s top bi l l i ng, a nd d i rector Bi l l Condon places her favorably within shots to
share equal space with Beyonce. Her no-holdsbarred performance of “And I Am Telling You I’m Not Going,” was the show-stopper, leaving viewers at my screening gasping at her vocal hills and valleys and applauding her range. Another pleasant surprise was Eddie Murphy. After watching him, I had new admiration and respect for his talent — not only is he funny, but the man can sing. The rest of the cast did a f ine job, although Beyonce and Foxx’s characters lacked the f ire that the other supporting players possessed. Visually, Dreamgirls is dazzling. Glittery and stylized, this film delivers an original palette, which changes along with the music scene from the Motown look of the ’60s to ’70s disco. It flows smoothly, with non-diegetic songs never slowing its pace. Cinematographer Tobias Schliessler and editor Virginia Katz keep the camera constantly moving, often in time to the rhythm of the songs making for a dynamic, enjoyable film experience which comes to a rather tired, all-too-neat conclusion. Viewers will surely draw parallels between these “Dreams” and their real-life counterparts, The Supremes, whose ending was not so happy. But watch for fun little nudges at other famous groups in the movie as well. Dreamgirls is well worth seeing, especially for musical-lovers.
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Corinne Maier’s Bonjour Laziness: Why Hard Work Doesn’t Pay KERI CARPENTER • STAFF WRITER
Corinne Maier is not afraid to speak her mind and put her job on the line in her book Bonjour Laziness: Why Hard Work Doesn’t Pay. However, she gets a little carried away and while reading it, I got lost in the translation of her elucidation of how inadequate and inconsequential conglomerate jargon really is — kind of like how I probably just lost you early on in this sentence. Bonjour Laziness is a book of lessons and tips that Maier has put together based on her experience as an economist for a French corporation and as a veteran in the business world. She rarely says anything good about the “business world”; she makes college degrees, dedication and hard work seem like useless things that will only hinder you in this world. At fi rst, you’ll probably laugh when
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she says things like “it’s in your best interest to work as little as possible,” and that the business world is full of “useless meetings and bogus seminars”; however, it gets old and redundant after awhile and makes the book drag on. One thing I did like about this book is that Maier clearly did her homework in order to write it. She is very knowledgeable about the business world — its pros, cons, failures, successes, seductions — and takes into account the many other opinions of authors of other books about business. I wouldn’t say not to read Maier’s book, but I will say don’t read it all in one sitting. Even though the book is short, you’ll need a few weeks to get through it because her diction and unique writing style is a little stifl ing.
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HIDDEN GEM
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BRENT SIMERSON • STAFF WRITER
HIDDEN GEM — PI (1998)
THE LION KING (1994) It is the cornerstone feature cartoon of most of our childhoods and, in my opinion, the best soundtrack ever compiled. Each and every morning when I was a kid, I’d pour myself a bowl of Berry Berry Kix, take down a Flintstone’s vitamin and tell myself, “Hakuna matata.” To be honest, The Lion King is the quintessential animated flick of our generation and is the benchmark of comparison for every Disney movie since its release. The movie has everything a kid wants: heroes, villains, witty character development, drama, an excellent score and soundtrack and a strong thematic plotline. The cast of voices, which includes Jonathon Taylor Thomas (Young Simba),
LIONS GATE
Darren Aronofsky, the director of the haunting flick Requiem for a Dream (2000), first discovered critical success in his premiere feature film. Again teaming up with actor Sean Gullette, the lead in Aronofsky’s awardwinning Harvard thesis Supermarket Sweep (1991), Pi offers a glimpse into the twisted mind of mathematical savant Maximillian Cohen (Gullette). Max’s searing headaches begin to intensify as he seeks to calculate the mathematical pattern behind nature, and more specifically, the stock market. His pursuits lead to his harassment by stock market gurus and religious fanatics alike. Instantly considered a cult classic because of the nature of its subject and limited theatre exposure, Pi
heavily relies on a minimalist screenwriting approach — although somewhat due to the film’s dwarf budget — and a slew of innovative cinematography decisions that make the film crisply bleak. The coupling of black-andwhite media with close-angled camera shots gives the film an Eraserhead-type feel without distracting the viewer.
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Matthew Broderick (Adult Simba), James Earl Jones (King Mufasa) and Nathan Lane (Timon the Meerkat), fit very well with the personas of the characters they voice. And then there is the soundtrack — Elton John’s “Circle of Life,” “I Just Can’t Wait to be King,” and “Can You Feel the Love Tonight,” complements master composer Hans Zimmer.
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Earn great money as an exotic dancer at the Silver Bullet. You pick your hours. call 344-0937 after 8 pm.
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FAIRLAWN VILLAGE, U Available Now. 1 & 2 bedroom duplexes in quiet Urbana neighbrhood. Carpet, Window A/C, some Washer/Dryer hookups, Gas or Electric Heat. 1 bedrooms $500/mo, 2 bedrooms $550/mo. Shown 7 days a week. BARR REAL ESTATE, INC 356-1873
508 S. Mattis, C. Available Now. 3 bedroom apartment in great Champaign Complex with courtyard. Laundry Facilities, carpet, ceiling fans, covered parking. Rent starts at $590/mo. Shown 7 days a week. BARR REAL ESTATE, INC 356-1873
Aug 2007. Ethernet avail, Window a/c, parking $45/mo, laundry. Efficiency $310/mo, 2 bdrms $640/mo. Shown 7 days/week. BARR REAL ESTATE, INC. 356-1873 www.barr-re.com AVAILABLE AUGUST ‘07 THE NEVADAN 903 W. Nevada 2 BR • 2 Bath & 2 BR • 1 Bath Designer furniture package with queen-size sleigh beds. Walk-in 2 person showers in each bathroom. Hardwood floors & ceramic tile, 9’ ceiling on 1st & 2nd floor, vaulted ceilings & skylights on top floor. Walk-in closets, washer/dryer, covered parking, buzzer entry. Highspeed internet available. Please call for information. BARR REAL ESTATE 356-1873 www.barr-re.com
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706 S Locust,C.
Illini Media seeks a full-time professional classified advertising manager. Strong emphasis on sales combined with directing student staff selling and servicing print classified and other advertising. Additionally, will perform and supervise administrative and clerical support, including scheduling, for advertising department. Must have an aptitude for sales, customer service skills, leadership, motivation and energy. Experience in advertising, sales or management preferred. College degree preferred. Illini Media offers a diverse and dynamic environment, competitive compensation and comprehensive benefits. To apply, please send a cover letter and resume to: Nancy Elliott at nelliott @illinimedia.com, or mail to Illini Media, 512 E. Green St. Champaign, IL 61820. EOE
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6OGVSOJTIFE 1 bedroom, near downtown. $475/mo. All utilities included. 6496775. Duplex, 2 bedrooms, appliances including washer/dryer. 1 car garage. On busline. $600/mo. (217)6370975. evavlach@prudentiallandmark.com For rent: 2 BR, 1 BA Duplex, W/D, pets ok, w/ patio, 5 mins from campus Contact @ 618-207-1448 $710/mo.
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1 Bedroom in 3 bedroom apartment. $270/mo + utilitities, with free internet & parking. Non-smoking, close to Grainger. arkelly2@uiuc.edu.
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3 bedroom, off-campus, Southwest Champaign. Hardwood, garage, no pets. $725/mo. 649-6775 4 bedroom, 2 bath. Walk to downtown Champaign. $1200/month 217369-1670 http://www.milsco.us 4 BR off-street parking, central air, no pets. $1400/mo. 417-5539. Very nice 2 bedroom near Champaign Country Club. $950/mo. No pets. Fireplace, garage, hardwood. Includes heat & water. 649-6775.
300.4
Roommate needed to share furnished 3 bedroom, 1 bath house in quiet, non-party neighborhood in west Champaign, with one young professional. $400/month + electricity. On busline, off-street parking. Must be drug and alcohol free. Call James, 417-0575. Roommate to share nice 3.5 BR house near Prospect and Daniel, lots of windows, arched doorways, wood floors, w/d and parking included. $475/mo plus utilities Melanie, 403-1965.
530
On campus, Gregory and Arbor Spacious furnished single rooms for women. All utilities plus phone included. Fast ethernet and parking available. 384-0333
www.4illini.com Room in artist’s house. $250/mo. 649-1767
Furnished 1 BR, BA in 3 BR is available for Spring and Summer for $380/mo. All utlities included, 217766-7196 or hussainlajami@gmail.com
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the stinger kim rice & kate ruin DOIN’ IT WELL
The purpose and politics of pubic hair
jonesin CROSSWORD PUZZLE 2 3 4 5 6
21 Reject
“Don’t Say It”—I hate 23 *Irritating “Grey’s the starred entries, and Anatomy” nickname 26 It may be twisted so should you! Across 1 Franken and Yankovic 4 He allowed Miss USA 2006 to keep her title 9 A lot of H.S. juniors take it 13 Rapper MC ___ 15 Beatrix portrayer, in a 2006 movie 16 “___ Be in Love” (Kate Bush song) 17 *Annoying one-word celeb couple 19 Popular website genre 20 Half a Danny Elfman band
27 28 32 35 37 38 39 40 41 42 43 44 46 48
Capital on a fjord Stir up Chews the fat Put before ___-combat role Shared 2600 maker Aberdeen resident Gold, in Guadalupe Makes it home Long swimmers Beauty in a bottle Protective pad’s place Air quality watchdogs: abbr.
Sung line R.E.M. hit Naples number Buddhism, e.g. One of the principles of Kwanzaa 7 Wine list companion 8 Anjou, e.g. 9 Andy Warhol’s forte 10 *Lame reality TV term driven into the ground by this season’s “Big Brother All-Stars” 11 Razor name 12 Skateboarding mogul Hawk 14 Capture all of one’s attention 18 Makes a move 22 Depilatory brand 24 Llama relative 25 Jazzman Jelly Roll ___ 28 From the top 29 Lady of Kyoto 30 Person used by others 31 “Lord of the Rings” trees 32 Screw-up 33 Emanation 34 *Overused word since a 2005 movie’s release 36 Knack for music 40 Detecting 42 RBI or GNP 49 *Ditzy phrase Paris Hil45 Geological periods ton won’t stop saying 53 Procedure in “One Flew 47 Grammatically correct (but really awkward) way Over the Cuckoo’s Nest” to introduce yourself 57 Fort fight 58 Candy-colored computer 49 Aerosmith frontman Steven 59 *Bothersome phrase 50 Repairs indicating a show randomly won’t air again 51 Staring sort 52 Chilly temperature range until next year 53 Taylor of “Mystic Pizza” 62 Gdansk, Poland’s ___ 54 Sign Walesa Airport 55 Kills, mob-style 63 Topps competitor 56 Like plug ends of cords 64 Remote valley 60 Court call 65 Fills in a tattoo 61 Olympics abbr. for Jean66 Mattress brand Claude Killy’s country 67 Grads-to-be Down Answers: 18 1 “Tuesdays With Morrie” author Mitch
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Why do we have hair down there?
There’s no clear-cut answer to why we’ve got pubic hair, but theories abound. Here are some of the more popular ones … Pubic Protection Pubic hair may have developed to reduce infection by helping to keep dirt and foreign substances away from the genitals and out of the vagina and anus. It may also have served as a barrier to protect those sensitive parts when sitting on the ground (our ancestors didn’t have underwear and jeans). Some believe pubic hair helps to cushion the skin from friction and contact during the bump and grind, making sex more comfortable. It is also thought that pubic hair helps to keep the genitals warm. Attraction Some researchers believe pubic hair’s purpose is to capture pheromones, erotic scents that can be detected, sometimes subconsciously, and encourage sexual intercourse. Armpit and pubic hair grows where the major scent glands are found and hair could be a means of wafting this scent about. The way people style their pubic hair varies from culture to culture, and today there seems to be more options and deliberate grooming of hair down there. Pubic hairstyles are used as decoration, to help people either feel good about themselves and/or to be more attractive to their “mate.” Bikinis, Honey & Pubic Lice While pubic styles like the “landing strip” or the “star” may seem like a sign of the times, it’s not just 21st century women who have styled their pubes. Women removed their pubic hair in ancient Egypt using a mixture of honey and oil and small piece of leather. Some cultures have removed pubic hair on both men and women, as a religious activity designed to enhance “cleanliness.” Before medical cures for infections like syphilis and pubic lice, the treatment of the day was to shave pubic hair with the hope that the STI would go away. This was obviously more effective (although not necessarily curative) for public lice. Because of the practice of shaving due to infection and the stigma that resulted if a person did not have pubic hair (or the syphilis sore that was then visible), the “merkin,” or pubic wig, was developed. But it doesn’t stop there. During WWII, manufacturers were instructed to limit the materials they used in the production of bathing suits and the bikini was invented. But that meant much more body hair was exposed and both men and women felt they needed to get rid of it. Razors and pubic hair removal substances first appeared in American department stores in the 1920s, and in the ’60s, the first Brazilian wax
hit the shelves, even though women in ancient Rome, Greece, Egypt and Arabia had been waxing for centuries. We refer to it as a Brazilian wax because women in Brazil started removing all of their pubic hair in order to more comfortably don the new “thong”-style bikini. In recent years men have become more concerned with body hair and have been removing it using the same methods as women. Hair Today, Gone Tomorrow? However you decide to style your pubic hair is up to you. It may seem that the mainstream trend is that pubic and other body hair is unattractive on both men and women. But there are men and women who prefer a more natural look of full-grown pubic hair, others who prefer a trimmed appearance, and others who enjoy the absence of all body hair. Sometimes, particularly for women, a person can become much more aware of their genitals when pubic hair is removed. The act of removing the hair, if done yourself, can also increase your relationship with your vulva, penis or anus. This newfound knowledge and appreciation of the genitals can be beneficial as we realize, for example, that women have more than just hair and a “hole.”
It seems valid to question why fashion and porn industries idealize a prepubescent beauty ideal. Pubic Politics Body hair, particularly on women, has also served a political purpose in Western society. Many men and women remove body hair because of social pressure and expectations. Because of this, some women have chosen not to remove body hair as a symbol of gaining control of their lives and not buying into to male-dominated beauty ideals. Others choose not to remove their pubic hair because removing it gives the body a prepubescent look. It seems valid to question why fashion and porn industries idealize a prepubescent beauty ideal. How does this cultural infatuation with extremely young women’s and girls’ bodies affect our ideas of what it means to be sexy? Whether you decide to keep or remove your body hair should be up to you. We all own our bodies and as such should present them, either to ourselves or to others, in ways that make us feel good about ourselves. It is, after all, only hair. Kim Rice and Kate Ruin are professional sex educators. Contact them at riceandruin@yahoo.com.
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TEAMWORK IS ESSENTIAL - IT ALLOWS YOU TO BLAME SOMEONE ELSE.
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free will astrology JAN. 11 — JAN. 17 ARIES
March 21 – April 19
The coming year will be a favorable time for you to prostrate yourself in prayer on mountaintops, to grunt ferocious promises into the night wind while standing on rooftops, to dance yourself into an ecstatic state and then meditate on your life’s bottomless questions, and to make love with funky spiritual grace while flying on a plane. Catch my drift, Aries? Doing anything that combines heights and depths will put you in alignment with cosmic rhythms.
T A U RU S
April 20 – May 20
It’s possible you’ll live for 150 years. Scientific studies on how to outwit the aging process are generating increasingly compelling data, and so is psychospiritual research into the attitudes and emotions that encourage longevity. The coming year will be prime time for you to make yourself aware of these explorations, and to adjust your lifestyle accordingly. Here are two places to start your investigation: (1) the article “I’m Going to Live Forever” at http://tinyurl. com/6w4wh; (2) the book Fantastic Voyage: Live Long Enough to Live Forever, by Ray Kurzweil and Terry Grossman at http://tinyurl.com/nv35y.
GEMINI
May 21 – June 20
Jargon Watch author Gareth Branwyn defines “obstacle illusion” as “something that looks like it will be a huge problem, but turns out not to be.” This is your theme for early 2007, Gemini. You may imagine you’ll have to face a lot of resistance to your dreams, when in fact you won’t. You might even gear up for confrontations that don’t actually need to take place. Ironically, though, the willpower and tenacity you summon while expecting to face difficulties could prove valuable. So maybe it’s fine if at first you don’t realize that the obstacles are illusions.
CANCER
June 21 – July 22
I predict that you won’t punch out Paris Hilton in a bar in 2007. Nor will you buy your own Lear jet, train to be a Shaolin Kung Fu monk, or get a clip-on nose ring. Leather chaps? I bet you won’t wear them even once, nor will you sneak into your old high school at night and spraypaint obscenities on the walls. In the coming year, you might, on the other hand, get a tattoo of the glyph for infinity. You may obtain a ceremonial sword and use it in a ritual to symbolically cut away a certain dead-end fantasy you’ve been clinging to even though it’s no damn good for you. You could also go on a quest to satisfy your oldest curiosity, and learn a lot about how to control your emotions without repressing them.
LEO
July 23 – Aug. 22
From a metaphorical perspective, Leo, the 2006 chapter of your life story could have been titled “Asleep in the Garden.” Beautiful fertility and fertile beauty have surrounded you, but you’ve been more aware of them in your dreams and subconscious mind than in your conscious waking life. I expect that to change in 2007. That’s why I’m envisioning a new chapter that’ll be called “Awake in the Garden.”
VIRGO
Aug. 23 – Sept. 22
Patriarch Bartholomew, the leader of the Orthodox Christian Church, has a flock of 300 million. Unlike most other religious leaders, he crusades for the preservation of the environment. “To commit a crime against the natural world is a sin,” he says. “For humans to cause species to become extinct and to destroy the biological diversity of God’s creation; for humans to contaminate the Earth’s waters, land, air, and life with poisonous substances: These are sins.” The astrological omens suggest that he’ll be a good role model for you in 2007, Virgo. You’ll generate lush personal dividends if you intensify your intention to live in harmony with nature and invoke a spiritual zeal as you defend your planet against its despoilers.
LIBRA
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Oct. 23 – Nov. 21
S AG I T TA R I U S
Nov. 22 – Dec. 21
CAPRICORN
Dec. 22 – Jan. 19
AQUA R I U S
Jan. 20 – Feb. 18
If 2006 sometimes felt like the Year of Perpetual PMS (even for you men), 2007 will quickly make you forget any bloated, edgy feelings that may still linger. The coming months may in fact feel like the Year of Perpetual Ovulation (even for you men). I bet you’ll often feel horny not just for sexual adventures, but for other kinds of intimate exchanges that make you smarter and wilder.
Your power animal in 2007 will be the hare, whose front legs are shorter than its back legs, allowing it to run uphill with exceptional speed. What this means, Capricorn, is that while you will have more ascents to make than usual in the coming months, you will also be well-equipped to carry them out with efficiency and power. The steep challenges you face might feel daunting to anyone else, but your heightened ability to conquer them will often inspire you to approach them with relish.
Some people imagine that the Aquarian Age, if it ever kicks in, will be an airy-fairy affair, rife with crystal healings and dolphin channeling. We’ll be surrounded by neo-hippie do-gooders who spread sentimental love. But that’s all wrong. The real Aquarian Age will bring a revolution in our political and economic structures, fueled by the Internet and other technologies. There’ll be intelligent machines with whom we’ll develop complex relationships. Sexual identities will mutate and expand, leading to at least seven distinct genders, and there’ll be a host of new ways to experience erotic pleasure. Advances in anti-aging research, nanotechnology, and genetic manipulation will mutate many ideas about what it means to be human. You are by no means obligated to be on the front lines of this revolution, Aquarius. But if you do feel inclined to hang out there, 2007 will be the most adventurous year of your life so far.
PISCES
Feb. 19 – March 20
“Picture the Grand Canyon,” says Buddhist teacher Jack Kornfield. “Every hundred years, a child comes by and throws a mustard seed into it. In the time it takes to fill the hole in the earth with mustard seeds, one mahakalpa will have passed. To perfect the virtuous heart--the joy of integrity--takes a thousand mahakalpas.” If that’s true, Pisces, then you’ve still got a lot of work to do. However, the planets are aligned in such a way as to suggest you could make unusually great progress toward the goal of perfecting the virtuous heart in 2007. For best results, meditate often on the phrase “the joy of integrity.” Get very familiar with the pleasurable emotion that comes from acting with impeccability. And try out this idea from Gandhi: Integrity is the royal road to your inner freedom. Homework: To check out my expanded audio preview of your destiny in 2007, go to http://RealAstrology.com.
Sept. 23 – Oct.22
II predict that sometime in the coming year two rich attorneys will offer you $20,000 if you’ll deliver a cursed diamond to their shaman in Brazil for exorcism. But you will demand that they not only give you the money, but also introduce you to their good friend Angelina Jolie. They’ll balk at that, and the deal will fall through. But then you’ll write a movie script based on your fantasy of the experience you might have had if you had actually done the deal, and you’ll sell the script to a producer who gets Angelina Jolie to be one of the stars. And if that exact scenario doesn’t happen as prophesied, Libra, I bet you’ll have a comparable adventure or two that will revolve around the power of your imagination, your determination to hold out for exactly what you want, and a rich harvest of poetic justice.
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SCORPIO
On the first Monday of every month, a vision of the Virgin Mary appears on the back porch of Audrey Hoff’s house in Miami. Even if you usually have no interest in curiosities tlike this, Scorpio, I predict that in 2007 you’ll be involved in a comparable phenomenon. It won’t necessarily feature the Virgin Mary, but will be in alignment with your particular belief system. So if you’re a Buddhist, you may have dreams of the Buddha visiting your bedroom. If you’re a gay Republican, you might have vivid waking visions of Abraham Lincoln and Ronald Reagan making holy love in a log cabin. If you’re an atheist, you could have a series of spectacular epiphanies that prove to you with ever-more certainty that there is no God.
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LIKES AND GRIPES LET IT OUT
MEGHAN WHALEN Copy Chief LIKES 1) Being on campus when no one else is here: It’s so quiet, Murphy’s is a very relaxed environment, and no homework is due. Good times. 2) Every Sex and the City episode at my disposal: I got the complete series box set for Christmas, and I’ve been watching them in order from the beginning. No better way to spend my break than being entertained by the big-city adventures of Carrie, Charlotte, Samantha and Miranda. 3) Puppies: I WANT ONE. If anyone would like to give me a late Christmas present of a labradoodle/ corgi/retriever/dog that always looks like it’s smiling, it would be greatly appreciated. Thank you. TATYANA SAFRONOVA Editor in chief GRIPES 1) Ice skating: You know that fear that death is imminent? That’s what I feel every time I go ice skating. And for some reason, I keep coming back, coming back to feel like I’m tied to a knife aimlessly bumping around on an absolutely frictionless surface. Perhaps it’s to hold hands with a friend while I’m at it? 2) Little Miss Sunshine: or rather the challenge that comes with trying to watch it. My friend downloaded what she thought was the bootleg version of this movie, but when we sat down to watch it, it turned out to be Ice Age 2 in Spanish. Every following attempt to download the movie yielded porn. 3) Cold: So I was acting like a spoiled kid and had the temperature on pretty high in my apartment. Pretty high by other people’s standards. I thought I should be able to wear a t-shirt in any season, winter or summer. That all ended when the latest electricity bill came in. Now I’m freakin’ freezing my butt off, and I don’t particularly feel like having to buy something at a cafe everyday just so I can linger and warm my loins. EMILY CIAGLIA Copy Editor LIKES 1) W i n te r B r e a k: T here are not many things more enjoyable than a month of f of school. With little to no responsibilities you can sit around all day and not feel guilty about getting behind in some nonsense class. 2) Guitar Hero: I never played video games growing up, but ever since my roommate bought Guitar Hero, I’ve been addicted. If you haven’t yet gotten your hands on the little plastic guitar I would definitely suggest giving it a try. 3) Global Warming: While I realize that global warming is a very serious environmental issue, I’ve really enjoyed the mild winter we’ve been having. sounds from the scene
AMELIA MOORE Photo editor GRIPES 1) Poverty/Greed: There are children in Africa who root through restaurant garbage for remains they can sell as dog food and livestock feed to support their entire families. Stop complaining about not having enough money to go to the bar. 2) War: My lab partner in high school chemistry died fighting in Iraq. MY LAB PARTNER IN HIGH SCHOOL CHEMISTRY DIED FIGHTING IN A WAR. What the fuck kind of world would send a child off to die? “They wrote in the old days that it is sweet and fitting to die for one’s country. But in modern war, there is nothing sweet nor fitting in your dying. You will die like a dog for no good reason.� — Ernest Hemingway. 3) Man’s Inhumanity to Man: The Golden Rule: “Do onto others as you would have them do onto you.� BRITTANY BINDRIM Art director GRIPES 1) The possibility of George sending as many as 30,000 more troops to Iraq and Kuwait: We were told that this was going to be the last military assault in Baghdad before “we� throw in the towel or “win�. This plan is supposed to correct last year’s Operation Together Forward II, I guess. Without the capital in order, how can Iraq’s political restoration and reform take place? Well it’s not in order, so lets just throw in some more Americans and kill some more people. Awesome. 2) Annoying perverted old men at the gym: This week I was finally at the gym when it wasn’t busy and a whole line of treadmills was empty. It was a nice change of pace and really relaxing. Then a nasty, sweaty, smelly, smirking man had to pick the machine RIGHT next mine. I just kinda wanted to push him off the machine while he was running. Go away. 3) The fact that there’s only one week of break left: This break has been fantastic! I’ve got to visit friends I haven’t seen in quite awhile, had good number days filled with complete irresponsibility, but also still managed to be fairly productive. I’m not ready to get back on a regular schedule. NIKITA SOROKIN Designer LIKES 1) Dueling Banjos: Machines will fail! 2) Dueling: There is no better way to settle a disagreement than with a pair of shiny blunderbusses. 3) Gratuitous Residue: Gratuitous residue is the dead time that comes immediately after a fantasmagorical moment of great energy, humor, or performance has passed. During this time you can watch all of your friends acting very quiet and confused, unsure of what happens next.
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