Buzz Magazine: Jan. 13, 2005

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APPLESAUCE AND MEDICINE

Hatha, Flow, Pre/Postnatal, Core Body & More!

WINTER SESSION BEGINS JAN 3 INTRO CLASSES BEGIN JAN18 20% Student Discount with ID

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01 | 13 | 05 . 01 | 19 | 05 champaign . urbana

taking shape:

202 W. Hill St., Downtown Champaign 384-5829 • www.livingyogacenter.net

ignite your passion

A Lesson in Fencing

Ballroom Dance

Unique, affordable, non-credit Communiversity classes offered at University YMCA! Tae-bo, Pilates, Martial-Arts, Yoga and Massage, Photography, Language Classes and MANY OTHERS will be offered.

A broad array of BALLROOM DANCE classes will be taught by an expert instructor, as well!

with Loretta Spencer now enrolling

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Registration begins January 24th, classes begin February 7th.

See www.universityymca.org for class schedules or call 337-1500 for more information!

Waltz & Foxtrot Jive & ChaCha Swing & Salsa

2302 w john • 355-4444

TY

One of the most important things about your distance is don’t be predictable. Instead of maintaining perfect distance all the time, try stepping into your opponents advance and forcing an infighting situation. Or retreat a few times in succession and get your opponent to attack for an easy parry-riposte.

No matter what, keep mixing it up and keep your opponent guessing.

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a lesson in life.

UNIVER M SI M O

For more information about classes: Call 351-5838 or 352-0722

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the forms

Come in to register between January 24-28 from 11AM12PM and your $5 registration fee will be waived!

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WANNA LOOK UNDER MY COVERS?

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Classes beginning in January: REGENT Ballroom (Swing & Waltz): Starts Jan. 9, 5-6pm or BALLROOM Jan 11 7:15-8:15pm Salsa: Starts Jan. 6, 7-8pm www.regentballroom.com Argentine Tango: 1401 Regency Dr. Starts Jan. 6, 7:10-8:10pm

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under the cover

INTRO

editor’s note This Modern World • Tom Tomorrow News of the weird • Chuck Shephard Sh!ts and giggles First things first • Michael Coulter

AROUND TOWN Live Healthy • Susie An q + a with Faith Swords Life in Hell • Matt Groening

LISTEN, HEAR The Forms Interview • Imran Siddiquee The Forms review • Kyle Gorman The Hurly Burly • Logan Moore Nas review • Imran Siddiquee Broken Day review • Brian Klein What the Hell?

Parasol Charts

C OV E R

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HOUSES

510

LAURIE KELLMAN • AP WRITER

JTS PROPERTIES We’ve Got The Houses

You Want

Now leasing for 2005 101 E Stoughton, C. 3 Bdr $1000 25 E. John, C. 4 Bdr $1750 27 E. John, C. 3 Bdr $900 29 E. John, C. 5 Bdr $2000 31 E. John, C. 5 Bdr $2200 903 W. Main, U. 5 Bdr $1600 910 W. Stoughton, U. 6 Bdr $2100 504 S. Broadway, U. 6 Bdr $1600 Many more! Call today to make an appointment.

JTS Properties 328-4284

WASHINGTON (AP) — Claiming a victory against X-rated spam, the Federal Trade Commission said Tuesday it had won an order to shut down illegal Internet advertising for six companies accused of profiting from sexually explicit e-mail.

A federal judge in Las Vegas granted the commission’s request for a temporary restraining order against the companies, their executives and an affiliate for allegedly violating federal laws regulating commercial electronic mail, commonly known as spam.

The FTC sought an injunction halting the network’s illegal e-mail ads.The judge agreed Jan. 5 to a temporary ban.

Pornographic spam is especially nettlesome because it can be delivered to the electronic mailboxes of children.

Frank Cremen, who represents the companies named in the complaint, said his APARTMENTS Furnished

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clients have “no quarrel” complying with the law, and that the spamming had stopped before the FTC filed its complaint.

“They’ve tried to work with the FTC to work this out,” Cremen said in a telephone interview.

The case marked the first time the commission took action under a rule that requires a label in the subject line of sexually explicit e-mails, to make it easier for parents and others to filter such messages.

The law also holds others liable for operating Web sites that benefit from fraudulent pornographic spam.

“It’s not just the people who push the buttons to send spam” who are liable, said Eileen Harrington, director of the FTC’s marketing practices division.

The companies named in the FTC complaint operate about 20 Web sites advertised in the illegal e-mails, Harrington said.

The Nevada companies were Global

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Net Solutions Inc., Open Space Enterprises Inc., Southlake Group Inc. and WTFRC Inc., which does business as Reflected Networks Inc. Also named in the complaint were Global Net Ventures Ltd., of London, and Wedlake Ltd., which the FTC said is based in Riga, Latvia.

Executives of those companies were named in the complaint along with an individual, Paul Rose.The FTC said Rose sent hundreds of thousands of illegal emails directing recipients to the sites operated by the companies named in the filing.

The Associated Press could not locate Rose or an attorney representing him.

The FTC said the e-mails did not include the required “SEXUALLY EXPLICIT” warning in the subject line, falsely promised free membership to the Web sites and gave recipients no way of stopping the unwanted e-mails.

Those requirements are part of the APARTMENTS Furnished

$0 DEPOSIT

Free Will Astrology Jonesin’ Crosswords • Matt Gaffney Buzz Picks Bob ‘n Dave • David King

NOW LEASING FOR JANUARY & AUGUST!

ARTS + ENTERTAINMENT Krannert Kicks Off • Jeff Nelson Artist Corner with Louis Morton Diary: A Novel review • Brian Warmoth Th(ink) • Keef Knight

• Individual Leases w/Roommate Matching Service • Free cable w/HBO, parking, trash & Ethernet • 24 Hour Amenities • On 13 Silver Busline • 1, 2, 3 & 4 Bedroom Apartments

WINE + DINE S is for Soups • Amanda Kolling

THE SILVER SCREEN House of Flying Daggers review • Matt Pais White Noise • Randy Ma Shades of Gray • Andrew Vecelas Meet the Fockers review • Devon Sharma Beyond the Sea review • Syd Slobodnik Movie time listings Drive-Thru Reviews Slowpoke • Jen Sorensen

LIMITED NUMBER OF FALL '05 SEMESTER LEASES AVAILABLE Take a Virtual Tour! www.universitycommons.com Hours: Mon-Fri 9am-6pm Saturday 10am-4pm

CLASSIFIEDS The Local Sniff • Seth Fein News

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FTC moves to stop Internet advertising for X-rated spammers

MAIN EVENT

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Controlling the Assault of Non-Solicited Pornography and Marketing Act of 2003, dubbed “Can Spam,” and other federal trade laws. Spammers who violate the rules face possible imprisonment and criminal fines of up to $250,000 for individuals and $500,000 for an organization.

Tracking down violators can be difficult because spammers often hide their identities by using forged return addresses or by bouncing their e-mails through unprotected relay computers on the Internet.

Harrington said the agency located the companies and individuals through emails consumers sent the FTC last spring.

The defendants, who she said operate as one entity, are barred by the court action from sending out spam but are permitted to operate the Web sites involved. buzz

Man gets 18 months for making bomb threat to prevent friend from missing flight DAVID B. CARUSO • AP WRITER

PHILADELPHIA (AP) — A British man was sentenced Thursday to 18 months in prison for calling in a phony bomb threat to prevent a friend from missing her plane at Philadelphia International Airport.

Ilyas Savas, who was 33 at the time of his arrest, pleaded guilty in September to phoning a hotel at the airport last June and claiming that someone was planning to stash bombs aboard two American Airlines flights, one from Philadelphia to Boston and a second from Boston to London.

Authorities halted the Philadelphia flight on the runway so the plane could be searched. A flight from Boston to London was also delayed.

Investigators later learned that Savas called in the threat from his home in Hackney, England, at the request of a friend from New Jersey who was due to leave Philadelphia on the plane but had realized that she did not have her passport and would not be allowed aboard.

The plan, prosecutors said, was to delay the flight with a bomb threat, giving the friend, Hatice Ceylan, 18, time to retrieve her travel papers.

Savas and Ceylan were arrested after they tried to redeem the unused tickets and get either a refund or a new ticket, authorities said.

U.S. District Court Judge Michael M. Baylson ordered Savas to pay $9,075 in restitution to American Airlines plus $100 to each passenger aboard the canceled flight.

Ceylan also pleaded guilty and is scheduled to be sentenced Feb. 2. buzz

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18 • b u z z w e e k l y APARTMENTS Furnished

SOON, ALL THE STUDENTS WILL RETURN...

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Furnished

AVAILABLE FOR FALL 2005 56/58 E. Healey, C F 1BR. $390-$425 Corner of Healey and First. Rent includes heat, sewer and hauling. Parking $35.00 per month. Security locked building. On site laundry.

106 E. John, C UF 1BR. $540-$575 Rent includes heat, water, sewer and hauling. Large units with hardwood floors. Parking $35-$50 per month. On site laundry.

202 E. White, C Large 2, 3, and 4 BR furnished apts. On bus line at corner of 2nd and White.

Many with fireplaces, balconies, and/or patios. Gated courtyard and on-site laundry. Rents are $600-$850.

512 E. Clark, C F EFF. $345-$365 Rent includes water. Large efficiency units with double closets at corner of Clark and Sixth. Parking $40.00 per month.

602 E. Clark, C. F EFF. $315-$325 Rent includes water. Each unit has patio/balcony area. One heritageBolck from Beckman. Parking $40.00 per month.

711 W. Main, U F EFF. $425-$440 Rent includes parking and hauling. Large efficiency units at corner of Main and Busey with gas fireplace, dishwasher and microwave. Each unit has patio/ balcony. On site laundry.

808 W. Nevada, U Newly remodeled, UF, 3 BR with sunroom in house. New Kitchen, refinished hardwood floors, laundry room. $1500 including heat, water, and parking.

808 W. Nevada, U Large 1 bedroom, UF unit with hardwood floors and balcony. $550 including heat, water, and parking.

807/809 W. Illinois, U F 1BR. $495-$560 Large units at corner of Illinois and Lincoln. Rent includes water and hauling. On site laundry. Parking $40.00 per month. 2 blocks from Krannert, 3.5 blocks from Quad.

1009 W. Main, U F 1 and 2 BR. $475-$630. Rent includes water and hauling. Most units have balcony. Many units have remodeled kitchens with dishwashers. On site laundry. Parking $40.00.

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Hours: M-F 9-5 Sat 9-1 • www.westgateapts.net

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community

the local sniff

Support local radio SETH FEIN • CONTRIBUTING WRITER

F

or years, it had been well-known in Urbana-Champaign that radio ‘round these parts flat-out sucked. Aside from WEFT 90.1, there was never anything good on, and most people, like myself, simply dropped the $100 to get a CD player installed in the car, and it was a dead issue.

But for whatever reason, that all changed over the last year.

This year, Liz Mozzocco, former program director at 107.1 WPGU, turned a very poopy rock station into a bona fide kick-ass frequency. Most people in town were so impressed that they turned off their CD players and tuned in to the station, at the very least, to check out what all the hype was about.

And so, members of the C-U community were happy.We had two very decent stations to listen to.

But for some others in town, it simply wasn’t enough.

And that is a damn good thing.

The IMC (Independent Media Center) in Urbana has been thinking of opening their own radio station for quite some time, and in June, that idea is going to become a reality.

It will serve the same function as WEFT does, in that it’s a community radio station that will be dependent on donations, membership fees and other types of fundraising things or whatever they do.

As far as I can tell, WRFU will be a newer and fresher approach to community radio. And that’s not taking away from WEFT. As the old hens in this town, they serve their purpose and serve it well. I mean, shit—where else can you hear liberal rants, indie rock, Finkelman’s drums ‘n’ acid hour and the Jewish hour on the same station?

The people behind WRFU are new to this, and as a result, will bring a different feel than what WEFT already provides.

Anyone and everyone is welcome to participate (just as it is at WEFT) and while there is no “agenda” on the table, you can bet your ass that not many people who truly believe that gay marriage should be illegal will be running their own show. But perhaps some lame ass will prove me wrong.We’ll see.

So, you say—isn’t that the same type of programming that WEFT offers?

The answer is invariably yes.

But here is the thing. Take newspaper coverage in town. The News-Gazette, while important and sometimes idiotic, sometimes intelligent, has no competition.They can do or say anything because no one is going to be there to provide something better, or more importantly, something different. Now, I’m not stating that this will start a radio war, but what it

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will do is inspire both stations to challenge themselves to being the best possible stations they can be.And if WEFT can improve on an already terrific format, that leaves the people of these towns in a better place. If WRFU can succeed at the level that that WEFT does, than we have ourselves a more enriched, more culturally diverse and more important community offering on our dials.

The catch?

We all have to get behind it. It is a community station, and as mentioned before, will not be able to sustain itself by magic.

They need $10,000 by June 2005 to start functioning, and as a result, are doing some things to help raise the money. Here is how you can help: 1. Buy a T-shirt for $15. Send your check to: WRFU PO Box 953 Urbana, IL 61803 2. Make out a check to: UCIMC attn:WRFU 218 W Main St. Suite 110 Urbana, IL 61803 This donation is tax deductible and can be written off. I really don’t know what a write-off is, but people do it and so it has to be important because so are the people writing things off.

3. Go out to The Canopy Club on Jan. 20. A benefit concert is being held featuring many bands, but most notably, The Kilborn Alley Blues Band, whom, if you haven’t heard yet, you would be a fool not to check out. They are fantastic and officially make my short list of bands that make up the music scene’s greats. Joe Asselin and Andrew Duncanson are my guys. They have more soul than any other white boys I’ve ever known. And I’ve known a lotta white boys.

These towns, while seemingly small, have more and more to offer every day, and with our help, they will continue to grow and become more valuable with each passing year. Offering your help to this cause will make you a better, more loving and compassionate person, because nothing shapes our worlds the way that music and opinions do.

That was the cheesiest thing I have ever written.

Unfortunately, I believe it, and so should you.

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EDITOR’S NOTE After living in the dorms

my freshman year, and having websites loa instantly, I came to the realization that I could not, under any circumstances, go back to dialup modems as my primary access to the Internet.

So I went home for winter break that year and dropped the idea to my parents that we needed to get broadband Internet, and that summer we got cable Internet, and it rocks. Slow Internet is just annoying, at least, that’s my opinion.

Which is sad, really. I can’t imagine my life without the Internet at my disposal. I use it to talk to friends (yes, I’m addicted to AIM), for research—both for fun (ESPN, IMDb, etc.) and for school, most of my classes have at least some kind of online aspect, and I incessantly check one of many e-mail accounts throughout the day.

One of my accounts is ridiculously slow, regardless of my connection speed. I could be on the fastest damn Internet connection in all the world, and it would still take me two minutes to open an e-mail.

This week it’s been especially bad. The problem account is my Illini Media account, and I have to take content from it.

So I sit at work and click on an e-mail to open it, and I walk around for a few minutes waiting for it to load. Otherwise I’d freak out and attack the computer for being so stupidly slow.

Which leads me to my semi-point: we’ve become too dependent on technology. But, really, I’m not sure if this is a bad thing. I can be reached almost anywhere at almost any time. I check my e-mail almost every time I walk past a computer, and that, sadly, is the way most people reach me.

In one of my classes last year, my professor put up a slide describing the general characteristics of the past few generations.

Things like: the baby boomers are hardworking and will be skeptical of technological advancements.What did it say about my generation? That we will become so dependent on technology that it will cause us to become socially isolated. With things like online shopping, it predicted that we would end up holed up in our homes, never leaving.

But I think we’re a pretty social bunch.

So who knows if this technology fad is good or bad. Right now I’m thinking it’s good. Damn, I gotta go check my e-mail… ~Paul Wagner

Seth Fein is from Urbana. He doesn’t really have any money, but even he is going to donate to this cause. He also donated to the Tsunami Fund, at least, he thinks it went to the right people. He can be reached at sethfein@readbuzz.com.

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Cover Design • Carol Mudra, Meaghan Dee, Lucky Cee Editor in chief • Paul Wagner Art Directors • Meaghan Dee, Carol Mudra Copy Chief • Stacey Ivanic Music • Kyle Gorman Arts • Brian Warmoth Film • Andrew Vecelas Community • Susie An Calendar • Margo O’Hara Photography Editor • Christine Litas Calendar Coordinators • Cassie Conner, Erin Scottberg Photography • Roderick Gedey, Sarah Krohn Copy Editors • Erin Green Staff Writers • Matt Pais, Susie An, Randy Ma, Andrew Crewell, Kyle Gorman, Devon Sharma, Syd Slobodnik Contributing Writers • Michael Coulter, Amanda Kolling, Seth Fein, Logan Moore, Jeff Nelson Production Manager • Theon Smith Sales Manager • Jon Maly Marketing/Distribution • Rory Darnay, Louis Reeves III Publisher • Mary Cory

TALK TO BUZZ e-mail:

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nEwS oF thE wEiRd chuck shepherd

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Buzz magazine is a student-run publication of Illini Media Company and does not necessarily represent, in whole or in part, the views of the University of Illinois administration, faculty or students.

First copy of Buzz is FREE, each additional copy is $.50

© Illini Media Company 2004

LEAD STORY The head of security at Boston’s Logan Airport revealed in December that travelers continue to appear so unfamiliar with restrictions that, three years after Sept. 11, his screeners still seize 12,000 prohibited items per month. Nationwide, the total since 2002 is nearly 17 million, including 2,200 guns, 79,000 box cutters and 5 million knives.And in December, a Republican congressman blasted the Department of Homeland Security for making “a joke” out of President Bush’s 2003 order to compile a comprehensive list of potential domestic terror targets.The list so far (of 80,000 sites) is termed by critics both too large (unlikely targets inexplicably included) and too small (imaginable targets inexplicably left off).

CITY COUNCIL In December, a California appeals court ordered a rehearing on a zoning case because the petitioner, who was denied an extension of business hours, had not had a fair chance to argue to the Los Angeles City Council. A videotape of the hearing showed that, during petitioner’s presentation, council members talked on the phone or among themselves, wandered around the room, and read their mail, and the appeals court ruled that “due process” requires them to pay attention.And Councilman Dennis Pate of Eagle Lake, Fla., said in January that a formal rule was needed to prohibit spitting at meetings, in that a former city manager allegedly tried to unload on at him at a December session (but she denied it).

SCENES OF THE SURREAL (1) Following the Dec. 5 Newtown, England, charity Santa Claus race (in which 4,000 Saint Nicks in full costume competed), police had to use noxious spray and nightsticks to break up a brawl of about 30 Santas when the festive spirit got out of hand. (2) Researchers at the Royal Veterinary College in Hatfield, England, told New Scientist magazine in December that they’re studying why ostriches are able to run so fast (about 20 mph) even though they are heavy (over 200 pounds) and awkward-gaited.The team’s work:They observe 15 ostriches running on treadmills.

COPYRIGHT 2004 Chuck Shepherd Distributed by Universal Press Syndicate

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I HAVE A COLD

first things first

coulter

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An informed and opinionated look at this week’s events

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COMPILED BY LOGAN MOORE

Attorney General nominee Alberto Gonzales defended his tenure as White House counsel during hearings in front of the Senate Judiciary Committee. He defended his asser tion that the Geneva Conventions do not apply to alleged terrorists. An impromptu stand-up routine following the hearings did not go over well. Ted Kennedy is one nasty heckler.

Ukrainian president elect Victor Yushchenko said that withdrawing troops from Iraq would be a priority after seven Ukrainian soldiers died recently in an accidental blast.

Apparently he's only "pro-West" to a point.

A small group of Democrats forced House and Senate debates regarding the electoral outcome of Ohio on Election Day. The Dems challenged the cer tification of President Bush in order to highlight reports of Election Day problems in Ohio and elsewhere. This is where Kenneth Blackwell swears to God his role in the Ohio election wasn't a conflict of interests and is promptly struck by lightning.

As Canada was drafting a plan to prevent Internet pharmacies from selling low-cost prescription drugs in the United States, Illinois Gov. Rod Blagojevich and Wisconsin Gov. Jim Doyle sent a letter to President Bush urging him to discourage this measure. The letter was stern, but made slightly less convincing by one of those really cute Valentine's Day "I love you" stamps affixed to the envelope.

The Central Illinois Banjo Club is donating 75 ukuleles to three Morton, Ill., elementary schools in hopes of getting students interested in playing guitar. Word that 7year-olds maniacally strumming ukuleles will be the next indie rock sensation was unconfirmed at press time.

A Bloomington, Ill., Civil War-era band will be playing at President Bush's inauguration Jan. 20. The 21-member band dons authentic Civil War uniforms and plays period instruments. Yeah, who says conservatives don't know how to get down?

Ain't nothin' funkier than "The Battle Hymn of the Republic."

I

said a lot of crazy crap this past year. Sadly, most of it was on the pages of this paper, but some of it was also in my regular life.

Still, there were many things I said over and over again: i.e. my most used phrases of 2004.

Let’s count down the top three.

3.“Dude, the Cubs are always gonna suck.” This was pretty much my mantra from the beginning of spring training last year, and no one would believe me. Yeah, my Cardinals got their asses handed to them in the World Series, but that has little reflection on the Cubs and their sucking.

2. “Son of a bitch.” This was a commonly used phrase during the month of August when I moved into a new place.

There were a few weeks there when every middle-of-the-night trip to take a pee would result in some sort of malaise to my head or shins. See, I was still making the turns for the old place and would recklessly smack into walls, tables and the also disoriented dog on a regular basis. At least the head injuries explain some of the columns during that period.

1. “Can I get two more big beers, please?” This was the winner once again this year, as it has been for the past five or six years. It was primarily spoken when my friend Michael Coulter Jackson and I were at is a videographHuber’s watching any sort er, comedian of ballgame that happened and can be to be on television. It was heard on WPGU 107.1 Thursdays spoken more times than I at 5 with Ricker care to remember, or possiworkin’ it. bly more times than I can remember. Still, there’s nothing better than a friend, a beer and a ballgame.

As usual, the rest of America had a different take on last year’s most commonly used phrases, so luckily for you, The Linguistic Society of America also compiled a list.

They decided that “red state, blue state, purple state” was the phrase that most littered our nation last year—it also sort of sounds like a title for a Dr. Seuss book. It’s a shame he’s dead, because I can almost see it now.

“Red state, dumb state, blue state, smart state, purple state, decided too late.”

In case you’re confused about any of this, red states voted Republican, blue states voted Democrat, purple states were undecided. It’s easy to remember, really. Red states had rednecks with red asses. Blue states were comprised of people who actually had a original thought the previous four years. Purple states were a combination of the two, sort of a mixture of Keystone Light and Glenlivet.

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PHONE: 217/337-8337 DEADLINE: 2 p.m. Tuesday for the next Thursday’s edition.

It’s not surprising that in an election year, many of the most-used phrases were of a political nature. “Flip-flopper” was also on the list and refers to pretty much any politician you ever run across. It shouldn’t be long until they’re seen as synonymous.

There was “meet up,” a local meeting organized through a national Web site. I think this has to do with politics in this instance, but I suspect it has to do with some sort of pornography on a much more regular basis. There was also “mash up,” a blending of two songs into a cohesive separate song. This is sometimes called being uncreative, meddling, and occasionally, stealing. It’s a skill mostly. De La Soul could do that shit all day long and it was cool, but when Puffy tries to pull it off, it usually just comes out pathetic. Honestly, I’ve never even heard that phrase, so what the hell do I know.

Not surprisingly, “wardrobe malfunction” also made the list. I’m pretty sure we all still remember what that is.

What does the coming year hold, though? I came up with a couple that I hope catch on.

1. “Pulling a Bush.” This refers to doing something that is completely wrong and foolish and becoming more popular for it because many people are ignorant.

For example, “Man, I got all drunk and picked a fight with a guy last night. We both got bloodied up and we continued to fight until one of us was done, but people kept slapping me on the back and saying what a good job I did. I sure pulled a Bush on that one.”

It’s not completely unlike “pulling a Homer” from The Simpsons. I mean, if I’m gonna steal something, I should at least tell you where it came from.

2. “Getting all wide out.” This is named after the many wide receivers in the NFL who tend to partake in demonstrative celebrations after scoring a touchdown. For example, “Man, I did my job for the day and I was afraid no one would pay attention to me for simply doing what I was hired to do, so I ran around the office, signed everyone’s desk with a Sharpie, pretended to talk on a cell phone and then fake mooned the other departments. Man, I got all wide out on that shit.”

I’m sure there will be many more phrases next year, and I seriously doubt if my two catch on, but you never know. If 2004 taught us anything, it’s to expect the unexpected, even when you’re pretty sure it’s going to happen.

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106 E. DANIEL, C. 1 Bedroom $350 2 Bedroom $735 Phone 352-3182 Office at 309 S. First The University Group www.wgroup96.com

1107 S. 4TH AND GREGORY, C. For August 2005. 3 and 4 bedroom apartments and 2 baths. Best location. Completely furnished. Laundry, parking garage, elevator. Phone 352-3182. Office at 309 S. First, Ch. THE UNIVERSITY GROUP www.ugroup96.com 111 E. CHALMERS, C. August 2005. 1 bedroom. Furniture, skylights, off-street parking, laundry.

Phone 352-3182. Office at 309 S. First, Ch. THE UNIVERSITY GROUP www.ugroup96.com 111 E. Healey, Champaign Now leasing for Fall 2005. Extra Large 1 BD and Efficiencies. Starting at $375/mo. Off-street parking, security building, & 5 floor plans to choose from. JTS Properties 3284284.

207- 211 JOHN Fall 2005 Prime Campus Location 2, 3, & 4 Bedrooms Phone 352-3182 THE UNIVERSITY GROUP www.ugroup96.com

Fall 2005. Large studio, double closet, well furnished. Available January. www.ugroup96.com 352-3182

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APARTMENTS

106 North Gregory in Urbana

COURTYARD ON RANDOLPH 713 S. Randolph,C. Winter Special 2 & 3 BR now avail. with short term lease, from $550/mo.

Cable, parking, water, trash. On site laundry fac. & seasonal pool. Conveniently located near campus & DT Champaign.217-352-8540 217-355-4608 www.faronproperties.com

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MJM/Chateau Apartments 403 E. White, Ch. - $540/mo.

302 S. Fourth, Ch. - $540/mo.

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Ask Tenant Union about us 390-2377 503, 505, 508 E. White 2 Bedroom $700 3 Bedroom $750 & up Lots of Parking www.ugroup96.com 352-3182 493-0429

105 E. John Available Fall 2005. 1 bedroom furnished, great location. Includes parking. www.ugroup96.com 352-3182

HEALEY COURT APARTMENTS 307- 309 Healey Court.

Fall 2005. Behind Gully’s. 2 bedrooms. Ethernet available. Phone 352-3182. Office at 309 S. First, C. THE UNIVERSITY GROUP www.ugroup96.com

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THE UNIVERSITY GROUP www.ugroup96.com 509 E. White, C. Aug. 2005. Large 1 bedrooms. Security entry, balconies, patios, furnished. Laundry, off-street parking, ethernet available. Phone 352-3182.

Office at 309 S. First, Ch. THE UNIVERSITY GROUP www.ugroup96.com 604 E. White, C. Security Entrance For Fall 2005, Large 1 bedroom, 2 bedroom loft (HUGE), furnished, balconies, patios, laundry, off-street parking, ethernet available. Phone 352-3182. Office at 309 S. First, C. THE UNIVERSITY GROUP www.ugroup96.com 605 S. Fifth, C. Fall 2005 5th and Green location Outdoor activity area. 1 bedrooms available. Garage off-street parking.

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OLD TOWN CHAMPAIGN 510 S. Elm Available Fall 2005. 2 BR close to campus, hardwood floors, dishwasher, W/D, central air/heat, off street parking, 24 hr. maintenance. $525/mo. 352-3182 or 841-1996. www.ugroup96.com JOHN STREET APARTMENTS 58 E. John August 2005. Two and three bedrooms, fully furnished. Dishwashers, center courtyard, on-site laundry, central air, ethernet available.

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Available for 2nd semester - UF 1 bedroom at 106 E. John. $475 heat & water paid. Call 351-1803 Available for 2nd semester - UF 1 bedroom loft at 803 W. Springfield $460 parking included. Call 3511803 Available for 2nd semester- furnished efficiencies at 602 and 512 E. Clark $295.00 - $355.00. Several remodeled units at 602. Call 351-1803 One bedroom in two bedroom. Available Spring 2005. 105 E. Chalmers.

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355-4608 pm/wkd. www.faronproperties.com 511 W. University,C. 1 Bedroom now available $390mo.

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Available Immediately 408 E. Healey Luxury 1 BR apartment furnished with washer/dryer, dishwasher, jacuzzi tub, microwave, balcony, skylights, high-speed internet. $550/mo. OBO. 217-344-5773 Parking Available

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ROOMMATE WANTED 550 Non-smoking male to share 4 bedroom house near busline. Private furnished bedroom, shared bath and kitchen, W/D, off-street parking, gas & electric included. Dep. & ref. required. $300/mo. 503 S. Westlawn, C. 417-6969.

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buzz weekly •

WAYNE NEWTON’S FIRST NAME SHOULD BE FIG

APARTMENTS

Counting down my favorite literary phrases MICHAEL COULTER • CONTRIBUTING WRITER

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Cable TV ✮ Dishwasher ✮ Laundry ✮ ✮ Covered Parking Available ✮ Computer Desk ✮ Ice Maker ✮ ✮Self Cleaning Oven ✮ Internet Available ✮ ✮

Phone 344-2901 cshlens@aol.com 10AM - 9PM Monday - Sunday

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buzz weekly

MEET THE FOCKERS DEVON SHARMA • STAFF WRITER

There is a certain type of comedy

that, rather sadistically, gets its laughs through the constant humiliation and misery of one poor sap. Meet the Parents, 2000’s blockbuster comedy starring Ben Stiller and Robert De Niro, is exactly such a film. The sequel proves that comedic humiliation has a name, and that name is Gaylord Focker.

Meet the Fockers takes place two years after the events of Meet the Parents, though not much has changed. In fact, several of the film’s jokes rely on audiences being familiar with the original movie. Greg and Pam (Ben Stiller and Teri Polo) are still engaged but are putting off getting married until their parents have met. Jack Byrnes, (Robert De Niro) Pam’s father and retired CIA agent, is now a doting grandfather, taking care of “Little� Jack while

BEYOND THE SEA SYD SLOBODNIK • STAFF WRITER

Kevin Spacey’s Beyond the Sea is

an impassioned, entertaining musical biography of the life of Walden Robert Cassotto, better known as pop singer Bobby Darin—who died in 1973 after years of heart problems. In only his second directorial attempt, Spacey’s uneven celebrity biotale is frequently too unevenly told, relying on a variety of narrative cliches from similar films from decades older.

Spacey presents Darin’s life like the classic rags-to-riches tales of the Great Depression. Born to a single mother in the Bronx in the mid-1930s, suffering from rheumatic fever as a child and told he’d not likely live to age 15 due to its damage to his heart, Darin developed his love for singing from a musical mom.

Quickly becoming a local sensation at nightclubs, Darin lives in the shadows of another working class Italian-American crooner, Frank Sinatra. In a somewhat unbelievable

I MEAN, THAT'S WHAT HIGH SCHOOL WAS ABOUT : ALGEBRA, BAD LUNCH AND INFIDELITY.

the baby’s parents (Pam’s sister and her husband) are out of town. Even as a grandfather, though, Jack is as suspicious and distrusting as ever, constantly reminding Greg that he’s going to have to work to remain in the “Byrnes family circle of trust.�

Jack also informs Greg that he will be taking advantage of every opportunity to study Greg’s parents, “much like how frozen cavemen are studied,� in order to further size up what kind of person Greg will become. Greg, for his part, has tried his best to make sure the weekend goes smoothly by warning his parents,“Be yourselves ... just don’t be your full selves.� Of course, nothing goes quite as planned, much to the delight of audiences.

The real point of the sequel is meeting the other set of eccentric parents, Bernie and Roz Focker (Dustin Hoffman and Barbara Streisand). The Fockers’ excessively liberal lifestyle contrasts heavily with Jack’s old-fashioned, strictly regimented style.

Movie sequels seem to exist by the mantra “more is better.� The textbook way to make a sequel is to take scenarios from the original, recreate them and then up the ante.

Instead of one set of quirky parents

moment, Darin becomes inspired to change his ethnic last name from Cassotto to Darin when he notices a burnt-out Chinese restaurant neon sign that no longer reads Mandarin. Choosing a slightly more rock ‘n’ roll style and capitalizing on early television appearances, Darin appeals to a youth audience with the silly tune “Splish Splash� and soon pop classics like “Mack the Knife� and the film’s title tune.

Instead of following the trend of more recent innovative musicals, like Baz Luhrmann’s Moulin Rouge! or Rob Marshall’s Chicago, Spacey, as the film’s producer, director, coscreenwriter and singing star (there’s no lip-synching here), chooses the standard method of presenting Darin’s short life chronologically, and punctuating key parts with his hit songs, trying to find thematic significance between the songs’ lyrics and his life.

Spacey spices up this otherwise routine celebrity biography with Darin’s stand against racist night club managers, threatening the powerful owner of the Copacabana with a sit-in protest if he refused African-American comedian George Kirby’s right to open for his gig, then Darin openly supports the anti-war movement and the presidential candidacy of Senator Bobby Kennedy in 1968—but all that

humiliating Greg, there are two sets of quirky parents to cause discomfort. Jack suspected Greg of lying to Pam about his MCAT scores in the original film. Now, he suspects Greg of lying to Pam about having fathered an illegitimate lovechild. In Meet the Parents, a Byrnes family dinner was ruined by the unappetizing appearance of human ashes.

Here, a Focker family dinner is ruined by the immensely unappetizing appearance of a memento from Greg’s early childhood.

Unfortunately, this makes Meet the Fockers far less believable than the original. Part of what made Meet the Parents so funny was that it remained in touch with reality.

Jack’s behavior in that film was not so far beyond what a real father protecting his daughter might do.

Here, he comes off as at least partially insane.

The end result is that Meet the Fockers simply isn’t as funny as its predecessor, and the jokes that are funny seem far more contrived.

The movie is still worth seeing, though, if only to revisit the charming characters created in the first. And, of course, to meet the parents who would name their kid Gaylord Focker.

comes from these feeble attempts at making Darin seem profound is a few cliched peace songs.

Throughout the film, Spacey experiments with a rather awkward, film-within-a-film dialogue structure. Spacey begins the film with a fictional attempt at a Darin film biography that has Darin’s participation; then throughout the film Darin continues talking to a world-wise 10-year-old actor who plays his younger self, “Little Bobby,� as he relates elements of his life’s personal failings—especially troubled marriage, his lingering illness and seemingly fated early demise.

Spacey is properly energetic as the singer-performer Darin, but is much less believable as one of the oldest looking guys in his mid-30s.

Kate Bosworth is radiant, but she’s mostly asked to look pretty and bored as Darin’s teen idol movie star wife Sandra Dee. Decades after Darin’s stardom and demise you ultimately wonder who Beyond the Sea is meant to appeal to—he wasn’t a musical pioneer or social critic, he wasn’t even a great singing talent or movie star.

It seems more like a personal project Spacey felt compelled to produce, almost single-handedly, to express his own parallel connections as an entertainer.

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higher calorie, high-fat stuff

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- Lisa Burgoon, nutritionist

A HEALTHY NEW YEAR, A HEALTHY LIFE SUSIE AN • AROUND TOWN EDITOR

I

t’s 2005, the new year.This year you say you’re going to drop those extra pounds or lose that beer belly.You say you’ll go to the gym and stick with a strict exercise regime, but is this just history repeating itself?

To get in shape or lose some weight, people often turn to fad diets. Programs like the Atkins diet and the Slim Fast diet are often appealing to many people, but nutritionist Lisa Burgoon, with the Sportwell Center at the University of Illinois, said that these diets aren’t a lifestyle change. “I don’t find that many people are very successful in following a fad diet. It’s not a lifestyle change,� she said. “Anyone can lose weight, but most people can’t keep it off.�

Burgoon said that some of the information from these diets is valid and helpful to know, but some diets are too specific and short term to lead a healthy life. Once people get off the diet, they’ll end up where they started, she said. “I always have to point out to people that you’re only successful if you’re able to maintain that eating plan and weight loss. And if you can’t do that, then that was unsuccessful,� she said. “They think they fail, but it’s the fad diet that’s failing them.�

Brian Baxter, assistant director of fitness for the University of Illinois Division of Campus Recreation, said a common reason why people give up on their resolutions is because they start out by exercising too hard. People do too much within the first couple of days, so they end up too sore or injured to come back, he said. “When people get started they need to set some realistic goals. Goals that are measurable.

Goals that are realistic, and that they can actually achieve,� he said.

Baxter said that it is important for people to start off slow. He suggests speaking with a personal trainer or a nutritionist to set some goals and design a program to meet those goals.

In the upcoming semester, Campus Recreation will be providing consultation sessions

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PHOTO • SUSIE AN

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Low-fat, high-fiber foods are a basic way to eat healthier and to cut the fat. A good way to achieve this is to have a higher fruit and vegetable intake, which will cut calories and help people to lose weight. as a fitness assessment to help people design a program best fit for them. Baxter thinks it is important to have an overall balanced workout, rather than just a spot workout, for more functional training that covers areas like flexibility, balance, strength and cardio.

Physical exercise and nutrition go hand in hand when trying to get back in shape. Burgoon said that when getting started people need to first look at their current diet.They should evaluate the way they eat and then determine what changes need to be made. She often refers people to the McKinley

Health Center Web site for information on how to do this. After assessing a person’s diet, it is important to evaluate physical activity.Then, look at what needs to be changed and set realistic goals. Setting realistic goals is important because this is a lifestyle change, she said.

Eating a lower-fat, higher-fiber diet is a basic tip for eating better.The best way to do this is to have a higher fruit and vegetable intake. “When people substitute higher calorie, highfat stuff with lower calorie, high-fiber foods like fruits and vegetables and whole grains, they cut

calories,� she said. “They stay fuller longer and they lose weight. It’s more about teaching people to choose healthy foods, rather than just taking away unhealthy foods.�

Both Burgoon and Baxter agree that portion size is important in nutrition. Many people don’t realize that a portion size is actually much smaller than they think. Smaller portions, especially with fatty foods, can help cut the weight.

Of course, after the holidays are long over, life tends to get a lot busier. People can’t always make it to the gym or make a proper healthy meal for themselves. However, people can still do little things to stay healthy.

Take the stairs instead of the elevator. Walk instead of drive and try walking the long route to places, said Baxter. If you can’t always make it to the gym, invest in a stability ball or large rubber bands.There are a number of exercises you can do with these simple devices.

People tend to turn to fast-food restaurants for convenience. Burgoon said that people can still eat healthy. Try some of the lower-fat options on the menu, put more veggies on a sandwich or get a side salad. Try staying away from the fried foods and extra cheese. In addition to this, people can pack a piece of fruit or some finger veggies as a snack to get their nutrient-dense higher-fiber lower-fat food in.

Baxter thinks it’s important to stick with your goals. Just because you don’t see results right away doesn’t mean you should be discouraged. “Just because you work out for two months and didn’t lose weight doesn’t mean you didn’t do anything. Some gain weight because they gain muscle,� he said.“You should always do it because it makes life less stressful and takes away a couple of smaller problems you might have.�

Baxter believes an integrated fitness program is important so people can be functional in their daily lives and not feel burdened by simple tasks.

Being healthy shouldn’t be a yearlong goal, but a lifetime goal, he said. “I think it’s important for the mind, body connection. People need that balance in life.� buzz

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RORY, WHY ARE YOU A PEACH PIT?

JAN. 1 3

1 9 , 2 OO5

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“When I first heard that Marge was joining the police academy, I thought it would be fun and zany, like that movie Spaceballs.

But instead it was dark and disturbing. Like that movie Police Academy.”

- The Simpsons

HOUSE OF FLYING DAGGERS

PHOTO COURTESY OF FAITH SWORDS

What are some of the programs there?

The UCIMC produces a monthly newspaper, a weekly radio show and a biweekly public access TV show. The UCIMC shows group promotes independent music, as well as training community members on sound equipment, etc. The physical storefront space houses a reference library with hundreds of books, videos, ‘zines and other publications. The Web site (http://www.ucimc.org) gets thousands of hits every day.

Faith Swords is a bookkeeper for the Independent Media Center (IMC) in the community. She got involved with Indymedia projects in April 2003 and began working more closely with the local IMC in May 2004. As a full-time student she stays active with a full-time and part-time job and advocating human rights.

How did the IMC get started in Champaign?

What is the mission statement of IMC?

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I think one of the things I appreciate the most about the IMC is that if something is happening, somewhere in the world, someone involved with the IMC will have information about it. If there is a major political demonstration somewhere, local people may be there, providing coverage of that event from the streets. Many times, Indymedia is the fastest way of getting information about a particular event or situation.

I also really enjoy the community atmosphere.

During the (Republican National Convention) in August, five of our reporters were arrested for standing on a city sidewalk, at the direction of the police. That was a really rough few days, while we were scrambling for information, and trying to get the word out about what was going on at the same time. The amount of community support we got during those few days was incredible. To me, that’s actually the most exciting thing about Indymedia in general.

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very martial arts movie has been compared to Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon ever since Ang Lee’s high-flying, gravity-defying film became a surprise hit in the United States and rode that popularity to a Best Picture nomination. But the blend of stunning, acrobatic fight sequences and complex storytelling has never been as seamless as in House of Flying Daggers, Zhang Yimou’s extraordinary tale of regret, rebellion and revolution.

Where Crouching Tiger was methodical and Americanized in its plotting, Flying Daggers is clever and complicated, nestling a genuine love story beneath a bevy of political unrest and, of course, flying weaponry. In 859 A.D., a group of rebels known as the House of Flying Daggers fights to overthrow the corrupt Tang dynasty while the government simultaneously attempts to infiltrate the insurgents. Highranking Leo (Andy Lau) sends Captain Jin (Takeshi Kaneshiro) undercover to seduce Mei (Zhang Ziyi), who the government believes is the blind daughter of the Daggers’ old leader, and will lead them to the revolutionaries.

What do you like about being a part of the IMC?

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The UCIMC was conceived in 2000. Several local community members traveled to the WTO protests in Seattle in November 1999, which was the birthplace of the Indymedia movement itself. The locals were impressed with what they saw and brought the idea home with them. I’m not exactly sure about the “birth order” of the various IMCs across the world, but I know that the UCIMC is one of the oldest.

MATT PAIS • LEAD REVIEWER

WHITE NOISE RANDY MA • STAFF WRITER

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VP (Electronic Voice Phenomena) was discovered in 1939. It is the way the dead contact the living from the other side through the white noise of de-tuned radio and television.

The basic principle is that by listening or watching static backwards, you can sometimes hear the voices of the dead and even see images of their faces.

It makes a great premise for a horror movie. Michael Keaton plays Johnathan Rivers, whose dead wife tries to contact him through the mist of white noise. Of course, not all contacts from the other side have such innocent motives. The story is a combination

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This is a true feast for the eyes, an extravaganza of sumptuous action sequences choreographed with the grace and agility of a ballet. Unlike Crouching Tiger, which lost a step whenever its glorious fight scenes gave way to character development, Flying Daggers gets better as it deepens with each conversation. Intricately plotted and spectacularly photographed, it’s an incredibly vivid triumph of storytelling that uses emotion as the ultimate roadblock for duty. As a love triangle forms between Leo, Jin and Mei, HOUSE OF FLYING DAGGERS • TAKESHI KANESHIRO you’ll marvel at the way that Yimou and his team of writers allow human manipu- ing shots of daggers and sharpened bamboo lation and deception to serve as organic, sur- shoots hurling towards each other maintains the gorgeous, invigorating rhythm of this prising twists to the story.

Yimou does allow the love story to over- entertaining, unpredictable saga of infatuation take the governmental premise, and in the sec- and honor.

Every vivid color is like a template for an ond half of House of Flying Daggers he loses sight of why any of this is happening in the artist’s palette. The greens, reds and even first place. Still, it presents a sumptuous, intox- browns have such richness that you’ll swear icating brand of love both created and that the fields, leaves and trees were extrapolated from an Ansel Adams photograph. The doomed by violence.

The sound design is a treat for the ears, film as a whole is a testament to the way that with every swishing of the grass and clang- beauty captivates even the most solemn waring of the swords brought to life with preci- riors. It shows that even as soldiers strive for sion and ferocity. You could close your eyes freedom, they cannot free themselves from and visualize the action just from the sounds. their own hearts.This is a ceaselessly thrilling That would be a mistake, though. House of story about the ways that love, sex and vioFlying Daggers rustles, crackles and slices with lence become wrapped into one and that an eye-popping poetry that doesn’t feel over- sometimes there is no more romantic act done (as it occasionally did in Yimou’s Hero). than saving a life. And as the need for action Because the love story is so expertly inter- stains the purity of love, House of Flying twined with the action, even the most stagger- Daggers cuts right through you.

of The Mothman Prophecies and Dragonfly; two thrillers that were both released in 2002.

Geoffrey Sax, a native UK television director, shows that he is more than capable of directing stories of human emotion and suspense. The film’s pacing flows steady as a heartbeat, leading toward each key plot point, and Sax allows his actors to bring out some nice, if not adequate, performances. The underappreciated Michael Keaton shows he can make any character work, no matter how ludicrous everything surrounding him is.

It’s a shame, because the screenplay, written

by Naill Johnson, is a bore. Scenes are tacked on so erratically that the movie almost feels like it was made for television. Even once the dead start communicating through white noise, nothing really happens. The audience sits patiently in their seats waiting for the next cheap scare, which are few and far between.

The mystery itself is filled with plot holes all around, and the ending seems tacked on.

I’m not even sure there is a mystery, since the

shaDEs of GrAy MOVIE NEWS BY ANDREW VECELAS SONY PICTURES CLASSICS

that the mainstream media neglects and we do not conceal our politics behind a false objectivity. We will empower people to “become the media” by providing democratic access to available technologies and information.

events leading up to the dramatic finale don’t really make sense. There are points in the movie where the dead are contacting when white noise isn’t even played in reverse, contrary to how EVP is supposed to work.

As for the concluding payoff, it feels like a cheat.At times, I wished that the monsters had a larger place in the story and would just intervene and kill someone onscreen.The final shot of the movie itself doesn’t make any sense, leaving the audience confused and bewildered. Did the monsters come through the white noise? Were they always among us?

Did EVP have anything to do with the monsters at all? In the end, I really don’t care.

As a result of the production values, White Noise is better than the screenplay had any right to be. The factual background of EVP elevates the fear in the story and the creepy tone does provide great buildup for the scares when they finally come. It makes for a nice popcorn flick for a date, as long as it doesn’t put you to sleep first.

Hollywood supercouple Brad Pitt and Jennifer Aniston have announced their separation after four years of marriage. Though no official reason has been given for the split, rumors are of course flying that the heartthrobs have been quarreling over possibly having children, and that Pitt has been romancing his Mr. and Mrs. Smith co-star Angelina Jolie (in what may constitute the sexiest love triangle in recorded history). Here’s wishing the two stars luck in their respective love lives, not that they’ll need it or anything.

The never-ending cycle of Superman casting rumors continues. This week, it has been reported that Kevin Spacey and Kate Bosworth are nearly ready to sign on as Lex Luthor and Lois Lane, respectively.

With director Bryan Singer (X-Men) at the helm, the movie is scheduled to be released next year. Then again, there have been at least five different directors, and untold actors and writers attached to the project over the last decade. So don’t bet your life savings on seeing the Man of Steel on the big screen next year.

Director Oliver Stone has stepped up and accepted some responsibility for his recent flop Alexander. Speaking in Syndey, Australia, recently, Stone admitted that “the movie was too long, didn’t tell the stor y of Alexander the Great very well and was too focused on outing the ancient Greek hero.” Yeah, that about sums it up. The JFK director still pins the film’s financial wreckage on overly homophobic critics and audiences. By the way, we’re still waiting on Stone’s apologies for UTurn, Any Given Sunday and Natural Born Killers.

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“For the introduction of a new kind of music must be shunned as imperiling the whole state; since styles of music are never disturbed without affecting the most important political institutions.”

“Only the pure in heart can make a good soup.” ~Ludwig Van Beethoven

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bowl of hot soup on a cold day? When we were little, my sister and I would come in from making snow angels and snow forts to a bowl of my grandmother’s clam chowder or chicken with wild rice soup or whatever else she had conjured up in the kitchen that day, and it would be the best antidote to frozen fingers and toes.

Now I make soup in my own kitchen and marvel at its adaptability. Soup can be highbrow (silky bisques and broths redolent with bouquet garni) or hearty (potato corn chowder, minestrone, cream of broccoli), hot or cold, easy peasy or unnervingly difficult to make. I thought I would share some of my favorite soup recipes with you, but I found myself in a bit of a spot.

Namely, I don’t use real measurements; I use my eye and my gut to tell me when I’ve added enough cream or when there’s enough spice. I also have a tendency to make soup with whatever I have in the house and whatever’s seasonal.

Right now, I make soups with potatoes and squash; in a month or so, I’ll start making cream of asparagus soup.

Still, I have to give you something—I can’t wax rhapsodic about soup and then leave you to your own devices or (perish the thought) to a can of chicken noodle with no discernible chicken and very few noodles. So, here are two nice winter recipes; please modify according to taste and instinct and ingredient availability. Each makes four generous servings.

WHITE BEAN AND POTATO SOUP 1 16-oz can Great Northern beans 6 tablespoons olive oil

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3 large fresh rosemary sprigs 1 large russet potato, peeled, cut into 1/2-inch pieces (about 2 cups) 6 cloves garlic 6 cups (or more) chicken or vegetable stock 2 bunches kale or Swiss chard, tough stems removed, cut into 1-inch strips (about 3 cups) 1 teaspoon dried crushed red pepper

Heat some olive oil in a large stockpot over medium heat. Add potato pieces and sauté until beginning to brown. Add half of the garlic and sauté until it begins to brown.Add the stock and boil until potato pieces are falling apart, about 10 minutes. Pour beans into the potato mixture.Add rosemary sprigs, red pepper and kale. Simmer about 10 minutes. Season soup with salt and pepper. Top with a drizzle of good-quality olive oil and Parmesan cheese.

CREAMY SQUASH SOUP 1/2 stick butter 1 large onion, finely chopped 4 large garlic cloves, chopped 6 cups chicken or vegetable broth 4 cups 1-inch pieces peeled butternut squash (about 1 1/2 pounds) 4 cups 1-inch pieces peeled acorn squash (about 1 1/2 pounds) 1 1/4 teaspoons minced fresh sage 1/4 cup whipping cream

Melt butter in large pot over medium heat.

Add onion and garlic and sauté until tender,

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AMANDA KOLLING • CONTRIBUTING COLUMNIST

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scratch every day ($2.25 for a cup, $3.25 for a bowl, served with bread). On a recent trip, my dining companion and I had the tomato tortellini and creamy portabella mushroom soup with rosemary black pepper croutons, respectively.

Not only were the soups delicious, they were inspiring. I’m stealing the idea to make seasoned croutons from leftover breads to top my soups.

What a great way to add texture and flavor to your soups!

n The Republic, Plato discusses “forms” as the ideals of perfection for each object in this world. All items have forms, from the inanimate chair to the living animal, which represent an unachievable goal. Fast-forward a few thousand years and you have The Forms, a rock foursome from New York striving to reach the same ideal of perfection in music.

We sat down with Alex INSERT LAST NAME HERE, a self-described ancient Greek enthusiast, who explained the band’s name as well as their widely acclaimed debut album, the Steve Albini-produced Icarus.

If you have soup recipes or tips, e-mail me at amandakolling@readbuzz.com.

The Forms will be playing at Cowboy Monkey on Tuesday, Jan. 18 at 10 p.m.

Also appearing are Little Black Spiders and Shipwreck.

Cover is $4.

Does the name of the group simply reflect Plato’s philosophy, or is there something else to it as well?

Well, if you search the Internet for “the forms,” you get a lot of mundane things, like tax forms and things like that.You have to dig pretty deep to find us. So it’s kind of funny, referencing Plato and also the mundane at the same time.

I noticed a lot of the artwork associated with The Forms, from your album to your Web site, is anything but mundane. Is that intentional?

I think the art, like the music, reflects the effect that our music aims to have on people.

So what is that effect?

Music is the way people communicated before language. If you listen to music, especially something that

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you really like, it affects you in a strong way.

Makes you feel happy, sad and everything. It’s more complex than can be articulated, and a lot of our music is like that.There is more to music than pinning it to something concrete—that cheapens it. We try and make music that isn’t mundane and overly understandable.

The songs on the album are very short (total running time of 18 minutes) and often they are broken up over a couple tracks, what’s the purpose of that?

We split the songs up over a couple of tracks mostly for convenience’s sake. A lot of our songs don’t repeat; sometimes it’s nice to go right to the different parts you want to hear. Like some of the intros, after you hear them one or two times, you might never want to hear again, so you can skip right to the song. In concert we play some other stuff, expand a little bit.We’ve also got a new album coming out later this year, and we play some of that as well.

What are your major influences, and how do they show up on your record?

We have some direct influences musically from Sunny Day Real Estate; certain parts of songs are modeled right after them.Also, My Bloody Valentine’s ethereal aesthetic, some Nirvana and that Midwest Slint type rock.

Our band actually met at a battle of the bands in high school, and two of us were from one school and the other two from another, and we both happened to cover songs by Shudder to Think and we thought maybe we should hang out.

Is there a lot of pressure for your next album? After working with Steve Albini and reading all the good reviews, has that changed anything?

Steve is actually not your typical “big” producer like Rick Rubin or something.

First and foremost he’s a musician, so we respected him a lot and he related to us the importance of being independent musicians.

As far as reviews, I’m definitely interested in seeing what people think, but I try and not let them affect us musically.There’s a little bit of pressure, though, but we don’t deal with what Radiohead or someone huge like that has to deal with.We definitely don’t want to disappoint anyone though.

A lot of critics have referred to Icarus as a “concept” album. Do you accept that?

It wasn’t a preconceived thing, but looking back there is one idea driving every song on the record; this sort of unimprisoned music, just do whatever rhythms you want, do whatever song structures, who cares if it’s not original, anything goes, it sort of ties the songs together in a way. But it’s not a rock opera or anything.

So is the title, Icarus, significant to the music?

The story of Icarus is of a boy who’s very impulsive. He takes his father’s wings and flies too close to the sun, then his wings melt and he crashes.With this album I just kind of had this idea to do this music, I didn’t care what anybody thought, if everybody hated it, so what? So I just went with it, kind of impulsive, and if it crashed, so be it. buzz

The Forms Icarus Three Spheres

KYLE GORMAN

One of the most heavily weathered jokes among music fans is the existence of a mythical beast which defies any singular description.This beast is “math rock.” Lo and behold, though: I have found math rock to be alive and well, in the hands of Brooklyn’s The Forms.

The Forms have an obvious affinity for geometry, which is played out through the 18 short minutes of their first album, Icarus. Syncopated four-bar patterns intertwine over shoegaze rhythms and a sense of a lilting three.

Corgan-esque vocals in three parts come from the basement to a scream, forming a sort of chorale. I couldn’t begin to explain what they’re going on about, but it’s no more worth discussing than the computations involved in the band’s finger-mashing guitar lines. Let’s just say our young geniuses have it under control, having committed to the parts they play.

Names and identities play a major role on Icarus. The story of the LP’s namesake is easy to visualize in the music, but to see the ghosts of Stravinsky (track 9) and Black Metal (track 10) as relevant to the band’s vision is difficult. Perhaps, like the ancient superstition which gives one power over anyone whose name they know, invoking the names of ghosts gives the band some power over history; in contrast, “Sunday” invokes Sunny Day Real Estate.

The Forms deftly manage to balance post-Pumpkins rock, rejecting its commercialism and unambiguous despair, but at the same time avoiding the unnecessary prolixity of post-rock rock.

Behind the shoegaze, there’s something organic, pastoral and joyous.Witness the use of piano to create sublime interludes in the chaos, the haunting art and the calculated joy.

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TAKING SHAPE: AN INTERVIEW WITH THE FORMS IMRAN SIDDIQUEE • STAFF WRITER

about 10 minutes.Add broth, all squash and sage; bring to boil. Reduce heat, cover and simmer until squash is very tender, about 20 minutes.

Using a handheld blender (a great tool when making pureed soups; use a regular blender and work in batches if you don’t have one), puree soup. Stir in cream and sugar; bring to simmer.

Season with salt and pepper.

Variations and tips:Add curry spices for a nice touch. These spices are best used when added with the garlic and onion to the melted butter.

Also, you may reduce or eliminate the cream in most cream soup recipes by cooking butter potatoes and mashing them. These should be added to the broth and cooked until very soft and gently mashed with the back of a spoon (no need to drain and mash separately) or with a handheld blender.

Also, nothing is better than a nice, warm piece of bread to sop up the last of your soup. Pop a loaf of bread in the oven when your soup is simmering and you’ll have the perfect accompaniment.

Should you tire of making your own soup or if you’re suffering from cabin fever, try the soup at Cafe Paradiso (801 S. Lincoln Ave., Urbana). It’s made fresh and from

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JAN. 1 3

THE HURLY BURLY JUST SOUNDS SO MANLY

Broken Day Broken Day

BY BRIAN KLEIN

Lead

lead review

Nas Street’s Disciple Sony

BY IMRAN SIDDIQUEE

If you happened to drive around the ChampaignUrbana area in the last month you might have noticed a number of very large billboards that read in big black letters, “Hip-hop Rots Your Mind,� against a plain white backdrop.

I could write a thesis on how much this pisses me off, but instead I’m going to review Nasir Jones’s latest release, Street’s Disciple, which I feel is not only a good example of hip-hop’s power and importance, but also serves to show why some are misguided into labeling the genre negatively.

First off if you don’t remember Nas, he is the street poet who’s debut album, Illmatic, is regarded among the great records to ever come out of rap music. He is most definitely one of the premier MCs of our time, but in recent years he has been clouded by a ridiculous feud with fellow New Yorker Jay-Z. Dumb feuds, a prevalence of misogyny and violence are among the things that critics point to when condemning the genre. And on Street’s Disciple Nas does not shy away from any of these issues. Instead he looks upon them as an older, wiser man than the one that busted onto the scene in 1994.

There are no excuses for Nas making a song recalling the disgusting details about all the women he has slept with (“Remember the Times“), but there is a point to the rapper’s ramblings. On disc one he looks at the street life (the good and the bad), and on disc two he examines his new adult upperclass life.Throughout he is commenting on the state of black America.

On “American Way� Nas chastises the American voting system (his timing could be better), pointing out how the African-American vote is often ignored.

On “These are Our Heroes� he goes after famous black celebrities, who in his eyes have failed to give back to the community; he goes as far as calling Condoleezza Rice a “coon, Uncle Tom fool.�

Though there are a number of bad tracks where Nas attempts to keep his street cred in line with his new married life (in general the album is much too long at 25 tracks), it’s a joy to hear the best lyricist alive rap about issues that still affect the ghetto. For Nas that has always been the ultimate goal, bringing the ghetto struggle to the mainstream. Perhaps some of his words are too adult for young ears, but the intelligent listeners of America must be able to sort through the surface images of music and find the true meanings.

Broken Day formed here in Champaign a year ago this spring. They tout themselves as a band that incorporates many styles (centralizing on pop, rock, and alternative) in an effort to garner mass appeal.

Within the past year they have recorded and produced their first full-length, self-titled album. The band has established a steady rotation of appearances in the area with past visits to the Canopy Club and Cowboy Monkey.

To their credit they put together an album that appeals to a vast audience (which they claim to target) with it’s easily accessible songs. The album starts strong with the catchy, polished, radio-friendly “No Win Situation.� The opener follows with “The Broken Hearted� and “Sway,� both solid tracks, but the record hits a lull towards the middle of its composition. Songs “Believe,� “Radio,� and “Existence� all suffer from unoriginality, as they presenting typical issues already sufficiently covered by hordes of other songwriters.

The chorus of “Believe� offers one of the weakest lines on the album: “You’re all I want, you’re all I need, and all I’m asking, is for you to believe in me.� “Radio� crosses the line of good taste when it becomes more obnoxious than catchy.

In “Existence� the band gives the standard “why am I here?� soliloquy, concluding that “There’s got to be more to life than this.� Such a question begs for a more profound response. The last two tracks (“Compassion� and “Listen�) pick up where the band started with a greater sense of originality and actual relevance, as well as feeling.

The entire album only lasts nine songs—six if you skip through “Believe,� “Radio,� and “Existence�—and leaves the listener with a sense of incompletion. The band seems to lack refinement in their presence and their sound. Understandably, they sound like a young band. Broken Day may actually be hamstrung by their desire to appeal to such a wide audience. Future outputs should prove more telling of their true mettle and capabilities.

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The man behind Aphex Twin, Richard D. James, has announced plans to release a series of 10 12-inch vinyl EPs under the name Analord. Released via Rephlex Records, the first EP will come packaged with a binder to hold the remainder of the EPs, which will be released gradually throughout the first half of the year.

New Order will release their newest album, Waiting for the Siren’s Song via Warner in the UK on March 28.The North American release date, via Reprise, has yet to be announced.

The set was produced by Tore Johansen and John Leckie and will feature the lead-off single “Krafty.�

Noel Gallagher announced on BBC Radio 1 that May 16 will be the release date for Oasis’ new album via Epic.

w H at tH e He L L? MOMENT OF THE WEEK WorldNetDaily.com is reporting that “trailer rock� superstar Kid Rock will be headlining a youth concert in honor of President Bush’s inauguration on Jan. 18. Hosted by party girls extraordinaire Jenna and Barbara Bush, the event will be held at the Washington, D.C., Armory.

Apparently, being voted “Sluttiest Male Celebrity� at the MTV Video Music Awards is an excellent way of ingratiating oneself to the “moral majority.�

1. Arcade Fire "Funeral" (Merge) 2. Johan "Pergola" (Excelsior) 3. Kevin Tihista's Red Terror "Wake Up Captain" (Parasol) 4. The Knife "Deep Cuts" (Rabid) 5. Thirdimension "Permanent Holiday" (A Hidden Agenda Record) 6. Trembling Blue Stars "Seven Autumn Flowers" (Bar/None) 7. Melpo Mene "Holes" (Imperial) 8. Boy In Static "Newborn" (Alien Transistor) 9. Peter Bjorn And John "Falling Out" (Planekonomi) 10. Broder Daniel "Broder Daniel Forever" (Dolores)

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book review

Writers have been pondering

COMPILED BY LOGAN MOORE

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literature

THINK IS FREAKING FUNNY.

BRIAN WARMOTH • ARTS EDITOR

PARASOL RECORDS TOP 10 SELLERS

I N T R O | A R O U N D T O W N | L I S T E N , H E A R | M A I N E V E N T | A R T S & E N T E R TA I N M E N T | W I N E & D I N E | T H E S I LV E R S C R E E N | C L A S S I F I E D S

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the meaning of art and aesthetics since the beginning of time, but none have attacked fascination with suffering in artists nearly so scathingly as Chuck Palahniuk in his 2003 release Diary: A Novel, released last fall in paperback from Random House. The story follows a journalized account of the life of Misty Kleinman, a middle-aged onceambitious artist whose husband is lying in a coma while her little New England island home of Waytansea plots her demise from the shadows.

As Palahniuk’s fiction successes (Choke, Lullaby) have been steadily increasing their territory on bookstore shelves over the last decade, Diary takes his nihilistic ponderings to an entirely new level, lambasting the creative establishment of history and present day as the story watches its main character become an unwary pawn to the demands of her family and artwork. The book here succeeds on at least three levels, blindsiding the reader with the ever-unfolding mystery of the island, while wrenching the bowels with Palahniuk’s trademark style and leaving a lasting distaste on the tongue that echoes the author’s cynicism.

As a horror and mystery novel, Diary unfolds true to its genre, layering parades of investigation into handwriting, vandalism and regional histories that ultimately bring the story to its chilling climax. From missing bathrooms to ominous graffiti, the bite-sized accounts throughout the journal are all pieces to the larger picture that lead the reader through Misty’s troubled existence.

Make it through the first five pages, and you’ll feel the brunt of the physical pangs that Palahniuk elaborates on during the rest of the story to pace the unfolding drama.

Underlining the true success of Palahniuk’s writing, though, is his cultural dissection of Misty’s life, exploring her adolescent drive to become an artist and the absurdities of her art school life— peering into her classmates’ pretentious egos and her husband’s own idiosyncrasies, such as plunging a broach into his black cable-knit sweater every day to inflict pain, scarring and inspiration. Misty’s mind is flushed with ponderings about great works of art and the need to endure suffering in order to create. The complacency she develops as a result shades her horrifying struggle to save herself before it’s too late, even as she tries to empathize with the artists of her island who came before her and suffered untimely demises.

If the story suffers any shortcomings, they lie in the use of the preternatural in the end, which, while acceptable given the genre of the story, take perspective beyond the realm of reality (however bizarre) and well into modern gothic horror. This isn’t uncharacteristic of Palahniuk, though, and is a small chink in the scheme of an elaborately constructed tale of creation and suffering.

A book for Palahniuk faithfuls, as well as horror lovers, those fascinated by Vonnegut-esque nihilistic fiction and anyone who’s ever considered becoming an artist, Diary is a powerful read and darn good bone chiller. s o u n d s

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708 S. Goodwin 18+ Urbana, IL 344-BAND Every Monday! presents: $1 Drinks!

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Saturday, J an 2 2

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24 east green street • champaign, illinois 61820 • 217-352-5570 • Mon - Fri: 9-5, Sat: 10 - 5

Featuring Jamie Masefield

Weds, February 2nd Tickets for advance shows on sale now at: The Canopy Club, Family Pride, and Bacca Cigar, or call 1-800-514-ETIX. Or print tickets at home on JayTV.com!

I N T R O | A R O U N D T O W N | L I S T E N , H E A R | M A I N E V E N T | A R T S & E N T E R TA I N M E N T | W I N E & D I N E | T H E S I LV E R S C R E E N | C L A S S I F I E D S

I do’nt know the key to S U C C E S S , but the key to F A I L U R E IS TRYING TO PLEASE EVERYBODY. -BILL COSBY

“I found I could say things with color and shapes that I couldn't say any other way ... things I had no words for.” ::: Georgia O'Keeffe :::

KRANNERT KICKS OFF Late January packs in musical performances for all ages JEFF NELSON • CONTRIBUTING WRITER

J

anuary may seem a bit thin at Urbana’s Krannert Center for the Performing Arts, with only six different shows from Jan. 1930, but they each offer some unusual qualities worth investigating. The 2005 season begins on Jan. 19-21 with the St. Petersberg Ballet Theatre.They will present three evenings in the Tryon Festival of Prokofiev’s Romeo and Juliet.

Sunday afternoon, the 23rd, brings Antares to the Foellinger Great Hall. This high-class chamber group is a quartet that is a piano trio with a clarinet added, and the result is high-energy 20th-century chamber music as you have rarely heard it.

A really unique chamber music duo is bass player Edgar Meyer and mandolin player Chris Thile.Their extraordinary talent will be combined on Jan. 27 for an evening of truly different talent blending.

For more traditional chamber music, the legendary Julliard String quartet will be in concert in the Foellinger Great Hall on Jan. 29 with the great oboist, Heinz Holliger, for an evening of music that ranges from Mozart to Carter.

Finally, the Champaign-Urbana Symphony ends the month on Jan. 30 with an afternoon concert of family-friendly music and instrument demonstrations. So, get there by 1:30 p.m. and see how it’s done—a petting zoo for curious youngsters on how a symphony plays. buzz

artist’s corner BRIAN WARMOTH • ARTS EDITOR

Louis Morton is a junior studying art and design and industrial design at the University of Illinois. Hailing from Millstadt, Ill., he now lives in Urbana, where he pursues a variety of creative outlets, working with an array of media inside and outside of his classwork, as well as designing products with everyday practical applications in the industrial design program.

With a great eye for subtle patterns and a charmingly quirky sense of humor, Louis has a smile that will melt your heart and a pair of thumbs that will melt anyone who challenges him to a two-player game of Dr. Mario.

What are your favorite media to work with and why?

When working on a project for my industrial design class, I find the sketching/brainstorming process most enjoyable and love using pencil and prisma color markers for this stage. When working on mockups, I’ve found cardboard is the best material for me, and when building a final model I usually use balsa foam or MDF. Outside of industrial design, I enjoy acrylic and oil painting, pencil and paper, and photography, both manual and digital.

Louis Morton What interests you most about the field of industrial design?

Given infinite resources, what would your dream art project look like?

When I start with a project I usually try to think of a problem I want to solve and then think of a product I could create or redesign to solve this problem. I then think of many ideas and take bits from each idea to come up with one final solution. This process of using ideas, drawings, and designs to solve a problem is what I find most interesting about industrial design.

I’ve always wanted to make a movie. A friend and I are in the planning stages of one now. It’s going to be about a guy who lives on this farm and all these subdivisions are going up around it. They want him to leave his farm so they can finish the subdivision, but he refuses to. There will be lots of other characters and subplots too, but that’s the general idea. I guess if I had infinite resources it’d be neat to hire a camera crew and real actors and everything.

But that’s what my dream art project would be—a full-length movie.

What are your favorite themes to explore in your work outside of class?

Outside of industrial design, I like working on projects that involve using a series of images to tell short narratives. For one project I photographed a house being built at different stages, from the tree, to the lumber, to house with street sign. For another project I had my friend dress up as a ninja and photographed him walking around town, grocery shopping and the like. I also like photographing everyday scenes, like my house or my cat laying around and then painting them using unnaturally bright colors. I mostly enjoy observing, and recording and then making fun, lighthearted work.

In a project designed around sequential imaging, Morton photographed various stages in the construction of a house.

a s t r o l o g y

ARIES

(March 21-April 19)

You're like grass sprouting up through a crevice in a boulder, Aries; like a hawk that has built a nest on the roof of a swank penthouse.

You even remind me of an indie rock band that has somehow cracked the Billboard charts without selling out. I don't know how you've managed it, but I congratulate you on your ability to be cagily opportunistic in difficult circumstances even as you remain true to yourself. Now comes the really hard part: staying humble, cultivating gratitude, renewing your commitment to unpretentious resourcefulness, and continuing to do all the other things that got you to where you are now.

TAU RU S

(April 20-May 20)

Author Danny Cox is an "accelerationist," according to the promotional blurb on his website. His talent is to induce "faster movement, higher efficiency, and increased productivity." I call on you to be a different kind of accelerationist in the coming week, Taurus: one who inspires visions of the big picture, purges pettiness from all interactions, and agitates on behalf of the highest possible ideals. If that leads to faster movement, higher efficiency, and increased production, fine. If it doesn't, equally fine. Your assignment is to be a soul accelerationist, not an ego accelerationist.

GEMINI

(May 21-June 20)

In his book, Chronicles: Volume 1, famed Gemini bard Bob Dylan claims that he never wanted to be the voice of his generation, let alone a prophet of protest leading a charge to overthrow the corrupt empire.

"I really was never any more than a folk musician who gazed into the gray mist with tear-blinded eyes," he writes. "My deepest dream was a house on a tree-lined block with a white picket fence, pink roses in the backyard." I believe many of you Geminis will thrive in the coming nine months if you pursue a similarly modest path. Beginning next November, you may be called on to raise some eautiful and benevolent hell, but in the short run I advise you to bolster your foundations with tender loving care.

(June 21-July 22)

Five hundred British art experts recently voted to determine the most influential art work of all time. Was it Leonardo da Vinci's "Mona Lisa" or Michelangelo's "David"? No. The winner was "Fountain," the white porcelain urinal that Marcel Duchamp mounted in a gallery show in 1917. "It reflects the idea that the creative process that goes into a work of art is the most important thing," said one of the voters, Simon Wilson. "The work itself can be made of anything and can take any form." I nominate Duchamp's urinal to be the most potent symbol in your world in the coming weeks, Cancerian. May it inspire you to place fresh thinking above all other values. For the foreseeable future, the greatest beauty will originate in imaginative departures from the way things have always been done.

I’m pretty happy with the first project I did for my (industrial design) class last semester. The assignment was to redesign a handheld tool, solving at least two problems with the tool.

The previous summer I had used this pressure washer gun to wash down houses and I hated it; it was awkward to hold and it wasn’t safe at all. So with my experience and hatred for the existing product in mind, I came up with a new design that I think is a lot safer and easier to operate than the old one.

Another project I was pleased with was a leafraking aid I made for a student home and housewares competition. It’s a trashcanlike device that allows the user to rake, compact, store, move and dispose of leaves without bending over or straining muscles.

I N T R O | A R O U N D T O W N | L I S T E N , H E A R | M A I N E V E N T | A R T S & E N T E R TA I N M E N T | W I N E & D I N E | T H E S I LV E R S C R E E N | C L A S S I F I E D S

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CANCER

What work have you done that you’ve been most pleased with? Why?

Call 333-6280 or email the Krannert ticket office at Krantix@uiuc.edu for more information and to order tickets.

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LEO

(July 23-Aug. 22)

Clint Eastwood's Million Dollar Baby is the best Hollywood movie of 2004, said A.O. Scott in the New York Times. But Salon.com's Charles Taylor panned the film, calling it leaden and boring, "a compendium of every cliché from every bad boxing melodrama ever made." I suspect that you will get equally contradictory reviews for your life and work in the coming week, Leo. For instance, some people may regard you as a magician who has transformed rot into splendor, while others may think of you as a dabbler with too much self-esteem. Both are wrong. More importantly, their opinions, whether good or bad, shouldn't concern you. Be your own judge.

VIRGO

(Aug. 23-Sept. 22)

The wife of lotter y winner Jack Whittaker bemoans the day he struck it rich. Since collecting $113 million in 2002, he has been in trouble with the law constantly, and has wasted a lot of time gambling and hanging out at strip clubs. "I wish I would have torn the lotter y ticket up," says Jewel Whittaker. Let's hope you handle your growing solvency with more aplomb, Virgo. My guess is that although you're not going to win the lotter y this year, your luck and hard work will conspire to raise your disposable income. Don't let it make you too crazy.

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LIBRA

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(Sept. 23-Oct. 22)

jonesin crossword puzzle

In a recent study, researchers could not train blue jays to postpone their desire. After a thousand repetitions, the birds still kept gobbling down a tiny chunk of food instead of waiting a shor t time for a much bigger piece. Many scientists believe that humans are similarly hard-wired for instant gratification. If that's true, Libra, you must resist it with all your power in the coming week. A better, more substantial prize will soon become available if you can stop yourself from grabbing the meager treat that's in front of your nose right now.

SCORPIO

crossword

(Oct. 23-Nov. 21)

I beg you not to do what Robert Chamberlain did in his room at a Motel 6 in Chenango, New York last May. Please don't buy 14 jars of petroleum jelly and smear the stuff all over yourself, the walls, and the furniture. On the other hand, Scorpio, I do recommend that you become as slippery as possible in the coming week, metaphorically speaking. Don't stay too long in one place, don't commit yourself to long-term plans, don't get stuck in dogmatic perspectives, and don't get pinned down, period.

S A G I T T A R I U S (Nov. 22-Dec. 21) At a recent press conference, a repor ter asked President George W. Bush to explain what seemed like inconsistencies in his previously announced intention to revise the Social Security program.

Bush said, "I'm not going to negotiate with myself" about the issue, and avoided making a substantive response. I advise you to take the opposite tack in the coming week, Sagittarius. It's crucial that you negotiate with yourself profusely, maybe even debate and argue--though I hope you'll stop shor t of getting into a fight with yourself. The fact is, the life issues you're dealing with need vigorous input from all the voices in your head. Even the seemingly irrational ones must have their say in order for you to reach wise decisions.

CAPRICORN

(Dec. 22-Jan. 19)

"One of the strongest characteristics of genius is the power of lighting its own fire," wrote essayist John W. Foster. While you may not be a genius in the same way that Albert Einstein or Emily Dickinson were, Capricorn, I believe that one of your special talents deserves the title.

The only problem is, you haven't consistently given that talent the nurturing it needs to flourish. Would you consider correcting this neglect in the coming weeks? No later than March 1, I hope you will put into action a disciplined, long-term plan to create a metaphorical greenhouse for this natural endowment of yours.

AQUARIUS

(Jan. 20-Feb. 18)

Every year the people of Dhami in India celebrate Sati Pradha Mela, a raucous stone-throwing festival. I won't go into the specifics of what they do, because I merely want you to steal the basic idea. Why? Because according to my reading of the astrological omens, it is now a perfect time for you to unleash your pent-up aggressions in a flagrant yet harmless ritual. You can of course do this any way you see fit, but here's my suggestion: Wander out into a wild place and hurl about 20 big rocks in the direction of heaven.

PISCES

(Feb. 19-March 20)

Three times recently I've been driving home after 11 p.m. when I've spied a strange scene unfolding at a neighborhood house. The couple that lives there has been sitting around a festively decorated table in the front yard. A group of maybe eight to ten other people has been with them, and they've all been drinking from champagne glasses, making boisterous toasts, laughing heartily, and singing loud songs. I've been tempted to crash their little parties; it's exhilarating to see such late-night outdoor merriment in drizzly 30-degree weather during the bleak post-holiday season. I propose that you make these weirdoes your role models in the coming week, Pisces.

Let them inspire you to be lavishly celebratory, convivial, and cheerful, even in seemingly inhospitable circumstances.

Homework: Imagine that thanks to scientific breakthroughs and good luck, you're still alive in 2090. What's your life like? Testify at http://www.freewillastrology.com.

Across 1 Take meth regularly, e.g.

4 Roswell craft 7 Time delay 10 Classic 1951 movie “___ Vadis” 13 Scott Weiland’s band, for short 14 ___ Hill, San Francisco 15 Come up short 16 Online addy 17 “Homicide bombing” coiner Fleischer 18 “I’m still not convinced!”

20 “So what?”

21 Bases for some pizzas 24 Some washers or refrigerators 25 Key near the 1 26 Intention 27 Goes down the tubes 29 LOL or WTF, e.g.

31 Well-mannered guys 35 Lay to rest 37 Jessica in an upcoming “Fantastic

Four” film 39 Part of a basketball play 40 City where Gen. Douglas MacArthur is buried 43 Visual artist’s deg.

44 “That’s gotta hurt” 45 Turned over to the used car lot 46 Key same as B 48 It’s fixed by a facelift 50 “Hamlet” characters 51 Dance half 53 Count Ferdinand ___ Zeppelin 55 Clock setting in Nome: abbr.

56 Sequel with Streisand 61 One way to get junk transmissions 62 Outlaw 63 Traditional Japanese drama 64 Body spray with sexy ads 65 Victory run,

maybe 66 Red or Yellow 67 __-pitch softball 68 Flickable lighter 69 Chess pcs.

70 DDE predecessor 71 “Hold the Line” group Down 1 Gp. at Lackland and Langley 2 Russian count with a dish named after him 3 Of an earthquake’s origin 4 Like Polish jokes and “woman driver” comments 5 Part of 1-down 6 “Peter and the Wolf” soloist 7 Alt-popster Lisa 8 “Bird on ___” 9 Take the next step, maybe 10 Open campus area 11 Cremains storers 12 Around forever

19 Dramatist and first president of the Czech Republic 22 “All I ___ you...”

23 Gator’s tail?

27 When Claudius was born 28 Get into bed, perhaps 30 “Chemical” guy in the Iraqi playing card deck 32 Strictly business 33 It may be hung for overhand or underhand access 34 French WWI planes 36 Cantrell who did “Hit ‘Em Up Style” 38 Winter utterance 41 Leader of the Sunshine Band et al.

42 Musician Chris with a show on Showtime 47 Top card 49 “Do you have any threes?” game 52 Up for swinging?

54 They get counted in a crowd 56 Musical Priest 57 Corporate honcho 58 Microbrewer’s need 59 Part of IRC 60 “Get away from me!”

61 Like the Beatles or the “Queer Eye” guys

answers p. 11

I N T R O | A R O U N D T O W N | L I S T E N , H E A R | M A I N E V E N T | A R T S & E N T E R TA I N M E N T | W I N E & D I N E | T H E S I LV E R S C R E E N | C L A S S I F I E D S

ASSEMBLY HALL | First & Florida, Champaign 333-5000 AMERICAN LEGION POST 24 | 705 W Bloomington, Champaign 356-5144 AMERICAN LEGION POST 71 | 107 N Broadway, Urbana 367-3121 BARFLY | 120 N Neil, Champaign 352-9756 BOLTINI LOUNGE | 211 N Neil, Champaign 378-8001 BOARDMAN’S ART THEATER | 126 W Church, Champaign 351-0068 THE BRASS RAIL | 15 E University, Champaign 352-7512 THE CANOPY CLUB (GARDEN GRILL) | 708 S Goodwin, Urbana 367-3140 CHANNING-MURRAY FOUNDATION | 1209 W Oregon, Urbana COSMOPOLITAN CLUB | 307 E John, Champaign 367-3079 COURTYARD CAFE | Illini Union, 1401 W Green, Urbana 333-4666 COWBOY MONKEY | 6 Taylor, Champaign 398-2688 CURTIS ORCHARD | 3902 S Duncan, Champaign 359-5565 D.R. DIGGERS | 604 S Country Fair, Champaign 356-0888 ELMER’S CLUB 45 | 3525 N Cunningham, Urbana 344-3101 EMBASSY TAVERN & GRILL | 114 S Race, Urbana 384-9526 ESQUIRE LOUNGE | 106 N Walnut, Champaign 398-5858 FALLON’S ICE HOUSE | 703 N Prospect, Champaign 398-5760

FAT CITY SALOON | 505 S Chestnut, Champaign 356-7100 THE GREAT IMPASTA | 114 W Church, Champaign 359-7377 G.T.’S WESTERN BOWL | Francis, Champaign 359-1678 THE HIGHDIVE | 51 Main, Champaign 359-4444 HUBER’S | 1312 W Church, Champaign 352-0606 ILLINOIS DISCIPLES FOUNDATION | 610 E Springfield, Champaign 352-8721 INDEPENDENT MEDIA CENTER | 218 W Main, Urbana 344-8820 THE IRON POST | 120 S Race, Urbana 337-7678 JOE’S BREWERY | 706 S Fifth, Champaign 384-1790 KRANNERT ART MUSEUM| 500 E Peabody, Champaign 333-1861 KRANNERT CENTER FOR THE PERFORMING ARTS | 500 S Goodwin, Urbana Tickets: 333-6280, 800KCPATIX LA CASA CULTURAL LATINA | 1203 W Nevada, Urbana 333-4950 LAVA | 1906 W Bradley, Champaign 352-8714 LES’S LOUNGE | 403 N Coler, Urbana 328-4000 LINCOLN CASTLE | 209 S Broadway, Urbana 344-7720 MALIBU BAY LOUNGE | North Route 45, Urbana 328-7415 MIKE ‘N’ MOLLY’S | 105 N Market, Champaign 355-1236 NARGILE | 207 W Clark, Champaign NEIL STREET PUB | 1505 N Neil, Champaign 359-1601

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U R B A N A THE OFFICE | 214 W Main, Urbana 344-7608 PARKLAND COLLEGE | 2400 W Bradley, Champaign 351-2528 PHOENIX | 215 S Neil, Champaign 355-7866 PIA’S OF RANTOUL | Route 136 E, Rantoul 893-8244 RED HERRING/CHANNINGMURRAY FOUNDATION | 1209 W Oregon, Urbana 344-1176 ROSE BOWL TAVERN | 106 N Race, Urbana 367-7031 SPRINGER CULTURAL CENTER | 301 N Randolph, Champaign 355-1406 SPURLOCK MUSEUM | 600 S Gregory, Urbana, 333-2360 THE STATION THEATRE | 223 N Broadway, Urbana 384-4000 STRAWBERRY FIELDS CAFE | 306 W Springfield, Urbana 328-1655 TEN THOUSAND VILLAGES| 105 N Walnut, Champaign 352-8938 TK WENDL’S | 1901 S Highcross, Urbana 255-5328 TOMMY G’S | 123 S Mattis, Country Fair Shopping Center 359-2177 TONIC | 619 S Wright, Champaign 356-6768 UNIVERSITY YMCA | 1001 S Wright, Champaign 344-0721 VERDE/VERDANT | 17 E Taylor, Champaign 366-3204 VIRGINIA THEATRE | 203 W Park Ave, Champaign 356-9053 WHITE HORSE INN | 112 1/2 E Green, Champaign 352-5945 ZORBA’S | 627 E Green, Champaign

thursday

Puzzle p. 9

800.659.0627

Thursday Jan. 13

Live Music Edison Middle School Jazz Band The Iron Post 7-10pm, TBA Kayla Brown Boltini 8-10pm, free Jim Bean Tommy G's 9pm, free Mike Ingram's Birthday Party: Mike Ingram, Adam Wolfe and Friends, Brandon T. Washington, Kayla Brown Cowboy Monkey 10pm, $4 DJ DJ J-Phlip house Barfly 10pm, free DJ Bozak [hip hop and other soulful beats] Boltini 10:30pm, free DJ Odessey Joe's Brewery TBA, TBA DJ Roc On, DJ Delayney Nargile TBA, $5

Karaoke "G" Force Karaoke Pia's of Rantoul 9pm-1am, free Karaoke with DJ Paul Faber Club 45 9pm-1am, TBA

Elsinore, Lorenzo Goetz Friends and Co. 10pm, $2-3 The Brat Pack [‘80s covers] Tommy G's 10pm, $5 Regarding Angels Illinois Brewing Company 11pm, TBA Open Mic Night with Nathan Clark Wake the Dead Cafe TBA, free

friday

saturday

Friday, Jan. 14

Live Music The Impalas [blues] Cowboy Monkey 5pm, $2 Adam Wolfe Tommy G's 5-7pm, free Pocket Big Band [jazz] The Highdive 5:30pm, $3 Motherlode The Iron Post 6-8pm, TBA Mark Clark Borders in Champaign 8pm, free Jaded Kayne, Justify the Means, Lidlifter, Seed The Canopy Club 9pm, $5 Full Circle [‘80s hard rock] The Phoenix 9pm, free

Karaoke Karaoke with DJ Paul Faber Club 45 9pm-1am, TBA

DJ DJ Bozak [hip hop, downtempo] Barfly 10pm, free DJ Lil Big Bass Boltini 10pm, free DJ Raphael [house, hip hop, rock, dance] Cowboy Monkey 10pm, free DJ Tim Williams [hip hop, house, top 40 dance] The Highdive 10pm, $5 DJ Orby Joe's Brewery TBA DJ Impact [house music] Nargile TBA, free

Saturday, Jan. 15

Live Music Edison Middle School Jazz Band Borders 1-3pm, free Billy Mathews and the Mando Club Pages for All Ages 7pm, free The Tards, Hatesville, Six Inch Punch, The Insolents [punk rock] Wake the Dead Cafe 7pm, $5 The Boat Drunks [Jimmy Buffet tribute] The Highdive 7:30pm, $5 Elsinore Jackson Avenue Coffeehouse 8pm, free NonThought, Omnipresent, Hot Iron Skillet, From These Remains [formerly StiLife]

LORENZO

goetz

Live Music Leigh Meador, Rob Hecht The Iron Post 7-10pm, TBA Adam Wolfe, Guido Esteves, Jess Greenlee [rock] Cowboy Monkey 9pm, free Sunday Mass: Dropsixx, Second Son, Justify the Means [hard rock, metal] Tommy G's 9pm, free

The Canopy Club 9pm, $5 Killborn Alley [blues] The Iron Post 9pm, TBA The Delta Kings [rock, blues] Cowboy Monkey 9:30pm, $4 Posin' [Poison tribute] Tommy G's 10pm, $5 Zen Feat Uptowner 10pm, $2 DJ DJ Resonate [hip hop] Barfly 10pm, free DJ Limbs [hip hop, soul, dance] Boltini 10pm, free DJ Bozak [old school, retro, hip hop] Nargile 10pm, free DJ Tim Williams [hip hop, house, top 40 dance] The Highdive 10pm, $5 DJ Naughty Boy Joe's Brewery TBA

sunday Sunday, Jan. 16

tuesday Tuesday, Jan. 18

Monday, Jan. 17

Live Music Open Jam/Open Mic hosted by Kate Hathaway The Canopy Club 9pm, $2, over 21 free Little Black Spiders, The Forms, Shipwreck Cowboy Monkey 10pm, $4 Adam Wolfe's Acoustic Night with Jess Greenlee Tommy G's 10pm, free

Live Music Jazz Jam with ParaDocs The Iron Post 7-10pm, TBA UC Hip Hop presents Chill in the Grill with TBA The Canopy Club 9pm, free Quadremedy [rock] Tommy G's 10pm, free

DJ DJ Sophisto [house] Barfly 10pm, free NOX: DJ Rickbats, DJ Kannibal [goth, industrial, darkwave] The Highdive 10pm, $2 DJ Lil Big Bass Boltini 10:30pm, free

DJ DJ Delaney [hip hop, soul] Barfly 10pm, free DJ Resonate [hip hop, R&B, lounge] Cowboy Monkey

Karaoke "G" Force Karaoke Neil St. Pub 8pm-midnight, free Liquid Courage Karaoke Geo's Chill and Grill 9pm, free

DJ DJ Wesjile [hip hop] Barfly 10pm, free DJ Bozak [‘80s rewind] Boltini 10:30pm, free

monday

Karaoke "G" Force Karaoke Sappy's on Devenshire 9pm-midnight, free Karaoke with DJ Paul Faber Club 45 9pm-1am, TBA

wednesday

10pm, free DJ Paul Anthony [Industry Night] Nargile 10pm, free DJ Bozak [hip hop and other soulful beats] Boltini 10:30pm, free

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v e n u e s • C H A M P A I G N

Wednesday, Jan. 19

Live Music The Locked Sound, Jet Set Paulie's 9pm, free Apollo Project [live improv house music] Nargile 10pm, free Blues Night: Kilborn Alley Tommy G's 10pm, free Premo Records Presents Freestyle Battle & Open Mic Night [live hip hop & dancing] Tonic 10pm, $4 DJ Chef Ra [roots, reggae] Barfly 10pm, free DJ Limbs [hip hop, soul, dance] Boltini 10:30pm, free Dancing Tango Dancing Cowboy Monkey 7:30pm, free Karaoke Liquid Courage Karaoke Geovanti's 10pm-2am, free

FRI JAN 14 AT FRIENDS AND CO. 10PM $2-3 COVER

b o b

’n

This Champaign group is hard to classify. No single song can epitomize the mix of pop, hip hop, Brit and stoner rock, and mariachi that more or less is Lorenzo Goetz.

d a v e

b y

d a v i d

k i n g

now hiring

The band’s energy and chemistry draw the crowds and keep them coming. If you’re looking for a kick ass show by a local band that’s damn close to breaking into the big time, check them out at Friends and Co. in Charleston, IL.

kishauwau.com

Step back to a QUIETER TIME

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I N T R O | A R O U N D T O W N | L I S T E N , H E A R | M A I N E V E N T | A R T S & E N T E R TA I N M E N T | W I N E & D I N E | T H E S I LV E R S C R E E N | C L A S S I F I E D S

ASSEMBLY HALL | First & Florida, Champaign 333-5000 AMERICAN LEGION POST 24 | 705 W Bloomington, Champaign 356-5144 AMERICAN LEGION POST 71 | 107 N Broadway, Urbana 367-3121 BARFLY | 120 N Neil, Champaign 352-9756 BOLTINI LOUNGE | 211 N Neil, Champaign 378-8001 BOARDMAN’S ART THEATER | 126 W Church, Champaign 351-0068 THE BRASS RAIL | 15 E University, Champaign 352-7512 THE CANOPY CLUB (GARDEN GRILL) | 708 S Goodwin, Urbana 367-3140 CHANNING-MURRAY FOUNDATION | 1209 W Oregon, Urbana COSMOPOLITAN CLUB | 307 E John, Champaign 367-3079 COURTYARD CAFE | Illini Union, 1401 W Green, Urbana 333-4666 COWBOY MONKEY | 6 Taylor, Champaign 398-2688 CURTIS ORCHARD | 3902 S Duncan, Champaign 359-5565 D.R. DIGGERS | 604 S Country Fair, Champaign 356-0888 ELMER’S CLUB 45 | 3525 N Cunningham, Urbana 344-3101 EMBASSY TAVERN & GRILL | 114 S Race, Urbana 384-9526 ESQUIRE LOUNGE | 106 N Walnut, Champaign 398-5858 FALLON’S ICE HOUSE | 703 N Prospect, Champaign 398-5760

FAT CITY SALOON | 505 S Chestnut, Champaign 356-7100 THE GREAT IMPASTA | 114 W Church, Champaign 359-7377 G.T.’S WESTERN BOWL | Francis, Champaign 359-1678 THE HIGHDIVE | 51 Main, Champaign 359-4444 HUBER’S | 1312 W Church, Champaign 352-0606 ILLINOIS DISCIPLES FOUNDATION | 610 E Springfield, Champaign 352-8721 INDEPENDENT MEDIA CENTER | 218 W Main, Urbana 344-8820 THE IRON POST | 120 S Race, Urbana 337-7678 JOE’S BREWERY | 706 S Fifth, Champaign 384-1790 KRANNERT ART MUSEUM| 500 E Peabody, Champaign 333-1861 KRANNERT CENTER FOR THE PERFORMING ARTS | 500 S Goodwin, Urbana Tickets: 333-6280, 800KCPATIX LA CASA CULTURAL LATINA | 1203 W Nevada, Urbana 333-4950 LAVA | 1906 W Bradley, Champaign 352-8714 LES’S LOUNGE | 403 N Coler, Urbana 328-4000 LINCOLN CASTLE | 209 S Broadway, Urbana 344-7720 MALIBU BAY LOUNGE | North Route 45, Urbana 328-7415 MIKE ‘N’ MOLLY’S | 105 N Market, Champaign 355-1236 NARGILE | 207 W Clark, Champaign NEIL STREET PUB | 1505 N Neil, Champaign 359-1601

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U R B A N A THE OFFICE | 214 W Main, Urbana 344-7608 PARKLAND COLLEGE | 2400 W Bradley, Champaign 351-2528 PHOENIX | 215 S Neil, Champaign 355-7866 PIA’S OF RANTOUL | Route 136 E, Rantoul 893-8244 RED HERRING/CHANNINGMURRAY FOUNDATION | 1209 W Oregon, Urbana 344-1176 ROSE BOWL TAVERN | 106 N Race, Urbana 367-7031 SPRINGER CULTURAL CENTER | 301 N Randolph, Champaign 355-1406 SPURLOCK MUSEUM | 600 S Gregory, Urbana, 333-2360 THE STATION THEATRE | 223 N Broadway, Urbana 384-4000 STRAWBERRY FIELDS CAFE | 306 W Springfield, Urbana 328-1655 TEN THOUSAND VILLAGES| 105 N Walnut, Champaign 352-8938 TK WENDL’S | 1901 S Highcross, Urbana 255-5328 TOMMY G’S | 123 S Mattis, Country Fair Shopping Center 359-2177 TONIC | 619 S Wright, Champaign 356-6768 UNIVERSITY YMCA | 1001 S Wright, Champaign 344-0721 VERDE/VERDANT | 17 E Taylor, Champaign 366-3204 VIRGINIA THEATRE | 203 W Park Ave, Champaign 356-9053 WHITE HORSE INN | 112 1/2 E Green, Champaign 352-5945 ZORBA’S | 627 E Green, Champaign

thursday

Puzzle p. 9

800.659.0627

Thursday Jan. 13

Live Music Edison Middle School Jazz Band The Iron Post 7-10pm, TBA Kayla Brown Boltini 8-10pm, free Jim Bean Tommy G's 9pm, free Mike Ingram's Birthday Party: Mike Ingram, Adam Wolfe and Friends, Brandon T. Washington, Kayla Brown Cowboy Monkey 10pm, $4 DJ DJ J-Phlip house Barfly 10pm, free DJ Bozak [hip hop and other soulful beats] Boltini 10:30pm, free DJ Odessey Joe's Brewery TBA, TBA DJ Roc On, DJ Delayney Nargile TBA, $5

Karaoke "G" Force Karaoke Pia's of Rantoul 9pm-1am, free Karaoke with DJ Paul Faber Club 45 9pm-1am, TBA

Elsinore, Lorenzo Goetz Friends and Co. 10pm, $2-3 The Brat Pack [‘80s covers] Tommy G's 10pm, $5 Regarding Angels Illinois Brewing Company 11pm, TBA Open Mic Night with Nathan Clark Wake the Dead Cafe TBA, free

friday

saturday

Friday, Jan. 14

Live Music The Impalas [blues] Cowboy Monkey 5pm, $2 Adam Wolfe Tommy G's 5-7pm, free Pocket Big Band [jazz] The Highdive 5:30pm, $3 Motherlode The Iron Post 6-8pm, TBA Mark Clark Borders in Champaign 8pm, free Jaded Kayne, Justify the Means, Lidlifter, Seed The Canopy Club 9pm, $5 Full Circle [‘80s hard rock] The Phoenix 9pm, free

Karaoke Karaoke with DJ Paul Faber Club 45 9pm-1am, TBA

DJ DJ Bozak [hip hop, downtempo] Barfly 10pm, free DJ Lil Big Bass Boltini 10pm, free DJ Raphael [house, hip hop, rock, dance] Cowboy Monkey 10pm, free DJ Tim Williams [hip hop, house, top 40 dance] The Highdive 10pm, $5 DJ Orby Joe's Brewery TBA DJ Impact [house music] Nargile TBA, free

Saturday, Jan. 15

Live Music Edison Middle School Jazz Band Borders 1-3pm, free Billy Mathews and the Mando Club Pages for All Ages 7pm, free The Tards, Hatesville, Six Inch Punch, The Insolents [punk rock] Wake the Dead Cafe 7pm, $5 The Boat Drunks [Jimmy Buffet tribute] The Highdive 7:30pm, $5 Elsinore Jackson Avenue Coffeehouse 8pm, free NonThought, Omnipresent, Hot Iron Skillet, From These Remains [formerly StiLife]

LORENZO

goetz

Live Music Leigh Meador, Rob Hecht The Iron Post 7-10pm, TBA Adam Wolfe, Guido Esteves, Jess Greenlee [rock] Cowboy Monkey 9pm, free Sunday Mass: Dropsixx, Second Son, Justify the Means [hard rock, metal] Tommy G's 9pm, free

The Canopy Club 9pm, $5 Killborn Alley [blues] The Iron Post 9pm, TBA The Delta Kings [rock, blues] Cowboy Monkey 9:30pm, $4 Posin' [Poison tribute] Tommy G's 10pm, $5 Zen Feat Uptowner 10pm, $2 DJ DJ Resonate [hip hop] Barfly 10pm, free DJ Limbs [hip hop, soul, dance] Boltini 10pm, free DJ Bozak [old school, retro, hip hop] Nargile 10pm, free DJ Tim Williams [hip hop, house, top 40 dance] The Highdive 10pm, $5 DJ Naughty Boy Joe's Brewery TBA

sunday Sunday, Jan. 16

tuesday Tuesday, Jan. 18

Monday, Jan. 17

Live Music Open Jam/Open Mic hosted by Kate Hathaway The Canopy Club 9pm, $2, over 21 free Little Black Spiders, The Forms, Shipwreck Cowboy Monkey 10pm, $4 Adam Wolfe's Acoustic Night with Jess Greenlee Tommy G's 10pm, free

Live Music Jazz Jam with ParaDocs The Iron Post 7-10pm, TBA UC Hip Hop presents Chill in the Grill with TBA The Canopy Club 9pm, free Quadremedy [rock] Tommy G's 10pm, free

DJ DJ Sophisto [house] Barfly 10pm, free NOX: DJ Rickbats, DJ Kannibal [goth, industrial, darkwave] The Highdive 10pm, $2 DJ Lil Big Bass Boltini 10:30pm, free

DJ DJ Delaney [hip hop, soul] Barfly 10pm, free DJ Resonate [hip hop, R&B, lounge] Cowboy Monkey

Karaoke "G" Force Karaoke Neil St. Pub 8pm-midnight, free Liquid Courage Karaoke Geo's Chill and Grill 9pm, free

DJ DJ Wesjile [hip hop] Barfly 10pm, free DJ Bozak [‘80s rewind] Boltini 10:30pm, free

monday

Karaoke "G" Force Karaoke Sappy's on Devenshire 9pm-midnight, free Karaoke with DJ Paul Faber Club 45 9pm-1am, TBA

wednesday

10pm, free DJ Paul Anthony [Industry Night] Nargile 10pm, free DJ Bozak [hip hop and other soulful beats] Boltini 10:30pm, free

11

10

v e n u e s • C H A M P A I G N

Wednesday, Jan. 19

Live Music The Locked Sound, Jet Set Paulie's 9pm, free Apollo Project [live improv house music] Nargile 10pm, free Blues Night: Kilborn Alley Tommy G's 10pm, free Premo Records Presents Freestyle Battle & Open Mic Night [live hip hop & dancing] Tonic 10pm, $4 DJ Chef Ra [roots, reggae] Barfly 10pm, free DJ Limbs [hip hop, soul, dance] Boltini 10:30pm, free Dancing Tango Dancing Cowboy Monkey 7:30pm, free Karaoke Liquid Courage Karaoke Geovanti's 10pm-2am, free

FRI JAN 14 AT FRIENDS AND CO. 10PM $2-3 COVER

b o b

’n

This Champaign group is hard to classify. No single song can epitomize the mix of pop, hip hop, Brit and stoner rock, and mariachi that more or less is Lorenzo Goetz.

d a v e

b y

d a v i d

k i n g

now hiring

The band’s energy and chemistry draw the crowds and keep them coming. If you’re looking for a kick ass show by a local band that’s damn close to breaking into the big time, check them out at Friends and Co. in Charleston, IL.

kishauwau.com

Step back to a QUIETER TIME

www.uibars.com I N T R O | A R O U N D T O W N | L I S T E N , H E A R | M A I N E V E N T | A R T S & E N T E R TA I N M E N T | W I N E & D I N E | T H E S I LV E R S C R E E N | C L A S S I F I E D S

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I N T R O | A R O U N D T O W N | L I S T E N , H E A R | M A I N E V E N T | A R T S & E N T E R TA I N M E N T | W I N E & D I N E | T H E S I LV E R S C R E E N | C L A S S I F I E D S

I do’nt know the key to S U C C E S S , but the key to F A I L U R E IS TRYING TO PLEASE EVERYBODY. -BILL COSBY

“I found I could say things with color and shapes that I couldn't say any other way ... things I had no words for.” ::: Georgia O'Keeffe :::

KRANNERT KICKS OFF Late January packs in musical performances for all ages JEFF NELSON • CONTRIBUTING WRITER

J

anuary may seem a bit thin at Urbana’s Krannert Center for the Performing Arts, with only six different shows from Jan. 1930, but they each offer some unusual qualities worth investigating. The 2005 season begins on Jan. 19-21 with the St. Petersberg Ballet Theatre.They will present three evenings in the Tryon Festival of Prokofiev’s Romeo and Juliet.

Sunday afternoon, the 23rd, brings Antares to the Foellinger Great Hall. This high-class chamber group is a quartet that is a piano trio with a clarinet added, and the result is high-energy 20th-century chamber music as you have rarely heard it.

A really unique chamber music duo is bass player Edgar Meyer and mandolin player Chris Thile.Their extraordinary talent will be combined on Jan. 27 for an evening of truly different talent blending.

For more traditional chamber music, the legendary Julliard String quartet will be in concert in the Foellinger Great Hall on Jan. 29 with the great oboist, Heinz Holliger, for an evening of music that ranges from Mozart to Carter.

Finally, the Champaign-Urbana Symphony ends the month on Jan. 30 with an afternoon concert of family-friendly music and instrument demonstrations. So, get there by 1:30 p.m. and see how it’s done—a petting zoo for curious youngsters on how a symphony plays. buzz

artist’s corner BRIAN WARMOTH • ARTS EDITOR

Louis Morton is a junior studying art and design and industrial design at the University of Illinois. Hailing from Millstadt, Ill., he now lives in Urbana, where he pursues a variety of creative outlets, working with an array of media inside and outside of his classwork, as well as designing products with everyday practical applications in the industrial design program.

With a great eye for subtle patterns and a charmingly quirky sense of humor, Louis has a smile that will melt your heart and a pair of thumbs that will melt anyone who challenges him to a two-player game of Dr. Mario.

What are your favorite media to work with and why?

When working on a project for my industrial design class, I find the sketching/brainstorming process most enjoyable and love using pencil and prisma color markers for this stage. When working on mockups, I’ve found cardboard is the best material for me, and when building a final model I usually use balsa foam or MDF. Outside of industrial design, I enjoy acrylic and oil painting, pencil and paper, and photography, both manual and digital.

Louis Morton What interests you most about the field of industrial design?

Given infinite resources, what would your dream art project look like?

When I start with a project I usually try to think of a problem I want to solve and then think of a product I could create or redesign to solve this problem. I then think of many ideas and take bits from each idea to come up with one final solution. This process of using ideas, drawings, and designs to solve a problem is what I find most interesting about industrial design.

I’ve always wanted to make a movie. A friend and I are in the planning stages of one now. It’s going to be about a guy who lives on this farm and all these subdivisions are going up around it. They want him to leave his farm so they can finish the subdivision, but he refuses to. There will be lots of other characters and subplots too, but that’s the general idea. I guess if I had infinite resources it’d be neat to hire a camera crew and real actors and everything.

But that’s what my dream art project would be—a full-length movie.

What are your favorite themes to explore in your work outside of class?

Outside of industrial design, I like working on projects that involve using a series of images to tell short narratives. For one project I photographed a house being built at different stages, from the tree, to the lumber, to house with street sign. For another project I had my friend dress up as a ninja and photographed him walking around town, grocery shopping and the like. I also like photographing everyday scenes, like my house or my cat laying around and then painting them using unnaturally bright colors. I mostly enjoy observing, and recording and then making fun, lighthearted work.

In a project designed around sequential imaging, Morton photographed various stages in the construction of a house.

a s t r o l o g y

ARIES

(March 21-April 19)

You're like grass sprouting up through a crevice in a boulder, Aries; like a hawk that has built a nest on the roof of a swank penthouse.

You even remind me of an indie rock band that has somehow cracked the Billboard charts without selling out. I don't know how you've managed it, but I congratulate you on your ability to be cagily opportunistic in difficult circumstances even as you remain true to yourself. Now comes the really hard part: staying humble, cultivating gratitude, renewing your commitment to unpretentious resourcefulness, and continuing to do all the other things that got you to where you are now.

TAU RU S

(April 20-May 20)

Author Danny Cox is an "accelerationist," according to the promotional blurb on his website. His talent is to induce "faster movement, higher efficiency, and increased productivity." I call on you to be a different kind of accelerationist in the coming week, Taurus: one who inspires visions of the big picture, purges pettiness from all interactions, and agitates on behalf of the highest possible ideals. If that leads to faster movement, higher efficiency, and increased production, fine. If it doesn't, equally fine. Your assignment is to be a soul accelerationist, not an ego accelerationist.

GEMINI

(May 21-June 20)

In his book, Chronicles: Volume 1, famed Gemini bard Bob Dylan claims that he never wanted to be the voice of his generation, let alone a prophet of protest leading a charge to overthrow the corrupt empire.

"I really was never any more than a folk musician who gazed into the gray mist with tear-blinded eyes," he writes. "My deepest dream was a house on a tree-lined block with a white picket fence, pink roses in the backyard." I believe many of you Geminis will thrive in the coming nine months if you pursue a similarly modest path. Beginning next November, you may be called on to raise some eautiful and benevolent hell, but in the short run I advise you to bolster your foundations with tender loving care.

(June 21-July 22)

Five hundred British art experts recently voted to determine the most influential art work of all time. Was it Leonardo da Vinci's "Mona Lisa" or Michelangelo's "David"? No. The winner was "Fountain," the white porcelain urinal that Marcel Duchamp mounted in a gallery show in 1917. "It reflects the idea that the creative process that goes into a work of art is the most important thing," said one of the voters, Simon Wilson. "The work itself can be made of anything and can take any form." I nominate Duchamp's urinal to be the most potent symbol in your world in the coming weeks, Cancerian. May it inspire you to place fresh thinking above all other values. For the foreseeable future, the greatest beauty will originate in imaginative departures from the way things have always been done.

I’m pretty happy with the first project I did for my (industrial design) class last semester. The assignment was to redesign a handheld tool, solving at least two problems with the tool.

The previous summer I had used this pressure washer gun to wash down houses and I hated it; it was awkward to hold and it wasn’t safe at all. So with my experience and hatred for the existing product in mind, I came up with a new design that I think is a lot safer and easier to operate than the old one.

Another project I was pleased with was a leafraking aid I made for a student home and housewares competition. It’s a trashcanlike device that allows the user to rake, compact, store, move and dispose of leaves without bending over or straining muscles.

I N T R O | A R O U N D T O W N | L I S T E N , H E A R | M A I N E V E N T | A R T S & E N T E R TA I N M E N T | W I N E & D I N E | T H E S I LV E R S C R E E N | C L A S S I F I E D S

w i l l

CANCER

What work have you done that you’ve been most pleased with? Why?

Call 333-6280 or email the Krannert ticket office at Krantix@uiuc.edu for more information and to order tickets.

f r e e

LEO

(July 23-Aug. 22)

Clint Eastwood's Million Dollar Baby is the best Hollywood movie of 2004, said A.O. Scott in the New York Times. But Salon.com's Charles Taylor panned the film, calling it leaden and boring, "a compendium of every cliché from every bad boxing melodrama ever made." I suspect that you will get equally contradictory reviews for your life and work in the coming week, Leo. For instance, some people may regard you as a magician who has transformed rot into splendor, while others may think of you as a dabbler with too much self-esteem. Both are wrong. More importantly, their opinions, whether good or bad, shouldn't concern you. Be your own judge.

VIRGO

(Aug. 23-Sept. 22)

The wife of lotter y winner Jack Whittaker bemoans the day he struck it rich. Since collecting $113 million in 2002, he has been in trouble with the law constantly, and has wasted a lot of time gambling and hanging out at strip clubs. "I wish I would have torn the lotter y ticket up," says Jewel Whittaker. Let's hope you handle your growing solvency with more aplomb, Virgo. My guess is that although you're not going to win the lotter y this year, your luck and hard work will conspire to raise your disposable income. Don't let it make you too crazy.

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LIBRA

1 3

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j a n

1 9

(Sept. 23-Oct. 22)

jonesin crossword puzzle

In a recent study, researchers could not train blue jays to postpone their desire. After a thousand repetitions, the birds still kept gobbling down a tiny chunk of food instead of waiting a shor t time for a much bigger piece. Many scientists believe that humans are similarly hard-wired for instant gratification. If that's true, Libra, you must resist it with all your power in the coming week. A better, more substantial prize will soon become available if you can stop yourself from grabbing the meager treat that's in front of your nose right now.

SCORPIO

crossword

(Oct. 23-Nov. 21)

I beg you not to do what Robert Chamberlain did in his room at a Motel 6 in Chenango, New York last May. Please don't buy 14 jars of petroleum jelly and smear the stuff all over yourself, the walls, and the furniture. On the other hand, Scorpio, I do recommend that you become as slippery as possible in the coming week, metaphorically speaking. Don't stay too long in one place, don't commit yourself to long-term plans, don't get stuck in dogmatic perspectives, and don't get pinned down, period.

S A G I T T A R I U S (Nov. 22-Dec. 21) At a recent press conference, a repor ter asked President George W. Bush to explain what seemed like inconsistencies in his previously announced intention to revise the Social Security program.

Bush said, "I'm not going to negotiate with myself" about the issue, and avoided making a substantive response. I advise you to take the opposite tack in the coming week, Sagittarius. It's crucial that you negotiate with yourself profusely, maybe even debate and argue--though I hope you'll stop shor t of getting into a fight with yourself. The fact is, the life issues you're dealing with need vigorous input from all the voices in your head. Even the seemingly irrational ones must have their say in order for you to reach wise decisions.

CAPRICORN

(Dec. 22-Jan. 19)

"One of the strongest characteristics of genius is the power of lighting its own fire," wrote essayist John W. Foster. While you may not be a genius in the same way that Albert Einstein or Emily Dickinson were, Capricorn, I believe that one of your special talents deserves the title.

The only problem is, you haven't consistently given that talent the nurturing it needs to flourish. Would you consider correcting this neglect in the coming weeks? No later than March 1, I hope you will put into action a disciplined, long-term plan to create a metaphorical greenhouse for this natural endowment of yours.

AQUARIUS

(Jan. 20-Feb. 18)

Every year the people of Dhami in India celebrate Sati Pradha Mela, a raucous stone-throwing festival. I won't go into the specifics of what they do, because I merely want you to steal the basic idea. Why? Because according to my reading of the astrological omens, it is now a perfect time for you to unleash your pent-up aggressions in a flagrant yet harmless ritual. You can of course do this any way you see fit, but here's my suggestion: Wander out into a wild place and hurl about 20 big rocks in the direction of heaven.

PISCES

(Feb. 19-March 20)

Three times recently I've been driving home after 11 p.m. when I've spied a strange scene unfolding at a neighborhood house. The couple that lives there has been sitting around a festively decorated table in the front yard. A group of maybe eight to ten other people has been with them, and they've all been drinking from champagne glasses, making boisterous toasts, laughing heartily, and singing loud songs. I've been tempted to crash their little parties; it's exhilarating to see such late-night outdoor merriment in drizzly 30-degree weather during the bleak post-holiday season. I propose that you make these weirdoes your role models in the coming week, Pisces.

Let them inspire you to be lavishly celebratory, convivial, and cheerful, even in seemingly inhospitable circumstances.

Homework: Imagine that thanks to scientific breakthroughs and good luck, you're still alive in 2090. What's your life like? Testify at http://www.freewillastrology.com.

Across 1 Take meth regularly, e.g.

4 Roswell craft 7 Time delay 10 Classic 1951 movie “___ Vadis” 13 Scott Weiland’s band, for short 14 ___ Hill, San Francisco 15 Come up short 16 Online addy 17 “Homicide bombing” coiner Fleischer 18 “I’m still not convinced!”

20 “So what?”

21 Bases for some pizzas 24 Some washers or refrigerators 25 Key near the 1 26 Intention 27 Goes down the tubes 29 LOL or WTF, e.g.

31 Well-mannered guys 35 Lay to rest 37 Jessica in an upcoming “Fantastic

Four” film 39 Part of a basketball play 40 City where Gen. Douglas MacArthur is buried 43 Visual artist’s deg.

44 “That’s gotta hurt” 45 Turned over to the used car lot 46 Key same as B 48 It’s fixed by a facelift 50 “Hamlet” characters 51 Dance half 53 Count Ferdinand ___ Zeppelin 55 Clock setting in Nome: abbr.

56 Sequel with Streisand 61 One way to get junk transmissions 62 Outlaw 63 Traditional Japanese drama 64 Body spray with sexy ads 65 Victory run,

maybe 66 Red or Yellow 67 __-pitch softball 68 Flickable lighter 69 Chess pcs.

70 DDE predecessor 71 “Hold the Line” group Down 1 Gp. at Lackland and Langley 2 Russian count with a dish named after him 3 Of an earthquake’s origin 4 Like Polish jokes and “woman driver” comments 5 Part of 1-down 6 “Peter and the Wolf” soloist 7 Alt-popster Lisa 8 “Bird on ___” 9 Take the next step, maybe 10 Open campus area 11 Cremains storers 12 Around forever

19 Dramatist and first president of the Czech Republic 22 “All I ___ you...”

23 Gator’s tail?

27 When Claudius was born 28 Get into bed, perhaps 30 “Chemical” guy in the Iraqi playing card deck 32 Strictly business 33 It may be hung for overhand or underhand access 34 French WWI planes 36 Cantrell who did “Hit ‘Em Up Style” 38 Winter utterance 41 Leader of the Sunshine Band et al.

42 Musician Chris with a show on Showtime 47 Top card 49 “Do you have any threes?” game 52 Up for swinging?

54 They get counted in a crowd 56 Musical Priest 57 Corporate honcho 58 Microbrewer’s need 59 Part of IRC 60 “Get away from me!”

61 Like the Beatles or the “Queer Eye” guys

answers p. 11

I N T R O | A R O U N D T O W N | L I S T E N , H E A R | M A I N E V E N T | A R T S & E N T E R TA I N M E N T | W I N E & D I N E | T H E S I LV E R S C R E E N | C L A S S I F I E D S

buzz weekly

JAN. 1 3

THE HURLY BURLY JUST SOUNDS SO MANLY

Broken Day Broken Day

BY BRIAN KLEIN

Lead

lead review

Nas Street’s Disciple Sony

BY IMRAN SIDDIQUEE

If you happened to drive around the ChampaignUrbana area in the last month you might have noticed a number of very large billboards that read in big black letters, “Hip-hop Rots Your Mind,� against a plain white backdrop.

I could write a thesis on how much this pisses me off, but instead I’m going to review Nasir Jones’s latest release, Street’s Disciple, which I feel is not only a good example of hip-hop’s power and importance, but also serves to show why some are misguided into labeling the genre negatively.

First off if you don’t remember Nas, he is the street poet who’s debut album, Illmatic, is regarded among the great records to ever come out of rap music. He is most definitely one of the premier MCs of our time, but in recent years he has been clouded by a ridiculous feud with fellow New Yorker Jay-Z. Dumb feuds, a prevalence of misogyny and violence are among the things that critics point to when condemning the genre. And on Street’s Disciple Nas does not shy away from any of these issues. Instead he looks upon them as an older, wiser man than the one that busted onto the scene in 1994.

There are no excuses for Nas making a song recalling the disgusting details about all the women he has slept with (“Remember the Times“), but there is a point to the rapper’s ramblings. On disc one he looks at the street life (the good and the bad), and on disc two he examines his new adult upperclass life.Throughout he is commenting on the state of black America.

On “American Way� Nas chastises the American voting system (his timing could be better), pointing out how the African-American vote is often ignored.

On “These are Our Heroes� he goes after famous black celebrities, who in his eyes have failed to give back to the community; he goes as far as calling Condoleezza Rice a “coon, Uncle Tom fool.�

Though there are a number of bad tracks where Nas attempts to keep his street cred in line with his new married life (in general the album is much too long at 25 tracks), it’s a joy to hear the best lyricist alive rap about issues that still affect the ghetto. For Nas that has always been the ultimate goal, bringing the ghetto struggle to the mainstream. Perhaps some of his words are too adult for young ears, but the intelligent listeners of America must be able to sort through the surface images of music and find the true meanings.

Broken Day formed here in Champaign a year ago this spring. They tout themselves as a band that incorporates many styles (centralizing on pop, rock, and alternative) in an effort to garner mass appeal.

Within the past year they have recorded and produced their first full-length, self-titled album. The band has established a steady rotation of appearances in the area with past visits to the Canopy Club and Cowboy Monkey.

To their credit they put together an album that appeals to a vast audience (which they claim to target) with it’s easily accessible songs. The album starts strong with the catchy, polished, radio-friendly “No Win Situation.� The opener follows with “The Broken Hearted� and “Sway,� both solid tracks, but the record hits a lull towards the middle of its composition. Songs “Believe,� “Radio,� and “Existence� all suffer from unoriginality, as they presenting typical issues already sufficiently covered by hordes of other songwriters.

The chorus of “Believe� offers one of the weakest lines on the album: “You’re all I want, you’re all I need, and all I’m asking, is for you to believe in me.� “Radio� crosses the line of good taste when it becomes more obnoxious than catchy.

In “Existence� the band gives the standard “why am I here?� soliloquy, concluding that “There’s got to be more to life than this.� Such a question begs for a more profound response. The last two tracks (“Compassion� and “Listen�) pick up where the band started with a greater sense of originality and actual relevance, as well as feeling.

The entire album only lasts nine songs—six if you skip through “Believe,� “Radio,� and “Existence�—and leaves the listener with a sense of incompletion. The band seems to lack refinement in their presence and their sound. Understandably, they sound like a young band. Broken Day may actually be hamstrung by their desire to appeal to such a wide audience. Future outputs should prove more telling of their true mettle and capabilities.

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The man behind Aphex Twin, Richard D. James, has announced plans to release a series of 10 12-inch vinyl EPs under the name Analord. Released via Rephlex Records, the first EP will come packaged with a binder to hold the remainder of the EPs, which will be released gradually throughout the first half of the year.

New Order will release their newest album, Waiting for the Siren’s Song via Warner in the UK on March 28.The North American release date, via Reprise, has yet to be announced.

The set was produced by Tore Johansen and John Leckie and will feature the lead-off single “Krafty.�

Noel Gallagher announced on BBC Radio 1 that May 16 will be the release date for Oasis’ new album via Epic.

w H at tH e He L L? MOMENT OF THE WEEK WorldNetDaily.com is reporting that “trailer rock� superstar Kid Rock will be headlining a youth concert in honor of President Bush’s inauguration on Jan. 18. Hosted by party girls extraordinaire Jenna and Barbara Bush, the event will be held at the Washington, D.C., Armory.

Apparently, being voted “Sluttiest Male Celebrity� at the MTV Video Music Awards is an excellent way of ingratiating oneself to the “moral majority.�

1. Arcade Fire "Funeral" (Merge) 2. Johan "Pergola" (Excelsior) 3. Kevin Tihista's Red Terror "Wake Up Captain" (Parasol) 4. The Knife "Deep Cuts" (Rabid) 5. Thirdimension "Permanent Holiday" (A Hidden Agenda Record) 6. Trembling Blue Stars "Seven Autumn Flowers" (Bar/None) 7. Melpo Mene "Holes" (Imperial) 8. Boy In Static "Newborn" (Alien Transistor) 9. Peter Bjorn And John "Falling Out" (Planekonomi) 10. Broder Daniel "Broder Daniel Forever" (Dolores)

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book review

Writers have been pondering

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THINK IS FREAKING FUNNY.

BRIAN WARMOTH • ARTS EDITOR

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the meaning of art and aesthetics since the beginning of time, but none have attacked fascination with suffering in artists nearly so scathingly as Chuck Palahniuk in his 2003 release Diary: A Novel, released last fall in paperback from Random House. The story follows a journalized account of the life of Misty Kleinman, a middle-aged onceambitious artist whose husband is lying in a coma while her little New England island home of Waytansea plots her demise from the shadows.

As Palahniuk’s fiction successes (Choke, Lullaby) have been steadily increasing their territory on bookstore shelves over the last decade, Diary takes his nihilistic ponderings to an entirely new level, lambasting the creative establishment of history and present day as the story watches its main character become an unwary pawn to the demands of her family and artwork. The book here succeeds on at least three levels, blindsiding the reader with the ever-unfolding mystery of the island, while wrenching the bowels with Palahniuk’s trademark style and leaving a lasting distaste on the tongue that echoes the author’s cynicism.

As a horror and mystery novel, Diary unfolds true to its genre, layering parades of investigation into handwriting, vandalism and regional histories that ultimately bring the story to its chilling climax. From missing bathrooms to ominous graffiti, the bite-sized accounts throughout the journal are all pieces to the larger picture that lead the reader through Misty’s troubled existence.

Make it through the first five pages, and you’ll feel the brunt of the physical pangs that Palahniuk elaborates on during the rest of the story to pace the unfolding drama.

Underlining the true success of Palahniuk’s writing, though, is his cultural dissection of Misty’s life, exploring her adolescent drive to become an artist and the absurdities of her art school life— peering into her classmates’ pretentious egos and her husband’s own idiosyncrasies, such as plunging a broach into his black cable-knit sweater every day to inflict pain, scarring and inspiration. Misty’s mind is flushed with ponderings about great works of art and the need to endure suffering in order to create. The complacency she develops as a result shades her horrifying struggle to save herself before it’s too late, even as she tries to empathize with the artists of her island who came before her and suffered untimely demises.

If the story suffers any shortcomings, they lie in the use of the preternatural in the end, which, while acceptable given the genre of the story, take perspective beyond the realm of reality (however bizarre) and well into modern gothic horror. This isn’t uncharacteristic of Palahniuk, though, and is a small chink in the scheme of an elaborately constructed tale of creation and suffering.

A book for Palahniuk faithfuls, as well as horror lovers, those fascinated by Vonnegut-esque nihilistic fiction and anyone who’s ever considered becoming an artist, Diary is a powerful read and darn good bone chiller. s o u n d s

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Weds, February 2nd Tickets for advance shows on sale now at: The Canopy Club, Family Pride, and Bacca Cigar, or call 1-800-514-ETIX. Or print tickets at home on JayTV.com!

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“For the introduction of a new kind of music must be shunned as imperiling the whole state; since styles of music are never disturbed without affecting the most important political institutions.”

“Only the pure in heart can make a good soup.” ~Ludwig Van Beethoven

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bowl of hot soup on a cold day? When we were little, my sister and I would come in from making snow angels and snow forts to a bowl of my grandmother’s clam chowder or chicken with wild rice soup or whatever else she had conjured up in the kitchen that day, and it would be the best antidote to frozen fingers and toes.

Now I make soup in my own kitchen and marvel at its adaptability. Soup can be highbrow (silky bisques and broths redolent with bouquet garni) or hearty (potato corn chowder, minestrone, cream of broccoli), hot or cold, easy peasy or unnervingly difficult to make. I thought I would share some of my favorite soup recipes with you, but I found myself in a bit of a spot.

Namely, I don’t use real measurements; I use my eye and my gut to tell me when I’ve added enough cream or when there’s enough spice. I also have a tendency to make soup with whatever I have in the house and whatever’s seasonal.

Right now, I make soups with potatoes and squash; in a month or so, I’ll start making cream of asparagus soup.

Still, I have to give you something—I can’t wax rhapsodic about soup and then leave you to your own devices or (perish the thought) to a can of chicken noodle with no discernible chicken and very few noodles. So, here are two nice winter recipes; please modify according to taste and instinct and ingredient availability. Each makes four generous servings.

WHITE BEAN AND POTATO SOUP 1 16-oz can Great Northern beans 6 tablespoons olive oil

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3 large fresh rosemary sprigs 1 large russet potato, peeled, cut into 1/2-inch pieces (about 2 cups) 6 cloves garlic 6 cups (or more) chicken or vegetable stock 2 bunches kale or Swiss chard, tough stems removed, cut into 1-inch strips (about 3 cups) 1 teaspoon dried crushed red pepper

Heat some olive oil in a large stockpot over medium heat. Add potato pieces and sauté until beginning to brown. Add half of the garlic and sauté until it begins to brown.Add the stock and boil until potato pieces are falling apart, about 10 minutes. Pour beans into the potato mixture.Add rosemary sprigs, red pepper and kale. Simmer about 10 minutes. Season soup with salt and pepper. Top with a drizzle of good-quality olive oil and Parmesan cheese.

CREAMY SQUASH SOUP 1/2 stick butter 1 large onion, finely chopped 4 large garlic cloves, chopped 6 cups chicken or vegetable broth 4 cups 1-inch pieces peeled butternut squash (about 1 1/2 pounds) 4 cups 1-inch pieces peeled acorn squash (about 1 1/2 pounds) 1 1/4 teaspoons minced fresh sage 1/4 cup whipping cream

Melt butter in large pot over medium heat.

Add onion and garlic and sauté until tender,

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AMANDA KOLLING • CONTRIBUTING COLUMNIST

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scratch every day ($2.25 for a cup, $3.25 for a bowl, served with bread). On a recent trip, my dining companion and I had the tomato tortellini and creamy portabella mushroom soup with rosemary black pepper croutons, respectively.

Not only were the soups delicious, they were inspiring. I’m stealing the idea to make seasoned croutons from leftover breads to top my soups.

What a great way to add texture and flavor to your soups!

n The Republic, Plato discusses “forms” as the ideals of perfection for each object in this world. All items have forms, from the inanimate chair to the living animal, which represent an unachievable goal. Fast-forward a few thousand years and you have The Forms, a rock foursome from New York striving to reach the same ideal of perfection in music.

We sat down with Alex INSERT LAST NAME HERE, a self-described ancient Greek enthusiast, who explained the band’s name as well as their widely acclaimed debut album, the Steve Albini-produced Icarus.

If you have soup recipes or tips, e-mail me at amandakolling@readbuzz.com.

The Forms will be playing at Cowboy Monkey on Tuesday, Jan. 18 at 10 p.m.

Also appearing are Little Black Spiders and Shipwreck.

Cover is $4.

Does the name of the group simply reflect Plato’s philosophy, or is there something else to it as well?

Well, if you search the Internet for “the forms,” you get a lot of mundane things, like tax forms and things like that.You have to dig pretty deep to find us. So it’s kind of funny, referencing Plato and also the mundane at the same time.

I noticed a lot of the artwork associated with The Forms, from your album to your Web site, is anything but mundane. Is that intentional?

I think the art, like the music, reflects the effect that our music aims to have on people.

So what is that effect?

Music is the way people communicated before language. If you listen to music, especially something that

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you really like, it affects you in a strong way.

Makes you feel happy, sad and everything. It’s more complex than can be articulated, and a lot of our music is like that.There is more to music than pinning it to something concrete—that cheapens it. We try and make music that isn’t mundane and overly understandable.

The songs on the album are very short (total running time of 18 minutes) and often they are broken up over a couple tracks, what’s the purpose of that?

We split the songs up over a couple of tracks mostly for convenience’s sake. A lot of our songs don’t repeat; sometimes it’s nice to go right to the different parts you want to hear. Like some of the intros, after you hear them one or two times, you might never want to hear again, so you can skip right to the song. In concert we play some other stuff, expand a little bit.We’ve also got a new album coming out later this year, and we play some of that as well.

What are your major influences, and how do they show up on your record?

We have some direct influences musically from Sunny Day Real Estate; certain parts of songs are modeled right after them.Also, My Bloody Valentine’s ethereal aesthetic, some Nirvana and that Midwest Slint type rock.

Our band actually met at a battle of the bands in high school, and two of us were from one school and the other two from another, and we both happened to cover songs by Shudder to Think and we thought maybe we should hang out.

Is there a lot of pressure for your next album? After working with Steve Albini and reading all the good reviews, has that changed anything?

Steve is actually not your typical “big” producer like Rick Rubin or something.

First and foremost he’s a musician, so we respected him a lot and he related to us the importance of being independent musicians.

As far as reviews, I’m definitely interested in seeing what people think, but I try and not let them affect us musically.There’s a little bit of pressure, though, but we don’t deal with what Radiohead or someone huge like that has to deal with.We definitely don’t want to disappoint anyone though.

A lot of critics have referred to Icarus as a “concept” album. Do you accept that?

It wasn’t a preconceived thing, but looking back there is one idea driving every song on the record; this sort of unimprisoned music, just do whatever rhythms you want, do whatever song structures, who cares if it’s not original, anything goes, it sort of ties the songs together in a way. But it’s not a rock opera or anything.

So is the title, Icarus, significant to the music?

The story of Icarus is of a boy who’s very impulsive. He takes his father’s wings and flies too close to the sun, then his wings melt and he crashes.With this album I just kind of had this idea to do this music, I didn’t care what anybody thought, if everybody hated it, so what? So I just went with it, kind of impulsive, and if it crashed, so be it. buzz

The Forms Icarus Three Spheres

KYLE GORMAN

One of the most heavily weathered jokes among music fans is the existence of a mythical beast which defies any singular description.This beast is “math rock.” Lo and behold, though: I have found math rock to be alive and well, in the hands of Brooklyn’s The Forms.

The Forms have an obvious affinity for geometry, which is played out through the 18 short minutes of their first album, Icarus. Syncopated four-bar patterns intertwine over shoegaze rhythms and a sense of a lilting three.

Corgan-esque vocals in three parts come from the basement to a scream, forming a sort of chorale. I couldn’t begin to explain what they’re going on about, but it’s no more worth discussing than the computations involved in the band’s finger-mashing guitar lines. Let’s just say our young geniuses have it under control, having committed to the parts they play.

Names and identities play a major role on Icarus. The story of the LP’s namesake is easy to visualize in the music, but to see the ghosts of Stravinsky (track 9) and Black Metal (track 10) as relevant to the band’s vision is difficult. Perhaps, like the ancient superstition which gives one power over anyone whose name they know, invoking the names of ghosts gives the band some power over history; in contrast, “Sunday” invokes Sunny Day Real Estate.

The Forms deftly manage to balance post-Pumpkins rock, rejecting its commercialism and unambiguous despair, but at the same time avoiding the unnecessary prolixity of post-rock rock.

Behind the shoegaze, there’s something organic, pastoral and joyous.Witness the use of piano to create sublime interludes in the chaos, the haunting art and the calculated joy.

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TAKING SHAPE: AN INTERVIEW WITH THE FORMS IMRAN SIDDIQUEE • STAFF WRITER

about 10 minutes.Add broth, all squash and sage; bring to boil. Reduce heat, cover and simmer until squash is very tender, about 20 minutes.

Using a handheld blender (a great tool when making pureed soups; use a regular blender and work in batches if you don’t have one), puree soup. Stir in cream and sugar; bring to simmer.

Season with salt and pepper.

Variations and tips:Add curry spices for a nice touch. These spices are best used when added with the garlic and onion to the melted butter.

Also, you may reduce or eliminate the cream in most cream soup recipes by cooking butter potatoes and mashing them. These should be added to the broth and cooked until very soft and gently mashed with the back of a spoon (no need to drain and mash separately) or with a handheld blender.

Also, nothing is better than a nice, warm piece of bread to sop up the last of your soup. Pop a loaf of bread in the oven when your soup is simmering and you’ll have the perfect accompaniment.

Should you tire of making your own soup or if you’re suffering from cabin fever, try the soup at Cafe Paradiso (801 S. Lincoln Ave., Urbana). It’s made fresh and from

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RORY, WHY ARE YOU A PEACH PIT?

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“When I first heard that Marge was joining the police academy, I thought it would be fun and zany, like that movie Spaceballs.

But instead it was dark and disturbing. Like that movie Police Academy.”

- The Simpsons

HOUSE OF FLYING DAGGERS

PHOTO COURTESY OF FAITH SWORDS

What are some of the programs there?

The UCIMC produces a monthly newspaper, a weekly radio show and a biweekly public access TV show. The UCIMC shows group promotes independent music, as well as training community members on sound equipment, etc. The physical storefront space houses a reference library with hundreds of books, videos, ‘zines and other publications. The Web site (http://www.ucimc.org) gets thousands of hits every day.

Faith Swords is a bookkeeper for the Independent Media Center (IMC) in the community. She got involved with Indymedia projects in April 2003 and began working more closely with the local IMC in May 2004. As a full-time student she stays active with a full-time and part-time job and advocating human rights.

How did the IMC get started in Champaign?

What is the mission statement of IMC?

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I think one of the things I appreciate the most about the IMC is that if something is happening, somewhere in the world, someone involved with the IMC will have information about it. If there is a major political demonstration somewhere, local people may be there, providing coverage of that event from the streets. Many times, Indymedia is the fastest way of getting information about a particular event or situation.

I also really enjoy the community atmosphere.

During the (Republican National Convention) in August, five of our reporters were arrested for standing on a city sidewalk, at the direction of the police. That was a really rough few days, while we were scrambling for information, and trying to get the word out about what was going on at the same time. The amount of community support we got during those few days was incredible. To me, that’s actually the most exciting thing about Indymedia in general.

• 75 Beers •

Open Daily 4PM - 2AM

Downtow nC h am ign pa

9 E. U niv e

The Urbana-Champaign Independent Media Center is a grass-roots organization committed to using media production and distribution as tools for promoting social and economic justice in the Urbana area. We are dedicated to addressing issues

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very martial arts movie has been compared to Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon ever since Ang Lee’s high-flying, gravity-defying film became a surprise hit in the United States and rode that popularity to a Best Picture nomination. But the blend of stunning, acrobatic fight sequences and complex storytelling has never been as seamless as in House of Flying Daggers, Zhang Yimou’s extraordinary tale of regret, rebellion and revolution.

Where Crouching Tiger was methodical and Americanized in its plotting, Flying Daggers is clever and complicated, nestling a genuine love story beneath a bevy of political unrest and, of course, flying weaponry. In 859 A.D., a group of rebels known as the House of Flying Daggers fights to overthrow the corrupt Tang dynasty while the government simultaneously attempts to infiltrate the insurgents. Highranking Leo (Andy Lau) sends Captain Jin (Takeshi Kaneshiro) undercover to seduce Mei (Zhang Ziyi), who the government believes is the blind daughter of the Daggers’ old leader, and will lead them to the revolutionaries.

What do you like about being a part of the IMC?

Single Malt Scotch • Wine • Irish Whiskeys •

The UCIMC was conceived in 2000. Several local community members traveled to the WTO protests in Seattle in November 1999, which was the birthplace of the Indymedia movement itself. The locals were impressed with what they saw and brought the idea home with them. I’m not exactly sure about the “birth order” of the various IMCs across the world, but I know that the UCIMC is one of the oldest.

MATT PAIS • LEAD REVIEWER

WHITE NOISE RANDY MA • STAFF WRITER

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VP (Electronic Voice Phenomena) was discovered in 1939. It is the way the dead contact the living from the other side through the white noise of de-tuned radio and television.

The basic principle is that by listening or watching static backwards, you can sometimes hear the voices of the dead and even see images of their faces.

It makes a great premise for a horror movie. Michael Keaton plays Johnathan Rivers, whose dead wife tries to contact him through the mist of white noise. Of course, not all contacts from the other side have such innocent motives. The story is a combination

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This is a true feast for the eyes, an extravaganza of sumptuous action sequences choreographed with the grace and agility of a ballet. Unlike Crouching Tiger, which lost a step whenever its glorious fight scenes gave way to character development, Flying Daggers gets better as it deepens with each conversation. Intricately plotted and spectacularly photographed, it’s an incredibly vivid triumph of storytelling that uses emotion as the ultimate roadblock for duty. As a love triangle forms between Leo, Jin and Mei, HOUSE OF FLYING DAGGERS • TAKESHI KANESHIRO you’ll marvel at the way that Yimou and his team of writers allow human manipu- ing shots of daggers and sharpened bamboo lation and deception to serve as organic, sur- shoots hurling towards each other maintains the gorgeous, invigorating rhythm of this prising twists to the story.

Yimou does allow the love story to over- entertaining, unpredictable saga of infatuation take the governmental premise, and in the sec- and honor.

Every vivid color is like a template for an ond half of House of Flying Daggers he loses sight of why any of this is happening in the artist’s palette. The greens, reds and even first place. Still, it presents a sumptuous, intox- browns have such richness that you’ll swear icating brand of love both created and that the fields, leaves and trees were extrapolated from an Ansel Adams photograph. The doomed by violence.

The sound design is a treat for the ears, film as a whole is a testament to the way that with every swishing of the grass and clang- beauty captivates even the most solemn waring of the swords brought to life with preci- riors. It shows that even as soldiers strive for sion and ferocity. You could close your eyes freedom, they cannot free themselves from and visualize the action just from the sounds. their own hearts.This is a ceaselessly thrilling That would be a mistake, though. House of story about the ways that love, sex and vioFlying Daggers rustles, crackles and slices with lence become wrapped into one and that an eye-popping poetry that doesn’t feel over- sometimes there is no more romantic act done (as it occasionally did in Yimou’s Hero). than saving a life. And as the need for action Because the love story is so expertly inter- stains the purity of love, House of Flying twined with the action, even the most stagger- Daggers cuts right through you.

of The Mothman Prophecies and Dragonfly; two thrillers that were both released in 2002.

Geoffrey Sax, a native UK television director, shows that he is more than capable of directing stories of human emotion and suspense. The film’s pacing flows steady as a heartbeat, leading toward each key plot point, and Sax allows his actors to bring out some nice, if not adequate, performances. The underappreciated Michael Keaton shows he can make any character work, no matter how ludicrous everything surrounding him is.

It’s a shame, because the screenplay, written

by Naill Johnson, is a bore. Scenes are tacked on so erratically that the movie almost feels like it was made for television. Even once the dead start communicating through white noise, nothing really happens. The audience sits patiently in their seats waiting for the next cheap scare, which are few and far between.

The mystery itself is filled with plot holes all around, and the ending seems tacked on.

I’m not even sure there is a mystery, since the

shaDEs of GrAy MOVIE NEWS BY ANDREW VECELAS SONY PICTURES CLASSICS

that the mainstream media neglects and we do not conceal our politics behind a false objectivity. We will empower people to “become the media” by providing democratic access to available technologies and information.

events leading up to the dramatic finale don’t really make sense. There are points in the movie where the dead are contacting when white noise isn’t even played in reverse, contrary to how EVP is supposed to work.

As for the concluding payoff, it feels like a cheat.At times, I wished that the monsters had a larger place in the story and would just intervene and kill someone onscreen.The final shot of the movie itself doesn’t make any sense, leaving the audience confused and bewildered. Did the monsters come through the white noise? Were they always among us?

Did EVP have anything to do with the monsters at all? In the end, I really don’t care.

As a result of the production values, White Noise is better than the screenplay had any right to be. The factual background of EVP elevates the fear in the story and the creepy tone does provide great buildup for the scares when they finally come. It makes for a nice popcorn flick for a date, as long as it doesn’t put you to sleep first.

Hollywood supercouple Brad Pitt and Jennifer Aniston have announced their separation after four years of marriage. Though no official reason has been given for the split, rumors are of course flying that the heartthrobs have been quarreling over possibly having children, and that Pitt has been romancing his Mr. and Mrs. Smith co-star Angelina Jolie (in what may constitute the sexiest love triangle in recorded history). Here’s wishing the two stars luck in their respective love lives, not that they’ll need it or anything.

The never-ending cycle of Superman casting rumors continues. This week, it has been reported that Kevin Spacey and Kate Bosworth are nearly ready to sign on as Lex Luthor and Lois Lane, respectively.

With director Bryan Singer (X-Men) at the helm, the movie is scheduled to be released next year. Then again, there have been at least five different directors, and untold actors and writers attached to the project over the last decade. So don’t bet your life savings on seeing the Man of Steel on the big screen next year.

Director Oliver Stone has stepped up and accepted some responsibility for his recent flop Alexander. Speaking in Syndey, Australia, recently, Stone admitted that “the movie was too long, didn’t tell the stor y of Alexander the Great very well and was too focused on outing the ancient Greek hero.” Yeah, that about sums it up. The JFK director still pins the film’s financial wreckage on overly homophobic critics and audiences. By the way, we’re still waiting on Stone’s apologies for UTurn, Any Given Sunday and Natural Born Killers.

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MEET THE FOCKERS DEVON SHARMA • STAFF WRITER

There is a certain type of comedy

that, rather sadistically, gets its laughs through the constant humiliation and misery of one poor sap. Meet the Parents, 2000’s blockbuster comedy starring Ben Stiller and Robert De Niro, is exactly such a film. The sequel proves that comedic humiliation has a name, and that name is Gaylord Focker.

Meet the Fockers takes place two years after the events of Meet the Parents, though not much has changed. In fact, several of the film’s jokes rely on audiences being familiar with the original movie. Greg and Pam (Ben Stiller and Teri Polo) are still engaged but are putting off getting married until their parents have met. Jack Byrnes, (Robert De Niro) Pam’s father and retired CIA agent, is now a doting grandfather, taking care of “Little� Jack while

BEYOND THE SEA SYD SLOBODNIK • STAFF WRITER

Kevin Spacey’s Beyond the Sea is

an impassioned, entertaining musical biography of the life of Walden Robert Cassotto, better known as pop singer Bobby Darin—who died in 1973 after years of heart problems. In only his second directorial attempt, Spacey’s uneven celebrity biotale is frequently too unevenly told, relying on a variety of narrative cliches from similar films from decades older.

Spacey presents Darin’s life like the classic rags-to-riches tales of the Great Depression. Born to a single mother in the Bronx in the mid-1930s, suffering from rheumatic fever as a child and told he’d not likely live to age 15 due to its damage to his heart, Darin developed his love for singing from a musical mom.

Quickly becoming a local sensation at nightclubs, Darin lives in the shadows of another working class Italian-American crooner, Frank Sinatra. In a somewhat unbelievable

I MEAN, THAT'S WHAT HIGH SCHOOL WAS ABOUT : ALGEBRA, BAD LUNCH AND INFIDELITY.

the baby’s parents (Pam’s sister and her husband) are out of town. Even as a grandfather, though, Jack is as suspicious and distrusting as ever, constantly reminding Greg that he’s going to have to work to remain in the “Byrnes family circle of trust.�

Jack also informs Greg that he will be taking advantage of every opportunity to study Greg’s parents, “much like how frozen cavemen are studied,� in order to further size up what kind of person Greg will become. Greg, for his part, has tried his best to make sure the weekend goes smoothly by warning his parents,“Be yourselves ... just don’t be your full selves.� Of course, nothing goes quite as planned, much to the delight of audiences.

The real point of the sequel is meeting the other set of eccentric parents, Bernie and Roz Focker (Dustin Hoffman and Barbara Streisand). The Fockers’ excessively liberal lifestyle contrasts heavily with Jack’s old-fashioned, strictly regimented style.

Movie sequels seem to exist by the mantra “more is better.� The textbook way to make a sequel is to take scenarios from the original, recreate them and then up the ante.

Instead of one set of quirky parents

moment, Darin becomes inspired to change his ethnic last name from Cassotto to Darin when he notices a burnt-out Chinese restaurant neon sign that no longer reads Mandarin. Choosing a slightly more rock ‘n’ roll style and capitalizing on early television appearances, Darin appeals to a youth audience with the silly tune “Splish Splash� and soon pop classics like “Mack the Knife� and the film’s title tune.

Instead of following the trend of more recent innovative musicals, like Baz Luhrmann’s Moulin Rouge! or Rob Marshall’s Chicago, Spacey, as the film’s producer, director, coscreenwriter and singing star (there’s no lip-synching here), chooses the standard method of presenting Darin’s short life chronologically, and punctuating key parts with his hit songs, trying to find thematic significance between the songs’ lyrics and his life.

Spacey spices up this otherwise routine celebrity biography with Darin’s stand against racist night club managers, threatening the powerful owner of the Copacabana with a sit-in protest if he refused African-American comedian George Kirby’s right to open for his gig, then Darin openly supports the anti-war movement and the presidential candidacy of Senator Bobby Kennedy in 1968—but all that

humiliating Greg, there are two sets of quirky parents to cause discomfort. Jack suspected Greg of lying to Pam about his MCAT scores in the original film. Now, he suspects Greg of lying to Pam about having fathered an illegitimate lovechild. In Meet the Parents, a Byrnes family dinner was ruined by the unappetizing appearance of human ashes.

Here, a Focker family dinner is ruined by the immensely unappetizing appearance of a memento from Greg’s early childhood.

Unfortunately, this makes Meet the Fockers far less believable than the original. Part of what made Meet the Parents so funny was that it remained in touch with reality.

Jack’s behavior in that film was not so far beyond what a real father protecting his daughter might do.

Here, he comes off as at least partially insane.

The end result is that Meet the Fockers simply isn’t as funny as its predecessor, and the jokes that are funny seem far more contrived.

The movie is still worth seeing, though, if only to revisit the charming characters created in the first. And, of course, to meet the parents who would name their kid Gaylord Focker.

comes from these feeble attempts at making Darin seem profound is a few cliched peace songs.

Throughout the film, Spacey experiments with a rather awkward, film-within-a-film dialogue structure. Spacey begins the film with a fictional attempt at a Darin film biography that has Darin’s participation; then throughout the film Darin continues talking to a world-wise 10-year-old actor who plays his younger self, “Little Bobby,� as he relates elements of his life’s personal failings—especially troubled marriage, his lingering illness and seemingly fated early demise.

Spacey is properly energetic as the singer-performer Darin, but is much less believable as one of the oldest looking guys in his mid-30s.

Kate Bosworth is radiant, but she’s mostly asked to look pretty and bored as Darin’s teen idol movie star wife Sandra Dee. Decades after Darin’s stardom and demise you ultimately wonder who Beyond the Sea is meant to appeal to—he wasn’t a musical pioneer or social critic, he wasn’t even a great singing talent or movie star.

It seems more like a personal project Spacey felt compelled to produce, almost single-handedly, to express his own parallel connections as an entertainer.

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ELEKTRA (PG–13) (2 SCREENS) Fri. 1:20 2:00 3:30 5:00 7:00 7:45 9:20 10:00 11:30 12:10 Sat. 11:00 1:20 2:00 3:30 5:00 7:00 7:45 9:20 10:00 11:30 12:10 Sun. - Thu. 1:20 2:00 3:30 5:00 7:00 7:45 9:20 10:00 COACH CARTER (PG–13) Fri. & Sat. 1:10 4:00 7:00 9:50 12:35 Sun. - Thu. 1:10 4:00 7:00 9:50 PHANTOM OF OPERA (PG–13) Fri. - Thu. 1:10 4:00 7:00 10:00 IN GOOD COMPANY (PG–13) Fri. & Sat. 1:15 4:10 7:15 9:40 12:00 Sun. - Thu. 1:15 4:10 7:15 9:40 RACING STRIPES (PG) Fri. 1:00 3:15 5:30 7:45 10:00 12:15 Sat. 11:05 1:00 3:15 5:30 7:45 10:00 12:15 Sun. - Thu. 1:00 3:15 5:30 7:45 10:00 FAT ALBERT (PG) Fri. 1:00 3:00 5:00 7:00 9:00 11:00 Sat. 11:00 1:00 3:00 5:00 7:00 9:00 11:00 Sun. - Tue. 1:00 3:00 5:00 7:00 9:00 Wed. & Thu. 1:00 3:00 5:00 NEVERLAND (PG) Fri. & Sun. - Thu. 2:00 7:05 Sat. 11:30 2:00 7:05 KINSEY (R) Fri. & Sat. 4:10 9:20 11:50 Sun. - Thu. 4:10 9:20 LEMONY SNICKET (PG) Fri. 1:30 4:30 7:10 9:30 12:00 Sat. 11:10 1:30 4:30 7:10 9:30 12:00 Sun. - Thu. 1:30 4:30 7:10 9:30

MEET THE FOCKERS (PG–13) Fri. 1:20 2:00 4:00 4:40 7:00 7:30 9:30 10:00 12:00 Sat. 11:00 1:20 2:00 4:00 4:40 7:00 7:30 9:30 10:00 12:00 Sun. - Thu. 1:20 2:00 4:00 4:40 7:00 7:30 9:30 10:00 NATIONAL TREASURE (PG) Fri. & Sun. - Thu. 1:45 4:25 7:10 9:45 Sat. 11:00 1:45 4:25 7:10 9:45 OCEAN'S TWELVE (PG–13) Fri. - Thu. 1:30 4:00 7:30 10:00 SPANGLISH (PG–13) Fri. Tue. 1:00 4:00 7:05 9:50 Wed. & Thu. 7:05 9:50 THE AVIATOR (PG–13) Fri. & Sat. 1:00 4:30 7:50 11:30 Sun. - Thu. 1:00 4:30 7:50 LIFE AQUATIC (R) Fri. 2:00 4:30 7:10 9:40 12:10 Sat. 11:30 2:00 4:30 7:10 9:40 12:10 Sun. - Thu. 2:00 4:30 7:10 9:40 WHITE NOISE (PG–13) Fri. 1:00 3:00 5:00 7:00 9:10 11:20 Sat. 11:00 1:00 3:00 5:00 7:00 9:10 11:20 Sun. - Thu. 1:00 3:00 5:00 7:00 9:10 FLYING DAGGERS (PG–13) Fri. 1:35 4:15 7:10 9:40 12:05 Sat. 11:10 1:35 4:15 7:10 9:40 12:05 Sun. - Thu. 1:35 4:15 7:10 9:40 PRECINCT 13 (R) Wed. & Thu. 1:30 4:00 7:15 9:45

Showtimes for 1/14 thru 1/20

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higher calorie, high-fat stuff

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- Lisa Burgoon, nutritionist

A HEALTHY NEW YEAR, A HEALTHY LIFE SUSIE AN • AROUND TOWN EDITOR

I

t’s 2005, the new year.This year you say you’re going to drop those extra pounds or lose that beer belly.You say you’ll go to the gym and stick with a strict exercise regime, but is this just history repeating itself?

To get in shape or lose some weight, people often turn to fad diets. Programs like the Atkins diet and the Slim Fast diet are often appealing to many people, but nutritionist Lisa Burgoon, with the Sportwell Center at the University of Illinois, said that these diets aren’t a lifestyle change. “I don’t find that many people are very successful in following a fad diet. It’s not a lifestyle change,� she said. “Anyone can lose weight, but most people can’t keep it off.�

Burgoon said that some of the information from these diets is valid and helpful to know, but some diets are too specific and short term to lead a healthy life. Once people get off the diet, they’ll end up where they started, she said. “I always have to point out to people that you’re only successful if you’re able to maintain that eating plan and weight loss. And if you can’t do that, then that was unsuccessful,� she said. “They think they fail, but it’s the fad diet that’s failing them.�

Brian Baxter, assistant director of fitness for the University of Illinois Division of Campus Recreation, said a common reason why people give up on their resolutions is because they start out by exercising too hard. People do too much within the first couple of days, so they end up too sore or injured to come back, he said. “When people get started they need to set some realistic goals. Goals that are measurable.

Goals that are realistic, and that they can actually achieve,� he said.

Baxter said that it is important for people to start off slow. He suggests speaking with a personal trainer or a nutritionist to set some goals and design a program to meet those goals.

In the upcoming semester, Campus Recreation will be providing consultation sessions

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Low-fat, high-fiber foods are a basic way to eat healthier and to cut the fat. A good way to achieve this is to have a higher fruit and vegetable intake, which will cut calories and help people to lose weight. as a fitness assessment to help people design a program best fit for them. Baxter thinks it is important to have an overall balanced workout, rather than just a spot workout, for more functional training that covers areas like flexibility, balance, strength and cardio.

Physical exercise and nutrition go hand in hand when trying to get back in shape. Burgoon said that when getting started people need to first look at their current diet.They should evaluate the way they eat and then determine what changes need to be made. She often refers people to the McKinley

Health Center Web site for information on how to do this. After assessing a person’s diet, it is important to evaluate physical activity.Then, look at what needs to be changed and set realistic goals. Setting realistic goals is important because this is a lifestyle change, she said.

Eating a lower-fat, higher-fiber diet is a basic tip for eating better.The best way to do this is to have a higher fruit and vegetable intake. “When people substitute higher calorie, highfat stuff with lower calorie, high-fiber foods like fruits and vegetables and whole grains, they cut

calories,� she said. “They stay fuller longer and they lose weight. It’s more about teaching people to choose healthy foods, rather than just taking away unhealthy foods.�

Both Burgoon and Baxter agree that portion size is important in nutrition. Many people don’t realize that a portion size is actually much smaller than they think. Smaller portions, especially with fatty foods, can help cut the weight.

Of course, after the holidays are long over, life tends to get a lot busier. People can’t always make it to the gym or make a proper healthy meal for themselves. However, people can still do little things to stay healthy.

Take the stairs instead of the elevator. Walk instead of drive and try walking the long route to places, said Baxter. If you can’t always make it to the gym, invest in a stability ball or large rubber bands.There are a number of exercises you can do with these simple devices.

People tend to turn to fast-food restaurants for convenience. Burgoon said that people can still eat healthy. Try some of the lower-fat options on the menu, put more veggies on a sandwich or get a side salad. Try staying away from the fried foods and extra cheese. In addition to this, people can pack a piece of fruit or some finger veggies as a snack to get their nutrient-dense higher-fiber lower-fat food in.

Baxter thinks it’s important to stick with your goals. Just because you don’t see results right away doesn’t mean you should be discouraged. “Just because you work out for two months and didn’t lose weight doesn’t mean you didn’t do anything. Some gain weight because they gain muscle,� he said.“You should always do it because it makes life less stressful and takes away a couple of smaller problems you might have.�

Baxter believes an integrated fitness program is important so people can be functional in their daily lives and not feel burdened by simple tasks.

Being healthy shouldn’t be a yearlong goal, but a lifetime goal, he said. “I think it’s important for the mind, body connection. People need that balance in life.� buzz

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buzz weekly

I HAVE A COLD

first things first

coulter

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An informed and opinionated look at this week’s events

]

COMPILED BY LOGAN MOORE

Attorney General nominee Alberto Gonzales defended his tenure as White House counsel during hearings in front of the Senate Judiciary Committee. He defended his asser tion that the Geneva Conventions do not apply to alleged terrorists. An impromptu stand-up routine following the hearings did not go over well. Ted Kennedy is one nasty heckler.

Ukrainian president elect Victor Yushchenko said that withdrawing troops from Iraq would be a priority after seven Ukrainian soldiers died recently in an accidental blast.

Apparently he's only "pro-West" to a point.

A small group of Democrats forced House and Senate debates regarding the electoral outcome of Ohio on Election Day. The Dems challenged the cer tification of President Bush in order to highlight reports of Election Day problems in Ohio and elsewhere. This is where Kenneth Blackwell swears to God his role in the Ohio election wasn't a conflict of interests and is promptly struck by lightning.

As Canada was drafting a plan to prevent Internet pharmacies from selling low-cost prescription drugs in the United States, Illinois Gov. Rod Blagojevich and Wisconsin Gov. Jim Doyle sent a letter to President Bush urging him to discourage this measure. The letter was stern, but made slightly less convincing by one of those really cute Valentine's Day "I love you" stamps affixed to the envelope.

The Central Illinois Banjo Club is donating 75 ukuleles to three Morton, Ill., elementary schools in hopes of getting students interested in playing guitar. Word that 7year-olds maniacally strumming ukuleles will be the next indie rock sensation was unconfirmed at press time.

A Bloomington, Ill., Civil War-era band will be playing at President Bush's inauguration Jan. 20. The 21-member band dons authentic Civil War uniforms and plays period instruments. Yeah, who says conservatives don't know how to get down?

Ain't nothin' funkier than "The Battle Hymn of the Republic."

I

said a lot of crazy crap this past year. Sadly, most of it was on the pages of this paper, but some of it was also in my regular life.

Still, there were many things I said over and over again: i.e. my most used phrases of 2004.

Let’s count down the top three.

3.“Dude, the Cubs are always gonna suck.” This was pretty much my mantra from the beginning of spring training last year, and no one would believe me. Yeah, my Cardinals got their asses handed to them in the World Series, but that has little reflection on the Cubs and their sucking.

2. “Son of a bitch.” This was a commonly used phrase during the month of August when I moved into a new place.

There were a few weeks there when every middle-of-the-night trip to take a pee would result in some sort of malaise to my head or shins. See, I was still making the turns for the old place and would recklessly smack into walls, tables and the also disoriented dog on a regular basis. At least the head injuries explain some of the columns during that period.

1. “Can I get two more big beers, please?” This was the winner once again this year, as it has been for the past five or six years. It was primarily spoken when my friend Michael Coulter Jackson and I were at is a videographHuber’s watching any sort er, comedian of ballgame that happened and can be to be on television. It was heard on WPGU 107.1 Thursdays spoken more times than I at 5 with Ricker care to remember, or possiworkin’ it. bly more times than I can remember. Still, there’s nothing better than a friend, a beer and a ballgame.

As usual, the rest of America had a different take on last year’s most commonly used phrases, so luckily for you, The Linguistic Society of America also compiled a list.

They decided that “red state, blue state, purple state” was the phrase that most littered our nation last year—it also sort of sounds like a title for a Dr. Seuss book. It’s a shame he’s dead, because I can almost see it now.

“Red state, dumb state, blue state, smart state, purple state, decided too late.”

In case you’re confused about any of this, red states voted Republican, blue states voted Democrat, purple states were undecided. It’s easy to remember, really. Red states had rednecks with red asses. Blue states were comprised of people who actually had a original thought the previous four years. Purple states were a combination of the two, sort of a mixture of Keystone Light and Glenlivet.

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It’s not surprising that in an election year, many of the most-used phrases were of a political nature. “Flip-flopper” was also on the list and refers to pretty much any politician you ever run across. It shouldn’t be long until they’re seen as synonymous.

There was “meet up,” a local meeting organized through a national Web site. I think this has to do with politics in this instance, but I suspect it has to do with some sort of pornography on a much more regular basis. There was also “mash up,” a blending of two songs into a cohesive separate song. This is sometimes called being uncreative, meddling, and occasionally, stealing. It’s a skill mostly. De La Soul could do that shit all day long and it was cool, but when Puffy tries to pull it off, it usually just comes out pathetic. Honestly, I’ve never even heard that phrase, so what the hell do I know.

Not surprisingly, “wardrobe malfunction” also made the list. I’m pretty sure we all still remember what that is.

What does the coming year hold, though? I came up with a couple that I hope catch on.

1. “Pulling a Bush.” This refers to doing something that is completely wrong and foolish and becoming more popular for it because many people are ignorant.

For example, “Man, I got all drunk and picked a fight with a guy last night. We both got bloodied up and we continued to fight until one of us was done, but people kept slapping me on the back and saying what a good job I did. I sure pulled a Bush on that one.”

It’s not completely unlike “pulling a Homer” from The Simpsons. I mean, if I’m gonna steal something, I should at least tell you where it came from.

2. “Getting all wide out.” This is named after the many wide receivers in the NFL who tend to partake in demonstrative celebrations after scoring a touchdown. For example, “Man, I did my job for the day and I was afraid no one would pay attention to me for simply doing what I was hired to do, so I ran around the office, signed everyone’s desk with a Sharpie, pretended to talk on a cell phone and then fake mooned the other departments. Man, I got all wide out on that shit.”

I’m sure there will be many more phrases next year, and I seriously doubt if my two catch on, but you never know. If 2004 taught us anything, it’s to expect the unexpected, even when you’re pretty sure it’s going to happen.

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Furnished/Unfurnished 1 bedroom lofts $497 2 bedrooms $545 3 bedrooms $650 4 bedrooms $1000 Campus, parking.

Fall 04, 367-6626 1 bedroom lofts $497 2 bedrooms $585 3 bedrooms $750 4 bedrooms $1000 Campus, parking.

Fall ‘05, 367-6626 111One and Two Bedrooms “Great Rates!!” Jan 1 2005. Go to CU-LIVING.com for details or inquire at info@cu-living.com aaa One and Two Bedrooms “Great Rates!!” Jan 1 2005. Go to CU-LIVING.com for details or inquire at info@cu-living.com Available Jan 05 1 bedroom $385, 2 bedroom $590, Campus. 367-6626

Available Jan 05 1 bedroom $385 Campus. 367-6626

Available Now. 2 bedroom on campus. $550 per month. 367-6626.

BEST VALUE 1 BR. loft from $480.

1 Br. $370 2 BR. $470 3 BR. $750 4 BR $755 Campus. 367-6626.

Billed rate: 35¢/word

Garage Sales 30 words in both Thursday’s buzz and Friday’s Daily Illini!! $10. If it rains, your next date is free.

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106 E. DANIEL, C. 1 Bedroom $350 2 Bedroom $735 Phone 352-3182 Office at 309 S. First The University Group www.wgroup96.com

1107 S. 4TH AND GREGORY, C. For August 2005. 3 and 4 bedroom apartments and 2 baths. Best location. Completely furnished. Laundry, parking garage, elevator. Phone 352-3182. Office at 309 S. First, Ch. THE UNIVERSITY GROUP www.ugroup96.com 111 E. CHALMERS, C. August 2005. 1 bedroom. Furniture, skylights, off-street parking, laundry.

Phone 352-3182. Office at 309 S. First, Ch. THE UNIVERSITY GROUP www.ugroup96.com 111 E. Healey, Champaign Now leasing for Fall 2005. Extra Large 1 BD and Efficiencies. Starting at $375/mo. Off-street parking, security building, & 5 floor plans to choose from. JTS Properties 3284284.

207- 211 JOHN Fall 2005 Prime Campus Location 2, 3, & 4 Bedrooms Phone 352-3182 THE UNIVERSITY GROUP www.ugroup96.com

Fall 2005. Large studio, double closet, well furnished. Available January. www.ugroup96.com 352-3182

RATES:

Photo Sellers 30 words or less + photo: $5 per issue

1006 S. 3RD, C. Aug 2005. 1 bedrooms. Location, location. Covered parking & laundry, furnished & patios, ethernet available. Phone 352-3182. Office at 309 S. First, Ch. THE UNIVERSITY GROUP www.ugroup96.com

307 & 310 E. White 307 & 309 Clark

zzz One and Two Bedrooms “Great Rates!!” Jan 1 2005. Go to CU-LIVING.com for details or inquire at info@cu-living.com

Paid-in-Advance: 28¢/word

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Large, furnished 1 bedrooms available in secure building on Engineering Campus for Spring and Fall ‘05.

University Properties, 344-8510.

DEADLINE:

2 p.m. Monday for the next Thursday’s edition.

APARTMENTS

106 North Gregory in Urbana

COURTYARD ON RANDOLPH 713 S. Randolph,C. Winter Special 2 & 3 BR now avail. with short term lease, from $550/mo.

Cable, parking, water, trash. On site laundry fac. & seasonal pool. Conveniently located near campus & DT Champaign.217-352-8540 217-355-4608 www.faronproperties.com

Action Ads • 20 words, run any 5 days (in buzz or The Daily Illini), $14 • 10 words, run any 5 days (in buzz or The Daily Illini), $7 • add a photo to an action ad, $10

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MJM/Chateau Apartments 403 E. White, Ch. - $540/mo.

302 S. Fourth, Ch. - $540/mo.

•Large 2 Bedroom

Ask Tenant Union about us 390-2377 503, 505, 508 E. White 2 Bedroom $700 3 Bedroom $750 & up Lots of Parking www.ugroup96.com 352-3182 493-0429

105 E. John Available Fall 2005. 1 bedroom furnished, great location. Includes parking. www.ugroup96.com 352-3182

HEALEY COURT APARTMENTS 307- 309 Healey Court.

Fall 2005. Behind Gully’s. 2 bedrooms. Ethernet available. Phone 352-3182. Office at 309 S. First, C. THE UNIVERSITY GROUP www.ugroup96.com

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506 E. Stoughton, C For August 2005. Extra large efficiency apartments. Security building entry, complete furniture, laundry, off-street parking, ethernet available.

Phone 352-3182. Office at 309 S. First, Champaign.

THE UNIVERSITY GROUP www.ugroup96.com 509 E. White, C. Aug. 2005. Large 1 bedrooms. Security entry, balconies, patios, furnished. Laundry, off-street parking, ethernet available. Phone 352-3182.

Office at 309 S. First, Ch. THE UNIVERSITY GROUP www.ugroup96.com 604 E. White, C. Security Entrance For Fall 2005, Large 1 bedroom, 2 bedroom loft (HUGE), furnished, balconies, patios, laundry, off-street parking, ethernet available. Phone 352-3182. Office at 309 S. First, C. THE UNIVERSITY GROUP www.ugroup96.com 605 S. Fifth, C. Fall 2005 5th and Green location Outdoor activity area. 1 bedrooms available. Garage off-street parking.

Phone 352-3182. Office at 309 S. First, Champaign.

THE UNIVERSITY GROUP www.ugroup96.com

705 S. 1st St. Apts.

First & Green Balconies, Central A/C, 2 Baths

Locust III Apts 906-908 S. Locust St. Spacious efficiencies and 1,3 & 4 bedroom apts.

Some units paid heat/water 1 SPRING LEASE AVAILABLE

367-2009

367-2009

OLD TOWN CHAMPAIGN 510 S. Elm Available Fall 2005. 2 BR close to campus, hardwood floors, dishwasher, W/D, central air/heat, off street parking, 24 hr. maintenance. $525/mo. 352-3182 or 841-1996. www.ugroup96.com JOHN STREET APARTMENTS 58 E. John August 2005. Two and three bedrooms, fully furnished. Dishwashers, center courtyard, on-site laundry, central air, ethernet available.

Call Chad at 344-9157 352-3182 University Group www.ugroup96.com

GREAT VALUE

Our most desirable location on U of I golf course. 1200 sq. ft, 2 bedroom, 2 bath, fireplace, study, dishwasher, W/D, A/C, carport plus parking, balcony/patio. 359-3687.

SUBLETS

440

Available for 2nd semester - UF 1 bedroom at 106 E. John. $475 heat & water paid. Call 351-1803 Available for 2nd semester - UF 1 bedroom loft at 803 W. Springfield $460 parking included. Call 3511803 Available for 2nd semester- furnished efficiencies at 602 and 512 E. Clark $295.00 - $355.00. Several remodeled units at 602. Call 351-1803 One bedroom in two bedroom. Available Spring 2005. 105 E. Chalmers.

Furnished, huge room. 630-2223344.

430

511 W. University, C.

306- 308- 309 White August 2005. 1 & 3 Bedroom furnished apts. Balconies, patios, laundry, dishwashers, off-street parking, ethernet available. 352-3182, 8411996, 309 S. First.

The University Group www.ugroup96.com

Economical 1 BR now available. $340/mo. Near campus in Downtown Champaign. 217-352-8540.

217-355-4608 pm/wkd. www.faronproperties.com

Available for 2nd semester - furnished 1 bedroom apts. at 58 E. Healey. $375-$390 heat paid. Call 351-1803

505 W. Healey. Newly remodeled 1 BR, close to campus, wood floors, new bathroom. Includes water, sewer and garbage. Off-street parking.

Pets OK. $425/mo. Will 217-7219685.

CALL FOR AN APPOINTMENT

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Luxury 2, 3 & 4 BRM apts,

APARTMENTS

711 S. Randolph, C.

APARTMENTS

1 BR. Now available near to Westside Park. $360/mo.352-8540.

355-4608 pm/wkd. www.faronproperties.com 511 W. University,C. 1 Bedroom now available $390mo.

Near campus and downtown Champaign. 352-8540 www.faronproperties.com

Available Immediately 408 E. Healey Luxury 1 BR apartment furnished with washer/dryer, dishwasher, jacuzzi tub, microwave, balcony, skylights, high-speed internet. $550/mo. OBO. 217-344-5773 Parking Available

Other Rentals 500 HOUSES

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2 BR, basement, appliances, W/D hookup. Close to UI, bus, school.

No pets. $750. 351-4029.

AVAILABLE IMMEDIATELY 4 bedroom, 2 bath house at 306 W. Illinois, totally remodeled and 1 bedroom at 304 W. Locust, Urbana.

369-4459 Cozy Cottage - near Lincoln Square.

Campus. Hardwood floors, 5 room, 2 BR. 359-3687 Eight to Nine Bedroom Fall, Campus, $2850 367-6626 Eight to Nine Bedroom Fall, Campus, $2850 367-6626

ROOMMATE WANTED 550 Non-smoking male to share 4 bedroom house near busline. Private furnished bedroom, shared bath and kitchen, W/D, off-street parking, gas & electric included. Dep. & ref. required. $300/mo. 503 S. Westlawn, C. 417-6969.

ROOM & BOARD

540

Want community? Homemade vegetarian meals? Affordable private rooms? www.couch.coop

ROOMMATE WANTED 550 1 bedroom, near campus $300 per month 367-6626

GET CASH for your stuff.

Call 337-8337 buzz classifieds

510

2 bedroom and 7 bedroom house on campus for Fall 2004. 367-6626.

Shlens Apartments August 2005 904 W. Stoughton 2 BDRMS $780

All Units: •Carpet, A/C, Appliances •Cable & Internet Ready •Parking Available •On-Site Laundry

1005 S. SECOND, C Efficiencies. Fall 2005. Secured building. Private parking. Laundry on site, ethernet available. Phone 352-3182. Office at 309 S. First, Ch. THE UNIVERSITY GROUP www.ugroup96.com

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APARTMENTS

Counting down my favorite literary phrases MICHAEL COULTER • CONTRIBUTING WRITER

•

Cable TV ✮ Dishwasher ✮ Laundry ✮ ✮ Covered Parking Available ✮ Computer Desk ✮ Ice Maker ✮ ✮Self Cleaning Oven ✮ Internet Available ✮ ✮

Phone 344-2901 cshlens@aol.com 10AM - 9PM Monday - Sunday

I N T R O | A R O U N D T O W N | L I S T E N , H E A R | M A I N E V E N T | A R T S & E N T E R TA I N M E N T | W I N E & D I N E | T H E S I LV E R S C R E E N | C L A S S I F I E D S

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SOON, ALL THE STUDENTS WILL RETURN...

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AVAILABLE FOR FALL 2005 56/58 E. Healey, C F 1BR. $390-$425 Corner of Healey and First. Rent includes heat, sewer and hauling. Parking $35.00 per month. Security locked building. On site laundry.

106 E. John, C UF 1BR. $540-$575 Rent includes heat, water, sewer and hauling. Large units with hardwood floors. Parking $35-$50 per month. On site laundry.

202 E. White, C Large 2, 3, and 4 BR furnished apts. On bus line at corner of 2nd and White.

Many with fireplaces, balconies, and/or patios. Gated courtyard and on-site laundry. Rents are $600-$850.

512 E. Clark, C F EFF. $345-$365 Rent includes water. Large efficiency units with double closets at corner of Clark and Sixth. Parking $40.00 per month.

602 E. Clark, C. F EFF. $315-$325 Rent includes water. Each unit has patio/balcony area. One heritageBolck from Beckman. Parking $40.00 per month.

711 W. Main, U F EFF. $425-$440 Rent includes parking and hauling. Large efficiency units at corner of Main and Busey with gas fireplace, dishwasher and microwave. Each unit has patio/ balcony. On site laundry.

808 W. Nevada, U Newly remodeled, UF, 3 BR with sunroom in house. New Kitchen, refinished hardwood floors, laundry room. $1500 including heat, water, and parking.

808 W. Nevada, U Large 1 bedroom, UF unit with hardwood floors and balcony. $550 including heat, water, and parking.

807/809 W. Illinois, U F 1BR. $495-$560 Large units at corner of Illinois and Lincoln. Rent includes water and hauling. On site laundry. Parking $40.00 per month. 2 blocks from Krannert, 3.5 blocks from Quad.

1009 W. Main, U F 1 and 2 BR. $475-$630. Rent includes water and hauling. Most units have balcony. Many units have remodeled kitchens with dishwashers. On site laundry. Parking $40.00.

HERITAGE PROPERTY MANAGEMENT, INC. 1206 S. RANDOLPH SUITE B, CHAMPAIGN • 351-1803

WESTGATE • Clean 1 & 2 Bedrooms • Dependable, 24hr. maintenance 3 5 9 - 5 3Gate 3 0 House • 24 Hour Courtesy

APARTMENTS • Superior management • Short-term Leases • Free Parking • On Busline

NOW LEASING FOR FALL 359-5330

Hours: M-F 9-5 Sat 9-1 • www.westgateapts.net

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community

the local sniff

Support local radio SETH FEIN • CONTRIBUTING WRITER

F

or years, it had been well-known in Urbana-Champaign that radio ‘round these parts flat-out sucked. Aside from WEFT 90.1, there was never anything good on, and most people, like myself, simply dropped the $100 to get a CD player installed in the car, and it was a dead issue.

But for whatever reason, that all changed over the last year.

This year, Liz Mozzocco, former program director at 107.1 WPGU, turned a very poopy rock station into a bona fide kick-ass frequency. Most people in town were so impressed that they turned off their CD players and tuned in to the station, at the very least, to check out what all the hype was about.

And so, members of the C-U community were happy.We had two very decent stations to listen to.

But for some others in town, it simply wasn’t enough.

And that is a damn good thing.

The IMC (Independent Media Center) in Urbana has been thinking of opening their own radio station for quite some time, and in June, that idea is going to become a reality.

It will serve the same function as WEFT does, in that it’s a community radio station that will be dependent on donations, membership fees and other types of fundraising things or whatever they do.

As far as I can tell, WRFU will be a newer and fresher approach to community radio. And that’s not taking away from WEFT. As the old hens in this town, they serve their purpose and serve it well. I mean, shit—where else can you hear liberal rants, indie rock, Finkelman’s drums ‘n’ acid hour and the Jewish hour on the same station?

The people behind WRFU are new to this, and as a result, will bring a different feel than what WEFT already provides.

Anyone and everyone is welcome to participate (just as it is at WEFT) and while there is no “agenda” on the table, you can bet your ass that not many people who truly believe that gay marriage should be illegal will be running their own show. But perhaps some lame ass will prove me wrong.We’ll see.

So, you say—isn’t that the same type of programming that WEFT offers?

The answer is invariably yes.

But here is the thing. Take newspaper coverage in town. The News-Gazette, while important and sometimes idiotic, sometimes intelligent, has no competition.They can do or say anything because no one is going to be there to provide something better, or more importantly, something different. Now, I’m not stating that this will start a radio war, but what it

I N T R O | A R O U N D T O W N | L I S T E N , H E A R | M A I N E V E N T | A R T S & E N T E R TA I N M E N T | W I N E & D I N E | T H E S I LV E R S C R E E N | C L A S S I F I E D S

will do is inspire both stations to challenge themselves to being the best possible stations they can be.And if WEFT can improve on an already terrific format, that leaves the people of these towns in a better place. If WRFU can succeed at the level that that WEFT does, than we have ourselves a more enriched, more culturally diverse and more important community offering on our dials.

The catch?

We all have to get behind it. It is a community station, and as mentioned before, will not be able to sustain itself by magic.

They need $10,000 by June 2005 to start functioning, and as a result, are doing some things to help raise the money. Here is how you can help: 1. Buy a T-shirt for $15. Send your check to: WRFU PO Box 953 Urbana, IL 61803 2. Make out a check to: UCIMC attn:WRFU 218 W Main St. Suite 110 Urbana, IL 61803 This donation is tax deductible and can be written off. I really don’t know what a write-off is, but people do it and so it has to be important because so are the people writing things off.

3. Go out to The Canopy Club on Jan. 20. A benefit concert is being held featuring many bands, but most notably, The Kilborn Alley Blues Band, whom, if you haven’t heard yet, you would be a fool not to check out. They are fantastic and officially make my short list of bands that make up the music scene’s greats. Joe Asselin and Andrew Duncanson are my guys. They have more soul than any other white boys I’ve ever known. And I’ve known a lotta white boys.

These towns, while seemingly small, have more and more to offer every day, and with our help, they will continue to grow and become more valuable with each passing year. Offering your help to this cause will make you a better, more loving and compassionate person, because nothing shapes our worlds the way that music and opinions do.

That was the cheesiest thing I have ever written.

Unfortunately, I believe it, and so should you.

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EDITOR’S NOTE After living in the dorms

my freshman year, and having websites loa instantly, I came to the realization that I could not, under any circumstances, go back to dialup modems as my primary access to the Internet.

So I went home for winter break that year and dropped the idea to my parents that we needed to get broadband Internet, and that summer we got cable Internet, and it rocks. Slow Internet is just annoying, at least, that’s my opinion.

Which is sad, really. I can’t imagine my life without the Internet at my disposal. I use it to talk to friends (yes, I’m addicted to AIM), for research—both for fun (ESPN, IMDb, etc.) and for school, most of my classes have at least some kind of online aspect, and I incessantly check one of many e-mail accounts throughout the day.

One of my accounts is ridiculously slow, regardless of my connection speed. I could be on the fastest damn Internet connection in all the world, and it would still take me two minutes to open an e-mail.

This week it’s been especially bad. The problem account is my Illini Media account, and I have to take content from it.

So I sit at work and click on an e-mail to open it, and I walk around for a few minutes waiting for it to load. Otherwise I’d freak out and attack the computer for being so stupidly slow.

Which leads me to my semi-point: we’ve become too dependent on technology. But, really, I’m not sure if this is a bad thing. I can be reached almost anywhere at almost any time. I check my e-mail almost every time I walk past a computer, and that, sadly, is the way most people reach me.

In one of my classes last year, my professor put up a slide describing the general characteristics of the past few generations.

Things like: the baby boomers are hardworking and will be skeptical of technological advancements.What did it say about my generation? That we will become so dependent on technology that it will cause us to become socially isolated. With things like online shopping, it predicted that we would end up holed up in our homes, never leaving.

But I think we’re a pretty social bunch.

So who knows if this technology fad is good or bad. Right now I’m thinking it’s good. Damn, I gotta go check my e-mail… ~Paul Wagner

Seth Fein is from Urbana. He doesn’t really have any money, but even he is going to donate to this cause. He also donated to the Tsunami Fund, at least, he thinks it went to the right people. He can be reached at sethfein@readbuzz.com.

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PAUL IS LOOKING AT THIS SENTENCE.

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BUZZ STAFF v o l u m e

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Cover Design • Carol Mudra, Meaghan Dee, Lucky Cee Editor in chief • Paul Wagner Art Directors • Meaghan Dee, Carol Mudra Copy Chief • Stacey Ivanic Music • Kyle Gorman Arts • Brian Warmoth Film • Andrew Vecelas Community • Susie An Calendar • Margo O’Hara Photography Editor • Christine Litas Calendar Coordinators • Cassie Conner, Erin Scottberg Photography • Roderick Gedey, Sarah Krohn Copy Editors • Erin Green Staff Writers • Matt Pais, Susie An, Randy Ma, Andrew Crewell, Kyle Gorman, Devon Sharma, Syd Slobodnik Contributing Writers • Michael Coulter, Amanda Kolling, Seth Fein, Logan Moore, Jeff Nelson Production Manager • Theon Smith Sales Manager • Jon Maly Marketing/Distribution • Rory Darnay, Louis Reeves III Publisher • Mary Cory

TALK TO BUZZ e-mail:

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nEwS oF thE wEiRd chuck shepherd

write:

57 E. Green St. Champaign, IL 61820 call:

217.337.3801 We reserve the right to edit submissions. Buzz will not publish a letter without the verbal consent of the writer prior to publication date.

Buzz magazine is a student-run publication of Illini Media Company and does not necessarily represent, in whole or in part, the views of the University of Illinois administration, faculty or students.

First copy of Buzz is FREE, each additional copy is $.50

© Illini Media Company 2004

LEAD STORY The head of security at Boston’s Logan Airport revealed in December that travelers continue to appear so unfamiliar with restrictions that, three years after Sept. 11, his screeners still seize 12,000 prohibited items per month. Nationwide, the total since 2002 is nearly 17 million, including 2,200 guns, 79,000 box cutters and 5 million knives.And in December, a Republican congressman blasted the Department of Homeland Security for making “a joke” out of President Bush’s 2003 order to compile a comprehensive list of potential domestic terror targets.The list so far (of 80,000 sites) is termed by critics both too large (unlikely targets inexplicably included) and too small (imaginable targets inexplicably left off).

CITY COUNCIL In December, a California appeals court ordered a rehearing on a zoning case because the petitioner, who was denied an extension of business hours, had not had a fair chance to argue to the Los Angeles City Council. A videotape of the hearing showed that, during petitioner’s presentation, council members talked on the phone or among themselves, wandered around the room, and read their mail, and the appeals court ruled that “due process” requires them to pay attention.And Councilman Dennis Pate of Eagle Lake, Fla., said in January that a formal rule was needed to prohibit spitting at meetings, in that a former city manager allegedly tried to unload on at him at a December session (but she denied it).

SCENES OF THE SURREAL (1) Following the Dec. 5 Newtown, England, charity Santa Claus race (in which 4,000 Saint Nicks in full costume competed), police had to use noxious spray and nightsticks to break up a brawl of about 30 Santas when the festive spirit got out of hand. (2) Researchers at the Royal Veterinary College in Hatfield, England, told New Scientist magazine in December that they’re studying why ostriches are able to run so fast (about 20 mph) even though they are heavy (over 200 pounds) and awkward-gaited.The team’s work:They observe 15 ostriches running on treadmills.

COPYRIGHT 2004 Chuck Shepherd Distributed by Universal Press Syndicate

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I N T R O | A R O U N D T O W N | L I S T E N , H E A R | M A I N E V E N T | A R T S & E N T E R TA I N M E N T | W I N E & D I N E | T H E S I LV E R S C R E E N | C L A S S I F I E D S

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WANNA LOOK UNDER MY COVERS?

coming early 2005

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• FREE Pool with Any Lunch Purchase 11am-3pm Mon-Fri • 1/2 Price Pool Every Tuesday

taking nightlife to another level

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now accepting applications for bartenders, waitstaff, doorstaff, hosts, barbacks/busboys and djs. please apply at 6 taylor street, downtown champaign, (upstairs from cowboy-monkey), monday thru friday from 9am to 5pm, download application at www.somaultralounge.com and drop off or mail to central office c/o soma, 6 taylor street, champaign, illinois 61820

www.jupiterpizza.com Mon-Sat 11am-2am, Sun 12pm-2am 39 E. Main St., Downtown Champaign 398-5988

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320 n. neil street, downtown champaign www.somaultralounge.com

Learn to Dance singles & couples welcome

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6 weeks $ 58 Credit Cards Accepted

Classes beginning in January: REGENT Ballroom (Swing & Waltz): Starts Jan. 9, 5-6pm or BALLROOM Jan 11 7:15-8:15pm Salsa: Starts Jan. 6, 7-8pm www.regentballroom.com Argentine Tango: 1401 Regency Dr. Starts Jan. 6, 7:10-8:10pm

359-5333

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| 17 - 19 | 18 19

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t he

under the cover

INTRO

editor’s note This Modern World • Tom Tomorrow News of the weird • Chuck Shephard Sh!ts and giggles First things first • Michael Coulter

AROUND TOWN Live Healthy • Susie An q + a with Faith Swords Life in Hell • Matt Groening

LISTEN, HEAR The Forms Interview • Imran Siddiquee The Forms review • Kyle Gorman The Hurly Burly • Logan Moore Nas review • Imran Siddiquee Broken Day review • Brian Klein What the Hell?

Parasol Charts

C OV E R

soma

under

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HOUSES

510

LAURIE KELLMAN • AP WRITER

JTS PROPERTIES We’ve Got The Houses

You Want

Now leasing for 2005 101 E Stoughton, C. 3 Bdr $1000 25 E. John, C. 4 Bdr $1750 27 E. John, C. 3 Bdr $900 29 E. John, C. 5 Bdr $2000 31 E. John, C. 5 Bdr $2200 903 W. Main, U. 5 Bdr $1600 910 W. Stoughton, U. 6 Bdr $2100 504 S. Broadway, U. 6 Bdr $1600 Many more! Call today to make an appointment.

JTS Properties 328-4284

WASHINGTON (AP) — Claiming a victory against X-rated spam, the Federal Trade Commission said Tuesday it had won an order to shut down illegal Internet advertising for six companies accused of profiting from sexually explicit e-mail.

A federal judge in Las Vegas granted the commission’s request for a temporary restraining order against the companies, their executives and an affiliate for allegedly violating federal laws regulating commercial electronic mail, commonly known as spam.

The FTC sought an injunction halting the network’s illegal e-mail ads.The judge agreed Jan. 5 to a temporary ban.

Pornographic spam is especially nettlesome because it can be delivered to the electronic mailboxes of children.

Frank Cremen, who represents the companies named in the complaint, said his APARTMENTS Furnished

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clients have “no quarrel” complying with the law, and that the spamming had stopped before the FTC filed its complaint.

“They’ve tried to work with the FTC to work this out,” Cremen said in a telephone interview.

The case marked the first time the commission took action under a rule that requires a label in the subject line of sexually explicit e-mails, to make it easier for parents and others to filter such messages.

The law also holds others liable for operating Web sites that benefit from fraudulent pornographic spam.

“It’s not just the people who push the buttons to send spam” who are liable, said Eileen Harrington, director of the FTC’s marketing practices division.

The companies named in the FTC complaint operate about 20 Web sites advertised in the illegal e-mails, Harrington said.

The Nevada companies were Global

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Net Solutions Inc., Open Space Enterprises Inc., Southlake Group Inc. and WTFRC Inc., which does business as Reflected Networks Inc. Also named in the complaint were Global Net Ventures Ltd., of London, and Wedlake Ltd., which the FTC said is based in Riga, Latvia.

Executives of those companies were named in the complaint along with an individual, Paul Rose.The FTC said Rose sent hundreds of thousands of illegal emails directing recipients to the sites operated by the companies named in the filing.

The Associated Press could not locate Rose or an attorney representing him.

The FTC said the e-mails did not include the required “SEXUALLY EXPLICIT” warning in the subject line, falsely promised free membership to the Web sites and gave recipients no way of stopping the unwanted e-mails.

Those requirements are part of the APARTMENTS Furnished

$0 DEPOSIT

Free Will Astrology Jonesin’ Crosswords • Matt Gaffney Buzz Picks Bob ‘n Dave • David King

NOW LEASING FOR JANUARY & AUGUST!

ARTS + ENTERTAINMENT Krannert Kicks Off • Jeff Nelson Artist Corner with Louis Morton Diary: A Novel review • Brian Warmoth Th(ink) • Keef Knight

• Individual Leases w/Roommate Matching Service • Free cable w/HBO, parking, trash & Ethernet • 24 Hour Amenities • On 13 Silver Busline • 1, 2, 3 & 4 Bedroom Apartments

WINE + DINE S is for Soups • Amanda Kolling

THE SILVER SCREEN House of Flying Daggers review • Matt Pais White Noise • Randy Ma Shades of Gray • Andrew Vecelas Meet the Fockers review • Devon Sharma Beyond the Sea review • Syd Slobodnik Movie time listings Drive-Thru Reviews Slowpoke • Jen Sorensen

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CLASSIFIEDS The Local Sniff • Seth Fein News

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FTC moves to stop Internet advertising for X-rated spammers

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NEWS ‘N’ STUFF

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Controlling the Assault of Non-Solicited Pornography and Marketing Act of 2003, dubbed “Can Spam,” and other federal trade laws. Spammers who violate the rules face possible imprisonment and criminal fines of up to $250,000 for individuals and $500,000 for an organization.

Tracking down violators can be difficult because spammers often hide their identities by using forged return addresses or by bouncing their e-mails through unprotected relay computers on the Internet.

Harrington said the agency located the companies and individuals through emails consumers sent the FTC last spring.

The defendants, who she said operate as one entity, are barred by the court action from sending out spam but are permitted to operate the Web sites involved. buzz

Man gets 18 months for making bomb threat to prevent friend from missing flight DAVID B. CARUSO • AP WRITER

PHILADELPHIA (AP) — A British man was sentenced Thursday to 18 months in prison for calling in a phony bomb threat to prevent a friend from missing her plane at Philadelphia International Airport.

Ilyas Savas, who was 33 at the time of his arrest, pleaded guilty in September to phoning a hotel at the airport last June and claiming that someone was planning to stash bombs aboard two American Airlines flights, one from Philadelphia to Boston and a second from Boston to London.

Authorities halted the Philadelphia flight on the runway so the plane could be searched. A flight from Boston to London was also delayed.

Investigators later learned that Savas called in the threat from his home in Hackney, England, at the request of a friend from New Jersey who was due to leave Philadelphia on the plane but had realized that she did not have her passport and would not be allowed aboard.

The plan, prosecutors said, was to delay the flight with a bomb threat, giving the friend, Hatice Ceylan, 18, time to retrieve her travel papers.

Savas and Ceylan were arrested after they tried to redeem the unused tickets and get either a refund or a new ticket, authorities said.

U.S. District Court Judge Michael M. Baylson ordered Savas to pay $9,075 in restitution to American Airlines plus $100 to each passenger aboard the canceled flight.

Ceylan also pleaded guilty and is scheduled to be sentenced Feb. 2. buzz

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APPLESAUCE AND MEDICINE

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01 | 13 | 05 . 01 | 19 | 05 champaign . urbana

taking shape:

202 W. Hill St., Downtown Champaign 384-5829 • www.livingyogacenter.net

ignite your passion

A Lesson in Fencing

Ballroom Dance

Unique, affordable, non-credit Communiversity classes offered at University YMCA! Tae-bo, Pilates, Martial-Arts, Yoga and Massage, Photography, Language Classes and MANY OTHERS will be offered.

A broad array of BALLROOM DANCE classes will be taught by an expert instructor, as well!

with Loretta Spencer now enrolling

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Registration begins January 24th, classes begin February 7th.

See www.universityymca.org for class schedules or call 337-1500 for more information!

Waltz & Foxtrot Jive & ChaCha Swing & Salsa

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One of the most important things about your distance is don’t be predictable. Instead of maintaining perfect distance all the time, try stepping into your opponents advance and forcing an infighting situation. Or retreat a few times in succession and get your opponent to attack for an easy parry-riposte.

No matter what, keep mixing it up and keep your opponent guessing.

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a lesson in life.

UNIVER M SI M O

For more information about classes: Call 351-5838 or 352-0722

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Come in to register between January 24-28 from 11AM12PM and your $5 registration fee will be waived!

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