Buzz Magazine: Feb. 1, 2007

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Cover Design • Nikita Sorkin Cover Photo • Amelia Moore Editor in Chief • Tatyana Safronova Art Director • Nikita Sorokin Copy Chief • Meghan Whalen Listen, Hear • Anna Statham Stage, Screen & in Between • Elyse Russo Around Town • Evangeline Politis CU Calendar • Annette Gonzalez Photography Editor • Amelia Moore Designers • Monica Betel, Renee Okumura Calendar Coordinator • Caitlin Cremer, Katie Heika, Bonnie Steinberg Photography • Amelia Moore Copy Editors • Lisa Fisherkeller, Emily Ciaglia, Ilana Katz, Whitney Harris Staff Writers • Brian McGovern, Carlye Wisel, Amy Meyer Contributing Writers • Michael Coulter, Seth Fein, Mike Ingram, Kim Rice, Kate Ruin Sales Manager • Mark Nattier Marketing/Distribution • Brandi Wills Publisher • Mary Cory

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UNDER THE COVER |1-3| 3 3 3 |4-8| 4 6 8 | 9 - 13 | 9 10 11 12 13

INTRO This Modern World • Tom Tomorrow Life in Hell • Matt Groening First Things First • Michael Coulter

AROUND TOWN This is What Democracy Looks Like!

• Tatyana Safronova Champaign Smoking Ban • John Mantia The Local Sniff • Seth Fein

LISTEN, HEAR Rock for Research • Erin Eisele Wakarusa Winter Classic • Carlye Wisel Album reviews CU Sound Revue • Mike Ingram Spin it/Flip it/Reverse it • Carlye & Brian

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Branded and on Display • Nikita Sorokin Artist’s Corner with Michael Rooker • Jeff Gross Play on Playa’ • Annette Gonzalez Theater review Hidden Gem/Guilty Pleasure • Brent Simerson Movie reviews

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Doin’ it Well • Kim Rice & Kate Ruin Jonesin’ Crosswords • Matt Gaffney Free Will Astrology Likes & Gripes

tatyana safronova EDITOR’S NOTE

I

’d never been to Washington, D.C., before this weekend, when our photography editor Amelia Moore and I traveled with a group of University students and members of the Champaign-Urbana community to cover the protest of the war in Iraq (see the feature story in Around Town). When we emerged from the subway station and walked onto the National Mall, I whispered, “I can’t believe I’m here.”

Jan. 27 was the warmest day of last week in the city and some people even walked around in Tshirts, while the ref lecting pool in front of the Capitol remained frozen.

During the two hours when the swarm of people on the Mall rallied and listened to celebrities, activists and politicians, I nervously weaved in and out of groups such as the International Socialist Organization and CODEPINK — an anti-war organization that aims to promote peace and increase government INTRO | A ROUND TOWN | L ISTEN, HEAR | CU CALENDAR | STAGE, S CREEN &

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spending on programs like health care and education — trying to assess the safety of the situation. There were few police officers surveying the group, but I’d seen rallies and protests go badly on TV and on the Internet.

Thankfully, the day remained peaceful. It seemed appropriate that it would, too. Many people brought their children and their dogs to the march, and participants included everyone from Iraq veterans to members of the Green Party. Alison Sabul, a resident of Washington D.C., was quietly walking with the Buddhist Peace Delegation, a group of students seeking to bring peace to the world. She told me about how yelling hateful words would only perpetuate hatred. “We don’t believe in killing any being,” she said. “We’re trying to be the peace inside the war.” Sabul participated in similar marches protesting the Vietnam War as a high school student.

After graduating in ’69, she flew back home from the University of Hawaii in the summers to participate in anti-war marches as a college student. In today’s generation, she sees apathy, even despite the great turnout of teenagers and young adults in D.C. on that day.

That was the precise reason why I decided to travel halfway across the country to witness this event and put it on the front page of this magazine. We’ve grown numb to the war, numb to protest and even to discussion. You don’t have to be a sympathizer, but you also can’t ignore the thousands — perhaps even hundreds of thousands — of people who showed up in Washington, D.C., this weekend to protest the war. Students for a Democratic Society got it right on Saturday when they shouted, “This is what democracy looks like.” sounds from the scene

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buzz weekly •

SOMEONE STILL LOVES YOU, SMOKEY ROBINSON.

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michael coulter FIRST THINGS FIRST

Quench your thirst with Wu-Tang Tang Ol’ Dirty Fruit Punch just might hit the spot

M

an, I have got to get on the ba l l.

I’m always having these great ideas for products and then I dick around and the opportunity is gone. For example, anyone can think of a new drink idea. I mean, for crapsake, look at all the stuff they’re trying to put in Dr. Pepper these days. It was already a little bit busy to begin with and now they’re adding cream and berries and God knows what else, all so they can have a new beverage. Well, a few years ago, I came up with a plan to create several new beverages all at once, and I even had a marketing plan. It could have been huge.

I’m sure most of us are familiar with the orange drink called Tang. They used to send it to the moon with the astronauts. It was a powder that, when mixed with water, became a tangy treat that not only quenched your thirst but also sort of made you feel like an American hero. Hopefully, if you are to get anything from this column, you’re also somewhat familiar with the now-somewhat defunct hip-hop group called Wu-Tang Clan. There were about 10 members in the band and my plan was to develop a flavorful energy drink for every member of the group based on both the Tang trademark and the WuTang trademark. It would have been quite colorful and called Wu-Tang Tang!

Some of the names were easier than others.

Arguably the most famous member of the group was Ol’ Dirty Bastard, and I planned on his drink to also be the most famous. After all, who wouldn’t like to chug down a few cans of “Ol’ Dirty Fruit Punch”? RZA was sort of the group’s leader and a “RZA Raspberry Surprise” would have been a very popular drink, I’m sure.

GZA’s namesake would have been “GZA Guava Spectacular.” I’m not sure I’ve ever tasted Guava, but the name alone would have sold a few cans here and there.

Th is st uf f wou ld have marketed itsel f.

“Ghostface Killah Vanilla” would have sold off the shelves. If that wasn’t enough vanilla for a person, they could have instead purchased “Masta Killah Double Vanilla.” Admittedly, that’s quite a strong vanilla drink, but I’m sure it would appeal to someone. “Method Man Mango Delight” would have been a nice entry into healthy energy drinks.

“Reakwon the Chef Surprise” would have been a combination of all the group’s flavors mixed together, sort of a hip-hop suicide. “Inspectah Deck What-Da-Heck-Root Beer Float” might possibly have been the creamiest delight some folks have ever experienced.

My plan to market these beverages sort of fell apart. There were many reasons for this. First of all, I’m not even sure they make Tang anymore.

In these days of health and well-being, I suppose some people would rather have fresh orange juice made from oranges rather than a powder-made from ... well, made from something. Secondly, I gotta tell you, it’s really hard to get in touch with Wu-Tang. I tried to look up Ghostface Killah in the phone book, but who the hell knows if Ghostface is his first name or his last name. I called a number for RZA, but I think it was some sort of aluminum conglomerate. I put the idea away and never gave it a second thought.

Now, much to my dismay, someone else has picked up the baton. They aren’t incorporating Wu-Tang in their plans, but they are bringing the music and beverage industries together. Beverage Concepts is coming up with a line of drinks called “Liquid Experience” named after Jimi Hendrix and his Are You Experienced? album. Whatever, I’m not really surprised or anything. I do wonder if they’re going to add LSD as an ingredient so folks who try the energy drink get really, really “experienced,” but I bet there’s some sort of law against that.

Little did I know, however, that this isn’t the first product licensed to the Jimi Hendrix memory. It turns out that his image has been licensed for several products including baby clothing, air fresheners, lava lamps and even Christmas ornaments. OK, out of that whole bunch, I suppose I sort of understand the lava lamp connection, but baby clothes? I don’t recall ever seeing a baby in skintight, purple silk pants with a feather boa around its neck. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t hate the idea, I just don’t see it happening.

As far as the air freshener goes, maybe those people just have a very keen sense of irony because I’m guessing Jimi was a fairly complicated-smelling fella most of the time. Christmas ornaments, well, I can only imagine that with a little chip implanted into it so it plays a song. “White Christmas, all in my brain. White Christmas, I don’t feel the same.

Acting funny and I don’t know why, ’scuse me while I kiss my aunt.”

The more I think about it, maybe it’s for the best that my ideas never actually pan out. It’s sort of fun to think about different ways to use celebrities and products, but their application always ends up seeming a little strange. I’m about 100 percent sure Wu-Tang Clan wouldn’t have approved of my idea. I’m also about 100 percent sure Jimi Hendrix wouldn’t be thrilled about the Beverage Concepts idea either. Sadly, it’s a lot tougher to do anything about it when you’re already dead.

OOPS! WE MADE A MISTAKE • Although buzz strives for accuracy, we sometimes make mistakes. If you catch something we didn’t,

please let use know at buzz@readbuzz.com. When a correction is needed, it will be listed here.

sounds from the scene

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around town

THIS IS WHAT DEMOCRACY LOOKS LIKE! TATYANA SAFRONOVA • EDITOR IN CHIEF |

PHOTOGRAPHS BY AMELIA MOORE

“

The local chapter of the International Socialist Organization arranged vans and lodging for the trip, and Geier would be the send-off speaker for the ISO, community anti-war groups and other sympathizers.

Geier, an associate editor of the magazine International Socialist Review, was a short, thin man with wrinkled graying skin.

His corduroy pants and button-up shirt matched the color of his animated face and hands. For approximately an hour, he railed against what he and some of those in the crowd perceived as the imperialist American government and the current administration, whose faults were exposed during the destruction brought on

by Hurricane Katrina. He spoke about the blunder of the Iraq war, which has so far been responsible for over 3,000 American and thousands of Iraqi deaths. Geier’s audience listened quietly, praising some statements with scoffs and chuckles.

You have to educate the American people about their enemies, he told them. You have to argue with them and bring about change by electing responsible representatives, unlike the senators who passed what Geier referred to as a useless non-binding resolution against President Bush’s proposed increase in troop levels in Iraq.

The group’s chance to educate the public would come in Washington D.C. on January 27.

The American people have had it with this war,” Joel Geier said to a full classroom of students, alumni and community members in Gregory Hall last Wednesday. Behind him, the blackboard was covered in posters — “Money for jobs and education, not for war and occupation,” “End the occupation: Justice for Palestine,” “U.S. troops out of Iraq.

Bring them home now.” Many similar signs would appear at the anti-war protest in Washington D.C. three days later in the hands of several of those in the audience.

A group of 32 gathered on the lot west of the Main Library on the University campus. They stood in a circle, exchanged encouragements and hopes for the march and memories from similar protests during Vietnam. At about 6 p.m., they boarded five minivans and were off. The drive would take 12 hours.

Zach Wolek and Sean Seckler, both 21-year-old University students, sat in the back of our group’s van. The friends recently took a road trip to Colorado, where Sean crashed the car, and they blew out two tires. For this trip, they packed their iPods, philosophy and anthropology books and settled far away from the wheel. buzz photography editor Amelia Moore sat curled up in the middle and I tried to arrange my backpack and coat in the aisle between us. In front of me, 28-year-old Michael Diaz was the navigator for the first leg of the trip, and 22-year-old Audrey Kittredge sat behind the wheel. For five and a half hours, we drove through the snow-covered plains of Illinois, Indiana and Ohio listening to Audrey’s CDs. Explaining her position on the war, Audrey said the U.S. would have to develop diplomatic connections in the Middle East with countries like Iran and Syria to take control of the situation in Iraq instead of continuing to send troops to the country. But she doubted all of that could fit on a poster to carry at the march.

The conversation in the car didn’t frequently venture into politics and instead there was a tense sense of excitement. No one in the car except Amelia had ever been to a rally, and Audrey only recently started following the Iraq war.

Paul ‘the Peace Walker’ Loveless of Takoma Park, Maryland holds a sign up from his wheelchair at the National Mall before the protest march began Saturday morning in D.C.

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On the next half of the trip, Michael sped through the curving dark hills of West Virginia and Maryland, finally arriving at the wrong subway station in Bethesda, Md. Over breakfast of a personal-sized quiche, croissant, orange juice and a cup of fresh fruit at a café where the entire staff was bilingual in English and French, Sean told me he was nervous about the protest. “I’ve seen a lot of tasering and gassing lately on the Internet,” he said. As he finished the food, he said he was also uneasy about marching with the ISO — a group to which he also belongs — because the socialists are waiting to get enough members until they make their move, a revolution. The time isn’t right, he said. This is not Russia during the early 1900s.

People flooded the National Mall and arranged themselves sounds from the scene

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THE MUTTERING RETREATS.

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Zach Wolek, senior in LAS and Nick Schumerth, freshman in FAA, sit back to back eating food provided by the Hari Krishna Center outside of Washington D.C. who also hosted the UIUC Anti-War group for the night after the protest rally.

newspaper Audrey and Michael picked up in Ohio that the Associated Press conservatively sized up the crowd in the “tens of thousands.” The Chicago Tribune ran their story about the march on the third page, and from a phone conversation Sean had with his parents, we discovered that C-SPAN only focused their cameras on the stage rather than on the crowded Mall. “When it comes to the downside of the war,” said Sean referring to the thousands of anti-war activists, “we don’t see it.”

On the night of the march after we returned to our vans from the capital, we drove to meet Hare Krishnas, who provided us with free lodging and food. We arrived exhausted and were invited into the temple to listen to chants. The mantra of the afternoon — the rally cries on the Mall — had now changed into the Maha Mantra, a chant believed to bring the listener and speaker to a higher state of consciousness: “Hare Krishna Hare Krishna/Krishna Krishna Hare Hare/ Hare Rama Hare Rama/Rama Rama Hare Hare.”

“Every day is a battlefield for us,” said a Hare Krishna after we had finished our food. “[The] mind is also a battlefield.”

But for the activists, as long as the war went on, the battlefield would be all too physical.

A protestor screams ‘This is what democracy looks like!’ while marching down Independance Avenue with half a million other people voicing their opposition to the United States’ war in Iraq.

with their backs to the Washington Monument close to the stage, which was set up a third of a mile west of the Capitol. The famous doctor and activist Patch Adams walked just a few feet in front of us as we headed east from the Smithsonian subway station. People were handing out copies of alternative magazines and newspapers, and signs that read, “Out of Iraq” and “Stop the War Now! Impeach Bush for War Crimes.”

While Jane Fonda, Susan Sarandon and Tim Robbins and Rev. Jesse Jackson spoke to the sea of people rallying on the Mall, Audrey and Michael took turns climbing a Budget rental truck parked behind the stage to catch glimpses of the speakers. Meanwhile, ISO members from all over the country produced one of the loudest rallies of the day; some used plastic buckets as drums and in unison, the entire group shouted slogans like “Resistance is justified/When people are occupied” and “Blacks, Latinos/Arabs, Asians and Whites/No racist war/No more, no more/ Defend our civil rights.” sounds from the scene

The march took off at 1:00 in the afternoon, when the sun shone in the nearly clear sky and temperatures reached into the 50s. The procession cl i mbed a h i l l up Con st it ut ion Avenue as perpendicular streets stood blocked off by city buses and lined with police cars. A police helicopter hovered overhead. The marchers circled around the Capitol, stopping to exchange vulgarities with a pro-Bush gathering of a couple dozen people.

By the time the march ended, signs and magazines had littered the ground and the trash cans were overflowing.

People meandered in the mall and the group United for Peace, which had organized the entire event, announced that upwards of 500,000 people had shown up for the march.

T h e n e x t d a y o n t h e d r i ve back, we would f ind out from a

Members of the ‘Friends Commitee on National Legislation’ hold bamboo sticks supporting a giant dove in the National Mall in Washington D.C., Sunday morning.

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I SHALL WEAR THE BOTTOMS OF MY TROUSERS ROLLED.

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UIF!MBTU! DJHBSFUUFT

!Mjgf!cfgpsf!uif!àbnft!xfsf!fyujohvjtife JOHN MANTIA • STAFF WRITER PHOTOGRAPHS BY AMELIA MOORE

(clockwise from left) Gene Basden, Jenna MacKenzie, James Williams and Lisa Swanson hang out at the Blind Pig in Champaign, Monday night, January 29, 2006. In regards to the smoking ban, they remarked, ‘Actually we all work at Crane Alley and it will be nice not to have smoke blown in our faces constantly.’

T

h e r e a r e b a r s a n d t a ve r n s i n Champaign that ser ve more than drinks. In these places, every surface is a stained, dull yellow. Thick water rings dot wood grain so smoothed by elbows, palms and coins, you could shape it with your own drunken hands. There are tin roofs, hushed Motown records and regulars. Twelvesided glass ashtrays dot every table and every other seat at the bar. These places are dank. Beer this good doesn’t smell sour when spilled over rims, and smoke this thick is accepted like the humidity of August. These are places where a look-alike Bogart will recall, and not experience, meeting a wannabe-Katharine Hepburn. These places are full of fading last chances.

Kayla stands with her thumbs dug into her hips. Her hands fan out on the small of her back. The tips of her index and middle f ingers disappear under a ter r y cloth rag hanging from the right back pocket of her jeans. Her elbows are pointed towards the red-neon light

streaming through the bottles of bourbon, gin, vodka and scotch on the bar.

There’s a couple in need of a refill. Kayla moves with a slow sway in her haunches towards the woman who is cramped up in a fetal position on the bar chair. The woman’s left arm disappears between her knees while her right wrist drapes across her lower left thigh. Her cigarette’s cherry is running from un-flicked ash. The arm wrapped around her back is large. The man has salt-andpepper hair. He is holding his cigarette between his thumb and index finger. They are sharing a box of Marlboro Lights.

Kayla pours two pales and notes the charge on a tab slip below a small chalkboard that reads: “10$/Yard/Of Cask Ale!” Inside a yard-glass there is a small origami project gone strange. The head of the creature has three jutting teeth and two triangle ears. It was formerly a Winston box.

Is it a chupacabra?

“It’s a dog,” Kayla proves, extending her forearm tattooed with a palm-sized treble clef. Her eyes move from the dog to a face standing under

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a row of snifters and goblets dangling over the taps soaked in blue-hued smoke.

“Heyyyy, what’s up, girlll?” Kayla says. She half-jumps to the middle of the bar. Small holes around the corners of her jean pockets flash peach flesh. The maroons, oranges and yellows of her plaid button-down look like late October.

“So maybe we’ll hang for an hour,” her friend says.

“Whatever’s clever.”

Kayla returns to her bar duties and acknowledges a handsome brunet for a buck tip. Her voice has a texture like unpolished amber.

“After the whiskey and cigs I have this raspy thing going on,” she says. She likes smoking alone, in quiet. She’ll drink “a neat Jameson” at the far end of the bar when the last ramblers shuff le out. She’ll blaze a Camel Light and hold her shoulder where she has a f ist-size bass clef tattooed.

Brenton, a scruff-faced, sand-haired regular is bothered by the draft let in by the happy hour. He keeps on his puffy navy jacket. He’s talking tattoos with Kayla.

It’s an excuse to take his eyes for a walk.

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“What other clefs you got?” he says.

Kayla strips to her black tank. Her f ingers graze a pair of f-holes on her shoulder blades.

They remind Brenton of screechy elementary string ensembles. “I’m going to get an alto clef,” she says, “I played the fucking alto and I never got an alto clef.”

She pulls back on her flannel and kicks a Camel out of the box sitting on the register. The speckled butt hangs from the corner of her mouth. When she whips a match across the yellow strike surface it sounds like a wire brush rubbing a snare drum.

A couple is whooping and laughing at a corner table. They both look barely 21. They’ve amassed a couple of brown glass bottles and are smoking rhythmically; every round requires three Camels.

Dave, like Allison, is a plucky and a wiseass who needs only a minute to recall his favorite cigarette: his first.

“I was at my step-uncle’s when I was 13 years old. We had just finished beef stroganoff, which sounds from the scene

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was disgusting, and I noticed my brother was gone. So I went outside and saw him smoking and I said, ‘Hey Nate, give me a cigarette.’ ‘No, it’s bad for you,’ he said back to me, and I said, ‘Give me one!’ I pushed him and he gave me one. Right after I smoked it I went inside, walked down the hallway and puked all over,” Dave says.

Dave star ts laughing and reaches for a cigarette. The story has Allison grabbing her hip.

She’s nodding in agreement.

“I remember I was at my house and my mother slept two floors up and we were exhaling into the closet space. She came down and said, ‘Allison, why’s it smell like smoke down here?’ We were all sitting there and said, ‘What are you talking about, Mom?’ I guess you can say we’re closetspace smokers,” she says.

A l l ison reaches for her pint g lass. The horizontal rainbow stripes on her sweater cut color into an otherwise naturally toned space.

She reaches for Dave’s lighter and tips her head back. Her corn-yellow hair falls back as she lights a new cigarette.

buzz weekly •

I CAN FEEL YOUR BRAIN THROUGH YOUR HEAD.

There’s a lull after the Friday cocktail crowd is served. Jason is staring towards the doors with the last bit of orange daylight is evaporating.

“Hey buudd, you got some heat?” A cobalt dress shirt and khaki pant-wearing man says at Jason. Jason registers the man’s gulf-coast drawl slowly. It is like a warm hum, each vowel hangs.

He rises from the stool behind the bar.

“Um,” Jason delays — he’s searching for one of three pint glasses brimming with books of QUALITY MATCHES — “Yup.” The Mississippian nods in appreciation. He takes the cigarette he concealed in his right hand and rests it in his lips. There’s a phosphorous flash and his face lights up. His eyes are wide.

“Yeah, my name is Tad,” he explains in between drags, “It’s got two syllables but it should only have one.” He’s an archeologist but prefers to talk about home-brewed beer.

He’s got a r ig i n h i s ba sement t hat doe s it al l in f ive-gal lon batches. He could f ix his equipment to distill corn whiskey if he wanted to.

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Tyler Walker, of Champaign, smokes, reads and drinks, Monday night at the Blind Pig Pub. In regards to the smoking ban Walker commented, ‘As a smoker I just choose to accept it. It’s the law.’

Be h i n d th e doglegge d en d of th e ba r stands Jason. He ma inta ins a boy ish mug despite his own best efforts. Through his thick tortoiseshell glasses and bushy auburn beard, stares a quizzical child with a fruit punchstained lip. He has on a chestnut T-shirt with a matted and cracked skull and swords screening.

His all-white skateboarding shoes look new.

Every shade of brown crisscrosses plaid on his skull. His newsboy cap is cocked towards his left temple.

Jason half-sits on a four-legged bar stool. The cooper colored pleather seat is ripped open. Wisps of white foam padding are frayed and yellowed.

He can see every belly-up at the bar. sounds from the scene

Tad exhales through pursed lips; his smoke looks like steam from a tea kettle. He’s a drinkin’ smoker. He can’t figure out what brand he just bummed: What did I just smoke? I don’t know. I can’t figure it out. It sure did quit real quick though. It ain’t as good as a Camel non-filter I can tell you that much.

Tad doesn’t really care what he just smoked.

“I don’t even think about them until I’ve had two beers,” Tad says. “This year I’ve given up cigarettes and I’m smoking those little miniature cigars ... I just got to puff on them. It’s a placebo and a pacifier.”

Every cigarette Tad smokes is relished. Each cigarette is new and the last one is always the best one. “Haha, yeah,” Tad says, “because it’s probably going to be the last one I ever have.”

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seth fein THE LOCAL SNIFF

Sniffer praises a Republican Hell freezes over ... wait ... it’s just that cold outside ...

FIRST SNIFF It would be dif f icult for me to ignore when Republicans, locally and nationally, do things that make a liberal, like me, smile. After all, I kind of enjoy being able to use them as cannon fodder for this column; they are the easiest targets in the world. But, credit should be given where credit is due.

So, I was glad to hear recently that our Congressman Tim Johnson (R-Urbana) has come out in public against George W. Bush’s ridiculous and dangerous plan to increase troop levels in Iraq. Bush — what an idiot.

KACICH EXPLAINS IT ALL...

In some serious twist of fate (that or an extremely t wisted joke), T he News-Gazette, despite being repeatedly attacked by myself for the dumbassery of editor-in-chief and publisher John “Waste of Talent and Space” Foreman, has now profiled yours truly in a positive light three times over the past year for my various enterprises. I find it laughable that there is such a disconnect between what subject one department reports upon while another department is getting blasted on by that very same subject. Hilarious.

But, there are so many fine parts of the News-Gazette that it’s hard to come down too hard on them, even though lil’ Johnny Foreman has the brain of a guinea pig when he forms an opinion.

One such shining light in the paper is Features Editor Tom Kacich.

Granted, I have known the man since he and my father coached me and his son, Bob, to a city championship in Little League, and then even later when Bob and I worked together at Baskin-Robbins, smoking ounces of reefer in the freezer and taste-testing everything in sight.

Needless to say, we go back a ways.

Anyhow, Tom’s column on Tim Johnson last week exemplif ied the best parts of Kacich’s ability as a columnist. And while Tom and I certainly don’t agree on everything politically, I would go so far as to rank him in the Top Five of my favorite columnists in the nation. He writes well. Unlike myself.

Read him. It’s worth the cost of the paper.

AND NOW A WORD FROM YOUR VEEP...

Generally, a night in the (soon-to-be) Fein household involves Justine falling asleep instantaneously and me sitting up, reading Wikipedia, trying to lull myself to the dream world. On Sunday, as I stared down another work week into the twilight, I decided to see what the people had to say about ol’ Dick Cheney and came across this quote. This was him in 1991 as Defense Secretary under Bush the First responding to questions as to why the government had not gone all the way in removing Saddam from power. Thought you might like to read it too: “I think for us to get American military personnel involved in a civil war inside Iraq would literally be a quagmire.

Once we got to Baghdad, what would we do? Who would we put in power? What kind of government?

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Would it be a Sunni government, a Shia government, a Kurdish government? Would it be secular, along the lines of the Baath party, would it be fundamentalist Islamic? I do not think the United States wants to have U.S. military forces accept casualties and accept responsibility of trying to govern Iraq. I think it makes no sense at all.”

Ain’t that a kick in the head?

More like a kick in the nuts...

FIVE BANDS THAT YOU NEED TO KNOW NOW! In the next five weeks, I will be highligting some of the very best artists to emerge out of the Champaign-Urbana music scene. It only seems right that these newbies are given the hot ink, as they are totally worth your time.

Up this week: Casados.

The brainchild of couple Nic and Heather Dillon. If there are any artists in town who deserve the Rookie of the Year award, it’s them.

They have put aside their lives to play in this band and tour the States as well. Currently, they are booking themselves over 40 dates for the spring which will take them to the Pacific, to the Atlantic and back again. Their music could be described within that new freak-folk genre if you were feeling like turning a cliche, but in the end, this rotating cast of characters churns out some of the most well-written and deep songs to appear locally since Elanors decided to move shop up to Appleton, WI. Make sure to catch them sometime this spring. These guys are destined for bigger things than our town.

SAGANAKI!!!

I so miss Taki, the man behind the once great restaurant Mykynos, where Cafe Luna now stands (though Luna is pretty damned good too). It was the only place in town where you could get Saganaki — sheep’s milk feta cheese soaked in brandy, olive oil and lemon after being literally set on fire tableside. But with the opening of Pasha in that new development in west Champaign, my tastebuds have finally been satisfied once again. We were impressed with the decor and the service: staffers smiling so bright you’d think they gave them a shot of amphetamines before their shift.

Anyhow – here is an endorsement.

Pasha. Pretty damn good.

FINAL WHIFF My big brother, the more rational and less exuberant of the two of us, made a great point to me after reading my column last week. I kind of stooped to the idiotic level of the pro-Chief contingent by shooting my mouth off and cursing it up in the column. So, while I will never retract what I wrote, if I could do it again, I’d state it all without the fucks. Oh, shit.

I said it again. Fuck.

Seth Fein is from Urbana. While he appreciates the hate mail, could you try to keep it to a minimum this week? After all, he’s got a wedding to help plan. He can be reached at sethfein1@gmail.com.

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n Friday, Feb. 2, Rock for Research is hosting a show that promises good music for ERIN EISELE • STAFF WRITER a great cause. The Feb. 2 show will be, to sound as cliché as possible, an eclectic one. The music ranges from folk to dance to metal. The headliner will be former UI student Tony Sorrentino, with support from Midwestern bands Hotel Ahead, Kirkland and The Championship, as well as a local band, Easterlings, playing one of their fi rst official shows.

The show is taking place at the Courtyard Café at 6 p.m. in the Illini Union, 1401 W. Green St. in Urbana, with a $5 cover charge.

Rock for Research was born in January 2006 when two University of Illinois students, brother and sister duo Steve and Anne Hopkins, wanted to begin an organization which put on concerts while raising money and awareness for Spinal Muscular Atrophy (SMA), a condition both of them were born with. SMA is a motor neuron condition which confi nes them to wheelchairs. In order for a child to be born with SMA, both parents must carry the gene for SMA, and even then there is only a 25 percent chance of their off spring being born with the condition. In the last year, Rock for Research, or R4R, have put on some amazing shows with various up-and-coming Chicago bands. Some of the bands that have performed at past R4R shows are June, Allister, October Fall, Spitalfield, The Junior Varsity and 2*Sweet.

The show on Friday features an array of bands from Illinois and current and former UI students. Tony Sorrentino, a former University student, along with his guitar, will be the headliner of the show. His musical influences, John Mayer and Bright Eyes, are represented

in his style of music and vocal abilities. Opening act Hotel Ahead, whose sound is similar to Limbeck, is a rising indie band, two of whose members are currently enrolled at UI. The band recently played at the Metro in Chicago and has been playing with local bands such as Santa. Kirkland, formerly After the Fall, is a band from the northern Illinois area which has gone through some changes. The band was formerly a Fall Out Boy-esque band, but has since changed their name and their sound. Now they tend toward electronic pop rock. The Championship is the only band not from Illinois. The band hails from Milwaukee, Wis. and plays primarily folk music. The final opening act is a newer band, Easterlings, comprised of all current University students. Easterlings is a metal rock band, rounding out show’s diversity with a harder, faster sound than the other bands playing. They have recently recorded a demo, and the Rock for Research concert is one of their first official shows.

Rock for Research also has another show in the near future on Friday, March 2 at the Courtyard Café that includes Pencils Down, covering Alkaline Trio, as the headliner. Tony Sorrentino will be playing again, as well as Chicago band 2*Sweet.

All proceeds from this show and all Rock for Research shows benefit the Families of Spinal Muscular Atrophy (FSMA). So, come out to the Courtyard Café this Friday at 6 p.m. For $5 you can hear some good music and feel good about yourself for donating money to a worthy cause.

Tony Sorrentino will be headling the Rock for Research show on Friday, Feb. 2 to benefit the Families of Spinal Muscular Atrophy.

ROCK FOR RESEARCH PHOTO COURTESY OF WWW.MYSPACE.COM/HAHARADIO

BENEFITS FAMILIES OF

SPINAL MUSCULAR ATROPHY ERIN EISELE • STAFF WRITER

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WILL THE FUZ, SANTA, MATT POSS & THE WILD BUNCH, NADAFINGA OR THE UNDERSOUND JOIN THE LIKES OF YONDER MOUNTAIN STRING BAND IN THIS YEARâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;S WAKARUSA MUSIC FESTIVAL? COME OUT TO THE HIGHDIVE TONIGHT AND CAST YOUR VOTE! PHOTO COURTESY OF WWW.WAKARUSA.COM

I

f you stop by the Highdive tonight, youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ll have the power to send off a local band to a national music festival.

Five local bands have been selected to compete in Champaignâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s portion of the Wakarusa Winter Classic. The winner may end up performing at Wakarusa 2007, a summer music and camping festival in Kansas.

The Fuz, Santa, Matt Poss & The Wild Bunch, Nadafinga and The Undersound will be playing their hearts out to get the most audience votes, but only one will reign supreme. â&#x20AC;&#x153;Itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s essentially a traveling â&#x20AC;&#x2DC;Battle of the Bandsâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; event to generate interest in the upcoming Wakarusa festival,â&#x20AC;? said Ward Gollings, booking agent for the Highdive.

Hereâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s how it works: In each of the 19 participating cities, the band with the most votes from members in the audience will be declared the winner. (Itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s like the midterm elections, except much easier on Republicans.) From there, the winning bands will have their music posted on the Wakarusa Web site for the online portion of the competition. The three bands with the most online votes get to play at Wakarusa, and have the opportunity to win some sweet prizes.

Last year, Probably Va mpires won the Champaign showcase, and battled with other winners at the actual festival. â&#x20AC;&#x153;The winner of that got VIP treatment at the festival, and Probably Vampires won that too,â&#x20AC;? said Gollings.

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â&#x20AC;&#x153;I would relish in every single moment,â&#x20AC;? said Stan McConnell, lead singer and guitarist of Santa, on the opportunity to win VIP status. â&#x20AC;&#x153;Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;d probably run around with no shirt on backstage.â&#x20AC;?

Regardless of how naked his celebration may be, McConnellâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s still modest about Santaâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s slot in the line-up. â&#x20AC;&#x153;I think itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s an incredible opportunity,â&#x20AC;? said McConnell. â&#x20AC;&#x153;Wakarusa, in the grand scheme of festivals, is swayed towards the jam band, but itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s still very eclectic.â&#x20AC;?

Although only the initial lineup has been announced, headliners such as Ben Harper and the Innocent Criminals and Medeski, Martin and Wood juxtaposed against Widespread Panic and Younder Mountain String Band only help reinforce the festivalâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s diversity.

Every fan in the audience tonight gives the five bands a chance to play at Wakarusa with these artists by voting, regardless of how long they stay at the show. â&#x20AC;&#x153;Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;m just hoping that we can get as many people out there as possible,â&#x20AC;? said McConnel l. â&#x20AC;&#x153;We made a Facebook group about it; we were flyerinâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;, and gave them out to everyone in our classes.â&#x20AC;?

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Still, though, McConnell understands that in a competition like this, quantity may not necessarily beat out quality. â&#x20AC;&#x153;I think Matt Poss [& the Wild Bunch] are going to be a challenge. But, I think we have a great chance because weâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re from Champaign, and people kind of know us for trying to â&#x20AC;&#x2DC;bring itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; live as much as we can.â&#x20AC;?

Doors open at the Highdive tonight at 8 p.m.

The Fuz kicks the night off at 8:30 p.m., Santa hits the stage at 9:30 p.m. and Matt Poss & The Wild Bunch, Nadafinga and The Undersound begin at 10:30 p.m., 11:30 p.m. and 12:30 a.m., respectively. Come out and cast your vote!

sounds from the scene

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album REVIEW

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BILLS TRAVEL THROUGH THE MAIL AT TWICE THE SPEED OF REFUND CHECKS.

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Do you PGU?

SOME LOUD THUNDER Clap Your Hands Say Yeah [Self]

PLATINUM WEIRD Make Believe [Interscope]

107.1 FM www.wpgu.com

STEVE MAROVITCH â&#x20AC;˘ STAFF WRITER

Clap Your Hands Say Yeah, the group that essentially invented the both alliterative and acidic term â&#x20AC;&#x153;blog band,â&#x20AC;? has released its sophomore album, Some Loud Thunder. After the freakish, and violently fast, rise in popularity of Clap, the world could only expect a horrific Hindenburg-esque crash from the most overrated underrated band in the world.

Thunder, however, is absolutely everything but a disappointment; its release solidifies the bands place on the top tiers of independent music. Unlike their debut, this album doesnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t open with the weirdest, least-representative song on the record.

The namesake track starts things off with what weâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ve come to expect from the Brooklyn band â&#x20AC;&#x201D; a high hat-driven beat, a melodious bass riff and Alec Ounsworthâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s one-of-a-kind voice, all at their best. Same old band at first, but the album shows how the band continues to push the limits of the pop song form.

This album achieves a brilliant balance; songs seem to be on the verge of exploding into cacophonic chaos, but always are restrained and brought back to earth. For instance, in â&#x20AC;&#x153;Emily Jean Stock,â&#x20AC;? organs, church bells and drums come out from every angle. While the layered vocals sound like a car with its brakes cut loose, Ounsworth proves to be a brilliant driver. What could be a horrific crash turns out to be a ridiculously exciting ride.

Mellower songs like â&#x20AC;&#x153;Long Song No. 7â&#x20AC;? pepper the disc with some appreciated variety.

The slow tempo tracks still have that element of the avant-pop; stray accordions and tremolo picking interrupt the conventional construction to create an other-worldly atmosphere. In ter ms of avant-musicianship, though, the quintessential example is found in the stand-out track â&#x20AC;&#x153;Satan Said Dance.â&#x20AC;? â&#x20AC;&#x153;Satanâ&#x20AC;? must first be described by screaming: â&#x20AC;&#x153;AAAAH!â&#x20AC;? Itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s a whirlwind of sound, beeping, ghost organs and happy gang vocals. If youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re planning your Halloween dance mix already, this song should be included.

Not the perfect album by any means, Thunder leaves room for improvement. That is just a minor detail however; it takes a real nit-picker to find much wrong with the album. Clap has set the bar high once again and will no doubt continue to do so in the future.

At first listen, I thought Platinum Weirdâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Make Believe sounded amazingly polished for a first album, but after finding out the band is comprised of music veterans David A. Stewart and Kara DioGuardi, it became less of a surprise that this â&#x20AC;&#x153;newâ&#x20AC;? band would sound so solid.

Platinum Weird is the â&#x20AC;&#x2122;70s rock scene-inspired project of t wo musicians who have spent a collective half-century in the American music industry. Stewart was longtime member of The Eurythmics with Annie Lennox, and is a prolific songwriter and record producer. DioGuardi is without a doubt one of the most inf luential songwriters out there, writing hits for the biggest names in pop music today.

When you put two prolific artists like them together, apparently you get something that sounds a lot like Fleetwood Mac. Is it as good as Fleetwood Mac? Well, not the Mac I know.

Despite DioGuardiâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s best efforts to channel Stevie Nicks, she just doesnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t have the same tonal quality to her voice that makes Nicksâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; vocals so endearing. The album, however, is still enjoyable, especially if youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re looking for something new that doesnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t sound particularly mainstream. Make Believe isnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t an experimental album or anything close to it, but itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s not Fall Out Boy either, so donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t expect the same emo crap most labels are currently deeming â&#x20AC;&#x153;rock.â&#x20AC;?

The standout song of this album is the single â&#x20AC;&#x153;Will You Be Around.â&#x20AC;? The acoustic guitar, lush strings and folky percussion on this track meld seamlessly to create the perfect backdrop for DioGuardiâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s star vocals. â&#x20AC;&#x153;Will You Be Aroundâ&#x20AC;? is one of those songs that makes you want to sing along, thanks to a fantastic hook and heartening lyrics. Another great song is â&#x20AC;&#x153;Lonely Eyes,â&#x20AC;? again showcasing the fantastic songwriting ability of the duo. Overall this is a decent album and fans of Stewart or DioGuardi should check it out. sounds from the scene

â&#x20AC;˘ STAFF WRITER

BRIAN MCGOVERN

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buzz columnists meet at urinal.

Pandemonium ensues. or those who missed out on some, or all, of the festivities at th is yea r’s Great Cover Up, here’s a recap of who did what: Pulsar47 (Led Zeppelin), Watery Domestic (Headlights), Mike Ingram w/ Tritone (Bush), Tractor Kings (Dire Straits), The Beauty Shop (Tom Waits), The Living Blue w/ Dave King (Captain Beef heart), elsinore (Queen), Delta Kings (The Pretenders), Kilborn Alley (Van Morrison), Beat Kitchen (Red Hot Chili Peppers), Tritone ( Judas Priest), Archives of the Future (Dead Kennedys), Probably Vampires (Kid Rock), Terminus Victor (Gang of Four), Roberta Sparrow (Skid Row/Jawbreaker), Scurvine (Tegan & Sara), Triple Whip w/ Adam Wolfe & Wilson Hensleigh (Interpol), Shipwreck (INXS), Nadafinga (Foo Fighters) and Mad Science Fair (Elvis Costello).

It was a great year with many great performances.

Pulsar47 kicked the event off mar velously with an instrumental take on Zeppelin. When they erupted into “Kashmir,” the place went nuts. Watery Domestic continued a smaller tradition of picking a local band to cover, doing a set of Headlights songs. I had a blast playing Bush, in an attempt to take everyone back to the mid-’90s. I have also never been more petrified in all my life as a musician than when I was playing Brian May of Queen with elsinore, but it was a lot of fun. Friday night offered an excellent take on the Chili Peppers from Brandon T. Washington and Beat Kitchen. Seriously, though, weren’t we all expecting Josh Walden to wear nothing but a sock on his dick? Tritone wore an insane amount of leather and one skull codpiece during an extremely rocking set as Judas Priest. Archives of the Future threw down a kickass set as Dead Kennedys, with Marco Nieto filling in on guitar for Mark Baldwin (broken hand). The bass during Terminus Victor’s set nearly liquefied my insides. Saturday’s show at Cowboy Monkey featured an unexpected turn for Adam Wolfe, fronting Triple Whip as Interpol, a band he’d never heard of before signing on for the set. Shipwreck continued with the theme of excellence they started last year (with Billy Idol) by doing four excellent INXS songs. Overall, this was one of the most successful Cover Ups, and it was a treat to watch all of the performances.

Tonight there are several great shows worth checking out. Early at Aroma Café you can catch elsinore’s Ryan Groff in a solo performance alongside Sally Shuffield (Colorado) and Rob Szabo (Ontario, Canada). The show is free and is super-sized to allow for three great artists. It will start at the usual 8 p.m., but will run late. As always, tip jars will be out for the artists, and this time two of them are on tour and a long way from home, so help them out.

At Zorba’s, their weekly jazz night will feature the Greg Spero Trio from 9:30 p.m. to 12:30 a.m. The band is more than just jazz, as the members fuse several genres into an excellent

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sound. A block away at Bar Louie, Larry Gates continues his bi-weekly residency, doing three acoustic sets starting at 10 p.m., with no cover.

Downtown Champaign will be rocked by Live Karaoke Band at Cowboy Monkey. The cover is $5, and for that you can watch several people either rock or make absolute fools of themselves.

Make the extra effort to walk up to the stage and sign up and you too can make an absolute fool of yourself. This karaoke experience is unlike any other in town, as you actually get to go onstage with a live band (featuring members of the Brat Pack and X-Krush)! Live Karaoke Band will be celebrating its third anniversary with a show at Cowboy Monkey in March, so keep an eye out for information on that special show.

On Friday, New Ruins will offer a brand new CD with a release show at the Highdive.

The CD, The Sound They Make (Hidden Agenda Records), will likely take the band to the next level of success, as I imagine that anyone who hears it is going to want to see the band live. Your chance to see them live this week will also come with performances by Headlights, The Living Blue, Shipwreck and Dress Code. For $8, this is an excellent deal. The show starts at 9 p.m.

Also on Friday, there will be a reunion show for Alma Afro-Beat Ensemble, a band that hasn’t played since last fall due to the relocation of some members. Last year, the band was packing the house at every show, so if you want to see them this time around, get there early. The show starts at 10 p.m. at Cowboy Monkey and carries a $5 cover.

On Saturday, there will be a special kind of benefit show held at the Iron Post in downtown Urbana. Triple Whip drummer (and UK import) Jane Boxall and her new husband are going through post-wedding immigration paperwork that costs a ridiculous amount. They’re holding a benefit show full of excellent artists to help cover some of those costs. The show starts at 7:30 p.m., and the cover is only $5 (though, believe me, no one will argue if you want to donate more). Acts slated to perform include Brother Embassy, Larry Gates, Kayla Brown, Bellcaster, Monster Honkey, Water Between Continents and Triple Whip.

Since coming to town a couple of years ago, Jane has become a strong presence in the scene, drumming for Triple Whip and also playing concerts as a solo marimba player. She has also taken an active role in booking shows, including the 7 to 9 Sundays series at the Iron Post. On top of all of that, she’s a genuinely awesome person that we need to keep around here, so get out there and help pay for that residency.

A word of caution to buzz readers: if you ever encounter Coulter in his natural environment at a bathroom urinal, do not engage him in conversation. He is not comfortable with this, and will certainly tell you so once he finally gets out of the bathroom. Sorry, Coulter, I didn’t know.

Mike Ingram can be reached at forgottenwords@ gmail.com. Seriously, send him something. sounds from the scene

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SPIN IT ROUND FLIP IT AND REVERSE IT CARLYE WISEL AND BRIAN MCGOVERN

:

TRL – R.I.P.?

• STAFF WRITERS

Total Request Live, the cornerstone of the constantly changing cable network MTV, is on its last leg. At one time TRL was the premiere after-school program for preteens, tweens and even the occasional teenager, but now the show is a mere shell of its former self.

With a viewership under 300,000 an episode, MTV is looking to possibly remove TRL and, with it, take away the last music-related program on the Music Television channel. This week Carlye and Brian discuss if it’s time for the show to push up daisies or stay the course.

Brian: Keep it!

De spit e my love a nd adm iration for anything and everything connected to Laguna Beach, my wanting to keep TR L is not a f ront for keepi ng Stephen “Hunk Hogan” Colletti on television. Sure, he rivals Carson Daly as the worst host in cable history, but the necessity for Total Request Live runs deeper still. To most people, there are more important things in the world than watching 30-second clips of JoJo and Gwen Stefani videos in between Gideon Yago pretending to not be a tool-bag while talking about oil dependency to an audience that thinks Osama Bin Laden is the king of Iraq. But we as a society need this more than we know.

TRL encapsulates what it is to be American ever y afternoon. Democracy reigns as the videos shown are based on the people’s votes.

Capitalism reigns, as the show is a clever way to shove shameless promotions for music, movies and various text messaging devices.

Vanity, the third leg on the stool that is our great country, also holds up Total Request Live.

Pretty people talk to other pretty people as they promote their pretty pristine music, while a bunch of pretty people sit in a circle and clap their pretty hands. The uglies stand in Times Square screaming with signs and wishes to be in that studio. What’s more American than that?

We need TRL because it shows us who we are as a people. It is a funhouse mirror of our young and carefree lives. Think of it as an amphibian.

A frog is an environmental indicator; it will be affected by environmental changes before anyone else will. We need TRL to show us how and why we will be fried and left for dead by our own vapid culture. We need to save TRL so it can help us save our lives and our country. MTV needs to stay the course.

Carlye: Cancel it!

Ever since Carson Daly left to do Last Call (which I’ve never seen and thought no one watched, unt i l a fam i ly member said it was good, and that people sounds from the scene

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actually do tune in. So now I pretend it has an audience of insomnia-ridden 50-something adults lying in worn-out, brown La-Z-Boys who slowly come to realize halfway into the show that, “Oh wait, this isn’t Johnny Carson,” but are too lethargic to change the channel), TRL has been in the shitter. The concept, the hosts, even the audience falls short from its boy-band ridden, screechy-girl-scream laden, need-to-cover-the-windows-because-NYCis-going-crazy days. MTV — I think it may be time to flush.

However, I believe there is a chance MTV might hold onto TRL, due to the large influx of brand-new shows on the network that may or may not last. So, if the network does decide to keep it, I would suggest firing one person: Vanessa Minnillo.

There’s something about MTV VJ Vanessa Minnillo that makes me very uncomfortable.

It’s not that she’s beautiful — I don’t find her pretty enough to be intimidated by, probably because she closely resembles a Cabbage Patch Doll. It’s not that I’m jealous of her

d at i ng Nick L achey, si nce I won’t date anyone with a tattoo around his bicep a ny way, especia l ly one w ith a tacky resemblance to barbed wire.

I t h i n k s he i r k s me b e c a u s e I ’m conv inced that beh ind her f un, happy MT V host f acade, she’s just a crazy psycho-bitch.

To me, she seems insecure, mean and the type of girl who would pretend to take birth control or poke holes in condoms and justify the behavior by saying, “I’m sorry, I just wanted to start a family.” She’s a former Miss Teen USA, and you have to be quite feisty to survive i n that world. A lso, her boy f r iend married extremely high-maintenance Jessica Simpson, which makes it safe to assume that he has a “type.”

TRL would be much better off if they filled Minnillo’s shoes with the MTV news crew. SuChin Pak is precious and accessorizes well, Gideon Yago is a hot Jew (they’re few and far between) and both are extremely smart and articulate.

The youth of America could learn about politics and social issues in between videos and TRL wouldn’t feel like a spoon-fed helping of Carson Daly’s sloppy seconds anymore. But, if TRL is canceled, I won’t fret, and neither should you — it only means more episodes of Exposed.

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PHOTO COURTESY OF WWW.ZIPPERFISH.NET

F e b r ua r y 1

SHOULD MTV DO AWAY WITH TRL?

If a Photo is worth a thousand words, how much is a Senior Photo worth?

DATE: Jan. 29th - Feb. 10th TIME: Mon-Thurs 9am-6pm Fri-Sat 9am-4pm LOCATION: Illini Media Building, 512 E. Green St, Champaign

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cu calendar

THU. FEB 01 Live Bands U of I Jazz Combo Iron Post 7pm, $2 Sally Shuffield Aroma Cafe 8pm, free Adam Wolfe Chief’s Bar and Grill, 8:30pm, no cover Wakarusa Winter Classic with Santa, Nadafinga, Matt Poss & The Wild Bunch, The Undersound, The Fuz Highdive 8:30pm, $5 Jazz Night featuring Greg Spero Trio Zorba’s Restaurant 9:30pm, $3

fers a program of works by Bach, Koetsier, Mahler and Wilder.] Krannert Center for the Performing Arts 7:30pm Thursdays at Twelve Twenty Concert Beckman Institute 12:20pm DJ Hip-Hop Awareness Week [With special guests DJ Bozak, DJ Limbs and DJ Veracious.] Canopy Club 9pm, $5 DJ Asiatic Soma Ultralounge 10pm, free Limbs [Hip-hop, party jams.]

Boltini Lounge, 10:30pm no cover

guest artist Steven Koester, faculty member Sara Hook and New York choreographer David Parker; a collaboration between Cynthia Oliver, Ollie Watts Davis and the university Black Chorus; and premieres by Renee Wadleigh, Linda Lehovec and Rebecca Nettl-Fiol.]

Krannert Center for the Performing Arts, 7:30pm Lectures/Discussions Free English Speaking, Listening Class [These classes work well for those whose native language is not English and emphasize

UBreaks Feb. 3, 10 a.m.

Illini Union, free

“Diversity and Design: New Small Molecule Probes for Biology and Medicine” [With Derek Tan, Sloan-Kettering Cancer Center.] Roger Adams Lab, 4pm “Polymer Sensors for Nitroaromatic Explosives Detection” [With Qian Chen, UI.] Chemistry Annex, 4pm “Rethinking Educational Practices: Dialogical Exchange Between Critical EducatorActivists and Zapatista Communities” [This collaborative panel will engage in a multi-media presentation documenting the experiences and perspectives of members of an Education Delegation to Chiapas, which took place in January 2006.] La Casa Cultural Latina, 12pm “Estimation of Inter-Regional and Inter-Industrial Wage Differentials in Brazil” [With Ricardo Fregulia, University of Sao Paulo-Brazil and UI.] International Studies Building, 12pm Sporting events Illinois Women’s Basketball vs. Michigan Assembly Hall 7pm Workshops The Baha’i Faith: A Progress Report [This course will review this history and review its achievements and aspirations. Carlton Mills will facilitate the course.]

University YMCA, 6pm, $5

PHOTO COURTESY OF WWW UCHIPHOP.COM

For any first-timers entering the Illini Union, looks can be deceiving. From the south side entrance, students are greeted by Serendipity and its enchanting ice cream flavors as well as napping students occupying anything from couches to chairs to each other.

However, behind closed doors is where the real fun lies.

This Saturday, UBreaks is offering a free breakdance workshop for beginners and professionals alike. So for anyone needing to perfect their pike or headspin, this is the place to do it.

UBreaks is also hosting a 3-on-3 and 2-on-2 tournament later in the evening at 6 p.m., so grab a friend, life partner or student napping on one of the couches in the South Lounge, and join in on the competition.

— Katie Heika

Live Karaoke Band Cowboy Monkey, 10pm Larry Gates of Lorenzo Goetz Bar Louie, 10pm, no cover

Karaoke Karaoke with Randy Fat City Saloon, 9pm, no cover

Concerts Mark Moore Tuba [A performer who is familiar to many musical audiences in CU and the central Illinois region, the UI professor of-

Festivals Festival Dance 2007 [Always a highlight of the dance year, the Department of Dance’s annual Festival features a new work by

beginning and intermediate listening and speaking skills.] Parkland College 9am Panel “On Photography Now” Humanities Lecture Hall 3pm “Racism, Power and Privilege at UIUC” Foellinger Auditorium 4pm

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Probably Vampires Dorian Minor Light Pollution

CHECK OUT THE BUZZ PICKS MARKED

BY OUR LOGO:

Miscellaneous Free Hookah [Enjoy a night in downtown Champaign with hookah, DJs and live music. One free hookah with each liquor purchase.]

Nargile, 9pm Meetings International Coffee Hours [At these events, coffee, tea and homemade ethnic desserts are served.

International and American students, club members and non-members, are all welcome.] Cosmopolitan Club, 7:30pm Family Fun Group Funfare [Preschool groups are invited to come to this program that features stories, songs, puppets and films.] Urbana Free Library, 9:45am Mind/Body/Spirit Free Meditation and Yoga Classes Ananda Liina Yoga & Meditation Center, 6pm

FRI. FEB 02 Live Bands Billy Galt Sings the Blues Blues BBQ, 11:30am Desafinado Cowboy Monkey 5:30pm, $3

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Feb. 2, 9:30 p.m.

Courtyard Cafe, students free/$2 public

Sporting events Illinois Men’s Tennis vs. Tennessee Atkins Tennis Center 6pm Illinois Men’s Basketball vs.

Minnesota Assembly Hall 7pm Illinois Women’s Gymnastics vs.

Ohio State Huff Hall, 7pm Workshops UBreaks [Free breakdance workshops begin at 10am held by Rob Nasty, B-Girl Beta and B-Boy Miracles.

Breakdance competition starts at 6pm.] Illini Union 10am ESL Chat [Join in for English conversation, communication, etc.] University YMCA 2pm, free Auditions Armory Free Theatre Spring 2007 Auditions [Any university student may audition for a role or interview for a technical position in an Armory Free Theatre production.] Armory Free Theatre, 2pm Miscellaneous Free Hookah Nargile, 9pm

SUN. FEB 04

PHOTO COURTESY OF MYSPACE.COM/PROBABLYVAMPIRES

PROBABLY VAMPIRES

Ever hear one of those songs that you wish were about you? Sometimes you’ll just come by a song that just makes you feel so ... well, I’m not sure what it is because it depends on the song, but you just connect to it. The song will make you love the band, and you will learn every word and apply them to yourself, your life and all the many events that make up your day-to-day adventures. I think I’m just rambling now, but anyway, I came by one of these songs recently.

The song, “Pretty Girl Blues,” is good. Yes, I said it, “good.” There is so much that goes into that simple word. For instance, the band is not someone you would automatically say is “super great” or “totally awesome” (actually I just hope no one uses those terms anymore), but as the first few notes hit, you’ll find yourself kind of bouncing along with the Vampires. They’re fun, nice, talented, colorful in every respect and, fortunately, they know how to mold a good song, lyrics included.

My favorite part of the band, in all its goodness, is its overall aura. They have successfully designed their music to fit classic rock-pop indie which pushes that fuzzy feeling inside of you. The “damn, this band is really good” kind of feeling — ending in a smile stretched across your face.

The opening bands are also not something to miss. Dorian Minor, new to the CU scene, is upbeat — and good. Light pollution is lushly produced — and good. Hence, I am going to go to this show and will enjoy it. Enjoying it by pretending every song is just for me. See you there.

—Caitlin Cremer

Lanterna Pages for All Ages, 7pm, free Barb Hamilton Hubers, 8pm Headlights, The Living Blue, New Ruins, Shipwreck, Dress Code Highdive, 9pm, $8 Inept, Tony Sorrentino, echo Romeo, Kate Hathaway, The Dakota Courtyard Cafe 9pm, no cover Hip-Hop Awareness Week [With special guests Treologic, Animate Objects and Agent Mos.] Canopy Club, 9pm $6 Alma Afro-Beat Ensemble Cowboy Monkey, 10pm, $5 Quadremedy, Stood Up, Tino Forneris Iron Post, 10pm $5/$7 Concerts Choral masterpieces: “Unfinished Business” [The Prairie Ensemble will collaborate with the University of Illinois Concert Choir for a program of classical masterpieces.] First United Methodist Church, 7:30pm

Chip Stephens Jazz Piano [Jazz classics and new music played by the University of Illinois pianist.] Krannert Center for the Performing Arts, 7:30pm, $2/$8 Afterglow: Mallory Portnoy [Join this special guest artist and pianist Kent Conrad as they enliven the evening with classic standards, a bit of jazz and a mix of musical theater favorites.]

Krannert Center for the Performing Arts, 10pm DJ DJ Bozak Soma Ultralounge 10pm, $5 Mertz Boltini Lounge, 10pm no cover Deeplicio.us [With DJ Mambo Italiano.] Ko.Fusion, 11pm no cover Dancing Contra Dance [All dances are taught prior to dancing.

Wear comfortable clothing and bring a pair of clean,

soft-soled shoes to protect the wood floor.] Phillips Recreation Center, 8pm Festivals Festival Dance 2007 Krannert Center for the Performing Arts, 7:30pm Lectures/Discussions “Public Forum: “Saving Faith/ Killing Faith: A Religious History of Violence and Restraint in America” Illini Union, 9am free “Current Issues in Bulgarian Symposium and Round Table Discussion” Illini Union 4:30pm, free “Profile In Courage: Fighting Religious Intolerance in City Politics” University YMCA, 12pm Sporting events Illinois Men’s Tennis vs. Duke Atkins Tennis Center, 6pm Workshops Stretching Exercises for Joints [The exercises you will learn will increase circula-

tion to all parts of the body and help improve overall flexibility.] Channing-Murray Foundation, 4:30pm, $5 Recreation Boot Camp Campus Recreation (CRCE), 12:05pm, $3 Comedy The Second City presents “Truth, Justice, or the American Way” Virginia Theatre, 8pm Miscellaneous Free Hookah Nargile, 9pm

SAT. FEB 03 Live Bands Triple Whip, Bellcaster, Kayla Brown Iron Post, 8pm, $5 Light Pollution, Dorian Minor, Probably Vampires Courtyard Cafe, 9pm, students free/$3 public The Suares, JigGsaw, Arwin, Hotter Than June Canopy Club, 9pm, $5/$7 after 10pm

Candy Foster and Shades of Blue Cowboy Monkey 9:30pm, $5 Concerts Afterglow: Mallory Portnoy [Join this special guest artist and pianist Kent Conrad as they enliven the evening with classic standards, a bit of jazz and a mix of musical theater favorites.]

Krannert Center for the Performing Arts, 10pm DJ DJ Tim Williams Highdive 10pm, $5 DJ Bozak Soma Ultralounge 10pm, $5 Dancing Argentine Tango Dance with DJ Melih Channing-Murray Foundation, 8pm, $5 Festivals Festival Dance 2007 Krannert Center for the Performing Arts, 7:30pm

sounds from the scene

Festivals International Fest [A free event dedicated to international performances. There will be a henna artist, a Malaysian Bamboo dance performance and Turkish dancers and singers among other performances.] Krannert Center for the Performing Arts, 12pm Sporting events WWE Smackdown and ECW Present Pre-Game Pandemonium [World Wrestling Entertainment visits the Hall once again with all their heavy hitters including Batista, Chris Benoit, King Booker, Finlay, Lashley and many more.] Assembly Hall, 1pm Illinois Wrestling vs. Minnesota Huff Gym, 1pm Illinois Women’s Tennis vs.

Illinois-Chicago Atkins Tennis Center, 12pm Miscellaneous Free Hookah Nargile, 9pm Family Fun Superbowl Party [Children ages 8 through 12 will enjoy their own Super Bowl party featuring movies, games and snacks. Register by Feb. 2.] Douglass Annex, 6pm

MON. FEB 05 Live Bands Open Mic Night Cowboy Monkey, 10pm, free Lectures/Discussions “Solidarities Across Borders in Tsunami and Hurricanes Andrew and Mitch Reconstruction” [The aftermath of major natural disasters often reveal socially constructed disasters of gender, racial and class inequalities of equal magnitude. This

symposium focuses on the solidarities that emerge across these inequalities to rebuild communities and hope.] Levis Faculty Center 9:30am “For Outstanding Services to Negro Health: The Life and Health Activism of Dr. Dorothy Ferebee and Dr. Virginia Alexander” [Vanessa Northington Gamble is an internationally-recognized expert in the history of race and racism in American medicine, racial and ethnic disparities in health and health care, cultural competence, diversity and bioethics.] Medical Sciences Building, 3pm Comedy Monday Night Comedy [Improv comedy every week, featuring Spicy Clamato and DeBono.] Courtyard Cafe 8pm, free Auditions Mom’s Day Fashion Show Auditions [Models, choreographers and dancers of all kinds welcome.] Illini Union 7pm Miscellaneous Aviation Student/Alumni Career Fair [Students welcome to visit with 34 aviationrelated exhibitors, three UIUC alumni speakers and other information about all aspects of the aviation industry including becoming a career pilot.] Illini Union 5:30pm Free Hookah Nargile, 9pm Poetry/Readings African American Read-In @ The Urbana Free Library [Come hear community leaders, local educators and young people share excerpts from books by their favorite African American authors.]

The Front Reading Rooms at The Urbana Free Library 7pm

TUE. FEB 06 Live Bands Billy Galt Sings the Blues Blues BBQ, 11:30am Robbie Fulks & Danny Barnes, Kayla Brown Cowboy Monkey 9pm, $10 DJ SubVersion: DJ Evily, DJ Vermis Highdive, 10pm, $2 Chris O [Down-tempo and deep house.] Boltini Lounge, 10:30pm, no cover Karaoke Karaoke with Randy Miller Bentley’s Pub, 9:30pm, free Lectures/Discussions Free English Speaking, Listening Class Parkland College, 9am “Global, Local and Personal: Understanding the History of Immigration to the United States in the Twentieth Century” [With Jim Barrett and Augusto Espiritu.] Levis Faculty Center, 4pm BSN Program Discussion [Students can earn their associate degree in nursing (ADN) and become practicing RNs.] Parkland College 5:30pm

A Taste of Art [A talk by Robin Douglas, administrative coordinator of Art and Design at the University.] Krannert Art Museum, 6pm The Great Campus Scoping Study [The Great Campus Project envisions innovative linkages between K-8 curriculum, information technology and environmental design in Champaign.] University YMCA, 12pm Workshops Tick-Tock-Boom Time Management: Making the Most out of Your Time [Time Management: An interactive workshop that will be used to assess how you use your time now and discuss how you can use your own personal style of time management effectively.] Illini Union, 7pm

Life. Quoted.

5 Days A Week

www.

.com

Recreation Red Pin Tuesday [When the head pin is red, strike and win a free game!] Illini Union, 6pm Auditions Mom’s Day Fashion Show Auditions Illini Union, 7pm Miscellaneous Free Hookah Nargile, 9pm Family Fun Babies’ Lap Time [Babies and their parents or caregivers are invited to this program of songs, stories and rhymes for our youngest patrons, ages birth to 24 months, with an adult.] Urbana Free Library, 9:45am

WED. FEB 07 Live Bands Tellers Art Iron Post, 9pm cover DJ DJ Stifler Highdive, 8pm $3/$5 DJ Bris, DJ Delayney Soma Ultralounge, 10pm, $5 DJ Bozak Boltini Lounge 10:30pm, no cover Lectures/Discussions Free English Speaking, Listening Class Parkland College 9am “Researching Your African American Roots” [The Abraham Lincoln Presidential Library will host professional genealogist Tony Burroughs.] Abraham Lincoln Presidential Library 6:30pm Auditions Mom’s Day Fashion Show Auditions Illini Union, 7pm Miscellaneous Around the World Wednesdays [Create, play and learn together through crafts and activities from around the world.] Spurlock Museum 9:30am Free Hookah Nargile, 9pm

UIUC STUDENT PRESALE FRI., FEB. 2 @ 1O AM!

APRIL 30 • 7:30 PM $5 UIUC STUDENT DISCOUNT! U OF I ASSEMBLY HALL Presale tickets are available at Ticket Central in Illini Union only.

Tickets available at the Assembly Hall Box Office, all Ticketmaster outlets including ticketmaster.com or charge by phone at 217/333-5000.

For more information visit www.uofiassemblyhall.com.

Family Fun Clifford the Big Red Dog Live!

Assembly Hall, 7pm STUDENT AFFAIRS/University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign

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GRANTS FOR PANTS!

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Art & Theater Second City presents “Truth, Justice, or the American Way” [This show, by the legendary Second City comedy troupe, features a humorous take on everything from current events to relationships, politics and family life.] The Virginia Theatre, Feb. 2, 8 p.m.

Black Coffee [This mysterious tale of murder and intrigue, written by Agatha Christie and directed by J.W. Morrissette, follows detective Hercule Poirot and his aid-de-camp Captain Hastings as they are summoned to the English countryside to protect the world from potential destruction.] Parkland Theatre, Feb. 2, 3, 8 p.m.

Spirits from the Sky, Thunder on the Land [This show allows viewers to explore the culture of the Pawnee Native American Nation, who lived in what is now Nebraska and Northern Kansas from the 1600s to 1876.]

Parkland College, Feb. 3, 8 p.m.

Woyzeck

[ Featuring both live actors and puppets, “Woyzek” follows the title character as he descends into a world of madness and despair.] The Station Theatre through Feb. 3 The Body Sublime [This group show seeks to broaden our ideas of what the body is through a wide range of interpretations, including microscopic examinations, full body studies, translucent portrayals and precision drawings.] Parkland Art Gallery through Feb. 8 Art Exhibition Series [Springer Cultural Center’s new exhibit, “PIECED A(part)” features the work of Jamie Kotewa, Miriam Slager and Kim Purkiss.] Springer Cultural Center Main Hallway and Historic Lobby through Feb. 18 Wall Paper Weights [A show of recent sculpture by Todd Frahm and paintings

by Lara Nguyen.] Cinema Gallery through Feb. 24 Melodramas of Consumption [This photo exhibit by Brian Ulrich is an examination of consumerism in our culture. He explores the everyday activities like shopping as well as the economic, cultural, social and political implications of commercialism.]

Humanities Lecture Hall, IPRH, through March 2 Where Animals Dance [This exhibit examines the masquerading traditions of West Africa and features masks and other related ceremonial artifacts. It also features discussions on the impact of masquerade in belief, social structure and daily life.]

Spurlock Museum through March 4

The Second City Presents “Truth, Justice, or the American Way”

Branded and On Display [“Branded and On Display” features the work of artists exploring the theme of branding and the significance of marketing in our culture. Representing a range of media — sculpture, video, installation, sound, painting and photography — the works are compelling and provocative, nudging us to “re-view” our culture with an appraising eye.] Krannert Art Museum and Kinkead Pavilion through April 1

Feb. 2, 8 p.m.

Virginia Theatre, $26 for main floor and mezzanine/$23 for balcony Live, from Champaign-Urbana, it’s Saturday night! Well, sort of. Second City, the legendary comedy troupe known for jump-starting the careers of “SNL” favorites like Tina Fey, John Belushi and Mike Myers, will be rolling into town.

Fans of sketch comedy will love The Second City touring company’s “Truth, Justice, or the American Way,” which aims to provide a satirical look at current events, relationships, family life and politics — in other words, everything under the sun.

Pay close attention to the goofy faces you see on stage. Chances are, in a few years, you’ll be seeing some of them on TV or even on the big screen. Virtually every great comedian has risen up from within the ranks of Second City. While ticket prices may seem like big bucks to the average college student, it’s well worth it for the chance to catch a glimpse of the next Steve Carell or Stephen Colbert (both Second City alums).

— Bonnie Stiernberg

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BLOCKS OF SOCKS!

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THIS WEEK AT

FEATURED EVENTS

K R A N N E RT C E N T E R F O R T H E P E R F O R M I N G A RT S

Bee-luther-hatchee

By Thomas Gibbons Ron OJ Parson, director When it comes to the representation of a culture, who has the right to speak for a people? Bee-luther-hatchee, by the contemporary writer Thomas Gibbons, raises many questions in its portrayal of a successful young editor who is shepherding the memoir of Libby Price, a 72-year-old African-American woman. The mystery at the heart of the play unfolds slowly, and just as one issue seems to be settled, another arises. When editor meets author, they both must wrestle with their attitudes about race, history, and family.

Thursday-Saturday, February 8-10 at 7:30pm Wednesday-Saturday, February 14-17 at 7:30pm Sunday, February 18 at 3pm Studio Theatre Flex: $12 / SC & Stu 11 / UI & Yth 6 Single: $13 / SC & Stu 12 / UI & Yth 7 Traffic Jam: USO Swing Night Chip McNeill and his swingin’ quartet will rev up the Krannert Center lobby with the jumpin’ sounds of the 1940s. The U of I Swing Society will put set the joint jumpin’ as the up-tempo high-energy music encourages everyone to dance the night away.

Enjoy Krannert Center to the fullest!

Th Feb 1

Sa Feb 3

Th Feb 8

Krannert Uncorked 5pm, free

Festival Dance 2007 7:30pm, $9-$16

Krannert Uncorked 5pm, free

Mark Moore, tuba 7:30pm, $2-$8

Afterglow: Mallory Portnoy 10pm, free

Prelude with the Artemis Quartet 6:30pm, free

Intermezzo Breakfast, lunch, supper, dessert

Su Feb 4

Creative Intersections Sponsor

International Festival (I-Fest) 12pm, free

Artemis Quartet

7:30am-3:30pm on non-performance weekdays 7:30am through performances on weekdays 90 minutes before and through performances on weekends

Festival Dance 2007 7:30pm, $9-$16

Fr Feb 2 Chip Stephens, jazz piano 7:30pm, $2-$8 Festival Dance 2007 7:30pm, $9-$16

7:30pm, $10-$34

Tu Feb 6 Illini Strings 7:30pm, free

Chamber Music Series Sponsors Jean and Howard Osborn Bee-luther-hatchee 7:30pm, $6-$13

Interlude Cocktails and conversation 90 minutes before and through performances Now open at 4pm Thursday and Friday!

Other School of Music Events

Friday, February 16 at 5pm Lobby

Tu Feb 6

Free

Illini Strings 7:30pm, free

The Promenade Gifts, cards, candy, and more

Smith Memorial Hall, Recital Hall 805 S. Mathews, Urbana

10am-6pm Monday-Saturday One hour before to 30 minutes after performances

333.6280 8 0 0 . K C PAT I X

Patron Season Sponsors Dolores and Roger Yarbrough

Marquee performances are supported in part by the Illinois Arts Council— a state agency which recognizes Krannert Center in its Partners in Excellence Program.

sounds from the scene

Corporate Power Train Team Engine Members

40˚ North and Krannert Center, working together to put Champaign County’s culture on the map.

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stage, screen & i n b e t w e e n

B R A N D E D AN D ON D I S P L AY : What You Thought You Bought Bought You NIKITA SOROKIN • ART DIRECTOR

S

|

PHOTOGRAPHS BY AMELIA MOORE

pasms on the white wall. “AIDED AIDED AIDED AIDED” in coarse white letters gyrating at speeds and angles to mean: tilt, earthquake, panic.

The projectors are revving glitches, overheated messages scrambled like Mama’s eggs. A hunched Lorenzo, a crouched, contorted tortoise escaped from a Zanzibarian bestiary mutilates the loop pedal with his smashed hands and the microphone somewhere inside of his face. The sounds of wooden boards in a hurricane echo. Video cameras aimed at the audience show it back to itself as noise. Little children are wide-eyed and attentive to the discombobulated screaming. Krannert Art Museum is shaking and flashing: green, red, green, red, green, red.

The Dolphin are creating a trans-dimensional 1980s workout video for Transformers and electric eels.

People uncross their arms.

AIDED! AIDED! AIDED! Men in bunny suits, pink. Fine art. Laaaaadeeeedaaaaa!!!!

Electric shock therapy is not this loud. The paintings shiver to the sound of the giant phone being dialed one hundred times faster than normal. Beats, beats!

ARE YOU READY GIRLS?! ARE YOU READY BOYS?! I WANT SOME DISCIPLINE IN HEEERE!!

The dancing here is different. Confounded movements, echo creatures banging on hi-fi wi-fi THX digitally re-mastered augmented fractured boiling wikipots and pans, all trademarked on the fly through the miracle of fiber optics, tending to the patents pending.

ARE YOU READY GIRLS?! ARE YOU READY BOYS?!

Now, Environmental Encroachment: the rabbit men with drums and trumpets, before and after, medicine flying off the shelves to the national anthem. No beginning or end to the song, no stage, they roam through the crowd and honk in your ears.

They want us to understand what it is to be caught between rain dance and traffic jam. They hand out plastic horns and recorders to the crowd. Play along, rehearse your embouchure, you lipless fellows!

The applause is uncertain.

Siebren Versteeg’s piece, Dynamic Ribbon Device, offers another play on the Coca-Cola logo, in which a live online news feed is converted into a news ticker (like the ones that float across the bottom of CNN) which formats all of the information to crawl across the video screen in the immediately recognizable Coke font. The result is a subversive re-appropriation of Coca Cola’s identity, the creation of a kind of mirror-world where instead of reading “Enjoy!” you read something like “Ashura Attacks Leave Dozens of Dead in Iraq.”

Many of the pieces in the exhibit are rooted in this technique of appropriation — a sneaky art-speak word that justifies the infringement of corporate, government or individual intellectual property to subvert and examine those particular structures or messages. But much of the work in Branded and On Display is ambivalent toward its source material, using logos and brands in what often amounts to nothing more than empty wordplay. Louis Cameron’s series of painted squares and circles, entitled “Aquafresh,” presents the toothpaste brand’s color palette as an artistic experience. This experience is less stimulating than brushing one’s teeth, providing none of the tactile tube-squeezing, nor the visceral gum-scrubbing, nor the post-brush hygenic satisfaction, nor the thrill of ingesting potentially dangerous pharmaceutical chemicals.

If and when the work in Branded And On Display does mean to subvert those institutions in power, does it successfully subvert them to astound and educate the viewer, or does it further proliferate the material and manufactured marketing environment it aims to attack?

(ABOVE) MARCUS ROLL AND ERIN BRISTON OF URBANA WATCH A FILM ENTITLED ‘NORTH STAR’ BY RYAN MCGINNESS AT THE ‘BRANDED AND ON DISPLAY’ EXHIBIT OPENING, THURSDAY, JANUARY 25, 2006 AT THE KRANNERT ART MUSEUM.

(BELOW) A CROWD GATHERS IN THE MAIN ROOM OF THE KRANNERT ART MUSEUM FOR THE “SOUND ART” OF THE DOLPHIN, AN EXPERIMENTAL MUSIC GROUP FROM CHAMPAIGN DURING THE OPENING FOR THE “BRANDED AND ON DISPLAY” EXHIBIT, THURSDAY, JAN. 25 IN CHAMPAIGN.

Branded and On Display will continue to be at the Krannert Art Museum until April 1.

The premise of “Branded and On Display” is that

“Ours is a culture defined by marketing and acquisition. We live in a landscape studded with logos, brand names, and billboards.”

The culture that Warhol and the pop–art movement embraced in the ’60s is here being re-examined, re-embraced and re-reflected in KAM’s newest exhibit. The French anthropologist Marc Augé defines this culture and the spaces it inhabits in his essay Non-Places: An Introduction To the Anthropology of Hypermodernity.

To condense his concern: you and I inhabit a prefabricated env i ron ment not u n l i ke a proce s si ng pl a nt. We l ive inside a supermarket, and we die on the super highway, our hearts pumping super-sized fast-food victual through our media-saturated organs while our Nikes and RAZRs and iPods mediate the perpetual holiday-sale hell to make it user-friendly. Free coffee on Mondays.

Laurie Hogin’s series of paintings, Allegory of Psychodemographics: 24 Brands My Family Uses in a Typical Summer Day features beautifully painted, glossy creatures whose features are between rabid baboon and bunny and Teletubby, waving Microsoft flags, displaying jumbled imprints of New York Times articles on their fur, or, among many others, exhibiting fur with the red and white coloration of the Coca-Cola logo.

They all appear to be unhappy, perhaps even angry.

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ARTIST’S CORNER

Michael Rooker

JEFF GROSS • STAFF WRITER

Michael Rooker was born April 1955 in Jasper, Ala. When he was 13, he moved to Chicago with his mother. According to the Internet Movie Database, he is a graduate of Chicago Goodman School of Drama, which is now The Theatre School at DePaul University.

In 1986, he broke into acting on the silver screen by playing the title star in Henry: Portrait of a Serial Killer. Since this time, Rooker has been typecast as villains or other deranged characters in movies and on television.The film in which he last appeared was Slither (2006) playing the mutant parasitic monster Grant Grant, and according to IMDb, he is currently working on three other film projects, including The Hard Ride, Blood and Jumper.

MICHAEL ROOKER AT THE MANN’S NATIONAL THEATER PREMIERE OF COLUMBIA’S THE 6TH DAY ON NOV. 13, 2000. PHOTO BY STEVE GRANITZ/WIREIMAGE.COM

Baby, I’ll do it all. I love comedy, but I don’t get a chance to do it too often. I’m also not a big TV sitcom kind of actor; I’m not much into joke joke, laugh laugh. I like physical comedy much more. I’m also much better at it. I’m not a comedian, I’m an actor, But if I like the role and I like the script and they offer me the piece, I’d probably go with it.

Between The Sixth Day in 2000 and Slither in 2006, you had a large volume of TV-focused acting jobs. What led to this change of pace in your career?

I wanted to try something new. I hadn’t been in much television before and I’d always wanted to try something in TV. When I started acting, TV was mostly bad and everything was largely compromised and writing staffs were stiff and unoriginal, but that quickly changed. A lot of the writing and story lines were showing up on TV, not in film, and I noticed this trend and wanted to get involved. Also, when I started my career, it was well known that if you were involved in TV acting, the studios wouldn’t hire you for their films.

It was just the way things worked at the time; you were either a TV or a film actor. But that too changed. Nowadays TV actors are in major motion pictures and vice versa. It has become a much more open industry. I felt that it was a good time to get my feet wet. TV acting was very hard and demanding work, but it was also very rewarding.

How did you get into acting?

What about Slither, which just came out on DVD a few months ago, attracted you back to film acting?

How did you become involved in the project?

My acting experience was limited up until I went to college. I saw a couple of theater pieces, and I saw some films, and I met some theater folk and started going to more theater. And basically I ended up getting interested in theater mainly.

I discovered that we had a major theater school in my city and so I ended up going there.

James Gunn was a big fan of mine and, unbeknownst to me at the time, I was one of his first choices for the role [of Grant Grant]. He had written this great script and I read it and laughed the whole way through it. We just met in an audition out here in L.A. and that was it. We didn’t know each other before that.

What roles do you prefer to play?

How did you prepare for your role as Grant Grant in Slither?

I prefer anything that is challenging ... I like a role that is creatively challenging, a lot of fun and heavily involves the acting process and getting into the role.

After taking various villain roles, such as Henry in Henry: Portrait of a Serial Killer, do you feel that you are still typecast?

Yes, and thank goodness. I’m not knocking typecasting. I think typecasting is and can be a good thing. As an actor, you always have the last word of whether you want to do the job or not.

If typecasting gets you into the casting director, then so be it. Without typecasting, it would be a much tougher business than it already is for actors. However, sometimes we actors have to prove our worth by going in and challenging the casting people and changing their minds.

Would you like to do more comedies or are you content starring in mostly action and thriller movies? sounds from the scene

Final Fantasy XII For Playstation 2 ANNETTE GONZALEZ • STAFF WRITER

A

fter years in development and multiple release d ate changes, Final Fantasy XII was f inally released in October.

However, it is still worth your attention and def initely worth renting or buying soon.

Upon putting that shiny new disc in your PS2, you’ l l be sure to notice t wo th ing s: changes and more changes. This game is unlike any Final Fantasy in the series, and fans will either hate it or love it.

One of the biggest changes that can be seen in the game is the battle system — no more annoying random battles interrupting exploration. You have the opportunity to pick and choose your f ights since you can see your foes roam about on-screen. This new system keeps players immersed in the game world.

In this Final Fantasy version, you have total control over your party as a whole as opposed to one character at a time. The new “gambits” system allows you to assign orders to specific characters that will automatically be executed in battle. An example of a gambit is assigning a character to automatically cast a healing spell whenever an ally’s health drops below 50 percent, which can come in handy in some sticky situations. However, don’t think the battles are going to be any easier.

I have never seen more “Game Over” screens in my life.

Some of the battles can be pretty tough if you are not prepared, but once you’ve figured out the new and slightly complicated battle system, they are fun and engaging. It is just really frustrating to get through an entire area battling enemy after enemy to get your ass handed to you by a giant wolf at the very end and having to start anew. It reminded me of the days when memory cards didn’t exist and you only had a certain amount of lives at your disposal. I didn’t like it then and I especially don’t like it now.

Many of the areas in the game are huge.

The towns are extensive with many areas to explore and are f illed with rich details and colorful, diverse townsfolk. The battle areas are expansive and often seem endless, giving the game more of an action feel compared to other games in the series. There is def initely plenty to do and explore in the world of Ivalice with the main story sequence and all of the side quests that the series is known for.

This game, however remarkably different, is still worthy of the Final Fantasy title. It has a rich story line, a likeable cast of characters, a plethora of areas to explore, a multitude of monsters to f ight and a memorable soundtrack which makes it a worthy addition for your game library.

So go on, wipe the dust off your PS2 and give it another 60-hour run with Final Fantasy XII.

I had to get into shape. It was the most physically demanding role I’ve ever done. The makeup was tough, heavy and off balance.

I had tentacles made of metal tubing attached to one side of my head and stuff like that which weighted my head and neck down to one side.

To wear that kind of makeup for that length of time was very tough, physically.

What’s in the future for you?

More work is in the future for me; I’m not done with acting yet. Hopefully, I’ll do some directing. That would be a lot of fun to try. I’d also love to do some theater sometime. Maybe explore different avenues, do more comedy.

What’s your porn star name? Your first name is a childhood pet and your last name is the name of the street that you grew up on.

That’s a very strange question ... Freckles View.

A SCREENSHOT DISPLAYING HOW THE NEW BATTLE SYSTEM WORKS. PHOTO COURTESY OF GAMESPOT.COM

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RADIO GOLF

Playing at the Goodman Theatre SYD SLOBODNIK • STAFF WRITER

Radio Golf, the late August Wilson’s 10th play of his incredible cycle of dramas documenting African-American life during the turbulent 20th century, receives its Midwest premiere at Chicago’s Goodman Theatre this month. Like the Goodman’s other nine Wilson productions, Radio Golf is a chance to experience exceptional contemporary theater without the Broadway expenses.

Radio Golf begins in 1997 in the off ice of the Hi l l Distr ict Redevelopment Agency and soon-to-be campaign headquarters for mayoral candidate Harmon Wilks, the f irst African-American to seriously run for Pittsburgh’s highest city office. Wilks’ wife, Mame, and old college friend, Roosevelt Hicks, are his closest advisors and realize their dream of professional success is just within their grasp.

Director Ken ny Leon g uides a cast of five marvelous performers, lead by Hassan El-Amin, Michole Briana White and James A . W i l l i a m s , a s t he W i l k s a nd H ick s , as the play ex plores many of the cr it ica l

HIDDEN GEM

issues of recent Black empowerment and the not so smooth settlement into the middle class.

The overcoming of inevitable racist barriers, striving tenaciously for Black entrepreneurship, maintaining old traditions and values, while not just blending with those of the Caucasian el ite, a nd not comprom ising per sona l self-respect, pride and integrity are all themes of this remarkable tale.

The main focus of Wilson’s narrative is the planned redevelopment of the once vibrant, now run-down African-American Hill District.

Wilks and his advisors have planned a large retail and apartment complex on the central site of once blighted urban landscape. But the development agency’s plan runs into trouble when a local vagrant, Elder Joseph Barlow, claims an old house scheduled for demolition is his family’s property and that he has the legitimate deed for the property.

Wilson’s dialogue is a mix of sharp topical humor and ethnic wit, and the scenes in Act 2 are especially emotional as Wilks balances the advice of his slick advisor friend with what he knows to be right. And despite one key plot flaw, related to the lawyers’ handling of land and property deeds, Radio Golf deals with these powerful, personal and social issues, much in the way of Henrik Ibsen’s classic An Enemy of the People.

Featured actors, Anthony Chisholm as Elder

BRENT SIMERSON • STAFF WRITER

Barlow and John Earl Jelks as Sterling Johnson, round of f the cast, presenting the unique working class perspectives to counter the need for complete community improvements.

LEFT TO RIGHT: JAMES A. WILLIAMS (ROOSEVELT HICKS) AND HASSAN EL-AMIN (HARMOND WILKS). ARE PART OF THE FIVE PERSON CAST OF AUGUST WILSON’S RADIO GOLF, PLAYING AT THE GOODMAN THEATRE IN CHICAGO. PHOTO BY ERIC ANTONIOU

GUILTY PLEASURE

PR I M ER ( 2 0 0 4 )

BLAZING SADDLES (1974)

I have to be completely honest; I wasn’t quite prepared for the logical complexity of this film and, consequently, had a very tough time comprehending the chain of events. The concept is simple: two amateur engineers, A aron (Shane Car r uth) a nd Abe ( Dav id Su l l iva n), accidentally discover a method of time travel, and a violent mutual deception is created when each man’s desires begin to trump his common sense.

The method of time travel — a derivative of several fringe theories on the relationship bet ween vacuums and time augmentation — is presented quite clearly to the viewer.

However, the confusion arrives when the subjects of the film begin to duplicate themselves over the span of several days.

There are Web sites, such as the article on Wikipedia.com, which detail the chronology of the movie to clear up the multiple timetables. Despite t h i s i n it ia l con f u sion, t he film is ver y interesting, and considering the low budget, is a very innovative sci-fi.

Of the many hilarious movies that Mel Brooks has directed (Young Frankenstein, Spaceballs), none of them make my sides hurt quite as much as Blazing Saddles. Its parody of the Old West is timeless, and the combination of B r o o k s’ g o - t o l e a d a c t o r Gene Wilder (The Waco Kid) and black cowboy Cleavon Little (Bart) lends itself to a light-hearted exploitation of racial divide in the West. Although a very serious subject — especially at a time when the countr y cou ld barely recog n ize the reced ing t ides of the Civ i l Rights Movement by 1974 — Brooks successfully highlighted the inherent social absurdities rooted i n r ac i sm. A nd , a s usual, Brooks himself makes an appearance, as the Governor and as an Indian Chief. Other actors would also leave their comedic mark on the film, including the city planner, Hedley Lamarr (Harvey Korman), the racist cowboy/imbecile Taggart (Slim Pickens) and the smooth-talking seduct ress Li l i Von Sht upp (Madeline Kahn).

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Radio Golf runs at Chicago’s Goodman Theatre, at 170 N. Dearborn Street until Feb. 25, before it moves to New York for a potential Broadway run in April. For ticket information contact the Goodman Theatre at 312-443-3800, or online at www. goodmantheatre.org.

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Letters from Iwo Jima is a provocative film that looks at WWII from the Japanese perspective. Pictured above is Kazunari Ninomiya, who plays Saigo in the film.

Letters from Iwo Jima is Clint Eastwoodâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s unique Japanese language and perspective companion piece to last yearâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Flags of Our Fathers, which took an American view on the famous World War II battle for the island of Iwo Jima. Letters from Iwo Jima seen with Flags of Our Fathers tells the two sides of one of the bloodiest battles that occurred before the end of that great war.

Eastwood begins his story at the end of 1944, when the Japanese were about to take a forceful last stand to defend their homeland against Allied forces.

The five-mile wide island of Iwo Jima would be of strategic importance to the Allies for planes to refuel and launch attacks on the Japanese mainland. Under the fresh command of General Kuribayashi, Japanese soldiers firmly entrench their defenses with tunnels and heavily armed gunnery positions in pillboxes on the rugged volcanic terrain of the island.

In stark scenes reminiscent of Saving Private Ryan, but from the reverse perspective of the defenders, cinematographer Tom Stern washes out most colors from the battle sequences, showing foggy green and grey colors in an almost black and white nightmarish haze. However, Eastwoodâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s narrative is initially rather slow and deliberate; no real battle scenes occur until three quarters of an hour into the film, when the first wave of US planes bomb the island before main invasion forces land on the beaches. Then, the filmâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s concern is mostly on the individual Japanese soldiersâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; responses and fears as the propaganda of the great imperial empireâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s might seems to be ripped from their realities.

Eastwood shows these scenes with great compassion and genuine humanity, emphasizing the commonality of all nationalities facing issues of honor and duty while trapped in the horrors of war. Ken Watanabe, Oscar nominee for The Last Samurai, brings compassion to his role as the American-educated General Kuribayashi. Tsuyoshi Ihara is equally compelling as the cavalry officer and former Olympian equestrian who finds himself on the famed island defending his homeland. Letters from Iwo Jima is rare history lesson you wonâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t find in sounds from the scene

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JEFF GROSS â&#x20AC;˘ STAFF WRITER

KERI CARPENTER â&#x20AC;˘ STAFF WRITER

In the unfortunate tale of a young woman whose f iancĂŠ dies the day before their wedding, Jennifer Garner pulled off a convincing role as both â&#x20AC;&#x153;Americaâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Sweetheartâ&#x20AC;? and â&#x20AC;&#x153;The Girl Next Doorâ&#x20AC;? in the new movie Catch and Release.

I really appreciated Catch and Release because it had a plot that Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;d never come across before in a movie or a book. After the death of Gray Wheelerâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s (Garner) f iance, she must learn to trust, love and have fun again. Yeah, I know it sounds cheesy, but I was really entertained and found myself saying â&#x20AC;&#x153;awâ&#x20AC;? in the theater a couple of times.

For t he mo st pa r t , t he mov ie h ad a n unexpected plot and many surprises. I mean, come on â&#x20AC;&#x201D; I wouldnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t spoil the movie for you â&#x20AC;&#x201D; Greyâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s f ianceâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s death is only the beginning.

Wait until you hear all the life-changing secrets that he never told her.

I regret to inform you that the best acting did not come from the well known Thursday night CIA Alias agent â&#x20AC;&#x201D; it came from an unfamiliar f ilm face â&#x20AC;&#x201D; Kevin Smith. Throughout the movie, Smith consistently delivered laughs yet also had enough serious moments to make you realize that he could convince us as both a comedic and serious actor.

Now, Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;m not dissing Garner. In fact, sheâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s probably a great girl. But, acting sweet and innocent just didnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t do it for me. She was great in both this movie and 13 Going on 30, but I prefer to see her twisting necks, deceiving people with false identities and sneaking up on bad guys.

I recommend seeing this movie in your free time. Itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s pretty deep and handles some tough issues, though (like death, deception and children whose mothers have told them that their dad does exist â&#x20AC;&#x201D;heâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s just a superhero), so try not to get too emotionally involved.

Not since David Lynchâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Eraserhead nor maybe Terry Gilliamâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Brazil has a director created such a beautiful, surrealist and terrifying vision. In simplified terms, Guillermo Del Toroâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Panâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Labyrinth is a dark fairy tale â&#x20AC;&#x201D; a bloodier, more adult version of Alice In Wonderland â&#x20AC;&#x201D; set in 1944 Spain.

The story begins with the telling of a fairy tale about the princess of the underworld. This place is not hell nor the traditional concept of the underworld, but rather a place of truths and order.

The princess, who longs to see the clear blue skies of Earth, ventures to the surface world, only to be overwhelmed by the power of the sun. Its rays are so bright that it erases her memory. She soon dies of hunger and her spirit is told to be reborn one day in the body of a human. Her father, the king, vows to never rest until he finds her. This is where we, the audience, enter the picture. Ofelia and her pregnant mother come to live with her cruel stepfather (the father of the soon-to-be born child) who also happens to be a captain in the Spanish army, in charge of crushing the â&#x20AC;&#x153;guerilla rebellion.â&#x20AC;?

Here, Ofelia learns that she is the human reincarnation of the princess and that she must complete three tasks before the next full moon in order to return to her throne. What results is a remarkable visual journey that is not to be missed. Panâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Labyrinth is something straight out of a Tim Burton film with its Dali-like art direction and fantastic creatures which include insect-like fairies and a larger, more ominous Pan, far unlike his portrayal in films like Disneyâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Hercules.

Del Toroâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s carefully crafted vision is one of the yearâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s finest films and surely the best directed; the unique style and story of Panâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Labyrinth is a much needed breath of fresh air from the assembly linemanufactured horror films of 2006. It is rare that such a distinctive film is available in such a wide theatrical release and to pass on the chance to see a 35-millimeter screening of this film would be a missed opportunity. Needless to say, this is a must-see film.

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EPIC MOVIE

TOM LANGE • STAFF WRITER

ERIC NYBERG • STAFF WRITER

With a film like Smokin’ Aces, you get what you pay for. This isn’t the kind of film that set out to win awards or please everyone in the audience. It’s exactly what the previews make it out to be: two hours full of colorful characters tr ying to k i l l each other as violently and over-the-top as possible.

Aces revolves around Buddy “Aces” Israel ( Jeremy Piven, doing what he does best), a washed-up, coked-out Las Vegas magician who f inds himself in a position to rat out what’s left of the mob in Vegas to the FBI in exchange for full immunity for his own forays into organized cr ime. The head of the mob then puts a $1 million contract on Israel’s head, which draws all kinds of eccentric h it men and women ( played by ever yone from Ben Affleck to Alicia Keys) out of the woodwork. At the same time, the FBI sends two agents (Ray Liotta and Ryan Reynolds) to grab Israel first. Chaos ensues.

Some might say this sounds like the kind of f ilm Quentin Tarantino would do, and they would be correct. Then again, is that necessarily a bad thing? After all, it’s been 15 years since Reservoir Dogs, and after years of sub-par imitations, it’s nice to see a writerdirector as talented as Joe Carnahan (Narc) paying homage to Tarantino. To say the film has a great deal of depth to it might be pushing it but, Car nahan does del iver someth ing incredibly fun to watch, and he takes the necessary time to flesh out the extensive cast of characters, even as they’re shooting and stabbing each other to death.

A nd if it’s OK for Tarantino to car ve a career out of emulating f ilms that inspire him; it seems only fair to extend the courtesy to Carnahan.

This movie is dreadful. Please do not waste your precious time and money on it. If you are dying to see it, wait for the DVD. Epic Movie is another one of those films which, in the same vein as the Scary Movie and Date Movie, attempts to parody an entire genre of movies. This time around, the genre-for-the-mocking is epic adventure/fantasy.

Written and directed by Aaron Seltzer and Jason Friedberg, two of the writers of Scary Movie, this unfocused film often strays out of the epic genre to include references to the movie Click and the television show Punk’d, among other things.

The basic plot of Epic Movie loosely follows the story of The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, The Witch and the Wardrobe, following four 20-something “children” (Kal Penn of Harold and Kumar Go to White Castle is the only recognizable one) through a wardrobe into a magical realm called Gnarnia, where they must overthrow the evil White Bitch ( Jennifer Coolidge) with the help of Aslo (Fred Willard).

Of course, this kind of movie does not concern itself with its main plotline; it deliberately interrupts itself in order to insert as many references to different movies or shows as possible. Some, such as Darrell Hammond’s impersonation of Johnny Depp as “Captain Jack Swallows,” are tolerable.

Others, like the tricked-out-cribs tour of the pad of Mr. Tumnus (played by Hector Jimenez from Nacho Libre), last too long. Still others, like Carmen Electra’s demonstration of Mystique’s mutant powers from X-Men, are disgusting.

Unfortunately, almost all of the interruptions are truly un-funny and predictable.

Epic Movie is somewhat funny when it directly mocks the characters of epic movies, such as Harry Potter or Superman; however, the film ultimately fails when it endlessly saturates itself with tired references to pop culture.

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25

kim rice & kate ruin DOIN’ IT WELL

the stinger

It’s a cock ring!

Do you hear what I hear?

jonesin CROSSWORD PUZZLE

“Freeze Frames” — newscasters 25 Hall companion have this story down cold.

26 Throwing off-track

Across 1 Magnate “Citizen Kane” was partly based on 7 Not Macs 10 Up in the air, on schedules 13 100% 15 A long, long time 17 Cold weather news footage #1 19 Before, before words 20 Bouncer in school hallways 21 Type of jazz piano playing

31 Cold weather news footage #2 34 Sonic Youth bassist Gordon 37 Cookie sometimes deep-fried 38 Light sources 39 Senate helper 40 2004 horror flick involving gory puzzles 41 Cold weather news footage #3 43 Writes a check for later 44 Workout reminders 47 Pronounces 51 Pairs like yin and yang

56 Org. that funded Robert Mapplethorpe 57 Cold weather news footage #4 61 Org. that listens for alien signals 62 Browbeat 63 Slam 64 After-school gp.

65 Friskies eater Down 1 Angelic instruments 2 Host of the annual Overlooked Film Festival 3 Commercial prefix for “creme” 4 Aussie hopper

5 Camera variety, for short 6 Boy king 7 Iquitos’s country 8 Scene 9 End of a New Year’s title 10 It gets into hot water 11 Crazy Kazakh 12 Bracelet location, sometimes 14 French possessive 16 “Do the Right Thing” pizzeria 18 Plug component 22 “___ much rather...”

23 ___ Monte 24 Mt. ___ (world’s southernmost active volcano) 27 Like some movies or diapers 28 Took a neutral stance?

29 Charismatic but frivolous type, so it’s said 30 Originally positioned 31 Daily ___ (noted lefty blog) 32 Roth ___ 33 It’s shaken “off the lily,” euphemistically 34 Family 35 Part of a Vegas exchange 36 Baby animal noise 39 Abbr. in many job titles 41 Half a celebrity scuffle of early 2007 42 Circus precaution 43 Sexy bones 44 Contributes 45 Prepared pork, perhaps 46 Voodoo’s land 48 Early supercomputer 49 “___-Cop” (1987 movie) 50 “1 vs. 100” host 52 Take acid 53 Fails to be 54 It is, in Ixtapa 55 Dodge moguls 58 Hobgoblin 59 Item rolled by gaming geeks 60 Anti-malarial pesticide Answers, pg. 26

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OK, so cock rings don’t usually make noise unless they vibrate, but we couldn’t resist the title.

A cock ring is a sex toy that is placed around the penis to help sustain an erection by restricting blood flow out of the penis. Usually, a cock ring is placed around the base of the penis, behind the scrotum.

Some people use cock rings because it enhances sensation and orgasm. Others use cock rings to help with erectile dysfunction. While this may offer a short-term solution, cock rings are not recommended for continued problems with erections unless it’s under the advisement of your doctor or sex therapist.

TIMING Even if you can go all night, your cock ring shouldn’t. Cock rings should only be worn for short periods of time. It is recommended that you use cock rings for no longer than 20 minutes or until it becomes uncomfortable.

Experienced cock ring wearers sometimes keep the ring on for longer, even for up to a few hours, but this is only recommended for men who are comfortable with cock rings and know their own limits.

If the cock ring is too small for you, or you wear it for too long, it can cut off the circulation to your penis. This may cause bruising or blood vessels to burst.

CHOOSING A COCK RING Don’t look for diamonds when you’re picking out this kind of ring. Cock rings are usually made from leather, silicone, rubber or metal. We recommend silicone, rubber or leather (not metal) due to ease of use.

Leather cock rings are snapped into place and unsnapped for removal. Silicone and rubber rings are simply stretched over the head of the penis.

Cock rings can be fun for everyone because you can choose one design to stimulate both the user and their partner. Some cock rings have built-in or add-on “french tick lers.”

Although these add-ons are often designed for the clitoris, they can also stimulate the vulva, perineum or anus.

Also popular are the vibrating cock rings.

Common designs include toys that vibrate the r ing itsel f and others that use one or two small “bullet vibrators” to stimulate the clitoris or testicles.

There are also double and even triple-crown cock rings. These have additional rings for restraining the testicles. During orgasm, the testicles usually retract towards the body before ejaculation.

A double or triple crown forces the testicles to stay away from the body, thereby changing and intensifying the sensation of orgasm.

Once you’re an experienced cock ring wearer, you can experiment with a “cock and ball separator,” “ball strecher,” the “divider” or a “cock and ball harness and lock.” Oh, the possibilities!

USING A COCK RING It may take some time before you are completely comfortable using a cock ring. Practice wearing it for short amounts of time at first, to get used to putting it on, taking it off and the sensations it provides.

To put the cock ring on, place one testicle through the ring, followed by the other, and then push the non erect penis through the ring.

As you get an erection, the ring should feel snug, but not tight. Be sure to wear the correct size ring or adjust the snaps (if it has them).

To remove: It is much easier to remove a cock ring when the penis is soft. Silicone and rubber cock rings are stretched and pulled over the head of the penis. Leather rings can simply be unsnapped. Solid metal rings must be removed over the penis while it is flaccid.

If you have any trouble getting the cock ring off, try using some lube on it. McKinley gives out free lubrication, but many people prefer finer lubes available at your local pharmacy, sex toy store or online sex store.

SEX 411: COCK RING TIPS • Don’t fall asleep in your cock ring.

You don’t want to leave it on for too long, and getting erections during the night while wearing a cock ring may cause problems, particularly if you are hard for a long time.

• We don’t recommend the use of solid metal, steel or titanium cock rings because they are difficult to remove if you still have an erection. In rare cases people have had to get solid metal rings surgically removed.

• Remove the cock ring if you are experiencing any discomfort or pain.

• Don’t go making your own cock ring!

Using things like rubber bands and metal parts have been known to cause damage.

Kim Rice and Kate Ruin are professional sex educators. Send questions, comments and fan mail to riceandruin@yahoo.com.

Physicians are on call 24 hours U of I Insurance Accepted Call or find out more on our website

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free will astrology FEB. 1 — FEB. 6 ARIES

March 21 – April 19

“When are your cats old enough to learn about Jesus?” asks The Onion, America’s finest newspaper. Think about that question for a while, Aries. Then, once you’ve worked yourself up into a riddle-solving frame of mind, move on to these other, more pressing brain-teasers: When will you finally be old enough to figure out what you want to do when you grow up? When will it be the right time to reveal your secret super-powers to the world? How long are you going to wait before you get around to being completely committed to what you were born to do?

T A U RU S

April 20 – May 20

Should we attribute any oracular significance to the fact that hundreds of flowers bloomed on a cherry tree in Brooklyn during the first week of winter? Is it a portentous marvel akin to, say, the births of three white buffalos on a farm in Janesville, Wisconsin? (The odds of a single white buffalo are a million to one.) I don’t know for sure, Taurus, but my meditations do suggest that the Brooklyn miracle is an apt metaphor for a scenario you’ll soon be experiencing: an early ripening of a possibility that you had assumed wouldn’t be ready or available for quite some time.

GEMINI

June 21 – July 22

Let me clarify your situation for you, Cancerian. Up until a short time ago, you’d been wandering through halls of mirrors, metaphorically speaking. Then you spied a hammer on the floor, got seized by a rash impulse, and proceeded to smash a lot of glass--again, metaphorically speaking. That was the first step to finding your way out of the labyrinth. Now you’re ready for the next step: actually escaping. As you head out, I advise you to be careful that you don’t cut yourself on all the shards. Liberation is near enough; there’s no need to rush. Walk calmly and carefully towards the sound of the heartbeat you hear in the distance, metaphorically speaking.

LEO

Oct. 23 – Nov. 21

S AG I T TA R I U S

Nov. 22 – Dec. 21

CAPRICORN

Dec. 22 – Jan. 19

AQUA R I U S

Jan. 20 – Feb. 18

Employees who work at the Grand Canyon are not supposed to tell visitors that the monumental gorge is over five million years old. Officials are worried that doing so might offend fundamentalist Christians who suffer from the delusion that Noah’s flood created the Grand Canyon a few thousand years ago. Keep this vignette in mind during the coming week, Scorpio. Let it serve as a warning beacon. I suspect that like a non-fundamentalist tourist at the Grand Canyon, you’re going to be fed a line of BS that was designed for people who can’t handle the truth.

Either that, or someone will withhold the facts from you out of a concern that you’d be furious to have your assumptions questioned. As an antidote, be extra devoted to learning the real story that’s hidden beneath the official account.

“There is nothing in the world more futile than the attempt to find out how a task should be done when one has not yet decided what the task is.” Philosopher Alexander Meiklejohn said that, and now I’m relaying his advice to you. Please ignore it if you’re having no trouble at all figuring out what you should do next. But if you are the least bit fuzzy about your future direction, spend some time in the coming days defining the precise nature of your short-term goals.

May 21 – June 20

In 1958 Chinese dictator Mao Zedong declared sparrows to be enemies of the state. Because their diet included farmers’ crops, he said, they were a threat that had to be eliminated.

Under his orders, the Chinese people spent 72 consecutive hours scaring the birds with loud noises, preventing them from landing and causing hundreds of thousands to die from exhaustion. An unforeseen consequence arose later, though, when there was a population explosion among the insects that the dead sparrows would have eaten. Plagues of grain-devouring bugs swept the countryside, leading to mass starvation among the human population. The moral of the story, as far as you’re concerned: Learn to tolerate and even love a mild pest that has redeeming qualities and whose influence keeps away a truly noxious pest.

CANCER

SCORPIO

July 23 – Aug. 22

This would not be a good week for the rapid consumption of a sixpack of Heineken, a pint of Southern Comfort, a quart of tequila, and a double bong load of skunk weed. On the other hand, it would also be a bad time to stay stone-cold sober, play strictly by the rules, and be meticulously devoted to dignity. In other words, Leo, strike a balance between sloppy excess and fastidious perfectionism. In fact, be as slippery as you need to be in order to avoid getting squeezed between two extremes of any kind.

The middle path will be safest, smartest, and most stylish.

VIRGO

Aug. 23 – Sept. 22

LIBRA

Sept. 23 – Oct.22

Your body, mind, soul, and hairdo have at least temporarily slipped into the kind of alignment that makes you a lightning rod for messages from the future. Want to glimpse a vision of the best three things you can accomplish in the coming year?

Sit yourself down in a sanctuary, banish every last shred of fear for 15 minutes, and visualize the person you will be on January 20, 2008. Then ask that beautiful character to telepathically communicate his or her rich secrets to you.

Your whole life passed before your eyes in a flash, and yet you survived. The veil parted and revealed sights too weird and wonderful to consciously register, changing you in ways that won’t fully sink in for months. Now you may feel as if you’re waking up at 3 p.m. after an all-night binge. You might be so overloaded with uncanny new wisdom that you don’t quite know what practical use to make of it all yet. But have no fear: As your birthday approaches, you’ll begin to understand the teachings you didn’t even know you absorbed.

PISCES

Feb. 19 – March 20

Due in part to the relentless barrage of disguised brainwashing in the form of ads, news, and entertainment, most people are not themselves an average of 45 percent of the time.

You, however, are currently refuting that scary statistic in style.

Your percentage of being-true-to-yourself is at an all-time high, and holding steady above the 85 percent mark. Keep up the good work, Pisces. In fact, take advantage of your momentum to push for even greater authenticity. Say exactly what you mean even more. Think your own thoughts even bigger and louder. Exorcise every last one of the celebrities, entertainers, salesmen, and authorities who have demonically possessed you.

Homework: Imagine that one of your heroes comes to you and says, “Teach me the most important things you know.” What would you say? Testify at http://FreeWillAstrology.com.

I hate greed almost as much as I hate hatred. So I was mistrustful when your inner teacher hinted that I should look in the thesaurus under “acquire” for clues to your major themes in the coming months. There I found words like “amass,” “collect,” “gather,” “secure,” “earn,” and “take possession.”

After duly meditating on your astrological aspects, I decided that what your inner teacher was driving at is this: 2007 should be a time of building up your reserves, carving out a more substantial niche, and getting the tools and resources and training that will provide a foundation for your dreams well into the future. So here’s my question to you: Can you engage in this much acquisition without becoming grasping, predatory, and manipulative? Personally, I’m sure you can.

To create a pearl, an oyster needs an aggravating parasite inside its shell. It builds layers of calcium carbonate around the invader, gradually fabricating the treasure. How long does it take from the initial provocation to the finished product? Five years for a pearl of average size, and as many as ten years for a big one. I hope that puts into perspective the tenacious work you’re doing on your own master project, Libra. It may seem sometimes as if you’ve been striving to transform your irritant for an eternity, but you’re actually right on schedule.

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TUMBLEWEED HARRIS.

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LIKES AND GRIPES LET IT OUT

1) Bananas and Nutella: After break I brought a jar of Nutella back to school, and Nutella covered bananas make the best midnight snack ever.

2) My new betta fish: I have recently obtained an obsession about fish and last week bought another one. I have him on my desk and itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s a ton of fun to watch him when Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;m bored. I even can get him to eat food off my finger!

3) del.icio.us: Itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s this nifty website that lets you upload your bookmarks so you can view them on any computer. Thereâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s also a Firefox plugin where you can automatically bookmark something and add it to your del.icio.us page.

Very cool!

ANNETTE GONZALEZ Calendar Editor GRIPES

2) Over-sized coat: So the cold weather Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ve been dreading is finally here which means it is time to bring out the giant coat. I have this coat that is twice my size that Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;m practically floating in, and to make matters worse, the zipper always gets stuck about half-way up.

So there I go around campus with this giant, half-zipped coat that I have to wear because itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s all I have to keep me warm.

3) My gripes face: Even my mom made fun of it. I need a new one.

EVANGELINE POLITIS Community Editor GRIPES 1) Below-zero windchill: Dry, cracking hands and a numb, frozen face is not my idea of a party.

2) Cover letters: I desperately want an internship, but writing these letters takes everything out of me. I feel drained every time I write an audience-grabbing opening paragraph.

3) Not having a car: I hate relying on friends and taking the bus to get groceries. My refrigerator should just replenish itself every week. sounds from the scene

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David Mulkins, High School History teacher from NYC, wears a Bush mask and bloody claws while juggling an inflatable globe in front of the Supreme Court building at the East end of the National Mall on Saturday at the Anti-War Rally in Washington. PHOTO BY AMELIA MOORE

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