Buzz Magazine: March 30, 2006

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LOCAL YOUTH MAKES A BIG SOUND

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A KING’S CASTLE IN CHAMPAIGN COUNTY

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KELLER WILLIAMS WITH A REAL, LIVE BAND

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Mar. 30

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BUZZ STAFF volume

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no.12

Cover Design • Claire Napier & Austin Happel Editor in chief • Erin Scottberg Art Director • Claire Napier Copy Chief • Sara Sandock Listen, Hear • Anna Statham Stage, Screen & in Between • Elyse Russo Around Town • Lianne Zhang CU Calendar • Todd Swiss Photography Editor • Austin Happel Designers • Brittany Bindrim, Nikita Sorokin, Obumneme Asota, Allie Armstrong Calendar Coordinator • Brian McGovern Photography • Austin Happel Copy Editors • Sarah Goebel, Ruth McCormack, Meghan Whalen, Dan Petrella Staff Writers • Paul Prikazsky, Tatyana Safronova, Syd Slobodnik, Todd J. Hunter Contributing Writers • Michael Coulter, Seth Fein Production Manager • Paula Newcomb Sales Manager • Mark Nattier Marketing/Distribution • Brandi Wills Publisher • Mary Cory

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|1-3| 3 3 3 |4-7| 4 5 | 8 - 13 | 8 8 10 12

INTRO Local Sniff • Seth Fein This Modern World • Tom Tomorrow Life in Hell • Matt Groening

AROUND TOWN Oh So Bow-Dacious • Sara Sandock In Your Words with Bruce Busboom

LISTEN, HEAR Mates of State: Emo on Ecstasy • Gavin Giovagnoli Keller to Plant his Grass in Champaign • Carlye Wisel Jazz/R&B Local Music Awards nominees Sound Ground #119 • Todd J. Hunter

| 14 - 16 |

CU CALENDAR

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STAGE, SCREEN & IN BETWEEN

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18 19 19 20

University of Illinois “Beauty”Tells All • Brent Simerson Rantoul and Die review • Syd Slobonik The Dirt Sheet • Andy Vecelas Artist’s Corner with Kelly White Movie times Movie reviews

| 24 |

CLASSIFIEDS

| 25 - 28 |

THE STINGER

25 25 26 27

Doin it Well • Kim Rice & Kate Ruin Jonesin’ Crosswords • Matt Gaffney Free Will Astrology Likes and Gripes

erin scottberg EDITOR’S NOTE

U

Dennis Edwards

A p r . 5 , 2 oo 6

UNDER THE COVER

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TALK TO BUZZ

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nlike our cover girl Brittany Knott, I have no desire to be on a reality TV show. There is nothing appealing about living with a bunch of total strangers purposely picked to not get along with each other. Not even in the slightest.

It’s not the world seeing me without any makeup that bothers me — I simply have no desire to expose my entire life to a camera, especially when some ratings-hungry, drama-loving station editor gets to cut and paste it together for the viewing pleasure of the United States.

I can understand the appeal of reality TV from the voyeuristic point-of-view — a colleague of mine said he watches reality TV for the same reason he drives by car accidents. I share that same morbid curiosity he’s talking about — I’ll chase a speeding fire truck any day of the week — but isn’t this why the original reality TV, shows like Real TV, exist? I don’t get the same satisfaction out of watching some no-names battle for an internship that I get from chasing a fire truck or rubbernecking at a car search on the side of the highway.

From the network’s end, it makes perfect sense: why pay gobs of money for professional actors when you can get everyday chumps to bring in the cash instead? And with the right personality and perfect catch line, the cash comes rolling in: people get rich by being assholes or making ass-

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holes out of normal people.

In its fi fth season, America Idol is still the number one rated show on TV; it’s judges have become stars (it managed to pull Paula Abdul out of 1992), its rejects get record deals and millions of Americans are addicted. The show has paved the way for a variety of other reality series to infl itrate our lives.

How many different takes on “reality” can you do? First, there’s the plot about the social degenerate who wants to fit in and the show steps in and makes him insta-popular. Then there’s the house with a homophobe, a racist, a lesbian and a Born Again and the suburban families who just need to experience life with a different mother/ wife. Don’t forget the large portion of the population who has no idea how to decorate their home, let alone dress themselves, and need a TV show to set them straight. And of course there’s all that undiscovered talent who, thank gosh, now have the chance to show their skills to the world every week.

The last reality show I actually watched was The Real World 3: San Francisco (remember when Puck stuck his fi nger in Pedro’s peanut butter?). Keep in mind the show’s now on season 17 and still going strong, even though it’s the same thing every season. Why watch crap like that when there is quality TV out there: LOST.

sounds from the scene

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buzz weekly •

HONESTY IS THE KEY TO A RELATIONSHIP. IF YOU CAN FAKE THAT, YOU’RE IN.

3

seth fein THE LOCAL SNIFF

Flowers, Dick Cheney, feminism and Donald Rumsfeld Listen to me: Derrek Lee will hit 50 this summer

FIRST SNIFF I spent almost 27 years of life without receiving flowers from anyone. Not a parent or a friend or even a relative. No one has ever bought me f lowers. That streak ended on Monday. The lady sent me an amazing bouquet — right to my cluttered desk.

She didn’t do anything wrong. She wasn’t apologizing. She was just falling in love with me a little more. It’s quite a feeling really.

DOUBLE STANDARDS “It’s like everything with the feminists! They want everything to be equal! But when the check comes, where are they?!?”” — George Costanza See, I think that I agree with this to a certain extent. I mean, one of the bravest things that women have ever done was leave the kitchen and the home and start fending for themselves in the workforce.

It seems silly to me that it would be only men that sell me my cigarettes or my corned beef at the butcher. And just the same, it seems absolutely ridiculous that it is only men that make sweeping gestures of love and devotion towards significant others with something as delightful as flowers. Personally, I think that getting flowers or having someone draw me a hot bath with candles is just as good as a beer and a Kosher dog at Wrigley. Almost.

SPEAKING OF… This will be the first year that I don’t go to Wrigley Field to see a Cubs game. It’s just WAY too expensive. When we went online to get tickets for my father, I couldn’t help but shake the feeling that only rich people are capable of being Cubs fans anymore. It is no longer a game for everybody; America’s Pastime has officially become a part of America’s corporate bullshit.

And it’s just so unfair too. If ticket prices were as they are now when I was growing up, I would have never been able to go to any games with my father and brother. My parents couldn’t afford $120 for three tickets – shitty tickets at that. Not to mention parking, concessions and a big foam finger. I am not worried though. I believe that it will come back to bite them.

They are cutting off such a huge portion of fans by inflating their prices that they will end up losing more fans than they can imagine. Sure, it might be the high life for a few years — but one of these days, mark my words — the fans will be gone, simply because not enough people will be loyal enough to shell it out anymore.

UNOFFICIAL UPDATE I read in the News-Gazette that Mayor Schweighart is committed to getting rid of this thing as soon as possible. I read that he asked Scott Cochrane, owner of C.O.’s, Firehuas and other bars that smell like vomit and look like poop, to resign from the Liquor Advisory Board. I read that it cost the city over $12,500 to maintain the peace and clean up afterwards.

For the love of God. This is a day that people party. Big fucking deal. Just make it a campus holiday, close up the classrooms and let them go nuts. If they would just charge all participating bars a certain amount of money to be involved, then the city could actually turn a prof it off of this. It’s simple business. Am I the only one who sees this or do I need to bring my fraternity friends to the city council to give a testimony? I promise they won’t be drunk when I drive them there. I will be.

BAND OF THE WEEK This one is not so much a band as it is one very dynamic and powerful singer/songwriter.

If you haven’t had the pleasure of seeing Joni Laurence play yet, then you better get moving. She plays just twice before she moves her way out west to Portland to find a music scene bigger and probably more accommodating than our own. But that does not mean she doesn’t love her roots. Right, Joni? Anyhow, you can see her at The Highdive on April 8 for the WPGU/buzz Local Music Awards. If you don’t fall in love with her the first time you see her, then you are obviously suffering from something incurable.

FINAL WHIFF One of the things I hate most about myself is that I am almost totally complacent to this “war” on our hands. My father burned shit down and started riots to get the attention of the National Guard and the best I can do is sit and bitch in a local weekly? Not anymore. I am going to start some fires here. I am not afraid to be arrested. I have had enough of this bullshit administration and it’s lies. I am ready to go.

Who’s with me?

Seth Fein is from Urbana. He is serious ... about two things. First of all, the flowers — they made him cry. Secondly, about protesting. Anyone SERIOUSLY wanting to start up some shit should e-mail Seth at sethfein@hotmail.com.

OOPS! WE MADE A MISTAKE • Although buzz strives for accuracy, we sometimes make mistakes. If you catch something we didn’t,

please let use know at buzz@readbuzz.com. When a correction is needed, it will be listed here.

sounds from the scene

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around town

OH SO BOW-DACIOUS:

AUSTIN HAPPEL • PHOTO

LOCAL STUDENT MUSICIANS BRING MUSIC TO YOUR EARS

Ten-year-old Mary Engelbrecht Wiggins, from Champaign, plays violin with the Bow-Dacious bows at the Grace United Methodist Church Sunday afternoon March 12.

SARA SANDOCK • COPY CHIEF

I

nstruments squeak and bellow in the background, flashlights flicker on and off, and the sound of children laughing echoes throughout the dome-shaped building.

On this Sunday afternoon in January, students aged six to 18 gather in the Staerkel Planetarium at Parkland College to rehearse for their upcoming performance. They are known as the Bow-Dacious String Band.

Uniquely, this string band is made up of 35 members who are from Champaign, Urbana, St. Joseph, and even Mahomet.

The schools that the students are enrolled in have no connection to the string band. It is an outside activity organized by Robin Kearton, director of the string band and member of the CU Symphony, for the students to become better musicians and have fun doing it.

“Playing this kind of music is fun for the kids,” Kearton said.

“The students have the opportunity to play for other people and play for their audience.”

A direct connection was discovered between student involvement in music activities and positive student achievement in music, according to the National Center for Education Statistics (NCES) and the National Assessment of Educational Progress (NAEP).

“My daughter was in band at school and heard about this

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organization,” said Patti Pattison, parent of one of the BowDacious band members. “There is no longer school band for students after fifth grade so this was something fun for her to join.

The kids not only have a great time but they have the opportunity to play with many different adult musicians.”

The Bow-Dacious String Band, which Kearton started in August 2003, has been in over 40 performances. Some of the band’s previous performances include sitting in with Dan Zanes and Friends for the past two years at Krannert Center for the Performing Arts in Urbana, and a performance in November at the Virginia Theatre as part of the “Granny’s Porch” concert.

The Staerkel Planetarium performance took place Feb. 12 at both 2 and 4 p.m. and was part of the “Out of This World” winter music festival in cooperation with the CU Symphony. The performance includes a different collection of songs including; “The Devil Went Down to Georgia”, “Purple Haze” and the string band’s own rendition of the Star Wars theme. Pictures on the planetarium ceiling go hand-in-hand with the music, making the experience unique.

David Leake, coordinator of the Staerkel Planetarium, is in charge of the lighting and graphics that go along with the music throughout the performance. When the string band is playing

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the Star Wars theme, for example, star formations grace the planetarium screen.

“The picture narration with the songs is really neat,” Leake said.

“The kids really seem to get a kick out of it.”

Due to the varying ages of the student members, there are also many different skill levels. Kearton requires a minimum skill level to join the band that includes violins, violas, cellos, string basses, mandolins and auxiliary percussion. The students are asked to attend practices every Sunday for about two hours.

The songs chosen by Kearton were pieces that “caught her ear” and also consisted of songs the students learned from playing with other bands, such as the Prairie Dogs.

Members of The Prairie Dogs, Jordan Kaye and Josh Houchin, accompany the Bow-Dacious band members in this performance by playing the bass, guitar and helping to add lyrics to some of the songs. The Prairie Dogs are a local band that have been around over 10 years and is known for their “blue-grass and country western style”.

“We have been playing with these kids since the beginning and have seen how much they’ve improved,” Houchin said. “[Our band] has been helped out by so many musically that it is easy to help others out.”

The members of the Prairie Dogs have developed quite a fan club consisting of the Bow-Dacious band members, said Kearton.

Because of the opportunities for the students to play with “professionals” they not only learn to be better individually but now are learning to pick up the music quickly and play with anyone.

Kearton directs the Bow-Dacious String Band as well as directs and organizes the World-On-A-String summer camp every year that takes place for a week in July. This is another opportunity for the students to improve their musical skills during the summer while enjoying themselves.

The amount of time and dedication put forth by Kearton, the parents, and most importantly, the young students, is evident through their performance. The students are able to harmonize their instruments and play songs that seem advanced for their age.

“The student performance is impressive,” Leake said. “I was really surprised when I heard the students play for the first time.”

At the rehearsal, the production begins in the dark while a few select students begin the first song and the remaining students, mostly the younger ones, file into the room around the planetarium. The bows on the instruments seem to simultaneously slide and the different sounds collide to form a unified sound. The body language of the students, faced towards the rest of the room, combined with their serious expressions make it clear that they are in full concentration.

The show consists of many thrills and surprises including a narration by Kearton, lyrics by Kaye during “Turkey in the Straw”, and an occasional chant by the student group. Yelling “‘Scuse me while I kiss the sky” in unison during their “Purple Haze” rendition adds to the overall joyful atmosphere fashioned by the show. The enthusiasm in the student’s voices during certain pieces make the audience — the parents in the planetarium — also chime in with the lyrics. Even though the students

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are at practice, they are laughing and dancing around the room.

A fter a few hours, the rehearsa l end s a nd the st udent s get the det a i ls of the upcoming show. Surprisingly, even the youngest children sit quietly, giving Kearton their utmost attention.

“Robin is an amazing person and a great director,” Pattison said. “She makes things fun for the kids and challenges them. She respects the students as musicians and expects them to act like adults.

For their performances the string band has a dress code that reflects the laid-back and fun tone of the performance. Their Bow-Dacious band t-shirt, closed-toed shoes, and an optional cool hat, are what the students wear to the performances.

Also, for this particular performance the students have flashlights dangling from their necks in order to see in the darkness of the planetarium.

The planetarium act is one of many future performances by the Bow-Dacious String Band.

A performance at dinner/dance/auction to benefit The Prairie Ensemble took place on Feb. 24 and a concert of jazz and jazz-inspired music in a joint performance with East Central Illinois Youth Orchestra is on April 2. Most of the performances are either for a small ticket price or donation.

“The kids played in at least 14 concerts last year,” said Pattison. “They even traveled to Chicago for a performance.”

Student member of the band and Patti’s daughter, Kirsten Pattison, 12, said her favorite memory since she joined the band over a year ago was the traveling involved. She said it was fun to play at different places and her favorite performance was in Chicago.

“Being in the band is a chance to meet more people,” Kirsten said. “It really improved my playing and I look forward to practice every Sunday.”

The best part about the Bow-Dacious String Band was the opportunity for the students to have other friends outside of their schools, said Pattison. It expands their horizons and establishes a connection across town. People will come up to Kirsten and say, “Aren’t you that cello player from the symphony?”

The Bow-Dacious String Band performances are always open to the public and interested students are encouraged to contact Robin Kearton or get more information at www.bowdaciousstringband.com.

The music is fun and the kids are great, Kearton said. Some of the kids are fearless, but it is good to see them pushing themselves to be even better. buzz

IN

your WORDS

WITH

BRUCE BUSBOOM

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TATYANA SAFRONOVA • STAFF WRITER

C

ornfields, still sleepy from winter, stretch for miles north of Champaign. They closely hug a road, seemingly running side-by-side forever. As the road climbs in tight “S” curves, the horizon appears empty. It seems that this is the edge of the world that we refused to believe is flat.

The Medieval populace was right all along, take a turn and soon the cornfields disappear.

Acres of trees emerge on land that was pasture less than 40 years ago. Gray and lifeless, the forest looks like it has something to hide. Following the narrow gravel road into the trees, one uncovers the secret — Busboom Castle stands towering over its kingdom in Dewey, Illinois.

A raised 10-foot-long drawbridge guards the two-towered structure and a pair of gargoyles, perched on the edge of the roof, wait for warmer weather to spout water into the shallow moat in front of the castle. Narrow openings, ready for archers’ arrows, mark every wall, forcing one to wonder whether someone is hiding behind the walls or on the roof, with bows and arrows, swords, or even caldrons of boiling oil, ready to attack.

Instead, Bruce Busboom — the king — stands under the cover of sawdust quietly painting f inials in a garage behind the house.

They are the f inal decorations for a balcony he is making for the master bedroom.

“There’s no such thing as a house that’s all done,” he says.

Busboom, a 50-year-old construction superintendent at the University of Illinois, has spent almost 20 years working on the castle. He decided in 1987, after 13 years of carpentry, to create his dream house. The countryside, he says, is “the last bastion of freedom left.” The rest of the country, meanwhile, is divided into identical neighborhoods, sectioned off by identical streets and lined by identical houses.

AUSTIN HAPPEL • PHOTO

Mar. 30

Owner and builder Bruce Busboom stands on the drawbridge at the front entrance to his castle home.

SEE BRUCE BUSBOOM PG. 6

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“To me, there’s something wrong with that,” Busboom says.

The castle first appeared in sketches; it was then twice as big with four towers. After Busboom estimated the costs, four round towers became two square towers and the entire castle became smaller.

“Then the plan was ‘How am I going to build it? How was I going to be able to afford it?’,” Busboom recalls. “So I started buying materials on sale — my Menard’s ‘Sunday Spectacular’.”

Busboom was probably the first king in history to shop for building materials in a hardware store.

He scoured sale fliers and stockpiled materials in a two-story garage while living in a two-story century-old house. For 100 nights in a row, he poured cement into molds to make the concrete blocks he would place along the edge of the roof of the castle. Busboom even made his own windows. By 1993, he was ready to begin building.

“There was one Saturday morning when I had all the concrete placed,” he remembers, “And I had these 8’ x 8” posts in a pile, and I had these 3’ x 12” oak beams in another pile. I had a plan and I made copies of it and sent everybody an invitation and a $100 bill stuck in it [saying] ‘Will you please come out Saturday morning and help me put this thing up?’

“Everyone came out. It was like the best Saturday of my life, right next to my children being born. These guys rolled in at 6 o’clock in the morning. [The] sun didn’t come up till about 6:30. We had donuts and coffee,” said BusBuzz Classifieds boom.

“By 7 o’clock, the saws started winding upOK and the drills started drilling ... It was like anOK Amish barn raising.” w/changes When the Busboom family — Bruce, his wife need 2nd proof Marcia and their two children — moved into their new home in 1995, there were no doors in the bedrooms or bathrooms, and there was no ceiling — only the bare roof shown.

“The carpets were done [and] the walls were all painted, but that was about it,” Busboom says.

He did his own plumbing and wiring, and over the next 10 years, he furnished a ceiling, installed lights, surround-sound speakers, a fireplace, and even a three-person elevator, which starts playing music automatically when operated.

Now, the long dining table is the masterpiece in the Great Hall — a two-story main room — that opens to more rooms on the sides. On the south side, there is a large open kitchen. On the

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AUSTIN HAPPEL • PHOTO

BRUCE BUSBOOM CONTINUED FROM PG.5

The living room sofas, near the large open kitchen and next to the front entrance, are lit by spotlights mounted on the high ceiling. west side, a giant entertainment center towers over the seating area.

On the east end, the portcullis guards the main entrance. Busboom begins to busy himself with a stereo, and soon a fanfare of trumpets blasts as the mechanism churns and the drawbridge slowly descends over the moat.

In 1974, Busboom took a real estate class, and even though he hadn’t built the castle to sell, he kept in mind the top feature that sells a house. “[The] front door has to make a statement,” he says, clearly aware that his mechanized drawbridge — the only mechanized one in America, he declares — passed the test.

“Actually, this is not my dream house,” Busboom says suddenly.

He has been sketching on bar napkins a new idea for a house: A 90-foot chrome spaceship that crashed into a cornfield with porthole windows and a hydraulic ramp. And if that plan doesn’t work, he will build the Titanic, suspended vertically and going under in its tragic final moments. A partially submerged stovepipe will be the garage, and the doorbell will sound like a foghorn.

“I think the Titanic in the middle of the Midwest is hysterical because we’re so far from water,” he says.

By now, however, Busboom begins to wonder about his obsession with the unconventional.

“There’s something in the water out here,” he says, explaining that a neighbor down the road built a geodesic dome, others have a giant lawn chair installation, and a woman nearby built her apartment inside a metal machine shed.

Or maybe there’s something strange in everyone else’s water who settles for identical boxes instead of homes and lives in uniform neighborhoods instead of on the individualistic frontier.

“Having fun is what it’s all about,” says Busboom. “We don’t have much time here. We gotta pack as much fun as we can. sounds from the scene

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sounds from the scene

buzz weekly •

THEY EAT FISH.

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listen, hear KELLER TO PLANT HIS GRASS IN CHAMPAIGN

MATES OF STATE: EMO ON ECSTASY

GAVIN GIOVAGNOLI • STAFF WRITER

A

ww, indie-rockers in love. Married, actually, with a brand new baby daughter. Ten years and four full-length albums since this Lawrence, Kansas duo — Kori Gardner (organ) and Jason Hammel (drums) — consummated their love ... for music.

Yin to each other’s Yang, they tour like they haven’t got a home, harmonize like dueling banjos and always, always seem to have a trail of sunshine beaming along their path.

But the journey kicked off in a somewhat cloudy fashion.

Out in the Midwest, the two Mates locked hearts as guitar players in a band dubbed Vosotros, where a practice session led to a little instrumentation experimentation and the birth of the keyboard/drum/vocal equation that’s held strong to this day.

Yet, the rain started to patter when the two took to the streets with their newfound love-meets-art. Not because they were a seemingly perfect item, but rather because their sugary, anthemic indie-pop won the crowds, and neighboring musicians had a “possessive, who-was-there-first” attitude that soured-up their sweet demeanor.

So on a “whim”, says Kori, they randomly up and left for San Francisco, neither of them having been there before. They would quickly determine that, “the music itself was a lot more light-hearted, a lot more positive than in Lawrence,” and that, “it’s basically beautiful, you can’t really be unhappy there.”

The bohemian aura came to perfectly spark the connections they needed — a contract with Sacramento, CA based Omnibus (The Shins, Fighter D) and then Polyvinyl (Of Montreal, Matt Pond PA). “[That] simply didn’t exist in Kansas — the whole support system of friends helping each other put out records,” Kori vented.

Like emo on ecstasy, MoS draw fans with a devoted elation of precisely placed overdubs, cathedral-thick, yet playful organ fills, follow-the-leader drumming and mysteriously full-choir driven harmonies. Live shows see dancing shoes and sing-alongs as Jason and Kori play into each other’s eyes. You can’t help but be connected to their connection.

Bring it Back, their new record, is the perfect embodiment of all that they’ve become. Originally titled “Like U Crazy” — scrapped due to a disinterest in title tracks — the Mates explain their motive, “We’re taking something negative that we’re feeling and making it positive.” It’s not a political statement, but it subtly alludes to the

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“fear that our president is basically going to destroy the world.”

Summed up in one, easily digestible phrase — “Bring back truth; bring back honesty and what makes you feel good.”

The album marks a couple career altering moves. For one, they made the decision to detach themselves from Polyvinyl, leaving them with rights to all vinyl sales as a kind of parting-gift, and side with Barsuk (Death Cab For Cutie, Rilo Kiley); which has done wonders for exposure. And, two, their daughter Magnolia was conceived during recording sessions, which has been both an emotional and physical incentive to write songs apart from one another. Up to this point, the two literally finished each other’s sentences when they attacked lyrics, applying an equal share policy — “We’ve always had each other as a crutch ... the gist of this band always has to be the both of us.” It was a completely foreign experience, but luckily it’s worked to their advantage; “Nature And The Wreck” is a fragile, yet deeply endearing piano & viola ode to their child that Kori cut next to the crib with a pair of headphones so not to wake her. And Jason’s “What it Means” works ProTools/overdub magic with lush echoing vocals and an epic cymbal-crashing chorus, tapping into his fiction interests with a sarcastic, government undertone, “I know what it means/it’s a king on his feet with a cavalier face, such a funny place/he’s exhausted and shrewd, not a man on the move.”

As for the rest of the album, technically, it’s an innovative step for the Mates. It blends purposefully simplified chord changes and tamed vocals, only to lay down Sonic Youth-like experimentation — singing into paper towel rolls & walkie-talkies, fiddling with twenty different keyboards, muffling drum equipment — that makes prior albums feel like demo sessions. The off-kilter harmonies aren’t so off-kilter anymore, and choruses are charged with airtight precision, that still keep those dancin’ shoes hot, but not too hot.

Though the Mates of State are limited to a two-man line-up, the most refreshing thing about the couple is not their unabashed love for one another — even though that’s just so damn cute, isn’t it? — but rather how they kick out more textures than JoAnn Fabrics with just two instruments; well, that and the sunshiny optimism doesn’t hurt either. buzz Check out Mates of State Monday, April 3 at The Canopy Club at 9 p.m. Tickets are $12 in advance, $14 at the door.

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oly shit — he’s making music with real, live people that aren’t himself. Seriously. Flesh-and-blood, Homo Sapien, evolutionary theory, opposable thumbs human beings. Although it may be a shock after growing accustomed to Keller Williams’ musical solo role-playing, his newest album Grass features married couple Larry and Jenny Keel, members of (the obviously titled band) The Keels, on guitar and upright bass. Keller joins them on a mini 12-string guitar, minus four of the strings.

“I’ve known Larry and Jenny for a long time and I guess it was more of a comfort thing as far as wanting to do a record,” Keller told buzz last week, describing the reason behind his collaboration with the Keels. “We got together and did a bunch of shows, and then the record happened really simply ... we tracked [it] in about thirteen hours.”

Keller, who keeps a tradition of one-syllable album titles because “it’s easy,” further expressed his inner simplicity with Grass’ cover art — a picture he took with his own digital camera of an upright bass and two guitars laying in a grass median between two parking lots at the recording studio.

He may be easygoing, yes, but don’t make the mistake of considering Keller to be lazy when it comes to music — the man has variety, evident throughout his new album. The trio provides their own bluegrass versions of classics such as Pink Floyd’s “Another Brick in the Wall,” Tom Petty’s “Mary Jane’s Last Dance” (called “Mary Jane’s Last Breakdown”), “I’m Just Here to Get My Baby out of Jail,” and a couple of tunes by Jerry Garcia. Although heavy with covers, Keller still makes sure to include original pieces, like the bouncy, impossible-to-resist-theurge-to-dance “Goof Balls,” as well as “Crater in the Backyard,” a song dealing with the issue of suburban overdevelopment, reminiscent of Joni Mitchell’s “Got ‘Till It’s Gone.”

Keller, who grew up in Fredericksburg, Virginia, owned a guitar at age three but didn’t play it until he first started learning basic chords at age thirteen. Four years of practice later, he began to take his hobby a lot more seriously.

“I was 17, and at that point I had worked different jobs — in a [frozen] yogurt shop, all types of landscaping, [and] at a temporary agency. You would go in, and then they’d send you out to some construction site ... for eight hours a day, five days a week, doing different stuff that construction workers didn’t want to do. Once I was able to sit on a stool and play music for three hours and make money, I realized that was what I wanted to do for a living,” Keller said.

Keller’s first gig was on the back porch of a restaurant that was so small it only fit four tables. Continuing along a humble road,

PHOTO COURTESY OF KELLERWILLIAMS.NET

PHOTO COURTESY OF MATESOFSTATE.COM

CARLYE WISEL • STAFF WRITER

sounds from the scene

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YOU’RE NOT THINKING FOURTH-DIMENSIONALLY!

he moved on to a country club’s happy hour, where he had to bus and move tables to make room for his equipment. In case you didn’t catch that, “Keller” as in Keller Williams, the laidback acoustic jazz-funk artist with a jam band fan following, and “country club” were just used in the same sentence. Crazy.

Anyway, Keller moved to Colorado in 1995, and wandered around from 1997 to 2000 playing at restaurants and little bars, trying to earn enough money to survive. Luckily for him, Keller wasn’t new to this road — a decade earlier he lived the hippy dream by following around the Dead.

“I would work these menial jobs for six to eight weeks, save all my money, then go to ten shows.

When I started, my first shows were in ’87, and you could just camp out and stay there and pitch a tent on the concrete parking lot. Finally, when I was able to get work on my own, I already had that experience [of traveling during the day and traveling at night] and it was really easy to adapt to touring life, since the Dead tour taught me all kinds of valuable lessons,” Keller said.

Unfortunately, he couldn’t have prepared for all of the things he’s experienced on tours, both other and his own. One time, while attending a Dead show at Indiana’s Deer Creek Music Center, fans rushed and tore down the fence, resulting in a cancellation of their second show — the last Dead show he planned on seeing that year.

Another time, on his own tour, his own personal dream of having a “double decker double wide” was crushed — literally.

“We were on tour a couple of years ago opening for Michael Franti. We rented a double decker

bus from England and drove it to Holland. The driver wasn’t familiar with the roads, and [how] the tunnels start really high and get lower and lower as you go through them. We went into a tunnel that was about two feet too small for the bus. We totally destroyed this bus – we went in and crunched it. The driver freaked out, put it in reverse, and stepped on it [to] back the bus out of the tunnel, which peeled the top of the bus open like a sardine can,” he recalled. Of course, in typical Keller fashion, he ended the story with, “It was just the coolest thing.”

Q&A WITH KELLER WILLIAMS What up and coming/popular artists are you a fan of?

I really like Xavier Rudd, [he’s a] fantastic solo artist from Australia. Charlie Hunter. Kaki King is a brilliant young guitarist. I’m finding myself liking Death Cab for Cutie for some reason.

I don’t have any of their albums, but they have a fantastic publicist and they’re all over the TV. If you weren’t playing music professionally, what do you think you’d be doing instead?

I’d probably be a DJ, trying to work at a radio station during they day and then spinning records at night. If that wasn’t the case, I’d do something outside – some kind of landscaping, or work as a lifeguard.

If you could collaborate with any dead or alive artist, who would you chose?

Jerry Garcia.

Simple enough. buzz Keller Williams will be performing at 9 p.m. at the Canopy Club on April 2. Tickets are $20.

album REVIEW KELLER & THE KEELS Grass

Renewing Your Parking Permit Just Became Easier Online Renewal Available

www.ci.champaign.il.us/parking

Renewal deadline for current permit holders is April 14, 2006.

Don’t risk losing your parking space. Renew your permit today!

Don’t have a permit?

Sign up for the wait list at

www.ci.champaign.il.us/parking

On-line forms available to download at www.gcapnow.com or can be picked up at the following locations:

• Art Mart, Lincoln Square Mall • Call GCAP @ 217.351.2437

SUBMISSION DATES:

Forms and stickers also available at the GCAP office, please call ahead.

Saturday, April 22, 4 – 9 eb Sunday, April 23, 4 – 9 eb Monday, April 24, 4 – 9 eb

• U of I, Graduate Studios Jam band darling Keller Williams is at our throats again, but this time, he has a little help from his friends — Larry and Jenny Keel, featured on guitar and bass. As the title suggests, Grass is a bluegrass album (not another type of grass you may have been wondering about), and a very fun one at that.

Grass gives the listener a glimpse at some of the stylistic inf luences that have been a part of Keller’s guitar virtuosity all these years, as well as a peek into his newest experiment — standard rock mixed with improvisation. With only two guitars and a bass — not the typical bluegrass instrumentation which includes banjo, mandolin and fiddle — Grass is a more palatable introduction to the genre for newcomers than its twangy, “pure” version.

Like any other Keller Williams album, Grass has its own individual, quirky vitality. However, this particular release lets die hard fans down with its lack of Keller originals. Grass is dominated by bluegrass covers of an atypical variety of songs, far removed in origin from bluegrass (i.e. Pink sounds from the scene

• Dandelion, 9 East Taylor, C. • Art Coop, 410 East Green, C. • Parkland College Art Dept.

Office – C Wing

Floyd’s “Another Brick in the Wall” and Tom Petty’s “Mary Jane’s Last Dance” transposed into “Mary Jane’s Last Breakdown”).

The originality of the material Keller infuses into the covers keeps the songs from becoming stale too soon, but with a 3:7 original to cover ratio, the album leaves its listener wanting more of Keller’s own songwriting touch. Especially in wake of his hit concert DVD Sight released last summer, which showed Keller at his best — thriving in a live full-house setting, the album settled itself below expectations in terms of vibrancy. All in all, the studio effort of Grass, although competent, is much more pale than

call for participation The Fourteenth Annual volunteer-operated exhibition and sale, featuring over 200 local artists’ works will be held in downtown Champaign. Proceeds go directly to The Greater Community AIDS Project (GCAP) a local non-profit agency providing support services for those affected by HIV/AIDS.

• U of I, Dept. of Art & Design Mailroom

[Sci Fidelity]

BY SUSAN SCHOMBURG

9

In order to have your name and information listed in this year's program please call the GCAP office to pre-register your intent to participate in this years event.

EXHIBITION DATES: Friday, April 28, 6 – 10 eb Saturday, April 29, 1 – 10 eb Sunday, April 30, 1 – 7 eb Monday, May 1, 1 – 7 eb

www.gcapnow.com

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IT’S ALREADY MUTATED INTO HUMAN FORM, SHOOT IT!

Mar. 30

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W PG U / BUZ Z LOCAL MUSIC AWA RDS

JAZZ / R&B NOMINEES

PHOTO COURTESY OF CUMUSICAWARDS.COM

The members of the jazz ensemble Desafinado hail from the Midwest, West Coast, Cuba, and Brazil. Despite their different backgrounds, they all share a love for music inspired by the Brazilian styles of bossanova and samba. The word “desafinado” means “slightly out of tune” — not normally a phrase that a band would use to describe itself. However, the name is also a reference to a song by one of their influences Antonio Carlos Jobim. Ironically, the type of music that Jobim played and the type that has inspired Desafinado is so complicated harmonically that, unless a musician is very skilled, they will sound like they are slightly out of tune.

All members of the band stumbled across this unique style of music in various ways and were all captivated by it. They have been playing together for nearly three years and love when people dance at their shows. “It’s totally inspiring to us,” said guitarist/ vocalist Greg Jahiel.

EITHER/OR with Greg Jahiel:

KILBORN ALLEY PHOTO COURTESY OF CUMUSICAWARDS.COM

Urbana or Champaign? Champaign.

Big Lebowski or Royal Tenenbaums? Neither.

Beatles or The Stones? Beatles.

What’s in your CD player now? The Afro Sambas by Baden Powell What’s your favorite food to cook? Vegetarian Freeload — it’s a delicious black bean stew that is almost considered a dish of Brazil.

Most memorable concert: Joao Gilberto in Chicago — it was just him and his guitar and the guy’s 70 years old and still playing and killing it.

What dead celebrity would you like to face in a boxing match? The dentist in Finding Nemo.

Ideal venue: Would have been one of the small bars in Rio during the early 1960s.

— Allie Snyder

The Kilborn Alley Blues Band played their first show in 2000, on the last Saturday in April. “But we’d been jamming for quite a while before then,” said Andrew Duncanson, lead singer and guitarist.

Duncanson, as well as bassist Chris Breen and guitarist Josh Stimmel are from Champaign. Joe Asselin, who handles harmonica, is a native of Maine, and drummer Ed O’Hara hails from the DC area.

O’Hara is a recent addition to the band. The ensemble is influenced by some of the greats, including Little Milton, Tyrone Davis, Buddy Guy and Muddy Waters. Their self-titled album was released in 2003

by Peedee Records.

EITHER/OR with Andy Duncanson (and with help from the rest of the band):

EITHER/OR with Dan Honnold: Urbana or Champaign? Based on gas prices, Salem, Illinois.

Big Lebowski or Royal Tenenbaums? Irrelevant.

Beatles or The Stones? We hit a beetle with a rock once.

Which Greek god would you want to be? Zorba. Good jazz gigs.

What song do you refuse to cover? All of ‘em!

What’s your favorite food to cook? Couscous and chopped weenies.

Listen to Ear Doctor April 21 at the Boneyard Art Festival’s Late Night Event at the IMC. — Samuel Smith

NU-ORBIT ENSEMBLE

Urbana or Champaign? I hoped you weren’t gonna ask me that one. I hang out in each one about evenly. But, if I have to, then Champaign. We all live in Champaign.

Big Lebowski or Royal Tenenbaums? Big Lebowski, but The Royal Tenenbaums describes us in a way.

Beatles or The Stones? The Beatles are way better.

What was the first CD you ever owned? I think it was a compilation — This is Funk Volume 1, or something like that.

What dead celebrity would you like to face in a boxing match? (After much deliberation) Biggie Smalls.

What song do you refuse to cover? Sweet Home Alabama. I’ve heard it ten billion times in bars I’ve played in. We’ve covered it once ... never again.

— Leah D. Nelson

JEFF HELGESEN

Aretha Franklin. Natalie Cole. Clark Terry. Louis Bellson. These are only a few of the artists for whom Jeff Helgesen has played live. In addition, he has also recorded with artists such as Ray Charles, Anthony Braxton, the Jazz Members Big Band of Chicago and the Craig Russo Latin Jazz Project. A native of Champaign, Helgesen has been playing trumpet in central Illinois music circles for more than 20 years. He has been playing in the CU area for more than ten years and is a former jazz soloist with the Ray Charles Band. As a toddler between the ages of two and three, Helgesen would attend shows at the Village Inn during the early ’60s with his father. Influenced by his father, also a well known local trumpet player, Helgesen has been playing the trumpet professionally since the age of 15 and attended the University of Illinois to study music. He says that his influences on the trumpet and flugelhorn include Louis Armstrong, Miles Davis, Clifford Brown, Kenny Dorham, Freddie Hubbard, Lee Morgan, Carl Saunders and Woody Shaw. Helgesen recently recorded Jazz Mayhem, for which he had a release party on Feb. 24 at the Iron Post.

Included in his style of music are Dixieland, bebop, big band, commercial pop music and modern small group jazz.

PHOTO BY AUSTIN HAPPEL

A decade-long mainstay of the Champaign-Urbana jazz scene, Ear Doctor began creating their own personal blend of jazz in 1997 and are just now getting the recognition they deserve.

“Persistence builds credibility,” said the jazz quintet’s sax player Dan Honnold, and they have earned it the hard way — with practice and innovation. With roller-coaster melodies that peak and cascade into a steady groove, extended jam sessions, an occasional striking of the gong, and punctuations via siren whistle, Ear Doctor runs the gamut from a bad-trip lounge sound to smooth funk to improvisational acid-jazz. All tunes are original compositions by University of Chicago Ph.D. Tom Paynter. The instrumentation alone — sax, electric piano, upright bass, drums and tuba — stands testimony to the unique sound of the band.

Ear Doctor’s tuba player, Jerry Shelato, states their philosophy best: “We don’t care about [our critics] because we’re doing what we love.” Ear Doctor is Tom Paynter, Dan Honnold, Jerry Shelato, Ben Taylor, and Jeff Magby.

WWW.EARDOCTORJAZZ.COM

EAR DOCTOR

EITHER/OR with Jeff Helgesen

Jason Finkelman of Philadelphia made his start as a jazz artist on the East Coast playing for jazz groups in New York City.

He then came to Champaign and aligned forces with Tom Paynter, Chad Dunn and Jay Eychaner to form the jazz quartet NuOrbit Ensemble. Although he has been impacted by a broad range of jazz artists, Finkelman specifically points to Sun Ra, Hermeto Pascoal, and “the electric period” of Miles Davis as his predominant influences. Nu-Orbit was formed in March 2002 after hitting it off at the Cross-Cultural Directions in Jazz program, part of Krannert Center’s Jazz Immersion Series and have since become a local hit as returning performers around town.

EITHER/OR with Jason Finkelman: Urbana or Champaign? Urbana.

Big Lebowski or Royal Tenenbaums? Big Lebowski.

INTRO | A ROUND TOWN | L ISTEN, H EAR | CU CALENDAR | STAGE, S CREEN &

Beatles or The Stones? The Beatles.

What’s in your CD player now? The brand new CD by Dom Minasi, The Vampires Revenge.

What was the first CD you ever owned? Pink Floyd’s Dark Side of the Moon and The Beatles’ Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band.

What dead celebrity would you like to face in a boxing match? I wouldn’t be inclined to be in a boxing match.

What kind of car would you drive if you made it big?

Mini Cooper.

What do you do to relax? Open a nice bottle of wine.

Use your favorite swear in a sentence: I don’t have any favorite swears on my mind right now.

Check out Nu-Orbit Ensemble April 21 and 22 at the Boneyard Art Festival’s Late Night Event at the IMC and April 25 at Allen Hall with pianist Thollem McDonas.

— Heather Peart PHOTO COURTESY OF CUMUSICAWARDS.COM

DESAFINADO

IN

Urbana or Champaign? Champaign because I was born there.

Big Lebowski or Royal Tenenbaums? Ice Station Zebra, it’s a submarine musical. I like submarine movies.

Beatles or The Stones? The Beatles.

What’s in your CD player now? Christ Potter’s Underground What was the first CD you ever owned? Maynard Ferguson’s Conquistador. He was a trumpet player.

What celebrity would you face in a boxing match? Bill O’Reilly.

First concert attended: Count Basie at the Krannert Center. I think I even ran backstage and got his autograph.

Come out and see Jeff Helgesen at the Iron Post with Jazz Sandwich Wednesday March 29 from 8 to 11 p.m.

— Christina Rodriguez

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sounds from the scene

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buzz weekly •

1.21 JIGGAWATTS!?!

soundground #119 THIS WEEK IN MUSIC

WHAT THE HELL?! moment of the week

TODD J. HUNTER • STAFF WRITER

11

[ PARASOL TOP TEN ] 1. TAPES N TAPES The Loon

KYLE GORMAN • STAFF WRITER

Ibid

PHOTO COURTESY OF NEWLINE.COM

Think your band has what it takes? New Line Cinema and the producers of the year’s most daftly-named film, Snakes On A Plane, starring Samuel L. Jackson (as a brotha, on a plane, with snakes), are looking for demos of songs to be featured in the movie, opening August 18. More information is available at http://www.tagworld. com/snakesonaplane. As for me, I’m submitting my favela funk version of “Welcome To The Jungle.”

Chill, white man, it’s just a snake!

March 10 at The Courtyard, Headlights introduced a new bassist: Nick Sandborn, pianist for fellow Polyvinyl Record Co. band Decibully. Then, March 21 at The Current, Minnesota Public Radio in St. Paul, Headlights performed three songs from EP2 on air: “Put Us Back Together Right,” “Songy Darko,” and “Signs Point to Yes but Outlook Not So Good.” Tomorrow at Cowboy Monkey, Headlights will play with The M’s, Mazarin, and The Double. Show time is 9:30 p.m., and cover is $8.

March 24 at Cowboy Monkey, Jive Records star American Minor acknowledged Champaign as still a home away from home, with a warm set that increasingly ignored the set list and accommodated audience requests. New songs “Moonlight Ride,” “You Ain’t Got to Worry,” and “Help Yourself ” as well as an Edwin Starr cover, “25 Miles,” surfaced for the first time. Also bringing back rock and roll were The Frauds and The Thieves.

Gloria Roubal comes out of hibernation with two G. Lee shows. The first is Acoustic @ Arôma, tonight at 8 p.m., and the second is a CU-Smokefree Coalition benefit at Ned Kelly’s Steakhouse, April 21 at 9 p.m. Ned Kelly’s is located at 1601 N.

Cunningham Ave. in Urbana.

Another member of G. Lee & Jet Blonde has two shows to announce as well. Ian Shepherd, also of Funky Butt Drum Club and Temple of Low Men, will perform here with his new project Bahlu Organ Trio; Rob Ankum and Nathan Peoples complete the ensemble.

Shepherd describes it as “ jazzy, funky, bluesy, New Orleans-flavored rock,” or for short, “jazz with gravy.” Bahlu Organ Trio, the house band at Blues on Grand in Des Moines, will play April 7 at Cowboy Monkey at 10 p.m. and April 8 at The Iron Post at 6 p.m.

April 15 in the beer garden at Mike ‘n Molly’s, Brother Embassy will play for the f irst time in six months. “Normally tax day, but the IRS said that you can wait until later because Brother Embassy is playing!!!” schmoozes singer Nathon Jones. Mad Mardigan is also on the bill, and show time is 10 p.m. While his band was on break, Jones acted in “The Doctor in Spite of Himself ” and “Scapino” with The Rantoul Theater Group. The two one-act plays ran March 17-26.

Todd J. Hunter hosts WEFT Sessions and Champaign Local 901, two hours of local music every Monday at 10 p.m. on WEFT 90.1 FM. Send news to soundground@excite.com. Support your scene to preserve your scene. No, really.

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3. THE FINE ARTS SHOWCASE Radiola Adrian

4. BAND OF HORSES Everything All The Time Sub Pop

5. THE 1900S Plume Delivery Parasol

6. RICOCHETS Isolation Kong Tiki

7. VOXTROT Raised By Wolves Culthero

8. WASHINGTON A New Order Rising Glitterhouse

9. VERTEBRATS A Thousand Day Dream Reaction Recordings

10. VARIOUS Que Viva Le Pop! Elefant/Fortuna Pop

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DO YOU MIND IF WE... PARK... FOR A WHILE?

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sounds from the scene

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WHO ARE YOU CALLIN SPOOK, PECKERWOOD?

13

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Thurs, Fri Apr 27 & 28

April 13 - Backyard Tire Fire & Reverend Peyton ’s Big Damn Band ; April 20 - Groovatron & Cornmeal April 21 - The Living Blue & The Tractor Kings ; April 22 - The Boat Drunks (Jimmy Buffet Tribute) April 26 - Zoso (World ’s Greatest Led Zeppelin Tribute) ; May 2 - Quietdrive & Ludo

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cu calendar art & theater Flying For Kids Champaign Park District Spring is the time for a multitude of outdoor activities. With the windy weather, it is the ultimate time to go outside and fly kites. The Champaign Park District is offering their Flying For Kids Program on April 22 at Meadowbrook Park in Urbana. Ten volunteers are needed from 1-3 p.m. to help children build their kites and get them flying. So mark your calendars and hope for windy and warm weather so some area children can let their imaginations fly on the Saturday afternoon. Contact Kari Hester at kari.hester@cparkdistrict.com or (217) 398-2571.

–Todd Swiss

THU. MARCH 30 Live Bands Jack Grassel and Matt Warnock Iron Post, 7pm, cover G Lee Aroma Cafe 8pm, free Caleb Rose Bowl Tavern 9pm, free Perpetual Groove Canopy Club, 9pm, $8 in advance/$10 Sex Slaves, Christine, The Insolents, Romancing The Bone Mike & Molly’s, 9pm, $5 Quadremedy Tommy G’s 9:30pm, free Will Rogers Band Neil St. Pub, 10pm, free Shovelwrack White Horse Inn, 10pm, free Live Karaoke Band Cowboy Monkey, 10pm, $4

Concerts Sudden Sound Concert: Black Earth Strings Krannert Art Museum. 7:30pm, free Relient K Foellinger Auditorium, 8pm, $15

DJ Generic DJ Jackson’s Ribs-NTips, 8pm, cover DJ J-Phlip, DJ Mertz with DJ Bozak Soma, 8pm, cover DJ Limbs Boltini 10:30pm, free

Dancing Swing Dance McKinley Foundation, 9:30pm, free

Karaoke Liquid Courage Karaoke Radmaker’s Billiard and Sports Bar, 7pm, free “G” Force Karaoke Pia’s of Rantoul, 9pm, free Karaoke Fat City Saloon 9pm, free Karaoke by Paul Faber Dragon Productions Jillian’s Billiards Club, 9pm, free Liquid Courage Karaoke The Office, 10pm, free

Lectures / Discussions “2006 Lecture on Ethics and Leadership” [Sharon L. Allen will speak, RSVP by March 21 to 217-244-8844 or by e-mail] Illini Union 4:15pm, free “Sovereignty and Faith: The Politics of Belief” [Susan BuckMorss, Cornell University,

will speak] Levis Faculty Center, 7:30pm, free “”Blacks” in colonial Mexico: Transgressing “Racial” Porous Boundaries” [Speaker is Segio Lemus.] International Studies Building 12pm, free

Miscellaneous Taste of Asia [A communitywide event that offers free Asian food and culture.

Sponsored by the Asian American Association at U of I and other APA organizations] McKinley Foundation 5pm, free

Film Human Rights Film Series: “Navigating the New Medicare Rx Law”, “The Debate Over Plan B”, and “Unregulated, Untested, Unsafe: The U.S. Gun Industry” Illinois Disciple Foundation, 7pm, free

Mind /Body / Spirit Krannert Uncorked Krannert Center, 5pm, free

FRI. MARCH 31 Live Bands Billy Galt Blues Barbecue 11:30am, free Painkillers Iron Post 5pm, cover Aye-Aye Booking presents The Red Racer, Piston Hurricane, the Confines, TBA Independent Media Center, 7pm, $4 Liquid Soul, Jazz Sandwich Highdive, 7pm, $12 Bob Dan & Joni Hubers 8pm, free Country Connection Rose Bowl Tavern, 9pm, $1 Lynn O’Brien, Staci Anderson Iron Post, 9pm, cover Rolling Stones Tribute Lava 9pm, $7 Headlights, The M’s, Mazarin, The Double Cowboy Monkey 9:30pm, $8 Will Rogers Band Neil St. Pub, 10pm, $3 Trouble Is Tommy G’s 10pm, cover

DJ DJ Bozak Soma, 8pm, cover DJ Dance Party Canopy Club 9pm, cover

DJ Delayney Barfly 10pm, free DJ Tim Williams Highdive 10pm, $5 DJ Resonate, DJ Boardwalk Mike & Molly’s 10pm, cover DJ Li’l Big Bass Boltini 10:30pm, free

Candy Foster and the Shades of Blue Cowboy Monkey 9:30pm, $4 Will Rogers Band Neil St. Pub, 10pm, $3 Lorenzo Goetz Iron Post 10pm, cover Beggars Banquet Tommy G’s 10pm, cover

Karaoke

Concerts

Liquid Courage Karaoke The Brickhouse, 9pm, free

Sinfonia da Camera [Featuring three of its principal musicians (flutist Jonathan Keeble, oboist John Dee, and trumpet player Michael Ewald), Sinfonia da Camera takes you to new worlds through the music of Samuel Barber, Darius Milhaud, and Alberto Ginastera.] Krannert Center 7:30pm, $33. $12 Happy Birthday, Girls Next Door Spring Concert [Celebrating our 35th year on campus with a must-see a cappella birthday celebration concert.] Smith Recital Hall 7:30pm, $7, $5 students

Lectures / Discussions IPRH Annual Conference “Belief” [10am- Welcome and Opening Remarks, 10:15am- Panel: Performing Belief Across the Nation, 1:30pm- Panel: Jews and Muslims in Thought and Actions, 3:30pm- Panel: American Beliefs] Levis Faculty Center, 10am, free Starting at the End: The Challenge the Religious Right Poses to Democracy [Larry Greenfield, American Baptist Churches of Metro Chicago and Editor/Theologian of Protestants for the Common God, will discuss how The Christian Political Right represents a serious threat to our democracy.]

University YMCA 12pm, free International Coffeehouse Wesley Foundation, 4pm, free “The Black Power Movement: Self-Determination, Transformation and Sabotage” [Kathleen Cleaver, Yale University, will lecture.] Gregory Hall 4pm, free

Miscellaneous Etc. Coffeehouse Wesley Foundation, 9pm, free Illinites Halo Tournament [E-mail IllinitesHalo@gmail. com with questions or to sign up.] Illini Union 9pm, free

SAT. APRIL 1 Live Bands Hank III, Bob Wayne Canopy Club, 6pm, $15 in advance/$18 Barb Hamilton Pages for All Ages, 7pm, free Country Connection Rose Bowl Tavern, 9pm, free

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DJ DJ Bozak Soma, 8pm, cover DJ Rickbats, DJ Kannibal Independent Media Center 9pm, $2 DJ Tim Williams Highdive 10pm, $5 DJ Elise Boltini 10:30pm, free

Karaoke Creative Karaoke American Legion Post 71, 8pm, free Liquid Courage Karaoke Geo’s 9pm, free

Miscellaneous Indonesian Cultural Night [A celebration of the diversity of the Indonesian culture through a night of traditional dances, musical performance, and skits.]

Music Building, 8pm, free Etc. Coffeehouse Wesley Foundation, 9pm, free

Family Fun Red Grammer: Teaching Peace [Even the shyest family member won’t be able to resist clapping and singing along with this Parent’s Choice Award-winning entertainer. With infectious

B ETWEEN | CLASSIFIEDS | THE STINGER

Pattern Language: Clothing as Communicator [This exhibition highlights the ways in which artists go beyond the everyday utility of clothing and instead use garments as a format to critique standard notions about clothing, fashion and society, and to invent new forms of communication between wearers, their clothes, and the fashion system. The exhibition includes historical work, contemporary projects and new proposals, and interactive and wearable editions, some commissioned specifically for this project.]

Krannert Art Museum through April 9 Project 66: An Exploration of Utopia Inspired by the Works of Ilya and Emilia Kabakov [Project 66 is both an installation and a Web site created by a group of students from the School of Art and Design, the Department of Computer Science and other campus units. To learn more about the project visit the following website: http://orchid.cs.uiuc.edu/people/adamczyk/final] Krannert Art Museum through July 30 Spectacles of the Real – Truth and Representation in Art and Literature [The IPRH has joined with OPENSOURCE Art to investigate the relation between realism, the “real” and the image; philosophical realism and the idea of artistic truth; and the resurgence of realism in art and literature, this series of exhibitions and talks will combine IPRH’s acknowledged strengths in humanities scholarship with OPENSOURCE’s burgeoning reputation as a site for innovative art and curatorial practice.]

IPRH through March 31 Photographs by Nick Mann [beautifully detailed pictures record a wide range of subjects, from stark rural landscapes and lovely wildflowers to familiar UIUC landmarks and lush canyon vistas.]

Pages For All Ages through March 31 In Human Form [20 artists explore how we portray ourselves.]

Verde Gallery through April 1 Vitamin C - It’s Good for You! [Ceramics exhibition curated by Professor Ron Kovatch, School of Art and Design, U of I. Features work by some of the best ceramic artists in Illinois.]

Cinema Gallery through April 15 Life Drawing Sessions [drop in sessions to practice and improve your life drawing skills.]

Sundays from 1-4pm at the Independent Media Center, $8. Contact Kindra Crick at 352-4668; kindredspark@gmail.com for details.

“Rantoul and Die” [Mark Roberts, writer and director of last season’s phenomenal success, Welcome to Tolono, returns with an outrageous, hilarious and bitter comedy. Set just down the road, and on the other side of the tracks, Rantoul and Die is about...... well.... love and devotion. And rejection. And desperation. And despair. And ice cream.]

Station Theatre, March 30-31 April 1-2, 5-8 8pm, $12 “Intimate Apparel” [Winner of six major new-play awards in 2004, Intimate Apparel lovingly portrays an African-American seamstress in New York at the beginning of the 20th century. A woman with an exquisitely sensual appreciation of the tender beauties of lace and silk against the skin, she has never found actual intimacy with a man. When a worker on the Panama Canal starts sending lyrical love letters, she falls head over heels for the stranger--agreeing to marry him when he arrives in New York. Theatre faculty artist Lisa Gaye Dixon joins the cast of Lynn Nottage’s poignant tale of love, loneliness, and endurance.]

Krannert Center’s Studio Theatre, March 3031, April 1, 5-9 7:30pm, April 9 performance at 3 p.m., $13 CUTC presents “The King and I” [East meets West in the timeless story of the King of Siam and Anna, the British governess he’s hired to teach his many children. Based on the real-life adventures of Anna Leonowens, “The King and I” presents a fascinating clash of customs, as Anna’s Western ways threaten the King’s beliefs. But as the months pass, their battle of wills gives way to grudging admiration - and a tender love begins to bloom.]

Virginia Theatre, March 30-31, April 1-2 7:30pm, Sunday performance at 2:30 p.m., $17, $15 Ronald K.Brown/Evidence [In a society starved for spiritual expression, Ron Brown’s kinetic storytelling connects life to dance with powerful physical energy and uplifting grace. The Brooklyn-born choreographer who studied dance in Africa blends this history with modern dance, ballet, and social/street dance to create stirring works that address the human condition.]

Krannert Center’s Tyron Festival Theatre, April 1 7:30pm, $32

V I S I T W W W. CUCAL E NDAR . COM F OR TH E MOST C U RREN T E VE NTS AND TO AD D YOUR OWN.

sounds from the scene

SUN. APRIL 2 Live Bands Paul Sabuco & Pauli Carman The Hideaway, 7pm, cover Bow-Dacious String Band, Boneyard Jazz Quintet, East Central Illinois Youth Orchestra Lincoln Square Mall 7pm, free Crystal River Band Rose Bowl Tavern, 9pm, free Keller Williams Canopy Club 9pm, $20

Concerts Pacifica Quartet Krannert Center, 3pm, $18 Ashlee Simpson Assembly Hall, 7:30pm, $38.50 $28.50

MON. APRIL 3 Live Bands Feudin’ Hillbillys Rose Bowl Tavern, 6pm, free Michael Davis Bentley’s Pub 7pm, free Mates of State, Maria Taylor Canopy Club, 9pm, $12 Open Mic Night Cowboy Monkey, 10pm, free Shipwreck Canopy Club 11:30pm, free

DJ DJ Delayney Barfly 10pm, free Metal Mondays: DJ Dirtleg and DJ J Vance Highdive 10pm, free Jazz Night Nargile 10pm, free

Dancing Contra Dancing Phillips Recreation Center, 8pm, $5

Karaoke Champaigndj.com presents Karaoke The Phoenix 9pm, free

Lectures/discussions Consulting as a Career and Internship Opportunities [Stig Lanesskog, Director of IBC, will provide information on consulting careers and the types of consulting internships students can participate in as an undergraduate.]

Wohlers Hall, 4:30pm, free The Job Search for International Students Noyes Lab 5:30pm, free

Comedy Spicy Clamato Illini Union 8pm, free De Bono Courtyard, 9pm free

TUE. APRIL 4 Live Bands Billy Galt Blues Barbecue 11:30am, free Hackensaw Boys Canopy Club, 8pm, $10 Crystal River Band Rose Bowl Tavern, 9pm, free Awesome Car Funmaker, Triple Whip, The 1985 Bears, The Hemingway Method, Frank Must Go Independent Media Center, 9pm, $5 Larry Gates and Jason Greenlee White Horse Inn, 9:30pm free Adam Wolf and Mike Bray Tommy G’s, 9:30pm, free Tally Hall Cowboy Monkey 10pm, $5

DJ Subversion: Industrial/Darkwave Highdive, 10pm, cover DJ Hoff, DJ Gambino Mike N Molly’s, 10pm, cover DJ Tremblin BG Barfly 10pm, free

Dancing Latin Dance Night McKinley Foundation, 9:30pm, $1

Karaoke Liquid Courage Karaoke Geo’s 9pm, free

Lectures/discussions ISGS Centennial Lecture: “Energy in the 21st Century: The Markets are Here, but the Resources are There” [Speakers Dr. Robert G. Skinner, internationally recognized expert on energy and the environment, and Dr. Robert J. Finley, Head of the ISGS Energy and Earth Resources Center.] Material Sciences and Engineering Building, 4pm, free “FOBs, Whitewashed, AZN: Exploring Relationships within the Asian American Community” [Explore ways that we as Asian Americans use stereotypes about each other to create divisions within our community.]

Asian American Cultural Center, 6:30pm, free Keeping Our Campus Safe [Bruce Knight, Campus Area Transportation Study Committee, will discuss the history of the study and future efforts planned to promote improved pedestrian safety in the area.] University YMCA 12pm, free

Pat Green Canopy Club 8pm, $20 Soultro Joe’s Brewery 10pm, cover Caleb Cook Tommy G’s, 9pm cover

DJ Open Decks Soma, 8pm, free Chef Ra Barfly, 10pm, free DJ Bozak Boltini, 10:30pm, free DJ Stifler Highdive, 8pm, cover

Ashlee Simpson April 2 Assembly Hall $28.50-$38.50

Dancing Tango Dancing Cowboy Monkey, 8pm, free Salsa Dancing Cowboy Monkey, 10:30pm, $3

Karaoke “G” Force Karaoke T&T Tavern, 7pm, free Liquid Courage Karaoke Geovanti’s, 10pm, free

WWW.SKINS.BE

14

energy and an unquenchable desire to make music young and old, this artist draws upon a treasure trove of original songs to celebrate the human race.

Recommended for ages 3 and up.] Krannert Center 10am, $18, $6 WorldFest [A celebration of cultural fun. Hear Greek myths, watch marionette theater, experience Japanese taiko drumming.

Crafts are available for kids of all ages. Suggested donation is $5 per person.] Spurlock Museum 12:30pm, donations

Lectures/discussions “Seeking Asylum: Refugee Women, Family, Violence, and Law” Foreign Languages Building, 7pm, free “What About Bridget? Irish American Women in the Old World and the New?” [Jim Barrett, Professor, Dept. of History will speak] Gender and Women’s Studies Building, 12pm, free

PUZZLE pg. 25

Ashlee Simpson: the ‘e e’ stands for ‘excellent, EXCELLENT.’ Probably the most underrated artist in popular music, little Miss Simpson doesn’t get the attention or respect that she truly deserves. With two solo albums, millions of copies sold, and billions of fans, Ashlee has managed to reach out to the masses but has yet to score approval from the overly pretentious and sour-pussed critics. The buzz magazine, however, is a truly progressive and fair-minded periodical, and the staff unanimously supports the young, talented, and beautiful Ashlee Simpson, who will triumphantly greet her screaming and admiring fans this Sunday at the Assembly Hall.

Ashlee’s booming and sultry voice has often been downplayed due to SNL mishaps and various other sabotages played out during her last world tour. Put your preconceptions behind you, her voice ranks with greats like Christina Aguilera, Kelly Clarkson, and even the legendary Aretha. This is one show that cannot be missed.

A rocker, a lover, and an all around rebel of music, Ashlee is in your face and refuses to back down. Unlike her sugarcoated sister, Jessica, Ash deals with the hard-hitting issues of the modern world. From boyfriend stealing to finding the true L-O-V-E of friendship, this young lyricist covers it all with tact, insight, and beautiful imagery. She doesn’t care if you like what she’s got to say, because it’s coming from her soul. A bad ass rock star with a heart of gold, Ashlee Simpson will not only rock the Assembly Hall, but also the very core of your being. The concert may be so good, you’ll want to spell her name with three e’s.

– Brian McGovern

Workshops “Making Data Count” [Using its landmark publication “Making Data Count” published in 2005, this workshop will show how hard data can be used to garner resources, formulate policy, and influence legislation] Asian American Cultural Center, 12pm, free

WED. APRIL 5 Live Bands Irish Traditional Music Session Bentley’s Pub, 7pm, free Jamnesty Iron Post, 7pm cover Chambana Jackson’s Ribs-NTips, 8pm, cover

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Mar. 30

THE WORST THING ABOUT ACCIDENTS IN THE KITCHEN IS THAT YOU USUALLY HAVE TO EAT THEM.

•

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THIS WEEK AT

FEATURED EVENTS

K R A N N E RT C E N T E R F O R T H E P E R F O R M I N G A RT S

Fazil Say Tuesday, April 11 at 7:30pm “He is not merely a pianist of genius; undoubtedly he will be one of the great artists of the 21st century.”

(Le Figaro) A true original who speaks through the concert grand piano with sports-star athleticism, Turkey’s Fazil Say enters the succession of pianist/composers who mysteriously incite audiences to a frenzy of thunderous applause. He brings drama to his interpretations of Bach’s Prelude and Fugue, BWV 543 as arranged by Liszt; Liszt’s own Piano Sonata in B Minor; and Stravinsky’s The Rite of Spring.

Th Mar 30

Sa Apr 1

Su Apr 2

More School of Music

Krannert Uncorked 5pm, free

Red Grammer: Teaching Peace 10am, $6-$18

Pacifica Quartet 3pm, $10-$18

Th Mar 30

Patron Co-sponsor: Anonymous

We Apr 5

Intimate Apparel 7:30pm, $6-$13

Fr Mar 31

Flex: $33 / SC & Stu 32 / UI & Yth 18 Single: $35 / SC & Stu 34 / UI & Yth 20

Intimate Apparel 7:30pm, $6-$13

Keyboard Series Patron Sponsors: James Russell Vaky Anonymous

Nightcap 10pm, Free

Takács Quartet with Richard Stoltzman, clarinet Wednesday, April 19 at 7:30pm

Sinfonia da Camera 7:30pm, $7-$33 Ronald K. Brown/Evidence 7:30pm, $13-$32 Patron Sponsors: Jerald Wray and Dirk Mol Corporate Silver Sponsor:

Intimate Apparel 7:30pm, $6-$13

Th Apr 6 Krannert Uncorked with music by Kevin Flowers and JD Lamb 5pm, free UI Oratorio Society and Symphony Orchestra 7:30pm, $2-$6

Words frequently used in praise of the Takács Quartet —consistently warm, velvety tone, seductively rich, profound—might equally apply to the clarinet and the instrument’s charismatic champion Richard Stoltzman.

At home on the Foellinger Great Hall stage after multiple visits each, these master interpreters bring searching intuition and uninhibited virtuosity to a performance of Mozart’s Clarinet Quintet in A Major, K. 581; Bartók’s String Quartet No. 2; and Schubert’s String Quartet in D Minor, D. 810, “Death and the Maiden.”

Grant Support:

Intimate Apparel 7:30pm, $6-$13

The Heartland Arts Fund, a program of Arts Midwest funded by the National Endowment for the Arts with additional contributions from General Mills Foundation, Land O’Lakes Foundation, Sprint Corporation, and the Illinois Arts Council.

Prelude: 6:30pm, Krannert Room, free Flex: $32 / SC & Stu 31 / UI & Yth 18 Single: $34 / SC & Stu 33 / UI & Yth 20 Patron Sponsors: Jean and Howard Osborn

Paradox Saxophone Quartet 12:15pm, Beckman Institute Atrium, free

Mo Apr 3 Great Operatic Scenes 7:30pm, Smith Memorial Recital Hall, free

We Apr 5 Great Operatic Scenes 7:30pm, Smith Memorial Recital Hall, free

Th Apr 6 Joshua McCormick, marimba 12:15pm, Beckman Institute Atrium, free Smith Memorial Hall, 805 S Mathews, Urbana Beckman Institute, 405 N Mathews, Urbana

Intimate Apparel 7:30pm, $6-$13 Nightcap 10pm, Free

333.6280 8 0 0 . K C PAT I X

Patron Season Sponsors Rosann and Richard Noel

Marquee performances are supported in part by the Illinois Arts Council— a state agency which recognizes Krannert Center in its Partners in Excellence Program.

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Corporate Power Train Team Engine Members

40˚ North and Krannert Center, working together to put Champaign County’s culture on the map.

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17

stage, screen & i n b e t w e e n

UNIVERSITY OF ILLINOIS BEAUTY BACK TO REALITY Brittany Knott, runner-up on Beauty and the Geek 2, talks about her love for reality television, her geeky counterpart and those ubiquitous cameramen.

B

rittany Knott, a charismatic U of I senior originally from the Chicago ‘burbs, is just several months removed from the experience of a lifetime. Her runner-up effort on the reality television show Beauty and the Geek 2, the sequel to the original WB hit, stirred quite a commotion in the Champaign area that climaxed with the season finale on March 9. Although she didn’t win, she did fulfill a lifelong dream.

The journey began simply enough. One of Brittany’s close friends spotted a newspaper ad for an upcoming casting call for BATG2 to be held in Chicago. Knowing Brittany’s fascination with reality TV, she immediately informed her of the ad. On a summer day in late July 2005, Brittany — along with 200,000 other prospective participants in twelve major cities — waited in line for a preliminary interview.

For Brittany, a major factor played into her decision to try out: “All of my friends would tell you, ‘Oh my God, Brittany is like a walking TV Guide. She knows when everything is on,’” Brittany explains, “‘Ask her, she’ll know the time and the day.’”

She feels that television and specifically reality TV can help people relax after a long day of work and classes. The audience senses a certain relation to the variety of “real” participants and situations, and accordingly becomes fixated. When she watches reality television, Brittany explains, “I feel like I’m a part of it.”

Brittany’s decision to become one of these television fixations was merely a starry-eyed extension of her own interest.

The preliminary interview for BATG2, which pitted Brittany against two other female interviewees, consisted of several questions pertaining to each girl’s desire to be on the show. Brittany confidently answered each question first before the other girls had a chance. Her aggressiveness paid off. A few weeks later, Brittany submitted to a second interview — this one taped — and she sensed her chances swelling.

“They must have seen something they liked,” says Brittany, reminiscing about the elation of finally being selected for BATG2. It took little convincing to sway her family’s concerns about taking the fall 2005 semester off of school, especially amidst the excitement of such a grandiose opportunity and a potential $250,000 prize.

In early October, Brittany joined the rest of the cast — ultimately totaling eight beauties and eight geeks — in Los Angeles. After a couple of days of social abstinence, the cast arrived at the mansion where an introductory session took place. One by one, each geek would introduce himself to all of the beauties and then field probing questions concerning his interests.

Though not shown in the episodes, the beauties then decided which geek they preferred to partner with.

“We picked our teams,” Brittany alludes. “The show had nothing to do with like, ‘Okay, we’re going to put these two together.’”

Brittany picked Chicago native and speed chess champion Joe Block because “he said he likes to learn and he’s a very good listener.” The unlikely pair often played off each other’s strengths in order to advance far into the rounds. Of course, that isn’t to say the two didn’t run into any hitches.

“There were times when he did get on my nerves, but that

sounds from the scene

just made us even closer,” Brittany remembers. “Joe would want to study with me and I’m the kind of person that’s like, ‘Joe, let me do this.’ I’m better studying on my own ... but I felt bad because it’s a show about helping your partner.”

When it came time for the challenges however, Brittany and Joe were able to put all conflicts aside, evident in their three victories out of seven challenges.

The structure of the show, based on eight rounds lasting three days each, exercised the weaknesses of both groups of participants: the appearance-dependent beauties and the socially inept geeks.

“The competitions that they thought of to do were things that guys like them — geeks — wouldn’t be comfortable doing ... They were things these guys needed help with and they were things we needed help with.”

For the geeks, challenges such as group karaoke tested their performance abilities in front of large groups. For the beauties, challenges such as a bar excursion without makeup and fashionable clothing poked fun at the norm of beauty over brains. Commenting on the latter example, Brittany says that it puts you “in the mindset of ‘this is how it feels for our geeks when they go [out] ... they feel so weird.’”

Following the opening round, each round produced a winner from both the beauties’ competition and the geeks’ competition. The winners and their respective partners, automatically immune to elimination, picked two other teams to go head-to-head in the elimination round.

Successfully avoiding the elimination round throughout the show, Brittany says that “Joe and I think we went so far because we were friends with a lot of people in the house, and we made an effort to be friends with everybody. There were certain [rounds] we did win so we were exempt. But the ones that we didn’t win, people liked us and they never thought of sending us [to the elimination round].”

During the taping of the show, Brittany learned to enjoy the limelight and tolerate the intrusions on BATG2.

“The cameras would arrive at nine in the morning,” Brittany recalls. “I would get up and get ready before because I didn’t want to be taped that early.”

By contractual provision, no moment could be left unattended. In addition to the 14-hour presence of a filming crew, cameras were placed in every nook of the house except the bathroom. But even the bathroom had its stipulations.

“Sometimes there would be moments when you would be pissed, crying, and you just want to get away so you run into the bathroom and someone goes in there to make sure you’re okay and [the cameramen] say, ‘We have to come in here.’ ... they just wanted UIUC student Brittany Knott, runner up on WB’s Beauty and the Geek 2. to get the best stuff and that’s how they had to do it.” On the show, Brittany had to go out of her comfort zone and do thinks like go to a bar without makeup. Brittany said it put her “in the mindset of ‘this is how it feels for our geeks when they go [out] ... they feel so weird.’”

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PartyLike A Rockstar With the

f your taste in comedy tends toward the dark and the more bizarrely irreverent, like the Coen brothers’ Fargo or the films of Quentin Tarantino, then there is no better way to satisfy that surreal comic palate than discovering Mark Roberts’ hilarious new comedy Rantoul and Die, currently playing at Urbana’s Station Theatre.

Director Gary Ambler neatly tailors this tale about four 50-something white trash losers in a strangely poetic and comic satire about dysfunctional relationships with a decidedly local twist.

Roberts’ previous play, Welcome to Tolono, was such a success with the Celebration Company at Station Theatre last year that they’ve invited him back to spin more tales of local flavor.

Set in the contemporary shabby Rantoul working-class home of Rallis and Debbie, a couple on the verge of divorce, the play opens with a suicidal Rallis discussing the meaning of his life with his old pal Gary, a foul-mouthed, beer drinking womanizer. Rallis’ wife, a clerk at a local Dairy Queen, has had enough of passionless life and wants to move on. The play’s fourth member is Debbie’s boss, Callie, who stops in to offer Rallis some tender loving care in the second act.

This superbly cast play features some of the Celebration Company’s finest veteran perfor-

LIVING

BLUE

THE

mers. Mike Trippiedi’s Rallis and Jim Dobb’s Gary capture the cadences of Roberts’ bitterly humorous lines with great skill. They not only bring many laughs to an appreciative audience, but also offer deeper meaning to the pathetic situations of these characters. Anne Kearns and Joi Hoffsommer bring such multi-dimensional life to their characters, two lifer dead-end service clerks, that you feel you’ve met people like this at your last trip to the area›s newest Wal-Mart. As Debbie and Callie respectively, Kearns and Hoffsommer create two very different views of working-class women: one the cynical, assertive type and the other the more seemingly timid one who always looks on the bright side of things.

While the play’s in-your-face realistically vulgar language, depictions of the disabled and disturbing descriptions of murder and attempted suicide may offend some audiences, this humor is always just rudely tongue-in-cheek. The Celebration Company proves once again that you don’t have to travel to Chicago for fine acting and innovatively original theatre.

“Rantoul and Die” continues at the Station Theatre at 223 N. Broadway in Urbana until April 8. For ticket information call 384-4000.

dirt SHEET

WHAT’S GOING ON IN THE ENTERTAINMENT WORLD ACCORDING TO ANDY VECELAS

For those who haven’t heard about it yet, Samuel L. Jackson stars in the upcoming f ilm Snakes on a Plane, in which he plays an FBI agent escorting a witness on a plane when, you can probably surmise, a crate full of deadly snakes is let loose. The movie has become something of a phenomenon on the internet thanks to its too-bad-to-be-true premise and title (which Jackson claims is the only reason he signed onto the film), so much so that New Line Cinema ordered five days of reshoots to help it live up to the hype.

Reportedly among the scenes added is one with Jackson’s character shouting, “I want these motherf---ing snakes off the motherf--ing plane!” Folks, it’s official: we have our first must-see film of 2006.

You and 3 Friends Will Win:

To enter:

A p r . 5 , 2 oo 6

SYD SLOBONIK • STAFF WRITER

Lunch Specials

• Dinner With The Band • Attend the April 21st Concert • Backstage Passes • Autographed CD’s of Living Blue’s new release fire. blood. water.

• Stay after the concert for an exclusive “green room” party

•

theater review “RANTOUL AND DIE”

Now Open For Lunch! 11am!

35 East Green (Locust & Green)

Mar. 30

send an e-mail to

partylikearockstar@wpgu.com with your name, address, age, phone number and favorite song from the Living Blue’s “fire. blood. water.”

The only thing dumber than Snakes on a Plane is Charlie Sheen. The Major League star claimed in a recent radio interview that he thinks the September 11 attacks were part of a large government conspiracy and coverup, thus insinuating that the fall of the Twin

Towers was a “controlled demolition.” Sheen says, “Nineteen amateurs with box cutters taking over four commercial airliners and hitting seventy-five percent of their targets: that feels like a conspiracy theory.” These comments might create an uproar if anyone actually cared what an aging former heartthrob who hasn’t been relevant for the better part of two decades chooses to believe.

Speaking of marginally talented actors, Lindsay Lohan has revealed that she would like to play the lead role in the forthcoming Wonder Woman, according to British tabloid The Sun. Lohan says that she would like to stretch out her acting muscles, because “most of the things that I’ve done so far are aimed at younger girls and are light-hearted.” Apparently she plans to do this by taking on a role that is aimed at younger boys and is lighthearted. I see the logic there.

Deadline for entry is April 16.

No purchase necessary. Must be 21 to enter and win. For complete rules go to WPGU.com.

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EMILY COTTERMAN â&#x20AC;˘ STAFF WRITER

Why are figures your specialty?

I love portraits and figures. I have to admit that itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s because itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s extremely challenging. Portraits are probably challenging just because to capture someone, really capture them so it feels like the person, is really tough, but when you get it, itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s incredibly satisfying. Itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s one of the main traditions of art. Itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s one of those basic things. Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ve never really been able to feel as if I have succeeded in being able to do it easily. It still challenges me every time I try to do it.

What is it like working in a gallery?

When I worked in Savannah, I worked in a museum. Itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s really interesting to work in a gallery versus a museum. Itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s 18th century paintings versus contemporary stuff. Itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s knowing the artists and being able to talk to them [in a gallery] versus people that you just research because they were dead centuries ago. Itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s retail â&#x20AC;&#x201D; youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re selling the artwork; [working at the museum] we werenâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t selling it, we were just presenting it to the public; they were learning from it. But here youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re actually having to put prices on paintings and learning how people value art versus just when they see the museum.

Why do you like painting?

I just get more satisfaction from actually putting brush to canvas. I love taking photographs but I always feel like I didnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t really do it. I just was lucky and the camera basically did it all. I just really love the direct aspect of creating something. You really feel like itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s very traditional,

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Kelly White has an interesting background.

Born in Zambia, Kelly has lived between three different continents: Africa, England (her family is British), and America. She graduated in 1992 with a Bachelor of Fine Arts in graphic design at the University of Illinois. She also received her Master of Fine Arts degree in graphic design and a masterâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s in art history at the Savannah College of Art and Design in 2002. She is currently the gallery manager at the Verde Gallery in downtown Champaign. As the gallery manager, she is the liaison between artists and the Verde. She helps pick out artwork for the galleries, does the bookkeeping and puts gallery shows together. Kelly currently has two paintings showing in the latest Verde gallery exhibit entitled â&#x20AC;&#x153;In Human Form,â&#x20AC;? which contains only pieces that feature the human body. â&#x20AC;&#x153;In Human Formâ&#x20AC;? is showing only until tomorrow, April 1; however, you can contact the Verde Gallery for more information about Kelly White or the â&#x20AC;&#x153;In Human Formâ&#x20AC;? exhibit at 217366-3202.

19

Kelly White is a curator of the Verde Gallery in Champaign. very old-school.

Do you feel like youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ve grown roots here?

Who buys your work?

Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ve sold a few things and surprisingly enough, itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s almost a guarantee when you put up something and you think thereâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s no way anyoneâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s going to want it, that ends up touching people.

The first thing I sold in here was a self-portrait, a huge thing of just my face. I never thought anyone would want a big picture of my face that Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;d explored, and yet that was the one that sold.

You never can predict what people are going to like. Itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s been a very good process for me to sell things because then I can let it go. When I keep paintings around, I end up never liking them. I like them as Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;m doing them, and when I finish them I feel accomplished and proud. But if I keep them around for any time at all they just grow to annoy me. If someone buys them or if I give them away, they have this new life somewhere else. Then I can move on to the next painting much easier.

What do you want to achieve? What are your dreams?

I would love to be able to spend a lot more time painting. When I do dedicate that time, thereâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s nothing that brings me that kind of satisfaction.

Dream wise, I want to combine my studio work with my art history. I would hope to become a professor. What Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ve noticed in school is that a lot of painters donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t like art history and a lot of art history students donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t ever paint. I would love to even create classes where it was a studio class but you learned about painting and how to paint, but then you also did it within a structure of the history of arts. So you knew what had come before, you get a little humbled by it, as I am, but then you also get inspired by it. You see the evolution of art and maybe see whatâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s coming next.

I donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t necessarily have roots here. If someone allowed me to be a professor, wherever it may be, I would probably have to go there. If I could do it here, I would. I do like the in-between city. Things are always changing, [and] there are always lots of activities going on. Thereâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s new people coming and going all the time and I really like that. I wouldnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t really want to live in a huge city. Savannah was too far away from everything.

I do like this area quite a bit.

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What was school in Savannah like?

It was amazing. I donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t know if Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;d want to live there forever, but to be at art school there was pretty phenomenal. I went to U of I for art, which is a gigantic school where art is a little tiny part, and then moved to this school that was quite small, but art was everything. Every class was art and every person you ran into was majoring in art. Every building you had a class in was an antebellum mansion or historic building. Everything was just very inspirational. I miss it so much more now that Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;m gone from there.

What was it like living in Africa?

I only lived there for about seven years and then we moved to Tennessee. Itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s a little culture shock there. I think it broadens your whole mind. Even when I lived in Tennessee, I realized it because everyoneâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s world was just right there. Everything they saw and experienced was in a little bubble.

And even as a young kid I was so aware of the vast difference in lifestyles. It just gave me a very broad view of the world, I realized that there are so many different types of people in the world.

Youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re only just a tiny part. Thereâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s so much more that you donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t even know.

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LOGIC IS A SYSTEMATIC METHOD OF COMING TO THE WRONG CONCLUSION WITH CONFIDENCE.

Mar. 30

•

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STAY ALIVE SCOTT FRANKEL • STAFF WRITER

It would just be a waste of time to discuss the horrible acting. But let’s just put it this way: it was about equivalent to an elementary school trying to put on a production of Hamlet.

Lines were delivered wrong and their meanings were lost, but that’s not even important.

What’s important is the fact that the movie just flat-out didn’t make sense. A transparent video game figure is walking around killing people, there are no explanations about who made the game, or a convincing reason why this ‘Countess’ kills people. It’s mind-blowing how such garbage appeals to high officials in Hollywood.

And until the execs can deliver the goods ... well ... game over.

To recap: 1 This is an improvement for Muniz’s career from films like Agent Cody Banks and My Dog Skip.

2 Lara Croft and Luigi were turned down for the lead roles.

3 To capture the ‘dying’ sound effect used in the movie, the director cued its producers when they received the ratings.

BUENA VISTA PICTURES

S

tay Alive perfectly encompasses everything wrong with video games and cinema. Written and directed by William Brent Bell, this film is an exact combination of The Ring and FearDotCom. You would think a copy of something would turn out better because of the mistakes you can fix from the original.

However, let’s just say that while watching this film, the biggest struggle was trying to ‘stay alive’ to reach the credits.

Hutch ( Jon Foster) and his friends (including Frankie Muniz) are some of the biggest “gamers” in Louisiana. So when one of them finds this new underground game called “Stay Alive,” they obviously need to have a go. They strap up and begin to play this all-too-real rendition of a House of the Dead type game. But without warning, the group begins to get knocked off one by one. Like the geniuses they are, they realize that if you die in the game, you die the same way in real life. So with chaos brewing among them, they need to quickly uncover the secrets to beat the game before it’s too late…

STAY ALIVE • FRANKIE MUNIZ & WILLIAM BRENT BELL

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AFTER ALL IS SAID AND DONE, A HELL OF A LOT MORE IS SAID THAN DONE.

21

“BEAUTY” TELLS ALL CONTINUED FROM PG.17 For BATG2, seventy-two hours of real footage equates to a dramatic one-hour episode. To accomplish this task, the real footage must be gutted by editors and skimmed to only include the footage that grabs the audience’s attention.

Undoubtedly, the resulting show will often misrepresent the contextual intentions of its participants. Many people object to this unfairness.

“Because they did do a lot of editing, the most times you see me I’m saying something stupid.

And I’ll admit, I do occasionally say things that aren’t that smart,” Brittany confesses, but stresses that “they do edit it and choose to show the interesting parts.”

A further method of enticing drama is to pro

vide behavioral cues to the situation. Though no participants are overtly directed on how to act, situations are synthetically made more romantic (with candles for example) or more volatile (with partner switches for example). These cues can provoke a viewer-friendly emotional response, which Brittany was sure to be cautious of, knowing her family would be tuning in. She followed a self-censored approach that led to repressing many of her thoughts and feelings.

“If things started to bother me, I felt that I couldn’t always say it or I couldn’t always do something about it.”

After the conclusion of filming, Brittany was contractually constrained by a potential $5 mil

lion lawsuit if she divulged any information about the show until after its finale in March. Although she felt tortured by not being allowed to tell friends and family, she admits that “It would have been a lot harder to keep secret if I did win.”

For Brittany, March 9 was spent viewing the final episode with 140 friends and relatives in her hometown of South Elgin, Ill. The show highlighted a struggle between the remaining two teams: Brittany and Joe versus Cher and Josh. The challenge prompted each member to answer specific questions about how their partners think, feel and act. Round after round, for three more rounds than were even aired on television, the pairs continuously matched each other.

In the four th hour of f ilm ing, the f ina le concluded with Cher and Josh victorious. “From watching it ... it hit [ Joe] more than it hit me obviously because he was bawling,” says Brittany. “He wasn’t upset about not winning the money. He was more upset about maybe letting me down.” To this day, Brittany and Joe still communicate on a weekly basis, even meeting occasionally in Chicago.

Brittany admits she was disappointed about the way things turned out, but it was the experience that she will always remember. Reflecting back on it all, she smiles and says, “It gives people hope to just go after your dreams.” buzz

V FOR VENDETTA JEFF GROSS • STAFF WRITER

W

hile watching V for Vendetta, the story of “the birds, the beast and the bat” from Aesop’s fables comes to mind.

That story is of a war between the birds and the beast, in which a bat attempts to ally himself with both sides, only to be friendless when peace is achieved in the end. The moral of the story was that if you try to appease everyone, you would ultimately satisfy no one. This is the main flaw of V for Vendetta.

The movie often changes pace, attempting to be a action f ilm, a serious drama, a comedy and an “intelligent” commentary on people’s dependence on government; it achieves no success in any genre. The f ilm is too mellow and the action is too spread out to be a gripping action movie. The dialogue is too cheesy and the characters are not developed properly for this movie to achieve the level of a serious and meaningful drama. In terms of comedy, the movie is funny at points but it rarely strives to be witty enough to make you laugh for long.

In penning the screenplay to V for Vendetta, the Wachowski brothers have hit a new low.

They have once again proven that they have no

writing skills. If you’ve seen their previous work such as The Specialist or even parts two and three of the grossly overrated Matrix trilogy, then you understand what I am referring to. They take a good idea and kill it. I don’t know how they do it, but they do. Despite its promising preview, I assure you that V for Vendetta has none of the soul or flair of the graphic novel (which I highly recommend).

Another thing that bugs me about this film is that it feels the need to make Matrix references, as if they were one, still funny, and two, hilarious because the joke is being made by the writers of The Matrix. Bullet time has been replaced by knife time in this film, and if you pay close enough attention to specific shots during the action sequences, you may recall them from The Matrix.

Overall, this movie is just “P for Pathetic.”

It’s far from an entertaining popcorn flick, with a plot that drags at numerous instances and dialogue that makes Matrix Revolutions looks like Shakespeare. If you want to see something entertaining, I implore that you to heed my warning and avoid this flick at all costs. Go to That’s Rentertainment instead.

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DON’T PLAY LEAPFROG WITH A UNICORN.

Mar. 30

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THE CHANCE OF THE BREAD FALLING WITH THE BUTTERED SIDE DOWN IS DIRECTLY PROPORTIONAL TO THE COST OF THE CARPET.

23

INSIDE MAN PAUL PRIKAZSKY â&#x20AC;˘ LEAD REVIEWER

UNIVERSAL PICTURES

I

f the essence of â&#x20AC;&#x153;coolâ&#x20AC;? is something indef inable and open to interpretation, then I have the def inition: Clive Owen and Denzel Washington, the two slickest actors working today. Itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s only appropriate that they share the screen, albeit on opposite sides of the law, in Spike Leeâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s taut heist thriller, Inside Man. By far Leeâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s most mainstream effort to date, Inside Man follows detective Keith Frazier (Washington) as he matches wits with criminal mastermind Dalton Russell (Owen). Russell and his nefarious cohorts have invaded a bustling Wall Street and have taken innocent bystanders hostage. But somethingâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s amiss: Frazier and his partner (Chiwetel Ejiofor) realize this is no ordinary bank robbery.

Too many questions are puzzling them: Why have the robbers dressed all the hostages alike?

Why does Russell consistently make empty threats? And most importantly, what is the gang really after in the vault? Frazier doesnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t know, but whatever it is, bank president Arthur Case (Christopher Plummer) sure wants it kept under wraps. Heâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ll even send his own slimy negotiator, Madeline White ( Jodie Foster), to do his dirty work for him ... for a hefty fee, of course.

Inside Man proves to be one of the more effec-

INSIDE MAN â&#x20AC;˘ DENZEL WASHINGTON & CHIWETEL EJIOFOR

tive and ingenious heist films in recent memory.

Each character is an essential puzzle piece of the complex plot. Like Russell says in his opening monologue, â&#x20AC;&#x153;Pay strict attention to what I say because I choose my words carefully and I never repeat myself.â&#x20AC;? As per Russellâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s demand, the audience must pay attention to the unconventional cops and robbers formula because Inside Man distorts all preconceived notions.

The story works best as a mystery. The slightly convoluted stor yline skews chronolog y by flashing forward to the aftermath of the bank robbery into the interrogation room where the detectives sequester the harried witnesses. As

the story unwinds, more and more is revealed about the â&#x20AC;&#x153;heistâ&#x20AC;? with just enough information withheld to keep the audience scratching their heads until the final reel.

But you must remember, youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re still watching a Spike Lee film. Sorry, a Spike Lee â&#x20AC;&#x153; joint.â&#x20AC;? Lee canâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t help but throw in some totally unnecessary racial themes and unneeded social commentary which only succeed in detracting from the plot.

But the film is kinetic and moves at a breakneck pace. Matthew Libatiqueâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s cinematography harkens some of Leeâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s seminal work in Do the Right Thing and 25th Hour, making Inside Man a picture with a singular vision and style.

Lee clearly enjoys his craft and obviously loves Denzel (th is is their four th picture together), but obstructs writer Russell Gewirtzâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s modern rendition on Dog Day Afternoon. The focus around the tightly woven plot leaves character background and motivation on the chopping block. Sure, Washington, Owen and Foster deliver first-rate performances typical of actors of their caliber, but who are they and why do we care?

For sheer entertainment value and story, Inside Man pulls it off flawlessly. But when it comes to the subtle nuances that define â&#x20AC;&#x153;great films,â&#x20AC;? we feel robbed.

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MA R . 30

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the stinger

kim rice & kate ruin DOINâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; IT WELL

jonesin CROSSWORD PUZZLE

You gotta lick it, before we kick it ...

Is oral sex really sex?

O

ral sex is taboo â&#x20AC;&#x201D; especially when it comes to going down on women. But thatâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s not the only controversy. Although many people divert their eyes to the floor when the topic comes up, studies show a rise in people engaging in this behavior â&#x20AC;&#x201D; and men and women are giving it and taking just about equally.

So, whatâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s the controversy? Some believe it doesnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t count as real sex and so preserves â&#x20AC;&#x153;virginity.â&#x20AC;? Many falsely think it eliminates STI risk. Some use it as foreplay, and others engage in it to prevent pregnancy. Lots of folks think it just plain feels good! Whatever the reasons, there are some things every oral-sexer should know ... so donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t divert your eyes. Read on.

BLOW JOB / MOUTH TO PENIS SEX / FELLATIO This involves licking, kissing or sucking the penis and/or testicles. Why do men like it so much? It may be more than the physical sensation of the penis being orally stimulated. In fact, most men take longer to orgasm from oral sex than vaginal or rectal penetration.

Many things may make oral sex desirable.

One is the mental and visual stimulation it provides. Another is that the receiver is able to sit back, relax and enjoy the pleasurable sensations without having to focus on anything else. Oral sex may also provide more direct stimulation in different ways than penetrative sex. For example, the tongue may be able to better stimulate the frenulum, the sensitive place where the glans penis meets the shaft (on the underside).

GOING DOWN / MOUTH TO VULVA SEX / CUNNILINGUS With 8,000 nerve endings, the clitoris is the pleasure organ for women. Yet direct stimulation to the clitoris can be missed during penetrative sex. Why do some women like oral sex so much?

Those 8,000 nerve endings have something to do with it. In addition, the mental and visual stimulation of seeing your partner between your legs can be arousing.

The entire vulva is sensitive to touch, and some women enjoy oral stimulation around the outside of the vagina. A finger or sex toy can be used to penetrate the vaginal opening or anus, so a woman can experience the pleasure of clitoral stimulation and penetration at the same time.

RIM JOB / MOUTH TO ANUS SEX / ANALINGUS The anus also has thousands of nerve endings and is very sensitive to touch. Oral stimulation to the anus can be psychologically stimulating because it is the most â&#x20AC;&#x153;tabooâ&#x20AC;? of the oral sex categories. Use proper hygiene: wash the area thoroughly before sex play. Parasites or hepatitis can be present so use latex barriers (dams) or regsounds from the scene

ular kitchen plastic wrap to get the same effect.

To use a latex dam simply place it over the area to be stimulated and get down! (Donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t flip it over, or it wonâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t provide much protection.)

If you are a frequent rimmer, itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s a good idea to get vaccinated for Hepatitis A, which can be transmitted by exposure to feces. Many men and women enjoy oral anal stimulation, but check in with your partner before experimenting.

To reduce risk during any oral sex play, you and your partner can do a â&#x20AC;&#x153;spot checkâ&#x20AC;? to see if either of you have sores, bumps or rashes on your genitals or mouth. So-called â&#x20AC;&#x153;fever blistersâ&#x20AC;? on the mouth that about 70 percent of Americans have are herpes and can be spread to the genitals during oral sex.

Most STIs can be transmitted orally, including gonorrhea and genital warts. This means that if youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re giving head you can get an STI in your throat or mouth and if youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re receiving you could potentially be infected. Using non-lubricated or flavored condoms when going down on a guy, or a latex barrier for cunnilingus or analingus will provide some protection.

The risk of HIV transmission from oral sex is much lower than other forms of sex, and can be reduced further by not having your partner ejaculate into your mouth.

ORAL SEX 411 Not everyone likes oral sex. Some choose not to engage in it at all. â&#x20AC;˘ For the best oral sex tips, talk with your partner about his or her turn-ons and turn-offs. Everyone is different so donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t rely solely on some textbook guide to getting it on. â&#x20AC;˘ In general, it is less risky to receive oral sex than to give it, because when receiving you are not exposed to your partnerâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s fluids. However, if your partner has oral herpes, they can transmit it to you. Ouch! â&#x20AC;˘ You cannot get pregnant from oral sex.

Even if you swallow semen. â&#x20AC;˘ Semen and vaginal secretions are all natural, low calorie, low carb and trans-fat free. In other words, if your partner is not infected with an STI, these fluids cannot harm you. â&#x20AC;˘

Theme: â&#x20AC;&#x153;Themeless and Harmlessâ&#x20AC;?--I rounded off two of the corners so you wonâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t get hurt.

Across 1 Whip up 7 Chemistry class model 11 Item used to straighten hair 13 Oscar winner for Best Original Song who didnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t attend the ceremony 15 Shakespearean character who drowns in a brook 16 Partner in crime 18 Joaquinâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s â&#x20AC;&#x153;Walk the Lineâ&#x20AC;? costar

19 Land famed for its cuisine 21 Make a mistake 22 Campus recruiting gp.

24 Itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s beaten by hand 25 Spoiled 27 Gets warmer 28 Alternative to a longdistance plan 31 Tommy Chongâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s daughter ___ Dawn 32 Catchphrase in an old Connect Four ad 35 Icelandic band Sigur ___ 36 Cooking ingredient in some Chinese dishes 37 Part that failed on the Challenger 40 Show showers 41 TV chef Mario

43 44 47 49 51

Item in some wallets Toothpaste tube top California redwood, e.g.

Word used in shout-outs What some shots prevent 52 Flash your pearly whites to 54 Prefix meaning â&#x20AC;&#x153;treeâ&#x20AC;?

55 What a patron may patronize 56 Shellyâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s brother, on â&#x20AC;&#x153;South Parkâ&#x20AC;?

57 How karaoke often turns out Down 1 Burden 2 â&#x20AC;&#x153;Threeâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Companyâ&#x20AC;? landlord with a horny wife

3 Early anesthetic 4 They may be high or low 5 Like understanding parents 6 One of the â&#x20AC;&#x153;Big Fourâ&#x20AC;? record labels 7 Sphere of action 8 Attaches, like a ribbon 9 Like valued workers 10 Foot bones 12 It borders Sweden and Poland 13 Bidet spray 14 Way to get around Disneyland 17 Pharaoh with a brand of condoms named for him 20 Aptly named California city 23 Toes the line 25 Automaton, in sci-fi slang 26 Least sunny 28 Like some amounts on monthly bills 29 Gets lost, according to the saying?

30 Women, to film noir detectives 32 Host who talks about immunity a lot 33 Bandana cloth 34 â&#x20AC;&#x153;Hey, over here!â&#x20AC;? interjections 38 Swimming 39 Actress Jackson who retired and entered the House of Commons 42 â&#x20AC;&#x153;Who can ___ to?â&#x20AC;?

44 Shipping employee 45 Get ___ start 46 Fall guy 48 Record label that released the â&#x20AC;&#x153;Tommyâ&#x20AC;? and â&#x20AC;&#x153;Greaseâ&#x20AC;? soundtracks 50 Villain in the â&#x20AC;&#x153;Lemony Snicketâ&#x20AC;? books 53 Physics unit of measurement thatâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s another unit of measurement spelled backwards Answers pg. 16

Kim Rice & Kate Ruin are professional sex educators. If you have questions, theyâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ll answer them!

Write to them at riceandruin@yahoo.com

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HE WHO MAKES THE SAME MISTAKE OVER AND OVER AGAIN LEARNS TO DO AT LEAST ONE THING WELL.

Mar. 30

•

A p r . 5 , 2 oo 6

free will astrology MAR. 30 — APR. 6 ARIES

It would be a great time to launch several new ventures all at once, even if it means abandoning an old project you’ve been working on for months. APRIL FOOL! Don’t you dare do what I just suggested. The future won’t thrive unless you lavish the past with the gift of your careful attention. Please please please put the finishing touches on a labor of love you’ve been working on for months--and then start new projects.

further reduced to about 2,500. Your assignment this week, Libra, is to go outside on a clear, moonless night and make a wish on 1,000 of those stars. It’s the Wishing Season. Go wild. APRIL FOOL! While it’s true that this is the Wishing Season, it would be a poor use of your energy to dilute your longing in such a scattershot manner. Instead, choose just one of the visible stars and beam your most important heart’s desire in its direction.

T A U RU S

SCORPIO

Oct. 23 – Nov. 21

S AG I T TA R I U S

Nov. 22 – Dec. 21

CAPRICORN

Dec. 22 – Jan. 19

AQUA R I U S

Jan. 20 – Feb. 18

March 21 – April 19

April 20 – May 20

Does the curse “goddamn it” fly out of your mouth every time you stub your toe or misplace your keys? Do you know the brand names of ten different beers but have trouble remembering any of the Ten Commandments? Do you sometimes undress people in your imagination without their permission? If so, says the Weekly World News, you’re going to hell when you die many years from now. There is, however, a tiny chance you can begin some atonement now that will cancel out the karma from the above-named sins and stave off eternal damnation.

APRIL FOOL! The acts I named aren’t sins, and besides, there’s no such thing as hell. However, it’s true that this is a good time to seek forgiveness and try to correct old mistakes.

GEMINI

May 21 – June 20

CANCER

June 21 – July 22

LEO

July 23 – Aug. 22

The number 6714 has always been devoid of any cosmic significance for you. It has failed to be involved with a single stroke of good fortune. But now it has burst into your life to serve as your lucky number--an omen of abundance, grace, and success. Your assignment: Make prodigious use of 6714.

APRIL FOOL! There is no such thing as a lucky number, except in the sense that all numbers are lucky numbers for those people who believe they are lucky. Your real assignment is this, Gemini: Find a way to believe in your heart that for you, all numbers are lucky.

Watch out for fake pizza-delivery drivers who’re actually trying to issue you a subpoena. Be careful you don’t see a blood red sky at dusk, in case it’s a bad omen predicting the outbreak of tribulations. Beware of the possibility that a large bird carrying a turtle to its nest accidentally drops its prey on your head from a great height. APRIL FOOL! The truth is, my fellow Cancerian, this should be one of the most worry-free weeks in the history of your life. You’re welcome, of course, to dream up a host of scary fantasies if you find that entertaining, but I can practically guarantee that they’ll all be illusory.

I’m reasonably certain that a supermodel wearing antlers and clown face paint will soon offer you $10,000 for the right to spank you on national TV. It’ll be that kind of week, Leo: a time when opportunities will come your way cloaked in seemingly absurd circumstances. You might also expect that a homeless person with the flu will offer to lead you to a dumpster in which there’s a suitcase containing a priceless 2,500-year-old archaeological artifact. APRIL FOOL! It’s true that this week will bring more opportunities than usual, and they’ll probably all have some odd twist--but not quite that odd.

VIRGO

Aug. 23 – Sept. 22

This is a perfect astrological moment to recreate the ceiling of the Sistine Chapel using Play-Doh as your raw material. It’s also a good time to learn to play Mozart’s Magic Flute on the kazoo, produce an abridged, 1,000-word version of James Joyce’s Ulysses, or build a miniature model of the Sphinx using toothpicks and rubber bands. APRIL FOOL! Doing any of the things I just described would be a silly waste of time and energy. Please find projects that are truly worthy of your creativity, which is overflowing right now.

LIBRA

Sept. 23 – Oct.22

Astronomers estimate that about 8,500 stars are visible to the naked eye. Half of them are always below the horizon and therefore out of sight. Since most of us live amidst the light pollution of cities, the number of stars we can actually see is

Due to a special dispensation from the cosmic powers-thatbe, you have been authorized to basically just sit around and do nothing this week. Are you ready to enjoy the pleasures of laziness and dissipation, Scorpio? Do you feel overdue for an extended phase of vegging out? You can do so without incurring even a pinch of karmic debt. APRIL FOOL! The truth is that you now have so much physical energy and emotional stamina that you can be three times as intense as you’ve ever been before. That’s a good thing, since the universe will be working you three times as hard as usual.

“I always advise people never to give advice,” said P.G. Wodehouse. Having seen the wisdom of his counsel, I will from now on fill your horoscopes with poetic and philosophical ruminations about your destiny, but I will never again give advice.

There are enough people in this world telling you what you should do. I pledge to make this space your sanctuary. APRIL FOOL! The truth is, dispensing advice is in my genes. For me to repress it would be like asking Howard Stern to stop being vulgar. Now here’s my advice for you: Identify a natural talent that you were born to express. Then take one practical step to bring it into a fuller flowering.

The still, small voice within you usually just provides you vague platitudes about how to be a better citizen. But in the coming days, it will offer you truly useful information that could help you become richer, sexier, more popular, and more powerful.

It may even give you the winning numbers of the lottery. Make damn sure you tune in. APRIL FOOL! The still, small voice within you does not just provide vague platitudes about how to be a better citizen. If you believe that, you’re listening to the wrong still, small voice. In fact, the real one is always overflowing with extremely practical information about how to run your day-today life in a way that’s fun and meaningful. Listen harder and faster than usual, please.

This would be an excellent week to profit by spreading deception and misinformation, Aquarius. Your skills as a liar are at a peak. The more falsehoods you concoct, the more successful you will be. APRIL FOOL! It’s true that you could achieve illusory progress with the help of deceit. But that progress would soon lead you into a morass that would sap your energy. Besides, the ironic fact of the matter is that you now have the capacity to tell the truth with more clarity and gusto than you ever have before. To take advantage of that potential will bring you surprising rewards in the long run, even if they may require short-term sacrifices.

PISCES

Feb. 19 – March 20

It’s high time for you to spend more money, Pisces. You’re lagging way behind in your purchase of the goods and services you desperately need. Not only that: You’ve been lax in getting yourself the profound healing that can only come from shopping therapy. Get out there and splurge! Your role model is the Pentagon, which shells out an average of $8,612 per second.

APRIL FOOL! I was just kidding. The truth is that it makes sense for you to spend more money on only one thing: experiences that will help you get better at performing a beloved skill that will fuel many future adventures.

Homework: Cynicism is a sign of intelligence. APRIL FOOL! Cynicism is actually a trendy substitute for real critical thinking.

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Mar. 30

â&#x20AC;˘

A p r . 5 , 2 oo 6

buzz weekly â&#x20AC;˘

MOST OF US DONâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;T FEAR FAILURE AS MUCH AS WE DREAD GETTING BLAMED FOR IT.

27

LIKES AND GRIPES AUTO INJURIES?

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LIKES 1. Samoas cookies: Even though they are $3.50 a box for 12 cookies, and I hate sweets, but for some reason, Samoas cookies are in a category all their own. Sweet, flaky, coconut-encrusted shortbread cookies, drizzled with rich chocolate. YUM. 2. FED-EX delivery people: There is just something about opening the door and seeing a FEDEX delivery person holding a plethora of packages addressed to you. It makes me feel all warm and happy inside.

3. Wine Night at Clybourneâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s: 6 dollar bottles of sparkling wine and 8 dollar bottles of cheap champagne. Enough said.

GRIPES 1. South Dakota: Worst. State. Ever. Whether or not their decision to ban all abortions was some sort of conservative posturing, it was still a repulsive move. Liberals often get chided for straying from the mainstream, but those on the right are just as guilty.

2. Cold Stone Creamery: Yep, it is coming to Green Street. Now we just need a Sam Goody record store and the commercialization of Campustown will be complete. Get ready to pay 30 dollars for mediocre ice cream.

3. Late rental fees: The bane of my existence.

No matter how hard I try, there is no way that I will ever return all of my rentals on time. At least I am throwing my money away at a respectable establishment and not a chain like Blockbuster.

GRIPES 1. Ponies: Too many legs. Too long of faces.

Not edible.

2. Tails: Unnecessary and dangerous.

3. Ponytails: As unattractive and tasteless as the name implies.

Dr. Joseph Snell

24 Hour Answering Service Covered by Student Insurance

Your First Choice in Health Care

SNELL CHIROPRACTIC CLINIC 1802 Woodfield Dr.

217-352-9899

2 blocks north of Savoy 16

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CL AIRE NAPIER Art Director

SARA SANDOCK Copy Chief

ERIN SCOT TBERG Editor in Chief

LIKES 1. Pyramid Apricot: The only apricot flavored beer I know of. Pyramid Apricot is also darker and richer than most fruit flavored beers. So you can enjoy it without feeling like a wimp.

2. Americaâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Dairyland: Wisconsin is just like Illinois but with more hills, water, trees, cheese, beer, fireworks and wine. Whatâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s not to love?

3. Downtown Champaign: I spent Monday shopping downtown with my mom and sister and was reminded of the number of amazing and original stores that are too often overlooked by students.

Students, please, please do some shopping in the old downtown Champaign on Neil Street before you graduate. You may never see as great of a used book collection as the Jane Addamâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s bookshop again, or as spectacular of a vintage clothing selection as Carrieâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s and Dandelion.

LIKES 1. Rice Sides by Lipton: Just add water and you have a meal that is deliciouso! Definitely helps when all you have is a micro.

2. Slap bracelets: A friend of mine slapped one on my wrist at a party a few weeks ago and it brought back oodles of grade school memories.

Boy did the teachers love those things.

3. Mini fans: Theyâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re the greatest. Because the weather has been so unpredictable, and my building has no ventilation, my little fan is my new favorite appliance.

GRIPES 1. The intersection of Matthews and Nevada: There absolutely needs to be a stop sign here. I walk by this intersection all the time and thereâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s rarely a day I donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t see a car skid to a stop for a student or a student jump out of a bikeâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s way â&#x20AC;&#x201D; thereâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s always a near-accident.

2. Squrriels that have more common sense than students: Ever notice how squrriels dart back to the curb when they notice a car coming at them? If only students could follow their example. Maybe UIUC should start testing for street smarts and not only ACT scores when admitting new students.

3. Traffic lights on North Prospect: Youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;d think someone would have timed these damn lights better. Thereâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s nothing like taking 20 minutes to move through an intersection â&#x20AC;&#x201D; in the middle of the afternoon.

sounds from the scene

We can do that.

For your next planned event or weekend meal.

E-mail Jim: Foudinis@hotmail.com

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