Buzz Magazine: May 10, 2007

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DANCING THE TANGO IN CU

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MINUS THE BEAR AT THE HIGHDIVE

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GOOD SEX AT ANY SIZE

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Cover Design â&#x20AC;˘ Maria Surawska Editor in Chief â&#x20AC;˘ Tatyana Safronova Art Director â&#x20AC;˘ Nikita Sorokin Copy Chief â&#x20AC;˘ Meghan Whalen Listen, Hear â&#x20AC;˘ Carlye Wisel Stage, Screen & in Between â&#x20AC;˘ Keri Carpenter Around Town â&#x20AC;˘ Evangeline Politis CU Calendar â&#x20AC;˘ Annette Gonzalez Photography Editor â&#x20AC;˘ Amelia Moore Designers â&#x20AC;˘ Agatha Budys, Renee Okumura, Maria Surawska Calendar Coordinators â&#x20AC;˘ Caitlin Cremer, Bonnie Steirnberg Photography â&#x20AC;˘ Amelia Moore, Greg Hinchman Copy Editors â&#x20AC;˘ Lisa Fisherkeller, Emily Ciaglia, Ilana Katz, Whitney Harris Contributing Writers â&#x20AC;˘ Michael Coulter, Seth Fein, Mike Ingram, Kim Rice, Ross Wantland Sales Manager â&#x20AC;˘ Mark Nattier Marketing/Distribution â&#x20AC;˘ Brandi Wills Publisher â&#x20AC;˘ Mary Cory

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For For all all your your graduation graduation needs... needs...

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INTRO This Modern World Life in Hell First Things First

AROUND TOWN Teaching CU to Tango

LISTEN, HEAR Minus the Bear Out of Hibernation Kilborn Alley Blues Band CU Sound Revue Spin it/Flip it/Reverse it

THE HOOPLA Parasite Drag

STAGE, SCREEN & IN BETWEEN 19 Classes a Real U of I Graduate Has Taken Movie reviews The Color Purple

THE STINGER Doinâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; it Well Jonesinâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; Crosswords Free Will Astrology

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tatyana safronova EDITORâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;S NOTE â&#x20AC;&#x153;Percentage of 16- to 34-year-olds in Japan who say they are happy: 8 Rank of this, among the fourteen countries sur veyed: 14â&#x20AC;? (Source: Harperâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Index, Feb. 2007) So what does it take to make people happy? (If itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s sex, then that explains why the Japanese arenâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t; according to a 2005 Durex sex survey that polled more than 317,000 people, the Japanese have the least amount of sex among the 41 surveyed countries.)

In my case, it usually takes something sensory to make me happy, like warm weather, playing especially exciting video games (like GTA 3) and staying awake long enough to watch the night sky blush.

One friend of mine gets an almost uncomfortable kick out of consuming desserts like brownies.

For Timothy Bowers of Ohio, his happiness came when he was sentenced to three years in prison for robbing a bank in 2006. He demanded

CONGRATULATIONS GRADUATES!!!

an envelope with four $20 bills from the cashier and sur rendered without arg ument to the guard. He told the court that he was having f ina ncia l t rouble a nd cou ld nâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t f ind work because of age discrimination; at 62, he wanted to serve three years in prison until his Social Security kicked in.

I had never considered robbing a bank or ser ving jail time as pick-me-ups, but then again, my experiences with job discrimination have been limited. In fact, reading the verdict of the court â&#x20AC;&#x201C; â&#x20AC;&#x153;Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;m going to give you your birthday present. Youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re sentenced to three years in pr ison.â&#x20AC;? â&#x20AC;&#x201C; was the on ly occasion involving poverty and unfair labor practices that made me laugh.

So hereâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s the big question: What would it take to brighten up the day of an entire nation?

We can hypothesize about Japan, as it ranks lowest, but we can think about others too.

Equality between the sexes? Better love lives?

More food? More plastic kidsâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; toys? Write me your suggestions. The most creative comments will be published.

WRITE IN TO BUZZ@READBUZZ.COM

MON-SAT MON-SAT 10-6, 10-6, FRI FRI 10-7 10-7 101 101 E. E. UNIVERSITY UNIVERSITY AVENUE AVENUE 217.351.5974 217.351.5974 INTRO | A ROUND TOWN | L ISTEN, HEAR | THE HOOPLA | STAGE, S CREEN &

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michael coulter FIRST THINGS FIRST

The (Very) Simple Life Paris Hilton finally gets what’s coming to her

Many times, the world isn’t a ver y just place and it’s sort of hard to even watch.

O f tent i me s, bad t h i ng s happen to good people. Far more often than that, good things happen to bad people.

Either way it just doesn’t seem right. Sometimes though, good things happen to good people and it really lifts a person’s spirit. It makes me want to stand and applaud. On the other hand, every so often, bad things happen to bad people. This also makes me want to stand and applaud. There’s something wonderful and life-affirming when someone gets at least a little bit of what they have coming.

I’m speaking in this instance, of course, about Paris Hilton. I couldn’t begin to tell you why I give two shits about her either way, but I have to assume it has something to do with her being an ignorant, privileged, publicity whore with no humility whatsoever. I mean, that’s usually a pretty good reason not to like someone, right?

Either way, I must admit I was a little giddy when she got handed a 45-day jail sentence for driving repeatedly with a suspended license.

Her picture was everywhere this past weekend and I’m sure she loved that part of the ordeal, but I bet she didn’t like the reason for all the attention.

She wasn’t posing and flipping her hair on her way out of the courthouse. In fact, she actually seemed a bit dumbfounded … um, a bit more dumbfounded. She also didn’t seem especially happy. “I feel I was treated unfairly, and that the sentence is both cruel and unwarranted. I don’t deserve this.”

Wow, if she’s that upset over the sentence, I’m guessing she’s gonna be really surprised once she actually starts serving her time. I would also imagine she’ll discover a completely new definition for the word “cruel.” “Oh my God, the way that woman jammed that shiv into my ribs, it was so cruel! I would also like to point out that the incident with the plunger was nothing if not impolite.” It’s probably fun to be on a reality show, but reality isn’t all that great most of the time, especially in prison.

It’s hard not to imagine some sort of “Caged Heat” scenario, but it will likely be much more mundane than that. I would think a few of the inmates would like to give her some comeuppetance, but they probably won’t even have to. The worst punishment you could give her would be to treat her like everyone else in the correctional facility.

I’m sure the other incarcerated ladies will have quite a laugh the first time she attempts to send back her baloney sandwich at lunch time. I bet she won’t feel quite as special slinking around naked with a woman named “Butch” at the shower beside her. I would guess that by the end of the Hilton Hotel heiress’s stay in the Century Regional Detention Facility a freaking Motel 6 will look pretty damned good to her.

It might actually do her some good. She can see what it’s like not to live in privilege. She won’t have a little dog or a cell phone or a rich boyfriend to cling on to. It may be the first time in her life that she’s actually scared for a good reason. She could take the time to read, write or simply reflect on her life, but that doesn’t seem like her style. She’ll probably bitch and moan and frantically pass out cigarettes in an attempt to avert an ass whipping. When it’s all said and done, I’m sure she’ll star as herself in a made-for-TV movie about the crushing ordeal.

Actually, when it’s all said and done, I’d be surprised if she actually spends much time with the general population, for security reasons. But in a way that almost seems to be crueler. It will just be poor pitiful Paris alone in a cell with her thoughts, both of them, and something like that has to be lonely for every entity involved.

I suppose she could scrawl off the passing days on the wall of her cell, but 45 is a pretty big number to count to, so I’m guessing she’ll just sit there and cry.

I have to admit, as I get to towards the end of this column, I almost feel sort of sorry for her.

I’m not sure why though. She’s had everything handed to her, doesn’t really seem to appreciate any of it, and assumes she’s above such realworld things as jail sentences. With an actual reality staring her in the face, she just seems so completely clueless that I almost wonder how she’ll survive.

I think I care because I don’t understand. I‘m not sure why she’s famous exactly or whether anyone really likes her in any way. Her “reality” show isn’t doing especially well anymore and I’m fairly sure her music career isn’t flourishing either, so that basically leaves her with nothing.

That’s the problem with generational wealth, the recipients seldom learn any sort of survival skills besides shopping. Something like that will have to be a little disconcerting for her once she gets to jail. The only fashion choice will be the same jumpsuits as all the other inmates. That, my dear girl, is not hot at all.

OOPS! WE MADE A MISTAKE • Although buzz strives for accuracy, we sometimes make mistakes. If you catch something we didn’t,

please let use know at buzz@readbuzz.com. When a correction is needed, it will be listed here.

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around town

Teaching

CU to

Tango

LAURA SULLIVAN • STAFF WRITER | ILLUSTRATIONS BY RENEE OKUMURA

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usty light filters through the chapel’s warm air, highlighting close bodies and draping limbs, f lung across a neck here, a waist there. Sixteen pairs of feet drag out the down time and then snap into place on the beat. Fluidity is broken and tense arms loosen when the pace shifts. The spunky Argentine tango music is incongruent with the small computer speakers.

Duygu and Melih Eriten teach tango classes every Tuesday night from 9 p.m. to 10:30 p.m. at the Channing-Murray Foundation in Urbana. Duygu says that tango is a combination of technique and energy, but it is also fun. “When dancing, you may love or hate. You may be honest or you may lie. You may be aggressive or soft,” Duygu writes in a recent e-mail. She says

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she loves tango because a couple can build “a prototype” of their feelings within the framework of a tango song.

The first semester class is for beginners and the second semester is a more intermediate lesson — mostly for those who no longer step on toes. Students sign up at the beginning of the semester, and the same basic group has been with Duygu and Melih for the school year. The class’ grace on the wooden dance floor seems to outpace their two semesters of experience.

Duygu and Melih are from Turkey, and they moved to Champaign-Urbana recently from Old Istanbul. Melih came to the University to study mechanical engineering, a counterpoint to his creative passion of Argentine tango dancing. “It relaxes you, of course, after 10 hours of work,” Melih said. “You think of a different thing. You think of your body.”

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Duygu came to the States this semester and plans to begin her studies at the University soon. The couple was married around four months ago. Of course, they tangoed at the wedding. They are a handsome pair. Duygu is sharp and graceful, with a doll’s face and dark features. Melih is more sturdy but animated and chatty with the students.

Duygu said it was the rhythm that made her “a tango addict.”

She says that growing up in Turkey she was surrounded with belly dancing and traditional Turkish dancing, but she never really understood the way the dancers responded to the rhythm. When she listened to tango music, though, she says she could respond to every single beat in her mind or on the dance floor.

Ta ngo descr ibes not on ly the qu ick, g racef u l d a nce st yle where couples move in close har mony, but it also sounds from the scene

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TIME IS NEVER WASTED WHEN YOU’RE WASTED ALL THE TIME.

describes the music. Melih explains that the music or ig inated in Argentina and Ur uguay. A t ypical orchestra includes violin, bandoneons (similar to an accordion), piano, double bass, f lute, guitar and sometimes clarinet. Neo-tango music modernizes by add i ng elect ron ic mu sic to t he se element s.

The combination is bombastic and alive; feet tap almost unconsciously.

Melih also taught tango briefly in Istanbul where he first learned with the “old ladies and gentlemen” of the city.

The style they teach in Illinois is a mix of Neuvo and Classical tango styles. He says the style they teach now is much different than the tango you would find at bars or clubs. Cowboy Monkey holds a tango night once a month.

Melih says the couple’s style of teaching intentionally does not mimic the way he learned tango in Istanbul.

His teacher in Istanbul would just sit in a chair watching, then offer corrections from the passenger’s seat. They want to give the students an individual experience.

“I want to be different,” says Melih.

The couple offers a few new dance moves to add to the repertoire every class. All of the dancers gather around in a circle, red pumps and strappy black heels shifting around as they watch.

Duygu and Melih first give some basic instructions about the move they want their students to master. One week, Duygu urges the ladies to try a flippant backwards kick, a punctuation mark that spikes the fluid motion of

the dance. She demonstrates with a ballerina’s grace.

Head and body firmly centered, she nonchalantly kicks up a back leg to reach behind her head and continues on for a few more moves.

The crowd giggles but gives the move a try. After about 20 minutes of practice, the move is woven into the mix.

Duygu and Melih move among the students, stealing partners to demonstrate as needed. “Show, then let them experience it on their own,” Melih says.

Melih says that dancing and teaching does relax him, especially after a long day working on his PhD, but teaching can also be difficult. He says teaching here is harder than in Istanbul because students come in already drained with less energy to bring to the dance floor. Melih says that most of the students are “beaten hard by the office.” Tuesdays are a little longer for the students, but believes they leave more mentally relaxed then when they started out.

Mercedes Mane and her husband Brain Wilcox came to the U of I from Indiana and have been students of tango since last semester. They said it is more than just the act of dance that has kept them coming. “It is coming and meeting and talking to people,” says Mane. She says she had a certain image of tango before she began the classes, which has since been shattered. “I knew the tango with the rose, but this is different,” she says. There is a faster beat, more energy.

Wilcox also says that the class is a nice way to get

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some exercise. “If you do it right, it is a workout,” he says, wiping a bead a sweat from his forehead with the sleeve of his shirt.

Ozge Sensory is also from Turkey. She says she didn’t know how to dance before the classes, but she moves conf idently across the f loor in new gold shoes bought from a Chicago Dance Supply.

Now, she says, “I l ike to dance.

I like the music. I have made great friends here.”

On some Saturday nights, the group host s tango par t ies at Chan n ing Murray that go on until the wee hours.

Everyone gets spruced up a bit, in the mood to move. Wide-legged black pants and fluid dresses take a backseat to the shoes — two-inch heels of all colors that accentuate the music’s sharp rhythms.

The upstairs cathedral of ChanningMurray takes on a twinkling glow. Simple tea light candles sit on tables strewn with snacks and drinks. A larger crowd lounges around, but the dancers from the class seem to stand out among the group. They are used to the fast rhythms and comfortable in the space.

They are in their element.

Naturally, it’s...

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listen, hear

MINUS THE BEAR OUT OF HIBERNATION

PHOTO BY RYAN RUSSEL

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KEITH HOLLENKAMP • STAFF WRITER

inus the Bear are here to make you dance. Not only did they release the incredibly infectious Menos el Oso to the world in 2005, but they just had to have it remixed to ensure that the dance party never stops. Fans won’t be complaining, though, because the remix not only makes the songs even more danceable, but also adds new life to an already amazing album.

Minus the Bear, which includes ex-members of bands such as Botch, Kill Sadie and Sharks Keep Moving, are best known for their brand of danceable guitar-driven indie rock. They are also known for their often hilarious song titles that were the staple of their fi rst few albums. They strayed away from the amusing song titles for Menos el Oso though, so that people would focus more on their music, and not their sense of humor.

“We hoped people would talk about our music, but everyone focused on our fucking song titles,” said drummer Erin Tate.

It is hard not to focus on them though, especially with song titles such as “Thanks for the Killer Game of Crisco Twister,” and “Get Me Naked 2: Electric Boogaloo.”

The band — comprised of guitarist Dave Knudson, bassist Cory Murchy, vocalist Jake Snider, drummer Erin Tate and Alex Rose on synthesizers — has always wanted to have one of their records remixed, and according to Tate, Menos el Oso was the record that, “seemed to make the most sense to remix.”

Interpretaciones del Oso, released on Februrary 20, features a different musician remixing each one of Oso’s already catchy tracks.

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“It’s something that we have always wanted to do; we are all huge fans of electronic music and hip-hop,” said Tate. “The idea of having someone take a song that you did and having them put their own spin or twist on it has also appealed to us.”

The decision of who got to remix each of the tracks was up to the band, but a few of their choices fell through because of fi nancial and scheduling difficulties.

“We kind of picked. A few of our friends who are musicians volunteered, so we were really happy to have them do it,” said Tate. “They were all people who we really respect what they do, and we enjoy personally what they do.”

Since the release of Interpretaciones, the idea of remixing their old albums has resurfaced, but for those of you hoping to rock out to some remixed versions of Highly Refined Pirates, keep hoping, because it ’s not going to be happening any time soon.

“We have kind of talked about remixing our older records, but those are in the past,” said Tate.

This does not mean that their future records will not be remixed, though. Their new record, Planet of Ice, scheduled for an August 21 release, may have a chance to be remade just as Oso was.

The idea that their songs could be remixed in the future has not changed the normal songwriting routine for the band, though.

“The writing process is different for each record. Oso was about what people were going through in their personal lives,” said Tate. “We don’t really write songs with the idea that they will be remixed in mind. That is just an added bonus.”

Don’t miss Minus The Bear with Chin Up Chin Up and Honorary Title at the Highdive this Sunday, May 13. Doors are open at 8 p.m. for the 9 p.m. show, and tickets are $14 in advance.

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THE PLOT! THE PLOT!

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START WARMING UP FOR SUMMER CAMP WITH...

KILBORN ALLEY BLUES BAND STEVE PLOCK • STAFF WRITER

Having been referred to as “f ilthy Chicago party blues” and “southern-fried soul,” the music of CU natives Kilborn Alley Blues Band is rooted in tradition. Consisting of members Andrew Duncanson (guitar, lead vocals), Joe Asselin (harp, guitar, and back-up vocals), Josh Stimmel (guitar), Chris Breen (bass) and Ed O’Hara (drums), Kilborn Alley Blues Band has been around for almost a decade, playing their f irst show at a house party in January of 2000.

With members coming and going throughout the years, one thing has remained the same: the dedication to keeping their music as authentic to real blues as possible. After playing hundreds of shows over the years, majority of which last about four hours and playing in over hundreds of different bars, the band has got plenty of experience under their belts.

Strangely, Kilborn Alley Blues Band have carved themselves into the college music scene, a place usually reserved for synth-laden indie pop-rock. The combination of rousing live shows and authentic, powerful music has made the Kilborn Alley Blues Band a growing force.

Gaining much attention, the band was recently asked to return to the Summer Camp Music Festival which takes place at the end of every May in Chillicothe, Ill. Summer Camp is a great opportunity not only for Kilborn Alley, who have already played at the festival in 2004, but all the bands present this year.

In its seventh year, the Sum mer Camp Music Festival features over 45 bands, three stages, unique vendors, on-site camping and musician workshops all spread out over three days. The festival is also famous for its creative late night shows in which multiple bands will often trade members and play multiple sets full of unique originals and classic covers. With a combination of big name artists and great local bands, Summer Camp is one of the summer festivals you don’t want to miss.

After their stint at Summer Camp, Kilborn A l ley has possible plans of br ing ing their Chicago blues to Europe. Before the band jumps across the pond, don’t miss the chance of seeing them, and many other great artists, at this year’s Summer Camp.

PHOTO COURTESY OF NICK MULVANEY

Butterfl y Beads Champaign-Urbana’s Only Bead Shop

Check out our new beads for summer!

Gemstones, Seed Beads, Glass Beads & much more! Class, Repairs, and Custom work available.

Don’t forget about Mother’s Day gifts!

Tues-Sat 11-6, Sun 12-4 1104 E. Washington, Urbana 217-344-BEAD

Let your creativity soar!

Topless Female Dancers 18 to enter • Mon-Thur 8pm-1am • Fri-Sat 8pm-2am • $5 Cover (Always Hiring, We’ll Train)

Silver Bullet Bar

1401 E. Washington Urbana 217.344.0937

www.silverbulletbar.net sounds from the scene

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DRINK AND THE DEVIL TAKE CARE OF THE REST, YO HO HO AND A BOTTLE OF RUM.

GOLD SPONSORS $500 – $999 Carle Clinic Association Champaign Telephone Company Stan & Penny Cukay King Decorating KoFusion Main Street Bank & Trust Marci Dodds & Jon "Cody" Sokolski News-Gazette Noodle's Olive Garden One Main Development Provena Covenant Medical Center The Buzz SILVER SPONSORS $200 – $499 Andrew Fell Architecture & Design Aroma Cafe Biaggi's Dale Brashers Ken & Christy Bruce Café Luna Kevin Cain Chipotle Mexican Grill Corkscrew Wine Emporium Craig Detamore, Allstate Insurance Esquire Lounge Foudini's Ginza and Co. Glass FX Diane & Fred Gottheil Great Harvest Bread Co. Harry & Lois Grimason-Hilton Jillians Jim Gould KEC Design—Dan & Rhonda Proctor Kelly Delaney Kevin Elliott Counseling Inc. Wynne Korr & Donald Brieland Nina Lewis McGown Photography Meijer National City Bank Natural Gourmet Maria Gorecki Nowak O'Brien Auto Park of Urbana Esther Patt Precision Graphics Radio Maria Restaurant Rent-A-Center (Champaign) Schnucks - Urbana Silver Mine Subs Dr. L. Art Spomer

A VERY SPECIAL THANKS GOES OUT TO:

Thomas Standley Teresa Stoerger Sun Singer Wine & Spirits Ltd. Risa & David Tewksbury Paula Treichler & Cary Nelson Tri Star Marketing UpClose Marketing & Printing The UPS Store Marjorie Williams, RE/MAX Realty Sandy & Bill Volk

• Acting On AIDS • Capoeira • CU DIVAS • Desafinado • F&G Sound/Topper Lites, Inc • GrooveYard • Tami Haubner • DJ Hellcat • Koinonia • Peggy Purkhosrow • Radio Maria Restaurant • Sigma Lamda Beta • Trent Shepard • Zoo Improv Troupe • to our wonderful weekend warriors for all the hard work in prepping the theatre for the show.

and to Bob Rowe and his great crew at Classic Events Catering

With much gratitude to all of our contributing artists, without whom this event would never happen.

Thank you to the Orpheum Children's Science Museum's staff and Board of Directors for their patience and generosity.

2 0 0 7 P L A NNING COMMIT T EE Tim Hutchison Georgia King Danelle Jameson Dan Leasure

Teri McCarthy Paula Newcomb Mimi Ormerod Ryan Pratt Peg Purkhosrow

Pamela Shelley Sharon Shelley Trent Shepherd Jim Slaughter Art Spomer

and to the Dan-ells

See you all next year!

The release of Ryan Groff (lead singer of elsinore)’s solo CD has been pushed into June to accommodate the pressing time involved now that he has signed to local label Parasol Record s . W h at was or ig ina l ly slated to be his CD release show will still take place in an altered state tonight at Cowboy Monkey, where Ryan will play a solo set on guitar and piano. He’ll be previewing some of what you’ll hear on the new release, People in the Midwest, along with elsinore favorites and a cover or two. Also on the bill is Larry Gates, making a rare solo acoustic appearance. Hopefully he’ll have some new material to preview as well, though a set of songs from his time as the frontman of Lorenzo Goetz would not disappoint. This show will also mark the debut of the new lineup of the band Darling Disarm, fronted by local songstress Kayla Brown.

Backing her this time around will be P. Tyler Bundy on bass, Jim Treichler on drums and myself on guitars (OMFG self-promo!). Other acts are rumored for the show, so you might show up to find even more than you bargained for. The cover is $5 and showtime is 10 p.m.

Local hip-hop artist Krukid doesn’t have any shows this week, but the word is that his delivery of his album to Rawkus Records in New York City for inclusion in the Rawkus 50 was a success.

This should mean that his new album, African, will get all sorts of promo from the label. That’s great news for a very deserving artist. If you haven’t caught Krukid around town, be sure to check out myspace.com/krukid.

Friday evening offers another show from Aye Aye Booking at the IMC in Urbana. The early show (6 p.m.) features Frank Must Go, The Matches, This Is Me Smiling and JigGsaw.

Tickets are $10 in advance and $12 at the door, and the show is for all ages. Down the block at the Iron Post, The Leigh Meador Piano Trio will kick off a set a 7 p.m. for only $3, followed by a 9 p.m. show with Miami Heat Latin Jazz featuring Carlos Vega, also $3.

Mike ’n Molly’s will offer another beer garden show on Friday, this time with MSF (Mad Science Fair), Brother Embassy, North of Grand and Trouvere. Again a reminder that a beer garden show at Mike ’n Molly’s means that you can sit at a table, enjoy a drink, and smoke without having to get up! It’ll only cost you 5ish bucks, and it will commence at 8 p.m.

Saturday night will host what is being called the first CU Punk Fest, though I imagine some punk fests of the past will have something to say about that. This fest is being held at Megan’s house, which is somewhere out on Bloomington Road near Rising. I don’t think it’ll be too hard to find, really. Look for some horrified locals milling around outside the event and then park anywhere! Alleyway Sex, Carbomb Lottery, The Cockblocks, and many others are slated to perform, and the event is free. That’s right, it’s FREE, people. Kickoff is around 3 p.m.

Also at 3 p.m., the Iron Post has a show with Stone Crik, which Iron Post owner Paul Wirth describes as an “old-timey string band.” Cover is $3. For the late show, the Iron Post will host No Secret at 8:30 p.m. $4 cover.

Saturday night also gives you the opportunity to listen to the smooth sounds of Bruiser and The Virtues at Cowboy Monkey. This is good for a couple of reasons. The weather is supposed to be great, meaning you can sit in the beer garden all night. Plus, The Virtues, led by guitarist Bruce “Bruiser” Rummenie, happens to be one of the best bands in town when it comes to blues, swing and rockabilly. $4 will get you in the door with a 9:30 p.m. start.

The Highdive will run with a rare Sunday show this weekend, and for good reason. The folks in Minus the Bear (Suicide Squeeze Records) have left the comfort of their Seattle homes to tour the country, and we’re lucky enough to have them stop in, along with support from Chin Up Chin Up and Honorary Title.

Minus the Bear represents some of the best of what the Seattle experimental scene has to offer, and is touring behind a new remix album, meaning we may see some new versions of some old favorites. Chicago’s Chin Up Chin Up has made several CU stops, playing alongside bands like the Appleseed Cast and of Montreal. Be prepared for awesomeness. 9 p.m. showtime, $14 in advance, $16 at the door.

This week’s WEFT Sessions band is Snowsera, the drummer-less local band that has been making quite a splash in the scene. See what all the fuss is about by tuning in to 90.1 FM on Monday night from 10-11 p.m. WEFT Sessions is a weekly live music show that features local artists. More info at weft.org.

The Beauty Shop will once again rock a midweek show, this time throwing down at the Canopy Club this Wednesday. They’ll share the stage with Dress Code, Reds, and Super Stick Figure – 9 p.m., $5. Check out a new demo clip from The Beauty Shop at myspace.com/thebeautyshop.

Mike Ingram can be reached at forgottenwords@gmail.com.

www.gcapnow.com

Joel Brotherton Craig Detamore Don Elmore Susan Elmore Tami Haubner

M ay 16 , 2 oo7

Aye Aye, Captain

2007 AAA SPONSORSHIPS & DONATIONS BY LEVELS

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•

CU SOUND REVUE MIKE INGRAM

Thank you for making this year’s exhibit and sale a great success, with more artists participating and more money raised than ever before!

PLATINUM SPONSORS $1,000 AND ABOVE Carle Foundation Hospital Chesser Financial Circles Classic Events Great Impasta Orpheum Children's Science Museum Piccadilly Liquors Q (providing support to LGBT students)

M ay 10

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An Apology: The best part about making glaring m istakes is hav ing them pointed out, and then feeling horribly embarrassed about it ... wait, that doesn’t sound very good at all, actually. Maybe making mistakes has no noticeable plus side, unless, say ... you were an absent-minded professor, and you accidentally added some highly volatile substance to a mixture and created Flubber in an act of sweaty serendipity.

That’s the only example that comes to mind.

This past issue, I helped with the sprawling web of Broken Social Scene connections, and to my chagrin, I said the supergroup is based out of Montreal, when in fact they’re from Toronto.

I think I knew that, but I was subconsciously scared of a. Raptors, b. SARS and c. that Jersey Girl was filmed there, and therefore fled to another Canadian metropolis. I apologize, and hope to reestablish myself and, if you’ll let me, my cred over time.

The End of an Era: Time, like love and hair, is a universal theme in modern music. As the famous British-American lyricist Madonna once said, “Time goes by so slowly,” the molasses-pace of my personal clock has moved past two decades on this day. Now a mature member of society, totally removed from my teenaged years, my age and experience allows me to look back at that age and the music it inspires in a fully realized retrospective ... sort of.

In high school, there are phases I think even casual music lovers go through. The Doors are the best thing ever invented for about a month of a 16-year-old’s life. Jim Morrison is sex incarnate, regardless of orientation or preference, and his music is a direct reflection of that. “Touch Me” is liberation on a CD as a guy pumps his fist or a girl stares creepily at that Jesus/ Jim Morrison poster in her room. Of course, there’s the realization that the band is more unrepressed sex and unfocused art than quality music, which causes a move onto the next phase.

sounds from the scene

Zeppelin offers a similar good for the awkward adolescent. Be it the explosion of “When the Levee Breaks” or the relaxing feeling of “Over the Hills and Far Away,” Zeppelin is the human experience, at least for a little while. After this, classics either grow old or get replaced by other preoccupations. Modern acts f ill the need of rock and roll created by hormones and painful orthodontics.

A la n is Mor isset te’s musica l ra nt i ng s at Uncle Joey from Full House make for great car drives and The Strokes’ f irst record played as an anthem for pointless and undirected frustration. The great thing about these bands and songs is their timelessness. People listen to Zeppelin their entire life and The Strokes are always a welcomed surprise on shuff le. One genre, though, missed out by me particularly, and by most in general, seems to slip out of consciousness and lose its effects as listeners move out of their teen years and into adulthood ... punk rock.

I wish I had the chance to love the Sex Pistols as a curly haired freshman, failing honors algebra and getting cut from the basketball team. I never found Minor Threat to back my moral crusades as a sophomore and couldn’t rock it to The Buzzcocks either. Brilliant artists with fantastic visions, musically and culturally, but their angst and their power seems lost as time progresses. There’s an optimum receiving time, like say, in an ovulation period, and if the punk doesn’t f ind its way to the listener, there is no fertilization and the moment is lost.

I listened to the Pistols’ discography for the f irst time last year, and it was lost on me. Now being an old, old man, like Neil Young’s “Old Man” or like Neil Young himself, I suppose, I wish I had a year or two back to really soak up this great music that passed me by. Although bypassing the whole Hot Topic, Safety Pin lameness has had its advantages. Crap-punk and crap-marketing, more than anything, I think, ruined the dynamics of angst-incarnate found in the founders of punk. Sigh ... I think I’ll blog about this on MySpace. What smiley face am I feeling right now?

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hoopla

THEATRE REVIEW:

“My kind of theater has danger,” he says.

“I like to feel like the theater can leap out at [the audience], grab their purse and take a big shit in it.”

PARASITE DRAG READING THIS WILL NOT BE SATISFYING

— MARK ROBERTS, PLAY WRITER AND ACTOR

ANDY SEIFERT • STAFF WRITER | PHOTOS BY AMELIA MOORE

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Kay Bohanmom Holley, director of Parasite Drag, speaks with actors in front of the set before a dress rehearsal on May 4 at the Station Theatre in Urbana.

(From left) Ronnie, played by Mark Roberts, Susie, played by Joi Hoffsommer, and Jo Ellen, played by Anne Shaplind Karns, in a dinner scene from Parasite Drag.

The Station Theatre will be hosting the world premiere of this performance written by playwright Mark Roberts, from May 10-26.

The producers of Parasite Drag would rather you not know much — if anything — about what happens in their play before you see it. The premise? A small-town Illinois family deals with a family crisis, each member experiencing something different about their stories. That’s as much of the plot as you’re gonna know. Spoilers?

I don’t even have the characters’ names. The poster? No idea what it’s supposed to be (It appears to be some sort of Rorschach inkblot

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test). Rehearsals? You better believe they’re off-limits.

But judging by the way they excitedly look at each other as if they know a secret that everyone else should be dying to know, something big is about to go down. When asked what moment is mulling around in their minds, they say, “You have no idea.”

“We’re trying to stand out from mainstream commercial theater, to take a lot of risks and pose challenges to our audiences,” says

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director Kay Bohannon Holley and a member of the Celebration Company that works at Station Theatre.

Key players Joi Hoffsommer and Gary Ambler agree that the suspense of not knowing what’s going to happen is one the theater’s main appeals.

“Every time you come in here you think, ‘Something could happen tonight ... something a little bit startling,’” Hoffsommer says.

“Something that’s a little bit dangerous,” Ambler added.

It’s kind of like an anti-movie trailer approach. Rather than spoil all the fun by knowing all the good scenes before you see the show, maybe it’s better to not know a damn thing and to trust that what happens within the rundown walls of Station Theater will be quality stuff. One thing you are allowed to know is that the play was written

by Two and a Half Men writer and Urbana-born hero Mark Roberts; who has a hometown relationship with Station Theater, recently writing the theater’s Welcome to Tolono and Rantoul & Die (He was also briefly listed as dead on imdb.com after being mixed up with the General Hospital actor of the same name, prompting a few of the site’s posters to mourn his fake passing).

Roberts, also a 20-year veteran actor who has appeared in Friends, The Larry Sanders Show and Seinfeld, says he does the smaller Urbana shows “in order to have some sense of balance as a writer, and hopefully to get people more aware of the quality of work with the people here who have touched me and shaped me.”

“My kind of theater has danger,” he says. “I like to feel like the theater can leap out at them, grab their purse and take a big shit in it.”

sounds from the scene

His script also benefits from a small, tight-knit cast, starring himself, Ambler, Hoffsommer and Anne Shapland Kearns.

“There’s a comfort and there’s a family feel that works,” Hoffsommer says. “In other shows you have to work so hard for that semblance.”

Perhaps it’s this “family feel” that makes this ensemble work fittingly, even perfectly, into a story about the intricate nature of families. Well, almost perfect. Even with such a “family feel,” when asked if the cast gets along, they responded: “Oh my ... ” says Bohannon.

“Nope,” says Kearns.

“No,” says Hoffsommer.

Seems like a good fit to me.

Parasite Drag opens today and runs through May 26 at the Station Theatre, located at 223 N. Broadway Avenue. All shows start at 8 p.m.

Tickets are $15.

Husband and wife Gene and Jo Ellen discuss their marital sex life while Gene nurses a black eye with frozen peas.

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19 CLASSES A REAL U OF I GRADUATE HAS TAKEN Cyn-Eds: Cynical Education Requirements

KERI CARPENTER • ARTS & ENTERTAINMENT EDITOR | PHOTO ILLUSTRATION BY AMELIA MOORE

19.) Mom Look What College Taught Me 325 Played cards on the Stoop (the porch on the south side of the union) with people you didn’t know.

18.)I Don’t Want to Grow Up 360 Forgot about reasoning — you know you cried when you didn’t get your way.

17.) Kinesiology 780 Played Frisbee in the Dark with glow sticks on the Quad; running into a tree can brighten someone else’s day.

16.) Planet Earth 300 Saw how many people you could get to sign a petition to save the trees.

15.) No She Didn’t 405 Gave a dirty look to someone who didn’t wash her hands when she came out of the bathroom and said, “Gross. Do you eat with those?”

14.) Family Time 200 Watched as many episodes of Family Guy as you could, then found yourself still laughing when watching the DVDs. 13.) Because You’re Fortunate 120 Volunteered at a nursing home — smiling faces brighten everyone’s days.

12.) Get Phat 275 Ate Cold Stone Creamery ice cream until you memorized all the songs they sing when you tip them.

11.) Neighborhood Spidey 400 Prerequisite: Spidey 1 and Spidey 2. You waited Suggestive Posing with the University’s Elite (Grainger Statue) 592. in line an hour before Spider-Man 3 started to make sure you were fi rst to see it when it played at 12:01 a.m. Oh wait, maybe that was just me ...

6.) Buddies 510 This takes more work than a thesis, but in order to call yourself 10.) Junk Food 120 — Intro to Health Hazards a graduate you have to have pulled an all-nighter talking to your You couldn’t leave this two-town campus without ordering friends about “life” (a.k.a. crazy teachers, the girl next door and Pokey Sticks from Gumby’s. And it doesn’t count unless you how Sara fell into the street when she was drunk last night). have them at 2 a.m.

5.) T.A.’s Pet 300 9.) CRCE 436 — Lookin’ Good and Workin’ Out Prerequisite: argumentative skills. Every semester there’s been Swam at the indoor pool in CRCE. It’s a must. I mean, not only a T.A. who gave you a grade you didn’t deserve (or maybe you is there a slide that reminds me of the water parks at home but did) — either way, you fought for that C+. It’s worth a try and it’s also free! you can tell mom your stood up for yourself.

8.) Alma-Mater 323 It’s pretty cliché, but it’s tradition that you’ve taken a picture doing something silly by the statue.

7.) Illinites 101 I have three words for you: Twenty-five cent Sbarro’s.

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4.) Quad-ruple the Stars 120 This one takes no effort and it’s not even a full semester course; You went to the quad at midnight, lay on a blanket and looked at the stars with a friend (without thinking about the test you have in Lincoln Hall tomorrow).

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3.) Facebook 320 Met someone fun and exciting on Facebook. How cool is it that you can communicate with people on campus who you otherwise would have never met? Guys, haven’t sent that random friend request out to “Teresa-comeandgetit-Thomas” yet? There’s still time to “poke her” tonight.

2.) Study A-fraud 435 Visited another campus for their Homecoming so you could remember how much better your school is. And of course, you didn’t even think about coming back wearing their school colors.

1.) Angel Soft Stall Raider 485 Took some tissue from the nearest dorm for your apartment.

If someone stopped you and asked where you were going, you scrunched up your face and said “I have a boo boo.” It’s a guarantee you walked out victoriously.

sounds from the scene

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Drew Barrymoreâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s good looks arenâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t enough to make Lucky You a stunning theater experience.

PHOTO COURTEY OF WWW.HOLLYWOOD.COM

Curtis Hanson is a director known for risky maneuvers. From edgy independent projects to full-blown war horses of eclectic genres and star caliber like LA Confidential and Wonder Boys, Hanson has tackled them all. So itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s only appropriate that he takes â&#x20AC;&#x201D; disputably â&#x20AC;&#x201D; the gamble of his career with Lucky You. Erroneously billed as another nit-wit Drew Barrymore rom-com (romantic comedy), this time with a suave gent wielding a respectable acting pedigree (not Hugh Grant), Lucky Youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s rather glib characters and simplistic, clichĂŠ plot offer promise of big rewards. But donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t get greedy over those stakes just yet.

Aussie hunk Eric Bana is Huck Cheever, a professional poker player with â&#x20AC;&#x201D; you guessed it â&#x20AC;&#x201D; a gambling addiction. He pawns off every stick of furniture he owns just to keep bankrolling those neon nights on the Vegas strip. Languishing in the shadow of his poker legend father (Robert Duvall), Huckâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s tries to earn enough cabbage to compete in the World Series of Poker. With Barrymoreâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s doughy-eyed lounge singer Billie Offer, Huck has the romantic ace up his sleeve, but will he draw a royal flush or just a pair â&#x20AC;&#x2DC;o twos? Hmmm â&#x20AC;Ś Texas Hold â&#x20AC;&#x2DC;Em aficionados may rejoice; but non-fans will be undeniably deterred. Watching almost two hours of endless poker games becomes repetitive and banal â&#x20AC;&#x201D; a veritable cinematic coma. Itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s as if Lucky You drew good cards on talent and production, but lost ever ything on an unlucky fl op. Dozens of potential plot and character developments inf initely more mesmerizing were completely ignored â&#x20AC;&#x201D; not to mention substandard performances from Bana and Barrymore.

Apparently numerous poker players from the circuit make cameo appearances. Hell if I know who any of them are. Sorry, Mr. Bana; but Lucky You is completely â&#x20AC;&#x153;hucked.â&#x20AC;? If weâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re taking bets, Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;d go all in on your friendly neighborhood Spider-Man. sounds from the scene

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Just as he did with Army of Darkness 15 years ago, Sam Raimi has brought another trilogy full circle.

Spider-Man 3 ends the saga on a disappointing note that will leave fans screaming for more. Itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s easily the worst of the three Spider-Man movies but a highly entertaining fi lm nonetheless. While the first and final 10 minutes of the fi lm are painfully and unbearably boring and clichĂŠ (how many times do we have to hear James Franco mutter the line â&#x20AC;&#x153;You killed my father, Peteâ&#x20AC;??), the middle portion is, for lack of a better term, amazing. Sam Raimi takes the visual elements of Spiderman to a new breathtaking high, successfully blending his horror/comedy talents in the process. The result is a solid fi lm riddled with thrilling action sequences that will put you on the edge of your seat.

A major fl aw of Spider-Man 3 is its character depth. Where as the fi rst two installments had genuine, motivating characters, quite a bit of the third feels forced. Toby Maguire and Kristen Dunst have never been better and Topher Grace adds a deliciously evil performance, but James Francoâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s anti-Spiderman persona is increasingly obnoxious and over-the-top, while Thomas Haden Church provides solid acting in a poorly written part. Churchâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s character has but a â&#x20AC;&#x153;superficial depthâ&#x20AC;? to it, seemingly existing for mere plot and shallow thematic reasons; a shame given the characterâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s complex simplicity.

The fi lm suffers from the â&#x20AC;&#x153;Godfather curse;â&#x20AC;? the first two fi lms set such a high bar that simply could not be matched by a third. Still, itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s an entertaining action fl ick. Spider-Man 3 is far superior to any of its Marvel movie counterparts. After such flops as Fantastic Four and Elektra, Spider-Man 3 is a breath of fresh air. While somewhat disappointing, its ending is still more satisfying that the sub-par X-Men: The Last Stand. Its $350 million budget may have been a bit high considering the fi nal product, but given the box office performance of the previous two fi lms, itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ll surely make back its weight in gold. I recommend seeing Spider-Man 3, but I donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t have much of an interest in seeing it again; itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s at least worth watching, if for no other reason than for Bruce Campbellâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s utterly hilarious cameo.

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M ay 16 , 2 oo7

Lunch hours: Mon-Fri 11:30- 2:00

THE COLOR PURPLE

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s the musical version The Color Purple arrives in Chicago as part of the Broadway in Chicago series, it is definitely worth taking a look at the several journeys this book has taken, and the extraordinary nature of this grim southern tale as a musical offering. Playing at the Cadillac Palace Theatre in Chicago, you have an opportunity to see what has excited people in New York and see many members of the original New York cast.

Alice Walker was no literary novice in 1982, when this social activist and social novelist won the Pulitzer Prize for The Color Purple. This story of Celie, an abused and often brutalized woman who suffers from poverty, neglect, her own insecurity and separation from loved ones, is a triumphant story of the ability of the human will to persevere.

In 1985, Menno Meyjes and Larry McMurtry adapted the stor y to the screen and Steven Spielberg directed a successful film of the book that provided the film debut of Oprah Winfrey (as Sophia). For the next 20 years, Oprah worked to get The Color Purple to the stage and it’s no coincidence that other Chicagoans f igured prominently in this story.

Petonica native and University of Illinois graduate Kevin Stites (see the July 13, 2006 Artist’s Corner) gives us the musical supervision and transitional cues. Among the talented Illinois cast members are Chicago native and Tony nomine Felicia P. Fields, who continues

her superb performance as Sophia and Rockford native Michelle Williams, who is equally as stunning as Shug Avery.

But, you cannot have a successful Color Purple without a great Celie, and this production has one in the person of Jeanette Bayardelle. This talented mid-20s actress acts and sings Celie from her late teens to her 60s with a thoroughness that truly captures this complex character.

Legendary set designer John Lee Beatty remains faithful and performs his usual miracles of stage craftsmanship.

The musical numbers of Stephen Bray, Allee Willis and Brenda Russell strike a rare balance that captures the spirit of survival and hope with the grim elements of the story. But their upbeat musical moments are the most convincing.

This story was originally told as somewhat of an interior monologue of a brutalized woman and as such contained subtle changes in tone as she evolved. Almost any adaptation must convert this story into a more literal narrative, and that changes the impact of the novel a great deal.

Perhaps, here we get as fine an adaptation of this great book as we are going to experience, but even if this spirit moves you, don’t hesitate to return to its source.

The Color Purple will continue at the Cadillac Palace Theatre at 151 West Randolph in Chicago until at least July 22. For ticket info, check out www. broadwayinchicago.com, or call (312) 902-1400.

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kim rice & ross wantland DOIN’ IT WELL

LIVING AND LOVING LARGE: jonesin CROSSWORD PUZZLE

“Music Preservation” spreading the love.

by Matt Jones Across 1 Like the barrel cactus 6 Gruff guy 10 Pudding coagulation 14 The Governator/Gropenator 15 Hammer part 16 Assistant 17 Colorful horses 18 They’ll give you a squeeze 20 Simmons/Rubin label 22 Words after “No, really!”

23 Take a shot

24 Electrical conductance unit that’s another unit backwards 27 Compass dir.

28 511 29 Trios times two 31 Absinthe flavoring 33 Clarke’s “Rendezvous With ___” 34 1993 Flaming Lips tune 40 Cold spot?

41 “Release the Stars” musician Wainwright 42 It’s full of nougat 46 Letters near 7, on some phones 47 Part of a marathon finisher’s time: abbr.

50 Horiz., for vert.

51 Actress who met Oprah in a Letterman gag 52 Companion on a family farm 54 Patti LaBelle hit whose remake lasted longer in the #1 spot than the original 57 California or Michigan, but not Texas or Idaho 59 Home of some Kurds 60 Round toaster brand 61 Fusses 62 Foot-soaking salts 63 Org. 64 Kindergarten time-outs 65 Where queens are more powerful than kings

Down 1 Manhattan restaurant noted for its wall caricatures 2 Book prefaces 3 “Back ___” (“I shall return,” in memo shorthand) 4 Assassin in black 5 Ambivalent answer 6 Painter who’ll make you look twice 7 Eye color carrier 8 Does a spit-take, e.g.

9 Request at the concert’s end 10 Hourglass filler 11 It may come with a toy 12 Ore-___ (frozen foods brand) 13 “Metroid” console 19 Big antelope 21 Blend, as a recipe may instruct 25 Internet code 26 “The Star-Spangled Banner” opener 30 Number learned on “Sesame Street” 31 Does some remedial math 32 It’s north of Afr. 34 Unlikable guy: var.

35 Big ol’ pile 36 Canal blockers 37 Hold down 38 Zimbalist, Jr. of “77 Sunset Strip” 39 Shout to a ringing phone 43 BFFs 44 “Sagwa, the Chinese Siamese Cat” author 45 Howard Johnson competitor 47 Barely able to talk 48 XM ___ 49 Uses an iron setting 53 Shape of a letter 55 “___ Flux” (2005 movie) 56 Situated over 57 She was Dorothy on “The Golden Girls” 58 Some shirt sizes: abbr.

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SEX AND PEOPLE OF SIZE Dear Kim and Ross, I read with interest your “Sex 411:Women’s Sexual Bill of Rights.” I was wondering if a woman has the right to grow larger… and still deserve sex. I lost 100lbs to get down to a size 6 and was traditionally pretty when my boyfriend-to-be first asked me out. We soon had a good exclusive sex life, but after about six months I started to gain weight back. My boyfriend constantly told me to get smaller again to be sexy, but the weight crept on. Finally he told me he did not enjoy sex with me because I was a fat woman, so I broke up with him, since I felt hopeless about losing the weight.

I would like to hear your comments on whether this is abusive behavior by a man towards a woman, or if it is just good sense, since medically we should all be thin?

I haven’t gone out with a man in two years since I feel I don’t deserve a sex life — and perhaps cannot even get a sex life — as a larger woman of size 18.

Thanks for any information you can give me, or give to others in your column.

Yours sincerely, Staying Large Dear Staying Large, The quick answer is yes, you deserve to be sexual and sexy at any size! And no one has the right to tell you to change. Unfortunately, we are taught that our bodies are only worth something if they match what society deems attractive: thin, tall, well-endowed. And very few of us meet that standard. Consequently, we wind up forced to love our bodies (and our partners’ bodies) in spite of the messages we are surrounded by, rather than with the support of positive messages.

This is especially true for people of size. Once categorized as overweight or “fat,” we often begin to believe the lies that society has told us: that we’re unhealthy, lazy, that we’re unworthy of sexual attention, or that fat people are fat because they’re afraid of sexual intimacy.

As we have discussed in past columns, women are often expected to express their sexuality for the benefit and pleasure of men, rather than for the pleasure and satisfaction it brings themselves.

We shouldn’t rob ourselves, or let society rob us of our sexuality and our right to full, passionate, sexual expression! That applies to partners as well.

Not being attracted to someone is not abusive, but calling them names, being derogatory and threatening to break up with them if they don’t look or act a certain way, definitely is! Good for you for ending a relationship with someone who did not appreciate the woman you are; the full, whole, beautiful, sexual woman you are!

STAYING HEALTHY Deciding to lose weight is between you and your doctor or nutritionist. Each circumstance is different. Some “fat” people are very healthy.

Some thin people are very unhealthy. It doesn’t sound like your previous partner had your health in mind when asking you to lose weight. Instead, it sounds like he was thinking about his own sexual satisfaction. Nor does it sound like he approached the subject in a loving way. Only you should decide whether or not to alter your body, and you should only do so because it feels good to you, not to make someone else happy or satisfied.

SHAME SHAME Research in sexuality has shown that selfimage and body shame play a greater role than body size on a person’s sexual satisfaction. This means that the way you think and feel about your body, regardless of what the scale or the tag in your jeans reads, is more important in determining sexual satisfaction. Unfortunately we don’t see women of size portrayed in the media as being very sexually expressive, “sexy” or satisfied. As Hanne Blank says in Big, Big Love, “If you go by what you see in the media or read in most porn… fat people simply cease to exist when it comes to sex.” We can easily imagine what this invisibility does for self-image and therefore the sexual satisfaction we each deserve. What a loss!

Changing these erroneous ideas about ourselves and others is the first step to reclaiming sexual satisfaction and expression at every size.

LOVING ME, LOVING YOU Too often we are expected to change our bodies for the pleasure of our partners, rather than expecting our partners to change their attitudes about our bodies. People of every size deserve sexual pleasure and satisfaction, and very much deserve to be with people who share this view.

SEX 411 • For additional reading check out: • Hanne Blank: “Big, Big Love: A Sourcebook on Sex for People of Size” Kim Rice and Ross Wantland are professionals in the field of sexuality and violence prevention. Email them your questions: buzzdoinitwell@yahoo.com.

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free will astrology MAY. 10 — MAY. 16 ARIES

March 21 – April 19

I’m a big fan of facing your problems head-on and dealing forthrightly with your pain. But what if that approach isn’t always best? Renowned psychologist Richard Lazarus said he wanted to “challenge the view that psychological health demands full realism.” He believed that some sick people get healthy faster by refusing to admit how serious their problems are. To those in stressful situations, he recommended that they could reduce their anxiety by describing their predicament in a matter-of-fact way. “Avoiding what is painful, to a great extent, seems to serve a positive function,” he concluded. Although I’m not sure this strategy is universally applicable, I do recommend it for you right now, Aries.

T A U RU S

April 20 – May 20

To get misguided tips about how to invest, check out Henry Blodget’s “The Complete Bad Advice Column” (tinyurl.com/ ys4al8). For crabby, mean-spirited counsel about how to conduct your personal life, listen to Dr. Laura’s syndicated radio show (drlaura.com). For silly chatter about trivial subjects, read the “most intelligent woman in the world,” Marilyn vos Savant marilynvossavant.com). But if, on the other hand, you’d like brilliant guidance about where to direct your substantial life energy next, tap into your own intuition. The astrological omens suggest that it’s working better now than it ever has. It’s far more useful to you than any so-called expert’s blatherings.

GEMINI

May 21 – June 20

The Yanyuwa aborigines of northwestern Australia believe that music literally has curative properties. In one traditional method, the healer sings a medicine song directly into the top of the head of the patient. The sound circulates through the body, driving out the illness or unease. According to my analysis of the astrological omens, something resembling this approach could help chase away your current malaise. Do you think you could find a shaman or shaman wannabe to perform the musical “surgery”? If not, do the job yourself. Spend 20 minutes a day singing the most potent healing songs you know into your own head.

CANCER

June 21 – July 22

a limited time only, the planetary powers-that-be are granting you an exemption from the ordinary. More than that, actually: They’re *insisting* on it. You need intimate contact with unreasonable beauty, sweet anomalies, beguiling ephemera, inexplicable joys, and small changes that inspire reverence

SCORPIO

Oct. 23 – Nov. 21

S AG I T TA R I U S

Nov. 22 – Dec. 21

CAPRICORN

Dec. 22 – Jan. 19

AQUA R I U S

Jan. 20 – Feb. 18

It’ll be fine to eat ice cream with a fork this week. It’ll be kind of cool to enter through exits, too, and you may generate good luck if you smash a mirror with a hammer or talk about subjects you’re normally too superstitious to broach. You should also consider fixing things before they’re broken, and listen ravenously to what’s *not* being said. But please avoid trying to drink coffee with a sieve, Scorpio. Refrain from saying what you don’t mean. And don’t you dare try to fall *up.*

“We were expelled from Paradise,” wrote Franz Kafka in *The Blue Octavo Notebooks,* “but Paradise was not destroyed.

In a sense our expulsion from Paradise was a stroke of luck, for had we not been expelled, Paradise would have had to be destroyed.” Do those ruminations strike a chord in you, Sagittarius? I hope they move you to turn your thoughts towards your own personal version of paradise-on-earth. Consider the possibility that it was important for you to have been exiled from that land of bounty once upon a time. Meditate on what you’ll need to do to prepare yourself to return to it when it becomes accessible again in the future.

“Most painting in the European tradition involved painting the person’s mask,” wrote abstract expressionist painter Robert Motherwell. “Modern art rejected all that. Our subject matter has been the person behind the mask.” Your next assignment is similar to that of modern art’s, Capricorn: to recognize everyone’s persona, but delve deeper to explore the maddeningly complex, crazily inscrutable, gorgeously wounded soul that’s hidden beneath everyone’s persona. Strip away the surface, in other words, and investigate the essence lurking below.

The counsel I’m about to offer is not given lightly. If you choose to heed it, it could wreak discomfort and disorder, at least initially. And you’ll have to pump yourself up with more courage than you’re used to feeling. Still, I’m convinced it’s the right thing for you to hear; I believe that any breakdown it might engender will ultimately lead to a breakthrough. So here’s the advice, courtesy of Franz Kaka: “Don’t bend; don’t water it down; don’t try to make it logical; don’t edit your own soul according to the fashion. Rather, follow your most intense obsessions mercilessly.”

The zoo in Anchorage, Alaska built a treadmill for its four-ton elephant. The cost was high--$150,000--but hey, if you own an elephant, you’d better take good care of it, right? Use this vignette as your operative metaphor, Aquarius. What’s the symbolic equivalent of an elephant in your life--some exotic resource or giant responsibility or out-of-place treasure? Whatever it is, it needs extra care and attention. I’m not saying you have to spend a load of money. But you should at least spend some of your high-quality time.

LEO

PISCES

July 23 – Aug. 22

In 2005, former mayor of New York Rudy Giuliani was paid $100,000 for speaking at a fundraiser for tsunami relief. That’s a prime example of giving a gift with steel cable-like strings attached. Be wary of this phenomenon popping up in your own life, Leo. Don’t accept such mixed blessings, and don’t offer them, either. That’s the cautionary news. The encouraging news is that if you’re vigilant in guarding against generositythat-isn’t-really-generosity, the coming weeks will be favorable for the giving and receiving of modest gifts that have a big impact. Visualize Giuliani getting, say, an honorarium of $5,000 for his help in raising money for a good cause, and you’ll plant the right seed in your subconscious mind.

VIRGO

Aug. 23 – Sept. 22

LIBRA

Sept. 23 – Oct.22

Feb. 19 – March 20

Dear Pisces: We need a break from all these words we use, all this rational discourse. So how about if we sing to each other in a made-up language? Or we could use felt-tip markers to draw pictures and symbols on each other’s bodies. Let’s jump in over our heads and dance for each other underwater. Let’s pretend we’re two Helen Kellers tapping out codes on each other’s wrists and ankles. Let’s scrawl the stream-of-consciousness truths we want to express to each other on golden cards, and read them aloud to each other like we’re announcing Oscar winners.

Homework: Comment on the following hypothesis: “You know what to do and you know when to do it.” Testify by going to RealAstrology.com and clicking on “Email Rob.”

I was enjoying a leisurely bike ride in a rural neighborhood where I’d never been. The houses were sparsely placed amidst overgrown meadows. The temperature was balmy. My endorphins had kicked in and the fragrance of wildflowers had rendered me giddy. Then my mood shifted suddenly. While rolling downhill on a one-lane road, I hit a speed bump--freakishly, unexpectedly, right in the middle of paradise. Why was it there?

My bike stopped cold and I flew through the air, landing awkwardly. The damage was minimal, and the shock was a bit invigorating. Still, I advise you, Virgo, to watch out for and avoid a comparable speed bump out there in the frontier you’re exploring. There’s no inherent karmic necessity for you to experience an inconvenient interruption like mine. Add 10 percent more caution to your roving and rambling.

“Ordinary life does not interest me,” wrote Anaïs Nin in one of her diaries. “I seek only the high moments. I am searching for the marvelous.” Normally I might discourage you from pursuing that approach, Libra. You’ve got money to make and appointments to keep and groceries to buy, after all. And doing those tasks can make it hard to specialize in the marvelous. But for

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Champaign Country Club is currently seeking a bright, enthusiastic, ambitious individual to assist with a variety of office related tasks. This position is part-time, weekends – and some holidays.

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APARTMENT INSPECTORS NEEDED Large property management company on campus looking for part-time apartment inspectors. Good hourly wage plus paid training. Must have car. Training starts beginning of June. Apply in-person today at 303 E. Green St., Champaign.

Earn great money as an exotic dancer at the Silver Bullet. You pick your hours. Call 344-0937 after 8pm.

Fax: 217-356-1399 E-mail: renee@champaigncountryclub.com Mail: Champaign Country Club, 1211 S. Prospect Ave., Champaign, IL 61820

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THU. MAY 10 Live Bands Caleb no cover. Rose Bowl Tavern 9:00 pm NU Beginnings Records: with special guests Zany The Micsmyth, The Mudkids, Akdamoe, Prince of the City with J. Wellz and Twick G. $6, Canopy Club 9:00 pm Ryan Groff with special guests Darling Disarm (Kayla Brown and Mike Ingram) and Larry Gates $5, Cowboy Monkey 10:00 pm DJ DJ / Gentlemen’s Club Nothin’ but Rock., Silver Bullet Bar 8:00 pm DJ Hellcat Rock, power-pop, punk, mod, beat, garage, rockabilly, ska, reggae, new wave, old school hip-hop, soul, funk, and all things retro.

Mike ’n Molly’s 10:00 pm Limbs Hip-hop, breaks and party music., Boltini Lounge 10:30 pm Karaoke Karaoke Karaoke with Randy from RM Entertainment every Thursday at Fat City Saloon starting at 9 pm all night long. Fat City Saloon 9:00 pm Liquid Courage Karaoke Come and enjoy karaoke every Thursday. The Office 10:00 pm Lectures/discussions A Senior Moment: The Old Ball Game Dr. Barb Oehlschlaeger-Garvey will present a brief history of Central Illinois baseball. The public is invited. Please call ahead by May 1 as space is limited. Clark-Lindsey Village 7:00 pm “Did the Recent Minimum Wage Increase Help Fast Food Employees?”

A talk by professor Elizabeth Powers. Admission and parking are free. Urbana Free Library 7:00 pm Workshops Dog Training-Basic Home Companion Skills Positively reinforce your dog’s behavior with basic skills you will learn. Bring your dog to each class along with a 4-6 ft leash, collar or harness, training pouch and soft treats. Please park in Lot B5. The

TRY GOING TO EVENTS MARKED BY THE LOGO. COME ON, YOU KNOW YOU WANT TO.

that the University Y runs. They collect reusable items and sell the collected items in order to reduce litter and consumer waste.

University YMCA 9:00 am

class fee is $60 and the registration deadline is April 12. For more information call (217) 351-2546.

Parkland College 6:30 pm Carle Expectant Parent Classes Newborn Care Class. Registration is required. Call (217) 383-6962 for more information. Carle Clinic 6:30 pm

Family Fun Group Funfare “Funfare” (Preschool Groups) Preschool groups are invited to come and enjoy stories, songs, puppets and films. Groups are asked to register in advance with the Children’s Department at 367-4069. Urbana Free Library 9:45 am “Funfare” Children ages 3-6 (w/ an adult) are invited to come and enjoy stories, songs, puppets and films.

Urbana Free Library 10:30 am

Recreation Yoga & Meditation Purchase a Group Fitness pass at CRCE Member Services. Unlimited passes are $50 and with this you may attend any type of session.

Single session passes are $3.

Theater “Parasite Drag” The Celebration Company is proud to announce its next production at the Station Theatre. This new play by playwright Mark Roberts is directed by Kay Bohannon Holley, and features Gary Ambler, Joi Hoffsommer, Mark Roberts and Anne Shapland Kearns. Come enjoy a thought provoking drama about a small town family and the ghosts that haunt it. Tickets are $15, call 384-4000. Station Theatre 8:00 pm

Museums Exhibit “A Whole ‘Nother Game: Baseball in Central Illinois from the 1860s to the 1970s” Visit this year’s special exhibit featuring the history of area baseball from its beginnings during the Civil War through the Eastern Illinois League teams of the 1970s. No admission fee.

Museum hours: 1-5 pm March through Dec.; extended hours of 10 am to 5 pm Mondays through Saturdays in June, July and Aug. Early American Museum, 600 N. Lombard, Mahomet 1:00 pm

Miscellaneous Japan House Group tours of the Japan House.

There is no fee. Japan House 1:00 pm

FRI. MAY 11

Art Exhibits Symagery An Exhibition by Melissa Pokorny, Assistant Professor, School of Art and Design, UIUC. Using a variety of materials, Pokorny’s work investigates the collision of public and private space, architecture and the built environment, mediated nature, and the real and imagined contingencies suggested by these forced conversations. Humanities Lecture Hall 8:30 am Secrets Revealed=Secrets Shared This exhibit takes its inspiration from the Web site postsecret.com, where people from all walks of life anonymously send in postcards which they have written a secret on. Krannert Art Museum 9:00 am

Live Bands Boneyard Jazz Quintet no cover, Cowboy Monkey 5:30 pm The Matches, This is Me Smiling, JigGsaw, Frank Must Go $10/$12 at the door, Independent Media Center 6:00 pm Mad Science Fair, North of Grand, Trouvere, Brother Embassy cover, Mike ’n Molly’s 8:00 pm Delta Kings Rock and blues. cover. Memphis on Main 8:30 pm Country Connection $1. Rose Bowl Tavern 9:00 pm Mad Science Fair, TBA, Mike & Molly’s 9:00 pm Trouble Is Hard Rock, Metal. Win Chevelle concert tickets. Radmaker’s Billiard and Sports Bar 9:00 pm Heroes of the Kingdom, Johnnyork $3, The Phoenix 9:30 pm

Fundraisers “When in Doubt, Don’t Throw It Out” The annual dump & run garage sale is a fundraising program

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Mhondoro Rhythm Success with special guests Big Groove Zydeco and members from Fotamana Combination of folk, blues, country, cajun and zydeco with special features of African marimba. $5, Cowboy Monkey 9:30 pm Concerts “God is Still Crazy About You” Tour Featuring Mark Lowry. Call 3569063 for ticket reservations.

Reserved/Main: $19 Artist Circle & Mezzanine seats: $24 Balcony: $19. Virginia Theatre 7:00 pm DJ DJ / Gentlemen’s Club Nothin’ but Rock. Silver Bullet Bar 8:00 pm Party-N-Soul DJ Dance Party $5 before 11:30, Highdive 9:00 pm Mertz House, Funk, Electro no cover, Boltini Lounge 10:00 pm DJ Dance Party cover, Canopy Club 10:00 pm DJ Mambo Italiano House music.

No cover. Ko Fusion 11:00 pm Dancing Contra Dance Singles, couples, groups and families are invited to come dance to live music every first and third Friday of the month. All dances are taught (walked-through) prior to dancing. Wear comfortable clothing and bring a pair of clean, soft-soled shoes to protect the wood floor.

Phillips Recreation Center 8:00 pm Karaoke Liquid Courage Karaoke Come and enjoy karaoke every second and fourth Friday. American Legion Post 71 8:00 pm Sporting events Men’s tennis Illinois vs. Western Michigan, Atkins Tennis Center 3:00 pm Baseball Illinois vs. Indiana, Illinois Field 6:05 pm Theater James and the Giant Peach James, a curious young orphan forced to live with his two cruel aunts, is taken on a fantastic journey when he discovers a magic peach. The play, based on a beautifully written story by Roald Dahl, unfolds in a series of mishaps and adventures involving James, the peach and a cast of wacky bugs.

Rantoul Theatre 8:00 pm Miscellaneous Tent Party Tickets are required. Come enjoy a wonderful dinner and celebrate your accomplishment. Quad 5:30 pm College of Law Open House Graduates, families, faculty and honored guests are invited to join us for a casual dinner. College of Law 6:00 pm Fundraisers “When in Doubt, Don’t Throw It Out” University YMCA 9:00 am Museums Why Knot?

For 20,000 years, humans have manipulated fibers to construct objects that aid in food gathering, commemorating the dead and protecting and beautifying the body and home. This exhibit celebrates

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these artifacts and the skilled craftspeople who create them.

Spurlock Museum 9:00 am Social Issues OUTZone Youth Center A social and wellness drop-in group for gay, lesbian, bi-sexual, transgendered and questioning teens (13-19) and their supportive teen friends and allies to meet and socialize with others like themselves in a safe enviornment.

Independent Media Center 7:00 pm

SAT. MAY 12 Live Bands The Masters Table “Cowboy Church” Come as you are. Live The Masters Table Cowboy Band Gospel Music Church. Cowboy Church is coming together to worship in Spirit and Truth and to Fellowship around God’s word of abundant Life in Love and songs. Christian Church 2200 A E. University Urbana, Ill. (Next door to Casey’s) 6:00 pm Metal Show (Brought to you by: Jerp!)

All Will Fall (Troy, Ill.), Goretesque (Champaign, Ill.), Dissension (Danville, Ill.). The Phoenix 8:00 pm Country Connection $1. Rose Bowl Tavern 9:00 pm City Limits Band High energy country, Radmaker’s Billiard and Sports Bar 9:00 pm Bruiser & the Virtues Jump-jazz, blues and swinging country. $5, Cowboy Monkey 9:30 pm Concerts Music in Nature Concert: Boneyard Jazz Quartet, and Briggs Houchin Trio Jazz music will be performed.

Bring a lawn chair or blanket. Food and beverages will also be available for purchase. The fee is $7 per adult and $5 per child 12 and under. Allerton Park 4:00 pm DJ DJ / Gentlemen’s Club Nothin’ but Rock. Silver Bullet Bar 8:00 pm Chris O House, no cover, Boltini Lounge 10:00 pm DJ Tim Williams Remix of top-40, house, techno, dance-pop and even a splash of disco, ’80s and hip-hop $5, Highdive 10:00 pm Dancing West African dance classes Six classes of West African dance taught by Djibril Camara, an international African ballet dancer and instructor from Guinea West Africa. The classes are each Saturday and the last two Tuesdays throughout the month of May at the UC-IMC and the Lincoln Square Mall. Individual class cost is $15 or call for entire series of six classes for a promotional price. UC-IMC 6:00 pm Karaoke Liquid Courage Karaoke Come and enjoy karaoke every Saturday. Geo’s 9:00 pm Film “The Caine Mutiny” (1954) During the Second World War, onboard a small insignificant ship in the U.S. Pacific Fleet, an event occurs unlike any that the U.S. Navy has ever experienced.

Starring Humphrey Bogart (124 minutes long), admission is $3.

Virginia Theatre 1:00 pm

“African Queen” (1951) The African Queen stars Humphrey Bogart in his Oscar-winning portrayal of Charlie Allnut, the slovenly, gin-swilling captain of a tramp steamer called the African Queen, which ships supplies to small East African villages during WWI. Katharine Hepburn plays Rose Sayer, the maiden-lady sister of a prim British missionary. Together the disparate duo work to ensure their survival on the waters and destroy a German gunboat. $3 admission.

Virginia Theatre 7:00 pm Sporting events Baseball Illinois vs. Indiana. Double Header, Illinois Field 3:05 pm Recreation Robert Allerton Park Open until dusk, the “Allerton Legacy” exhibit at the Visitors Center is open daily. Also, garden tours can be arranged if you call 333-2127. Allerton Park 9:00 am Theater “Parasite Drag” Station Theatre 8:00 pm James and the Giant Peach Rantoul Theatre 8:00 pm Meetings Illini Folk Dance Society Beginners welcome. Call 3986686, for more information.

Tuesday and Saturdays. Illini Union 8:00 pm Fundraisers Grand Prairie Friends Native Plant Sale Grand Prairie Friends is having a Native Plant Sale with dozens of prairie plants along with additional woodland species and herbs for sale. Volunteers can help choose a variety of plants for various habitat types.

Grand Prairie Friends is an all-volunteer, not-for-profit, conservation organization composed of people from many walks of life who share a commitment to preserving and restoring tallgrass prairie and woodlands across East-Central Illinois. Proceeds from the plant sale will go towards their operations.

Lincoln Square Village 8:00 am “When in Doubt, Don’t Throw It Out” University YMCA 9:00 am Twin Cities Twosome Run/Walk to Benefit Three CU Charities All race proceeds to benefit Crisis Nursery Programs and Services, the Transitional Initiatives and Men’s Emergency Services (T.I.M.E.S.) Center and A Woman’s Fund. Participants who donate supplies for the charities such as toothbrushes, deodorant or soap receive a free Human Kinetics book.

The event allows two person teams to complete either a 2 x 5k run or a 2 x 2.5k walk.

Individual runners and walkers are also welcome to complete a 5k. Per person registration is $20 adults/$10 youth (18-) with an event T-shirt. Register online or call 403-7545. Participants can also register in person at Human Kinetics Friday, May 11 (12-6pm), or on race day at Crystal Lake Park (7:30-8:45am). Crystal Lake Park 9:00 am Volunteer ReStore Volunteer Orientation Habitat for Humanity seeks volunteers for our ReStore.

Volunteers assist in all store duties, including customer service, pricing and displaying, pick ups

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and deliveries and cashiering.

All proceeds go to building more homes in Champaign County.

To get involved, please attend our 45-minute orientation. All ReStore orientations begin on the main floor of the store. For more information, a current ReStore orientation schedule or to RSVP for an orientation, please contact Courtney at 355-6460 x116 or email volunteer@cuhabitat.org.

Habitat for Humanity 9:00 am

SUN. MAY 13 Live Bands The Masters Table â&#x20AC;&#x153;Cowboy Churchâ&#x20AC;?

2200 A E. University 6:00 pm Crystal River No cover. Rose Bowl Tavern 9:00 pm Minus the Bear with special guest Honorary Title and Chin Up Chin Up $16, Highdive 9:00 pm DJ DJ / Gentlemenâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Club Nothinâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; but Rock. Silver Bullet Bar 8:00 pm Dancing Salsa Sundays featuring DJ Bris Free dance lessons until 8:30pm followed by open floor dancing no cover, Cowboy Monkey 7:00 pm Sporting events Baseball Illinois vs. Indiana, Illinois Field 1:05 pm Recreation Sunday Morning Bird Walks in Busey Woods Join the Champaign County Audubon Society members on a trip.

For further information, call 3446803. Anita Purves Nature Center 7:30 am Tae Kwon Do Learn martial arts. No previous experience is required. Campus Recreation (CRCE) 9:00 pm Theater â&#x20AC;&#x153;James and the Giant Peachâ&#x20AC;?

Rantoul Theatre 2:00 pm â&#x20AC;&#x153;Parasite Dragâ&#x20AC;?

Station Theatre 8:00 pm Miscellaneous Jawed Karim, a co-founder of YouTube (a popular video-sharing Web site), will be speaking. Doors will open at 1 pm. After all students and their guests are seated the remaining seats will be available to the public. Shuttle buses will stop at various locations on campus, including Assembly Hall, from 9 am to 6 pm. Assembly Hall 2:00 pm

MON. MAY 14 Live Bands Open Mic Night with hosts Mike Ingram and Brandon T. Washington acoustic, no cover, Cowboy Monkey 10:00 pm DJ DJ / Gentlemenâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Club Nothinâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; but Rock. Silver Bullet Bar 8:00 pm Fit For Life Gentle, yet fun, class for cardiorehab patients, weight-challenged, prenatal, new to fitness and older adults. Strengthens entire cardio-vascular, abs, back, legs and arms without strain on joints and includes stretching. Lighthearted atmosphere. Call 367-1544 to sign-up. Phillips Recreation Center 9:00 am

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Meetings Italian Table Italian conversation on Mondays.

All are welcome. Krannert Center for the Performing Arts 12:00 pm Fundraisers â&#x20AC;&#x153;When in Doubt, Donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t Throw It Outâ&#x20AC;?

University YMCA, 9:00 am Mind /Body / Spirit New Class Taught by Doctorate of Metaphysics A new class in metaphysics is now forming and will be taught by Dr. Pam Blosser. Dr. Pam has received all the degrees offered by the School of Metaphysics and has 30 years of experience. Discover your hidden potential. For more information or to pre-register call 344-2270.,1009 E. Main, Urbana 7:30 pm

TUE. MAY 15 Live Bands Billy Galt Sings the Blues Straight from the Blues Deacons, Billy plays at Blues Restaurant every Tuesday & Friday, from 11:30 am to 2:30 pm. Join us for the best BBQ in town with great music on the side. Blues 11:30 am Crystal River no cover. Rose Bowl Tavern 9:00 pm DJ DJ / Gentlemenâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Club Nothinâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; but Rock. Silver Bullet Bar 8:00 pm SubVersion featuring DJ Vermis and DJ TwinScin Electro, industrial, prog-house, synthpop and â&#x20AC;&#x2122;80s no cover, Cowboy Monkey 10:00 pm Dancing West African dance classes UC-IMC 6:00 pm Subversion Weekly industrial, EBM, electro dance night at the Highdive in downtown Champaign. Now featuring DJ Vermis and DJ Evily. $2 cover, $1 drafts. +19 to enter.

Highdive 10:00 pm Karaoke Liquid Courage Karaoke Come and enjoy karaoke every Tuesday night. Geoâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s 9:00 pm Karaoke Karaoke with Randy Miller. Free.

Bentleyâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Pub 9:30 pm Workshops Career Planning Seminar Parklandâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s free career planning seminar is for you if you are selecting a college major, making a career change, considering or setting new career goals or reentering the job market. Learn about the career development process and explore your interests, abilities, values and goals. Tour the Career Center and learn about the resources available. You will also have time to ask questions and, schedule an individual appointment with a career counselor. For more information and to register, contact Career Center at 351-2536. Parkland College 6:00 pm Carle Expectant Parent Classes Breast-feeding Education. Registration is required. Call 383-6962 for more information. Carle Clinic 6:30 pm Recreation Cardio-Kickboxing Fun, high-energy class, modifying to low or high impact levels.

Emphasizes developing muscle

coordination, stamina and agility.

Wide range of punching and kicking techniques with strengthening cardio-vascular, abs, arms and legs.

Call 344-1544 to sign-up. Phillips Recreation Center 5:30 pm Theater â&#x20AC;&#x153;Parasite Dragâ&#x20AC;?

Tickets are $15, call 384-4000.

Station Theatre 8:00 pm Miscellaneous Rainbow Coffeehouse A welcoming, nonreligious, open enviornment to LGBT and ALLY communities to socialize. Open to the public every Tuesday. Wesley Foundation (United Methodist) 6:30 pm Meetings Illini Folk Dance Society Beginners welcome. Call 398-6686, for more information. Tuesday and Saturdays. Illini Union 8:00 pm

ACTION $20

20 Words, 5 Days

ADS!

10 Words, 5 Days

$10

Fundraisers â&#x20AC;&#x153;When in Doubt, Donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t Throw It Outâ&#x20AC;?

University YMCA 9:00 am Family Fun Babiesâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; Lap Time Babies and their parents or caregivers are invited to The Urbana Free Library for Babiesâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; Lap Time on Tuesdays from 9:45-10:15 am.

This program of songs, stories and rhymes is for our youngest patrons, ages birth to 24 months. No registration is required. For more information, call 367-4069. Urbana Free Library 9:45 am

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WED. MAY 16 Live Bands Irish Traditional Music Session Bentleyâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Pub 7:00 pm Feudinâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; Hillbillyâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s No cover. Rose Bowl Tavern 9:00 pm The Beauty Shop with special guests Dress Code, Super Stick Figure and the International Theatre of War cover, Canopy Club 9:00 pm Feudinâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; Hillbillys no cover, Rose Bowl Tavern 9:00 pm Acoustic Wednesdays featuring Adam Wolfe no cover, Geoâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s 9:30 pm

*Cash-in-advance only. No refunds, but you may cancel your ad.

DJ DJ / Gentlemenâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Club Nothinâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; but Rock. Silver Bullet Bar 8:00 pm DJ Bozak Spinning jazz, down tempo, funk, hip hop, chill disco no cover, Cowboy Monkey 10:00 pm

www.radstavern.com (217) 485-3531

Friday, May 11th TROUBLE IS THIS IS A ROCK SHOW!!!

Win Tix to: Bullet Boys, & Chevell!!!

9pm

Dancing Tango Dancing Dancing lessons are at 7:30, and general dancing is at 8:30. No cover. Cowboy Monkey 7:30 pm Tango Dancing with special guest Joe Grohens no cover, Cowboy Monkey 7:30 pm

saturday, MAY 12th CITY LIMITS BAND HIGH ENERGY COUNTRY!!!

Big dance floor, cold brews & great food

Karaoke Liquid Courage Karaoke Come and enjoy karaoke every Wednesday night. Geovantis 10:00 pm Lectures/discussions Introductory Arabic Course Learn the Arabic alphabet, construct Arabic noun and verb sentences, and be able to comprehend and engage in short conversations about familiar topics. The course fee is $150, which includes the textbook. Central Illinois Mosque and Islamic Center 6:30 pm

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In concert!

saturday, MAY 19th w/ X-Krush tickets available at Radâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s IN

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Recreation Belly Dance for Beginners Learn how to Belly Dance in a comfortable environment and impress everyone you know. Call 367-1544 to sign up. Phillips Recreation Center 8:15 pm Theater “Parasite Drag” Tickets are $15, call 384-4000.

Station Theatre 8:00 pm Meetings Scandinavian Coffee Hour All are welcome. Bread Company 4:00 pm Illinites Meetings Do you love coming to Illini Union Board’s Illinites on Friday nights?

Are you looking for leadership opportunities and experience, or just like to program? Look no further than the Illinites committee.

Meetings are every Wednesday, all are welcome to attend. Illini Union 6:00 pm Art Notices A Call to Arts: Open Critiques All are welcome. Grigg Street Potters 7:00 pm

James And The Giant Peach

May 11, 12, 18 and 19 at 7:30 p.m. and May 13 and 20 at 2 p.m The Rantoul Theatre (914 Arends Boulevard, Rantoul) Call 892-1121 for more information.

It sounds ridiculous now: A boy is orphaned after a rhinoceros swallows his parents, and he must escape his evil aunts by floating to New York City inside a giant peach. However, the classic children’s tale “James and the Giant Peach” makes up for its absurdity by being heartwarming and genuinely funny.

Chances are, you’re familiar with the book by Roald Dahl or the movie adaptation by Henry Selick, but if you’re looking to get reacquainted with the story via a new medium, head on over to The Rantoul Theatre beginning May 11 to see Grasshopper, Miss Spider, and of course that infamous peach on stage.

As finals wrap up and another year of college comes to a close, get in touch with your inner child and take solace in the fact that no matter how low your grades were, at least you don’t have to worry about those rhinos.

– Bonnie Stiernberg

Fundraisers “When in Doubt, Don’t Throw It Out” University YMCA 9:00 am Volunteer Volunteer Event: Garden Workday Help maintain the formal gardens surrounding the Visitor Center and Conference Center. Volunteers may help with a special project or assist with watering, weeding and cutting back or deadheadng flowers. Allerton Park 9:00 am ReStore Volunteer Orientation Habitat for Humanity 5:30 pm

Mhondoro Rhythm Success with special guests Big Groove Zydeco and members from Fotamana May 11, 9:30 p.m.

Cowboy Monkey, $5

If you like spice and like to dance, come fill up (musically, that is) with a taste of Louisiana at the Cowboy Monkey on the 11th to see Big Groove Zydeco.

Although they focus on Zydeco music, which is a blend of Cajun and blues, they still incorporate that folk and jazzy fun into their work. The instruments usually heard within Zydeco include accordion, electric guitars, scrub board, drum set and sometimes horns. So if this sounds appealing, come and be appealed.

Perhaps this is inappropriate, but a particular song comes to mind by a particular ‘90s girl, uh … ensemble, that sang something like this: “Every boy and every girl, spice up your life, people of the world, spice up your life!” when I think of kicking off my shoes and getting down to business with this Cajun/Zydeco music that will be the burning sensation of Friday night.

Anyway, if you’re up for something different, something authentic, a night with Big Groove Zydeco would be a good choice. Get there early, they are the opening act for Mhondoro Rhythm Success which features the mbira — an African instrument that is made out of metal whatever (spoons, slivers, whatever is handy) and placed inside a large cavity that could be something like a gourd or what-have-you and just makes this perfect tinkling, indigenous sound that I just, well, like.

— Caitlin Cremer

You’re invited…

As a member of the U of I or Parkland College faculty, you are cordially invited to our exclusive Faculty Appreciation Event Thursday, May 17th after normal store hours at the Illini Apple Center on Green Street.

Hors d’oeuvres and drinks will be served.

Apple specialists will be on-site to answer any questions you may have, and demonstration units will be available.

Event Details: 24-hour faculty sale beings at 5pm on Thursday • • Faculty take an additional $100 off the already discounted education prices on any notebook or iMac computer • Hardware and software presentations • Complementary training sessions and courses • Product giveaways

Every teacher deserves an apple...

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IN

illini apple center

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Thursday, May 17th Private Store Hours: 5pm-7pm 512 E. Green St. www.illiniapplecenter.com sounds from the scene