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MA Y. 19

CLAIRE?... OH, IT'S A FAT GIRL'S NAME.

EDITOR’S NOTE PAUL WAGNER • EDITOR IN CHIEF

This might sound kind of

weird, but I’m dedicating this week’s column to facial hair and all its glory. The obvious follow-up question is why? Or maybe, “Paul, what the hell are you talking about?” Both good questions, really. First off, I have facial hair and when I first started growing it, it took a damn long time. Hell, I still can’t grow a mustache, and most of my facial hair is light and sparsely populated on my face, so you can’t really see it. But, to more clearly answer the questions, at first it’s scratchy and weird, but after a while it becomes a part of you. I went to Mike n’ Molly’s Monday night to watch my buddy Ed attempt to reclaim the title of Mr. Mustache at the Pi Omega Omega annual Mustache Contest. Unfortunately, Ed’s mustache, which he called Google, did not win. Nor did my favorite mustache donned by Bravo. I’ve gotta say that the judging was rigged. Or at the very least political. The guy who won, Juice, was pretty creepy, I thought, and not overly funny. But, as Ed pointed out to me, mustaches can be creepy. And he’s right. But don’t ever tell that to Tom Selleck, owner of one of the finest mustaches of all time. This is how the annual mustache contest works.Three weeks before the contest date, all of the candidates shave their faces in a ritualistic, cultish communal shaving experience at the bar. Then they grow the hair on their faces as best they can until the day of the competition. Ed recommends taking on a whole new persona and shaping the mustache and other facial hair to match the persona. Just going up there with a bunch of hair on your face isn’t going to win you the contest. Oh no.You have to sell it. Each competitor is called on-stage and asked to introduce their mustache. Then they wait until all of the mustaches are introduced, and that ends round one. At this point, the crowd is already into it and loving the hair on face action, and, of course, numerous mustache jokes. One guy was a barber (he was hilarious, by the way), one dude wore stilts (not entirely sure why), Ed wore a wig ... it was all pretty funny. Round two brought each competitor up to answer a question that they randomly picked out of a hat. Some of the questions were ridiculous like, “If your mustache starred in a porn film, what would it be called?” The third round was the talent competition, which I unfortunately could not stay for. But it was a damn good time and a great homage to the glory that is facial hair. I apologize to those of you out there who dislike facial hair, as I’ve been told by a few people that mine is gross. But hey, I like it. So to hell with the naysayers out there. Now, who wants a mustache ride? -Paul I N T R O | A R O U N D T O W N | L I S T E N , H E A R | M A I N E V E N T | A R T S & E N T E R TA I N M E N T | T H E S I LV E R S C R E E N | T H E S T I N G E R | C L A S S I F I E D S

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MA Y 19

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APARTMENTS n o . 2 O

Cover Design • Claire Napier Editor in chief • Paul Wagner Art Director • Claire Napier Copy Chief • Stacey Ivanic Music • Kyle Gorman Arts • Brian Warmoth Film • Andrew Vecelas Community • Susie An Calendar • Erin Scottberg Photography Editor • David Solana Designers • Brittany Bindrim, Nikita Sorokin, Miriam Moore Calendar Coordinators • Cassie Conner Photography • Sarah Krohn, Adriana D’Onofrio Copy Editors • Jen Hubert, Nellie Waddell Staff Writers • Tim Peters Brian Warmoth, Cornelia Boonman, Todd J. Hunter, Emily Wahlheim, Andrew Crewell, Devon Sharma, Kyle Gorman, Susie An Contributing Writers • Michael Coulter, Seth Fein, Jeff Nelson Production Manager • Meredith Niepert Sales Manager • Anna Rost Marketing/Distribution • Louis Reeves III Publisher • Mary Cory

Furnished

DELUXE 2 BR

309 N. Busey, U. August of 2005. Fully furnished, W/D, ethernet and parking available. Close to Beckman. $595/mo. Call Chris anytime, 841-1996 or 403-1523 Furnished one bedrooms and efficiencies from $325, $365, and $395 near John and Second or Healey and Third. 356-1407.

GREAT VALUE

306- 308- 309 White August 2005. 1 & 3 Bedroom furnished apts. Balconies, patios, laundry, dishwashers, off-street parking, ethernet available. 352-3182, 8411996, 309 S. First. The University Group www.ugroup96.com

HEALEY COURT APARTMENTS

307- 309 Healey Court. Fall 2005. Behind Gully’s. 2 bedrooms. Ethernet available. Office at 309 S. First, C. THE UNIVERSITY GROUP www.ugroup96.com 352-3182

JOHN STREET APARTMENTS

58 E. John August 2005. Two and three bedrooms, fully furnished. Dishwashers, center courtyard, on-site laundry, central air, ethernet available. THE UNIVERSITY GROUP www.ugroup96.com 352-3182 Showings Monday-Friday 10-5 Saturday 11-4

TALK TO BUZZ e-mail:

buzz@readbuzz.com write:

call:

217.337.3801

FOR YOUR MONEY!

We reserve the right to edit submissions. Buzz will not publish a letter without the verbal consent of the writer prior to publication date. Buzz magazine is a student-run publication of Illini Media Company and does not necessarily represent, in whole or in part, the views of the University of Illinois administration, faculty or students. First copy of Buzz is FREE, each additional copy is $.50

$595-$630

2 Bedroom Apts Beckman/Engineering Campus • dishwasher • furnished • spacious • off-street parking • air conditioned • ethernet access Corner of Clark & Gregory

493-8487 New Building “Lofts on John” One bedroom, unfurnished, W/D, dishwasher, opening August 05 $650/mo. Near John and 2nd. Call 356-1407 Spacious, sunny Victorian. 1 bedroom & study. Available August. Year lease. Hardwood floors, laundry, parking. 217-621-6067 Walk one block Krannert, quad. Great two bedroom, parking, laundry, on bus line. August. 390-6535 or 398-6677.

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420

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430

Unfurnished 705 S. RANDOLPH, C 2 BR, Available early June. Near campus and Downtown Champaign. $510/ mo. 352-8540 www.faronproperties.com

NEED A 1 BR!

Convenient 1 bedrooms near downtown Champaign now available. From $390. 508 W. Hill, C. 511 W. University, C. 515 W. Washington, C. These and other apartment locations also available for leases starting throughout the summer. 352-8540, p.m. 355-4608 www.faronproperties.com

SUBLETS

440

1 BR. Available Now. Parking included. 6th & Stoughton. $400/mo plus utilities. 630-205-4889 AVAILABLE NOW 1 BR loft apartment. Champaign. $380/mo. 773-821-0192.

FURNISHED

Near Engineering Campus. Includes cable, A/C. Only $450/mo. 847-9242116

450

Summer Only Furnished studio at Busey and Elm. Central A/C, parking, $550/mo obo. (847)452-2498 or abbaskhan@gmail.com.

SUBLETS

460

Beginning of June. Spacious 2 bedroom, 1.5 bath, two balconies. Near campus. Accessible bus stop. $624/mo. Reasonable utility bills. Opportunity to renew lease. 217621-2970. Fantastic Sublet Waiting For You! Lease is for summer and next school year up through next Aug. Great location by Hessel park, on bus line. Spacious, well lit 1 bedroom. Laundry room, $465 a month. Free Parking off street. Free Water. Free Garbage/ sewer. Call 390-6339

Other Rentals 500

2 BR house. Quiet Champaign location. Lots of amenities. $645/mo. 217-637-0806.

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Eight to Nine Bedroom Fall, Campus, $2850 367-6626 FREE IPOD SHUFFLE TO EACH TENANT! 2 houses. 3 1/2 blocks from quad. 606 & 608 E. Stoughton. 8 bedroom, 3 bath. Available June 1, 2005. $2000/mo, $2000/mo. plus utilities. Free parking. (630)205-4889.

ROOMS

530

Room in huge male/female student house near West Side Park and downtown Champaign. $520 per monthly includes utilities, trash, long distance telephone, cable, Ethernet, free Washer/Dryer, private off-street parking, use of large living areas. Lease & deposit required. Available August 2005. 217-355-2326.

ROOM & BOARD

540

Want community? Vegetarian meals? Affordable private rooms? www.couch.coop

ROOMMATE WANTED 550 1 bedroom, near campus $300 per month 367-6626 AVAILABLE NOW AND FOR FALL Share beautiful furnished 3 bedroom apartment at Third and Clark. From $225. Ted 766-5108 Female Roommate Wanted 2 BR in Champaign, condo, airconditioning,cable,fireplace, washer/dryer, balcony/patio, furnished, telephone hook-up, garage, 2 bus routes. $425/mo. 217-721-5027 or 217-373-7978. rnhrdttl@uiuc.edu. Looking for roommate for 2 BR apartment. $370/mo plus utilities. Cable included, washer/dryer in unit, dishwasher, balcony. Must not be allergic to cats. Lease begins August 10. 217-637-9500

PARKING/STORAGE

570

Rent storage for the summer. Student special. Own your own storage. 384-5302

RealEstateforSale 600 CONDOS/DUPLEXES

620

3 bedroom 2.3 bath, lofted condo in Colony West. W/D. C/A, swimming pool, tennis courts, lots of parking. $895 637-0806

SCHOOL FUNDING 20

"I just don't know how you go forward on that when the governor has left no wiggle room on this," Dunn said. Business groups, such as the Illinois Manufacturers' Association, oppose the plan, too.They say the state must be cautious about tinkering with taxes and should hold schools more accountable for using money effectively. Advocates for change insist those obstacles can be overcome. They say businesses will realize they benefit from better-educated workers and from the plan's substantial property tax cuts, Madigan will take action if he sees the Senate get the ball rolling, and lawmakers will realize their constituents want them to override Blagojevich. Even if the odds are slim, they insist it's worth a shot. "I don't think we ought to stop forward progress because one or another of our leaders is not interested," said Jerry Stermer, president of Voices for Illinois Children. "Our children deserve better."

!"#$%&'(

letter to the editor

KYLE DICKINSON • DISCONTENTED READER

orry, but that's hardly a worthy "Elite Eight" of the best movie villains of all time. Your writer, Devon Sharma writes that "Jafar narrowly beats out Ursula as Disney's best bad guy." Maybe if you've only been watching Disney movies made in the last 15 years.What about the Queen from Snow White or Cruella DeVille from 101 Dalmations? Those would have at least been worthy of being included in the top 8, but Jafar? Please. The only reason anyone remembers Aladdin is the Genie, done and done. As for his competition, Commodus from Gladiator? Sorry, but to include him on a list that doesn't include Darth Vader (only the most iconic and recognizable villain in film, ever), the Wicked Witch of the West, Norman Bates, HAL 9000 or Nurse Ratched is an absolute travesty. Even Guido the Killer Pimp would be a better choice. But oops I forgot. Risky Business came out in 1983, rendering it far beyond the scope of Sharma's knowledge of cinema. I could go on about some of the other inclusions in the bracket, but I'd just end up repeating myself. Needless to say, the only included villains who have ANY business competing in that bracket are Hannibal Lecter and the shark from Jaws. Sharma might want to brush up on his film history before trying to come up with another "greatest ______ of all time" movie lists. As it stands, that list is laughable and is a slap in the face to anyone who truly appreciates film.

Puzzle

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Announcements800

510

2 bedroom and 7 bedroom house on campus for Fall 2004. 367-6626.

t h e

617 W. CHURCH Beautiful 6 BR 3 Bath furnished home. Hardwood floors, two porches, off-street parking and more. Only $2100/mo. 369-0500.

Roommate wanted. 1 or 2. Male or Female. Nice house in country. $325 includes everything. 217-840-2257.

Summer with Fall Option

HOUSES

510

C O N T I N U E D F RO M PA G E

510 S. Elm Available Fall 2005. 2 BR close to campus, hardwood floors, dishwasher, W/D, central air/heat, off street parking, 24 hr. maintenance. $525/mo. 841-1996. THE UNIVERSITY GROUP www.ugroup96.com 352-3182

APARTMENTS

HOUSES

506 W. Springfield August ‘05. 6 bedroom, 2.5 bath furnished home. Huge, beautiful, hardwood, parking. Ted 766-5108.

OLD TOWN CHAMPAIGN

SUBLETS

57 E. Green St. Champaign, IL 61820

s o u n d s

APARTMENTS Furnished

604 E. White, C. Security Entrance For Fall 2005, Large 1 bedroom furnished, balconies, patios, laundry, off-street parking, ethernet available. Phone 352-3182. Office at 309 S. First, C. THE UNIVERSITY GROUP www.ugroup96.com

buzz weekly •

THERE 'S NO PRESENT. THERE'S ONLY THE IMMEDIATE FUTURE AND THE RECENT PAST.

www.readbuzz.com

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LOST & FOUND

810

Lost 1/10th size violin one block west of the Music Building, reward $100. Call 586-7200.

MA Y 19

Apartments

APARTMENTS

030

HELP WANTED Full/Part Time

PHONE: 217/337-8337 • DEADLINE: 2 p.m. Tuesday for the next edition. INDEX Employment Services Merchandise Transportation Apartments Other Housing/Rent Real Estate for Sale Things To Do Announcements Personals

000 100 200 300 400 500 600 700 800 900

• PLEASE CHECK YOUR AD! Report errors immediately by calling 337-8337. We cannot be responsible for more than one day’s incorrect insertion if you do not notify us of the error by 2 pm on the day of the first insertion. • All advertising is subject to the approval of the publisher. The Daily Illini shall have the right to revise, reject or cancel, in whole or in part, any advertisement, at any time. • All employment advertising in this newspaper is subject to the City of Champaign Human Rights Ordinance and similar state and local laws, making it illegal for any person to cause to be published any advertisement which expresses limitation, specification or discrimination as to race, color, mental handicap, personal appearance, sexual orientation, family responsibilities, political affiliation, prior arrest or conviction record, source of income, or the fact that such person is a student. • Specification in employment classifications are made only where such factors are bonafide occupational qualifications necessary for employment. • All real estate advertising in this newspaper is subject to the Federal Fair Housing Act of 1968, and similar state and local laws which make it illegal for any person to cause to be published any advertisement relating to the transfer, sale, rental, or lease of any housing which expresses limitation, specifications or discrimination as to race, color, creed, class, national origin, religion, sex, age, marital status, physical or mental handicap, personal appearance, sexual oientation, family responsibilities, political affiliation, or the fact that such person is a student. • This newspaper will not knowingly accept any advertising for real estate that is in violation of the law. Our readers are informed that all dwellings advertised in this newspaper are available on an equal oppportunity basis.

DEADLINE:

2 p.m. Monday for the next Thursday’s edition.

RATES: Billed rate: 35¢/word Paid-in-Advance: 28¢/word Photo Sellers 30 words or less + photo: $5 per issue Garage Sales 30 words in both Thursday’s buzz and Friday’s Daily Illini!! $10. If it rains, your next date is free. Action Ads • 20 words, run any 5 days (in buzz or The Daily Illini), $14 • 10 words, run any 5 days (in buzz or The Daily Illini), $7 • add a photo to an action ad, $10

Employment 000 020

HELP WANTED Part Time ATTENTION STUDENTS $9 per hour to start. Earn up to $15 per hour. No Experience required 25 positions available Full time/ part time 1-800-809-8775

030

HELP WANTED

The Blues Restaurant is currently looking to fill manager, supervisor, prep cook, maker, expediter and cashier positions for all shifts. Great opportunity to be a part of a restaurant offering a new and exciting barbecue concept. Interested applicants should email resumes to: crgoff@philippigroup.com

Full/Part Time Camp Counselors- Gain valuable expreience while having the summer of a lifetime. Counelors needed for Outdoor Adventure, Arts, Aquatics, and more in the Pocono Mountains of Pennsylvania. Apply online at www.pineforestcamp.com Earn $5000 as an egg donor. Must be 20-29 and a non-smoker. Please call Alternative Reproductive Resources at 773-327-7315 or 847446-1001 to learn how you can help a family fulfill its dreams.

035

HELP WANTED

400

APARTMENTS

110

Mentor and critic for literary and visual arts. $25/hr. 217-417-0233

BEST VALUE 1 BR. loft from $480. 1 Br. $370 2 BR. $470 3 BR. $750 4 BR $755 Campus. 367-6626.

1006 S. 3RD, C.

NO BULL!

Free Best Buy and Campus Tan gift certificate with each signed lease! Remodeled apartments that redefine campus living. 3 and 4 bedroom apartments available at 810 S. Oak St. between John and Daniel in Champaign. 3 bedroom apartment at $999/mo. (only $333 per roommate!) 4 bedroom apartment at $999/mo. (less than $250 per roommate!) High-speed internet, water, and trash included! Laundry in building.

AUTOMOBILES

310

Transportation 300

Don’t get stuck with only those highpriced apartments left for Fall. Wellmaintained 2- bedroom furnished apartments near Beckman and Engineering. Dishwasher, AC, ethernet and off-street parking available. $595- $630/mo. 493-8487

217-384-6930

APARTMENTS

420

Furnished

www.lookatusedcars.com

Johnson Rentals

Property Management

Fall 2005 Apartments • Efficiencies 1103 S. Euclid 312 E. White • 1 Bedrooms 508 S. First 108 W. Charles 310 E. Clark 106 E. Armory 312 E. White 105 S. Fourth 104 E. John 103 E. Stoughton 103 E. Healey 108 1/2 E. Daniel 507 S. Elm, C

• 2 Bedrooms 308 E. Armory 1103 S. Euclid 312 E. White 104 E. John 103 E. Stoughton 105 S. Fourth 210/208 E. White 312 E. White • 3 Bedrooms 1103 S. Euclid 807 S. Locust 210/208 E. White 312 E. White 104 E. John

SELL IT

IN THE CLASSIFIEDS 337-8337

351-1767

www.johnsonrentals.com rentals@johnsonrentals.com

• 4 Bedrooms 807 S. Locust 210/208 E. White

• Many pet-friendly locations • Furnished AND Unfurnished units • 9 month leases negotiable at some locations

• On-campus or off-campus • Excellent Tenant Union record • Weekend/evening showings by appointment

CALL US AT (217) 384-6930 VIEW OUR LISTINGS @ www.johnsmithproperties.com

502 E. University, C. Quiet Building. Huge bedrooms, AC, furnished, parking, Aug. 05. 369-0237. www.zhengrentals.com

Beckman View Apts.

• Easy walking distance to Krannert Center, Engineering Campus, and the Illini Union. • Also right on the MTD Green Line for easy bus access. • Washer/Dryer • Furnished • Broadband Internet • Balcony or Patio • Granite Countertops • and Much More!!! • Dishwasher

Prices start at only $995 per month

Quality apartments and houses for rent

Security Building

Quiet Luxury Apartments New Security Building

Each Unit Features

Call for an appointment

1 and 2 Bedroom Apartments

1 Bedroom

Located just two blocks from the University of Illinois

605 E. Clark St., C. Furnished, washer/dryer, A/C, balcony, dishwasher, intercom, ethernet, microwave, covered parking. www.mhmproperties.com 337-8852 1, 2, 3, 4 bedroom apartments Available now Gabe’s Place 359-0700 www.GabesPlace.com

1005 S. SECOND, C

Efficiencies. Available now and Fall 2005. Secured building. Private parking. Laundry on site, ethernet available. Office at 309 S. First, Ch. THE UNIVERSITY GROUP www.ugroup96.com 352-3182

Fall 2005

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102 E. Gregory, C 202 E. John, C 610 E. Stoughton, C 910 & 910.5 S. Locust, C 807 W. Oregon, U 810 W. Iowa, U 811 W. Oregon, U

1, 2, 3, 4, 5, & 6 1, 2, 3 2, 3, 4 1, 2 3 2 4

359-0700 • www.GabesPlace.com s o u n d s

buzz weekly •

DOES BARRY MANILOW KNOW THAT YOU RAID HIS WARDROBE?

uNDER c OVER

105 E. John

Available Fall 2005. 1& 2 bedroom furnished, great location. Includes parking. THE UNIVERSITY GROUP www.ugroup96.com 352-3182

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207 Wright Engineering Very Large, New 1 Bedroom apt. Free parking. www.ugroup96.com 352-3182 or (217)841-3028

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304 & 306 E. Clark, C Castle Apartments

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3 blocks to Engineering Quad. 3 BR $670, 4 BR $890. C/A, ceiling fan, dishwasher, washer/dryer in unit. 384-1099, castle_apartments@ameritech.net

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307 & 310 E. White 307 & 309 Clark

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Fall 2005. Large studio, double closet, well furnished. Secured building. $320/month. Available June 1 and August ‘05. THE UNIVERSITY GROUP www.ugroup96.com 352-3182 or 841-3028

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3rd and Clark August ‘05 beautiful, furnished 2, 3, and 4 bedroom apts. Ted 766-5108.

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408 E. Clark, C. For August. 1 BR near Beckman. Includes parking, trash. $500/mo. Campo Rental Agency. 344-1927

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502 W. Green 4 bedroom. 2 bath. Fireplace, W/D, A/C. $1160/mo. 217-721-5670.

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503- 505- 508 E. White

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Now & Fall 2005 2 and 3 bedrooms. Furnished with internet. Parking and laundry available. On-site resident manager. Call Kenny, 493-0429. THE UNIVERSITY GROUP www.ugroup96.com 352-3182

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506 E. Stoughton, C

For August 2005. Extra large efficiency apartments. Security building entry, complete furniture, laundry, off-street parking, ethernet available. Office at 309 S. First, Champaign. THE UNIVERSITY GROUP www.ugroup96.com 352-3182

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509 E. White, C.

Location

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NINE MONTH LEASES NEGOTIABLE www.johnsmithproperties.com

DI CLASSIFIEDS 337-8337

420

Aug 2005. 1 bedroom. Location, location. Covered parking & laundry, furnished & patios, ethernet available. Office at 309 S. First, Ch. THE UNIVERSITY GROUP www.ugroup96.com 352-3182

1 bedroom lofts $497 2 bedrooms $545 3 bedrooms $650 4 bedrooms $1000 Campus, parking. Fall 04, 367-6626

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Furnished/Unfurnished

Available Now. 2 bedroom on campus. $550 per month. 367-6626.

BUSINESS SERVICES

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Summer Jobs

Services

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Aug. 2005. Large 1 bedrooms. Security entry, balconies, patios, furnished. Laundry, off-street parking, ethernet available. Office at 309 S. First, Ch. THE UNIVERSITY GROUP www.ugroup96.com 352-3182

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602 E. Stoughton

| 22 - 24 |

Unique 1 & 2 bedroom apartments. All furnished, laundry, internet, and parking available. Must see!! THE UNIVERSITY GROUP www.ugroup96.com 352-3182

INTRO

!"#$%&'($&)*+$%

Editor’s Note This Modern World • Tom Tomorrow Slowpoke • Jen Sorenson News of the Weird • Chuck Shephard First Things First • Michael Coulter

AROUND TOWN Sex Education • Emily Wahlheim q + a with Tiger Swan The Local Sniff • Seth Fein

BUZZ FEATURE PHOTO

LISTEN, HEAR Soma Ultralounge Opening • Kyle Gorman Hot Hot Heat review • Cornelia Boonman Insout review • Kyle Gorman The Hurly-Burley • Cornelia Boonman Sound Ground #76 • Todd J. Hunter Parasol Charts

MAIN EVENT Buzz Picks CalendarListings List of Venues Art & Theatre Listings

ARTS + ENTERTAINMENT Chicago Theatre Review • Jeff Nelson A Rebuttal in Photographs • Brian warmoth (Th)ink • Keef Knight Artist’s Corner with Paige Goldsworthy

THE SILVER SCREEN Battle of the Bad Guys Finale • Devon Sharma Kingdom of Heaven review • Tim Peters Monster in Law review • Andrew Crewell Movie time listings

PHOTO • DAVID SOLANA

HONESTY MAY BE THE BEST POLICY, BUT APPARENTLY DISHONESTY IS THE SECOND-BEST POLICY.

THE

22 • b u z z w e e k l y

A contestant participates in a mustache contest at Mike 'N' Molly's.

p. 2

THE STINGER Free Will Astrology AP News • School Funding Jonesin’ Crosswords • Matt Gaffney Life in Hell • Matt Groening

CLASSIFIEDS Letter to the Editor • Kyle Dickinson

Parkview Apartments 121 W. Park, Urbana Efficiency apartments for fall. Includes water, trash removal, on-site laundry. $395/mo. Campo Rental Agency 344-1927.

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WHAT DO YOU NEED A FAKE I.D. FOR? SO I CAN VOTE.

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Have you ever noticed what spells backwards? • Al Boliska •

nEwS

oF thE

LEAD STORY Eating disorders have such a hold on many young women that some Internet sites glorify anorexia and bulimia as a quasi-divinity, using religious language to command obedience to a goddess of thinness known as “Ana,” according to a May story in Minneapolis’ Star Tribune. Said one Minnesota college freshman, “Ana is definitely a higher power, not higher than God, but higher than myself.” There are Ana prayers, Ana psalms and Ana commandments. One site has instructions for a ritual at an altar, culminating in a blood contract “with the anorexia deity.” An Arizona doctor reported that a 13-year-old anorexia patient suddenly spoke “an incantation, like a hex, as if to scare me off.”

THE ENTREPRENEURIAL SPIRIT In April, the Fat Duck restaurant, in the countryside west of London, was voted in a poll by 500 industry experts as the world’s best (in spite of specialties such as “sardine on toast sorbet” and “leather, oak and tobacco chocolates”). (It had rallied from a bad health inspection report the year

Silver Bullet Bar 1401 E. Washington, U. www.silverbulletbar.net 344-0937 BEST BAR IN CHAMPAIGN-URBANA BEST DJ’S AND MUSIC - BEST DRINK SPECIALS

Monday - $2 Domestic Beers Tuesday - $2 Rum & Coke Wednesday - $2.50 Screwdrivers Thursday - $2 Amaretto Stone Sours FREE POOL 8PM-9PM FEMALE DANCERS NIGHTLY OPEN Monday - Thursday 8pm-1am Friday-Saturday 8pm-2am Ladies & Couples Welcome Always Free Admission with our T-Shirt ATM $5.00 Admission/Ladies Free Accepted MUST BE 21

wEiRd

chuck shepherd

before, according to The Guardian newspaper, in which it was graded “borderline” for staphylococcus and listeria, and experienced “cross-contamination” and hand-washing problems.) — Almost ready for release is Spanish designer Pep Torres’ “Your Turn” washing machine, developed to encourage sharing of housework. Household users, such as a husband and wife, initially register their fingerprints, and Your Turn will not then operate by the same person’s print twice in a row. Another product, still in development, is Briton James Larsson’s use of lie-detector technology on restaurant utensils so that socially incompetent diners can better gauge how their dinner dates feel about them, by measuring stress as they eat. Reasoned Larsson,“Geeks have major challenges dating.” — Tobin Bros. funeral home in Melbourne, Australia, introduced a rental option this year for families that seem to have gotten over their grieving: a leather-upholstered, chrome-outfitted van, with mini-bar and DVD player, so that the family can relax on the way to the cemetery (with room

for the casket in back). Owner Martin Tobin said the van might not be for everyone.

SCIENCE ON THE CUTTING EDGE — Professor Mikhail Sokolshchik of Russia’s National Medical Surgical Center performed a two-stage penile lengthening early this year on a 28-year-old virgin, adding 5 inches to what was an almost dysfunctionally small organ. Sokolshchik first removed the tip and stitched it onto the patient’s forearm so that he could graft more tissue onto it (from elsewhere on the arm). After the tip lengthened, he reattached it to its proper place. According to an April dispatch from Moscow in London’s Daily Telegraph, Sokolshchik is optimistic that all functions will be restored (though he said the man will probably be permanently semi-erect). — In April, two former Cornell University entomologists, in what they said was a show of respect, named three new species of beetles that feed on slime mold after President Bush, Vice President Cheney and Defense Secretary Rumsfeld. “We admire these leaders,” said Quentin Wheeler, for their “courage” “to do the very difficult and unpopular work of living up to principles of freedom and democracy ....” The Agathidium bushi are found in Ohio,Virginia and North Carolina, while the cheneyi and rumsfeldi are native to Mexico. — A French biologist, writing in an April issue of the journal Nature, described a species of Amazonian tree ant that not only builds complex traps (using plant fibers, regurgitated vegetation and organic mold) but then lies in wait to grab a passing insect with its jaws so that it can stretch it out in the trap in a manner resembling (according to an Agence France-Presse report on the article) “a victim on a medieval rack.”

U P D AT E S News of the Weird has already reported that some people have a fondness for inserting 3-inch steel hooks in their skin and hanging from pulleys for minutes, or even an hour, at a time. In April, about 100 such aficionados attended a gathering in Providence, R.I., and participants seemed thrilled, according to a Reuters dispatch. A Connecticut teen:“It was euphoric. It was spiritual. I’d do it again today if I wasn’t so sore.” A woman, watching her boyfriend slowly swing: “Look at his face. He’s so serene.We’ve had some really rough times this year, and he needed this really bad.” A Canadian man: “The first couple of times, I didn’t enjoy it.The first time, I blacked out, and one time I was convulsing. But the third time I got better. I wasn’t blacking out anymore.”

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ONE OF LIFE’S GREAT PLEASURES IS WATCHING OTHER PEOPLE WORK.

LEAST COMPETENT CRIMINALS Vickey Siles, 35, was arrested in New Haven, Ind., last year and charged with altering a check from the Globe Life and Accident Co. The check was for $1, but Siles had badly obliterated the amount and written in “$4,000,000.00.” Furthermore, she believed that she could cash a check for that amount at a neighborhood check-cashing shop (but a clerk alerted authorities).The job was so pitifully done that in March 2005, a judge gave her only a suspended sentence and probation. — A Chicago gas-station clerk tricked a robber in February by the simple ploy of telling him there was more money “up there,” pointing toward the ceiling. The robber looked, then said, “What are you talking about? There’s no money up there.” However, there was a surveillance camera there, and police were grateful for a full-face shot of the robber, according to WMAQ-TV.

Across 1 Nearly 20-hour Ken Burns documentary of 2001 5 Channel 7, in New York City 9 Reuse the juices 14 “I ___ rock from the moon...” (Talking Heads lyric) 15 ___ podrida (hodgepodge) 16 Home of a mail order steak business 17 Make haunted house noises 18 It may be made for dessert 19 Buckminster Fuller structures 20 Comedian who’ll be playing George Burns’s role in a remake of “Oh, God!” 23 ___-mo 24 Post-___ (surgery wrap-ups) 25 Java holder 26 “Ben-___” 28 “48 Hours Investigates” host Lesley

30 “Twin Peaks” character Dale Cooper, for one 32 Tour helper 34 Rear in Britain 35 Holiday just before a famous Robert Burns poem is sung 38 One way to hold your horses 40 Bring into harmony 41 Figures out a mystery 44 Casa divisions 47 “Pimp My Ride” channel 48 DiFranco with the double album “Living in Clip” 49 Abbr. in addresses for mobile home parks 50 Company that merged with WorldCom in 1998 52 C. Montgomery Burns’ right-hand man 56 Huge test 57 Ending for theater or church 58 Part of the name of a game with a pelota 59 Make ___ for oneself

60 “Dies ___” (noted hymn) 61 Philbin cohost 62 Like a sty 63 No jock 64 TV show where Frank Burns wooed Hot Lips Down 1 Hetfield of Metallica 2 They’re mostly in the Pacific 3 Fervent sort 4 Billy of “Titanic” 5 Puns and such 6 Plants with healing powers 7 Place for political rants 8 Cheese said to inspire Dali’s “The Persistence of Memory” 9 Store that may carry Mexican brands 10 Love, in Latin 11 Copycat’s response 12 Phoenix team 13 ___ in “Edward” 21 Not at all 22 “Rapa ___” (1994 Easter Island film)

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y o u r e v e r y d a y n e w s but hell, we’re weekly

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27 Hwy. 29 Venue for some football games 30 Automobiles manufactured in Turin 31 “Case dismissed” item 33 Adding a player to a poker game 35 Blissful states 36 Took a deep breath 37 Make into law 38 Mojito ingredient 39 Get tangled 42 San Fernando, e.g. 43 Brian of Roxy Music 45 Earhart who served as aviation editor for “Cosmopolitan” 46 Leftovers for Rover 49 Negative campaign tactic 51 Knicks president of basketball operations Thomas 53 They may be candied 54 Feeling the workout afterwards 55 Damage 56 “The whole __ damily” Answers on page 23

GAS PEDAL? BRAKE PEDAL? WHATEVER Accidents by elderly drivers who police suspect momentarily confused the gas pedal for the brake: Age 88, crashed into a bank (killing a customer), St. Pete Beach, Fla. (February). Age 85, crashed into a post office, West Salem, Ore. (December). Age 87, crashed into an animal hospital, Lynchburg,Va. (December). Age 88, hit two cars and two people in a Wal-Mart parking lot, Pembroke Pines, Fla. (January). Age 81, crashed into a car dealership after hitting her husband, a salesman, a car and a tree, Fort Myers, Fla. (April).Age 84, crashed into her son, waiting to be picked up at the front door upon discharge from a hospital, Manchester, N.H. (May) (He had to be readmitted.).

Crisis Nursery 12th Annual

Dinner and Auction Friday, June 3, 2005

Round Barn Centre in Champaign Appetizers Begin at 5:30pm

RECURRING THEMES

The evening will feature cocktails, dinner, entertainment, raffle and live and silent acutions.

In Hong Kong in March, a 21-year-old man, reportedly upset about a recent breakup with his girlfriend, responded in a manner familiar to readers of News of the Weird: He tossed almost everything in his 35th-floor apartment out the window. (No injuries were reported.) And in Gang Mills, N.Y., in March, after neighbors reported a disturbance at the home of Billy Abbey, 31, police surrounded the house and, for the next 11 hours, tried to coax him out, but, as some perps have done in the past, Abbey slept through the whole thing, oblivious to the siege.

Reserve your seat today for only $50 per person by calling 337-2731. All proceeds benefit the Crisis Nursery. The Crisis Nursery is a private, not-for-profit agency committed to creating an “Island of Safety” and to the prevention of child abuse and neglect.

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dvocates of overhauling the way Illinois pays for education are acting like schoolkids waiting for the last bell of the day—frustrated by inactivity and eager to get moving. They see this legislative session as their best chance in years. It's a sign of the long odds they've faced before that they consider the current situation an improvement. After all, the governor vows to veto the idea, the powerful House speaker says he's not interested, influential business groups are opposed and any votes that lawmakers cast now will be fodder for next year's elections. But that isn't stopping them. “If we're waiting for the right time—if we're waiting for the governor to give us the nod, if we're waiting for the speaker to say 'Gosh, guys, do your job,'—we're going to be waiting an awfully long time,” said Sen. Richard Winkel, R-Urbana. “I think it's time for us to take advantage of this opportunity.” The plan Winkel and Chicago Sen. James Meeks have developed would lower property taxes by $3 billion and raise income taxes enough to offset that loss. The income tax increase would also pump an additional $2.2 billion into schools and colleges. A Senate committee approved the idea last week and sent it to the full chamber, where Senate President Emil Jones, D-Chicago, is helping round up the votes to get it passed. Complaints about the state's school-funding system are nothing new. For decades, commissions have studied the system, experts have recommended changes and politicians have debated proposals. But every concrete plan has failed. Advocates are excited now because they see opportunity in the confluence of intense grass-roots interest and woeful state finances. More and more Illinois schools face budget problems that threaten the quality of their teaching. About half the state's schools are running budget deficits that force them to cancel programs and cut staff. A-Plus Illinois, a coalition of groups pushing for more education money, says cuts for the 2003-2004 school year meant the state had 3,400 fewer teachers and the size of elementary classes grew by 5 percent. At the

same time, schools must meet tougher state and federal standards. The result, advocates say, is a growing consensus across Illinois that schools need more help and that local property taxes cannot provide it. They say surveys show two-thirds of voters want the state to overhaul the system. Meanwhile, state government has its own budget problems. After years of deficits and cost-cutting, little new money is available for schools. Some lawmakers are concluding that if education is really their top priority, then they'll have to take drastic action to support it. “If we want to do what most politicians agree is necessary—invest in education— we're going to have to look at the revenue side of the picture,” said Bindu Batchu, manager of the A-Plus Illinois campaign. Illinois schools currently get about 60 percent of their money from local property taxes and only 32 percent from the state, with the rest coming from federal sources.The reliance on property taxes means the amount of money they receive varies wildly depending on a district's property values and tax rates. A school in an affluent Chicago suburb might be able to spend $10,000 on every student, while a school in a dying downstate town might provide half that. The last serious attempt to change the system was in 1997, when Republican Gov. Jim Edgar pushed a plan to swap higher income taxes for lower property taxes. It was blocked by the state Senate's Republican leader. Today, the Senate's Democratic leader is the one pushing for action, and the governor, Democrat Rod Blagojevich, is trying to block it. Blagojevich unequivocally says he will veto any income tax increase. That means supporters are aiming to pass the plan by veto-proof two-thirds majorities in the Legislature, rather than simple majorities. Accomplishing that, however, would require an actual vote on the idea in the Illinois House, and House Speaker Michael Madigan says there is no use in lawmakers pursuing the idea if Blagojevich is opposed. State education Superintendent Randy Dunn, while agreeing the funding system is deeply flawed, also defers to Blagojevich.

C O N T I N U E D O N PA G E

(March 21-April 19)

The advice I have for you may not go over well with the part of you that’s prone to acting like a battering ram. Nevertheless, I’m convinced it’s the correct thing to do, so please suppress your headbutting instincts for now, and heed these bits of wisdom from ancient Chinese philosopher Lao-Tsu. 1. “The softest thing in the universe overcomes the hardest thing in the universe.” 2. “In the world there is nothing more submissive and weak than water. Yet for attacking that which is hard and strong nothing can surpass it.”

TAU RU S

(April 20-May 20)

In my astrological opinion, it’s time to make some radical new promises to yourself. What acts of ingenious love do you vow to carry out in the months to come? I’ll offer a few suggestions; feel free to dream up 20 more. Say this aloud: “I will never forsake, betray, or deceive myself. I will always adore, forgive, and believe in myself. I will never ignore, belittle, or underestimate myself. I will always amuse, delight, and redeem myself.”

GEMINI

(May 21-June 20)

Having a wing-span of almost three feet, the ivory-billed woodpecker was a beauty that once thrived in the hardwood forests of the southern U.S. Native Americans believed the bird’s ivory bill had magical powers. They used it as currency and made it into crowns worn by great warriors. Sadly, the species has been thought extinct since 1944, when the last of its kind disappeared. But a month ago, conservationists announced a great reversal of fortunes: Several ivory-bills have recently been spotted in the Arkansas woods. You should regard this as a metaphor for events unfolding in your own life, Gemini. Magic that you thought was gone forever is returning.

CANCER

(June 21-July 22)

It’s graduation time for you, Cancerian. Maybe you’re finishing up work at an actual school, or maybe your classroom has been in the streets, but in any case you’re completing lessons you’ve been studying for many moons. Personally, I’ve enjoyed watching you work. It has been a pleasure seeing you evolve from an innocent amateur into a proficient veteran without losing your purity. As you journey on to your next challenge, I hope you’ll find a way to use the expertise you’ve developed even as you cultivate maximum curiosity about the next frontier.

LEO

(July 23-Aug. 22)

Andrea Levy never read a book until she was 23 and didn’t start writing until her mid-30s. Now 49, she’s the author of four books, including Small Island, which in 2004 won three major awards in her native Britain. She’s your role model for the next four weeks, Leo. What natural talent have you failed to develop so far? Let Levy inspire you to shed your regret about it and dive in to a new era of full engagement.

VIRGO

(Aug. 23-Sept. 22)

Nearly half of American high school students believe that the government should have the power to censor the news. Surveys also show that a majority of adults in the U.S. would vote against the Bill of Rights if it were presented to them in a referendum. Don’t be anything like those wackos in the coming days, Virgo. On the contrary, you should fight for all the freedom you can imagine, including the freedom of other people as well as your own. Be an expert in liberation.

LIBRA

(Sept. 23-Oct. 22)

There is no God. God is dead. God is a drug for people who aren’t very smart. God is an illusion sold to dupes by exploitative religions. God is a right-wing conspiracy. God is an infantile fantasy clung to by superstitious cowards who can’t face life’s existential meaningless. JUST KIDDING! In fact, anyone who says she knows what God is or isn’t, doesn’t. That’s why I suggest that you confess what you don’t know about God. If you do, ironically, you’ll get a direct bolt of communication from God Herself. Now read Adolfo Quezada’s prayer: “God of the Wild, you are different from

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what I expected. I cannot predict you. You are too free to be captured for the sake of my understanding. I can’t find you in the sentimentalism of religion. You are everywhere I least expect to find you. You are not the force that saves me from the pain of living; you are the force that brings me life even in the midst of pain.”

SCORPIO

(Oct. 23-Nov. 21)

Here’s your dream dictionary for the coming week. If you have a dream of walking through the mist at dawn and coming upon flamingos nesting in a rusty red 1959 Cadillac convertible in a junkyard, it means you should expand your ideas about where you might find beauty. A dream of baking a birthday cake for Buddha in the kitchen of a ship passing through the Panama Canal means you’re primed to upgrade your skill at expressing generosity. A dream of finding traces of marijuana in a seventeenth-century pipe found in the house where William Shakespeare lived means you should rethink your ideas about where your best inspiration comes from. A dream of a driver who doesn’t use his turn signal means you shouldn’t follow anyone too closely. (P.S. Even if you don’t have the dreams I described, you should still heed the counsel they provide.)

SAGITTARIUS

(Nov. 22-Dec.21)

It’s the beginning of the upside-down and backwards time of year for you, Sagittarius. As long as you cooperate with the unusual flow of fate, you will thrive. Here are some exercises to get you in the proper frame of mind: Picture yourself having the body of the opposite gender. Hold a pen with your non-dominant hand as you write about your taboo fantasies. Gaze at yourself in a mirror that reflects your image from another mirror. Consider the possibility that there’s something you really need but you don’t know what it is. Make up a dream in which you change into an animal. Compose a prayer in which you ask for something you think you’re not supposed to.

CAPRICORN

(Dec. 22-Jan. 19)

Viticulturalists have noticed that wine often tastes better if the soil where the grapevines are planted is less than top quality. It seems that when the grapes have to work harder to flourish, they’re more robust. I foresee a similar situation for you in the coming weeks, Capricorn. The growing conditions might be less than optimal, but I bet the stuff you produce will be extraordinary.

AQUARIUS

(Jan. 20-Feb. 18)

Dusty Baker, manager of baseball’s Chicago Cubs, got frustrated with the numerous health problems of his players and how long it was taking for them to recover. Turning to alternate approaches, he acquired some holy water and applied it to selected injuries. “I just hope my sinning doesn’t negate the effectiveness of it,” he agonized. If he had only consulted the famous Chicago-area medical intuitive Caroline Myss, he wouldn’t have worried. She has made it clear that one doesn’t have to be a highly evolved paragon of enlightenment in order to ease suffering and bestow blessings. Let that be your watchword in the coming week, Aquarius. You will have enormous powers to help and heal, even if a couple of your flaws might be hanging out.

PISCES

(Feb. 19-March 20)

I am absolutely democratic and non-hierarchical. In my view, no one is more important than anyone else in the big scheme of things. God has an equal love for Paris Hilton, the Dalai Lama, and Ahmed, the clerk at the convenience store where I buy gas. Every single person’s role is crucial to the unfolding of evolution. I urge you to meditate on the possibility that this perspective is true, Pisces. Be especially eager to discover what it might mean for how you live your life from day to day. Here’s one implication, articulated by Martin Luther King Jr.: “If a man is called to be a street sweeper, he should sweep streets even as Michelangelo painted, or Beethoven played music, or Shakespeare wrote poetry. He should sweep streets so well that all the hosts of heaven and earth will pause to say, here lived a great street sweeper who did his job well.” Homework: In what circumstances do you tend to be smartest? When do you tend to be dumbest? testify at www.freewillastrology.com.

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The wonderful combo of baseball cards, beer and softball

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Advocates see opportunity to change school funding ASSOCIATED PRESS • SPRINGFIELD, ILL

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OH, ARE YOU MEDICALLY FRIGID OR IS IT PSYCHOLOGICAL?

Feeling like a kid again

–Jim Rohn

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Formal education will make you a living; self-education will make you a fortune.

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arly Sunday, just after noon, I stopped at a gas station and did a bit of shopping. I wasn’t quite up for a real grocery shopping trip, so I made do at the closest place to the house. It was a short list anyway: six pack of beer, cigarettes, two Slim Jims, a Sunday paper and one of those stupid-assed coffee drinks that sort of taste like chocolate milk.There was a baseball game on television, and I really just needed enough to keep me occupied for the next couple of hours. Like the Bangles said, um "Sunday, that’s my fun day." While I was at the counter, I made one impulse purchase. It wasn’t a huggie for my beer can or even a key chain that said "Shit Happens" on it, though those were both tempting. I instead got something that I’m still a sucker for: a pack of baseball cards. Getting them now isn’t the same as it was when I was little, but there’s still just a tiny bit of excitement even as an immature adult. The mind somehow remembers just how exciting it was back then, and out of habit, still produces enough adrenaline to make me giddy. I opened them as soon as I got in the car. It’s strange, but something as simple as that can make me feel like a child all over again, even if it’s only for a few moments. Back then, I was a little leaguer, and I would look over the cards again and again, memorizing batting averages as if I would somehow find this information vital at some point. Sometimes I would lay them out on the floor and pick my all-star team from the cards I had. Sometimes I would carry my favorites in my shirt pockets for a day or so, but I can’t remember why anymore. In those days, as a little leaguer, I wanted to step on the ball field and be just like my favorite players pictured on the baseball cards. I wanted to make the catch over my shoulder or hit a double into the gap. I had to smile.These days, as an old-assed Monday night softball player, I don’t give a piss about my favorite ball players or being like them. I’m happy enough if I catch a routine fly ball, and my only goal now is being able to walk off the diamond under my own power at the end of the game. Like the baseball cards, softball isn’t quite as much fun as when I was a kid,

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but it still gives me a little giddy feeling in my stomach. It’s possible that giddy feeling now is simply caused from trying to run really fast after drinking three or four beers before the game, but it’s still sort of nice either way. I play for the Huber’s team, and while it’s a wonderful bar, our team is not wonderful in any way. We generally get beat worse than a junkie prostitute whose pimp has found her at a methadone clinic. We look pretty good—um, right up until the game starts. We all have shirts that pretty Michael Coulter much match, an ABC is a videographSanitation logo on the er, comedian front and a Huber’s logo and can be on the back. Piss, we even heard on WPGU have numbers on them. 107.1 Thursdays We’ve got on our cleats at 5 with Ricker and when we walk onto workin’ it. the diamond, with the exception of a few cigarettes dangling from guys’ mouths, we look like we’re ready to play some ball. Then, we take the field, and it pretty much goes to shit. We won three or four games last year though, and we’ll probably win a couple this year, too (I know that’s not exactly like Joe Namath guaranteeing a Super Bowl victory, but it could still happen). We appreciate our victories much more than many of those other teams anyway. But we’re pretty much the same either way. If we lose, we go back to the bar and have a few beers and watch a baseball game. If we win, we go back to the bar and have a few beers and watch a baseball game. Sure, if we win, we yell and high five a little more but in the end, it’s mostly just nice to get out of the house for a few hours and hang around with some buddies. We’re probably not even as bad as I made us out to be. It’s just that we’re all getting older, and we’re often times playing guys who are just out of college. Hell, some teams even look like they practice every so often. Plus, many of the teams we play don’t even get half in the bag before the games. How can you compete against something like that? I remember after the Red Sox won the World Series last year, a few players admitted they did a shot of whiskey before the games, just to settle their nerves. Everyone on our team smiled at that. Only one shot before a game? Pansies.

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Sex :

the thing that takes up the least amount of time and causes the most amount of trouble.

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KINGDOM OF HEAVEN

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Ridley Scott has taken his audiences to

using birth control and condoms as well as ways to prevent and treat sexually transmitted diseases, said Kathie Spegal, the director of community affairs at Planned Parenthood of East Central Illinois. â&#x20AC;&#x153;Comprehensive sex education is still abstinence-based,â&#x20AC;? she said.â&#x20AC;&#x153;We teach that the only sure way not to get pregnant, not to get an STI, is no sexual contact at all.â&#x20AC;? Abstinence-based programs also vary from program to program, but all focus on delaying sexual activity. Most programs inform students that birth control and condoms are available, but the programs do not instruct students how to use them. Project Reality, which develops abstinence eduKeynote Speaker Jonathan Stacks discusses what Comprehensive Sex Ed consists of cation curricula that are taught in 450 schools in Illinois, includes descriptions of sexually transduring the community discussion at the Douglas Branch Library. mitted diseases but no ways of preventing these diseases besides abstaining from sex. â&#x20AC;&#x153;The curricula is all medically based,â&#x20AC;? said Libby EMILY WAHLHEIM â&#x20AC;˘ STAFF WRITER Gray, the director of Project Reality.â&#x20AC;&#x153;We basically lay out the facts. The program is framed around what are the kidâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s goals in life and what they can do to accomplish those goals.â&#x20AC;? Nationally, on average, comprehensive sex education programs indy Linck describes her sexual education class at devoted 29 percent of their curricula to promoting contraception Champaign Centennial High School in one word and then two. and 4.75 percent to abstinence related material, including the negâ&#x20AC;&#x153;Badâ&#x20AC;? she says. â&#x20AC;&#x153;Just bad.â&#x20AC;? ative consequences of early, non-marital sex and understanding the Courtney Bishop, a student at Champaign Central High School, difference between sex and love, according to a study done by the remembers that she watched old movies and filled out worksheets Heritage Foundation.Twenty-five percent of their curriculum was in her schoolâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s sexual education class. spent on HIV awareness and another 25 percent stressed general Zoe Ginsburg, a student at University High School in Urbana behavior skills including communication, decision making skills did not have a sexual education class at Uni. The year she should and general risk avoidance according to the same study. have been able to take it, she says, there was no health teacher, so Abstinence curricula devoted 53.7 percent of their material to no one taught the class. abstinence related material and did not promote contraceptive use All three of these girls are members of Planned Parenthoodâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Teen at all.Twelve percent of the curricula was used to educate students Awareness Group, a group of teenagers that meets weekly to discuss about HIV, and 11 percent was spent on general behavioral skills, issues that are important to a teenâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s sexual health, including teen according to the same study. pregnancy, sexually transmitted infections, healthy relationships and In the United States, abstinence based programs are the only making good choices. Group members receive 60 hours of training sexual education programs funded by the federal government. so they are able to answer any This year, the government questions their peers may have provided $170 million for and accurately present informaabstinence-based education. tion during health seminars. In Illinois, under Title V of However, one of the barriers the Social Security Act, the 2+% 3'41-'55)% 5')% "6.% .#+% 7'-.48% 9#+ TAG has in helping teens Illinois state government :(";('*%14%7('*+/%'("6$/%0#'.%'(+ become educated about their must then match a portion .#+%<1/=4%;"'54%1$%517+%'$/%0#'.%.#+) sexual health and make those of that federal money, -'$%/"%."%'--"*:514#%.#"4+%;"'548 good choices is the lack of comSpegal said. prehensive sexual education in Comprehensive sexual ->133)%?(')@%/1(+-."(%"7%A("B+-.%C+'51.)% schools.They are advocating for education receives no federal the passage of Illinois Senate Bill or state money funding 457, which would create grants resulting in fewer schools for age-appropriate sex educateaching comprehensive protion. The grants would be administered by the Department of grams. In Illinois, only 34 percent of schools teach a curriculum Human Services and would be available to schools, churches and considered to be comprehensive, according to a study done by the community groups. National Opinion Research Center. There is no specific curriculum that makes up comprehensive â&#x20AC;&#x153;The biggest reason we have found that teachers do not teach sexual education but generally, it teaches about proper ways of comprehensive sex education is because it was not included in the

curriculaâ&#x20AC;? said Jonathan Stacks, the manager of the Illinois Campaign for Responsible Sex Education, a joint project between Planned Parenthood and the Illinois Caucus for Adolescent Health.â&#x20AC;&#x153;There were no funds or resources available for teachers to teach the programs they want. SB 457 creates a choice.â&#x20AC;? TAG members do their part to give schools more choices in sexual education classes. They present health seminars, all abstinence-based, which cover everything from sexually transmitted infections to healthy relationships in a comfortable environment. TAGâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s presentations are interactive and encourage questions, something that is not always welcome in sexual education classes. â&#x20AC;&#x153;In my class at Urbana High School, they give us information that is correct, but it is all surface topics,â&#x20AC;? said Letitia Onyango, a TAG member. â&#x20AC;&#x153;Asking questions is taboo.You canâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t talk about sex on a more personal level.â&#x20AC;? For the most part, the teens and teachers all respond well to the programs, though TAG may modify the seminar to fit a certain school or group.At Rantoul, for example,TAG members were only allowed to talk about abstinence. However, even after abstinence programs,TAG members often have students approach them to ask questions about birth control or condoms. â&#x20AC;&#x153;There is relief from the kids in schools that someone is finally talking to them about this,â&#x20AC;? Ginsburg said.â&#x20AC;&#x153;They always tell us that they are so glad we came in. And the teachers are fine too.We get invited back.â&#x20AC;? Proponents of SB 457 also see comprehensive sexual education as a way to educate students about sexual violence as well. Ross Wantland, the coordinator of sexual assault education at the University of Illinois and a member of Planned Parenthoodâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s panel on comprehensive sexual education, believes there is a connection between keeping messages about sex and sexuality from students and sexual violence. C O N T I N U E D O N PA G E

spaceships of the future and battle arenas of the past. In Kingdom of Heaven, his distinctive, laudable style is applied to a 12th century medieval epic.With a stocked cast and lavish production, Scott has created an enjoyable, interesting film that transcends its shortcomings. The story centers on Bailan (Orlando Bloom), a crusading blacksmith-turnedwarrior fighting to protect the Christian occupation of Jerusalem. Disillusioned from the death of his wife and child and under the inspiration of his long lost father (Liam Neeson), the Frenchman seeks redemption in the sacred city. Upon arriving in the Holy Land, Bailan falls for the princess Sibylla (Eva Green). Her manipulative husband, Guy de Lusignan (Marton Csokas) has plans to shatter the tenuous truce with the Muslims. Edward Norton plays the king of Jerusalem, the masked leper Baldwin IV. His adviser, Tiberius, is portrayed by the talented Jeremy Irons. The leader of the Muslims is Saladin (Ghassan Massoud), a statesman known for diplomatic aptitude and successful military strategy. Soon enough the peace ends, and war

breaks out. The Muslims and Christians slay each other brutally.With boiling oil, siege towers and flaming projectiles, the violent battles unfold through elaborate special effects and many sweeping, wideangle shots. Eventually, Bailan assumes power as Saladin assaults the fortress-like city. The conclusion is similar to many of Scottâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s prior works. John Mathieson was the cinematographer for this movie. Overall, and KINGDOM OF HEAVEN â&#x20AC;˘ ORLANDO BLOOM especially in a few scenes, Kingdom of Heaven often feels conventional his work is excellent. The lighting varies and predictable. constantly and characterizes each sequence. On the other hand, this film does have Some of the outdoor shots are stunning, some thought-provoking thematic aspects. with environmental effects like snow Though perhaps improbable, Bailanâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s open adding a fanciful, somewhat dreamlike ambivalence toward God stands out appearance. Mathiesonâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s photography is a among the religious atmosphere and its spectacle that adds considerably to the value doctrinal devotion. Additionally, the bulk of Kingdom of Heaven. of the movie is situated in medieval As for Bloomâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Bailan, the journeyman Jerusalem. The story is a reflection of the displays an ambiguous morality as he longs sickening timelessness to such horrific, terfor meaning as well as absolution of sin. At ritorial holy wars. times, he behaves with humane rationality, In one particular scene, we see an overelsewhere with vicious simplicity. The head shot of the Muslim invaders trying to nature of the character invokes Scottâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s 2000 storm through a shattered wall of the city. film Gladiator. Both pictures feature search- The defenders and attackers are locked in ing, male protagonists set against quasi-his- equilibrium as the camera zooms away.The torical backdrops. Other similar elements shot lingers until the soldiers fade to nothinclude grand wars, familial loss, political ingness. Such a sequence illustrates why intrigue and unruly violence. Many of Scottâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s film is worth a watch. Within this these same components have been exer- prototypical war epic, we still find complex cised lately via Troy, Alexander and King visual appearance, noteworthy themes and Arthur, to recall some. Disappointingly, proficient acting.

MONSTER-INLAW

7 NEW LINE CINEMA

PHOTOS â&#x20AC;˘ SARAH KROHN

LETâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;S TALK ABOUT SEX EDUCATION

ANDREW CREWELL â&#x20AC;˘ STAFF WRITER

Monster-in-Law is Jennifer Lopezâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s best movie since Maid in Manhattan.That should

The panelists, ranging from a high school student to a Campus Minister, are listening while audience members ask for advice in talking to their children about sex.

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I BET SHE GIVES GREAT HELMET.

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be the first warning. Co-starring with Lopez is the incomparable Jane Fonda. Together, these two take the audience on a rollercoaster of emotion, from bemused all the way to annoyed. By the end, it is easily the worst two hour Motherâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Day gift anyone in America could give to their mom. Jennifer Lopez plays Charlie, a likable and light-hearted woman who works her continental butt off with seemingly 10,000 different jobs. She can be seen as a waitress, receptionist, dog walker extraordinare or anything else the writer could think of to get the audience to fall in love with her. Charlie eventually meets a great catch, a handsome doctor with a permanent five oâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;clock shadow, and they decide they want to live happily ever after. The only problem is the guyâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s mother, s o u n d s

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MONSTER-IN-LAWâ&#x20AC;˘ JANE FONDA

played by Jane Fonda. The woman, a recently jilted world-renowned interviewer, is upset that her son, the cinematic equivalent of Valium, canâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t find a nice society wife that will be dedicated to hanging on his arm and popping out about 15 babies. The rest of the movie falls into place, as Lopez and Fonda square off for the love of one man who wonâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t choose between the two of them. J-Loâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s character is getting as old as the hoopla surrounding her ass, and they both come to a disappointing head in Monsterin-Law. She plays the same cute, effeminate, shrewder-than-you-would-expect, empowered woman from her last 10 movies. Her ass plays the part of the goo that makes up a 340 pound womanâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s back-

side when it is wedged into those spandex walking pants with Crisco and a crane. Both could easily have been seen at the mall without making this film. That leaves the job of doing something exciting up to Fonda. For those of you keeping track at home, this is Fondaâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s first film since 1990. And after 15 years on the shelf, Monster-in-Law was the best she could do? This would be like Salmon Rushdie coming out of hiding to write a screenplay for City Slickers III: The Search for Curlyâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Boots. Regardless, Fonda overdoes it a bit and acts like she had been saving up for 15 years to make this explosion of emotion. It isnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t bad, itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s just over the top by a step or two. The film comes up with good onelinerâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s from time to time, and the word on the street is that a slap-fest between Fonda and Lopez didnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t contain stunt doubles. At least the audience can feel good that the actors might have been in as much pain as they were. But the two big dogs donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t carry the load, and the ho-hum supporting cast boils down to a witty Wanda Sykes jab from time to time. The film isnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t bad, but for a bigbudget, big-name movie from a big-time studio, the audience deserves more than a Doggy Fizzle,Televizzle quality flick adapted to the silver screen.

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Kingdom often feels conventional and predictable

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WARS: EP. III (PGĂą 13) Fri. & Sat. 11:15 12:00 12:45 1:00 1:45 2:15 3:00 3:50 4:20 4:45 5:15 6:00 7:00 7:20 7:45 8:30 9:00 10:00 10:30 10:45 11:30 12:00 Sun. â&#x2030; Thu. 11:15 12:00 12:45 1:00 1:45 2:15 3:00 3:50 4:20 4:45 5:15 6:00 7:00 7:20 7:45 8:30 9:00 10:00

MINDHUNTERS (R) Fri. & Sat. 11:10 1:30 4:00 7:10 9:30 11:50 Sun. â&#x2030; Thu. 11:10 1:30 4:00 7:10 9:30 SAHARA (PGĂą 13) Fri. â&#x2030; Thu. 1:00 4:20 7:00

MONSTERâ&#x2030; INâ&#x2030; LAW (PGĂą 13) Fri. & Sat. 11:00 1:10 2:00 3:20 4:30 5:30 7:00 7:40 9:30 10:00 11:45 Sun. â&#x2030; Thu. 11:00 1:10 2:00 3:20 4:30 5:30 7:00 7:40 9:30 10:00

AMITYVILLE HORROR (R) Fri. & Sat. 9:40 11:45 Sun. â&#x2030; Thu. 9:40

KICKING & SCREAMING (PG) (2 SCREENS) Fri. & Sat. 11:10 1:15 2:00 3:20 4:30 5:25 7:00 7:30 9:20 9:40 11:40 Sun. â&#x2030; Thu. 11:10 1:15 2:00 3:20 4:30 5:25 7:00 7:30 9:20 9:40

INTERPRETER (PGĂą 13) Fri. â&#x2030; Thu. 1:15 4:05 7:05 9:50

(2 SCREENS)

J-Loâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s character is getting as old as the hoopla surrounding her ass.

KINGDOM OF HEAVEN (R) Fri. â&#x2030; Thu. 1:00 4:00 7:00 10:00

GUIDE TO THE GALAXY (PG) Fri. â&#x2030; Thu. 1:00 3:10 5:20 7:30 9:40

UNLEASHED (R) Fri. & Sat. 1:00 3:10 5:20 7:30 9:50 12:00 Sun. â&#x2030; Thu. 1:00 3:10 5:20 CRASH (R) Fri. & Sat. 11:00 1:10 3:20 5:30 7:40 7:30 9:50 10:00 12:15 Sun. â&#x2030; Thu. 11:00 1:10 3:20 5:30 7:40 10:00 MILLIONS (PG) Fri. & Sat. HOUSE OF WAX (R) Fri. & 11:15 1:30 4:10 7:10 9:20 Sat. 1:00 4:00 7:10 9:40 11:30 Sun. â&#x2030; Thu. 11:15 1:30 4:10 12:00 Sun. â&#x2030; Thu. 1:00 4:00 7:10 7:10 9:20 9:40 Showtimes for 5/20 thru 5/26

M AY 1 9

C O N T I N U E D F RO M PA G E

dumb. ” !"#$%&#''(

BATTLE OF THE BAD GUYS

!"#$%&'(

DEVON SHARMA • STAFF WRITER

Welcome back to Buzz’s look at the greatest movie villains of all time. Before releasing the long-awaited results of the bracket, however, it is important to recognize those bad guys that—while villainous scumbags—didn’t quite make the cut. Without further ado, here are the honorable mentions of silver screen villainhood.

Darth Vader (voice of James Earl Jones—Star Wars) You don’t have to be a Star Wars fan to appreciate the impact Darth Vader has had on popular culture. Hell, 7-11 has even created a slurpie flavor in honor

of the asthmatic antihero. Why didn’t Vader make the cut, then? Because, as Episode I revealed, under that black suit he’s just an annoying, whiny little kid.

Catherine Tramell (Sharon Stone—Basic Instinct) Talk about mixed signals—one minute she’s uncrossing her legs, slyly showing off her bajingo, the next minute she’s stabbing you to death with an ice pick. Catherine’s not afraid to use her sexuality to further her murderous ways, which is precisely what makes her so deadly a

2 5 , 2 OO5

Both machines are cunning, cold, merciless and above all, virtually invincible.The T-1000 may try hitting Smith with a train, and Smith may try shattering the T-1000 to bits, but in both cases, the fight will go on. In fact, the only way to really determine which of these villains will emerge victorious over the other is to consider what can destroy each of them. While it took the Governator himself to finally defeat the T-1000, all it took to defeat Smith was a droopy-eyed Keanu Reeves. T-1000 wins and advances to Round 2.

The Shark vs. The Joker Both the Jaws shark and The Joker are known for their pearly whites; the shark will eat you to death with his, while The Joker will either humor you to death or else simply kill you to death, laughing and grinning and showing off that bright white smile the whole time. Unfortunately for The Joker, however, sharks don’t have a sense of humor. The Shark wins and advances to Round 2.

villain. If Jaws’ shark made audiences afraid to go back in the water, Catherine Tramell made audiences afraid to go back in the bedroom. Or at least for a few hours. Though Vader and Catherine are not the type of people one would want to run into in a dark alley, they both fall just short of making the elite eight of movie villains. For those eight evildoers that did make the bracket, however, the true test remains: whether they can advance far enough to take home the crown of greatest villain of all time.

Jafar vs. Commodus These two are as vicious as they are crazy. When it comes to Arabia and Rome, it’s murder and back-stabbing that puts Jafar and Commodus in control. Unlike this great nation, where it’s a democratic vote, or sometimes a Supreme Court ruling, that puts the nut jobs in control. Ultimately, Jafar has to rely on the magic of the genie to finally become sultan, whereas Commodus becomes emperor using nothing more than his own bare hands. Commodus wins and advances to Round 2.

“Boys grow up learning that the way to have good sex is to be dominant,” he said. “If they do not get the information in schools, there are plenty of other places for them to go that provide unhelpful messages and unrealistic, stereotypical images, like pornography. It is irresponsible if schools do not provide a space to talk about sex in. It closes the discourse.” Stacks also sees schools as not being fair to students by not providing the full range of information. “Schools are not supposed to promote one moral value at the expense of other life-saving information,” he said.“It’s information. Parents and churches need to be the ones passing on the values to children.” However, others see schools as disrespectful to teens by offering comprehensive sexual education programs. Comprehensive sex ed programs do not give teens enough credit, said Dave Smith, the senior policy advisor at the Illinois Family Institute, a non profit group that works to re-affirm Biblical values in Illinois. “Planned Parenthood and those liberal activists, they do not expect kids to abstain,” he said. “It is saying that we as human beings have no self-control, that we have to mate at a drop of a pin. There is a

Hannibal, cunning as he is, would have a tough time escaping from Norton’s Shawshank prison. The entire place is under Norton’s corrupt control, right down to the overtly aggressive guards. And if Morgan Freeman couldn’t get out on parole, it hardly seems likely that the good Dr. Lecter would. However, Norton can be outsmarted, and Hannibal’s superior intellect would eventually allow him to not only escape Shawshank but also “have” the Warden for lunch. Hannibal wins and advances to Round 2.

Commodus vs. Hannibal Another battle of the crazies—this time it’s incest versus cannibalism. Any way you look at it, Commodus and Hannibal are just about the two biggest, hottest cups of crazy you can find in tinsel town. Hannibal takes the cake—and eats it, too—because he achieves cannibalism, whereas Commodus never gets any further than first base with his sis. Hannibal wins and advances to the finals.

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T-1000 vs. Hannibal He can try outsmarting him, he can try getting in his head, he can even try eating him, but to no avail.As infamous as he is, nothing that Hannibal does will ever be able to stop the T-1000. Simply put, the T-1000 terminator is a robot assassin from the future, and no amount of psychology, no amount of crazy, can ever combat those kinds of credentials. T-1000 wins and is pronounced Devon Sharma’s greatest movie villain of all time. buzz

Tiger Swan is the co-chair for the LGBT Roundtable. He graduated from the University of Illinois and later earned his Masters of Education. He is currently working on his Master of Library Science degree. What were you doing before you came to the university?

I came to the university after completing a year and a half at Illinois Central College. My desire was to PHOTO • SARAH KROHN learn the Russian language and culture, and I knew I had to be at a larger university if I was going to accomplish that goal. I have a strong interest in issues of diversity and culture. Since graduating high school in 1987, I’ve been able to travel to over twenty-one countries on five continents. My final semester of my undergraduate degree was spent in St. Petersburg, Russia. Though I’d been to many countries even before working ground service for an airline at Willard Airport, the airline allowed me the chance to return to some of those places I had been to before as well as visit many new places. Before starting graduate school each time, I’d also worked with international students, teaching them English and basic computer skills at Parkland College. C O N T I N U E D O N PA G E

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up to the schools. A school could choose which comprehensive program to adapt. The additional funding would give teachers and administrators more options in their curricula and hopefully ensure students are receiving correct information. “There is no standard, no consistency with schools,” said Ariel Clemenzi, the Education Programs Coordinator with Planned Parenthood of East Central Illinois.“Kids can get different information from teacher to teacher within the same school.” The members of TAG can testify to that lack of standardization. They have heard plenty of myths about sex, and peers routinely come to them with questions.They believe a comprehensive sexual education course would not encourage teen sexual activity but instead give teens the facts they need to make their own decisions. Zoe Swords, a student at Parkland and TAG member, thinks a comprehensive sexual education class is as important as many of the other subjects taught in schools. “We teach math in schools, but kids don’t always do their math homework,” she said. “A really good comprehensive sexual education class teaches kids about the consequences of their actions so they can understand what sex is all about.” buzz

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Expensive Steaks will be my Death No relation to Robert, Jim Gould opens downtown

* ) ( ' & % $ # " !

The Championship

correlation between lack of self respect and non monogamous sex.” Smith and Gray, as well as other opponents of SB 457, question how much these comprehensive sexual education programs would be allowed to teach in their curricula. To receive a grant under SB 457 the school, church or community group would be required to purchase a comprehensive sexual education program that was approved by the Centers for Disease Control. Gray feels some components of these programs are too graphic for teens, including races to see which student can put a condom on a cucumber the fastest. The Illinois Family Institute lists on its Web site that some CDC approved programs tell students that grape jelly may be used as a lubricant (Becoming a Responsible Teen). Other programs assign teens to make a list of ways of being close to a person without intercourse, including reading erotic books or magazines, bathing together and masturbation (Focus on Kids.) Gray feels these suggestions give teens the wrong idea when it comes to sex. “We teach just say no to drugs and alcohol,” she said. “We don’t teach how to use a clean needle or smoke unfiltered cigarettes. We tell them not to do it. It should be the same with sex.” SB 457 would leave the choice of comprehensive sex education

Hannibal vs. Warden Norton

Round 2 – The Final Four T-1000 vs. The Shark Sure, the T-1000 can take on the form of everyone he comes into contact with, but the shark can, and does, eat everyone. All that liquid metal probably wouldn’t settle well with the shark’s digestive system, however. Plus, the T-1000 can always use his arm-swords to cut his way out of the shark’s belly—something Jonah probably wished he could have done. T-1000 wins and advances to the finals.

Round 1 Agent Smith vs. T-1000

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SEX ED

“ Now you see that evil will always triumph,

because good is

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SETH FEIN • CONTRIBUTING WRITER

art of my problem, like most people, is my inability to budget money. I have a steady income, sure, but it ain’t worth much. And based on my stupidity financially, my bank statement is a pathetic sight. Of all the things I have trouble with when it comes to spending money, it’s food; going out to eat to be specific. I am not a thin man. On the other side of the batter’s box, I am also not a fat ass. But dammit if I don’t love me some steak n’ potatoes. Nothing gets me rarin’ to go as much as a steamed lobster. And I can tell you every single way to cook a pork chop. I love food. And I love going out to dinner. But, again, I am fairly broke. So, it doesn’t happen as often as I would like. So when I heard about the opening of Jim Gould, the new swank restaurant in downtown Champaign, my initial reaction was sour. I hate expensive restaurants. Not because I dislike expensive food, but because generally, I can’t afford it. I walked in on the first day they were open, only to find that they were doing a mock run-through, which is like a training day and a community introduction for a guest list of people that didn’t include me. I looked at the menu anyway, only to find that I would have had to walk out one way or another.The prices on dinner are expensive—so expensive to the point that I nearly laughed out loud. It was a classic Seth Fein response: uneducated and judgmental with just a hint of petulance. It wasn’t until days later that I came to the place that I am now about this new restaurant. I ran into an old buddy while spinning rock music at Cowboy Monkey on a Tuesday (where I maintain a residency) who told me he had started working there. I told him my concerns. Overpriced and a little on the pretentious side. He came at me with the best justification that he could muster—and it changed my mind. He said, “Dude. I had the same thought. But give it a try. It’s worth it.The kitchen really goes all out back there, and

Jim is a really nice guy.Ten bucks says he’ll be walking around, greeting his customers with a warm smile. Come in for lunch. It’s priced to fit everybody.” So that is exactly what I did. On the very first day that my girlfriend (finally) moved down here to finish school, we went to Jim Gould for lunch. My friend was right. Even I, the poorest Jewish man in 12 counties, could afford this menu. And quite the menu it was. I will not list off everything because it was quite extensive, but I will say that the grilled chicken with prosciutto and goat cheese was just about perfect, as was the homemade potato chips seasoned with my favorite: Old Bay spices.And wouldn’t you know it, old Jim Gould (he’s really kinda young—but it just doesn’t sound the same) was there too, greeting his tables Seth Fein is from and smiling the whole time. Urbana. He has litI was impressed.The $30 steaks still erally eaten an make me want to cry. I don’t believe entire 2 lb. Lobster that charging $30 for a steak will do in on sitting. He can anyone any good—them or the combe reached at sethmunity at large. But them’s the breaks. fein@hotmail.com. I am still a huge fan of The Great Impasta, Radio Maria, Silver Creek,The Bread Company and most of all, Crane Alley*. And I will never stop patronizing those places as they had won my heart over long ago. But all in all, I think that Champaign has a new kid on the block that might become a grown up given time. Give it a shot. And tell ol’ Jim Gould to lower the price on those steaks.That way, I can actually afford to eat one. * I was treated to dessert at Crane Alley the other night. They are now serving homemade ice cream, made to order, literally. Seriously folks—Crane Alley is the best restaurant in downstate Illinois.

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THIS IS A SHOUT OUT TO ALL THE LITTLE PIGLETS WHO FLY IN FRONT OF MY WINDOW.

A R E B U T TA L I N P H O T O G R A P H S C O N T I N U E D F RO M PA G E

massive popularity in the Middle East during the 1940s through 1960s. The pictures are, at their simplest, moments of pedestrian travel in urban environments, but just importantly they are instances of commodification as some subjects can be seen mugging to the camera, while others remain intentionally casual and ostensibly unaware. The photographs represented in the presentation come appropriately from the studio of Agop Kuyumjian, who helped pilot the strategy in Tripoli in 1945. Though pedestr ians were photographed in seemingly average midday travels, they were handed business cards by the photographer who then sold them

prints of themselves. Thus, the end results were creations of not only the artist but the subjects themselves whose deportments brandish insights into their own self-imaginations. The largest and most prominent walls of Mapping Sitting belong to the third topic of itinerant photography. In these grids, though they are made up almost entirely of men, everyday people can be seen taking pauses from their recreational activities to pose for the cameraâ&#x20AC;&#x201D;some more awkwardly than others. The beach shots feature swimmers splashing playfully and looking back at the camera with mixed expressions of carefree glee and

bewilderment. The enlarged and rowed photos work sequentially, as well as individually, capturing movement and energy in the wouldbe models. The other half contains a more uniform pose upon sand and rocks as beachgoers take the role of temporary live sculptures outstretched and strutting. Alongside the beach scenes are ski lift jockeys from a Muslim Boy Scout trip. Legs dangling, the moments compiled on this wall contain some of the most lively and overtly performative posturings in Mapping Sitting. Lastly, in the darkness of the back of the exhibit lies a scrolling projector with a visually collaged timeline of Iraqi and

Egyptian military regiments. Sewn together chronologically, the group photos follow the changing face of early 20th century military uniform and composition. The panning looks at group portrait and institution highlights. Though all of the other presentations collectivize individual identity, this last look is the only area to do so with the original product. Policemen and soldiers adorn professionally shot photos with solemn and dutifully straight faces. Collectivizing the individual, cultural and social dimension of a bright spectrum of persons, Mapping Sitting hosts a grand vista of Arabic faces. buzz

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BRIAN WARMOTH â&#x20AC;˘ STAFF WRITER

After moving around Illinois for most of her formative years, Paige Goldsworthy finally settled into Champaign where she graduated last week with a BFA in photography. Her photo series Shoemaker was on display in the Krannert Art Museumâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s BFA exhibit among those of her fellow department graduates.The shoes shown in her pictures were also products of her handiwork and were also recently featured in a senior photography exhibit May 9. Her photo series in the BFA exhibit represents a bit of a crossroads in her life now, however. Having donned her cap and gown, she hopes to move on to fashion school; although photography remains a huge part of her life. Her sights are now set on shoe design at the Fashion Institute of Technology in New York where she plans on pursuing instruction in shoe design.

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What captures your interest about photography as a medium?

What should good photography communicate to the viewer, in your opinion?

I love that photography allows me to construct scenes or dream up different characters. The sets are there for a matter of hours, but the photographs last forever.

Photography can work in so many different ways, which is one of the reasons I was drawn to the major. I used photography in my current project to help with displaying the shoes. The actual shoes were shown on pedestals, so the images were a good way to show the viewers that they are functional.

What went into designing the shoes for your series up at the BFA exhibit right now?

Since I wanted to stray so far from photography with this project, the first step was to get the support of my professors and fellow classmates. I spent the entire first semester of this year researching and learning what materials would work for me. Designing the shoes was the fun part. Putting them together became easier after each pair, but it took quite a bit of trial and error to get the process right.

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How has your style evolved since you entered the photography program here?

I have been lucky enough to have wonderful photography instructors during my time here. They allow exploration in other fields and have been very supportive of my work this year. I have grown as an artist over the past four years, and I am leaving here very confident that I have discovered my niche in the art world.

What is your favorite subject matter to photograph and why?

I have always loved fashion photography, and my work is reflective of that. I love working in the studio, and my images are usually a bit quirky and colorful.

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“HISTORY

NEVER LOOKS LIKE HISTORY

WHEN YOU ARE LIVING THROUGH IT.” BILL MOYERS • US ADMINISTRATOR

Music melts all the separate parts of our bodies together. - Anais Nin

SOMA ULTRALOUNGE: IN CLUBBING WE TRUST

A REBUTTAL IN PHOTOGRAPHS

KYLE GORMAN • MUSIC EDITOR BRIAN WARMOTH • STAFF WRITER

aces and places literally shape the Krannert Art Museum’s current exhibit Mapping Sitting: On Por traiture and P h o t o g r a p h y , which is currently on display through June 5. The collection channels a tradition of commercial portrait photography by Arab photographers, which has long gone overlooked and offers patrons a chance to glimpse into the eyes of a wide array of faces extracted from the 50,000 image catalogue at the Arab Image Foundation in Beirut. Foundation organizers Walid Raad and Akram Zaatari constructed the project to represent four areas of 20th Century photographic practice—identity photos, the Middle Eastern tradition of photo surprise, itinerant photography and instrumental group portrait photography, all of which are represented in their respective sector s of the exhibit. Not only an artistic endeavor,

their touring selection stereophonically br ings a personalized and individualized sampling of a rarely represented subject in Midwestern American museums. The images are absent of oft-seen cliches and religious obsession. “In Mapping Sitting, we present … culturally specific works that raise questions about portraiture, performance, photography and identity in general,” the founders write in their introduction to the accompanying book of the same title.The visual journey demonstrates how Arab portrait photography has served as commodity, luxury, ador nment record in multiple social contexts. The four partitions house people from beaches, studios, ski lifts and military records. Raad, who is also co-curating the show with Zaatari, spoke at Krannert April 28. He is the founder of The Atlas Group, an imaginary foundation invented to research and document history in Lebanon. Mapping Sitting is but one incarnation of his vision, as it displays samplings of history in retrospective, as well as

within the continuity of evolving Arab cultures. The introduction to the exhibit—a wallpapering of headshots from passports, I.D. cards, licenses and permits—commences the study in faces via a collection of professionally shot facials from the northern Lebanese Studio Anouchian. The photographer, an Armenian named Antranik Anouchian, amassed the collection between 1935 and 1970, and together his subjects constitute not only a memorial of vintage countenances but also a record of personal Lebanese aesthetic deportment. One hundred-page portrait indexes (showcasing 150 shots per page) from Anouchian’s studio are also on display in glass cases containing men, women, couples and infants. Fast-paced overlaid slideshows of the exhibit’s second topic, photo surprise, flash behind the entrance on television screens. The casually distanced style, which originated in France, struck

The Goodman Theater is at 170 N. Dearborn and can be reached at 312-443-3800 or www.goodman-theatre.org. Wicked has been the biggest box office sensation in New York for the last year. It has that rare quality, the ability to attract young theater-goers in droves. This parable on conformity i s a b o u t the making of the “wicked witch,” or the battle for Oz before Dorothy. Its origins are again the novel, not by L. Frank Baum, but one by Gregory Maguire, who wanted another take on the “wicked witch” image. Winnie Holtzman wrote the stage book and veteran stage songwriter Stephen Schwartz (Godspell and Pippin) put the book into a musical setting. Good credentials so far, but no magic. It took director Joe Mantello and some great actresses to make this worthy work an evening of theater magic and with the national touring company in Chicago at the Ford Oriental Theater, the magic is still there. This national touring company, which will stay at 24 W. Randolph until June 12, is directed by Mantello,

and his magic is everywhere. Mixing his magical movement with choreographer Wayne Cliento and the superb sets of Eugene Lee, almost every motion is a feast for the eye. Yet, this visual and musical feast is about two women, Glinda the good witch and Elphaba the wicked witch.You need two killer actresses to make these characters come to life, and Kendra Kessebaum (Glinda) and Stephanie J. Block (Elphaba) bring down the house. Audience members who had seen the New York production were boasting that Chicago had the better cast. Block my be among the finest touring musical actresses in many a day, and even her Tony Award-winning counterpart in New York will feel the heat from this extraordinary performer. Imagine a great show in our own back yard until June 12—ah, there's no place like home. Note also, beginning June 24, Chicago will have its own production of Wicked at the Ford Oriental with local Chicago stage talent. Call 312-902-1400. buzz

C O N T I N U E D O N PA G E

CHICAGO THEATRE REVIEW JEFF NELSON • STAFF WRITER

s many of us look to the Chicago area this summer for some cutting-edge entertainment, look no further than the Chicago theater scene. John Malkovitch is back on stage at the Steppenwolf, Mary Zimmerman’s new play has just opened at the Goodman and Wicked, the hottest musical for young theater audiences since Rent, is right downtown. To ny Awa rd - w i n n i n g d i re c t o r M a r y Zimmerman has adapted some incredible material into fine theater with sources ranging from The Tales of the Arabian Nights, The Notebooks of Leonardo da Vinci to her award-winning adaptation and staging of Ovid’s Metamorphoses. Doing such adapting and directing, while holding a professorship in perfor mance studies at Northwestern, could tax a lesser mind into bland reruns, but Zimmerman keeps the new ideas coming.

Her latest, Silk, an adaptation of Alessandro Baricco’s novel of the same name, is currently on the main stage of the Goodman Theater until June 5.This short novel presents some real challenges. This story of a French silk buyer, who becomes obsessed with a mysterious Japanese woman, takes place over half the world and has a huge number of potential characters and extras. In a little over 100 minutes, Zimmerman trims the events and characters with a narrator and concentrates on a few critical characters. Her results are inventive, clever, sometimes successful and sometimes fr ustrating. Her incredible editing ability has been a career tour de force, but here the story is just too thin. Her characters do come to life amazingly well, and her mastery of stage movement is a marvel. But, there are times when that narrative just doesn’t pull the interesting characters and staging up to the level of art.This is good theater, but there may not be quite enough story to make this beautiful production resonate in three dimensions.

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he idea of big-city clubbing in our own Champaign might seem a little strange to some people, but John “Kosmo” Kosmopoulos, manager at Soma Ultralounge, seems to know what he’s doing. Kosmopoulos has been involved in Champaign nightlife for over twenty years now, starting in Kams’ kitchen in 1985. Soma, opening this week, is the result of a year and a half of work, and an attempt to provide a memorable night unlike any other venue in town. It is a sight to see. On entering, the eyes are drawn to the bar, which despite a granite-like appearance, glows translucently. This first room features cocktail tables and half-booths designed to allow many more people to share the area. Though it appears narrow, the deep building continues into the dance room, a large room where lounge furniture and a glistening black epoxy floor set the mood while DJs spin.A V.I.P. area is also is in view from this space. Working without even an interior designer, Kosmopoulos has given this town another beautiful space. “[Other places] aren’t in the same league as Soma in terms of ambiance and atmosphere. Unless you drive several hours out of town, it is not possible to have a nightlife experience like you will be able to at Soma,” says Brian PHOTOS • DAVID SOLANA Mertz, who, as DJ Mertz, shares a Thursday Yuppie appeal doesn’t mean Soma is exclusive—the diverse drink residency with friend J-Phlip. Sounds chic, of course, but one might reasonably ask where the menu runs a gigantic range of prices (from a $2 PBR to a $700 need arises. Kosmo, with his extensive experience, seems to think bottle of Cristal champagne), and dance music played there is he’s made the right choice. Having quickly made his way from meant to be universal. “What is exciting about Soma is it won’t just be hip-hop, but it back-of-house into management, he’s been involved in nightlife at near countless bars and clubs in the area, including his role as one will be broken beat, house, rock and completely unclassifiable music,” says Mertz. of the original minds behind Gypsy (now Mike’n Mollys). For the performers, however, it’s all about their craft and business. “It was one of the initial places that drew mainstream bar clientele to downtown Champaign,” Kosmopolous says. “It was a zoo, Kosmopoulos has been very careful about his choices for DJs. Having previously spun house and hip-hop during the late ’80s in addition to his literally, seven nights a week.” After Gypsy closed, Kosmopoulos quickly moved on, managing extensive hospitality resume, he’s conscious of what makes a good DJ. “Many people ask what makes a DJ good—I mean, I can play multiple bars on campus and town, including Orchid, Tonic, Clybournes and C.O. Daniels. However, he desired his own proj- the same record as they do, but it’s not that. It’s when they play it, ect and missed the different, more mature vibe of downtown while it’s how they play it, when they bring it in, feeling the crowd, the way they blend it. Mertz, Jessica and Bozak, are, I believe, the best working on campus.This led to the introduction of Barfly. “I fit in better in downtown Champaign,” he says. After doing at that, at least in this town.” The duo of Mertz and his friend Jessica Phillippe, a rising star the vast amount of legwork in Barfly, a buyout left him looking for a new project. Kosmopoulos has really poured his expertise into as J-Phlip, will be playing deep house on Thursdays. Mertz is lookSoma. This “student of the bar business” predicts an increasing ing forward to getting to play weekly with J-Phlip, who recently need, as a rising number of young professionals stay in town after won a prestigious national competition for female DJs (“Beauty graduation or are brought to town by local technology firms. and the Beats”) hosted by BPM Magazine in L.A. s o u n d s

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“Playing with Jessica always seems to bring out the best in me. Time flies by playing with her, and while we never practice our sets together, they always make the crowds jump.” DJ Bozak, who’s playing to the more-mainstream crowd of Fridays and Saturdays at Soma, has numerous accolades to his name. Mertz praises Bozak’s (aka Adam Boskey) maturity and diversity. “Adam likes leading listeners along to new areas they should know, but don’t. He may play A Tribe Called Quest and something by The Roots, both things that people know but sandwiched in between or right after, he’ll play a track by someone like The Platinum Pied Pipers that is even more dope.” Kosmo is also enthused about giving Bozak a place to turn ears and heads. “Bozak has the versatility of going one way or the other without getting cheesy,” Kosmo remarks. Soma gives him many more opportunities, as the management is supportive, and the newness of the space means that he gets to mold his own clientele. “Kosmo wants me to cross many genres and time periods, playing the best that those areas have to offer,” Boskey says.“He also wants it to be enjoyable by people of all ages. I want to play music that is soulful and funky. I also want to play a lot of my own remixes, re-edits and original productions.” Soma, as a new venue, also sports high quality equipment.The rig will also include two CD turntables in addition to the standard vinyl decks, which will give the DJs more options while performing. Mertz expects the equipment to remain in shape. “Because only three or four DJs will be using the equipment regularly, it will stay new.” Though bars and clubs often imitate life with their complex politics, there is hope that Soma will deliver. “Without having played a note there, I already feel a great sense of trust from Kosmo, the staff and the owners,” declares Mertz. “Moreover, I completely trust Jessica, and she trusts me.All this trust gives me great confidence in my craft and growing as a DJ.” buzz Soma is located at 321 Main St. It opens May 25 with DJs JPhlip, Mertz, and Bozak spinning. Kosmopoulos plans to bring in national DJ talent monthly. First up is DJ Dayhota, one fourth of allfemale DJ quartet Superjane, arriving June 16.The nightclub is 21+. Kosmopoulos says the name is neither a reference to the Smashing Pumpkins, Aldous Huxley, nor the location (the club is, in fact, north of Main St.). “The name sounds like what Soma is,” he says.

GOD BLESS AMERICA AND DINOSAURS!

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Kids Storytime Pages for All Ages, 7pm, free Lectures, Meetings, Workshops Critical Thinking [Participants will learn all aspects of critical thinking and its value in our lives] Parkland Business Development Center, 8:30am-4:30pm, $160, 351-2235 Walk to Weight Management [Learn to walk the right way by focusing on simple ways to increase intensity and enjoyment while avoiding injury.] Mettler Center, 6pm, free

The Office, 10:30pm, free

Chris and Jim [cover band] White Horse Inn, 10pm, free

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lead review

BY CORNELIA BOONMAN

. 2

Hot Hot Heat’s latest album, Elevator, isn’t going down as the best indie rock album in history, that’s for sure. But sometimes the things that aren’t included in the large book of best album history also happen to be the most—well, enjoyable. Elevator is just that, a pleasing sound to the ears brought to you by the new new-wave Canadian indie-punkers. This isn’t to say that the best music can’t be enjoyable, because it often is. However, that is about as far as it goes. Elevator, birthed on Sire Records (no longer attached to Sub Pop), is the kind of music where you absentmindedly go, “Hmm, I kinda like this” and then forget all about the next day. Or the kind of music you hear in the background and vaguely recognize, but the kind of music where you won’t wrack your brain for

hours, waiting for a song title to come. It’s just kind of there, sitting in its own existence, all “La la la we’re Hot Hot Heat but we don’t really care all that much so just listen and if you like it that’s nice, I guess.” Well, it’s a good thing I like enjoyable. Along the lines of that description include the spazzy sparkly crack burst of “Island of the Honest Man,” a song that really could have been the entire album. It’s a perfect example of Hot Hot Heat’s previous greatness with all the creativity and ingenuity that we would expect of them. “Goodnight Goodnight” swallows itself whole in a cacophony of drums and Steve Bays’ howls, strong and utterly uncontrolled. Not to be forgotten, “Jingle Jangle” does just that and jangles its way into my black, critical heart. Sigh! And “You Owe Me an I.O.U.” proves to be good, as well, but most of the tracks lack the energy and gusto that we’re used to. All in all, even though it isn’t quite the stroke of smart and catchy that was Make Up the Breakdown, it’s impossible to not enjoy it, even if you are sitting there wondering when Hot Hot Heat will come back with a slightly better offering.

BURLY

Rob Van Winkle, also commonly known as popular 1990s pop star Vanilla Ice, has recently announced tour dates in the United Kingdom. Apparently, the British are all hot for the ice. By “hot,” I mean not. Speaking of hot, the V-man himself has been working on an album entitled Hard to Swallow with Rick Rubin (muse to Eminem), which the infamous artist describes as “molten hip hop.”

Crazy-weird-awesome Montreal band Les Georges Leningrad is on tour and will hop by Chicago’s Abbey Pub on May 19th.

Astralwerks Records (which hosts artists such as Kings of Convenience, the Faint, Sondre Lerche and Air) has struck a partnership deal with famed DFA Records (The Rapture, LCD Soundsystem). Astralwerks will be releasing the Juan Mclean record but as one Internet-blogger stated, this might just be because of the mucho-money deal that DFA had with EMI, Astralwerks’ music-giant parent record label.

Insout Acoustic Privacy TRP BY KYLE GORMAN

Last year, I had the privilege of speaking briefly to Danny Gottlieb, early drummer for the Pat Metheny Group during their tenure at ECM. I asked him how one could respond to the perception of the Group’s music as pure background. He explained that while the ECM records sound glossy and distant, the actual performances were true jazz sessions full of interaction. Careful listening confirms this; these albums are truly forgotten gems, each one reading like a novel. Location is also an important factor in the records; the compositions are as if an impressionist painted a portrait (not a landscape) of the Midwest. Gottlieb continued to say that his leaving the band occurred as Metheny chose to reduce interaction, and the rhythm became a soundtrack for his everdeveloping technique. Gottlieb’s replacement was Paul Wertico, who was more appropriate for service in

Metheny’s now-sidelined rhythm section. Though the Group went on to win stacks of Grammys (even their tepid albums sound impressive when set against countless tribute records and stagnate development in the jazz world), I can’t get over the feeling that they’ve moved in the wrong direction. Every record they make is less jazz and more soundscape.The even more-minimalistic Antonio Sanchez has replaced Wertico, who still showed some enthusiasm to play melody with Pat. Wertico is an important piece of the puzzle in this record, featuring Italian duo Insout (who are also producers and founders of the TRP label).The compositions turn direction often. At the same time, they embrace triads and suspensions in ways that suggests European classical music.The record suggests a cast recording for a musical in the way songs seem to just need intervening dialogue to piece together, a dialogue one could imagine the musicians providing. Claudio Allia doubles on piano and alto sax. Some passages are full of silence but when he overdubs both instruments, there is a much

Death From Above 1979 plan to release three albums in spring of 2006: one original album and two alternate versions of the first. Fancy-pants, indeed.

w H at tH e He L L? MOMENT OF THE WEEK thicker mix. On sax, he uses dynamics sparingly and a restricted range; on piano, he plays simply. It’d be a pleasure to hear more self-consciousness in his playing, as most of his work seems to just lead somewhere else. Riccardo Samperi’s comping on guitar occasionally suggests Pat’s 12-string work on albums in the ’70s. On lead, however, he’s his own man, with each note given equal due.The best bars on the whole record are devoted to his solos.Wertico plays “melody” throughout, and bassist Amato is willing to travel, extending lines on union passages, which Wertico complements. Amato is also very in touch with Allia’s piano, and the songs take advantage of this. The real star on this record is the studio, though. All engineering and mixing is done by Allia and Samperi, and the individual sound they get on the rhythm instruments is yet another compositional tool. Acoustic Privacy, despite the corny name (I’m hoping it’s a result of a bad translation from Italian to English), is an excellent piece of jazz, and thanks to the selfless playing of the band, a musical portrait.

Kenney Chesney married the skeleton of Renee Zellweger on a beach this past week. Apparently, they’re in love. PHOTO COURTESY OF THE ASSOCIATED PRESS

Sire

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Hot Hot Heat Elevator

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DJ Ear Candy [house DJs] Nargile, 9pm, free DJ Delayney [hip hop/soul] Barfly, 10pm, free DJ Elise [deep sultry house] Boltini, 10:30pm, free DJ Missus Mike 'n Molly's, TBA Lectures, Meetings, Workshops Get on the Ball [Add a twist, lift, and balance to your workout! Find out why this fun apparatus has made its way into fitness centers across the world.] Mettler Center, 10am & 6pm, free Auditions Jesus Christ Superstar [young through mature adults needed. Play dates July 23, 24 and 28-31] Market Street Theater, Paxton, 6-9pm Contact Sue Sawyer at 386-2054 for details

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May 25 Live Music Apollo Poetics: Apollo Project with guest MCs Nargile, 10pm, free Chambana Jackson’s Ribs-n-Tips, 8-10pm Ed O'Hare and Friends Rose Bowl Tavern, 9pm, free

May 24 Live Music Larry Gates [acoustic] The White Horse Inn, 10pm, free Bluegrass Jam Verde Gallery, 7-9:30pm, free Open Jam/Open Mic hosted by Brandon T. Washington Canopy Club, 9pm, 21+/free, $2/under 21 The Crystal River Band Rose Bowl Tavern, 9pm, free Open Stage Espresso Royale Goodwin & Oregon, 8pm, free Parkland Big Band Iron Post, 7pm, TBA ThreeLegChair Moonstruck Chocolate Co., 8pm, free Adam Wolfe's Acoustic Night with Jess Greenlee Tommy G's, 10pm, free DJ Tremblin BG Barfly, 10pm, free DJ J-Phlip or DJ Lil Big Bass Boltini Lounge, 10:30pm, free DJ Hoff Mike 'n Molly's, TBA DJ Reaganomics [80's music] Cowboy Monkey, 10pm, free Subversion: DJ ZoZo, DJ Evily, DJ TwinScin [goth/industrial/electro] The Highdive, 10pm, $2

Fitness Belly Dance for Fitness The Fitness Center Champaign, 8pm, $7-$9

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DJ Chef Ra [roots, reggae] Barfly, 10pm, free DJ Boltini, 10:30pm, free Karaoke Liquid Courage Karaoke Geovanti's, 10pm-2am, free Outlaw Karaoke The White Horse Inn, 10pm, free Dancing Tango Dancing with DJ cowboy Monkey, 7:30pm, free Salsa Dancing with DJ Cowboy Monkey, 10pm, free Lectures, Meetings, Discussions Open Poetry Night [writers may read their own work or just listen] Illini Union Bookstore,7-8 pm

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Adelante Book Discussion [One Sunny Day by Hideko Snider] Pages for All Ages, 7pm Lectures, Meetings, Workshops First-level Leadership: Supervising in the New Organization [Learn how to be an effective coach, mentor, and team leader; inspire others to achieve better quality, responsiveness, and commitment; generate high quality, innovative ideas and select the best ones; resolve conflict and manage change; and establish key performance criteria and measures.] Parkland Business Development Center, 8am-5pm, $195, 351-2235

Urbana Booking Co. presents: Appleseed Cast, Chin Up Chin Up, Headlights, The Chemicals The Highdive 9pm, $8 in advance, $10 at door

Furinture from Cinema Gallery’s new show, Artistry in Wood, which runs until June 2. Bowl by Thomas Skaggs, Table by Dwain Naragon.

ART and THEATER Artistry in Wood [Fine furniture and decorative objects by Jeff Boshart, Charleston; Stephen Chrisman, Danville; David Griffin, Charleston; Kurt Henigman, Champaign; Myron Kates, Urbana; Tim LaTourette, Fayetteville, AR; Dwain Naragon, Westfield; Thomas Skaggs, Champaign; John and Charlie Sweitzer, Champaign. And an ongoing display of work by 42 Illinois artists.] Cinema Gallery through July 2 Tues-Sat 10am-4pm Out Of Site [featuring paintings by Ann McDowell, and mixed media by Josh Ipple and ceramics by Geoff Bant, Linda Dumich, Linda Weiner, and Sara Redd.] Springer Cultural Center through June 4. Opening reception May 20, 6-8pm with live music by Groove Yard and an artist’s talk. Mon-Fri 8am-9pm, Sat 9am-5pm, Sun 125 pm Beneath The Surface [Featuring paintings by Richard Benoit and works in glass by Barrie Bredemeier] May 24 - Jul 2 at Verde Gallery. Opening reception May 26, 7pm. Tues-Sat: 7am-10pm Cafe; 12-10pm Gallery

Karaoke "G" Force Karaoke Neil St. Pub, 8pm-12am, free Liquid Courage Karaoke Geo's , 9pm-1am, free

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EAD-RAY UZZ-BAY!

PHOTOS COURTESY OF CAROLYN BAXLEY

10 • b u z z w e e k l y

Digital Media Student Juried Exhibition [The annual student juried exhibitions serve as a collection of the best student work for the current academic year] Parkland Art Gallery through June 16 Mon-Thur 10am-2pm, Tues-Thur 6-8pm

Not Enough Space [An international touring exhibit marking the 25th anniversary of the incarceration of two Puerto Rican political prisoners, Oscar López Rivera and Carlos Alberto Torres, in U.S. federal facilities] UIUC Main Library, first floor, 1408 West Gregory Drive, Urbana.

805 W. Pennsylvania Ave, www.iprh.uiuc.edu Mon-Fri 8:30am-5pm

Spring 2005 Art Exhibition [work by Jeannine Bestoso, Melissa Mitchell, Mark Reutter, Amy Richardson, and Wesley Waters] Creation Art Studios and Gallery through May 29 Artist Reception with music by Jimmy Rowland May 6 from 7-9pm Hours: Tues-Fri 1-5:30pm, Sat 1-4pm and by appointment, 344-6955, www.creationartstudios.com

Emergence, International Women in the Arts [An international yet local exhibit, featuring artists and performers from all over the globe who live in the C-U community] Verde Gallery through May 21 Tue-Sat 10am- 10pm

Centennial High School Student Art Show [For this unique display, the students in artist and educator Shannon Batman's class have created wonderfully expressive self-portraits. The students were inspired by a variety of artists including Frida Kahlo. The framing for this show was partially funded by a Tepper Grant awarded to instructor Shannon Batman.] Pages For All Ages through May 31 Mon-Thurs 9am-10pm, Fri-Sat 9am-11pm, Sun 10am-9pm

Quantum Garden [original prints by Charles Segard] Aroma Cafe through June 4 Mon-Sun 7am-12am

Mapping Sitting: On Portraiture and Photography [this exhibition ventures into uncharted territory with photographic and video installations and uses portraits by Arab photographers, including passport studio photographs, photo "surprise," itinerant photography, and group portraits to present a dynamic picture of the Middle East. Organized by Walid Raad and Akram Zaatari.] Krannert Art Museum through June 5. Tue, Thu-Sat 9am-5pm, Wed 9am-8pm, Sun 2-5pm Suggested Donation: $3 Aroma Cafe is looking for artists to exhibit their work. If you are interested in exhibiting your art, please contact Amanda Bickel, art coordinator at Aroma Cafe at art4aroma@yahoo.com.

Invisible Infrastructure: Maps and Photographs [Works by Christian Sandvig and Hope Hall] Humanities Lecture Hall through July 22

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ASSEMBLY HALL | First & Florida, Champaign 333-5000 AMERICAN LEGION POST 24 | 705 W Bloomington, Champaign 356-5144 AMERICAN LEGION POST 71 | 107 N Broadway, Urbana 367-3121 BARFLY | 120 N Neil, Champaign 352-9756 BOLTINI LOUNGE | 211 N Neil, Champaign 378-8001 BOARDMAN’S ART THEATER | 126 W Church, Champaign 351-0068 THE BRASS RAIL | 15 E University, Champaign 352-7512 THE BRIDGE | 124 W. White St. Champaign THE CANOPY CLUB (GARDEN GRILL) | 708 S Goodwin, Urbana 367-3140 CHANNING-MURRAY FOUNDATION | 1209 W Oregon, Urbana CIVITAS | 112 Main St., Urbana0 COURTYARD CAFE | Illini Union, 1401 W Green, Urbana 333-4666 COWBOY MONKEY | 6 Taylor, Champaign 398-2688 CURTIS ORCHARD | 3902 S Duncan, Champaign 359-5565 D.R. DIGGERS | 604 S Country Fair, Champaign 356-0888 ELMER’S CLUB 45 | 3525 N Cunningham, Urbana 344-3101 EMBASSY TAVERN & GRILL | 114 S Race, Urbana 384-9526 ESQUIRE LOUNGE | 106 N Walnut, Champaign 398-5858 FALLON’S ICE HOUSE | 703 N Prospect, Champaign 398-5760 FAT CITY SALOON | 505 S Chestnut, Champaign 356-7100 THE GREAT IMPASTA | 114 W Church, Champaign 359-7377 THE HIGHDIVE | 51 Main, Champaign 359-4444 HUBER’S | 1312 W Church, Champaign 352-0606 ILLINOIS DISCIPLES FOUNDATION | 610 E Springfield, Champaign 352-8721 INDEPENDENT MEDIA CENTER | 218 W Main, Urbana 344-8820 THE IRON POST | 120 S Race, Urbana 337-7678 JACKSON’S RIBS-N-TIPS| 116 N First, Champaign 355-2916 JOE’S BREWERY | 706 S Fifth, Champaign 384-1790 KRANNERT ART MUSEUM | 500 E Peabody, Champaign 333-1861 KRANNERT CENTER FOR THE PERFORMING ARTS | 500 S Goodwin, Urbana Tickets: 333-6280, 800-KCPATIX LA CASA CULTURAL LATINA | 1203 W Nevada, Urbana 333-4950

LAVA | 1906 W Bradley, Champaign 352-8714 LES’S LOUNGE | 403 N Coler, Urbana 328-4000 LINCOLN CASTLE | 209 S Broadway, Urbana 344-7720 MALIBU BAY LOUNGE | North Route 45, Urbana 328-7415 MIKE ‘N’ MOLLY’S | 105 N Market, Champaign 355-1236 NARGILE | 207 W Clark, Champaign NEIL STREET PUB | 1505 N Neil, Champaign 359-1601 THE OFFICE | 214 W Main, Urbana 344-7608 OPENSOURCE | 12 E. Washington,Champaign http://opensource.boxwith.com PARKLAND COLLEGE | 2400 W Bradley, Champaign 351-2528 PHOENIX | 215 S Neil, Champaign 355-7866 PIA’S OF RANTOUL | Route 136 E, Rantoul 893-8244 RED HERRING/CHANNING-MURRAY FOUNDATION | 1209 W Oregon, Urbana 344-1176 ROSE BOWL TAVERN | 106 N Race, Urbana 367-7031 SIDE BAR | 55 E. Main, Champaign 398-5760 SPRINGER CULTURAL CENTER | 301 N Randolph, Champaign 398-2376 SPURLOCK MUSEUM | 600 S Gregory, Urbana, 333-2360 THE STATION THEATRE | 223 N Broadway, Urbana 384-4000 STRAWBERRY FIELDS CAFE | 306 W Springfield, Urbana 328-1655 TK WENDL’S | 1901 S Highcross, Urbana 255-5328 TOMMY G’S | 123 S Mattis, Country Fair Shopping Center 359-2177 TONIC | 619 S Wright, Champaign 356-6768 UNIVERSITY YMCA | 1001 S Wright, Champaign 344-0721 URBANA CIVIC CENTER | 108 Water St., Urbana VERDE/VERDANT | 17 E Taylor, Champaign 366-3204 VIRGINIA THEATRE | 203 W Park Ave, Champaign 356-9053 WAKE THE DEAD CAFE | 1210 E. Eldorado St. Decatur 233-4525 WASHINGTON STREET PUB | 600 S. Washington, Tuscola 253-6850 WHITE HORSE INN | 112 1/2 E Green, Champaign 352-5945 ZORBA’S | 627 E Green, Champaign 344-0710

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May 19 Live Music Metal Under the Canopy: Warborn, Through and Through, Goretesque Canopy Club, 7pm, $5 Acoustic Music Series: Angie Heaton Aroma, 8pm, free The Painkillers Cowboy Monkey, 8pm, cover Dawna Nelson Jazz Trio Iron Post, 9pm, TBA Jammin' Jimmy Bean Tommy G's, 9pm, free The Situation, Addison Nargile, 10:30pm, $4 Caleb Rose Bowl Tavern, 9pm, free Shovelrack White Horse Inn, 10pm, free DJ DJ Bozak Boltini Lounge, 10:30pm, free Generic DJ Jackson's Ribs-N-Tips, 8pm, TBA DJ J-Phlip [house] Barfly, 10pm, free Karaoke "G" Force Karaoke Pia's of Rantoul, 9pm-1am, free Dancing UIUC Swing Society McKinley Foundation 9:30pm-12am, free Fitness Belly Dance for Fitness The Fitness Center Champaign 8pm, $7-$9 Belly Dance for Fitness Gold’s Gym, Champaign, 7:30pm, $7-$9

Lectures, Meetings, Workshops Confident Cooking [Mettler’s signature cooking course. Participants learn techniques to lower fat and calories and increase plant based eating through this fun, informal, 90 minute course. Sample the foods and take home the recipes] Mettler Center, 6pm $20/member, $25/non Books Pride in Literature [LGBT Reading and Discussion Group, focusing on books of lesbian, gay, bisexual or transgender interest or origin. This month: A Seahorse Year, by Stacey D'Erasmo.} Pages for All Ages, 7pm Nonfiction Book Group [Robert Wiedner leads a discussion through The Record of the Paper, by Howard Friel] Pages for All Ages, 7:30pm

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May 20 Live Music The Prairie Dogs [bluegrass] Cowboy Monkey, 5pm, free Weasel Dreams Iron Post, 5-7pm, TBA Andrew Duncanson of Kilborn Alley Tommy G's, 5-7pm, free

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Jenny Choi Borders, 8pm, free Acoustic Fusion Concert Series: Elsinore Verde Gallery, 8PM, $5 The Nicotones, The Adrenals, Boots and Bracelets, Missing in Action, The Affronted, The Tards Canopy Club, 9pm, TBA Pancake Supper, Jeff Hanson Iron Post, 9pm, TBA Tractor Kings, The Chemicals, Little Black Spiders Boneyard Pottery, 10pm, $4 Paradise City [Guns 'n Roses tribute band] Tommy G's, 10pm, cover Country Connection Rose Bowl Tavern, 9pm, $1 Delta Kings [rock and blues] Fat City, 9pm-1am Eclectic Theory The White Horse Inn, 10pm, free DJ DJ Elise Boltini, 6-10pm, free World Wide Wave: Mambo Italiano, DJ Bee [latin/house/reggae/lounge] Cowboy Monkey, 9pm, free DJ J-Phlip OR DJ Lil Big Bass Boltini, 10:30pm, free DJ Mighty Dog Jackson's Ribs-N-Tips, 9pm-2am, TBA DJ Bozak [hip hop, downtempo] Barfly, 10pm, free DJ Tim Williams [top 40/hip hop/house/dance] The Highdive, 10:30pm, $5

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DJ Resonate [hip hop] Barfly, 10pm, free DJ Mellow Fellow [hip hop/retro/R&B] Nargile, 10pm, free DJ Tim Williams [top 40/hip hop/house/dance] The Highdive, 10pm, $5 DJ Boltini, 10:30pm, free DJ Night White Horse Inn, 10pm, free

Lectures, Meetings, Workshops Why Organic? [Learn about, sample and compare organic foods] Mettler Center, 1pm $15 member, $20 non Meet Kelly James-Enger [Frustrated would-be novelists will learn how to find time to write, finish what they start, stay motivated, and find agents for their versions of the great American novel] Pages for All Ages, 2pm

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May 22 Live Music Billy Mathews, Sodbusters Iron Post, 7pm, TBA Free Rock Show: Sick Day, As Seen on TV, TBA Tommy G's, 9pm, free The Crystal River Band Rose Bowl Tavern, 9pm, free Liquid Courage Open Mic Night Geovanti's, 8pm-12am, free The Living Blue with Scurvine Brass Rail, 11pm, $3

I’m currently an MLS degree candidate at the Graduate School for Library & Information Science. By the time I complete my degree, I will have worked three fantastic graduate assistantships. Each assistantship has allowed me to learn and enhance a different set of skills within the library profession. During my first year, I worked on categorizing a large collection of materials relating to women in international development. Irene Tinker graciously donated her amazing collection to the university library along with the needed money to fund the organization of the collection and prepare it for storage and user access. My current assistantship is located with the Residence Hall Library System. Many people do not even realize that in addition to the main university having over 40 different libraries, the residence halls have a completely separate system of eight libraries within the halls. Our collection consists of over 25,000 books and more than 4,000 CDs. It’s part of my job to assist with the development and cataloging of this collection, which is geared specifically for an undergraduate population. The collection within the residence halls offers both academic and recreational materials, and is yet another perk for which students in the halls have access. There are only three known library systems like this one in the country. While in this position, I’ve also had the opportunity to supervise four of the eight libraries and have really enjoyed the relationships that I’ve

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May 23 Live Music Jazz Jam with ParaDocs Iron Post, 8pm, TBA Open Mic Night hosted by Mike Ingram Cowboy Monkey, 10pm, free Quad Remedy Tommy G's, 10pm, free Finga Lickin' s c e n e

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PGU/Buzz Best Female Artist 2005 Kate Hathaway is almost finished with her first fulllength album, Sprout Don’t Pout. It is due for release June 11 at Cowboy Monkey, two years (and five days) after the release of her debut EP, One Two Three, there. Amid its eleven tracks, Sprout Don’t Pout features guests such as Brendan Gamble and Cameron McGill. It was recorded by Andy Lund at GoodWood Studios and Pogo Studio. In store later this summer are a video for the song “Figured Out” and extended stays in San Francisco and Austin. Shipwreck completed its first full-length album April 23, due for release late this summer. It consists of ten tracks, three of which (“Buckle,”“Cavern” and “Orphan”) are available for preview at myspace.com/shipwreck. An earlier version of “Cavern” appears on the Green St. Records compilation Playlisted. Shipwreck next performs June 4 at The Iron Post. The American Minor album release has been pushed back from July 27 to August 16. Tonight at Aroma, Angie Heaton reverts from audience member to featured artist for the in-house acoustic music series. Last year,Angie released her long-awaited third album, Let It Ride. Show time is at 8, and as always, there is no cover. At the same time, across the street at Cowboy Monkey, Painkillers presents a bevy of blues and soul standards. December 9, University of Illinois and Toast Music Collective alumna Jenny Choi launched sanawon.com. Korean for “fierce,” Sanawon is her “brooding keyboardand-drums indie pop adventure” with her longtime drum-

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mer Philip Stone. April 11, Sanawon issued its first record, Tiny Airplane, produced and engineered by Alex Kemp and Josiah Mazzaschi. Jenny returns to Champaign for a solo show at Borders, tomorrow night at 8. Later tomorrow night, Terminus Victor side project Little Black Spiders comes off a four-month hiatus to resurrect its distinctive diesel-powered post-punk, no muffler required. With The Chemicals and Tractor Kings, Little Black Spiders plays the fourth-ever concert at Boneyard Pottery. Show time is 10, and cover is $4. Boneyard Pottery is an all-ages, smoke-free venue. Sullivan-based band Decals cut a diverse demo last year. Evocative at times of Silver Scooter, it at last has a title, Buildings & Body Parts, and is available by request for free.The eighteen songs include “Flag of Permanent Defeat,” “Blip” and “The End of a Year;” anyone who likes music will be glad “Summer Girls” is not an LFO cover. Saturday night, Decals joins Chariots Race and Cameo Turret at Mike ‘n Molly’s. Show time is 10, and cover is $4. Also Saturday,at AltoVineyards,Music Among theVines continues with Bruiser and theVirtues.Show time is 7:30,and cover is $3.At Cowboy Monkey, Chicago ska sextet Dropped Once opens for Lorenzo Goetz. Show time is 10, and cover is $5. Wednesday marks another appearance by The Chemicals, and the first of two together with Headlights. Wednesday night at The Highdive, Urbana Booking Co. presents Headlights and The Chemicals as opening acts for Appleseed Cast and Chin Up Chin Up. Show time is 9, and cover $10 ($8 in advance).

#76 Todd J. Hunter hosts WEFT Sessions and Champaign Local 901, two hours of live local music every Monday night at 10 on 90.1 FM. Send news to soundground@excite.com.

How would you describe the work or study you are currently doing at the university?

DJ DJ Wesjile [hip hop] Barfly, 10pm, free DJ JB [80's rewind/funk classics] Boltini Lounge, 10:30pm, free

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1. Spoon • Gimme Fiction (Merge) 2. Orange Peels • Circling The Sun (Parasol) 3. Frida Hyvonen • Until Death Comes (Licking Fingers) 4. Shout Out Louds • Very Loud EP (U.S.) (Bud Fox/Capitol) 5. Moonbabies • War On Sound (A Hidden Agenda Record) 6. Doleful Lions • Shaded Lodge And Mausoleum (Parasol) 7. Belle And Sebastian • Push Barman To Open Old Wounds (Matador) 8. Weezer • Make Believe (Geffen) 9. Snow & Voices • S/T (Birdsong) 10. Oneida • The Wedding (Jagjaguwar)

Dancing Tango & Salsa Dance with DJ Mambo Italiano, DJ Bee, DJ Joe Grohens Sidebar, 7pm, $4

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TODD J. HUNTER • STAFF WRITER

PARASOL RECORDS TOP 10 SELLERS

Kids Storytime Pages for All Ages, 11am, free Lemony Snicket Bookgroup [Discussion The Ersatz Elevator (Book VI)] Pages for All Ages, 2pm

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May 21 Live Music Jimmy Rowland Wind, Water & Light Gallery 12-2pm, free Grass Roots Revival Pages For All Ages, 7pm, free Music Among the Vines: Bruiser and the Virtues Alto Vineyards, 7;30pm, $3 Chevelle, Dark New Day Canopy Club, 9pm, $20 in advance, $23 at show The Noisy Gators Iron Post, 9pm, TBA Lorenzo Goetz, Dropped Once Cowboy Monkey, 10pm, $5 The Situation, Chariots Race, Cameo Turret Mike 'n Molly's, 10pm, $4 User Friendly, Quad Remedy [rock covers/originals] Tommy G's, 10pm, cover Country Connection Rose Bowl Tavern, 9pm, $1 Roger Cler [folk-pop, classic rock] Pages for All Ages, 7pm Sandunga Caffe Paradiso, 11am-1pm DJ DJ Mighty Dog Jackson's Ribs-N-Tips, 9pm, TBA DJ Night Paulie's, 9pm, free

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made with many of the student library clerks. Next year, I’ll be assisting students with their reference questions at the Undergraduate Library. It’s going to keep me extremely busy, but I know it is going to be a great opportunity. I have already worked as an hourly employee at the Undergrad, and it’s a fun atmosphere with a great bunch of coworkers. I also really enjoy being able to assist new users of a library as they come in with their research needs. I often think back to the time when I was a first-time library user and how intimidated I was for so long about asking a question. I want to be there to help students feel comfortable and realize that it’s okay to ask for information, as that’s one of the reasons librarians exist. What things are you involved in with the community and the university?

I’ve been involved in so many things over the years, but most recently, I’m the co-chair for the LGBT Roundtable. The Roundtable is an organization, which is comprised of representatives from various lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, queer or questioning, and ally (LGBTQA) groups and organizations on the campus and within the community. I am also a member of the University’s Campus Advisory Committee on LGBT Concerns. In addition to these two roles, I attend various library school functions as well as other campus and community LGBT events and meetings. I try to stay active within both of these communities.

When you aren't working, what do you enjoy doing?

My favorite things to do are related to educating people about the issues and concerns faced by LGBTQ individuals. This past semester, I worked with the LGBT Roundtable to bring in both Jamison Green to educate our community about transgender issues, and Robyn Ochs to provide awareness of bisexual issues and further our community’s education around this topic. I love planning stimulating educational programs and events. Last year, I worked hard with a few others in order to produce and distribute over 2,300 “LGBT? Fine by me.” t-shirts, which can still be seen today in our community. When I just want to relax, you may find me walking along the streets of Urbana with the old growth trees overhead or perhaps having dinner and a movie at a locally owned establishment. What are your plans for the future?

This is always such a difficult question, as the future is often so unpredictable. However, I would love to someday find myself living in the Northwest part of the country and working for an academic library within an institution that understands and appreciates the purpose of a library. I would also like to become an expert and advisor on LGBT issues and materials for that institution. I also plan to continue my travels around the world and within the U.S., as there are so many things to see and people to meet before we come to the end of life’s path.

12 I don’t do drugs, I am drugs. - Salvador Dali

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the band was once again ready to perform. Marc Young of The Appleseed Cast will join the band on bass during their extensive touring. Greg Sharp, the band’s keyboard player, is suffering from a herniated disk in his back and is unable to tour with the band. Jeremy Ohmes, from the band Lying in States, is filling in while he recovers. Despite all the obstacles they have come up against, the band maintains a positive attitude. After all, their name is a reference to optimism and perseverance.

Local favorites Headlights and The Chemicals open up the show. The Headlights will soon be taking their lush atmospheric sound on tour as they travel throughout the Midwest, southeast as far as Georgia, then west to Texas before coming home. The Chemicals welcome new member Tedward Faust on keyboards. The band says that he will bring “nothing but mountains of new promise” to the punk, garage rock band. Doors open 9 p.m. Show starts 9:30. Tickets can be purchased in advance for $8 online or in Champaign at Dandelion Vintage Clothing, Skins-n-Tins Drum Shop, Bacca Cigar Company, or Exile on Main Street or you can get them at the door for $10. -Cassie Conner

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Chicagoans Chin Up Chin Up play in C-U for their second time in attempt to “Create a new Chicago sound, one that is melodically rich and textural, combining linear pop songs with non-traditional instrumentation”—that’s their mission statement. This art-pop band has certainly seen their share of tragedy and as well as optimistic hope. On Valentine’s Day 2004 the group’s bassist, Chris Saathoff, was killed by a hit-and-run driver while walking home from a show. After a long healing process that included the completion of their debut album that they had started writing with Saathoff, We Should Have Never Lived Like We Were Skyscrapers,

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Playing their first show in Champaign-Urbana since fall of 2003, Lawrence, Kan., natives The Appleseed Cast will be appearing at The Highdive on Wednesday. Opting to play in Champaign rather than Chicago, this show will definitely be drawing some out-of-towners. It’s been nearly two years since The Appleseed Cast released their last album, Two Conversations, and the band, formerly on Deep Elm, is currently looking for a new label and is recording a new demo to help with the task. The Appleseed Cast is known for having a totally different style from one album to the next, varying from emo to space rock and, most recently, ethereal, dynamic, melodic, psychedelic rock.

GET ACTIVE Be a consumer health advocate: empower consumers to help themselves

Champaign County Health Care Consumers is a nonprofit citizen action organization geared toward reforming the health care system of Champaign-Urbana. Since 1977, this grassroots effort has been arming citizens with the information and resources necessary to be treated fairly within the health care system at local, state and national levels. With more than 6,000 active members, CCHCC has done much to improve the health care standards in C-U through community outreach programs such as the Consumer Health Hotline. CCHCC is looking for volunteers for Consumer Health Hotline advocates to work one-on-one with clients to tackle health care problems. Your work will empower consumers, address their concerns and make a lasting contribution towards a better health care system in C-U If you’re interested, call or email Janna at jana@garla.net or call her at 352-6533 for more information. Plan on coming to the advocates’ orientation on May 25. Visit www.healthcareconsumers.org for more information. –Erin Scottberg

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GET ACTIVE Be a consumer health advocate: empower consumers to help themselves

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May 20 Live Music The Prairie Dogs [bluegrass] Cowboy Monkey, 5pm, free Weasel Dreams Iron Post, 5-7pm, TBA Andrew Duncanson of Kilborn Alley Tommy G's, 5-7pm, free

AVE-HAY AY EAT-GRAY UMMER-SAY!

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May 23 Live Music Jazz Jam with ParaDocs Iron Post, 8pm, TBA Open Mic Night hosted by Mike Ingram Cowboy Monkey, 10pm, free Quad Remedy Tommy G's, 10pm, free Finga Lickin' s c e n e

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#76 Todd J. Hunter hosts WEFT Sessions and Champaign Local 901, two hours of live local music every Monday night at 10 on 90.1 FM. Send news to soundground@excite.com.

How would you describe the work or study you are currently doing at the university?

DJ DJ Wesjile [hip hop] Barfly, 10pm, free DJ JB [80's rewind/funk classics] Boltini Lounge, 10:30pm, free

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Dancing Tango & Salsa Dance with DJ Mambo Italiano, DJ Bee, DJ Joe Grohens Sidebar, 7pm, $4

,#%*.

TODD J. HUNTER • STAFF WRITER

PARASOL RECORDS TOP 10 SELLERS

Kids Storytime Pages for All Ages, 11am, free Lemony Snicket Bookgroup [Discussion The Ersatz Elevator (Book VI)] Pages for All Ages, 2pm

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Karaoke Liquid Courage Karaoke Geo's, 9pm-1am, free

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When you aren't working, what do you enjoy doing?

GOD BLESS AMERICA AND DINOSAURS!

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The Office, 10:30pm, free

Chris and Jim [cover band] White Horse Inn, 10pm, free

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BY CORNELIA BOONMAN

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BURLY

Crazy-weird-awesome Montreal band Les Georges Leningrad is on tour and will hop by Chicago’s Abbey Pub on May 19th.

Insout Acoustic Privacy TRP BY KYLE GORMAN

Death From Above 1979 plan to release three albums in spring of 2006: one original album and two alternate versions of the first. Fancy-pants, indeed.

Kenney Chesney married the skeleton of Renee Zellweger on a beach this past week. Apparently, they’re in love. PHOTO COURTESY OF THE ASSOCIATED PRESS

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May 25 Live Music Apollo Poetics: Apollo Project with guest MCs Nargile, 10pm, free Chambana Jackson’s Ribs-n-Tips, 8-10pm Ed O'Hare and Friends Rose Bowl Tavern, 9pm, free

Fitness Belly Dance for Fitness The Fitness Center Champaign, 8pm, $7-$9

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Urbana Booking Co. presents: Appleseed Cast, Chin Up Chin Up, Headlights, The Chemicals The Highdive 9pm, $8 in advance, $10 at door

Furinture from Cinema Gallery’s new show, Artistry in Wood, which runs until June 2. Bowl by Thomas Skaggs, Table by Dwain Naragon.

Karaoke "G" Force Karaoke Neil St. Pub, 8pm-12am, free Liquid Courage Karaoke Geo's , 9pm-1am, free

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EAD-RAY UZZ-BAY!

PHOTOS COURTESY OF CAROLYN BAXLEY

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805 W. Pennsylvania Ave, www.iprh.uiuc.edu Mon-Fri 8:30am-5pm

Quantum Garden [original prints by Charles Segard] Aroma Cafe through June 4 Mon-Sun 7am-12am

Invisible Infrastructure: Maps and Photographs [Works by Christian Sandvig and Hope Hall] Humanities Lecture Hall through July 22

“HISTORY

NEVER LOOKS LIKE HISTORY

WHEN YOU ARE LIVING THROUGH IT.” BILL MOYERS • US ADMINISTRATOR

Music melts all the separate parts of our bodies together. - Anais Nin

SOMA ULTRALOUNGE: IN CLUBBING WE TRUST

A REBUTTAL IN PHOTOGRAPHS

KYLE GORMAN • MUSIC EDITOR BRIAN WARMOTH • STAFF WRITER

C O N T I N U E D O N PA G E

CHICAGO THEATRE REVIEW JEFF NELSON • STAFF WRITER

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YOU WOULD LOOK GREAT WITHOUT TEETH.

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THIS IS A SHOUT OUT TO ALL THE LITTLE PIGLETS WHO FLY IN FRONT OF MY WINDOW.

A R E B U T TA L I N P H O T O G R A P H S C O N T I N U E D F RO M PA G E

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BRIAN WARMOTH â&#x20AC;˘ STAFF WRITER

What captures your interest about photography as a medium?

What should good photography communicate to the viewer, in your opinion?

I love that photography allows me to construct scenes or dream up different characters. The sets are there for a matter of hours, but the photographs last forever.

What went into designing the shoes for your series up at the BFA exhibit right now?

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How has your style evolved since you entered the photography program here?

What is your favorite subject matter to photograph and why?

I have always loved fashion photography, and my work is reflective of that. I love working in the studio, and my images are usually a bit quirky and colorful.

,OCATED MIDWAY BETWEEN #HICAGO AND -ILWAUKEE ON ) AND 2OUTE IN 'URNEE )LLINOIS 3)8 &,!'3 AND ALL RELATED INDICIA ARE TRADEMARKS OF 3IX &LAGS 4HEME 0ARKS )NC Â&#x161; 4- AND ÂĽ

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BATTLE OF THE BAD GUYS

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DEVON SHARMA • STAFF WRITER

of the asthmatic antihero. Why didn’t Vader make the cut, then? Because, as Episode I revealed, under that black suit he’s just an annoying, whiny little kid.

2 5 , 2 OO5

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the local sniff

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Expensive Steaks will be my Death No relation to Robert, Jim Gould opens downtown

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The Championship

Hannibal vs. Warden Norton

Round 1 Agent Smith vs. T-1000

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FLIES SPREAD DISEASE - KEEP YOURS ZIPPED.

SEX ED

“ Now you see that evil will always triumph,

because good is

•

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SETH FEIN • CONTRIBUTING WRITER

Sex :

the thing that takes up the least amount of time and causes the most amount of trouble.

â&#x20AC;˘

2 5 , 2 OO5

KINGDOM OF HEAVEN

!"#$%&'(()*"(+%,%'-."(%'$/%0(1.+( TIM PETERS â&#x20AC;˘ STAFF WRITER

Ridley Scott has taken his audiences to

MONSTER-INLAW

7 NEW LINE CINEMA

PHOTOS â&#x20AC;˘ SARAH KROHN

LETâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;S TALK ABOUT SEX EDUCATION

ANDREW CREWELL â&#x20AC;˘ STAFF WRITER

Monster-in-Law is Jennifer Lopezâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s best movie since Maid in Manhattan.That should

The panelists, ranging from a high school student to a Campus Minister, are listening while audience members ask for advice in talking to their children about sex.

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I BET SHE GIVES GREAT HELMET.

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MONSTER-IN-LAWâ&#x20AC;˘ JANE FONDA

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MINDHUNTERS (R) Fri. & Sat. 11:10 1:30 4:00 7:10 9:30 11:50 Sun. â&#x2030; Thu. 11:10 1:30 4:00 7:10 9:30 SAHARA (PGĂą 13) Fri. â&#x2030; Thu. 1:00 4:20 7:00

MONSTERâ&#x2030; INâ&#x2030; LAW (PGĂą 13) Fri. & Sat. 11:00 1:10 2:00 3:20 4:30 5:30 7:00 7:40 9:30 10:00 11:45 Sun. â&#x2030; Thu. 11:00 1:10 2:00 3:20 4:30 5:30 7:00 7:40 9:30 10:00

AMITYVILLE HORROR (R) Fri. & Sat. 9:40 11:45 Sun. â&#x2030; Thu. 9:40

KICKING & SCREAMING (PG) (2 SCREENS) Fri. & Sat. 11:10 1:15 2:00 3:20 4:30 5:25 7:00 7:30 9:20 9:40 11:40 Sun. â&#x2030; Thu. 11:10 1:15 2:00 3:20 4:30 5:25 7:00 7:30 9:20 9:40

INTERPRETER (PGĂą 13) Fri. â&#x2030; Thu. 1:15 4:05 7:05 9:50

(2 SCREENS)

J-Loâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s character is getting as old as the hoopla surrounding her ass.

KINGDOM OF HEAVEN (R) Fri. â&#x2030; Thu. 1:00 4:00 7:00 10:00

GUIDE TO THE GALAXY (PG) Fri. â&#x2030; Thu. 1:00 3:10 5:20 7:30 9:40

MA Y. 19

n e w s

()*+'!)+01

f r e e

C O N T I N U E D O N PA G E

(March 21-April 19)

TAU RU S

(April 20-May 20)

GEMINI

(May 21-June 20)

CANCER

(June 21-July 22)

LEO

(July 23-Aug. 22)

VIRGO

(Aug. 23-Sept. 22)

LIBRA

(Sept. 23-Oct. 22)

m a y

1 9

MICHAEL COULTER • CONTRIBUTING WRITER

m a y

2 5

SCORPIO

(Oct. 23-Nov. 21)

SAGITTARIUS

(Nov. 22-Dec.21)

CAPRICORN

(Dec. 22-Jan. 19)

AQUARIUS

(Jan. 20-Feb. 18)

PISCES

(Feb. 19-March 20)

s o u n d s

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2)*0$3+

The wonderful combo of baseball cards, beer and softball

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a s t r o l o g y

ARIES

Advocates see opportunity to change school funding ASSOCIATED PRESS • SPRINGFIELD, ILL

w i l l

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OH, ARE YOU MEDICALLY FRIGID OR IS IT PSYCHOLOGICAL?

Feeling like a kid again

–Jim Rohn

t h e

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first things first

Formal education will make you a living; self-education will make you a fortune.

i n

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“The Whole Family Loves to ReadBuzz.com”

No.

Rules.

Radio.

wpgu.com

4 •

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WHAT DO YOU NEED A FAKE I.D. FOR? SO I CAN VOTE.

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MA Y 19

•

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Have you ever noticed what spells backwards? • Al Boliska •

nEwS

oF thE

Silver Bullet Bar 1401 E. Washington, U. www.silverbulletbar.net 344-0937 BEST BAR IN CHAMPAIGN-URBANA BEST DJ’S AND MUSIC - BEST DRINK SPECIALS

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chuck shepherd

for the casket in back). Owner Martin Tobin said the van might not be for everyone.

•

2 5 , 2 OO5

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ONE OF LIFE’S GREAT PLEASURES IS WATCHING OTHER PEOPLE WORK.

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jonesin crossword puzzle

GOLF

y o u r e v e r y d a y n e w s but hell, we’re weekly

M AY 1 9

Crisis Nursery 12th Annual

Dinner and Auction Friday, June 3, 2005

Round Barn Centre in Champaign Appetizers Begin at 5:30pm

RECURRING THEMES

The evening will feature cocktails, dinner, entertainment, raffle and live and silent acutions.

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Apartments

APARTMENTS

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HELP WANTED Full/Part Time

000 100 200 300 400 500 600 700 800 900

DEADLINE:

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Employment 000 020

HELP WANTED Part Time ATTENTION STUDENTS $9 per hour to start. Earn up to $15 per hour. No Experience required 25 positions available Full time/ part time 1-800-809-8775

030

HELP WANTED

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HELP WANTED

400

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110

Mentor and critic for literary and visual arts. $25/hr. 217-417-0233

BEST VALUE 1 BR. loft from $480. 1 Br. $370 2 BR. $470 3 BR. $750 4 BR $755 Campus. 367-6626.

1006 S. 3RD, C.

NO BULL!

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310

Transportation 300

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• 4 Bedrooms 807 S. Locust 210/208 E. White

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CALL US AT (217) 384-6930 VIEW OUR LISTINGS @ www.johnsmithproperties.com

502 E. University, C. Quiet Building. Huge bedrooms, AC, furnished, parking, Aug. 05. 369-0237. www.zhengrentals.com

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Quality apartments and houses for rent

Security Building

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1005 S. SECOND, C

Efficiencies. Available now and Fall 2005. Secured building. Private parking. Laundry on site, ethernet available. Office at 309 S. First, Ch. THE UNIVERSITY GROUP www.ugroup96.com 352-3182

Fall 2005

•

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Bedrooms

102 E. Gregory, C 202 E. John, C 610 E. Stoughton, C 910 & 910.5 S. Locust, C 807 W. Oregon, U 810 W. Iowa, U 811 W. Oregon, U

1, 2, 3, 4, 5, & 6 1, 2, 3 2, 3, 4 1, 2 3 2 4

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DOES BARRY MANILOW KNOW THAT YOU RAID HIS WARDROBE?

uNDER c OVER

105 E. John

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|1-5| 2 2 2

207 Wright Engineering Very Large, New 1 Bedroom apt. Free parking. www.ugroup96.com 352-3182 or (217)841-3028

4 5

304 & 306 E. Clark, C Castle Apartments

6 7 7

3 blocks to Engineering Quad. 3 BR $670, 4 BR $890. C/A, ceiling fan, dishwasher, washer/dryer in unit. 384-1099, castle_apartments@ameritech.net

| 9 - 11 | 9

307 & 310 E. White 307 & 309 Clark

10 10

Fall 2005. Large studio, double closet, well furnished. Secured building. $320/month. Available June 1 and August ‘05. THE UNIVERSITY GROUP www.ugroup96.com 352-3182 or 841-3028

10 11 11

3rd and Clark August ‘05 beautiful, furnished 2, 3, and 4 bedroom apts. Ted 766-5108.

| 12 - 15 | 12

408 E. Clark, C. For August. 1 BR near Beckman. Includes parking, trash. $500/mo. Campo Rental Agency. 344-1927

14 14 15

502 W. Green 4 bedroom. 2 bath. Fireplace, W/D, A/C. $1160/mo. 217-721-5670.

| 16 - 17 |

503- 505- 508 E. White

16 16

Now & Fall 2005 2 and 3 bedrooms. Furnished with internet. Parking and laundry available. On-site resident manager. Call Kenny, 493-0429. THE UNIVERSITY GROUP www.ugroup96.com 352-3182

17 17

| 18 - 19 | 18

506 E. Stoughton, C

19 19 19

509 E. White, C.

Location

MA Y. 19

|6-8|

NINE MONTH LEASES NEGOTIABLE www.johnsmithproperties.com

DI CLASSIFIEDS 337-8337

420

Aug 2005. 1 bedroom. Location, location. Covered parking & laundry, furnished & patios, ethernet available. Office at 309 S. First, Ch. THE UNIVERSITY GROUP www.ugroup96.com 352-3182

1 bedroom lofts $497 2 bedrooms $545 3 bedrooms $650 4 bedrooms $1000 Campus, parking. Fall 04, 367-6626

100

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Furnished

Furnished/Unfurnished

Available Now. 2 bedroom on campus. $550 per month. 367-6626.

BUSINESS SERVICES

410

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410

Summer Jobs

Services

APARTMENTS

•

| 20 - 21 |

Aug. 2005. Large 1 bedrooms. Security entry, balconies, patios, furnished. Laundry, off-street parking, ethernet available. Office at 309 S. First, Ch. THE UNIVERSITY GROUP www.ugroup96.com 352-3182

20 20 21 21

602 E. Stoughton

| 22 - 24 |

Unique 1 & 2 bedroom apartments. All furnished, laundry, internet, and parking available. Must see!! THE UNIVERSITY GROUP www.ugroup96.com 352-3182

INTRO

!"#$%&'($&)*+$%

Editor’s Note This Modern World • Tom Tomorrow Slowpoke • Jen Sorenson News of the Weird • Chuck Shephard First Things First • Michael Coulter

AROUND TOWN Sex Education • Emily Wahlheim q + a with Tiger Swan The Local Sniff • Seth Fein

BUZZ FEATURE PHOTO

MAIN EVENT Buzz Picks CalendarListings List of Venues Art & Theatre Listings

ARTS + ENTERTAINMENT Chicago Theatre Review • Jeff Nelson A Rebuttal in Photographs • Brian warmoth (Th)ink • Keef Knight Artist’s Corner with Paige Goldsworthy

THE SILVER SCREEN Battle of the Bad Guys Finale • Devon Sharma Kingdom of Heaven review • Tim Peters Monster in Law review • Andrew Crewell Movie time listings

PHOTO • DAVID SOLANA

HONESTY MAY BE THE BEST POLICY, BUT APPARENTLY DISHONESTY IS THE SECOND-BEST POLICY.

THE

22 • b u z z w e e k l y

A contestant participates in a mustache contest at Mike 'N' Molly's.

p. 2

THE STINGER Free Will Astrology AP News • School Funding Jonesin’ Crosswords • Matt Gaffney Life in Hell • Matt Groening

CLASSIFIEDS Letter to the Editor • Kyle Dickinson

Parkview Apartments 121 W. Park, Urbana Efficiency apartments for fall. Includes water, trash removal, on-site laundry. $395/mo. Campo Rental Agency 344-1927.

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MA Y. 19

CLAIRE?... OH, IT'S A FAT GIRL'S NAME.

EDITOR’S NOTE PAUL WAGNER • EDITOR IN CHIEF

This might sound kind of

•

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BUZZ STAFF v o l u m e

MA Y 19

•

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420

APARTMENTS n o . 2 O

Furnished

DELUXE 2 BR

GREAT VALUE

HEALEY COURT APARTMENTS

307- 309 Healey Court. Fall 2005. Behind Gully’s. 2 bedrooms. Ethernet available. Office at 309 S. First, C. THE UNIVERSITY GROUP www.ugroup96.com 352-3182

JOHN STREET APARTMENTS

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buzz@readbuzz.com write:

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FOR YOUR MONEY!

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2 Bedroom Apts Beckman/Engineering Campus • dishwasher • furnished • spacious • off-street parking • air conditioned • ethernet access Corner of Clark & Gregory

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Unfurnished 705 S. RANDOLPH, C 2 BR, Available early June. Near campus and Downtown Champaign. $510/ mo. 352-8540 www.faronproperties.com

NEED A 1 BR!

SUBLETS

440

1 BR. Available Now. Parking included. 6th & Stoughton. $400/mo plus utilities. 630-205-4889 AVAILABLE NOW 1 BR loft apartment. Champaign. $380/mo. 773-821-0192.

FURNISHED

Near Engineering Campus. Includes cable, A/C. Only $450/mo. 847-9242116

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Summer Only Furnished studio at Busey and Elm. Central A/C, parking, $550/mo obo. (847)452-2498 or abbaskhan@gmail.com.

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Other Rentals 500

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SCHOOL FUNDING 20

!"#$%&'(

letter to the editor

KYLE DICKINSON • DISCONTENTED READER

Puzzle

pg.21

Announcements800

510

2 bedroom and 7 bedroom house on campus for Fall 2004. 367-6626.

t h e

617 W. CHURCH Beautiful 6 BR 3 Bath furnished home. Hardwood floors, two porches, off-street parking and more. Only $2100/mo. 369-0500.

Roommate wanted. 1 or 2. Male or Female. Nice house in country. $325 includes everything. 217-840-2257.

Summer with Fall Option

HOUSES

510

C O N T I N U E D F RO M PA G E

APARTMENTS

HOUSES

506 W. Springfield August ‘05. 6 bedroom, 2.5 bath furnished home. Huge, beautiful, hardwood, parking. Ted 766-5108.

OLD TOWN CHAMPAIGN

SUBLETS

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THERE 'S NO PRESENT. THERE'S ONLY THE IMMEDIATE FUTURE AND THE RECENT PAST.

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