Buzz Magazine: Aug. 3, 2006

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COUNTY FAIR ECONOMICS

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A DIFFERENT KIND OF CIRCUS

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ARE YOU A SEX ADDICT?

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August 3

CUTE CAT. WHAT’S ITS NAME?

BUZZ STAFF volume

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no.30

Cover Design • Hank Patton Editor in chief • Todd Swiss Art Director • Brittany Bindrim Copy Chief • Todd Swiss Listen, Hear • Leah D. Nelson Stage, Screen & in Between • Elyse Russo Around Town • Tatyana Safronova CU Calendar • Todd Swiss Photography Editor • Christina Leung Designers • Hank Patton, Monica Betel, Annie Mui Calendar Coordinator • Brian McGovern Photography • Christina Leung Copy Editors • Sarah Goebel, Whitney Harris Staff Writers • Todd J. Hunter, Kevin Olsen, Mrugesh Bavda, Rosalee, Inendino, Gillian Roberts Contributing Writers • Michael Coulter, Seth Fein Sales Manager • Mark Nattier Production Manager • Rick Wiltfong Marketing/Distribution • Brandi Wills Publisher • Mary Cory

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INTRO This Modern World • Tom Tomorrow Life in Hell • Matt Groening First Things First • Michael Coulter

AROUND TOWN The price of fun • Crystal Ligon The Local Sniff • Seth Fein

LISTEN, HEAR Pitchfork: a needle in the festival haystack • Kyle Gorman Get ready for Lollapalooza • Carlye Wisel Soundground #134 • Todd J. Hunter

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CU CALENDAR

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STAGE, SCREEN & IN BETWEEN

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e-mail: buzz@readbuzz.com write: 57 E. Green St. Champaign, IL 61820 call: 217.337.3801 We reserve the right to edit submissions. Buzz will not publish a letter without the verbal consent of the writer prior to publication date.

Buzz magazine is a student-run publication of Illini Media Company and does not necessarily represent, in whole or in part, the views of the University of Illinois administration, faculty or students.

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UNDER THE COVER

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TALK TO BUZZ

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Circus, Circus • Dan Schuld Page Rage Movie reviews Theatre review

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CLASSIFIEDS

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THE STINGER

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Doin it Well • Kim Rice & Kate Ruin Jonesin’ Crosswords • Matt Gaffney Free will astrology

First copy of Buzz is FREE, each additional copy is $.50 © Illini Media Company 2005

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todd swiss EDITOR’S NOTE

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he only thing that people are talking about lately is the unbearable heat. It is defi nitely justifiable too. I walk outside for two minutes and I am sweating. My shirt is stuck to my back and I feel like I am drinking the air.

And it isn’t only in Central Illinois. Every time I pick up to phone to talk to someone in Chicago, the heat is always one of the fi rst topics discussed and, according to weather reports around the nation and world, high temperatures are the hot (yeah, bad pun) topic.

This is one of the hottest summers that I have ever been through, and while I personally prefer this weather over the coldest days of winter, it is a little worrisome. I would rather be bundled up and grumpy in January and February than see huge icebergs melting and see coastal cities washed away under rising ocean levels.

Now I am not one of those people who look at the current weather and make brash statements about how global warming must be in effect

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because it happened to hit triple digits, but quite a few highly educated scientists don’t just see this warming as a trend. It would also seem to be too good of timing for Al Gore’s new movie on the dangers of global warming to be released this particular summer.

Sure, once this column is published, the heat wave will have subsided. The forecast says it will be a cool 80 degrees on Thursday and typical August weather will commence with temperatures in the mid-80s. But what will happen next summer? How about 50 years down the line? Will average temperatures go up five or ten degrees?

I certainly hope not.

Now if the high temperatures stay this way or goes down, I will certainly be happy. However, if all of this global warming stuff is true, we really should do something about it. And anyway, it really wouldn’t hurt to tr y and protect the environment. Humans and animals don’t really take kindly to pollution and we seem to be coming up with cleaner fuels and solutions to make our world a cleaner place.

I say we do it no matter if global warming is myth or not. sounds from the scene

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buzz weekly •

ANNOYING CUSTOMER.

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michael coulter FIRST THINGS FIRST

Overachieving Establishments, please don’t try harder

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sort of have a dilemma when it comes to trying too hard. I love baseball players who are overachieve r s , Pe t e Ro s e , L e n ny Dykstra, David Eckstein, guys who hustle. In most other walks of life, however, I find overachievers sort of annoying. I really don’t like shopping in places where sales people are crawling up your ass the moment you walk in the door. I don’t much enjoy restaurants where a perky little wait staff feels compelled to tell you their names before they take your order. As far as bars go, the less lighting the better, and really, the less unneeded service the better. Nice, polite, and unassuming is the only way to go when you’re tanking up.

That’s one of the reasons I love the Brass Rail so much. It’s about the most genuine place you’re ever going to have a drink in. The moment you walk in from the street, it just seems like what a real bar should seem like. It’s not some cookie cutter Fridays or Applebees kind of place in any way, shape or form. It actually has character, so it almost seems strange in this day and age of the new downtown Champaign bars. It reminds me of the bars that used to be around when everything wasn’t run like a corporation, when life and drinking was a little more simple.

I went to Brass Rail last Thursday night and it was just like always. I don’t mean that in a bad way, just that it was nice to be there. On this night, there were three bands playing and there was a nice crowd. The lovely Karen was behind the bar serving drinks, and the also lovely owner, Foty, was behind the bar, as well. I ordered a drink and Karen gave me some crap, a skill she has become very good at and something that I must admit I sort of enjoy. I had a few drinks, watched a couple of bands and it really turned out to be a fine evening. In fact, it sort of made me wonder why it isn’t packed to the ceiling every night of the week.

It’s weird, but I think some people believe that University Avenue is some sort of portal into a creepy drinking land and if they cross it to go to a bar on its southern side their lives will suddenly become like a scene from Blue Velvet. That sort of thing has never really happened to me, but then again, my life is already pretty much like a scene from Blue Velvet, so I probably wouldn’t notice either way. I’ve seen drunk people cross streets before and they usually have no problem, so I’m surprised Brass Rail isn’t in more downtown drinker’s rotations.

I think it’s because it ends up getting treated like downtown’s bastard child most of the time.

A few weeks ago when they had the second of three street concerts in downtown there were several folks milling around. I bet very few of them ever made it over to Brass Rail. In fact, if they weren’t familiar with downtown, they probably didn’t even know it was there. It’s not really their fault. The stage was set up facing north with its back towards Brass Rail. While the “backstage area” of a real show might be sort of fun, the backstage of a downtown concert just looked desolate. It was almost like they were herding people in the other direction.

That’s no big deal though, they’ll have other outdoor downtown shows and maybe one of them will be in front of Brass Rail. Um, I wouldn’t hold my breath on something like that. I mean, who knows, but they haven’t even made any attempt to give some bars the dubious honor of being the place right in front of the bandstand. I’m sure it’s more of a pain in the ass for the bars than it’s actually worth, but it is sort of odd that they only highlight certain bars and leave the others to fend for themselves. Well, maybe all of that is an honest oversight or it’s a logistical problem to hold an event in certain places in town, but if it’s possible, shouldn’t every downtown bar get the same opportunity to show themselves off ?

It just seems some places are getting treated a lot better than others. Virtually every bar, restaurant, and coffee shop downtown has the luxury of putting a little sidewalk café in front of their place. Maybe it’s only three or four tables or maybe it’s a whole lot more tables than that, but they offer their patrons a nice little space to sit outside. Brass Rail doesn’t really have that luxury. I mean, they could put some tables outside of the place but they’d end up blocking a couple of lanes of traffic and I’m pretty sure the city would frown on such a thing. There’s just not enough damned sidewalk to put anything on.

Still, Foty pays the same taxes as other bars and puts up with the same problems, he just doesn’t have the privilege of the city kissing his ass on a regular basis. I don’t know, I’m sure he’d think it was nice if they made an effort to be fair, but it’s probably not gonna happen so there’s nothing left but to make the best effort he can. From a completely selfish perspective, I’d almost just as soon Brass Rail was never associated with much of the other downtown. I truly love the place just as it is.

OOPS! WE MADE A MISTAKE • The local artist referred to in last week’s article Tuning in, Reaching Out: Radio Free Urbana as KJ

McKie is actually KJ McKinnie. We regret this error.

sounds from the scene

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around town

THE PRICE OF FUN CRYSTAL LIGON • STAFF WRITER

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ast week at the fairgrounds in Urbana, carnival music chimed through the air as children rushed from ride to ride and visitors strolled along the fairground’s Midway, the area where vendors set up booths, attractions and carnival games.

From July 21 to July 29, the Champaign County Fair Association organized the 154th Champaign County Fair located on the corner of Coler and Fairview, behind Carle hospital. Visitors came to see the demolition derby, the horse shows and races, the monster truck nationals, the tractor and truck pull, the talent show, and of course, the carnival rides and food. While the rides and food provided entertainment, some visitors found the high prices disconcerting.

Two University of Illinois students stumbled off the Ferris wheel laughing and chatting. As the ride whirled around, the Ferris wheel’s compartments swung, or “dove,” back-and-forth, hence its name “Sky Diver.” Inside each compartment, the riders used a steering wheel to keep the cubicle straight and to prevent it from losing control as the Ferris wheel rotated.

“We f lailed and then I lost control,” said Sarah Johnson, a 20-year-old student in the College of Liberal Arts and Sciences.

“That’s when the screaming started,” “That was ridiculous,” said Jessie Neyt, a 20-year-old student in the College of Fine and Applied Arts, who was also babysitting two pre-teen girls. “We thought we were going to die. For the overzealous children, they might be able to steer it around themselves, but we were just flailing.”

The young women laughed as they described how the ride tossed them side-to-side in the cubicle, and “near death experience,” “screaming” and “flailing” were all words used in good cheer. Johnson and Neyt said the carnival experience brought memories of the fairs they attended as children.

“I pay a lot of money to pretend that I’m like a child again at the fair,” Neyt said. “It’s kind of nostalgic.”

A lot of money, indeed. Some county fair visitors said the $6 sausages and $5 large lemonade shake-ups were worth every dime, especially since the expense comes only once a year. Others, however, said the food prices increased from the past and discouraged them from participating in all the activities the fair offered. And still others, though they acknowledged the seemingly steep prices, purchased their $5 powdered funnel cakes and cold lemonade shake-ups anyway.

“I feel like it was way cheaper when I was younger,” Johnson said. “I probably wouldn’t have come. I can spend my money on a lot of other things.”

“We’ve literally spent $40 in 20 minutes,” Neyt said.

And the $40 didn’t even include the general admission fee, which was $5 for each person 13 years old and over. Children 12 and younger were admitted free and paid only for rides and food. The ticket prices for rides cost $20 for 22 tickets or $1 per ticket. A ride required one, two or three tickets.

Cathy Koerner and Kathy Plecki brought seven 10- to 12-year-old boys to the fair. As mothers and regular fair-goers, the women recognized the high costs.

“The fair food kind of went up a little this year,” Plecki said.

“Almost everything’s $5 instead it used to be $2 or $3.”

The women were involved with the American Legion,

Four-year-old Draelin Riden from Monticello, Ill. hops on a carnival ride on Friday, July 28, at the 154th Champaign County Fair.

This year’s fair ran for nine days, from July 21 until July 29. In addition to carnival rides, there were music show, talent show, harness racing, tractor pull, and many exhibitors had entered livestock, agriculture products, and crafts at the county fair.

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which operated a booth selling fish at the fair.

The proceeds from the f ish booth benef ited a youth baseball program aff iliated with the American Legion.

Plecki said she comes to the fair because she enjoys being outside in the fresh air and because the fair gives her children a chance to be with

The association also had to pay thousands of dollars in insurance concerning liability and other policies. Each expense gobbling the income the fair earned in previous years.

Unexpected problems in attendance also interfered with the success of the fair. This year, Mother Nature interfered.

BILL ALAGNA, THE FAIR BOARD’S PRESIDENT friends and enjoy the summer afternoon.

“It’s about the kids,” Koerner said. “The kids love coming out and enjoying the rides.”

She said because some of the prices were higher, she planned to come back during designated special-offer days when visitors could pay only $15 for unlimited rides. This price was offered for two days of the fair out of its nine-day run.

Fair leaders and organizers said the high prices were necessary, because the income maintains the carnival for future years. But they still tried to alleviate high costs for customers by providing days when tickets wouldn’t cost as much, such as the discounted price for unlimited rides.

Imagine there was no fair, the smells from funnel cakes, turkey legs, corn dogs and pizza that intoxicate carnival streets faded into stories of long ago. Imagine a desolate, empty space where screams and laughter from the “skydiving” Ferris wheel, surrounded by lemonade stands, cotton candy vendors, and classic carnival rides like the Scrambler, the Tilt-aWhirl, the Bumper Cars, and more haunted by what used to be. Imagine a deserted racetrack, no horses in sight and no revving engines in a demolition derby. Imagine buildings decayed by time and forgotten.

While the continuation of the fair isn’t in jeopardy, the Champaign County Fair Association is nevertheless a non-profit organization. So even while many of its workers volunteered their time, the high prices for visitors go towards the costly expenses for the fair.

Bill Alagna, the fair board’s president since 2004 and member of the board of directors for over 16 years, said most of the earnings from the fair go back into maintaining the fair and pay for things like facilities and racetrack maintenance, plumbing and electrical bills, and the hiring of acts for the following year’s fair.

In addition, this year over $100,000 worth of prizes was offered to exhibitors of livestock, needlework, agriculture, and crafts, among other exhibits, to attract interest and promote the fair’s growth.

Other expenses penetrate carnival profits. The Champaign County Fair Association pays for office help and expenses, grounds crew and advertising for the fair, and expenses for the County Fair Queen, chosen each year to receive a scholarship and represent Champaign County.

Rain and thunderstorms dampened some of the events, such as, the motorcycle races scheduled for Wednesday and the world championship rodeo scheduled for Thursday. Both were cancelled.

The scorching heat which reached high above 80 degrees also kept people from flooding the gates.

“Our biggest enemy and biggest friend,” Alagna said. “If it stays sunny and pleasant and in the 80s, the crowds are at their maximum and if it gets over 90 and up around the 100-degree range , or if it’s raining, it just kills us.”

He said now, the first order of business for the 12 members on the board of directors will be to “crunch numbers,” so the board can determine where they earned income and where things need to be readjusted for next year.

“Some things that used to be super popular aren’t anymore,” Alagna said. “And, some of the new events draw crowds well. My idea is always to try to gear things to younger people, because I feel like our future is getting younger people to come to the fair. It’s kind of not been the practice over the past to gear things that way.”

Over time the fair has grown into an urbanized atmosphere, focusing on the motor sports and carnival rides. When the fair first began, it aimed to attract the agricultural community and focused on farming and livestock.

Alagna said society has changed and there’s no longer a primary focus on agriculture. The interested has shifted the traditional fair interests.

“The fact that there are fewer and fewer farmers makes it harder to get people interested in the agriculture part of it. By the same proportion, the motor sports grow,” he said. “We used to have crowds so big for the tractor pulls that we couldn’t get them all on the ground. We had to stop selling tickets because we had no place left for any-

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body to park. But with fewer and fewer people farming, fewer and fewer people will come to watch the tractor pulls.”

However, even though these older, more agriculturally centered aspects of the fair have seen a decline in interest in recent years, the exposure the fair gives to these interests reveals

I LOVE TO SEE PEOPLE HAVING FUN AND SEEING THE KIDS RUN AROUND WITH EAR-TO-EAR GRINS AND JUMPING ON THE RIDES AND SEEING ANIMALS.

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something educational and new for children who come to the fair.

“I love to see people having fun and seeing the kids run around with ear-to-ear grins and jumping on the rides and seeing animals,” he said. “It’s a novelty for kids to see cows or pigs or sheep and they seemed real thrilled by it.” buzz

the numbers The year when the first Champaign County Fair was held:

1852 Proportion of all Americans involved in agriculture in 1870:

half Percentage of Americans involved in agriculture in 2006:

less than 1% Percent of Champaign County residents employed in farming:

less than .5% Number of entry classes in this year’s fair exhibitions:

107.1 No beach in Champaign?

NOT A

PROBLEM! WPGU brings you…

Beach Party Fridays!

Every Friday

pm pm 3 -5

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outside of the WPGU studio

1500 sources: http://www.census.gov/, https:// www.cia.gov/cia/publications/factbook/ index.html, http://en.wikipedia.org, http://www.prairienet.org/ccfair/

A BIT OF HISTORY THE CHAMPAIGN COUNTY FAIR WAS STARTED IN THE EARLY 1850S AS A DAYLONG EVENT IN THE SUMMER WHEN FAMILIES FROM ACROSS THE COUNTY WOULD COME TO EXHIBIT THEIR LIVESTOCK, GRAINS AND OTHER FARM PRODUCTS. THE FAIR, WHICH NOW INCLUDES ATTRACTIONS LIKE A TRACTOR PULL, A FERRIS WHEEL AND GAMES, WAS EVENTUALLY BORN OUT OF THE GATHERING. TODAY, PEOPLE FROM ACROSS THE COUNTY SHOWCASE THEIR ART, NEEDLEWORK, LIVESTOCK, FLOWER ARRANGEMENTS, AND OTHER FARM AND CULINARY PRODUCTS LIKE BAKED GOODS, CANDIES AND HONEY. OVER $100,000 IS AWARDED IN PRIZES IN THESE EXHIBITIONS. SOURCE: HTTP://WWW.PRAIRIENET.ORG/CCFAIR/ INTRO | A ROUND TOWN | L ISTEN, HEAR | CU CALENDAR | STAGE, S CREEN &

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IT’S CALLED LICE, AND IT’S NOTHING TO BE ASHAMED OF!

"USY .EED TO lNISH YOUR BACHELOR S DEGREE ,ET THE 'REENVILLE #OLLEGE '/!, PROGRAM HELP YOU

August 3

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seth fein THE LOCAL SNIFF

Sniffer Stands up for The Right Cause New sections announced; too much mayo on JammSammich

Call (888)

818-4625 to ďŹ nd out about GOAL information meetings in Champaign:

PARKLAND COLLEGE, ROOM X150 (2400 West Bradley Ave., Champaign, IL 61821)

Wednesday, August 16 | 7pm Monday, August 21 | 7pm • Convenient local classes • Tailored to working adults • Accelerated — Accredited GOALinfo@greenville.edu

|

www.greenville.edu/adultstudies

Greenville College is a Christian college authorized to operate by the Illinois Board of Higher Education and accredited by the Higher Learning Commission, 30 N. LaSalle St., Suite 2400, Chicago, IL 60602-2504.

(800) 621-7440; (312) 263-0456; Fax: (312) 263-7462.

FIRST SNIFF The Smoking Ban kicked in on restaurants and cafes on Tuesday. I am glad to k now that those of you who don’t smoke or those who are simply averse to it will no longer have to inhale my bad habit. For real.

But the thing that I just don’t understand is why a “portion� of the outdoor cafes are being required to go smoke-free as well. Look, I understand. It smells bad and is kind of disgusting. But let’s face it. So are you. No doubt you smell like musty BO covered up in Old Spice. If anything, there should be a law against you. And that includes me too.

OOPS‌ I DID IT AGAIN‌ I m isspel led Ja m mSa m m ich. I got a n e-mail from them telling me how much they appreciated my column and how my words move their mountains. But they did inform me that I misspelled their awe inspiring name. There is no space in there. It’s one word: JammSammich. For the record.

SOME THINGS CAN’T BE REPLACED‌ I have had the luxury/pain of watching roommates move out of houses before. This year, the Jussers and I decided to stay put and get a couple new roommates to live with so we wouldn’t have to move anything. They are great guys and I suspect that we will grow into to terrific friends over the course of the ten-month lease, but, to be honest, it was quite hard having to say goodbye to our formers, Noah and Adriel from Elanors.

If they aren’t the model for couples everywhere, I do not know who is. If you see them around, wish them luck in the Chicago.

SPEAKING OF WHICH‌ My girlfriend’s friends are pure Chicago. I really love to be around them and listen to the way they talk. It’s so different than the folks ‘round these parts. When discussing an old friend last Friday, one of them quipped, “Uh. That guy actually moved to Champaign just to, like, be down there. Just to be a part of the culture. Can you believe that?â€?

I think I was the only person at the table who felt offended.

There are plenty of reasons to move down to Champaign. Plenty of great ones. I can list off many right off the top of my head, but I won’t — not today. No. Today starts with a new section of the column. It’s called:

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REASON NO. 1 TO LIVE/STAY/MOVE TO CHAMPAIGN-URBANA You can make like, 16 G’s a year and still afford to buy a home. Oh, it won’t be pretty. But it will be yours.

MORE NEW SECTIONS! MORE SNIFFS THAN EVER BEFORE! I figured that the plug about Bacaro worked so well — that I just might have to add in a whole new section to my column. So now I give you: RESTAURANT OF THE WEEK!!!

For the ver y f irst one, I really should be going with Milo’s or Radio Maria, as they are my favorites, but I will get to them at a different point. No. This week, I am going to give big love to El Toro. A lot of people say that Dos Reales is the best Mexican in town.

But I disagree. The chips and salsa at El Toro are superior, as are the fajitas. What’s more, the Fried Ice Cream (which isn’t actually fried) is so cheap, that even the $16K homeowners can afford a scoop. For Mexican, I say “give it a go!�

SHOW OF THE WEEK!!!

That’s right! No more Band of the Week.

Now, I shall be plugging a show every week.

And to stay consistent, none of them will ever be run by myself — just as before. Up this week: Saturday. Mike ‘n Molly’s. Shipwreck. Terminus Victor. The Invisible. No doubt the hot show of the night. In case you didn’t know, Shipwreck just released a new EP (fi rst of four) called House of Cards. Terminus added a live drummer to their lineup, and The Invisible are fi nally getting back into the swing of things, playing live and getting out there. Cover is cheap, even though it should be $7.

FINAL WHIFF W h at t he f uck i s up w it h Subway? It bi l ls itsel f as the place to eat if you want to get hea lthy, but when you order a sub and SPECIFICA LLY FUCK ING ASK for “ver y l it t le� mayo, they squ ir t it on l i ke t hey a re put t i ng out a f i re. W h at g ives?

Come on America. Let’s protest something that matters. Excessive Mayo use at Subway restaurant s. It’s gett ing out of hand.

JammSammich can testify to that.

Seth Fein is from Urbana. He does not love Subway. He can be reached at sethfein1@gmail.com

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listen, hear PITC HFOR K

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THE FESTIVAL HAYSTACK

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• STAFF WRITER

KYLE GORMAN • PHOTO

ttending the first Intonation Festival in Chicago’s Union Park last June was one of the strangest experiences I’d ever had. As music website par none Pitchforkmedia has stated, the fundamental cultural force right now is not art, but technology, and there I was. I was surrounded by thousands of men and women, some beautiful, some popular, some shyer than a Belle & Sebastian protagonist, and each one of us only had one thing in common: in some sense, we shared an LCD screen a few times a week, to observe what a few aging critics from Chicago kids held up as a standard of cool.

Even that year, Pitchforkmedia.com was undergoing a transition from home of the snarky, off-topic music review to staid, professional, revisionist protectors of pop music. Once a place where conversations you once had with your soccer coach said more about the Beastie Boys than any analysis of the music ever could, years of obscurity had eventually created a culture which could sell just about any album, or even “make” new bands in a powerful new way. Having become the purveyors of musical cool, Pitchfork had taken on a great responsibility. So it only seemed fitting that they’d expand their role to become curators of pop, a role they began last years the “curators” of the first Intonation Festival. This year, the name “Intonation” and Pitchfork split, (the former occurred a month or so prior in Union Park with Bloc Party and Jon Brion, among others) but this year’s Pitchfork Music Festival carries on the duty of Pitchfork to fit every man into tight jeans, every girl into hot pants, and put a Radiohead CD in every pot.

Of course, such an event is far from just music. Poster art and a record sale drew the attention of those who just can’t fathom noise rock, as a people-watcher, this writer experienced a practical sensory overload. If the crowds on the shady edges of the park, far away from the music, are any indication, this wasn’t just a concert for fans, it was an event. In case you have ever wondered who buys all those indie CDs and Onitsuka Tigers, there are a LOT of indie music fans, almost all of whom have some serious commitment to fashion, however misguided. The sold-out crowd was as varied as a mixed group of white high-school and college-age music fans could be, spanning half-a-dozen counter-cultures, but trends could be discerned (in: bandanas for both

(from left) Bassist Freddy Feedback and drummer Mikey B perform during Art Brut’s Saturday afternoon set of earnest, self-referential rock, and perpetuate the “girl-on-bass” trend. sounds from the scene

sexes; out: ballerina flats and band t-shirts).

As boys blazed a joint midset and tendrils of smoke wrapped through the crowd, older men in Ramones t-shirts sipped Goose Island beer brewed just three blocks away. During a down moment, fans created a giant piece of art in the dust of a baseball diamond, a sort of Zen garden organized around found objects. Only at Pitchfork.

Festivals positioned in mid-summer, a slow time for record labels and new releases as so much of the record-buying public live on college campuses, are therefore a time for songwriters to debut new material. Some bands, however, took it too far; Yo La Tengo, a perpetual favorite of the independent music community for their diverse sound and extensive talent, played a Sunday dinner-time set of almost all new material from their forthcoming I Am Not Afraid Of You and I Will Beat Your Ass LP. 3 times 15 minutes of droning rock equals a short, unsatisfying set from these “Ready, Art Brut? Go!” (from left) Jasper Future, Eddie Argos and Ian Catskilkin of Art Brut normally-inventive musicians. I suppose they perform at the Pitchfork Music Festival Saturday. The hot weather (temps in the 90s) didn’t put ARE afraid of playing their hits and fan favorites a damper on many performances, though it may have lead to a few hastily-tucked shirts. to a young, open-minded crowd.

Unlike some festivals where several large stages compete for fans, and Tapes ‘n’ Tapes each turned in sets that were more gimmickmost of the attention is focused at Pitchfork on one of two large stages free. Destroyer, the band of New Pornographer Dan Bejar, received at a time, as performances are staggered. However, the festival features a warm welcome from crowds, and raised expectations that Neko a giant tent where DJs and other fringe acts perform. Last year’s Biz Case will be appearing next year (New Pornographer A.C. Newman 3 tent was mostly odds-and-sods DJs, including bizarre pairings like was featured at last year’s Intonation Festival.)

(Company Flow producer) El-P vs. (Yo La Tengo bassist) James McNew Aesop Rock and Mr. Lif took the stage mid-afternoon. Say what (neither of whom bothered to beat-match). This year’s tent was greatly you will about the validity of “backpacker rap,” Aesop is a consumate improved (though, like last year, the sound was of low quality compared performer who did his very best to entertain during a difficult time, to the main stages) and for whatever reason, fans responded by keeping the hottest portion of the day, though he had an uphill battle. It’s a the tent stinking with sweat and heat of dancers. Former M.I.A. beau pity, though, that the Pitchfork curators chose a less-popular white Diplo, the only returning performer (excluding, McNew, who as MC to represent the only hip-hop at the festival. mentioned, performed with Yo La Tengo), put on one of the best sets The two most-exciting performances came during this crunchof the weekend, playing his mashups of ‘80s pop and current rap hits, time, though. On Saturday, Art Brut, a British import hyped by dancehall toasting and Brazilian pop, this time to clever video accompa- the website, took the stage. Lead singer Eddie Argos strutted and niment. The largely drug- and alcohol-free crowd ate it up; it’s difficult talk-sang with confidence about girlfriends, impotence, and the to imagine just how hard Diplo can, then, rock a club.

Velvet Underground. The somewhat muddy riffs on their Bang Brazil, as it happens, was big this year, as evidenced by not just their Bang Rock ‘n’ Roll debut turned into AC-DC-sized jams on stage, multiple musical contributions but also the preponderance of green and fans exhibited the greatest amount of devotion to this simple band, yellow football jerseys. Another interesting performance CSS (short while Argos mucked around with irony and earnestness onstage. for Cansei de Ser Sexy, a Portuguese translation of Beyonce quotable, In “Moving to L.A.,” Argos ad-libbed drink-celebrity pairings to “I’m tired of being sexy,”) a Brazilian party band from Sao Paulo. Their match his line about sipping Hennessey with Morrissey, and at no punk-guitar sound failed to reach critical mass, but their fan’s familiarity point was the fanboy tension higher than when he delivered his with the material and dancing kids more compensated, despite the fact signature “I’ve seen her naked...TWICE!” line in “Good Weekthat the narrow tent and tiny stage permitted very little visibility. Go end,” which tells of his first weekend with new girlfriend. see them if you know the words. CSS also contributed during the set of But for those who don’t need context, Liars was a surprise during Diplo-promoted Bonde de Role, a Brazilian trio of AC-DC samplers the clutch spot. It’s here that the openness of the Pitchfork audience and rappers, after one member took a bad fall while crowd-surfing. was an asset. Unlike many festivals, where artists are known to It seems there was no room for subtlety in the hot afternoon the fans, it’s safe to say that only a small portion of the attendees sun, if fan reaction was any indication. Ted Leo and the Phar- were familiar with Liars, touring under the strength of their new macists, essentially a talented pop-punk trio, seemed an odd pick album, Drum’s Not Dead, but you didn’t need to be prepared for the Pitchfork festival, but fans responded to earnestness and to appreciate shrieking lines from The Crucible over pounding hooks. In two records and three years, Leo has greatly increased drums and guitar droning to appreciate the challenge. Though his fortune from the time he played to a few score enthuasistic drum experimentalism (two drummers were generally working fans at the Union courtyard. Newer material like “Me and Mia” at any time) was their stated aim, Angus Andrews, dressed in what went over just as well as Leo’s personable “Timorous Me,” the appeared to be a blue woman’s dress, attempted some daring things stuttering line a companion for his skanking guitar. as a vocalist as well, using falsetto and tuneless droning. Only one As for up-and-comers, Philadelphia’s Man Man showed up ready to impress in white golf clothes and tribal paint. Band Of Horses SEE PITCHFORK PG. 8 KYLE GORMAN • PHOTO

KYLE B. GORMAN

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PITCHFORK CONTINUED FROM PG. 7 of the bands to discuss the Israel-Lebanon conflict during stage banter, their music was probably the best for the WWIII comparisons fluttering around the minds of fans.

Mission of Burma’s late afternoon performance was nothing short of monumental. While “Donna Sumeria” from their new album, The Obliterati, may only be the second-best song about the Fertile Crescent, the math-rock guitar taps and arching chorus of devotion put it on par with the trio’s picture-perfect, angsty recitation of “That’s When I Reach For My Revolver,” one of the most important “college radio” songs dating back 25 years. Though they reformed during “rush to reunite” that reconstituted half a dozen dead postpunk bands a few years prior, including fellow Bostonites Pixies, the performance displayed a range of emotions and creativity that should exonerate the band from any charges of gold-digging.

Both night’s closers were special treats for music geeks, as neither band has played live in years. Silver Jews, a project by poet David Berman and members of indie supergroup Pavement, announced their first-ever tour this year. Sadly their performance came off as ponderous and flat to the tired, hungry crowd, a sort of poorman’s Leonard Cohen, despite Cassie Berman’s brighter vocals.

On the other side of the coin, Brazil’s Os Mutantes were the hipster-approved choice. The band was at the forefront of Brazil’s Tropicália movement, a sort of counter-counter-culture art form that nearly defies description. During the poorly-publicized and brutal military junta which took control of the South American nation during the ‘60s and ‘70s,

I’M NOT EVEN SUPPOSED TO BE HERE TODAY.

protest art in major cities was strictly suppressed.

In response, a group of artists from the more-rural north put together a movement dedicated more to national/trans-national identity and less to political bickering. Os Mutantes have been critically forgotten despite their contribution, partially because their classic albums have been unavailable for decades.

This year, critics and bloggers have dedicated their time to examining this band and their newly reissued albums, which walk the line between bossa and psychedelia. Few knew what expect of their recent reunion when the hit the west-side Chicago stage.

Joined by a crowd of ringers, the original members performed a string of newer songs and older Portuguese material. Perhaps because of the technical ability of their accompanists, however, it sounded more like Santana covering Os Mutantes than the fuzzy, subversive music of their past, or for that matter, Mission of Burma’s continued . Here’s holding out for them to play “Suite: Judy Blue Eyes.”

The Pitchfork festival certainly indicates that the two festivals, Intonation and Pitchfork, have survived as separate entities. Though festival economics is difficult to calculate for non-professionals, one can be sure that this sold-out weekend indicates that the booking agents choose artists that could move all the available tickets.

Since there were few expensive gambles at this festival compared to next week’s Lollapalooza, for example, one can be sure that the right amount of obscure, new, and original artists were chosen and that the investments had excellent returns.

Economics aside, I believe that the Pitchfork Music Festival has become the best bargain on the extremely-crowded Midwestern music scene, in a great city, with the greatest bands of today and yesterday. Make sure to go. buzz

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Get ready for Lollapalooza AUGUST 4-6 grant park, chicago CARLYE WISEL • STAFF WRITER

I’ve experienced many things while growing up as a suburban Chicago Jew. I’ve had more bagel-and-lox sandwiches than any human being could dream about. The smell of anything on fire reminds me of Chanukah. And, of course, every weekend during seventh grade – also known as the ‘Bat-Mitzvah Season’ – brought “Super Sweet 16”-esque parties, complete with extravagances ranging from rock walls to homemade music videos to five-star hotels on Michigan Avenue.

However, there is one thing I sadly have never experienced--the glory that is Christmas morning.

Although I haven’t had the luxury of opening a roomful of presents at once or getting heinous Cosby sweaters from distant relatives, I imagine the anticipation to be self-sickening, and the excitement to cause one-track minded jitters for days. Even if I’ve never experienced it for real, now is my time to vicariously live through everyone else. For the past week now, I’ve officially had tons of those happily nauseated feelings, all because Lollapalooza is right around the corner. And if the actual thrill of Christmas is at least half of what my anxiousness for Lollapalooza is, then – well, fuck it ... I’m converting.

I have been given the fantastic opportunity to live and breathe Lollapalooza for an entire weekend, and have been counting down the days until the festival begins. Like many of you who are attending, I really can’t fucking wait. (Apologies for

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all who have summer school finals this weekend... that’s just awful.) So, for those of you that live under a musical shell and have no clue what I’m talking about, I’ll save you the embarrassment of pondering to a friend and will just ask the question for you: Carlye, what exactly is Lollapalooza?

Jam-packed with music, entertainment, awareness and fun, Lollapalooza 2006 is the largest music festival to hit Chicago this summer. Located in Grant Park, this year’s festival is almost twice as big as last year’s, complete with nine stages, 130 acts over three days, and an expectancy of 60-65,000 people per day. Basically, if they were villains, Lollapalooza would be the Stay-Puft Marshmallow Man (bigger, better, and a hell of a lot more interesting,) while other concerts would be the character from the ‘critically acclaimed’ movie Little Man (smaller, average, and in some opinions, a pathetic waste of two and a half hours).

With so many features to Lollapalooza, here’s breakdown of all the weekend’s highlights so that you don’t miss a thing: THE SOUNDS: Being a sad, pale girl who also loves music, outdoor concerts are pretty much the only thing that can force me to be outside in the blazing sun and deathly heat.

(Well, that or my highly ironic camp counseling job at the beach — ugh, don’t ask.) With so many bands playing at the same time, I’ll have to make some hard decisions, or at least learn how to speed walk. Here’s my play-by-play for the upcoming weekend: Actually, I’m going to pass on that. Shit. After staring wide-eyed and dropped jawed at the Friday schedule for the past ten minutes, I realized that I’m going to miss a lot of the bands I wanted to see. Unlike Summer Camp Music Festival which had new bands starting every half an hour, Lollapalooza has a schedule

sounds from the scene

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buzz weekly •

YOU EVER NOTICE THAT ALL THE PRICES END IN NINE?

reminiscent of your sophomore year of high school.

Every hour on the half hour has two bands at the same exact time, forcing you to pick one over the other.

To see the full list of bands, I highly recommend logging onto their website (www.lollapalooza.com), because if I type all 130 of them out, it will just look like literary vomit.

KIDZAPALOOZA: Back for a second year, Kidzapalooza provides an area with music and entertainment geared towards children. Considered an opportunity to introduce children to concerts and festivals, this section defi nitely appeals to them, aiming to cultivate the newest generation of music fans.

In addition to musical groups solely for children and their families, there are a wide variety of things to do, such as an area to record a rap or lyrics over a played beat, instrumental lessons and (my personal favorite), a rock and roll petting zoo – in other words, a cutesy tent with mini drum kits and Gibson guitars that kids can get their hands on. According to an extremely precious video of Perry and his children on the Kidzapalooza section of the main website, there are also musical chairs, arts and crafts, limbo, and the slightly pretentious kiddie yoga. But hey, maybe even kids need to reach their inner enlightenment from time to time.

MINDFIELD: The Mindfield stage located in the middle of the park has various activities throughout the day, including Battle Royale (random and quirky competitions), Mini Movies (a short-fi lm festival), Playstation competitions, a VH1 Rock and Roll Confessional booth and improv comedy performances. Also, throughout the weekend, the entire grounds of Lollapalooza are turned into an

interactive playing field through a text messaging game. Fans sign up through a database off the Lollapalooza website, and are automatically entered to play for the three days. Text messages will send clues about something in the park, and the first to find it wins a prize. Mindfield is teamed up with comedians from the hilarious Second City who will be running amuck in odd costumes and doing pranks on the grounds. Prizes range from free Lollapalooza, Adidas and Playstation giveaways to super sweet VIP passes and backstage tours.

CAUSAPALOOZA: In order to spread knowledge of world issues to such a large crowd, Causapalooza is an attraction that promotes non-profit organizations. This year, the central focus of Causapalooza is to stop global warming– particularly important, according to Ferrell, because everyone (both animals and people) will be affected by it. Laurie David, one of the leading advocates to end global warming will be supporting both the Causapalooza area and eco-salons backstage that inform artists on how they can make a change. Attendees can sign up for an online database in which a virtual march for Washington will be run by submitting letters asking Washington to help set up laws and look at how to end global warming. Featured organizations include stopglobalwarming.org, the NRDC Action Fund (an affi liate of the Natural Resources Defense Council), Music for America C3, Parkways Foundation, and Engineers for a Sustainable World.

Well, that’s about all I can cover here. For boatloads of more information, hit up www.lollapalooza.com.

Tickets are still on sale ($150 for a three-day pass; single-day for $65), and children 10 and under are free. Stay tuned for the review of my faux-Christmas weekend, and hope to see you at Lollapalooza!

WHAT THE HELL?! moment of the week

KYLE B. GORMAN • STAFF WRITER PHOTO COURTESY OF WIKIPEDIA.ORG

August 3

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Fri. 1:00 3:10 5:20 7:30 9:40 12:00 Sat. 11:00 1:00 3:10 5:20 7:30 9:40 12:00 MIAMI VICE (R) Thu. 1:30 1:50 4:20 4:45 7:10 8:10 10:00 Fri. 1:30 1:50 4:20 4:45 7:10 8:10 10:00 11:00 Sat. 11:00 1:30 1:50 4:20 4:45 7:10 8:10 10:00 11:00 THE ANT BULLY (PG) Thu. 1:10 1:40 3:15 3:45 5:20 5:50 7:25 9:30 Fri. 1:10 1:40 3:15 3:45 5:20 5:50 7:25 9:30 11:30 Sat. 11:20 1:10 1:40 3:15 3:45 5:20 5:50 7:25 9:30 11:30 MONSTER HOUSE (PG) Thu. 12:30 1:00 2:50 3:15 5:10 5:30 7:20 7:45 9:40 Fri. & Sat. 12:30 2:50 5:10 7:20 9:40 11:50 MY SUPER EX-GIRLFRIEND (PG–13) Thu. 12:50 3:00 5:10 7:25 9:45 LADY IN THE WATER (PG–13) Thu. 12:00 12:45 1:45 2:30 3:15 4:15 5:00 5:45 7:00 7:30 8:15 9:30 10:00 Fri. 1:45 4:15 7:00 9:30 11:50 Sat. 11:10 1:45 4:15 7:00 9:30 11:50 CLERKS II (R) Thu. 12:15 2:25 4:40 7:00 9:30 Fri. 1:20 3:30 5:40 7:50 10:00 11:50 Sat. 11:15 1:20 3:30 5:40 7:50 10:00 11:50 YOU, ME AND DUPREE (PG–13) Thu. 1:30 4:15 7:00 9:30 Fri. 1:30 4:15 7:00 9:30 12:00 Sat. 11:10 1:30 4:15 7:00 9:30 12:00 LITTLE MAN (PG–13) Thu. 1:20 4:50 7:05 9:20 Fri. 1:20 4:50 7:05 9:20 11:35 Sat. 11:05 1:20 4:50 7:05 9:20 11:35

July 29, New Ruins made several announcements. The duo has signed with Parasol/Mud Records. The new album The Sound They Make, an initial run of 100 with handmade art, will see re-release locally in September and nationally in January. After a long and wide search, the band will become a quartet, due to debut August 29 at The Canopy Club with The Curtains (ex-Deerhoof), The Beauty Shop and Casados. Show time is 10 p.m., and cover is $7 in advance. In the meantime, New Ruins plays a free show August 12 at Cowboy Monkey with The Confines and The Breaks.

Also last weekend, Triple Whip recorded six songs with Adam Schmitt to go with three other songs recorded March 31 with Mark Rubel. These will comprise the fourth Triple Whip release, Horsepower.

Original Triple Whip drummer Brett Sanderson will mix the new songs before his current band Headlights goes on tour August 23-September 23.

August 15 at Cowboy Monkey, Larry Gates will open for John Henry & The Engine and The Foster Walker Complex. In the afterglow of the Red Lion Inn reunion, his all-acoustic set will consist of his favorite songs by other Champaign-Urbana artists.

Show time is 10 p.m., and cover is $4. sounds from the scene

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TALLADEGA NIGHTS: THE BALLAD OF RICKY BOBBY (PG–13)

Sound Ground began at The Paper in June 2003.

Creator Holly Rushakoff felt local music coverage was sparse and demonstrated “500 words weekly� was an attainable goal. I took over in January 2004 and wrote 15 installments before The Paper went out of business in April 2004. Scroll ahead to August 2004, when buzz editor Marissa Monson and buzz music editor Elisabeth Lim approached me to revive it. buzz publisher Mary Cory has been there for me ever since, and subsequent buzz music editors Kyle Gorman, Anna Statham and Leah Nelson have been great to get to know and work with; I thank them all.

This is Sound Ground #134 – although Sound Ground #58 never ran – and I think the time is right for transition. Although news will be uneven from week to week, the scene has yet to slow down this summer. Local music receives more recognition than three years ago, and Illini Media Company had a lot to do with that: special thanks to Liz Mozzocco and Michelle Gabris. I shall stick around and continue to cover local music to the best of my ability, but with wider margins. I hope everyone can join me in the audience at a show soon.

Todd J. Hunter hosts WEFT Sessions and Champaign Local 901, two hours of local music every Monday at 10 p.m. on WEFT 90.1 FM. Delete soundground@ excite.com from your address book, but keep in touch!

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Advance Tickets for World Trade Center are Now Available JOHN TUCKER MUST DIE (PG–13) Thu. 1:00 3:10 5:20 7:30 9:40

Thu. 12:30 2:00 3:40 5:00 7:00 8:15 10:00 Fri. 12:30 2:00 3:40 5:00 7:00 8:15 10:00 11:30 Sat. 11:00 12:30 2:00 3:40 5:00 7:00 8:15 10:00 11:30 THE DEVIL WEARS PRADA (PG–13) Thu. 1:30 4:15 7:00 9:30 Fri. & Sat. 7:45 10:05 SUPERMAN RETURNS (PG–13) Thu. 7:50 CLICK (PG–13) Thu. 9:45 SCOOP (PG–13) Thu. 1:15 3:30 5:40 7:50 10:00

TODD J. HUNTER • STAFF WRITER

Half-tongued guitar-god Eddie Van Halen is recording songs for Stephen Spielberg’s new fi lm. Wait, he’s not working on Jurassic Park IV, but rather a fi lm entitled Sacred Sin. And he’s not working with Spielberg, really, just the “Spielberg of Porn,� the “mysterious� (according to his website) adult fi lm director Michael Ninn, known for classics like Double Penetration III, Decadence, and my favorite, the cleverly-titled Sex II. In case you forgot though, the “real� Spielberg directed Close Encounters of the Third Kind.

In other news, exotic dancer/bassist Linda Kay, formely of Lifetime, a hardcore band, has been charged with possessing human remains, including a human hand and six skulls. It’s ok, she was just saving it for the next time Henry Rollins came over for dinner.

Van Halen

PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN: DEAD MAN'S CHEST (PG–13)

soundground #134 THIS WEEK IN MUSIC

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Let Your Creativity Soar 1104 E. Washington Urbana Mon-Sat: 11-6 Sunday: 12-4

• Champaign-Urbana’s Only Bead Store!

• Big Back to School Sale!

10% off all loose beads & handmade necklaces for the month of August!

Spend over $150 & receive 15% off!

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Abi Tapia August 3, 8 p.m.

Aroma Café, free

Live Bands Christian Music Expo Lincoln Square Mall, 5pm, free Jake Stimmel Trio Iron Post 7pm, cover Abi Tapia Aroma Cafe 8pm, free Caleb Rose Bowl Tavern 9pm, free Will Rogers Chief’s 9pm, cover 56 Hope Road, The Station Canopy Club, 9pm, $5 Miglia-Musser Quartet Zorba’s Restaurant 9:30pm, $3 Clio, 3 AM Project, S.Y.E., Victims of Chaos Highdive 10pm, $5 Shovelwrack White Horse Inn, 10:30pm, free DJ Zen Thursday’s: DJ Asiatic Soma, 9pm, free Thirsty Thursdays: DJ Dice DJ Smoooth V Lava, 9pm, $3 in advance/$5 DJ Huggy Joe’s Brewery 10pm, cover Metal Thursday Highdive 10pm, cover DJ Mertz, DJ J Philip, Chris O Cowboy Monkey 10pm, free DJ Limbs Boltini 10:30pm, free Karaoke Boneyard Karaoke Memphis on Main, 7:30pm, free Karaoke Fat City Saloon 8pm, free Liquid Courage Karaoke Jillian’s Billiards Club 9pm, free Liquid Courage Karaoke The Office, 10pm, free

PHOTOS COURTESY OF WWW.ABITAPIA.COM

It’s probably embarrassing to admit that I went to the Kelly Clarkson show this past July in Tinley Park. Half for hilarious indie-irony, half for sheer love of the irresistible pop which she performs. I sat in the rain in the crappiest venue in the world, The MidWest Bank Amphitheatre (formerly the Tweeter Center). As an attempt to cover my tracks I wore a Sigur Ros t-shirt to tell myself and maybe one other music-savvy attendant that I have a much higher/ sophisticated taste in music.

But as the majesty and wonder of Kelly Clarkson’s “Addicted” tour grabbed me by the hands and took me away I realized something, what’s so wrong with enjoying music that is well-written and performed by one of the best voices around? Just because Kelly doesn’t wear an animal mask or has a xylophone in her band, why shouldn’t she be appreciated as much as any other artist?

Lectures / Discussions Simplicity Discussion Group [The Simplicity Discussion Group (ideas to simplify and bring meaning to life) will discuss the book Give It Up! by Mary Carlomagno.]

Borders, 7pm, free

The Confines, Stellar Polaris Iron Post, 10pm, cover Anthony Gravino, Exit Clov, Tractor Kings Cowboy Monkey, 10:30pm, $5 Concerts Noon Tunes: Boneyard Jazz Quintet One Main 12pm, free DJ DJ LNO Nargile, 9pm, free before 10pm DJ Who Joe’s Brewery 10pm, cover DJ Tim Williams Highdive 10pm, $5 DJ Mertz Boltini 10:30pm, free

SAT. AUG 5 Live Bands Christian Music Expo Lincoln Square Mall, 5pm, free Tom Turino and Big Groove Zydeco Alto Vineyards 7:30pm, $3 No Secret Fat City Saloon 8pm, $5 New Twang City Hubers 8pm, free Dave Dreyer Pages for All Ages, 8pm, free Country Connection Rose Bowl Tavern, 9pm, $1 Terminus Victor, Shipwreck, The Invisible Mike & Molly’s 9pm, $4

DJ DJ LNO Nargile, 9pm, free before 10pm DJ Rickbats, DJ Kannibal Indepedent Media Center 9pm, $2 DJ White Horse Inn 9:30pm, free DJ Naughty Boy Joe’s Brewery, 10pm, cover DJ Tim Williams Highdive 10pm, $5 DJ Limbs Boltini 10:30pm, free Karaoke Liquid Courage Karaoke Geo’s 9pm, free

—Brian McGovern

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Family Fun National Gymnastics Day [Activities include: an open house, gymnastics team demonstrations, free open gym, raffles, prizes and more.] LifeLines Recreation Center 2pm, free

Rain Forest Visions [This exhibition focuses on artistic representations by contemporary South American indigenous people of ecological, mythical, and cosmic spirit forces in their lives. The focal people whose myths and narratives provide the basis for the imagery are the Canelos Quichua of Amazonian Ecuador.

Complementary artifacts come from the Achuar, Tigua, and Chachi of Ecuador, the Shipibo-Conibo of Peru, the Waounam and Emberá of Colombia and Panama, the Tukuna of Colombia and Brazil, and the Yekuana of Venezuela.]

Spurlock Museum through Aug 20

Live Bands Reverend Robert Iron Post 6pm, cover Concerts in the Parks: Candy Foster and the Shades of Blue Hessel Park, 6:30pm, free All-Ages punk night: the Shake-Up!, Bolth, Alleyway Sex, Carbomb Lottery McKinley Foundation, 6:30pm cover Crystal River Band Rose Bowl Tavern, 9pm, free

Crisis Line

Mental Health Center of Champaign County

Answer a 24-hour hotline that assists callers with crisis intervention, supportive listening, suicide prevention, and community information. We have volunteers from various professions and life situations, including college students, police officers, teachers, and parents raising a family. Volunteers develop and further hone interviewing skills and the ability to be calm in tense situations. One of the most important skills to have while volunteering for the Crisis Line is to be a nonjudgmental listener. Often times, callers have no one else to provide social support and the Crisis Line may be a final option.

Training is offered twice yearly, and consists of 20 hrs. There are some guidelines for volunteering. We ask that volunteers take three, four-hour shifts per month and can make a year commitment. We have shifts available in four-hour slots any time of the day. Volunteers work from home. Training takes place at 202 West Park Avenue. Contact Barb Bressner at bbressner@mhcenter.org or (217) 373-2430

Speed Sketchings and Paper Tearing Artworks by Hua Nian [Hua Nian is an active exhibiting artist and art instructor in ChampaignUrbana, Illinois. Her paintings appear in international and national art exhibitions, winning awards at local, state, and national shows.]

Pages for All Ages through Sept 30 Springfield Art Show [Paintings by John Hayes, photographs by Ron Ackerman, and ceramics by Bob Dixon of Springfield, IL.] Cinema Gallery through Aug 19

Karaoke Liquid Courage Karaoke The Brickhouse, 9pm, free Film Hiroshima/Nagasaki Observance: “Barefoot Gen” [Film of Japanese anime about a boy who survived the atomic bombing of Hiroshima. Not suitable for children. Vigil with drumming begins at 5:30 p.m.] Channing Murray Foundation, 3pm, free

Painting by Sylvia Arnstein.

MON. AUG 7 Live Bands Feudin’ Hillbillies Rose Bowl Tavern, 6pm, free Michael Davis Bentley’s Pub 7pm, free Dope, Bleed The Sky, Anew Revolution, EvenX, Makeshift Romeo Canopy Club 9pm, $10 MRS Trio Iron Post 9pm, cover Casados Weft 90.1 FM 10pm, free

Miscellaneous Krannert Uncorked Krannert Center, 5pm, free

Live Bands Billy Galt Blues Barbecue 11:30am, free Christian Music Expo Lincoln Square Mall, 5pm, free Desfinado Cowboy Monkey 5:30pm, $2 N.D.M.O. Chief’s 5:30pm, cover Weasel Dreams Iron Post 7pm, cover Will Rogers Band Fat City Saloon, 8pm, $5 Goretesque, The Insolents, Total Rejekts, Creepy V Highdive, 8pm, $5 Barb Hamilton Hubers 8pm, free Country Connection Rose Bowl Tavern, 9pm, $1 Clio, S.Y.E., Jonesful, Rictus Grin Canopy Club, 9pm, $5 Dave Chastain Band Chief’s 9:30pm, cover Quadremedy White Horse Inn, 10pm, free

art & theater

SUN. AUG 6

FRI. AUG 4 This brings me to this week’s pick; although this performer has about a million times more cred and integrity as an artist than Miss Clarkson. Abi Tapia has the voice of a pop star and the writing talent of those nameless people that give the top 40 its hits, but she also has a genuine, heart-felt style unlike any of those soulless music industry types. Hailing from the city of Austin, Abi is currently on a tour through the Midwest and New England.

A country and folk feel to pop sensible songs, Abi seems like a one-woman Dixie Chicks. See her at Aroma Café tonight and learn that an independent artist doesn’t need a gimmick or a synthesizer to be a great act.

Miscellaneous Prairie Iris Society [Annual iris sale. All types will be for sale with prices starting at $1.

For more information call (217) 345-7137.] Lincoln Square Mall, 10am, free

PHORO COURTESY OF WWW.VERDANT-SYSTEMS.COM

cu calendar

THU. AUG 3

Works by Ken Hoffman and Rimas VisGirda [This exhibition features the ceramic work and paintings of two seasoned and talented artists.]

Parkland Art Gallery through Aug 3

PHOTO COURTESY OF WWW.VERDANT-SYSTEMS.COM

10

TAKING A CUE FROM THE DEPARTMENT OF HOMELAND SECURITY, EVENTS OF HIGH PRIORITY HAVE BEEN LABELED IN ORANGE.

Beyond Words: A Dialogue Between Friends [Works by Sylvia Arnstein & Mark Corrodi] Reception: Aug 3, 7 p.m.

Verde Gallery through Sept 9 Sexual Perversity in Chicago [A breakthrough piece in 1974 follows the trials and tribulations of Dan, Deborah, Bernard, and Joan, four singles trying to work their way through the Chicago dating scene.]

Station Theatre, Aug 3-5 8 p.m., $12

Piece by Mark Corrodi.

DJ Jazz Night Nargile, 9pm, free DJ Delayney Barfly, 10pm free Karaoke Liquid Courage Karaoke The Brickhouse, 9pm, free PHOTO COURTESY OF WWW.FLUENCYENHANCER.COM

Karaoke Creative Karaoke American Legion Post 71, 8pm, free Liquid Courage Karaoke The Brickhouse, 9pm, free Miscellaneous WPGU 107.1 Beach Party Fridays [Stop on by for free freeze pops, popcorn and to hear a live DJ spin.] Illini Media Company, 3pm, free

Clio, S.Y.E., Neskaria Phoenix 9pm, $5 X-Krush, Heavy-Handed Chief’s, 9pm, cover Alma Afro-Beat Project Iron post, 9pm, cover Staci Anderson, Lynn O’Brien Canopy Club, 9pm, $5 Saturday Night Fever: Brother Embassy, Theory of Something Cowboy Monkey, 11pm, free

TUE. AUG 8

Film Film: “The Apartment” (1960) Virginia Theatre, 1pm, $3 Film: “Some Like It Hot” (1959) Virginia Theatre, 7pm, $3

Live Bands Billy Galt Blues Barbecue 11:30am, free Crystal River Band Rose Bowl Tavern, 9pm, free Open Mic Nargile, 9pm, free Threesome Tuesdays: Larry Gates and Jason Greenlee White Horse Inn 9:45pm, free

DJ Atomic Age Cocktail Party: DJ Jason Croft Cowboy Monkey 9pm, free Subversion: DJ TwinScin, DJ Evily Highdive 10pm, $2 DJ Tremblin BG Barfly 10pm, free DJ J-Phlip Boltini 10:30pm, free

Karaoke Bentley’s Pub 9:30pm, free

Karaoke Liquid Courage Karaoke Geo’s 9pm, free

Meetings Alzheimer’s Support Group Carle Arbours, 7pm, free

Film Film: “Mission : Impossible III” (2006) Virginia Theatre 7pm, $2 Miscellaneous Zoo Theatre Company’s Boltini Bingo and Lounge Variety Show Boltini, 7pm, free

Awake & Aware Support Group Carle Foundation Hospital 7pm, free

WED. AUG 9 Live Bands Retching Red, Blitz Kid, D-Mitch, Boots and Bracelets, Alleyway Sex, The Cockblocks, Carbomb Lottery McKinley Foundation, 6pm, $8

VISIT WWW.CUCALENDAR.COM FOR THE MOST CURRENT EV ENTS AND TO ADD YOUR OWN.

Concerts in the Parks: No Secret Clark Park 6:30pm, free Irish Traditional Music Session Bentley’s Pub 7pm, free Kayla Brown and Mike Ingram Silvercreek Restaurant 7pm, free Feudin’ Hillbillies Rose Bowl Tavern, 9pm, free Adam Wolfe Fat City Saloon, 9pm, free The Greytones, The Elicians Iron Post, 9pm, cover

Soultro Joe’s Brewery 10pm, cover DJ DJ Stifler Highdive, 8pm, $5 DJ Bris Soma, 8pm, free Chef Ra Barfly, 10pm, free DJ Bozak Boltini, 10:30pm free Dancing Tango Dancing Cowboy Monkey, 8-10:30pm, free Salsa Dancing Cowboy Monkey, 10:30pm, $3 Karaoke Outlaw Karaoke White Horse Inn, 9:30pm, free

Authentic Thai Cuisine with Smiles Mon.-Fri. 11 am - 3 pm Mon.-Fri. 5 pm - 10 pm Sat. 11 am - 10 pm Sun. 12 - 9 pm

212 W. Main Street Downtown Urbana, Illinois 61801 (217) 367-THAI (8424) www.siamterrace.com

We use vegetable oils and no MSG

s o u n d s f r o m t h e s c esnoeu n d s f r o m t h e s c e n e

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stage, screen & i n b e t w e e n

CIRCUS, CIRCUS!

Tiny people on unicycles wearing neon jogging suits invade The Virginia Theatre DAN SCHULD • STAFF WRITER

F “

ree tickets to the circus? Heck yeah! Freakin’ sweet!”

I said, as I read my assignment. There are only a few times in a grown man’s life, we’re talking once, maybe twice, when he is offered free tickets to the circus. How could I not write this story? However, what I didn’t know then was that this was not your ordinary everyday circus, if there is such a thing. No, this was different.

This was weird.

As soon as we entered the magnif icent Virginia Theatre, I started to notice something strange. We were surrounded by children. We were the only childless adults in the place.

Not to mention, I couldn’t fathom how they were going to get the elephants and lions and tigers into this small theater.

Something was wrong. This was not like any circus I had ever been to.

PHOTOS COURTESY OF WWW.RAKIDSCIRCUS.ORG

Then, I saw the sign: The Russian American Kids Circus.

“What does that mean?” I said to my stunning date, who looked equally confounded by this tripped-out turn of events. But as the lights dimmed and the curtain was drawn, all of our questions were answered. This was not only a circus for kids, but a circus of kids. That’s right, we’re talking about tumbling toddlers, adolescent acrobatics, juggling juniors, baton-twirling babies, and mini-me-sized mimes.

It begins with a raver’s paradise of glow-stick-wielding shadow dancers who delight the audience with a swirling psychedelic Day-Glo dance routine set to German techno-beats. When the lights finally come back on you are left speechless as you realize that some of the performers are as young as five years old.

The Russian American Kids Circus started ten years ago under the supervision of former Moscow Circus star, Alex Berenchstein, and his wife Regina. Between acts Berenchstein, who acts as ringmaster and safety-net throughout the show, plays to the young crowd, giving constant reminders that anyone can be in the circus, “it just takes practice.” A lot of practice. According to Berenchstein, the kids practice a minimum of three hours per day, and up to seven hours on Sundays. The performers are taught their delicate craft at The New Way Circus Center, a circus school in New York owned and operated by the Berenchstein’s since 1994. Their students vary in age, ranging anywhere from 3-16 years old. Since only the best students are chosen for the stage, competition is fierce.

Nonetheless, the kids, as they careen across the stage doubling as comedians and clowns, seem to truly love what they do.

And the performers weren’t the only ones smiling. Looking around the audience I saw nothing but wide-eyed grins painted across the faces of everyone present, especially the kids. The children were mesmerized by the high-energy antics and slapstick humor of these pint-sized plate-spinners.

The Russian America Kids Circus performing at the Cerritos Center in California.

The Russian American Kids Circus performing at the Three County Fair in Massachusetts.

“We want to prove that every child is talented,” Regina has been quoted as saying. It is this “can-do” attitude that makes the show such a delightful experience; and the Berenchstein’s prove this statement by encouraging audience participation. In fact, at one point in the performance, volunteers, both young and old, are asked to join the kids on stage, where they are taught how to balance and walk on gigantic smiley-face balls.

In the end, the show proved to be a very effective and positive experience for everyone involved. I overheard one particular youngster comment to his father as we left the theater, “I wanna join the circus!” Of course, who doesn’t? I know I do.

The Russian American Kids Circus is constantly touring. They will be performing at the Ohio State Fair in Columbus, Ohio from August 7-11. To find out more information, or to book them at your venue, go to www.rakidscircus. org. To contact the Virginia Theater go to www.thevirginia.org. buzz

M.J. Rose’s The Venus Fix girlfriends, all who have been affected by Internet porn addiction. While she is treating the students and the man, the “Web-cam girls” – as the Internet pornography subjects are called in the novel – start dying while performing the sexual acts that feed the addiction of Snow’s patients. The story quickly unfolds from here with a twist at the end that makes a reader f ly through the last several chapters.

Until this plot twist at the end, however, it’s a little tough to get involved in the story. Rose interjects blurbs about Dr. Snow’s constantly unsteady personal life and excerpts from patient visits.

Although Dr. Snow’s life is quite interesting, a reader is definitely more engrossed in the grotesque murders of the “Web-cam girls” along with the acts they are performing in the moments before their deaths – hey, they don’t call it an “erotic thriller” for nothing.

ROSALEE INENDINO • STAFF WRITER

S

easoned erotic thriller novelist M.J. Rose has returned, satisfying fans but not necessarily readers unfamiliar to her particular brand of writing. Rose’s newest novel, The Venus Fix, once again follows Dr. Morgan Snow, a sex therapist at the Butterfield Institute in New York City. This may be all too familiar for fans of Rose, but for those who are not informed the Butterfield Institute is the leading facility for patients who are suffering from issues dealing with sexuality, which in this novel are those who are addicted to Internet pornography.

At the beginning of the novel, Dr. Snow is seeing two sets of patients: one is a very powerful, yet very anonymous man and the other is a set of high school boys and their

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There is no doubt that M.J. Rose is a gifted writer; she writes erotica where it is not pornographic, but actually more realistic where a reader can actually envision these situations, rather than laugh them off as ridiculously tasteless.

The thriller aspect of the writing is definitely catchy, but unfortunately it catches on later than sooner.

Th is novel w i l l satisf y fans of M.J. Rose’s prev ious books. And for new readers of Rose, the topic of Internet pornography addiction, a recent topic amongst the talk show circuits and one that seems to be continuously growing in the American population, may be of interest. The Venus Fix could be one of those last non-academic summer reads before getting back to the world of textbooks and required reading that is upon us come September. sounds from the scene

August 3

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buzz weekly •

I INTEND TO LIVE FOREVER -- SO FAR, SO GOOD.

13

FILM

CLERKS 2

LADY IN THE WATER

KEVIN OLSEN • STAFF

MRUGESH BAVDA • STAFF

D

ante (Brian O’Halloran) and Randal (Jeff Anderson) return full force in Kevin Smith’s crass sequel to his debut 1994 indie f ilm. While the f ilm has a considerably higher budget and more star power than the original, Clerks 2 is still full of the crude, dialogue-driven humor that has created a large Smith following over the past 12 years.

This time around we see Dante and Randal working at Mooby’s fast food chain after the Quick Stop burns down, along with a decade of their lives. There are many parallel storylines from the f irst movie: Dante has to choose between two girls, Randal continuously tries to ruin Dante’s present and future life, and of course Jay and Silent Bob are back, with Jay recreating the Silence of the Lambs tuck scene among other hilarious antics that have made him famous.

I t wo u l d n’t b e a Kevin Smith f ilm if he didn’t stretch the boundaries a little bit, and Clerks 2 is no different. His obscene humor this go-around star ts w it h a n i n- dept h conversation about performing analingus, “ass to mouth,” and concludes w ith an inter-species erotica show with everything you could imagine Jay and Silent Bob are back

from Smith in between, including cameos from Ben Affleck and Jason Lee. While the overall storyline of Dante’s last day in New Jersey before he moves to Florida and his conf lict to stay for his boss, played by Rosario Dawson, is a little weak, the dialogue is brilliant. Anderson as Randal steals the f ilm – again. But the character of Elias, played by Trevor Fehrman, matches Anderson in every scene as opposites at work, but equally funny, including their ongoing feud of the better trilogy: Star Wars or Lord of the Rings. While Randal dominates Elias in the movie, Elias’ conservative upbringing and blindness to the world add a new, fresh character to Smith’s latest gem.

PHOTOS COURTESY OF ROTTENTOMATOES.COM

again in Clerks II.

M

. Night Shyamalan’s latest film Lady in the Water is a bedtime tale about a nymph that arrives at a hotel in Philadelphia to advise a human. Cleveland Heep (Paul Giamatti) is a building manager that puts together the clues to help the nymph, named Story (Bryce Dallas Howard), in her trip back to the “Blue World” before a dangerous creature tries to stop and kill her. Consequently, the inspiration for this f ilm came from a stor y Shyamalan would tell his children about what happens in their pool.

Shyamalan is known for making memorable movies with shocking endings like The Sixth Sense, Unbreakable, and Signs. Unfortunately, Lady in the Water is nothing like them and could be considered a low point in his filmmaking career. This selfindulgent movie seems improvised and unbound by reality. At times it becomes so involved in itself that it leaves the audience bored and confused.

There is no doubt that both Paul Giamatti and Bryce Dallas Howard can act but their talent cannot save the film from disaster. The story is increasingly complicated as more rules and laws are lobbed on about how Story is allowed to return and whether she is the leader of all nymphs. This movie lacks the humor of the director’s previous films, and Shyamalan casts himself as a prophetic writer which comes off Bryce Dallas as egocentric rather than humble.

Shyamalan tries to play with f ilm critics by actually adding one in the movie. Too bad at the end the joke is on Shyamalan. Disney was right to criticize and refuse to produce it. Lady in the Water should stay in the water.

Howard as Story from Lady in the Water.

THEATRE

SEXUAL PERVERSITY IN CHICAGO GILLIAN ROBERTS • CONTRIBUTING WRITER

F

or a theatrical company with such innovative and avant-garde credits as Angels in America and The Laramie Project, the c u r rent product ion u nder way f rom T he Celebration Company at the Station Theatre entitled Sexual Perversity in Chicago seems a bit of a back step in terms of progressive content.

The play, written in 1974 by now renowned playwright David Mamet, is a historical reversion to the gender role confusion that erupted with the Equal Rights Amendment, increased female enrollment in higher education, and deferment of the average marriage age, all mustering in the 1970s.

The plot, true to Mamet form, is utterly nonexistent and more of an episodic glimpse at the sounds from the scene

struggles of a Chicago couple ultimately culminating in demise. Dan (Aaron Matthew Polk) and Deborah (Martha A. Mills) meet at a bar and their relationship progresses in a series of quick and snappy scenes colored with the sexual and gender confused undertones of their friends Bernard (Mathew Green) and Joan (Breelyn Mehrtens).

Despite a witty and merely foolproof script, this particular production leaves something to be desired. The central relationship lacks chemistry and believability, due to the mediocre performance Mills gives of the sexually conflicted Deborah.

Her insight into the character lacks the depth of a woman interested in making a life with a man and still feeling a taunt from the evolving acceptance of women’s sexuality in 1970s America.

Polk successfully portrays Dan as the frustrated lover, despite his counterpart. Breelyn Mehrtens is also convincing as the disgruntled feminist voice in the play, hilariously highl i g ht i n g t he ch a r ac ter’s pe s s i m i sm w it h cynical, disparaging expressions.

Green as Bernard is the most memorable character with his authentic performance of the quirky, chauvinistic best friend; his portrayal is inspired and provocative, thanks to his embrace of the character’s wordy dialogue and violent outbursts all revolving around the sexual liberation detonating in his midst.

Under the direction of Rien Rogers, this f lashback to the 1970s is utterly seamless, from the music heralding the era between scenes,

to the lumpy pull-out sofa beds f lanking the stage. His decision to capture the times and remain tr ue to the scr ipt is smar t because the misogynistic content would be diff icult to adapt to a modern setting. The intimate nature of the Station Theatre’s small black box space works in favor for this four person cast, and intensif ies the absurdities and hilarities of this script.

Overall this glimpse back in time is quirky, unique, and a fun, refreshing production for the dog days of summer.

Sexual Perversity in Chicago completes its limited run at the Station Theatre on August 5, call 3844000 for reservations and ticket information.

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14 •

buzz weekly

I AM A VEGETARIAN BECAUSE I HATE PLANTS.

PHONE: 217 - 337 - 8337 DEADLINE: 2 p.m. Tuesday for the next Thursday’s edition.

HELP WANTED

classifieds INDEX Employment Services Merchandise Transportation Apartments Other Housing/Rent Real Estate for Sale Things To Do Announcements Personals

000 100 200 300 400 500 600 700 800 900

• PLEASE CHECK YOUR AD! Report errors immediately by calling 337-8337. We cannot be responsible for more than one day’s incorrect insertion if you do not notify us of the error by 2 pm on the day of the first insertion. • All advertising is subject to the approval of the publisher. The Daily Illini shall have the right to revise, reject or cancel, in whole or in part, any advertisement, at any time. • All employment advertising in this newspaper is subject to the City of Champaign Human Rights Ordinance and similar state and local laws, making it illegal for any person to cause to be published any advertisement which expresses limitation, specification or discrimination as to race, color, mental handicap, personal appearance, sexual orientation, family responsibilities, political affiliation, prior arrest or conviction record, source of income, or the fact that such person is a student. • Specification in employment classifications are made only where such factors are bonafide occupational qualifications necessary for employment. • All real estate advertising in this newspaper is subject to the Federal Fair Housing Act of 1968, and similar state and local laws which make it illegal for any person to cause to be published any advertisement relating to the transfer, sale, rental, or lease of any housing which expresses limitation, specifications or discrimination as to race, color, creed, class, national origin, religion, sex, age, marital status, physical or mental handicap, personal appearance, sexual oientation, family responsibilities, political affiliation, or the fact that such person is a student. • This newspaper will not knowingly accept any advertising for real estate that is in violation of the law. Our readers are informed that all dwellings advertised in this newspaper are available on an equal oppportunity basis.

HELP WANTED

020

HELP WANTED

020

Part Time

Part Time Looking for Car Detailer. Must have valid license and background checks. Please apply at: 1804 S. Neil Enterprise Rent-A-Car Needs some money?

Temporary help wanted to clean/ paint apartments. August 7th - August 19th. Apply at Roland Realty, 901 S. First. Corner of First & Daniel. 217-328-1226 Single Philipino nurse/mother of three boys looking for live in/out nanny, 3 days a week. Drivers License, (217)378-5253 or (217)7214104.

The DAILY ILLINI is now hiring Circulation Drivers for the fall semester.

Duties include delivering papers, picking up returns and cleaning up inserts. This route is an early morning delivery. Must have own vehicle, clean driving record and be very dependable. Interested applicants can stop by our office at 512 E. Green St. to fill out an application or e-mail wills@illinimedia.com.

HELP WANTED

030

RESTAURANT ASSISTANT MANAGER (Crew members + drivers on campus) Full time summer, part time fall.

Flexible hrs. Fun outdoor music catering events, too! Call 351-5048.

Summer field work in corn genetic pollination nursery. $8/hr. Work available immediately. Call Don or Sophia, 217-244-6429.

Workers needed for apartment cleaning. Late July - Mid-August. respond to: rdevine@devine-eng.com.

BUSINESS OPPS

Apartments

400

APARTMENTS

410

Furnished/Unfurnished BEST VALUE 1 BR. loft from $480.

1 Br. $395 2 BR. $580 3 BR. $750 4 BR $855 Campus. 367-6626.

2 bedroom, free parking, quiet building. $550/mo plus security.

(217)355-0307. Available immediately.

050

APARTMENTS

410

Furnished/Unfurnished EXECUTIVE LOFT 201 S. Wright St., Champaign.

Adjacent to Engineering campus.

Loft bedroom, security parking, balcony, A/C, laundry.

Hardwick Apartments 356-5272 621-1012

1 Bedroom Luxury, Avenue Court.

407 E. University, fully equipped- microwave, washer/dryer in-unit. Security building with elevator. Balconies, underground parking.

Hardwick Apartments 356-5272 621-1012

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0 9 , 2 oo 6

APARTMENTS

410

Furnished/Unfurnished Available Now. 2 bedroom on campus. $585/mo. 367-6626.

Best Value 1 bedroom lofts $535 2 bedrooms $575 3 bedrooms $650 4 bedrooms $925 Campus, parking.

Spring ‘06, 367-6626

UNIQUE For Fall, 1 bedroom loft apartment.

Fully equipped. Balcony, parking.

409 W. Green. Call Hardwick Apartments, 356-5272 or 621-1012.

BARTENDING! $300/day potential, training provided, no experience necessary. 1-800965-6520 x109.

Full/Part Time

Papa Del’s Cashiers, pizza makers, and cooks needed. Apply in person.

Earn $7000 as an egg donor. Must be 20-29 and a non-smoker. Please call Alternative Reproductive Resources at 773-327-7315 or 847446-1001 to learn how you can help a family fulfill its dreams.

BUSINESS SERVICES

110

BUSINESS SERVICES

110

HELP WANTED

020

HELP WANTED

020

Part Time

030

Full/Part Time

Aug. 0 3

College Students Buy a Mac, get a free iPod nano BUSINESS SERVICES

110

illini apple center 512 E. Green St.

217.377.3116

Part Time

DEADLINE:

2 p.m. Tuesday for the next Thursday’s edition.

RATES: Billed rate: 38¢/word Paid-in-Advance: 32¢/word Photo Sellers 30 words or less + photo: $5 per issue

Garage Sales 30 words in both Thursday’s buzz and Friday’s Daily Illini!! $10. If it rains, your next date is free.

Action Ads • 20 words, run any 5 days (in buzz or The Daily Illini), $14 • 10 words, run any 5 days (in buzz or The Daily Illini), $7 • add a photo to an action ad, $10

WWW.READBUZZ.COM

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sounds from the scene

Aug. 0 3

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0 9 , 2 oo 6

APARTMENTS

buzz weekly •

PEOPLE WHO DRINK LIGHT “BEER� DON’T LIKE THE TASTE OF BEER; THEY JUST LIKE TO PEE A LOT.

410

Furnished/Unfurnished

706 S. WALNUT, U Aug 2006. 1 bdrms from $485/mo.

Central A/C, Laundry. Parking. Furnished $50/mo. Shown 7 days/k.

BARR REAL ESTATE, INC. 356-1873 www.barr-re.com Charming, quiet 1 bedroom in old town Champaign. Wood floors. Includes parking, water, fees. Bus route. Credit check. $415.00. 3558512.

APARTMENTS

410

Furnished/Unfurnished

APARTMENTS

410

APARTMENTS

420

Furnished

Furnished/Unfurnished

Avail Aug 2006. Large efficiencies close to Beckman Center. From $340/mo. Parking avail at $35/mo.

Window A/C, carpet, Ethernet avail.

Shown 7 days a week.

BARR REAL ESTATE, INC. 356-1873 www.barr-re.com

Place Your Classified Ad Today!

Call: 337.8337

Great Campus Location!

2/ 3 bedroom apt $670/mo. laundry facility, free parking, shared utilities. Available August 15th. Call 217-637-0975 307 E. Elm #3, U. 1 BD/1BA Avail 8/1, $450/mo.

903 N. Lincoln, U. 2 BD/2BA, fireplace. We have furnished or unfurnished units avail now! $835935/mo.

1601 Wiley, C. 2 Bedroom/ 1 Bath, washer & dryer. No pets. $615/mo.

Available now!

217-239-6677

APARTMENTS

420

Furnished

420

Furnished

311 E. WHITE, C

CLOSE TO CAMPUS 2 BR, 2 BA, W. Oregon, U. Cats may be considered. $875. www.ppmrent.com 351-1800

APARTMENTS

One and two bedroom apartments available August, $370-$580 (some utilities included), clean quiet well maintained building 684-2226 or email crpayne30@hotmail.com

Available For Fall You want hip vintage boutique 1-4 person residences on & off campus.

Cheapest studio in town - tiny but clean, efficient, incl utilities $295.00.

Vintage, spacious, economical ones in safe, treelined Urbana 209 Coler and 704 Stoughton.

Studios w/walk in closets - spacious 605 S. Fourth and 407 Stoughton 4 blocks to Union/Atgeld/Engineering.

Spacious ones 2 blocks to IMPE/stadium on bus line - 1010 S. First, Ch. - $460 New York Greystone- loft for 4 people Across from engineering quad/Beckman, $295/person.

Ones...two blocks to quad - Kam’s - Union - Fourth & Chalmers, Ch. Ask about 703 Park - very hip vintage 1-2 person in great Champaign neighborhood. Near Prospect and Park.

Hemmingway would have lived here - Hugh Hefner did - ones at 1108 Nevada and 1107 Oregon, Urbana next to Music buildings, two blocks from quad.

420

APARTMENTS Furnished

APARTMENTS

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420

Furnished

ARBOR APARTMENTS, C. Aug 2006. 1 bdrms at Third & Gregory across from Snack Bar. Window A/C, Laundry, Ethernet avail. Rents from $390/mo. Parking $50/mo.

Shown 7 days a week.

BARR REAL ESTATE, INC. 356-1873 www.barr-re.com

1107 S. EUCLID, C Aug 2006. Near Armory, IMPE and Snack Bar. Window A/C, Laundry, Ethernet avail. Rents from $395/mo.

Parking $50/mo. Shown 7 days a week.

BARR REAL ESTATE, INC. 356-1873 www.barr-re.com

509 W. MAIN, U. Aug 2006. 1 BR apts. From $400/mo. Laundry, window A/C, Parking avail at $35/mo. Ethernet available. Shown 7 days a week.

BARR REAL ESTATE 356-1873 www.barr-re.com 703 S. State Cute 1 Br just off campus, A/C, porch, hardwood floors. Huge kitchen water included. Off street parking $440/mo. No dogs good credit a must! (217)841-6203.

3 - 4 BEDROOM TOWNHOUSE HESSEL PARK Campus Bus, 2 Bath 615 W. Kirby FALL, CARPORT, ELEGANT. 1600 SQ. FT. $1250, $1450. 398-1998 www.lincolnshireprop.com ALL UTILITIES PAID! 3 BR, 2 BA near Beckman. Free parking, pets ok. W/D in Apt, C/A. Available Aug 6th 217-417-6560.

206 W. William, C. August 2006. 4 bedroom, 4 bath, furnished C/A, D/W, laundry facilities, parking. 217-369-2621.

Listen to WPGU on 107.1 FM

217-359-6400 www.ramshaw.com

PRICES SLASHED! JOHN RANDOLPH ATRIUM APARTMENTS All utilities included!

Semester and 9 1/2 month leases available!

Roommate program available!

4 bedroom, 4 bath apartments Dishwasher, Washer-dryer, Ethernet Central Air Covered parking available Room- $325/mo. year lease (Includes utilities!)

Room- $350/mo. 9 1/2 mo. lease (Includes utilities!)

Room- $375/mo. semester leases (Includes utilities!)

4 bedrooms- $1200/mo. (Includes utilities!)

SHOWN DAILY BARR REAL ESTATE, INC. 217-356-1873 www.BARR-RE.com Quiet 1BR 616 Healey. $420 3526101 Safe street, modern, 1 block from Linclon and Green. 1 Br ,kitchen, living room, study, parking, $475/mo. Available August. 3673530, leave message.

THE GEORGIAN 1005 S. SIXTH, C Aug 2006. Next to UI Library. 1 bedrooms from $540/mo. Laundry, Window A/C, Carpet. Shown 7 days a week.

BARR REAL ESTATE, INC. 356-1873 www.barr-re.com

304 E. Clark, C Castle Apartments 3 blocks to Engineering Quad. 3 BR $725, 4 BR $950. C/A, ceiling fan, dishwasher, washer/dryer in unit.

384-1099, Castle_Apt@insightbb.com 2 bedrooms. $1380/mo. 21st floor on the Tower at Third. rymarczy@uiuc.edu.

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APARTMENTS

A GIRL PHONED ME THE OTHER DAY AND SAID .... COME ON OVER, THERE’S NOBODY HOME.

420

Furnished

APARTMENTS

430

Unfurnished

APARTMENTS

430

Unfurnished

217-239-6677 10 Bedroom on campus. 805 W. Oregon, large bedrooms, 3 kitchens, 5 baths, plenty of parking. $3000. 3900313 Green & Grove Furnished 5 bedroom, 2 bath, W/D, 2 kitchens. Newly remodeled, painted, carpeted, appliances. $1500/mo.

210 S. Grove, Urbana. 841-4382 or 841-4383.

2017 S. Vawter, U. Small, quiet 2 BR apt. Available early August. Includes parking, on-site laundry, $450/mo.

Campo Rental Agency 344-1927

CAMPUS GROUP HOUSE 313 W. White, C. 6 BR, 2 BA, limited parking, partially furnished, NO PETS. $1,700. www.ppmrent.com 351-1800

205 E. HEALEY, C

3 BEDRM TOWNHOUSE, 1450 SF, Quiet, 1.5 bath, CA, DW, family room, campus bus, patio, $850, 3981998 511 W. Washington, C 2.5 Bedroom avail August 1. All appliances plus washer and dryer. Offstreet parking. No pets. 217-7788894.

722 S. BROADWAY, U.

Aug 2006. 1 bdrm apts close to Campus. Window A/C. Rents $430/mo. Shown 7 days/wk.

BARR REAL ESTATE, INC 356-1873 www.barr-re.com Available Aug unfurnished 2 bedroom apt near Lincoln Square. Rent negotiable. Call Simon 356-8836.

Convenient to campus & downtown, old town Champaign, 1 & 2 BR’s, available starting June, July & August. From $380/mo.Call 352-8540, or see: www.faronproperties.com

3 BEDRM TOWNHOUSE, 1450 SF, Quiet, 1.5 bath, CA, DW, Family Room, Campus Bus, Patio, $850, 398-1998 Available now. Efficiency apartment.

Spacious, quiet neighborhood. $268/mo. (217)379-4890.

New apartment building near John and First. Just opened, 1 BR, unfurnished, but includes W/D, dishwasher, stove, refrigerator, $700/month, available fall. Call 356-1407.

One large bedroom apartment. $425. Close to campus. (217)8962347

SUBLETS

440

1 BR in 4 BR apt. 408/mo, negotiable. 1 year 630-205-8062.

1102 W. Stoughton 1 BR in 3 BR apartment. Fully furnished. $340/mo. + utilities. One block from Siebel. (630)234-1786, bbeamer@uiuc.edu.

Campus Connection 1 BR in 3 BR Apartment all females. Aug 1st, $456/mo plus 550 gift card, $200 cash and mini-fridge. (708)567-4083 or (708)937-5293.

430

Quiet 1BR 616 W. Healey. Free parking, water $400- 420 352-6101

420

510

2 and 4 Bedroom Meticulous condition, attached garage, laundry with washer and dryer. cherry and hickory kitchen cabinets. ceramic and marble baths, oak floors, Levelor blinds, central air, maintenance free yard. 359-4652.

Unfurnished

Furnished

2 bedroom house on campus for Fall 2006. 367-6626.

APARTMENTS Furnished

$335 Room in house 454-9976 http://tinyurl.com/hph9y

GRAD STUDENTS looking for roommates to share deluxe furnished 5 bedroom, 3 bath home at 607 W. Green, Champaign. $350 + utilities. Ted 766-5108.

3 bedroom house, quiet Champaign location, close to busline. 1921 Southwood Dr. W/D. $850. 6370806.

Two bedrooms. $575/mo. Close to campus. (217)896-2347.

Large 4 BR, 3 BA. Close to campus.

A/C. W/D. $1400/mo.

(217)368-1838.

Off-campus 4 bedroom house. 707 E. Illinois. $1200/mo, Steve 3695877.

3 BR off-campus. Off-street parking.

W/D hookup. Champaign One small dog. $750/mo. 649-9708.

Available now and for Fall. Shared deluxe furnished 4 BR., 2 bath apartment at 3rd & Clark. $225/mo. + utilities. Ted 7665108.

Female roommate wanted. Quiet furnished house near campus. 4174514. benorris@uiuc.edu Law student seeking 2 roommates to share 3 BR, 1 BA house. Fully furnished/ large back and front yard, A/C. August- August $345/mo. plus utilities each.

Visit cuapt.shorturl.com and call Sam B. (847)293-3900.

APARTMENTS Furnished

420

Male graduate student seeks roommate for 2 BR. Two blocks from campus. Must be LGBT-friendly. $350/mo. plus utilities. Aug 18- Aug. 217-274-0207 Roommate for 3 BR House, Great location. $450 incl util. Male, available now! (217)766-6893 Roommate to share nice 3.5 BR house near Prospect and Daniel, W/D, A/C yard parking. $490/mo plus utilities Melanie, 403-1965.

Roommates needed for nice house!

See: http://www.tinyurl.com/c8462

APARTMENTS

420

Furnished

ankier

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WPGU 107.1 Your Radio Station www.wpgu.com APARTMENTS

420

Furnished

partments

www.bankierapts.com

Choice 1,2 & 3 Bedrooms for Fall

High speed internet access/Ethernet

Laundry facilities, many with washer/ dryer in unit Dishwasher/Microhood Balconies Intercom Entry Parking 24 hour emergency maintenance

SEE THE DIFFERENCE Mon-Sat (217) 328-3770

GREAT CAMPUS LOCATIONS! LOCATIONS!

3, 4 and 5 BR, campus and off-campus. Reasonable rates. Please call 390-9536 or 398-5946 Large 4 Bedroom. Free parking, free W/D, $1460/mo. Real Estate Professionals, 417-5539.

Other Rentals 500 HOUSES

APARTMENTS

ROOMMATE WANTED 550

•

Great loft apartment. 1 bedroom.

Furnished or unfurnished. Price neg.

Call Elizabeth 217-363-1744

Old Town Champaign

APARTMENTS

ROOMMATE WANTED 550

1 in 2 Bedroom, great location 2 blocks off Green. $500/mo negotiable. (217)497-0384.

2 BR Very luxurious Condo in West Champaign. Water, trash paid.

Swimming pool and Club house. $1050/mo. 217-766-2245.

3 BEDRM TOWNHOUSE, 1450 SF, Quiet, 1.5 bath, CA, DW, family room, campus bus, patio, $850, 3981998

510

907 E. California, Urbana. 1 BR, 1 BA. $410/mo

1 BLOCK FROM LINCOLN Eff & 1 BR’s w/pkg, laundry $365 - $610/mo.

Avail Fall The Weiner Companies, Ltd. 384-8018 www.weinercompanies.com

Aug 2006. Huge 1 bdrm apts. Window A/C, Ethernet available. Parking $40/mo. Rent starts at $495/mo.

Shown 7 days/wk.

BARR REAL ESTATE, INC 356-1873 www.barr-re.com

HOUSES

Aug. 0 3

420

APARTMENTS Furnished

1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 10

420

Safe street, new listing, completely updated, furnished, 4 bedroom, 1 block from Lincoln & Green, Central Air, Fireplace, Living, Dining, Kitchen, W/D. Available August, no pets.

367-3530. $1400/mo.

ROOMS

1 BR in 4 BR apartment. $350/mo.

367-6626.

CAMPUS. Quality large furnished room in house. Share kitchen, laundry, utilities. On busline $255.

(217)356-0345.

Bedroom Apartments

For August, 230/mo 217-560-2586.

Some with washers and driers in each unit! All are five minutes from the Quad.

A place and price for everyone!

344-0700

Rooms: $400, 2 blocks east of campus. 5 month lease available. 888445-5464, www.4illini.com.

512 E. Green St.

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$AVE A BUNDLE 5 or 10 MONTH LEASE 804 W. OREGON SPACIOUS, FURNISHED BEDROOMS FOR FALL 2006. NEWLY REDECORATED. ALL UTILITIES INCLUDED. KITCHEN PRIVILEGES, LAUNDRY, PARKING, HISPEED INTERNET. 217-367-0956

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www.illinimedia.com

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PARKING/STORAGE

570

Campus Parking available for August. 351-8900

RealEstateforSale 600 CONDOS/DUPLEXES

620

1 bedroom duplex, close to campus. $540/mo. 806 S. Prairie, Champaign. 637-0806

APARTMENTS

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I WENT OVER ... NOBODY WAS HOME.

420

Furnished

CONDOS/DUPLEXES

620

2 bedroom 2 bathroom brand new condo in Myra Ridge in Urbana.

1150 sq. ft. blinds, washer/dryer included. 2 car garage Monthly rent $1200. (217)722-0211 or (217)3370235 1 Bedroom duplex. Quiet Champaign neighborhood. 310 N. Carson. $425. 637-0806.

CONDOS/DUPLEXES

Duplex 2 BR Garage W/D great backyard, near old farm $800/mo (217)778-2060.

SW Champaign large 3 BR 2.5 bath $775. Available August, excellent credit & references required 3671406.

Furnished

420

630

HOUSES For Sale

5 Br, 4.5 bath, hardwood floors, ceramic tiles, granite tops, jacuzzi, 3 car garage, full basement, $430,000.

Open Sat & Sun 2-4pm. 217-3282130.

Things to Do 700 VACATION/TRAVEL

APARTMENTS Furnished

420

APARTMENTS Furnished

420

730

WWW.READBUZZ.COM

APARTMENTS

Illio

Spring Break, Mazatlan 2 bedroom/ 6 person condo. Make an offer. 7146627.

Check Out illio.illinimedia.com

3 bedroom duplex plus basement, fenced yard, garage. C/A, DW, W/D. Great location. $800. 359-6042.

APARTMENTS

620

illio.illinimedia.com

430

APARTMENTS

APARTMENTS

430

Unfurnished

Unfurnished

420

Furnished

HOUSES

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Aug. 0 3

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512 E. Green Champaign, IL INTRO | A ROUND TOWN | L ISTEN, HEAR | CU CALENDAR | STAGE, S CREEN &

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217.377.3116 sounds from the scene

19

the stinger

kim rice & kate ruin DOIN’ IT WELL

Can we touch ourselves too much?

Masturbation: healthy or compulsive?

jonesin CROSSWORD PUZZLE

“Not So Great”--water you looking at?

Across 1 L times VI 4 Phone feature 8 Throws out of the game 14 ROFLMAO, but milder 15 Golfer Aoki 16 1988 Sean Penn and Robert Duvall gang movie 17 Taunt to a basketball player who hasn’t made a shot all day?

20 Co-owner of the Fix-It Shop on “Sesame Street” 21 Jeremy of “Entourage” 22 “It’s all ___!”

23 “99 Luftballons” singer

24 Chris who was Mr. Big on “Sex and the City” 28 UK rock band with the double entendre song “Pink Thing” 29 Complaint to a clumsy dance partner?

32 Bass serving place 33 Less Than Jake genre 34 Drop ___ (moon) 35 With 39-across, angry threat?

39 See 35-across 41 Oscar-nominated actor Bruce 42 54-across’s rank: abbr.

44 Year in the Yucatan (or something else without the tilde) 45 The heebie-jeebies?

48 Tiny tee sizes: abbr.

51 Cabbage Patch, e.g.

4 Chipper greeting 5 “El ___” (1998 Soul Coughing album) 6 “Time After Time” singer 7 Pizza chain whose logo has three dots 8 “___ homo” (“behold the man”) 9 “Heeeeeeeeere’s ____!” (“The Shining” line) 10 “Hostel” director Roth 11 Gear tooth 12 Syllable before “la la” 13 ID to guard from identity theft 18 Uninspired Father’s Day gift 19 Donald Trump’s daughter 23 Sexually ready 25 Lesser ___ evils 26 Corrida opponent 27 Late Blind Melon lead singer Shannon 29 “Ben-___” 30 The day after hoy 31 “Super” primary day: abbr.

32 Group of experts 35 Lofty poem 36 Bill Gates, snarkily 37 Small jazz combo 38 Verdi reworking of a Shakespeare classic 52 Actress Turner 40 Part of ESL 53 Way off base?

54 North of the Iran-Contra 43 “Does she...or doesn’t she?” brand hearings 46 Like some arrange56 Barrel’s partner ments 57 With 65-across, take the 47 Existing easy road?

48 1980s fad around 62 Attack, like a cat wrists 63 European city known for 49 Godzilla combatant being expensive 50 Comes down hard 64 TV part 53 Kennel noise 65 See 57-across 55 ___-Brite (Hasbro toy) 66 Word in a locker 56 Form a scab combination 57 Univ.

67 Is sick with 58 Ending for spat or form 59 ___ de deux Down 60 Cries of disgust 1 High point of the ride?

2 Chevy model named after 61 Will Ferrell’s shortest movie title an element 3 Healing D&D character Answers pg. 18 class

Dear Kim & Kate: Isn’t masturbation harmful when the man/ woman replaces their partner with self-serving?

What about sexual addictions? Think of all the Sex Addicts?

-J. Dear J. Thanks for your question! We think this is a topic many people wonder about, and we have found it difficult to address in an 800-word column. The reason: sex addiction, like all addictions, is complex. Not one single behavior defines sex addiction, nor can one single factor identify the cause.

We want to be very clear that masturbation is healthy and normal, and allows us to learn about our bodies, and our sexuality. Masturbation is NOT what causes sex addiction. The majority of people masturbate.

In the late 1940s and early 1950s A lfred Kinsey first published results of over 15 years of research in human sexual behavior. His studies revealed that approximately 95% of males and 60% of females had masturbated.

The National Health and Social Life Survey and other research conducted conf irm that between 48-95% of people masturbate.

Masturbation has been found in all societies.

Most people who masturbate do not become addicted to either masturbation or sex.

To answer the second part of your question, it is estimated that about 6% of the population suffers from sex addiction. Based on the research, it is not the act of masturbation that leads to sex addiction. If it did there would be a whole lot more folks who have this issue.

Wrong-wingers, religious fundamentalists and other moral groups often instill fear, shame and guilt by falsely promoting that by masturbating, we run the risk of out of control sex addiction.

When we become sexually active we have the capacity to become sexually compulsive however, the vast majority of us will not. When we start eating, we have the capacity to become compulsive eaters. When we start shopping, we have the capacity to shop compulsively. There is nothing inherent in the act of masturbation itself that increases its addictive quality.

If you are capable of communicating your desires, boundaries and expectations with your partner(s), masturbation can be a healthy component of any relationship. Some couples masturbate together as part of sex play. Many people in relationships still masturbate alone.

Masturbation can also be a healthy alternative when one partner does not want to, or cannot have sex (due to illness, post pregnancy, etc.).

Masturbation in this way is healthy. Masturbating compulsively and hiding it from your partner out of shame may indicate a problem.

WHY DO PEOPLE GET ADDICTED TO SEX? As with all addictions, it is difficult to pinpoint an exact cause. To put it in simple terms, a person is using sex as their “drug of choice.” This means

sounds from the scene

that a person is engaged in a compulsive pattern of sexual behavior as a way to block, numb or avoid pain or uncomfortable feelings. People who are addicted to sex use sexual behaviors as a coping mechanism to deal with the pain in their lives.

Usually they are not consciously aware of the emotional pain that they are trying to numb or block. Even if a person never masturbated, once they became sexually active, if they are predisposed to sex addiction, they would most likely act out sexually in some other way (compulsively viewing pornography, online sex, affairs, visiting sex workers, etc.).

WHAT IS SEX ADDICTION? Sex addiction is a pattern of compulsive sexual behaviors. Some key features are: • It progresses (you need more to get the “fix”) • It controls your life • You feel powerless over your sexual behavior • You wish to stop, yet repeatedly fail to do so • You suffer consequences because of your compulsive behavior (work difficulties, arrests, financial problems, despair, loss of interest in non-sexual things, loss of relationships).

Sex Addiction, like other compulsive behaviors, has a negative affect on self, self-esteem, and interpersonal relationships. A person does not feel in control to choose to masturbate (or engage in some other sexual behavior) or to choose not to.

They feel trapped in the cycle of their behavior.

SEX 411 If you are with a partner, a healthy sex life involves open, honest communication. If you feel your partner is masturbating or acting out sexually in another way that makes you uncomfortable, talk openly with them about it!

Remember: • You may feel a partner masturbates more than you want them to. This does not mean they are addicted to masturbation or sex. It also does not mean you should suppress your feelings and desires. If you are feeling there are issues in your relationship that need to be addressed, definitely address them!

• Be careful of “treatments” for sex addiction, as many of them are shame based and designed by religious fundamentalists to discourage normal, healthy sexual thoughts and behaviors.

• For more information check out the National Council on Sexual Addiction and Compulsivity: ncsac.org

Kim Rice and Kate Ruin are professional sex educators. To see your sex question featured in buzz write to riceandruin@yahoo.com

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ALL OTHER NATIONS ARE DRINKING RAY CHARLES BEER AND WE ARE DRINKING BARRY MANILOW.

August 3

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A u g u s t 9 , 2 oo 6

free will astrology AUG. 03 — AUG. 09 ARIES

March 21 – April 19

LIBRA

Sept. 23 – Oct.22

SCORPIO

Oct. 23 – Nov. 21

S AG I T TA R I U S

Nov. 22 – Dec. 21

Reading this horoscope could not only stimulate waves of pleasurable endorphins in your brain, it may also fine-tune your immune system, increase your calorie-burning power, promote relaxation of the smooth muscles of the digestive tract, enlarge any part of your body you want to enlarge, and cut down the risk of heart disease, diabetes, and delusions about romance. To activate the potential health benefits contained herein, all you have to do is love everyone and everything with more compassionate ingenuity and playful zeal than you ever have before.

Pulitzer Prize-winning writer Elizabeth Bishop was determined to let each of her poems fully ripen before she published it.

Rather than give her gifts to the world prematurely, she was willing to wait decades to make sure she had truly captured their diamond essence. I hope you’re prepared to be as patient, Libra. You’ve been gestating a valuable labor of love, and it deserves to be blessed with the lavish totality of your careful attention before being unleashed.

T A U RU S

The Colorado state legislature tried to pass a law requiring public schools to put wholesome food in their vending machines.

But the governor vetoed the bill, declaring that schools need the revenue from nutrient-free chips, sodas, and candy bars to finance their sports programs. Besides, he said, kids would much rather snack on junk food than the healthful fare. If you’re faced with a similar choice this week--whether to do what’s good for you or else indulge your vices and seek out meaningless experiences that provide no fulfillment--please go for the former option. The astrological omens suggest that this is a turning point, for better or worse, in your relationship with your bad habits.

April 20 – May 20

Writing in the San Francisco Chronicle, columnist Jon Carroll told the story of educational activist Diane Mintz. When she began tutoring elementary school kids in the Bay Area’s poorest neighborhoods, she was shocked to realize how thoroughly poverty had shrunken their horizons. Many had never glimpsed the Golden Gate Bridge, a wonder of the world that’s a few miles from their homes. Some didn’t even know this marvel existed.

“Their mental map of their larger community was pinched and drab,” wrote Carroll. On occasion, those of us who aren’t so destitute suffer from a similar diminishment. For example, I suspect that many of you Tauruses are in danger of letting your vistas dwindle right now. As a pre-emptive antidote, I suggest you make pilgrimages to beautiful people and intriguing sights and exhilarating places that blow your mind in the best ways.

GEMINI

May 21 – June 20

Ocean Dome is a huge indoor beach and water park on an island in Japan. Fabricated to create the ideal seaside conditions, it features artificial white sand and machine-generated waves that are high enough to surf. Air and water temperatures never waver from a comfortable range. There’s an amusing irony about the place, though: Less than 1,000 feet away from its metal facade, there’s an actual ocean and beach. Does this remind you of any situation in your own life, Gemini? It should.

In my opinion, you’d get more enjoyment out of the real thing than the synthetic substitute.

In 1993, my American friend Mark started playing music on the streets of Copenhagen. His parents regarded it as a tragedy.

“This is what you do with the fine education we bought you?” they mourned. “What a waste!” grumbled his siblings and college friends. Mark was hurt, but didn’t shrink from his mission, eventually expanding his open-air performances to Ireland and Holland. Thirteen years later, Mark has accumulated so much wealth from his gig that he has been able to buy homes in Ireland and Hawaii. Though he still busks part-time, he spends nine months of the year writing books. He’s your patron saint in the coming weeks, Sagittarius. May he inspire you to follow your dreams no matter how much that bothers the people who think they own you.

CANCER

June 21 – July 22

CAPRICORN

Dec. 22 – Jan. 19

AQUA R I U S

Jan. 20 – Feb. 18

Thanks for being one of the 9.4 million readers who are making 2006 another record-breaking year for Free Will Astrology.

The number of people turning to this column for guidance and amusement continues to climb. My Google ranking among astrology sites on the Web is holding steady at sixth in the world. Recently I also received the coveted Nostradamus Lifetime Achievement Award for Prophecy and Divination.

Should I therefore ask for more money from everyone who publishes my column? I’ve decided against that because--surprise!--I’m quite happy with how everything’s going. You, on the other hand, should think about raising your rates. Those of us who are born under the sign of Cancer the Crab are in a phase when it makes sense to acknowledge our accomplishments and make sure we’re being compensated properly for them.

LEO

July 23 – Aug. 22

“Sometimes it’s not how good you are but how bad you want it,” read the t-shirt of a guy buying a lottery ticket at the convenience store. While I don’t think he was making the best use of that philosophy--playing a game of chance heavily weighted against his success--I do think it’s a principle worth meditating on, especially for you right now, Leo. Your skill and understanding are certainly not irrelevant as you push to the next level of your quest, but they are less important than the intensity of your longing.

VIRGO

Aug. 23 – Sept. 22

“If you are going through hell, keep going,” said Winston Churchill. Let that advice be your inspiration in the coming week, Virgo. But wait: Before you jump to conclusions about what I’m saying, know this: Your tests and trials will be far, far less hellish than the ordeals Churchill faced as he led England through World War II. It’s true that you may feel a bit tortured in the heat of the moment, though. So don’t you dare slow down to feel sorry for yourself or scream at the chaosmakers. Keep plodding forward, secure in my assurance that you’ll cross the border and exit out of the infernal regions well before you’re exhausted.

Are you a force of nature right now, or are you a freak of nature?

I think the truth is that you’re a freaky force of nature. You’re just about as anomalous as it’s possible for a Capricorn to get, and yet you’ve also got the equivalent of a thunderstorm’s energy at your command. The funny thing is, the two factors are related. Your eccentricity is feeding your power, and vice versa.

My advice is to refrain from questioning and worrying about this unusual state of affairs, and instead just capitalize on the odd advantages you have at your disposal.

This is a favorable time for you to conjure up an imaginary friend who also happens to be a muse. You can pretend that he or she is perfectly real, just invisible. Or you can fantasize that he or she is a mostly buried part of you that you rarely express, or maybe your ideal of what a friend should be. I urge you to give this ally a name. Visualize his or her vivid personality and appearance in detail. See the world through his or her eyes.

Have dialogues, exchange confidential information, hold hands, and soak up the balm of your tender communion.

PISCES

Feb. 19 – March 20

Some of the most gorgeous animals on the planet are also the most toxic to eat, writes Carol Kaesuk Yoon in The New York Times. Iridescent butterflies and fluorescent frogs are among the beauties that fit this description. Many are downright poisonous, and others are just plain foul-tasting. Keep that in mind as a helpful metaphor during the coming weeks, Pisces.

Attractive people and enticing invitations may not always be what they seem. Sometimes they may be exactly what they seem, however, which is why it’s so important for you to be exceedingly discriminating. Enjoy the view for a while and get a sense of what’s beneath the surface before you taste them.

Homework: Imagine you have time-traveled to one of your favorite places in the year 2020. What do you see? Tell me at http://www.freewillastrology.com.

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