What Does It Mean To Be
Backing Each Other When It’s Time To Quit Layne Beachley:
EMPOWERING WOMEN
Etsy Discover Unique Items
SHOP NOW
6
Contents Layne Beachley: Empowering Women Through Positivity
9
When It’s Time To Quit
13
Putting Health And Family First: Trip From Farm To Freedom
17
What Does It Mean To Be Happy?
20
How Decluttering Frees You Up
22
Natalie Sisson: Make Every Day Your Perfect Day
26
Do Men And Women Tackle Resistance Differently?
30
Case Study: Backing Each Other
33
Routine: How It Leads To Greater Freedom
35
Elanya van Heerden: Pushing Through To The Silver Lining
ALL RIGHTS RESERVED Reference to any specific commercial product, process, or services by trade name, trademark, manufacturer, or otherwise, does not constitute or imply its endorsement or recommendation by READ PUBLISHING. Links outside of this publication are provided for user convenience and do not constitute or imply endorsement, recommendation, or favouring by READ PUBLISHING. The publisher or any of the editors, writers or contributors will not accept responsibility or liability for the correctness of information or opinions expressed in the publication. All material submitted is at the owners risk and while every care will be taken the publisher does not accept liability for loss or damage. No person, organization or party can copy or re-produce the content on this site and or magazine or any part of this publication without a written consent from the editors’ panel and the author if the content, as applicable. The publisher, authors and contributors reserve their rights with regards to copyright of their work. Advertising Enquiries:
Published By:
Distributed By:
Designed By:
READ PUBLISHING
READ PUBLISHING
READ PUBLISHING
READ PUBLISHING
Contributors NATALIE SISSON
Natalie Sisson is an entrepreneur, No #1 Bestselling author, speaker, triathlete and lifelong learner, who’s on a mission to show you how to tap into your true potential, get paid to be you and create a purpose-driven life and business. nataliesisson.com
BROCK BASTIAN
Brock is a Professor in the School of Psychological Sciences at the University of Melbourne. Brock’s research seeks to understand the link between ethical behaviour and personal well-being, and why this link is critical to meaning and fulfillment in life. He has published more than 100 peer-reviewed journal articles and book chapters. His work has been featured in outlets such as The Economist, The New Yorker, TIME, New Scientist, Scientific American, Harvard Business Review, and The Huffington Post, among many others. brockbastian.com
LAYNE BEACHLEY
Widely regarded as the most successful female surfer in history. The only surfer, male or female, to claim six consecutive world titles (1998-2003). Layne then went on to win a 7th world title in 2006 before retiring from the ASP World Tour in 2008. Now as a motivational speaker, trainer and mentor, Layne inspires individuals and teams to become the champion of their own life and achieve sustained success. Her exploits are astounding, her attitude unwavering and her achievements inspirational. laynebeachley.com
KELLY WARREN
Kelly and Glenn Warren sold up their dairy farm and with renewed passion and purpose, the family set off on the the road to make their dreams a reality. With a plan to nurture what was truly important – their health, their happiness and each other, they headed west in their Airstream Caravan and filled their days with exploring the country and spending time together. They began, One Lazy Sunday, offering a boutique Airstream caravan as accommodation, luxuriously customised to the guests’ needs and wants – all while they lived the dream travelling Australia. onelazysunday.com.au
Editor’s Note Jo Wilson Hi, my name is Jo Wilson and I am so excited to bring this magazine to you. The idea behind our magazine is to bring world class contributors AND everyday people who have travelled a similar road to you and made it through or maybe they haven’t made it yet, but they are trying. The current world we live in bombards us with so much information from every angle, it is hard to sort through and find what makes sense to you. Hopefully we can do this for you, with stories from everyday heroes like Alberto and Maebelle to the likes of Layne Beachley and Brock Bastian. Each of them carry many words or wisdom and maybe a set back or two. We would love to hear what you think of the magazine. YOU could be our next hero! #Youvegotthis
Jo
Layne Beachl e y : w e o r i p n g m wom E
en th rough positivity
Layne Beachley AO has achieved success in ways many of us could only dream. Beginning her surfing career at just 16, Layne progressed through the pro circuit to claim six consecutive world titles between 1998 and 2003, then another in 2006. Incredibly, Layne returned to surfing after a 10year retirement to claim a masters world title in 2018 as the first female winner of the WSL World Masters Championship. The first years of her surfing career were tough, struggling financially and becoming increasingly exhausted from working long hours and fitting in her much-loved sport. She found herself in prolonged periods of self-doubt, culminating in depression and chronic fatigue. This testing time of her life became a pivotal point from which to learn and grow. Inspired by her own journey, Layne set up her foundation Aim for the Stars, where she has provided financial 6
w ww.resistan cem ag azi n e. co m
support and mentoring to young women to help them achieve their dreams. Over the 15-year lifetime of the program, over 500 girls have been given the opportunity to reach their goals and make a positive impact on their communities. The program ended this year with five supercharged grants to worthy nominees, totalling almost $1M in grants. In 2015, Layne was awarded an Officer of the Order of Australia for her unwavering support for a range of charities, for her dedication as a leading women’s mentor, and for her surfing success. Also, that year Layne was appointed Chairperson of Surfing Australia, becoming the first former female World Champion of any sport to take on the role of Chairperson in a national sporting organisation. In her spare time, she is a proud ambassador or Planet Ark, R U OK? And the Laureus Sport For Good Foundation. Through all of her inspirational
Get out of your own way
achievements, what has propelled Layne forward from her early doubts is her winning attitude and ability to completely back herself, no matter what hurdles she faces. Like all of us, Layne still experiences tough times, but with the right support, tools to help her and a commitment to a positive mindset, she has always come through the other side to shine once again. Now as a public speaker, influencer, mentor and trainer, Layne thrives on sharing her positivity, knowledge and experience with others to empower them to similarly achieve their own ultimate success. Layne’s primary advice is to “get out of your own way”; “There are many reasons why women fail to back themselves and ultimately, I believe it all comes down to two main themes; comparison and lack of acceptance. If you are comparing yourself to others or other versions of yourself, you will never feel good enough and struggle to have the confidence to back yourself. “Similarly, if you fail to accept the current state of play and find yourself w w w.re s i s ta n c ema g a z i n e.c om
7
projecting into the future or reflecting into the past, you are causing prolonged pain, suffering and frustration because you are not taking the time to deal with what is right in front of you. Stay in the moment and give it the attention it needs and deserves to ensure you produce the best possible outcome.” Layne also recommends meditation to help build resilience and create space to process any fears or situations that are causing stress. Meditation is a fantastic tool to reframe situations in our own mind and bring you back to a much more logical, calm and centred state. Another effective tool Layne suggests is gratitude journaling. Taking a few minutes in your self-care routine to sit quietly and jot down a few things each day that you are grateful for is a wonderful way to bring back a positive mindset and have you feeling calmer and more in control. Do this with purpose, intent and conviction, rather than just going through the motions. “Recent research in happiness suggests you need to include why you are grateful to truly feel grounded in gratitude and change your emotions,” Layne also suggests. Finding activities that bring you joy is also extremely important to achieving balance in your life and long-term wellbeing. For Layne, naturally, it has always been surfing. “It brings me so much joy, happiness and balance and it makes me feel healthy and connected. When I’m out
8
w ww.resistan cem ag azi n e. co m
of sorts, the ocean or nature is the first place I revert back to.” If you are still struggling to have confidence within yourself and trust your gut instincts, Layne recommends confiding in a partner or like-minded women who understand you and will listen without judgement. “My husband or a close girlfriend are who I always turn to in times of pain and suffering because they listen without judgement and provide me with the safety, time and support to process whatever I am going through. You can’t change what you can’t see so having the courage to shine a light on the darkness is the first step to overcoming all struggle.” Layne continues her work as a mentor, role model and public speaker, travelling the globe to inspire others to truly back themselves and never stop striving for their own personal success. “As a speaker I am motivated and invested in helping people help themselves. Through my public speaking, workshops, executive mentoring and personal relationships, I’m committed to helping people fulfil their potential and be the champion of their life.” She will be launching her first public online course this year and has many more exciting opportunities on the horizon. To read more about Layne Beachley, visit laynebeachley.com
Learning when to walk away from something is one of life’s hardest lessons. Most of us, especially women, are innately programmed to try and make things work, to figure things out and to just keep going – regardless of the personal cost. But there comes a time in life when a clear line needs to be drawn in the sand and when you have to allow yourself to walk away from things that are not making you happy. A time to understand that walking away does not equal failure.
In fact learning when to quit something that is making you unhappy could actually be your greatest success story. Whether its resigning from a job that is unfulfilling, ending a toxic relationship or learning to say no to an event or project because you are already over committed - knowing when to let go and when to say “No” can be overwhelming, it can be complicated but it can also be NECESSARY!
w w w.re s i s ta n c ema g a z i n e.c om
9
When it’s time to quit your job Making the decision to quit a job can be hugely scary – especially if you don’t have another job to go to. It is not a decision to take lightly but here are some key signals that indicate if you should consider resigning: • You dread going to work: Everyone can have a bad day at the office but if you are finding yourself regularly dreading getting out of bed to go to work then you might consider that things need to change. • Your health is suffering: Are you working so hard that your work/ life balance is out of sink and you are neglecting healthy eating and exercise? Are you resorting to a few drinks each night in order to cope with the bad day at work you just had or are you looking for excuses to take a sick day so you simple don’t have to face another day at work? If you are doing any or all of the above regularly then you need to reassess. • You find yourself constantly complaining about work: Everyone is allowed to have a good vent from time to time but if you are finding yourself constantly complaining about work and colleagues then it might be time for a change. • There is no room for advancement: If there is no room for career growth and advancement then it might be time to change jobs to one where you have the possibility to learn and develop new skills.
10
w ww.resistan cem ag azi n e. co m
• The work environment is toxic: A negative work environment can drag you down and extinguish your enthusiasm for your job and career. If your co-workers and boss are constantly complaining and are unhappy chances are you are too and its time to move on. • You can’t speak up: Every worker should be able to feel confident and safe to politely voice his or her views and opinions. If your workplace is oppressive and you don’t feel comfortable in ‘speaking up’ its time to look for new job. • The company culture is not a good fit for you: Every company has a different work culture, expectations and standards. If your work culture is not a good fit for your working style and personal needs then its best to find an alternative that is. • You are constantly justifying staying in your job: If you are finding yourself making up reasons and excuses as to why your staying in a job then you are definitely ready to move on. When its time to quit a relationship Regardless of the level of a relationship – whether it is intimate or plutonic there are certain relationships that are not healthy. When you find yourself in one of these then it can often be very difficult to break ties. Here are some of the telling signs that it is time to call it quits on a relationship:
A negative work environment can drag you down and extinguish your enthusiasm for your job and career.
w w w.re s i s ta n c ema g a z i n e.c om
11
for you and actively listen to you. If they don’t then chances are they are not as invested in the relationship as they should be. • You are putting in all the work: Relationships are a two way street. If you are the one doing all the chasing and making all the compromises – then stop!
• Trust is broken: Trust is the most important factor in any and every relationship. Nothing weakens a relationship more than deceit. • You change when you are in their company: If you ever feel that you need to be “different” when you are in the company of another person then this is a tell tale sign that the relationship is dysfunctional. Healthy relationships are built on the foundation that you should be comfortable, at ease and completely true to yourself when you are in each other’s company. • You feel negative or ‘down’ after spending time with them: A positive relationship should make you feel great. Spending time with that person should make you feel stronger, better and more uplifted. If you find yourself in a relationship where you feel constantly sad or down around a person then it might be time to walk away. • They don’t actively listen to you: A person that values and respects their relationship with you will make time 12
w ww.resistan cem ag azi n e. co m
• You are constantly being disappointed: If you can’t depend upon a person and they are regularly letting you down then it is very difficult to have a functional and healthy relationship with them. Consistency and dependability are key components to prosperous relations. Saying goodbye is never easy whether it’s to a job or to a relationship but sometimes it is absolutely necessary in order to maintain your own mental health and emotional wellbeing. Take time to weigh up the pros and cons of any individual situation but don’t be frightened to make a break if you feel that your future happiness and fulfilment depends on it. Giving up on something toxic is not a mistake or a failure. Putting yourself and your needs and happiness first will be your greatest success!
Putting Health And Family First: From Farm To Freedom
w w w.re s i s ta n c ema g a z i n e.c om
13
Kelly Warren and her husband Glenn began their family life just like many others. Glenn worked long hours in his chosen profession, as a dairy farmer, while Kelly juggled part-time work in events management with running a household of six.
the family and the downturn meant they needed to be wary financially. Around this time, Glenn’s friend and mentor, John, became unwell and sadly passed away. The shakeup was unnerving, but they heard the message. It was time to get out and find their freedom.
They were content with their life however always dreamed of how it could be better.
“We always felt like life was so busy when Glenn was farming. Constantly busy, but not feeling like we were reaping the reward for our efforts. At the end of the day, it felt as if everything was steering us toward beginning a new life with a new direction.
They were so busy ‘doing’ their everyday lives that finding that elusive work/life balance seemed impossible. However, fate took over, and two significant events forced their hand into making the decision of a lifetime. The dairy industry faced a crisis, meaning Glenn’s work was becoming increasingly unsustainable. The time he was spending on the farm had begun having a significant negative impact on
“The family worked hard to make their dreams a reality and nurture what was truly important – their health, their happiness and each other.”
14
w ww.resistan cem ag azi n e. co m
“With wise counsel from family, we made the decisions and took action to sell off cattle, machinery and tie up any loose ends. Glenn went back to building (a carpenter by trade) for six months and we confirmed our decision to hit the road,” Kelly said.
So, with renewed passion and purpose, the family worked hard to make their dreams a reality and nurture what was truly important – their health, their happiness and each other. Glenn worked full time as a builder and prepared the house for market on the weekends while Kelly continued her part-time work and simultaneously set up a new business venture that would allow them the balance they needed – One Lazy Sunday. “Websites were built, emails sent, suppliers established and a photoshoot scheduled before Christmas so we had some content for our website and socials. Thrown into the mix…packing up a house that had been sold a week after going to market and running a house of four children with all the beautiful chaos that comes with raising a family!” Kelly said. “It was a very busy, but very exciting time. Looking back, I’m quite surprised about how much we fit into those six months! We are also so grateful for having made the decisions that led us to where we are today as we truly feel like we are living the dream. We love our work; we love where we live, and we love the beautiful balance we’ve managed to create here.” Kelly, Glenn and their four young kids then hit the road, just like they had dreamed. They headed west in their Airstream Caravan and filled their days with exploring the country, meeting new people and spending quality time together. In Kelly’s words, they had found their flow and it no longer felt like they were “swimming against the current”.
While travelling, they had the time and space to continue working on the business Kelly set up before leaving. One Lazy Sunday offers boutique Airstream accommodation, luxuriously customised to the guests’ needs and wants – anywhere they like! “For years we’ve enjoyed camping and the outdoors and we often talked about the ultimate camping set up. After many discussions and a few laughs around the campfire, we concluded that the best set up is one you don’t have to set up or pack up yourself! So that’s what we’ve created for those who love the creature comforts of a hotel but the rawness of nature!” Kelly explained. “It’s pop-up luxe accommodation at its best! We deliver the van and set it up for our guests, packing it down after their stay. The boutique rooms are completely self-contained with queen bed, kitchen, dining area, toilet and hot water shower. Our rooms come with designer linen, towels, on-trend ceramics, organic tea and coffee, outdoor chairs, bikes, the list goes on! We have holding tanks for water and batteries and solar for power so that we can set up in the middle of nowhere! We can even organise an eat-in menu so that meals can be waiting in the fridge for our guests’ arrival!” Kelly and Glenn have managed to create the perfect balance and a life they love! Glenn’s now working fulltime as a builder and Kelly is running their business, One Lazy Sunday. They have created the work-life balance and ultimate in family freedom that they thought was out of the question for so long. They have now expanded w w w.re s i s ta n c ema g a z i n e.c om
15
their fleet with an additional Airstream and have partnered with landowners to offer unique, secluded spaces for guests to enjoy. They also provide a range of products that complement the Airstream getaway through a handpicked online store. Kelly and Glenn’s experience has proved, without a doubt, that freedom for your family is achievable, no matter the circumstances. To help other families looking to break free of the daily grind, Kelly has kindly offered her advice. • Visualise what it is you want I feel like if you want something enough, you will find a way to make it happen. There were times where we heard of other families hitting the road and we were so genuinely happy for them, but would also hope the day would come where it would be our family doing the same. What I didn’t realise is that we had already, in a sense, been visualising that day and, eventually, it became a reality. We are now big believers in visualising what we want. • Know what you want Everyone knows, deep down, what it is that makes them happy. For years we didn’t love the winters (in Victoria) and we always gravitated to the coast for our holidays. Upon reflection and after deciding to settle interstate after our trip, we realised that we had desired this lifestyle for so long. Having our dreams become a reality on more than one occasion gives us confidence that if you wake up grateful for what you have, 16
w ww.resistan cem ag azi n e. co m
work towards your goals and visualise what it is you want, the chances are, it will become a reality at some point! • Have perspective on what is important in life Being grateful makes you happy and turns what you have into enough. This, combined with making time to quiet your mind and trying to be present in all that you do, makes it easier to seek clarity on what it is you want out of life. We began our trip around Australia with a very open mind and open hearts, and for us, this was the right path to take. There were no real obstacles; everything had flow. What we wanted, wanted us back and this has continued for us after our move to Byron Bay, having had a completely seamless transition into a beautiful new community! • Have confidence in your abilities and decisions Did we have some concerns about what next? Not really. Because we have confidence in our ability, we know how to work. We know what we want in life. And we know what’s important - at the end of the day, the health and happiness of our friends and family are all that matters. I suppose you have to be willing to let go of things that don’t matter. To learn more about Kelly and Glenn’s journey, visit their website www.onelazysunday.com.au
or follow them on Facebook @OneLazySunday
What Does It Mean To Be Happy? “As children, we’re taught that the ideal outcome for any story is to live ‘happily ever after.” Happiness - we all want it, and we all believe that it’s the ultimate measure of success. Our life choices and circumstances are often selected by how much they lead us to the happiness we crave. We regret paths we’ve taken that didn’t lead us to it and we make changes in order to have a better chance of getting us there. Our faith in the possibility of reaching happiness is never undeterred.
hours playing Sudoku and any other brain power apps you can download. You are becoming smarter. You are winning Trivial Pursuit and scrabble and you now understand the complex workings of our nervous systems. Unfortunately, you still want to be smarter and are not yet as smart as you thought you might be. So, you learn more and try harder in an effort to reach your goal.
So, can we ever really reach our goal of happiness? Or, is our constant pursuit of happiness leading many of us to experience more sadness?
Now, change that goal to be wanting to be happy. You buy the latest books, repeat positive mantras and journal every evening, yet you are not as happy as you thought you would be. The disappointment tends to make you feel less happy. Less successful in your pursuit. Right?
Let’s look at that idea. Imagine your goal and it is to become smarter, so you enrol in a medical degree, you spend
w w w.re s i s ta n c ema g a z i n e.c om
17
From advertising on billboards and television screens, the promise of happiness is promoted everywhere and on the flipside, melancholy and even everyday malaise is therapised or treated with drugs designed to return people to feeling good. It makes sense that we try to find that elusive emotion, happiness and hang onto it with all we’ve got.
so than happiness. Unpleasant and painful experiences are a part of life, but it is our failure to accept and sit comfortably with these experiences which makes them worse - this is why the pursuit of happiness can often lead to ironic effects. The more we strive for happiness and think we need to avoid pain, sometimes the more pain we end up experiencing.”
Many studies have been done to understand what happiness means to different people, whether it even exists and if happiness is good, then does that make pain bad?
But, pain is good for us, right?
In his search for a new perspective on what makes for a good life, Brock Bastian has studied why we need negative or painful experiences in life to build meaning, purpose, resilience, and ultimately greater fulfilment in life. Professor, Melbourne School of Psychological Sciences at University of Melbourne and author of The Other Side of Happiness, Brock makes the surprising case that pain, difficulty, and risk are necessary to achieve happiness. Is happiness something we can ever really BE? “Yes, of course! We can be happy, but we cannot expect to ALWAYS be happy. It is simply not how we work as humans. In fact, if we were always happy we would not have survived this far in our own lives or throughout evolutionary history as a species. It is our unpleasant and negative emotions which tend to keep us safe. They are incredibly important from a survival perspective, and more 18
w ww.resistan cem ag azi n e. co m
“Yes! But, within limits of course. In the sports and training fields people have spoken about good pain vs. bad pain for some time, but outside of this context pain is often viewed as simply bad. What I have tried to show is that pain is in fact very important for our happiness, for a great many reasons. I think the benefits of pain or its link to our happiness has not received the attention that it should. I have tried to show the various pathways through which painful experiences are likely to lead to greater happiness, so hopefully there is something new in there for everyone.” What do people typically do as soon as they feel unhappy or in emotional pain? “Typically they pay attention to the feeling and then try to work out why it is there - that is what the function of these feelings is supposed to achieve. Physical pain is an alarm signal that something could be wrong, so we should pay attention and work out what might be happening. What people also do, however, is to add secondary emotion to these responses. So they may feel anxious about being anxious, or depressed about feeling depressed,
because somewhere along the way they have decided (or been told) that these are emotional states that should be avoided, that are undesirable, and which may signal a lack of success in their life.”
honouring ourselves in that process. Negative emotions are just as much a part of us as positive ones, so why turn your back on that aspect of yourself? That is a large part of you to cast aside as “unacceptable.”
We asked Brock what he thought about children being programmed to strive for happiness with the many “happily ever after” stories. Here’s what her shared -
Leaning into the icky feelings, allows us to learn from them and to understanding the information that they contain. So, happiness is not the only emotion that brings our life meaning and fulfillment. Pain, suffering, and struggle should not be seen as weakness or failure as they can help us to recognise the good things, make us kinder, focus our thoughts, give our life depth and offer us a deep understanding to ourselves and who we really are.
“It is not helpful and it is not real. Should they aim to build happiness into their lives? Yes! Should they expect they will always be happy, or should they see their negative emotions as a sign they are failing in their goal of being happy? No! It is this second step which trips people up.” We have become masters at hiding and fixing our negative emotions as they arise. We tell each other “you’ll be OK, lighten up, don’t stress, it’ll pass.” We tell others “I’ll be fine, I’ll get over it, don’t worry about me.” All of these typical reactions reaffirm that our negative emotions must be shaken off or moved quickly through to get back to being “good.” They reaffirm that being happy or “good” is the only desirable emotion, which is so damaging to our mental health and our selfacceptance. Step towards your negative emotions and try and understand why they are there. Trying to escape from them or pretending they don;t exist may seem to make them easier to deal with, however, we are not honouring the reason we are having them or
brockbastian.com
w w w.re s i s ta n c ema g a z i n e.c om
19
How Decluttering Frees You Up The idea of decluttering gets thrown around a lot these days, but when you’re busy and barely have time to get a load of washing on or get through your workday, it’s easy to question why you should bother decluttering, too. However, anyone looking for more freedom in their life should be encouraged to declutter, as it can and does change lives. Why declutter? The obvious reason to declutter is to give you more space in your home. You’ll find it easier, with fewer possessions, to clean your house and give everything a place, and you won’t constantly trip over “stuff” in your path. Decluttering gives you more mental space, too. Having piles of possessions everywhere you look drains energy, is stressful, and can be incredibly distracting, particularly if you work from home. Another benefit of decluttering is that it forces you to decide what’s truly important to you. When you decide whether to keep or say goodbye to objects, you become more focused on 20
w ww.resistan cem ag azi n e. co m
your goals, values, and priorities. This bleeds into other areas of your life and can help increase productivity and make it easier for you to get motivated to achieve your dreams. Of course, decluttering also assists with financial freedom. When you find a variety of items you don’t need and sell these off, you make extra money to put into your savings account. Plus, people who regularly declutter are encouraged to stop and think about whether they really want or need something before they buy new goods. After all, once you’ve spent time decluttering, you won’t want to go filling your house straight back up again.
Decluttering can also give you freedom in that, with fewer belongings at home, it’s easier to redecorate or move house when you want to. Plus, you’ll be better able to travel for extended periods or even rent your streamlined, clutter-free house out while you’re away. Tips for Decluttering There are numerous ways to go about decluttering, but many experts recommend either going room by room and concentrating on just one area at a time (or one space within a room as needed), or going through your belongings by type. For example, declutter your sporting equipment, then cooking and eating items, clothing, books, paperwork, toys, then entertainment gear, etc. As you sort through your possessions, think about why you still own something. If you or a family member uses it regularly and/or it “sparks joy” for you, as organisational guru Marie Kondo talks about, keep it. However, if you have things you’re keeping purely because you might use them “one day”, or because they were a gift (even though you don’t like them), it’s probably time to say goodbye. Try only to handle goods once, too. That is, decide on items there and then, rather than putting them in a pile to come back to. Handling things multiple times just makes the process harder and long and drawn out. Don’t box items up and put them in storage to avoid making a decision, either. This retains the clutter, even if it’s more organised and perhaps out of sight most of the time in a storage area.
Be wary of keeping belongings just because they were a bargain buy or because they bring back a memory for you. If you don’t use something, it’s not much of a bargain at all and is best sent on its way. When it comes to memories, remember that you can take photos of possessions for posterity, or choose just a small number of items from a group (such as your child’s toys or drawings) to keep, and part with the rest. Create time to spend on digital decluttering, too. If you’re like most people, you have all sorts of online documents and photos you keep meaning to go through. This is probably nagging at you all the time, so the sooner you can go through it and get organised, the more liberated you will feel. It will also likely help you to think about your goals and finances, which is helpful. Decluttering works best if you get your whole family involved. Get your children to go through their possessions, and help them set up designated spaces for their items to be put away at the end of each day. Explain to them that the toys, books, clothes, etc. they’ve grown out of will be donated to another child in need. Once children see the work involved in decluttering and learn how many things they have when others aren’t so fortunate, they’re usually less wanting in the future. Decluttering can be a big job and one that’s easy to put off. However, by setting yourself a goal to go through your house by a certain date, bit by bit, you’ll soon get through it all and will feel like a burden has been lifted off your shoulders. w w w.re s i s ta n c ema g a z i n e.c om
21
Natalie Sisson:
Make Every Day Your Perfect Day
The term ‘freedom’ holds different meaning for each of us - from not having to set your alarm every morning, or not having to answer to a boss, to being able to pursue that which you love, rather than what you feel you should do. Freedom may also mean having a steady income, being debt-free or the security of having a roof over your head. When it comes to entrepreneurship, freedom rates especially high on the agenda in terms of designing work and life on your own terms. 22
w ww.resistan cem ag azi n e. co m
Natalie Sisson, fondly known as the Suitcase Entrepreneur, believes freedom is a right, not a privilege – and is something EVERYONE can achieve. Her journey began while working in the London corporate scene. She became very successful in her role, but despite working her way up the ladder to a wellpaid, highly regarded management level, she was not happy. “While working in London, I began feeling pretty miserable, not motivated to go to work, and being pretty beaten
down by the bureaucracy and the office politics. As somebody who’s always enjoyed going to work and enjoyed my roles, this was really new to me,” she said. “This feeling was a massive impetus for change, the feeling of not being able to do what I wanted in that job not having the freedom to make change. I felt stuck in the rat race, and I just rebelled against it.” So, Natalie decided enough was enough, this life was not for her. She handed in her notice, sold all her assets and packed a suitcase. She booked a oneway ticket to Canada to play ultimate frisbee and to discover who she was and what she really wanted to do. While in Canada, Natalie met her business partner and co-founded a startup tech company. While this new venture ticked some of her freedom-seeking boxes, it soon became just another job. Eighteen months later, she amicably parted ways with her business partner, and the Suitcase Entrepreneur business was born. “For essentially seven years I ran the Suitcase Entrepreneur business, all based around digital nomads, location independence and how to build an online business while travelling the world. It was fantastic because I was immersed in it myself and became a kind of a pioneer in that space.” After six and a half years living full time out of her suitcase and visiting 70 countries, Natalie’s definition of freedom took on new importance. Her
freedom, up until that point, had meant she was able to live and work anywhere she wanted, but now it also meant she was able to drop everything and pack up her apartment in Portugal to return home when her father became ill. After all her journeys and her unique, evolving definition of freedom, being able to be with those she loved when it mattered most trumped everything else. What is your definition of freedom? To get started on the journey towards a thriving business, location independence and living the life you dreamed of, one of the first things Natalie suggests is defining what that dream actually is – what is your perfect day? “It’s a really powerful exercise where you describe your perfect day from start to finish - from the moment you get up to the moment you go to sleep - and describe in amazing detail how it looks, how it feels, how it smells. What would you do if you woke up tomorrow morning with no monetary constraints and were able to do whatever you want?” she explained. “Once people actually write down and look at what their perfect day would be for them, they get really, really clear on how they’d like to show up in the world and how they’d like to earn money and how they’d like to structure their business or their career.” This exercise opens your mind to the possibilities, the opportunities and helps you discover a fresh way of constructing your life around the things you love and that are important
w w w.re s i s ta n c ema g a z i n e.c om
23
to you. As Natalie describes it, it is about finding that perfect intersection between what you’re good at or great at, what you love doing, and what people pay you to do. “So, for me now it’s all about how do you thrive in the future of work and get paid to be you?” she said. Natalie discusses her ‘perfect day’ exercise and the evolution of her own unique take on freedom in her TED talk, The Surprising Truth About Freedom.
24
w ww.resistan cem ag azi n e. co m
Are you cut out to be a suitcase entrepreneur? With today’s plethora of apps, tools and interconnectivity, it is easier than ever to work remotely. “When I started out there was no AirBnB and there was no Uber. Internet and wi-fi was very dodgy in most places and remote co-working spaces were non-existent, or there were very few of them. And now I feel like those things, including just your laptop, smartphone
and wi-fi connection is all you need to be able to run your business from anywhere,” Natalie said. “And so, the ultimate thing actually, is your mindset; are you ready for this? Are you prepared to be location independent? Do you like travelling? Do you like your own company? Those are the more important things to running a business from anywhere.” Natalie has a great quiz on her homepage which runs through these questions and leads you to discovering what type of entrepreneur you are. From here, you can better gauge how to proceed, what systems you can put into place and how to, ultimately, chase that freedom you long for. Freedom is not all fun and games Gaining freedom means choice, but as Natalie points out, it also takes discipline. She quickly discovered that the more discipline she had around her (systems, routines and habits), the more freedom that enabled her to move around and take time off or pursue other opportunities. “I have played on the spectrum for years, where I’ve given myself too much freedom, which may sound like a beautiful problem to have but it can actually be quite paralysing for a lot of people. When you’re given so much choice and so many opportunities and so much freedom to do whatever you want, it can actually lead to you doing absolutely nothing.”
A new freedom for the Suitcase Entrepreneur Natalie Sisson is now based back in New Zealand, applying her vast knowledge and experience to teaching other entrepreneurs how to live life according to their own unique definition of freedom and build successful businesses that reflect their personality, skills and lifestyle. She has transitioned to her own personal brand over at nataliesisson. com which focuses on how to thrive in the future of work by getting paid to be you, and has a fantastic selection of free tools, podcasts and blog posts available for browsing. For those wanting more, Natalie has written two books, The Suitcase Entrepreneur and The Freedom Plan which both offer additional insights into living and loving a freedom-filled life and practical tips and tricks to making your perfect day a reality. Find out more or take the quiz to find out if you’re ready at
suitcaseentrepreneur.com nataliesisson.com
w w w.re s i s ta n c ema g a z i n e.c om
25
Do Men And Women Tackle Resistance Differently?
You may be surprised to find out that mental strength, defined as a combination of resilience – the ability to bounce back from setbacks and failures; and confidence – the ability to spot and seize opportunities, is pretty much gender neutral. However, scientists have discovered approximately 100 gender differences in the brain between men and women and there may be one sex with a marginal edge to coming out the other side of life’s trials and tribulations. Psychology Today explains how the two sexes are very different. It seems as though men and women are capable of being equally mentally strong, with women tending to be more resilient and men being more confident overall. 26
w ww.resistan cem ag azi n e. co m
So, what makes us so different? Male brains use seven times more grey matter for activity, while female brains use ten times more white matter. Grey matter areas are informationand action-processing centres of the brain, translating to a kind of tunnel vision when males are busy doing something. Once they are engaged in a task or game, they may not show much sensitivity to others and what’s going on around them. You might say, men are able to shut down and focus, once they are in that mindset, more than women. When coming up against resistance and blocks, it may be true that men can dig in and do what needs to be done without being distracted.
physically impulsive and aggressive. Additionally, males process less oxytocin than females, so they need different strategies to manage stress to women.
“Male’s unwillingness to talk about failure and frailty can be seen within the animal kingdom, too. Sick male animals hide because it’s threatening to show illness.”
White matter is the networking that connects the brain’s grey matter and other processing centres with one another. This is why girls tend to more quickly transition between tasks than boys do. Both sexes have different ways of processing neurochemicals. Serotonin, helps us sit still; testosterone, is our sex and aggression chemical; estrogen, is the female growth and reproductive chemical; and oxytocin a bondingrelationship chemical. Males testosterone levels tend to make them less inclined to sit still for as long as females and tend to be more
Women absorb more sensory and emotive information than males do. This can lead to overwhelm or sensory overload (sometimes shown as emotional). Males reflect briefly on an emotive memory and then move onto the next task. They may also change course and do something active and unrelated to feelings rather than analyse their feelings at all. This is why we often hear that men ‘avoid feelings or move to fixing things too quickly.’ But, it’s how they are wired. It’s not as simple as ‘women are more resilient than men.’ One could argue ‘til the cows come home which sex is under more stress and who can cope better. Studies have shown that women do actually ‘worry’ about a larger variety of things than men do. Especially in recent years, where women are holding so many more responsibilities such as child rearing, career, household and more of the emotional load within families. As well as what society loads on women. Women, however, appear to gain more resilience than men because they develop richer social networks, which are supportive and very open. They discuss things like their relationships and their children, whereby men prefer to discuss that are easy to speak about. This is the pivotal component to women finding more resilience in their life stresses. w w w.re s i s ta n c ema g a z i n e.c om
27
“Male’s unw illi ngn ess to talk about fail ure and frailty can be seen within the animal kingdom, too. Sick male ani ma ls hide bec ause it’s threate ni ng to show illn ess.” Different strategies A complex study on the sexes reactions to stress by The American Psychological Association, shows that both groups manage their stress in very different ways. Women are far more likely than men to say they read to manage stress or spend time with friends or family, when stressed. Women are more likely to eat and feel that they ate too much or eaten unhealthy foods when stressed. Significantly more women exercise only once a week or less and say it’s because they are too tired, when stressed Both genders cite lack of willpower as the No. 1 barrier to change. Women are more likely than men to cite lack of willpower as a barrier preventing them from making the lifestyle and behavior changes, such as diet and exercise, recommended by a healthcare provider, so when it comes to resistance of a physical nature, women tend to fall short on the willpower here. Women say less fatigue/more energy and more confidence in their ability to improve their willpower would be the reason to combat blockages, as well as encouragement from friends or family. Six times as many women as men say that having more help with household chores would allow them to improve their willpower to overcome challenges. 28
w ww.resistan cem ag azi n e. co m
Men are more likely to play sports or listen to music as a way of managing stress. They are also more likely than women to do nothing to manage their stress. Men are far more likely to exercise when stressed So, what does all that mean? Females are great multi-taskers, bigger worriers, better at socialising to get past blockages and challenges life throws at them and don’t manage stress too well when they are struggling with it. Overeating, a sedentary lifestyle and lying in bed thinking about everything, enduring emotional outbursts are fairly typical responses to women facing difficult challenges. Men excel in highly task-focused projects. Naturally have tunnel vision and detach from emotional issues easily, perhaps dont bounce back from their struggles so well, due to a lack of social openess and a willingness to admit frailty. They do manage stress well, while in it by keeping physical, but can feel angry and isolated. However, both genders are capable of rising to the resistance they may encounter in life. Women, however, come out on top by having a stronger ability to talk, share and find help to navigate the path toward their goal. Their natural social skills and need for open communication and sharing their thoughts mean they reach out to family, friends and trusted advisors without hesitation, which is shown to be the ost effective way of managing challenges. Get talking, men!
Resistance magazine is here to make sure you reach the very top of the top shelf, the very furthest of destinations, the highest of expectations because we know you can. We don’t think ANYTHING should stop you! Born from having personalities that people wanted to tell their story to, the bodies behind Resistance magazine know how powerful this question is. What is stopping you? We don’t only want to know what is stopping you, we are going to ask the harder questions, why is it stopping you and how can we help you change it? Do you need someone to tell you it’s OK to try? We will! Do you need someone to give you some suggestions? Just ask, we are full of them! Or do you need to learn? Gain some belief by hearing from someone else thats done it? Have someone open the door and show you whats out there, if only you step through? You have come to the right place, we are going to go out and ask the experts, the people dealing with your situation right now. Or maybe, we will find the person that has tried that thing you have been thinking about. They might not have made it, but they have lived to tell the tale, maybe even tried AGAIN.. The possibilities here are endless and we want to help you see them, so buckle up because RESISTANCE IS USELESS....
Tell Us Your Story w w w.re s i s ta n c ema g a z i n e.c om
29
CASE STUDY
Backing Each Other Meet Alberto and Maebelle (Bing). This husband and wife team committed to a life that allows more time for the important things, while navigating the hurdles along away, together. Who are you and what kind of work do you do?
If I was to say the word Resistance to you, what would you think?
Alberto: I am Alberto Bastasa, a graphic designer and have been working for Standout Marketing for more than 2 years now. I design magazine layouts and other tasks as needed by the clients, logos, business cards, flyers and etc. Pretty much anything ad hoc.
Bing: Resistance for me is a challenge or a hurdle that poses a possibility of compromising your goals. It could be in work, in relationships or whatever you have planned and worked for.
Bing: I am Maebelle Bastasa, you can call me Bing. I am Alberto’s wife. I’m a virtual assistant. I do social media management and content creation. I have been working at Standout Marketing for over a year now.
“Excuses, rationalisations, fears, laziness, depression, anxiety, procrastination, and the tendency to self-medicate, are all manifestations of Resistance.” and that sums it up with how I look at it and more. 30
w ww.resistan cem ag azi n e. co m
Alberto: I have read somewhere, “Excuses, rationalisations, fears, laziness, depression, anxiety, procrastination, and the tendency to self-medicate, are all manifestations of Resistance.” That sums it up with how I look at it and more.
Have you experienced a time when you have felt Resistance in your life? Alberto: Yes. I have always wanted to spend more time with my kids and family as much as possible. Way back when I was working at an office, I spent almost 12-13 hours a day, 6 days a week working. You know what I mean, kids are asleep when you leave and are sure asleep when you get home. I can still remember, my son, sitting quietly on a chair next to my bed where I was sleeping. I asked him what he was doing, he said he is waiting for me to wake up and play with him. That was the last straw. I said to myself that it has to stop. After talking to Bing about my decision, to quit the job that I held on for 8 years, and look for jobs where I can work from home. Resistance then came out in the form of fear and anxiety.
Did you overcome it? How? Bing: We were able to overcome it by having each other for support and most of all with faith and trust in God that He will provide for us for as long as we do our part.
Bing: Yes I remembered how we used to talk about it and asked him if it was his final decision. I felt scared and happy at the same time. But to be honest I was more scared than happy. I just thought that, whatever the outcome will be, I will always be there to back him up.
But to be honest I was more scared than happy. I just thought that, whatever the outcome will be, I will always be there to back him up. w w w.re s i s ta n c ema g a z i n e.c om
31
Alberto: Yes we have been praying to God for help and He did not fail. After I quit my job, Joe who is a senior designer at Standout Marketing, and a very good friend of ours, contacted me asking if I was available. And just like that, I was able to finally break free from the office environment and work from home where I can have all the time possible to be with the kids. Bing: We owe it all to God for providing us. And as if it were not enough, just a year after that, He gave us another blessing. I was given the privilege of working with Alberto. Alberto: So, it is no longer just me who is keeping a roof above our heads. We now work together, partners and teammates. It couldn’t get any better than that!
The push and pull of life can affect you at any time, do you have one piece of advice for someone struggling with resistance? Alberto: If there is something that you really want, go for it. Just brace yourself and man up knowing that you might not get it immediately. In my mind when I quit my job, I know I was in for a ride. I was ready for battle. But I was just blessed enough that it didn’t last that long. Above all, be humble. Ask God for help and thank Him upfront even if your prayers were not yet granted. That is what we did. Bing: Have strong faith in God and be that person whom your husband can lean on.
If there is something that you really want, go for it. Just brace yourself and man up knowing that you might not get it immediately.
32
w ww.resistan cem ag azi n e. co m
ROUTINE:
How It Leads To
Greater Freedom
When we talk about having more freedom in our lives, we often focus on being financially secure and having a flexible, engaging job, or the chance to work less. However, freedom is a broad term, and we can achieve different layers of it, in different ways.
w w w.re s i s ta n c ema g a z i n e.c om
33
When we think of ‘routine,’ initially, we think of things being restricted and rigid, or following someone else’s rules or timeline. However, the reality is quite the opposite. Bringing routine to your life can actually create space, calm, control, and more freedom as a result. How? Well, it isn’t as much work as you may think, and once you start creating more habits in your life, you’ll find that not having structure is the more mentally, emotionally, and physically draining option. To quote personal development guru Brian Tracy, “Good
34
w ww.resistan cem ag azi n e. co m
habits are hard to form, but easy to live with. Bad habits are easy to form, but hard to live with.” Here’s what you need to know about establishing a positive daily routine to give you more freedom. Create what works for you Be aware that a personal routine is just that; personal. Create day-to-day habits that work for your lifestyle, your family and other commitments. Don’t read about the routines of famous people and think you have to follow suit.
It’s more important to schedule tasks based on when you have the most energy and clarity each day, and when you don’t. Decide on a routine that helps you to be your best and most productive and happy self. Routine works better than willpower To maximise your days, it helps to have good willpower so you do the tasks you may not want to do or feel like doing. However, studies have shown that willpower is a finite resource that runs out as the day goes on. This is where having a routine comes to the rescue. Once you’ve gotten used to a new routine, you’ll start doing things without having to think too much about them, or having to force yourself to get started. Routines tell your brain what’s expected of it, and send messages about what needs to come next. This reduces decision fatigue and the stress and lack of motivation that so often gets in the way of taking action. In turn, you expend less effort. You’re more likely to have time each week for what matters to you, and you will find it easier to get into the helpful “flow” state, too, for greater productivity. Simplify your life and reduce stress Another benefit of having routines is that they can simplify life. Use routines to tackle complex situations and to deal with an overwhelming workload. Plus, keep in mind that scheduling your week, with time not just for actual tasks but also for planning, thinking, strategising, meditating, deep breathing, journaling, exercising, eating well, decompressing
with relaxing activities, and the like will help you to combat stress and feel better. This is particularly important for people who battle anxiety. If you get into a routine whereby you check in with yourself at a certain point (or two or three) each day to see what you’re worrying about and then address it, things won’t build up so much. Furthermore, developing a specific bedtime routine has been proven to help those who suffer from insomnia to go to sleep and rest more effectively. Improve skills Another reason to start putting routines in place is that doing so means you’ll be practicing different skills on a more regular basis. If you want to build skills in any area, task repetition is required, and having a schedule for doing this each week is key. After all, as Aristotle said, “We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act, but a habit.” Create a positive routine and you will build momentum and move forward, achieving your goals more quickly. Boost self-confidence All of this means that your selfconfidence should increase. When you know you’re getting more done each day, feel better, and have more energy, are improving skills and reaching goals more quickly, you will feel better about yourself and your abilities. You’ll also know that when more challenging periods arise, you’ll be able to handle them.
w w w.re s i s ta n c ema g a z i n e.c om
35
Elanya van Heerden:
Pushing Through To The Silver Lining
36
w ww.resistan cem ag azi n e. co m
Editor In Chief of Health Wisdom magazine and co-founder of Titanium Living health supplements, Elanya van Heerden shares how she has pushed through the resistance she has been met with throughout her whole life to become the healthy, successful woman she is today.
Tell us a little about yourself? In 1988 I was diagnosed with Type 1 Diabetes. At the time the doctors in my (admittedly rather small) South African hometown, had no idea what Juvenile (Type 1) Diabetes was. My paediatric endocrinologist refused to discharge me if I could not measure my own blood glucose levels and inject myself with insulin. Thank goodness for that, because he empowered me right from the start to manage my own health and I became a chef in self defence. My husband, Grant, and I are celebrating 17 happy years together, this year! We emigrated to Australia with four cats, a Rottie, and 2 human kids too, initially only for 2 years, but after only 3 months here we decided to do everything in our power to make this our permanent home. The coming years I began my own gourmet food production company in Brisbane, which was by no means an easy feat. The industry is quite expensive and after 3 years of paying for council fees, taxes, equipment, staff, insurance, market fees, I decided to
shut up shop and pivot in my career. I was quite sad to say goodbye to mAd CoW BaKEs as I had poured countless hours into building up this business. I then became a nutritional supplements salesperson in the US via Amazon. Because of my chef experience, combined with my autoimmune condition, I understood the importance of proper nutrition and supplementation for a healthy lifestyle. I also understood how ingredients can be combined to make them more effective. Our range of supplements have been proven to be very effective, and our customer base is growing day by day. I truly love hearing how our supplements have changed people’s lives, how they’ve been able to be active once more, how they are able to focus better at work, which helps them be better parents at home, how they start feeling like themselves again, how it has stopped their debilitating pain and they can get back to living their lives. I am honoured to share that journey with them. Through my magazine, Health Wisdom Magazine, I’ve been able to further help people, mainly women, get access to the health and wellness information w w w.re s i s ta n c ema g a z i n e.c om
37
that they need in order to turn their lives around. I’ve had incredible opportunities to speak to some of the world’s leading authorities on women’s health, as well as lesser known industry experts that I predict will become thought leaders in this space, and share that information with our readers. For every women that is at the stage in her life where she is ready to take control of her health, do yourself a favour and subscribe to Health Wisdom Magazine, you won’t bedisappointed! Having built up this resilience in business allowed me to travel for a full year with my family. In 2019 my husband and I hit the road to complete a “half lap” around Australia.
If I said the word resistance what is the first thing that comes to mind? I think of opportunities for growth. It’s like the universe is saying “Congratulations - your soul now has the opportunity to grow.” Even though it may be through some tough times, your soul is ready for new learnings and is delivering every thing you’ve asked for. Resistance is just your mind’s way of trying to say you aren’t ready for the lesson, that you’d rather stay safe where you are at right now. Even though the universe may be delivering that lesson in a completely different way that what you thought it would be, it is absolutely trying to serve up what you’ve ordered (through your thoughts and feelings). Yes, I know this sounds very woo-woo for some people, but I honestly believe in the power of our thoughts driving our every day lives, and beyond. 38
w ww.resistan cem ag azi n e. co m
Why do you think that is? I think I’ve trained my brain to always look on the bright side of things. Is it easy? Hell no! I get upset too - I’m only human. But it only takes me a short while to snap out of my funk and start looking for the silver linings. And of course it helps being married to a man with a similar outlook on life.
Have you felt resistance before? Internally or externally? Absolutely, who hasn’t? I think you have to be in tune with how resistance shows up in your life though. Personally, it shows up in my shoulders. I will get very tense, my shoulders will bunch up, and I will not breathe properly. Ha! Who doesn’t know how to breathe properly, right?! But turns out we often hold our breaths without even realising it, and we don’t breathe deeply enough. My breathing tends to be very shallow as a rule, so when I notice that I am not breathing properly I become aware of the resistance very quickly. But becoming aware of my breathing, and actively working on it means I can then work through my feelings, figure out why I am feeling resistant, and change that into a positive way of thinking. I normally don’t have to look too hard to find the silver lining around a grey cloud. When I decided to close mAd CoW BaKEs in 2016, I was very sad. Everything in me screamed to keep going, as it was all I was used to. But once I let go of the attachment to the outcome, I was ready for new growth. Can you see how the universe was
listening to my thoughts and feelings on wanting something better, and then delivered that, through a very tough lesson? Boy, am I glad I trusted my gut instinct! Even though I felt so sad while going through the experience.
Could you get past it? Why and how/ why not and how come? I’m here, living the dream, aren’t I? But seriously though, overcoming any adverse events in your life will make you grow. And it’s oftentimes only in hindsight that we can say “phew, I’m glad that (bad experience) happened, because it brought me to this great opportunity right here”! I think I was forded through my Type 1 Diabetes, from a very early age on, to deal with challenging situations and not let it get me down. My brain is now hardwired to look for the opportunities, and not the risk, in a situation. I am so thankful for that as it has now become second nature for me to think positively.
What is one piece of advice or support you would offer to someone facing a similar situation? Slow down, stop thinking of the worst that can happen. Chances are it most probably won’t even happen. Instead, make yourself look for the positives in a situation. It is truly a skill that can be developed, and like any skill, the more you practice it the easier it becomes.
w w w.re s i s ta n c ema g a z i n e.c om
39
Join O ur Communit y Whether it be Facebook, website or Instagram, we all love to belong. Our community is made up of people like you. Not everyone wants to participate, not everyone wants to sit back, some like photo’s while others love words. But, what we can all agree on is support, being there, and belonging.
Come Join Us resistancemag.com 40
w ww.resistan cem ag azi n e. co m
