Rebelicious Magazine - Issue 1

R L S IN I G Y L R I FO R G R LD O W L A T A BR U

ESME LOASBY

“MY JOB IS TRANSFORMING PEOPLE INTO A PORTABLE GALLERY...”

YOUR DEMISE CROWD SURFING WHEN BEAUTY EATS BRAINS VOLUME ROCK N’ NEEDLE

WE MEET FUEL GIRL

TETA MARIA STONE

&

GO ON TOUR WITH

SLAVES TO GRAVITY

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WELCOME! Welcome to the launch issue of Rebelicious Magazine!

Rebelicious knows that not all young women are the same. There are those who like their music on the heavier side, are into boys in bands and will wear a skull print shirt because they like it, not because they saw it on a Topshop mannequin! These girls dye their hair, watch horror movies and aren’t afraid to dive into the mosh pit. We know, because we are those girls!

We promise to bring you the best in new alternative music, fashion that’s not right off of the high street, and interviews with some of the most kickass females we have ever met! We celebrate your individuality and encourage free spirits. We love your style, your tattoos and your record collections. And just because we live life on the dark side, doesn’t mean we can’t still be a little bit girly...we like to call it being Rebelicious!

This issue, we make sure that you would survive a zombie apocalypse - aren’t we sweet? Turn to page 18 for a Q.+A with Dr. Dale, a leader of the School of Survival. We meet Teta Stone, Fuel girl, tomboy and all round awesome lady. We want her life! And we also investigate the perils of crowd surfing. Thrilling or the most annoying shit in the world?

So crack open a beer, blast out something brutal and enjoy the greatest magazine you will ever read. Trust us!

!

TR ACKen D N U SO e’ve beusting w t a h b W whilst s: g n i t s e bl a our ass r - Homesick

Cover Photo by: Amy Phillips

be S e aso n Remem o t y uicide a S – AD n orizo rown e T he H M g in ollow C r H B – s allen t c d th e F n a Archite y r e - Fu st Insid o h G e Th O nes Black a ck I n B C AC/D

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CONTRIBUTORS

Dominique Marshall London based freelance graphic designer and photographer. Studying FdA Design for Graphic Communication at the London College of Communication. Heavily influenced by music, can usually be found at gigs and rock clubs around London.

Visit dmarzdesigns.co.uk

Christine Nderitu Freelance photographer and designer.

Currently studying FdA Design for Graphic Communication at the London College of Communication. A general observer of people, she cannot survive a day without some sort of music. Loves her camera and would be lost without her backpack. Also contributes to youth magazine Live.

Peter Borg The Pin-Up Project, founded by Peter Borg, is an extremely serious exploration of the techniques and subject matter of pin-up art and it’s place in 21st century society. It has nothing whatsoever to do with being surrounded by gorgeous half naked models on a regular basis. Promise.

To see for yourself, please visit www. thepinupproject.co.uk.

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Dominique Marshall Brenda Polan Sacha Lynch-Robinson Rob De Niet Mark Wells Christine Nderitu Peter Borg Chantelle Lavel Jamie Giberti Teta Maria Stone and The Fuels Girls Ben Muir a.k.a Dr. Dale Teddi Tarnof and Misstallica Rachel Halsey Tommy Gleeson and Slaves to Gravity Owen and everyone at Hero PR Kelly Goss and Rock ‘n’ Needle Laura Hebblewhite and Accretion Melissa Cross Esme Loasby Jayne and Brian Phillips Ben Roberts Maria McManamon Your Demise Cuter In The Dark F3tch Aces Wild Here Lies Affliction Drop Dead Clothing Mosh Pits Cider, Lager, Beer, Vodka, Jäger.

Cups of Tea x 1 million and one!

Jaffa Cakes Super Noodles Pink Lipstick Sunglasses for hiding tired eyes Black nail polish Ipods and Apple Macs InDesign (even though you can be a bitch!)

24-Hour Tesco’s And those random girls I stalked around London...

Sorry!

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CONTENTS

26 SHOPPING WITH LAURA HEBBLEWHITE 7 News

52 Your Demise

8 Dress to Distress

The boys tell us about the albums that changed their life

10 Drop Dead

54 Reviews

The new Flagship store opens

56 Volume

13 The Great Frog Jewellery Store

Five unsigned bands who are ones to watch

We want, we want!

14 Show & Tell Meet tattooist Esme Loasby

18 When Beauty Eats Brains

17 20 Things You Didn’t Know About

How to survive a zombie apocalypse with Dr. Dale

Travis Barker

22 Slaves To Gravity Tour Diary

24 Field of Screams

On the road with Tommy Gleeson

Melissa Cross metal vocal coach, on perfecting your roar

30 Who are you Fuellin’?

We meet Fuel Girl, Teta Stone

35 Special Report Crowd Surfing

39 Terrified of What’s Inside 45 Misstallica 50 Bastard Boys!

Our Agony Uncle solves your problems

58 Ghouls Night Out

Review of London club night Anthem

60 How to bake skull cupcakes 61 This month’s cocktails 62 Pardon Me?

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NEWS What's going down this month

Photos by: Sunny Khalsa, Marta F. Andres, Ashley Maille

A Metallica tribute band from across the pond are touring the UK to blast out ears this month. But there’s one big difference; they’re an all female act brilliantly titled ‘Misstallica’. It’s the best thing we’ve ever heard! They’ll be playing all the old favourites such as ‘Creeping Death’ and ‘Enter Sandman’. Be sure to check out tour dates at myspace.com/misstallicaband and ticketmaster.co.uk for tickets. You won’t wanna miss this!

Those girls we all secretly envy are hitting our screens for the final time when the new series of MTV’s The Hills begins at the end of the month. Yes, they’re all thick backstabbers, and we’d quite like to kick Spencer in the balls. But it’s still strangely addictive. We just hope Audrina’s badass sister Casey (above) makes an appearance. Those tattoos deserve more airtime!

Season 6 begins 30th May on MTV.

After almost nine years, Funeral for a Friend guitarist Darran (far right) has decided to leave the band. His statement doesn’t really explain why, but after their spot at Sonisphere Festival at the end of July, bass player Gavin will step up as the guitarist, with new bassist Richard Boucher (previously of Ghostlines) joining the band. Darran said, “my heartfelt wishes go out to the boys in the band and I know they’ll go on to greater glories and success.” Best of luck to Darran in all of his future endeavors.

The sound of a million women swiping their credit cards will be heard next month, when the Clothes Show London open it’s doors to Earls Court London.

Calling itself ‘The Ultimate Girls Day Out,’ it promises to be an event full of fashion and glamour. Obviously it will be full of big haired Girls Aloud wanabees, but it’s also a place to discover new brands and alternative styles. Rock ‘n’ Needle, who we have featured this month, will man (or woman) a stand there, so it’s not to be snubbed.

Visit www.clothesshowlondon.com for more information.

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DISTRESS LOOKING FOR SOMETHING SIMPLE BUT WITH THAT ALL IMPORTANT ROCK ‘N’ ROLL TWIST? Then be sure to toodle on over to Rock ‘n’ Needle - an online store specializing in basics that have been lovingly embroidered with tattoo inspired designs. We got in touch founder with Kelly Goss, for a gossip about the line, Motley Crüe and green tea…

R

ock ‘n’ Needle began in 2008 after Kelly completed studies at The London Fashion Retail Academy. “I saw a gap in the market for this type of clothing in the UK. Embroidery is often associated with logos or as a traditional craft and I thought it would be cool to use it for rock ‘n’ roll and tattoo imagery.” And design has long been an interest of hers. “I wanted to create my own clothes since around the age of 14.”

Photos by: Marta F. Andres Words by: Amy Phillips

She mainly draws inspiration from musicians, with a nod toward artists and tattooists. “I have used a tattoo theme as it works well with embroidery and the images represent what the brand is all about.”

But despite tattoo culture being a strong basis for her designs, surprisingly Kelly’s skin remains unmarked. “I am quite indecisive when it comes to my own image and I have yet to find a design I feel I would be happy with for the rest of my life.”

But if she were to decide to get some ink, her own designs would be the influence. “I would most likely have it on my foot or wrist. I would want to show it off as much as possible if I were to go through the pain of having one!”

So seeing as tattooing is a big part of the Rock ‘n’ Needle brand, it’s no surprise that Kat Von D is one of Kelly’s dream clients. “I think she would look awesome in the T. shirt dresses, particularly the cross and roses design. Imagine switching on LA Ink and seeing Kat wearing Rock ‘n’ Needle - that would be a dream come true!”

She describes her own style as ‘rocker chick’ and is a dedicated member of the leather jacket brigade. “I’ve had it since I was 13 and it has been to every single gig you can imagine! Megadeth, Guns ‘n’ Roses, Whitesnake, Alice Cooper to name a few” But her favourite band? “That has to be Motley Crüe. To me they are the epitome of what a rock band should be. The clothes, the look, the lyrics, the sound, they’re just wicked. I saw them once and it was a really fun gig. I especially loved the fire blowing midgets!” We can imagine.

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But despite her head banging and tattoo loving, Kelly is a good girl at heart. “I’m not much of a rebel. And it’s really boring but my drink of choice is chamomile and green tea. Not very rock ‘n’ roll but I live on it.”

Rock ‘ N’ Needle is preparing to showcase at the Clothes Show London next month so poor Kelly is rushed off her feet. “It’s just a race really to make as much clothing as possible- as I make all the clothing myself even down to cutting the fabric out for the T-shirts. I thrive on being busy though and find I actually get more done when I have a lot to do. There is a lot to prepare for Clothes Show but it is more than worth it.”

We can expect to see new designs, a lot more colour and new tote bags with the embroidered designs. But Kelly is keeping schtum on what else she has up her sleeve. “I’m not going to say any more because you need to get a ticket and visit if you want to know! Ha-ha.”

But Kelly isn’t stopping there. “I would like to have more stockists in the UK including Topshop Oxford Circus and ASOS. Then a stand alone boutique in London, a celebrity following, stockists abroad and a wider product range which would include jeans and Rock ‘n’ Needle lingerie.” Phew, sounds world domination is on the cards. And with Kelly’s drive and passion, we don’t doubt it.

And after all that hard work, we recommend a commemorative tattoo to mark the growth of the brand… no?

Visit rocknneedle.com for stockists and online orders.

“I think Kat Von D would look awesome in a T-shirt dress.”

Kelly Goss

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WHEN ALL ELSE FAILS, PLAY DEAD

Photos by: Christine Nderitu Words by: Amy Phillips

he brainchild behind Bring Me The Horizon’s Oli T Sykes, Drop Dead is a cult clothing line compiled of gore inspired prints and bright graphics. The line began

back in 2005, when Oli had just a few printed T-shirts and sold them at BMTH shows. But as public interest grew, so did Drop Dead and the online store now receives over 10,000 visitors a day. Helped by the great roster of bands that are sponsored by the brand and proudly wear the T-shirts, Drop Dead now ships worldwide and is one of the most popular alternative clothing lines.

But this month Drop Dead expanded from the website, to a flagship store located on the East End’s Brick Lane, which quite frankly, is an odd placement choice considering this part of London is more commonly associated with indie snobs and Peaches Geldof types not ‘deathcore’ loving kids wanting kitty brains on their T-shirts!

The store opened on the first of the month to a queue of excited fans outside, some of who had begun lining up at 9pm the previous night! But despite the shitty weather and heavy rain, there was still a great turnout and atmosphere.

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Of course there was an abundance of giggly young teenage girls – some with disgruntled parents in tow – who obviously just wanted to catch a glimpse of Oli Sykes and co and nab some freebies. But then who wouldn’t?

However once the doors opened, I was surprised to realize that the store is actually located in a basement!

For a flagship, it’s not exactly got the top line appeal.

The staircase down to the store is steep and narrow and despite Oli’s face splattered across posters to help guide you down, it almost makes you feel like your heading into a stock room. And once at the bottom, it didn’t get much better.

Firstly, the store is tiny! Not to mention dark. I was expecting some kind of brightly coloured graffiti style graphics on the walls, but the décor is relatively plain with very dim lighting. The only Drop Dead-esque appeal is the kitty brains pattern on the ceiling (which by the way is fairly low! Watch your heads). Although perhaps a simple lay out was what the brand was going for – trying to mimic more high-end stores maybe?

But in all honesty it is a little disappointing and the overall feel lacks the high-energy allure that made the brand so successful in the first place.

There is a limited stock available (or maybe there was just a surge of purchases before we arrived). But it almost seems like there is more of a range online. Even though most of the styles are unisex there aren’t many girls’ sizes on display, with most T-shirts coming up as mens’ large or extra large, with the odd vest dress thrown into the mix. The usual printed T-shirts and jeans line the walls, but there is nothing new or enticing up for grabs from this ‘flagship’ store.

To be honest, unless you’re a die-hard Drop Dead fan or live in the London area, it’s not worth the trip. The website is way more exciting both visually and product wise. And you don’t even need to get out of bed. Result!

To be honest, unless you’re a die-hard Drop Dead fan or live in the London area, it’s not worth the trip. The website is way more exciting both visually and product wise. And you don’t even need to get out of bed. Result!

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eweller to rock royalty, the Great Frog is the place to J get decked out in the finest statement jewellery. Since 1972, the store has hand carved every item on site, from skull rings, to pistol pendants and bone bracelets – they were even responsible for providing all the jewellery for the Harry Potter movies!

Illustration & Words by: Amy Phillips

Inside, the store is arranged to resemble a French funeral parlour, which is quite darkly fitting for the creators of the original skull rings. Animal skulls and natural elements such as such as shells and driftwood provide an inspiring contrast for the hard metal jewellery in the display cases. And take a peek through the shop window, and you’ll be greeted with all kinds of frightening faces in the shape of skulls cast in strong shiny metals.

Iron Maiden and Metallica are fans and ‘those on the edge of mainstream’ need to check out the Soho store for something with a true rock ‘n’ roll originality.

Visit thegreatfroglondon.com Pistol pendant £85 Large skull pendant £168 Anchor pendant £150 Winged skull ring £118 Rose ring £105 Bones bracelet £270

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SHOW & TELL ESME LOASBY IN THIS ISSUE, we meet Esme Loasby, a tattooist from Northampton, to discuss her love for her art, and why good things come in small packages…

“I

’ ve been tattooing for about four years now and I love it,” gushes the pintsized sweetheart. “My job is transforming people into a portable gallery, always exhibiting my work. And everyday and every customer are different. One person may want a floral design, and then the next client could be after a skull! You never know what you’re going to be asked for next.”

And unpredictability is what Esme has come to expect. From old school designs, to Japanese style tattoos and the odd pikey tribal armband, Esme’s portfolio contains a variety of designs. But obviously there are those who have ideas that are less than great.

“Some people bring in their own drawings for me to look at. And to be honest - and no offence to them - but their ideas are crap!

You get given pictures and images you simply can’t use, so you just have to say ‘no this is shit!’ But not quite that bluntly of course – I try to be polite. It’s just that I’m not willing to

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put my name on something that’s not a good design.”

It’s that strong willed mentality that has allowed Esme to expand her artistic talents and style. But her knowledge of the industry doesn’t change the fact that she is still considered a youngster in tattooing circles.

When all of her friends were bothered about saying goodbye their adolescence, Esme couldn’t wait. “I was so keen to turn 20 and not be a teenager anymore.” Working in a shop of middle-aged men with decades of experience, it’s easy to see why the saying ‘age is just a number’ doesn’t apply here.

“When you tell people ‘I’m a 21 year old tattooist’, it’s almost like they think you’re not old enough to know about a job that requires so much skill. And I look young too so I guess that doesn’t help,” she adds.

At just 5 foot, with a soft pretty face and a shock of red curls its true Esme doesn’t look like your average tattooist. And her own collection of ink doesn’t stop her being asked

her age when trying to order a cocktail. “I think it’s funny when I get ID’ed in bars. It’s like I have all these tattoos, so is that not ID enough?!”

But when given the opportunity to prove herself, the thanks and recommendations from clients are evidence that Esme’s age is not a reflection on the standard of her work. Her strengths lie in floral designs, with Art Nouveau and vintage styles being her favourite. “Is it lame that I’m saying I like tattooing flowers the most? I feel like I should be acting all tough right now!”

But trying to be tough isn’t on her agenda, unless of course you bring her a sketch that looks like it was drawn by your kid sister! Just leave that stuff to the professionals ladies…

Coming soon: esmetattoo.com Now taking bookings at: Alternative Art, Northampton.

Photos & Words by: Amy Phillips

“The Japanese style peonies on my stomach was my first tattoo. I’ve got dragonflies around it too which gives it a feeling of movement and makes the design flow. I guess it is pretty large for a first one.

But my mum isn’t too bothered about my tattoos and always said ‘if you’re getting tattooed, you might as well go big!’ So I was just taking her advice.”

“I have roses and fleur de li patterns on both my shoulders in a mirror image. I love antique designs but wanted to contrast it with bright colours. The blues and reds complement each other perfectly.”

“The swallow on my foot is still incomplete too. Well it started as a swallow and then we added the extra feathers in the style of a phoenix so I guess now its just mix of birds! But there’s still some colour to go along my toes, but again it’s a nod back to vintage styles and imagery. But just with a bit of a modern make over.”

“My arm is a work in progress.

When completed it will be a full sleeve of skulls, roses and a padlock and key, with colour throughout. I love skulls, but still wanted to make the design a little girly so I gave the skulls cute bows. There’s going to be the Funeral for A Friend lyric ‘your history is mine’ worked into it as well. I love that song, it reminds me of good times. It will look awesome when it’s finished, the details are gorgeous.”

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TRAVIS BARKER TO MARK THE RETURN OF BLINK-182 THIS SUMMER, we give you 20 facts you might not have known about the decorated but delicious drummer…

1. Travis was born on November 14th, 1975 2. He has been playing the drums since he was four years old...

3. ...And bashed the same drum kit until he was 15 4. During high school, Travis joined the jazz ensemble and played the snare line in the marching band 5. He first made a name for himself in the ska-band ‘The Aquabats’ before leaving to join Blink-182 6. He has around 40-50 tattoos, worth an estimated 30 thousand dollars 7. His first tattoo was the word BONES (a nickname when he was a kid) on his leg, which he got when he was 17 years old 8. Travis is a vegetarian 9. He is also colour blind 10. His favourite cereal is ‘Lucky Charms’ 11. Travis’ Blink-182 nickname is ‘Fuckboy’ 12. His favourite movie is True Romance, starring Christian Slater and Patricia Arquette

Illustration by: Anna Stone Words by: Amy Phillips

13. He has a son and a daughter by ex-wife Shanna Moakler 14. He collects Cadillacs 15. Travis created the clothing label Famous Stars and Straps 16. He also developed a trainer with DC Shoe Company called the ‘Alias Remix’ 17. He writes left-handed, but plays the drums righthanded 18. In 2008, he suffered second and third degree burns after a severe plane clash, which cost four people their lives 19. He appears as a playable character on the video game Tony Hawk’s Project 8 20. Travis appears in the ‘Shut Up’ video by Black Eyed Peas. He has a really short appearance, only 1 second. Blink and you’ll miss him...geddit?!

Blink 182 are one of the headlining bands at this years Reading and Leeds festival. Visit readingfestival.com or leedsfestival.com for details.

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Illustration by: Peter Borg Words by: Amy Phillips

WHEN BEAUTY EATS BRAINS...

WARNING: This article might just save your life!

IN THE PAST FEW YEARS, we've witnessed tsunamis, earthquakes, flooding, and even volcanic dust clouds that can leave thousands stranded overseas.

So it's only a matter of time before natural disasters kick it up a gear and the dead crawl from their graves to feast on our brains...right?

W

e can prepare for any natural disaster, but many may scoff at the idea of Zombie Defence.

These people will be first to get eaten! However, there is one team of eccentrics determined to instruct us on the best forms of survival.

After a sell out tour at the Edinburgh Fringe Festival last year, Dr. Dale and the School of Survival are hitting the road once again to keep you informed, safe and alive. We pitched some crucial questions the master of zombology to help keep you protected.

SCIENTIFICALLY, WHAT IS THE REASONING FOR A POSSIBLE ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE? There are many reasons that a zombie apocalypse could occur – it could be a virus that has mutated, an accident in a genetics lab, alien space dust or some other supernatural occurrence. Here at the School of Survival, though, one of the first things we teach is that we should never worry about the cause. Unless you are a microbiologist, a genetic scientist, an expert in alien space dust or a master of voodoo there isn’t really much you can do about it. Your primary concern is to deal with the problem at hand – which is hordes of angry undead! And being aware of the cause isn’t going to help you run any faster or destroy any more brains.

“We deal with all kinds of issues from basic zombie recognition, straight through to how interpretive dance can aid you when the undead rise.”

WHAT MADE YOU WANT TO SET UP SEMINARS? WHY NOT LET EVERYONE DIE SO YOU COULD EVENTUALLY RULE THE EARTH? That I should eventually rule the earth is actually pretty much a certainty once the apocalypse begins. But what WHY SHOULD WE PREPARE FOR is the point of being supreme ruler if ZOMBIES? WHY NOT, VAMPIRES, OR everyone is dead? There would need to WEREWOLVES? be some survivors in order for it to be You should be prepared for any worthwhile. But we do try and ensure eventuality. Currently the School of Survivals main concern is in dealing with that only the intelligent and good zombie survival – but that doesn’t mean looking attend the seminars in order to to say that you shouldn’t keep an eye out fill the world with beautiful people once the apocalypse is over and we start to for other possible threats to humanity like vampires, werewolves, giant spiders repopulate the earth. or pixies.

EVERYONE AT LIPSTICK WILL BE ATTENDING THEN! SO WHAT DO YOUR SEMINARS HAVE TO OFFER? The seminars have something for everyone to learn. We deal with all kinds of issues from basic zombie recognition, straight through to how interpretive dance can aid you when the undead rise.

But it’s not just zombies that we deal with – there’s also the sensitive issue of dealing with other survivors. We teach you how to keep your team calm when under pressure and also which one of your friends you should sacrifice in order to facilitate your own survival.

WHO IS IN YOUR TEAM? Currently working with me at the school of survival is Judy O’Dea, my right hand man (who’s actually a woman if clarification is needed, as it sometimes is). She happens to be an expert in the science of zombies. There is also Donald Straite, who is committed to the survivalist aspect of the training regime and has been known to spend days at the bottom of the school’s moat with nothing but a cheese sandwich in order to stretch his abilities. Then there’s Tristen Granger. He’s with us on a Government Placement scheme….

We just think of the funding where he’s concerned!

HOW DO YOU RECOGNISE A ZOMBIE? Usually the smell of rotting flesh, the glassy eyes, the shuffling shambling walk, the possibility of gaping wounds and missing limbs and the fact they are trying to eat you are always good indicators. But if in doubt then just bash their head in anyways. We have injured the occasional tramp due to this philosophy but giving them a cup of tea afterwards usually smooths the waters away from a possible lawsuit!

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Dr. Dale and his School of Survival Team

ANY SPECIFIC TIPS FOR US WOMEN IN KEEPING SAFE? Without sounding sexist in any way or meaning to offend – my top tip to any women is to simply let the men do all the work.

SORRY, BUT THAT IS SEXIST! SURELY US WOMEN CAN KICK ZOMBIE BUTT JUST AS HARD AS ANY GUY? Remember, the point of our teachings is to get you to survive the zombie apocalypse – so if you can use your womanly wiles to get the men to do all the dangerous stuff whilst you stay secure in your house then you are going to increase your chances of survival tenfold.

Manipulation is going to be key in who lives and who dies and your average man is going to A: want to protect women and B: going to be generally stupid and easy to get to do what you want. There is nothing wrong with using any means necessary to ensure you stay alive. I for one use my womanly wiles on a regular basis to get all kinds of things – and I’m not even a woman!

WHEN IT COMES TO CLOTHING, IS IT A CASE OF FUNCTION OVER FASHION? SURELY YOU CAN STILL LOOK GOOD WHILE TAKING DOWN THE UNDEAD? Merely by looking at a picture of me you can see that that is absolutely true!

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“My top tip to any women is to simply let the men do all the work.”

Although there are some key points to bear in mind regarding what to wear when engaging the undead in face to face combat. You should wear tight fighting clothes with no dangly bits as this will give the zombies less to grab on to – you should also shave off all your hair for the same reason. Bald will totally be in fashion during zombie season girls!

Donald always wears a skin-tight gold Lycra catsuit under his army fatigues just in case the apocalypse begins so that he’s ready for battle and Tristen has a pair of hot pants that match.

WHAT SHOULD YOU DO IF A ZOMBIE HAS BITTEN YOU? SHOULD YOU JUST ACCEPT YOUR FATE AND KILL YOURSELF? Yes. BUT WHAT ABOUT FAMILY MEMBERS? SHOULD WE DITCH OUR GRANDPARENTS IN ORDER TO MOVE FASTER? As I mentioned earlier, it’s important that you weigh up the pros and cons about who you should keep alive. If your grandmother made missiles in a World War II armoury then she may actually be quite useful to have around and thus the extra caution and time you would have to take in order to travel from place to place would be worth it. However, if all she did was work in a biscuit factory then I’d recommend only keeping her around until you needed to use her as bait in order to make your own escape.

WHAT DO YOU THINK LIFE BE LIKE AFTER THE APOCALYPSE? It will be a grand Utopia of love and peace – remember I’ll be in charge so it’s bound to be good!

Here’s hoping we make it out alive!

Visit howtosurviveazombieapocalypse. co.uk for tour dates and tickets. Or download the podcast from iTunes.

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Photo by: Ashley Maille Words by: Amy Phillips & Tommy Gleeson

Slaves To Gravity Slaves to Gravity, winners of a Kerrang! Best Newcomer award, hit the road to help promote their new single. We asked front man Tommy Gleeson to keep a diary of the boys shenanigans, including a run in with chavs, missing his fiancÊ, and plenty of Jägermeister!

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Monday 19th April Having driven up to Carlisle last night to break the back of the long journey we all wake up fresh and ready for the first night of the tour. Three hours further north and three hours early for loading in our equipment, we find a café and sit down to discuss the set. This later gets cut by 15 minutes to accommodate the local support, meaning we have to lose some of the more dynamic material and opt for a no-frills approach. But it appears Monday nights in Dundee are not exactly where it’s at, but we give it our best. The cobwebs are well and truly blown out. The Jägermeister still tastes good and Black Spiders, who we’re touring with, seem like a lovely bunch of guys. It’s looking like it’ll be a fun 3 weeks.

Wednesday 21st April Tonight, Glasgow is in a party mood and we get a great reception from the crowd. It’s the slickest gig so far and we’re really starting to hit our stride. We get through two bottles of Jäger with fans at the merchandise desk before heading to the hotel in a bit of a state.

Thursday 22nd April Today is a day off, and we opt to stay in Glasgow before heading to our digs in Carlisle after lunch. We head over to a great guitar shop we know to try out a couple of amps that are hard to find anywhere else, but we have to leave when our wallets become too itchy. I drive back to Carlisle, and we venture out in search of a pub showing the Fulham football game. We pick the least threatening looking place, but within an hour we have the customary small town skinhead asshole in our face looking for a fight. He has a slimy chav mate behind him who we decide probably has a knife, or possibly a grenade, so we talk our way out of it and spend the rest of the night looking over our shoulders….

Friday 23rd April We make it out of Carlisle alive and head towards York where we’re playing tonight. I end up losing my cool with the guys as I’ve needed a piss for the last hour and I can’t take anymore. But we have some great fans here that have worked hard to promote the show with homemade flyers that we hang with for a little while after the gig.

Sunday 25th April Drove down to Derby after the gig last night. I’m hungover, but it’s a day off and I don’t get out of bed until gone 12, despite the best efforts of hotel housekeeping. I spend the rest of the day catching up with Kate, my fiancé, on Skype and watching an online documentary on fuzz pedals - I know, I’m a nerd! I crawl back into my unmade bed at 11 after washing some stage clothes in the bath with Head and Shoulders.

Monday 26th April The Wolverhampton gig venue is a huge improvement on the last few places. There’s off-street parking, a stair-less load-in, friendly staff and a really nice room with a good PA. We have a couple of interviews before the show and it’s a four-band bill so it’s pretty chaotic backstage. The gig is great and we make a good connection with the crowd, who are starting to sing the words to our new songs back at us, which is awesome!

Afterwards, a drunk arsehole falls into our merchandise display, knocking the whole thing over. He gets to his feet and goes straight for another free shot of Jäger before staggering out the door. Breathtaking!

Saturday 1st May Drove back to London after the gig last night as we have a day off today. I nearly burst into tears of joy when I saw my bed again, let alone the girl laying in it. Today is about resting, eating real food, catching up on Kate’s news and doing things I can’t repeat here - hence the brevity of this diary entry…!

Tuesday 4th May I hate London shows. Everyone we know is there - friends and enemies alike - not to mention management, labels, agents, promoters and press. It’s always mental and today is no exception. Don’t get me wrong, the support of these people is amazing and it is lovely to see them, but it’s a lot of extra pressure. You naturally want to play the gig of your life for them and sometimes it’s all too easy to psyche yourself out. Fortunately the turn out is great and we play our best show of the tour so far. The number of fans outweighs the number of industry peeps, so we manage to generate a response from a crowd that is supposed to be notoriously unresponsive. It’s chaos at the merch desk afterwards, but it’s a nice opportunity to have a few beers with our friends and catch up on their news - as well as have them blow lots of smoke up our arses!

Thursday 6th May As the rest of the country head to the polls in the general election, we trundle down the A35 towards Exeter. The feeling of being inside a tour bubble has never been more apparent than it is today. Still, if you’re going to sacrifice your right to a democratic vote it may as well be in the name of rock n’ roll! We have some family coming down tonight, as both Mark and myself are from this neck of the woods. It’s lovely to see them and have them see what we do best. We spend the remainder of the evening after the gig catching up with them before journeying back to my hometown of Ilminster for the night.

Friday 7th May Feeling well-hung, we grab a bite to eat before heading back east to Southampton. When we get to the gig we fear the worst, but by the time we take to the stage the place is absolutely slamming. It’s sold out and the kids here are really up for it. The smallest, craziest most fun gig of the tour without a shadow of a doubt. But don’t try and eat a kebab when parked on a zebra crossing here though. The fuzz don’t dig it!

Saturday 8th May Last show of the tour tonight. Three very young and very naive local support bands pretty much ruin everyone’s night by getting shit faced on our rider and running around the place like it’s a youth club, trying twice to barge past us whilst we’re onstage to get to the dressing room. They eventually leave, along with most of the audience and we play to a crowd who just doesn’t know how to respond. It’s a shame we couldn’t have ended the tour last night, as it was such a good one. We all say our goodbyes and head back to London around 1am.

This tour has tightened us up so much as a unit and it’s been great to reconnect with our fans. We’re all looking forward to the next step, wherever it may lead.

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SCREAMS THINKING OF STARTING YOUR OWN KICK ASS METAL BAND? Because let’s face it, we need more girls up front. But do you sound more like frank butcher than Courtney love? There’s one lady who is an expert in the metal roar and is responsible for the likes of Dani Filth’s scream and Corey Taylor’s killer vocals. And unless you want to end up sounding like you’ve swallowed a trolley full of razorblades, you need her advice…

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n first impressions, Melissa Cross looks more like your quirky Aunty Doris. Not an expert in rock and metal vocals with an impressive clientele including some of the best screamers in the business. But this flame haired little lady has had more tattooed metallers through her studio doors than a portaloo at Download Festival. All thanks to her oral technique (ahem), which produces that raw hardcore sound, without damaging the vocal chords.

Photos courtesy of: Melissa Cross Words by: Amy Phillips

Metal vocals really do test the strengths of the human voice, and can seriously damage the throat in the process. It’s not easy being that brutal! But on hearing the calls of the warriors of rock, Melissa set about creating her own instructional DVD aptly titled ‘The Zen of Screaming’. Part prolonged voice lesson, part homage to Melissa by her devoted students (actually it’s more of the latter), the DVD is comprised of lessons mixed with the heartfelt thanks from dozens of grateful, long-haired rockers.

As it turns out, the now Zen-like Melissa was a punk/hardcore singer herself beginning in London in the ‘70s right through the glittery New York ‘80s. After years of classical music training at the Bristol Old Vic Theatre School, she wanted to turn her hand to something more “aggressive and passionate”. So having been through the stages of extreme performing herself, Melissa is very familiar with the hardcore lifestyle and its unfortunate side effects; she badly damaged her own voice because of shows, and developed her vocal technique as an attempt to cure her own injury.

This healer of the hardcore set believes that the art of screaming lies in the missing link between her classical training and rock music. “I was able to extract the essential aspects of classical technique, apply them to speech - and then apply them back to music,” she explains. This unique method creates a balance between breath pressure and your vocal chords meaning you can really let rip but not screw up your voice permanently.

“Screaming can be done correctly that is, without damage. It’s all about learning the proper coordination. There are two sets of vocal chords in the larynx - the true chords (singing chords) and the false cords (screaming chords). Using proper breath pressure avoids the over-slamming of the false and true chords.”

It is a rather difficult method to put into words but Melissa describes that there are two types of scream: heat and fire.

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Musicians that Melissa (above) has worked with include A Day To Remember (right) and Corey Taylor, singer of Slipknot and Stone Sour (top right).

"It doesn't sound like singing at all. it sounds like mayhem, noise and violence"

Heat is where a scream has a pitch. Think Ozzy Osbourne and Steven Tyler. Whereas a fire scream alternatively has no defining pitch and has developed through metal music.

“It doesn’t sound like singing at all. It sounds like mayhem, noise and violence,” she says, noting Slipknot and Lamb of God as vocalists who use fire in heavy-metal bands.

But it’s hard to imagine the likes of Slipknot

stood around a piano having a vocal lesson from a petite middle-aged woman. That’s not the bad boy rock star impression we have planted in our minds. “There was this kind of mentality when this type of metal became more popular, that if you took singing lessons you were a sissy,” Melissa recalls of metal’s tough image. A busted-up throat, she says, is often seen as “a rite of passage especially with metal because its such an aggressive hazing experience.”

She seems to have an understanding for the rock star aesthetic, and an undeniable passion for the scream and this seems to be the reason why so many bands rely on Melissa for guidance. And although she sees all kinds in her studio – from the aspiring singer/songwriters, to the bouncy Broadway wannabes, and not forgetting the rock bands – she says that screaming is her comfort zone and her ‘speciality’.

“I love my job and I love teaching vocalists with a passion for the cutting edge, for the rebelliousness of letting it all go. But I respect the importance of control in getting across that passion without sounding contrived. I know what it’s like to want to be the best that you can be, and I see personal transformations.

And it’s a pure joy when my students are doing it well and doing it straight from the heart. It’s a great thing.”

And while she’s drawn to heavy metal music because of this “passion and aggressiveness,” this mother of one does draw the line: “I feel very much at home in the metal community...

Even though you wouldn’t catch me dead in a mosh pit or with a tattoo!”

The Zen of Screaming is available from amazon. com

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ailing from London, Accretion was formed in early H 2008, when in a moment of slight carelessness front woman Laura let band mate Tom near a drum kit.

After finding guitarists and a bassist, then learning a few covers to break the ice, Accretion began to write their own material. The first songs came with much effort, aggravation and changes in hair colour. But since then, they have knuckled down to write some epic material and work on the killer sound that they so rightly deserve.

Photos by: Dominique Marshall Words by: Amy Phillips

We dragged singer, Laura out of bed early one rainy morning to take her on a shopping trip down Carnaby Street to discuss personal style, gig outfits and what’s next for Accretion. “It’s so strange being here when it’s early. It’s so quiet! Normally it’s heaving.”

First stop, the Vans store. “I love Vans stuff. It’s girly yet tomboyish at the same time.” So is Laura a tomboy? “I used to be. I used to live in jeans and trainers. But over the past few years as I’ve grown up I’ve started wearing more dresses. I just borrowed my boyfriend’s money to buy a few pretty dresses last week,” she grins. “I say borrow, but I don’t know when he’ll get paid back!”

That’s what boyfriends are for though right?

Laura’s dressed today in a grey colour palette, with layers upon layers of clothing. “I normally layer everything up to make it different. And black and grey are what I stick to.

It’s just easy colour combinations. Some days I’ll go crazy with colours. But I’d rather stick to what’s me rather than try and copy something I’ve seen.”

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Laurahite w e l b b e h

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On passing the quirky David and Goliath store Laura squeals, “My hair used to be that colour!” referring to the window mannequins who are sporting vivid orange wigs! “I’ve had it purple, blue, pink. It’s fun to experiment.” Inside, Laura bops around to the shops music- this girl is full of energy! It’s obvious she belongs as a front woman.

“I don’t honestly know where all my energy comes from. I can never sit still!”

We have a dance around and giggle at the T-shirt slogans. “This is totally me!” She laughs holding up one T-shirt about being in a band, while a suspicious shop assistant eyes us up. “I’m not going to steal anything. Jesus!” We decide it’s probably best to leave before we’re asked to empty out our pockets!

“We have to go in here!” And of she goes, disappearing into the Irregular Choice store. “I adore these shoes. I just wish they weren’t so bloody expensive!” She points out heel after heel and lusts after a pair with a transparent plastic heel.

“Sometimes I’ll wear heels on stage, but because you have to jump around so much it’s not always a good choice.” I can imagine! She points out a pair of heavy looking army boots and tells me she loves her Doc Martens. “I lived in them for weeks.

Obviously I took them off for bed and showers and stuff, but you know what I mean.”

Wandering round the corner, Laura has very little desire to head out onto Oxford Street. “I hate Topshop!” She exclaims, sounding totally disgusted.

“Not so much the clothes, more like the people in there! It is just mayhem. Although saying that some of the clothes are pretty gross too. I was given a Topshop voucher one Christmas and found it hard to find anything I really liked. I ended up with pair of pink jeans that I’ve probably worn about once. I just bought something for the sake of it.”

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We stop outside H+M and she ponders about going in. “I love the high street, like the cheap and cheerful stuff. But sometimes it gets annoying because so many people end up with exactly the same outfit as you.” She explains she’s not really much of a trend follower, as she likes to take inspiration from herself. “If I like something and it’s in fashion then that’s cool. But if not then I’m not too fussed. I dress for myself.”

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“I love my rings. I always wear a lot of jewellery.”

“I love trying on hats. But I never buy them. How do I look?”

But being in a band full of boys must be quite nice. No chance of anyone copying your outfit then! “It is quite good. I get to be centre of attention and I like to dress up a bit. I know some bands that will go on stage in a tracksuit and look like a tramp! I feel like because I’m in front, I’m the one representing us, so I don’t want people thinking we’re dirty! It’s fun to prance around in a nice dress. I may be in a rock band, but that doesn’t mean I can’t be a little girly.”

“But as a band we kind of made an agreement,” she explains. “We agreed that we’d wear black for a show.

Just to give us some kind of union. Although I must admit, I don’t always stick to that rule!” she giggles. “I’m sure the lads don’t mind though.”

I can’t help but think, this petite red haired little lady who is the singer in a band reminds me of someone… “ I am not like Hayley Williams!” she proclaims.

“People always say we remind them of Paramore because of me, but we tried to keep our music as far away from their style as possible. One guitarist keeps insisting we do a Paramore cover and I’m like no way!”

Laura describes Accretion as heavy rock, drawing influences from bands such as Rise Against and KoRn. “But that’s only two. We have hundreds of bands who inspire us.”

Accretion recently won an A+R competition which was judged by top UK producer Mike Spencer. “We were competing against several other bands and they picked us!” Laura shrugs, seemingly shocked and bemused at the win. “It was a bit of a surprise to be honest.” They won the opportunity to film a music video, and not to mention numerous industry contacts. “He was awesome. He told us to keep going and give him a call when we think we’re ready.” This could be the start of great things for Accretion. Watch this space…

Visit myspace.com/weareaccretion

“I really don’t like leopard print. It’s just too Pat Butcher.”

“White jeggings? What the fuck?! That’s just a whole new level.”

“Seriously? Why make maxi-dresses just for tall people? I’d be tripping over this all day!”

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o h W you e r a llin'? e u f

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Rock music, fire, and crazy stunts? Nope, it’s not a Jackass set. Meet Teta Stone. A kick ass, fire breathing, booty shaking, whisky drinking member of rock ‘n’ roll dance troupe, The Fuel Girls.

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Photo by: Christine Nderitu Photos courtesy of: The Fuel Girls Words by: Amy Phillips

he Fuel Girls are a band of babes that have taken their passion of dancing, rock music, stunt shows and not to mention partying to a whole new level. The Fuel Girls perform all over the world at a variety of parties and high profile events. From driving the Gumball Rally, to performing on stage with Motorhead, previous shows have taken them to Las Vegas, San Tropez, Hollywood and Miami as well as closer to home events like Movida, SKiN, Maya and Café De Paris in London.

But despite their appearance, these girls are no princesses. They’re not lap dancers, or pink, fluffy ‘break a nail’ models who aspire to being in Nuts magazine. They are fucking badass! And the girls’ lifestyle is fast, loud and full of energy and we caught up with Teta just as she arrived back from spending two weeks on tour in Asia.

The Fuel Girls began over seven years ago, the line ups have changed and evolved over the years but the girls are going from strength to strength. Non-stop touring and promotions have enabled the girls to establish themselves as a hardworking yet thrilling stunt show. They have a tonne of Facebook and Myspace fans, their own merchandise line including DVDs and T-shirts and tour that’s keeping them busy for the rest of the year! Crazy pyrotechnics, fire breathing and even fire hula hoops are all in a days work for Teta.

But working with all that fire, does she ever shit her pants that she might get hurt? “It never runs through your mind at the time, but it is pretty dangerous, and people do get injured, everything from small cuts and scrapes to broken bones and serious burns!” But like a real trooper, the show must go on. And in this field of true rock ‘n’ roll madness you really wouldn’t want to have to miss out.

“Probably the biggest shows are when we tour with an FMX and BMX stunt show called ‘Masters of Dirt’. It pulls audiences of ten thousand people per night! Obviously a show like that is much bigger and more extreme than the club shows we do. So there are lots of big fire stunts, cannons, and girls on aerial hoops. We even have a 40ft stage with ramps and a turn-table to allow cars to be driven onto stage as part of our touring show!”

During a typical show, the girls will ride on the back of motorcycles and quad bikes (and not safely!), dance on cars and have drivers pull stunts around them. But for someone who is part of a show filled with cars and petrol heads, Teta isn’t particularly nifty behind the wheel. “I actually can’t drive!” she confesses. “I would love to learn to ride a motorbike properly though. A couple of the girls ride bikes. They’re a wicked group of girls!”

And you only have to glance at these girls to see that they ooze sex appeal. But at the same time, they still manage to maintain an awesome rock chick style that is their own. Hot pants and ripped fishnets with band T-shirts is the Fuel Girls uniform – cliché? Maybe. But we bet you wish you looked this good! “Our style is very DIY so like we cut up our clothes to make a glamorous punk rock style. And of course we wear massive heels!” Teta informs me that they love glamour and punk rock in equal measures. She is proud to admit that none of the girls have fake boobs! Tattoos and dark hair are also encouraged. “I’m gonna get started on a new tattoo piece over the summer if I get some time! It always takes me so long to think over my big pieces because I like to design them myself as much as I can.”

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But on her days off, she’s just a regular tomboy. “People don’t always expect it, but I’m definitely a casual dress girl. I live in my boyfriends jeans!” Sounds like a girl after our own hearts. “Day to day I never wear heels, in fact I had to teach myself to walk well in them when I joined, let alone dance!” But these days, she can strut her stuff with the best of them in skyscraper heels. I can only imagine the pain these girls must feel at the end of each show!

But shimmying around in revealing outfits in front of thousands of people must make a girl extremely body conscious – I mean, letting all those people see your stomach and arse cheeks every night? “Everyone has insecurities, and it does get hard when you’re having a fat day and you have to wear skimpy clothing and have your photo taken!” But for Teta, when confidence is a big part of your job there is no time for shyness. She can’t snuggle up under her duvet and eat chocolate like the rest of us. She just has to forget about any self-consciousness she may be feeling and get on with the shows, and that takes one gutsy girl! “At the end of the day, confidence is more sexy then having hangups, and the little things you hate about yourself don’t even matter to others!”

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Tetas favourite performance outfit is compiled of her ‘Everytime I Die’ T-shirt with cut up shorts and fetish heels. “But the T-shirt was ripped off me when I stage dived at one of our Manchester shows about a month ago, very sad!” This girl is badass! “Every Time I Die are one of my favourite bands. I also love the Deftones and Parkway Drive. And I can’t wait to take some time of in June to go to Download festival.”

“We get in trouble for trashing hotels, and clubs, sometimes people even get arrested!”

Sexy dancing to metal is something most of us will only try out in the privacy of our bedrooms! Or if we’ve had one too many at the local alt club – but that’s another story…! But for Teta, she gets to call it work. It’s a hard life eh? “It’s the most amazing and fun job in the world! I wouldn’t even call it work to be honest. We even get to pick our own songs to perform to and I have two favourites for my solos; ‘Love Song’ by Snake River Conspiracy and ‘Slept So Long’ by Jonathan Davis. Recently I’ve been performing to ‘Vermillion’ by Slipknot as well.” The fact that the girls all share a love of rock music really allows their personalities to shine through and it’s easy to see that they love performing. It would be a totally different show if Britney Spears was to be blasted through the speakers! “That would never happen, trust me” Teta laughs.

Hot girls in skimpy outfits, cars and alcohol sound like any mans dream!

But leering old men aren’t generally what the girls have come to expect.

“We normally draw in a younger crowd, which is quite evenly spread with guys and girls which is nice. The girls tend to get more rowdy then the guys do!” Fuck yeahh! “We’re often pulling girls up onto the stages to dance with us.”

Teta’s stories of crazy nights of drinking are proof that the girls are just down for a good time. “The FMX show we perform with Masters of Dirt gets a bit crazy. The riders are pretty wild and we can match them for sure! Every time we are away with them we get in trouble for trashing hotels, and clubs, sometimes people even get arrested!”

But of obviously she’s out not too cause trouble, the girls just love to party! “The last tour we did we had to have security guards to escort us everywhere and keep us out of trouble!”

Touring with a group of girls with lots of drunken nights would be a recipe for cat-fights galore for most of us. But in comparison, the Fuel Girls are a very close-knit group. “We’re very tight! It would be impossible to spend so much time together if we didn’t get on. When we get back from being away and we spend a few days apart we really miss each other!” That’s real rock ‘n’ roll love right there.

Partying not only with some of your best friends, but also with some of the world’s best riders and rockstars? Dancing to rock ‘n’ roll while breathing fire then washing it all down with champagne? Being encouraged to get tattooed? Hands up if you want to be a Fuel Girl…

Yeah, us too! We envy your life.

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T R O P E R L SPECIA

G N I F R U S D W O CR

Crowd surfing is like a blonde Kat Von D; love it or hate it.

And the debate over whether it’s a selfish act or an exhilarating experience is one that has been raging for decades. And it’s one of the few times when your life is in someone else’s hands – literally!

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ut most venues are now trying B to urge against it by throwing repeated offenders out and it is even

illegal in some countries. There is a warning on the Reading and Leeds festival websites to discourage it and Download Festival security are threatening crowd surfers with eviction from the venue without a refund. And due to the seriousness of injury that can occur, and in some severe cases even death, it’s no surprise that a crack down on the ‘sport’ is underway.

Even seasoned crowd surfer Iggy Pop has vowed to quit doing it after a recent incident in New York that left him badly bruised. But then by huge contrast, diva – extraordinaire Beyoncé Knowles herself took a dive into the crowd at one of her arena shows last November. With so many venues cracking down on the art, is it still just a bit of fun or is it something that just makes you look like a total dickhead?

Photo by: Christine Nderitu Words by: Amy Phillips

For some, there’s nothing quite like being hoisted up and passed/thrown from person to person. That is until some guy ‘accidentally’ grabs your tit! You’re probably only in the air for about five seconds, but it’ll probably be your five most exhilarating seconds at the concert. “Crowd surfing is fun!” declares Chloe, a self-proclaimed expert at the art.

“Honestly, if you don’t want any part of it, stay out of the pits where most people choose to crowd surf. I do see that is has a dangerous side, I’ve been dropped and, yeah, it hurts.

But you only ever end up with a few bruises” the 21 year old reasons.

“But on the whole, it’s definitely something you have to try at least once in your life!”

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She has been raised up in front of some of the best, such as Metallica, Papa Roach and er… Busted (but we’ll forgive her for that last one). “As for girls getting groped, usually you aren’t in one place long enough for anyone to feel around much.”

But Chloe recommends that even if you do have guys reaching for your private parts, to just enjoy it.

“You’re being thrust into a crowd of testosterone and you’re a hot girl!

Let them have a bit of excitement!”

Some bands even encourage crowd surfing, and don’t always give a shit about crowd safety. Enter Shikari have been guilty of trying to get as many people as possible over the barrier, and even attempting to convince audience members to create a human pyramid. Dozens of floundering bodies all scrambling over one another is sure to keep the gig medics busy!

But as for getting up there in the first place, it’s probably not the best idea to suddenly start clambering on to people’s shoulders - that’s the easiest way to instantly piss off everyone around you and end up flat on your face before you’ve even in the air. Instead, find two taller people, put one hand on each of their shoulders, and hoist yourself up (with their permission of course).

That’ll give you a chance to survey the audience first, and it’ll also let others see what you’re up to and brace themselves.

Hey if it good enough for the likes of Beyoncé…! Crowd surfing in stilettos? We salute you!

But for every person who loves to crowd surf, there are probably ten who hate it! “Crowd surfing is the most annoying shit in the world. I get tired of worrying about people’s fucking fat arses landing on my head while I’m trying to dance,” complains Stacey, aged 19, who has been kicked in the face many-a-time by some “fat bitch” flailing around above her.

But what about those who say that anti-crowd surfers should avoid the pits? Surely if you don’t want to get caught up in it you could stay away from the front stage region? “Yes, those of us who want to dance and enjoy the music should have to put ourselves far away from the stage and the best views of the band so we don’t inconvenience a small minority of c*nts who want to crowd surf.

That makes tons of sense.” Point made! All ticket holders pay the same price, so why should some be forced to stand at the back?

And do guys just take advantage and have an extra grab or two at the private parts of girls who crowd surf, and then turn to their fellow alt bro, and declare, “Dude, I just touched her tit”? It’s cringe worthy to think that a slight brush of boob is all that some of these poor bastards can get.

“And I’m a girl. And, ok, just because I look a little tough, doesn’t mean I can hold the weight of a fully grown man!” And Stacey isn’t the only lady who has suffered a bit of wrist damage. Injuries such as sprains, bruising, broken bones and even concussion are not uncommon.

There have also been a reported number of deaths due to the act, including one notorious incident in 2007 in which a young man died at a Smashing Pumpkins concert.

Witnesses say he was crowd surfing and fell, before being dragged from the crowd.

Lead singer Billy Corgan was later heard on stage saying on behalf of his band, “I just want to say one thing to you, young, college lugheadtypes. I’ve been watching people like you slugging around other people for years. And you know what? It’s the same shit. I wish you’d understand that in an environment like this, and in a setting like this, it’s fairly inappropriate and unfair to the rest of the people around you.” Well said!

So ladies, is it worth risking not only your safety, but also the safety of dozens of other people?

And for what, a few seconds of an uncomfortable ride to the barrier, where you instantly be dragged (and not gently) down by security only to then be pushed out of the venue? “I didn’t pay money to miss most of the show,” Stacey adds.

Crowd surfing will always be part of the rock ‘n’ roll spirit, so should those against it quit their complaining and put up with it?

Sadly, there is always going to be some inconsiderate individual who will kick you in the face, regardless of venue rules. The current bans aren’t particularly effective, and concert security are going to have a tough time trying to control hundreds of people. And as soon as something is banned, the more attractive it becomes – kind of like nose rings in schools!

Think about what you’re doing girls. If you want to be fondled and bruised for a quick thrill, go for it.

But seriously consider those around you. If the crowd is small, don’t do it! You will get hurt, and hurt others in the process. Don’t just jump onto unsuspecting victims and expect them to carry you. They won’t.

Crowd surfing is a fairly selfish, not to mention dated, act. It’s dangerous, painful and over in seconds. Our recommendation; don’t even go there! But if you can’t resist, please surf safe!

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF CROWD SURFING? Visit our website to have your say.

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Photos by: Dominique Marshall Illustrations & words by: Amy Phillips

d e i f i r r Te hat's w f o e d i s in

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Misstallica METALLICA ARE HITTING THE UK FOR A SHORT TOUR – cleverly disguised as women!

Introducing Misstallica, the all female metallica tribute band. We grabbed bass player Teddi Tarnof for a quick chat in preparation for their U.K. invasion!

How did Misstallica begin?

We started off as Queen Diamond, an all female tribute to King Diamond, and from that got some attention around Philadelphia, PA (our hometown). We were offered a gig opening for this old school Sabbath tribute but were specifically asked to play Metallica songs instead. So in a month’s time we transformed into Metallicunt. But decided to change our name to Misstallica for obvious reasons!

Ha-ha. Brilliant! So how long have you guys been together as a band?

We’ve been in a band together for 3 years now. Misstallica has been in existence for the last 2.

As a bunch of girls playing the infamous songs of such a well respected all male metal band, have you ever had to struggle for respect?

Photos by: Ashley Covington, Sunny Khalsa Words by: Amy Phillips

We don’t really struggle for respect. But we do get a lot of skeptics that come out to see if we’re just silly girls or if we really do the music justice. I hope we’re convincing. In fact, I know we’re convincing!

We have a good name for our selves in the Philly/New York City area, and in June we’re doing a few dates down south in the States.

But this UK tour will be our first international venture, and we’re trying to pick up the pace with getting shows and more importantly, followers, all around the world.

What are you looking forward to most about being in the UK? We’re really looking forward to meeting the people, making new friends and playing amazing shows.

This will really be our first proper tour but we’ve all been touring musicians for years. I would like to think that we behave ourselves but we’re some of the goofiest girls you’d ever meet and I’m sure we’ve left our mark at the places we’ve played!

Do you generally get women in the audience or a nice mix of sexes?

Do Metallica know about you guys?

We’ve heard rumblings the Lars at least is aware of both of our bands, but we haven’t been formerly contacted or anything.

Drink of choice?

Jack Daniels straight!

Good girl. So what do you wear on stage?

Our stage attire reflects what Metallica would wear back in the day. Jeans, T-shirts and boots! Simple, nothing fancy.

And finally, where do you see Misstallica in five years time?

Aside from Misstallica we all have our own original bands and projects that are our primary focuses. But Misstallica I think could have a long fruitful life. And as long as there are people out in the world who love and support what we do, we’ll keep Misstallica going.

Our audience is actually a good mix of men and women. We get the men who love Metallica and like looking at girls. And we get the women who love Metallica and/or love music and really appreciate that there are female musicians who can do it just as good as the men.

Can’t wait for the shows!

What’s your personal favorite song to cover?

See ticketmaster.co.uk for tour dates and tickets.

Hmm.... let’s go with “Disposable Heroes”

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Illustration by: Rachel Halsey Words by: Ben Roberts

We all know boys can be right little bastards! So… we’ve got one of them to give a man’s opinion on all of your relationship issues. Because sometimes, don’t you just wish you could get inside his head? From break ups to anal sex, our very own Agony Uncle is on hand to give you a shoulder to cry on. And maybe be a little bastard himself…

I have a secret crush on my best friends boyfriend. But she’s cheating on him behind his back. I really want to tell him what she’s doing. But I don’t want to betray her. I know he deserves better. What should I do?

Talk to her and find out why she’s cheating on him. He might not be as amazing as you think he is. But you can tell her you don’t think its fair. I’d see what she says to that then decided if you want to tell her bf. But on the other side if you do tell him; he might not believe you, your best friend will hate you and even after that I doubt very much that he will want to get together with you. Or he could want to get his own back and cheat on her with you. That way, everyone wins! (But that’s not the best idea in the world may I add).

My boyfriend wants to post videos of us having sex online. I’m not so keen on the idea.

How do I stop him or convince him not to?

If he wants to post videos on the Internet and already has the footage then they’re probably already out there I’m afraid. All you’ve got to do is say that you don’t want him too.

If he cares for you then he’ll listen and take them down. Ff he doesn’t then... what’s the URL?

My boyfriend broke up with me 3 months ago.

But I still find myself ending up in bed with him.

If he didn’t love me, he wouldn’t want to have sex with me right?

He doesn’t love you. End of. He’s quite obviously using you for that one thing without having the hassle of actually being with you. The words ‘booty call’ and ‘fuck buddy’ spring to mind and if that’s all you want, then feel free to carry on but you wont get anything more out of it.

What is it with men and anal sex? I’m not that into it, but my man wants it every time. How do I tell him it’s not that great and to leave my arsehole alone?

Try touching his arsehole and see if he likes it. Or simply say that you don’t want to do it, its better to be a little blunt than do it for the sake of it. You have to enjoy sex too otherwise it can become a right pain the in the arse…literally!

I’ve been with my boyfriend over 15 months. But I’m just not happy. In the last two months I’ve tried breaking up with him twice but he just cries and begs me not to leave him. I feel so trapped. I really need some space to do my own thing but he just doesn’t understand. What can I do?

I can almost guarantee that in most break ups someone cries, so this is not uncommon. (Although this guy sounds a little needy if you ask me!) But if you want to break up with him then you should, it’s harsh but you’re being unfair by staying with him and making him believe you are happy.

A relationship is not a relationship if only one of the two people are happy.

My new boyfriend is all talk. He tells me all the dirty things he wants to do to me, but when it comes down to it he just doesn’t live up to his promises. Why all the mouth and no action?

Get Hard or Go Home right? But it doesn’t mean that he doesn’t want to do the things he tells you. Maybe he can’t, maybe he doesn’t know how or maybe he is doing them but you’re expecting something different. He might not think that you feel the same about the things he’s said. Talk to him and if you feel the same, maybe tell him things you want to do to him. You need to just get involved love!

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YOUR DEMISE HOT ON THE HEELS of previous hertfordshire exports such as gallows and enter shikari, Your Demise are the ones to watch on the hardcore scene. The lads tell us about the one album that changed their perspective on music…

Ed ‘Everything You Ever Wanted To Know About Silence’ - Glassjaw Words by: Amy Phillips

As much as I agree with Jimmy on his choice, if it weren’t for Glassjaw, I’d have never heard American Nightmare! This record is the reason I always wanted to be in a band, Daryl Palumbo is the reason I wanted to be a front man. I guess it’s the same as everyone else because it introduced me to a whole world of new music that I probably wouldn’t have heard if it weren’t for this record! Oh, and also anything by The Smiths, Morrissey is my boy!

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Tailby ‘Enema Of The State’ - Blink 182 The reason I play drums today is down to this record. I remember hearing it and thinking that the whole sound, the drums especially, was literally the best thing I had ever heard. To this day, no one has ever written a better pop punk record than Enema Of The State - Fact! Although I can’t not mention Rancid, who are my favourite band of all time. But Enema Of The State changed my outlook on music completely.

It’s the soundtrack to my youth y’know?

Oz ‘Calculating Infinity’ - The Dillinger Escape Plan I recently saw Dillinger Escape Plan at SXSW Festival in Austin, in a tiny room, and I literally feared for my life man! It was the most insane show I’ve ever seen, and it reminded me how much I love this band, and how influential they were on my musical perceptions when I was younger.

NO ONE HAS EVER WRITTEN A BETTER POP PUNK RECORD THAN ENEMA OF THE STATE - FACT! Tailby - Drums

Jimmy ‘Year One’ - American Nightmare As soon as I heard this record, I thought to myself, “this is how hardcore should sound” and it opened the door to all the bands I love to this day. The sole reason I wanted to play hardcore and punk rock is this record.

Stu ‘Dirt’ - Alice In Chains It was the first Alice In Chains record I ever heard, and through that, I got into the whole Seattle grunge sound. From that day on, I’ve been a huge fan. It’s something that reflected on my guitar playing as a whole, and still does now.

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REVIEWS

DEFTONES DIAMOND EYES D

Reviews by: Chantelle Lavel

eftones are notorious for large gaps between album releases. But given the current circumstances, we can forgive them this time.

The band has been pushed to the brink following a tragic car accident, which has seen Chi Cheung, the band’s bassist, in a coma since 2008. They had already begun to write and record a new album with Chi, but decided to scrap the previous material and focus on their own survival. Diamond Eyes, however, doesn’t see Deftones delving into expected depression; instead they have evolved their sound once more, and whilst Chi is undoubtedly strong in their hearts and thoughts, the alt-metal heroes have managed to reach new levels of progression.

The album was recorded in two months and produced by Nick Raskulinecz, who has worked with artists such as Foo Fighters, Marilyn Manson and Trivium. For this record, Deftones snubbed digital comforts used on previous albums in favour of writing songs as a band again. You could almost say that Chi’s accident has brought them closer and

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tightened them up as a group. The result is an eleven-track staggering success, defying expectation and leaping forward with optimism.

Throughout their career, Deftones’ sound has shifted between metal (Adrenaline, Deftones) and experimental (Saturday Night Wrist), and rarely getting the combination as precise as on their classic White Pony. The past two albums, in particular, saw the band leaning too heavily in either direction, resulting in a sort of identity crisis. It was almost as if they couldn’t decide on a sound or style.

But Diamond Eyes marks an end to the confusion. Stephen Carpenter’s chugging riffs and Frank Delgado’s ambient keys and samples haven’t melded into something this solid since White Pony. And Chino Moreno’s voice may never have sounded as good as it does here.

So despite recent tragedies and personal struggles, Deftones have risen to new heights with an album that is surges into the light and is the beginning of promising new horizons.

REVIEWS

THE ROAD DVD RELEASE I

f you fancy a real dooms-day downer, then John Hillcoat’s The Road is for you. Based on the harrowing novel by Cormac McCarthy, The Road tells the tale of an unnamed man and his son, travelling across a post-apocalyptic America.

The father and son, played by Viggo Mortensen and a sensitive yet whiney young actor named Kodi Smit-McPhee, drift through a world ruined by an unknown force. A few flashbacks bring to mind their lives before, when there was a mother on the scene, played warmly by Charlize Theron.

Then something happened. Was it nuclear war? Environmental disaster?

We’ll never know. But what we do know is that it left a lot of people dead, threw the mother into despair and gutted the civilization those of us in the comfort of our homes take for granted.

The most striking aspect of The Road is just how fully the filmmakers have produced this bleak, blighted landscape of a modern society reduced to it’s original primitive form. A grimy, damp fog hangs over everything, making the whole feel of the movie dark. And instead of birdsong and an upbeat music score, there is simply the eerie creak and crash of falling trees. Vehicles sit abandoned on roads, houses stand vacant, and what used to be towns are now wreckages full of violence.

The only thing scarier than the empty, bleak roads is the possibility of seeing people on them, who are more likely to be predators than possible companions. Man and Boy are not the only human beings left.

There are roving gangs of cannibals who mirror flesh-eating zombies in a horror movie. And The Road, at its best, has some of the grisly thrills of a horror genre.

The panic that must have been in full force in the early days of the apocalypse has long since given way, to weary anxiety and constant fear. This is now their normal life, full of desperate scavenging broke up by dangerous encounters and occasional bouts of good luck.

But The Road, though at times powerful, has not reached it’s full potential. The full horror of the situation hasn’t been grasped. Though there are moments of emotional intensity and terrible heartbreak, those striking dramatic detours around the bend are few and far between. The film is reluctant to go that far into despair, and, like Mortensen’s character, offers a reassurance that can feel a bit dishonest.

The difference is that the father is fighting not to lose his son, while the filmmakers are striving not to lose an audience. In other words, if you’ve been mulling over embarking on this journey, it’s be a good idea to cancel your reservations.

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Volume HERE AT REBELICIOUS we promise to bring you best in new music and unsigned bands. This month, we recommend you check out these five acts that are destined for big things. ac Laura and Tom formed Accretion in late 2007, then slowly new members trickled in to form their current line up. First came Piers in early 2008, followed by Rickie and Mannix earlier this year. They describe their sound as heavy alternative rock with a big grunge influence.

At this moment in time they are writing a new set of songs in preparation to play live.

Their biggest song right now is ‘Accidents’, which helped them to win a competition judged by record producer Mike Spencer.

As their prize they will be recording a music video n the forthcoming weeks. They aren’t looking to gig just yet, however they are playing a one off event on the 4th of June for some friends. Look out for them in July/ August time though, as they’ll be gigging as much and as often as possible!

INFLUENCES:

Photos by: Aisling Dee Burt Words by: Amy Phillips

ACCRETION

Rise Against KoRn Breaking Benjamin myspace.com/weareaccretion

Cuter In The Dark are a six-piece band from all over East London, and relatively new to the music scene having formed in late 2009. But they have been writing and creating new music ever since. Cuter In The Dark have already played at some smaller venues across London and are hoping to expand to gig across Britain in the future.

Drawing on influences from bands such as A Day to Remember and Alexisonfire the guys describe their style as metal mixed with emo and thanks to all of their hard work, we’re wishing them lots luck for making big strides. They deserve it.

INFLUENCES:

A Day To Remember Machine Head Bullet For My Valentine myspace.com/cuterinthedark1

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CUTER IN THE DARK

ac

F3tch are a four piece band from London and since forming in 2006 have grown huge amounts.

Determined to having the best line up and live performances possible, the band have worked hard to move forward constantly by pushing boundaries and breaking barriers to spread its music to a wider fan base and be on top of their game.

F3tch have played a number of great shows with great bands and promoters, spreading their music and fan base through the unsigned scene.

With bookings for shows coming in all the time, merchandise selling well and constantly receiving new friend adds online with high praises of their first four track demo, the band are on a high and are working on more material and booking more gigs.

F3TCH ac

F3tch held the number 1 spot on the Kerrang!

Unsigned website charts, have got thousands of views on YouTube as well as a Top 100 UK Musicians spot. The band was also placed in the Top 10 out of 1130+ bands for The Rocker/Kerrang! competition.

They are definitely ones to watch!

INFLUENCES:

Limp Bizkit Deftones Korn myspace.com/f3tch

Aces Wild are a 5-piece metal band based in London, who since 2002 have changed names twice before settling on the name they found success under. They have a very distinctive sound and describe their style as similar to Metallica, Iron Maiden and Avenged Sevenfold. Think guitar riff led tracks with tonnes of energy.

Aces Wild recently played at the In-Fest 3 event hosted by Rebellious Noise, and are currently taking a break from gigs in order to write new material and head back into the studio to record the increasingly popular new songs, Screaming Your Name and 44. They are also looking to have an album ready to release in Late 2010. Keep your ears peeled. We’re expecting big things from these guys.

INFLUENCES:

Pantera Black Label Society Led Zeppelin myspace.com/aceswildreborn

ACES WILD

HERE LIES AFFLICTION

INFLUENCES:

Rise Against KoRn Breaking Benjamin myspace.com/hereliesaffliction

Here Lies Affliction, a five piece group from Harrow are one of the UK’s fastest up and coming metal bands.

Originally starting off as a hardcore band, as time has gone on more and more elements of skull crushingly heavy metal has merged into the style of the band meaning that despite their collective young age, HLA can deliver a brutal live experience matched by few bands with many years more gigging under their belts.

Celebrating their recently released new E.P. Catharsis, Here Lies Affliction plan to tour as much as possible during the rest of 2010. They have already landed themselves a major slot supporting fellow UK metallers Malefice at shows in London and Milton Keynes and are booked to play the Sludgefest festival in Kent in June amongst other dates. Their live experience is already building them a great reputation and they have fans in places ranging from Slough to Singapore.

Go check out Here Lies Affliction at a venue near you soon, you will not regret that you did.

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GHOULS NIGHT OUT

If you happen to be walking down Tottenham Court Road on a Monday night and see a gaggle of youths huddled on a side corner, don’t worry, you’re not about to be mugged! They’re just waiting to get pissed up and jump around at one of London’s ‘best alternative club nights’. We sent Marie McManamon to check out Anthem at Punk where she found out that, ladies…it isn’t worth shouting about!

A

Words & Photo by: Marie McManamon

nthem is a weekly alternative night at Punk nightclub in Soho, claiming to have ‘London’s best rock DJ’s’ at the decks. Well they must be getting younger and younger because the only DJ I saw looked about twelve! Every Monday, Anthem draws a young crowd, which means ID’s at the ready girls – you will be asked for it. And with this in mind, it may tell you something about the kind of age range that this night draws. As I am fast approaching my twentieth birthday, still in my prime you might say, even I felt like a cougar preying on the young and innocent. Some of these kids must have pretty good fake ID’s that’s all I can say!

With heels and, heaven forbid, trousers on it seemed to go against the uniform of the night, which mainly consisted of flats and short skirts. Although looking back, the ‘uniform’ was probably a better choice, meaning you can head bang for longer and in comfort.

With free entry before eleven and only £5 to get in after, admittedly Punk is a reasonably priced club in London - a sentence you do not usually hear. Happy hour is between 9-11pm but even after this vodka, whisky and beer is still £2.50.

Punk itself is a stylish club, describing its decor as a Parisian boudoir.

But whilst the staff are friendly, beware of the toilet attendant, who like most in West end nightclubs, is only after one thing - money of course. After tipping her the first time, she kept asking for money. It’s to be expected I suppose. But annoyingly you could not pop to the ladies without hearing the tapping of her fingers on the coin plate.

The toilet itself was lit up like a dungeon - dark. But at least this meant you couldn’t see your reflection too clearly so you can think you look hot whatever your state! Not such a bad thing.

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This aside the night is all about the music, with tunes from 30 seconds to Mars and Paramore. So disappointingly, the music stuck to the same formula of American Punk Rock. Where I had hoped for maybe a bit of Funeral For A Friend or You Me At Six to be played, there seemed to be a mutiny to anything other than American bands. I wanted the DJ to prove his rock credentials, and to spin the bands who are usually left sitting on the side lines when it comes to music on a night out, and to not wheel out the obligatory rock tune of ‘Mr. Brightside’ from The Killers.

Alas it was not meant to be. Strangely the last hour consisted of anything but rock with Kesha’s ‘Tik Tok’ to Black Eyed Peas ‘Rock That Body’ to which the locals were not pleased and all dived for seats. That is the thing; Anthem has locals. And every Monday they all trot down to that side road, all knowing one another like some kind of secret club. This makes anyone new to the scene feel like an outsider. Speaking to one regular Georgia aged 18, she informed me that it was “hit and miss, sometimes its good and other nights bad”. So could it be that the night I went to just happened to be one of those bad nights? I doubt it. The message to Punk is that it must try harder. This particular Anthem is not for the masses.

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SKULL CUPCAKES OK, SO WE MAY NOT BE WINNING MASTERCHEF anytime soon with this creation. But at least we had a scream making these ghoulish treats…

M AK ES

Preheat the oven to 170ºC.

INGREDIENTS

Photos & Words by: Amy Phillips

120g plain flour 140g caster sugar 1 and a half teaspoons baking powder 40g unsalted butter 1 egg 120ml whole milk Few drops of vanilla extract Pinch of salt For the icing: 120g icing sugar (sifted) 80g unsalted butted 25ml whole milk Few drops of vanilla extract For decoration: 12 large marshmallows Stick of liquorice Chocolate chips

Put the flour, sugar, baking powder, salt and butter in a bowl and blend using a handheld electric whisk until you have a sandy consistency.

Beat the icing sugar and butter using the electric whisk and gradually pour in the milk and vanilla extract.

Continue beating until soft and fluffy.

Gradually pour in half the milk and beat until incorporated.

Before icing the cupcakes, you need to create the skull head. Cut the marshmallows in half, width-wise.

Whisk the egg, vanilla extract and remaining milk in a separate bowl, then pour into the flour mixture and continue beating until everything is mixed together. Continue beating until smooth.

Carefully pull each cupcake liner partially away from the cake at one edge and tuck half a marshmallow between the paper and the cupcake to create the skull’s jaw.

Spoon the mixture into the cupcake cases until two-thirds full and bake in the preheated oven for 20-25 minutes.

When golden, remove from oven and leave to cool on a wire rack.

While cakes are cooling, prepare the icing.

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12

Ice each cupcake and marshmallow jaw. Then add the sliced liquorice for the teeth and eyes and a chocolate chip nose.

Best served with a cup of tea!

Think you can do better? To be honest you probably can! So send us your cupcake creations to amyphillips@live.co.uk

COCKTAILS We are dedicated to helping you have an awesome night.

Ripped tights, smudged eyeliner and puke in your hair are just the optional extras…!

rinkht d , outll nig !" s s pa nce a legs u o l y d. Da your l i t ty ' 're dea't feel r a "P y o u c a n l u 'til ill yo 't

Fucked by a Rockstar

‘Cause every girl wants it…

1 oz vodka ½ oz orange liqueur e.g. cointreau ½ oz red bull Pour measures into a shot glass and down quick for a wild ride.

Jäger Suicide

Jägerbombs are for sissies! Give up the ghost and try this high alcohol variation.

1 shot Redbull 2-3 shots Jägermëister Pour Jägermëister into a tall glass. Fill a shot glass with the Redbull and drop into the Jäger glass. You’ll be dead in the morning!

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PARDO N ME?

Actual Lyricset

This month we persuaded married couple Brian, aged 53, and Jayne, aged 47, to sing-a-long to the opening chorus of Bring Me the Horizon’s ‘Chelsea Smile’. Are they able to decipher Oli Sykes vocals? In short, no. But their attempts were hilarious to say the least…

Photos & Words by: Amy Phillips

r , it’s t a se c I’ve go f my tongues. o g y lun the tip It’s on the back of mkeep it. a n o gonn don’t And I’mmething you o s I know know.

Take Two. Brian: Look I’ve a secret.

With those clipper tools at the back of a warts head.

Rye cannot keep it.

I know something you don’t like.

Take One.

“Do they not do any ballads?”

Brian

Jayne

Look at this secret.

It’s hidden in the world but at the back of a wart’s head.

I can’t take that.

I have something you won’t love.

Like I’ve a secret.

I told two of my dogs sat on the back of my world.

But I can’t keep it.

But there’s something I don’t love.

“Is that the Tasmanian devil from the Looney Toons? I have no idea what that man is saying? Is it a man? Is that noise even human?”

Jayne: Like how I take it.

It’s something you don’t love and it’s my dog’s world.

And I’m just done sleeping.

I have something you don’t love.

“Wait… did he just say something about taking his clothes off?”

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“He’s definitely saying something about dogs right?”

We’re pretty sure dogs and warts weren’t on the agenda when this track was written. But bless, they gave it a good try. After too many painful attempts, we gave in and showed them the actual lyrics. “Oh but I was almost right,” Brian argued. If you say so mate…

Next month, 70-year-old Norma will belt out Architects ‘Hollow Crown’.

You won’t want to miss it…

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