Making friends with your inner critic

Article CANDICE FRASER

Have you ever looked in the mirror and thought, “I’m just not good enough, smart enough, worthy enough, pretty enough, lucky enough?” I’ve been there, done that – it was not fun.

My self-sabotaging inner monologue peaked as I transitioned from corporate gal to new Mum. Self-doubt had plagued me my entire career and life for that matter, but I had been assured throughout my entire pregnancy, by everyone, that motherhood comes naturally.

Guess what? Motherhood does not come naturally to everyone. I didn’t have a clue what I was doing and my inner critic had a field day, years actually. My self-talk spiralled and got to the point where I didn’t think I could do anything right in any area of my life. The craziest part, looking back with hindsight and a clearer mind, I was actually doing a great job, I just didn’t realise.

Let me introduce you to the inner critic. That little voice in the back of your head pointing out when you make a mistake, reminding you that you don’t know how to do something, letting you know you aren’t as pretty as that other person, questioning why you think you are worthy of that new job, better friends, or a healthier lifestyle. I think it is safe to say we are all familiar with the inner critic.

Interestingly however, the inner critic actually serves a really important purpose. It helps monitor us for weaknesses, which is critical because if we didn’t have that awareness, we wouldn’t be able to learn and grow.

Catch-22 right? Your inner critic is essential for growth, but can also be crippling.

Fortunately, you can have your cake and eat it too!

An unnurtured inner critic can be really clumsy when it delivers its messages, leading to selfdestructive thoughts and self-neglect.

Think of your inner critic as a cat. An unnurtured feral cat is destructive, living in survival mode. A cat that is nurtured and cared for is gentle, calm and loving (okay, some cats are temperamental, but you get the point).

When we nurture our inner critic, we teach it to deliver messages with softer, more constructive tones and language. Suddenly we are aware of our weaknesses but are not paralysed by them. We are ready to learn and grow.

How do we nurture our inner critic you ask? With mindfulness.

Mindfulness is a beautiful practice where we simply observe what is going on in and around us without judgment, simply noticing and accepting. Rather than getting caught up in thoughts or feelings, we step back and observe them. It creates space. Suddenly we have the ability to see clearly, objectively, constructively, compassionately.

Mindfulness allows us to question the inner critic “is this really true?” When we do this, the dramatic edge of the inner critic slips away and we can have compassionate, nurturing conversations with our inner critic. Over time, it begins to speak back with the same love and compassion you have shown it.

Mindfulness is the key.

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