Reality Jan / Feb 2018

CARL FRAMPTON

JOHN WESLEY

FLOORED BY KENYA KIDS

FREQUENT IRISH VISITOR

JANUARY/FEBRUARY 2018

ASH WEDNESDAY

A CALL TO CONVERSION

Informing, Inspiring, Challenging Today’s Catholic

REVEREND KEN NEWELL FRIENDSHIP AND BRIDGE-BUILDING IN BELFAST CHILD BRIDES

A COVER FOR CULTURAL PAEDOPHILIA

BEREAVEMENT

ne Supp or azi ag

ng ti

Reality M

A WIDOW AND WIDOWER SHARE THEIR STORIES

www.redcoms.org Redemptorist-Communications @RedComsIreland �2.50 �2.00

TOGETHER WE PRAY

Prayer resource for family, school and community prayer Prayers to encourage and inspire.

Prayers for life events.

Prayers for children and adults.

Includes two candles.

Light a candle, pray and reflect.

â‚Ź9.95 (plus p&p)

To order, contact Redemptorist Communications Telephone: 00353 (0)1 4922 488 Email: sales@redcoms.org www.redcoms.org

IN THIS MONTH’S ISSUE FEATURES 12 LIVING A LIFE OF LOVE: KEN NEWELL AND THE PATH TO PEACE Through his friendship with Fr Gerry Reynolds, Ken Newell inspired many bridge-building initiatives in the troubled city of Belfast.

By Tríona Doherty

19 REMEMBER YOU ARE DUST, AND TO DUST YOU SHALL RETURN The marking of the forehead with ashes is a call to conversion.

By Sarah Adams

22 BEREAVEMENT: A WIDOWER’S PERSPECTIVE Accompanying a spouse on the last journey of serious illness gives way to the silence of bereavement and a feeling of helplessness.

By Philip Mortell

12

25 THE DEATH OF A SPOUSE: A WIDOW’S PERSPECTIVE The death of a spouse alters your sense of who you are, your lifestyle, family relationships and even the way you use words.

By Carmel Wynne

28 PRAYING WITH THE ROSARY The Fourth Joyful Mystery - the Presentation

By Fr George Wadding CSsR

28

36

32 JOHN WESLEY: HIS LIFE AND ASSOCIATIONS WITH IRELAND The story of the itinerant preacher who visited Ireland more than 20 times.

By Gillian Kingston

OPINION

REGULARS

11 BRENDAN McCONVERY

04 REALITY BITES

36 CHILD BRIDES A COVER FOR CULTURAL PAEDOPHILIA

31 CARMEL WYNNE

07 POPE MONITOR

44 PETER McVERRY SJ

08 FEAST OF THE MONTH

An Irish Columban describes how young girls are exploited by being sold as 'child brides'.

By Fr Shay Cullen SSC

09 REFLECTIONS 41 UNDER THE MICROSCOPE 42 TRÓCAIRE 45 GOD’S WORD

REALITY BITES ��� YEARS IN LIMERICK LIMERICK

AN ANNIVERSARY TO REMEMBER

The first copies of the icon of our Lady of Perpetual Help to come to Ireland were destined for the chapel of the Redemptoristine Monastery in Dublin and the Redemptorist Church of Mount St Alphonsus, Limerick. The Limerick copy was solemnly exposed for the veneration of the faithful on the Feast of the Holy Innocents, December 28, 1867. A triduum of special sermons explained the icon, its history and its significance to the congregation. To commemorate the 150th anniversary of the event, a similar three days of special devotion was celebrated in December.

The special preachers each day were Bishop Fintan Monahan (Killaloe) on Thursday, December 28; Archbishop Kieran O’Reilly SMA (Cashel and Emly) on Friday; Fr Noel Hession OSA on Saturday morning, representing the icon’s links with the Irish Augustinians; Bishop Donal Murray (Emeritus Bishop of Limerick) on Saturday evening; Bishop Brendan Leahy (Limerick) on Sunday morning, December 31; and Very Rev Daniel Baragry CSsR (Provincial) on Sunday evening.

A special chapel, built to house the icon, was

4

MAYO ROSARY PRIEST ON ROAD TO CANONISATION VATICAN CITY

opened on the Feast of the Assumption, 1869.

The initial cost of the chapel was defrayed by the members of the Holy Family Confraternity which had been founded within a few weeks of the icon’s arrival. In the following years, it has been adorned with many striking works in glass, mosaic and plaster. The main decorative scheme is inspired by the invocations of the Litany of Loretto and symbols from the litany can be seen on the walls and elsewhere. There are two small sets of stained glass windows in the chapel. One depicts Mary’s heavenly coronation and the relief granted to a soul in purgatory through her prayers. The other represents Joseph’s carpenter’s shop and his deathbed, assisted by Jesus and Mary. The roof is composed of lightly coloured stained glass which repeats the Marian theme and has the advantage of lighting many of the details in this beautiful chapel. A recent survey has commented that “the stained glass in Our Lady’s and St Gerard’s chapels are brilliant examples of late 19th, early 20th century stained glass. The glass looks to be the work of Mayer’s of Munich.”

Venerable Patrick Peyton

ON THE ROAD TO SAINTHOOD

Pope Francis declared Fr Patrick Peyton “Venerable” on December 18 last. A native of Attymass, Co Mayo, he was the sixth in a family of four girls and five boys living in a small farm near the foot of the Ox Mountains. With one of his brothers, Patrick emigrated to the United States to join other family members already there. After working for a while as sacristan in the Cathedral of Pennsylvania, Patrick joined the Congregation of the Holy Cross at Notre Dame in 1932. During his seminary years, Patrick fell ill to tuberculosis, but was ordained priest in 1941. Recovering his health, he soon embarked on the apostolate that was to make him known throughout America and the world.

REALITY JANUARY/FEBRUARY 2018

Known as "the Rosary priest", he was a Catholic media pioneer in the 1940s, using radio and eventually television to produce popular programmes featuring Catholic Hollywood stars and other celebrities to promote family prayer. He produced more than 600 radio and television programmes and 10,000 broadcasts.

He also conducted rosary crusades that reached millions of people in dozens of countries. Two of his slogans became particularly well-known: "The family that prays together stays together" and "A world at prayer is a world at peace".

Father Peyton died in 1992. The Patrick Peyton Centre was opened in Attymass, Co Mayo in 1998. His cause was introduced in 2001. With

the pope's decree recognising his heroic virtues, a miracle is needed for his beatification and a second one for his canonisation.

N E WS

TWO NEW BISHOPS IRELAND

YOUR GRACE

Two new bishops have been appointed to Irish dioceses recently. Bishop Brendan Kelly of Achonry returned to his native diocese of Galway on December 11, after ten years as bishop of Achonry (consisting of 23 parishes in parts of Roscommon, Mayo and Sligo). Born in 1946 at Derrybrien, Loughrea, County Galway he was educated at Craughwell National School, St Mary’s College, Galway and St Patrick’s College Maynooth. Ordained in 1971 by Bishop Michael Brown of Galway, he served in various parishes in the diocese before being assigned to Coláiste Éinde, Salthill. It is planned that he will be installed in the Cathedral of Our Lady Assumed into Heaven and St Nicholas, on February 11, 2018, the Feast of Our Lady of Lourdes. He succeeds Bishop Martin Drennan, who submitted his resignation for health reasons in July 2016.

The diocese of Galway is the youngest, but perhaps the most complex, of Irish dioceses.

Bishop Brendan Kelly

Mgr Dermot Farrell

Bishop Brendan’s formal title is “Bishop of Galway, Kilmacduagh and Apostolic Administrator of Kilfenora”. It came into existence in 1883, when the former Wardenship of Galway, raised to a diocese in 1831, was united with the existing dioceses of Kilmacduagh and Kilfenora. These two had been joined in 1132 at the Synod of Kells. As each of them had belonged to a different ecclesiastical province – Kilmacduagh was in Tuam, and Kilfenora in Cashel – the bishops were chosen

UNCONVENTIONAL BACKGROUND OF NEW ARCHBISHOP OF PARIS PARIS

from the clergy of the two provinces in turn: they took the title of the diocese that belonged to their province of origin, and used the title of “apostolic administrator” for the other.

Mgr Dermot Farrell was named Bishop of Ossory on January 3, 2018, in succession to Bishop Seamus Freeman. A native of Castletown Geoghegan, County Westmeath, Mgr Farrell is a priest of the diocese of Meath. He wrote his doctoral thesis on the Redemptorist theologian, Bernard Harring, and after a period of teaching moral theology in St Patrick’s College, he served as president for 11 years from 1996 to 2007. He then returned to his native diocese as parish priest of Dunboyne, County Meath and vicar general. Kilkenny is the cathedral city of Ossory. Apart from County Kilkenny, it consists of portions of Laois and Offaly. The Catholic population is 84,729, in 42 parishes with 89 churches. It has 58 priests on active service in the diocese and 15 others. There are two retired bishops - Bishop Laurence Forristal (on age grounds, September 2007) and Bishop Seamus Freeman SAC (ill health, July 2016).

Archbishop Michael Aupetit

DOCTOR TURNED PRIEST

“Nobody in my family was practising, except my mother, who went to Mass on Sundays. I have been neither an altar server nor a scout, and I did not go to a Catholic school. My father never went to church. But my mother taught me and my two brothers to pray,” so the future Archbishop of Paris told a journalist in 1995 when he was ordained to the priesthood.

Mgr Michael Aupetit was born in 1951 in Versailles, near Paris. After leaving school, he embarked on medical studies and gained his doctorate in 1978. He worked as a doctor in a small town in the suburbs of Paris. In 1990, at the age of 39, he entered the seminary to prepare for ordination as a priest of the Archdiocese of Paris.

“God called me to become a priest on a feast of Our Lady when I was a doctor. I had decided to practise medicine, marry and have a family but God had other ideas!” Following his priestly ordination, he taught medical ethics, served as a parish priest, was appointed bishop, firstly

as an auxiliary in Paris and then to the diocese of Nanterre. During that time, he wrote books on issues of medical ethics, on topics such as contraception, the state of the embryo and life after death The rest of his life was marked by his responsibilities in the church and the field of medical bioethics. Parish priest (2001-2006), vicar general of Paris and member of the presbyteral council (2006-2013), he was appointed auxiliary bishop of Paris in February 2013 and, only one year later, in 2014, Bishop of Nanterre – a diocese where he had previously worked as a doctor. During that time, he wrote several books about burning questions including Contraception: the answer of the Church (Pierre Téqui, 1999), The embryo: what’s the issue? (Salvator, 2008), and Death, and after? (Salvator, 2009). Some months ago, he was appointed president of the “Family and Society” Council within the French Episcopal Conference.

The choice of Mgr Michel Aupetit has been

welcomed. He is regarded as a dynamic, simple, spiritual man, with a good sense of humour. His experience in the area of medical ethics will be useful especially as the French parliament revises bioethics legislation and continues with ongoing attempts to legalise euthanasia. He was installed in Notre Dame on the feast of the Epiphany. continued on page 6

5

REALITY BITES IRAQI CHRISTIANS RETURN TO CATHEDRAL Christmas Mass was celebrated for the first time in more than three years in St. Paul’s Cathedral in Mosul following the northern Iraqi city's liberation from Islamic State militants.

Led by Chaldean Patriarch Louis Sako of Baghdad, Christians and Muslims attended the Mass in a display of unity. "My message is to our brothers the Muslims," the patriarch said. "I ask them to change their way of thinking; you should know Christianity

better. In the past, Christians were the majority in Iraq; today we are minority, but without us, Mosul will never be the same."

He urged the faithful to pray for "peace and stability to reign in Mosul, Iraq and the world".

Islamic State militants seized Mosul and the surrounding areas in 2014, forcing most of its Christian population of 200,000 to flee with the threat to convert to Islam, pay a protection tax or leave. They prohibited

Christian public worship services and began systematically destroying churches. The cathedral was reportedly used as a prison by the militants. In another Christian part of the country, the Ninevah Plain, Christians gathered for Christmas Mass at the newly renovated Church of St George in Telaskov, reputed to be one of the oldest continuously Christian communities in the world, still speaking Aramaic, the language of Jesus.

A DANGEROUS JOB

6

At least 23 people working for the church were killed in 2017, a Vatican agency has said. The majority were victims of attempted robberies. Nigeria and Mexico were the most dangerous places. The victims included 13 priests, one religious brother, one sister and eight lay people.

Each year, Fides, the news agency of the Congregation for the Evangelisation of Peoples, publishes a list of pastoral workers who died violently, and this year’s figures are down slightly from the 28 killed the previous year.

Statistically, Mexico remains the country with the highest number of violent deaths among religious personnel – 11 were killed last year. Ten pastoral workers were killed in Africa, half of them in Nigeria. These figures are only the tip of the iceberg, the report acknowledges, as they do not include pastoral workers or other faithful who have been assaulted, robbed or threatened and the report does not document attacks on church-owned properties. Also of concern is the fate of those kidnapped by extremist organisations: the fate of some priests and nuns who have been abducted remains unknown.

According to Fides, 424 pastoral care workers, including five bishops, were killed worldwide from 2000 to 2016.

REALITY JANUARY/FEBRUARY 2018

PERPETUAL HELP WORLDWIDE Our Lady of Perpetual Help was officially made the patroness of the State of Mato Grosso do Sul in Brazil by a decree of the legislative assembly on December 20, 2017. Devotion to our Lady of Perpetual Help was introduced into the region

by American Redemptorists in the 1930s. Our Lady’s shrine in Campo Grande has one of the largest weekly novenas in the whole world, with 18 sessions each Wednesday that attract about 25,000 people.

The Ukrainian Greek Catholic Church has also formally adopted the liturgical feast of the Mother of Perpetual Help into its calendar. The decision was taken by the major archbishop and all the bishops gathered in synod in September 2017 and it will be celebrated annually on the first Sunday of July.

N E WS

POPE MONITOR KEEPING UP WITH POPE FRANCIS THE SPECIAL STATUS OF JERUSALEM Pope Francis has said he could not "keep silent about my deep concern" for Jerusalem and urged respect for "the status quo of the city in accordance with the relevant resolutions of the United Nations". He was speaking on the same day as President Trump announced his decision to move the US embassy from Tel Aviv to Jerusalem, thus recognising the city as the de facto capital of the State of Israel. Although earlier American presidents had promised during their campaigns to act in a similar way, once in office they did not follow it up, citing its potential negative impact on Israeli-Palestinian peace talks.

According to Vatican Radio, the pope received a telephone call from Palestinian president Mahmoud Abbas on December 5 regarding Trump's plan: this was "part of a series of contacts made by the president of the Palestinian National Authority after his conversation with Donald Trump”. The Vatican supports a "two-state solution" for the Holy Land with independence, recognition and secure borders for both Israel and Palestine. It has always, however, called for recognition of the special status of Jerusalem, especially its “Old City” which contains religious sites special to the three great monotheistic faiths – Judaism, Christianity and Islam.

A Palestinian throws a stone at Israeli forces near Ramallah, West Bank, during a protest against US President Donald Trump's decision to recognise Jerusalem as the capital of Israel.

POPE’S BIRTHDAY PARTY

To celebrate his 81st birthday on Sunday, December 17, 2017, Pope Francis invited a group of children being treated at the Pediatric Dispensary of Santa Marta in the Vatican to join him for a pizza party.

In an impromptu speech to the volunteers, parents and children present, he stressed that children’s joy is a treasure.

"We must do everything we can so that they continue to be joyful," he said, "because joy is like good soil. A joyful soul is like good soil, which makes life grow well, bearing good fruit.” “Don’t sadden children,” he advised. “When children see that there are problems at home, that the parents quarrel, they suffer.

Don’t sadden the children. They must always grow with joy.” A second thing parents should do for children is to make them talk with the grandparents: “the two extremes of life, because the grandparents have memory, have roots, and it will be the grandparents that give roots to the children. Please, do not let them become ‘uprooted’ children, without the memory of a people, without the memory of the faith, without the memory of so many beautiful things that have made history, without the memory of values. And who will help children to do this? The grandparents. They must talk with the grandparents, with the elderly.” His final piece of advice was to “teach them to talk with God. May they learn to pray, to say what they feel in their heart.” Finally he said to the children, “eat the four metres of pizza and enjoy it! It will do you good – it’ll make you grow.”

7 CHRISTMAS WITHOUT CHRIST IS A FAKE Speaking at the General Audience after Christmas, Pope Francis criticised those who celebrate a "fake" Christmas by marking the festival but without acknowledging Christ. "In our time, especially in Europe,” the pope said, "we witness a sort of 'distortion' of Christmas, in the name of a false respect that is not Christian." He spoke of attempts to "marginalise" the faith story and to eliminate from the celebrations "any reference to the birth of Jesus".

If Jesus is at the centre, he said, there can still be a party atmosphere, with the lights, sounds, local traditions and foods, but if we take him out, the light goes out and everything becomes fake, he said. The world barely noticed the birth of Jesus, in a stable to a poor, unknown girl with only her husband to help. But the angels knew and exulted.

FEAST OF THE MONTH Reality ST DALLÁN FORGAILL JANUARY 29TH

8

According to the late Dr Dáithi Ó hÓgáin of the Folklore Department in UCD, the name Dallán Forgaill means ‘the blind man of eloquence,’ for that indeed is what he was – a bard of phenomenal knowledge, reputed to have gone blind from too much study! Little is known of his background, but a strong tradition maintains that he belonged to a sept of the Ulaidh and is a native of modern County Cavan – around the Moynehall-Lavey-Kildallon area.

The reason such an important figure as Dallán Forgaill is so little known or remembered is due to a curious quirk of history. When Christianity took root in Ireland in the fifth and sixth centuries the Irish began to reassess their worldview. It became clear to them over the following century or two that Irish culture as distinct from mainland Europe and further afield was marching to a different drummer. Christian Ireland had seen the introduction, not only of the Bible, but of other works based on a linear historical narrative, while Celtic sagas and traditional Irish tales began with ‘fado, fado’ – ‘long, long ago.’ In light of the linear approach to history among both religious and secular sources on the Continent, the Irish literati began to grapple with how their own body of Irish lore might be brought to fit into the broad spectrum of world history as then understood.

It was not until the ninth century and later that the bards, poets, historians and scholars seriously grappled with giving Ireland a history of its own, in line with that of other peoples such as Jews, Greeks, Romans and Egyptians. The negative side of this development was that very little attention was given to some of the ‘greats’ of former days. Of the pre-ninth century period all that remains are the names of a few shadowy bards or filí such as Dallán Forgaill, Torna, and Cenn-Faeladh.

In relation to Dallán Forgaill, three things stand out; his brilliance, his involvement with Colmcille in the rescue of the bardic order from suppression at the Convention of Drum Ceat, and his composition of the Amhra Coluim Cille, or elegy on St Colmcille. What captured the imagination of the nation, however, was Dallán’s involvement with Colmcille in saving the bards from disbandment.

It seems that in the late sixth century the role and number of professional bards had got out of hand. They had lost the run of themselves in relation to their power to make or break their patrons by resorting to satire and vituperation in the event of not being paid the exorbitant fees to which they laid claim. All this necessarily imposed a heavy tax burden on the public who were footing the bill not only for wages but for maintenance as well.

Attempts to disband the bardic order entirely had already been made on three occasions.

At the time of Drom Ceat in 575, Dallán Forgaill himself is said to have been suspended for over-charging. It was at this point, so the story goes, that Colmcille proposed not the entire disbandment of the bardic institution but that a single poet/bard rather than a contingent of hundreds be assigned to each king and territory.

The Amhra Choluim Chille is a panegyric composed by Dallán Forgaill soon after the death of the saint of Iona. It is an exceedingly difficult poem to understand or interpret because it is in Béarla Féine - a dialect used by Brehon Law experts and by certain bards. It was commonly used as a measure of one’s learning, but was often used by lawyers to create an aura of mystery – what’s new, says you! The Amhra gives fulsome praise to Colmcille – intercessory powers, kindness, etc. The story goes that Dallán was in the process of composing the Amhra at Drom Ceat but Colmcille stopped him saying in effect, "Please Dallán, not until after my death"! Colmcille died in 597 and shortly after the Amhra was released. The following year, Dallán Forgill while on a visit to his friend St Conall of Iniskeel, was killed by robbers or sea-pirates. Because of his fidelity to the Christian faith Dallán is honoured as a martyr.

John J O’Riordan CSsR REALITY JANUARY/FEBRUARY 2018

Volume 83. No. 1 Jan./Feb. 2018 A Redemptorist Publication ISSN 0034-0960 Published by The Irish Redemptorists, Unit A6, Santry Business Park, Swords Road, Dublin 09 X651 Tel: 00353 (0)1 4922488 Web: www.redcoms.org Email: sales@redcoms.org (With permission of C.Ss.R.)

Editor Brendan McConvery CSsR editor@redcoms.org Design & Layout David Mc Namara CSsR dmcnamara@redcoms.org General Manager Paul Copeland pcopeland@redcoms.org Sales & Marketing Claire Carmichael ccarmichael@redcoms.org Administration & Accounts Michelle McKeon mmckeon@redcoms.org Printed by Nicholson & Bass, Belfast Photo Credits Catholic News Service, Shutterstock, Justin Kernoghan of Trócaire, PREDA.org REALITY SUBSCRIPTIONS Through a promoter (Ireland only) €20 or £18 Annual Subscription by post: Ireland €25 or £20 UK £30 Europe €40 Rest of the world €50 Please send all payments to: Redemptorist Communications, Unit A6, Santry Business Park, Swords Road, Dublin D09 X651 ADVERTISING Whilst we take every care to ensure the accuracy and validity of adverts placed in Reality, the information contained in adverts does not necessarily reflect the views and opinions of Redemptorist Communications. You are therefore advised to verify the accuracy and validity of any information contained in adverts before entering into any commitment based upon them.

When you have finished with this magazine, please pass it on or recycle it. Thank you.

REDEMPTORIST COMMUNICATIONS Unit A6, Santry Business Park, Swords Road, Dublin D09 X651 Tel: 00353 (0)1 4922488 Email: sales@redcoms.org Web: www.redcoms.org

Promoters: We keep all of our promoters in our prayers and thank them for their loyal service in selling Reality.

We remember in our prayers sick and deceased promoters and their families.

REFLECTIONS I guess Hollywood won’t consider me as anything more than a cold hunk of marble until I divorce my husband, give my baby away and get my name and photograph in all the papers.

If that’s Hollywood’s idea of a woman, I am ready to quit now.

MAUREEN O’HARA

It often happens that I wake up at night and begin to think about the serious problems afflicting the world and I tell myself, ‘I must talk to the pope about it.’ Then the next day when I wake up I remember that I am the pope.

ST JOHN XXIII

We may ignore, but we can nowhere evade the presence of God. The world is crowded with Him. He walks everywhere incognito.

CS LEWIS

If curses come from the heart, it would be a sin. But if it is from the lips they come, and we use them only to give force to our speech, they are a great relief to the heart.

GEORGE ORWELL

My idea of God is not a divine idea. It has to be shattered time after time. He shatters it Himself.

C.S. LEWIS

The supernatural is an embarrassment today.

FLANNERY O’CONNOR

CARL ROGERS

PEG SAYERS

Here lies George Johnson Hanged by mistake, 1882 He was right. We was wrong But we strung him up And now he's gone.

EPITAPH IN BOOT HILL,

The most effective way to destroy people is to deny and obliterate their own understanding of their history.

When the other person is hurting, confused, troubled, anxious, alienated, terrified; or when he or she is doubtful of self-worth, uncertain as to identity, then understanding is called for. The gentle and sensitive companionship of an empathic stance provides illumination and healing.

In such situations deep understanding is, I believe, the most precious gift one can give to another.

TOMBSTONE, ARIZONA

People are like stained-glass windows. They sparkle and shine when the sun is out, but when the darkness sets in, their true beauty is revealed only if there is a light from within.

ELISABETH KUBLER-ROSS

St. Teresa of Avila described our life in this world as like a night at a secondclass hotel.

Dawkins considers that all faith is blind faith, and that Christian and Muslim children are brought up to believe unquestioningly. Not even the dim-witted clerics who knocked me about at grammar school thought that.

TERRY EAGLETON

As the cock said to the hens when he showed them an ostrich egg, 'I am not disparaging; I am not criticising. I merely bring to your attention what is being done elsewhere.’

HONOR TRACY

Many people judge a religion by its art, and why indeed shouldn’t they?

MALCOLM MUGGERIDGE

ELIZABETH JENNINGS

It is the test of a good religion whether you can joke about it.

Before you can find God, you must lose yourself.

BAAL SHEM TOV (RABBI ISRAEL

What one generation tolerates, the next generation will embrace.

G. K. CHESTERTON

BEN ELIEZER)

JOHN WESLEY

9

DIVINE MERCY CONFERENCE 2018 RDS, Ballsbridge, Dublin 4

Saturday/Sunday 17th & 18th February 2018

“Courage. It is I. Do not be afraid.”

Ralph Martin (Renewal Ministries, Healing Ministry, author, conference speaker)

Fr. Eunan McDonnell, SDB (Spiritual Director of the conference)

Magnus MacFarlane-Barrow (Founder of Mary’s Meals)

Fr.Tim Bartlett (World Meeting of Families)

Fr. Seán Kelly, OFM.Cap (Reconciliation service, Pro-Life testimony and speaker) Tickets available in advance from: Divine Mercy Apostolate, 22 Castle Grove, Clondalkin, Dublin 22 and by PayPal online.

Fee: Saturday €30; Sunday €20; Weekend €35. Early booking advisable. Thank you for your prayer support.

Friday 16th February -Youth Night:Young people 18 yrs+ at St Paul’s Church Arran Quay 6-9.30pm. Admission free.

www.divinemercyconference.com divinemercyconference@gmail.com

Phone/Text: 0860669203 (9am - 5pm only please)

EDI TO R I A L UP FRONT BRENDAN McCONVERY CSsR

THE DARK CORNERS OF THE FAMILY

The

great Russian novelist, Leon Tolstoy, begins one of his most famous novels, Anna Karenina, with the sentence, “Happy families are all alike; every unhappy family is unhappy in its own way.”

While there is hardly a bland sameness to the life of what people generally recognise as happy families, novelists probably need tales of unhappiness to provide surprise and tension for their stories. I am not a regular viewer of television 'soaps'. I grew up with Coronation Street, and I occasionally watched it later to keep my mother company when I was visiting. I suspect I sometimes embarrassed her by asking how some new character I did not recognise had got into the storyline, and why someone I last saw married to one character was now the partner of another. Keeping up with the changing patterns of family life in Weatherfield was probably a nudge towards recognising the way in which family life was changing in the world 'outside of the box'. Divorce, temporary partnerships, gender realignment, same-sex parenting were becoming so familiar in “the street” that regular viewers like my mother seemed to take them in their stride, while perhaps inwardly hoping that they might stay among the English working class, and not cross the Irish Sea. But cross it they did.

It is worth recalling that the narrative of our faith, the Bible, begins with what is literally a series of family stories. From legendary tales of the descendants of the first human couple, it develops into what is probably the oldest family saga in Western literature.

The story of Abraham’s family occupies more than half of the Book of Genesis. It tells the story of an ever-expanding family over four generations, struggling with infertility and family squabbles. Although patriarchy is usually assumed to be a closed and traditionally ordered form of extended family, the biblical families are far from ideal.

They are closer to what social workers might term ‘dysfunctional families’, or families that seem by their very nature to be deeply flawed, and whose children are likely to carry the same flaws into the next generation. In the saga of the patriarchs, we have a man who passes off his wife as his sister, and allows another man to take her (Gen 12:34); a young slave girl is used as a surrogate mother only to be discarded along with her child when her employer’s natural child eventually arrives (Gen 16); in polygamous marriages two sisters are married to the same man (Gen 29); a mother, Rebekah, who sides with her favourite son to cheat her older son out of his inheritance (Gen 27), and brothers who just stop short of murdering their younger brother and sell him into slavery instead (Gen 37). Things are little better a couple of generations on when the royal family of David proves to be every bit as dysfunctional, with incest and murder among the flaws of the royal children.

As we prepare to celebrate the Year of the Family and the World Meeting of Families, we need little reminding how radically family life has changed within a generation. Two challenges face us. The first is the compassion to recognise how every family, no matter how far it may depart from what we believe to be the ideal, aspires to be a place where children are nurtured in love, and where their parents, no matter what the legal or ecclesial status of their relationship, are meant through the quality of their relationship to provide them with a bedrock of security. This compassion is at the root of Pope Francis’ encyclical, The Joy of Love, that guides our reflection during this year. The pope has attempted to address one particular question that has troubled many people whose Catholic roots have become tangled by divorce, separation and new relationships. How can they be enabled to take part in the church’s banquet of life,

the Eucharist? The question of their access to holy communion requires a shift in how we interpret church law. Not all the pope’s advisors seem open to even a modest move on this front, but it demands a solution.

The second challenge is what do we do with an ideal? It is a common view today that we should not embarrass other people, and one way of embarrassing them is by setting the bar too high. The Catholic theology of family is built on an extraordinary vision of Christ’s love for his church: “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her" (Ephesians 5:25). At ground level that is about lifelong fidelity “till death us do part”. Toning down the ideal is not possible. No matter how open we are to recognising the multiplicity of family types in our culture today, the traditional one, based on the love of a man and a woman, sealed in a sacramental covenant that brings forth and nurtures new life, has been tested by centuries of the battering by human frailty.

It will survive because it is held together by grace even more than by human effort.

Brendan McConvery CSsR Editor

11

C OVE R STO RY

LIVING A LIFE KEN NEWELL AND THE PATH TO PEACE

REVEREND KEN NEWELL’S STORY BROUGHT HIM FROM BEING CHAPLAIN TO THE ORANGE ORDER IN 1965 TO CHAPLAIN TO BELFAST’S FIRST CATHOLIC AND NATIONALIST LORD MAYOR IN 1997. HIS MEMOIR, CAPTURED BY A VISION, EXPLORES HIS DEEP FRIENDSHIP WITH THE REDEMPTORIST FR GERRY REYNOLDS 12 WHICH INSPIRED MANY BRIDGE-BUILDING INITIATIVES IN THE TROUBLED CITY OF BELFAST.

BY TRÍONA DOHERTY

“The more you work in Northern Ireland, the more you start believing that water can flow uphill. Because we’ve seen it happen, again and again.”

With

a typically elegant turn of phrase, Presbyterian Minister Ken Newell encapsulates an extraordinary period of Irish history. The Belfast man’s memoir, Captured by a Vision, published in 2016, is peppered with depictions of scenes that many would have thought impossible – senior members of paramilitary groups in dialogue with religious leaders; ceasefires after more than 30 years of violence; Ian Paisley and Martin McGuinness sitting side by side in the Northern Assembly – a tapestry of events in which he played a pivotal role. This changing atmosphere is set against the backdrop of Ken’s own inner transformation, which took him from being REALITY JANUARY/FEBRUARY 2018

an Orange Order chaplain in 1965 to chaplain to Belfast’s first Catholic and nationalist Lord Mayor in 1997. Most significantly, the book explores his deep friendship with Fr Gerry Reynolds, a partnership that would inspire many bridge-building initiatives in the turbulent Belfast of the late 20th century.

It is the story of a remarkable life, and the adventure is far from over. Meeting with Ken and his wife Val in Belfast recently, I encountered a charismatic couple who are navigating the latest chapter in their life with gusto; now retired, they remain active in many projects promoting dialogue and reconciliation in their beloved Northern Ireland.

OF

LOV

VE 13

C OVE R STO RY

he befriended a C ath o l i c p r i e st during his time in Timor, Indonesia.

“Friendship can create a new reality for you,” he recalls.

“The question began to form in my mind: could I have this kind of friendship in Belfast, in a society that wants to keep us separate?”

On returning home Ken wa s assigned to Fitzroy Presbyterian Church. As he began to socialise with his Catholic neighbours, he detected the first rumblings of unease.

He tells the story of a parishioner who told him “Reverend Newell, we’ve gone off you! I’ve seen you going into a priest’s house.” “Wouldn’t Christ do the same if he lived in Belfast?” was his response.

This new openness eventually led Ken to Clonard Monastery in west Belfast, and the establishment of the Clonard-Fitzroy Fellowship, which under Ken and Gerry’s leadership blossomed into a dynamic community. They began to organise joint services and retreats, bonding over the “daily experience of living through the bleakness of

Frs Gerry Reynolds CSsR and Alec Reid CSsR at Clonard monastery circa 1980s

14

ACROSS THE BOUNDARIES “Friendship is one of the hardest things in the world to explain, but its capacity to motivate is unquestionable.”

When Redemptorist priest Fr Gerry Reynolds came into Ken’s life in the mid 1980s, he

Bonding over the daily experience of living through the bleakness of a conflict that appeared almost insoluble was the embodiment of a vision that had taken root in Ken some years earlier, when REALITY JANUARY/FEBRUARY 2018

a conflict that appeared almost insoluble”.

The friendship between Ken and Gerry was

sustained through a shared belief that God could transform the realities around them: “Certainly the natural ease with which we got along with each other played a big part, as did our willingness to learn from each other’s experience and faith. But the essential reason we bonded was that we both sensed that we were brothers in Christ with a common passion and God-given vocation for peace,” explains Ken. Fr Gerry sadly passed away in 2015, at the age of 80. Looking back, Ken describes their friendship as one characterised by “intense love”: “What I mean is that it was something we both deeply desired, because we saw, through the eyes of Christ, his desire for unity. I think what made it different was the continuity of it, because it was a friendship that lasted 30 years. It was one of the most enhancing things I’ve experienced in my life. There was a joy in feeling as at home in Clonard as I do in Fitzroy, and we both could feel that.”

BUILDING BRIDGES “If we are commanded to love our enemies, this must include talking with them.”

Ken’s description of his childhood and early adult years sets the stage for his transformation from “a cramped evangelical mindset” to a realisation that the Catholic and Protestant churches are both integral branches of Christ’s church. He recalls preparing for the ‘Twelfth’ celebrations, painting the kerbstones and covering gable walls with graffiti proclaiming ‘No Surrender’ and ‘Kick the Pope’, and his eagerness to join the Orange Order when he turned 18. He was 25 before he set foot in a Catholic church. But as the friendships between the congregations deepened, it soon became commonplace for Fr Gerry and Clonard members to attend Sunday services in Fitzroy, while Ken and his congregation were frequent guests at Clonard.

Early in 1990, Fr Alec Reid and Fr Gerry approached Ken about participating in a “small inter-church dialogue” in Clonard with Gerry Adams and other Sinn Féin representatives.

Apprehensive at first, he saw the invitation as “a God-given opportunity to talk directly with those who… held the future of the people

I sometimes refer to ‘Eucharistic apartheid’; if we can receive the Word of Christ together, then why can we not receive the Body of Christ together? of Northern Ireland in their hands”. Over the following years, Ken and Gerry were involved in discussions with both Republican and Loyalist paramilitary groups, which helped contribute to the eventual ceasefires of 1994. The pair were awarded the Pax Christi International Peace Prize in 1999 for “building the kingdom of the Prince of Peace” in Northern Ireland.

Ken remains passionate about building bridges between the communities, and this includes dealing with the important issues that separate the churches. “I sometimes refer to ‘Eucharistic apartheid’; if we can receive the Word of Christ together, then why can we not receive the Body of Christ together? It’s only natural to want to be included in the meal he has set before us,” he says. Acknowledging that this is no easy task, he prays for the theologians who must work out the implications. “I see an increasing desire within both traditions. It’s up to the theologians to frame that, and to go with the flow of grace. You can’t keep the door closed when the Holy Spirit’s shoulder is against it.”

A moment that Ken describes as a “high point” was the 25th anniversary of the ClonardFitzroy Fellowship in September 2006, when Presbyterian moderator Dr David Clarke and Catholic primate Archbishop Seán Brady preached together in Fitzroy. “The service concluded with the ancient biblical sign of peace, which triggered sturdy handshakes and heartfelt embraces all around the church,” Ken recalls. “I was acutely aware that such mountaintop moments were rare, but every step of the climb to get there had been

worthwhile: the birthing of the fellowship, the bonding of our congregations and now the leaders of our denominations preaching together. This side of heaven it does not get any better.”

DREAM TEAM “We can’t let the men of violence intimidate us.”

While Ken had found a true friend in Gerry, the love and support of his wife Val have

been his guiding light through the years. Val played a pivotal role in the Clonard-Fitzroy Fellowship, and crucially, given the often delicate balancing act Ken was attempting, there were times when it was she who nudged him in the right direction.

One such occasion was in the aftermath of the 1988 shooting, by the IRA, of two British soldiers who had driven into the path of a Republican funeral. A harrowing reminder of this incident lives on in the famous photo of Fr Alec Reid kneeling over the bloodied body of one of the soldiers. That evening,

Good friends: Ken with the late Fr Gerry Reynolds CSsR

15

C OVE R STO RY

16

as Ken shared his fears for the safety of the fellowship members preparing to attend a planned meeting, her response was clear: “We can’t let the men of violence intimidate us and wreck what we believe is the right thing to do.” Val now recalls: “I had a strong sense that Ken was doing the right thing, that this was what God wanted him to do.

We were both singing from the same hymn sheet.”

At the same time, Ken was all too aware that, “when you’re with paramilitaries, that means you’re a target”. “I felt frightened for myself and for my family. I had to weigh up the risks we were taking, and sometimes it was an act of faith.” On one particular occasion, described in his book, he felt genuinely frightened. It was April 1994, and he had very reluctantly joined Frs Gerry and Alec for talks at the UDA headquarters in east Belfast.

“For half an hour I was loath to express an opinion about anything, but when some native humour broke out among us I managed a smile… Fr Gerry noticed on the wall behind the UDA leader a large map of Ulster’s six counties, totally detached from the rest of the island. He teased them by innocently enquiring if the other 26 counties had floated off somewhere in the middle of the Atlantic.” Ken adds now: “I realised that these two priests had a legacy of friendship there, and coming in on the back of that I felt more secure.”

Ken, Val and the grandchildren

REALITY JANUARY/FEBRUARY 2018

Ken, Val and family with Fr Gerry, pictured in Clonard monastery gardens

Ken and his wife Val

Val says Ken’s friendship with Gerry made all the difference. “I think the fact that Ken and Gerry were working together helped an awful lot. It wasn’t just Ken on his own; there was someone there who cared deeply for him.”

group. Ken continues to preach, is involved with the Focolare movement, and is regularly invited to speak and take part in various discussions.

“I like that, because there aren’t enough people promoting progressive ideas. Peace isn’t going to flow down from the politicians in Stormont; it’s going to flow up to them from the community and the churches. It’s the responsibility of the churches to create a new social reality, drawing upon our faith,” he says.

One practical item on his wish list for the future of Northern Ireland is that everyone training for ministry be encouraged to step outside of their comfort zone. “I would like to see every priest spend a week, in every year of their formation, in a Protestant parish, and every candidate for ministry from the Presbyterian, Anglican, Methodist and other denominations, spend a week

The love and support of his wife Val have been his guiding light through the years SHAPING THE FUTURE “The overarching story of my life, was that I was called to a life of extending God’s kingdom.”

Ken and Val continue to share a vision for the future of Northern Ireland. Having taught English to prisoners for 27 years, Val is now part of a Catholic and Protestant discussion

in a Catholic parish – getting to know the people, sharing their stories. I would like to see every Protestant seminary have Catholic guest lecturers, and vice versa. Wherever the faith is taught, teach it inclusively, and be the best you can be for your tradition; but also give the best of your tradition to others.

“Our job is to re-create Northern Ireland into a place where everyone is valued and respected, and that everyone feels is a good place to live. We have to create a home that will enable us all to flourish.”

Captured by a Vision by Reverend Ken Newell is published by Colourprint, Newtownards Tríona Doherty is a freelance journalist and a regular contributor to Reality

HAVE YOU EVER CONSIDERED

VOLUNTEERING?

Are you interested in sharing your skills and some of your time to play a part in one of the most significant events in Irish history?

Make new friends, learn new skills and enjoy helping others, while being this joyful and historic international event.

APPLY TO VOLUNTEER FOR WMOF2018

We need the help of thousands of volunteers to work with us on all aspects of World Meeting of Families 2018, a large and exciting international event that will gather many thousands of Irish and International families in Ireland in August 2018.

We welcome a diverse mix of people with various skills. We have roles for everyone!

Welcome and information teams, stewards, media support, event support logistics, exhibition support, venue teams and lots of other areas.

No experience is required and full training will be provided.

You can apply individually or as part of a group and must be over 18 years of age. Students between the ages of 16 -18 years are welcome to volunteer as part of a group with an adult leader.

Whatever your reason or your focus, we know that your abilities and experience can helps us.

volunteer@worldmeeting2018.ie +353 1 567 6812

www.worldmeeting2018.ie/volunteer www.worldmeeting2018.ie/volunteer

In Tune with the Liturgy A series that highlights some of the features of the Church’s worship in the month ahead

Remember that you are dust, and to dust you shall return

LENT BEGINS THIS YEAR ON FEBRUARY 14. WHILE IT MAY HAVE TO STRUGGLE TO KEEP ITS PLACE ALONGSIDE ST VALENTINE, THE ANNUAL MARKING OF THE FOREHEAD WITH ASHES IS A REMINDER OF THE LENTEN CALL TO CONVERSION

19

BY SARAH ADAMS

Probably

one of the most challenging Catholic customs to explain to a nonChristian is that of having our foreheads marked with a dirty, black, sooty cross. And yet it is such an act of faith and symbolic act, that people flock to church, on what is known as ‘Ash Wednesday’, to receive that most profound of marks. What does it mean? Where did such an action come from and what can it teach us today? These are questions which are worth pondering as we approach Lent and the beginning of our journey towards Easter.

A HISTORY OF ASHES The liturgical use of ashes in the church has a very long history, going right back to Old Testament times. A desire to repent and do penance is the most common reason that we find people putting on ashes, along with a sackcloth, but mourning and mortality are also part of the symbolism of ashes. We may be surprised to know that it is from the earliest times of the Old Testament that the phrase “sackcloth and ashes” derives its beginnings. We find in the Book of Esther that Mordechai put on sackcloth and ashes when he heard of

the decree of King Ahasuerus of Persia to kill all of the Jewish People in the Persian Empire (Est 4:1). Probably the best known character in the Hebrew Scriptures to wear sackcloth and ashes is Job, who repented for having doubted God and showed his humility by putting on the garment of penance (42:6). Again we see the people of Nineveh proclaiming a fast and putting on sackcloth after Jonah appeals to them to repent. The king not only puts on sackcloth, but even sits in ashes (3:4-6), and commands that the domestic animals do the same.

In Tune with the Liturgy

The priest blessed the dying person with holy water saying the words, “Remember that you are dust and to dust you shall return.” He would then ask, “Are you content with sackcloth and ashes in testimony of your penance before the Lord in the day of judgment?" To which the dying person would reply, "I am content." In all of these examples, the symbolism of mourning, mortality and penance is clear.

20

It is not only in the Hebrews Scriptures that ashes are mentioned. We also find it in the Gospel of Matthew where Jesus himself speaks of putting on ashes. Referring to towns that refused to repent of sin, although they had witnessed the miracles and heard the good news, our Lord said, "If the miracles worked in you had taken place in Tyre and Sidon, they would have reformed in sackcloth and ashes long ago" (Mt 11:21).

Since then and throughout the history of the church, ashes have been used as a sign of penitence particularly of those who were required to do public penance. On these early occasions the priest sprinkled ashes on the head of the person leaving confession.

By the eighth century, sackcloth and ashes were being used when people were about to die. The person would be laid down on the sackcloth and then sprinkled with ashes.

REALITY JANUARY/FEBRUARY 2018

BEGINNING LENT WITH ASHES Eventually, the use of ashes as we know it was adapted to mark the beginning of Lent, the 40-day preparation p erio d (not counting Sundays as fasting days) for Easter. One of the earliest references to ashes being used to mark the beginning of Lent is to be found around the year 1000, when an Anglo-Saxon priest named Aelfric preached about the custom of those people in the Old Testament repenting and covering themselves in ashes and sackcloth.

He then told the people that they should also put ashes on their own heads to signify

The ashes we receive on Ash Wednesday are made from the burned palm branches distributed on the Palm Sunday of the previous year. The priest blesses the ashes and imposes them on our foreheads and makes the sign of the cross saying, "Remember, you are dust and to dust you shall return," or "Turn away from sin and be faithful to the Gospel." The ashes we receive are significant because they remind us of our need to see the ways in which we have wandered far from God. They remind us of our need to turn back to God, to repent of our waywardness and to seek to be close to God once more. By going to church and having ashes put on our head on Ash Wednesday we are announcing our desire to repent and begin a journey of 40 days of renewal in our commitment of faith. Obviously the ashes do not last of themselves. Once they are washed off they are no longer visible but inwardly we can carry them around with us as we focus on what we need to do to break down the barriers that stop us from loving God as we would wish.

Each Sunday in Lent is an opportunity for us to re-discover and re-kindle our relationship with God or to go deeper with God. This year the focus of Lent will be the Gospel of Mark because we will be in Cycle B of a three-year cycle. Every year the first two Sundays of Lent present us with two opposite images of Jesus – his humanity and his divinity. On one Sunday he is grappling with temptation and on the other he is transfigured and stands

One of the earliest references to ashes being used to mark the beginning of Lent is to be found around the year 1000, when an Anglo-Saxon priest named Aelfric preached about the custom of those people in the Old Testament repenting and covering themselves in ashes and sackcloth their desire to repent during the Lenten fast.

Since then, the church has used ashes to mark the beginning of the penitential season of Lent, when we remember our mortality and mourn for our sins.

alongside Moses and Elijah in all his glory.

The third week speaks of wisdom and invites us to live a life which may seem foolish to the world; the fourth week encourages us to live in the light and reject the dark. The fifth

week will challenge us to live as servants. To be a follower of Christ is to die to self and live for others. The fourth Sunday of Lent is also known as 'Laetare Sunday' because it has an element of rejoicing that Lent is almost over. In many parishes the priest will set aside the purple vestments and wear a gentler shade of rose.

LENT AND NEW CATHOLICS Lent is also a very special time in the life of those people who are preparing to become Catholics at Easter. It is a time of great spiritual deepening, known liturgically as the time of ‘Purification and Enlightenment’. In churches where there are people at this stage of their journey in faith, the Gospel readings used for the third, fourth and fifth weeks of Lent are taken from John’s Gospel – the Woman at the Well (Jn 4), the Man born Blind (Jn 9) and the Raising of Lazarus (Jn 11).

They are great accounts of people meeting Jesus and being transformed. Each of them has its own powerful symbolism. They speak of being given the water of life so that we may never thirst again; of being freed from our blindness and shown the light, and finally, in the raising of Lazarus, the hope of eternal life with Christ is revealed. If our journey in Lent is about anything it is about getting back in touch with what we really thirst for, that hunger which we have for God. It gives us the opportunity to be freed from that which

21 stops us from seeing the truth about God or closing our eyes to God and it encourages us to know that in Christ we have the sure hope that death is not the end but the start of the next part of our journey towards God. The mark of ashes at the beginning of Lent, can seem a rather morbid way to express our desire to turn back to God, but it is a stark

reminder of our need to take it seriously.

‘Ashes to ashes, dust to dust’ reminds us that one day our mortal bodies will cease to exist.

By being in relationship with God, we have nothing to fear by this. Our love of God and God’s love for us means that we can never be just dust. As St Paul reminds the Romans, “Nothing can separate us from the love of God” (Rom 8:38); only we can do this if we choose to walk away. It is a time of returning with contrite hearts to the one who seeks us with open and merciful arms, as expressed in one song by liturgical composer, Marty Haugen, who writes: “Return to God, with all your heart The source of grace and mercy.

Come seek the tender faithfulness of God.” © G.I.A Publications 1990, 1991

Redemptorist Cardinal Joseph Tobin distributing ashes at Newark cathedral

Sarah Adams studied liturgical theology at Maynooth. She now lives in Devon, working for the Diocese of Plymouth as a Religious Education adviser. She enjoys hiking on Dartmoor and the surrounding countryside.

BE RE AV E M E N T

ACCOMPANYING A SPOUSE ON THE LAST JOURNEY OF SERIOUS ILLNESS GIVES WAY TO THE SILENCE OF BEREAVEMENT AND A FEELING OF HELPLESSNESS

BY PHILIP MORTELL

Gema

22

died in the local hospice, two years after she was diagnosed with a rare and incurable form of cancer. She had been drifting in and out of consciousness for days and between us we were maintaining a vigil by her bedside.

We knew Gema was dying, but somehow persuaded ourselves each day that it would not be that day. On the Friday she died, the palliative care consultant had visited earlier. He told us he would be on duty over the weekend and would pop in to check on Gema from time to time. Grasping at straws, we heard this as an indication that Gema would survive at least until Monday.

A few hours later, sitting beside the bed with my daughter, Miriam, we noticed the sudden silence: Gema’s laboured and noisy breathing had stopped. There was a pause, then a single outbreath, and silence again.

I was stunned. All I could think to do was call the nurse on duty. She duly confirmed that Gema had died. I was speechless, numb, disconnected.

It did not occur to me to pray. I certainly did not cry, nor feel like doing so. It was Miriam who rang my son Martin to ask him to join us.

COPING AND IN CONTROL? Ben Kimmerling, a valued friend, whose articles on theological and spiritual topics I have admired and found enlightening over the years, corresponded with me in the darkest times. She pointed out that grieving is an individual and personal process and not everyone has the gift of readily accessible tears. Men like myself, she suggested, who are fearful of being seen to be vulnerable, instinctively resort to ‘composure’ in a situation of stress or pain. It is the safest response, the one we can rely upon, because

REALITY JANUARY/FEBRUARY 2018

BEREAVEMENT: A WIDO it enables us to gain some sense of being in control and helps us to cope.

In my case, grieving was superseded by the need to survive, to manage, to “stay strong”.

The days were filled with busy-ness: notifying extended family members; making the funeral arrangements; selecting the music and texts for the funeral service and the Month’s Mind Mass. I sleep-walked through the funeral, and it was only months later that I began to be able to let the reality of Gema’s death sink in.

I became gradually aware of the huge Gemasized hole in my life. The “we” of married life had given way to the widower’s “I”. I had lost, not just a partner, but a friend and companion, as well as a cook, gardener, home-maker, accountant, flower arranger, social secretary, clothes buyer, memory bank. And much, much more. I was on my own, home alone, and no longer part of a couple.

SADNESS AND HOPE I found myself oscillating between waves of sadness and hope. At any moment of the day a photograph, a room, a piece of furniture could trigger the hope, shot through with grief, expressed in Tennyson’s verse: [S]he is not here; but far away The noise of life begins again, And ghastly through the drizzling rain On the bald street breaks the blank day.

My grief was not so much for Gema herself. I am unshakably convinced of the absolute validity of St Paul’s assurance in Romans 8: “With God on our side, who can be against us? . . For I am certain of this, neither death nor life, . . . nor any created thing, can ever come between us and the love of God made visible in Christ Jesus our Lord.” Gema herself highlighted this passage in her Portuguese copy of the New Testament, and

Phil holding Gema's hand

WER’S PERSPECTIVE I read it at her funeral Mass. I know with great certainty that Gema is now “with God”. She is “in Heaven”, although I cannot even begin to envisage what that entails.

My grieving then was a mixture of loneliness, missing Gema’s physical presence, of which every room in the house and nearly every item in them reminds me, and – more painfully – guilt. Guilt primarily about not having cherished Gema as I had intended and promised, and as she absolutely deserved.

This sense of guilt was heightened when I found among Gema’s papers the letters I had written to her, during the year after we met and fell in love, but were separated by the Irish Sea. The contrast between the hopes, the expectations, the promises, expressed in those letters, and the more prosaic reality of 40 years of life together, is so stark and painful that I, a practiced rationaliser, was unable to think myself out of it.

Of course, I knew in my head that the early flush of passion and romance must make way at some stage for the realities and priorities of married life, especially when children arrived. But that did not prevent me agonising about how much more I could have cherished Gema; paid closer attention to her; really listened to her; seen her in all her

I could have tried harder to understand what it was like for Gema to be under sentence of death for two years; and to talk with her about this.

Instead I focused on coping with and managing the practicalities of hospital appointments and domestic arrangements. I responded, in effect, more like the experienced social worker I had become in my professional life than the man she had married and loved for 40 years.

I was reduced, sometimes in the small hours, to praying to Gema for forgiveness. Perhaps this was Gema’s last and greatest gift to me: the belated recognition that for all my lifelong certainty about my rightness, not to say righteousness, I had failed in the single most important relationship in my life.

FINDING WAYS OF TALKING AGAIN Despite this maelstrom of feelings, I somehow managed to present an “I’m OK” image to the world. But the body does not lie. I was sleeping badly and lost significant weight. A male colleague noticed and suggested counselling. It hadn’t crossed my mind. So, I tried it: eight sessions over ten weeks. I talked, I wept, I wrote letters to Gema.

And got buckets of empathy. It worked. I felt better and slept better. Unfortunately, I put the weight back on.

Of course, there is work still to be done, and I have not ruled out further sessions of counselling.

The sense of failure, and the guilt, remain. And I continue to struggle to share my grieving with Martin and Miriam. Ben says that this is not surprising. “Revealing one’s heartache to one’s children, and listening to theirs, is difficult. It involves the possibility, indeed the inevitability, of being vulnerable, of being ‘undone’ in their presence. It is to risk intimacy. And intimacy with our children

Men who are fearful of being seen to be vulnerable, instinctively resort to ‘composure’ in a situation of stress or pain human wonder for the woman/mother/wife she was, with her limitations and failings certainly, but also with her indominable spirit, her unwillingness to complain, her tolerance of years of pain and suffering, her unfailing care for me, our children and grandchildren for as long as she was physically capable. In short, I took Gema for granted.

scares the wits out of (most of) us.”

In the realisation of my failure, however, or at least as I begin to accept it, there are green shoots of hope. As Ben wrote, “A good dose of guilt can be an (unwanted) gift in disguise. It rubs our noses in our own flawed nature, and in doing so can make us more humble, tolerant and compassionate

23

BE RE AV E M E N T

Gema in 2015

towards others. Perhaps Gema is reaching and teaching you from beyond the grave.”

Either way, I have a sense that my heart is being slowly ‘tenderised’.

Or as the Franciscan priest, Richard Rohr, puts it in a religious context: “That we’ve come to God through tragedy, not by doing things right but invariably by doing things wrong, is a gift.

We’ve learned so much more by our mistakes than we have ever done

by our successes.”

In the week before she died, I took Gema in her wheelchair to the hospice garden. She loved sitting out there in the watery October sunshine. “Have you any regrets?” I asked. Gema thought for a while, wept a little, and said, “The little children.” And after another pause she added, “But I waited for them.” She was referring to our two grandchildren, born in the previous 18 months, and upon whom she doted.

So, the poignancy of our grief is heightened by the sense of the children’s loss. They will no longer experience her love or be able to get to know and love her as they grow up. The question is, can I, for a while at least, act as a surrogate for Gema in their lives, or at least attempt to do so?

On Gema’s memorial card we put a quotation from her favourite book, The Little Prince, by Antoine de Saint-Exupery: “It is only with the heart that one can see rightly; what is essential is invisible to the eye.”

I am challenged now to make seeing “with the heart” a reality in my life, as it was in Gema’s.

Phil and Gema Mortell

Phil Mortell is a retired social worker who lives in Limerick.

When a loved one dies...

Preparing and planning the funeral of a loved one can add to the grief and trauma of bereavement.

A Celebration of Life provides a gentle, clear outline to all the planning and preparation in a clear and undemanding fashion. A full selection of readings are included along with a key to planning the liturgy. The Question & Answer section provides further information on both practical and spiritual issues raised.

Price: €4.50 / £3.50

(plus p & p)

To order:

Just call Redemptorist Communications at 00353-1-4922488 or go to our website

www.redcoms.org

THE DEATH OF A SPOUSE A WIDOW’S PERSPECTIVE

25

BY CARMEL WYNNE

My

best friend, my lover, my husband Colm died on August 28, 2014. His last words to me the day before he died were, “Happy anniversary, 44 years, we made it.” We were married for 44 years and one day and I’m so grateful that he didn’t die on our wedding anniversary. I would find it unbearable if the anniversary of our wedding and his death were on the same day.

It’s surprising how important seemingly insignificant things are to a wife after her husband dies. No two people grieve and mourn in exactly the same way. The support that is comforting for one person may be unhelpful and distressing for another.

Bereavement is an emotionally charged, lifechanging time. The death of a spouse changes the sense of who you are, your lifestyle, family relationships and even the way you use words.

REALISING I AM A WIDOW Logically I know that a widow is a woman whose husband has died. In the early months after Colm’s death I couldn’t bear to think of myself as a widow. My status was that I was a married woman, whose husband had left her for now. It was easier to say, “When Colm left me”, than “When he died”. I believe in an afterlife. I believe I will meet Colm again.

To this day I find comfort in thinking that

B E RE AV E M E N T

26

we are just apart, he is in another place and he will be there waiting for me when I die.

This way of thinking, which helped me cope, was distressing for my daughters. They rightly suggested that saying their dad left me was misleading. I made it sound like he had run off with some hussy. I knew they were right but for a very long time the word, 'died' felt disloyal. I accepted that he was not alive but the finality in the word was too much for me.

My relationship with their dad went beyond, "until death do us part". He was present in another realm. I talked to him all the time. I heard his voice in my head. I thanked him for finding me easy places to park. How could I use a word that made a lie of so much that felt real and comforting?

In my grief-stricken state it seemed a logical, reasonable and rational way of thinking.

ILL WITHOUT WARNING Isn’t it strange how vividly the memory can replay certain events in detail and others are lived through in a kind of daze. Shock mercifully numbs the brain. Colm went out our front door on a Wednesday. His legs buckled, and he was instantly paralysed. He went through two weeks of very intensive radiotherapy in the hope it would shrink tumours in his spine that stole his mobility. I know exactly where I was standing when the doctor came into the room and said, “The treatment was not successful”.

REALITY JANUARY/FEBRUARY 2018

I had a visceral reaction. My body shook, and I was shocked into silence. I couldn’t speak. My brain registered: I’m going to lose him. We both knew it was a death sentence. The normal hospital routine went on around us. The tea lady brought Colm tea. She opened a packet with two digestive biscuits; came back to take his cup away. The physiotherapist came in, I kissed Colm and said, “Love you, see you later”, and I have no idea where I went or what I did until I went back into the room and we held each other for a long time.

Colm’s first words were, “We’ll have to talk about how to tell the girls”. The open and honest communication we had in our couple relationship was crucial to how I have coped.

It was a blessing that we were there for each other during his illness. We had a family meeting in the hospital on a Saturday, but I have no memory of what was said or how anyone reacted.

Every major decision in our family was always discussed. Our adult children told us they used to envy friends who could play one parent off against the other. When issues came up either parents or children could call a family meeting. The format was that everyone had their say. We were supposed to listen without interrupting. Suggestions as to what we should do were invited. Then Dad explained his thinking; Mum said what she thought. A parent said, “this is what we have decided”.

IN THE HOSPICE What’s astonishing to look back on is the fun and celebrations we had when he was in the hospital and hospice. I know that our decision to have no secrets was crucial. Colm gave his medical team permission to answer any questions his daughters asked,

even ones he was not ready to ask himself.

Believing that people need the truth to empower them to make decisions, Colm said he would die with one regret. He could not live to walk our youngest daughter down the aisle. He gave Aoife and Richie a candle as his symbol that he would be with them in spirit on their wedding day.

Years of the Serenity Prayer brought us as a couple to 'acceptance' of the things we could not change, things we had no choice but to accept and issues we could not deny. All through Colm’s illness we grieved together as we talked openly about leaving each other and the changes that lay ahead for me. A particularly poignant memory I have is the day I said something about our bed. I felt like a knife went through me when he gently said, “It’s not our bed anymore love, it’s your bed now”.

There is no formula for how to deal with a loved one dying. There are no guidelines for how to mourn with and for a much-loved husband and father. He spoke openly about family life when he would no longer be with us. Books on grieving that suggest there are four stages of grief one goes through, namely denial, anger, bargaining and depression before one comes to the fifth stage of acceptance, did not help me.

LIVING IN A DAZE After the funeral I think I lived life in a daze. I functioned, worked cooked meals,

went shopping but I wasn’t really present.

I had always considered myself a very independent woman, capable of making my own decisions. The enormity of the loss, the sense of responsibility I felt, when I recognised that I would have to parent on my own was frightening. For more than 40 years I enjoyed the security of always having a second opinion about how to support or challenge our girls. As a mother I wanted to be there for my grieving daughters but my support system, discussing my decisions with their dad, was gone.

Our whole family shared in grief. The final days of Colm’s life were so precious. On my birthday, the July before he died, we had a party in the hospice. A family friend said Mass after we had a Chinese meal, another friend took photographs. Each of our daughters prepared a thank you to their dad for a life lesson they had learned from him. We cried and laughed and I recall Colm said something about when he wasn’t there. My nine-year-

REDEMPTORIST

PARISH MISSIONS

old grandchild piped up. “No Grandad. You will always be with us. We will carry you in our hearts.”

STILL FEELING THE LOSS Three years on there is not a day that I don’t feel the loss of shared intimacy, those precious minutes of morning chit chat, the night time snuggle, the missing discussions and disagreements and compromises. My language has changed. I’ve trained myself to change “ours” to “my”, “we” to “I”. Grief for the loss of my closest friend is never far away. There are many times when, with no warning, the tears flow. I miss chatting over a cup of tea, reading something out of the newspaper, even a good argument, losses that don’t go away.

I have immense gratitude for the wonderful husband I loved and who loved me. I’m blessed that my daughters accept that each of us grieves differently. When we are together, we talk about missing Colm. We

even laugh about what he would think of how we grieve and mourn for his passing.

The girls believe the best way to honour his memory is to mind their mum, let her grieve for as long as it takes and encourage her to find ways to enjoy life again.

I have gone on holidays, attended concerts, visited art exhibitions. Accepting that I can no longer live a married lifestyle means getting used to going places on my own. I’m learning how to be single and that is really hard. I know I have choices about the quality of life I want for myself. And in time perhaps I will learn to embrace the good advice of poet, John O’Donohue: “And decide carefully How you now can live The life you would love To look back on From your deathbed.”

Carmel Wynne is a life and work skills coach and writes a regular column in Reality magazine

Breaking the Word in February 2018

Please pray for the Redemptorist Teams who will preach the Word and for God’s People who will hear the Word proclaimed this month in:

Killucan, Co. Westmeath.

(17th – 25th February 2018)

Galway Novena, Galway Cathedral.

Mission preached by Brendan Keane CSsR and Helena Connolly

Solemn Novena preached by Ciaran O’Callaghan CSsR, Brendan O’Rourke CSsR, Reverend Lucinda Laird and couples from the Pre-Marriage Team in Esker.

Sessions: Monday – Saturday: 07.45. 11.00, 13.10, 15.30, 19.30, 21.00 Sunday: 09.00, 10.30, 12.30, 16.30, 18.30, 20.00

(19th – 27th February 2018)

Ramelton, Co. Donegal.

(17th – 25th February 2018) Mission preached by Johnny Doherty CSsR and Maureen Flanagan

Duagh, Co. Kerry (24th February - 4th March 2018) Mission preached by Derek Meskell CSsR and Claire Gilmore

The details above are accurate at the time of printing. If you have any views, comments or even criticisms about Redemptorist preaching, we would love to hear from you. If you are interested in a mission or novena in your parish, please contact us for further information. And please keep all Redemptorist preachers in your prayers.

Fr Johnny Doherty CSsR, Email: dohertyjohnny@gmail.com Tel: +44 28 90445950

Fr Laurence Gallagher CSsR, Email: missions.novenas@redemptorists.ie Tel: +353 61 315099

Praying with the Rosary – Fourth Joyful Mystery prayer corner

The Presentation

THE FEAST OF THE PRESENTATION OF THE LORD ON FEBRUARY 2 OFFERS US AN OPPORTUNITY TO REFLECT ON THIS GOSPEL INCIDENT. WE ARE INVITED TO LISTEN PRAYERFULLY AS MARY DESCRIBES THE EVENTS IN THE TEMPLE. KEEP YOUR BIBLE OPEN AT LUKE 2:21-39, AND CONCLUDE BY PRAYING THE ROSARY PRAYERS.

BY GEORGE WADDING CSsR

We 28

Jews have several ceremonies to perform after the birth of a baby.

First, there’s circumcision. Every boy is circumcised, and named eight days after his birth. This is a great family day – the day on which the child is symbolically separated from the Gentile world, and becomes a member of God’s covenant people.

Our celebration was by necessity

subdued, but no less joyous than it had been every day since Jesus’ birth.

Secondly, we celebrate the redemption of the firstborn, one month or so after birth. From earliest times, the firstborn has always been considered especially sacred to God as the one who opens the channel through which life flows. For that reason, the firstborn – whether of animal or human – was considered

REALITY JANUARY/FEBRUARY 2018

sacred to God and should be offered in sacrifice to God. In our Jewish tradition, humans were never sacrificed but were redeemed, that is, bought back from God for five silver shekels. Through this ceremony we keep alive our faith that a child belongs to God, and that he is on loan to us.

The third ceremony is the purification of the mother. For 40

days after the birth of a son or 80 days after the birth of a daughter a mother is ceremonially unclean.

How my child, announced and glorified by angels, could render me ‘unclean’ I do not understand.

But Joseph’s family and ours always obeyed our Jewish law to the best of our abilities. I took the ceremonial bath and offered two doves, the offering of the poor.

EXCITEMENT IN THE TEMPLE Our day at the temple was certainly an eventful day. The redemption of our firstborn and my purification were accomplished reasonably quickly. They rounded off an extraordinary story which began almost a year previously when I was praying under the balmy skies of Nazareth and the angel Gabriel brought me a message that utterly changed my life, and indeed Joseph’s life, too: I was to conceive and bear a son who would be great and be called the son of the Most High.

On this day I carried that promised child to his Most High Father in the Temple in Jerusalem where, for centuries, God had made his dwelling on earth. It was like bringing Jesus home.

We had two unscheduled encounters in the temple that day.

In our Jewish society, our elders are greatly esteemed. We value and respect the wisdom old age brings, and the prophetic utterances of our devout elders carry extra weight. Meeting Anna and Simeon was like meeting wise and doting grandparents.

What an extraordinary person Anna was. She was from the tribe of Asher, Jacob’s eighth son; the name Asher means ‘happy’. She was only seven years married when her husband died. His death did not crush her or make her lose faith in God. Rather, she had spent the rest of her 84 years fasting and praying in the temple. Her life was spent worshipping God and offering friendship to the many who came from near and far to worship and

offer sacrifice in the temple. Like Simeon, the other person we met, she had never lost hope that she would see the Messiah. Anna and Simeon were prophets.

As Anna passed us she suddenly stopped, knowing she was in the presence of an unutterable event in our history. Filled with God’s Spirit she burst into praise and thanks to God and went from person to person speaking of our child to whoever cared to listen. I suspect that many people either ignored her, or humoured her as a crazy old lady who had spent too long sheltered within the temple precincts. But we knew otherwise, and we thanked her.

AN OLD MAN WITH BAD NEWS? The other prophet we met that day was an old man called Simeon.

He told us that the Holy Spirit had once spoken to him and told him he would see the promised Saviour before he died. He nearly died that very moment for sheer joy and gratitude. He asked to hold Jesus, and just rocked our baby slowly from side to side while tears flowed down his lined cheeks. His voice was like a low humming lullaby, and little by little it turned into a kind of chant…

“Now, Lord, you have kept your promise, and you may let your servant go in peace.

With my own eyes I have seen your salvation, which you have prepared in the presence of all peoples:

A light to reveal your will to the Gentiles and bring glory to your people Israel.”

Joseph and I stood there amazed.

After a while the old man gently passed our baby back to us. He looked straight at us, and the mood became grave and sombre.

“God bless you both,” he said. Then looking into my eyes he added, “Your child will cause many people in Israel to fall and others to stand. He will be like a warning sign. Many people will reject him.” Joseph moved closer to me and put his arm around me.

Simeon went on: “And you, Miriam, you will suffer as though you had been stabbed with a dagger. But all this will show what people are really thinking.” Then he silently went on his way, his face aglow.

LOOKING TO THE FUTURE That evening after Jesus was put to sleep we sat praying together and pondering the day’s events. My heart was filled with a strange mixture of joy and fear. I shared the old man’s profound joy and thanksgiving. But I was puzzled over two things Simeon said about Jesus. I asked Joseph, “Didn’t Simeon say our son would bring salvation to the entire world and not just to our own Jewish people? Can that be true?”

“Yes,” said Joseph, “that is what the old man said and yes, it can and will be true. Isaiah prophesied, ‘I will… make you a light for the Gentiles, that you may bring my salvation to the ends of the earth.’ (49:6) Our people have not always listened to the true voice of prophesy but have sometimes invented their own

version of the truth. We must listen to what heaven is saying to us today.

I recalled this prophesy of Isaiah the day the Gentile Magi came to worship in our stable.”

“Simeon also said that many people would fall because of our child, that many would reject him, – that grieves my soul, Joseph.”

“Aye, and mine too, Miriam. But again, clear-sighted Isaiah told us long ago that the Messiah of God would be ‘a stone that causes men to stumble and a rock that makes them fall’. (8:14f) “You know I shivered when the Magi presented us with myrrh (for burial). And now, today, Simeon spoke about a dagger piercing my soul. Already, even in my joy, I feel the sharp point of that dagger.”

“Miriam love, there is much we have to learn. But God’s Spirit will be with us throughout. As I’ve said to you so often, we’ll walk the road together, our little family, and God will walk with us. Don’t be afraid!”

Fr George Wadding CSsR is a member of the Redemptorist Community at Dun Mhuire, Griffith Avenue, Dublin. His is the author of Praying with St Gerard, the Family Saint (available from Redemptorist Communications)

29

Are you enjoying this issue of Reality?

Would you like to receive Reality on a regular basis?

L ANNUATION* IP SUBSCR ONLY

€25/£20

Taking a subscription ensures Reality magazine is delivered to your door every month instead of calling to a church or a shop in the hope that you will find it there.

Each issue is packed with articles to inform, inspire and challenge you as a Catholic today.

A one year subscription to REALITY magazine is just €25 or £20 No extra charge for postage and packing HOW TO ORDER: Phone 01 492 2488 • Email sales@redcoms.org • Online www.redcoms.org Post Complete the order form below and return it to: Redemptorist Communications, Unit A6, Santry Business Park, Swords Road, Dublin D09 X651

ORDER FORM:

Yes, I would like to subscribe to REALITY.Please send me a copy of ‘VISITS TO THE BLESSED SACRAMENT’ PAYMENT DETAILS | Please tick

OPTION A:

I wish to pay by credit card

FREE!

With every subscription

one of the following options:

VISA

MASTERCARD

Valid from:

LASER

Valid to: CVC

OPTION B:

I wish to pay by cheque

OPTION C:

Existing account holders only:

PLEASE NOTE THAT CHEQUES MUST BE MADE PAYABLE TO “REDEMPTORIST COMMUNICATIONS”

I enclose a cheque for:

Please bill my account at the address below.

My account number is:

Name

Phone

Address

Email Signed

*SUBSCRIPTION RATES ARE: • €25 (ROI) • £20 (NI) • £30 (UK) • €40 (Europe) • €50 (International)

COM M E N T FAMILY & RELATIONSHIPS CARMEL WYNNE

CHALLENGING PREJUDICE

CAN PARENTS PROTECT A CHILD FROM BEING BULLIED? IMAGINE THE CONFUSION OF A YOUNG BOY, WHO HAS YET TO LEARN ABOUT SEXUAL ORIENTATION, BUT IS TAUNTED DAILY ABOUT BEING GAY? IT’S WRONG TO DENY OR IGNORE THE PREJUDICE BEHIND NAME CALLING. A child or adolescent who has experienced prejudice may not look to teachers or parents for guidance, when s/he has questions about sexual orientation. Selfworth, self-confidence and selfesteem are damaged in anyone who feels shamed because they believe something about them is unacceptable or different. Imagine the powerlessness of believing you are flawed, unworthy and inferior not because you did anything wrong but because of who you are.

You can explain to adolescents that happy people don’t bully others. The reason they pick on someone smaller, different and vulnerable is they are seeking a reaction that makes them feel powerful. But understanding that bullies are insecure and really want to prove themselves is of little help to the victim who is taunted, beaten up or stigmatised.

One reason we want children to learn that taunts about difference and homophobic bullying will not be tolerated is that prejudice that goes unchallenged will often develop into discrimination. I’m making an educated guess that most teenagers have times in their lives when they are desperate to feel accepted and liked; when the experience of feeling excluded is so painful and isolating that they do something they don’t want to do, in order to fit in and feel accepted.

It’s a tragedy when young people are so desperate to avoid being victimised that, even though they feel guilty about it, they join in

presented her research at the American Psychological Association convention in Chicago.

homophobic bullying. There is no denying that a minority of young people, usually boys, are bullied, derided and discriminated against because they don’t fit the stereotyped image of masculinity. They may need reassurance that a crush on a member of the same sex is perfectly normal and does not necessarily indicate that a person is homosexual.

I have yet to meet the parents of a teenager who were thrilled when their son or daughter said they were homosexual or lesbian. Frequently parents already know and even though they are waiting for the revelation to offer love, support and reassurance, they may also go through a period of grieving.

Disappointment about not having grandchildren is common. The fear that being gay or lesbian could leave a child vulnerable to negative judgements, invite discrimination, or damage career prospects is also very real.

One could assume that equality legislation and the recent referendum on gay marriage would put a stop to discrimination. It has helped.

Attitudes are changing. Today there is more acceptance of difference but there is still a need for education about the injustices suffered by gay people who are stigmatised.

Unless we remember that wrong information fuelled the mistreatment of homosexual people the residual stigma will not be eliminated.

A past in which homosexuality was believed to be a mental illness and psychiatric disorder is less than 70 years behind us. Medical treatments used to 'cure' homosexual men were cruel. They included ice pick lobotomies, electroshock and chemical castration with hormonal treatment. The marginally less abusive psychological treatments included hypnotherapy and aversion therapy. In 1956 UCLA psychologist Evelyn Hooker PhD, who refuted the disease concept of homosexuality,

Incorrect information, which was widely believed, shaped attitudes and stigmatised homosexual people. The wrong belief that homosexuals were mentally ill, perverted, deviant by choice and likely to prey on children was widespread. Today we recognise the injustice of generalising about any group of people. It is now believed that sexual orientation is determined early in life. Young people who sense they may be gay struggle with fear, confusion and uncertainty, and can be reticent to talk to their parents.

They frequently have low self-esteem.

Young children don’t have any concept of the long-lasting power of the words they use to hurt and insult a peer with whom they are angry. Some parents are dismissive of sexual taunts. They rationalise that a child does not know what s/he is saying. That may be true.

Older children, and probably most of us, would do well to ponder on this quotation attributed to Frank Outlaw: "Watch your thoughts; they become words. Watch your words; they become actions. Watch your actions; they become habits. Watch your habits; they become character.

Watch your character; it becomes your destiny."

Carmel Wynne is a life and work skills coach and lives in Dublin. For more information, visit www.carmelwynne.org

31

F E AT U R E

John W JOHN WESLEY WAS A CONTEMPORARY OF ST ALPHONSUS LIGUORI, AND LIKE HIM, WAS AN ITINERANT PREACHER. HE VISITED IRELAND MORE THAN 20 TIMES.

HIS LIFE AND ASSOCIA

BY GILLIAN KINGSTON

32 On

June 28, 1703, Suzanna Wesley, wife of the Reverend Samuel Wesley, Anglican priest, gave birth to her 15th child, John. Of his 18 siblings, only eight survived infancy of whom the youngest was Charles Wesley, who would be one of the greatest hymn writers in the English language.

After education in Charterhouse School, London, John Wesley went to Christ Church, Oxford. There, he and Charles formed the Holy Club, a group of young men who gathered for prayer, Bible study and ‘good works’. So methodical were they in their religious observance that they became known as ‘Methodists’.

THE AMERICAN MISSION Wesley was ordained to the Anglican priesthood in 1728. Approached by General James Oglethorp, Governor of Savannah, Georgia, to serve in Savannah, the Wesley brothers travelled to America in 1735. During a fierce storm on the voyage, Wesley

was deeply impressed by the calm demeanour of a group of Moravian Christians, seeing in them an inner assurance which he did not have.

His ministry in Savannah was not a success and, in 1737, he returned to England, deeply disillusioned and spiritually depressed.

Following much soul-searching, Wesley experienced a life-changing conversion on May 24, 1738 at Aldersgate Street, London, where he had gone to worship. In his own words "I felt my heart strangely warmed. I felt I did trust in Christ, Christ alone, for salvation; and an assurance was given me that he had taken away my sins, even mine, and saved me from the law of sin and death."

Together with Charles Wesley, who had had a similar heartwarming experience, and those they termed their ‘helpers’, John Wesley embarked on a lifetime of mission and evangelism in Britain and Ireland.

REALITY JANUARY/FEBRUARY 2018

MISSION IN IRELAND Wesley paid the first of 21 visits to Ireland in 1747, noting in his journal for August 9, that "Before ten we came to St George’s Quay. Soon after we landed, hearing the bells ringing for Church, I went thither directly … about three I wrote a line to the curate of St Mary’s, who sent me

word that he should be glad of my assistance; so I preached there…"

Wesley travelled regularly to Ireland, a country and people he loved and of which he said, "Have patience with Ireland and she will repay you!" He preached in 31 of the 32 counties and many places have become associated with him – Wesley Place in Nenagh, County

Wesley

ATIONS WITH IRELAND

Tipperary; trees under which he is said to have preached; homes in which he stayed.

Wesley’s relationship with the Anglican established church in Ireland was not always easy; however, he notes in his journal entry for Sunday 9, 1775, that "the good old Dean of St Patrick’s desired me to come within the rails and assist him

at the Lord’s Supper. This also was a means of removing much prejudice from those who were zealous for the Church."

Neither was his ministry in Ireland without opposition. Riots in various parts of the country, including Dublin and Cork, attended his endeavours on a number of occasions. One of his preachers,

Thomas Williams, wrote to him noting that "No man is fit to be a preacher who is not prepared to die at any moment!"

John Wesley’s last visit was in 1789 at the age of 86; he died on March 2, 1791.

JOHN WESLEY’S VISION His heart-warming experience of May 24, 1738, led Wesley on a mission "to spread scriptural holiness throughout the land". Believing that the church of his day had, in many respects, departed from its Scriptural roots, Wesley sought to establish small communities of those who, by staying in the church, would renew it from within. He and his helpers encouraged those who responded to their preaching to gather to pray, to study Scripture and to do ‘good works’. While accountable to each other in small groups, "the people called Methodist" would continue to attend the established church for the sacraments.

Wesley’s conviction that the grace and love of God is for all led him to reach out to those unreached by the church of the time – miners and farmer workers, the poor and marginalised of the cities and the countryside. He departed from the practice of the church by preaching outdoors wherever people might gather to hear him. His belief that "all need to be saved; all may be saved; all may know themselves be saved; all may be saved to the utmost" was an attractive message to those who felt they were of little account.

It was important for Wesley that faith in Jesus Christ should manifest itself in holy living and in good works. He is attributed with saying Do all the good you can, By all the means you can, In all the ways you can, In all the places you can,

At all the times you can, To all the people you can As long as ever you can.

Thus, the Methodist Church continues to preach and act out a practical Gospel to the poor and marginalised, both in the Central Missions in cities such as Dublin, Belfast and Derry, and through its advocacy of development and relief work in the two-thirds world.

It was never Wesley’s intention to separate from the established church which he loved, but which he believed had departed from its mission. However, a variety of factors, political and social as well as theological, led to an increasing and painful distancing between him and the authorities of the Church of England, and eventiually the Methodist movement became a separate church.

Today, Methodists and Anglicans worldwide are engaged in closing that gulf; the Covenant between the Methodist Church in Ireland and the Church of Ireland has set an example which churches in other countries are watching and following.

A LETTER TO A ROMAN CATHOLIC – DUBLIN, JULY 1749 In an ecumenical gesture untypical of the time, Wesley wrote A Letter to a Roman Catholic, outlining how Christians might relate to each other, even if not wholly agreeing on many things. He concludes In the name, then, and in the strength of God, let us resolve first, not to hurt one another; to do nothing unkind or unfriendly to each other, nothing which we would not have done to ourselves…

Let us resolve secondly, God being our helper, to speak nothing harsh or unkind of each other. The sure

33

ST. MARY’S MONASTERY

REDEMPTORIST CENTRE FOR SPIRITUALITY St Mary’s Monastery, Kinnoull, Perth overlooks the city which is renowned as the ‘Gateway to the Scottish Highlands’. It is an international, multi-cultural, ecumenical place situated within its own extensive grounds and woodland and offers its visitors the opportunity for relaxation, renewal, and rest.

The accommodation in the Monastery is simple but comfortable with 28 single en-suite room, 2 twin en-suite rooms and 4 single rooms with shared bathrooms. There is step free access with a lift to all rooms and free Wi-Fi throughout the building.

PROGRAMME 2018 5th - 9th Feb

Theology of Body

£

345*

Fr. Jim McManus C.Ss.R.

9 - 11 Feb

Young Adults Retreat

£

110**

Fr. Peter Morris C.Ss.R.

26 Mar - 1 Apr

Holy Week Retreat

£

380*

Redemptorist Community

23rd - 27th Apr

Silent Guided Retreat

£

345*

Sr. Sheila Burke RSM, Fr. Martin Gay C.Ss.R., Fr. Ronnie McAinsh C.Ss.R.

14th May - 28th Jun

Sabbatical Course

£

3950

Kinnoull Sabbatical Team

9 - 16 Jul

6 Day Retreat for Religious

430

Fr. Jim McManus C.Ss.R.

16 - 20 Jul

Retreat for Laity

£

345*

Fr. Peter Morris C.Ss.R.

3rd - 5 Aug

A Retreat for the Second Part of Life

£

155*

Sr. Sheila Burke RSM

13 - 17 Aug

Holiday in Scotland

£

345

19 - 24 Aug

Retreat for Religious

£

370

Fr. Ronnie McAinsh C.Ss.R.

10 - 14 Sept

Retreat for Priests & Deacons

£

345

Fr. Jim McManus C.Ss.R.

30 Sept - 5 Oct

Mid/Long– Life Directions Workshop

£

365*

Sr. Sheila Burke RSM

22 Oct - 6 Dec

Sabbatical Course

£

3950

Kinnoull Sabbatical Team

14 - 16 Dec

Advent Retreat

£

155*

Redemptorist Community

th

th

th

st

th

th

th

th

th

th th

th

th th

th

th

th

nd

th

th

th

All accommodation is in single en-suite rooms with full board

£

* Concession rates on request ** Youth concession rate

St. Mary’s, Kinnoull, Hatton Road, Perth PH2 7BP, UK

www.kinnoullmonastery.co.uk | info@kinnoullmonastery.co.uk

+44 (0)1738 624075

F E AT U R E

way to avoid this is to say all the good we can both of and to one another…

Let us, thirdly, resolve to harbor no unkind thought, no unfriendly temper, towards each other...

Let us, fourthly, endeavor to help each other on in whatever we are agreed leads to the kingdom. So far as we can, let us always rejoice to strengthen each other’s hands in God. This bears repeating.

‘BORN IN SONG…’ No account of the people called Methodist, however brief, could omit mention of the significance of hymnody and hymn singing in Methodist worship and theology.

The hymns of Charles Wesley enabled those who could neither read nor write to remember and reflect on the things of their faith.

The Methodist theologian, Geoffrey Wainwright, speaking of the traditional use of scripture in hymns, observes that by these means the deep patterns of the Christian faith are entering the memory and shaping the mind.

Charles Wesley’s verses cover the great feasts and observances of the Christian year; they include the theological truths of the faith, focusing in many instances on the Holy Trinity; they treat of the human condition and of the created world.

They remind the people called Methodist that we, and all God’s children, are one in him…

Christ, from whom all blessings flow Perfecting the saints below, Hear us, who thy nature share Who thy mystic body are.

Join us, in one spirit join Let us still receive of thine, Still for more on thee we call Thou who fillest all in all.

Closer knit to thee, our Head, Nourished, Lord, by thee and fed, Let us daily growth receive, More in Jesus Christ believe.

Never from thy service move, Needful to each other prove, Use the grace on each bestowed, Tempered by the art of God. Love, like death, has all destroyed, Rendered all distinctions void, Names, and sects, and parties fall, Thou, O Christ, art all in all.

Gillian Kingston is on the chaplaincy team at University College, Dublin. She is the ex-Lay Leader of the Conference of the Methodist Church and a local (ie. lay) preacher. She is interim vice president of the World Methodist Council and a former member of the International Commission for Dialogue between the Roman Catholic Church and the World Methodist Council.

Some facts about John Wesley and Methodism • John Wesley visited Ireland on 21 occasions between 1747 and 1789.

• He preached in 31 of the 32 Irish counties.

• Kerry was the only county John Wesley never visited.

• John’s brother, Charles, wrote more than 7,000 hymns in English. They include such favourites of all Christians as ‘Love Divine, all loves excelling’, ‘Hark the herald angels sing’, ‘Christ the Lord is risen today’, ‘Jesus, Lover of my Soul’, ‘O, for a Thousand Tongues to Sing’.

• In the grounds of Chrome Hill Church, Lisburn, he twisted together two beech saplings as a sign of the unity between the Church of Ireland and the Methodist movement. The trees have grown together and share a trunk. Here the Covenant between the Methodist Church in Ireland and the Church of Ireland was signed in 2002.

• There are over 81 million Methodists in some 133 countries worldwide.

Goodbye

to Pain!

The

BIOFLOW MAGNETIC BRACELET is natural, inexpensive... and works!

It consistently relieves arthritis, migraine, high blood pressure,tinnitus, cramps, gout, MS, ME, asthma, fatigue, insomnia, PMT, giddiness, and many other complaints.

If it doesn’t help you, we’ll refund your money.

For weight loss, we have seaweed-based

SLIMMING PATCHES

100% natural, and a reliable and proven way to lose 8-16 lbs in a month ...and the weight lost stays off !

Free details / more information on any of the above

A depiction of John Wesley preaching at City Road Chapel in London

Montpelier Products Vicarstown, Co Laois Tel: (057) 862 6896 Estd 1996

F E AT U R E

CHILD BRIDES A COVER FOR CULTURAL PAEDOPHILIA

36

A PRIEST WITH MANY YEARS’ EXPERIENCE OF WORKING WITH VICTIMS OF SEXUAL TRAFFICKING DESCRIBES HOW YOUNG GIRLS ARE EXPLOITED BY BEING SOLD AS “CHILD BRIDES”.

BY SHAY CULLEN SSC

Since

she was 11 years old, Jazell was forced to live alone with an older man of almost 40 years of age. She was treated as if she was his ‘wife’, living in the house with him, cooking, cleaning and constantly being sexually abused. She became pregnant at 14 like a normal wife and had a baby.

Her father approved, and the community REALITY JANUARY/FEBRUARY 2018

seemed to ignore it or consented to it by looking the other way.

Rosita was also 11 years old. The 45year old man in another country also had the same urge and desire to have an 11-year-old sexual partner. But to make it legitimate, he paid a dowry to the mother and father of Rosita, and a piece of paper confirmed it was a 'marriage arrangement'

according to socio-cultural milieu and religious custom. Girls in that country are devalued, and have an economic value as a 'child bride'. She was taken away and sexually used daily: she became pregnant at 14 and had a baby.

The first case is clearly paedophilia and charges were filed. The second case is not.

Do you agree?

Millions of little girls around the world are forcefully paired with older men when they are as young as 11, 14 or 15 years of age. In other words, so-called ‘marriage’ or 'child bride-taking' is just a cover for grossly indecent criminal paedophilia. It is a front to justify child sex and to escape the penalty of the laws that forbid it. Most of the little girls are then raped in the act of consummation of the so-called marriage. This is one view in regard to child brides; others disagree.

RELATIONSHIPS Among women between the ages of 20 to 24 worldwide, one in four is forced into such as a child bride. It cannot be marriage in the moral sense because clear knowledge, free consent and informed choice have to be present for such a union to be valid.

But while laws are in place to forbid child marriages in most developing countries they are generally ignored and the practice is widespread.

© PREDA.org

37

CHILD MARRIAGE IS NO MARRIAGE According to UNICEF, as many as 700 million women alive today were treated like Rosita when they were young girls. They were sexually used by male adults many years older than them. Many were as young as 11 years old. They were called 'child brides'. The United Nations Convention on the Rights of the Child has declared a child to be anyone under 18 years old.

Girls who have been victims of abuse are jailed in sub-human conditions (Paranaque City)

F E AT U R E

'Child bride-taking' is just a cover for grossly indecent criminal paedophilia. It is a front to justify child sex and to escape the penalty of the laws that forbid it THE EXTENT In Bangladesh, for example, 71 per cent of girls in rural areas are 'married' before they are 18 years old compared to 54 per cent in urban areas. The percentage of girls in Bangladesh forced into such relationships with older men before the age of 15 years is 18 per cent, one of the highest rates in the world. These old men want sex with children, some as young as nine years of age. What is the mentality, sexual urges and

© PREDA.org

Girls who have been saved from being 'child brides', play with dolls at the Preda home

condition of these old men, but a psychiatric phenomenon and surely a diagnosed mental disorder which is paedophilia?

A piece of paper saying it is 'marriage' makes it all legal and right. But it is not all right for the child. The child suffers brutal sex abuse,

and a loss of childhood, education and a life of human dignity. She is reduced to the sex slave status of young girls in many developing countries. It seems the male-dominated culture and religious mores are created by paedophiles to satisfy their sexual demands

Holy Land Pilgrimage 2018

Staying at Tiberias (3 nights) – Bethlehem (2 nights) – Jerusalem (3 nights)

Tuesday 23rd to Wednesday 31st October 2018.

Cost: €1,445 per person sharing on a dinner BB basis Single room supplement : €475 Direct flight from Dublin – Tel Aviv Spiritual Directors: Fr Brendan McConvery CSsR and Fr Richard Reid CSsR For more information contact: Claire Carmichael: Email: ccarmichael@redcoms.org Tel: 01 4922488

HIGHLIGHTS · Walking in the footsteps of Jesus · Visit to the Holy Sepulchre · Visit the birthplace of Jesus in Bethlehem · Spend time in Nazareth village · Visit Mount Tabor · Boat trip on the Sea of Galilee · Dip in the Dead Sea

and desires. Such cultural and religious practices have to be outlawed and the laws implemented.

In Bangladesh the new law signed by the President on March 11, 2017 last forbids marriage between adults and children. But there is a built-in loophole that will still allow adults to marry children. It says adult-child marriage is forbidden except in 'special cases'.

The law does not say what those special cases are. So the paedophilia under the guise of so-called marriage by approved laws can still go on.

POVERTY AT THE ROOT Poverty is the driving force behind many forced child brides. Poor parents see their girl child as being of lower status than boys, and it is an economic benefit if they can sell her for a 'dowry' in a so-called ‘marriage.’

It is income and the child is actually sold, so it is a form of human trafficking. These children are seen as chattels, the property of the parents. The younger the girl is, the more she earns for the family. Her pain is being deprived a normal childhood and education, separated from her parents, her brothers and sisters, and forced to work. It is a terrible life experience of abuse. Cultural and religious practice it seems is designed to be a front to protect the arranged paedophilia.

They say it is not paedophilia if the man has sex with a nine-year-old, provided it is approved by socio-cultural or religious custom. They say the child marriage phenomenon is driven by sociocultural forces and economic considerations.

One international NGO says, “One aspect that clearly distinguishes child marriage from paedophilia is that the socio-cultural milieu, where child marriage is practiced, condones, and in many cases, perpetuates the practice . . . This is the reason, unlike paedophilia, child marriage is practiced and defended by not only the parents, but also their community and leaders.”

In the Philippines where child abuse and child marriage laws are strictly enforced, only two per cent of children are forced into a 'marriage union', called that to justify the paedophilia, apparently at times condoned by the local official. Some NGOs will challenge this practice. It is not widespread, yet the live-in relationship or the sex-slave union is common but not called marriage.

The child victim is left helpless and abused by a live-in partner with the consent of the relatives and mother in some cases. He provides money for the family. There is also the 'areglo' system of payoffs, where it is custom for some local officials, for a fee, to arrange financial compensation between the child sexual abuser and the parents of the child. No legal complaint is filed, and he gets away with the abuse and the community remains silent and condones it.

Fr Shay Cullen surrounded by some of the boys resident at the Preda home

© PREDA.org

© PREDA.org

At the Preda home, girls are taught many trades

IGNORED? Just a few brave people will report child sexual abuse, where it is in fact a common community crime, and one in three girls as young as eight years old are victims of sexual abuse. Many such victims have been brought to the Preda child therapeutic care centre. So what is the difference between paedophilia when the same sexual abuse is covered by a so-called marriage paper?

Margaret Capelazo, CARE Canada’s gender equality adviser, says “there are absolutely no links between child, early and forced marriage and paedophilia”. She contends that child marriage “is caused by social rules and biases that devalue girls, and related social and economic pressure.

Paedophilia is a psychiatric phenomenon and a diagnosed mental disorder.”

With all due respect to Margaret, an older man entering into a sex union with an 11-yearold child is more like paedophilia than 'marriage'.

The marriage is a front, a cultural arrangement made by men to have their way and pleasure by sexually abusing children without the penalty of the law. To save children from such grave sexual abuse, we have to campaign against child brides and expose it for what it is – legalised, economic, socio-cultural paedophilia.

For more information go to: www.preda.org or contact shaycullen@preda.org Fr Shay Cullen is an Irish Columban priest who has worked since ordination in the Philippines. He is founder of PREDA (People’s Recovery Empowerment and Development Assistance) which works with children and women who are victims of exploitation, especially by sexual tourism.

39

Devised by Fr Denis McBride C.Ss.R. and George Allen

How well do you know the Bible?

An inspiring journey through the scriptures • • • •

Test your knowledge of the New and Old Testaments Ideal for families, schools and parish groups An inspiring way to learn about the Gospels Fun, educational and stimulating

Price: €34.00 Product code: 1761

www.rpbooks.co.uk - +44 (0) 1420 88222 - sales@rpbooks.co.uk

UNDER THE MICROSCOPE

BOOK REVIEWS BY KATE GREEN

With Lent approaching, you might find some of these books helpful reading Be Transformed: The Healing Power of the Sacraments By Bob Schuchts Ave Maria Press–ISBN: 978-1-59471-681-2 (192 pages)

Pope Francis has said that the church must be like a "field-hospital" where wounds are cleaned and healed because "there are many, many wounded". In this book, Bob Schuchts outlines how Christ, in his loving mercy, has given us the antidote to all evil, the spiritual "cure" in the seven sacraments. In the frailty of our common humanity, we may not fully understand nor be moved by the power and efficacy of the sacraments. Yet they are powerfully transforming conduits of grace which, as Schuchts says, bring healing to our brokenness, a strengthened awareness of our identity as sons and daughters of God, and a renewed sense of our mission as Christians in the world. Replete with scriptural references throughout, each chapter affords "pauses" for personal application, reflection and prayer and reveals how each sacrament can heal particular wounds: rejection (Baptism); abandonment (Eucharist); powerlessness (Confirmation); confusion (Holy Orders); fear (Matrimony); shame (Reconciliation); and hopelessness (Sacrament of the Sick). The author shares his own struggles and those of people transformed by these encounters with Christ which underpin the whole of Catholic life.

Gospel Reflections By Donal Neary SJ Irish Messenger Publications

Fr Donal Neary brings his learning, spirituality and pastoral experience to the pages of this book, small in volume but rich in warmly human insights

into the Gospels. The reflections are one page in length, headed with the scriptural reference for the particular Sunday, and titled so as to draw attention to the core message. Each ends with an invitation to the reader to enter imaginatively into spiritual task, such as: "Recall someone who made a difference in your life at a bad time. Give thanks!" Each concludes with a prayer.

They are a rich vein of wise and practical observations: "There is something sacred about the ordinary.

About bathing a child, loving a spouse, daily employment, family time and all that makes up our days." Indeed, the reflections succeed in achieving what Fr Neary describes as the purpose of the Gospel: "The gospel is always new.

It is a treasure chest to bring out new aspects of the truth of Jesus each time we read it."

Speaking directly to the reader, in accessible language, he has gifted both priests and lay people with his own treasury of prayerful contemplation which will fit easily into busy, timepressed lives.

Let the Word of God dwell in you

By Martin Hogan Irish Messenger Publications ISBN: 9781910248782

word, and they speak to us as we are, where we are, and in whatever life-situation we find ourselves on a particular day. They are concise and in tune with 21st century issues. The reflection on the Feast of St Patrick refers to the plight of all emigrants, particularly the young and those forced to emigrate. On the Feast of St Joseph, he reminds us: "Jesus was able to do his work in Galilee and Judea because Joseph did his work in Nazareth." On the Feast of All Saints: "The saints are not an elite. They are the baptised who have allowed the Lord to have his way in their lives." He describes the beatitudes as "Jesus' self-portrait".

It is an ideal companion for all who prepare for Mass, belong to a Scripture discussion group or as a resource for meditation. In his introduction, Fr Hogan describes his reflections as the fruit of his struggle "to break open" God's word for his parish community, and expresses the hope that they may help others do the same. Mission accomplished!

Finding God in the Mess By Jim Deeds and Brendan Mc Manus SJ Irish Messenger Publications ISBN: 1910248843 (96 pages)

(250 pages)

The title of Fr Martin Hogan's book reminds us that God's word is not simply print to be read or words to be heard, but must imbed itself at our deepest core, a living thing, inspiring and energising our thoughts, words and deeds. These reflections on the weekday Gospel for the liturgical year 2017/2018, are the fruit of his own daily engagement with God's

This slim volume would make an ideal gift as we, like St Ignatius Loyola, head limping and wounded into 2018.

Written in a warm and personal style, shot through with gentle humour and no-nonsense wisdom, it will appeal to believer and non-believer alike.

Gracious and unthreatening to those who may be suspicious, cynical or in denial about the things of God, it sends out "invitations" to step

aside from the busyness of modern life and its attendant emptiness, confusions and sorrows. Taking us figuratively by the hand, the authors lead us through guided meditations for "mindful living" and leave us the simple blueprint of how to begin or to deepen our engagement with the One who is the source of fullness of life.

Taking as their foundation the Ignatian spirituality that God is to be found in all things and in all aspects of our complex lives, they give us a series of short reflections corresponding to the Mysteries of the Rosary – Joyful, Sorrowful, Glorious and Luminous – which in turn mirror the patterns of our own lives of pain, struggle and ultimately, growth.

Each reflection is followed by three questions which, if we choose to ponder them, may lead us to some personal resolution, illumination and way forward. Beautifully illustrated, the photographs themselves are aids to quiet contemplation and inner stillness.

Giving equal weight to the light and shadow that pervade all our lives, and covering such areas as depression, fear, anger, woundedness and violence, the reflections emphasise God's loving care and companionship with us in these experiences. Conversely, they show us our inner beauty, our potential for being and doing good and the faith invested in us by God who tells each of us (in the words of St Ignatius) to "Go forth and set the world on fire".

A book that is strong on hope and possibility, and written to be used daily, or as the Spirit leads, it will resonate with a wide range of people seeking deeper meaning and comfort in their daily lives.

41

Carl and Christine meet mothers of Kalokol town, northern Kenya

D E V E LO P M E N T I N ACTION

Carl and Christine were shocked at the levels of malnutrition they witnessed during their visit

Carl Frampton with kids in the Mukuru boxing club Christine Frampton meets children in the town of Kalokol, northern Kenya

42

BOXER FLOORED BY KENYA KIDS FORMER TWO-WEIGHT WORLD CHAMPION BOXER CARL FRAMPTON HAS SAID THAT THE "HEARTBREAKING" POVERTY HE WITNESSED DURING A TRIP TO KENYA WITH TRÓCAIRE WILL STAY HIM FOR THE REST OF HIS LIFE.

BY DAVID O’HARE PHOTOGRAPHY BY JUSTIN KERNOGHAN

Belfast

-born Carl Frampton and his wife Christine travelled to Kenya before Christmas to see work being carried out by Trócaire as part of its Christmas appeal. Carl admits nothing could have prepared them for the images he witnessed in Kenya.

"It completely opened our eyes," Carl admitted.

"We were warned before we left of what it would be like, but I don't think anything could have prepared us for what we saw. It's only when you get to see the conditions at first hand that you realise how bad it is. It puts things in perspective.

You could never imagine these conditions anywhere in today’s world.

BATTLING DROUGHT In Kenya more than 3 million people are

REALITY JANUARY/FEBRUARY 2018

in need of urgent humanitarian assistance.

And that number is expected to rise sharply as the effects of prolonged, devastating drought continue to take a massive toll.

During their trip Carl and Christine visited Turkana in northern Kenya where they met young mothers and babies receiving emergency food funded by Trócaire, and the Mukuru slum, one of Africa’s largest slums where poverty, disease and violence is rife and where Trócaire is also supporting people.

The Turkana region is a barren semi-desert area which is home to about a million people. "It is a vast area, with camels roaming about. It is just miles of dry desert. It looks beautiful, but for the people living there it is harsh – they can't grow

their crops because of the drought and there is no water so people's animals are dying," said Carl.

"We discovered that 90 per cent of the people living in that region are malnourished in some shape or form because of the lack of food and water. It looks very bleak but the work Trócaire is doing there is helping. Conditions are improving and we spoke to a doctor who said things were getting better. So that's a positive. We spoke to a few people there and they are just happy that they are receiving some form of help.

"One thing I will never forget was when a doctor was explaining about how this small gel-like package (which is just mushed up oils and nuts) is very good for the children … this toddler, about three years of age, came up to him begging for it. I'd never seen anything like it. So, right away, we were hit in the face by the reality of the problems and how the support Trócaire brings to the community can quite literally be the difference between life and death."

MOTHERS AND BABIES "When we visited the feeding centre in Turkana there were no men around. Just women and children. That's because the men walk 200km

WINTER

to Uganda with their cattle to find a watering hole so their livestock don't die. They also bring water back to their families. If that doesn't put things into perspective, then I don't know what does,” Carl said.

It was during a visit to the feeding centre in Turkana that Carl and Christine met a mother and her two children whose lives had been impacted

by HIV. "The mother had HIV and one of her kids who was just three years old was also HIV positive," Carl said.

"She was breastfeeding her baby who was eight months old but only weighed 9lbs. There are babies here at home at that weight at birth.

"But thankfully the baby will survive, thanks to the support of Trócaire. Also the medication the baby is getting means there is a very high chance that he will not contract HIV. This family's story really hit Christine. It was tough to see and to listen to their story."

The Mukuru slum is situated in the country's capital, Nairobi, and is home to 900,000 people.

"It is one of the biggest slums in the world, never mind in Africa," said Carl. "It was just row upon row of tin huts, with people living in the middle of raw sewage, living in filth. You had kids running around in these disease-ridden areas and this was in part of the capital city. It is incredible to think that people have to live like this."

The couple visited a clinic in the slum that is run by the Medical Missionaries of Mary (MMM) and supported by Trócaire. The clinic supports people who are living with HIV as well as other medical issues.

BOXING CLUB During their trip to the Mukuru slum, Carl and Christine paid a special visit to a local boxing club.

"The boxing club was a tin hut with a square of carpet on the floor which acted as the ring," explained Carl. “There were 20-25 kids around.

That was as many as they could get at short notice as many others were out working. They had two pairs of MMA gloves and one set of pads. It was great to see this in the middle of a slum. Nobody

knew who I was, they were just happy to see some new faces."

Carl admits his Kenyan experiences will stay him and Christine for the rest of their lives.

"It was life-changing. Something we will never forget," he said. "We have hopefully raised some awareness for Trócaire and hopefully the charity can raise as much money as possible. It opened our eyes, and it is an experience that will stay with us forever. You think you have problems and many of us do have our own issues. But it puts my problems into perspective."

Trócaire is currently reaching 150,000 throughout the East Africa region, where 25 million people across Somalia, South Sudan, Kenya and Ethiopia are facing desperate hunger. For more information on Trócaire's work or to make a donation, go to www.trocaire.org or call 1850 408 408 in ROI or 0800 912 1200 in NI.

Ennismore Retreat Centre

Saturday 3rd February Holistic Leadership: Creating styles of leadership that foster awareness, compassion, creativity and transformation (through input, discussion, film, meditation, etc) Pat and Martina Lehane Sheehan 10.30a.m. – 4.30p.m.

Cost €60 Tuesday 6th, 13th, 20th, 27th Feb and 6th, 13th & 20th March “Life in the Spirit Seminars.”

(7 Week Series) – God’s Love; Salvation; New Life; Receiving God’s Gifts; The Holy Spirit; Growth; Transformation.

7p.m. – 9.30p.m.

Cost: €10 /Donation per evening

ST DOMINIC’S

Saturday 17th February “Waking up in the world”; Immersed in the story of the Universe, exploring what it is to be “keepers of the light”.

Mary Teresa McCormack 10.30a.m. – 4.30p.m.

Cost: €60 Friday 23rd – Sunday 25th February “Into the Desert”: Lenten Retreat Martina Lehane Sheehan Cost: Res €175 Non/Res €100 Sunday 11th March Mindfulness – Revise the 8 week programme in one day!

10.30a.m. – 4.30p.m.

Cost: €60

Thursday 29th March – Sunday 1st April Holy Week Retreat Ennismore Team Cost: Res. €175 / Non Res. €100 Ennismore Retreat Centre is set in 30 acres of wood, field and garden overlooking Lough Mahon on the River Lee. It’s the ideal place for some timeout, reflection and prayer.

For ongoing programmes please contact the Secretary or visit our website Tel: 021-4502520 Fax: 021-4502712 E-mail: ennismore@eircom.net www.ennismore.ie

CO M M E N T REALITY CHECK PETER McVERRY SJ

THE VIOLENCE OF EXCLUSION

THE HARDEST THING ABOUT BEING HOMELESS IS LIVING 24 HOURS EVERY DAY BELIEVING YOU ARE OF NO VALUE TO ANYONE ELSE. IT DESTROYS YOUR SELFESTEEM AND STRIPS YOU OF DIGNITY. EVERY DAY IS ONE MORE EXPERIENCE OF REJECTION AND EXCLUSION.

44

I always thought that the hardest part of being homeless was sleeping in a doorway or derelict building, night after night. But homeless people have taught me that there is something even worse. I thought that maybe it was having nowhere to go, and nothing to do, walking aimlessly around all day long. But they taught me that there is something much worse again.

What then is the hardest part of being homeless? One young man, who lived in our hostel for several years, went to live with his girlfriend when he was 18. After about a year, they split up and he went to live on the streets, because he had nowhere else to go. After a couple of months on the streets, he threw himself into the river. To his dismay, he was rescued and brought to hospital.

I went up to see him and he said to me: “Peter, I can’t go on living like this.” I asked him what he meant. He said; “I can’t go on living, knowing that nobody cares.”

The hardest part of being homeless is to live 24 hours every day knowing that you are of no value to anyone else. You are made to feel worthless. Your self-esteem is destroyed, your dignity is stripped from you. Each day you experience rejection and exclusion.

To experience exclusion is to experience being assaulted. It is

not your body that is assaulted but your spirit. The scars are not visible on your body, but they are, nevertheless, just as real. The message you receive every day is that you are of no value, or lesser value than everyone else. You may then come to believe that you are, indeed, of little value. As one young homeless man said to me, “Why do you bother with the likes of us?” You may not die from a physical assault, but you may lose the will to continue living.

Social exclusion is the process by which people are denied access to basic rights which others are able to take for granted, such as employment, housing, education or health.

To salve its conscience, society seeks to blame those they have excluded. If you are homeless today in Ireland, the 14th richest country in the world and the fastest growing economy in

REALITY JANUARY/FEBRUARY 2018

the EU, then many believe that there must be something wrong with you, that you must have a problem, maybe an addiction problem. And if you have a problem, then you will probably be a problem. So society is justified in excluding you. Actually most homeless people in Ireland do have a problem; their problem is that they do not have the money to be able to pay for their own accommodation in the private market. And the Government does not have sufficient social housing to accommodate them.

The problem of homelessness today is primarily caused by Government policies, not by some “problem” in the homeless person.

Similarly, we blame the unemployed for being unemployed as our economy moves towards “full employment”.

Jim has been unemployed all his life. Many call him lazy, a welfare

sponger, living the good life on the dole, so why would he bother to look for work? We ignore the fact that Jim was abused as a child, never received counselling or therapy, his self-worth destroyed.

He left school early with poor literacy skills. He has a few criminal convictions from his early adult years as he tried to cope with his childhood experiences. He lives in a neighbourhood which still has 70 per cent male unemployment.

He believes that no one would want him. Even if he went for an interview, his low self-esteem, and prior criminal convictions, would make it unlikely that anyone would employ him.

A n d m a n y Tr a v e l l e r s , denied access to appropriate accommodation and employment, and sometimes to education, due to being constantly moved on from unauthorised halting sites, are the most excluded group in our society.

Exclusion is not only a form of violence from society towards those they have excluded, but may also lead to violence towards society from those excluded.

“If nobody gives a damn about me, why should I give a damn about anyone else?” I sometimes hear from people who have been excluded. The majority of those in prison come from a small number of well-known deprived areas.

When society excludes people, society also suffers.

GOD’S WORD THIS MONTH The ruins of Capernaum on the coast of the lake of Galilee

45

FEBRUARY

LET US GO ELSEWHERE! Today’s Gospel consists of three brief accounts of independent but related 5TH SUNDAY IN events in Jesus’ ministry.

ORDINARY TIME They continue the account of the first sabbath of the ministry of Jesus we began reading last week.

After the synagogue service has ended, Jesus and his disciples go the house of Simon.

Archaeological excavations in Capernaum have brought to light the remains of a first century village. Over one of the houses, not far from what was the synagogue, a church was erected in the early 300s. It is likely to have been Peter’s house, the scene of today’s miracle of healing. Like the houses around

04

it, it was small, and probably overcrowded with a family of several generations. Cooking was forbidden on the sabbath, but food was prepared in advance, so that the sabbath meal was the fullest and most leisurely of the week.

Telling Jesus about the sick woman might have been a way of warning him not to expect much by way of hospitality, but when he cures her, she immediately assumes her role as the woman of the house, serving the meal.

The second unit describes how, at the close of the sabbath, the sick and possessed are brought to the house for healing. In a small place like Capernaum, the excitement sparked by the cure of Peter’s mother-in-law generates excitement throughout the whole town as people crowd around the door looking for

healing.

The third scene takes place at daybreak. Jesus has left the house in search of a quiet place for prayer. Peter seems to have misunderstood what Jesus is about. The successful healings of the evening before may have given him the impression that if he stays in Capernaum, people will flock to him. Jesus puts him straight: he has not come to be a faith-healer, but a wandering preacher, and the wandering has to begin today, leaving Capernaum behind.

Today’s Readings Job 7:1-4,6-7;1 Cor 9:16-19,22-23; Mark 1:29-39

God’s Word continues on page 46

GOD’S WORD THIS MONTH IF YOU WILL, YOU CAN MAKE ME CLEAN AGAIN! The words ‘leprosy’ and ‘leper’ are used in the Bible to cover a wide range of 6TH SUNDAY IN things. Some of them we ORDINARY TIME would not even classify as medical conditions, such as moulds or mildew caused by dampness on clothing or on the walls of houses (Lev 16:55).

Medical science in biblical times was primitive. Its only way of distinguishing between various forms of skin infections was how quickly they healed or how rapidly they spread. It was a wise precaution then to keep people who were infected with a rash that might prove dangerous at a distance from other members of the community,

FEBRUARY

11

FEBRUARY

46

REPENT AND BELIEVE THE GOOD NEWS If you went to receive your ashes last Wednesday, it FIRST SUNDAY is likely that one of the OF LENT prayers said by the person imposing the ashes was taken from today’s Gospel: “Repent and believe the Good News!” Today’s Gospel is the shortest of the three Gospel accounts of the temptations of Jesus. It is a spare, tense narrative, but as is often the case with Mark’s Gospel, each word is carefully chosen. He is ‘driven out’ – compelled to go into the wilderness. In the land of Jesus there is a sharp contrast between ‘the desert’ and ‘the sown', the cultivated farm land where humans settle.

By contrast, the desert is dry, barren, home to

18

REALITY JANUARY/FEBRUARY 2018

especially the family. In the absence of skilled medical practitioners, priests were responsible for determining whether an infection was cured or not – see today’s first reading.

In such a world, even relatively minor skin infections were dreaded. We catch something of this sense of panic and near despair in the man who approaches Jesus in today’s Gospel. Jesus’ action in stretching out his hands to touch the man as a sign of his sympathy and readiness to break boundaries is an important theme in the story. If the Christian tradition does not have the power of Jesus to cure disease instantaneously, it did learn from him the importance of cherishing the sick and making a place for them in the community. St Damien of Molakai spent many years working among lepers. He finally contracted

the disease and the following Sunday began his sermon with the words “We lepers …" The Jesuit poet, Gerard Manley Hopkins described how visiting the sick also transforms us, “this seeing the sick endears them to us, us too it endears.”

Jesus sends the man to the priest to receive the official judgment that his illness has been cured, but orders him to say nothing. But if your world has been turned upside down by a healing you never thought possible, you cannot hold in your excitement, and so it is with the man who has been healed – he spreads the news so that Jesus has to avoid places that are inhabited.

wild animals and inhospitable to humans. Yet the desert was Israel’s dwelling for 40 years between the Exodus from Egypt and entry into the Land of Promise. It is to the desert that God’s people will be sometimes driven when they have failed so that they can learn to hear the voice of God: “therefore, I will now allure her, and bring her into the wilderness, and speak tenderly to her” (Hos 2:14). Mark does not specify the temptations to which Jesus was exposed in the desert. Satan is mentioned as the one who tempts several times in the Old Testament. He tempted David to number the people (often a preliminary to going to war or increasing taxes), but is especially in the Book of Job that Satan will test the just man Job with unexpected suffering and loss, but he will remain faithful. In the desert, Jesus also learns to depend

on the providence of God – the angels ministered to him, just as they ministered to the prophet Elijah.

The desert time is a boundary marker. With John dead, Jesus can begin his own ministry of preaching. His message is summed up in two very brief statements – the Kingdom of God is at last drawing near and to be ready for it, people are called to repentance, metanoia, the Greek word which means a change of heart and mind, a change of direction in our lives.

Today’s Readings Leviticus 13:1-2, 44-46; 1Cor 10:31-11:1; Mark 1:40-45

Today’s Readings Genesis 9: 8-15; 1 Peter 3:18-22; Mark 1:12-15

THE REALITY CROSSWORD

NUMBER 1, JANUARY/FEBRUARY 2018

IT IS WONDERFUL FOR US TO BE HERE! Mountains are places where you see things FEBRUARY differently. When I was growing up in Belfast, I loved climbing to the top of Divis (less than 500 metres high) to see the whole city spread out in the valley below. Although the Gospel does not SECOND SUNDAY identify the mountain in this story, it is usually OF LENT believed to be Tabor, a round hill washed with historical memories for Israel that stands above the fertile Jezreel Valley. Jesus is making his final journey to Jerusalem.

Within about ten days or so, he and his disciples will have entered the darkness of his final days, culminating in his crucifixion on Calvary.

In this brief episode at the top of the mountain, the sudden burst of light that makes his clothes “more dazzlingly white, whiter than any earthly bleacher could make them” is a prelude to the burst of light in the tomb at Easter in which a young man in a white robe will announce that he is risen.

Moses and Elijah also experienced moments of divine revelation on a holy mountain, Sinai or Horeb. Moses asked to see God’s face but he was told: “ I shall put you in a cleft of the rock and shield you with my hand until I have gone past” (Exo 33:22), since a human being could not bear the sight of the divine presence. On the same mountain, Elijah waited for the Lord to come, but the Lord was not in the fire or the earthquake that came, but in the light gentle murmur of the breeze.

Peter wants this moment to last, and offers to build three shelters for Jesus and his guests, but it is over in a short time. Our moments of insight usually only last a very short time, but they are usually enough to make us see things differently. From that moment on Tabor, the disciples will know that Jesus is different. It does not mean that they will always act as if they believed it. When he is arrested, they will desert him, and even Peter, after a weak display of bravado, will follow their example and slink off into the night.

As we reflect on today’s Gospel during the week ahead, it might help us to discern the unexpected moments when the Lord reveals his presence to us.

25

SOLUTIONS CROSSWORD No. 9 ACROSS: Across: 1. Starch, 5. Church, 10. October, 11. Eclipse, 12. Tara, 13. Fraud, 15. Etna, 17. Ebb, 19. Caddie, 21. Yields, 22. Jehovah, 23. Gambol, 25. Milton, 28. Eve, 30. Lark, 31. Creed, 32. Lean, 35. Anoints, 36. Inspect, 37. Hinges, 38. Red Sea. DOWN: 2. Tutored, 3. Ruby, 4. Harare, 5. Cherub, 6. Ugly, 7. Capital, 8. Coptic, 9. Recaps, 14.

Absolve, 16. Dijon, 18. Nihil, 20. Eel, 21. Yam, 23. Galway, 24. Marconi, 26. Therese, 27. Ninety, 28.

Erases, 29. Eerier, 33. Snug, 34. Used.

Winner of Crossword No. 9 Kathy O'Byrne, Raheen, Ballyneety, Co. Limerick

ACROSS 1. Epic Latin poem by Virgil. (6) 5. Central tables in Christian churches. (6) 10. A communal settlement in Israel. (7) 11. A vacuum flask. (7) 12. Flower for Easter. (4) 13. The longest continental mountain range. (5) 15. National language of Pakistan. (4) 17. Precious or semi-precious stone. (3) 19. Edible seed and magic word. (6) 21. They live in a holt. (6) 22. The Mount where Jesus was crucified. (7) 23. Stringed instrument whose strings are as long as its soundborad. (6) 25. Biblical prophet who challenged the false god Baal. (6) 28. Powdery residue after a fire. (3) 30. Wetland plant used for thatching. (4) 31. Regard with disgust and hatred. (5) 32. Used as a command to stop a horse. (4) 35. Real surname of Mark Twain. (7) 36. Reasons for doing things. (7) 37. A traditional, unauthenticated, story. (6) 38. Tool associated with the Grim Reaper. (6)

DOWN 2. Preserves after death. (7) 3. Second tallest birds. (4) 4. Sleeping lightly. (6) 5. Song for a country. (6) 6. Excessively sentimental or quaint. (4) 7. Deep regret for a wrong committed. (7) 8. Ancient Scandinavians keepers of lore, composers and reciters. (6) 9. Important topics for debate or discussion.

(6) 14. Whirling Muslim religious ascetic? (7) 16. A short Master of Ceremonies. (5) 18. "Fashions fades, ... is eternal." (Yves Saint Laurent) (5) 20. The organ of balance in humans. (3) 21. Solid material from which metal can be extracted. (3) 23. The largest city in Switzerland. (6) 24. 19th century Saint of the Child. (7) 26. A form of the Hebrew name of God. (7) 27. The final vehicle. (6) 28. Treated with cruelty and violence. (6) 29. Detective of 221b Baker Street. (6) 33. Outdoor entertainment organised to raise funds. (4) 34. Remain in the same place. (4)

Entry Form for Crossword No.1, January/February 2018 Name:

Today’s Readings

Address: Telephone:

Genesis 22:1-18; Romans 8:31-34; Mark 9: 2-10 All entries must reach us by February 28, 2018 One €35 prize is offered for the first correct solutions opened. The Editor’s decision on all matters concerning this competition will be final. Do not include correspondence on any other subject with your entry which should be addressed to: Reality Crossword No. 1, Redemptorist Communications, Unit A6, Santry Business Park, Swords Road, Dublin 09 X651

CHRIST COMMUNITY COMPASSION THINK ABOUT IT

VOCATIONS WWW.REDNUNS.COM CONTACT@REDNUNS.COM