What is Toxic Shame?
Renaissance Ranch 440 South Medical Drive, Suite 3, Bountiful, UT 84010 (801) 572-4325
The Toxic in Toxic Shame Renaissance Ranch Outpatient Treatment defines toxic shame as the affliction when a person is unable to overcome their shame in order to make positive changes. It is where a person feels that they don’t deserve to have a better life. These people may turn to addictive substances as comfort blanket. People who are afflicted with toxic shame feel unworthy of healthy relationships and deprive themselves the support system they need for recovery. In instances that they succeed, shame holds them back from celebrating or feeling joy.
Renowned psychiatrist, Carl Jung once said, “Shame is a soul eating emotion.” It feeds on fear and negativity, and survives in the darkest recesses of one’s insecure, self-loathing and selfdoubting mind. There are different degrees of shame like cancer or any deadly disease. Stuttering during a public speech or failing an exam may be shameful. But not everyone hurts the same. Some can get over it after few minutes while others don’t.
Often, these negative feelings associated with shame can cause them to quit recovery and rehabilitation early on or tend to relapse more because they feel helpless and devalued. Toxic shame is different from ordinary shame. Unlike getting embarrassed, a person aggrieved with toxic shame experiences its negative effects for longer periods of time. To a normal person, embarrassing situations may pass in a day or a few hours – not with a toxic shame sufferer.
When Parents Pass Shame to Children In most cases, shame becomes internalized from chronic or intense experiences of shame in childhood. It can also be transferred in vicarious manner. Parents can unintentionally pass their shame to children through nonverbal behavior or [INSERT IMAGE HERE] verbal messages. Parents’ indifference, depression, absence, irritability, over competitiveness and over-correcting behavior may make a child feel unloved or inadequate. Internalized shame brings irreparable damage to self-esteem and affects self-perception that leads to further self-damaging actions and even lead to aggression, depression, eating disorders, posttraumatic stress disorder and addiction. Apart from low self-confidence, it also generates anxiety, irrational guilt, codependency and perfectionism. This limits a person’s ability to enjoy professional success and satisfying relationships. There’s a saying: “Like moss, shame grows in the dark. Vanquish it by bringing it into the light.” Shame is not something that cannot be cured. With support and care, a person can get over toxic shame.
RESOURCES: Renaissance Ranch – http://www.renaissanceoutpatient.com/321/ Psychcentral - http://psychcentral.com/lib/what-is-toxic-shame/00021095 Huffingtonpost - http://www.huffingtonpost.com/ross-arosenberg/shame_b_4168571.html
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