reSOUND

A QUARTERLY FOR BLACK LESBIANS AND ALLIES

PREMIERE ISSUE INSIDE 1 OF 4 FOR 2012

.Hey Girl Hey .Accounts from Lesbian Servicewomen .Lady Poetry .Lipstick Lez Entertainment .Soapbox Tees .Accept the Unexpected .Alexis P. Gumbs .Sound Solutions .Am I “In the Life?” .Tax Tips

ResPublishing.com Print-$8.00 Digital-Priceless

Editor-in-Chief: L. Cherelle If you are reading these words or viewing any part of this magazine, thank you. Regardless of how you landed upon Resolute Publishing or this publication, something prompted you to seek more information by downloading or purchasing reSOUND. Whether you’re supporting reSOUND because it caters to Black queer women or browsing out of sheer curiosity, I hope that you find something interesting, revealing, relevant, and worthy of your efforts within the pages of reSOUND. Contrary to some, I’m not squeamish about my age because it’s a fact of life. At age 28, I’m experiencing an uncontrollable desire to fulfill my goals and to manifest my dreams one objective at a time. A large part of this desire is a direct result of prolonged uncertainty during a period of insurmountable student loans, lengthy unemployment, and limited unemployment benefits. This period of instability was emotionally tumultuous, leading me to question my choices. But fortunately, through it all, I never questioned my journey.

house rules

The term “homosexuality” is only used in direct quotes, in the context of historical references, or when present in cited materials.

Lesbian is an adjective and noun.

The ‘B’ in “Black” is always capitalized.

Today, I’m learning how to trust in my abilities and talents and to remain open to all of life’s inconsistencies. Like a lot of Americans, I’m overeducated and underemployed. I can’t make a prospective employer give me a position that’s worthy of my background and strengths, or force my current employer to pay me a salary equitable to my daily contributions. I want zero balances, a house, a new car and additional moments of pampering and pleasure. In the past two years, I’ve spent a lot of time focusing on all the things I couldn’t control. But through this trying time, a great thing happened. I developed a desire to pursue all the things I could control, placing my talents at the forefront of all ambition. reSOUND is a manifestation of such ambition.

Although I’m personally spearheading this publication, its purpose is far greater than me. As a selfidentified, Black lesbian woman living in a world where my ethnicity, womanhood, sexuality, values,

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and culture are stifled by multiform oppression, it’s important that I speak. Today, I’m choosing to affirm my existence and yours by producing a publication that will capture the essence of our identities. I encourage Black, lesbian, bisexual, transgender and heterosexual women to saturate the market with your magazines, novels, poems, paintings, writings, plays, photographs, music, and any other kinds of artistic expression you can create. It’s time for us to have a ridiculous amount of literature, media, and differing forms of entertainment at our fingertips too. We must control the expression of our love and strongest feelings. But to achieve this endeavor, we must first and foremost love ourselves fiercely. That’s why I chose to debut the first issue of reSOUND on Valentine’s Day. In the midst of all the hearts, flowers, candies, cupids, cards and commercialism, take a moment to express love to yourself and value who you are. The February 14th release of reSOUND is our collective moment.

To end, I need your feedback. I’m impatiently awaiting your thoughts and participation, and I invite you to contact me so that you may contribute to subsequent issues of reSOUND. And I thank everyone who helped me produce this issue! This was a grand task, but with your assistance, it came to beautiful fruition.

Respectfully submitted,

Editor-in-Chief 3

inside Issue 1 of 4 for 2012

Resolute Publishing

6 Hey Girl Hey

Resolute is a publishing collective that offers African American female writers who consider themselves “everyday people” a voice and port of connection to other women, men, and families. We promote quality publications that are targeted to communities of color and LBGTQ audiences. Resolute uses printed words to speak, share, uplift, and foster self and community esteem. Success for every Resolute author means something different, but all authors share a passion for reading and the livelihood of other women.

to ensure the accuracy of information published in reSOUND. Resolute Publishing is not responsible for errors or omissions or liable for misprints or typographical errors in advertisements. The opinions expressed herein are those of the writers and do not necessarily reflect the opinion of the publisher.

Material in this magazine cannot be reproduced or transmitted in any form or any means (electronic, mechanical or otherwise) in whole or part without the publisher’s permission.

reSOUND is published quarterly and distributed via print and digital editions. Every effort has been made

Copyright © 2012 Resolute Publishing, LLC. All rights reserved.

9 Virtual Book Club 10 Being Myself

expression 14 Poetry=Honesty+Realness Page 6

Writer

Melody Curry Evans

Tax Consultant

business 16 Lipstick Lez Entertainment 18 Soapbox Tees

Mailing Address: P.O. Box 2131 | Louisville, KY 40201

good reads

Contributors

Nikki Jones

community

20 “Accept the Unexpected”

Z. Bediako Writer

Page 10

Veronica Delaney

perspective 22 Self-Proclaimed: Alexis P. Gumbs 25 Sound Solutions 26 Am I “In the Life?” Are You?

financial literacy

Editor

29 Tax Tips

etcetera Page 22

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30 You’re Wanted

Inside this Issue

community

Hey Girl Hey

IN EARLY 2011, Meredith Smith and Sun Smith (no relation) of Cincinnati, Ohio, and Monica Morris of Columbus, Ohio, came together to discuss starting a group where women of color could meet and be themselves. After much conversation, the trio combined forces to develop a monthly meeting where queer and straight women of color could talk about issues they faced while enjoying each other’s company. Meredith hosted the first Hey Girl Hey on May 21, 2011 in Northside, a gay friendly Cincinnati neighborhood. By mid-summer, Tamara “Tami” Lunan and Rashida Manuel joined the team.

HEY GIRL HEY SISTERHOOD. Rashida: Hey Girl Hey (HGH) is a community space, a safe space, a woman-centered space where queer and straight women of color can learn about and connect with each other. It’s a healing space, a growing space. The space is affirming and positive.

There is a broad range of women who attend the meetings, so we do our best to keep the energy welcoming and affirming. HGH is multi-faceted because we deal with whatever women bring to the 6 reSOUND - Issue 1 of 4 for 2012

heterosexual women come in this space and leave quickly. I find this to be disappointing, but still encourage their participation. HGH will continue to challenge ourselves and others to think outside the box. It’s the only way we grow.

Left to right: Monica Morris, Sun Smith, Rashida Manuel, and Tami Lunan—the current administrative team of Hey Girl Hey, a monthly meet-up for discussion on topics that range from sexuality and gender identity to family, politics, and popular culture. table. It’s also empowering because we encourage each other to that next level of thought or action.

As a women-centered space, HGH allows what’s important to us, however wide ranging, to stand front and center without being marginalized or overlooked like it may be in more mainstream groups where issues of queer women of color are lost amid the more dominant culture. Women’s circles have been a part of many cultural traditions, so really it’s kind of in us to want to connect and commune with each other. These spaces have sustained us throughout history and HGH is just a continuation of that sisterhood.

MEETING FORMAT. Rashida: Typically, each HGH meeting lasts four hours. The first hour is for eating. HGH is a potluck event so there’s always good food around. The second hour and a half is for discussion. Generally, everyone throws topics into a bowl and then facilitators select topics for discussion. Over the www.ResPublishing.com

ENCOURAGEMENT AND SUPPORT. Monica: It is so important to seek reflections of your interests and that those around you are honest and affirming. You have to go and seek it—finding others who are similar to you will not fall into your lap. I went to Antioch College where there was a strong queer presence amongst students, and I had a great group of friends and associates. When I went back home to Columbus, finding similar communities was extremely hard to come by. I decided to actively seek these communities. First, I became a part of New Leaf online community and I got involved with a meet-up group for queer women of color in Columbus called Professional African American Lesbians. After this group disbanded, I worked up enough nerve to develop Common Connection, a meet-up (see next page) MONICA: To all the people who have supported us during the past year, I thank you and love you from the bottom of my heart. Live life with love and compassion.

TAMI: Since I moved to Cincinnati, I have been unknowingly searching for HGH. I love to be surrounded by positive, ambitious, loving women.

next hour and a half, we break into two small groups for in-depth conversation around a specific topic that changes each month. We re-join to debrief and allow the opportunity for announcements.

GROUP DYNAMIC. Sun: I hear many stories from women of how difficult it is to get along with or maintain friendships with other women of color. Homophobia in the Black community, in my opinion, is viewed differently than in others. As a woman of color, I created HGH as a challenge for women to sit at one table to talk and address our insecurities and fears in a safe space, which is essential. The founders/ administrators of HGH all identify as lesbian, so many immediately assume that this space is for lesbians only. But HGH is for all women of color.

There are many lesbians of color who have stories to tell, who need a space like this to grow, learn and just have fun with like-minded women. I’ve seen www.ResPublishing.com

Photos by Christina Garret of CG Photography

Hey Girl Hey 7

for queer women of color in the Columbus area.

Then I got involved with HGH to build a support system for queer women of color in Columbus and Cincinnati. Though I struggled, I never gave up.

I went online, attended different events and met others by association—it was a grind. I put that energy out there and it came back ten-fold. You need a support system to live, to celebrate your accomplishments and give you love through the hard times.

HOT TOPICS. Tami: Hands down, the main topics surround gender identity and gender roles. Another popular topic is familial structure (in terms of starting a family), which includes discussion around artificial insemination, the turkey baster method, and heterosexual sex to create offspring. Last, but certainly not least, we discuss everything under the sun about sex!

HAPPY SURPRISES. Sun: Since HGH’s inception, the happiest surprise is pretty much the monthly turnouts. On average, about 40 women attend each meeting, but the RASHIDA: Since we’ve started, it’s been amazing to see the growth…

What this shows is that this kind of space is needed and wanted.

SUN: If you would like to support or join HGH, please contact us on Twitter at Heygirlheyoh, check out our fan page on Facebook, or e-mail heygirlheyoh@ gmail.com. numbers are continuing to increase and diversify.

Some of the women travel from Indianapolis, Philadelphia, New York, Alabama, Columbus, and many other areas. When Monica, Meredith and I sat down to brainstorm this idea, we never imagined that it would blossom into such a beautiful, supportive, and powerful group. We’re always surprised at how the women in HGH are supporting each other in their careers, endeavors, hardships, and coming out in general.

OVERCOMING CHALLENGES. Tami: Though there are many positive, there are also a bevy of challenges facing us moving forward. Finding the perfect space to accommodate everyone comfortably is an issue, so we are exploring new venues. Another challenge is managing personalities and ensuring everyone’s voice is heard without rocking the proverbial boat. Enforcing our norms–attack the issue and not the person–has been challenging thus far.

MOVING FORWARD. Sun: For 2012 our goal is to grow. We have some big things in store for the year, including an anniversary party/retreat in May, HGH t-shirts, service projects, film discussions and more. And we’re exploring how to become an official organization. •

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read. think. discuss.

The great thing about technology is that we don’t have to be together in order to get together.

Join reSOUND readers throughout 2012 for critical discussion about four books. This virtual book club is an extension of our love of reading, learning, and processing.

It’s for reading, writing, and everything else related to the subjects among women with shared interests. To join the club, visit: ResPublishing[dot] [com][forward slash]bookclub.

Discussion of the first book begins on Sunday, April 15.

the physical assault and murder of service people, Congress and military leaders sought a measure that would uphold the tenets of the DOD Directive 1332.14 while protecting military personnel. The result was the passing of “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” in December 1993.

THE AFTERMATH

ACCOUNTS FROM LESBIAN SERVICEWOMEN Remember “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell”—the federal policy that prohibited openly gay, lesbian or bisexual citizens from serving in the United States military from December 21, 1993 to September 20, 2011?

Thanks to the media, many of us are familiar with the phrase “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell,” but few know of its once extended title: “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell, Don’t Pursue, Don’t Harass.” And even less are familiar with the legislative history that influenced the inception of “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” or DADT during Bill Clinton’s presidency in 1993.

For 18 years, DADT intended to curb gay jokes, name calling, unduly scrutiny of work performance and ethics, undesirable duties, death threats, physical assaults, beatings, murders, and any form of discrimination or harassment. However, harassment continued and the discharge of lesbian and gay military workers soared between 1993 and 2001. It is important to note that many of these discharges

A VERY SHORT OVERVIEW OF THE LEGISLATIVE HISTORY Lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender Americans were legally restricted from military service as early as 1916 in the Articles of War, with strong enforcement from 1939 to 1945 during World War II. Why? The federal government assumed that a) lesbian women and gay men would breach national security, and b) their sexual preference distracted from optimal job performance. In essence, the government questioned lesbian and gay folks’ ability to defend while gay.

The 1950s significantly influenced much of the propaganda around sexual orientation, the military, and federal policy. During this period, the government believed that foreign spies viewed gay Americans as potential targets—making them “vulnerable to interrogation by a skilled questioner due to their

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emotional instability and moral weakness.” The military restricted job advancement by refusing lesbian and gay employees’ security clearances. In 1953, President Dwight Eisenhower signed Executive Order 10450: Security Requirements for Government Employment to ban the employment of lesbian women and gay men. The order cited homosexuality as a sexual perversion and a plausible condition for firing federal employees. Any perceived or actual gay military staff were denied security clearances until the late 1980s.

In 1982, the Department of Defense enacted DOD Directive 1332.14 to ban homosexual conduct and discharge those engaging in homosexual acts or disclosure. Following years of controversy and

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were a consequence of women and men “outing” themselves, even though DADT strictly prohibited disclosure. Because of homophobia and sexism within the DADT policy, women were three times more likely to be investigated and discharged for being gay, and for women in the Marine Corps, six times more likely to be scrutinized. The act of “lesbian baiting” or sexual harassment has been cited as a leading contributor to the disproportionate percentage of female discharges. Evidence shows that women and young adults, in particular, were heavily impacted by the policy. According to the American Psychological Association, 30% of women have been discharged despite making up a very small percentage of military staff, and 83% of dismissed women were between 18 to 25 years of age.

PERSONAL ACCOUNTS Although we celebrate the repeal of “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell,” we must not overlook the influence it had on the lives of women, men, their families, and friends. The remainder of this piece focuses on three servicewomen and their experiences and opinions.

• SARAH • The reason I decided to join the military in October 2006 is simply this: I saw no other alternative for my life. Things were spinning out of control and I believed that the service was the answer for me. I am currently in the Army Reserve and stationed in Cary, North Carolina. I was familiar with the “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” policy before entering the service, but (see next page) www.ResPublishing.com

Being Myself 11

Tell,” nothing has really changed for us.

There is no sort of acknowledgment of our relationship. We waited for the day that a change would come, but it’s a hollow victory. We still have to be straight in the eyes of the military.

that didn’t deter my decision because I needed the military at that point in my life.

I have been harassed because of my sexual orientation and gender expression.

Specialists and majors and everyone in between have told me that I wanted to be a man because of the way I dress and carry myself. I’ve been mistaken for male on many occasions and endured unwelcome sexual advances to “change my mind,” mostly from males just one rank above me.

I am currently a specialist so you can kind of guess what I go through on an almost daily basis. What sucks is that I can’t really retaliate against all of the remarks. Some people, namely females, say that I leave myself open for all of the ridicule that I receive. They say that if I just play by the rules I’ll be okay and that I need to carry myself more like a woman. I don’t think these people would call what happens to me harassment, but it hurts nonetheless.

As soon as “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” was repealed, the Army gave us a briefing to explain what the repeal actually meant.

They talked about how the military would perceive gay relationships and how some regulations related to the subject. Despite this, I won’t disclose my sexuality but I don’t hide it either. The military still has a good ole boys club that perpetuates the idea that everyone should be straight and God-fearing. There are those who have and still believe that my presence in the Armed Forces will create an unacceptable risk to

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the high standards of morale, good order, discipline, and unit cohesion. Because of this risk, I have had to act straight just to get by—even though you can plainly see that I am lesbian.

The only real change is that I can’t be kicked out of the military for being gay any longer.

I still feel like I have to be discreet about who I am. I do not feel safer now that the policy is gone. There are still people who don’t want openly gay individuals in military, and these people are very dangerous.

• SHAKENIA • I met Sarah while in the service, so our relationship started out in secret. We knew from the beginning that we were going to face obstacles. We had a lot of ups and downs because we were closeted for the majority of our relationship. Even when I left the National Guard after six years of service, it was still a constant struggle.

Since the ending of “Don’t Ask, Don’t

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Before the repeal of “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell,” gays in the military had to be a special type of person. It takes a person with high moral standards to even think about serving and fighting for a country that doesn’t allow basic and deserved human rights. ~SARAH • BIANCA • My first experience with a woman wasn’t until age 18 while stationed at Fort Riley, Kansas. So when I first entered the Army in 1996, I didn’t have anything to tell. Even so, when I initiated this relationship, I was open about it. My platoon sergeant tried to harass me a bit, but I stood my ground.

After all, what could she do? She was in a relationship with a fellow female soldier too. And when I was alone in the presence of some sergeants, they would come on to me. I learned it was a whole ‘nother world in the Army.

It wasn’t until the ‘70s that women were allowed to serve active duty. So in my opinion, “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” was created to mostly protect male soldiers and to keep them from being openly gay in the military.

A lot of males view gay men as feminine or weak and men tend to be defensive around

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openly gay men. So in order to maintain a masculine military—and for male soldiers to feel their lives weren’t at risk due to gay soldiers—we all had to closet ourselves.

Some women and men were discharged because they outed themselves, and young adults were really impacted. I believe one reason these women outed themselves is because training became overwhelming.

It was physically intense. And if you were young, trying to deal with your sexuality in a world that said you were wrong for being lesbian, and dealing with a relationship where your woman was also sleeping with a male soldier, and you didn’t have any guidance, you were sure to stir up some drama and get dismissed.

I served for three years before being discharged due to a knee injury. Although I’m not in the service anymore, I can see women experiencing more hassle post DADT. For example, an openly gay woman may experience harassment from a man simply because he can’t have her. And an openly gay man may not garner much respect from men who feel they’re less safe simply because of his same-sex preference.

I enjoyed my time in the army. In fact, I still keep in touch with women I was stationed with. Even though I had a lot fun, I recognize that a woman’s experience is based on her individual situation. It all depends on your superiors, where you’re stationed, your unit, [and] etcetera. •

Being Myself 13

P o

e t y

expression

Poetry=Honesty+Realness

My Words

For Louisville’s Lady Poetry, rhythmical composition is an art form with sometimes illusive or hidden meanings. Poetry is a way to connect to the inner soul of a person—to grasp their thought processes as they take you on a ride into their true self.

In her words, “Poetry equals honesty and realness.” Therefore, she believes that a true poet cannot lie between the sheets of their journal. The following is her first-person journey...

I love you with all the words that escape from my lips You have my tongue held hostage I can’t even speak in rhyme without you being at mind From the top of my head to the tip of my tongue You are…what consumes my process of speech Punctuations and words form sentences and lines that define my love for you Because this is my way I let the emotions and memories move me to this “you” inspired word play.

My Growth.

My sixth grade teacher introduced me to poetry by challenging me to write a poem for the class every Wednesday. This challenge turned into a habit that lasted until I graduated from high school. The role that poetry plays in my life has changed throughout my twenty-five years. When reviewing writings from when I first started, I see how far I’ve come with arrangement and overall skill. Through the years, poetry has taken new meanings and gone from something I did out of boredom to something that I now focus on and constantly try to perfect.

My Inspiration.

amazing talent and unlimited venues that support and facilitate the poetry/spoken word movement.

With time and money, I believe Louisville can be an emerging force in the poetry scene. I have seen and heard great local talent and would love to see Louisville broaden its embrace to support the movement.

In my youth, I was inspired by Jill Scott, Common, Erykah Badu, Mos Def, Langston Hughes and Nicki Giovanni to name a few. I remember watching Def Poetry Jam on HBO and saying, “I want to do that!” Today, I draw inspiration from life’s ups and downs, joys and pains, people I come across, and lessons learned. I am inspired anywhere. A single track or small conversation can spark a few lines that I jot down. From there, I develop the piece until I am satisfied. Music is always paired with my poetry because it inspires me the most. I am a pianist and singer, so some pieces are accompanied by vocals or written to original compositions.

My Future.

My Style.

My Support.

I don’t classify my poetry. I use different forms of poetry to experiment and I find my truth within the forms. But if I had to choose a style, lately I have been more into a spoken word state of mind.

My Subjects.

My trials and lessons in love and the relationships I have with different people influence my work. So mostly, I write about love and relationships. I use these subjects to tell stories with descriptions that allow listeners to feel my journey, and I strive to create a presence that makes an audience member feel as if I’m speaking directly to him or her and no one else.

My City.

I have performed at and visited places as Apache Café and Urban Grind in Atlanta; Nuyorican Poets Café in New York; Busboys and Poets in D.C.; and Dante’s Poetry Lounge in Los Angeles.

From lounges to slams to clubs with regular poetry and spoken word nights, these cities have

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I am considering producing a collection of my work via a book or CD. I’d like this book or CD to feature poet friends and speak on the multiple paths of love—from the initial stages of infatuation and desire to the pain of hurt or obsession to positive as well as negative outcomes and futures.

I grew up with a supportive outlet. At present, the people who are closest to me are completely supportive. They share mutual feelings of love and respect for my craft. It’s important to me to become a role model so that younger boys and girls can have someone that champions and nurtures their talent and craft too.

My Advice.

Well just don’t get me started because once I start overflowing the feelings…the words just come together so nice/ Working me into a trance of pure emotion/ Stroking your brain, appealing to your hot spots/ Painting orgasms on paper after the tip of my sharp fountain pen, dips into the pool of thought.

See how this love has got me?

Calling upon all my skill, vocab and jargon to express how much I love the way you speak The way you walk The way you frown during a sad song And even when you smile when you think I am no longer watching It would take me years and several volumes of books to convey everything I try to in just one look I promise to give you everything you deserve So I give you my most prized possession…

I give you my words. ~LADY POETRY

To all the poets who are currently reading my words, never give up on your dreams. Pursue them with all the passion and strength you have. If you don’t believe in your craft, don’t expect others to. Be true to yourself because the pen and pad never judge. • www.ResPublishing.com

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business

At the monthly Ladies Night Mix-n-Mingle, women gather for bowling, karaoke, dancing, and food.

Meet Tia Coatley, founder and executive officer of Lipstick Lez Entertainment—a company in Louisville specializing in events for women who love women since 2009.

The title “Lipstick Lez” reflects Tia’s personality and gender expression, but the company targets a diversity of women from 21 to 55 years of age. Tia’s priority list is always topped with guaranteeing that guests are placed in a safe, high quality environment and venue. “Not just some hole in the wall where the bathroom door is broken,” she explained. There are approximately twelve to fifteen LGBT entertainment groups in Louisville. However, Lipstick Lez stands apart by flaunting its best feature—consistency. Through the assistance of project, public relations, and promotion managers, this team remains true to their audience by executing delightful and satisfying events for mature women, encouraging fellowship, growth and friendships, and promoting quality entertainment over attendance and profits.

THE DERBY CITY. Louisville has a peculiar metropolitan culture. In January 1999, it became one of the first cities below the Mason-Dixon Line to prohibit employment discrimination based on sexual orientation and gender identity. The consolidated municipality also prohibits discrimination in housing and public accommodations. In comparison to the larger queer community, the Black LGBT community in the city is arguably in an infant stage of development. “The community is different here,” Tia expressed. “We’re in the Bible belt, people are conservative and not out of the closet even though we’re [in] 2012…our biggest downfall is that we can’t come together to save our lives.”

PARTNERSHIPS. Tia manages partners with local businesses and organizations to bridge gaps between lesbian, gays, and straight factions. One such partnership is the House of Ruth, an organization that provides HIV/AIDS advocacy and housing programs. By raffling tickets for the nonprofit’s Christmas assistance program, Lipstick Lez invited members of their dedicated following to participate in group outreach. And because

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“It’s not just about how we party together.

It’s how we raise our kids together; it’s how we build our city up together.

It’s how we make it in this world.” ~TIA

For more information, contact Tia Coatley at lipsticklezent@gmail.com or visit www.LLEnt.info.

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of their affinity for the company, the group raised enough money to completely sponsor a child’s Christmas.

GOOD TIMES. Lyrically Spoken, the entertainment group’s most successful event series, is a direct result of relationship building. When planning for a poetry set, Lipstick Lez requests African American, female, and/or LGBT owned businesses to promote their products and services at each event. Lyrically Spoken commenced in March 2011 at Starbase Q— a downtown Louisville nightclub that once served a majority gay, white male population.

UPCOMING COLLECTION. Through Lyrically Spoken, Tia has witnessed women express deep personal aspects of their lives through poetry, song, website postings, and emails. “How people view lesbian, bisexual, or bi-curious women is nothing like who these women actually are.” Their openness and commitment has motivated Lipstick Lez to produce an anthology featuring writings from talented women whose words would otherwise remain undiscovered, or experienced only within the realm of the Lyrically Spoken mic. The anthology is also an alternative for the woman who is uncomfortable with a crowd or stage. The collection will take six months to one year to complete. Once published, it will unveil a diverse group of women with a range of poetry and short stories, and offer a testament to overcome pasts and present struggles with life and love in Louisville.

Although Lipstick Lez is currently “bigger than our city,” it will continue to grow and serve as an unorthodox ministry. As a vessel for women to grow their talents and careers, Lipstick Lez Entertainment is bound for regional expansion, bringing the “genuine good time” and fellowship to LGBT women in communities lacking such entertainment and camaraderie. “If you’re not a lesbian, or a woman, how do you understand what a lesbian likes or how she wants to enjoy herself? We can have control over the fun we have.” •

Lipstick Lez Entertainment 17

SOAPBOX TEES IS

a creative, urban and socially conscious lifestyle clothing company in Cincinnati with a vision to design apparel that represents a variety of influences, environments, and passions. The company offers a line of feature t-shirts with quirky, social, and politically conscious messages as well as custom orders. The owner, Sun Smith, works diligently to unify communities and create artistic opportunities. Sun’s portfolio of clients includes Xavier University, Streetvibes Newspaper, and Immigration Reform Campaign. Soapbox Tees partners with businesses and residents of Over the Rhine neighborhood devoting time and resources to advocate for nonviolence. These activities tie into the company’s long-term goals and philanthropic endeavors.

In 2012, I will focus on expanding outside of Cincinnati to Columbus, New York, Chicago, and Washington D.C. My shirts contain many social messages, so I don’t want to limit my audience to one location.

I love Cincinnati and my support system is here, but I want to test the waters in cities that gravitate to these messages on a more consistent basis. Also, I want to establish a commercial space and work on the grassroots aspects of this business.

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ADVICE FOR FUTURE SILKSCREENERS.

STARTING SOAPBOX TEES. PLANS FOR 2012.

My mother’s struggles inspired me to start Soapbox Tees. As a domestic worker, she worked hard. This inspired me to work hard for what I wanted and to own my destiny. Working in the Immigration Reform Campaign, I heard many stories that were similar to my mom’s. I mirror themes from my advocacy work and my concern about the rights and stories of others in Soapbox Tees.

Thus far, I’ve been well received in the silkscreen/clothing industry in Cincinnati. I have a pretty good support system amongst other silkscreeners in the community. If you want to go into this industry, do it! As a woman entrepreneur, I find that it can be challenging for people to take our voices seriously. Listen to that little voice inside that pushes you and stick to your intuition. About 80 percent of my business decisions are based off intuition. If something doesn’t feel right, it probably isn’t. You don’t have to do business with everyone, so pace yourself and seek out the best opportunities for your business. Don’t give up, and look for opportunities to make your craft/ business better. Stay confident in your work and never allow failure to make you quit. Failures are always opportunities to learn.

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good reads

Accept the Unexpected allows readers of all backgrounds and orientations to experience the joys and trials of everyday, same gender loving Black women living in the South. This novel reinforces a simple, often ignored truth: all forms of love require genuine affection and sincere emotional connection.

Visit ResPublishing.com/books to purchase.

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21

perspective

Self-Proclaimed

Alexis Pauline Gumbs

She identifies as a queer Black troublemaker, a Black feminist love evangelist, a Black teacher lady, and a walking experiment in love. She is Alexis Pauline Gumbs—founder of various artistic, scholarly, and community projects that celebrate Black feminism. Projects as the Eternal Summer of the Black Feminist Mind and Broken Beautiful Press honor and uplift the wisdom of Black feminists such as June Jordan, Audre Lorde, and Pat Parker. Along with her partner, Julia Wallace, Alexis embarked on a spiritual journey through the Mobile Homecoming Project to deepen intergenerational connections in our community. Through this SelfProclaimed Q&A, we hope that you can find inspiration and passion in your journey too.

What or who from your childhood helped plant seeds of ambition? How can women cultivate ambition in adulthood?

My whole family affirmed me with books and knowing looks that told me that strange could be fabulous and that they would love me no matter what. They always expected great things from me, and taught me that I would be the one to design what and how those great things would be. My grandparents especially had a major influence on me. They are and were all West Indian strivers in some sense. My paternal grandparents (who have joined the ancestors) were revolutionaries. They did things that seemed impossible to many. They created things that did not exist before. They believed in their communities. They laughed. I live today in a way that invokes their brilliance and bravery. They taught me that it’s my role to transform (not to conform).

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I think the best way for women to remember that they are powerful and that they can do anything is to just look around at all the amazing people, especially women, who are doing amazing things, creating grace out of gray skies and feasts out of famine. As a Black woman especially, I have always been surrounded by people making miracles. And I have been drawn to them. I would tell women who want to cultivate their power and bravery to follow their attractions, to ask questions, to affirm the brilliance that surrounds and permeates us all!

From where do you draw inspiration?

Octavia Butler says, “Your teachers are all around you.” I draw inspiration from everyday life, from looking at a campfire, from listening near the ocean, from dancing in my office. My most consistent, most generative sources of inspiration for the past 15 years www.ResPublishing.com

S Alexis would love to hear from you. Contact her by email: alexispauline@ gmail.com

have been Black feminist works of literature. I am affirmed, challenged, and inspired by the existence of a tradition created and practiced by people who believe that we are all connected, that we can end oppression, that life is beautiful and complicated, and that our people have a powerful role to play in the transformation of the universe. I also draw constant inspiration from the people in my life.

Especially the oldest and youngest people I meet.

Growth is an essential ingredient in personal and intimate relationships. How do you and your partner maintain growth?

Yes it is! My partner and I (like my grandparents) are both transformers. We have both designed our lives to center spiritual growth and creative transformation. So we are growing all the time. I am so honored to witness Julia’s constant intentional growth and to be on a journey (especially the Mobile Homecoming experiential archive that we cocreate by travelling the country together amplifying LGBTQ Intergenerational Brilliance) where we get to grow together. Sometimes partners (romantic or otherwise) grow apart. Sometimes one person is committed to growing and another person wants to stay where they are. Tragically, sometimes partners are threatened by each other’s growth. It is wonderful to have a partner who supports my growth so much and whose constant quest for her own growth www.ResPublishing.com

reminds me to keep growing. We celebrate each other’s growth.

One term that is consistent in your projects and remarks is “love.” Why are the presence of love and the embodiment of a love ethic important among women in the Black queer community?

Love is the crucial element of life. Period. If it is not some form of love, it is not worth it. If it is not an actualization of love, maybe it doesn’t even exist!

Love is the first and last thing that I believe in.

What would life look like if we acknowledged that everything real is love—that love fills up the whole world? That anything that is not love is not real and does not deserve our attention, belief, or investment?

I think it is especially important for us to practice love, show love, and circulate love as women in the Black queer community because when we are loved— when we REALLY understand that we are loved— we can do anything! If I want my community of Black queer women to be powerful and to fulfill our collective purpose to exemplify what life SHOULD be on this planet, I only have to do one thing: LOVE BLACK WOMEN. And then love us better, which means loving myself better, which means learning how to love all life better, every single day.

Black queer women all over the world often speak of feeling isolated, many often move (see next page) 23

away from their hometown in search of an affirming community. Do you have any advice on building a Black feminist base at home?

We live our everyday lives in specific places. And while it is important to know that it takes many of us in many places to transform the world, we also each need a community of people to be accountable to on a daily basis. These are the people who will affirm that we are doing the right thing and who will let us know when we need to do more. This is the community that will spark our learning and growth. The way that I came to have the amazing local community of chosen family in Durham came from: 1) Looking for aligned community projects.

When I first moved to Durham I did a lot of research and reaching out to organizations that seemed interesting to me and connected to my passions. One of those organizations, SpiritHouse NC, has been a source of love, collaborative work, and transformation in my life since the first week I moved here. When I became involved in UBUNTU, a woman of color led coalition to end gendered violence and create sustaining transformative love, I built strong relationships through hard work, difficult conversations, and standing up in the face of systemic and interpersonal violence.

2) Creating the spaces that knew I needed.

I was also able to attract people who shared my vision and passions by creating community events, the School of Our Lorde, the Queer Black Sunday School, and the Eternal Summer of the Black Feminist Mind Potlucks. These are examples of things I just wanted in my life. I wanted an affirming, sacred space. I wanted intellectual community focused on Black feminist brilliance. I wanted to share food and wisdom with people of all ages. Other people who wanted and needed those same things came to the events and built community.

What are some of the most powerful and practical methods of transformation that you’ve identified

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from women in your studies, travels, and community building?

Reading. Talking to people. Listening to elders.

Listening to children. Listening to yourself. Listening is the most powerful, practical, and effective method of transformation that I have learned so far.

Presently, what challenges do you face and how will you conquer them?

A major challenge right now is how to be at home deep in artist mode all the time, while being in my glorious local community all the time, and while being with my far-flung worldwide network of kindred spirits all the time. The internet helps, but teleportation technology evades me yet! This is not a challenge that I need to conquer. This is just an affirmation of how I love myself, home, community and this whole planet. So I have decided to be as passionately present as possible wherever I am.

What will you achieve in the near future?

In the VERY near future I will be launching Brilliance Remastered, my service to help visionary underrepresented graduate students reconnect to their passionate purpose and their beloved communities. I will also be embarking on a journey to become a doula and launching a doula practice with my mother. The birth doula’s job is to a) be an advocate, support, and gift to a person giving birth, b) ensure that the birthing experience centers the vision and power of the person giving birth, and c) make a space for the relationship with the new baby. The doula may have to stand up to medical professionals who do not want to follow the birthing plan that the parents have envisioned. The doula may have to mediate between different family members and agencies that seek to threaten the autonomy of the person giving birth. The doula may have to ask people to leave the room. You can see how this support would be especially crucial for Black queer women who face oppression in everyday life and when giving birth. •

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SOUNDSOLUTIONS Nikki Jones is a therapist-in-training and second-year graduate student at the University of Louisville. She currently works with families, couples, and individuals at a community mental health agency.

We’ve all been placed in situations with family members, friends, or coworkers where we’ve shared our experiences and given advice only to have it fall on deaf ears. From my personal and professional life, I’ve learned that most people don’t heed “sound advice.” As a matter of fact, they aren’t even looking for us to tell them something. They just want talk and be heard. Therefore, my role in this quarterly comes with the following caveat: you are the expert and the authority on your situation. I am a conduit to help YOU uncover the answers that you already possess. The goal here is to promote richer dialogue. So, I wouldn’t define my responses as advice per se, rather respectful curiosity to assist with the process of personal discovery and more informed decision-making. ~NIKKI

SHOULD I LET IT BE?

Name: Davida Age: 25 Location: Atlanta I have been friends now with this wonderful woman for about three months now. She is beautiful, intelligent, funny, and so down to earth. About a month ago I asked her out just for a friendly bite to eat.

We hung out and really enjoyed each other. Since then, we have had talks on the phone, we text quite often, and we seem to be getting closer. The issue here is that “the beautiful woman” has a complicated relationship with her ex-girlfriend (what lesbian doesn’t, just kidding). She has been so open and honest with me because she knows I have feelings for her. As of right now we are just friends, but I can tell there is great potential for more. At the same time though, I do not wish to be naive about the situation because there is always the chance of her going back to her ex. Should I continue to be friends with this woman even though we both know I want more from her or should I let it be and let it go?

Davida, you pose a very typical relationship question.

That is, what to do when you develop a strong attraction for someone who is still somewhat attached to an ex? It sounds like “the beautiful woman” is in a stage of ambivalence—vacillating between distancing from her ex and remaining connected to her. Metaphorically, “the beautiful woman” has one foot in the door and the other out. So...there is closeness between you and “the beautiful woman.”

You both are really feeling each other. And you don’t want to abandon the possibility of a really good connection. Since you can’t decide which direction to take, the following are a couple of suggestions and questions to help you make a decision.

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~Proceed with caution and veracity. What exactly would need to happen so that you will know whether to a) initiate a more intimate association, b) maintain a platonic relationship, or c) let go of your involvement? In particular, which of her actions will tell you that it’s okay to make that move? ~You said that “…‘the beautiful woman’ has a complicated relationship with her ex-girlfriend.” That makes sense, since leaving a relationship is often a very difficult decision that takes time. So protect your feelings and stay alert about emotionally dating her as she may be closely entangled with her ex. Suppose “the beautiful woman” decides to (see page 28) 25

Am I “In the Life?”

Are You?

life•style (lahyf-stahyl): a particular way of living; the habits, attitudes, tastes, moral standards, economic level, etc. that together constitute the mode of living of an individual or group.

ZAKIYA The majority of my good friends are gay or lesbian. On rare occasion, they persuade me to go out to the club. When I join them, I prefer a club that caters to queer folk. Apart from the club scene, I’ve supported events such as Philadelphia’s LGBT Women of Color Conference and the Trans Health Conference. I’ve led small workshops and engaged in passionate dialogue regarding LGBT rights and our responsibilities. I have attended open mic nights with all Black lesbian poets. And I recently completed a course titled African Americans and the LGBT Experience at Temple University. So…am I in the life? Some would say so. Does my sexuality dictate a certain lifestyle? Maybe.

I didn’t hear this phrase “in the life” very much growing up. This could be attributed to the fact that I didn’t grow up in a vibrant gay community. Where I’m from, most of us who were questioning our same sex attraction did so alone, engaging in our own quiet internal battle. There really wasn’t a “life” to be in.

If there was, I did not know anything about that scene. I recall first hearing the phrase in a film about gay Black men. More recently, I’ve witnessed the term being used as a way to demonize Black bisexual men. It has also referenced closeted Black gay men who “sparked” the rise of the down low myth.

When I first moved to Philadelphia, I ran across several lesbian ads labeled, “do you want to be in the life?” I always wondered what that truly meant. Some would say that I am in the life, but I’m faced with heteronormalcy much more than anything. For example, the majority of my coworkers identify as heterosexual, and when I turn on the television I see White heterosexual lives played out. And most of the settings that I’ve consciously or unconsciously placed myself in have rarely mentioned the Black LGBT experience. So the use of the phrase “in the life” could represent a need to find an affirming space for our Black, same-sex loving selves.

One day while confiding in a therapist, I expressed worry about never being able to come out to my grandmother. When he asked why, I responded that I was not confident that she would agree with my lifestyle. He raised an eyebrow and tapped his clipboard in a cliché manner before stating, “Oh, so you consider your sexual orientation to be a lifestyle choice?” I had a very difficult time answering because I’ve come to understand that I made the choice to allow myself to honor the same sex attraction I felt since an early age. This choice was a very important one that cannot be invalidated by politicians or religious zealots who try to dic-

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Have a perspective on a topic that you want to talk about or would like to see discussed in reSOUND? Email your thoughts and ideas to info@ResPublishing.com.

tate anyone’s definition of choice surrounding sexuality. What matters is that we recognize that our lives are interconnected, thereby requiring a love ethic that supports our intersectionalties and differences whether we are “in the life” or not.

Some people view their sexuality as a major part of how they live their lives. Others, like myself, have realized that although our sexuality affects the way we live, it does not necessarily suggest a particular way to live. So I live the best way I possibly can... being open and active in my community as a Black, same-sex loving woman.

L. CHERELLE Since moving to Louisville, I’ve made a conscious effort to interact in the LGBT community. In doing so, I’ve gained a heightened awareness about the community, and I’ve mingled with a diversity of queer women within and outside my peer group.

Lately, I find myself doing double takes upon hearing the phrases “in the life” and “gay lifestyle” or “lifestyle.” I’ve added these to my list of words that make me cringe or side eye. The majority of my twenty-eight years were spent in straight, conservative, shallow, or southern spaces. So this expression is fairly new to me.

I first heard “in the life” and “into the life” from women nearly twice my age. They used it to express a personal deliverance—as if they’d literally crossed a straight to lesbian threshold. For example, “When I came into the life, I partied every weekend.” Or the phrase was used to signify affiliation. Example, “You know, some women in the life feel like they can’t date masculine women.” Also, they said it so naturally that I inadvertently thought to myself, “When did I come

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into the life?” Overall, the phrase seemed old to me, representing a time when people didn’t (or couldn’t) explicitly say “gay” or “lesbian.” So, I attributed their uses of the expression to age.

It wasn’t until I heard those within my peer group use the terms “gay lifestyle” or “lifestyle” that I felt alarm.

Hearing those words, I felt a sense of urgency to… think. I’ve always associated the word “lifestyle” to a set of habits or a particular economic status. Even when I consider the nominal definition I still wonder, “How do you live gay? Is there a gay habit…a gay moral standard…a gay economic level?” Yes, there’s an aspect of the definition that pertains to choice.

But regardless of whether my love for women was a choice, which of my behaviors inducted me into the life? The attraction…the sex…the relationship? And what subsequent choices am I making to remain in the life?

I have a few more questions: (1) If you identify as lesbian, are you automatically in the life?

(2) Once you’re in the life, can you get out? How? Re-identify as straight?

(3) What if a woman identifies as straight, but shares deep interpersonal connections and spends all her time with gay friends? Is she in the life too? {sigh} I’m still wresting with “in the life” and “lifestyle.” But I stand firm on the following: “gay lifestyle” is slick divisive. “Gay lifestyle” implies that everything I do is somehow foreign and different than my straight counterpart—as if our existences aren’t parallel simply because our attractions differ. •

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financial literacy

recommit to her ex, how would that affect you emotionally and the friendship with her?

look like? And what does the WORST outcome for you look like?

~Accept her silence and ambivalence and avoid creating expectations for her. In terms of the current friendship, what are the BEST and WORST efforts you can make? What does the BEST outcome for you

I encourage you to answer each of the aforementioned questions. They may help you produce an answer about how to proceed.

THIS ISN’T WORKING

My girlfriend and I have been together for a little over a year and a half. I care about her because we have a lot in common and she’s genuine and kind. But the gender roles in this relationship are becoming overwhelming. Most women I’ve dated have been very open, but she’s inflexible sometimes and this causes tension and spats. I’m flexible, but I have demands. What should I do?

You care for your girlfriend, but want the relationship to be different and better. Your partner is inflexible and you feel overwhelmed about not having your demands met. Of course, I’m not sure what the gender role division looks in your relationship, but your question suggests that inequality is present. In order for you to increase gender egalitarianism in the relationship, propose the following comments and questions with your girlfriend. ~Most relationships are not static. There are times of push and pull, up and down, and give and take. So, have there been times when your partner was more “flexible” and willing to negotiate roles? If so, what

As you know, the federal government does not recognize same-sex partnerships. So unless you live in a state where same-sex marriages, civil unions, or domestic partnerships are recognized, what can you and your partner really do? Sadly, the answer is, “Not much!” When you consider tax preparation fees for separate returns and all the additional tax bonuses that you cannot receive, you’re likely to pay more than a legally married couple. But, here are a few tips to help your cash flow.

Evaluate your individual situations. If you live in a state where you can file a joint tax return, should you?

Name: Anonymous Woman Location: Louisville

Anonymous, gender roles are an issue I’m really passionate about. So, humor me while I sound off a bit. Few people have undefined roles in their relationships. And even fewer could withstand having no roles at all. Our socialization prescribes our adherence to some social or behavioral tasks that are usually appropriated by our gender expression.

Without conscious resistance, even same-sex couples can struggle with role integration. That is, we also have dominant-passive and inflexible characteristics, and unequal role distribution, responsibilities, and expectations in our relationships too.

TAX TIP$

was different about those times? What did each of you do differently? ~On one hand your partner is genuine and kind, but she’s also rigid. What have you done to encourage her to compromise? How would she respond to that question? What exactly does your girlfriend need to do in order to make you feel she is being more responsive to your desires? ~As the axiom goes, “actions speak louder than words.” So try the following: act out a situation where the two of you experience unequal roles. Experiment with switching those roles, and then discuss the experience with each other afterwards. Discuss any positive changes you saw in each other during the role-play, and how compromising and switching things up could benefit the relationship. ~To engage your girlfriend, make sure that you validate what she says during conversations. Take turns speaking, avoid interruptions, stay actionoriented, and remain present-centered. If the two of you can address these questions, then it is a testament to your ability to communicate well, without tension and spats. •

A higher, combined income on your state returns could push you into a higher tax bracket, thereby limiting the credits and deductions.

Who’s head of household? As head of household, you receive higher deductions and lower tax rates. Before

claiming head of household status, determine who reaps the most benefits. Keep in mind there are qualifiers for this filing status (i.e. are there dependent children or family members to consider, and who paid the majority of the household expenses?).

Do you own a home? Usually Form 1098, the Mortgage Interest Statement, is in one partner’s name. However, a couple can split mortgage interest. Just be sure that the unlisted partner submits the proper documentation with their tax return.

Same-sex couples cannot exclude health insurance from gross income. It’s great to work for an employer

that extends health benefits to your partner, but dependent partners and same-sex spouses are treated differently under federal and (some) states laws. The additional money that you are paying to cover your partner is considered taxable wages under current federal tax codes. This inflation in your annual income could knock you into a higher tax bracket.

{

There are a bevy of details to take into consideration. Consult a tax professional so that you and/or your love can receive optimal returns.

State

California

X

Connecticut

States/ district that recognize same-sex partnerships.

(As of 2/12/12)

X X X

Maine

X (limited rights) X

Nevada

New Hampshire

X X

Washington Wisconsin

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X

X

* Couples in states with community property statues are required to split community property income on separately filed federal income tax returns.

X

Oregon

Email a brief description of your question/issue to: info@ResPublishing.com.

X

X

Rhode Island Vermont

X

X

Illinois

Massachusetts

X

X

Hawaii Iowa

Community Property Statues*

X

Deleware

District of Columbia

Registered Domestic Partnerships X (limited rights)

New Jersey

NEED A SOUNDSOLUTION FROM NIKKI?

Civil Unions

Colorado

New York

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Same-sex Marriage

X

X

X X

X X (limited rights)

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will release on May 16, 2012.

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