PHILADELPHIA WEEKLY | APRIL 16 - 23, 2020

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FLOWER POWER I

FROM THE EDITOR

ioral experts have repeatedly noted too that f there is any positive to the wideweed is a safer alternative over alcohol, curspread anxiety caused by COVID-19, rently the socially approved way to remove there’s a very good chance that it just the proverbial monkey of our collective backs. might change the narrative and stigma around marijuana.

As cannabis slowly turns the norm According to nationwide data, new carriers of being socially acceptable as more of medical marijuana cards have increased and more people use recreationally or obtain 142% since the outbreak clawed its way through the U.S. That has meant big business medical marijuana licenses to treat various for many in the industry, including in our conditions, it’s impossible to escape that it’s city, where people laid off from the jobs they here and in your face. have before COVID-19 are finding a fresh start In our city, recreational use has been deworking at area dispensaries. criminalized, and more dispensaWe have a story just this week ries are popping up offering strains on how the city’s hotel association that claim to treat everything from linked with a major East Coast disanxiety to angioedema. Personally, pensary to find former hotel cusI’m not an anxious person – at least tomer service associates across I don’t think I am – and I don’t necmany of the city’s hotels jobs as essarily suffer from a condition that cannabis counselors. would warrant a medical license.

Unless greed takes over, which However, the change of lifestyle it usually does, there’s a great case courtesy of constantly staying at study from this outbreak for the lehome but still trying to manage a galization of marijuana across the full-time job, or searching for work country. Beyond the obvious that to support families, the stress of it cops just aren’t busting people over all is overwhelming. As I write this, weed anymore unless you’re a narI’m trying to focus on last-minute co, the fact that it’s still outlawed emails coming in and a fast-closing is merely a formality that this pan3 p.m. deadline all while I have two @SPRTSWTR demic might have just cracked the kids screaming over the fact that final layer on. their screen time has ended for the It’s clear people are using marijuana to get day and that they need to find something else through the stress of what is now our reality, to do.

It’s 11:30 a.m., and already, I’d love to smoke. a reality rife with uncertainty. People are conMy situation is tame by comparison. I think fused, angry and afraid. These emotions need of people forced out of work over this, looking psychological assistance but in the meantime, at the family they have to figure out how to put we’re seeing the benefits of people popping a gummy or two and just chilling the fuck out. a meal on the table for or how they’ll be able to The many folks I’ve spoken with regardafford rent or mortgage payments for the foreing the path to legalizing marijuana note the seeable future. It’s also tame by comparison to the city’s homeless population who have been tangled web of bureaucracy, political lobbying at the hands of private companies lookostracized even more than they already are, ing to benefit from medicinal sales and even since in the eyes of many, they are no longer situational racism in a quest to make weed people but living embodiments of COVID-19. available for all. If COVID-19 has taught me I think about older Philadelphians living alone who feel social isolation now more than anything it’s that providing people with a substance with proven results in a time when ever given people aren’t allowed to visit and they need it most shouldn’t come down to dolbeyond the phone, either not having access to a smartphone or computer or even if they do, lars and cents.

But I also know just how littered that last not being able to understand how to connect sentence is with naiveté. It’s just sad that the with people over a virtual platform.

That kind of anxiety, stress and isolation idea is still wishful thinking. Here’s hoping the one benefit of COVID-19 after the dust setcan be cured temporarily by cannabis. Physitles is that it isn’t sad any longer. cians, scientists and other mental and behav-

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420 ISSUE

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STATE CITY SMOKE, CHEW OR BAKE ‘EM IF YOU GOT ‘EM OF OUR

Cancelled by COVID This weekend was scheduled to be one hell of a time, but thanks to COVID-19 many 420-centric events in Philadelphia are unfortunately on the shelf. We look at what was planned, and here are the three we’re bummed that got smoked out.

The 420 Day Party: A seven-hour celebration of DJs and musicians that was scheduled to pop off at The Venue this Sunday, March 19.

Weeding Out the Stoned: This comedic game show of sorts, which is always a hit at Good Good Comedy Theater, was scheduled for a Thursday night show in Wilmington. Whomp, whomp.

Cannatlantic Conference: Actually, this was scheduled for the first weekend in April. Considering the level of intelligence on the subject of cannabis, and who benefits and who gets screwed courtesy of today’s bureaucracy, this was one we were looking forward to.

The number in percentage Harborside, one of the largest legal cannabis companies in the world, claims its sales are up since COVID-19 began its rampant spread across all 50 states.

Average store revenue across 1,300 stores throughout the country? As much as 130 percent.

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It’s hard to find a positive around COVID-19 in the midst of life as we’ve lived it prior to becoming completely unhinged. But if there is one benefit, it’s that more and more people are passing the time by lighting up. This is good, for those who partake and spend the rest of the day inside not doing much – which is exactly what the infectious disease experts suggest we all should be doing right now.

The staying inside part, not the getting high part.

At any rate, here’s a look at the state of weed in the time of corona, what experts are saying about it, some events to consider and if you are staying inside, some flicks to consider while you chill way out.

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420 ISSUE

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SHE SAID IT “A lot of people think cannabis is just another consumer good, like beer or wine. [Also], they are probably the easiest way to get high without touching your face very much.”

— Liz Connors, director of analytics at Headset, a medical cannabis research company, noting that sales of weed gummies are astronomical right now. Why? Connors thinks with the COVID-19 pandemic people are looking for a way to get high without having to pass a device, joint or blunt around and risk infection.

To limit the spread of COVID-19 infection, the Pennsylvania Department of Health has allowed many cannabis dispensaries to offer curbside pickup. It’s been a big plus for business, many, like Jim Langin, the chief human resources officer for Holistic Industries, which has four dispensaries in the Greater Philadelphia Region, has noted. We think it’s great too, but laughing that it took a pandemic to make this a thing in the Keystone State.

POT PICKS Will you be celebrating 420 inside with nothing better to do than sit around the house, get high, and watch the tube? Of course you will, thanks to COVID-19. PW is here to help with a list of some of the best movies to watch while stoned out of your mind. Enjoy.

How High

Grandma’s Boy

This is The End

Cheech and Chong Up in Smoke

Super Troopers Don’t Be a Menace to South Central While Drinking Your Juice in the Hood

“Actually, business is popping. The hardest part is actually getting stuff from my connect since some guys are all nervous and shit that they might catch the coronavirus, but [from a customer standpoint] I have more customers calling now than I did before all this shit. Business is good, man. I’m not going anywhere, I got you.”

Half Baked Super High Me

Big Lebowski

Fast Times at Ridgemont High

Dazed and Confused

HE SAID IT

Harold and Kumar go to White Castle

Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas

Wet Hot American Summer

WEED, TO GO

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Friday Reefer Madness Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure

Dude Where’s My Car? Pineapple Express Kid Cannabis Strange Wilderness Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back

– A North Philly-based weed dealer tells a PW writer as they may or may not have been looking to pick up some flower to pass the time. We appreciate those still out there hustling. Please, just stay safe.

PHILADELPHIA WEEKLY | APRIL 16 - 23, 2020

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420 ISSUE

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BAKED P WITH

Meet Philly’s cuisinier of cannabis

BY COURTENAY HARRIS BOND

hiladelphia chef David Ansill of Pif and Bar Ferdinand fame is hunkering down in his apartment during the COVID-19 pandemic, smoking weed, making candied edibles, and dreaming of when he can do his next cannabis-infused private dinner for a group of partygoers.

“Cannabis cooking is the wave of the future,” Ansill, 61, said in a recent phone interview.

This Cheltenham native has been out in front of that wave for nearly four years now, ever since he left his job as chef at Philadelphia’s popular Bar Ferdinand. Ansill earned acclaim coming up through the city’s restaurant ranks, eventually owning Pif, the little French Bistro with a daily changing menu, and Ansill at 2nd and Bainbridge. He was – and is – a sort of local celebrity.

But Ansill was wearing out.

“I was just getting tired of restaurants,” he said. “I had been in the kitchen for 35 years probably. I was just getting fed up.

The money is not easy; the hours are long; the stress is high.”

After an unsuccessful gig in Jamaica, Ansill returned home to work at Bar Ferdinand and found himself sitting there one night, talking to the bartender. “I said I just want to do pop-up jerk chicken dinners, and the bartender said, ‘Chef, why don’t you do weed dinners?’ And it was like an epiphany. Why didn’t I think of that?

“I know how to cook, and I like to smoke. Now I can do both,”

APRIL 16 - 23, 2020 | PHILADELPHIA WEEKLY

420 ISSUE

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Chef David Ansill puts the finishing touches on another cannabis-infused dinner.

Image | Lindsay Sparagana

Ansill said.

At first, one of his customers hooked Ansill up with a restaurant that was only open for brunch, so he could take it over at night to offer cannabis-infused meals. When that space was no longer available, a connection who managed a bunch of airbnbs let Ansill host dinners in his properties. Then there was the guy who had a loft apartment Ansill used until the city’s licensing and inspection department closed it down for unrelated reasons.

That’s when a customer introduced Ansill to Instagram.

“People would message me, ‘When are you going to do another pop-up?’ And I said, ‘I have no venue, but you can organize your own venue.’”

So Ansill started cooking dinners for 10 people or more at customers’ homes.

As a classically trained French chef, Ansill would often cook themed French cuisine for his pop-ups, such as one dinner he called “Herbs de Provence.” But now Ansill will work with customers to provide what they might be craving – anything from Asian Fu-

sion to Italian, he said.

Ansill infuses his butter and sauces with cannabis, having taught himself to do so mostly through research on the Internet. His wife, Catherine, who is French, makes the desserts, just as she used to for his restaurants. For three courses, the meals start at $100 per person and $25 for each additional dish.

But it’s not like Ansill is doing these dinners every day. If he has two a month, that’s a “busy” month, he said.

“People seem to really enjoy themselves at the dinners,” Ansill said. “By the second course, they’re all smiles.”

Even though he can’t quantify exactly how much weed he is using in each dish, the worst thing that has happened at one of his dinners was that two people passed out, one in between courses and the other afterward, sprawled in a chair in the garden, Ansill said.

For now, because of the pandemic, Ansill, his wife, and their 28-year-old daughter are sheltering in place like everybody else, and his SEE WEED CHEF, PAGE 8

PHILADELPHIA WEEKLY | APRIL 16 - 23, 2020

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420 ISSUE

PHILADELPHIAWEEKLY.COM @PHILLYWEEKLY Chef David Ansill says ‘cannabis cooking is the wave of the future.’

Image | Lindsay Sparagana

CANNABUTTER Want to spice up that dry piece of toast or muffin? Want to replace your old butter with something far more, well, impactful?

Ganja Butter recipe: 1 lb. unsalted butter 1/2 oz. ganja (decarbed) look it up.

Grind the weed in a spice grinder.

Put the weed and the butter in a heavy duty ziplock bag.

Using a crockpot or pot filled with water, bring temperature up to 160 degrees.

Place bag in the water for 4 hours, shaking the bag every half hour to mix the weed and the butter.

After the 4 hours, strain the butter through a fine mesh sieve or dampened cheese cloth. Pour butter into an airtight container, let cool and refrigerate.

Stir in 1 or 2 tablespoons into 1 1/2 cups of homemade or bottled tomato sauce.

Serve over your favorite pasta or replace butter from any recipe with canabutter to make your own edibles at home.

Courtesy of Chef David Ansill

Send your recipes to mail@philadelphiaweekly.com

APRIL 16 - 23, 2020 | PHILADELPHIA WEEKLY

WEED CHEF, FROM PAGE 7 dinners are on hold. He had two he was supposed to do in the near future, Ansill said, but he decided to cancel because he was wary of going out to do all the shopping for them. Each dinner might demand trips to four or five different stores, Ansill said.

He’s nervous about staying afloat during these unusual and trying times, “just like everybody else who’s not working and can’t really work from home,” Ansill said. He is, however, doing a brisk business in weed sales, meeting customers at his apartment door, handing over the goods, and then washing his hands. He gets his product from California, “and that’s all you need to know,” Ansill said.

He, himself, smokes every day and prefers smoking weed to eating edibles or using cannabis in any other form, Ansill said.

“The first time I ever smoked it was the day we graduated from eighth grade,” Ansill re-

called. “We went to Larry’s house and hid on his back porch. I took a little puff of a pipe.”

The first time Ansill ever bought marijuana was during his first year in college. He was 18.

“And I haven’t stopped since.”

The folks who contact him for the cannabis-infused dinners range in age from the 20s to the 70s, Ansill said. “It’s a real cross-section. The stigma has worn off a little bit, and people can come out of the closet and enjoy themselves and not have to hide it.”

When asked what his ultimate goal is, Ansill said he really didn’t have one. “I guess it’s just to do it ‘til I can’t stand up anymore and to make an income. Survival is my goal.

“Get it while you can before I’m too old to stand up and can’t cook anymore.”

Ansill’s Instagram account is rasta_squirl.

Message him to arrange a dinner.

@CHARRISBOND

420 ISSUE

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BUDDING OPPORTUNITY T

Laid off city hotel workers have chance to earn some green through weed

here’s not much Ed Grose did beyond send over a blanket email with an opportunity to people he knew were in need of one.

Grose, the executive director of the Greater Philadelphia Hotel Association, has seen the industry and the professionals who work within it, crippled by COVID-19, as stay-athome orders have led to a lack of visitors, a lack of tourism, and in turn, a lack of jobs as thousands have been laid off in Philadelphia in the wake of the pandemic.

The email was an opportunity that came by way of a partnership between the GPHA and Pennsylvania-based chain of cannabis dispensaries, Holistic Industries, for interested customer service experts to apply for jobs across four of Holistic’s Liberty Cannabis Dispensaries in Philadelphia, Norristown, Bensalem and Aliquippa locations.

According to Holistic’s chief human resources officer, Jim Langin, there stands to be 12-15 people who will work as Wellness Guides throughout the facilities, earning up to $15 an hour working with licensed medical marijuana cardholders on everything from the right strand of flower to the best brand of gummies to serve as the cure for what ails.

What it also means is that there are about 12-15 former employees of Philadelphia’s hospitality industry who will also owe Ed Grose a debt of gratitude thanks to a fresh start.

“I just sent out a blanket general email to our members and let them respond directly,” Grose told PW. “So I wasn’t completely aware of who responded and who did not. “The hospitality industry in our region has been terribly impacted by the current pandemic, with thousands of layoffs and multiple hotel closures in just a couple of weeks. Our employees are our greatest resource, so we are very grateful to Holistic Industries, a business that has been deemed essential during this time, for giving our team members the opportunity for jobs that leverage their skills and experience while our industry recovers.”

Business is booming right now for the cannabis industry, which has seen a surge in just about every key metric. Sales nationwide are as high as 25% for some companies, according to a CNBC report. As for Holistic Industries, while sales percentages are unknown, the company is currently in the hiring process for 15 different positions across all of their facilities along the East Coast, according to Indeed.

Through a partnership with the Greater Philadelphia Hotel Association, many people working in the hotel industry who were laid off due to COVID-19 have an opportunity to find a fresh start working in cannabis across four dispensaries hiring candidates now throughout the Philadelphia area. | Image courtesy: Brianne Fortuna com – a key indicator that business is most say the customer service part of the job is perhaps the most important. certainly good.

Despite Holistic being a decent job looking Additionally, with nerves and anxiety at an to hire qualified candidates at the moment, a all-time high over cannabis, the medical marijuana industry has seen a whopping 142% number of former employees have expressed discontent. The company received increase in new patients seeking serlow grades on employment sites like vices.

Indeed.com and Glassdoor.com, all Fortunately, Holistic and its chain

BY KERITH from former employees who cited of Liberty Dispensaries are ready to GABRIEL everything from incompetency to assist. a supreme lack of job security. In “There’s an unprecedented level of stress and an unprecedented level of anxiety fact, employees from both the Bensalem and in our country right now,” said Langin. “I saw Norristown stores both noted on Indeed.com a post the other day that with Wyoming being that the lack of job security was its greatest really declared a state of emergency, [this is] concern, one even alluding that ageism might have been at play. the first time in our country’s history that all Speculation from former employees aside, 50 states have simultaneously been named Holistic is banging the charge to recruit a few under a state of emergency. It’s that level of new employees who in this time of need can stress that’s created an unprecedented need certainly benefit from having a fresh start and for this product that provides real relief.” a steady paycheck. According to Langin, hosThe wellness associates Holistic plans to acquire at these dispensaries act as the first line pitality is the name of the game as a Wellness Associate, and ultimately, some people have it of care management for patients. Training is and some just don’t. supposed to help them identify the needs of “I can teach someone how to cook. I can each patient and recommend the strain that teach someone how to run the cash register. works best. It’s here, both Grose and Langin

But I can’t teach them how to want to engage with strangers all day, every day, and how to make sure that the needs of others are ahead of their own,” said Langin. “Someone who arrives to work in a great mood and wants to help spread that mood to the co-workers and employees is who we’re looking for. They are problem solvers. They’re creative in the way they find solutions, and they’re also very good listeners.”

Grose agreed with Langin’s sentiment and added: “Not everyone is a hospitality employee,” said Grose. “There’s no shame in not being a hospitality employee. But you either are or you aren’t. No matter what kind of day you’re having, you still come to work every day with a smile. What’s happening in your own life doesn’t have an impact on how you do your job and how you greet people. I think that would go for anyone, whether or not you’re introverted or extroverted. It’s all about whether or not you have a hospitality mindset.”

Grose knows that with this partnership, Philadelphia’s hotel industry has lost thousands of dedicated professionals, many who might find the grass truly is greener in cannabis and choose to leave the hotel life behind indefinitely. However, he says this partnership was finding people resources to support themselves in a time when resources are lacking.

“For us [at GPHA], it was more about taking care of our people,” said Grose. “We don’t want to see good people leave, especially at a time when you have new hotel inventory coming to Philadelphia. There are three new hotels set to open up this year [in the city], now is not the time to lose good people. We are anticipating a shortage of good team members, but this was about taking care of our people.”

He paused and added: “When the COVID-19 crisis first hit, I spent the majority of my time just listening to the general managers [across area hotels],” Grose continued. “Not one of them was concerned about their hotel owners. Not one of them was concerned about their bonus. But each and every one of them was concerned about the people that they were letting go and the people that, through no fault of their own, were losing their job and their ability to to make a life. This [partnership] for us was more about taking care of them and worrying about our labor shortage later.”

@SPRTSWTR

PHILADELPHIA WEEKLY | APRIL 16 - 23, 2020

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GOSSIP

PHILADELPHIAWEEKLY.COM @PHILLYWEEKLY

ICEPACK

Trump v.

Kenney Inside the ‘Philly is a COVID hot spot’ debacle

“Y

Image | Obi Onyeador

APRIL 16 -23, 2020 | PHILADELPHIA WEEKLY

It would be one thing if it was just the two of ou’re a hot spot.” them going at it like cavones sniping about who “No we’re not. You’re a hot spot.” took whose parking space. Now, the nattering That’s the newest, bitch-festing, back-and-forth between Washing- includes Trump’s people and Kenney’s people, Coronavirus Response Coordinator for the ton’s White House and Philadelphia’s Trump Administration’s White House CoronaCity Hall, the likes of which have virus Task Force Deborah Birx says we’re in been happening, heatedly, ever since bad, bad shape coming up soon, and is 2017 when Trump took office a year after giving us the heebie-jeebies. PhiladelMayor Kenney. phia’s stern, but cool-headed DepartTrump threatened to withhold federal

BY A.D. funds from sanctuary cities such as Philly AMOROSI ment of Public Health Commissioner Thomas Farley is cautiously optimisthat wouldn’t cooperate with U.S. immitic that Philly’s COVID-19 case growth gration officials in holding undocumented has slowed and that we’re flattening immigrants for nonviolent crimes. Kenney our curves. told Trump to go to hell. Trump tweeted that a Health?! These administrations can’t agree handful of minority Democratic congresswomon health. Trump and Kenney have actually en should “go back” to their home countries.

Kenney told Trump to go back to hell. Trump managed to infect their crews – like Biggie involving Puffy in his feud with Tupac, or like disinvited the Philadelphia Eagles from coming to the White House after our Super Bowl victo- Stassi turning Scheana against Jax on “Vanderpump Rules.” ry when several players dissed the president for Quarantine gifts not reforming the prison system.

Public relations is a tricky biz when so much Kenney told Trump to go to hell, and that of what must be related is currently kinda-sorthe President was “a fragile egomaniac obta blunted, and so much of what should have sessed with crowd size and afraid of the embarbeen public is private. While many Philadelphia rassment of throwing a party to which no one PR firms are on the job and working as usual, wants to attend.” with social distance in mind, several PR peeps Go to hell just wasn’t good enough in that have moved a cog and shifted a gear. case, I suppose.

GOSSIP

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Image | Clay Banks While Nicole Cashman’s Cashman & Associates have smartly added “Crisis Management” to its list of services, Punch Media’s Kylie Flett – and/or her side hustle’s nom de plume, Resting Gift Face – has prepared several versions of a proactive Quarantine Gift Package, all of which “allow people to connect with family and friends in a fun and unique way while also employing safe social distancing practices – without putting on pants.” It’s got Custom-Made Zombie Tic Tac Toe (“like regular Tic Tac Toe but for the apocalypse”), a Quarantini Recipe Card & Emergen-C® Garnish, and more, and can be found at www.restinggiftface.com.

‘Empire’ drama Celebs can’t travel for WHOWHATWHERES in Philly (so, where does that leave Brit singer Harry Styles and his Main Line main man Xander Ritz or the Sixers’ Ben Simmons and Kendall Jenner?), but that doesn’t mean those with Philly ties can’t do stupid things. Take Radnor High grad/West Philly native Lee Daniels, whose multi-season Fox Network hip hopera “Empire” basically got felled because its third-star-down, Jussie Smollett, wanted attention, faked an attack, and got caught – thus bringing down everyone and every “Empire” with him.

Apparently Daniels and Smollett aren’t talking. No duh. But, a klatch of hip hop gossip sites are claiming that the dissention initially stemmed from Daniels rumored-ly

wanting “Empire” to include songs written by R. Kelly (cue the Lifetime logo) and perhaps even for additional Kelly songs to be included on Smollett’s solo album, away from the series. Not only did Smollett say no repeatedly to Daniels, he went over Lee’s head and griped to Fox about their creative differences. Bad and worse. Ugly stuff all around, gents.

New music Nicer, not-so-bitchy news out of West Philly finds electro artist, producer and DJ RJD2 – Ramble Jon Krohn, the owner of the record label RJ’s Electrical Connections, the man famed for composing and recording the theme music to AMC’s “Mad Me” – putting out his first new music in four years. That includes a fresh single, the icy instrumental “20 Grand Palace” and his new album, ”The Fun Ones,” out this Friday with contributions from some of his old friends such as Phonte Coleman, J-Zone, Kid Koala, Mr. Lif, and his neighbor, Philly’s Son Little.

Music for a cause We haven’t heard from the femme “South Philly” trio Cayetana since 2017’s “New Kind of Normal,” and their breakup in 2019. That’s not OK. What is OK though is that they have broken their silence (and smoothed over their separation? Here’s hoping) with the Bandcamp release of “not what we meant by NEW KIND OF NORMAL demos & unreleased songs” whose proceeds all go to purchasing masks for nurses and home health care work-

ers in Philly. Cayetanaphilly’s Instagram states that the trio has already been able to purchase 100 custom-made respirator masks, so rock on. https://cayetana.bandcamp.com/ album/not-what-we-meant-by-new-kind-ofnormal-demos-unreleased-songs.

GoFundMe effort Last August, here in Philadelphia Weekly, I introduced you to Bobby and Christina Kallas-Saritsoglou, the chef and married co-owners of Stina in the Newbold area, whose primary mission – you know, after preparing Mediterranean-inspired grill fare and wood oven-baked everything – was to donate, every month, a handsome portion of its proceeds to rotating area charities.

It could be Philly AIDS Thrift that Kallas-Saritsoglou co-owns and operates.

Or Juntos Philadelphia, the local immigrant organization looking after Latinxworkers’ rights. They shift their donating dollars and needs shift.

“We’re a mission-driven restaurant,” Bobby told me.

Well, the shift in mission has now moved to a GoFundMe page as Stina has closed due to the demands of preserving health, and is looking to keep its work force and continue all of its missions when COVID-19 is crushed. So check this out: www.gofundme.com/supporting-the-stina-community.

@ADAMOROSI

PHILADELPHIA WEEKLY | APRIL 16 -23, 2020

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PEOPLE

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Catchy, groovy music

Meet Kyle Sparkman and his funky fingers

P

Kyle Sparkman just might be the greatest lanky redhead in the world who's making guitar-driven indie funk. Image | Melvin Darrell

APRIL 16 -23, 2020 | PHILADELPHIA WEEKLY

hiladelphia-based singer/guitar- debuted with a music video on WXPN’s The ist Kyle Sparkman has always Key. been a student of funk, so when After that, he released “Funk215,” a he decided to launch his solo funk-rock tune (think Funkadelic with project, he knew he wanted funk some modern grit) inspired by the musical and groove to be at the core of it. community in Philadelphia. It recently got But he hasn’t always been doing picked up on Spotify’s Discover Weekly althe solo gig. gorithm, and it’s been exciting for him to Sparkman moved to Philadelwatch the song grow and reach lisphia straight out of college in 2016, teners around the world. where he cut his teeth as a hiredHis next single to come out is a

BY EUGENE gun guitarist, (performing with departure from his normal funk ZENYATTA local acts Emily Drinker, Loosesound toward a more dreamy/jazzy leaf and Luke O’Brien), while he vibe. It’s called “Cami” and features figured out who he was as a musiMike Casey – a NYC-based jazz saxcian. ophonist with Philly ties who recently had His mantra as an artist is to create catchy a debut performance at the Kennedy Center and groovy music that doesn’t take itself and passed 5 million streams in his music too seriously and lets you forget about your catalog. troubles for a few moments.

Currently, he’s sitting in self-quarantine As he started to record material for his like the rest of us, playing live stream permusical debut, he stepped back from the formances and working on getting the rest bands he was involved with and moved of the music he’s recorded ready for release. to Lyon, France, to do some soul searchHe remains hopeful that late summer shows ing and expand his horizons. He actually he has scheduled (Center City District’s launched his first single from France, and Live at Lunch Series on July 8 and Bethmoved back to Philadelphia last year ready lehem Musikfest on July 31) will go on as to hit the ground running. planned.

The first single he launched in Philly, PW recently caught up with Sparkman to “HomeSick” (in collaboration with Drinker) talk about his music.

PHILADELPHIAWEEKLY.COM @PHILLYWEEKLY

PEOPLE

YOU’RE READING THIS. SO ARE YOUR CUSTOMERS.

How did you first become interested in phia to be particularly inspiring – there’s a tremendous amount of talent in the city, and music? while there’s a ton going on, it still feels like a My earliest memories of music were danctight-knit community. ing to my parents’ Buckwheat Zydeco, Beatles What sets you apart from the many other and Elvis CDs as a small child, but in general, up-and-coming artists?

I grew up on classic rock. My dad would quiz My long, funky fingers and impeccable me as to who was playing on 102.9 WMGK anystyle. time we were in the car.

Really though, I could tell you that I’m the I’ve been playing guitar for 15 years now and vividly remember deciding that I wanted greatest lanky redhead in the world who’s to learn the instrument after hearing the first making guitar-driven indie funk, but I’m not sure if that’s even true. guitar solo to ever give me goosebumps: Keith I think there’s a lot of pressure these days Richards on “Sympathy for the Devil” by the for artists to have a thing to stand out. I don’t Rolling Stones. My parents made me learn pihave a cool origin story or message that I’m ano before they’d let me start on guitar, so afpushing with my music, but I’m a firm believter a year of piano lessons, I made the switch. er that if the music Who were your grooves hard enough, earliest influences?

I’ll be able to find My earliest influan audience for it. I ences were the Red think that certainly Hot Chili Peppers, holds true for artists Nirvana, John Mayin the music industry er and Jimi Hendrix. today – there’s never It wasn’t until later been a better time to in my guitar-playing find people who like journey that I dove your music thanks into bands like Funkto social media and adelic and players like streaming services.

David Williams (most When you’re not known for his work focused on music, on Michael Jackson’s how do you like to “Billie Jean.”) To date, spend your time?

I’d say the guitarists When I’m not fowhose influence has cused on music, I stuck with me the enjoy writing and most are John Frusspending time outciante of the Red Hot doors. You can find Chili Peppers and me in Philly riding Todd Pritchard (a formy mountain bike merly Philly-based around the Wissaguitarist/producer I hickon, frequenting took lessons from).

Cheu Noodle bar, or Talk a little about talking to local dogs your creative proin a baby voice. cess. How do you Kyle Sparkman has gone from Who are you liscome up with the hired-gun guitarist to solo performer. tening to now? songs?

Image | Kevin Kilkenny These days, I listen I write the majorito a lot of Tom Misch, ty of my songs on an Allen Stone and Tame Impala. acoustic guitar. I like the acoustic guitar as a I know you’ve had some shows canceled songwriting instrument because it’s honest – due to the coronavirus, but what does the if a song doesn’t sound good on an acoustic, future hold for you? More new music and, it’s not going to sound good in a full-band seteventually, shows? ting.

I definitely miss playing shows at the moI feel like my best songs fall into my lap orment, but I’m excited to have a lot of new ganically when I’m playing guitar to either music coming out over the course of 2020. As just relax or as a therapeutic outlet after a soon as the world gets back to normal, my rough day. My songwriting process typically starts when I find a chord progression or plan is to get back into the recording studio and start performing live again. rhythmic idea that feels particularly groovy What are the best ways for people to keep – melody comes next, and then I flesh out lyrup with you and find out about new music ics. There are exceptions to that process, but and performances? in general, it all grows out of a groove. Once My website kylesparkman.com has a mailI have a song down on my own, I’ll take it to ing list signup and information about my uptrusted musicians and work it out further in a coming performances and new music. I’m also full-band setting. active on Instagram and Facebook, and my Does anything or anyone especially inmusic is available on all major streaming serspire you? vices like Spotify and Apple Music.

I find the artistic community in Philadel-

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PHILADELPHIA WEEKLY | APRIL 16 -23, 2020

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COVID-19

PHILADELPHIAWEEKLY.COM @PHILLYWEEKLY

THE RUNDOWN

A list of things to do while mandated not to do anything Consider the following podcasts….

Stuff you missed in History Class

If hosts Tracy Wilson and Holly Frey were our teachers in high school, we probably would’ve paid more attention in class. Probably the coolest way to learn about anything history related. From the Civil War, major moments and even butter vs. margarine, these two make for an interesting listen.

The show has since gone corporate, getting picked up by iHeart Radio, but it hasn’t wavered or toed company lines one bit. | iheart.com/podcast/stuffyou-missed-in-history-cl-21124503/

PHL Diversity Podcasts

Gone Cold

KYW Newsradio’s Tom Rickert and Kristen Johanson dive deep into the files of some of Philadelphia’s biggest unsolved murders and crime events. If you’re a fan of a good murder mystery every now and then and a bit of history of Philadelphia before all of the swanky restaurants, coffee shops and fringe boutiques, then the 45-60 minutes you’ll commit to digesting this one is well worth the time. | radio.com/ media/podcast/gone-cold-philadelphia-unsolvedmurders-a-kyw-newsradio-true-crime-podcast

APRIL 16 - 23, 2020 | PHILADELPHIA WEEKLY

If you wanted insight on the diverse businesses that fuel Philly’s economic engine and who these movers and shakers are, we highly recommend this podcast. We like it because no two businesses are the same, and this pod gets it right profiling anyone from a top executive at Comcast to possibly the owner of your corner poppy shop. We respect that, despite this being a corporate pod, it’s anything but a corporate feel. | soundcloud. com/phlcvb

Serial

We know it’s a national show but it still is a phenomenal look at just how fucked the criminal justice system can be in America. It’s one of the longest-running podcasts on the subject and there’s a reason why. Because not only are these stories relatable, the drama in them is must-listen audio. I mean it won a Peabody for fuck’s sake. It’s seriously legit. | serialpodcast.org/about

Philly is Phunny

WTDY (96.5-FM) hosts Bennett and Laura Boss bring the human side out of some of the funniest comedians both locally and nationally. There’s a breakdown with local comics, sometimes bordering on the hilarious, sometimes bordering on the serious – which is always an enlightening perspective. Recent guests have been Paul Mercurio, Michael Yo and Shanell Renee, who was named “Best Female Comic of the Year” in 2018 by the Philadelphia Hip Hop Awards. | 965tdy.radio.com/ media/podcast/philly-is-phunny

Philly Who?

OK, so this one has been around for a minute, but we love it for the constant rotation of Philadelphians we get to hear from on a weekly basis. Host Kevin Chemidlin has had just about anyone who’s anyone on a show that started out as a side hustle and has become not just his bread and butter but a huge benefit to our ears. | podphillywho.com/

COVID-19

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17

Ridley Creek State Park

We can’t stay stuck in the house forever and a walk around the neighborhood gets played out after a while. With that said, we found these five spots that are off the beaten path that we go to get the hell away.

Much like Glen Foerd, you can’t access the houses at this state park, but you can enjoy the over 2,000 miles of trails, woodlands and waterways throughout. We like it because if you sneak away during a weekday, it’s virtually a dead zone and you get the whole park to yourself. No worries about COVID when it’s just you. Also, there’s even a waterfall for those who just need to clear their head. | dcnr.pa.gov/StateParks/FindAPark/ RidleyCreekStatePark/Pages/default.aspx

Where we’re clearing our heads....

Glen Foerd on the Delaware

You won’t even feel like you’re in the Great Northeast. We’re talking an old mansion surrounded by acres of trails, paths and greenspace along the banks of the Delaware River and Poquessing Creek. If you can’t look at a screen anymore and need to just get out of the house for a bit, the drive (or walk if you’re close), is well worth the trip. | glenfoerd.org/

Martin Luther King Drive (past Montgomery Ave.)

As you get closer to Center City, it gets congested, but head west toward Manayunk along MLK Drive and you’ll walk along a canopy of trees on the other side of busy Kelly Drive, but still with a fantastic view of the Schuylkill River.

If you’re feeling sporty, there’s all kinds of pull-up bars and other apparatuses, but if you do partake bring hand sanitizer. You know, cuz COVID and all.

Bartram’s Garden

Hopefully you’re seeing a trend that we love seclusion when we’re trying to clear our head. There’s no fun watching a ton of people going for a run or rollerblading with masks on. This jawn is still secluded and it’s spring, which means if anything is planted there now, it’s most definitely in full bloom. Another set of trails gets you down to the banks of the Schuylkill where for a sec you’ll forget that you’re still in city confines. | bartramsgarden.org/

Wilson Farm Park

Wilson is great for those who want miles of legit trail to run on where hills come and go and people are scarce. Situated in between Paoli and Berwyn, Wilson is just about 30 minutes from Center City and offers a good path, and fields on fields to do whatever you want. You could even practice some social distancing activities like soccer golf, home run derbies or a little chip and putt and not have anyone bother you. | tredyffrin.org/services/parks-recreation Image: Rain0975

PHILADELPHIA WEEKLY | APRIL 16 - 23, 2020

18

COVID-19

PHILADELPHIAWEEKLY.COM @PHILLYWEEKLY

Go outside

At the time we wrote this, it was still permissible to leave your house to walk or jog – as long as you avoided walking or jogging with groups of strangers. The weather is getting better and the fresh air will do you some good.

The gyms are closed and you don’t burn many calories pressing your TV’s remote or curling a bottle of your favorite beverage. Here are a few tips to keep from getting too flabby during the lockdown:

How we’re staying in shape....

Online help

If you’re not exactly self-motivated to get into shape, check for local online trainers. There are lots of professionals, but, during these times, many folks are sharing their training talents for free on social media and elsewhere. It’s not the same as working one-on-one with someone in a gym, but it might be enough to get you moving.

Schedule a time to work out

Carve out 15, 30, 60 minutes, whatever, a day to exercise. Even when we’re not selfisolating, the pros recommend making exercise a regular part of your daily routine. Now that we’re locked inside and losing track of time, following a schedule is even more important.

APRIL 16 - 23, 2020 | PHILADELPHIA WEEKLY

Watch what you eat

If you normally eat healthy to maintain your shapely figure, that advice goes double during this lockdown.

Chances are, you’re not moving around as much in your daily life – walking up stairs or through a parking lot to get to work, for example. And if you went to a gym, you’re not going now. So, the lockdown has reduced the number of calories you would burn during normal times. Reduce the number of calories you’re taking in to help balance that.

Buy a jump rope

It’s pretty self-explanatory, but it’s also a great exercise that both builds muscle tone and improves your cardio.

However, if you live in an apartment or condo that isn’t on the first floor, you might want to do this exercise outside. Your downstairs neighbors will appreciate it.

Ask grandpa

Back in the good old days, people didn’t have all these fancy gizmos to keep in shape. It snowed every day, and they had to walk 20 miles, barefoot, uphill both ways to school. They pulled the plow when their mule was too tired to till the fields. If they wanted more, they did pushups, sit-ups and jumping jacks. They did squats and then one-legged squats. Ask grandad for some tips – and then get off his lawn.

19

HUNGRY? Virus can’t keep you from great food

Restaurants and bars throughout Philly are battling through the coronavirus and all of the restrictions that come with it. To help both them and you – our hungry readers – PW has a few things working:

DIY Individual Pizza Making Kits SliCE - All Locations

$10 each www.slicepa.com All SliCE locations are now offering pizza making kits that are great for kids of all ages, families or even adults too. Available for Delivery or Pick up from any SlICE location. Add one to your order tonight for only $10 and include cheese, dough and sauce. Vegan and gluten free kits available.

The Fairview

601 N. 21st St. Noon to 6pm daily - confirm on Facebook https://www.facebook.com/ theFairviewPhilly/ Offering take-out only beer, wine and select foods. Visit Facebook for menus, hours and full details.

We Cooked (Through Vesper Kitchen)

Noon - 8pm Daily https://www.wecooked.com/ Pick-up at exercise or delivery must order ahead. New food and beer your cardio. service by Glu Hospitality through Vesper Center City’s o that isn’t kitchen. Full selection of affordable foods and also beer xercise to go. Also, donate $10 to send two meals to Feed the eciate it.

Frontline hospital workers - click experiences on their website.

e all these ery day, and oth ways mule was e, they did d squats r some tips

COVID-19

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South Philly Barbacoa

1140 S. 9th St. The restaurant is taking pre-orders for pick up, only on Saturdays and Sundays. You can text 267-605-1966 to place an order. They are just offering the family-style packages by the kilo, which includes barbacoa/pancita, tortillas, consome, salsas, and the fixins. When you text, please list your name, order, and preferred day and time to pick up. Their pick-up window will be from 5am to 5pm Saturdays and Sundays only.

Kurry Shack

2015 E Moyamensing Ave. Pick-up at the front door.

Special free delivery. Mon-Tuesday Thursday Friday Saturday Sunday 5pm-10pm. All online platforms Grubhub, Caviar, DoorDash, UberEats 267-761-5562.

Full menu available. Kurry Shack is a Halal fast casual BYO that serves homestyle traditional Northern Indian cuisine led by Chef Abdur Masud. From the kitchen look for chef’s speciality dishes, including Chicken Tikka Masala, Chicken Vindaloo, Dal Makhani and Mali Kofta. Unique to Kurry Shack, look for an exclusive dish, Chicken Meatball Kofta Curry.

Lokal Artisan Foods French Toast Bites

https://www.lokalartisanfoods.com/orderonline Thursday - Sunday, 12pm-8pm. Order online or call 267-312-8339 Prepay, no cash, pre-order. Designated pick-up window. French Toast Bites by Lokal Artisan Foods has partnered with Tamekah Bost from Better Box to share kitchen and cooking facilities and host pop-up sales via delivery and pick-up. French Toast Bites traditionally this time of year would be gearing up for a busy festival season and to bring the food to the public – not the other way around.

Makhani Modern Indian

7 N. 3rd St. Pick-up at the front door. Special free delivery. Mon-Tuesday Thursday Friday Saturday Sunday 5pm-10pm. All online platforms Grubhub, Caviar, DoorDash, UberEats. 267-534-5097 https:// eatmakhani.com/ Full menu is available with selections updated on all delivery sites online. In the kitchen, Executive Chef Sanjoy Banik will focus on North Indian dishes that are made fresh-to-order and all from scratch. Look for high quality foods that many Indian restaurants don’t work with, such as lobster, scallops, lamb shanks, Chilean sea bass, and the freshest of farm to table ingredients. Rich and intricate sauces are simmered and cooked for up to ten hours at a time.

Dim Sum House University City

3939 Chestnut Street (215-563-8800)

Dim Sum House Rittenhouse

1930 Chestnut Street (215-921-5377) Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Sunday: 11:30am - 9:30pm, Friday, Saturday: 11:30am - 10:30pm. Grubhub, Caviar, Call-in to pickup http://dimsum.house/ Full menu of dim sum two ways (Shanghai and Cantonese), plus signature dishes from the Jiang Nan region of China including noodles, entrees, fried rice and soups.

PHILADELPHIA WEEKLY | APRIL 16 - 23, 2020

20

VOICES

OF OUR

CITY

Philadelphia owes shelter animals the chance to live I met Serena, a sweet tempered 5-year-old pit bull with a big white spot over her right eye, in June of 2016 while working at Philadelphia’s only open-intake shelter, the Animal Care & Control Team of Philadelphia. The sights, sounds, and smells of ACCT Philly are unmistakable: crowds of people huddled in the lobby waiting to surrender pets, pools of water built up around broken drains, ceaseless cries of dogs, the stench of urine and feces, and not a single window to let in fresh air or daylight.

“Open-intake” of dogs like Serena means that ACCT Philly is contracted by the city, and the law requires it to accommodate every animal that comes through its doors regardless of whether the shelter has any open kennels. The resulting demand has created conditions that breed illnesses that can’t be treated effectively. Dogs have been dying of severe respiratory infections at ACCT Philly for decades, and in May 2019, those infections morphed into fatal canine pneumonia. Living in a diseased building with no way of being properly cleaned, many dogs don’t respond to medicine in the shelter and die in the care of overextended rescue partners. Medical complications of animals who might have gone on to live healthy lives with loving families render euthanasia the only humane option. The number of lives lost can be roughly counted, but the pain associated with those losses is immeasurable.

It doesn’t have to be this way. Philadelphia only budgeted $4.2 million for ACCT Philly’s 17,021 animals in 2019. By contrast, NYC ACC, its New York City equivalent, received $17.6 million in city funding for 22,410 animals in 2019.

I left my position as a lifesaving counselor at ACCT Philly almost three years ago, but few days go by that I don’t think of my time there. If you’ve never been there, it might be hard to imagine what it’s like to work in an open-intake facility. Space is limited. The endless cycle of animals brought in, whether stray drop-offs or owner surrenders, adds up.

Suddenly, the shelter is full. You move quickly to assess, photograph, and promote every animal as urgent cases continue to flood in. You must spend enough time with each animal to get to know her as best you can without compromising time that could be spent helping another. You watch her sit in her kennel, as I watched Serena, overlooked because of her

age, her breed, her size. You devote yourself to her honest promotion, hoping someone will notice how special and deserving of love she is. You work to find her placement, and sometimes, you are successful! You are endlessly grateful to that rescue or foster parent you know well, or that adopter you’re meeting for the first time but can’t help crying on, staying in touch long after the animal has left.

But imagine the animals who do not have the same good fortune of finding a foster or adopter. Imagine the grief and responsibility shelter workers feel when she can’t be saved.

Now imagine receiving threatening phone calls, e-mails, and unsolicited in-person visits from members of the public who are outraged an animal has died.

As coronavirus sweeps our city and our world, the pandemic has raised awareness about how the lack of capacity for emergency medical care threatens human life. This deadly math has been a chronic challenge for Philadelphia’s animals. Dogs are dying because there is nowhere for sick ones to isolate in life-supporting conditions and nowhere for healthy ones to live apart from sick ones. Dogs are dying from preventable diseases because they simply cannot get well in a diseased environment.

Philadelphia needs to do better. It’s time to give ACCT Philly the funds it desperately needs to find a new building with property ventilation, a functional drainage system, plumbing that can support the dishwashers, washing machines, and dryers that make it possible to sanitize bowls, leashes, and bedding, isolation areas, and maybe even a little sunlight.

While the mayor and City Council have their jobs, there’s also something you can do.

You can be a source of support for the people working hard in broken systems: doctors and nurses, and animal shelter workers and veterinarians alike. Have compassion for the people who are fighting a losing battle when every minute can be the difference between life and death.

Serena waited for a family for two crowded summer months until she got so sick she couldn’t stand. She was there when I left work one night and was dead when I came in the next morning. She was beautiful and perfect and mattered.

Yes, I’m angry, and you should be, too. It’s time for us to channel that anger into action.

Sophie Samul is in her final semester of Columbia University’s Nonprofit Management master’s program. She started her animal welfare career at ACCT Philly and is currently the events and volunteer coordinator at Woodstock Farm Sanctuary in High Falls, New York.

APRIL 16 - 23, 2020 | PHILADELPHIA WEEKLY

PHILADELPHIAWEEKLY.COM @PHILLYWEEKLY

THE SHOUT OUT Image | Priscilla Du Preez

Can a earth is tornados last nigh to the no do Watch @M

As I se how ‘ess ing at th tenhouse now. Won @S

Spring is here, but the coronavirus restrictions are still in place.

Your turn: When the “all clear” is issued, what’s the first thing you’re going to do? Hit a bar or restaurant? Do some shopping?

Send your thoughts to voices@philadelphiaweekly.com

My pa had bee #COVID1 beginnin in denial. guy, so I @S

Corona Ride :A m wearing out. Poli dragged do you th @R

rus

VOICES OF OUR CITY

PHILADELPHIAWEEKLY.COM @PHILLYWEEKLY

21

SOMEONE SAY SOMETHING The random thoughts regarding everything from COVID-19 to Will Smith winning an award for Bad Boys for Life were on full display this week. We plucked some of the best nuggets for your reading pleasure.

Can anyone really dispute that the earth is clearly unhappy right now! 34 tornados touched down in the south last night and severe weather is heading to the northeast - we now have a Tornado Watch for #Philly. @MarionLeary

1st African-American owned insurance company in the US was the African Insurance Co. which opened for business on April 12, 1810 in Philadelphia Joseph Randolph was president, Cyrus Porter treasurer & William Coleman secretary #blackhistory #philly Podcast @IamCeeJayJoseph

As I see the crane moving I wonder how ‘essential’ it is for the Laurel’s starting at the 2 Million dollar condos in Rittenhouse to be doing construction right now. Wonder who they paid off. #philly @SMavros

I sort of hope not, because Will Smith winning for Bad Boys For Life is what the Academy owes him for not giving him the Oscar for Happyness. #Philly @ParkingLotFilms

My partner is a #data geek and had been warming me for weeks that #COVID19 would hit #Philly, but in the beginning I, like millions of others, was in denial. But he’s a numbers and #facts guy, so I listened. @Stefania101 CoronaVirus And Philadelphia Bus Ride :A man boarded a City Bus without wearing a face mask and refused to get out. Police were called and forcefully dragged the man out of the bus. What do you think of this action? @RoobleSum

There’ a @PennMedicine commercial floating around right now and while the footage is uplifting, the song makes isolation somehow worse... #Corona #Philly @HeyyBillay Is there anything more #Philly and Gangsta than coming out in the Super Bowl against the hated Pats to one of the all time gangsta rap songs Dreams and Nightmares intro with a Jason Peters Jersey while @MeekMill is in jail???? @MickMurph22

Y’all, please pray for folks like Rev. Dr. Herb Lusk who still got Black folks going to church on #Easter Sunday. I don’t care if he’s limiting the gathering to 50 people for the three scheduled services.

IT IS A PANDEMIC GOING ON! #Philly #COVID19 @MrErnestOwens

If you live in a city, wear that mask especially in a small store. Whether it’s a 7/11 or your neighborhood bodega.

Tight quarters & bad air circulation.

Same with the Booze stores. Wear it! #Boston #NewYork #Hartford #Philly @jww372

PHILADELPHIA WEEKLY | APRIL 16 - 23, 2020

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Quickies Q: I am a super queer presenting female has a really unsupportive girlfriend who has who recently accepted that I have desires for done really crappy things to her over the men. My partner of two years is bisexual and course of their relationship. I kept pushing for understands the desires, but has personally her to make a decision and use this affair as a dealt with those desires via masturway for her to free herself, but she bation, while my desires include actis just coasting along with her girling. Her perspective is that the grass friend and her lover. She’s under a is greener where you water it and lot of stress and she’s turned into a that my desire to act is immature, major liar and it’s creeping me out. selfish, and has an unrealistic end I’m considering either telling her game. What gives when you don’t girlfriend myself (though I promfeel fulfilled sexually in a monogaised my friend I wouldn’t) or maybe mous relationship?

I just need to end this friendship.

– Open Or Over?

My friend’s double life upsets me.

Something definitely gives It’s just been going on too long. when a person doesn’t feel ful– Is My Friend An Asshole? filled in a monogamous relationship If your friend – the one lead– sometimes it’s an ultimatum that’s ing the double life – is asking you given, sometimes it’s a one-time-onto run interference for her, if she’s ly hall pass that’s given, sometimes asking you to lie to her girlfriend, @FAKEDANSAVAGE or if she’s asked you to comproit’s an agreement to open the relationship that’s given. But the relamise your integrity in some way, tionship sometimes gives, e.g. the relationship she’s an asshole and you’re a sap; tell your collapses under the weight of competing and friend you’re done covering for her and that mutually exclusive needs you won’t be able to see and desires. If you want her again until the deceit to open things up (if alor the pandemic is over, lowed) and she wants to whichever comes first. keep things closed (no If the issue is that your allowance), OOO, it’s ulfriend expects you to timately your willpowooze sympathy while she er – your commitment goes on and on about the to honoring the commess she’s made of her mitment you’ve made – life, IMFAA, simply rethat’s likely to give. fuse to discuss the mess Q: I have a close friend that is her love life with who’s cheating on her girlfriend. It has been her. Remind her that she already knows what going on for over a year. At first, I actually you think needs to do – she needs to break the supported the exploration because my friend fuck up with her shitty girlfriend – and then

DAN SAVAGE

“Mutual masturbation isn’t a sad consolation prize – mutual masturbation is sex and it can be great sex.”

SAVAGE LOVE

PHILADELPHIAWEEKLY.COM @PHILLYWEEKLY change the subject.

Q: I’m a cis het woman who loves men and loves dicks. I love dicks so much that I fantasize about having one. Nothing brings me to orgasm more quickly or reliably than closing my eyes and imagining my own dick, or imagining myself as my partner, and what they’re feeling through their dick. I love being a woman, and I’m afraid to bring this up with any partner(s) of mine. Is this super weird? Am I secretly trans somehow? Am I overthinking this?

– Perfect Minus Penis It’s not that weird, some people are trans and you could be one of them (but fantasizing about having a dick doesn’t equal being a male), and you’re overthinking what you should be enjoying. Buy a strap-on, tell your partners about your fantasies, and enjoy having the dick you can have.

Q: I wonder if you might be able to put a label on this sex act: It has to do with overstimulation, in this case of a penis (mine). After receiving a wonderful hand job, the giver kept stroking me purposefully. My penis was in a heightened, super-sensitive state. It was almost like being tickled, if you’re ticklish.

I was being forcefully held down (consensually), and just as I thought I couldn’t take it anymore, I had a second amazing orgasm. I didn’t ejaculate again, it was more of a body orgasm. It came in waves and everything was warm. It was mind-blowing, spiritual, galactic, unique, and very similar to how I’ve heard women describe their orgasms. Ever hear of anything like this? Is this some sot of Japanese underground kink thing?

– Witty Hilarious Overzealous Amateur The act you’re describing already has a name, WHOA, and an entry on Urban Dictionary: apple-polishing. Most men find the sensation of having the head of their cock worked so overwhelming that their bodies involuntarily recoil, which makes it difficult to polish someone’s apple if the “victim” isn’t restrained in some way. But it’s not painful – it’s like being tickled; indeed, the victim usually reacts with desperate laughter and gasping pleas for it to stop. (Don’t ask me how I know.) That all-over feeling of euphoria you experienced when your apple got polished was most likely a wave of endorphins – like a runner who pushes herself past her physical limits and experiences an full-body “runner’s high,” you were pushed past your physical limits, WHOA, and experienced the same sort of high.

Q: I’m a 35-year-old straight guy. I recently

started seeing an amazing 34-year-old girl. We love being around each other, but during sex, neither of us can come. It’s infuriating, to say the least. She has no trouble when she masturbates and I know I have no trouble when I masturbate, so why can’t we come together?

– Can’t Understand Matter If you can come when you masturbate and she can come when she masturbates, CUM, masturbate together and you’ll be coming together. Mutual masturbation isn’t a sad consolation prize – mutual masturbation is sex and it can be great sex. And the more often you come together through mutual masturbation, CUM, the likelier it gets that you’ll be able to come together while enjoying other things.

Q: I have a weird and terrible problem.

I’ve been seeing someone new, and have just discovered that I get diarrhea every time I swallow his come. Like debilitating pee poops an hour after, every time. I know the solution to the problem would be to stop swallowing, but I was wondering if you had ever heard of this before or knew why this was.

– My Sad Asshole I have heard of this before, MSA, and superstar Savage Love guest expert Dr. Debby Herbenick unpacked the cause for another reader a few years back: “Prostaglandins are substances made by the body and that the body is sensitive to. Semen contains prostaglandins – and prostaglandins can have a laxative effect on people. Related: If you’ve ever felt a little loosey-goosey right before getting your period, that’s also thanks to prostaglandins (which spike just before your period, because the prostaglandins get the uterine muscles to contract, which then helps to shed the lining of the uterus, resulting in a menstrual period). So why don’t more semen swallowers find themselves running to the bathroom post-blowjob? I don’t know why most people aren’t extra-sensitive to prostaglandins, but fortunately most of us aren’t, or there would probably be a lot less swallowing in the world.”

So, MSA, you’ll have to stop swallowing your boyfriend’s come or only swallow when you have immediate access to a toilet in a restroom with a powerful fan.

Listen to the Savage Lovecast- this week with Erin Gibson. www.savagelovecast.com.

“Most men find the sensation of having the head of their cock worked so overwhelming that their bodies involuntarily recoil, which makes it difficult to polish someone’s apple if the ‘victim’ isn’t restrained in some way.”

THERE’S ALWAYS MORE OF SAVAGE TO LOVE! Read: PhillyWeekly.com Have a question?: mail@savagelove.net

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PHILADELPHIA WEEKLY | APRIL 16 -23, 2020

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PAINT AND PETALS Looks like street artist Seek One is putting all of this social isolation to good use. The artist created a limited edition print called "Rose for Relief" and plans to donate 100% of proceeds to the PHl COVID-19 Fund, created to support small businesses in Philadelphia.

Check out how you can get a print at seekoneart.com. Got art? Send it our way via mail@philadelphiaweekly.com or tag us on social media using the hashtag #PWBigPic.

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MARKETPLACE Recent

break up?

PW Classifieds is a great place to sell your ex’s stuff.

EMPLOYMENT

FOR RENT

General Employment

Apartments for Rent

AB MALE BLOOD DONORS NEEDED Will be compensated up to $85.00 for a complete donation, starting on their 2nd visit!!

In order to donate you need: Valid picture ID. SSI card Be between 18 & 70 yrs. old.

Be in good health. Walk-ins are welcome. New donors will be paid $40.00 for a full donation.

INTERSTATE BLOOD BANK 1250 N. BROAD STREET. PHILA PA. 19121 215-765-2554

8500 BUSTLETON AVE. Corner of Evart St. Spring Special 1BR $875, 2BR $1,100, water & gas incld. 215-742-2261 Grant Garden Apartments Spring Special, upgraded 1 & 2 BR,1 BA. $750 - $980 includes water. Laundry room on site.

Off of Blvd. 215-464-6411

BLOOD DONORS All donors paid $40.00 No appointment necessary.

Walk-ins welcome. Must be healthy and have proper I.D. Must provide Social Security card.Interstate Blood Bank 1250-52 N Broad St. Phila PA 19121 215-765-2554 Hrs. 7:00 AM - 3:30 PM

FLAGGERS ($12.50/hr) Traffic Plan seeks Flaggers to set up and direct traffic around construction sites. A valid PA driver license and clean driving record a must, good pay and benefits. If interested please fill out an application at 510 Hertzog Blvd, King of Prussia, PA on Mondayʼs 9am - 12pm or online at trafficplan.com.

Help Wanted Richard Allen Preparatory Charter School is requesting bids from FSMCs to provide management services according to the United States Department of Agriculture (USDA); The PA Department of Education requirements.

A copy of the bid specifications can be found on RAPCS’s website (RAPCS.org). The pre-bid meeting will be held at 2601 S. 58 th Street Philadelphia, PA 19143 on June 15 th 2020 at 12pm. All proposals must be submitted no later than July 6 th 2020 at 12pm. The RAPCS Board of Trustees reserves the right to accept or reject any proposal submitted.

HOME IMPROVEMENT Windows

HAPPY WINDOWS

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Shutters, 2-Inch Wood, Pleated Shades, Roman Shades, Drapes, Verticals, Mini-Blinds

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Call Eileen

215-465-7525 PROFESSIONAL SERVICES Income Tax / Accounting

Smith Bookkeeping Financial Accounting & Taxes 215-745-2713 msmith@sbfsllc.com www.sbfsllc.com WANTED Help Wanted VP of Project Execution-Project Managementw/ Clear Air Solutions, Co. in Malvern, PA- developing/implementing plans for purchasing and installing U.S. pollution abatement systems.

Req: Assoc.degree in Civil Engg or rel. Engg fld & 3 yrs exp in the petro mechanical industry.

OR a HS diplan & 7 yrs exp in the petrochemical industry Reply to: clearairco@gmail.com

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Call us at 215-564-7656 or visit solorealty.com.

2017 Chancellor Street Philadelphia, PA 19103 PHILADELPHIA WEEKLY | APRIL 16 - 23, 2020

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REGGIE Completely renovated

$1690 / 1br - 680ft2 - Luxury 1Bed/Den/1Bath, Condo/ Townhouse, Center City, Short/Year Term (Philadelphia, Vine Express). If you are looking for an apartment, condo in center city, take a look at this completely renovated (top to ground) luxury townhouse with approximate 680 sq ft. located at the center city one block to Convention Center. This rare to find trinity townhouse along with another three are gated and very quiet. The house has living room and kitchen on the first floor, bathroom and a den on the second floor and a bedroom on the third floor. Modern kitchen has a 4-burner range, granite countertop, white shaker cabinet, refrigerator and European style vent. Eat-in kitchen has a glass dining table and two chairs. A mini bar with wine glasses rack holders is a rare and precious feature. A lovely roof deck outside of second floor with a glass-top table and two chairs for fresh air and relaxation. Basement has tile floor and shelf for plenty of storage. Washer, dryer, and utility sink are located in the basement. The house has central air, sprinkler system, fire alarm station, secured by a metal gate. Front and right side of the house are surrounded by two parking lots with 24-hour security personnel on site. There are several other similar townhouses available for viewing as well. Walking distance to Convention Center, Chinatown, Reading Terminal Market, City Hall, Market Street, SEPTA station and bus routes, quick access to highways of I-676, I-95, and I-76, A few minutes driving to Jefferson University and Jefferson University Hospitals, Italian Market, National Constitution Center, and many more. The rent of $1,690 includes water and trash.

Tenants pay electric and gas. Pet friendly place subject to pet fee. Smoking outside only. Year lease with short term flexibility. Available now. No application fee. Landlord provides the application form to prospective tenants. Contact Lisa for viewing schedule by text and email. NO PHONE CALL please.

Text number (215) 431-9541.

Huge closet space

$1340 / 1br - Deluxe 1 Bedroom w/ Balcony, Close to Center City, Huge Closet Space. FEATURES: Free Wi-Fi in Lobby.

On-Site Maintenance/ 24-Hours Emergency Service. Off Street Parking. Garage Parking Available. Close to Restaurants.

Spacious Floor Plans. 24-Hour Fitness Center. Laundry Facilities in Every Floor. Professional On-Site Management.

Dishwasher, Microwave, Garbage Disposal. Gas Range. We are within walking distance of the Philadelphia College of Osteopathic Medicine (PCOM), and conveniently located near the shopping, gourmet restaurants, and exciting nightlife of Bala Cynwyd, Manayunk and Narberth. Our apartments will provide you easy access to City Avenue, I-76 and major highways and routes. This means you’re just minutes away from St. Joe’s, University of Pennsylvania, Jefferson University, Drexel University and Philadelphia University. As well you’ll find yourself eleven minutes away from Center City and five minutes away from the gorgeous Fairmount Park. Twenty Five minutes to KOP. Fantastic Location! Deluxe one-bedroom apartment home with huge living room and kitchen. Tons of closets! Starting at $1340. Call: 215-600-2117. For more information, visit us at: yourmetropolitan.com/rent-bala

Want to list your apartment with Real Estate Reggie?

For only $75, you get 100 words to describe your place. For only $125, you get 100 words, plus a photo. Need something more or different?

Reggie can make it happen. happen Deadline is every Monday at 10 am for Thursday’s issue. Email him at REReggie@philadelphiaweekly.com for details.

Stunning loft

$1900 / 856ft2 - Stunning, Modern Center City Loft with Amazing City Views. Stunning loft in the heart of Center City.

One of the larger 1 BR units in the building with an amazing view. On a higher floor with large windows allowing for lots of natural light. The spacious modern open living and dining area offers all the upgrades, hardwood floors, granite countertops with island bar, stainless steel appliances, custom lighting, brand new Washer/Dryer. The large carpeted loft bedroom has ample closet space. Secure same floor storage unit across the hall. Prime location: 1 block to brand new Trader Joe’s, 2 blocks to Reading Terminal Market, Fashion Square District (movie theater, bowling alley, shops), Chinatown, and many other breweries, bars, and restaurants including Iron Hill, Double Knot, El Vez, and Barbuzzo. 2 blocks from SEPTA Jefferson Station (MFL subway, trolleys, regional rail and bus lines) makes it accessible for commuters and also a short walk to City Hall, Comcast, state and federal courthouses, Jefferson, and Pennsylvania hospitals and several schools.

Pets okay with owner’s review. May start date negotiable.

36cc11be74f23f87bf815156b0c36700@hous.craigslist.org

Fitness center

$2475 / 1br - 726ft2 - 1 BR APARTMENT CENTER CITYROOFTOP, CLUBROOM, FITNESS CENTER. 1338 Chestnut St. near Broad Street. Kick Back, Relax, and Enjoy the Movies at our Theater! Start Life on the Avenue. Call Now: (833) 695-9442. Griffin Center City. 1338 Chestnut Street. More unit details at: http://cl.greystar.com/19s243. This is a 1 Bedroom, 1 Bath, approximately 726 Sq. Ft. Be a part of it all at Griffin – masterfully renovated apartments located along the Avenue of the Arts in the heart of Center City. With all-new finishes and features, complemented by a smart collection of amenities, Griffin is your canvas for artful Philadelphia living. Features. Luxurious bathrooms with quartz countertops and glass showers. Keyless entry. Wood cabinets.

Mecho-style blinds. Freestanding kitchen islands. Stainless steel appliances. Spectacular city views. Carpeted bedrooms.

Designer backsplashes. Engineered hardwood flooring. Quartz countertops. Washers and dryers. Modern kitchens

Rittenhouse

$1692 / 1br - 700ft2 - Center City Rittenhouse Square Apartment Available May 1. (1Bed/1Bath). 326 S. 16th St., Unit 1R near Spruce St. and 16th St. Bi-level Rittenhouse Square 1 bed/1 bath. Unit features central air, in-unit washer/dryer, dishwasher, garbage disposal and much more! The apartment is within walking distance to several grocery stores, public transportation (both MFL and BSL!), and all the bars and restaurants you could want! Dog and cat friendly with a $250 fee. Reply to this listing with any question and to schedule a virtual tour of the unit! Other details: Minimum credit score of 675 is required. Wages that gross 3x’s the monthly rent. (Two recent pay stubs required for income verification). Security deposit equal to one month’s rent is required to take the unit off the market. First month’s rent, and last month’s rent required to move in. (215) 897-9477.

APRIL 16 - 23, 2020 | PHILADELPHIA WEEKLY

Private patio

$1595 / 1br - Renovated Center City Apt: Central Air, In-unit Laundry, Private Patio (747 S. 2nd St. - 2nd and Fitzwater).

This beautifully renovated 1 bedroom offers a private patio, free storage unit, central air, and laundry in the unit. It is located in the heart of Queen Village just blocks away from the gorgeous Bainbridge Green Park, the Delaware River Trail, ACME, and the best restaurants, bars, and beer gardens in the city. Gourmet kitchen contains granite countertops, stainless steel appliances, and lovely cabinets. Appliances include a microwave, dishwasher, and garbage disposal. Apartment features original hardwood flooring and a bathtub in the bathroom. 213dbdec099b34e2ab3b7c7e285d0821@hous. craigslist.org

Bay window

$1750 / 1br - 1120ft2 - Center City Luxury Bi-Level One Bedroom with Bay Window (Center City/Graduate Hospital).

Bi-Level with Bay Window facing South Street. One Bedroom Luxury Apartment. Center City West / Graduate Hospital / Rittenhouse. 1638 South Street Apt #5. This is a Bi-level (two floor) luxury apartment with Bay Window, facing South Street, in Center City/Graduate Hospital area of Philadelphia.

This Bay Window apartment comes with One Bedroom, Two Bathrooms, Dryer and Washer units, Central Air, Hardwood Floors, and more. This apartment is in a prime location in a beautiful and trendy neighborhood in the Center City area of Philadelphia, west of Broad Street (also known as “Graduate Hospital” area). It is in walking distance to Rittenhouse Square, shops, restaurants, supermarket/grocer, Broad Street “Avenue of the Arts”, and SEPTA Broad Street Line (Lombard-South station), and connecting SEPTA bus lines. Now Available for Move-In. Contact directly by phone for more information, or email to request a recorded Virtual Tour video of the apartment: 215-485-0712.

Ideal for grad student

$1450 / 1br - 500ft2 - Center City - 1 Bedroom Apartment.

Beautiful one bedroom apartment in the heart of Center City.

Situated on Spruce Street, Steps away from Broad Street, Kimmel Center, bars, restaurants and more, this apartment will have you situated in the middle of all the action Spruce Street has to offer. Spacious bedroom and living room, and tons of natural light in a quiet historical building. Unit can come furnished with: couch, coffee table, 50 inch TV, full sized bed with frame, dresser, night table, book shelf. Laundry in unit! Only utilities to pay are Comcast and electric. Lease lengths flexible, 12 month minimum. No pets. Ideal for grad student or single professional. Proof of income and credit check required. d91ce16d9ada3a51a42f62906cb3162d@ hous.craigslist.org.

City Avenue

$1383 / 2br - 985ft2 - Lease Today, Pets OK, Near Center City. https://thepointatcityline.com. The Point at City Line is located on City Avenue. Lease today! This two-bedroom, two-bathroom apartment features a private balcony and a washer and dryer! The Point at City Line, managed by Panco Management. 6100 City Ave. 855-459-6293

Rooftop access

$3700 / 2br - Luxury 2 Bed | Center City | Rooftop Access.

Services: 24 hour concierge. Off-street private parking, with phone app based car retrieval. Options for valet reserved space self parking, or both. Cardboard package removal service. Complimentary on-site fitness classes. 24 hour on-site maintenance. Premium ‘room service’ delivery from ground level world-class restaurant and priority access reservations. Shabbat mode elevators. Terrace level: 24 hour rooftop deck. Waterfall-edge lounging pool and oversized hot-tub. Sundeck and outdoor salon with chaises, club seating and daybeds, with built in fireplaces, overhead gas heaters and cooling misters. Vine-adorned outdoor dining pavilion with long 30-person table. Comprehensive outdoor kitchen with four grilling stations, refrigerators, ice and sinks. Large rooftop dog park with K9 grass. Outdoor childrens’ play area with splash pad. Fitness Center: Top of the line cardio equipment, including Peloton bikes, recumbents and stairmaster, HITT interval training circuit, including Woodway treadmill, Ski Erg, Airbike, Nexersys boxer and more. Functional fitness training room with overhead monkey bar frame and full suite of functional training accessories, 25 selectorized, plate-loaded, and free weight stations, yoga and training room space with regular complimentary daily trainer-led fitness classes, interactive Wellbeats training suite of classes with 70” touchscreen display, fully equipped training room includes pilates reformers, spin bikes and more. Spa and Recovery Center. Recovery-focused his and her spa facilities include high-pressure showers, dry saunas, stand-up light therapy and tanning. State of the art Hydro Massage beds. Steam room.

Reservable treatment room. Basement Level: Bike storage.

Resident storage. Commercial capacity laundry equipment for oversized loads and house staff use. 348d249674ce33ac8d26 1b31d325f64f@hous.craigslist.org

Modest studio

$895 Modest Studio Apt. in Center City Available Now. 13th Street near Chancellor Street. Apartment features many windows, and a walk-in closet. All apartments have large windows and 9 ft. ceilings, too. Don’t want to pay a full month’s security deposit? Ask about our SURE DEPOSIT program.

Cats are welcome (add’l fee). All apartments are rented unfurnished. Chancellor Apartments is a convenient high rise apartment community in an amazing location in Center City.

We are close to most major schools and universities, public transportation, historical attractions, shopping, restaurants and theaters. Center City at its best! Rent includes: heat, hot/ cold water, 24-hour front desk attendant, free bike storage room, package acceptance service, 24-hour emergency maintenance service, on-site smart card laundry with brand new equipment plus keyless, FOB access and BuildingLink resident portal access for all residents. The Chancellor boasts several different studio and one bedroom floor plans.

Apartments feature high ceilings, large bright windows, hardwood floors, ceiling fans, and breathtaking views of the Philadelphia skyline and Delaware River. Many apartments have large walk-in closets, too! We have partnered with Optimal Sport Health Club to offer a generous discounted gym membership (we pay your initiation fee!). There are several off street parking lots and garages in the area, too! CHANCELLOR APARTMENTS 206 S. 13th Street. 215-735-8404

Furnished studio

$1475 Leasing Special in CENTER CITY! $1475/month Furnished STUDIO! 1204 Chestnut St. Located in the heart of Center City, Philadelphia’s most dynamic culture and nightlife district, Found Residences offers superior living at affordable prices! Walking distance from the best shopping/restaurants/ bars, our community features fully furnished Private Studios and 2 Bedroom Floor plans. Community Features: Located in the heart of Center City - walking distance to some of the best shopping/restaurants/bars in Philadelphia. Easy Commute to University of the Arts, Drexel, Jefferson, UPenn, Rosemont, Temple, Kaplan International, Art Institute, Pierce and more!

Online Payments Available. Controlled Access / 24 Video Surveillance. Recreation Room featuring high speed internet / premium cable/ Smart TV with Netflix and Hulu access/ pool table / study area with printing station. Cat friendly Community – Meow! Apartment Features: Fully furnished.

Hardwood Floors Throughout! Gourmet kitchens with stainless steel appliances, granite countertops, dishwashers.

Full Size Washers/Dryers in every unit! High speed Internet and Cable with over 250 channels in every unit. Flat Screen HD TVs mounted on the wall. Philadelphia.foundresidences.com.

Amazing view

$2395 / 2br - 1250ft2 - Spacious, beautiful apt w/ amazing view. 2201 Chestnut St. This apartment has 2 bedrooms AND 2 large living/dining rooms, perfect for hosting guests!

Located in the beautiful historic Coronado! Hardwood floors, newly carpeted bedrooms! Marble bathroom w/ luxuriously elongated bathtub. Newly renovated kitchen boasts tons of cabinets, granite countertops, stainless steel appliances (including dishwasher), garbage disposal, and small washer/ dryer in-unit (full size coin-ops laundry in building). Lots of natural light w/ amazing view! 3-minute walk to Trader Joe’s, restaurants, workout spots and shops! Minutes from Target, Rittenhouse Square and the Schuylkill River trail! Close walk to Penn and Drexel, ideal for grad students! Close to public transportation, including 30th Street Station. Utilities: Heat, A/C and water INCLUDED! (Tenant pays cooking gas and electricity and fan for heat/AC). Central A/C! $500 move in fee for one day move M-F; $1,000 move in fee for more than two day moves (less than five days) M-F. Other Amenities: Washer/Dryer IN-UNIT, plus common laundry in building.

Lobby for receiving packages. Callbox and mail room.

Elevator access. Well-maintained marble entrance lobby. Nice neighbors :). d36d5b85f78e3ef395d86e8fa0e169a5@hous. craigslist.org.

Old-world gem

$1850 / 1br - 950ft2 - HUGE, open, old-world gem! 2031 Chestnut St. Modern luxury 1-bedroom apartment. Available for May/June 2020. In a historic building on Chestnut St. at 21st St. Restored natural hardwood floors throughout. Kitchen: granite countertops, stainless steel appliances, breakfast bar.

Kitchen was renovated in 2019. New efficient HVAC system for low utility cost. Minutes from RITTENHOUSE SQUARE, 30th Street train station, Penn and Drexel universities, Trader Joe’s, Target, CVS, and the new COMCAST Tower. Very close to awesome restaurants. Perfect for grad students that want the amenities of Center City but don’t want to pay top dollar.

No smoking or vaping anything inside the apt, building, or within 25 feet of the building. No elevator in building. Please send me an email to schedule a tour (virtual tour option) or ask any questions. 4d13beadf30c39529e672dd020171d7b@ hous.craigslist.org.

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                                                                                

                                                                         

                                                        

                                           

                                                                              

                                                                             

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PHILADELPHIA WEEKLY | APRIL 16 - 23, 2020

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