Philadelphia Weekly 12-20-18

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DECEMBER 20-27, 2018

. n o i t p m e d e R . s g a R . s e h Ric

rld o w s e k a t s h ig h e h t How e n o k o o t g in c a r s s e of harn e id r e h t n o t s e b s of it of his life.

SEE PAGE 6

Catching up with LGBT leader Amber Hikes

We review Golden Globes early fave, Vice inside

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FROM THE EDITOR

One of a kind its humble beginnings out of a garage would begin to take a break and enjoy the fruits of retirement. Not Rich. He got into the community newspaper business with partners a few years before we met.

Over time, he bought out his partners and continued to build this new business through acquisitions. In August 2016 I sold The Sun Newspapers in New Jersey to Rich and was amazed at how comfortable I felt that the company, the customers, the employees and the readers were in good hands. For the most part, all of those constituents are still n 2016, Rich Donnelly was one of the intact at Newspaper Media Group, which most consequential people in the Phila- today has grown to more than 50 publications. Thatâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s a testament to Richâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s measured delphia region that I had never heard of. leadership. Of all the Over the course of four decades, Rich business deals Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ve did something few done, none have felt people do in busimore respectful and ness â&#x20AC;&#x201C; he built a comcomfortable as the pany into a regional deal I did with Rich. powerhouse â&#x20AC;&#x201D; from I believe this city scratch. In 2016, in particular is full when I was ďŹ rst inof consequential troduced to Rich, ďŹ gures who barely I was blown away see any limelight â&#x20AC;&#x201D; that I had never met folks who stitch the or heard of this man fabric of Philadelwho built a company phia because they that distributes publihave a driving pascations and circulars sion for the city and to nearly a million their neighborhoods, homes in the region. and not because of But that was the their egos. Rich was nature of Rich â&#x20AC;&#x201D; one of those people soft-spoken, but from the Northeast decisive in business; who set his sights on successful, but not making something boastful. signiďŹ cant.

Former Philadelphia Weekly owner, Rich quickly beIn my opinion, came a business rethe people of PhilaRich Donnelly lationship, and then delphia owe Rich a a friend. Over the debt of gratitude â&#x20AC;&#x201D; short time I knew him, I came to cherish and but he would be pissed at me for even sugrespect his modesty in success, his love and gesting that. care of the people who surrounded him, and On the day he died, I sent a note of gratihis gentle and compassionate leadership. tude to Richâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s son Sean, who has followed in Rich, who owned this publication before his fatherâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s footsteps in carefully taking the me, died on Dec. 14. He was 61 and his pass- reins of the family enterprise while adding his ing arrived just a few days after his birthday. own enhancing touches.

On that day Philadelphia lost a man who I effervesced a bit about Richâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s impact on made his mark here without the fanfare most me, and the mark he made. Seanâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s reply to would seek out. But I lost a dear friend and me aptly summed up Richard W. Donnelly, source of illuminating wisdom.

Jr. â&#x20AC;&#x201D; He was one of a kind.

In some ways, Rich could never sit still.

Rest in peace, my friend. You wonâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t be That made him a source of inspiration. Most forgotten, Rich. Q folks who would go on to build a company as signiďŹ cant as Donnelly Distribution from TWITTER: @PHILLYWEEKLY

DAN

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Connect with us: @PhillyWeekly EDITORIAL Kerith Gabriel, Editor kgabriel@philadelphiaweekly.com Andrea Cantor, Senior Staff Writer acantor@philadelphiaweekly.com

state city

CONTRIBUTORS Daniel Barnes, Kriston Bethel, Courtenay Harris-Bond, John N. McGuire, Jared Brey, Jon Hurdle, Dan Savage, Shealyn Kilroy, Mark Makela, Timaree Schmit, Heidi Wiley, Resolve Philadelphia BUSINESS Dan McDonough, Publisher dmcdonough@philadelphiaweekly.com Deidre Simms, Director of Major Accounts dsimms@newspapermediagroup.com PRODUCTION Mark Homer, Design & Layout PHILADELPHIA WEEKLY 1520 Locust St. Fifth Floor, Philadelphia, Pa. 19102 Phone: (844) 469-6336 Classified: 215-354-3054 mail@philadelphiaweekly.com

THUMBS UP

Goes to the Office of Sheriff Jewell Williams this week as he and his deputies dispersed toys and other gifts to the families and children of veterans this holiday season. Williams and Co. gave out the toys at the Veterans MultiService Center (213 N. 4th St.) courtesy of a joint partnership between his office, three different Philadelphia court systems and ongoing toy drives at area Five Below stores. Q

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2.5

Amount of rainfall in inches that is expected to fall across the Greater Philadelphia Region beginning Thursday and into Friday, the first official day of winter. According to the National Weather Service,â&#x20AC;&#x153;this amount of rain will result in flooding of road ways and areas of poor drainage, as well as the potential for significant river flooding.â&#x20AC;? Hereâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s hoping this is another case where the weatherman has it wrong. Q

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0,// ,6 127 3/$<,1¡ <¡$// In the aftermath of a cryptic tweet from Philly rapper Meek Mill, who took to Twitter to threaten a man who can be seen clear as day vandalizing his grandmotherâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s house, all that we ask is please, please, Meek, donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t catch a case over grafďŹ ti and remember your own words to: â&#x20AC;&#x153;stand tall, like City Hall.â&#x20AC;? Q

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Ĺ&#x2019;, KDYH QR LGHD KRZ WKHVH NLGV FDQ HYHQ GR WKLV DQG QR RQH KHDUV RU VHHV WKHP 1R RQH" 7KLV ELJ DVV JUDŧ WL RQ WKLV ELJ DVV ZDOO DQG QR RQH VDZ DQ\WKLQJ" ,WĹ?V OLNH OLWWOH JUDŧ WL IDLULHV ĹĽ \ DURXQG DW QLJKW DQG IXFN XS WKH QHLJKERUKRRG ZLWK DOO WKHVH GXPE DV WDJV Ĺ&#x201C; â&#x20AC;&#x201C; Fishtown resident Matt Grabauer as he eyed fresh graffiti painted on the side of his house in the early morning hours of who the hell knows Sunday.

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FEATURTING THE BEST VIEW OF THE CITYâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;S NYE FIREWORKS SHOW

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In Foles, we trust...again It is crazy to think that Nick Foles could bring the Eagles back to the brink of the Super Bowl. If the Eagles play like they did against the Rams with Foles at the helm, itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s very possible. Before you blow it off because of all the chips that have to fall just right for that to happen, letâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s take you back to 2008-09 season where the Eagles beat the Cowboys, 44-6, on the ďŹ nal day of the regular season and saw the Raiders beat the Buccaneers to qualify for the ďŹ nal NFC Wild Card spot. That season, the Birds made it all the way to the NFC Championship Game, losing to Arizona in the waning moments. Weâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re not sayin, weâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re just sayin. Go Birds. #FlyEaglesFly Q

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5LGH WKH UDLOV IRU IUHH If you planned on going to the Sixers or Flyers game (aka The Gritty Show) via SEPTA on Saturday, know that your ride home from the game on the Broad Street Line is free courtesy of Dunkinâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; Donuts. Additionally, SEPTA is supplying increased express trains ahead of the 1 p.m. Flyers-Blue Jackets game and again for the Sixers-Raptors game at 7:30 p.m. Additionally, according to a release, Dunkinâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; will have a squad handing out $5 gift cards to the first 2,000 people to get their hands on one outside the station at Broad and Pattison. To which, we say â&#x20AC;&#x153;damn, thanks Dunkin.â&#x20AC;&#x2122;â&#x20AC;?Q 3+,/$'(/3+,$:((./< &20

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*+) winningest drivers in the history of the sport. pension that all but essentially blackballed A world champion, who at his peak pocketed him from the sport for more than a year. over $8 million in his career. â&#x20AC;&#x153;I was suspended for so long, I had no Heâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s the driver other drivers emulate. choice but to turn my life around,â&#x20AC;? NapoliHeâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s the name on the program that even if tano recalled. â&#x20AC;&#x153;They took everything from heâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s riding a long shot, you bet on it. me. I was lost man, I was absolutely lost.

Not because itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ll automatically win, but When they took [my license] from me, I was because with Napolitano on it, youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ve got a worthless. My wife left me and I was I was ďŹ ghting chance. living in my car. I started using cocaine a lot Bettors know it, and other drivers especial- harder, and I was on drugs that I couldnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t get ly know it. Itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s one of the reasons Napolitano off of. I was living on the streets, it was withis respected, even if he isnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t always well liked. out question a really scary point in my life.â&#x20AC;?

See, in the high prized world of harness racPeople in the sport could see Napolitanoâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s ing, everyone is an independent contractor of path was one that wasnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t going to end well. sorts. In each race, a hefty Before his redemption 5 percent split of a ďŹ ve- or and ascension back into six-ďŹ gure purse for drivers harness racing, the â&#x20AC;&#x153;old who ďŹ nish 1-2-3 serves as Georgeâ&#x20AC;? was admittedly, supreme motivation. â&#x20AC;&#x153;a piece of shit.â&#x20AC;? Heâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;d do Even on this day as he whatever he had to do to waits patiently, Napolitano win and if another driver has a chance to clean up at or trainer got in his way, Harrahâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s as trainers have watch out. â&#x20AC;&#x153;Oh yeah, Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ve him on a horse in every race. clocked guys,â&#x20AC;? Napolitano â&#x20AC;&#x153;Heâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s the guy,â&#x20AC;? said said. â&#x20AC;&#x153;Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;m probably one Harrahâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s racing ofďŹ cial Joe of the only drivers in this Auger. â&#x20AC;&#x153;Heâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s one of the best sport that has done susdrivers in the world and he pension time for punching knows how to be among someone. That was the the top in almost every race. old George, and when I â&#x20AC;&#x201C; BOB PANDOLFO, COLUMNIST AND HANDICAPThatâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s why his name in a ďŹ rst started out I had this PER FOR DRF BETS WROTE IN A MAY 2016 STORY [racing program] gets anyego and a real bad temper.

ON THE NAPOLITANO BROTHERS. one who knows anything I was cocky, wasnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t very about harness excited. Weâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re humble and if someone got lucky to have a guy like that racing here.â&#x20AC;? in my way Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;d crack the shit out of them.â&#x20AC;?

Even now, Napolitano is atop the leaderIt was a mentality that made Napolitano board among drivers at Harrahâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s for most a pariah on many facets. It found his family starts, wins and purses this season, chasing a distancing themselves early on despite his suc5 percent split of nearly $2.7 million at the cess, including his own kid brother, Anthony, time we met for this story. who got into the family business of racing 15 Itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s a sport that has given Napolitano so years ago and is a top driver in his own right. much.

Anthony will say he was always rooting for But itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s also one that robbed him of his his brother to get his life together â&#x20AC;&#x201C; but that it identity. An identity that nearly killed him. had to be from a distance. â&#x20AC;&#x153;We had to let Georgie ďŹ gure his life out,â&#x20AC;? â&#x20AC;&#x2DC;God, if youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re real, I could really use you said Anthony, who explained the separation as he parked himself right next next to his right nowâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; In the mid-2000s, Pompano Park and Po- brother in a bucket seat just before the third cono Downs were playgrounds for Napoli- race at Harrahâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s. â&#x20AC;&#x153;We are in a sport that tano. In 2006, he led all drivers at the latter when someone falls itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s natural to talk badly with 312 wins and over $1.7 million in prize about each other, but in the end, who is the monies. In one of the best years of his life pro- best will show up time and time again. My fessionally, Napolitano was also racing cham- brother put himself through the ringer, but pion at Pompano both as a trainer and driver. there was no one happier for him than me to It wouldnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t be a cliche to at all to call it see him get his life together and come back â&#x20AC;&#x153;riding high,â&#x20AC;? because thatâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s what Napoli- and be a rising star for the last 10 years at tano was doing â&#x20AC;&#x201C; both on and off the track. the two toughest tracks in the country. Heâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s But it would catch up with him. Both he and fought his way back.â&#x20AC;?

It was only after his wife had left him and the horses heâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;d train would routinely test positive for banned substances, him for illegal on one day what Napolitano called a â&#x20AC;&#x153;drugdrugs and his horses for enhancers. fueled rampage,â&#x20AC;? he remembered what a It all came to a head the morning of May friend told him.

7, 2007, when Dale Rapson, vice president of â&#x20AC;&#x153;I saw a friend who had gotten out of prisracing operations for Mohegan Sun at Pocono on; he looked at me and said â&#x20AC;&#x2DC;dude, you gotta Downs, announced the driver then known as turn to Jesus.â&#x20AC;&#x2122; I thought he was crazy,â&#x20AC;? said â&#x20AC;&#x153;Georgie Napâ&#x20AC;? was banned indeďŹ nitely from Napolitano. â&#x20AC;&#x153;One day I went on a rampage racing at Pocono on the heels of another sus- with the drugs and drinking and was out of pension from the state racing board. A sus- control. I remembered what he said and I got

You think George Napolitano has confidence? You bet he does...

Talent isn't always enough. If you don't think you're great, you can't be great.â&#x20AC;?

IMAGE: KERITH GABRIEL

Champion harness driver George Napolitano waits patiently for his first race of the day at Harrahâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Philadelphia in Chester. Napolitano is the top driver at Harrahâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s with over $2 million in purses so far.

DRIVE

Riches. Rags. Redemption.

How the high stakes world of harness racing took one of its best on the ride of his life

BY KERITH GABRIEL

G

eorge Napolitano assumes his rightful throne.

That throne is a series of uncomfortable bucket seats along a back wall of the paddock by the ďŹ rst gate at the Harrahâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Philadelphia racing track in Chester. Taking a long pull of a giant vape pen, Napolitano

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exhales a plume of smoke so thick his weathered face completely disappears. When it returns to focus, his head is buried in a racing program, checking once more where heâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ll be placed â&#x20AC;&#x201C; and on what horse â&#x20AC;&#x201C; in just 18 minutes time.

Unless youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re familiar with the high stakes sport of harness racing, youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;d never know that sitting alone in that corner is one of the

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IMAGE: KERITH GABRIEL

George Napolitano, who battled drug addiction and saw him banned from harness racing says that a true high today is holding the reins of a champion horse. down on the ground and said â&#x20AC;&#x2DC;God, if youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re real, I could really use you, right now.â&#x20AC;&#x2122; I mean you have to remember man, that before all of this, I was the winningest driver and a champion and all of a sudden it was just gone.â&#x20AC;?

Napolitano went to rehab, but quickly left.

Then he went back and stayed longer â&#x20AC;&#x201C; and left. But each time, he learned something that kept him coming back. He was changing. A ďŹ nal stint in rehab saw the cocaine-fueled rage sessions cease. His drinking slowed. Family started coming back into the fold. His wife returned.

And in that, Napolitano found a greater purpose. â&#x20AC;&#x153;I learned in that time that, like horses, life is a grind,â&#x20AC;? Napolitano said. â&#x20AC;&#x153;If you let it get to you, if you arenâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t mentally and physically sharp, itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ll eat you up and spit you right out.â&#x20AC;?

â&#x20AC;&#x2DC;Everything is calculated now. Measured.â&#x20AC;&#x2122; Routine arguably has saved George Napolitanoâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s life.

He does the same thing most days when he wakes up inside his West Chester home.

He gets on his computer, checks the United States Trotting Association website to see where heâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s placed or if there are any changes to his draws. Then itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s a series of calisthenics, stretches and a protein shake drinking before he heads out the door to Harrahâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s or a number of other area tracks.

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IMAGE: KERITH GABRIEL

George, left and his brother Anthony are the latest in the Napolitano family to carry on a long standing tradition of drivers and trainers in the harness racing game.

Since his license has been fully restored, Napolitano has been on the circuit hard. Every day doesnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t ďŹ nd him at Harrahâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s, as he could be at any track on any given day, even Pocono Downs, where his ban has been lifted and heâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s returned as one of the top drivers.

However, heâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ll tell you right away that with his support system minutes away, Harrahâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s is home. Today, his faith and his family take precedent. He checks in with his wife, Kathy, who in spite of her decision to leave her husband at a time he arguably needed her most, Napolitano will attest that he couldnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t have gotten himself back without her tough love and support. He spends quality time with his son George, Jr. and routinely talks to his favorite trainers in the business in Gilbert Garcia and Chris Oaks.

Monotony? Sure. But to stay regimented, itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s necessary. â&#x20AC;&#x153;I donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t live like that anymore and I donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t put myself in situations where I could be tempted to live like that,â&#x20AC;? said Napolitano. â&#x20AC;&#x153;I put Jesus ďŹ rst. I read my Bible, I look out for my family and I take things slowly. Everything is calculated now. Measured. Now itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s my faith, my family and my job. Where before, it was always my job.â&#x20AC;?

The grind of horse racing and the toll it took on Napolitanoâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s life can be read across his face at ďŹ rst glance. But itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s something about the family business that keeps him coming back.

Money, sure. Thatâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s ďŹ rst and foremost, the Napolitano brothers arenâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t hiding that. But thereâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s something more for George that is going to take a while for him to ever step away from. â&#x20AC;&#x153;The high I used to get doing drugs? I get that once the gate opens and Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;m on a horse,â&#x20AC;? said Napolitano with a smile beamed across his weathered face. â&#x20AC;&#x153;Especially a great horse.

When you get a good horse and youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re going down the stretch, you feel like youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re in a Ferrari, and youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re on cruise. They are beautiful animals and great horses make for great drivers. Thereâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s a lot great drivers here that never get the opportunity to drive a great horse. â&#x20AC;&#x153;Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;m gonna let Jesus tell me when itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s time to go. Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;m not giving it up yet. I was a true champion for a long time and I just want to feel that again. Right now, Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;m enjoying life, and I know that sooner or later the torch has to be handed over, but it ainâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t gonna be in the next couple of years. Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;m still here to keep people on their toes.â&#x20AC;?

Sitting next to him in the corner by the ďŹ rst Gate at Harrahâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s was Anthony, who took a look at his brother and added: â&#x20AC;&#x153;He canâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t leave yet, heâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s my motivation.

Heâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s got my back and I have his. Itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s nice because we share the same qualities as far as appreciating the money that we make in this business...people call it a shadow, but Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;m happy to be in that shadow. My brother fought his way back and heâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s here now. Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;m not No. 1, but at my track heâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s my No. 1 and Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;m No. 2 and Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;m happy with that. Q TWITTER: @SPRTSWTR

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Six years, whatâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s changed?

IMAGE: ANDREA CANTOR

U.S. Rep.-elect Madeleine Dean was one of the speakers at the annual candlelight vigil for the victims of Sandy Hook Elementary School shooting held at Rittenhouse Square Park.

Philadelphia rallied to remember the Sandy Hook shooting; demands gun reform

BY ANDREA CANTOR

I

tâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s been six years since the Sandy Hook Elementary School shooting in Newtown, Connecticut.

It was a day that shook the nation to the need for gun control measures as reports came out that 20 children, between the ages of six and seven, and six adults had been killed by gunman Adam Lanza. â&#x20AC;&#x153;Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;m heartbroken that it has been six years and we have

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not gotten very far,â&#x20AC;? said U.S. Rep.-elect Madeleine Dean to Philadelphia Weekly at the local candlelight vigil for the Sandy Hook victims. â&#x20AC;&#x153;But I am also heartened by the people who came out in a drizzly cold night to say, â&#x20AC;&#x2DC;we wonâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t forget this.â&#x20AC;&#x2122;â&#x20AC;?

Young and old stood with candles and signs to the evening backdrop of Rittenhouse Square Parkâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s holiday twinkle lights. Organized by Moms Demand Action, the annual vigil on Dec. 14 included singing by the Philadelphia Girls Choir, speeches and a moment of silence for the

lives lost.

Jami Amo, survivor of the Columbine High School shooting in 1999, spoke to the crowd about the physical and mental toll of life after a mass shooting. â&#x20AC;&#x153;The difference is that kids today are prepared for this and they understand that when there is a â&#x20AC;&#x2DC;code redâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; and they hear those sounds, they understand there is a shooting in their school. That is not something that we had,â&#x20AC;?

Amo said to PW. â&#x20AC;&#x153;We were disillusioned and in shock, thinking there could be absolutely no way that there could be a gun at Columbine High School â&#x20AC;&#x201D; there could be absolutely no way.â&#x20AC;?

Remembering each of the 188 shots, which claimed the lives of 13 people as well as the 2 shooters who committed suicide, Amo has since become a gun control activist. â&#x20AC;&#x153;In a way, you change your pain into purpose. You canâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t change whatâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s already happened, but what you make of it is an individual choice,â&#x20AC;? explained Amo, who was a speaker at the Philadelphia March for Our Lives demonstration after the Stoneman Douglas High School shooting that took 17 lives. â&#x20AC;&#x153;Speaking publicly isnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t for everyone. I have a lot of classmates that do things privately, because they donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t want the public attention.â&#x20AC;?

Kensington resident Roz Pichardo also channeled personal tragedy into activism. After her brother died from gun violence and surviving an attempted murder herself, she created Operation Save Our City, an organization that helps families of homicide victims. â&#x20AC;&#x153;Gun violence has an impact all across the spectrum, in all communities, especially urban communities where people donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t want to speak up. That is as opposed to suburban communities where people are quick to speak up and speak out,â&#x20AC;? said Pichardo, a speaker at the vigil. â&#x20AC;&#x153;We are trying to change that culture and

change things in North Philly.â&#x20AC;?

Change was the message amongst attendees. While the vigil commemorated the loss in Newtown, the night also acted as a platform for people to recommit themselves to the cause of ending gun violence.

Congresswoman Dean promised the crowd that gun reform legislation would be introduced within the ďŹ rst 100 days of the new U.S. House being sworn in.

One of the four Pennsylvanian women to be elected to the U.S. House, popularly called the â&#x20AC;&#x153;Fab Four,â&#x20AC;? Dean stated that she along with Chrissy Houlahan, Mary Gay Scanlon and Susan Wild all place gun reform as a top priority. â&#x20AC;&#x153;Certainly itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s a big change in Pennsylvania to have four women, and women will bring a different perspective to this conversation,â&#x20AC;? Dean continued to PW. â&#x20AC;&#x153;We are mothers, we are grandmothers â&#x20AC;&#x201D; thatâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s what I am ďŹ rst and foremost when I talk about the issue of gun violence. Thatâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s where it hits me ďŹ rst.â&#x20AC;?

Representing the 153 district of Montgomery County in the PA House since 2011, Deanâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s assurance comes on the heels of the ďŹ rst anti-gun violence state law to pass in over a decade. Signed by Gov. Tom Wolfe last month, the measure requires people convicted of domestic violence or subject to protective orders to relinquish their guns within 24 hours to police, a gun dealer or lawyer. â&#x20AC;&#x153;It was a watershed moment in Pennsylvania. It was a small measure that will actually save lives,â&#x20AC;? said Dean, the founder and former chairwoman of the PA SAFE Caucus which promotes bipartisan gun control legislation. â&#x20AC;&#x153;It was an important ďŹ rst step. I always make the argument that in the absence of federal legislation to tackle this nationwide, Pennsylvania needed to show the lead.â&#x20AC;? Q TWITTER: @ANDREAJCANTOR

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Puttinâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; in work Why Amber Hikesâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; immediate impact on LGBT+ culture in Philadelphia is so much more than stripes on a flag IMAGE COURTESY: ADAM JONES PHOTOGRAPHY

Amber Hikes wants to be known for so much more than just adding two important stripes to the LGBT rainbow flag. In doing so, her Office is actively changing how the community is perceived in Philadelphia.

BY TIMAREE SCHMIT

I

t was on billboards in London, the Netherlands and New Zealand, but for Amber Hikes, the most personally signiďŹ cant reference to the new LGBTQ ďŹ&#x201A;ag was when comedian Lena Waithe wore it to the Met Gala.

Adding black and brown stripes to the rainbow ďŹ&#x201A;ag may be the accomplishment for which Hikes is most known. But she refers to the symbol, which debuted at Philadelphia City Hall and aims to give more representation to queer people of color, as â&#x20AC;&#x153;a softball effort on my part.â&#x20AC;? â&#x20AC;&#x153;People joke that the ďŹ&#x201A;ag is going to be my legacy, but it was a symbol to mark the substantive work that weâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re doing,â&#x20AC;? she says, â&#x20AC;&#x153;weâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re working to acknowledge, disrupt and dismantle the systems of oppressionâ&#x20AC;? that face Philadelphians.

It has been a year and nine months since Hikes took the helm of the OfďŹ ce of LGBT Affairs, leaving behind the palm trees of Long Beach, California, to return to the city where she ďŹ rst established herself as leader in the queer community. In that time, sheâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s been a busy bee.

Among her ofďŹ ceâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s accomplishments: hosting commu-

'(&(0%(5

nity conversations with citizens, beeďŹ ng up anti-discrimination regulations, cultivating a leadership pipeline program, creating an entire month of accessible Pride-related events, training city agencies and police cadets on LGBTQ competency.

Additionally, Hikesâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; ofďŹ ce is also working on housing and mental health services, improving conditions for the geriatric population, updating tax code, collaborating with police and prisons on gender issues, updating terminology in city paperwork, aiding in expungements for those who need help with unemployment, creating opportunities for intergenerational collaboration, ensuring equal bathroom access, and holding a wildly successful (and ďŹ rst-ever) LGBTQ State of the Union.

Hikes can also brag that the ofďŹ ce was featured in a variety of national media, she was named Person of the Year for 2017 by the Philadelphia Gay News, listed among the 100 Most InďŹ&#x201A;uential by Philadelphia Magazine and, more recently, in Out Magazineâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s 100 Most InďŹ&#x201A;uential People list.

When she ďŹ rst came into her role as director, â&#x20AC;&#x153;the community was on ďŹ re in a lot of ways,â&#x20AC;? Hikes says. â&#x20AC;&#x153;It was my job to speak to the immediate needs and serious con-

cerns of Gayborhood racism.â&#x20AC;? as a result, a relatively diverse She says people were feeling â&#x20AC;&#x153;ig- group must share space. These nored, gaslighted and angryâ&#x20AC;? and problems of gayborhood racism it was up to her ofďŹ ce to â&#x20AC;&#x153;come are also not unique to Philly, up with a coordinated, targeted Hikes points out. She describes approach to address 30 years of a similar controversy happening in Atlanta, after a gay bar owner documented issues.â&#x20AC;?

Hikes says racial discrimina- was caught using racial slurs.

It seems what makes us unique tion has long been a problem in the cityâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s queer community, is our approach to resolving these much as it is in the mainstream problems. Ours is one of only culture. In many ways, the issue four cities with similar LGBT Afcame to a head after a 3-year- fairs ofďŹ ces in the entire United old video of a Gayborhood bar States. In addition to the unique ownerâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s racist rant was released solution of implicit bias training, in 2016, catalyzing activists into and the ďŹ rst-of-its-kind LGBTQ a series of protests, and culminat- State of the Union, Hikesâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; ofďŹ ce ing in a massively attended forum has created a leadership pipeline on gayborhood that is more racism held by comprehensive Philadelphia than any other Commission on before it.

Human RelaAccordtions. ing to Hikes, This led to most nona study conproďŹ t boards ducted by the are populated PCHR, which heavily by released a repeople who port with recare white, cisommendations gender, male, to â&#x20AC;&#x153;reshape the and who are Gayborhood resourced. She and nonproďŹ ts says the new that serve the pipeline aims LGBTQ comto â&#x20AC;&#x153;change the munity.â&#x20AC;? The face of LGBTQ commissionâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s â&#x20AC;&#x201D; AMBER HIKES, EXECUTIVE DIRECTOR, leadershipâ&#x20AC;? by recommendaon PHILADELPHIA OFFICE OF LGBT AFFAIRS focusing tions included preparing a implicit bias more diverse training for all gayborhood bar group of future leaders â&#x20AC;&#x153;who will owners and staff, as well as board look more like Phillyâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s LGBTQ members, directors, management community.â&#x20AC;? and staff of the Mazzoni Center The pipeline program is foand Philadelphia FIGHT. cused on people of color, trans â&#x20AC;&#x153;It was a huge effort and the folk, youth and elders: demoďŹ rst of its kind,â&#x20AC;? remarks Hikes. graphics who donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t usually have â&#x20AC;&#x153;The bar owners wanted their a seat at table. They undergo a employees to do it â&#x20AC;&#x201C; that was six-month intensive training on encouraging.â&#x20AC;? But she maintains the basics of governance, ďŹ nance, â&#x20AC;&#x153;thereâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s plenty to be done,â&#x20AC;? and bylaws, fundraising, and brand that given the turnover in the ser- development. vice industry, it probably needs At the end, 20 individuals to be redone. will be guaranteed placement She clariďŹ es that the queer on boards and the usual pay-tocommunity â&#x20AC;&#x153;isnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t any more play requirement of a ďŹ nancial prejudiced than the straight or contribution (that keeps so many cis community,â&#x20AC;? but is simply working-class folks from serving susceptible to the nationwide in leadership) will be waived. In â&#x20AC;&#x153;illnessâ&#x20AC;? of racism. Despite the addition, those who complete the fact Black and white citizens each training will receive a small stimake up 44 percent of Philadel- pend for their time. phiaâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s population, itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s still comâ&#x20AC;&#x153;This will have an impact mon to ďŹ nd entirely segregated next year, not in 20 years,â&#x20AC;? says social and commercial spaces.

Hikes. Q For LGBTQ folks, however, there are fewer safe options and, TWITTER: @TIMAREE_LEIGH

â&#x20AC;&#x153;People joke that [adding black and brown stripes to the LGBTQ] flag is going to be my legacy, but it was a symbol to mark the substantive work that weâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re doing...weâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re working to acknowledge, disrupt and dismantle the systems of oppression [that face Philadelphians].â&#x20AC;?

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BrĂź Craft & Wurst was one of the 138 or so bottle shops and bars to receive some of the limited cases of the Wawa beer made in partnership with 2SP.

Praise be to the brew How 2SPâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Wawa-inspired craft beer creation has us all feeling some type of way

ANDREA CANTOR

L

ike many other locals, I too have a devout and often irrational obsession with Wawa. Verging on the territorial, I ďŹ nd myself going on and on to out-of-towners about its amazingness, a conversation that could turn ugly at any moment with the mere mention of Sheetz. â&#x20AC;&#x153;So, itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s like 7-Eleven?â&#x20AC;? theyâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ll ask. â&#x20AC;&#x153;No!â&#x20AC;? Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ll reply. â&#x20AC;&#x153;So, itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s like a gas station store?â&#x20AC;? â&#x20AC;&#x153;No!â&#x20AC;? â&#x20AC;&#x153;OK, so itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s like a deli?â&#x20AC;? â&#x20AC;&#x153;No!â&#x20AC;?

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Oh, the memories of coffee breaks and alcohol-induced hoagie runs â&#x20AC;&#x201C; Wawa is indeed a magical place. Thatâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s why when news broke that Wawa had partnered with local brewers 2SP to create an oatmeal stout steeped in a limited-edition Reserve Winter Blend Coffee, I had to try it and see if it was worth the hype.

The only problem? I couldnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t ďŹ nd it anywhere. The only Wawa selling the limited beer is in Chadds Ford. Only brewing 1,000 cases of the stout, the local bars that received some of the beers either sold out or held onto their precious cases for themselves and employees. Out of luck, I then called BrĂź Craft & Wurst. Manager Frank Bell picked up and told me he had a can of the elusive beer and would happily split one with me.

It was 3pm on a Friday afternoon, the same day the largest Wawa ofďŹ cially opened on 6th and Chestnut streets. I entered a packed house at Center Cityâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s BrĂź Craft and Wurst. Sitting at the bar â&#x20AC;&#x201C; a mere three blocks from, you guessed it, a Wawa â&#x20AC;&#x201C; I set my eyes on the yel-

low and white cans.

Cracking one open and pouring the dark beverage into two glasses, Bell admitted that he is not a coffee fan.

I told him, I am not a stout fan. Great combo for critiquing a coffee stout, right?

But as we drank, we both nodded in agreement. â&#x20AC;&#x153;I think itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s a very solid beer,â&#x20AC;? said Bell, a level two in the beer Cicerone program but who would rather drink a brew than get into a deep conversation about it. â&#x20AC;&#x153;Itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s easy drinking. Itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s not too thick, itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s not too heavy.â&#x20AC;?

A nice cup of cold coffee with a carbonated kick, 2SP award-winning brewer and Delco native Bob Barrar made a pretty tasty beer.

Plus, I wonâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t lie, it felt like an achievement to be able to drink an entire dark beer without making one puckered face in disgust.

Picking up some of the featured hints of sweet clove, dark chocolate and graham crackers, the Wawa beer deďŹ nitely lends its ďŹ&#x201A;avor proďŹ le to the person who wants to drink a â&#x20AC;&#x153;realâ&#x20AC;? beer but doesnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t like the bitter, thick taste of a stout or porter.

Well, itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s only good for that type of drinker if 2SP brews more batches.

While a bit kitschy in an over-commercialized industry, the upshot is that the partnership brought some attention to a local craft brewery. â&#x20AC;&#x153;Itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s a little gimmicky, but itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s a good gimmick,â&#x20AC;? said Bell. â&#x20AC;&#x153;Why not? Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;m surprised no one thought to do it before.â&#x20AC;?

As Bell went off to serve the people shufďŹ&#x201A;ing into BrĂź â&#x20AC;&#x201C; all still before 4pm on a weekday â&#x20AC;&#x201C; I ďŹ nished off my exclusive beer. Spotting the canâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s logo, a large incoming crowd began to ask: â&#x20AC;&#x153;Is that the Wawa beer?â&#x20AC;? â&#x20AC;&#x153;So they serve the Wawa beer here?â&#x20AC;?

Recognizing the commotion that could start around the few prized cans in the adjacent fridge, I slipped the can to the waitress to hide from the forming customers. Q TWITTER: @ANDREAJCANTOR

The Holiday Spirits From individual drinks to bars to holiday parties, this boozy list will have you feeling divine until 2019.

Tinsel Christmas Pop-up Bar Enter this tinseltown of holiday splendor at Tinsel Christmas Pop-up Bar. Going on through the end of December, sip on holiday beers, like Troegs Mad Elf, Sly Fox Christmas Ale and Sierra Celebration Ale. Kick it up a notch and have yourself a merry little cocktail in a souvenir snow globe with edible snow. Try a canned soup custom cocktail that benefits MANNA. But if you really want to go for the festive sauce, toss one back in a custom stocking shot glass dipped in Makers Mark signature red wax. | Tinsel Christmas Pop-up Bar, 116 S. 12th St. facebook.com/Tinselphilly/

Shane Confectionery Cacao Whiskey Sold exclusively at Art in the Age, get your bottle of Shane Confectionery Cacao Whiskey while you can. New Liberty Distillery has created a small batch of pot-distilled, malted barley whiskey with a blend of cacao nibs. Pour some of this whiskey into a cup of hot chocolate for an extra kick of those holly jolly spirits. | $44.99. Art in the Age, 116 N. 3rd St. artintheage.com

Frozen Grinch Negroni Be a Grinch no more with this delicious holiday twist on the classic cocktail. Available through the end of the year, the Frozen Grinch Negroni incorporates Bluebird Distilling Juniperus Gin, Aperol and â&#x20AC;&#x153;Mulledâ&#x20AC;? Vermouth. Garnished with an orange wheel, the festive treat is served in a coupe glass. | $11. Bluebird Distilling at the Bourse, 111 S. Independence Mall East. theboursephilly. com

Assembly Rooftop Lounge Stay toasty this winter with warm cocktails at Assembly Rooftop Lounge. For some island flavor with a hit of chocolate, order the Cool Runnings, which is made with plantation dark pineapple rum, clement coconut rum, hot chocolate, orange and vanilla whipped cream. Not your style? Try the Evergreen Teaâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;Jito, made with Appleton Reserve Rum, brown sugar, green tea, mint and lime. Or, how about the Hot Dotty that mixes Jameson Whiskey, Laphroaig, ginger, sage, honey and lemon? Bottoms up! | $14. Assembly Rooftop Lounge, 1840 Benjamin Franklin Pkwy. assemblyrooftop.com

Reindeerâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Revenge Just an incredibly awesome name for a holiday brew. Get your taste of Reindeerâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Revenge at Iron Hill Brewery & Restaurant which has multiple locations in Pennsylvania and New Jersey. The seasonal classic is a 9 percent ABV American-style Belgian golden ale and has a hoppy bitterness with hints of grapefruit, spice and banana. | Iron Hill Brewery & Restaurant Philadelphia locations, 8400 Germantown Ave. & 1150 Market St. ironhillbrewery.com

Festivus!

Celebrate the holiday season at the Grey Lodge Pub Festivus party. The evening will be filled with fun activities, such as strength competitions and arm wrestling, ugly sweater contests, and an open mic to air your grievances â&#x20AC;&#x201C; weâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ve all got them!

But best of all, the Festivus party will showcase all the seasonal beers you want to try: Corsendonk Xmas, Dupont, Avec Les Bons Voeux, Evil Genius Santa I Know Him, Full Pint Festivus, Great Lakes, Christmas Ale, Sam Smith Winter Welcome Ale, Sierra Nevada Celebration Ale, Sly Fox Xmas Ale, St. Bernardus Xmas Ale and Troegs Mad Elf '18. | Dec. 23. 5-10pm. Pay as you go. The Grey Lodge Pub, 6235 Frankford Ave. phillylovesbeer.org/events/ festivus/

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Image courtesy: Annapurna Pictures

The gold star of this film is without question actor Christian Baleâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s portrayal of former U.S. vice president Dick Cheney in Vice, which opens Christmas Day in theaters.

Shot in the dark A highly unconventional look at the life of former Vice President Dick Cheney

BY STEPHEN SILVER

V

ice director, Adam McKay takes a highly unconventional look at the life of former Vice President Dick Cheney. The ďŹ lm, which McKay wrote and directed, ďŹ nds the ďŹ lmmaker embracing his inner Oliver Stone, combining an angry retelling of the facts of the exveep's life and career with audacious, wildly over-the-top ďŹ lmmaking touches.

It's a similar tone to McKay's outstanding 2015 movie adaptation of Michael Lewis' ďŹ nancial-crisis book The Big Short, which combined grave, real-life considerations

'(&(0%(5

with an often darkly comic tone, including various fourth wall-breaking ďŹ&#x201A;ourishes, like Margot Robbie sitting in a bathtub as she explained how collateralized debt obligations work. Ostensibly,Vice is The Big Short on steroids.

It's weirder, and takes a lot more swings, but still has a fair amount of misses by virtue of leaving disconnected parts.

This has made the ďŹ lm wildly divisive, with early critical chatter, mostly negative, even from critics sympathetic to the ďŹ lm's politics. Despite a Best Actor win from my group, the Philadelphia Film Critics Circle and earning the most Golden Globe nominations than any other movie this year, Vice has mostly been shut out from critics group awards.

Vice, not based on any book in particular, follows Cheney from his high school days through shortly after he left ofďŹ ce as vice president. Method actor Christian Bale, after weight gain and facial prosthetics, plays Cheney , while Amy Adams takes on the role of his wife, Lynne.

We follow him through his service in the Ford Administration, under mentor Donald Rumsfeld (Steve Carell), through the Bush 41 years, his time with Halliburton, and eventually the various 9/11/Iraq/torture-related woes of

Cheney's vice presidency.

I'll give Vice credit for a few things. It has two outstanding performances at its core in Bale and Adams, who are both totally convincing, despite heavy makeup. Sam Rockwell ďŹ nds a unique and successful way of playing George W. Bush, and I appreciate McKay resisting the temptation to stick his longtime crony Will Ferrell back in the Dubya role.

I was thoroughly entertained by the ďŹ lm the entire time I was watching it, and anyone who lived through that period will appreciate being reminded of some of the more absurd things they may have forgotten.

Like the time when Cheney accidentally shot a hunting buddy in the face, and the buddy apologized to him.

Not that there's much competition, but Vice is pretty clearly the best movie ever made about the Bush White House.

I also appreciate that McKay avoided doing two things that this sort of movie always does: The ďŹ lm neither tries to make Cheney's story a microcosm of America itself nor does it ever attribute his entire life and career to mommy or daddy issues. In fact, we never even meet Cheney's parents.

Howeverâ&#x20AC;Ś there's a whole lot here that goes wrong. And most of that is wrapped up in the weird storytelling touches. One device, with Jesse Plemons as a mysterious narrator, doesn't quite work, and leads to a payoff that's not particularly worthwhile. There are multiple false endings, with the last one especially bad, and a whole lot of dialogue that is extremely didactic and on-the-nose, with The overall ďŹ lm showing way more Michael Moore inďŹ&#x201A;uence than it probably should.

Speaking of dialogue, about 50 percent of the movie is Republican political ďŹ gures in rooms together plotting. In these scenes, they don't really sound anything like actual conservatives, but

more like cynical liberal notions of how conservatives talk.

Vice also fudges various things.

I don't know if it's been clearly established that Cheney personally ordered the Valerie Plame leak.

The Islamic State was founded years after Bush and Cheney left ofďŹ ce, and not by Abu Musab alZarqawi.

There's also the matter of Steve Carell as Donald Rumsfeld. The part is wonderfully written, and Carell looks exactly like Rumsfeld, but he sounds nothing like him, and much more like, well, Steve Carell.

This is clear the ďŹ rst time we hear his voice over a speakerphone on the morning of the 9/11 attacks â&#x20AC;&#x201D; and it's a huge distraction.

McKay, a Philadelphia native who will receive the Lumiere Award from the Philadelphia Film Society this week, is a comedy guy, a Saturday Night Live vet who's spent the last several years as Ferrell's writing and production partner.

Before his turn to prestige, he directed both Anchorman movies and Talladega Nights.

McKayâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s next scheduled ďŹ lm is Bad Blood, which will adapt the John Carreyrou standout chronicle of the Theranos scandal.

McKay might have been better served here by doing a straight book adaptation, with Vice. But ďŹ&#x201A;awed as it is, it deserves praise for taking a sledgehammer to the Trump-era revisionist history about how the Bush/Cheney years were relatively normal and not that bad. Even before his dad died, there was a huge push in the last year or so to treat George W. Bush, in particular, like a cuddly, grandpa type. He was even recently awarded the Liberty Medal at the Constitution Center, before heading over to the Linc for a ten-minute nationally televised tongue bath on Sunday Night Football. Vice, if it does nothing else, will hopefully help stop that in its tracks. Q

About 50 percent of the movie is Republican political figures in rooms together plotting. In these scenes, they don't really sound anything like actual conservatives, but more like cynical liberal notions of how conservatives talk.

TWITTER: @STEPHENSILVER

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Find more events at philadelphiaweekly.com/calendar Tell us about your upcoming events! Send press releases and information to: events@phillyweekly.com

THURSDAY, DECEMBER 20 GIVE BACK

Homeless Memorial Day 2018

Certain people would have you believe the homeless are a nuisance. That theyâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re a stain on our otherwise beautiful city. That they wound up that way entirely on their own, due to failings of character or work ethic.

But the sad truth is, people wind up living on the streets for a whole host of reasons, not the least of which is mental illness or a horrible home life. Which is to say, put a rich white guy in too-small shoes and feed him too-few meals from birth and see where the fuck he winds up. Homelessness isnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t a disease â&#x20AC;&#x201C; itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s a symptom of something much, much worse. | 5pm. Free. Thomas Paine Plaza. 1401 John F. Kennedy Blvd. projecthome.org

SOCIAL

the scene

What to do in & around the city

Washington Crossing the Delaware

I

tâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s ďŹ nally here.

After almost an entire month of holiday-themed events, all the jingling bells and twinkling lights and creepy child-voiced carols any one person could ever rightfully enjoy, itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s here.

Mother. F*cking. Christmas.

And as relieved as we are, weâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re also at least a little misty-eyed at the thought the insane annual celebration of the birth of a possibly real man with undoubtedly fake powers is already set to pass â&#x20AC;&#x201C; crazy as the holidays can seem, theyâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re always over a little sooner than you expect.

Funny how things work that way.

Kind of like this beautiful beast of a democratic experiment we call this country of ours. At this point, for those of us not still clinging to the last vestiges of some poorly placed (and unsettlingly orange-tinged) belief in recapturing a supposedly vacated greatness, weâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re all thinking the same thing â&#x20AC;Ś what if?

What if our very own wannabe fascist pig ďŹ nally makes his sick dreams a reality? What if we canâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t make him slink back to the gold-plated house of horrors he came from, just praying that we donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t make it much, much worse for him and his band of hate-ďŹ lled half-humans?

The truth is, itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s going to get worse. For him, hopefully. But maybe for the rest of us too.

But as hard as it might be to look at America and see yourself these days, know that this country still belongs to you. And me. And her. And him. And everyone who thinks this great experiment has been worth all the blood and sweat and tears. Worth crossing a frozen river in frigid temperatures in the dead of a winterâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s night, just to catch the invading enemy unawares.

Look. America, like the people who comprise it, is complicated. Its past is complicated (and bloody). Its present is complicated (and bloody). But weâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re here. And you are too. And as long as weâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re willing to keep ďŹ ghting for whatâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s right, for our place as part of that great experiment, willing to move under the cover of darkness, to board a frozen boat in unsteady waters, to do exactly what our turgid, undisciplined foes wonâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t, then this country will remain just as great â&#x20AC;&#x201C; and complicated â&#x20AC;&#x201C; as itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s ever been. Q Washington Crossing: Delaware Reenactment | Dec. 25. 1pm. Free. Washington Crossing Historic Park. 1112 River Road. Washington, PA 18977. washingtoncrossingpark.org

â&#x20AC;&#x201C; CAL SETAR | @CALSFRO 3+,/$'(/3+,$:((./< &20

Naughty & Nice Holiday Party ft. Fat Joe

What the fuck happened to Fat Joe? We remember listening to his debut album â&#x20AC;&#x201C; on CD! â&#x20AC;Ś on our Walkman! â&#x20AC;&#x201C; on the bus during a middle school class trip. And then, poof, by some kind of early 2000s hip hop magic he was gone. But apparently his banishment to the land of Forgotten Rappers was not a forever kind of thing, because heâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s about to rock your body with big fat (wink, wink) hooks and Latin-ďŹ&#x201A;avored ďŹ lls as part of the Naughty & Nice Holiday Party at Cheerleaders. And if youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re wondering why in the hell we included this event, know that youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re encouraged to bring an unwrapped toy that will be donated to Chosen 300 Ministries. So there. | 4pm. Prices vary. Cheerleaders. 2740 S. Front St. cheerleadersphiladelphia.com

SOCIAL

Make Your Own Gingerbread House

The witch from Hansel & Gretel really had it right â&#x20AC;&#x201C; gingerbread is fucking delicious. Itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s crunchy and a little spicy, sweet but not so sweet that you ďŹ nd yourself needing to cut it with something salty. That being said, we really donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t know if gingerbread was the best choice for luring little kids (and yes, we know that the fairy tale is hundreds of years old and gingerbread may have been the sweetest thing Germanic villagers could get their hands on, but itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s a goddamn joke so just go with it) in out of the woods. We bet if the witch could do it all over again, sheâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;d use Tide Pods. â&#x20AC;&#x153;Ooh, just look at the way it glistens, Gretel!â&#x20AC;? | 4pm. Free. Queen Memorial Library. 1203 S. 23rd St. philly. carpe-diem

SOCIAL

Jeffrey Sutorius

We donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t know Jeffrey Sutorius personally (or even as a musician/DJ/semi-pretty face to put on ďŹ&#x201A;iers for your entirely unnecessary party), nor do we know the owners of NOTO, Phillyâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s self-proclaimed â&#x20AC;&#x153;premier nightlife experienceâ&#x20AC;? (thatâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s right, not a club or a venue â&#x20AC;&#x201C; an experience). Having said that, the only reason we included this event was to make fun of it. Which we sorta already did but also this â&#x20AC;&#x201C; this seems terrible and douchey and exactly like the kind of elitist bullshit (they literally say they reserve the right to refuse entry to anyone not dressed to their liking) that makes certain parts of the city insufferable. So go, donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t go, just know that weâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re watching, always watching. | 10pm. $20. NOTO Philadelphia. 1209 Vine St. seetickets.us

SOCIAL

Guys and Dolls

Regular readers of the Calendar section of Philly Weekly will know that weâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re totally onboard the whole drag queen party train.

Itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s glittery and gorgeous and so over-the-top that you have no choice but to succumb to its faux feminine wiles. We donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t, however, go in for musicals. Weâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re sorry, itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s just not our jam. That being said, perhaps the only way to make a musical truly palatable is to pump it up with some drag decor and turn the whole thing on its ungodly expensive wig. | 8pm. $10. Lâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;etage. 624 S. 6th St. eventbrite.com

FRIDAY, DECEMBER 21 Around the Table Annual Kensington Christmas Party

Before you gather around the table with your own tribe to celebrate another wild year gone, gather at the Emerald Street Bridge in Kensington to give back to those who wonâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t be able to put presents under a tree or curl up beneath blankets with visions of sugarplums and true economic equality dancing in their heads. It was a huge success last year and all thatâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s being asked of you is to show up with Christmas cheer and maybe a few things worth donating. | 7pm. Free.

Emerald Street Bridge, Kensington. Thetablephilly.org

MUSIC

The LOX

Weâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ll excuse all the kiddies in the audience if they donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t know much about The LOX and/or Jadakiss speciďŹ cally. Jada was a member of the Ruff Ryders (who out there remembers Eve?? Eve was the best), along with other early 90s hip hop luminaries like

'(&(0%(5

dos out there. Seriously, if you donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t have a soft spot somewhere in that black hole of a heart for Tim Burtonâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s truly original take on holiday classics, then we simply canâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t be friends. But thatâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s probably OK â&#x20AC;&#x201C; weâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re an alt weekly. We donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t have any friends. At least not since City Paper opened that mysterious door in the woods shaped like a smiling pumpkin and never returned. Sometimes, we think we can still hear the sounds of high-quality local journalism ... | 10pm.

Prices vary. The Barbary, 951 Frankford Ave. philly.carpe-diem.events

PARTY

Free Paint Party MUSIC

Trans-Siberian Orchestra 2018

If youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ve never heard of the Trans-Siberian Orchestra, or think itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s somehow possible that youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ve never heard anything by the Trans-Siberian Orchestra, drop this paper and whatever else you might be doing and go listen to one of their songs on YouTube. Go ahead. Weâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ll wait.

Oh, whatâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s that? Youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ve been gone for two days, listening to nothing but epically over the top renditions of holiday classics? Youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re welcome, you heathen. OK, next youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re going to google, â&#x20AC;&#x153;The OfďŹ ce Dwight Air Guitar Trans-Siberian Orchestra.â&#x20AC;? | 8pm. Prices vary. Wells Fargo Center, 3601 S. Broad St. ev15.evenue.net DMX, Swizz Beatz and, of course, Sheek Louch and Styles P, the other members of The LOX. So if you feel like throwing it way, way back this Friday, hit up the TLA for a night of Yonkers-born East Coast rap and memories.

So many sweet, sweet memories. | 8pm. $20.

TLA, 334 South St. Concerts1.livenation. com

MUSIC

Drake Night: So Far Gone

Drake is talented. Thatâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s not up for debate.

But he also seems kinda â&#x20AC;Ś lazy? Like, under the guise of helping other talented young artists come up, he gets to just kinda leech off their style and earn himself even more money/ fame/cred in the process. Maybe thatâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s cynical, but then again making music, as awesome as it is, shouldnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t earn someone enough money to buy a small island. A small island, yes, but itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s still an island. Anyway go to The Fillmore and dance to Drakeâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s music all night and help him get that second, slightly bigger island. | 9pm. $10. The Fillmore, 29 E. Allen St. concerts1.livenation.com

Ugly Sweater Party at Howl at the Moon

Youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re picturing it, arenâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t you? You read the name of this event, and already youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ve got the perfect picture of the most unholy garment youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ve ever purchased (or been gifted â&#x20AC;&#x201C; thanks, Aunt Mary Pat) waving limply in your mind. Now, picture yourself sliding that sinful piece of fabric over your head, snaking

'(&(0%(5

your hands through the itchy and somehow moist arms, then skulking to Howl at the Moon, where you drop the trench coat and proudly display your hideous holiday sweater for all the world to see. Itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ll be fun, we promise. | 5pm. Prices vary. Howl at the Moon, 258 S. 15th St. hubs.howlatthemoon.com

SATURDAY, DECEMBER 22 MUSIC

WDAS Holiday Jam with Charlie Wilson Ahem. From the event page for this eveningâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s proceedings â&#x20AC;Ś â&#x20AC;&#x153;105.3 WDAS, Live Nation and Gwynedd Mercy University are proud to present the 2018 WDAS Holiday Jam starring Charlie Wilson, with Special Guest Stokley of Mint Condition.â&#x20AC;? Now, show of hands â&#x20AC;&#x201C; who knows what all of that means? Anyone? Anyone? Bueller? Bueller?

OK, now another show of hands â&#x20AC;&#x201C; who gets the reference we just made? Bueller? Bueller?

OK, now one more show of hands â&#x20AC;&#x201C; who knows what the hell The Gap Band is/was? | 8pm. Prices vary. The Met Philly, 858 N. Broad St. concerts1.livenation.com

DANCE

The Nightmare Before Christmas Dance Party Itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s a demonic dance attack perfectly suited to all the black-clad, Christmas-loving weir-

Itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s not every day that an art gallery literally throws open its doors to the public and says, â&#x20AC;&#x153;come on in and paint whatever the hell you want.â&#x20AC;? So if we were you â&#x20AC;&#x201C; which weâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re not â&#x20AC;&#x201C; and we had some free time on our hands â&#x20AC;&#x201C; which we donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t, weâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re an alt weekly and also time is a construct and life is ďŹ&#x201A;eeting â&#x20AC;&#x201C; weâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;d head on over to October Art Gallery and see what kind of beautiful mess we could make out of some alone time â&#x20AC;&#x201C; again, purely a construct â&#x20AC;&#x201C; with an easel and a brush and the certainty that all this will, at some point, end in death. And probably sooner than you think! | 1pm. Free. October Art Gallery, 6353 Greene St. eventbrite.com

GIVE BACK

Clothing Drive + Misprint Sale: A Fundraiser for the VYH

The Synergy Project is a street outreach program by the Valley Youth House, which is designed to help runaway, homeless, nomadic and street youth, age 21 and under, in Bucks County, Philadelphia, Allentown and Dauphin County. Philadelphia Printworks is a screen printing workshop and a â&#x20AC;&#x153;social justice heritage brand.â&#x20AC;? Put the two together and you get the Clothing Drive + Misprint Sale. Buy misprinted clothes, donate stuff you donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t need, help the homeless live a little better this holiday season. | Noon. Free. Philadelphia Printworks, 1901 S. 9th St. philadelphiaprintworks.com

SEPTA Holiday Celebration at Trolley Portal Gardens

Rain, rain go away â&#x20AC;Ś except for when it means they reschedule the Holiday Celebration at Trolley Portal Gardens and your kids get to go experience the magic of buses dressed up like some college kid drank too many eggnogs and vomited Christmas all over the seats on his way home. Kids ages 4-16 can ride for free, and parents desperately trying to survive until the New Year can get spiked hot chocolate for a mere $5 and the possibility of painting your bathroom in your own special brand of holiday cheer. | 10am.

Free. Trolley Car Station, 3940 Chestnut St.

iseptaphilly.com

SUNDAY, DECEMBER 23 MUSIC

State Property

This hip hop group from Philly and featuring Beanie Sigel has about as interesting a background as any music act currently out there. As it turns out, State Property takes their name from â&#x20AC;Ś wait for it â&#x20AC;Ś â&#x20AC;&#x153;State Property.â&#x20AC;? Yep. A movie by the exact same name, and for which they did the soundtrack. Weâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re gonna be honest â&#x20AC;&#x201C; we didnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t even know that movie existed or that it starred â&#x20AC;Ś yep, you guessed it. Beanie Sigel! But did you know who makes a cameo appearance in that ďŹ lm?

Jay-mother-fucking-Z. Man, the early 2000s really were a wild time. | 8pm. $30. The Fillmore, 29 E. Allen St. concerts1.livenation. com

FESTIVAL

Nightmare Before Christmas Horror Punk Fest

Weâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re going to take every opportunity to tout anything and everything related to â&#x20AC;&#x153;The Nightmare Before Christmasâ&#x20AC;? because itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s a beautifully insane ďŹ lm that perfectly captures the unhinged mind of Tim Burton (not to mention our own propensity for dark humor and holiday-hating). To that end, deďŹ nitely take time this Saturday to check out the Nightmare Before Christmas Horror Punk Fest which, frankly, weâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re reluctant to explain because we know itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s going to be awesome and we really just want you to go in with an open mind. | 2pm. Prices TBA. Voltage Lounge, 421 N. 7th St. evensi.us/nightmare

PARTY

Festivus!

Ahh, yes. The holiday celebration for the rest of us. Festivus is a truly one-of-a-kind event, a test of both your patience and your ability to lift heavy things. Honestly, if youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re too young to have watched much â&#x20AC;&#x153;Seinfeld,â&#x20AC;? then you probably have no idea what in the hell weâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re rambling on about. But if you â&#x20AC;Ś if you really do â&#x20AC;Ś then head on over to the Grey Lodge Pub for an evening of unadorned aluminum poles, a meatloaf dinner, Feats of Strength and everyoneâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s real favorite holiday tradition â&#x20AC;&#x201C; the Airing of Grievances. None of this is a joke â&#x20AC;Ś but you are. | 5pm. Prices vary. The Grey Lodge Pub, 6235 Frankford Ave. greylodge.com

MOVIE

â&#x20AC;&#x2DC;Tank Girlâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;

Free movies are always awesome, Heck, anything free is usually awesome. Well, except for colonoscopies. You wanna pay for

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men havenâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t learned yet. Havenâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t learned that women deserve every right they already possess. That treating the weaker as if theyâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re lesser is, itself, the weakest thing you can do.

Itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s not strength to attack those who canâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t defend themselves. Or those who arenâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t as strong. Itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s strength to protect. To help. To support and love and be vulnerable. Donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t fear emotion; embrace it. | 630pm. Free. Uncle Bobbieâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Coffee & Books, 5445 Germantown Ave. unclebobbies.com

DANCE

Oy to the World with RPDRâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Alexis Michelle!

FAMILY FRIENDLY

Disney On Ice presents Mickeyâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Search Party

If youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ve got kids, chances are youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re already well aware this event is coming to Philly and probably shelled out a pretty penny to make sure your little monsters got to be front and center to see Mickey search for, well, whatever the hell it is heâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s searching for. If not, then, hey, check out this whimsical and fun on-ice event where all your favorite Disney characters are something something something â&#x20AC;Ś OK, are they gone? OK good. Now, hereâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s the plan. When Mickey comes out we all start booing, but not like normal booing. Eagles fan in a rage booing. And thatâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s where the eggs come in ... | Noon. Prices vary. Wells Fargo Center, 3601 S. Broad St. ev15.evenue.net that shit â&#x20AC;&#x201C; believe us. But you know whatâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s even awesomer than a free movie? When that free movie is â&#x20AC;&#x153;Tank Girl,â&#x20AC;? the mid-90s action ďŹ&#x201A;ick starring Malcolm McDowell and Lori Petty as post-armageddon enemies dueling it out on a lawless, waterless Earth. Add in kangaroo-human hybrids called Rippers â&#x20AC;&#x201C; plus the fact that both Ice-T and Naomi Watts are also somehow in this movie â&#x20AC;&#x201C; and youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ll ďŹ nd thereâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s literally no better possible way you could spend your Saturday. | 7pm. Free. Century, 1350 S. 29th St. songkick.com

FOOD

Cocoa & Crepes Winter Pop-Up Weâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re all about cocoa. Weâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re all about crepes (ever had a Nutella crepe? Sure, you can put strawberries or bananas or whatever kind of fruit in there if you want, but a straight-up, no-frills Nutella crepe is one of the greatest inventions on this stupid planet â&#x20AC;Ś honestly, we may just love Nutella, who knows?). Weâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re all about all the awesome pop-up holiday shit that goes on in and around Philly, because it really is the City of the Year (Thanks, GQ. What do we win?). So if you feel like we do, head over to A.kitchen for cocoa, crepes and a smug reminder that weâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re the best damn city in the world. Yeah, thatâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s right. We said it.

Frankly, itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s about damn time somebody did. | 11am. Free. A.kitchen, 135 S. 18th St. akitchenandbar.com

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MONDAY, DECEMBER 24 PARTY

Matzah Bash @ Club NOTO We have a confession to make. We, again, included an event from Club NOTO with the sole intent of making fun of it. But even before we could come up with some funny jabs about their â&#x20AC;&#x153;$200 bottle specialsâ&#x20AC;? or the sick beats sure to be dropped by DJ Suissa or even the fact that they maybe changed the name from Matzo Ball?, we realized that they had misspelled â&#x20AC;&#x153;matzahâ&#x20AC;? on their Facebook event page. Maztah. Thatâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s how they spelled it. That sounds like the worst sports car ever made. Sure, it gets great gas mileage, but it makes a constant whining sound and refuses to get married without its motherâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s express permission. Matzah, guys. Or even matzo. Itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s not hard. See? We did it. | Noon. Prices vary.

NOTO Philadelphia, 1209 Vine St. eventbrite.com

LEARN

Enough Is Enough: Womenâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Wellness Group Weâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ve included this event before and weâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ll keep including it as long as men continue to abuse women. Which, if my watch is correct, is not soon to be the case. Because a lot of

Can someone please explain to me what Tabu Lounge & Sports Bar is? Because it sounds amazing. But for some reason, we canâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t quite wrap our heads around the notion of a sports bar that also hosts awesome drag events like Oy to the World, a â&#x20AC;&#x153;dance party for people of Jewish faith and their allies.â&#x20AC;?

Not that we donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t want it to be both a sports bar and a place where the outnumbered and their allies can gather, itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s more just that we have a hard time picturing it. So someone, please. Explain what it is. Help us to understand. Or maybe donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t? Not knowing is kind of awesome in itself. | 7pm. $20-$25. Tabu Sports Bar & Lounge, 254 S. 12th St. eventbrite.com

Christmas Eve Cheer at Tinsel

We went a little Hannukah heavy there, so letâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s throw a bone to those zany Christians.

Well, thatâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s not really true is it? Because we have to guess that anyone with a particularly strong religious bent isnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t going out to a bar on Christmas Eve. Not that weâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re trying to stereotype, of course, just that Xmas Eve is usually reserved for midnight masses and lighting candles, not midnight munchies and getting lit. Either way, head on over to The Bar Where Christmas Threw Up and throw back a bourbon or three to celebrate the holidays ďŹ nally arriving/being over and/or the fact that youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re about to head home to the family. | 11am. Free. Tinsel, 116 S. 12th St. philly. carpe-diem.events

TUESDAY, DECEMBER 25 Merry Christmas Day at Tinsel

There seemed a kind of uber-appealing symmetry to ending our list of Christmas Eve events with a nightcap at Tinsel, only to start off our list of Christmas Day events with a winter warmer at, well, Tinsel. Religious or not, the holidays can be a stressful time â&#x20AC;&#x201C; heck, if youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ve read The Scene with any frequency you know weâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ve been inching ever closer to seasonal madness ourselves. But thereâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s at least one sure way to cure those holiday family fun time blues, and starts with al- and ends with -cohol. | 6pm. Free. Tinsel, 116 S. 12th

St. philly.carpe-diem.events

GIVE BACK

Alimah Scouts Annual Sisterhood Fundraiser Brunch

As weâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ve said repeatedly, it can be hard around the holidays. People get stressed or feel left out for all kinds of reasons. And it can often feel a whole lot like the only things you hear about during the darker months are Christmas or Hanukkah. But the truth is, those arenâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t the only groups, religious or otherwise, who will be gathering this winter.

So if youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re a woman interested in the Muslim community or simply seeking sisterhood, head on over to Al Aqsa Islamic Academy for a free brunch and a chance to gather together in the name of community. | 930am. Free. Al Aqsa Islamic Academy, 1501 Germantown Ave. alimahscouts.org

Being _____ at Christmas

Just like the last event, itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s important to keep in mind at all times this holiday season that, no matter your particular afďŹ liation, everyone just wants to love and be loved and feel a part of something. To that end, the National Museum of American Jewish History is hosting an event for, well, everyone.

Tall, short, black, white, Eagles fan or, well, wait, no, no â&#x20AC;Ś we wonâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t go that far. But no matter where you call home or who you call God (assuming you call anyone God â&#x20AC;&#x201C; ours is Beyonce), this event is for you. Just like Philly Weekly. | 10am. $12. National Museum of American Jewish History, 101 S. Independence Mall. nmajh.org

PARTY

Jungle Bells 6

Itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s just not the holidays without a junglethemed dance party. Whatâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s that you say?

Youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ve never even heard of such a thing?

Well, fuck off, Scrooge. This partyâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s bout to drop and we donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t want to miss a second of all the bass-bumpinâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; badassery because weâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re wasting our time talking to your stay-at-home ass. This is the sixth year of the so-called â&#x20AC;&#x153;Drum and Bassmasâ&#x20AC;? and we legit couldnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t be more excited (or more confused) to be bringing you a short description of this event. | 9pm. $12. Voltage Lounge, 421 N. 7th St. purplepass.com

Camp Phuckit Presents: 2nd Annual Phestivus

Weâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ve built some goodwill with the Christians, the Jews, heck even the unabashed basschasers. What say we extend an olive branch to the straight up frigginâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; weirdos amongst us? Camp Phuckit is, of course, a â&#x20AC;&#x153;Philadelphia-based art, music, general shenanigans collective and theme camp,â&#x20AC;? because who the fuck doesnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t need that? And the 2nd Annual

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smash down on some fools, this is the event for you. You gotta pay to play, of course, but for a seasoned gamer with skills to back up their trash talk, thereâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s no reason you shouldnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t head home a winner. | 4pm. $10.

Localhost, 908 N. 3rd St. localhostphilly. com

MUSIC

THURSDAY, DECEMBER 27 MUSIC

Barber Acoustic

LEARN

Winter Break: The Crucial Days

Itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s high-time you heathens got learnt. About â&#x20AC;&#x2DC;Merica. Seriously though, Americaâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s history is, largely, terrible. Columbus was trying to ďŹ nd India and wound up being the reason behind a massive genocide. The Trail of Tears. Slavery. America is, like so many countries, a place where horrible things were done in the name of â&#x20AC;&#x153;freedom.â&#x20AC;? And while weâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re still working out the kinks on that whole freedom being for everyone thing, itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s still a worthwhile endeavor to learn the history behind how a country as â&#x20AC;&#x153;freeâ&#x20AC;? as ours forms. | 10am. Free. Museum of the American Revolution, 101 S. 3rd St. amrevmuseum.org Phestivus is an evening of â&#x20AC;&#x153;holly, jollies and lickâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;em lolliesâ&#x20AC;? â&#x20AC;Ś whatever that means. But whatever it actually is, itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s sure to be wild. Plus, theyâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re also collecting donations for Portside Arts Center, which helps underprivileged kids learn about the arts. | 8pm. Free. Saint Lazarus Bar, 102 W. Girard Ave. philly.carpe-diem. event

WEDNESDAY, DECEMBER 26 KID FRIENDLY

Annual Kwanzaa Celebration Weâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ve said it before and weâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ll say it again â&#x20AC;&#x201C; the end of the year is a tough time. The holidays. The pressure to buy the perfect presents.

The â&#x20AC;&#x153;funâ&#x20AC;? time you get to spend with your extended family. But at the end of it all, we still have stuff to celebrate, like the fact that we survived another year in the wild west that America has become (again). So take the time to celebrate, maybe even to learn. Take the time to teach yourself (and your kids) about another culture and ďŹ nd the common ground that certain people want you to believe simply doesnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t exist. Take the time to listen, and we bet someone somewhere will do the same for you. | Noon. Free. Free Library of Philadelphia, 1901 Vine St. philly.carpe-diem.events

COMEDY

Comedy Allstars at Punch Line Philly OK so, we did our best to bum you all out

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a little bit. A reality check should be just that â&#x20AC;&#x201C; a check. A quick reminder. The truth is, you simply canâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t spend all your time inside the â&#x20AC;&#x153;life is, at its core, terribleâ&#x20AC;? bubble. Youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ve got to give yourself a break once in a while, even if itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s just for an evening. Thatâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s why we strive to balance all the meaningful shit with stuff like this. Grab a cocktail, grab a seat and let a lineup of hilarious comics take you away from all the awfulness that exists on the street (and in the White House). | 8pm. $15-$20. Punch Line Philly, 33 E. Laurel St. punchlinephilly.com

PARTY

Cocktails and Cold Ones

Presented by The Met Philly in the Rothman Orthopaedic Institute Cabin, this is winter in Phillyâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s answer to Center City District Sips during the summer. Itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s pretty self-explanatory honestly â&#x20AC;&#x201C; you go and you get drinks in Dilworth Park. No muss, no fuss. Bring a crew, go stag â&#x20AC;&#x201C; either way just make sure you stay safe and warm and donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t end up shivering in a snowbank wondering how the heck you spun off the road. Drink responsibly, call an Uber, enjoy yourself. | 5pm. Free. Dilworth Park, 1 S. 15th St. centercityphila.org

PARTY

Smash City

Smash City, bish, Smash Smash City, bish.

Who remembers that awful song that everyone loved for like ďŹ ve minutes? We think it was called â&#x20AC;&#x153;Rack City,â&#x20AC;? but honestly, we couldnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t be bothered to look it up. Anyway, if youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ve got the gaming chops and the itch to lay the

Fans of the Philly jam band scene will already know Jon â&#x20AC;&#x153;Barberâ&#x20AC;? Gutwillig well.

Heâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s the guitarist and one of the mad minds behind Disco Biscuits, that ridiculous, four hour-plus concert gigginâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;, play until 3am and then some jam/electronic/funk/everything band. Here, youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ll get to see his â&#x20AC;Ś quieter side. Though weâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re willing to bet itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s really not that quiet. Either way, World Cafe Live is a great venue and we should probably be making more of a point to espouse its many virtues. | 8pm. $25. World Cafe Live, 3025 Walnut St. ticketfly.com

PARTY

Councilman Curtis Jones, Jr. Annual Black Party Fundraiser

So thereâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s a whole â&#x20AC;&#x153;VIP Receptionâ&#x20AC;? part of the evening that starts at 6pm, but weâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ll just pretend that doesnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t exist and Councilman Jones is really just hoping to glad-hand a bunch of caring constituents. The truth probably isnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t quite so rosy, but the reason weâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re including this is to say that politics starts at the local level. If you care about shit that The Orange Goblin in Chief is doing â&#x20AC;&#x201C; or trying to do â&#x20AC;&#x201C; the surest way to make your voice heard and make an impact is to go to parties like this and harangue your local councilman into doing whatâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s right. | 8pm. $50. Please Touch Museum, 4231 Avenue of the Republic. Pleasetouchmuseum.org

FESTIVAL

Tigers Jaw Presents Otherly Love

We donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t know for a fact if this is technically considered a festival, but considering the fairly long list of bands and the sweetass poster they made, weâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re gonna go ahead and call it cool. Tigers Jaw is a possibly grammatically incorrect but otherwise pretty cool rock band from the far ďŹ&#x201A;ung reaches of Scranton, PA. Seriously though, Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;d love to sit down with the band and ask them what their name means and whether or not itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s meant to be possessive. The idea of tigers jawing at one another is awesome and all, but not something we think they can actually do? | 530pm. $25. The Fillmore, 29 E. Allen St. concerts1.livenation.com

Dave East

The arch nemesis of Steve West, cousin to Jeff South and brother to Mark North, Dave East is a rapper, just in case the photo above didnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t give it away. And before anyone gets upset, the only thing we were pointing out was the champagne. Between champagne and 40s, seemingly the drink of choice of posing rappers, we much prefer a 40. 40s are awesome by the by. You can get drunk for legit like, $2.50. Itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s a college kidâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s wet dream (if you drink two of them, youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ll probably pass out and piss yourself, so thatâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s at least a little literal). | 8pm. Prices vary. TLA, 334 South St. concerts1.livenation.com

MUSIC

David Wax Museum

What is it with indie bands and the propensity for these names that just make you go, â&#x20AC;&#x153;hm, thatâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s deďŹ nitely an indie hipster band that undoubtedly employs elements of â&#x20AC;&#x2DC;folkâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; music?â&#x20AC;? We donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t know the answer, but we also donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t really know what â&#x20AC;&#x153;folkâ&#x20AC;? means anymore. It used to mean a speciďŹ c thing but, kind of like indie, it seems to have taken on a whole new meaning thatâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s so much broader than its original intent. In this instance, it means Latin rhythms and call-and-response. But Suz Slezak, one part of the duo that makes up David Wax Museum, is actually a singer and ďŹ ddler with deep experience in Irish folk. So, in this rare instance, folk actually means what itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s supposed to mean. | 8pm. $15. The Locks Music, 4417 Main St. eventbrite.com

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SAVAGE LOVE

Quickies DAN SAVAGE

I

â&#x20AC;&#x2122;m a kinky single woman who keeps attracting the wrong men for me â&#x20AC;&#x201C; speciďŹ cally, submissive guys into face-sitting.

Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;m submissive myself, and face-sitting is not a turn-on for me. But the vast majority of men who hit on me have this fetish. I think itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s a size-related issue â&#x20AC;&#x201C; a my-size-related issue. Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;m a full-ďŹ gured/curvy woman with a big butt. Granted, itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s a fabulous butt, but my butt sends the wrong signals, apparently. Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ve tried several times to word my FetLife and other dating proďŹ les so that Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ll attract dominant men, but the messages from submissive wannabe face-sittees pour in. Dating when youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re not thin is hard enough. Help, please. â&#x20AC;&#x201D; Baby Got Back Youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ve worded your dating proďŹ les to attract Doms, BGB, but it doesnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t sound like youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ve worded your proďŹ les to repel â&#x20AC;&#x201C; and crush the hopes of â&#x20AC;&#x201C; submissive wannabe face-sitteeâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s. Letâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s ďŹ x that: â&#x20AC;&#x153;I get a lot of messages from submissive guys into face-sitting.

Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ve got a great butt, I realize, but Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;m a sub, Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;m not into face-sitting, and I only want to hear from Dom guys.â&#x20AC;? Some submissive guys will message you anyway â&#x20AC;&#x201C; guys who will be letting you know they have a hard time taking no for an answer, BGB, so not guys youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;d ever want to meet up with IRL. Delete their messages and block their proďŹ les.

While having sex one night with my girlfriend, I pulled out a vibrator for the ďŹ rst time. She asked whether I (a guy) had used it with a previous partner (another woman).

I conceded that I had. She refused to let me use it on her on the grounds that it had already been inside someone else. I pointed out that since I am not a virgin, her objection did not seem principled: My penis has been in someone else and she lets me put that in her.

Nevertheless, she remained adamant. Do you think she was being reasonable? â&#x20AC;&#x201D; Very Interested Boyfriend Enquires I do not, VIBE, but since you donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t want to stick your old vibrator in me â&#x20AC;&#x201C; presumably

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â&#x20AC;&#x201C; what I think is irrelevant. When it comes to who gets to stick what in our bodies, weâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re allowed to be arbitrary, inconsistent, capricious and even illogical. Thatâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s why â&#x20AC;&#x153;But my dick has been in other women and you let me stick that in you!â&#x20AC;? isnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t quite the slam-dunk argument you think it is. So toss that old vibrator and get yourself a new one â&#x20AC;&#x201C; but save the packaging so you can pass it off as new with your next girlfriend.

My cousin was a victim of revenge porn.

A bitter ex-boyfriend of his sent several videos theyâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;d made to everyone on my cousinâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s contact list, including me. Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;m a straight woman who prefers gay male porn, and my cousin and his ex are beautiful men â&#x20AC;&#x201C; theyâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re both dancers â&#x20AC;&#x201C; and I couldnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t help myself: I watched the videos, more than once, before deleting them. So how bad a person am I? â&#x20AC;&#x201D; Sick And Wrong Youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re a better person than the asshole ex who sent those videos to everyone your poor cousin knows, SAW, but a worse person than those who deleted the videos without wanking over them ďŹ rst.

Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ve been toying with the idea of having a sub provide domestic services, but all the potential subs Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ve met with havenâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t seemed like a good ďŹ t for various reasons. Last night, I had a ďŹ rst meeting with a man who is a good ďŹ t on paper but who turned out to be an obnoxious asshole in person â&#x20AC;&#x201C; a misogynistic, mansplaining frat-boy type. Can someone be too much of a dick for you to let them do your laundry? â&#x20AC;&#x201D; Sub Is Subhuman If you wouldnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t be in a vanilla relationship with someone, SIS, why would you want to be in a D/s relationship with them?

My boyfriend of three years has not left his wife for me, even though he says he will someday. He doesnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t want to hurt her. He feels a duty to her. But he loves me more and swears he will leave her someday. In the meantime, we carve out half an hour a week for sex and itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s super hot. Two questions (and please answer honestly): Heâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s not going to leave her, is he? And Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;m a clichĂŠ, arenâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t I? â&#x20AC;&#x201D; Donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t Understand Men

WHAT TO DO | WHERE TO GO | WHERE TO LIVE | WHATâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;S UP NEXT WHAT TO DO | WHERE TO GO | WHERE TO LIVE | WHATâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;S UP NEXT WHAT TO DO | WHERE TO GO | WHERE TO LIVE | WHATâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;S UP NEXT 7HERE TO GO s WHAT TO DO s WHAT S UP NEXT 7HERE TO GO s WHAT TO DO s WHAT S UP NEXT 7HERE TO GO s WHAT TO DO s WHATgS UP NEXT

No, he isnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t. And yes, you are. DTMFA. Q

THEREâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;S MORE SAVAGE LOVE! Read more at PHILLYWEEKLY.COM Ask a question: MAIL@SAVAGELOVE.NET

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Holiday nes: Deadli

To all of our Readers and Advertisers

ISSUE DATE DECEMBER 26, 2018

Lower Bucks Times ROP & ClassiďŹ ed Line & Display, Wed., Dec. 19th at Noon Northeast Times ROP & ClassiďŹ ed Display Thurs., Dec. 20th at Noon Class. Line Ads Fri., Dec. 21st at Noon South Philly Review & Philadelphia Weekly ROP & ClassiďŹ ed Line & Display Fri., Dec. 21st at Noon

ISSUE DATE JANUARY 2, 2019 Lower Bucks Times ROP & ClassiďŹ ed Line & Display Wed., Dec. 26th at Noon Northeast Times ROP & ClassiďŹ ed Display Thurs., Dec. 27th at Noon Class. Line Ads Fri., Dec. 28th at Noon

Happy Holidays From Philadelphia Weekly

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NEW PRICE Graduate Hospital Recently rehabbed 1,747 sq. ft. home with bright and cheerful living room/dining room areas, detailed wood floors, and recessed lighting. Reclaimed hardwood floors crafted of red oak. Quality aesthetics and function throughout. Imperial Danby marble countertops, a premier material quarried in Vermont.

$609,000 UNDER CONTRACT Ludlow This brand new condo building boasts oak floors throughout, kitchens with marble herringbone backsplash, stainless steel appliances, and Quartz countertops, all designed around open floor plans. This property offers 3 units, 2 of them with 3 bedrooms and 1 unit with 2 bedrooms. 1-Year Builder Warranty.

$960,000/Triplex NEW LISTING Girard Estate Area Original details meet modern upgrades with wood accents throughout. This thoughtfully restored, 3 BR home offers a sun-drenched foyer/sun room with plenty of room. Step up into the living room with original floors and a classic arched transition into the dining room. The kitchen is classic with new white subway tile and a butcher block.

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Kingsessing Newly renovated home from top to bottom with lots of detail and charm. The first floor features a spacious living room with light hardwood floors, a powder room, and a nice kitchen with dark cabinetry and stainless steel appliances. The second floor offers 3 nicely sized bedrooms with beautiful hardwood floors. This home offers an enclosed porch in the front and a deck in the rear.

$139,000 SOLD Washington Square West This gorgeous, top floor corner unit with hardwood floors has two-story cathedral ceilings, allowing for natural light to pour in throughout the day. The first floor features an open living area with a beautiful fireplace and a spacious eat-in kitchen. 2 Bedrooms, 1 Bathrooms

$361,000 NEW PRICE Grays Ferry Welcome to this beautiful renovation! The main floor features a living room with recessed lighting, hardwood flooring, and a new updated kitchen with granite countertops, new cabinets, and stainless steel appliances. Freshly painted throughout. Full basement with plenty of extra storage space. The backyard is great for outdoor entertaining. 3 Bedrooms & 1.5 Baths

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