Policy Above People Or: How It Feels to be Kicked Out of a Faerie Gathering by Anonymous
B
eing kicked out of a Faerie Gathering does hurt. Going public in RFD is part of my healing process. Making it anonymous is to protect people and place.
I
arrived late night of 20th December in our gathering not knowing that some “traumatic buttons” of trans Faeries had already been pushed by other Faeries. The organizers didn’t tell me about it. I was only told about it later. Which means I have been led into a “trap of trouble.” Next morning (21st December) I approached a Faerie with the intention to get in contact. I could have made it more easier for me staying in my comfort zone by just talking to Faeries I already know. Since I have been to thirty Faerie gatherings in ten years I can be pretty sure that whatever gathering I join I find Faeries I already know. But I was thinking it may be a good idea for a “long time Faerie” to do the first step to get in contact with other Faeries who may be “newbies,” to make them feel welcome and comfortable instead of keeping it to them to make the first move. Maybe this was wrong. Maybe it’s better to always wait till others approach oneself. Then, if nobody does the first move, we’ll never get in contact with each other. I approached this Faerie not knowing that this Faerie is trans. Since I don’t assume gender or sexual orientation or pronoun of any Faerie but see other Faeries as beloved individuals, it didn’t seem important for me to know in advance what gender or sexual orientation or pronoun a Faerie has. Maybe that was wrong. Maybe I should have asked first “what’s your name, gender, sexual orientation and pronoun?” To me it didn’t feel necessary to do so. Maybe it is. What I actually did was say to this Faerie that I like the dress and necklace and asked if that necklace was from the drag room. This Faerie didn’t answer much but passed on to the kitchen. Maybe asking that question was wrong. Maybe asking any question was wrong. Maybe this trans Faerie had already been hurt by another Faerie before. I was never given the whole story behind this incident by anybody. I do wear my own “real stone necklaces” in gatherings and was asked several times if they are from the drag room.
Even if such a question did hurt me, I would never accuse someone being homophobic, although I could, because it may be an assumption that every gay man does like to be a “drag queen” in daily Faerie life, which is definitely not the case. Maybe by then I was already accused of being transphobic because of that simple question. Only later was I told by others that this trans Faerie did feel hurt by my question. But by then there was already this second accident and no more chance to ever apology for anything. At the dinner table the same night we were invited by the organizers to point out loud names of Faeries we think may be appreciated. Given such an invitation in a group, where one does not know all others very well, was like laying out a “trap of trouble”. Who can ever know if any Faerie who may be named did ever hurt one or more Faeries in the group by writing, saying or doing something? Nobody! So it may have been better for me to stay in my comfort zone and say nothing. Others were more clever and did say nothing. And because almost everybody did say nothing, I was thinking it may be a good idea to go public. But it was definitely not a good idea. I pointed out names of Faeries for some reasons. Even pointing out the name of Harry Hay may have been wrong because even he may have hurt somebody by writing, saying or doing something. When I mentioned the name of a certain Faerie I said that, although I had heard that there is a conflict in his city about him, he had organized two gatherings in his city. No more, no less did I say. Also other Faeries I did mention by name are not without any conflicts. Which Faerie is it anyway? Nobody! I still don’t get it why pointing out the name of a Faerie in a specific context should necessarily mean to agree with everything that Faerie is writing, saying or doing otherwise. And since I had heard that this certain Faerie had recently been invited to a heart circle in his city, I had absolutely no idea that he is an absolute “persona non grata” for at least some Faeries in our gathering. I am not on Facebook. Since when is it necessary before joining a gathering to be up to date about all gossips, shitstorms, rumors or else on Facebook? Nobody told me that! When I realRFD 183 Fall 2020 35
