SINGLEHOOD AND SPIRITUAL IDENTITY
Gcobisa Myeki
Š Gcobisa
Myeki
Published by BKPress 14 Wolseley Rd P O Box 47055 Greyville 4023 South Africa ISBN: 978-1-928245-32-2 All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, Or transmitted in any form by any means electronic, mechanical, Photocopying, recording or otherwise Without the written permission from the author. I welcome e-mail messages to the following internet address: singleefirst1@gmail.com
THE BOOK RE-INSPIRES YOUNG SINGLE LADIES TO GO FROM old single life (LESSER LIGHT) to new single life (GREATER LIGHT). LIGHT TRANSFORMED DARKNESS INTO LIGHT.
DEDICATION I dedicate this book to young single women/ladies with disabilities, and without disabilities, orphans, abandoned, abused and those who are not abused at all.
ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS Thanks to the Lord God almighty who gave me this opportunity and provided all that was needed for this book. Without God there would be no writing of this book. A special thanks goes to all the people who participated in the book. Their voices played a significant role in bringing this book to fruition. Their joyful spirits and comments encouraged me as a writer.
Table of Contents
CHAPTER 1: Introduction CHAPTER 2: Importance of Spiritual Identity CHAPTER 3: Pray for Men
1 35 91
CHAPTER 4: Finding Meaning
108
4.1 Replace old beliefs with new thinking 4.2 Fear not - be strong 4.3 Manage depression 4.4 Never give up 4.5 The hand of God is not shortened 4.6 Self-awareness 4.7 The three parts of the man 4.8 Single mindedness 4.9 The power of a good foundation 4.10 Repentance from death 4.11 Faith towards God
109 110 116 118 121 123 134 143 152 153 153
CHAPTER 5: Why do People get married
172
5.1 The origin of singleness and why people don’t want to marry
179
5.2 Women single by circumstances
184
5.2.1 Unemployed and employed young single woman 5.2.2 Single with disability and single with disabled child
184 191
5.2.3 Single by divorce 5.2.4 Women single by becoming a widow
193 198
CHAPTER 6: Identifying Types of Anxiety Disorders
201
CHAPTER 7: Don’t Personalise your Single Life
203
CHAPTER 8: How to become a successful single
215
8.1 Things that can prevent success – Gossip
217
8.1.2 How do you silence the gossipers or accusers?
218
8.2 Economic empowerment 8.3 Problems experienced by women CHAPTER 9: Questions before Marriage
225 234 242
9.1 Discuss sexual decisions CHAPTER 10: Silencing the Violence
247 251
CONCLUSION
279
REFERENCES
281
FOREWORD In our societies some, young single females and children are vulnerable to social factors, for example domestic and general violence, sexual, emotional and physical abuse. There are different degrees of singleness because some marriages end in divorce, widowhood and separation. Some children are born out of wedlock. There are those singles who involve themselves in prostitution due to lack of money. Others involve themselves in lesbianism, become homeless and even abandon their families. Others are homeless due to socio-economic, and behavioural circumstances. When considering the aforementioned problems the writer began to realize that people need to know that being single needs not to lead a frustrating, fearful and shameful life. The writer also encourages them to realize that crossing from old single to new single is based on knowing that social, economic, emotional and spiritual blocks are strongly interrelated. These four building blocks empower one to get a good start in life and obtain stability. The four fields empower people to live in new social order. Order reintroduces people to their beginning of life. When the four blocks are not in unity it perpetuates the dysfunction of the families. Ephesians 1:4 for he chose us in him before the creation of the world to be holy blameless in his sight. The scripture tells us where we come from. Our spiritual bodies are sourced from God. The scripture explains our past history with God. The most important source of knowledge is found in his word. Our lives did not begin at birth in our mother’s womb or end at death. Our father created our spirit before we were born on earth. We were in the unity of love, faith and spirit with God before the creation of the world. He knew and loved us and we knew and loved him. By reuniting the physical realm and spiritual realm we return to the presence of God. The reunifying of physical realm with spiritual realm is resurrection of families, nation, and marriages of single men and women. Where there is unity there is one head and there is also holistic reasoning because unity is symbolic of marriage. The strength of any family, nation is rooted in the integration of the four blocks. The disintegration of the four building blocks will bring upon individuals, communities, families who are in disorder.
When the four building blocks are applied properly they demonstrate the full potential of a mind, body and soul and also pass this success on to the family, community, society, and to the country as well. It also results in healthy minds and thoughts. This is the full symbol of knowledge development. This book describes the spiritual block as the most dominant block, because it involves God the Father, Son and Holy Spirit. When the three building blocks are not connected to spirituality, they can affect the social health of society and people’s health, thereby attracting a fearful life. Social, economic, emotional and spiritual life hardships during childhood and adulthood can lead to aggressive and violent behaviour to other people. All these issues create social disorder which contributes to a fearful life. Life is shaped and enhanced by four building blocks. When these four are interrelated they can create social cohesion, and promote a more workable life, families, relationships, cities, and countries at large. Spirituality is symbolic of the umbilical cord that joins God and his people. It is joining of the imperishable with perishable things. Biologically the umbilical cord joins the mother and the baby. Empowered ladies with and without disabilities, who are abused or abandoned, shine like morning stars if they stand up and apply the four blocks throughout their lives. The four blocks lead us to greater light and enable us to have a high standard of living. This book is not a complete single life book as it highlights the socio, economic, emotional and spiritual field, to make the book solid. It highlights the Bible principles and socio-suggestions. If the social, economic suggestions and biblical principles are applied properly, all this will contribute to full joy, righteousness, kindness, love and happiness. Resulting in economic, social, emotional and spiritual success in single life and families. When people don’t know their spiritual identity in their single life they will have a fear of being different. The fear of being different causes people to feel pressure to conform (which will be explained in the following chapters). The pressure of conformity forces us to be unfruitful and tunnel minded, instead of moving from the old single life (lesser light) to new single life (greater light). The research topics, spiritual learning and social work methods for example: casework, group work and community work together, with all the
approaches applied to the clients influenced and empowered the writer to complete the book. The author was also inspired to develop more teaching techniques. We can speak about singles, married and divorced people, the writer is saying, at the end of the day the word of God is final. The word of God can polish our relationship with God until we shine like gold before God, but we need endurance. My research on rape as an immorality issue in our societies, visual impairment, taxi violence etc. These research topics contributed and also empowered me to create more teaching techniques about singleness. Although the book seeks to focus on young single ladies in South Africa and the whole of Africa as well, it is my hope that readers from other parts of the world will find this an interesting and empowering book for single women. The writer trusts that all readers will be provoked to become answers to this world and become critical thinkers. It will raise a generation of single women with answers more than questions because a single woman of today is an answer to the coming generation. They are solution providers and problem solvers. This book teaches how to be good and responsible women of tomorrow who respect themselves through spiritual teachings. The book teaches singles to live a Christ-like life which is the likeness of God. Young singles will be able to know that the Bible is a primary source to know how to live a Christ-like life and enable them to seek and live a spiritually empowered life. Through this book they will promote what is good and discern the work of evil and the work of GOD. It is urging them to live a good life and make right decisions all the time. Single ladies are inspired to be visionaries, dreamers, achievers and move out from the crowd, from foolish arguments, gossips (this is part of a mask) and learn to be independent, givers and blessers to the people socially, emotionally, economically and spiritually. South Africa is a blessed nation because it is a peace-making country. Therefore the book is encouraging young women to pour out a blessing of peace on others in different ways. It also promotes harmony to preserve unity. It helps them to realise that we share one Lord, one baptism, one faith, the same salvation, life and future. The hope of God for his people is for us to be perfect as He is perfect. Mathew 5:48 says be perfect, therefore,
as your heavenly father is perfect. It is also helping singles to love each other as Christ has loved us. Those who are single by divorce – the writer encourages them to throw their burden to God who is the hearer of prayers and encourages them to control negative feelings by writing down their feelings in a journal, or to express their feelings to a close relative or any trusted counsellor of their choice in their churches or any professional counsellor. All over the world as brothers and sisters, we can learn from each other. We are still learning from agents of socialisation for example schools, churches, governmental and non-governmental organisations. As a social scientist, for many years, I have been listening to the society of women, men and children. I have learned from all of them. Some have been affected by social, economic, emotional and spiritual challenges. Some are fully and partly dead economically due to life circumstances. I have learnt from divorced mothers and unmarried women who are struggling to raise their children alone. I have learnt from women who long to be married but are not. This includes couples who allowed me to be part of their journey toward their marriages. The writer also learnt from young women and men with disabilities, for example visual impairment, women and men living with albinism and physically challenged children/adults and single women with disabled children, unmarried, divorced and women in separation. I have learnt from women who work in their homes and women who work outside their homes and also those who endure experiences of sexual, physical and chronic illnesses. Most of them thought they were asking for help while they were helping me in some cases, but all of them blessed me as I listened and learned from them. They brought a peculiar quality to me. As they shared, I learned that a miracle is what you are saying or doing. For all, it has been a road of growth, self-development and self-discovery. What they were saying or doing whether painful or not, was upgrading and equipping my mind. They encouraged me to be a forerunner giving me power to take the profession further by writing this book. The book is encouraging reality living with practical suggestions on how to move from an old single life to a new single life. To go from something old to something new is reality living. It empowers singles to strengthen their lives by deleting negative emotions and telling themselves the truth. Reality living means that you