How it works Film
6.8 7.8.9 T.V
Overall Quality Enjoyment
Overall Quality Enjoyment Consistency
CONTENTS Film: 1. The Armstrong Lie 2. Calvar y 3. Guardians of the Galaxy 4. Neighbors 5. Under the Skin 6. Godzilla 7. The Amazing Spider-man 2
TV: 1. Orange is the New Black 2. Louie 3. Community 4. How I Met Your Mother 5. Boardwalk Empire 6. Parks & Recreation 7. The Big Bang Theor y 8. Archer [Vice]
Fur ther Watching 1. The Accidental Death of a Cyclist 2. Rewatch
What I Have Watched This Month. Issue Eight. “Fuck diamonds, I got spinach.” Words, Design Richard Walker Photographs belong to their respective studio
This issue:
Looking forward to:
The Ar mstrong Lie After years of hiding in broad daylight 7 time Tour de France champion Lance Armstrong was exposed as a drug cheat. Alex Gibney was filming a documentary about his comeback when the scandal dropped, shit gets interesting.
Sin City: A Dame to Die For 25th August Well what do I really need to say. Sin City was incredible here’s another 2 hours of it. However Lady Gaga is in it and that makes me a bit nervous. Actually mega nervous.
Calvar y 2 priests, 3 guns and Dylan Moran pissing on a painting, Calvar y has it all. John McDonagh has a film to rival his brother’s In Bruges.
Night Moves 29th August Protesters try and blow up a dam but here’s the twist, Jesse Eisenberg is one of the protesters. Side note: Night Moves is a great song by the equally great Bob Seger, I recommend a listen.
Neighbors Nothing special but not terrible by any means.
Sex Tape 3rd September The guy who made Bad Teacher is back with Cameron Diaz and Jason Segal. They make that classic mistake of uploading your 3 hour sex tape to the cloud. Also because of the nudity you can get a good look at Jason Segal’s magnificent ankles. #demankles
Under the Skin This film is straight up weird. 3 viewings later I’m still not sure what the hell happened.
They Came Together 5th September Chances are that this will be distinctly mediocre but it has Amy Phoeler in it so...
Godzilla Turns out Walter White found out about Godzilla way before everyone else and decided to keep it to himself. All is not lost though because the President has some sweet radioactive bombs and puts them on a train.
Wolfcop 12th September OK imagine if Teen Wolf was on acid and he played police instead of basketball.
Guardians of the Galaxy Hands down the best Marvel film yet. If Chris Pratt dancing to Jackson 5 on a spaceship isn’t your thing then frankly you don’t deserve a TV.
The Amazing Spider-man 2 Marc Webb, Andrew Garfield and Emma Stone return for more non-Toby Maguire web slingin’ fun but this time their sparky friend Jamie Foxx joins the party. Flippin’ Toby Maguire.
Gone Girl 3rd October David Fincher. Oh my days this looks good. The book’s a bestseller, I’ve not read it... trailer looks pretty good though Interstellar 4 November Nolan’s back with Matthew McConaughey getting all up in some space adventures.
- I’m on a dr ug and it’s called whoopin’ yo sor r y ass
T HE A RMS T R ONG LIE D: Alex Gibney S: Lance Armstrong “Then he went on Oprah” 21 Jul y ‘0 9 Lance announces he will
16 F e br u ar y ‘11
A pr il ‘0 9
ride the 2010 Le Tour de
Lance announces his
After a swift recovery Lance
France on Team RadioShack
official retirement from cycling “for good”
rides the Tour of the Gila
2009 Alex starts
March ‘ 0 9
July ‘10
filming Lance’s
Lance crashes in the
After multiple crashes
comeback
Vuelta a Castilla y León
Lance places 23rd in
breaking his collarbone
Le Tour de France
Jul y ‘0 9 Lance competes in Le Tour de France with Team Astana. He comes third
Alex Gibney is possibly the luckiest documentary film maker of all time. When he started filming it was a simple documentary about Lance Armstrong’s 2009 comeback in the world of pro cycling but what followed was a story of deceit, Italian doctors, literal bags of blood, monstrous ambition and The Oprah Winfrey Show.
overall 5m24s behind winner and team-mate Alberto Contodor
C a p t a i n A meri ca
It is pretty safe to say Lance Armstrong is the greatest actor in the world. Daniel Day Lewis may take the training for his roles to extremes but Lance lived his character every day, every night, every race for 14 years regardless of the cost to his friends, team and family. Gibney’s pre January 18th 2013 footage proves this. Time after time he asks Lance about doping allegations, about Frankie Andreu and Tyler Hamilton (ex teammates who have both tried to out Lance as a drug cheat), about Dr. Michael Ferrari (infamous doctor for doping cyclists) and every time he would give the same answers and protest his innocence. This sort of Lance footage is necessary but we’ve seen it 100 times before, where The Armstrong Lie finds its feet is when the curtain drops on the years of cheating
and Gibney captures brick by brick Lance’s fortress of lies crumble to dust. Lance’s act was so effective for so many years because like any superhero you want him to win. His years in Le Tour de France resembled a Marvel comic book movie, after suffering hours of radiation poisoning Capt. Lance Armstrong (America) fights and destroys powerful German man (Jan Ulllrich), then proceeds to make 6 sequels and plenty of merchandising revenue to ensure the cash cow is thoroughly milked dry. Gibney freely admits he was taken in by his act, especially after spending time on the road with him in the 2009 TDF. In a way Gibney knew what the guys on the 99-05 U.S. Postal Service Team (Lance’s old team) felt like, he had gone in with the best intentions but been brainwashed by the Americans smooth talking and infectious ambition. Before he knew it he was making a pro Armstrong propaganda piece about how Alberto Contodor was a terrible team-mate by going against captain Armstrong. If he had stopped filming in 2012 and Lance never got busted this would’ve been one of the dullest cycling documentaries ever made. However not all that footage was useless. In the 2009 TDF
Th o se 7 w i n s
1999
2000
2001
2002
2003
2004
2005
Won by: 7m32s
Won by: 6m2s
Won by: 6m44s
Won by: 7m
Won by: 1m1s
Won by: 6m19s
Won by: 4m40s
Stage wins: 4
Stage wins: 1
Stage wins: 4
Stage wins: 4
Stage wins: 2
Stage wins: 5
Stage wins: 2
2 2 O c t ob e r ‘12 Lance is given lifeban and stripped of all 7 TDF wins by World Cycling Body
O c t o b e r ‘12 3 F e b r uar y ‘12
Lance decides not to appeal
19 Januar y ‘13
Federal case officially
ban saying it wouldn’t be
Alex’s documentry starts
dropped against Lance
fair on his family.
to get interesting
10 Jul y ‘12
10 No v emb e r ‘12
3 of his former team-mates
Lance posts douchey twitter
are given lifetime bans
update after W.C.B hearing:
after doping admissions
goo.gl/LwdwHj
18 J anuar y ‘13 Lance confesses to everything on Oprah
Lance expected to waltz back and win but this wasn’t the case. Cycling is a young mans game and he was now 37 up against a new breed of riders who were better trained and more ruthless then those he faced some 4 years earlier. He didn’t have the die hard team he had in 2005, in fact his own team-mate was his biggest rival. As hard as he tried to hide it Gibney’s footage showed a tired and wounded Lance desperately trying to maintain his signature bravado. The more he was humiliated on the road the more he made power plays against others to try and mend his tearing ego. The most blatant one being his decision to only allow Frankie Andreu to interview him post race. Lance had systematically ruined his career and publicly humiliated his wife. He was now trying to make it as a cycling correspondent, he had no choice but to take the exclusives. O p ra h d o n ’t ki ll m y vi be
The footage post Oprah is obviously the most interesting and what you would watch this documentary for. The way Lance behaves and talks is different, it is like he finally got to have a lie in and a holiday and now is relaxed and refreshed. The classic Armstrong ego
is still there but nowhere near as prominent as it was before. Gibney pushes him on the TDF victories, on whether he thought he was cheating at the time and what he thinks now. Lance argues that he still feels like he won fairly as all the big names were doping back then and that by doping himself all he was doing was leveling the playing field. Seeing Lance adjusting to life as a villain instead of the hero shows not a man in depression hiding in the shadows but one who simply doesn’t give a damn. In his eyes he still won those tours, he still got over cancer, he still inspired a whole generation of American kids to get riding, he still raised millions of dollars for cancer suffers; why would he feel bad? May be Lanc e suc kered me as w e l l
The Armstrong Lie packages all the facts neatly and has enough exclusive footage and interviews with high profile cycling figures that even those who know the case back to front can get something out of it. Personally I’m inclined to side with Lance, yes he cheated but he still had to ride that bike day in day out over those big hills. Sure he’s not a good guy but at the end of the day it’s just a bike race.
6.4
Well constructed and filmed but it’s excruciatingly painful to watch Watch well out of the cycling season or be prepared for weeks of asking “are they doping?”
Th o se 7 team - m ates
Frankie Andreu
Tyler Hamilton
George Hincapie
Floyd Landis
Levi Leipheimer
Christian Vande Velde
David Zabriskie
1 Stage
4 Titles, 3 Stages
4 Titles
1 Tour de France
11 Titles, 2 Stages
4 Titles
6 Titles, 1 Stage
C A LVA R Y D: John McDonagh S: Brendan Gleeson, Kelly Reilly, Chris O’Dowd “I think she’s bipolar, or lactose intolerant, one of the two.”
You might think you’ve turned on In Bruges when you start Calvary, we open to a priest (Brendan Gleeson) receiving a death threat from someone in the confession box. However instead of then going off and shooting a kid in the face he just sits there in disbelief. The man who threatens him tells his story of being sexually abused by a priest as a child and how he wants his revenge but killing a bad priest won’t cause a media storm however killing a good one might do. Solid logic, you can’t fault him, well except for the murder part but anyway he tells Brendan to be at the beach the following Sunday so he can kill him. Now that’s a plot! Sti ll m u rder, just not of little boy s
They probably hate being compared to each other but John and Martin McDonagh have a very similar writing and filming style, you could easily mistake Calvary for a film made by Martin and equally you could mistake In Bruges or Seven Psychopaths for a John film. The same dark humour that almost resembles the humour from Louie keeps Calvary just funny enough to get away with it’s other depressing elements like domestic violence, suicide and alcoholism. It works in the same way In Bruges combines jokes about midgets on cocaine with extreme depression about killing an innocent kid. He also finds the perfect balance of characters, aside from your main 2 (priest and his daughter) you are treated to a whole host of locals all of whom could be the wannabe killer. It doesn’t saturate you with too many characters though, each local gets enough screen time to be properly established and contribute something to the storyline even if it is minor.
Like a fa c k i n g fa i r y ta l e s e a s i d e v i l l a g e
Calvary is set on the beautiful Irish coastline and McDonagh takes full advantage of this with cinematography that would even make Nicolas Winding Refn get a little bit excited. The tranquility of the area just adds to the bizarre nature of this film, all you need is for Harry Waters to come along and tell us about the facking fairytale seagulls. This film truly belongs at sea, had it been shot in a city it would’ve lost some of it’s strangeness. The only way off the island is by plane which keeps the population almost trapped there, had it been shot in a city you would have too many people and escape would’ve seemed too easy and his chance encounters with the different characters would be too unbelievable. The only downside to the location of the film is that it often stinks of Father Ted. Obviously the humour in Calvary is about as far away from Father Ted as you can get but it doesn’t stop big resemblances cropping up. The main one being his idiot fellow priest who lives the vicarage with him, all you needed was a dopey housekeeper and you had the full set. OK no mo re I n Bru g e s re fe re n c e s . . .
You really can’t fault Calvary, it’s unique story combined with excellent cast and signature McDonagh brothers humour makes it an instant classic like The Guard and In Bruges. Brendan Gleeson reminds us just how good he is and Chris O’Dowd, like he did in season 2 of Girls, shows that he can act with the best of them when he wants too. Neither John or Martin have put a foot wrong yet and don’t look like they will anytime soon. John’s next film is out in 2015 and honestly it’s probably going to be great
Th e re ’s 2 o f th e m? No, John McDonagh didn’t direct In Bruges or Seven Psychopaths but he did direct The Guard. His brother Martin has also enjoyed success as a black comedy writer/director and they frequently collaborate on each others films.
8.9
You definitely won’t have seen a film like this before. Black comedy at it’s finest. You can enjoy Calvary alone or with friends. Like In Bruges the more you see it the funnier it gets.
Welc o me to the Gu n Sh o w Chris Pratt got so ripped for Guardians of The Galaxy that they had to come up with an explanation for it in Parks & Recreation. Andy just stopped drinking beer. Seems plausible.
GUA R D I A N S O F T HE GAL A X Y D: James Gunn S: Chris Pratt, Zoe Saldana, Dave Bautista, Bradley Cooper “If I had a blacklight, this place would look like a Jackson Pollock painting”
The hype surrounding Guardians of the Galaxy was similar to that of The Avengers or Captain America and I just assumed it’s going to be a classic Marvel 2 hour yawn worthy action fest, boy was I wrong. From the first scene you know you’re in for a treat but if Chris Pratt dancing through a space cavern isn’t enough to get you going wait til you see the flippin’ raccoon. L o l a t Th o r’s s tu pi d as cape
This is really the first of the big Marvel blockbusters to take full advantage of the fun goofy nature of the comic books, The Amazing Spider-man did this to some effect but Guardians takes it a step further and has fully embraced it’s printed roots. Taking themselves too seriously has been the downfall of most of the recent Marvel films and Guardians calls them out on it. It knows it’s stupid, it knows 2 of its main characters are a tree and a raccoon and instead of trying to make them look all tough and hero like they give them an old married couple vibe. I mean have the directors of Thor really looked at what they are making, it’s a ripped guy traveling through time in Aw e so me Mi x i s aw es om e The soundtrack for Guardians of the Galaxy is a mixtape Peter’s mum made for him as a child and she had
a floaty red cape wielding a stupidly big hammer. Why would you try and make that into a serious film?! That’s like trying to make Teen Wolf into a T.V drama, oh wait... Hip to be square
This film looks great by the way. Of course it’s all CGI but they have done an incredible job at making space look like downtown Detroit. Oddly enough a lot of the scenes down on the fancy planet look straight out of Her, all it needs is for Joaquin Phoenix to be sat crying in the corner of the shot. Not only does Guardians look great it sounds great too. The soundtrack is a mix of incredible 70/80s music and the creative score by Tyler Bates really helps to reinforce the insane world that is being presented in front of you. It’s trying so hard not to be like all the other superhero movies out there at the moment that it sometimes looks like Saturday Night Live but it’s all the better for it. If you’re going to go crazy why not go the full way but however insane it does go the incredible backdrop and animation bring it back to feeling like a quality film. Had it been made in the 80s Guardians would probably be regarded in as high esteem as Star Wars and Back to the Future are. Also the thought of a Guardians of the Galaxy arcade machine is enough to send shivers down my spine but alas Marvel wasn’t the cinematic powerhouse it is today in the 80s.
insanely good taste. Here’s the highlights:
Galaxies & Rec reation Jailbreak Thin Lizzy I don’t care how lazy it was playing this in a jail break-out scene it’s still incredible. That guitar.
Everday People Sly and The Family Stone When those horns come in all you can do is sing so on and so on and scooby dooby doo.
Escape Rupert Holmes IF YOU LIKE PINA COLADAS AND GETTING CAUGHT IN THE RAIN. Oh god yes.
Come and Get Your Love Redbone Impossible not to want to dance to. If there’s one song that sums up the whole of G.O.T.G it’s this.
Bangin’ on about the 80s nearly made me miss the best thing about this film and that is Chris Pratt. All of you who watch Parks & Recreation will know quite how excellent he is but in Guardians he takes it to the next level. He is finally getting the recognition he deserves after 5 seasons of being hilarious on Parks & Rec, film studios and directors are taking note and reaping the rewards. Guardians has restored my faith in Marvel as a film studio. Like The Dark Knight was to DC movies Guardians is the new bench mark standard for all future Marvel films. They have shown us the good stuff and we can’t go back. The only thing that could ruin this incredible franchise is if they try and bring it into it’s utterly ridiculous same time line multi-verse with all the Avengers and co. A bit of storyline crossover can be good but they have taken it way to far and Guardians doesn’t need to be part of that unholy mess. A sequel has been announced and is due for release sometime in 2017, it’ll be interesting to see how it fares against the new Star Wars films.
7.9
Marvel please don’t Britta this for us. Star Lord doesn’t need to meet Iron Man. Watch with Joss Whedon and point out all the good bits then the next Avengers film might be O.K.
NEIGHBORS D: Nicholas Stoller S: Seth Rogen, Zac Efron “Do you think maybe we’ve gone too far? I’m a child of divorce and I sympathize with them.”
Nicolas Stoller isn’t exactly the gate keeper for quality comedy considering his first two films were Forgetting Sarah Marshall and Get Him to The Greek but recently he’s lost Russell Brand and seems to be picking up his game. His last film The 5-Year Engagement wasn’t terrible; actually it was very watchable and now he’s back with Neighbors. Sure it’s a bit generic but it’s a good laugh with actors we like and enough of a plot to keep you awake. G a n g si g n s get th row n u p
The premise is pretty simple, Seth Rogen and his wife Rose Bryne move into a new house in a Desperate Housewives type white picket fence suburban neighborhood with their baby to enjoy parenthood. It’s all good until a fraternity decide to move into the house next door and proceed to act like a fraternity i.e throw wild parties, haze 1st years and call everyone bro. Seth and Rose don’t think the baby likes all the noise so they try and get the boys next door to keep it down. They don’t, Seth calls the cops (Hannibal Burress cameos as the cop) and thus begins the tamest turf war you’ve ever seen in your life.
Try ing to shrug off High S c ho o l M u s i c a l
The real surprise in Neighbors is Zac Efron. I didn’t expect much from the High School Musical super tween heart-throb but he is genuinely funny. It’s also worth pointing out how insanely ripped he is and that he’s shirtless for 80% of the film, so if that’s your kind of thing this might be worth a watch. Everyone else in it is pretty much how you would expect. Dave Franco, Seth Rogen and Christopher Mintz-Plasse all put in solid, funny performances but nothing out of the ordinary. Rose Byrne too is funny but not mind blowing, her and Seth make for an entertaining couple that wouldn’t feel out of place on a long running sitcom like H.I.M.Y.M. S afe laughs for a laz y evenin g
Neighbors is a quality Friday night wind down comedy that you’re probably not going to go back to anytime soon but you certainly won’t regret watching it. Keep an eye on Nicholas Stoller, with The 5-Year Engagement and Neighbors he is racking up some good mid level comedies, one of these days he might just make a cracker.
5.6
Funny cast, o.k plot, Hannibal Burress cameo, Neighbors ticks some boxes. Watch when it inevitably ends up on Neflix next sometime but don’t go out hunting for it.
UNDER THE SKIN D: Jonathan Glazer S: Scarlett Johansson “You have beautiful hands.”
Some films are weird, some are messed up, some don’t make sense, Under the Skin is all of the above on speed. It is confusing and requires you to constantly see between the lines to even make any sense of this film but at the same time I love it. I love it for the same reason I love R. Kelly’s Trapped in the Closet hip-hop opera and George Bush’s portraits of world leaders, literally no-one asked for them, they are completely none sensible but somewhere between art and insanity they found the sweet spot. You could argue that art is insanity but that’s a whole other thing. M u lt i p l e v i ew i n gs recom m en ded
Jonathan Glazer is probably best known for the 2000 Ray Winstone bizarre gangster epic Sexy Beast and Under the Skin isn’t a million miles from it, he’s just taken all the abstract storytelling and pushed it as far as it can possibly go. He keeps dialogue to a minimum making Ryan Gosling in Drive look like Chandler’s ex-girlfirend Janis from Friends. In a lot of ways Under the Skin is reminiscent of Drive and Only God Forgives,
the dialogue is sparse and the camera work is impeccable however the main difference comes with the story telling. In Only God Forgives however minimalist Winding Refn tries to be he does tell an easy to follow story. Glazer leaves you guessing about 90% of the film. At no point does he explain why Scarlett Johansson and Jeremy McWilliams are systematically killing off Edinburgh’s lonely men or what that black liquid is or if that’s even real or just a visual metaphor. Everything is left up for grabs in this film and that’s what makes it such a mesmerizing view. Glazer assumes the audience is intelligent and can piece together the intricate puzzle he has constructed before us and if you really invest yourself in the film it becomes exceedingly rewarding. I found that around the third viewing is when this film really started to click for me, watching this film once doesn’t do it justice. On the first view you’re just trying to piece the story together but on that second and third view you can start to really enjoy the camera work, immersive soundtrack and unique but brilliant performance from Scarlett Johansson.
8.7
Glazer’s mind is clearly operating on some next level shit in this one. Watch by yourself in a dark room and properly allow yourself to get swallowed by it.
GOD ZILLA D: Gareth Edwards S: Bryan Cranston, Aaron Taylor-Johnson “I know what happened here. You keep telling ever y body this is a death zone but it’s not! You’re lying”
Godzilla is a bit like Total Recall, great because it was awful. So when they announced a new shiny 2k14 CGI’d version the first reaction was to literally run to the hills in the hope that when you emerge 20 years later you will not only have a pack of awesome wolf bros but that all copies of this film have been destroyed by an actual Godzilla leaving the landscape utterly devastated but the people jubilant knowing that the film no longer graces our planet. But then they announced Bryan Cranston would be in it and it’s like hmm probably go see that, might be decent. Wh o n e e d s l ogi c w h en you got dinosaurs
The great thing with a film about giant dinosaurs fighting is that nothing else really needs make sense because hey we’ve got some dinosaurs fighting over here so look away as we move this nuclear missile by freight train for no apparent reason. Also it’s worth noting that in this version of Godzilla the dinosaurs like to eat radiation so in an effort to get them away from the cities the government puts a nuke on a train trying to lure them to the coast. At no point does
anyone stop to think about the fact that flying dinosaur monsters are definitely faster then the 9:34 from Boston to San Fransisco. I’m not disrespecting it though, this is probably the most enjoyable film I’ve seen all year it’s but if your after a Christopher Nolan style Godzilla film you will be let down. Jokes aside this is legit
Bryan Cranston is not the only superb actor in this film, he is joined by Elizabeth Olsen, Aaron Taylor-Johnson and Ken Watanabe. When you throw this many quality actors at a stupid film like this you’re pretty much guaranteed success. Director Gareth Edwards has done a brilliant job at making a silly yet slick film. It’s well shot with a soundtrack that is beautifully ominous and booming but without losing the magic of the original Godzilla films where it was a man in a dinosaur suit. Godzilla himself lunges about clumsily but when the moment calls for it can deliver a severe death blow, or lightning blow if it gets really real. As long as they don’t ever make a sequel this will have a been great explore into the world of Godzilla; seriously no sequel.
6.9
A great time with about as much depth as you can expect from a Godzilla film. If you missed it in IMAX just get the Blu-ray and sit really really really close to the T.V
T HE AMA ZING SPIDER-MAN 2 D: Marc Webb S: Andrew Garfield, Emma Stone “OsCorp had you under sur veillance.”
Like the first installment of this Spider-man reboot simply by not having Toby Maguire in it is enough to make this a great film. The first film showed us a new type of Spiderman and Gwen Stacey much more true to the comic books with Andrew Garfield bringing sharp witted yet utterly awkward persona to the character. The only person who would make a better Spider-man is Donald Glover but thats been long established. D e a t h b e d p rom i s es ai n ’t w orth ja c k
When we rejoin Spidey and Gwen they are getting on better then ever with Peter totally disregarding Mr. Stacey’s dying wish of staying away from his daughter. Classy move Spidey. Apart from disrespecting the dead everything is pretty smooth going for the web slinger but peace can never last, especially when Jamie Foxx gets electrocuted and turned blue by Oscorp. If there’s one thing Jamie Foxx hates it’s getting electrocuted and turned blue. Throw in a pissed off Dane DeHaan and Paul Gimatti in a giant robotic rhino suit and boom you have got yourself a great superhero movie.
Get out the S y lv ia Plath
Dane DeHaan, as with every film he has been in, steals the show. He plays a fresh out of college Harry Osborn who has enough emotional problems to make Shia LeBouf seem balanced. If he was found dead it would be down to Dylan Thomas not Spider-man. It’s refreshing to see great performances all round as superhereo movies tend to rely on action over acting as The Avengers and Iron Man have proved in recent years. Even actors in supporting roles like Sally Field as Aunt May give superb performances which just make the film feel a lot more whole. Please no Mary Jane
Marc Webb has continued to bring the quality with The Amazing Spider-man 2 finding a brilliant tone of voice and style for the previously tainted franchise. However the 3rd installment is a worrying prospect now Gwen is gone. They will need a new female lead and hopefully they will not try and introduce Mary Jane into it because no one likes M.J except for maybe the teenage boys lusting over cosplayed girls at Comic-Con.
6.7
Another hit for Marc Webb, successfully bringing the fun back to Spider-man. Watch on Blu-ray with the speakers turned to 11, beers cold as ice and the junk food piled high.
NEW ORAN IT’S
T.V NGE; This issue:
Looking forward to:
Orange is the New Black The Netflix dram-com kills it again with season 2. Crazy eyes gets crazier. All is good.
Community Winter After being canceled yet again Yahoo come to the rescue to bring us season 6. The dream of getting six seasons and a movie is getting closer and closer all the time.
Louie Louie returns after a year off with it’s most insanely ambitious season yet. Community The gas leak is over but Troy is gone... How I Met Your Mother After 9 seasons we say goodbye to H.I.M.Y.M but not before 22 episodes of wedding. Boardwalk Empire Season 4 falls flat but still has it’s moments. Parks & Recreation Not the best season but still pretty solid. The Big Bang Theor y Same shit, different season. Archer [Vice] A baby, a tiger and a ton of cocaine later Archer produces it’s best season yet.
The Walking Dead 12h October The season 5 trailer just dropped at Comic-Con and it looks pretty special. As times get harder for Rick and co this means the action will be all the sweeter. Gotham 22nd September A TV series about Commissioner Gordon you say? Yes please. Who knows if it will be any good but it’s got to be worth a watch. Aquarius Winter David Duchovny’s first post Californication appearence. He plays a cop tracking Charles Manson. This might get freaky. Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt Winter The 30 Rock writing team is back for a new comedy about a women (Tina Fey) who escapes a cult and then tries to start her life over again in New York.
OR ANGE IS T HE NE W BL AC K Season 2, Netflix S: Taylor Schilling, Uzo Aduba “How’s this whole ‘agenda’ thing work”
A year after the season 1 Orange is the New Black is back to put us through the emotional wringer again but this time with extra tampons. S t ay i n g a s s tron g as L eB ron on Viagra
Season 1 showed us how much creator Jenji Kohan had moved on from her last show, Weeds was a great show but 8 seasons was just a bit too much of Nancy, Silas and Shane’s adventures in the world of drug dealing. Season 2 only showcases this further with the vast cast growing to even more quality characters whilst not neglecting the existing ones. The story lines have got bigger, more ambitious and willing to take risks that maybe the first season wouldn’t have taken. Netflix is showing us how a networkless show can flourish without the harsh restrictions you would find on a major network. When season 2 of House of Cards dropped in February it showed us that they were not afraid to axe key characters at no
9.9.8 A powerhouse of a second season, Netflix continue to bring the quality.
measure but the writers take their sweet time divulging this information. Turns out Piper is there because they have captured Kubra, the drug lord for whom Piper and Alex trafficked drugs, they need Alex and Piper to testify against him to ensure he gets locked up. This episode exposes a lot of things but most of all how easily Piper’s hard exterior she built up in season 1 can be smashed down when faced with a new environment. This episode almost mirrors the first episode ever, we see how Piper reacts to her new prison. This time round she is willing to take a bit less shit and knows roughly how the prison ecosystem works but deep down is still very much the terrified suburban white girl from the first episode. The ar t o f p e e r p re s s u re
Episode two puts a lot of fears to rest but makes up a whole lot of new ones. It opens with the first part of Taystee and Vee’s origin story. Vee is probably the most important of
“ Why are we punishing ourselves when we’ re a l r e a d y b e i n g p u n i s h e d ? T h a t d o e s n ’ t m a k e s e n s e .” the new characters as she not only has deep emotional roots with Taystee but can also manipulate people into becoming extremely loyal to her very quickly. She proves this with Suzanne a.k.a Crazy Eyes. Building on her existing relationship with Taystee and her befriending of Crazy Eyes Vee is able to quickly build a gang to help her kick start the cigarette racket she had going last time she was in Litchfield. The business plan is pretty solid. Smuggle in the cigarettes in the cleaning supplies, hide them in tampon cases, sell them for stamps and then later sell the stamps on the outside and pocket a fortune. Simple. Vee’s mistake in this business though comes when she tries to start selling stuff harder then tobacco,
notice or go super dark with story lines and this shows again in O.I.T.N.B. None of the characters ever feel safe, not even main ones like Piper and Alex and this is where O.I.T.N.B excels. In other recent drama’s like Dexter or The Walking Dead however good they are you know that Dexter and Rick are never going to get killed off, which is fine but it makes the whole deal feel a bit safe. O.I.T.N.B doesn’t give a fuck about how you feel, it will build up a character to become very likable only to destroy that with a horrendous back story or spend a season developing a background character only to kill her off at the end of it and that’s what makes the show so great. R e p i lo t - i n g
The first episode of season 2 was extremely unnerving and felt like a reboot. It opens with Piper being taken from solitary and forcibly carted into a minivan then taken to an airport and flown to Chicago to a mixed gender high security prison and it very much feels like we’ve said goodbye to Crazy Eyes, Taystee, Big Boo and Red and hello to crazy star sign lady, a cockroach enthusiast and super creepy hit-man with a really rape-y vibe. But luckily this is not season 9 of Scrubs and they haven’t recast everyone it is just a temporary
Key sc ene It doesn’t take Vee long to find someone who she can control and after watching the others put Crazy Eyes on eternal clock duty for their charades game all it takes is for Vee to suggest letting Crazy Eyes play to win her affections. However mean it was of the others to not let Crazy Eyes play what Vee tries to do is a lot worse. This Episode 3:
move by Vee not only wins the loyalty of Crazy Eyes but
Hugs Can be Deceiving
also gets the attention of Poussey, Black Cindy and Janae.
Friend
NEW CHARACTERS
Boyfriend
Father Vee’s old gang Daughter
Father
Non-paying customer
Girlfriend
Friend Christopher
Sister
Chemo friend
Fellow protesters
Boyfriends/Bank robbers
Nurse Ex-girlfriend
Mother
Adoptive parents
Deliver note to Alex
Inspires hunger strike
M O S T I M P O RTA N T N E W C H A R AC T E R S
Attempted to shank
Ve e Pa rke r
Taslitz
Andre w N a n c e
Bro o k So s o
When Vee steps in you
Probably the most brutal
This guy tries to get
A true hippy, she’s
know she means business.
of the new characters,
Piper to do some casual
incarcerated for protesting.
As soon as she arrives
you find out that she’s in
espionage in the prison so
She tries to befriend
she sets up a cigarette
there for killing someone
he can write an expose.
Piper who in return tries
operation and messes up
with an axe. When Vee
He meets Larry first and
to pimp her out to Big
the lives of all the people
starts messing with Red
then Larry sets up the
Boo. Soso’s biggest move
unfortunate enough to be
Taslitz doesn’t hesitate to
meet with Piper, for some
this season is causing the
associated with her.
try shank her. She gets the
reason she decides to
hunger strike that leaves
wrong women. Awkward.
actually help him.
Sister Ingalls in sick bay.
Stacks of past beef
Gang mother
GANGS Vee’s G an g
Th e Go l d e n Gi r l s
On the outside Vee had Taystee and
Spearheaded by Red The Golden
a whole crew but inside she just had
Girls make a fierce crew. They are
Taystee but not for long. With Taystee’s
underestimated and smart, quickly
endorsement Poussey, Black Cindy and
managing to set up a smuggling ring from
Janae quickly join Vee. Meanwhile Vee
the greenhouse. Red gains the respect
has been grooming Crazy Eyes into her
of Irma, Freida and Taslitz fairly quickly
prison daughter. The gang works well
but the crew starts to disintegrate after
for about 2 episodes but it all falls apart
Taslitz shanks the wrong person. Later in
when Janae gets busted for cigarettes.
the season The Golden Girls are basically
Poussey and Taystee leave soon after and
over with Red having reformed her old
soon it’s just Vee and Black Cindy.
crew minus Big Boo.
ORIGIN STORIES G lori a Men doza
S ister Ja n e I n g a l l s
In the kitchen Gloria is a strong front not to be fucked
Why is there a nun in prison? It’s a question that has to
with but her past shows us that was not always the case.
have a great story behind it and indeed it does. Sister
She ran a food stamps scam out of a corner shop, for
Jane was a glory protester who used her vow to gain
which she later gets busted for, but her boyfriend beats
publicity. You see her get ejected from the sisterhood
her. This guy has a grip on her, she keeps trying to get
after her book lands, a book in which she questions her
away but he works his way back. Prison seems to be her
faith multiple times. Sister Jane in a nutshell is fame
chance to start over and not be taken prisoner by anyone.
hungry and even now is itching for that attention.
Vee Parker & Tas h a ‘ Tay stee’ Jefferson
S uz ann e ‘ Cra z y Ey e s ’ Wa r re n
We discover the two go way way back, back to when
We’ve never known what Suzanne did to end up in
Taystee was an orphan. Vee never officially adopts her
Litchfield and we still don’t, but it’s starting to add
but Vee is the person Taystee certainly looked to as a
up. She is actually adopted, by 2 white parents who
mother. Vee gets her involved in her drug business which
couldn’t get pregnant but here’s the kicker they then get
is presumably why Taystee ended up in prison. What this
pregnant. Flash forward to Suzanne getting very angry
back story shows is how Vee can manipulate lonely and
at the hospital when she can’t her hold her new sister for
vulnerable people into a state where she is their world
longer. Go forward again to see Suzanne at a birthday party
and they will do anything she says. Also turns out Vee
where the stuck up white girls make fun of her obvious
came up with the nickname Taystee. Small world.
mental problems. Going forward again we see her freak out at high school graduation. Her declining mental health has to be the cause of her imprisonment but how?
Lorn a Morello
Pousse y Wa s h i n g to n
Throughout season 1 Lorna had been planning her
In season 1 we didn’t see much of Poussey at all so
wedding to Christopher, the amazing man of her dreams
her back story was anyones guess but this season we
and the fact that this was a legit relationship was never
have been treated to a lot more of her. Her father was
really questioned. A phone call from her sister telling
a military officer who got moved around the world,
her Christopher is marrying someone else sends Lorna
when we catch up with her she is in Germany and under
down a dark path. In the flashback we find out that she
the impression she will be staying there. However, her
had in fact been stalking him the whole time, so intensely
girlfriends father (a senior officer) walks in whilst the
that he gets a restraining order against her. Also turns
two are otherwise occupied and orders Pousseys family
out Lorna had been committing massive postal fraud the
away from the base. We still don’t know how P ends up at
whole time so that’s fun.
Litchfield but hopefully season 3 will reveal all.
R os a C i s n eros
Cindy ‘ Bl a c k Ci n d y ’ H ay e s
Before her cancer Rosa was a bank robber. Her crew
Turns out Cindy was a TSA agent at an airport before
consisted of herself and 3 other guys, as she gradually
being sent to Litchfield. She also has a young daughter
slept with them and they died. Thinking she’s cursed she
who doesn’t realise Cindy is her mother as she has been
attempts a sloppy robbery that lands her in Litchfield.
under the impression Cindy’s mother is her own mother.
Accompanied Rosa to hospital Forces her to have a shower
Blackmailed by kitchen staff Broke up
P R I S O N S TA F F
Took her job as Executive to the Warden
Got back together
Had crush on
Fired
Baby daddy
Fired
Breifly dated Still believes he is the baby daddy
In the band Sideboob Fired Married Pulled in favours to get furlow
DEAD
Having an affair
MISC
“ I knew them bitches was lying when they said you left here looking like Omar from The Wire. ” causing her crew to dissipate at an alarming rate. This is when the claws come out and we see her even darker side. Vee is incredibly intimidating and after a couple of flash backs to when she was in Litchfield with Red we understand why there is so much beef there.
she doesn’t have to be pushed around by the other inmates and that she is not a joke. This new Suzanne steals the whole of season 2, she is mesmerizing to watch and it’s safe to say that season 3 is truly going to be the season of Suzanne.
Th e d e a t h o f C razy E yes
Jokes o n Ve e
In Crazy Eyes’ origin story you see how she is pushed away by a lot of people and more then anything craves the love of a parent figure, a trait that Vee takes full advantage of in order to get Crazy Eyes to be extremely loyal to her. This method of becoming a mother figure to at risk people in order to gain loyalty is nothing new to Vee, as we see in her origin story this is how she gets Taystee to work for her. What is interesting is seeing how far she can take the act. In the final flash back we see R.J (one of Vee’s crew from back when Taystee was outside) try and start a rival operation. R.J see’s it as showing Vee how much she has taught him and is trying to make her proud but Vee just sees it as another problem. If she wanted to shut him down there’s some very simple ways she could’ve done it, to be honest she probably could’ve just pressured him hard enough and he would’ve done it but she does it in the most disturbing way possible. By forcing him to sleep with her she shatters his whole emotional world before having him shot. This exposes the no mercy, no emotion approach Vee has to business and how easily she can destroy people who are supposed to be important to her. Vee enables Crazy Eyes to really grow as a character, in season 1 she is very much just the Crazy Eyes obsessive stalker of Piper but in season 2 she becomes the not to be fucked with Suzanne. Vee may take advantage of Suzanne but also frees her at the same time. OK she did try and get Suzanne sent to maximum security for the attack that leaves Red in sick bay but she also made her realise
Vee’s Kim-Jong Ill approach to leadership is ultimately her downfall and after watching one member of her crew put in solitary, another drink herself into illness and then trying to blame an assault she committed on the mentally disabled member she loses everyone but Black Cindy’s loyalty whilst Suzanne gains everyone else’s. Going in the opposite direction of Vee is Red even after a spectacular de-throning last season she has well and truly fought her way back and paid the iron price along the way. Starting with the allegiance of “The Golden Girls” and then using that leadership to get the old crew back Red stands in a powerful position going into season 3. A takeover of the kitchen could well be within reach as this season. The Latino kitchen crew have not really used their position of power to do anything except make some cakes as bribes here and there. The wo n d e r s o f ti me tra ve l
Origin stories are what it’s been about this season with each episode revealing a little more about at least one of the characters. Taystee and Suzanne’s origin stories helped establish Vee as a character but we also saw Lorna, Rosa, Poussey, Sister Jane, Black Cindy and Gloria take a turn in the Deloreon. They have helped really understand where some of the inmates have come from and turn some characters who were very much in the background into characters you really have an attachment to. Poussey and Gloria in particular have gone from fairly uninteresting characters to pretty much the best of the
G a me - f a c e b i tch O.I.T.N.B joined the contest club this season with their Big Boo/Nicky bang-off storyline. The contest storyline is a well
A lw ays Sunny
Friends
H.I.M.Y. M
Se i n fe l d
used one but a classic
Season 7, Episode 7:
Season 4, Episode 12:
Season 2, Episode 9:
Season 2, Episode 24:
nonetheless. Big Boo and
Chardee MacDennis
The One with the Embr yos
Slap Bet
The Contest
to different inmates with
The contest mostly
Joey and Chandler vs.
Barney and Marshall bet
The gang sees who can
people like Soso worth
involves drinking and
Rachel and Monica to win
on what Robin’s secret is,
go the longest without
a couple but guards like
insulting Dee but do you
the apartment in a game
the winner gets to slap the
jerking off. Kramer loses
Susan worth 10.
really need anything else?
of extreme friend trivia.
other as hard as they can.
pretty much instantly.
Nicky’s awarded points
supporting cast. It has set both of them up to do something major in season 3. Some of the stories however have left us with more questions then answers. Lorna, Sister Jane and Gloria’s stories pretty much wrapped everything up but Suzanne and Poussey’s are left wide open with the main question being how did they end up in Litchfield?! There are still a lot of characters the series is yet to explore but I’m sure season 3 will provide. Tu rn s o u t L a rry’s a player
With such strong story lines for the supporting cast Piper, Alex and Larry have seemed like more of a distraction then the focus this season. The story line they have going at the moment is compelling enough but compared to people getting shanked and gang warfare it falls a little flat. Piper after the initial mystery prison knock to her confidence has got much stronger and independent as her personal life falls down around her. Larry is now with Pipers ex-best friend Polly (fun fact: the actor who plays Polly also plays Delores on Louie a.k.a the women who cries after making Louie spank her). This basically leaves Piper with her brother and Alex but I honestly can’t see Alex sticking around much longer now she is on the outside. If we do see much more of Alex it will probably be because she has been sent back inside or Piper has got out. Piper and Alex are going in opposite directions to
5 seasons plz When excellent shows like this come along it’s only natural to want them to last forever but like with Breaking Bad and The Wire part of the brilliance is knowing
each other now with Piper pretty much stuck on the inside but her mental state becoming more solid, Alex is now free on the outside but all her confidence is lost, leaving her paranoid and stuck in Queens. Ultimately it looks like Piper will out grow Alex, a move that will make her not only a much stronger person but also in a position to take on people like Gloria, Vee and Red.
when to stop. Weeds (8 seasons) was too long,
Keep i t c o mi n g Je n j i
let’s hope Jenji doesn’t
Season 2 has firmly cemented O.I.T.N.B up there with House of Cards and True Detective in the top tier of shows out at the moment. It is excelling with it’s top class, intelligent writing and incredible character development showing other dramas like Game of Thrones how it is done. Every episode of O.I.T.N.B is essentially a bottle episode given that all the main characters are stuck inside which makes the quality of the show all the more impressive, it would be easy to let a show with a setting like this to fall into mediocrity fairly quickly but instead it is pushing the barriers of what a drama is. Next season has plenty of story to go on with the aftermath of Vee as well as the continuing debacle over Diaz’s baby. Let’s hope we see a lot more origin stories and get some answers as to why they are all in there. If season 3 can keep the same quality, tone and imagination of season 2 there is no reason why O.I.T.N.B couldn’t sit up there with classics like The Wire and Oz.
repeat that with O.I.T.N.B.
L OUIE Season 4, FX S: Louis C.K, Pamela Adlon “No need to dip into my data plan...BOOM!”
10.9.10 Rarely is perfection exceeded but Louis C.K. isn’t your average talent.
This season of Louie has been surreal. Louis took a year off to write this season and it has paid off big time. Season 4 is some of the most experimental but ingenious comedy that has graced our television sets. The show has reached a point where I’m not even sure it can be classed as a comedy show anymore, not because it’s unfunny but because Louis has created something bigger then a comedy show, I would go as far as to say it surpasses even being a ‘show’. It’s an art. They should be showing it on loop in the Tate, throw away all those Bacon’s and Rothko’s and replace them with C.K’s. This may all sound like massive over-hype but I can assure you it’s under-hype if anything. The structure of season 4 is very different to what has come before, instead of a load of stand alone episodes and a 2 or 3 parter at the end it is split into 3 stand alone, a 2 parter, a 3 parter and a 6 parter. To reflect this I’ve split this up into relevant sections. Wh en L ouie met that girl from Dexter
The first 3 episodes of season 4 feel almost like a warm up for the batshit crazy episodes you will see later in the season. They also remind just how great Louie is, not that you
could forget. He continues to use the classic Seinfeld format but 4 seasons on it has been twisted and distorted so much you would forget it’s origin if it wasn’t for the occasional cut to the Comedy Cellar to see Louie do some stand-up. The stand out of the 3 pre-batshit crazy episodes that are still batshit crazy has to be the second one. Louie agrees to help out Jerry Seinfeld and open for him at a charity event and Louie bombs hard. Like really hard. Only one person seems to be enjoying his set and, naturally, it’s Hannah from Dexter. After the show Louie makes a swift exit but Hannah finds him in the car park and offers him a ride. The next 15 minutes are just beautiful. The two of them couldn’t be more different in terms of social standing but in a weird way they are kind of the same, they both feel awkward in themselves but at the same time don’t give a fuck about what other people think of them. The whole episode is very reminiscent of episode 5 of season 2 of Girls where Hannah meets the rich guy after dumping rubbish outside his house. The difference between Louie and Girls though is that Louie can’t have a chance encounter and not suffer somehow. After
accidentally hitting her in the face post sex he blinds her one eye and is subsequently sued by the family. This sets the tone for the season. In the way season 3 was about career ambition and personal growth season 4 is about relationships, not in a season 2 trying to get with Pamela while spanking Delores way but a this is it kind of way. The next episode reinforces this idea further when he reluctantly goes on a date with Vanessa, a slightly overweight waitress from the club.
Guests on guests It’s not exactly a secret that Louis C.K has some superb friends who often
Lost i n tra n s l a ti o n
drop by. This season
The biggest story arch of this season was a 6 episode one where Louie ends up dating a Hungarian women who cannot speak a word of English. It’s in this story arch that Louis C.K really shows off how far the show has come. The relationship builds slowly but with sudden moments of clarity where you can see Louie falling hard for Amia. The most notable is when Louie is bringing Jane up the stairs, Amia notices her violin and makes the two wait in the hallway. She returns with her violin and the two of them play a heartwrenchingly beautiful Hungarian folk song. It completely breaks the pace of the episode which adds even more impact to it. It is worth paying attention to the structure of each episode in season 4. Louie as a show has never stuck rigidly to the classic problem, jokes, problem solved formula that most comedies rely on but this season in particular has experimented even further. It’s not afraid to abruptly end an episode or spend 70% of an episode completely off plot. This is where
has been no different with appearences by Jerry Seinfeld, Yvonne Strahovski and Jeremy Renner as well as the usual host of a-list
H e a v y p o l i t i cs
They get on pretty well but Louie doesn’t find her attractive and it basically leads to her making her case for ‘the fat gals’ and they need to be loved too. The speech is one of the best moments of the season, it’s so intense and heartfelt but not desperate, like the rest of the season it’s perfect. I have seen a lot of people talk about Louis C.K making a statement and sticking up for plus size women in this episode but I’m not sure that’s what he’s getting at. I think like episode 2 he is setting up Louie as a character for the rest of the season and showing us what Louie is after and what he is not. Louie has always been a wants what the
heart wants kind of character so why would that change now. If he was trying to make a statement we would know about it.
stand-up comics.
“ I know you want me to say things and act a way. And it's not that I don't feel certain...ugh. Look, I want to do what you want, but I just can't. There are some things that I just can't do. So...is it okay...that we're here? I want to be here. We're in a tub. We like each other. Can this just be okay?”
one of it’s major strengths lies. With most comedies you know what you getting into, having a comedy where you have no clue what is coming next is a rare thing and this makes Louie is consistently interesting. Sorry, back to Amia. The relationship grows pretty slowly because of the language barrier but by not rushing into bed or being able to ruin things with words Louie for the first time in a long time can enjoy just getting to know a women. The relationship actually gives Louie a lot of self esteem and a generally more positive outlook on life. This new Louie is given his first real challenge when he gets a call from Pamela who is back in New York and wants to meet. We’ve not seen Pamela for about 2 seasons and the last time we did see her it left Louie heartbroken. When they meet this time though he is rude to her, trying to brush her away even though she is basically offering him everything he wanted 2 seasons ago. The Louie we knew last season wouldn’t have hesitated to take her up on the offer even if he was dating someone and that’s when we really know how much of an impact Amia has had on him. When fateful episode 6 of the story arch comes along it’s game over for Louie and Amia but the break up is executed so painfully beautifully that it will crack even the stone hearted. It is the ending that all romantic films have been looking for all these years. The two of them desperately wanting to express their emotions to each other in a Hungarian restaurant where Amia gets a waiter to translate a letter she has written Louie. It leaves the Louie, Amia and the waiter in tears. These words will never be able to do justice to this scene so I recommend just seeing it for yourself. U p i n t h e w o ods , dow n on m y m i nd
You can’t have a season of Louie without a flashback to him as a kid and a glimpse at his scarring childhood. After Louie catches Lily smoking pot he flashes back for 2 whole episodes to when he first got into smoking pot in high school. The main events in the 2 episodes are him and his mother drifting apart and him betraying his science teacher. When the flash
back starts him and his mother are very close but once he starts smoking he generally becomes distant from everyone around him, it all builds up to his mother telling him she doesn’t even care if he stays at the house anymore. Combine this with his friends ditching him and being threatened by a drug dealer by the time we leave kid Louie he is exceedingly depressed but it also explains a lot of adult Louie’s behavior. S he’ll a l w ay s h a ve Pa r i s
Amia and Louie are done. Pamela is back in New York. This has to happen right? Spoiler alert. It does and it’s flippin’ beautiful. Sorry to repeat myself but if Louis C.K wrote romantic films there would not be a dry eye in the house. The Louie we’ve watched grow all season just comes in and uses the pain he got from Amia, the guilt from Vanessa and the shame from Hannah and just streams it into this new focused Louie who knows what he wants and he’s damn sure going to get it. Pamela has gone in the opposite direction when it comes to confidence and self esteem. We don’t know what happened in Paris but it’s left her hurting. She puts on a brave face pretending to be season 2 Pamela but something is going on there. Hopefully season 5 will bring some answers, maybe in the form of a whole episode solely about Pamela? We’ll just have to wait and see. Despite saying a few episodes earlier she wanted to be with Louie he really has to convince her she still wants him. It gets a little creepy to be honest but he pulls it off. These last 2 episodes of the season, establishing Louie and Pamela as a couple are just incredible. The only thing you can really compare them to is Annie Hall, it’s the only thing perfect enough to stand side by side with these episodes. Now w e w a i t
This season has exceeded expectations and then some, I mean we knew it was going to be good but not this good. Season 5 is scheduled for next year and if Louis C.K can continue on his current form you know it’s going to be even better.
C OMMUNI T Y Season 5, NBC S: Danny Pudi, Alison Brie, Joel McHale “Once you reach level 16, you can see the colour blurple.”
M Y E M OT IO NS! Episode 5: Geothermal Escapism We’d known going into season 5 that Donald Glover wouldn’t be staying but advance notice doesn’t make it any less devastating. The episode itself was a superb love letter of Troy and Abed’s friendship. Using a game of the floor is lava Abed tries to escape his real feelings about Troy leaving but in the end Abed lets his facade break. Not even a guest appearance from LeVar Burton can stop me from welling up.
7.9.6
Harmon’s back but shedding actors left and right leaving it feeling a little hollow.
He’s back. Dan Harmon is back. Get out the Charleston Chews and proclaim E Pluribus Anus because the man who made Community great has returned like Obi-wan to Luke and he’s ready to fix the gas leak. But, wait. Donald Glover is leaving. Take off the gas masks and breathe it in heavily because a world without Troy is surely not a world worth living in. Les s pop pop, more sob sob
Community lost 2 key characters this season seeing Pierce get killed off and Troy set off on an around the world boating trip with LeVar Burton. Pierce doesn’t feel like a tremendous loss, he added a certain humor to the show but that gap can easily be plugged by Chang or Professor Duncan. The one aspect that will change with Pierce gone is that no-one in the group has big money anymore so if the gang need bank-rolling for a new expensive caper they will be out of luck. The loss that is going to be harder to fill is that of Troy, how can you have Troy and Abed in the Morning without Troy? Abed in the Morning is a much more depressing show about Abed drinking fake coffee and feeling lonely. Not all hope is lost, even though Donald Glover has not expressed any interest in coming back for season 6 Troy was never killed off so he could possibly come back for the finale or the movie if that ever
happens. Needless to say the 8 episodes after Troys departure don’t feel whole, the show will never really recover from losing him. Always b e Ca g e i n g
This season has had some classic episodes that only Community could pull off, most notably episodes 2 and 11. In episode 2 we see Abed take a class similar to his Who’s the Boss? class from season 2 but this time it’s Nicolas Cage, Good or Bad? A question that I have tried to answer many times and many times I have failed. It drives Abed to and over the brink of insanity resulting in an attack of film perfect Cage Rage. Episode 11 shows off what Dan Harmon does best; take a reference way too far. The whole episode is animated in the style of G.I Joe which provides all the lols but the end of the episode really reminded us of how great Community is. The whole episode has just been the fever dream of an overdosed Jeff sick in hospital. Community is the only show other than Louie that is willing to emotionally batter you like this. S ix se a s o n s a n d a mo v i e
Season 5 has had a season 2 vibe all the way through it but the second half without Troy was definitely a struggle. Season 6 has been confirmed but unless Dan Harmon can get Donald Glover back I worry for it’s quality.
HO W I ME T Y OUR MO T HER Season 9, CBS S: Josh Radnor, Cristina Milioti “It’s been a major pleasure, Major Pleasure”
P re t t y p e rf ect Episode 23-24: Last Forever I had big worries for the finale, what with season 8 being mega patchy and 9 feeling super slow but they pulled it off. All the characters are tied up well with no annoying spin-off possiblities. Lily and Marshall’s story is finished in a boring way but this suits their roles in the show for the past 3 seasons. Barney’s 5 seasons of development finally work upto something good whilst Ted and Robin well, it was on since episode one.
6.6.5
It finished well but took forever to get there. We didn’t need 22 wedding episodes.
When How I Met your Mother started all the way back in 2005 it nicely filled the void left by Friends but now 9 seasons on it’s over and the void it’s left nothing like the Friends one. With Friends it was upsetting to see it end but with H.I.M.Y.M it’s more of a relief. Legen . . . w ait for it, no really, wait
The first 7 seasons of H.I.M.Y.M provided us with some of the best storytelling and comedy around but then the dark days of season 8 came and changed everything. Prior to that season the show had moved along a decent pace, it was never fast but at the end of a season you could look back and clearly see what had been accomplished. However these last two seasons have been a painful crawl to the finish with it taking Barney a whole season to propose to Robin and then a further 22 episodes in season 9 to marry her. This is even more frustrating when they then have to cram into 2 episodes what could’ve been 10. The season would’ve worked a lot better if it had been split 50/50, 12 episodes on Barney and Robins wedding and then the final 12 on wrapping everything up. In those final 2 episodes they cover some really interesting story that just feels like it’s been very much skipped over. They probably wouldn’t have been the most uplifting episodes in the series but they would have given the characters the space and time
they deserved in order to finish their stories properly. Don’t get me wrong the ending does tie everything up neatly and well but it just would’ve been interesting to dig a little deeper into some of those stories. Robin especially feels very neglected in those final 2 episodes, we see very little of her and even though references are made to her being away with work it does just feel a little lazy. S laps a l l fo l k s
The main question the H.I.M.Y.M ending has left us with is what will replace it? There’s nothing hanging about at the moment that has that whole bunch of friends in New York vibe about it. You just have shows like The Big Bang Theory and New Girl but they really lack the Friends/Seinfeld/New York structure that a show like H.I.M.Y.M relied so heavily on. Although when you really think about it do we really need another show like H.I.M.Y.M? Friends was a budget version of Seinfeld and H.I.M.Y.M was a budget version of Friends, do we really need to dilute this formula again with something that Chuck Lorre would no doubt have his fingers stuck in. Maybe instead of looking for something new we should just sit back and enjoy remember the time George bought that cashmere sweater or when Joey ate that awful cottage pie trifle abomination or Marshall slapping Barney in the face five times.
BOARDWALK EMPIRE Season 4, HBO S: Steve Buscemi, Michael K. Williams “There’s no need for this to get violent”
Rough night? Episode 4: All In When another student at Wills college humiliates him while he’s getting with a girl he vows brown revenge but it turns red. Will and his roommate Clayton lace the other kids whiskey with chemicals thinking it will give him really bad diarrhea but they put too much in and he kind of well, he dies. It’s rough. This death thrusts Will into the main story line for the rest of the season. Thanks to Nucky Clayton goes down for the murder.
6.5.5
By far the weakest season but it’s all built up for a shoot out of a final season.
The season we’d all been waiting finally came and it was a bit disappointing. For the first 3 seasons Chalky White has obviously been the best character and constant complaint with those seasons is that we didn’t get enough Chalky. Season 4 gives us Chalky, in spades but unfortunately fails to give us the tight, nail-baiting story lines that past seasons have consistently delivered. Carry O n Doc tor
The biggest change to the show is the introduction of Dr. Valentin Narcisse. He’s meant to be the new Gyp Rossetti, unfortunately he doesn’t have the threatening mad streak that made Gyp the powerhouse he was in season 3. Sadly Dr. Narcisse doesn’t share Gyp’s passion for auto erotic asphyxiation so we miss out on those hilarious scenes of naked men with belts round their necks having shoot outs. He does however have a passion for amateur theatre, his dire efforts of direction prove to be quite entertaining especially when you discover his audience only attend due to intimation and threats. Other then that there is very little light relief this season, the beauty of Boardwalk Empire was it’s ability to throw in hilarious moments in amongst the serious drama. Usually it’s the job of Mickey but even he has been low on laughs this season. I mean Boardwalk is a drama so it’s under no
pressure to be funny but it’s ability to make fun of itself has always been one of the attractions to the show to me anyway. All a b i t s e e th ro u g h
The story this season has felt a bit lack luster. You can pretty much see everything coming a mile off and that’s a problem for Boardwalk. It’s never been like Breaking Bad or Mad Men where you just couldn’t guess what would happen next, you always knew roughly what would happen but how they would get there was always up for grabs. Season 4 just spelled everything out and left very little to the unexpected, to be honest you could get away with just watching the 3 and the last 2 episodes of this season and you’d be able to figure it all out pretty quickly. W inni n g b y d e fa u l t i s n ’t w i n n i n g
This season has also destroyed some of it’s best characters, Chalky, Rothstein and Nucky all become a bit pathetic and lose all the aggression and the don’t-fuck-with-me-ness they have developed over the last 3 seasons. Eli is the only character to really see any real solid character development this season and by default is the most interesting this season. Despite it’s failings season 4 does set the show up for a thrilling final season but unfortunately has destroyed it’s strongest characters along the way.
PA R K S & R E C R E A T I O N Season 6, NBC S: Amy Phoeler, Chris Pratt, Aubrey Plaza “Let me present to you The Cones of Dunshire”
W y a t t Me n C a n ’t Ju m p Episode 6: Fillibuster This is the first episode where we really know that Leslie is going to lose her office. However it does also prove quite how solid Ben and Leslie’s relationship is. While Leslie is fillibusting at City Hall she has an early 90s roller skating birthday party for Ben going on, because appartently he has a thing for girls in roller skates?! Tom meanwhile, dressed as Kriss Kross, attempts to woo a nurse.
7.8.5
Undoubtably excellent but a few of the stories feel a bit too familar.
It’s impossible to be unhappy while watching Parks & Rec, they have already given us 5 seasons of joy and season 6 isn’t much different. However it does suffer actor losses like Community has done with Rashida Jones (Ann) and Rob Lowe (Chris) both leaving the show mid season. Vagu e deja v u
In the past seasons the story has always been interesting and significantly different every season which for a 24 episode a season comedy is no easy achievement however in the tail end of this season cracks begin to show. The first half of the season is classic Parks & Rec and between a trip to London and the merging of the Pawnee and Eagleton governments there is plenty going on but in the second half the quality dips slightly. The Unity Concert story line feels too similar to the Harvest Festival one back in season 3, however Parks & Rec can always rely on it’s secondary characters like Jean-Ralphio and L’il Sebastian when times get tough. The quality of the Unity Concert episodes is still very high and they are continually funny, just wish the story had been a bit different. I get the sense the writers realised this as the final episode of the season imposes drastic changes to the lives of all the characters, leaving them with effectively a blank slate for season 7, which will be it’s last.
Can’t b e l i eve yo u ’ re l e a v i n g me
As well as L’il Sebastian returning as a Tupac style hologram this season saw several new characters join the beloved cast. When Pawnee and Eagleton merge they end up having multiple people in the same position. It is a very organic way to introduce new characters and doesn’t at any point feel forced. Some of the new characters like Ron Dunn and Tynnyfer only last for one or two episodes but Craig and Nadia are welcome additions who seem to be here to stay. Losing Chris and Ann hasn’t hurt the show in the way that losing Troy in Community has. In the past season they had both slipped into more of a upper secondary character like Donna or Jerry, there for some jokes but really not essential to the story. It’s sad to see them go but I don’t think they are gone for good, it seems highly likely that Ben and Leslie will visit them at least once and I’m sure whatever the finale is they will be there. Time to s ay g o o d b y e
This season has been a very uneven one with the first half being distinctly better but you have to bear in mind that even a mediocre episode of Parks & Rec is still streets ahead of the best episode of The Big Bang Theory. It will be a shame to wave goodbye to it next season but the time feels right. Rather let it go early then watch it fall like The Office did.
T HE BIG BANG T HE OR Y Season 7, CBS S: Jim Parsons, Kaley Cuoco-Sweeting “I just vomited on a lot of clowns”
F i n a l ly, a b reak f ro m mo n o t on y Episode 22: The Proton Transmogrification Episodes like this are the most frustrating ones because they show you this show could be pretty decent if they tried. When Professor Proton, Sheldon’s childhood hero, dies Sheldon tries to hide how much it has upset him. This eventually leads to one of the only tender and authentic moments in the shows entire history. More episodes like this and less of the really boring sexist stuff plz.
4.4.4
Nothing new here, one or two good episodes can’t make up for a 22 disappointments.
Chuck Lorre is the Michael Bay of TV, he makes a lot of money for making a lot of shit because he made something half decent 20 years ago. For Michael Bay they were films like The Rock and Armageddon but for Chuck Lorre it’s probably more like those 2 episodes of Charles in Charge he wrote and maybe the 1st episode of Two and a Half Men. How someone with less credentials then Michael Bay gets 3 primetime shows (B.B.T, Mike & Molly and Two and a Half Men) is beyond me. However like Michael Bay, Chuck Lorre is annoying not because he produces crap but because he could make something decent if he tried. B.B.T like Two and a Half Men has an excellent set of characters just screaming for some development, but unfortunately we have to settle for waiting 7 seasons, 7 SEASONS, for Sheldon to show some actual emotion and be able to kiss a girl. J eez gu ys, hurry it up a bit
I’m not saying rush things but at this rate by season 9 Sheldon will have only just thought about maybe proposing to Amy. How I Met Your Mother by season 7 had seen Ted nearly marry 2 girls, Barney find his father, Lily and Marshall break up, get married and have a kid as well as a load of other stuff. I’m not saying H.I.M.Y.M is the perfect example of how a show should work but at least after 7 seasons they had made some solid development.
Is S he l d o n j u s t Ra j b o u n d ?
The main purpose of this season seems to have been to create the illusion of change but for everything to stay the same. There is some vague hope for season 8 though, with Leonard and Penny getting engaged and moving in together it will force Sheldon to do something. The main worry is that they will just move Raj in and basically recreate the Leonard/Sheldon dynamic but with a few more distasteful jokes about India thrown in. Reinfo rc i n g s te re o ty p e s
Leonard and Penny have been the only characters to really do anything this season with Penny quitting her job and pursuing acting full time and then them finally getting engaged. Penny though is becoming more frustrating to watch as all she seems to do is fulfill gender stereotypes and be ‘the hot one’. All this does is emphasize how old the humor is in this show. The jokes are so predictable they just blend into one big mush about Star Wars, Penny being dumb and Sheldon being a robot. There’s only so long you can keep pumping this formula out, for Two and a Half Men it was only a coked up guy filled with tiger blood to make any kind of dent in the way the show worked. I still hold out hope for B.B.T, it has all the elements in place to be great but it’s just waiting for someone to come and give it some life.
AR C HE R [ V IC E ] Season 5, FX S: H. Jon Benjamin, Aisha Tyler “DANGER ZONE”
A l i t e ra l t o n n e of cocaine Episode 1: White Elephant ISIS is raided by the F.B.I after it turns out Malory never bothered to get a spy license becuase, well, they cost money. With ISIS no longer allowed to operate as a spy agency they do the only thing you can do in that situation; become cocaine dealers. Archer has a flash forward of all this crazy shit that will happen to them in season 5 followed by the words Archer Vice; that’s how you start a season. Take note.
9.10.8
Without a doubt the best season of Archer we’ve seen so far.
Archer has shown in the past it can do no wrong so why would season 5 be any different? What season 5 has actually done is elevate it from one of the best animated shows to the best animated show. The past 4 seasons have been brave in terms of humor and storyline but in season 5 the creators take an even bigger risk by transforming the format of the show altogether. Gone are the James Bond days of gadgets and espionage but to replace them you have cocaine, more cocaine and a sweet sweet guest appearance from the one and only Kenny Loggins.
related jokes but we see even more new characters join them including a motorcycle cartel and Kreiger’s clone brothers. They pack a lot in considering this is a short season but as we have seen with Community by going to 13 episodes from 24 you get only the top quality stories, leaving the rest on the cutting room floor. The 24 episode season as a whole is very unnecessary, all the great comedies of the moment like Louie and Community all run 13 episode seasons and do not suffer for it. Return to n o r ma l i ty
A n oth er wee baby S eamus on the way
After being arrested and released the ISIS lot find themselves at a loss, for about 20 seconds. Malory presses a button and announces that they will try and sell a literal tonne of cocaine. The great thing about cocaine is that it’s hilarious and never gets old. Simply having Archer and co try to sell a load of coke wasn’t enough for the writers though so Cheryl decides she wants to be a country music star and don’t forget Lana’s pregnant, also throw in Cyril becoming a South American dictator just for the lols. What the group quickly discovers is that selling drugs is not as easy as you would think, it’s like they have never seen Breaking Bad. We see a whole host of characters from previous seasons pop up for some cocaine
This has certainly been the most fun season of Archer so far with season 6 close around the corner you have to wonder how it will match up. They are returning to the usual format but this doesn’t necessarily mean it will be worse then season 5 because if there’s one thing you can depend on the writers of Archer for it’s surprises. Currently it’s miles ahead of all other animated shows, even the top shelf ones like Bob’s Burgers, Rick and Morty and Black Dynamite but fresh competition is on the horizon with Netflix launching it’s first original animated comedy Bojack Horseman. Time will only tell but I have a gut feeling that Archer will be the It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia of animated shows and still be hilarious when it’s in it’s 9th season.
F U RT H E R WAT C H I N G Want to get real in-depth with your viewing? Well you’ve come to the right place. Find hand picked recommendations to go along side this issues best films, shows and documentar y’s. Turn the page and find this issues Rewatch picks. I got Brosnan on the mind, there’s just something about those eyebrows.
The Accidental Death of a Cyclist, 2014 D: M. Campbell S: M. Pantani Available: Blu-ray
7.6
Focuses on the cycling not the drugs, refreshing after 2 hours of Armstrong.
Marco Pantani was the poster boy for Italian cycling and a national hero. He inspired thousands of people not just in Italy to get cycling and captivated audiences worldwide with his extraordinary power in the mountains. On the day of his death the newspapers were dominated with front page tributes and Italy went into an informal state of national mourning. Pas s i on unlike any other
Pantani’s story like Armstrong’s is a not a straight forward one, then again a great story is never straight forward. His story is much more compelling then Armstrong’s, behind everything you can always see his infatuation with the sport. With Lance obviously you can tell he loves cycling but it definitely comes second to winning, with Pantani winning is a by-product of riding. Exclusive interviews with his mother, ex-coaches and director sportives give us a fantastic picture of what Marco was like all throughout life. From being 14 and riding with a local team to winning the Giro d’italia and Le Tour de France in the same year his attitude to the bike stays the same. This passion made him extremely popular with
fans, in one account we are told how you could hear the cheers for Pantani literally for miles around when he rode up Alpe D’Heuz in the 1998 Tour de France. He commanded a level of fandom usually reserved for teenage pop stars and actors who play vampires, Lance had a lot of fans but they were nothing compared to Pantani’s army. EPO o r n o t th e s e g u y s c o u l d r i d e
However much genuine talent Pantani had unfortunately there can be no doubt that he used EPO, as did everyone else during that era. This documentary does a good job at showing that yes great riders like Pantani doped but they still had get over those hills and cycle hundreds of miles day in day out, all the EPO did was mean instead of finishing in 10th they finished 1st or 2nd. The sad truth of the matter is that had Pantani, Armstrong, Ullrich all ridden clean the results would still be the same because they had the raw talent but in a situation where less powerful riders are doping to close the gap you must dope to maintain your natural advantage. A trag i c e n d i n g to a n i n s p i r i n g s to r y
The Armstrong Lie solely focuses on the doping and the corruption but The Accidental Death of a Cyclist puts it in context and puts the emphasis on the great talent and the tragic death of one of cycling all time greatest riders. Viva le Pirata.
Breaking Away, 1979 D: P. Yates S: D. Christopher This film perfectly showcases the joy of road cycling without all the fuss of winning and doping. It’s not all about the TDF. 8.5* Available: DVD Repo Man, 1984 D: A. Cox S: H. D. Stanton Indie films about aliens are fun especially ones that make no sense. Less emotional then Under the Skin but just as confusing. 6.6* Available: Blu-ray Oz, 1997-2003 The whole series Prison is a difficult setting for a T.V show, Oz is one of the few good ones. It doesn’t rely on repeating storylines like Prison Break did. 7.7* Available: DVD Louis Theroux: Miami Mega Jail, 2011 D: E. Cooper S: L. Theroux The type of prison Piper is in during episode 1 is similar to this one. Theroux gives an excellent insight in his signature style. 8.5* Available: Netflix Girls, S2. E5 One Man’s Trash When it comes to one episode romances Girls undoubtabley wins. This episode is some of the finest writing you will ever see. 10.8* Available: Blu-ray Boyhood, 2014 D: R. Linklater S: E. Coltrane The flash back episodes were a season high light in Louie. Boyhood is the ultimate flash back, filmed over 12 years it is spectactular. 9.7* Available: Cinema Friends, S10, E17-18 The Last One If it wasn’t for Friends we wouldn’t have H.I.M.Y.M. Both finales tie everything up neatly, well except for Joey... 6.7* Available: Blu-ray
Rewatch: A round up of awesome stuff to watch this month.
Goldeneye, 1995 D: M. Campbell S: P. Brosnan Eddard Stark is no match for Piercey B’s rad super spy skills. He explodes a train and the drives a tank all up on Russia. 4.8* Available: Blu-ray Robinson Cr usoe, 1997 D: R. Hardy S: P. Brosnan Basically this a couple of hours of shirtless Brosnan action. A good film if you’re into that kind of thing...WHICH WE ARE. 4.6* Available: DVD, Netflix Death Train, 1993 D: D. Jackson S: P. Brosnan, P. Stewart, C. Lee This is Bond, Captain Picard and Dracula fighting it out on a flippin’ train. Jacksons next film was called Atomic Train. Jus sayin. 2.6* Available: DVD Shame, 2006 D: S. McQueen S: M. Fassbender, C. Mulligan McQueen didn’t just beat Von Trier in the depressing sex films category he smashed him to the ground and set his corpse on fire. 10.7* Available: Blu-ray, Netflix Bad Teacher, 2011 D: J. Kasdan S: C. Diaz, J. Segal They have a new film out soon but let’s not forget the weed fest that saw Segal slide right back into his Freaks & Geeks days. 5.6* Available: Blu-ray Middle Men, 2009 D: G. Gallo S: L. Wilson This tale of douchebags and dickheads was funded by the guy it’s based on, so it’s a little biased but still a bit of a lol. 3.4* Available: Blu-ray, Netflix When Har r y Met Sally, 1989 D: R. Reiner S: B. Cr ystal, M. Ryan O.k they stole most of it from Woody Allen but who resist the mother of all rom-coms. Also New York is prettyyyyyy. 5.7* Available: Blu-ray, Netflix
Storage Hunters, any episode MONEY Don’t even try and pretend you don’t watch it. Nothing quite beats Brandori smack talking Papa Bear for buying a terrible bin. 2.9* Available: Freeview Moder n Family, S2. E13 Caught in the Act Trying to surprise them for their anniversary the kids accidently walk in on Phil & Claire doing the nasty. Awkwardness follows. 6.7* Available: Blu-ray, Netflix Episodes, S2. E3 Episode 3 Merc’s Dad dies and it’s a race to get a super sweet death prezzie. Also Matt continues to bang Merc’s deaf wife. Classy. 8.5* Available: Blu-ray, Netflix Adventure Time, S1. E10 Memories of Boom Boom Mountain It’s Finn’s origin story! Turns out he is adopted by Jake’s parents after a boom boom filled accident on a mountain. 8.9* Available: DVD, Netflix The Simpsons, S7. E19 A Fish Called Selma It’s Troy McLure everybody and he’s back from the fish-sex scandal to star in the Planet of the Apes musical. I love you Dr. Zaius! 10.8* Available: DVD Bored to Death, S2. E1 Escape from the Dungeon! Season 2 comes back with a bang, well whip. Jonathan has to investigate an S&M dungeon and needless to say a gimp suit is worn. 8.8* Available: Blu-ray Seinfeld, S8. E18 The Nap Kramer starts swimming in the east river and then stinks up Elaine’s new mattress. George starts sleeping under his desk. 8.9* Available: DVD
Next Issue: Honestly not a clue