DR. RODNEY GLASGOW

Belonging and Middle School: Not Such an Odd Couple

DR. RODNEY GLASGOW

In her book, “The Gift of Imperfection,” Brené Brown says “Belonging is the innate human desire to be part of some- thing larger than us. Because this yearn- ing is so primal, we often try to acquire it by fitting in and by seeking approval, which are not only hollow substitutes for belong- ing, but often barriers to it. Because true belonging only happens when we present our authentic, imperfect selves to the world, our sense of belonging can never be greater than our level of self-acceptance.” 1

As powerful as this definition of belonging is, it may, at first glance, seem al- most impossible to implement in a middle school! Middle school has the worst repu- tation when it comes to belonging. When- ever I ask at a parent event who would like to go back to middle school, very few hands are raised. When I tell people I lead a middle school, they almost always offer their admiration and blessings for having to deal with what is one of the most diffi- cult periods in child development. Middle school, typically, is where we often feel like the odd person out, where we often strug- gle to find ourselves and then to locate ourselves in the sea of selves emerging around us. One of the main developmental tasks of middle school is to find your people, the group to which your authentic self best belongs. And the journey to that can be paved with many stones.

As difficult as a belonging mindset can be to attain, especially at the middle school level, it is critical to academic achievement. Being seen, respected, and appreciated are key aspects of belonging. When students feel like they belong in their school and indeed even in a particular classroom, they work harder, engage more, develop more grit and ability to bounce back from challenges, and because of that, they achieve more. 2 Our brains are motivated to determine if we are in a space of belong- ing, and this investigation for clues of our own emotional safety in an environment can be a drain on cognitive resources, particularly when it has to be done everyday, every time we switch classes. Uncertainty about belonging can produce anxiety that can manifest as lack of engagement, nega- tive and aggressive behaviors, checked out and depressive behaviors, and ultimately, a mismatch between one’s potential and one’s achievement. 3 We all search for a

As difficult as a belonging mindset can be to attain, especially at the middle school level, it is critical to academic achievement. When students feel like they belong in their school and indeed even in a particular classroom, they work harder, engage more, develop more grit and ability to bounce back from challenges, and because of that, they achieve more.

sense of belonging, and our girls, students of color, and LGBTQ+ students often tend to be even more heightened around their need to feel a sense of belonging in our classrooms, cafeterias, and hallways.

So how does a middle school create a sense of belonging at a time when it feels the most elusive? At St. Andrew’s, we begin our day with a sense of belonging by utilizing the Morning Meeting Greeting from Responsive Classroom, giving each student an opportunity to have someone say, “Good morning, Joey,” and give a smile of welcome into the space. We do this informally when we see each other as well as in our divisional morning assemblies. And not only do we do it, but we teach the students why it is important and the value of having someone acknowledge your presence. We continue it at lunch, where each week we rotate the assigned seating chart so that everyone will have broken bread with everyone else by the end of the school year. And not only do we do it, but we explain to students that this reduces the amount of time and energy spent scanning the lunch room for a place where you belong, and it increases your chances of being kind to one another because the more you know and interact with each other, the less likely you are to

make a flippant comment that could ruin someone else’s day. And on a free seating day in our lunchroom, if you ask one of our middle schoolers what is the answer to the question, “Can I sit here?” they will say, in unison, “The answer is yes.”

We carry it into our sports program, where we support and reward teamwork over athletic prowess, honoring everyone’s contributions. And, of course, we infuse it into our classrooms, where we practice constructive one-on-one feedback partnered with specific strategies for increased learning – signaling our individual knowledge of our students. We create a sense of belonging when we celebrate the student who went from a C- to a B- as much as we celebrate the student who maintained a solid A, because we recognize the hard work that both of them put in.

Students know they belong in a classroom when: • They understand the classroom rules and norms • Know how to do well academically and socially in the classroom setting • Feel a sense of agency, control, predictability, and fairness over what happens to them in the classroom • Know that, within reason, their needs – physically, intellectually, emotionally – will be seen and addressed in the classroom • Feel permission to take risks, make mistakes, and still be allowed to be a full part of the classroom • Feel like there is some connection between who they are and what the class is about, as well as between their selves outside of the classroom and their selves inside of the classroom

We know students belong when, like our middle schoolers at St. Andrew’s, they can’t help but smile when they get to school in the morning, even as they complain about how early it is! In so many studies of achievement gaps and measures of academic success, the sense of belonging is a common positive factor.

Once people get over their shock at how much I truly enjoy running a middle school, they inevitably ask, “What do you love about working in a middle school?” The answer is always the same: the opportunity to make middle schoolers love the place they’re in.

Dr. Rodney Glasgow (rglasgow@saes.org; @glasgow_rodney) is the Head of Middle School and Chief Diversity Officer at St. Andrew’s. Rodney also leads the NAIS Student Diversity Leadership Conference and is the founder of the National Diversity Practitioners Institute.