November 2022 Special Needs Living Akron/Canton

Experiences of a Special Needs Parent An unfiltered, transparent and raw view of this amazing journey shared by so many

PARENT PERSPECTIVE: By KYLIE ZEHNDER

You’ve just received your diagnosis; there is a relief of “finally an answer,” but then your eyes begin to swell, and that lump in your throat starts to form. What now? You hold your sweet baby, you hug your toddler that looks so curiously into your eyes, you rub the back of your grown child who’s occupied doing their own thing. This is your baby; regardless of age, this is your baby! And you now enter the world of looking at a page listed with diagnoses. How do you overcome this feeling? Who do you tell? Where do you start on this new journey? All these concerns are flooding your mind, and every single thought becomes a blur.

Momma, let those tears fall. Let those tears turn into floodgates. Allow yourself to feel each and every confusing thought and emotion. Having a new diagnosis, after waiting months or years, can provide relief. Relief of no longer waiting, relief of having an answer to explain why things are the way they are. Relief of knowing you aren’t crazy! After so many attempts of searching for answers, you start to think that you are going crazy. And the world has no problem telling you you’re crazy. Momma, you are not crazy; you are determined. You are resilient; you are learning to become this momma bear. Allow those tears to fall! Allow yourself to grieve. You are allowed to grieve the child you thought you were going to have while pregnant. That does not mean you don’t love the child you have, but you are allowed to grieve the thought you once had.

There will be moments when you will find the utmost joy in the smallest things. Your milestones will be so much greater and so much sweeter. You will see the beauty in what life truly has to offer. You will see the things that others take for granted. And because of that, you will be humble. I promise that you will find joy in the midst of the storms. Just give it time.

Momma, you will find yourself being a person you never thought you would become. You will become this person who fights for rights. You will become a person who does not sit quietly while your child gets ignored. You will see things in a new way, and you will be able to enlighten others. This will make you a Momma Bear. You will fight the doctors, the therapists, the teachers, and the state, to get the needs of your child met. You’ll lose friends and family from your circle, but you will gain respect from others you never imagined. You won’t be the person everyone likes, but you will be THE person that your child needs. There will be moments where you feel absolutely alone, and in those lonely moments, there will be that one person who sees you and reaches out. Those friendships are the ones you hold on to!

You will begin to see how everything has fallen in place in your life. How God set you up from the time you were a child until now. How everything you’ve done has led to this moment. Certain people and events have occurred to allow you to grow into the person you are today. You are fierce! You may feel broken at this exact moment, but you are strong!

So, what now? You’ll figure that out. You may be the parent that screams awareness and acceptance from the rooftops or the person who steps out of the shadows to surprise them all. There is no right or wrong person. When you are ready, you will have your story to share. In your time!

Embrace what is, but endure what is needed. Feel each and every emotion. Cry, momma, cry! In this village of people in the special needs community, we will help you. We will lift you up when you are down, we will hold strong to you when you feel so weak. And when you are ready, we will step back and watch you be the person you were always intended to be.