October 2023 Special Needs Living Magazine

Changing Perceptions For The Better The Story of Gretchen Hoffman

BY ANDREA HURR • PHOTO BY JULIAN CURET

If you have a child who is nonverbal you may feel like you and/or your child are in a group that isn’t heard or often talked about much like Richard and Connie Hoffman have felt with regard to their daughter Gretchen. However, they are here to celebrate their special needs daughter and the resources and opportunities right here in our backyard.

42-year-old Gretchen has multiple diagnoses, but her primary disability is that she has Cerebral Palsy (CP). CP is a group of disorders that affect a person’s ability to move and maintain balance and posture. Gretchen is nonverbal, non-ambulatory, and nourished through a feeding tube. Richard said that in the beginning, one of the most difficult things for them was “understanding and accepting that there were services that could be provided for our daughter and that she and we had every right to receive them.” This touches on a point that as parents with a special needs child, it can be overwhelming. There can be some guilt involved with asking for help or feeling like you need to do everything because no one will care as much as you do. But the Hoffman’s are here to say that the DD system has so many services offered just waiting for you to take advantage of them and that they understand these feelings and difficult decisions to allow external caregivers into your lives, but both the individual and parents deserve these opportunities and the option to live independently as well. “You are not a lesser parent because you allow your child the opportunity to live independently,” says Richard.

Richard and Connie say that even though Gretchen is in that nonverbal group, she, as well as everyone in this category, are “just as special and loving as others”. Having so many years of experience the Hoffman’s offer great perspective and interestingly are very open with their challenges of making lifelong decisions for Gretchen. You see, Gretchen lives in a community home in Massillon with 3 “housemates”. This home offers staffing and assistance 24/7 and has home nursing services twice a day. The Hoffman’s said that the move to the community home has been tremendous for Gretchen but was a difficult one for them to make. “We felt it extremely important for Gretchen to live independently, however, the thought process and timing of the move was very difficult. We weren’t ready for it and don’t know if we would ever have been ready for it, if left to our own devices… as her aging parents we are given independence of our own as well as the gift of knowing where she will be when we are no longer around and who will be taking care of her. That is comforting.”

The Hoffman’s moved to Ohio from West Virginia and say that the opportunities for Gretchen here far exceeded anything they had experienced before. Because of that Gretchen far exceeded any individual goals they had expected for her. Connie was happy to quickly get involved with The ARC of Stark County and the state board of The ARC and Richard became involved with the Stark County Board of Developmental Disabilities. “This allowed us the opportunity to understand the services provided in the area through the DD community and how they could better serve and help Gretchen,” says Richard. “Our goal throughout this whole experience is to make sure Gretchen has the best life she can possibly have and we can ensure that best life will continue throughout her life.” “All special needs people are very important and deserve all of the love and compassion that we as a community can muster for them. We must advocate for them with everything that we have.” Obviously before Gretchen was born, the Hoffman’s were not expecting this life for their daughter. They say it is however the life they have accepted and they could not be any happier of her. Richard gushes, “Gretchen was placed in this world to change people and she does that every day. She made us better parents and made her brother a better brother and person. Anybody that becomes involved with Gretchen leaves being a better person and she does this without being able to utter a syllable or from a sentence. That is the beauty of Gretchen and the essence of her personality. If every person involved with her could harness a small amount of her beauty, how much better we all would be.”

So while she may not be living with them anymore, the Hoffman’s clearly don’t stop advocating for their beautiful daughter and sharing her story. Perhaps a little perspective has helped them to not only allow Gretchen to thrive on her own but themselves as well. For anyone who is struggling with the decision to move their special needs child to a group home setting, let the Hoffman’s be an inspiration to you and do your research on where you are looking to move your child. Don’t feel guilty if you have the right place you and your special needs child deserve the opportunity to live independently. And peace of mind for long-term planning is key as well. Gretchen may be grown now, but the Hoffman’s continue her goal of continuing to experience the little things that bring her happiness and to spread joy in the world. “This is the beauty of Gretchen and why she was put in this world. Most individuals with special needs in the group like Gretchen have the same special qualities as she, we simply need to bring them out and let them express themselves as individuals and we need to understand they are special people also.” Special indeed!