October 2023 Special Needs Living Magazine

Self-Care Is One Of The Kindest Things We Can Do For Our Kids

BY ROB GORSKI AKA THE AUTISM DAD

Parenting is the journey of a lifetime and it’s marked by countless joys and hurdles along the way. Being a parent isn’t easy. Full stop. It can, however, become much more complex when you’re raising children with autism, or an autistic child, depending on your preferred terminology. My name is Rob Gorski, and I’ve been on this crazy parenting journey for nearly twenty-three years, with a decade of that time spent as a single parent.

My journey raising three autistic children has been a rollercoaster ride of advocacy battles, victories, and moments of sheer exhaustion. Much like you, I’ve grappled with the weight of responsibility while teetering on the edge of burnout. To be completely honest with you, I’ve experienced burnout far too many times and it can be a dark, scary, hopeless place.

We all know the saying “Kids come first no matter what”. It’s deeply ingrained in our society and while it’s well-intentioned, it’s also terribly misguided. Like many of you, I subscribed to that logic and learned the hard way that it simply wasn’t sustainable long term. I’ve realized that parenting autistic children is a marathon, not a sprint, and it’s only possible if I make myself a priority.

I used to feel selfish for even considering putting myself first. However, my kids deserve the best version of me possible and I can only give that to them if I’m regularly putting back into my physical and emotional back accounts. The more I put back into myself, the more I can give. I came to realize that prioritizing myself isn’t self-centeredness, it’s a necessary foundation for sustainable caregiving.

My relationship with self-care has been hit or miss over the years but after recently recovering from the worst period of caregiver burnout I can remember, I recommitted to prioritizing myself. I needed to make changes to my life and put self-care at the center. Going to the gym is my favorite form of self-care. Carving out a dedicated space in my daily routine has become a necessity. For me, it not just about physical fitness; it’s become a lifeline for my mental and physical health, helping me manage the insane levels of stress and anxiety I experience in my everyday life, not to mention my depression and ADHD symptoms.

The impact of my self-care routine is profound, radiating across all aspects of my life, especially in my caregiving role. The patience, resilience, and emotional equilibrium I gain through self-care centers me, clears my head, and helps me to be a better father to my kids.

I’ve been publicly advocating and working within the autism community since 2010 and I’m always asked about one piece of advice I have for parents. This is it: “Prioritize yourself.” Self-care doesn’t demand grand gestures; it’s about gradual, sustainable investments in your well-being. I like to relate it this way. We always make sure to top off the battery in our smartphone throughout the day, think of self-care as the recharge for your physical and emotional battery. One of the most important lessons I’ve learned along the way is that sometimes we need to be selfish before we can be selfless. My therapist told me that and it’s helped me to reframe the way I think about self-care. Don’t think of self-care as taking time away from your kids, think of it as one of the kindest things we can do for our kids because it helps to ensure that we can be here for them long term. My autism parenting journey has taught me so many things over the last twenty-three years. I’ve learned to never underestimate my kids because they will always surprise me. I’ve learned that I’m not defined by my parenting mistakes, and while I’m never going to be a perfect parent, I’m the perfect person to parent my kids and the same goes for you.