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“The basic concept about this event is all the people forget about whatever happened in the past, whatever evil happened in the past, [and] they just become friends again and forget everything today.” DR. SATISH AGRAWAL, PHOTOGRAPHED AT THE HOLI FESTIVAL IN STACY PARK ON MARCH 7

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TABLE OF CONTENTS

Publisher Chris Keating Editor in Chief Doyle Murphy

COVER Dragged Back Down Since winning an early release from prison, Dimetrious Woods has built a new life as a hardworking businessman. A Missouri Supreme Court ruling could put him back behind bars for more than a decade. Cover design by

E D I T O R I A L Managing Editor Liz Miller Arts & Culture Editor Paul Friswold Music Editor Daniel Hill Digital Editor Jaime Lees Staff Writer Danny Wicentowski Restaurant Critic Cheryl Baehr Film Critic Robert Hunt Columnist Ray Hartmann Contributing Writers Jeanette Cooperman, Thomas Crone, Mike Fitzgerald, Joseph Hess, Robert Hunt, MaryAnn Johanson, Roy Kasten, KE Luther, Bob McMahon, Christian Schaeffer, Ymani Wince Proofreader Evie Hemphill Editorial Interns Trenton Almgren-Davis, Kristen Farrah, Hanna Holthaus, Jenna Jones, Monica Obradovic A R T Art Director Evan Sult Contributing Photographers Virginia Harold, Monica Mileur, Zia Nizami, Andy Paulissen, Nick Schnelle, Mabel Suen, Theo Welling, Jen West P R O D U C T I O N Production Manager Haimanti Germain M U L T I M E D I A A D V E R T I S I N G Advertising Director Colin Bell Senior Account Executive Cathleen Criswell Account Managers Emily Fear, Jennifer Samuel Multimedia Account Executive Jackie Mundy

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HARTMANN Decision Time Why Democrats are feeling a different kind of burn this year with Biden BY RAY HARTMANN

’m a capitalist who voted for Bernie Sanders in the 2016 Democratic presidential primary. I have no regrets. At the time, I was captivated by Sanders’ passion and idealism, like so many other supporters. Unlike most, I expected he could enact just a fraction of his egalitarian ideals into law (still the case today), but I was good with him moving the needle in the right direction toward a government that had more fairness and compassion.

Also, I didn’t think Hillary Clinton, an establishment candidate, could buck the nation’s tendency to limit political parties to two terms in power. That tradition was broken just once since FDR, in 1988. President Barack Obama, the best of my lifetime, had served eight years. It seemed Clinton lacked the fire to buck history. Turns out, it was more than that. The shrouded sexism factor, which continues to plague women presidential candidates to this day, was worse than most imagined. So were Clinton’s challenges with authenticity and empathy and that awful campaign strategy and even the Monica thing. It’s academic to wonder whether Sanders might have defeated Donald Trump — he would, after all, have been plastered with the false label of “Communist” in breathtaking ways — but it is likely that Bernie and his energized army would have at least shown up in places like Michigan, Wisconsin and Pennsylvania, each of which Clinton lost by less than one

percent. This year, though, it’s different. Enough with the ideological struggle. Exorcising Donald Trump from the White House is all that matters. This is about democracy and the rule of law. It’s about a devotee of Russian dictator Vladimir Putin openly craving to be America’s Putin. Trump does so with the open and unapologetic help of Putin, who Trump flattered on the world stage as more credible than U.S. intelligence and law-enforcement agencies after they proved he aided Trump’s election. That’s coming again, to a polling place near you. We have a president who snuggled with dictators around the globe, demeaned our allies, uttered more than 16,000 empirical lies (including, most recently, some dangerous whoppers about the coronavirus), ravaged the environment, attacked science calling climate change a “hoax,” declared presidential powers “to do anything I want,” flouted laws on foreign policy, emoluments, obstruction of justice and more, called

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the press “enemies of the people” and Nazis “fine people,” put kids in cages and demonized Muslims, Hispanics and others, uttered racist and xenophobic slurs against political opponents and nations, derided Republican critics as “human scum” and tarred public servants who dare cross him as “deep state” traitors and spies. Trump demands personal loyalty to himself at all cost. On cue, Republican politicians in both houses of Congress genuflect before Trump in a manner that would make Putin blush. That’s scary stuff to students of history. So, I’m done listening to Democrats and others argue the finer points of policy. Guess what? A President Biden and a President Sanders would accomplish roughly the same things on these larger, burning issues, which is not much. For reference, search “Obama, 2009, Affordable Care Act, public option.” Both men would make a great contribution to our world by throttling Trumpism. They’d appoint better

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HARTMANN

Continued from pg 7

judges, rescind terrible executive orders, restore moral leadership and lots more. Wonderful. But who can best beat Trump? At this point, it’s Joe Biden. In a perfect world, Biden would be too old, too prone to gaffes and too idiosyncratic. But this isn’t a perfect world. It’s the one in which Trump is president. What America needs is someone to calm the nation down and restore its dignity in the world. Biden is easily underestimated because of his anything-but-slick delivery and occasional goofiness. But he also has decades of experience in foreign policy and other serious matters of government. He’s competent and can even reach across the aisle. Biden smiles a lot. He’s not always angry. He’s decent and compassionate. He’s comfortable. I think those are the reasons for his historic political resuscitation. Few knew until the Jim Clyburn Miracle of South Carolina that Biden possessed the reservoir of trust and goodwill to bring out traditional Democratic constituencies of color in vast numbers, without campaign dollars or a ground game, based on name and reputation. But it wasn’t just about the politics of race. The Democrats’ most critical yet underrated constituency — the black community — arrived at two common-sense conclusions. One, all that matters is Trump’s extraction. Two, get it done with someone we know, and who knows us. That’s just as true for whites and all races. The conclusion was rational, not racial. This is a national emergency, and the nation needs someone trusted to bring people back together, to repair the damage of Trumpism. In that context, Biden is the most logical choice presently available. After Biden’s epic landslide win in South Carolina — and the Super Tuesday avalanche three days later — black voters doubled down spontaneously in Southern states where Biden had almost no campaign offices, spending or recent visits. Biden scored margins of victory of more than three-to-one over Bernie among black voters, despite that legendary, well-funded movement. This signaled Biden could organically produce the extra turnout that has been a central part of Sanders’ messaging, but not his recent reality. I think the same will hold true for Biden in another core (albeit new) Democratic constituency: suburbia in regions like St. Louis. Voters in the suburbs, especially women, are un-

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In a perfect world, Biden would be too old, too prone to gaffes and too idiosyncratic. But this isn’t a perfect world. It’s the one in which Trump is president. ambiguous about their disgust with Trump. But they can trust Biden. In Bernie, they see a financial threat. That’s a big difference, and not just in cities and suburbs. For months I’ve heard privately from many Missouri Democratic politicians — and some never-Trump Republicans — that they fear a statewide downballot avalanche if Sanders were atop the Democratic ticket. That’s notable because Missouri isn’t a state in play on the national landscape, where everything comes down to whether the Democrats can re-flip those Rust Belt states, and maybe pick up a few others, where Clinton fell short. Even if an immovably red state like Missouri doesn’t matter to the national ticket, the national ticket matters to Missouri. Don’t trust me, though. Take it from one of the most astute national pundits, a fellow named Donald J. Trump. Sure, Trump uses syntax and vocabulary that would hold a kid back a year from fifth grade, but he’s a reality-TV-grounded expert in contemporary political marketing. That’s why he was having all those political errands run to Ukraine: He feared Joe Biden as an opponent. He was desperate to take out Biden and just narrowly failed. Trump understood what might happen on some Super Tuesday, and why. Biden got a slow start because of all the mud slung at him, but he was able to take Trump’s best punch and is still standing. I still like Bernie as a warrior, too. But Trump liked him as his perfect opponent. Here’s hoping that, for once, Trump can’t have what he wants. n Ray Hartmann founded the Riverfront Times in 1977. Contact him at rhartmann@sbcglobal.net or catch him on St. Louis In the Know with Ray Hartmann from 9 to 11 p.m. Monday thru Friday on KTRS (550 AM).

NEWS Stenger Buddy Sentenced in Bribery Case

‘Joker’ Arrested in University City Written by

DANIEL HILL

Written by

DOYLE MURPHY

hen John “Johnny Roller” Rallo first met Steve Stenger in 2014, he told the future St. Louis County executive he was sick of giving politicians money and getting nothing in return. All that changed with the crooked entrepreneur’s introduction to the corrupt politician at a south-county steakhouse. In the years since, Rallo’s generous campaign donations were rewarded with government contracts he had no business winning, easy access to the most powerful figures in county politics and, finally, a federal prison sentence of a year and five months. Rallo, 54, pleaded guilty in July to three counts of honest services mail fraud/bribery and was sentenced last week during a hearing that was packed with friends, family and reporters. “I offer my wholehearted and sincere apologies to all who were harmed,” Rallo said in court, reading from a prepared statement. He was once a key operator in the pay-to-play scheme that toppled Stenger and members of his inner circle in 2019. The case unfolded in stunning fashion last spring when the now-former county executive was indicted and then resigned and swiftly pleaded guilty to the same charges as Rallo. Stenger is now serving a little more than two years at a federal prison in Yankton, South Dakota. The case also brought down Stenger’s chief of staff, Bill Miller (fifteen months in prison), and former county economic development CEO Sheila Sweeney (probation), upending county government. Of the four indicted in the case, only Rallo was still waiting to be sentenced. A former nightclub owner, he had opened an insurance business called Cardinal Creative Insurance and hoped to buy his way past the bidding process for a contract for county employees’ benefits. His pitch began at that first meet-

John Rallo was sentenced to federal prison for bribing ex-St. Louis County Executive Steve Stenger. | DOYLE MURPHY ing in 2014 at Sam’s Steakhouse. “The relationship was corrupt from the beginning ...,” Assistant U.S. Attorney Hal Goldsmith wrote in a sentencing memo. Stenger, then a councilman, was running for county executive and was eager to help, given that Rallo was offering to become a loyal donor to his campaign. Rallo paid for dinner and slipped Stenger a $5,000 check. Over the next four years, the jet-setting businessman would wine and dine the brash politician repeatedly, lining up other donors and arranging fundraisers. For his part, Stenger repeatedly tried to guide the benefits contract to Rallo but was stymied by county employees who insisted on routing Cardinal Creative Insurance’s pitch through the normal bid process. To appease his financial benefactor, Stenger and his cronies came up with other illicit moneymakers, steering a pair of industrial properties to Rallo and awarding him a bizarre consulting gig, paid through the port authority. Rallo created a new consulting company solely for that contract, offering to bring in his buddy, former talk show host and payday loan pitchman Montel Williams, to help boost the county’s post-Ferguson image. The six-month $100,000 renewable contract was worth less than the $350,000 Rallo wanted, but he took it anyway, lazily filing made-up progress reports so thin that Sweeney, who ran the port authority, had to work with him to make them appear at least passably legit. In court, defense attorney John

Rogers pleaded for lenience for Rallo. His client has five kids and wide support from family and people in the community. Rogers noted the humiliation the case and media attention had caused his family. People avoided Rallo’s parents at their church, his kids were upset by what they read on the internet and Rallo had retreated from the shame to Utah, where he and his family live in relative isolation, Rogers said in court. “I know these [consequences] pale to what other people suffer, but they are real and relevant,” Rogers said. U.S. District Judge Richard Webber pointed out this wasn’t a case of a onetime mistake by a businessman who found himself in the midst of a corrupt situation. Webber cited that first meeting in which Rallo told Stenger he was sick of paying politicians for no benefit. Rallo’s push for illegal deals continued steadily for years. In the case laid out by federal prosecutors, Rallo was caught in texts badgering Stenger to make deals for him in between fundraisers. The court documents describe breakfasts at the Ritz-Carlton, dinners at 801 Chophouse and drinks at Cafe Napoli. All the while, Rallo was playing the role of the money man, the deep-pocketed entrepreneur looking for a return in taxpayer-funded contracts. As part of his sentence, he’ll have to dip into his pockets one more time to help pay $130,000 in restitution. One difference: This time, Stenger and Sweeney will have to split the bill with him, sharing the restitution among the three. n

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At least he’s smiling. | COURTESY UNIVERSITY CITY POLICE

otham is evidently safe once again as of last week, when a man clad in a fairly convincing Joker costume was arrested in the Delmar Loop and charged with making “terroristic threats” in the first degree. University City police say that University City resident Jeremy Garnier, 48, was arrested at about 8:15 p.m. March 2 in the 6500 block of the Delmar Loop following reports of a disturbance involving a man in a costume. “The caller(s) further advised the suspect was making threats via the Facebook Live app and streaming the live video feed,” a University City police statement reads. “After officers searched the area, the suspect was taken into custody, without incident for various violations.” Garnier’s video, which appears to have been taken down, showed that he was in Blueberry Hill at the time of his arrest. “I don’t drink alcohol,” Garnier tells a bartender upon ordering a Sprite. “I can’t be inebriated when I’m planning on killing a bunch of people.” While that seems damning, friends and supporters of Garnier claim that it was all a misunderstanding and have launched a GoFundMe to raise money for an attorney. “He was in full makeup and costume as The Joker and was entertaining his followers by acting like The Joker,” the campaign’s description reads. “The video is Continued on pg 11

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New Dance Craze: The Coronavirus Written by

DOYLE MURPHY

t. Louis County warned the father of the first local coronavirus patient last week it would seek a court-ordered quarantine for him and the rest of his family if they refused to stay in his Ladue home. The family had promised to selfquarantine after the twenty-yearold woman returned last week to St. Louis from Italy and began to show symptoms of the disease known as COVID-19, according to county officials. But County Executive Sam Page said at a news conference on Sunday they had learned the woman’s dad had taken his younger daughter — the patient’s little sister — to a fatherdaughter dance on Saturday night at the Ritz-Carlton in Clayton. “The patient’s father did not act consistently with the health department’s instructions,” Page said at the news conference. “Instead, last night he decided to take his other daughter to a school function.” The younger daughter is a student at Villa Duchesne, and classes were

‘JOKER’

Continued from pg 9

on his Facebook wall. Someone reported mistakenly that he was making ‘threats’ when he was only playing a role. He is being held at St. Louis County jail charged with making ‘terroristic threats’ and given no bond. While this was undoubtedly not Jeremy’s best decision considering the consequences...he was not threatening anyone.” The video itself seems to bear that out. At about an hour long, it begins with Garnier in what appears to be a private residence, dressed in a purple suit with clown makeup on and generally acting very Joker-y. From there, he gets into a car and drives to the St. Louis Galleria, where he wanders around talking to employees and shoppers alike, noting that some 2,000 people are watching him on his feed. Within a fairly brief time, police approach Garnier and begin to question him, saying they’d received a report that he was making threats. Garnier claims that’s not the case and that he’s a performance artist, and the shoppers he was speaking with when police approached

St. Louis County Executive Sam Page speaks about COVID-19 at a February news conference. | COURTESY ST. LOUIS COUNTY canceled for the week at both Villa and Oak Hill School out of “an abundance of caution.” The two private Catholic schools share a campus in Frontenac. It wasn’t just the dance. The county later learned the father had gone to a seem to back him up. An officer tells Garnier that he’s not allowed to be in the mall with face paint on, and Garnier agrees to leave. From there, he drives to Blueberry Hill, telling his viewers about Joe Edwards. Upon arrival, he is asked to show ID, which he doesn’t have, but he persuades a worker to let him inside, where he sets about filming Edwards’ wall of photos and a Simpsons display case. It’s shortly after his seemingly in-character remarks about “killing a bunch of people” that police arrive and put Garnier in cuffs. “It’s hard being sexy,” Garnier says of the day’s police attention. “It comes with a cost.” Garnier was charged the following day with terrorist threats in the first degree, and a judge ordered him held without bond. “This is an extremely serious felony charge,” writes Glenda Volk, the woman who launched the GoFundMe. “I’m asking for your help so I can retain an attorney to get Jeremy a psych evaluation to show he truly is not a threat to society and to hopefully get a bond and get these charges dropped or at least reduced. I will be eternity grateful for any help.” n

coffee shop on Saturday morning, and he and his youngest daughter went to a pre-dance event at the home of friends that evening. That set off another round of potential exposures. The house the father and daughter visited belongs to a family with a student at John Burroughs School in Ladue. A “handful” of Burroughs seniors visited the house later, according to an email sent on Sunday by Burroughs Head of School Andy Abbott. The school remained open, and it’s unlikely the seniors were infected, Abbott wrote. “Still, under an abundance of caution, we have asked them to stay home from school until we have more information.” The twenty-year-old coronavirus patient is a student at Indiana University and had been studying abroad in Italy, where COVID-19 has wreaked havoc. She flew into Chicago O’Hare International Airport on March 2 and stayed with friends in Chicago before returning on March 4 to St. Louis by way of an Amtrak train. She first noticed her symptoms and reported them to the county health department on March 5. She was tested at Mercy Hospital, according to the county. Page said she seems to have done everything right, self-quarantining as soon as she suspected she might be sick and following all instructions from the county health department and Center for Disease Control and Prevention. Page said she had reacted

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“remarkably, maturely, responsibly” to contain the virus. The father was a different story. “The way the family has reacted to this situation is really a tale of two reactions and the tale of how people should and should not react to the coronavirus,” Page said. The twenty-year-old woman was notified on Saturday evening that she had tested positive. Her father and sister had apparently left for the dance before learning on the diagnosis, but Page said the family had been told to self-quarantine since the first contacts. Only the twenty-year-old has shown any symptoms. An attorney for the family told the St. Louis Post-Dispatch that the county had not told all the family members they had to self-quarantine. But Page and a county health official said the instructions for the family to stay home were clear and they were given multiple times. In response to learning about the dance, the county sent a letter warning it would seek a court order to force the family to stay in their home if they would not self-quarantine. Page urged anyone else who experiences symptoms of the coronavirus to quarantine themselves. “Stay in your home,” Page said. “Stay in your home.” For more information on COVID-19, go to the Center for Disease Control and Prevention website: cdc.gov. n

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n a normal day in the unusual life of Dimetrious Woods, the 40-year-old convicted drug dealer climbs into the neat white trailer parked next to the Woods Auto Spa in Columbia, Missouri. He flicks on the trailer’s ventilation system, tugs on a pair of plastic gloves and reaches for the first of several plastic containers. The oil sizzles and pops as the first chicken wings drop into the fryer. Woods talks as he cooks. “My mama taught me, you season it up, throw it in the fryer, and you just let the chicken float,” he says, carefully folding the plastic baggie of marinade. Woods doesn’t measure out the spices, and he doesn’t work off a recipe. As he twists his wiry frame around the narrow confines of the trailer, he preps the fries, lays out the sauces and seals up ingredients for later orders. Every few moments, he checks if the pieces in the fryer are floating yet. It’s like chemistry, he explains, but it’s also a feeling. It’s an awareness of time. “This will sound crazy, like … I’m inflating myself,” Woods says hesitantly. “I knew how to cook growing up, taking care of my brother and sister. But really I learned from cooking cocaine.” It’s not really so outlandish. In 1991, an older friend fronted Woods his first scraps of crack cocaine, which he carefully mixed in a coffee cup and microwaved with a bit of water. The recipe called for an ice cube, which hardened the mixture into a single, sellable rock. He made $40 on the deal. He continues, “I’d been selling and cooking cocaine since I was fourteen. So as a kid, trying to figure out how to do that, if you make the wrong gesture or put too much heat or something” — he flicks his hand in a gesture of negation. Woods scoops out the sizzling chicken wings with a pair of metal tongs, placing them gently into the center of a paper-lined cardboard box. “With cocaine, you gotta learn that,” he notes. “That might be $10,000 in that bowl. That might be your life in that bowl.”

DRAGGED BACK DOWN

BY DANNY WICENTOWSKI

Since winning an early release from prison, Dimetrious Woods has built a new life as a hardworking businessman. A Missouri Supreme Court ruling could put him back behind bars for more than a decade.

Woods’ life as a drug dealer ended abruptly in 2007, when he was convicted at trial for trafficking 9,000 grams of cocaine, likely worth well over a million dollars on the street. (The quantity shocked even the trial judge, who remarked, “That may be the most amount of cocaine I’ve seen, and I’ve seen a lot of cocaine cases.”) At the bench trial, the judge sentenced Woods to 25 years. He was not eligible for parole. And then, after an unexpected court ruling in his favor, he was. Since Woods’ release on parole from a maximum-security prison in 2018, he’s opened two businesses, starting with a drably painted former service station that he and his father renovated by hand. They repainted the

exterior a vibrant blue and named it Woods Auto Spa, and for the last year, the ex-con has spent his workdays tinting windows and managing the shop. Of course, at Munchi’s Fish & Chicc’n food trailer, which Woods opened in December, he is the head chef. As he readies the chicken order, Woods keeps up a running monologue, repeatimg the ingredients to himself and counting the wings as he withdraws them from the hot oil. Continued on pg 14

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DRAGGED BACK DOWN Continued from pg 13

He drops a pizza puff into the fryer. “Lemon pepper wings,” he murmurs, “three, four, five, six … blue cheese ...” He makes a gagging sound. ”Who chooses blue cheese over ranch?” Woods’ phone buzzes on a counter, and although he is busy with several tasks, he takes the call, cradling the phone shoulder-to-ear while he packs up the food and gets another batch of wings ready for frying. He listens, and then instructs the caller to contact his assistant at the shop. “Just explain that your man got a case, and I just gave you the number, and that you my family. Girl, I’m here to help.” “That was another one,” he says after the call ends. “They’re just hoping. They call me and they want me to give them some hope, give them some information. I just give them the truth.”

ere is the truth: Dimetrious Woods is not supposed to be outside a prison. He’s not supposed to be serving boxes of hot food through a trailer window or tinting windows or paying rent, and certainly not being a father to his children outside the confines of a secure prison visitation room. According to the Missouri Supreme Court, he should have never been paroled from prison in the first place. The decision by the state’s highest court last month stood as a victory for the Missouri Attorney General’s Office, which spent years fighting Woods’ various appeals as the state sought to claw back its inmate to a cellblock, even while Woods was building a life on the outside. By Woods’ count, he’s fielded about a dozen inquiries from the relatives and loved ones of inmates serving noparole drug sentences; just like him, the inmates are marked by what is arguably Missouri’s harshest anti-drug sentencing enhancement law. He fields their questions and listens to their worries, but he admits, “I can’t give people direct answers. I can’t tell them what to do.” For now, Woods’ attorneys have filed a last-ditch motion asking the state supreme court to reconsider their ruling, and presently that’s the only thing staying the warrant for his arrest. All that’s done is buy Woods a bit more time before the court responds. But time is not on his side. He has weeks, maybe months. The front of Woods Auto functions as a kind of convenience store, but behind the cashier, in the converted garage, Woods has built a tinting studio. Today, he’s working on a black Kia sedan. The possibility of escape has crossed his mind. He could try and cross the border, to leave behind a legal system

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A one-of-a-kind parole hearing gave Dimetrious Woods his freedom in 2018. But that freedom is likely temporary. | TRENTON ALMGREN-DAVIS that can’t seem to give up the war on drugs. But he has much to lose, especially when it comes to his two youngest children, one in middle school, the other just starting high school. He watched them grow up in photographs and prison visits. He wants to be a father to them, and if he has to, he knows he can do that from prison. He can’t be a parent if he’s on the lam. “Running, it ain’t an option,” he says with finality. “No judge, nobody can stop me from being a father.” Woods sprays down the Kia’s front passenger window, preparing it for the eventual tinting. He unrolls a small tape measure — this task, unlike his other culinary skills, requires precise measurement — just as Meek Mill’s “Save Me” comes on the shop’s speakers. Woods hums along. The song describes an inmate’s daily schedule: 23 hours in a cell, one hour outside in the yard. Woods pauses his spraying for a moment and listens as the beats and lyrics describe life on the inside. He picks up the words as the chorus breaks. “Somebody save me, save me. Twenty-three and one, it almost drove me crazy. In a cell all alone, can’t let it phase me. I just wanna make it home to see my baby.”

o understand why the case of Dimetrious Woods is so unusual, you have to go back a bit — not to the day of his arrest in 2006, when he sat in a passenger seat of a gold Buick Lucerne bound for St. Louis with 9,000 grams of powdered cocaine in the trunk, but to a day in March 2018. For Woods, the day was the worst kind

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Woods operates his businesses while his legal battle drags on. | TRENTON ALMGREN-DAVIS of normal. It was prison. It was early morning, and in a space not much larger than the Munchi’s Fish & Chicc’n food trailer, inmate #331953 stared at the ceiling of his cell, too anxious to drift back to sleep. By then, he’d completed eleven years of his sentence, not even halfway through his full term. Still, he couldn’t help but think about driving on Highway 63, the road that would take him north, back to Columbia. He imagined holding a grandchild he had only met through photos. These were not dreams, but anticipations. That week, he’d learned that the state’s probation authorities had approved his release from prison in a matter of weeks. Later that day, over the staticky prison phone line, he updated a Riverfront

Times reporter about his pending release. “I can barely believe it worked,” he says. “I mean, how often do they make laws that benefit a convict?” Woods’ release marked the first time that a judge’s order had forced the Missouri Department of Corrections to provide a parole hearing to a drug offender sentenced under the state’s unique three-strike, ten-yearminimum, no-parole drug sentencing enhancement. That law was known as the “prior and persistent drug offender” statute, or PPDO, and prosecutors could use it to guarantee that defendants’ third felony convictions automatically canceled their parole eligibility. The law made no distinction between violent and non-violent crimes. It also set a mandatory prison sentence at ten years to life.

Woods opened his tinting shop near his son’s high school. | TRENTON ALMGREN-DAVIS with talking to y’all right now. I wasn’t raised with it. I was a shy kid, I’d duck off in the corner and do my thing, or I was off in my criminality. But now it’s bigger than me.” The sheer size of the problem, however, is far bigger than just one man. For the past two years, Woods has been the one who got away. But he always knew that it might end like this.

For drug offenders trapped in Missouri prisons, Woods became kind of a celebrity. “They call me, and they want me to give them some hope,” he says. | TRENTON ALMGREN-DAVIS Woods’ case was first featured in an RFT investigation in 2016, part of a series of cover stories that documented the enduring impact of PPDO, which targeted drug offenders for special punishment. As the RFT would come to report, Woods was far from the only drug offender who was serving an outsized sentence. At the time, according to data from the Missouri Department of Corrections, 149 drug offenders were serving these special, no-parole sentences in Missouri prisons, mostly for trafficking and distribution. Among them are Michael Mayo, sentenced to twenty years for two grams of crack and a joint’s worth of marijuana; Lewis Grant, who received ten years in prison for 2.78 grams of crack cocaine; Robert Franklin, still serving a 22-year sentence for transporting a pound of marijuana; and Darryl Walton, whose possession of two grams of crack got him twelve years behind bars. Then there was the case of Jeff Mizanskey. Sentenced to life without the possibility of parole for charges related to trafficking marijuana, the case generated public outrage, eventually rising to the desk of Missouri Governor Jay Nixon. In 2015, the governor

commuted Mizanskey’s sentence and gave the 60-year-old inmate a parole hearing, which led to his release after 21 years in prison. For Woods, Mizanskey’s release was a ray of hope. He still remembers what that felt like, the memory of reading the news coverage in the prison library, the powerful emotional attachment to the possibility, no matter how slight, that in the world of locked doors there was a new window opening. And so today, when Woods gets calls from strange numbers, he picks up the call, no matter how many other tasks he’s juggling. He talks to wives and girlfriends, relatives of drug offenders who read news stories about his ongoing case. He tries to answer their questions, because he knows what they’re going through. “When people are sending you messages like ‘You changed my life’ and ‘The whole camp is rooting for you’ and ‘I believe in you’ — you gotta answer that. They want hope.” Woods, though, never wanted that responsibility. It’s not easy carrying someone else’s hope. “It’s like I’m a vessel, that’s all it is,” Woods says. “I’m open with it, but I’m not cool with it. I’m not cool

n 2007, the year Woods was convicted at trial, the average sentence for drug trafficking was about nine years. Woods’ sentence of 25 years, without possibility of parole, exceeded the average for every crime recorded that year — including rape, assault, burglary, forgery and theft — with the only exception being murder. Woods’ family ran a used car lot in Ferguson, so he had more resources than the average impoverished drug offender. He hired several criminal defense attorneys who would spend the better part of a decade trying, and failing, to challenge the legality of the police search that had led to Woods’ arrest in 2006. By 2017, Woods and his lawyers were ready with a new tactic. They sued the Missouri Department of Corrections. And this time, improbably, they won. After more than a decade in prison, Woods got the call he never thought he’d hear. He had a parole hearing. (“It was surreal,” he says now. “I almost fainted, like, ‘This is actually happening, and they’re treating me like normal.’”) According to Woods’ attorney, Kent Gipson, Woods had spent hours in the prison law library writing the first draft of the motion that eventually led to his release. Among other arguments, the motion submitted to Cole County Judge Daniel Green focused on the fact that Missouri’s legislature had repealed the PPDO statute in 2014, amending the state’s criminal code to treat drug offenders much like other crimes when it came to parole. “Changes to a prisoner’s parole eli-

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gibility are clearly retroactive,” Woods’ attorneys argued. But there was some ambiguity. The legislature’s repeal did not directly address whether its effects were retroactive. Woods’ motion argued that the law’s intent, however, was obvious; the bill’s sponsors intended their repeal to aid those whom the law had trapped in prison — after all, why else enact criminal justice reform, if not to strike “an unwise and unproductive law” from those currently suffering from its disproportionate sentences? The argument worked. In a onepage judgment sent in November 2017, Judge Green ordered the department of corrections to “apply existing laws” to Woods’ parole eligibility. It wasn’t a release order, per se, but it was opportunity for Woods to make his case for rehabilitation, which was a good one. He’d been convicted of a nonviolent drug crime and spent eleven years as a model prisoner. He’d already served a sentence far longer than those charged with the exact same crime. Woods walked free on March 23, 2018. And like with Mizanskey’s case beforehand, other convicted drug offenders took note of Woods’ freedom — and they moved to follow the path he’d set down. They submitted their own motions (some becoming clients of Woods’ attorney) and sought to make the same argument about their eligibility for parole. The window was wide open. And that’s when Missouri Attorney General Josh Hawley stepped in and slammed it shut.

s the lawyers representing the state, the Missouri Attorney General’s Office moved to defend what it argued was the state’s actual intent around its drug laws. To paraphrase: Woods had been convicted. The law said no parole. He owed 25 years. End of story. While representing the Missouri Department of Corrections, the state’s

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Woods’ co-defendant Ray Brown served seven years for the same crime. | DANNY WICENTOWSKI

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attorneys did everything they could to keep Woods in prison, which, however inadvertently, also demonstrated the absurd cruelty of the situation. In a December 2017 motion opposing Woods’ parole eligibility, Assistant Attorney General Andrew Crane argued that “the possibility of erroneous release” would cause “irreparable harm” to all parties involved — including Woods. Essentially, the state argued that keeping Woods in prison during the legal challenge would protect him from the pain of tasting temporary freedom, given the possibility that he would be “pulled back from the community to complete the service of his sentence.” Woods, the state’s argument continued, was also a dangerous felon — and while he had had been convicted of two violent crimes, those cases occurred before Woods’ eighteenth birthday, more than three decades prior to his current legal problems. Still, the attorney general’s brief suggested, without citing further evidence, that “Due to Woods’ criminal history it may be difficult, if not impossible, to safely return him to the Department’s custody.” Even after the judge ordered Woods’ parole eligibility restored, the state correctional systems resisted the command by simply not doing anything. In response, Woods’ attorney asked the court to hold the department of corrections in contempt for failing to obey the court order, and the threat worked. Finally, the wheels of justice turned in Woods’ favor. And yet, while Woods eventually got his hearing and release date, the victory began the inexorable process of those same wheels spinning back around to crush his second chance at life. First, in 2019, an appeals court ruled against Woods but referred the

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case to the Missouri Supreme Court, believing “clarity” was needed on the legal issues. In the meantime, the pending cases involving the other drug offenders trying to obtain their own parole hearings were stalled, and so they too watched Woods’ case anxiously, seeing their fates tied up in the deliberations. In the end, the high court also ruled against Woods. Writing for the majority, Judge Patricia Breckenridge wrote that Woods should never have been released and that his previous arguments — which had worked on Judge Daniel Green in Cole County — were misapplied and in violation of another state law, which explicitly bans retroactively applying new laws to previous cases where offenders had already been tried and sentenced. To attorney Kent Gipson, the consequences that the court’s ruling represent are worse than absurd. Gipson represents multiple nonviolent drug offenders serving longer prison sentences than most criminals convicted of violent crimes — and something is wrong, he argues, when your legal system doesn’t seem to distinguish much difference between a murderer and a drug dealer. “This could have all been avoided,” Gipson says. “The department of corrections and attorney general could have just taken the position from the get-go, they could have said, ‘This is a great idea, let’s apply this law retroactively and help reduce the prison overcrowding,’ or, ‘Freeing up beds for murderers and rapists by letting out nonviolent drug guys seems to be eminently sensible.’” But that’s not how things work, and at this point of the interview, Gipson laughs at his own suggestion that Missouri’s corrections system would do something sensible, let alone eminently. “I’ve been doing this too long to be a natural optimist,” he admits. “It’s not in their DNA or something, to give a prisoner a break.”

As Woods’ attorney, Gipson has very few cards left to play. A rehearing motion pending with the Missouri Supreme Court “is rarely if ever granted,” he concedes. He’s also filed a petition with the governor to commute Woods’ sentence, and a local legislator, Representative Cheri Toalson Reisch (R-Columbia) filed a bill last month to “[specify] that certain offenders found guilty trafficking drugs in the second degree shall be eligible for parole after serving ten years,” which would include Woods and dozens (but not all) of the remaining 100-plus cases left behind by the repeal of PPDO. But the process of lawmaking is slow, and the bill has yet to pass its first vote in committee. There’s one other tactic in Gipson’s pocket. In a February 12 letter to the Missouri Attorney General’s Office — now led by Eric Schmitt after Josh Hawley became a U.S. senator — he charged that the state’s plan to put his client back in prison is “inhumane, cruel, and fundamentally unjust.” But there was still time to make it right, Gipson added, if only the Attorney General would move to voluntarily dismiss its own appeal, negating, in theory, the Supreme Court’s order. “In light of a prosecutor’s solemn duty to do justice, we believe that it is not a close call that justice dictates the dismissal of this appeal,” Gipson

Earlier this month, the RFT contacted the attorney general’s office, and we submitted questions about the state’s interest in putting Woods back in prison and whether it was even legally possible, as Gipson suggests, for the office to dismiss its open appeal in order to keep Woods free while keeping the other drug offenders imprisoned. A spokesman declined to comment.

I Dimetrious Woods with attorney Kent Gipson. | COURTESY OF KENT GIPSON wrote. He added that “this action … will not impact the 120 men and women in Missouri who have similar circumstances.” To put it another way, Gipson’s offer amounted to, “You can keep the rest in prison, but save my client.” Gipson acknowledges, “It would screw everyone else.”

n 1991, as a young drug dealer, Ray Brown made his territory in the neighborhoods of north St. Louis County. That year, he met a fourteenyear-old high school dropout named Dimetrious Woods. Brown, eight years older, fronted the teen his first scraps of crack cocaine for cooking. “He was just a little kid in the neighborhood — bad,” says Brown, laughing. “Like most of us were.” Brown, 49, works for a towing company in Wellston. On his lunch break on a recent afternoon, he stoops to pet a sleepy German shepherd, Neka, who lays curled on a mattress outside the dispatch office. On May 19, 2006, Brown drove as he and Woods embarked on a fateful trip to Kansas City in a gold Buick Lucerne. After picking up nearly twenty pounds of cocaine, Brown made an abrupt decision to taken an exit on Interstate 70 after spotting signs for a drug checkpoint — he’d fallen into a trap of what law enforcement refer to as a “ruse check-

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By Woods’ count, he’s fielded around a dozen inquiries from the relatives and loved ones of inmates serving no-parole drug sentences, all of whom, just like him, are marked by what is arguably Missouri’s harshest anti-drug sentencing enhancement law. point.” There was no checkpoint. The signs were intended to spook and reveal possible drug traffickers. For a highway trooper, it was as simple as pulling Brown’s sedan over for an alleged illegal lane change and calling a drug-sniffing dog. That day,

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both men were arrested holding thousands in cash. “We had an opportunity, or so we thought, to make some quick money,” Brown says now. “It was a bad day for both of us.” As co-defendants, both men decided to fight the charges, believing they could prove the search of the car was illegal. But as the trial date approached, Brown began leaning toward taking the plea deal offered by prosecutors, which would sentence him to 30 years in prison. Brown recalls talking with other inmates in the holding pod, who warned him against taking his case to trial with a criminal record that included multiple past drug convictions. Indeed, Brown had a fairly serious rap sheet. At the time of his arrest, he was already on probation for federal drug charges for possession with intent to distribute cocaine. In 1994, Brown had pleaded guilty to peace disturbance, resisting arrest and assault, and one year later, he added a charge for illegally possessing a weapon. All were crimes he’d committed in his mid-to-late twenties. And while Woods was also a prior drug felon, his criminal history was skewed toward his childhood. At the time of the arrest, he was on probation for a 2005 case involving an unlicensed firearm. But his first felony had come at the age of sixteen, when he was convicted as an adult of assault. Two years later, when Woods was seventeen, he was convicted of second-degree drug trafficking and served four years in prison. But in 2006, both men faced the same charges and evidence in the form of the massive pile of cocaine that was pulled out of the trunk. “I started thinking of my age,” Brown says. At the time, he was 35 years old, facing charges that could put him in prison for decades. “I didn’t want to come home at 50.” On the day before trial, Brown changed tactics and pleaded guilty to second-degree drug trafficking, taking the prosecutors’ deal for a 30-year sentence. Crucially, Brown’s plea did not slap him with the label of a prior or persistent drug offender. That meant he was eligible for parole. Here the stories of Brown and Woods diverged. In general, while the total years of a prison sentence tend to grab headlines, the under-acknowledged reality is that the vast majority of criminals, including those convicted of violent crime, can get a parole hearing after serving as little as 25 percent of those sentences. That was the way it was with Brown. After seven years doing time with Woods at the Jefferson City Cor-

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rectional Center, Brown remembers the day in 2013 when he met his former co-defendant on the track during recreation hour, and for the last time, the friends embraced, cried and said their goodbyes. The next day Brown walked out of the front gates on parole. He lived under the terms o his supervised release for the next three years — while at the same time, Woods was embroiled in the last of his doomed appeals. In 2017, the year Woods began spending hours in the prison’s law library looking for new tactics, parole officials deemed Brown fully rehabilitated and released him from probation. Between prison and parole, Brown served a total sentence of about ten years. The two remained in close contact over the years. Brown watched his friend struggle to maintain a life inside prison. At the graduation of Woods’ children, Brown played photographer, dutifully mailing the images to a father who was watching life pass him by. “Part of me felt bad leaving, like, ‘Damn, he’s still there,’” Brown says. “My mom, my wife, they told me, ‘You have a life to live.’ You can’t live with regret. My grandkids will never have to know that about their granddad, they never got to see me behind no glass, they never had to be violated to come see me or get talked to by some prison guard.” He adds, “It just doesn’t make sense. He didn’t shoot nobody, he didn’t rape nobody, and look at the time he’s doing.” The justice system doesn’t have to make sense. Its laws may have been written by humans, but that doesn’t mean the results are necessarily fair. It doesn’t guarantee that that the arcs of its moral universe will bend toward a justice any human can recognize. According to Missouri’s justice system, Woods must serve the time he owes, all 25 years, which sets his release date for October 11, 2034. The past is sliding back into place. For the past two years, Dimetrious Woods has lived a kind of halfcharmed life as a business owner and citizen, an existence built on hope. The wheels of justice have turned, and the window is closed. For Woods, what has taken years to argue in various courts has been effectively unargued, the decisions undecided, his rehabilitation unwound into chains that now seek to drag him away from his businesses, his children and his life. Soon, the reversal will be complete. In two months, perhaps sooner, he will wake up early in the morning, unable to fall back asleep. He’ll listen to the breathing of his bunk mate, of the sounds of hundreds of men sleeping nearby. He’ll stare at the ceiling of his prison cell, imagining the open road, leading him home, his grandchild and freedom — and it will have been just a dream. n

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CALENDAR

BY PAUL FRISWOLD

THURSDAY 03/12 Rich in Romance The last person socialite Tracy Lord wants to see just days before her wedding is her ex-husband, C.K. Dexter Haven. And yet here he is in the family home, welcomed by everyone except her. Self-made man George Kitteridge is to be her new husband, and nobody — including Dexter — thinks Tracy and George are a good match. Then society reporter Mike Connor shows up to cover the nuptials, throwing one more man into the mix. Tracy flirts and argues with all three men and comes to realize there may be a downside to being placed on a pedestal by a man, even if he is your husband. Philip Barry’s romantic comedy The Philadelphia Story is shot through with witty dialogue and a mischievous sense of humor, with Tracy as the straw that stirs the cocktail. Clayton Community Theatre presents the comedy at 8 p.m. Thursday through Saturday and 2 p.m. Sunday (March 12 to 22) at the Washington University South Campus Theatre (6501 Clayton Road; www.placeseveryone. org). Tickets are $15 to $25.

Soprano Isabel Leonard | COURTESY ST. LOUIS SYMPHONY

FRIDAY 03/13 To Hell We Go Stéphane Denève, the St. Louis Symphony musical director, considers Hector Berlioz’s The Damnation of Faust to be a desert-island performance, and it’s small wonder. Berlioz’s hybrid opera/cantata requires a massive orchestra, a full chorus and a small but vital selection of solo voices to bring the piece to life. Denève ups the ante by adding the St. Louis Chil-

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The Bucket family celebrates in the musical Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. | JEREMY DANIEL dren’s Choirs to the St. Louis Symphony Chorus for a pair of performances of the infernal legend. Tenor Michael Spyres will sing the role of Faust, a despairing scholar who contemplates drinking poison to end his misery. At that moment Mephistopheles (bass John Relyea) appears and offers Faust youth, happiness and whatever else he desires, and the Beast will even throw in the beautiful Marguerite (soprano Isabel Leonard) at no extra charge. It’s a bargain, but it seems like there should be a catch. Berlioz’s Damnation is darkly majestic, and the horripilating passage “Ride to the Abyss” is not soon forgotten. The Damnation of Faust is performed at 8 p.m. Friday and Saturday (March 13 and 14) at Powell Hall (718 North Grand Boulevard; www.slso.org). Tickets are $15 to $87.50.

The Long Echo History has a habit of flattening the famous figures of the past, relegating them to a single accomplishment or moment. American artist Terry Adkins used a multidisciplinary practice of visual art, extensive research, site visits and performance (which

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Terry Adkins, Nenuphar, 1998. Brass and copper. Collection of Catherine Gund. © 2020 The Estate of Terry Adkins / Artists Rights Society (ARS), New York Adkins called recitals) to create a fuller picture of these simplified historical figures. In his lifetime, Adkins delved into the lives of Jimi Hendrix, Bessie Smith, George Washington Carver, the abolitionist John Brown and Arctic explorer Matthew Henson. His abstract sculptures and use of found objects, each of them containing an untold history, were acti-

vated by Adkins’ recitals, which often incorporated music. His frequent collaborators were the Lone Wolf Recital Corps, which featured a rotating cast of artists and musicians. Terry Adkins: Resounding, the new exhibition at the Pulitzer Arts Foundation (3716 Washington Boulevard; www. pulitzerarts.org), is a career-length retrospective of Adkins’ work and in-

WEEK OF MARCH 12-19

SUNDAY 03/15 The Big Gorilla

The cast of Clayton Community Theatre’s The Philadelphia Story. | JOHN LAMB terests. In addition to his early sculptures and works on paper are many of the objects he collected, such as musical instruments, books and records. The Lone Wolf Recital Corps will also perform during the monthslong show. Terry Adkins: Resounding opens with a free public reception from 6 to 9 p.m. Friday, March 13. The show remains up through August 2, and admission is free.

SATURDAY 03/14 Baker’s Blues The two things you most want at your wedding are your loved ones and a beautiful cake, but both are looking unlikely for Jen. In her small hometown, Della is known for her baking skills, and Jen considers her like family. So when she asks Della to bake her wedding cake, she doesn’t expect to be rebuffed. What’s the problem? Jen’s betrothed is Macy, and Della can’t square a lesbian marriage with her religious beliefs. Bekah Brunstetter’s play The Cake is inspired by a similar U.S. Supreme Court case but explores the conflict between personal and political beliefs without demonizing either side. The Repertory Theatre St. Louis presents The Cake Tuesday through Sunday (March 13 to 29) at the Loretto-Hilton Center (130 Edgar Road; www.repstl.org). Tickets are $46 to $71.

For Ireland The Downtown St. Patrick’s Day Parade marks its 51st anniversary this year, and if the weather holds out, an anticipated 350,000 people will be there to celebrate St. Louis’ Irish heritage. It all starts at noon Saturday, March 14, at 20th and Market streets (www.irishparade.org), with more than 130 units, floats, bands marching and the always popular inflatable characters sailing overhead. There’s also the Irish Village to consider, which features live music and drink and food for sale. Admission to the parade is free.

There have been several King Kong movies and sequels, but none of them come close to the original 1933 film. Starring Fay Wray and Willis O’Brien’s incredible stop-motion special effects, this version of Kong remains the top banana of all giant ape movies. Wray plays aspiring actress Ann Darrow, who’s hired for a mysterious film that will be shot on a remote island. That island turns out to be a prehistoric paradise for dinosaurs, giant creatures and a massive ape named Kong who the natives worship as a god. When Ann is sacrificed to the mighty Kong, he’s smitten by her beauty and takes her first to his mountain aerie, and eventually to New York. Turner Classic Movies and Fathom Events join forces to get King Kong back in cinemas for one day only. You can see it locally at 4 p.m. Sunday, March 15, at Marcus Ronnies 20 Cine (5320 South Lindbergh Boulevard; www.fathomevents.com). Tickets are $13.47.

TUESDAY 03/17 Dogtown’s Day Out It doesn’t matter what day of the month St. Patrick’s Day falls on, the Ancient Order of Hibernians will always celebrate Ireland’s patron saint with a parade and festival on March 17. In keeping with the AOH’s desire

The Dogtown St. Patrick’s Day Parade gets everyone outside. | MICAH USHER

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to return their party to its neighborhood, family-friendly roots, there are more changes in place for this year’s Dogtown St. Patrick’s Day Parade, but it will still feature families marching, floats and salutes to the history and culture of Ireland. The actual parade starts at 11 a.m. at the intersection of Tamm and Oakland avenues (www.stlhibernians.com) and usually runs for 90 minutes. After that, the Irish Festival kicks off along the side streets, and the various restaurants and bars will do brisk business until 6 p.m., when all outdoor sales and events close. At 8 p.m., all businesses along Tamm will close. Remember to keep your celebrating friendly; this is a family neighborhood, and there are kids present. No outside alcohol is allowed, and all coolers and backpacks will be searched as you enter the neighborhood through a checkpoint. There are 25 checkpoints through which you can enter and leave, and security will be stationed at all of them, so don’t try it. Underage drinking is going to net you a potential $500 fine.

WEDNESDAY 03/18 Candy Chaos Charlie Bucket is so obsessed with candy that his dream is to tour the factory of famous candymaker Willy Wonka. The Bucket family’s financial difficulties mean he only gets one chocolate bar a year (it’s his birthday present), so he bides his time inventing new types of candy. When Willy Wonka announces a contest in which the winners will get to tour his factory and receive a lifetime supply of candy, Charlie knows he can win. But what happens inside the factory will test his nerves, imagination and moral compass. Roald Dahl’s beloved children’s book Charlie and the Chocolate Factory has been adapted into a musical by the creative team behind Hairspray. The musical has a more contemporary setting and rejiggers some of the original story elements, but it does incorporate songs from the 1971 film to go with a mostly new score. Charlie and the Chocolate Factory is performed at 7:30 p.m. Tuesday through Friday, 2 and 7:30 p.m. Saturday and 1 p.m. Sunday (March 17 to 29) at the Fox Theatre (527 North Grand Boulevard; www.fabulousfox.com). Tickets are $29 to $105. n

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RIVERFRONT TIMES

THIS WEEK THE GROVE SELECTED HAPPENINGS

Day or night, thereâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s always something going on in The Grove: live bands, great food, beer tastings, shopping events, and so much more. Visit thegrovestl.com for a whole lot more of what makes this neighborhood great.

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WEDNESDAY, MARCH 11

SPANISH LOVE SONGS, POOL KIDS

HARRY POTTER TRIVIA NIGHT

$25, 6 PM AT THE READY ROOM

7 PM AT TROPICAL LIQUEURS

AHNA SHOENHOFF

THURSDAY, MARCH 12

8 PM AT URBAN CHESTNUT

CHRISTIAN FRENCH

SATURDAY, MARCH 14

8 PM AT THE READY ROOM

FRIDAY, MARCH 13

MIKE JUDY PRESENTS THE WONDER YEARS, FREE THROW,

PLAYER'S LEAGUE AUDITIONS 10 AM AT THE IMPROV SHOP

SATURDAY BLUEGRASS SESSIONS 1 PM AT GEZELLIG

sat mar 21 jake’s leg wed mar 25 rhett price hiphop violinist

fri mar 27 mo roots pre-party with spillie nelson, clusterpluck and scrambled

sat mar 28 blackwater 64 and borrowed sparks with guests jailbox & justin kaleb driggers

tue mar 31 aqueous

w/ brother francis and the soultones

sun apr 5 school of rock kirkwood

presents their Spring Preview Show

sun apr 5 Miss Molly Simms

“Reckless” Album release Party w/ Grooveliner & ls xprs

POGUETRY- SONGS OF THE POGUES

STORY COLLIDER!

$35, 8 PM AT THE READY ROOM

$12, 6 PM AT THE READY ROOM

THE RIVER KITTENS

FRIDAY, MARCH 20

8 PM AT URBAN CHESTNUT

MAY'S NIGHT MARKET : SPRING EDITION

SUNDAY, MARCH 15

OPEN MIC NIGHT 8 PM AT HANDLEBAR

WEDNESDAY, MARCH 18

THE STORY COLLIDER: 10 YEARS OF

8 PM AT URBAN CHESTNUT

MIKE JUDY PRESENTS

SATURDAY, MARCH 21

ENTRE NOS 2020 LIVE TOUR

DARK ACE LAUNCH PARTY

7 PM AT THE READY ROOM

$5, 7 PM AT THE READY ROOM

MONDAY, MARCH 23

TAWAINE HIMSELF

LOCALS ONLY NIGHT

FRONTRUNNER: THE IMPROVISED POLITICAL DEBATE

8 PM AT URBAN CHESTNUT

$5, 8 PM AT THE READY ROOM

JAKE'S LEG AT THE BOOTLEG

WEDNESDAY, MARCH 25

8 PM AT THE IMPROV SHOP

$10, 9 PM AT ATOMIC COWBOY

MATT MAHER

THE NIELSEN TRUST, DAN HUBBARD

SUNDAY, MARCH 22

7 PM AT THE READY ROOM

6 PM AT THE READY ROOM

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STAGE

[REVIEW]

Royal Hearts Head Over Heels marries Go-Go’s pop-punk with a queenly trio of love stories Written by

PAUL FRISWOLD Head Over Heels Written by Jeff Whitty, James Macgruder and Tom Kitt. Adapted from Sir Philip Sidney’s The Arcadia. Music by The Go-Go’s. Directed by Scott Miller and Mike Dowdy-Windsor. Presented by New Line Theatre through March 28 at the Marcelle Theater (3310 Samuel Shepard Drive; www.newlinetheatre. com). Tickets are $10 to $30.

ll is not well in the kingdom of Arcadia. Long sustained by its famous “beat,” a mystical pulse that all citizens can feel, King Basilius has been warned by the oracle Pythio that soon four pennants may fall, and each one will bring a new calamity to Arcadia: His younger daughter Philoclea will marry a liar. His oldest daughter Pamela will wed, but to no groom. King Basilius will commit adultery with his wife Queen Gynecia. King Basilius will make way for a new king. If all four flags fall, Arcadia’s beat will be stilled and the kingdom will fall. But on the upside, the royal court sings the music of the Go-Go’s when they’re not sure how to proceed or say what they really want to say. Head Over Heels knits together two very strange elements — a sixteenth century prose romance and the poppunk of the aforementioned Go-Go’s — to surprising effect. What’s most surprising is how well these songs, written by the various members of the band, fit the story and vice versa. New Line Theatre’s current production Head Over Heels, directed by Scott Miller and Mike Dowdy-Windsor, is a winning show about love, forgiveness and finding one’s true self in a nonbinary world. It also shows just how good the Go-Go’s were as songwriters, as the New Line Band delivers absolutely crackling versions of the score’s seventeen songs. Basilius’ response to the augury is to lie to his family about what’s at stake, and then take his court on the road to meet and hopefully kill this “new king” before he is himself killed and replaced. The journey through the for-

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Philoclea and the disguised Musidorus (Melissa Felps and Clayton Humburg) singing “Our Lips Are Sealed.” | JILL RITTER LINDBERG est exacerbates many of the personal problems boiling under the surface. All around them is ruin. Scenic designer Rob Lippert’s sets place the action between a quartet of cracked and broken columns and a shallow cave that’s home to two skeletons, against which the court’s brightly colored costumes stand out like fabulous birds. Ruin soon comes to eldest daughter Pamela (Grace Langford). She has an outsize ego at the best of times, and her vanity begins to bother her longtime servant, Mopsa (Jaclyn Amber). The two air their grievances in the beautiful “Automatic Rainy Day,” a song battle that spirals out of control and deeply hurts both women. Pamela can’t quite decipher why Mopsa so upsets her, but Mopsa knows: She loves Pamela and suspects Pamela would return that love if she could tear herself away from her many mirrors. Mopsa abandons her mistress to cool off, which she does with a stirring rendition of “Vacation.” Amber imbues the song with a heaping helping of teenage angst, as her anger turns to yearning. Being with her beloved Pamela is surely better than being away from her. Younger sister Philoclea (Melissa Felps) nurses her own broken heart. Before the courtiers left the kingdom, her childhood friend Musidorus (Clayton Humburg), a shepherd, fumblingly proposed marriage to the

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Head Over Heels knits together two very strange elements — a sixteenth century prose romance and the pop-punk of the Go-Go’s — to surprising effect. princess with a magnificent rendition of “Mad About You.” (His backup singers are his sheep, and they almost steal the song from him.) Basilius rebuked him for his lowly station, and now Musidorus travels with the court while disguised as an Amazon warrior. As the beautiful “Cleophila,” Musidorus catches the wandering eye of both the king and the queen, which is sure to be trouble down the road. For now, he reveals his secret identity to Philoclea, and the two kiss and swoon

while Pamela and Mopsa do the same nearby, as all four sing “Our Lips Are Sealed.” The two couples are mirror images of joy; love looks the same regardless of the participants’ genders or identities. As for the old lovers, Basilius and Gynecia, love is a foreign country. Basilius (Zachary Allen Farmer) has grown hidebound and strident under the crown, no longer heeding his wife’s good advice. As for Gynecia (Carrie Wenos Preismeyer), she’s wiser than her husband suspects; she knows Cleophila is a man, and goes to dally with him in the forest. Through some tricky note passing, Basilius does the same. As the married couple cavort under a quite large sheet, Pythio (Tielere Cheatem) emerges to watch the third prophecy come true, and to sing “Heaven Is a Place on Earth” with the two lovers. Cheatem sings the pants off it, giving the song a suitably carnal edge as husband and wife unknowingly take one another like young lovers. The show begins and ends with “We Got the Beat,” a sure sign that things end roughly where they began. All that’s changed is everything. Love is in full bloom, a new ruler dons the crown and Arcadia is reborn as a kingdom open to every possible permutation of love. It’s the fairytale ending we need. n

FILM

[REVIEW]

French Confection Portrait of a Lady on Fire is a fairy tale that ends unhappily Written by

ROBERT HUNT Portrait of a Lady on Fire Written and directed by Céline Sciamma. Starring Noémie Merlant, Adèle Haenel, Luàna Bajrami and Valeria Golino. Now playing at select theaters.

ear the beginning of Portrait of a Lady on Fire, a young painter named Marianne (Noémie Merlant) is taken by a choppy boat ride to an island in Brittany. The men on the boat — the last male figures she will see until very close to the film’s end — refuse to help her with her baggage, as if afraid to set foot on the isolated landscape. Marianne has been hired by the Countess (Valeria Golino), the island’s most prominent resident, to paint a portrait of her daughter Héloise (Adèle Haenel) to be presented as an enticement to the daughter’s suitor, a wealthy Milanese nobleman. One gets the sense that the Countess’ financial future rests heavily on this match, but there’s a hitch. Héloise doesn’t want to marry and refuses to pose for the portrait. Marianne must become her companion, working on the painting in secret. That’s a brief but intricate set-up for Céline Sciamma’s charmingly haunting romance, although the film is far lighter and less byzantine than it sounds. Sciamma’s Portrait is a love story about women and their desires, set in a pre-modern, timeless environment. When the Countess leaves the island for a few days, the two young women — along with a young maid, Sophie — are left alone to speak freely, read poetry and fall in love. There are traces of a Gothic romance — family secrets and intense emotions — but treated with a playful quality, giving the film the atmosphere of a fairy tale: Two young princesses playing out the rituals of romance and exploring a new, unfamiliar world. They have a very serious discussion

Héloïse (Adèle Haenel) is about to marry, and not willingly. | © LILIES FILMS of the love story of Orpheus and Eurydice and its tragic ending (Orpheus’ fatal gaze becomes a visual metaphor later in the film). They attend an outdoor party where the local women break into a spontaneous song/chant. In a curiously light-spirited sub-plot, they try to help Sophie abort an unwanted pregnancy. They make love, spontaneously and unhesitatingly, two innocents discovering their own passion. “Do all lovers feel they’re inventing something?” Héloise asks Marianne, and there’s a sense that their affair is, indeed, more invention than transgression. There will be much discussion of Sciamma’s film as an exploration of the female gaze, a revisionist critique of the idea of the “male gaze.” This is a film about women looking at each other, and at themselves, imagining

how they are seen, but even its theoretical musings are treated with mischievous imagination. When Marianne agrees to make a self-portrait, she draws it in bed, working from her own reflection in a mirror placed over Héloise’s crotch. For all of its social musings and lively digressions, Portrait of a Lady on Fire is primarily a love story and unavoidably a tragic one, but the sense of inevitability and of the cultural limits and foregone conclusions of a woman’s role in society are balanced by the film’s unrestrained liveliness, its joyful exploration of freedom and companionship. It’s a portrait of women under restraints (the fire in the title seems to be a symbol of Marianne’s frustrated rage), but also of women at play, creating a world of excitement and romantic invention. n

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CAFE

A selection of items from Destination Cafe, pictured from left to right, top to bottom: chicken and dumplings, four-cheese fondue, steak sandwich, cheesecake and Bangkok Shrimp. | MABEL SUEN

[REVIEW]

Good Eats Destination Cafe serves a truly great cause — and tasty eats and sweets Written by

CHERYL BAEHR Destination Cafe 3182 Morganford Road, 314-899-0413. Tues.-Sat. 4-10 p.m.; Sun. 10 a.m.-2 p.m. (Closed Mondays.)

o matter the size of your sweet tooth, it’s impossible to walk into Destination Cafe without being instantly mesmerized by the pastry display. Inside the glass-fronted case, gorgeous cakes

and confections beckon: Brownies, cupcakes, cookies and a gorgeous, sprinkle-covered pink birthday cake are so enticing it’s a small miracle if you can resist eating dessert first. It’s no wonder that this Tower Grove South restaurant leads with sweets. Since 2012, the people behind Destination Cafe have been running its sister concept, the Destination Desserts food truck, as a roving pastry shop, garnering a loyal following for sweet creations that are as visually stunning as they are delicious. Destination Desserts’ move into the full-service restaurant business represents much more than an expansion of its food offerings, however. Operated by the Center for Head Injury Services, both the dessert truck and the four-month-old Destination Cafe are nonprofit social enterprises, created to provide employment training and job opportunities for individuals with brain injuries, autism and developmental disabilities. With the restau-

rant, the center aims to give its clients another option for work — something that, historically, has been lacking for those with brain injuries and neurological disorders. The center’s foray into the food business began about eight years ago when it received a grant from the rehabilitation nonprofit Kessler Foundation. The New Jersey-based organization was looking for creative ways to improve employment opportunities for people with brain injuries, and they were intrigued with the center’s idea to start a bakery food truck that would use an integrated model of vocational training in which program clients work alongside industry professionals without brain injuries. The idea for the integrated environment, as opposed to a sheltered workshop, is that it would give participants realworld experience that they could then apply once they graduated from the program. The truck was a huge success, but

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the center soon found out that it was not the best fit for all of its clients. To expand its services to those who needed a less arduous work environment, the organization founded the all-natural dog treat bakery Wags in a Bag. With only five recipes and a bit more wiggle room for making mistakes, the pet concept allowed even more people, with more diverse needs, to be involved in the program. Though the center did a good job serving those clients who could easily access it, leaders at the organization, including executive director Donna Gunning, felt that those who had needs in the city of St. Louis were being left behind. City residents were welcome to participate in the center’s programs; however, doing so required lengthy bus rides to its facilities in the county. To solve this issue, Gunning and her cohort partnered with the St. Louis Office for Developmental Disability Resources to purchase a

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building on the corner of Morganford Road and Juniata Street in Tower Grove South that would build upon the Destination Desserts model. After significant renovations, Destination Cafe opened in October, serving dinner, Sunday brunch and desserts. Divided into two rooms, the space boasts exposed brick archways, a subway-tiled pastry counter and accents like salvaged tin ceiling tiles, an antique buffet and black-and-white sketches of Tower Grove neighborhood landmarks that echo the area’s history. Helmed by executive chef Thomas Hayes, Destination Cafe’s food takes inspiration from its name, offering a menu of globally inspired dishes that allow for both creativity and a wide range of culinary styles to round out program participants’ culinary repertoires. Bangkok Shrimp, for instance, features the plump shellfish atop creamy grits; the Thai chile glaze that coats the shrimp soaks into the grits like a sweet and spicy gravy. Destination Cafe excels with its flatbreads thanks to a buttery, golden crust that is crispy around the edges and pillow-soft near the center. The

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mushroom version is particularly noteworthy; roasted mushrooms and caramelized onions are set in a rich concoction of molten mozzarella and tangy goat cheese. A generous plate of poutine features black-peppery-battered fries smothered in rich, herb-kissed brown gravy. Rustic chopped scallions add a pop of zest that cuts through the decadence. The Southern Fried Chicken Tenders are another worthy appetizer. Usually a throwaway dish pulled out of the freezer to appease diners under eight, Destination Cafe’s tenders are juicy and hand-breaded in a shockingly crispy batter that tastes of rosemary, black pepper and thyme. Not surprisingly, my daughter ordered them for her entree; the surprising part is that I couldn’t stop grazing off her plate. Destination Cafe offers several sandwiches, including two wonderful burgers. The more traditional of the two, the Butter Burger, is a thick patty seasoned with a garlicky, almost Cajun-seasoned butter. Crisp lettuce, thick-sliced tomatoes and bread-andbutter pickles add refreshment that cuts through the meat’s juices. It’s a quintessential, thick-patty-style burger, but the kitchen gets bonus points for hitting a flawless medium temperature better than anyone else in town. I was also impressed with the Gyro

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Burger, a blend of Greek-seasoned lamb and ground beef covered in molten goat cheese, red onion, lettuce, tomato and creamy tzatziki. It’s a delightful fusion of genres that gives you the distinct flavor of a gyro with the satisfaction of biting into a juicy burger. Of the entrees, the most memorable is the New Orleans Shrimp. Like the Bangkok Shrimp appetizer, the shellfish are served atop grits, but here, they are covered in deeply savory Cajun butter and accented with andouille sausage and bell peppers. I preferred this warm spiced dish to the chicken and dumplings; though I liked the creamy chicken gravy and generous portion of carrots and zucchini, the rosemary-potato dumplings were denser and too herbed for my traditionalist liking. Destination Cafe’s brunch is its strongest service. French toast is a perfectly executed version of the classic: The thick bread soaks in the egg and cream mixture, which makes the center custard-like while the edges are crisp and golden. A cast-iron skillet frittata starts with a layer of hash browns, then covers them with red peppers, caramelized onions, bacon and cheddar cheeseinfused eggs. The biggest surprise, however, was the Breakfast Flatbread. An excellent sausage gravy

base serves as a canvas for bacon, cheddar cheese, fluffy scrambled eggs and scallions. Many have tried the breakfast pizza idea; this is the place that succeeds. No matter how full you might be from brunch, that dessert case near the restaurant’s entrance cannot be ignored. However, the pastries on display — cupcakes topped with luscious buttercream, a lemon-scented blueberry coffeecake encrusted in sugar, a rich German chocolate brownie — are only the tip of the restaurant’s sweet offerings. A lava cake, small in size but mighty in dark chocolate flavor, has the glorious decadence of eating warm brownie batter. The signature dessert, however, is the skillet chocolate-chip cookie that is like a cross between a blondie and a cookie cake. Served warmed in a cast-iron skillet, the interior is soft like cookie dough while the edges crisp up golden brown. The skillet cookie is enjoyable on its own; eating it with the knowledge that you are giving people opportunities where few existed before is more than a bonus. It’s the icing on the cake.

Destination Cafe Gyro burger ..........................................$12.75 New Orleans Shrimp ............................$16.75 Breakfast Flatbread ................................. $11

SHORT ORDERS

[SIDE DISH]

Andrew Simon Leads the Team at Charred Crust Like a Pro Athlete Written by

CHERYL BAEHR

rowing up, Andrew Simon was a talented athlete — so much so that he assumed he’d go on to play professionally one day. However, the moment he got his first job cooking, he felt for the first time in his life like he was being pulled in a different direction. “I played a lot of soccer and basketball competitively, and with soccer, I could’ve had a chance to go on,” Simon recalls. “But when I was a freshman in high school — maybe even before that — I got my first job in the kitchen. I really picked it up and enjoyed it, and the more I kept going, the more I realized I had a passion for it.” Simon, who currently co-owns Charred Crust (105 South Meramec Avenue, Clayton; 314-721-0393) with his business partner James Flemming, didn’t realize it when he applied for that first kitchen job, but he’d actually been showing interest in cooking since he was a little kid. Not long after he was hired for that initial gig, his mom told him a story about how when he was younger and was asked what he wanted to do when he grew up, his response was always the same: play soccer or cook for people. She even had some old photographs of Simon when he was just three years old, rolling out dough in the kitchen with the family’s matriarchs. Still, it wasn’t until he got his feet wet in a professional kitchen that he realized cooking was something he would want to pursue as a career. His first taste of the business came while working at a pizzeria owned by Tony

Andrew Simon is co-owner of Charred Crust in Clayton. | TRENTON ALMGREN-DAVIS Bono’s restaurant family and, based on his experiences there, he felt his interest shifting from sports to cooking. By the time he was nearing the end of high school, he’d made up his mind to focus exclusively on a career in the kitchen. Simon got the basics of kitchen work down at the pizzeria, but he knew he needed to expand his skills if he wanted to move forward in his career. His mom told him about a job opening at a new restaurant, Pepperotini’s, so he decided he’d apply. Little did he know, he was completely out of his league. “I went in there, and there were all of these older guys applying for jobs wearing sports coats and taking this test,” Simon recalls. “I made such a fool out of myself. I was so bad, I even spelled ‘sous’ wrong — I spelled it ‘sooey’ or something. The manager called me the next day to tell me I totally bombed the test. I got a zero out of a hundred, but he was so impressed that I had the balls to come in and take it that he let me come in and wash dishes, then work the line on Thursdays, Fridays and Saturdays. It was tough, but I had to earn my way up.”

Simon admits that his time at Pepperotini’s was grueling, but it was also invaluable and an experience that would make him the chef he is today. His co-workers razzed him relentlessly, calling him “newbie” and playing tricks on him like dyeing his chef coats for Valentine’s Day service. However, they also mentored him, quizzing him on the names of all the components of kitchen equipment, teaching him knife skills and giving him a great education on how to cook on the line. His experience at Pepperotini’s solidified his decision to get serious about his career. Simon enrolled in culinary school at L’Ecole Culinaire and pursued his studies while working at the restaurant. When Pepperotini’s closed, he went on with his chef and some of his colleagues to Quintessential Dining and Nightlife in St. Charles before changing directions and heading into a more corporate environment with Aramark. Aramark’s hours appealed to him, but he quickly realized that his true passion was in a restaurant kitchen. That, coupled with a desire for a change of scenery, led him to Colo-

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rado, where he worked in restaurants until he got a call from school that his student loans were coming due. He returned to St. Louis and picked up where he left off with school and was hired on at Table Three in Wildwood. At first it was just a daytime gig, but when one of the chefs there, Jodi Ferguson, saw Simon’s potential, he helped him rise through the ranks. Simon worked at Table Three for five and a half years, eventually becoming executive sous chef. He later moved on to become an executive chef at Innsbrook, then headed to Scape American Bistro in the Central West End, where he served as executive chef for three and a half years. While at Scape, Simon met Flemming, and the two instantly connected over their similar work ethic and desire to open a restaurant of their own one day. The more they talked, the more they realized that they had the same vision for what that business would be, and eventually they decided to take the leap. That restaurant, Charred Crust, opened last August as a quick-casual spot — much different in execution

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from the fine-dining style of establishments Simon had worked in for most of his career. However, he and Flemming still bring the same culinary philosophy they shared at Scape to the more low-key environment, making everything in-house, sourcing as much locally as possible and taking extra steps to make even the most seemingly simple dishes stand out. Simon admits that owning his own business has been nerve-racking, but it has also been extraordinarily fulfilling. And when it is difficult, he can still draw upon his passion for sports, which he believes translates well to the restaurant business. “When I talk with someone on the

line or interview someone for a job, I always relate it to sports,” Simon explains. “Everyone plays a huge part in our success, so if someone is late or no-shows, it hurts the whole team. Every cylinder has to fire properly to make sure that the restaurant functions properly — just like sports, but with much sharper objects.” Simon recently took a break from the kitchen to share his thoughts on the St. Louis food and beverage scene, his over-the-top sweet guilty pleasure and why sometimes it’s OK to watch your daughter’s Disney movies. What is one thing people don’t know about you that you wish they did? I don’t mind watching my daughter’s Disney movies. What daily ritual is non-negotiable for you?

Telling my wife and daughter I love them before I leave for work! And coffee. If you could have any superpower, what would it be? With a snap of my fingers, the kitchen would be organized, detailed and polished. What is the most positive thing in food, wine or cocktails that you’ve noticed in St. Louis over the past year? The St. Louis culinary field has gone from meat and potatoes to a more diverse palate. Who is your St. Louis food crush? Wudon Korean BBQ and Carl’s Drive-In. Who’s the one person to watch right now in the St. Louis dining scene? I don’t have one, but when I see these St. Louis chefs build plates with passion, it makes for an enjoyable ex-

[FIRST LOOK]

Clark & Bourbon Opens in Live! by Loews Next to Busch Stadium Written by

LIZ MILLER

month ahead of the St. Louis Cardinals’ home opener, baseball fans have a few new destinations for dining and drinking near Busch Stadium. On February 26, the Live! by Loews hotel opened in downtown St. Louis at 799 Clark Avenue. Located inside the luxury eight-story hotel (which features 216 rooms) are multiple dining concepts featuring floor-to-ceiling views of neighboring Busch Stadium and Ballpark Village. The project is part of the $260 million expansion of Ballpark Village and is a joint venture between the Cordish Companies and the St. Louis Cardinals. In addition to the new, fancy hotel (which is one of only 29 in the country), Live! by Loews has debuted several new dining and drinking destinations: Clark & Bourbon, Bar Bourbon (complete with its own whiskey-aging room) and River Market. Another concept, the Bullock, located on the second floor, is slated to open closer to the Cardinals’ home opener. Executive chef Matt Lange will lead the kitchen at each of the spots. Before opening the concepts in St. Louis, Lange spent the past five years working at restaurants for the Live! by Loews hotel in downtown Chicago. Lange says that the entire kitchen crew has transplanted from Chicago to make Clark & Bourbon the best experience it can be for diners. The menu at Clark & Bourbon is focused on high-quality steaks, burgers, seafood and pasta dishes. Lange says

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Crab legs served at the grand opening. | TRENTON ALMGREN-DAVIS he’s sourcing as many ingredients locally as possible and that there are dishes for diners of every diet and budget. “There are unique plays on dishes, like the grilled Alaskan king crab comes spiced with togarashi and charred lemon,” Lange says. “And then there’s dishes for two, which I’m a big fan of, like the 30-ounce Tomahawk steak and a whole fried chicken. I think there’s a price point and a dish for everyone.” Menu items range from salmon tartare with charred scallion aioli, pickled mustard seed, radish and everything bagel-spiced lavosh to Korean barbecue smoked wings and The Clark & Bourbon Burger, with a double patty, Widmer’s cheddar, onion strings, bread-and-butter pickles and house sauce. “Vegetarians will find plenty to enjoy, too,” Lange says, “including the Beyond Burger with vegan patties, American cheese, bread-andbutter pickles and house sauce, as well as the truffle tagliatelle.” “The truffle tagliatelle is one of my favorites, and it’s more interactive dining because I’m looking to come tableside and shave some fresh black truffles over that dish,” he adds. If you’re more focused on drinking than pairing cocktails or a glass of wine with dinner, hit up Bar Bourbon, located in the center of Clark &

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Bourbon. Here you can pull up a chair at a communal table near the gorgeous fireplace or grab a seat on the outdoor patio, which faces Busch Stadium, and order a drink. Bourbon features heavily on the cocktail list, of course, but the concept’s name is also partially a nod to its on-site Whiskey Room. The Whiskey Room features a large and impressive selection of around 500 bottles of whiskey, rye and bourbon, including rare and expensive pours from Pappy Van Winkle, Laphroaig and more. Wrapped in a warm orange glow and set back from the main dining area, the Whiskey Room is a stark contrast to the otherwise bright and modern bar and restaurant. Although meant to serve as separate concepts, Clark & Bourbon, Bar Bourbon and the Whiskey Room are all located on the ground floor of the hotel, and the spaces seamlessly flow into one another to almost create the atmosphere of one connected space. (Look closely in the dining room at Clark & Bourbon and you’ll spot baseball memorabilia displayed in the entryway and subtle touches like light fixtures that reassemble baseballs, albeit black and white ones.) “I couldn’t be more excited; I think it’s such a unique property as you flow through it,” Lange says. “All of the coun-

perience. Which ingredient is most representative of your personality? Allspice. If you weren’t working in the restaurant business, what would you be doing? Trying to become a pilot. Name an ingredient never allowed in your restaurant. Chicken on steroids. What is your after-work hangout? Home. What’s your food or beverage guilty pleasure? Cotton-candy ice cream with gummy bears. What would be your last meal on Earth? Coffee-encrusted Wagyu coulotte, or peanut butter and jelly with bacon on sourdough bread. n tertops and fixtures — there was so much attention to detail when they were building out the open kitchen.” In addition to Clark & Bourbon, another concept, River Market, a grab-and-go bistro serving organic sandwiches, salads and juices, plus coffee, pastries and more, is also now open. “[River Market] features Kaldi’s coffee, fresh baked pastries every day, things that are all organic, biodegradable, bio-dynamic products; it’s very unique,” Lange says. “It’s a transition away from eating like Pringles, Cheetos, Doritos. ... Everybody else has that, right? So it’s our little niche that is meant as light fare while you’re on the go or traveling.” The last dining concept planned to open at Live! by Loews is the Bullock. Located on the complex’s second-floor terrace, the Bullock will offer an indoor and outdoor patio overlooking Busch Stadium and Ballpark Village. The concept will serve handcrafted cocktails and classic American cuisine, and offer fun “lawn games” on a stretch of bright green AstroTurf. “It’s shareable menu items meant to be light snacks, light bites with your friends and family before or after a baseball game,” Lange says of the Bullock. “The patio overlooks Ballpark Village, and there’s AstroTurf with awesome lawn games. It’s a great place for friends and family to hang out before and after the game and there’s an amazing cocktail program as well.” For Lange, opening these new dining concepts in the shadow of Busch Stadium has an extra special meaning and connection to his past. “Obviously we’re right next to the baseball stadium, and I’m a big baseball fan myself — my dad played minorleague ball for the [Houston] Astros and [Minnesota] Twins, so I grew up going to baseball games,” Lange says. “Everybody here is a huge Cardinals fan, and it’s so awesome the draw that the team has; I’m looking forward to it.” n

[FIRST LOOK]

Rise Coffee Debuts Remodel, New Menu Items Written by

KRISTEN FARRAH

essie Mueller took a year to think about what Rise Coffee (4176 Manchester Avenue, 314-4058171) really needed. She first opened the space in 2013, and while she believes it has grown as a bridge in the community, there was something missing. After a recent remodel, it turns out that it wasn’t a what that was missing but a who — specifically, Mueller’s grandmother was missing. From 2015 until early 2019, Mueller had stepped away from Rise to focus on growing her family, and former employee Aaron Johnson bought the business. Although free time while raising two small children is sparse, Mueller used what limited free time she had to research more about her grandmother. As a child with divorced parents, Mueller spent every weekend at her grandmother’s house growing up. She recalls her grandmother providing her a safe haven (plus warm biscuits on Saturday mornings). So when she bought back her business last year, she wanted to create a safe space for others in her community, like her grandmother had given her so many years ago. “This new design of Rise is sort of deeper than just wanting to make a cool space,” Mueller says. “I want it to feel like a grandma’s hug.” Retro wood paneling and antique lamps help set the new mood, as does beautiful mustard yellow banquette seating in a new booth. Mueller knew she wanted to include counter seating for customers much like you’d find at a diner. Three yellow-green swivel chairs now line the counter, allowing guests a close-up look at the baristas and espresso machine. Mueller likes to call it “diner chic.” An exposed-brick wall peeks out from across the counter while wicker chairs line the dining area. Natural light from the front windows complement the soft pinks and oranges in

Rise Coffee owner Jessie Mueller wanted to include counter seating to create more of a diner feel. | KRISTEN FARRAH the updated color scheme. The vibe might send customers back to the 1970s or bring back childhood visits to Grandma’s house. Rise has removed its lunch menu items and now features an exclusively breakfast-focused menu. The house breakfast sandwich is an absolute monster of a meal: Eggs, cheddar, tomato, bacon and avocado are all piled high between two light and fluffy biscuits. Did I mention the spicy mayo? Genius. Be warned, though: This is either an extremely confident day-date dish or the kind of breakfast to order when you’re unconcerned about clothing stains. By the time I finished eating this huge sandwich, I had smeared one ingredient or another all over my face without fail after each bite. That might just be a me thing, but the cleanup was 100 percent worth it. At one point, I switched to using a fork to better savor every last bite. I had been eating this sandwich off and on while writing for an hour and had just arrived at the halfway mark. With only 25 minutes left before Rise closed for the day, I was now racing against the clock. That’s OK, though: Mueller wants diners to linger long enough to hopefully make connections with other guests. Mueller created Rise as her next step as a community activist. She transitioned from a teacher to a social worker to the owner of a coffee shop,

and so she yearns to create a space for open conversation at Rise. “I think now we’re in a place in society where a lot of people are polarized, and I really want Rise to be a space that is welcoming of conversation and all people, despite their beliefs,” Mueller says. The space is designed to encourage more human interaction. Seats are strategically placed close together or at one long communal table. In just an hour, I watched two women next to me sit down separately only to now be planning to meet up in a different city. One of the women had been painting a Mardi Gras-themed project. Her watercolors were now all dried out as she divulged her fears of moving to a big city and exchanged contact info with the woman next to her. Rise’s concept is a hub not only for sustaining community, but also for building on that existing community and welcoming guests with open arms. Mueller created Rise’s program, Coffee for the People, in the coffeehouse’s early days. Coffee for the People is a simple concept: Customers can buy a meal or cup of coffee for a person in need. They write down a description of who they’re leaving it for on the back of a coffee sleeve and tack it to the Coffee for the People mural painted across a pale pink wall. “It’s like a warm embrace,” Mueller says. “You’re welcome here; we want

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you here.” The descriptions range from “For a queer person who’s new to St. Louis” to “For a student who needs a boost.” Mueller says that as the Grove goes through changes, not everyone can always afford a warm meal, so the program is Rise’s way of inviting community outreach within its walls. Mueller hopes Coffee for the People becomes Rise’s legacy in the Grove. The upstairs of Rise features a children’s area which Mueller believes allows families to stay involved in community issues and discussions. As someone who brought her firstborn to work when she first opened Rise, Mueller understands the challenges of staying involved in the community as a parent. “I want [customers] to feel safe,” Mueller says. “I want them to feel a sense of acceptance and excitement for what we’re doing here.” Mueller’s passion for building community at Rise is equal to my passion for finishing this mighty breakfast sandwich. Thanks to my fork, it is now in pieces and looks more like a deconstructed art project than the original mouthwatering dish. There’s thirteen minutes to go before Rise closes for the day, and I’m no longer sure if I’m still hungry or just too competitive to give up. Perhaps I’ll have to allow myself more time on my next visit. Rise Coffee is open from 7 a.m. to 4 p.m. daily. n

MARCH 11-17, 2020

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The fast-fresh, made-to-order concept has been applied to everything from pizza to pasta in St. Louis, but the sushi burrito surprisingly had no Gateway City home until BLK MKT Eats opened near Saint Louis University last fall. It was worth the wait, though, because BLK MKT Eats combines bold flavors and convenience into a perfectly wrapped package that’s ideal for those in a rush. Cousins and co-owners Kati Fahrney and Ron Turigliatto offer a casual menu full of high-quality, all-natural ingredients that fit everything you love about sushi and burritos right in your hand. TheNOT SwedishYOUR Fish layers Scandinavian cured salmon, yuzu dillSPOT slaw, AVERAGE SUSHI Persian cucumbers and avocado for a fresh flavor explosion. Another favorite, the OG Fire, features your choice 9 SOUTH VANDEVENTER DINE-IN, TAKEOUT OR DELIVERY MON-SAT 11AM-9PM of spicy tuna or salmon alongside tempura crunch, masago, shallots, jalapeño and piquant namesake sauce; Persian cucumbers and avocado soothe your tongue from the sauce’s kick. All burrito rolls come with sticky rice wrapped in nori or can be made into poké bowls, and all items can be modified for vegetarians.

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314.888.8688 9616 OLIVE BLVD OLIVETTE, MO 63132 The Kickin’ Crab has joined the Crustacean Nation and is here to satisfy your taste sensation. The Kickin’ Crab is a fun-filled Cajun seafood destination where patrons come and escape into flavor paradise. Offering a distinct ambiance to enjoy the finest and freshest Cajun seafood around! Kickin’ Crab is a great place to hang out with friends, family, or both! No plates... no utensils! Just your hands, a bib, and our unique and absolutely irresistible KC sauces - a combination of spicy, sweet and tangy flavors - over freshly prepared seafood that will give your taste buds satisfaction unlike anything else you’ve ever tasted. Join us and partake in the festivities and quality of seafood that The Kickin’ Crab has to offer.

MUSIC + CULTURE

[HOMESPUN]

Putting in the Work Jack Grelle to release new album If Not Forever while prepping for a European tour Written by

CHRISTIAN SCHAEFFER

fter he released his album Got Dressed Up to Be Let Down, the local singer-songwriter Jack Grelle spent plenty of time on the road performing his mix of rock, folk and honky-tonk music. Much of that time in the van took him and his band across the United States, but in the past few years he’s traveled to Europe on three separate occasions. Sometimes he’d perform solo sets or serve as a warm-up act for Pokey LaFarge’s thousand-seat theater shows; sometimes he’d tour alongside a Spanish krautrock/psych band; and sometimes he’d perform his music with a hodge-podge backing band that traipsed with him around Italy, Germany and Switzerland. Grelle is a musician who borrows liberally from a few American traditions, from strident political folk ballads to tear-stained country ballads, and the European crowds would respond in various ways to his performances. “It’s an interesting thing, because it’s a mix, of who comes out and who is into it, country to country,” Grelle says of his overseas gigs. “For lack of a better term there’s almost a fetishization of country music and Americana over there, and people that are super into the retro look — I’ve played at places where they have a cowboy theme night when I play. “Then there are wonderful shows where it’s a complete mix of ages and what people generally listen to,” he continues. “It’s been really interesting and wonderful to have those opportunities.” Grelle will continue to pursue those opportunities for cross-cultural pollination this spring when he returns to the continent, this time with the support of multi-instrumentalist Sam Golden. On this trip, he’ll have a new batch of songs to play from his

Jack Grelle’s new album uses a country sound to tell stories of working-class struggle on a human level. | NATE BURRELL forthcoming LP If Not Forever, for which he’ll have a local release show on March 20 at Off Broadway. But before he put the finishing touches on that album, Grelle took another international trip — one that, by design, had nothing to do with music. He enrolled in a language program in the Mexican state of Chiapas. While there, he led the life of a backpacker with ascetic living conditions and a rigorous program of study. “I’ve been studying Spanish a lot over the past few years, mainly due to my time in Spain where I got to tour with some buddies in a band called Sufre,” Grelle says. “After that tour I thought, ‘I need to really get back to the grammar if I’m going to improve my language skills.’ “It was maybe the best trip I’ve ever had,” he continues. “It was really cool to have an international trip that wasn’t musical but was educational and cultural, and it was very humbling.” And after years of gigging, he felt liberated from the grind of touring. “It was really, really nice to just have a backpack and not have to worry about gear or a van or wrangling the band or anything like that,” Grelle says. The trip to Mexico was a reprieve before the official launch of If Not Forever, an album whose songs show

Grelle at a time of maturity and transition; in place of raucous honky-tonk sit slower, gentler songs accented with horn charts or suffused with a string quartet. Though Grelle tracked a few elements of the album at two Cherokee Street studios — Native Sound and Yellow Hat — the bulk of the tracking was done at Chicago’s Jamdek Recording Studio, primarily to work with producer Cooper Crain. “He’s in the band Cave and Bitchin’ Bajas — he’s originally from Columbia, Missouri, and I know him from there,’” Grelle says of Crain. “He’s always been the vibe-guy guru around town and I’ve always wanted to work with him.” Crain’s bands tend toward the experimental side of things, which made him an atypical producer for an act like Grelle. “This record isn’t a classic honky-tonk record by any means, and I thought it would be fun to work with someone who’s definitely not from that world, to try to get it more evolved in the sound,” says Grelle. That evolution will be on display at the March 20 album release show, where in addition to Grelle’s usual backing band he’ll be joined by a string quartet, a few of the players from the album’s Chicago sessions and a few local friends.

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But no matter the setting, Grelle’s songwriting remains at the center of his work. His songs tend to ask questions about social classes and aim for a kind of universal solidarity. The loping “Out Where the Buses Don’t Run” tells of an encounter with an eccentric and generous homeless man, and elsewhere on the album he tackles big issues with a tight focus. He describes “It Ain’t Working” as a “generational song,” outlining the story of a whole working-class family. “Mom’s working nights, dad’s a union man,” Grelle says. “Kids are crammed sharing a bed. It’s kind of a short story of class stratification.” In the song, Grelle keeps the specifics of the story a bit vague, but in conversation he says that he had the communities of north county and north city in mind — neighborhoods that were formerly populated by lower- and middle-class white families but are now communities of color. “The idea is about working-class solidarity across racial lines; the whole concept in general is a critique on capitalism,” Grelle says. “Is it working for everybody? I wanted to have a simple song, but I’ve also learned that pointing fingers doesn’t work. If we want to have a conversation we can’t be doing that.” n

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MARCH 11-17, 2020

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[PROFILE]

It’s unfiltered content — banter between women doing the thing they all do best. At its core, ...Well Damn was created solely by women.

The Word Is the Weapon St. Louis’ Leethal the Poet holds nothing back on new growthcentered spoken word album Written by

YMANI WINCE

t was a stacked Leap Day weekend in St. Louis last month, with more than half a dozen worthy music-related events happening on a Friday night in south city. On social media, it was unclear which shows would generate the most attendees, or how many showcases folks could attend. But it was a generous turnout on Virgina Avenue, where more than two dozen people packed a Victorian-style home to hear the latest from one of St. Louis’ most buzzed poets. Such an event might conjure imagery of brooding hipsters with cigarettes, or overheard conversations filled with narcissism and condescension. But forget all that. In its stead were the pulsing sounds of trap music and a waft of weed, rotel dip and chicken, incense and everything in between. As people mingled amongst couches, balloons and spiked lemonade mixes, Leethal the Poet surveyed the scene. “We’re gonna start in five minutes,” she said, motioning around the room with her hand. Poetry as an art, and more so spoken word as a practice, typically does not elicit listening parties or draw crowds for album drops. Those types of ventures usually feature poetry within a larger body of work — singing and rapping. But Leethal doesn’t see it that way. “People make it seem like poetry isn’t rap, but the ‘p’ in rap means poetry,” she told her guests. It’s a belief that has been with Leethal for as long as she’s been a writer. A frequent performer at area spoken-word open mics such as Lyrical Therapy and Poetic Justice, Leethal isn’t new to the talented crop of poets around the city. Her new album, ...Well Damn, is the next chapter and dark side to her previous body of work, Sea Turtle. Born Caylee Hecht, Leethal says she wanted to deliver a different kind of project for her fans this time around. “With Sea Turtle, I was very much so in a bad toxic relationship, and I was in the process of healing myself from that,” Hecht recalls. “With ...Well

Leethal the Poet’s latest, ...Well Damn, is a darker project than her previous work. | VIA THE ARTIST Damn, it was me taking control of the situations I had a part to play in. I was also reclaiming my time.” ...Well Damn explores the sort of growing pains and realizations that happen at this stage of adulthood. For the 27-year-old, it was learning the value of herself, and withdrawing from relationships both romantic and platonic that were no longer positive. Hecht’s ability to put complex emotions into simple yet impactful stanzas is why her work has been well received by her fans time and time again. She’s a favorite at open mics, and won a Slumfest award for Best Poet in 2019. A poet with strong feelings about life’s inevitable lessons, her latest focuses on concepts of self-actualization, accountability, confidence and growth. Sea Turtle was the opposite of that. With ...Well Damn, listeners get the opportunity to experience what Leethal calls “the dark side of the moon.” It’s a description that is aptly placed. We get

to hear all about letting go, while also drawing closer. “I was dealing with a lot of manipulation and hollow friendships,” she says. “I was very angry.” As each track plays, Leethal explains the piece’s concept to her audience, truly honing in on where she was in her life, and how each piece came to be. Every explanation is informal and therapeutic, in a way. While it was her time to shine and celebrate the completion of a body of work, she opted to take her audience deeper into selfexploration and actualization. “I can own my shit,” she says calmly. “When you own your shit, nobody can call you on it, right?” The audience agrees. ...Well Damn grapples with Leethal being herself completely, as well as mulling over the events that make the album what it is. Each track is preceded by skits, or snippets of conversations in the studio Leethal had with her friends during the production

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of her album. It’s unfiltered content — banter between women doing the thing they all do best. And that was intentional. At its core, ...Well Damn was created solely by women. About 98 percent of the tracks were produced by female producer Volume Speaks and engineered entirely by Lexxiiibeatz — both producers who’ve battled and dominated at Fresh Produce, the monthly beat battle in the Grove. Volume and Leethal have been friends for several years, and the latter saw this as an opportunity for Volume to have her beats on a body of work. Likewise, Leethal says Lexxiiibeatz was a friend who’s always believed in her talent. “This was very important to me,” Hecht says. “I felt that it would be very empowering to have all women, because I don’t think it’s been done before. I was like, ‘Y’all let’s do it!’” Even if you were to have no knowledge of her abilities as a writer and performer, Leethal has the sort of draw that makes her aura undeniable. She speaks with a soothing, raspy lower register, and her words flow with tranquility, even when she delivers venomous lines. That venom comes from Leethal’s past ways of handling her anger. With this album, she noticed a visible shift in herself. “This is one of the first times I was actually able to accept that I’m upset and angry, and not have to weaponize it,” she says. “I’m cool with not being friends with certain individuals, just don’t talk to me.” Like many writers and poets, Leethal says she finds comfort and healing in her writing. She considers her talent to be a blessing to herself, as well as the listeners that feel moved by her words. But, ultimately, she is firm on who her writing is actually for: herself. “Honestly, it sounds really selfish, and I feel like all artists need to make this honest statement: My poetry is for me first,” she says. “I’m not a role model, I’m the example. I can only give you a blueprint.” n

MARCH 11-17, 2020

RIVERFRONT TIMES

[ S K AT E O R D I E ]

Wheels of STL St. Louis skateboarding legend Steve Berra boosts local skate talent Written by

JENNA JONES

t. Louis’ own professional skater Steve Berra first heard about Tyler Peterson on Instagram almost six years ago. Peterson tagged Berra in one of the videos he posted of himself skateboarding. When he watched the video, Berra noticed three things about Peterson. “[The] first thing I noticed was his funny blue helmet, which made him look like a kid. The second thing I noticed was that not even some of the best pros were doing the tricks he was doing so effortlessly,” Berra wrote in the description of the YouTube video. “Third thing I noticed was that he was from St. Louis and being from St. Louis myself,

Tyler Peterson skates through St. Louis in “Never Stop Pushing.” | SCREENGRAB VIA YOUTUBE I paid extra special attention because I saw a lot of me in Tyler.” Peterson and Berra do have a lot of the same qualities. The two moved at the ages of seventeen and eighteen, respectively, to California to kickstart their professional careers. Both skaters married young — Berra married Juliette Lewis, film icon of the ’90s, at the age of 26. (They’ve since

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divorced.) Peterson married his high school sweetheart at the age of twenty. Both are fathers. Both still have their passion for skating. Now, the professional skaters teamed up for a new mission to make their own video series titled “Never Stop Pushing.” Peterson stars in the inaugural five-minute clip. The two have spent the last

three months recording the video on and off. It digs into Peterson’s life as a skater in St. Louis. “Everything is based in St. Louis for me,” Peterson says in the video. As the 21-year-old is seen skating through the streets of St. Louis with the Arch behind him, the story goes deeper. Peterson lost his dad at the age of twenty and then became one himself just three months later. His son, Azai, was born prematurely after a routine checkup went south for his now-wife Maryah. These tragedies never stopped Peterson, though. He had his father in mind as he recounted the lessons he had learned in the video — how to take care of his family, how to be kind to others, how to be a good person, and perhaps the most important one. “He always told me, ‘Never stop pushing,’” Peterson said. Berra posted the teaser to the video to his Instagram account in late February. In the caption, Berra describes Peterson as a humble young skater. “I’m so proud of him and could’ve spent hours telling his story. However, these five minutes will have to suffice for now,” Berra wrote. The “Never Stop Pushing” video is the first of many, according to the Instagram post. You can watch the videos yourself on The Berrics’ YouTube channel. n

OUT EVERY NIGHT

[CRITIC’S PICK]

Brando. | AUSTIN ROBERTS

In Memory of a Legend: A Benefit for Brando 9 p.m. Saturday, March 14. The William A Kerr Foundation, 21 O’Fallon Street. $10. 314-436-3325. When Brandon Arscott passed away unexpectedly in November, many in St. Louis’ punk scene were shocked to learn he was only 23 years old. That shock could be attributed to a few things — for one, the man better known as “Brando” frequently lied about his age when he first started coming around about a decade ago (thirteen is young, even for punks, but especially for bars and venues where said punks congregate). But even more than that, the outsized mark he left on St. Louis’ hardcore punk community seems

THURSDAY 12

BLACK TIGER SEX MACHINE: 8 p.m., free. Old Rock House, 1200 S. 7th St., St. Louis, 314-588-0505. CAL SCRUBY: 6:30 p.m., $12. Red Flag, 3040 Locust Street, St. Louis, 314-289-9050. CHRISTIAN FRENCH: 8 p.m., $15-$45. The Ready Room, 4195 Manchester Ave, St. Louis, 314-833-3929. GALACTIC: w/ Anjelika Jelly Joseph, Naughty Professor 8 p.m., $25-$30. Delmar Hall, 6133 Delmar Blvd., St. Louis, 314-726-6161. THE MOUNTAIN RIVER VALLEY BOYS: 8:30 p.m., free. The Frisco Barroom, 8110 Big Bend Blvd., Webster Groves, 314-455-1090. OVERTIME: 7:30 p.m., $15. Pop’s Nightclub, 401 Monsanto Ave., East St. Louis, 618-274-6720. TRACER: w/ Ptah Williams, Darrell Mixon, Gary Sykes 8 p.m., $15. Joe’s Cafe, 6014 Kingsbury Ave, St. Louis. ZAC BROWN BAND: w/ Amos Lee, Poo Bear 7 p.m., $36.50-$96.50. Enterprise Center, 1401 Clark Ave., St. Louis, 314-241-1888.

FRIDAY 13

impossible for someone so young. Brando performed in several hardcore bands — most notably Ruz, the Warden and Life Like, some of the most celebrated local acts of the last ten years. This show, which will feature performances by both the Warden and Ruz, as well as sets from Q, Unspeakable and Maso, is meant to raise money to fund the release of as much of Brando’s music as possible, which in more recent years even included a slew of hip-hop production work as well. Brando may be gone, but through his music, he will never be forgotten. Sing Along: Brando sang in the Warden; for this show, the members of the band will leave a microphone on stage for anyone who wishes to perform in his stead. —Daniel Hill

120 MINUTES: 8 p.m., free. Schlafly Bottleworks, 7260 Southwest Ave, Maplewood, 314-241-2337. ALLEN STONE: 8 p.m., $25-$30. Delmar Hall, 6133 Delmar Blvd., St. Louis, 314-726-6161. BEAR HANDS: w/ Itontom 8 p.m., $18. Off Broadway, 3509 Lemp Ave., St. Louis, 314-498-6989. FRUITION: 8 p.m., $15. Old Rock House, 1200 S. 7th St., St. Louis, 314-588-0505. GABRIEL IGLESIAS: 8 p.m., $46.50-$76.50. Stifel Theatre, 1400 Market St, St. Louis, 314-499-7600. MATT LESCH: 8 p.m., $10. Blue Strawberry Showroom & Lounge, 364 N Boyle Ave, St. Louis, 314-256-1745. MINDY SMITH: 8 p.m., $30-$35. Blueberry Hill The Duck Room, 6504 Delmar Blvd., University City, 314-727-4444. NEIL SALSICH: 9:30 p.m., free. The Frisco Barroom, 8110 Big Bend Blvd., Webster Groves, 314-455-1090. ORIGIN: w/ Beneath the Massacre, Defeated Sanity 5:30 p.m., $20. Red Flag, 3040 Locust Street, St. Louis, 314-289-9050. PLASTIC KINGS: 7 p.m., $7. Ameristar CasinoBottleneck Blues Bar, 1 Ameristar Blvd., St.

Continued on pg 41

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HATS-N-STUFF HATS-N-STUFF

TEE SHIRTS HOODIES FLAGS

BALL CAPS STICKERS AND COOZIES

ME RC HA ND ISE AR RIV ING DA ILY TO WE STP ORT PLA ZA LO CATIO N

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[CRITIC’S PICK]

Destroyer. | VIA PARADIGM TALENT AGENCY

Destroyer 8 p.m. Saturday, March 14. Blueberry Hill’s Duck Room, 6504 Delmar Boulevard, University City. $20 to $23. 314-727-4444. The sound of Have We Met, the latest album by Dan Bejar, a.k.a. Destroyer, seems anonymous, even innocuous. One might dismiss it as sonic wallpaper, albeit very tasteful and cerebral wallpaper, like listening to Postal Service on a fine wine buzz. But no one else in avant indiedom locates the buzz of beauty the way Bejar does. He’s looking for nothing and discovers that “nothing is more beautiful than anything you ever knew.” Like the lyrics and the riveting way he phrases them, the music becomes magnetic on repeat-

OUT EVERY NIGHT Continued from pg 39

Charles, 636-940-4966. THE WONDER YEARS: w/ Free Throw, Spanish Love Songs, Pool Kids 7 p.m., $25. The Ready Room, 4195 Manchester Ave, St. Louis, 314-833-3929. YOUNG DOLPH & KEY GLOCK: 7 p.m., $35-$150. Pop’s Nightclub, 401 Monsanto Ave., East St. Louis, 618-274-6720.

SATURDAY 14

BIG EASY: 9 p.m., free. Nightshift Bar & Grill, 3979 Mexico Road, St. Peters, 636-441-8300. CEDES – UNDERRATED: w/ Pagedale Zo, Dae smooth, Mz sayless, Fundo, Litty gang, Rocky Maverick, Memph Tenn, Yyung Tay 7:30 p.m., $8. Pop’s Nightclub, 401 Monsanto Ave., East St. Louis, 618-274-6720. CHURCH GIRLS: w/ Lightrider 9 p.m., $7. The Heavy Anchor, 5226 Gravois Ave., St. Louis, 314-352-5226. DESTROYER: w/ Nap Eyes 8 p.m., $20-$23. Blueberry Hill - The Duck Room, 6504 Delmar Blvd., University City, 314-727-4444. DRAGONFORCE: w/ Unleash The Archer 9 p.m., $23. Red Flag, 3040 Locust Street, St. Louis, 314-289-9050. THE DUST COVERS: 9:30 p.m., free. The Frisco Barroom, 8110 Big Bend Blvd., Webster Groves, 314-455-1090. JOE RUSSO’S ALMOST DEAD: 8 p.m., $45-$50. The Pageant, 6161 Delmar Blvd., St. Louis, 314-726-6161.

ed listenings. There’s a there there in the relentless churn of the drum programming, the burr of the guitars, the drone of the bass, all the waveformed waves of synthesized sounds. The landscape suits Bejar’s theme: The world is stranger and more beautiful than we dare imagine, but fuck it, he’s going to imagine it any way. And so will you, when he makes his return to St. Louis this week. Polaris Stars: While oft overlooked outside of its native Canada, Nap Eyes made the long list for the 2016 Polaris Music Prize, our northern neighbor’s version of the UK’s Mercury Prize. Fans of Luna, not to mention the Velvet Underground, should not nap on its opening set. —Roy Kasten

PALM PALM: 8 p.m., $10. Off Broadway, 3509 Lemp Ave., St. Louis, 314-498-6989. PATTI & THE HITMEN: 3 p.m., free. Great Grizzly Bear, 1027 Geyer Ave., St. Louis, 314-231-0444. POGUERTY: 8 p.m., $35. The Ready Room, 4195 Manchester Ave, St. Louis, 314-833-3929. THE POTOMAC ACCORD ALBUM LISTENING PARTY: 9:30 p.m., free. The Royale, 3132 S. Kingshighway Blvd, St. Louis, 314-772-3600. RYAN HURD: w/ Adam Doleac, Joey Hyde 8 p.m., $15-$18. Delmar Hall, 6133 Delmar Blvd., St. Louis, 314-726-6161. SFJAZZ COLLECTIVE: 8 p.m., $15-$45. The Sheldon, 3648 Washington Blvd., St. Louis, 314-533-9900. SUMMER CAMP: ON THE ROAD: 8 p.m., $15. Old Rock House, 1200 S. 7th St., St. Louis, 314-588-0505. TOBYMAC: w/ Tauren Wells, Jordan Feliz, We Are Messengers, Ryan Stevenson, Aaron Cole, Cochren & Co. 7 p.m., $28-$78. Enterprise Center, 1401 Clark Ave., St. Louis, 314-241-1888. TRIXIE DELIGHT: 7 p.m., $7. Ameristar CasinoBottleneck Blues Bar, 1 Ameristar Blvd., St. Charles, 636-940-4966.

SUNDAY 15

BRENT COBB: 8 p.m., $20-$35. Off Broadway, 3509 Lemp Ave., St. Louis, 314-498-6989. JOE RUSSO’S ALMOST DEAD: 8 p.m., $45-$50. The Pageant, 6161 Delmar Blvd., St. Louis, 314-726-6161. MICROWAVE: w/ A Will Away, Bad Luck, Weakened Friends 7 p.m., $16. Red Flag, 3040 Locust Street, St. Louis, 314-289-9050. THE POTOMAC ACCORD: 4 p.m., free. Vintage

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[CRITIC’S PICK]

Poguetry. | ZACK SMITH

Poguetry 8 p.m. Saturday, March 14. The Ready Room, 4195 Manchester Avenue. $35. 314-833-3929. When the Pogues careened out of the London underground in the early 1980s, the band’s mix of Irish folk and British punk was a novel amalgam: Accordions, electric guitars and Shane MacGowan’s knackered street poetry made its own heady brew. And while the original lineup has had occasional reunions in the past decade, founding members Spider

OUT EVERY NIGHT Continued from pg 41

Vinyl, 6610 Delmar Blvd., University City, 314-721-4096.

MONDAY 16

DERMOT KENNEDY: 8 p.m., $32. The Pageant, 6161 Delmar Blvd., St. Louis, 314-726-6161. PILFERS: 8 p.m., $12-$15. Blueberry Hill - The Duck Room, 6504 Delmar Blvd., University City, 314-727-4444. ROCKY MANTIA & KILLER COMBO: 7 p.m., $10. BB’s Jazz, Blues & Soups, 700 S. Broadway, St. Louis, 314-436-5222.

Wednesday March 11 9PM

Sean Canan’s Voodoo Players Tribute To Crosby, Stills, Nash and Young Thursday March 12 9PM

TUESDAY 17

Alexis Tucci’s ElectroJive

BONGZILLA: 7 p.m., $15. Red Flag, 3040 Locust Street, St. Louis, 314-289-9050. CHRISTOPHER PAUL STELLING: 8 p.m., $12. Off Broadway, 3509 Lemp Ave., St. Louis, 314-498-6989. IAN WALSH AND KEVIN BUCKLEY: 10 a.m., $15$18. The Sheldon, 3648 Washington Blvd., St. Louis, 314-533-9900.

Friday March 13 10PM

Monkh & The People

with Special Guests Tree One Four Saturday March 14 10PM

Jakes Leg’s JRAD Afterparty

WEDNESDAY 18

Sunday March 15 8PM

ARLO GUTHRIE: 7:30 p.m., $32. Blanche M Touhill Performing Arts Center, 1 University Dr at Natural Bridge Road, Normandy, 314-516-4949. BOB WEIR AND WOLF BROS: 7 p.m., $60-$100. Stifel Theatre, 1400 Market St, St. Louis, 314-499-7600. HAKEN: 8 p.m., $20. Red Flag, 3040 Locust Street, St. Louis, 314-289-9050. STORY COLLIDER: 7 p.m., $12. The Ready Room, 4195 Manchester Ave, St. Louis, 314-833-3929.

Blues, Soul and Pop Diva Kim Massie Wednesday March 18 9PM

Sean Canan’s Voodoo Players Tribute To Ween

Saturday March 21 10PM

Litz

THIS JUST IN

with Special Guests Coach

ACOUSTIK ELEMENT: Sat., March 21, 8 p.m., $15.

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MARCH 11-17, 2020

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Stacy and Cait O’Riordan have recently added another musical style — Cajun folk music — to create the touring outfit Poguetry. By linking up with Louisiana’s celebrated Lost Bayou Ramblers, Stacy and O’Riordan are recreating some of the Pogues beloved early singles like “Boys from the County Hell” and “Body of an American” with a fresh infusion of Acadian folk. Poguetry in (Limited) Motion: This iteration of Poguetry is in the midst of a rather small U.S. tour, so don’t miss the chance to see this lineup. —Christian Schaeffer Joe’s Cafe, 6014 Kingsbury Ave, St. Louis. AMERICAN AQUARIUM: Fri., July 24, 8 p.m., $20$22.50. Delmar Hall, 6133 Delmar Blvd., St. Louis, 314-726-6161. BEN MORRISON BAND: Sat., April 11, 8 p.m., $10$15. Old Rock House, 1200 S. 7th St., St. Louis, 314-588-0505. BIG BOI: Thu., June 18, 8 p.m., $35-$40. Atomic Cowboy Pavilion, 4140 Manchester Avenue, St. Louis, 314-775-0775. BROKEN YOUTH: W/ The Greater Good, It Comes In Waves, Calloway Circus, Dead Wolves, Make Your Mark, Sat., May 30, 6:30 p.m., $10. Red Flag, 3040 Locust Street, St. Louis, 314-289-9050. CHROMEO DJ SET: W/ DJ Alexis Tucci, Fri., May 8, 8 p.m., $22-$35. Atomic Cowboy Pavilion, 4140 Manchester Avenue, St. Louis, 314-775-0775. CROBOT: Sat., May 2, 7:30 p.m., $15. Red Flag, 3040 Locust Street, St. Louis, 314-289-9050. DIZZY ATMOSPHERE: Sun., April 5, 11:30 a.m., free. Sun., May 3, 11:30 a.m., free. Sun., June 7, 11:30 a.m., free. The Dark Room, 3610 Grandel Square inside Grandel Theatre, St. Louis, 314-776-9550. FAME ON FIRE: Fri., May 22, 8 p.m., $15. Red Flag, 3040 Locust Street, St. Louis, 314-289-9050. HARI KONDABOLU: Tue., April 7, 8 p.m., $20. Blueberry Hill - The Duck Room, 6504 Delmar Blvd., University City, 314-727-4444. JOHN FOGERTY: Sun., July 12, 7:30 p.m., $49.50$149.50. The Fox Theatre, 527 N. Grand Blvd., St. Louis, 314-534-1111. KAONASHI: Tue., April 14, 6:30 p.m., $12. Red Flag, 3040 Locust Street, St. Louis, 314-289-9050. LOLA KRISTINE: Sat., May 16, 8 p.m., $15-$20. Blue Strawberry Showroom & Lounge, 364 N Boyle Ave, St. Louis, 314-256-1745. MALENA SMITH: W/ The Adam Maness Trio, Fri., April 3, 8 p.m., $20. Blue Strawberry Showroom & Lounge, 364 N Boyle Ave, St. Louis, 314-256-1745. MAN MAN: Tue., April 28, 8 p.m., $15-$17. Old

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Rock House, 1200 S. 7th St., St. Louis, 314-588-0505. MATT LESCH: Fri., March 13, 8 p.m., $10. Blue Strawberry Showroom & Lounge, 364 N Boyle Ave, St. Louis, 314-256-1745. THE MIGHTY PINES: Fri., May 15, 8 p.m., $15-$18. Delmar Hall, 6133 Delmar Blvd., St. Louis, 314-726-6161. NANDOSTL: Sat., May 23, 8 p.m., $20. Old Rock House, 1200 S. 7th St., St. Louis, 314-588-0505. NPR’S ASK ME ANOTHER: Tue., May 19, 8 p.m., $30-$55. The Pageant, 6161 Delmar Blvd., St. Louis, 314-726-6161. OLD CROW MEDICINE SHOW: Thu., April 23, 8 p.m., $35-$50. The Pageant, 6161 Delmar Blvd., St. Louis, 314-726-6161. ORIGAMI ANGEL: W/ Mover Shaker, Equipment, Wed., June 3, 7:30 p.m., $10. Red Flag, 3040 Locust Street, St. Louis, 314-289-9050. THE POTOMAC ACCORD ALBUM LISTENING PARTY: Sat., March 14, 9:30 p.m., free. The Royale, 3132 S. Kingshighway Blvd, St. Louis, 314-772-3600. THE POTOMAC ACCORD VINYL RELEASE PARTY: Thu., March 19, 7 p.m., free. St. Louis Public Library, Central Branch, 1301 Olive St., St. Louis, 314-241-2288. THE POTOMAC ACCORD: Sun., March 15, 4 p.m., free. Vintage Vinyl, 6610 Delmar Blvd., University City, 314-721-4096. REBIRTH BRASS BAND: Sat., May 30, 8 p.m., $20$25. Atomic Cowboy Pavilion, 4140 Manchester Avenue, St. Louis, 314-775-0775. ROCKY MANTIA & KILLER COMBO: Mon., March 16, 7 p.m., $10. BB’s Jazz, Blues & Soups, 700 S. Broadway, St. Louis, 314-436-5222. SAM & COLBY: Tue., May 19, 7 p.m., $37-$252. Delmar Hall, 6133 Delmar Blvd., St. Louis, 314-726-6161. SHINER: W/ Diabiase, Seashine, Thu., June 4, 8 p.m., $18. Red Flag, 3040 Locust Street, St. Louis, 314-289-9050. SOUL TRAIN LIVE: W/ DJ Lamar Harris, Fri., April 3, 8:30 p.m., $10-$15. The Ready Room, 4195 Manchester Ave, St. Louis, 314-833-3929. STAND ATLANTIC: Sun., June 28, 7 p.m. Red Flag, 3040 Locust Street, St. Louis, 314-289-9050. SURFER BLOOD: Thu., July 30, 8 p.m., $15. The Ready Room, 4195 Manchester Ave, St. Louis, 314-833-3929. TALIB KWELI: Sat., April 18, 8 p.m., $22.50. Atomic Cowboy Pavilion, 4140 Manchester Avenue, St. Louis, 314-775-0775. TENTH MOUNTAIN DIVISION: Sat., April 18, 8 p.m., free. Gaslight Lounge, 4916 Shaw Ave, St. Louis, 314-496-0628. THAO & THE GET DOWN STAY DOWN: Sat., July 18, 8 p.m., $22. The Ready Room, 4195 Manchester Ave, St. Louis, 314-833-3929. THE POTOMAC ACCORD CD & SHIRT RELEASE: W/ Sisser, the Fade, Sat., April 4, 9 p.m., free. Schlafly ap oom, oc t St., St. o , 314-241-2337. TOWN MOUNTAIN: Fri., June 26, 8 p.m., $12. Old Rock House, 1200 S. 7th St., St. Louis, 314-588-0505. A TRIBUTE TO MICHAEL FRANKS: Tue., April 7, 9 p.m., $15. Gaslight Theater, 358 N. Boyle Ave., St. Louis. WEATHERS: Tue., June 2, 7:30 p.m., $15. Blueberry Hill - The Duck Room, 6504 Delmar Blvd., University City, 314-727-4444. WILCO, SLEATER-KINNEY: Fri., Aug. 14, 7 p.m., $35. St. Louis Music Park, 750 Casino Center Dr., Maryland Heights, 314-451-2244.

UPCOMING 25 YEARS OF ALIEN LANES: W/ the Cyanides, Trauma Harness, the Astounds, Other Town Syndrome, Subtropolis, Matt F Basler, Sisser, Breakmouth Annie, 120 Minutes, Matt Harnish, Sat., April 11, 8 p.m., $8. The Heavy Anchor, 5226 Gravois Ave., St. Louis, 314-352-5226. ANDREW BIRD: W/ Calexico, Iron & Wine, Mon., June 22, 7:15 p.m., $45-$80. The Pageant, 6161

Delmar Blvd., St. Louis, 314-726-6161. ANTIBALAS: Thu., April 2, 8 p.m., $20. The Ready Room, 4195 Manchester Ave, St. Louis, 314-833-3929. ARCHERS OF LOAF: Thu., April 30, 8 p.m., $25$28. Delmar Hall, 6133 Delmar Blvd., St. Louis, 314-726-6161. BIG BOI: Thu., June 18, 8 p.m., $35-$40. Atomic Cowboy Pavilion, 4140 Manchester Avenue, St. Louis, 314-775-0775. BIG THIEF: Sat., July 18, 8 p.m., $29.50-$32.50. The Pageant, 6161 Delmar Blvd., St. Louis, 314-726-6161. BLACK JOE LEWIS & THE HONEYBEARS: Fri., March 20, 8 p.m., $17-$20. Blueberry Hill - The Duck Room, 6504 Delmar Blvd., University City, 314-727-4444. CIRCLE JERKS: 40TH ANNIVERSARY TOUR: W/ the Adolescents, Negative Approach, Tue., June 23, 8 p.m., TBA. Red Flag, 3040 Locust Street, St. Louis, 314-289-9050. DIE ANTWOORD: Mon., May 4, 8 p.m., $49.50$52.50. The Pageant, 6161 Delmar Blvd., St. Louis, 314-726-6161. GOODIE MOB: Sun., May 17, 9 p.m., $35-$50. Pop’s Nightclub, 401 Monsanto Ave., East St. Louis, 618-274-6720. THE GROWLERS: Mon., June 8, 8 p.m., $30. The Ready Room, 4195 Manchester Ave, St. Louis, 314-833-3929. HAMILTON LEITHAUSER: W/ Anna St. Louis, Fri., May 8, 8 p.m., $20-$22.50. Delmar Hall, 6133 Delmar Blvd., St. Louis, 314-726-6161. JASON ISBELL AND THE 400 UNIT: Sun., June 21, 8 p.m., $46.50-$76.50. Stifel Theatre, 1400 Market St, St. Louis, 314-499-7600. KESHA: W/ Big Freedia, Mon., May 25, 7 p.m., $45-$135. St. Louis Music Park, 750 Casino Center Dr., Maryland Heights, 314-451-2244. KING BUZZO: W/ Trevor Dunn, Fri., June 19, 8 p.m., $20-$23. Old Rock House, 1200 S. 7th St., St. Louis, 314-588-0505. THE LEMON TWIGS: Tue., May 5, 8 p.m., $18. Off Broadway, 3509 Lemp Ave., St. Louis, 314-498-6989. THE MANESS BROTHERS ALBUM RELEASE: Fri., May 1, 8 p.m., $12. Off Broadway, 3509 Lemp Ave., St. Louis, 314-498-6989. MANNEQUIN PUSSY: W/ Glitterer, Fri., April 24, 8 p.m., $15. Off Broadway, 3509 Lemp Ave., St. Louis, 314-498-6989. MOLLY SIMMS ALBUM RELEASE PARTY: Fri., April 10, 8 p.m., $7-$10. Atomic Cowboy Pavilion, 4140 Manchester Avenue, St. Louis, 314-775-0775. NADA SURF: Tue., June 2, 8 p.m., $20-$22. Old Rock House, 1200 S. 7th St., St. Louis, 314-5880505. NAPALM DEATH: W/ Aborted, Wvrm, Bastard, Mon., April 20, 6:30 p.m., TBA. Red Flag, 3040 Locust Street, St. Louis, 314-289-9050. NEKO CASE: Fri., June 26, 8 p.m., $32-$55. The Sheldon, 3648 Washington Blvd., St. Louis, 314-533-9900. NPR’S ASK ME ANOTHER: Tue., May 19, 8 p.m., $30-$55. The Pageant, 6161 Delmar Blvd., St. Louis, 314-726-6161. OF MONTREAL: W/ Locate S,1, Fri., March 27, 8 p.m., $20-$23. The Ready Room, 4195 Manchester Ave, St. Louis, 314-833-3929. OKILLY DOKILLY: Tue., May 5, 6 p.m., $16. Red Flag, 3040 Locust Street, St. Louis, 314-289-9050. POI DOG PONDERING: Fri., April 3, 8 p.m., $25$30. Delmar Hall, 6133 Delmar Blvd., St. Louis, 314-726-6161. POLICA: W/ Wilsen, Wed., April 1, 8 p.m., $15. Off Broadway, 3509 Lemp Ave., St. Louis, 314498-6989. ROBYN HITCHCOCK: Wed., April 15, 8 p.m., $25. Off Broadway, 3509 Lemp Ave., St. Louis, 314-498-6989. THE SADIES: Tue., March 31, 8 p.m., $15. Off Broadway, 3509 Lemp Ave., St. Louis, 314-498-6989. SHEER MAG: W/ Young Guv, Wed., May 6, 8 p.m., $12. Off Broadway, 3509 Lemp Ave., St. Louis, 314-498-6989. SHINER: W/ Diabiase, Seashine, Thu., June 4, 8 p.m., $18. Red Flag, 3040 Locust Street, St. Louis, 314-289-9050. SOCCER MOMMY: W/ Emily Reo, Fri., April 17, 8 p.m., $18-$20. Delmar Hall, 6133 Delmar Blvd., St. Louis, 314-726-6161. n

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RIVERFRONT TIMES

MARCH 11-17, 2020

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SAVAGE LOVE BROWNIE POINTS BY DAN SAVAGE Hey, Dan: I’m a cis bi woman, and I mainly have sex with people with penises. I have a really gross problem, sorry. It’s been an issue for as long as I’ve been sexually active — but in the past few years, it seems to have gotten worse. If I am being penetrated vaginally, especially if it’s vigorous (which I prefer), and I orgasm, sometimes I poop accidentally. If I try to clench up to keep this from happening, it doesn’t work and I can’t orgasm. This used to happen once in a blue moon, only with particularly intense orgasms, but now it happens more frequently. One person I’ve been seeing really likes anal, and that makes the problem even worse. To be clear: I have no desire for poop in my sex life. It’s gross, it’s embarrassing, and my partners do not enjoy it. Nor do I. I’ve tried going to the bathroom before sex, but I can never seem to fully empty out. I even went to a doctor to talk about it, but all I got was a big shrug and no useful suggestions. I’ve looked online and found discussions of this happening to other people and them being understandably horrified, but nobody mentions it being a regular occurrence. This really sucks! Do you have any suggestions? Other than “give up sex completely,” which I would prefer not to do. Necessary Objective: Soothe Her Intestinal Tract “I’ve absolutely heard of this before, and as NOSHIT already knows from internet searches, she’s not alone and needs help,” said Dr. Debby Herbenick. “And a ‘big shrug’ doesn’t sound like a helpful response from a physician who you’re asking for help in figuring out a complicated and extremely under-researched and therefore tricky sexual issue.” Dr. Herbenick is a professor at the Indiana University School of Public Health and author of Because It Feels Good: A Woman’s Guide to Sexual Pleasure and Satisfaction and numerous other books. And what you’re going to need, according to Dr. Herbenick, is a doctor who’s actually prepared to help you. So that awkward conversation you had with your last doctor? A conversation you no doubt dreaded having? You’re go-

ing to have to have that conversation again, NOSHIT, maybe more than once, with other doctors. I know, I know: Talking with your doctor about a sexual issue — particularly a messy one — is difficult. And when we finally work up the nerve to speak with a doctor about something like this and that doctor isn’t helpful, our understandable desire to avoid having that conversation ever again can lead us to conclude that talking to doctors is a waste of time. But it isn’t, so long as you’re talking to the right doctor. “The letter writer should ask her health-care provider for a referral to an urogynecologist,” said Dr. Herbenick, “especially one who likes to get to the bottom (no pun intended) of challenging cases.” If this happens to you at other times — if you poop yourself when you fart or sneeze — be sure to share that information with the specialist. “There are lots of tests that healthcare providers can use to examine her rectal function,” said Dr. Herbenick. “These tests can include a digital rectal exam, a sigmoidoscopy (insertion of a tiny tube with a camera to look for issues such as inflammation), an X-ray, an anal ultrasound, a colonoscopy, or other tests. In other words, there are things other than a big and completely useless shrug that can be done. And depending on what they find, they may suggest biofeedback, surgery, physical therapy/pelvic-floor exercises, supplements, and so on.” But with all that said, NOSHIT, doctors aren’t all-powerful, and some problems can only be managed and not solved. “The fact is, our bodies don’t last forever in the ways we want them to,” said Dr. Herbenick. “And some research does point toward more frequent anal intercourse being associated with fecal incontinence.” (Aging, childbirth and hormone-replacement therapy are very strongly associated with fecal incontinence.) Only a small percentage of women who regularly engaged in anal intercourse reported higher levels of fecal incontinence, NOSHIT, so if this isn’t a problem for you generally — if this is only a problem during sex due to some tragically star-crossed neural wiring — you might want to steal a move from the squeaky clean gay bottoms out there. Instead of just “going to the bathroom” before sex and hoping you’re empty, treat yourself to an anal douche to make sure you’re empty. (Alexander Cheves wrote a great guide for receptive anal intercourse,

“I have a boyfriend that I’m eager to fuck. Can you guess who is now interested in fucking me? My husband, Mr. Sex Isn’t Important.” “17 Tips for Happier, Healthier Bottoming,” for Out. Google it.) “But finding a health-care provider who’s willing to listen to what’s important to her in her sex life is the first step,” said Dr. Herbenick. “A sex-positive health-care provider — probably a urogynecologist or a proctologist — who’s willing to hear her out can help her figure out some good ways forward. It’s about listening to what quality of life means to her. That seems to include an active, pleasurable sex life involving vaginal and/or anal sex with orgasm, and without pooping, or at least not nearly so often.” Follow Dr. Herbenick on Twitter @ DebbyHerbenick. Hey, Dan: I’m a 32-year-old woman married to a 45-year-old man. We’ve been together for 10 years. At the beginning of our relationship, I told him smoking was a deal breaker for me because he was a former smoker. Well, the asshole started smoking again this year. I’m pissed about this, and it has affected my desire for him. This is complicated further by the fact that for most of our relationship, we’ve had very mismatched libidos, with mine being much higher. He has always said that I could get my needs met elsewhere, as sex just wasn’t that important to him. Well, last year I started exploring extramarital relationships, and now I have a boyfriend that I’m eager to fuck. Can you guess who is now interested in fucking me? My husband, Mr. Sex Isn’t Important. Turns out, he’s very into fucking me after I’ve fucked another dude. But I only want so much sex, and I don’t want to fuck a smoker. I feel obligated to have sex with my husband, though. My question is: am I? He didn’t feel obligated to have sex with me more

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than once a month for nine years, which made me feel shitty and undesirable. (Also, we have kids. Hence the marriage and why I’m not going to leave.) Seriously Hate Ash Mouth You aren’t obligated to have sex with your husband — you aren’t obligated to have sex with anyone, ever. But I assume you don’t want to be left any more than you want to leave, SHAM. And if you refuse to fuck your husband because he broke the deal you made a decade ago — and because you’re pissed about nine years of sexual neglect (legit grounds) — he might decide to leave you. So while you don’t have to fuck this ash-hole, you might want to fuck this ash-hole. But until he quits smoking, you could reasonably refuse to kiss him or sleep in the same room with him. (Smokers don’t realize how bad it smells — how bad they smell — and just how thoroughly they can stink up a room, even one they never light up in.) One follow-up question: Did your husband always know this about himself — did he know he was turned on by the thought of you being with other dudes — or did he realize it only after you started fucking this other dude? If he knew it all along, and his encouragement to get your “needs met elsewhere” was a dishonest and manipulative attempt to force his kink on you, SHAM, you have even more right to be pissed. But if he realized this turned him on only after you started fucking other dudes — if he was as surprised by how you getting a boyfriend uncorked his libido as you were both surprised and annoyed by it — you might want to forgive him. Check out Dan’s podcast at savagelovecast.com. mail@savagelove.net @fakedansavage on Twitter

Want to reach someone at the RFT? If you’re looking to provide info about an event, please contact calendar@ riverfronttimes.com. If you’re passing on a news tip or information relating to food, please email doyle.murphy@riverfronttimes.com. If you’ve got the scoop on nightlife, comedy or music, please email daniel.hill@riverfronttimes.com. Love us? Hate us? You can email doyle. murphy@riverfronttimes.com about that too. Due to the volume of email we receive, we may not respond -- but rest assured that we are reading every one.

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MARCH 11-17, 2020

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MARCH 11-17, 2020

RIVERFRONT TIMES

SWADE CANNABIS DISPENSARY

ST. LOUIS’S PREMIUM CANNABIS FROM STOREFRONT TO SENSORY EXPERIENCE Introducing SWADE: Missouri’s premiere luxury cannabis company created to restore and enliven mind, body, and spirit as one. Named for the comforting, rhythmic motion of swaying leaves and symbolized by a continuous infinity sign representing the plant-body relationship, SWADE takes a holistic approach to cannabis to create a premium experience that’s truly seamless, from our storefronts

to the lasting sensory impression of our products. Swade Dispensaries are coming to area near you–select locations will be opening Summer 2020. Learn More: www.swadecannabis.com Contact Us: (314) 209-0859 info@beleafco.com

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