The Mayor of BOOMTOWN
LIST-O-MANIA
By Greg Budell
"A true story from the Greg files"
I like lists. They’re fun and make for easy early morning radio jibber-jabber. A recent sampling of lists includesThe Top 10 Household Chores We Hate the Most (ironing #1)! Personally, mine is laundry. I can get the dirty stuff into the washer. What I need is a machine that vomits the clean clothes directly into the dryer, and a dryer that spares the back by spitting the clothes onto the floor. The Top 10 Best Foods on a First Date (pizza #1). Almost any food is a first date time bomb of embarrassment. Pizza works if you cut it on a plate and consume it by the forkful. If things go well after the first date, you can eat it on all fours from a plate on the floor because who cares? The Top 10 Ways We Make Ourselves Feel Better (eating sweets #10). Obviously, there are other possibilities here but it’s a family column. Bring me a peanut butter cup! The Top 10 Ways We Treat Our Pets Like Kids (sharing our food was #1). Forget sharing. I grill 100% USDA chicken tenders every Sunday, which I chop into tiny pieces for the week. My boys love it. On workdays they get breakfast in bed. It’s only natural. My dog’s ancestor’s had to hunt their food and I doubt they discovered a bag of Science Diet in the wild. PS- no red meat per the vet. The Top 10 ‘First World’ Problems During the Pandemic (glasses fogging because of wearing a mask was #1). As studies reveal how ineffective mask mandates
were, perhaps a future top 10 list might be “things you’d like to say to Anthony Fauci.” Again, it’s a family column. A list BOOMers can have fun with? The Top 10 Things You Shouldn’t Have In Your Home AFTER Age 30. Here they are: 1. Inflatable furniture. Bean bags were not mentioned.
6. Dreamcatchers. A lot of people had them as kids and hung onto them. I have no idea what these are. 7. Paper floor lamps. They're great in college, or even in your late 20s. 8. Anything spacethemed, like sheets or blankets with moon-andstar patterns. And those glow-in-the-dark stars that stick on your ceiling should go. I suppose that means I should retire my Captain Video helmet?
2. Stuffed 9. Cork boards. At least animals on not a cheap one if you your bed. Or want your place to look anywhere, Greg still proudly displays his "Dundee" Award grown-up. (I hope cork unless you have makes a comeback. It’s kids. (Dog toys are OK too. I hope. We better for reminders than my dry-erase have about 5000 around the house) board in the kitchen). 3. Plastic cups, plates, and silverware. It's time to level up and get something nicer. (My first real dinner set was a collection. I had real plates for 6, none of which matched). 4. Old trophies. If you want to display them, your mom would still LOVE to. Years ago, I won a trophy for most home runs in the Ashburn Baptist softball league. I still have it somewhere. My daughter gave me a “Dundee” (The Office, a show we love) as a birthday gift and that is proudly on display! 5. A super-old mattress. 10 years is the max. I failed this. Same mattress, but I need to rotate it every 10 years.
10. Shot glasses as décor. You can keep them around to USE them. Just store them in a cupboard with your other glasses. No one cares that you went to Cancun for spring break 14 years ago. I don’t have any shot glasses on display, but I do have a set of Spalding Hole-InOne glasses, some I earned at age 14. If you had a hole in one, you’d have yours out too. Another intriguing list was the Top 10 Moments in Music You Wish You’d Seen Live1. Whitney Houston singing “The StarSpangled Banner” at Super Bowl 25 in 1991.
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52 BOOM!
July 2021
RiverRegionBoom.com
The River Region’s 50+ Lifestage Magazine
